Mega Time Squad (2018) Movie Script
1
Oh!
oh my god.
John!
Why are you up so early?
Mum's up my arse again.
Dude, gross.
Oh, not like that.
Shut up!
Oh, don't kick it.
Run it!
Oh, how are ya?
Box of birds, Johnny.
Got my money?
Oh, yeah.
Why don't you use
your pockets?
Oh, nah, it's safer.
Not for me, it's not.
Don't touch it, Terry.
Put it there.
Terry's gonna have to
clean that now, isn't he?
Anyway, Johnny,
come and have a geez
at this, mate.
Kelly!
You see that?
That's an explosive vest,
mate, like the terrorists use.
Whoa, explosive?
Mean!
If you keep
interrupting me,
I'm gonna blow
the fuckin' house up.
Well, that's exciting, darls.
Isn't it, Johnny?
Whoa, yeah.
Fuck yeah!
Who's this?
This is Johnny.
He's bloody dynamic.
Hi.
Keep your slut eyes
off my boys, please.
I'm not.
Finish the fuckin' vest
or you're out on your arse.
Whatever.
Now, mate,
a serious talk.
Looks like the chinks
wanna set up shop in thames.
They wanna start using
wah Lee's as a spot
for one of their
gambling drops.
If we let them slide
on in here
and start doing whatever
the fuck they want,
they'll take over
the whole town.
I am considerably
irritated by this.
You see, I consider thames
to be my bloody town.
I'm gonna sort
the bastards out.
It's about making a point,
loud and fucking clear,
that they're not
fuckin' welcome.
So what's the story?
- There's gonna be
a drop-off tonight
and a pick-up
in the morning.
Thing is, though, John...
There's not gonna be
a pick-up in the morning,
is there, mate?
Why not?
Well, come on.
Cos you're gonna flog
the fuckin' thing, that's why.
- Me?
- Piece of piss, mate.
You can take your girlfriend,
as well.
Whaddaya say, gaz?
No, there's no,
"whaddaya say, gaz?"
You're fuckin' doing it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I always find it difficult
to talk to Shelton.
Oh, it's hard to talk with
a dick in your mouth, bro.
Oh, fuck off!
Why do you always
grease up to him so hard?
I'm not the one
running all of his errands.
Well, nah. You're the one
following around
the one running
all his errands.
How'd he get
to where he is?
Oh, it's easy, bro.
He just said, "fuck it,"
and started looking after
numero uno.
What would you do with
a big pile of money like that?
I'd set myself up
like Shelton, eh?
Except, you know,
we'd all live together
and eat pizza
and learn karate and that.
Bro, like the
ninja turtles, bro!
You could be donatello.
Hey, bro,
donatello sucks, bro.
I'd be Leonardo.
He shits on donatello.
- True.
- Hard, bro.
Well, then there's us,
sitting here
like a couple of losers,
drinking at the bowling club,
knowing that that money's
gonna be dropped off
at wah Lee's this arvo.
Bro, it's just
gonna be sitting there.
You know,
anyone could take it.
I'm not saying us, but...
Then what are you saying?
Well, um...
I'm just saying that it's
gonna be sitting there.
Anyone could go
and take it.
Shelton would slaughter us.
Yeah, not if he
never knew about it.
Are we talking about this?
Well, we're just
talking about it.
Yeah, we're just
talking about it.
Hey.
John, right?
What are you doing up here?
Oh, Kelly, meet my parents
John and coralie.
Hi.
Oh, do you want a beer?
Yeah, all right.
I think dad's
had about enough.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Pretty nice up here, eh?
Yeah, I s'pose.
So what's it like
working for my brother?
Yeah, good, eh?
Come on.
He's an asshole.
Oh, well, I mean,
I'm just working for him,
you know,
until I build up enough inertia
and learn enough stuff
so that I can start
my own thing,
you know?
My own, uh, organization.
What are you, then?
Shelton's bitch?
Nah, I'm not his bitch.
I'm not trying
to be mean or anything,
but if you wanna
do your own thing,
you gotta grow some nuts.
Yeah, I know.
Your nuts are probably
bigger than you think.
Oi.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Walters.
You've gotta move out
of the garage.
Patrick's coming home
from the university
and he's bought himself
a car so you've gotta go.
Eh?
When's he coming back?
Around 6.
What, tonight?
Yes, tonight.
Oh, where am I gonna stay?
"Oh, where am I gonna stay?"
You're such a pussy!
Are those your nuts?
I said,
"are those your nuts?"
Are... those... your... nuts?
Well, who the hell
else's nuts are they?
Well, I'm the only one here.
Who the hell's nuts
do you think they are?
You gonna make a move?
It's your move.
Or you gonna be
Shelton's bitch forever?
Meet me at wah Lee's at 3.
Now we're not just talking.
You could've changed, bro.
Oh.
So, you seen anything yet?
Nah.
Well, hang on.
What's he doing?
Well, the money's
in the tire.
What?
Why do you think
he's rolling a tire
into an antique shop, bro?
- You think it's some ancient
tire he's trying to sell?
- I don't know.
You think it might be
Napoleon's tire, bro?
- A bit of tread left
on it still.
- Okay, bro. Calm down!
Here.
Put that on.
Oi!
Where'd you get that?
It's mum's.
Why'd you bring it?
Well, to scare him.
Who?
The old man.
- Bro, he's, like,
a hundred years old.
- So?
- So does it work?
- Yeah, it fuckin' works.
Yeah, all right.
- Just looks a bit--
- what?
Oh, I don't know...
Shit.
Oh.
Where is it?
What?
Oh, we were just
wondering where
the Chinese money was.
Oh.
It's down there.
Oh shit.
Have you got a knife?
What?
- A knife,
to cut this open!
- No!
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, do you have a knife
we could borrow?
Oh!
Hurry up!
Hey! Hey!
Stop it.
What'd he do?
He was texting.
Do you know who
you're stealing from?
Shut up!
Holy shit.
I never thought anybody
would be stupid enough
to steal from triads.
Oh yeah?
Well, you never met
us then, did you?
Hey, look,
I'm real sorry about this, eh?
I hope you don't get
in trouble or anything.
Oh, what's that?
Nothing.
Not for sale.
Oi, nah, come on.
Give us a geez.
Hey, mate, what do
you reckon about this?
For Kelly.
Bro, now is not the time!
Oh, that's actually pretty nice.
Fuck!
Bro, multiple tangos.
- What?
- Multiple tangos!
Initiate plan b!
Plan b?
Where's the back door?
Thank you.
Listen.
You can borrow this locator.
Very dangerous.
If you use it,
taotie will come.
The demon will consume you.
Taotie.
Hey, bro,
if she doesn't like this,
can I bring it back?
Like, exchange it?
You will bring it back,
no matter what.
Yeah, cos
it's made in China, eh?
Oh shit!
Yeah, sorry.
Uh, bye!
Go!
Gaz, go!
Hit the gears!
Gaz, now!
Stop pressuring me!
Oh shit!
- Fuck!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Later, Bo!
When he saw the car,
he's just like,
"fuck, just take it!
Take it all, bro!"
Oi, how mean was that, bro?
I can't believe
we actually did that, eh?
Oh, bro, we got it!
Hey, what are we doing here?
Oi!
Gidday, Johnny.
Ooh, bugger me days.
Oh.
Oh, please, Shelton.
I didn't mean anything by it.
I just did the job
like you asked!
Sorry, Johnny.
You went behind my back.
I can't let you go.
Oh, well, don't kill me!
Please!
Check his pockets.
What's this?
A friendship bracelet?
Who's your friend?
Him?
Best friends forever, eh?
Do you play chess, John?
What?
Chess, the game.
Well, I don't know.
See, in chess,
you'd be a pawn.
Now, the pawn looks across
the battlefield at its enemies,
and it realizes it's gotta
kill them or it'll die.
Now, conversely,
I'd be a king.
You know how the king
dies in chess, John?
It gets cornered
by its own pieces.
So it seems to me
that I've gotta get rid
of some of my pieces
so I don't get cornered.
You understand?
Well-- well, then,
I'll move away!
I'll do anything!
Please!
Away you go.
Oh...
I can't.
You wanker.
- Who wants it?
- Yep, me.
Oh, nah, please!
Hey, what are you doing?
You fuckin' narced him out.
You watch.
Bloody woofter.
Heads down, please.
Dopey bastards.
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Oh i--
I didn't mean to!
Is this your 22"?
Who sighted it?
Mum did.
Well, you tell your mum
from me
she did a shit job, okay?
Now, give me
another fuckin' bullet.
- Oh, well,
I don't have any.
- What?
My mum keeps them
locked up, so...
Fuck me.
Terry, you all right?
I'm worried about my eye.
All right. Narcer,
take him to the hospital.
Can we take your car?
Fuck no!
It's five minutes.
You can walk.
Hey!
It's like a bloody circus.
What's goin' on?
Oh, fuckin' hell!
There's been reports
of a gunshot.
I've only fired it, like,
five seconds ago.
I've already told you,
Shelton.
You're not supposed to
discharge firearms in public.
Discharge?
What are you talkin'
about discharge for?
Something wrong
with your Fanny, les?
Nothing's discharged here,
mate.
This gun got fuckin' fired.
Come on, Shelton.
Christ's sake.
Look, we're just trying to make
a little bit of fuckin' revenue,
just like you, okay?
Except the difference is
I'm not fuckin' sneaky about it.
All right, mate.
There's no need
to fly off the handle.
Sometimes I think we
should swap jobs for a day.
See how you handle
this fuckin' circus.
Now, piss off!
Okay, mate.
- Ooh, les.
- Yep?
What's the
chiefs-crusaders score?
Hang on a minute.
You there, Cheryl?
Push the button.
Push the button.
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oh!
Push the button!
Best friends forever, eh?
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Terry, you all right?
I'm worried about my eye.
It's five minutes.
You can walk.
Push the button.
Push the button.
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
It's a hair salon.
"Curl-up and dye."
Yeah, cos you can go
there and get it curled,
or you can go
and get it dyed.
Yeah, the Sheila's are gonna
fuckin' love it, mate.
Well, that's just what I do.
I come up with cool names
for businesses.
You know?
Awesome names!
Actually, that'd make
a fuckin' good business, eh?
Naming businesses.
All right.
I gotta go, okay?
Let me know
when it's done.
Did you find him?
He disappeared.
Disappeared, did he?
And you two cunts
couldn't find him?
No, he disappeared.
So we had him,
and he was there,
and then he disappeared, so...
Right.
Fuckin' useless.
I'm gonna fuck off home,
and you cunts
better find him.
Oi, arsehole!
Those guys won't
stop talking about you.
True?
What are they saying?
Just that you're
a sneaky cunt,
and that they shouldn't
have trusted you,
and that they
didn't trust you,
and that you're
full of yourself,
and you're a pussy,
and that they're
gonna find you
and they're gonna kill you.
Fuck.
I knew I shouldn't
have done it, eh?
But you're a badass.
No, I'm not.
Well, you busted in and stole
that Chinese money, right?
And Shelton fucked you.
- You should get him back.
- How?
Well, he hid that Chinese
money in the basement.
You should Nick it again.
Hey, fuck that!
I gotta gap it.
I don't want you
to run away.
Why not?
You get my
fuckin' money back.
Oh, I can't, eh?
I'm real sorry.
Use this.
Get my fucking money back
or I'll kill her
and then I'll kill you.
Meet me here tonight.
Take it!
Oh, but this is in paeroa,
and I don't have a car.
I don't want you
to run away.
Push the button!
Best friends forever, eh?
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oh, fuck it.
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oi, don't.
I just wanna see
what happens.
What's supposed to happen?
I don't know.
Nothing's happening to you?
You don't feel funny
or anything?
Nah.
Hey, so I was sitting where
you were two minutes ago,
and I pressed the button, so...
We've changed something.
We better talk to Jay.
Identify yourself.
Uh, it's me, John.
When does
the milkman come?
On time.
Who's this?
That's what I gotta
talk to you about.
Chinese, eh?
Yep, you're probably fucked.
Oh, well, I gotta
learn how to use it
so we can get the
Chinese money back.
So, you stopped him
from going back in time
so that must mean that
he presses it later on
and becomes you by doing
everything you've done or....
- Holy shit.
- What?
See that engraving?
It's a demon.
The Chinese call it taotie.
Known for eating everything
in sight and then itself,
exactly like my ex-wife.
Yeah, the old fulla said.
Be careful with that thing.
It's a warning.
That's the wah Lee bracelet.
It was made
in ancient China,
where it was hidden
in secret
by this mountain monk
type fella.
Bro, China was fucked.
War was everywhere.
So to protect his home,
the monk gave the bracelet
to a whip-arse warrior
named wah Lee.
Wah Lee thought this
bracelet was wicked,
and it would definitely
help him save China.
But there was a catch.
See, there was this demon
called the taotie,
and it came after
time travelers.
If you meet your other self
while time traveling...
Well, that's when
the demon comes.
But wah Lee wasn't
scared of a demon.
He was, like,
"oh, fuck that,"
and went off
to sort out the war.
Wah Lee got real good
at using the bracelet.
He cleaned up all these
mongrel warlord fellas
and saved the empire.
He was a total legend, bro,
and everyone wanted
to be his mate.
He got real rich, too.
Even though wah Lee
was getting mad respect
from all angles,
and even after
the monk warned him
about the demon,
he still couldn't help himself.
He wanted to know what
it was like to meet himself.
So one day,
he snuck around the back
and he did it!
What a idiot!
Soon enough,
just like the monk had said,
the demon came for him.
And he ended up carking it...
Real bad.
So what if he doesn't
press the button?
You better make sure
you all press the button,
you all go back,
and you all do your part.
You better pay close attention
to what each other are doing.
Be careful with that thing.
All right.
Thanks, Jay.
So we can't bust
into Shelton's
cos they'll murder us.
So what do we do?
We get the money
from somewhere else.
Hey.
Uh, everyone be calm
and everything
will be sweet.
Ugh!
Where did you
bloody come from, mate?
Oh my god.
Here we have
the highlight of our tour,
the fully-automated
public toilets.
Uh--
hey!
Hey.
Uh, everyone just, uh....
Be-- be cool and everything
will be sweet.
Hey. Um...
Can you please put
some money in here?
What money do you want?
Um...
Oh, I don't know,
all of it.
Okay.
It's just that we're a bank.
We don't really have money.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, well, um,
can you double check?
I can call my supervisor.
Yep.
Marcus, can you
come out here, please?
Yes, it's urgent.
Oh my god.
Hey. Uh,
we was wondering
if we could have
some money?
Why did you
call me out here?
They said the chances
were so low.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, we're just wondering
if we could have
some money, bro.
Oh my god.
We have this.
It has some money in it.
Hey, where'd you
come from?
Bro, he got shot
the first time.
What, and you went back
and saved him?
Yep.
I was like, "yoink!
Got your shotgun,
bitch!"
Oh, hey, bro!
Oi, blow the lock off.
Oh, nah.
It's just rubber bands, bro.
Bro, is this stuff
poisonous?
I don't know.
It kinda tastes nice.
Urgh...
Nah, it's all checks
and pension slips.
Oh, nah.
Hang on.
How much is there?
35 bucks.
Oh, nah, 38.
Oh shit.
We're fucked.
Oh, well,
it's not that bad.
I mean, got enough
for some beers.
Yeah, hard, bro.
Oh, but you should
jump back, though.
Oh yeah.
Well, can't I go after?
Oh, yeah, but...
Then we get less beers.
Oh.
Oh yeah, okay.
Hey, mate.
Yeah.
What's going on?
He's here.
Uh-huh.
Bro.
So, we know how
this thing works, right?
So I reckon we just
keep robbing Shelton
over and over again
until we get the
Chinese money
and we get to paeroa.
What, you don't reckon
we need a plan?
Nah.
Nah, just trial and error.
As long as we do
like Jay says
and go back
and do our part.
Yeah, I s'pose.
I gotta go take a dump.
You slippery bastard.
Oi! Hey!
Hey, hang on.
Wait...
Give me a sec!
Urgh...
Just a sec.
What the hell are you doing,
you spaz?
Ah...
Time's up.
Jesus, damage!
Oh...
Uh...
I'm gotta go take a dump.
Yeah, use that one, bro.
Hey, hang on.
Uh...
Wait...
Give me a sec.
Sorry, damage.
Oh!
Oi, let other me go.
We're like our own gang.
The John gang.
Nah, the John squad.
Or the-- the time squad.
Mega time squad.
Mega time squad.
Mean.
I better jump back.
Hey, Terry.
Look at this.
Surprise, motherfucker!
Bloody ripper, mate.
Are those live explosives?
Intimidation purposes only,
Terry.
Sometimes it's important
to let people think
you've got a bit
of a screw loose.
Oh yeah.
Fuck.
Hey, get us some noodles,
will you, darls?
I could eat the crotch
out of a ragdoll.
Yeah?
All right, all right.
Calm your tits.
He's got his own gang, eh?
I knew he had ambition,
but...
Coming over here?
All right, well,
get everyone over here.
Everyone.
Yes, him too.
Well, get him
outta hospital, then!
Thinks he can
surprise me, eh?
Cheeky bastard.
Right.
Looks like a fuckin'
hospital in here.
Right, Sammy, you're
the best shot out of us.
You take that.
Go and wait
in narcer's car.
If you see Johnny,
fuckin' shoot him.
Don't I at least get a gun?
Why?
I'm a good shot, too.
This is parawai, Terry.
It's not America.
We're not made of guns.
Can you believe this?
Terry, you can borrow
my mum's gun, if you want.
Fuck!
Ah, fuck.
Fuck.
Oi!
Fuck.
I got a gun!
Is that you, John?
Yeah.
Hey, John.
Yeah.
I can't do it, eh?
Oh, thanks, bro.
Never said
you had a brother.
- Nah, he's me.
- Eh?
We're both me.
Bro!
That's buzzy, bro!
Far!
Hey, bro.
Why don't you
just go home, eh?
I won't tell Shelton
or anything.
I don't care.
Shelton's a dick!
He's got us waiting here
for you fellas
while he's sitting up there
doing fuck all!
Oh, well,
it is his house, bro.
Laters, bro.
Later, Johns.
Fuckin' wait till I tell
my mum about this.
All right,
where are you,
you cheeky bastard?
Ah!
We have bush.
What's he doing?
He's being a smart arse.
You reckon
he's seen me yet?
Ow. Ah!
Oi, what's with
the pedo shoes?
What?
Your shoes say "pedo"!
Oh... nah.
They say "dope."
Whatever, pedo!
Shame!
Shame!
Oi, dickheads.
Oi!
Who's there?
Oh!
Fuckin' thing's not
synced up right.
Did you see that?
There's two of the bastards.
What the fuck is going on?
What's going on?
Fuck knows, mate.
Well, that's what
I pay you for!
All right, all right.
Jesus Christ.
Hey, can you get me some
of those left-over noodles?
Get off the grass.
There's some chips
in the drawer.
Get out of it,
you mongrel!
Oh, I need to get that
Chinese money, bro.
Not lettin' ya.
Oh, sorry, gibbo.
Ow!
Hey, you're--
you're Shelton's sister, eh?
Yeah.
From the big smoke, eh?
Yeah, Hamilton.
Can I have a chip?
Have you got anybody
to show you 'round thames?
Yeah, thanks.
I do.
Have they taken you
to piss chuggers yet?
Nah.
I could-- I could
take you there at some...
It's mint as.
You in there, John?
Last chance, mate.
You wanna come out?
- Oh!
- Ahh...
Christ.
Are you there, John?
Go on.
In you go.
Uh...
How old are you?
Don't they
need you downstairs?
No.
No, I...
I like it up here.
Hey. Where--
where you going?
Fuck off!
What?
What's the problem?
Hey, what are you doing?
You're not gonna
sneak up on me this time,
you cheap cunt.
Oh, are you all right,
Kelly?
Yeah, 'course.
I'm fine.
Oh.
You two, eh?
Oh, don't be like that,
damage.
Yeah, well,
too bad, bitch.
Ha.
You always were a pussy.
Hey, damage,
if you don't stop
being such a dick,
I'm gonna whip your arse.
Since when
did you grow nuts?
Well, this afternoon.
Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Bastard!
Get off me!
Get off!
Youse are dead meat.
You really
staunched him out.
Yeah...
Hey, uh, what did you
wanna talk to me about?
Um...
Um...
Oh, just, um....
Oh, just, well,
cos I gotta hit paeroa,
and, um...
So...
Um....
What?
Oh, did-- did you
wanna come with me?
- Are you in there?
- Ohhh!
Can't see
bugger-all in there.
Fuck's sake.
Get outta the way.
Get outta the way.
He's nicked
the Chinese money!
Oi!
That's my mum's car!
Shit!
Did that hit you
in the eye again, Terry?
Jesus Christ!
Oh, I didn't mean to!
Oh, mum's gonna kill me!
Right.
Show's over.
Get in the fuckin' car.
Not you, gaz.
You're as useful as tits
on a fuckin' bull,
and you can fuck off home!
- Oh, he's gone.
- Who?
Other me.
Well, why
are there three of us?
Did you push the button?
Yeah.
Did you?
Yeah.
Shit.
One of us has fucked-up
the time-traveling.
- More than one of us.
- Well, it wasn't me.
How do you know?
Well, because
I'm very focused.
I don't make those
kinds of mistakes.
But you're me.
You're all of us.
So?
So we need to find
other John and sort this out.
Okay.
So where is he?
Paeroa.
Hello?
I've already told you,
you need a warrant.
Nah, we're not cops.
Welcome to the come inn.
How can I be of service?
Bro, have you seen
a Chinese fella?
Chinese what?
There's no Chinese guy
around here?
Look, do youse
want a room or nah?
How much for a room?
Sorry.
All booked.
Except for the
honeymoon suite.
Is it more expensive?
It's considerably
more expensive.
Ta-da.
What?
Tip.
Yeah, I paid you already.
Pssh.
Cheap arse.
Oh-oh, mean!
Bloody late, aren't ya?
Patrick's 'round the back
dealing with your junk.
Oi.
What are you doing?!
Just making room for
my fucking car, you jippo.
Bro, giz' the keys.
As if!
Nah, giz' the keys...
Bitch.
You want the fuckin'
bash, mate?
Oh, nah, not really.
Do you?
It's a bit of a long story,
cos I'm actually from up
ruamahanga ways.
So, yeah, one day
I'm, like, hitching down,
and this beasty as
Holden rolls up, eh.
It was, like,
full original windy;
like, hsv rims;
like, 2.5" exhaust
with the high-flow cat
and the dumped dip,
and I was like,
"far, this dude is legit."
And, like, the window
goes down,
and he's like,
"oi, bro, get in."
I'm like, "yeah, mean,
let's go for a hoon."
And he says,
"hey, bro,
don't worry about
the probation officer.
Just come work for me."
And, uh,
that was Shelton.
Been mates ever since.
- Yeah, great mates.
- Hmm.
What about you?
How'd you end up here?
I sort of, um...
I, um...
I sort of blew up my school.
What?
Well, I was bullied a lot,
so I thought, "fuck them,"
and I blew it up.
You made a bomb?!
I broke in to
the chemistry lab.
I mixed some shit together,
and it fuckin' blew up.
I had to go to court
and everything.
Far.
You're the badass.
Hey, um, you've--
you've got something...
Nah, nah, nah.
That...
I'll get it.
There's gaz's mum's car.
Oh, where?
Behind the hotel.
I've wanted this since
the minute I saw you.
I've wanted it since
the second I saw you.
I've wanted this since
the millisecond I saw you.
I've wanted it since
the nanosecond I saw you.
I've wanted it since
before I saw you.
I wanted it years ago
before I even met you,
when you were
just a little kid.
Eh?
- How old?
- What?
How old
would I have been?
Oh, well,
legal age, definitely.
I mean, I'm not a perv.
Whoa.
Who the fuck are they?
I did press the button.
- Well, which
one of youse didn't?
- Oh, not me.
I did everything
I was supposed to.
You didn't.
You have to go back.
Oh, fuck you.
Oh, I'm sick
of going in circles.
- You guys sort it out.
- What?
I'm not pressing this
fucking button any more!
Hey, why are you arguing?
I thought this is
what you wanted,
your own little gang.
Yeah, mega time squad!
Fuck your
mega time squad.
I want my own gang.
This is literally
your own gang.
Well, no, it's not,
because I'm supposed to be
the leader, like Leonardo.
Oh, you're not Leonardo.
I'm Leonardo!
You're all donatello's.
If you stop arguing,
you could probably
keep the money.
How?
All of you against
one Chinese guy.
You could totally
take him out,
keep the money
and split it.
This was my idea.
I'm not splitting the money.
They need to go back
and do their fuckin' parts.
You won't even share
with yourself.
Egomaniac much?
Well, tell them that.
You know,
you're such a bitch!
You've got no nuts!
All right.
That's enough.
We're not going
anywhere tonight.
We're not doing
anything tonight.
It's late,
I'm weirded out,
and I can't be
fucked listening to you
argue any more.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, but you gotta
watch the money.
Why?
Well, cos I don't trust
these cunts.
Jesus.
Shelton,
I've found the car.
It's in fuckin'--
paeroa.
You are a darling, mate.
He's in fuckin' paeroa!
What, so now
we've gotta go to paeroa?
Yes, we're going
to paeroa, damage.
Put your safety belt on,
please.
What are you doing?
Oh, I was gonna
take a slash.
Oi, where's he gone?
He went to the toilet.
How long's he been gone?
I don't know.
Like, a minute.
Better go check on him.
Bro, where's he gone?
He went to look for you.
Well, I was just in there.
So?
Well, so, if he was
looking for me,
he would've found me.
Oh, it's the
honeymoon suite.
It's big.
Oh, I better go
check on him.
- Hey, what were you doing?
- Looking for you.
Well, I was just in there.
What were you doing
in there?
Um, toilet.
What were you doing
out there?
Um, I said,
looking for you.
- Bullshit.
- Nah, you're bullshit.
Oi, watch yourself!
I knew this would
fuckin' happen.
Oi.
Who's there?
Oh, it's freezing.
Ah!
Oh my god!
Bro.
Can you stand up?
Oi, come on.
Oi, come on.
What?
Oi, come on!
John!
Come on!
Oi, let us in!
Come over here, darl.
Oh, hurry up!
Oh, go get her,
will ya, mate?
- Aw.
- Ooh.
- Excuse me!
- Watch it.
Bloody bastards.
Oi.
Hey, come on.
Oi, drop the bag.
Oi!
Oi, is there
another way outta here?
Ah!
Just give us
the money, mate.
Ah!
Bloody hell.
Come on.
Oh shit.
Oh fuck!
Christ!
Oh!
Excuse me, hey.
Uh, excuse me.
Hey, uh, that--
that wasn't piss
that was running down
my legs before.
Just had--
had beer in my pocket,
and it spilled, so...
Sweet as.
I don't care
about the piss, mate.
Tidy your bloody room up.
And open a window.
It smells like jizm.
Okay.
Sweet as!
Sweet as.
Fuck!
Jesus.
Must have topped himself.
- Stop pulling me.
- Oh, come on!
We gotta go!
Oh.
Stay back, ya mongrel.
Oh, you can't scare me
any more, Terry.
I've changed.
Oh, good on ya, mate.
You still look like a girl.
- You do.
- No, you do.
Look at that purse.
Oh, hey, Terry.
Oi, check this out.
Whoa.
Ugh!
Oi, why'd you
leave me upstairs?
Fuck off.
Oi!
Where are you going?
Let go of my missus!
No, she's my missus!
- Come on!
- Don't touch me.
You're my
fuckin' girlfriend!
What the fuck's been
going on down here, then?
S'pose we should
fuck off, then.
Might grab myself
some fish and chips.
Come on, Terry.
Grab the bag.
Let's go.
Oh, Kelly...
Oh...
Oh nah.
Fuck this thing.
Oi, nah!
I need to talk to you!
I knew you'd be back.
Bro, this fucked
everything up.
I lost my friends,
my money
and my girlfriend,
and now there's a fuckin'
demon after me.
I told you,
demon consumes all.
Mmm.
Consumes all?
What do you...?
What do you mean?
How do I get rid of it?
Hm.
It cannot stop.
It will keep coming.
So you used the bracelet.
Blood on my hands.
Well, you're still here.
How did you get rid of it?
There can only be one.
One what?
One left.
But all the others are dead.
I am the last one.
You go.
So it's gone?
You use this.
Gave you many chances
to make much money.
And get girlfriend.
But now
you must get them...
All by yourself.
Okay.
So what should I do?
I'm not your mother.
Fuck off!
Boy, you no steal
my shit again.
Wanker.
Well, you fucked that up.
Yeah, I know.
Now that Chinese
fella's gonna kill Kelly.
I know.
What do I do?
You can't do shit
without that bracelet.
Bro, I gotta try.
Yeah, you gotta
grow some nuts.
Bro, she said my nuts
were bigger than I thought.
When you had
the bracelet, maybe.
Well, I could just go get
the money and save Kelly.
Yeah, all right, then.
Go use those huge nuts.
Yeah,
whose nuts are these?
Yeah, yours!
Yeah!
Yeah, my big nuts!
Yeah, go use those
big nuts! Yeah!
Boy, shut the fuck up!
Can't sleep!
Fuckin' weirdo.
Ah!
What are these
clowns doing?
Is that John?
No, it's not John.
He got plastered all over
the inside of that hotel,
remember?
Yeah.
Just go and have a look,
will you?
All right.
We can see you on
the cameras, you idiots.
Initiate theta protocol.
What?
Save yourself!
Oh shit!
- Ahh!
- You all right, mate?
I got a fright.
I didn't mean to--
oh fuck!
I'm fuckin' blind!
Hey, you all right?
I got shot.
This is so wicked.
We need to get you
to the hospital.
No...
You...
You get the girl.
Do you want a hoon
on my goon?
Maybe later.
What do you want?
I've come to save you.
Fuck off.
Well, I gave back
that bracelet, eh?
Congratulations.
Well... I'm sorry I was
such a dick before.
Yeah, you were a dick.
Well, do you think you
could ever like me again?
That depends.
True.
You can't
treat me like that.
You can't be a psycho.
Yep.
Nah, I know.
It's like I wasn't myself.
It's like everyone
was myself.
Except me.
You really gave
that bracelet back?
Yep, honest.
Okay.
I forgive you.
Oh, hey,
we better get outta here
before that Chinese
fella finds us.
Oh, at least he didn't blow
your balls off, eh?
I don't know.
I can't feel anything
from the waist down.
Fuckin' finally.
On your knees.
Come on.
Oh, not this shit again.
You've got your money.
Leave him alone.
Look, darl,
I'm not gonna go
crook at ya.
I know you've taken
a shine to him,
and I've got
my money back.
But-- and you'd better
call sir mix-a-lot,
cos it's a bloody big "but"--
the cunt fuckin' lied to me.
He went behind my back.
He beat my boys up.
Had me running
around town,
flat tack like a chook
with its head cut off.
What sort of message
does it send my boys, eh?
Soon they'll all be
fuckin' doing it.
You wouldn't wanna
be without your servants,
would you?
Grab her, will ya, boys?
Come on!
Yeah, well, she got me
in the goolies before.
Well, protect yourself,
ya dipstick!
Get the fuck off,
damage.
Argh!
Oh, come on, John.
Don't pack a sad, mate.
You knew it was coming.
No, leave him alone!
It's okay.
See?
Said it's okay.
He won't do it.
What?
Nah, he's just about
to ask someone else to do it,
cos you're scared.
I'm fuckin' what?
Nah, it's all right.
You just haven't found
your nuts yet.
Yo, blow his fuckin' head off!
Don't tell me what to do,
damage!
See, you guys?
He just uses us
to do everything for him
cos he's too afraid
to do it himself.
Where'd you come up
with this shit?
From the coolest girl
I've ever met.
She told me
not to be like you.
Not to be a bitch.
Ooh! He just called you
a bitch, man!
You are so dead!
Hey, shut the fuck up!
When are you guys
gonna see?
We do everything
for this asshole,
and he just sits up there
watching the telly.
And if one of us
doesn't like it,
he just turns us
against each other.
Shut your bloody piehole.
Oi, Shelton.
I'm gonna get up now...
And I'm gonna take
that money...
And my girlfriend...
And my big-as nuts...
And we're gonna go
to paeroa...
And there's nothing
you can do about it.
Don't you fuckin' move,
you mongrel.
Shoot him!
Terry, shoot the cunt.
I've already shot him once.
I fuckin' own you.
Now, do it!
Well, to tell you the truth,
Shelton,
you're a real nag.
I don't really like you.
I'm just doing this to pay
for my night school
so I can get a real job.
Fuckin' woofter.
Damage, come here.
I said, come here
or you're all fucked!
See, Shelton?
Without us,
you're nothing.
You're not a man.
You're just a little boy.
Just a scared little boy...
Without any nuts.
Fine.
I'll do it myself.
No!
Hey, Kelly.
I think I love you.
Oh...
Bloody chink--
Hey, just take it!
Ah!
Oi!
Leave him alone!
Ah!
Stop! Stop it!
What the fuck is wrong
with you people?!
You're a bunch
of fucking idiots!
Ah!
Whoo.
Bro, you all right?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I know what my
responsibilities are now.
Oh yeah?
What are they?
My mates.
Do you forgive...
The traitor?
Ah, yeah.
I've probably done
some dumb shit, too.
Mates?
Yeah, mates.
Did you mean
what you said before?
- Did that make things weird?
- Nah.
Well, I feel like
a bit of a dork.
Hey, there's something
I didn't tell you.
Oh, is that
the Chinese money?
Oh!
Oh, so what's in
the pink bag?
Hey, hang on.
You're not a bloody demon.
That's that mask
from wang's.
Yeah,
it's real uncomfortable.
Oh, so there's no demon?
Yeah, I stole
that Chinese money,
fair and square,
and I wanted to keep it,
but I didn't wanna
share it with you cunts.
Oh, hey, you know Kelly?
Yeah, 'course.
Oh, I think
I'm in love with her, eh?
So?
So how about
I give you the money
and you let me hoon off
with Kelly?
There's a car outside.
The money's in the boot.
Shall we go?
Yeah.
Hey, um, let's get
a pie first, eh?
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, 'course.
All right.
What?
You gave that
money back, eh?
Yeah.
To be with me.
Yeah.
John.
I think I love you, too.
Oh!
oh my god.
John!
Why are you up so early?
Mum's up my arse again.
Dude, gross.
Oh, not like that.
Shut up!
Oh, don't kick it.
Run it!
Oh, how are ya?
Box of birds, Johnny.
Got my money?
Oh, yeah.
Why don't you use
your pockets?
Oh, nah, it's safer.
Not for me, it's not.
Don't touch it, Terry.
Put it there.
Terry's gonna have to
clean that now, isn't he?
Anyway, Johnny,
come and have a geez
at this, mate.
Kelly!
You see that?
That's an explosive vest,
mate, like the terrorists use.
Whoa, explosive?
Mean!
If you keep
interrupting me,
I'm gonna blow
the fuckin' house up.
Well, that's exciting, darls.
Isn't it, Johnny?
Whoa, yeah.
Fuck yeah!
Who's this?
This is Johnny.
He's bloody dynamic.
Hi.
Keep your slut eyes
off my boys, please.
I'm not.
Finish the fuckin' vest
or you're out on your arse.
Whatever.
Now, mate,
a serious talk.
Looks like the chinks
wanna set up shop in thames.
They wanna start using
wah Lee's as a spot
for one of their
gambling drops.
If we let them slide
on in here
and start doing whatever
the fuck they want,
they'll take over
the whole town.
I am considerably
irritated by this.
You see, I consider thames
to be my bloody town.
I'm gonna sort
the bastards out.
It's about making a point,
loud and fucking clear,
that they're not
fuckin' welcome.
So what's the story?
- There's gonna be
a drop-off tonight
and a pick-up
in the morning.
Thing is, though, John...
There's not gonna be
a pick-up in the morning,
is there, mate?
Why not?
Well, come on.
Cos you're gonna flog
the fuckin' thing, that's why.
- Me?
- Piece of piss, mate.
You can take your girlfriend,
as well.
Whaddaya say, gaz?
No, there's no,
"whaddaya say, gaz?"
You're fuckin' doing it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I always find it difficult
to talk to Shelton.
Oh, it's hard to talk with
a dick in your mouth, bro.
Oh, fuck off!
Why do you always
grease up to him so hard?
I'm not the one
running all of his errands.
Well, nah. You're the one
following around
the one running
all his errands.
How'd he get
to where he is?
Oh, it's easy, bro.
He just said, "fuck it,"
and started looking after
numero uno.
What would you do with
a big pile of money like that?
I'd set myself up
like Shelton, eh?
Except, you know,
we'd all live together
and eat pizza
and learn karate and that.
Bro, like the
ninja turtles, bro!
You could be donatello.
Hey, bro,
donatello sucks, bro.
I'd be Leonardo.
He shits on donatello.
- True.
- Hard, bro.
Well, then there's us,
sitting here
like a couple of losers,
drinking at the bowling club,
knowing that that money's
gonna be dropped off
at wah Lee's this arvo.
Bro, it's just
gonna be sitting there.
You know,
anyone could take it.
I'm not saying us, but...
Then what are you saying?
Well, um...
I'm just saying that it's
gonna be sitting there.
Anyone could go
and take it.
Shelton would slaughter us.
Yeah, not if he
never knew about it.
Are we talking about this?
Well, we're just
talking about it.
Yeah, we're just
talking about it.
Hey.
John, right?
What are you doing up here?
Oh, Kelly, meet my parents
John and coralie.
Hi.
Oh, do you want a beer?
Yeah, all right.
I think dad's
had about enough.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Pretty nice up here, eh?
Yeah, I s'pose.
So what's it like
working for my brother?
Yeah, good, eh?
Come on.
He's an asshole.
Oh, well, I mean,
I'm just working for him,
you know,
until I build up enough inertia
and learn enough stuff
so that I can start
my own thing,
you know?
My own, uh, organization.
What are you, then?
Shelton's bitch?
Nah, I'm not his bitch.
I'm not trying
to be mean or anything,
but if you wanna
do your own thing,
you gotta grow some nuts.
Yeah, I know.
Your nuts are probably
bigger than you think.
Oi.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Walters.
You've gotta move out
of the garage.
Patrick's coming home
from the university
and he's bought himself
a car so you've gotta go.
Eh?
When's he coming back?
Around 6.
What, tonight?
Yes, tonight.
Oh, where am I gonna stay?
"Oh, where am I gonna stay?"
You're such a pussy!
Are those your nuts?
I said,
"are those your nuts?"
Are... those... your... nuts?
Well, who the hell
else's nuts are they?
Well, I'm the only one here.
Who the hell's nuts
do you think they are?
You gonna make a move?
It's your move.
Or you gonna be
Shelton's bitch forever?
Meet me at wah Lee's at 3.
Now we're not just talking.
You could've changed, bro.
Oh.
So, you seen anything yet?
Nah.
Well, hang on.
What's he doing?
Well, the money's
in the tire.
What?
Why do you think
he's rolling a tire
into an antique shop, bro?
- You think it's some ancient
tire he's trying to sell?
- I don't know.
You think it might be
Napoleon's tire, bro?
- A bit of tread left
on it still.
- Okay, bro. Calm down!
Here.
Put that on.
Oi!
Where'd you get that?
It's mum's.
Why'd you bring it?
Well, to scare him.
Who?
The old man.
- Bro, he's, like,
a hundred years old.
- So?
- So does it work?
- Yeah, it fuckin' works.
Yeah, all right.
- Just looks a bit--
- what?
Oh, I don't know...
Shit.
Oh.
Where is it?
What?
Oh, we were just
wondering where
the Chinese money was.
Oh.
It's down there.
Oh shit.
Have you got a knife?
What?
- A knife,
to cut this open!
- No!
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, do you have a knife
we could borrow?
Oh!
Hurry up!
Hey! Hey!
Stop it.
What'd he do?
He was texting.
Do you know who
you're stealing from?
Shut up!
Holy shit.
I never thought anybody
would be stupid enough
to steal from triads.
Oh yeah?
Well, you never met
us then, did you?
Hey, look,
I'm real sorry about this, eh?
I hope you don't get
in trouble or anything.
Oh, what's that?
Nothing.
Not for sale.
Oi, nah, come on.
Give us a geez.
Hey, mate, what do
you reckon about this?
For Kelly.
Bro, now is not the time!
Oh, that's actually pretty nice.
Fuck!
Bro, multiple tangos.
- What?
- Multiple tangos!
Initiate plan b!
Plan b?
Where's the back door?
Thank you.
Listen.
You can borrow this locator.
Very dangerous.
If you use it,
taotie will come.
The demon will consume you.
Taotie.
Hey, bro,
if she doesn't like this,
can I bring it back?
Like, exchange it?
You will bring it back,
no matter what.
Yeah, cos
it's made in China, eh?
Oh shit!
Yeah, sorry.
Uh, bye!
Go!
Gaz, go!
Hit the gears!
Gaz, now!
Stop pressuring me!
Oh shit!
- Fuck!
- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Yeah!
Later, Bo!
When he saw the car,
he's just like,
"fuck, just take it!
Take it all, bro!"
Oi, how mean was that, bro?
I can't believe
we actually did that, eh?
Oh, bro, we got it!
Hey, what are we doing here?
Oi!
Gidday, Johnny.
Ooh, bugger me days.
Oh.
Oh, please, Shelton.
I didn't mean anything by it.
I just did the job
like you asked!
Sorry, Johnny.
You went behind my back.
I can't let you go.
Oh, well, don't kill me!
Please!
Check his pockets.
What's this?
A friendship bracelet?
Who's your friend?
Him?
Best friends forever, eh?
Do you play chess, John?
What?
Chess, the game.
Well, I don't know.
See, in chess,
you'd be a pawn.
Now, the pawn looks across
the battlefield at its enemies,
and it realizes it's gotta
kill them or it'll die.
Now, conversely,
I'd be a king.
You know how the king
dies in chess, John?
It gets cornered
by its own pieces.
So it seems to me
that I've gotta get rid
of some of my pieces
so I don't get cornered.
You understand?
Well-- well, then,
I'll move away!
I'll do anything!
Please!
Away you go.
Oh...
I can't.
You wanker.
- Who wants it?
- Yep, me.
Oh, nah, please!
Hey, what are you doing?
You fuckin' narced him out.
You watch.
Bloody woofter.
Heads down, please.
Dopey bastards.
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Oh i--
I didn't mean to!
Is this your 22"?
Who sighted it?
Mum did.
Well, you tell your mum
from me
she did a shit job, okay?
Now, give me
another fuckin' bullet.
- Oh, well,
I don't have any.
- What?
My mum keeps them
locked up, so...
Fuck me.
Terry, you all right?
I'm worried about my eye.
All right. Narcer,
take him to the hospital.
Can we take your car?
Fuck no!
It's five minutes.
You can walk.
Hey!
It's like a bloody circus.
What's goin' on?
Oh, fuckin' hell!
There's been reports
of a gunshot.
I've only fired it, like,
five seconds ago.
I've already told you,
Shelton.
You're not supposed to
discharge firearms in public.
Discharge?
What are you talkin'
about discharge for?
Something wrong
with your Fanny, les?
Nothing's discharged here,
mate.
This gun got fuckin' fired.
Come on, Shelton.
Christ's sake.
Look, we're just trying to make
a little bit of fuckin' revenue,
just like you, okay?
Except the difference is
I'm not fuckin' sneaky about it.
All right, mate.
There's no need
to fly off the handle.
Sometimes I think we
should swap jobs for a day.
See how you handle
this fuckin' circus.
Now, piss off!
Okay, mate.
- Ooh, les.
- Yep?
What's the
chiefs-crusaders score?
Hang on a minute.
You there, Cheryl?
Push the button.
Push the button.
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oh!
Push the button!
Best friends forever, eh?
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Terry, you all right?
I'm worried about my eye.
It's five minutes.
You can walk.
Push the button.
Push the button.
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
It's a hair salon.
"Curl-up and dye."
Yeah, cos you can go
there and get it curled,
or you can go
and get it dyed.
Yeah, the Sheila's are gonna
fuckin' love it, mate.
Well, that's just what I do.
I come up with cool names
for businesses.
You know?
Awesome names!
Actually, that'd make
a fuckin' good business, eh?
Naming businesses.
All right.
I gotta go, okay?
Let me know
when it's done.
Did you find him?
He disappeared.
Disappeared, did he?
And you two cunts
couldn't find him?
No, he disappeared.
So we had him,
and he was there,
and then he disappeared, so...
Right.
Fuckin' useless.
I'm gonna fuck off home,
and you cunts
better find him.
Oi, arsehole!
Those guys won't
stop talking about you.
True?
What are they saying?
Just that you're
a sneaky cunt,
and that they shouldn't
have trusted you,
and that they
didn't trust you,
and that you're
full of yourself,
and you're a pussy,
and that they're
gonna find you
and they're gonna kill you.
Fuck.
I knew I shouldn't
have done it, eh?
But you're a badass.
No, I'm not.
Well, you busted in and stole
that Chinese money, right?
And Shelton fucked you.
- You should get him back.
- How?
Well, he hid that Chinese
money in the basement.
You should Nick it again.
Hey, fuck that!
I gotta gap it.
I don't want you
to run away.
Why not?
You get my
fuckin' money back.
Oh, I can't, eh?
I'm real sorry.
Use this.
Get my fucking money back
or I'll kill her
and then I'll kill you.
Meet me here tonight.
Take it!
Oh, but this is in paeroa,
and I don't have a car.
I don't want you
to run away.
Push the button!
Best friends forever, eh?
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oh, fuck it.
Oh fuck!
Fuckin' shot me!
Hey, push the button!
You'll know when!
Oi, don't.
I just wanna see
what happens.
What's supposed to happen?
I don't know.
Nothing's happening to you?
You don't feel funny
or anything?
Nah.
Hey, so I was sitting where
you were two minutes ago,
and I pressed the button, so...
We've changed something.
We better talk to Jay.
Identify yourself.
Uh, it's me, John.
When does
the milkman come?
On time.
Who's this?
That's what I gotta
talk to you about.
Chinese, eh?
Yep, you're probably fucked.
Oh, well, I gotta
learn how to use it
so we can get the
Chinese money back.
So, you stopped him
from going back in time
so that must mean that
he presses it later on
and becomes you by doing
everything you've done or....
- Holy shit.
- What?
See that engraving?
It's a demon.
The Chinese call it taotie.
Known for eating everything
in sight and then itself,
exactly like my ex-wife.
Yeah, the old fulla said.
Be careful with that thing.
It's a warning.
That's the wah Lee bracelet.
It was made
in ancient China,
where it was hidden
in secret
by this mountain monk
type fella.
Bro, China was fucked.
War was everywhere.
So to protect his home,
the monk gave the bracelet
to a whip-arse warrior
named wah Lee.
Wah Lee thought this
bracelet was wicked,
and it would definitely
help him save China.
But there was a catch.
See, there was this demon
called the taotie,
and it came after
time travelers.
If you meet your other self
while time traveling...
Well, that's when
the demon comes.
But wah Lee wasn't
scared of a demon.
He was, like,
"oh, fuck that,"
and went off
to sort out the war.
Wah Lee got real good
at using the bracelet.
He cleaned up all these
mongrel warlord fellas
and saved the empire.
He was a total legend, bro,
and everyone wanted
to be his mate.
He got real rich, too.
Even though wah Lee
was getting mad respect
from all angles,
and even after
the monk warned him
about the demon,
he still couldn't help himself.
He wanted to know what
it was like to meet himself.
So one day,
he snuck around the back
and he did it!
What a idiot!
Soon enough,
just like the monk had said,
the demon came for him.
And he ended up carking it...
Real bad.
So what if he doesn't
press the button?
You better make sure
you all press the button,
you all go back,
and you all do your part.
You better pay close attention
to what each other are doing.
Be careful with that thing.
All right.
Thanks, Jay.
So we can't bust
into Shelton's
cos they'll murder us.
So what do we do?
We get the money
from somewhere else.
Hey.
Uh, everyone be calm
and everything
will be sweet.
Ugh!
Where did you
bloody come from, mate?
Oh my god.
Here we have
the highlight of our tour,
the fully-automated
public toilets.
Uh--
hey!
Hey.
Uh, everyone just, uh....
Be-- be cool and everything
will be sweet.
Hey. Um...
Can you please put
some money in here?
What money do you want?
Um...
Oh, I don't know,
all of it.
Okay.
It's just that we're a bank.
We don't really have money.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Oh, well, um,
can you double check?
I can call my supervisor.
Yep.
Marcus, can you
come out here, please?
Yes, it's urgent.
Oh my god.
Hey. Uh,
we was wondering
if we could have
some money?
Why did you
call me out here?
They said the chances
were so low.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Oh, we're just wondering
if we could have
some money, bro.
Oh my god.
We have this.
It has some money in it.
Hey, where'd you
come from?
Bro, he got shot
the first time.
What, and you went back
and saved him?
Yep.
I was like, "yoink!
Got your shotgun,
bitch!"
Oh, hey, bro!
Oi, blow the lock off.
Oh, nah.
It's just rubber bands, bro.
Bro, is this stuff
poisonous?
I don't know.
It kinda tastes nice.
Urgh...
Nah, it's all checks
and pension slips.
Oh, nah.
Hang on.
How much is there?
35 bucks.
Oh, nah, 38.
Oh shit.
We're fucked.
Oh, well,
it's not that bad.
I mean, got enough
for some beers.
Yeah, hard, bro.
Oh, but you should
jump back, though.
Oh yeah.
Well, can't I go after?
Oh, yeah, but...
Then we get less beers.
Oh.
Oh yeah, okay.
Hey, mate.
Yeah.
What's going on?
He's here.
Uh-huh.
Bro.
So, we know how
this thing works, right?
So I reckon we just
keep robbing Shelton
over and over again
until we get the
Chinese money
and we get to paeroa.
What, you don't reckon
we need a plan?
Nah.
Nah, just trial and error.
As long as we do
like Jay says
and go back
and do our part.
Yeah, I s'pose.
I gotta go take a dump.
You slippery bastard.
Oi! Hey!
Hey, hang on.
Wait...
Give me a sec!
Urgh...
Just a sec.
What the hell are you doing,
you spaz?
Ah...
Time's up.
Jesus, damage!
Oh...
Uh...
I'm gotta go take a dump.
Yeah, use that one, bro.
Hey, hang on.
Uh...
Wait...
Give me a sec.
Sorry, damage.
Oh!
Oi, let other me go.
We're like our own gang.
The John gang.
Nah, the John squad.
Or the-- the time squad.
Mega time squad.
Mega time squad.
Mean.
I better jump back.
Hey, Terry.
Look at this.
Surprise, motherfucker!
Bloody ripper, mate.
Are those live explosives?
Intimidation purposes only,
Terry.
Sometimes it's important
to let people think
you've got a bit
of a screw loose.
Oh yeah.
Fuck.
Hey, get us some noodles,
will you, darls?
I could eat the crotch
out of a ragdoll.
Yeah?
All right, all right.
Calm your tits.
He's got his own gang, eh?
I knew he had ambition,
but...
Coming over here?
All right, well,
get everyone over here.
Everyone.
Yes, him too.
Well, get him
outta hospital, then!
Thinks he can
surprise me, eh?
Cheeky bastard.
Right.
Looks like a fuckin'
hospital in here.
Right, Sammy, you're
the best shot out of us.
You take that.
Go and wait
in narcer's car.
If you see Johnny,
fuckin' shoot him.
Don't I at least get a gun?
Why?
I'm a good shot, too.
This is parawai, Terry.
It's not America.
We're not made of guns.
Can you believe this?
Terry, you can borrow
my mum's gun, if you want.
Fuck!
Ah, fuck.
Fuck.
Oi!
Fuck.
I got a gun!
Is that you, John?
Yeah.
Hey, John.
Yeah.
I can't do it, eh?
Oh, thanks, bro.
Never said
you had a brother.
- Nah, he's me.
- Eh?
We're both me.
Bro!
That's buzzy, bro!
Far!
Hey, bro.
Why don't you
just go home, eh?
I won't tell Shelton
or anything.
I don't care.
Shelton's a dick!
He's got us waiting here
for you fellas
while he's sitting up there
doing fuck all!
Oh, well,
it is his house, bro.
Laters, bro.
Later, Johns.
Fuckin' wait till I tell
my mum about this.
All right,
where are you,
you cheeky bastard?
Ah!
We have bush.
What's he doing?
He's being a smart arse.
You reckon
he's seen me yet?
Ow. Ah!
Oi, what's with
the pedo shoes?
What?
Your shoes say "pedo"!
Oh... nah.
They say "dope."
Whatever, pedo!
Shame!
Shame!
Oi, dickheads.
Oi!
Who's there?
Oh!
Fuckin' thing's not
synced up right.
Did you see that?
There's two of the bastards.
What the fuck is going on?
What's going on?
Fuck knows, mate.
Well, that's what
I pay you for!
All right, all right.
Jesus Christ.
Hey, can you get me some
of those left-over noodles?
Get off the grass.
There's some chips
in the drawer.
Get out of it,
you mongrel!
Oh, I need to get that
Chinese money, bro.
Not lettin' ya.
Oh, sorry, gibbo.
Ow!
Hey, you're--
you're Shelton's sister, eh?
Yeah.
From the big smoke, eh?
Yeah, Hamilton.
Can I have a chip?
Have you got anybody
to show you 'round thames?
Yeah, thanks.
I do.
Have they taken you
to piss chuggers yet?
Nah.
I could-- I could
take you there at some...
It's mint as.
You in there, John?
Last chance, mate.
You wanna come out?
- Oh!
- Ahh...
Christ.
Are you there, John?
Go on.
In you go.
Uh...
How old are you?
Don't they
need you downstairs?
No.
No, I...
I like it up here.
Hey. Where--
where you going?
Fuck off!
What?
What's the problem?
Hey, what are you doing?
You're not gonna
sneak up on me this time,
you cheap cunt.
Oh, are you all right,
Kelly?
Yeah, 'course.
I'm fine.
Oh.
You two, eh?
Oh, don't be like that,
damage.
Yeah, well,
too bad, bitch.
Ha.
You always were a pussy.
Hey, damage,
if you don't stop
being such a dick,
I'm gonna whip your arse.
Since when
did you grow nuts?
Well, this afternoon.
Ah!
Ah! Ah!
Bastard!
Get off me!
Get off!
Youse are dead meat.
You really
staunched him out.
Yeah...
Hey, uh, what did you
wanna talk to me about?
Um...
Um...
Oh, just, um....
Oh, just, well,
cos I gotta hit paeroa,
and, um...
So...
Um....
What?
Oh, did-- did you
wanna come with me?
- Are you in there?
- Ohhh!
Can't see
bugger-all in there.
Fuck's sake.
Get outta the way.
Get outta the way.
He's nicked
the Chinese money!
Oi!
That's my mum's car!
Shit!
Did that hit you
in the eye again, Terry?
Jesus Christ!
Oh, I didn't mean to!
Oh, mum's gonna kill me!
Right.
Show's over.
Get in the fuckin' car.
Not you, gaz.
You're as useful as tits
on a fuckin' bull,
and you can fuck off home!
- Oh, he's gone.
- Who?
Other me.
Well, why
are there three of us?
Did you push the button?
Yeah.
Did you?
Yeah.
Shit.
One of us has fucked-up
the time-traveling.
- More than one of us.
- Well, it wasn't me.
How do you know?
Well, because
I'm very focused.
I don't make those
kinds of mistakes.
But you're me.
You're all of us.
So?
So we need to find
other John and sort this out.
Okay.
So where is he?
Paeroa.
Hello?
I've already told you,
you need a warrant.
Nah, we're not cops.
Welcome to the come inn.
How can I be of service?
Bro, have you seen
a Chinese fella?
Chinese what?
There's no Chinese guy
around here?
Look, do youse
want a room or nah?
How much for a room?
Sorry.
All booked.
Except for the
honeymoon suite.
Is it more expensive?
It's considerably
more expensive.
Ta-da.
What?
Tip.
Yeah, I paid you already.
Pssh.
Cheap arse.
Oh-oh, mean!
Bloody late, aren't ya?
Patrick's 'round the back
dealing with your junk.
Oi.
What are you doing?!
Just making room for
my fucking car, you jippo.
Bro, giz' the keys.
As if!
Nah, giz' the keys...
Bitch.
You want the fuckin'
bash, mate?
Oh, nah, not really.
Do you?
It's a bit of a long story,
cos I'm actually from up
ruamahanga ways.
So, yeah, one day
I'm, like, hitching down,
and this beasty as
Holden rolls up, eh.
It was, like,
full original windy;
like, hsv rims;
like, 2.5" exhaust
with the high-flow cat
and the dumped dip,
and I was like,
"far, this dude is legit."
And, like, the window
goes down,
and he's like,
"oi, bro, get in."
I'm like, "yeah, mean,
let's go for a hoon."
And he says,
"hey, bro,
don't worry about
the probation officer.
Just come work for me."
And, uh,
that was Shelton.
Been mates ever since.
- Yeah, great mates.
- Hmm.
What about you?
How'd you end up here?
I sort of, um...
I, um...
I sort of blew up my school.
What?
Well, I was bullied a lot,
so I thought, "fuck them,"
and I blew it up.
You made a bomb?!
I broke in to
the chemistry lab.
I mixed some shit together,
and it fuckin' blew up.
I had to go to court
and everything.
Far.
You're the badass.
Hey, um, you've--
you've got something...
Nah, nah, nah.
That...
I'll get it.
There's gaz's mum's car.
Oh, where?
Behind the hotel.
I've wanted this since
the minute I saw you.
I've wanted it since
the second I saw you.
I've wanted this since
the millisecond I saw you.
I've wanted it since
the nanosecond I saw you.
I've wanted it since
before I saw you.
I wanted it years ago
before I even met you,
when you were
just a little kid.
Eh?
- How old?
- What?
How old
would I have been?
Oh, well,
legal age, definitely.
I mean, I'm not a perv.
Whoa.
Who the fuck are they?
I did press the button.
- Well, which
one of youse didn't?
- Oh, not me.
I did everything
I was supposed to.
You didn't.
You have to go back.
Oh, fuck you.
Oh, I'm sick
of going in circles.
- You guys sort it out.
- What?
I'm not pressing this
fucking button any more!
Hey, why are you arguing?
I thought this is
what you wanted,
your own little gang.
Yeah, mega time squad!
Fuck your
mega time squad.
I want my own gang.
This is literally
your own gang.
Well, no, it's not,
because I'm supposed to be
the leader, like Leonardo.
Oh, you're not Leonardo.
I'm Leonardo!
You're all donatello's.
If you stop arguing,
you could probably
keep the money.
How?
All of you against
one Chinese guy.
You could totally
take him out,
keep the money
and split it.
This was my idea.
I'm not splitting the money.
They need to go back
and do their fuckin' parts.
You won't even share
with yourself.
Egomaniac much?
Well, tell them that.
You know,
you're such a bitch!
You've got no nuts!
All right.
That's enough.
We're not going
anywhere tonight.
We're not doing
anything tonight.
It's late,
I'm weirded out,
and I can't be
fucked listening to you
argue any more.
I'm going to bed.
Oh, but you gotta
watch the money.
Why?
Well, cos I don't trust
these cunts.
Jesus.
Shelton,
I've found the car.
It's in fuckin'--
paeroa.
You are a darling, mate.
He's in fuckin' paeroa!
What, so now
we've gotta go to paeroa?
Yes, we're going
to paeroa, damage.
Put your safety belt on,
please.
What are you doing?
Oh, I was gonna
take a slash.
Oi, where's he gone?
He went to the toilet.
How long's he been gone?
I don't know.
Like, a minute.
Better go check on him.
Bro, where's he gone?
He went to look for you.
Well, I was just in there.
So?
Well, so, if he was
looking for me,
he would've found me.
Oh, it's the
honeymoon suite.
It's big.
Oh, I better go
check on him.
- Hey, what were you doing?
- Looking for you.
Well, I was just in there.
What were you doing
in there?
Um, toilet.
What were you doing
out there?
Um, I said,
looking for you.
- Bullshit.
- Nah, you're bullshit.
Oi, watch yourself!
I knew this would
fuckin' happen.
Oi.
Who's there?
Oh, it's freezing.
Ah!
Oh my god!
Bro.
Can you stand up?
Oi, come on.
Oi, come on.
What?
Oi, come on!
John!
Come on!
Oi, let us in!
Come over here, darl.
Oh, hurry up!
Oh, go get her,
will ya, mate?
- Aw.
- Ooh.
- Excuse me!
- Watch it.
Bloody bastards.
Oi.
Hey, come on.
Oi, drop the bag.
Oi!
Oi, is there
another way outta here?
Ah!
Just give us
the money, mate.
Ah!
Bloody hell.
Come on.
Oh shit.
Oh fuck!
Christ!
Oh!
Excuse me, hey.
Uh, excuse me.
Hey, uh, that--
that wasn't piss
that was running down
my legs before.
Just had--
had beer in my pocket,
and it spilled, so...
Sweet as.
I don't care
about the piss, mate.
Tidy your bloody room up.
And open a window.
It smells like jizm.
Okay.
Sweet as!
Sweet as.
Fuck!
Jesus.
Must have topped himself.
- Stop pulling me.
- Oh, come on!
We gotta go!
Oh.
Stay back, ya mongrel.
Oh, you can't scare me
any more, Terry.
I've changed.
Oh, good on ya, mate.
You still look like a girl.
- You do.
- No, you do.
Look at that purse.
Oh, hey, Terry.
Oi, check this out.
Whoa.
Ugh!
Oi, why'd you
leave me upstairs?
Fuck off.
Oi!
Where are you going?
Let go of my missus!
No, she's my missus!
- Come on!
- Don't touch me.
You're my
fuckin' girlfriend!
What the fuck's been
going on down here, then?
S'pose we should
fuck off, then.
Might grab myself
some fish and chips.
Come on, Terry.
Grab the bag.
Let's go.
Oh, Kelly...
Oh...
Oh nah.
Fuck this thing.
Oi, nah!
I need to talk to you!
I knew you'd be back.
Bro, this fucked
everything up.
I lost my friends,
my money
and my girlfriend,
and now there's a fuckin'
demon after me.
I told you,
demon consumes all.
Mmm.
Consumes all?
What do you...?
What do you mean?
How do I get rid of it?
Hm.
It cannot stop.
It will keep coming.
So you used the bracelet.
Blood on my hands.
Well, you're still here.
How did you get rid of it?
There can only be one.
One what?
One left.
But all the others are dead.
I am the last one.
You go.
So it's gone?
You use this.
Gave you many chances
to make much money.
And get girlfriend.
But now
you must get them...
All by yourself.
Okay.
So what should I do?
I'm not your mother.
Fuck off!
Boy, you no steal
my shit again.
Wanker.
Well, you fucked that up.
Yeah, I know.
Now that Chinese
fella's gonna kill Kelly.
I know.
What do I do?
You can't do shit
without that bracelet.
Bro, I gotta try.
Yeah, you gotta
grow some nuts.
Bro, she said my nuts
were bigger than I thought.
When you had
the bracelet, maybe.
Well, I could just go get
the money and save Kelly.
Yeah, all right, then.
Go use those huge nuts.
Yeah,
whose nuts are these?
Yeah, yours!
Yeah!
Yeah, my big nuts!
Yeah, go use those
big nuts! Yeah!
Boy, shut the fuck up!
Can't sleep!
Fuckin' weirdo.
Ah!
What are these
clowns doing?
Is that John?
No, it's not John.
He got plastered all over
the inside of that hotel,
remember?
Yeah.
Just go and have a look,
will you?
All right.
We can see you on
the cameras, you idiots.
Initiate theta protocol.
What?
Save yourself!
Oh shit!
- Ahh!
- You all right, mate?
I got a fright.
I didn't mean to--
oh fuck!
I'm fuckin' blind!
Hey, you all right?
I got shot.
This is so wicked.
We need to get you
to the hospital.
No...
You...
You get the girl.
Do you want a hoon
on my goon?
Maybe later.
What do you want?
I've come to save you.
Fuck off.
Well, I gave back
that bracelet, eh?
Congratulations.
Well... I'm sorry I was
such a dick before.
Yeah, you were a dick.
Well, do you think you
could ever like me again?
That depends.
True.
You can't
treat me like that.
You can't be a psycho.
Yep.
Nah, I know.
It's like I wasn't myself.
It's like everyone
was myself.
Except me.
You really gave
that bracelet back?
Yep, honest.
Okay.
I forgive you.
Oh, hey,
we better get outta here
before that Chinese
fella finds us.
Oh, at least he didn't blow
your balls off, eh?
I don't know.
I can't feel anything
from the waist down.
Fuckin' finally.
On your knees.
Come on.
Oh, not this shit again.
You've got your money.
Leave him alone.
Look, darl,
I'm not gonna go
crook at ya.
I know you've taken
a shine to him,
and I've got
my money back.
But-- and you'd better
call sir mix-a-lot,
cos it's a bloody big "but"--
the cunt fuckin' lied to me.
He went behind my back.
He beat my boys up.
Had me running
around town,
flat tack like a chook
with its head cut off.
What sort of message
does it send my boys, eh?
Soon they'll all be
fuckin' doing it.
You wouldn't wanna
be without your servants,
would you?
Grab her, will ya, boys?
Come on!
Yeah, well, she got me
in the goolies before.
Well, protect yourself,
ya dipstick!
Get the fuck off,
damage.
Argh!
Oh, come on, John.
Don't pack a sad, mate.
You knew it was coming.
No, leave him alone!
It's okay.
See?
Said it's okay.
He won't do it.
What?
Nah, he's just about
to ask someone else to do it,
cos you're scared.
I'm fuckin' what?
Nah, it's all right.
You just haven't found
your nuts yet.
Yo, blow his fuckin' head off!
Don't tell me what to do,
damage!
See, you guys?
He just uses us
to do everything for him
cos he's too afraid
to do it himself.
Where'd you come up
with this shit?
From the coolest girl
I've ever met.
She told me
not to be like you.
Not to be a bitch.
Ooh! He just called you
a bitch, man!
You are so dead!
Hey, shut the fuck up!
When are you guys
gonna see?
We do everything
for this asshole,
and he just sits up there
watching the telly.
And if one of us
doesn't like it,
he just turns us
against each other.
Shut your bloody piehole.
Oi, Shelton.
I'm gonna get up now...
And I'm gonna take
that money...
And my girlfriend...
And my big-as nuts...
And we're gonna go
to paeroa...
And there's nothing
you can do about it.
Don't you fuckin' move,
you mongrel.
Shoot him!
Terry, shoot the cunt.
I've already shot him once.
I fuckin' own you.
Now, do it!
Well, to tell you the truth,
Shelton,
you're a real nag.
I don't really like you.
I'm just doing this to pay
for my night school
so I can get a real job.
Fuckin' woofter.
Damage, come here.
I said, come here
or you're all fucked!
See, Shelton?
Without us,
you're nothing.
You're not a man.
You're just a little boy.
Just a scared little boy...
Without any nuts.
Fine.
I'll do it myself.
No!
Hey, Kelly.
I think I love you.
Oh...
Bloody chink--
Hey, just take it!
Ah!
Oi!
Leave him alone!
Ah!
Stop! Stop it!
What the fuck is wrong
with you people?!
You're a bunch
of fucking idiots!
Ah!
Whoo.
Bro, you all right?
Oh, yeah.
Well, I know what my
responsibilities are now.
Oh yeah?
What are they?
My mates.
Do you forgive...
The traitor?
Ah, yeah.
I've probably done
some dumb shit, too.
Mates?
Yeah, mates.
Did you mean
what you said before?
- Did that make things weird?
- Nah.
Well, I feel like
a bit of a dork.
Hey, there's something
I didn't tell you.
Oh, is that
the Chinese money?
Oh!
Oh, so what's in
the pink bag?
Hey, hang on.
You're not a bloody demon.
That's that mask
from wang's.
Yeah,
it's real uncomfortable.
Oh, so there's no demon?
Yeah, I stole
that Chinese money,
fair and square,
and I wanted to keep it,
but I didn't wanna
share it with you cunts.
Oh, hey, you know Kelly?
Yeah, 'course.
Oh, I think
I'm in love with her, eh?
So?
So how about
I give you the money
and you let me hoon off
with Kelly?
There's a car outside.
The money's in the boot.
Shall we go?
Yeah.
Hey, um, let's get
a pie first, eh?
Are you all right?
Yeah.
Yeah, 'course.
All right.
What?
You gave that
money back, eh?
Yeah.
To be with me.
Yeah.
John.
I think I love you, too.