Megamind: The Button of Doom (2011) Movie Script

Citizens of Metrocity,
long have I waited
to give you your just desserts.
Prepare to face
the unbridled wrath of... fantastic bargains!
Welcome, welcome,
citizens of Metrocity,
to the Evil Lair Yard Sale.
As you know, this is my first day
as defender of Metrocity,
and now that I'm no longer evil ,
I no longer need things that do evil .
- A Terror Teddy, awesome.
- Excellent choice.
Now, let the browsing com mence.
Minion , we're going
to need more petty cash .
- What's behind there, Minion?
- Nothing .
- I knew it.
- Please, please, please.
Can't we just keep the spider-bot?
Minion , heroes don't drive around
in creepy spee-ider-bots.
See? Now you've hurt its feelings.
Spider-bot, come here.
Damien, we do not play with laser guns.
- Come on , Mom .
- Put it back this instant.
Madame, he's merely expressing himself.
Besides, it's not a laser gun .
lt's a dehydration . . .
. . .gun .
Just soak her in some water,
not the toilet. She'll be fine.
- That is so cool .
- Yes.
Free doughnuts with every
billion-dollar purchase.
Piece of junk? This satellite death ray
goes up to 900 m illion volts,
and has its own GPS.
Let me handle this, Minion .
For insurance purposes,
l have to tell you to only use it
for barbecuing , not for evil .
- I don't like barbecues.
- " I don't like barbecues."
Shall we start the bidding?
Bootwheel of death .
Sold to the soccer mom !
Can I get seven for the flamethrower?
Sold to the chef.
Excellent for creme brulee.
Do I hear ten bucks
for the disguise generator?
Sold to the woman
with the beautiful m ustache.
Sold to you , sir. Sold .
Sold . Sold .
Sold .
The place is already looking less evil .
Sir, now that we've gotten rid
of all your "evil things,"
how are we going to protect Metro City?
Way ahead of you , Minion .
What are you wearing?
My new super-secret,
superhero super-suit.
l designed it myself,
to copy all of Metro Man's powers:
super-boots, super-strength ,
and super-X-ray-slash-laser vision .
Yeah , I'm not sure
if it's really. . . you .
Au contraire, filet Minion .
This is perfect for when we go
on our first patrol of the city.
- What's that?
- It's the only thing I couldn't sell ,
other than the death ray.
Just a box with a button on it.
- I don't even remem ber what it does.
- But it m ust do something .
Maybe it opens the ja-rage door.
Oh , dear.
Greetings, hero.
You've just unleashed
an unspeakabIe eviI upon Metrocity,
and you're reaIIy,
reaIIy not going to Iike it.
- Where did it go?
- I don't know.
Unspeakable evil, activated.
Sir, what was the unspeakable evil?
l've had a lot of evil plans
over the years.
- You forgot.
- You should've catalogued them
- so I wouldn't have to remem ber.
- What?!
- This is actually your fault.
- My fault? How is this my fault?
l'm thinking . It could be anything .
- Remem ber the Forget-Me Bom b?
- Yes! No.
What about
the Encyclopedia A-bom b-ica?
Rock 'Em , Sock 'Em Kittens.
They were as cute as they were deadly.
- The Destructosaur.
- Wait.
lt's something beginning with M.
M, that really narrows it down .
Don't move.
l think I remem bered what it is.
lt's my favorite!
- It's the Mega-Megam ind .
- Ollo!
l transferred my evil personality
into a giant ra-bot.
- Man , I do good work.
- Really terrific stuff,
but we should probably turn it off.
White suit, white cape,
if it isn't my oId friend, Metro Man.
- He thinks you're Metro Man .
- Well , I am defender of Metrocity now.
This is the perfect time for me
to debut my super-suit.
Activate super-strength .
I just stepped in a pile of hero.
Activate super-boots.
Right. I forgot about that.
Time out.
Oh , no!
Activate super-laser vision .
Where. . . Where is he?
- Sir, are you in the invisible car?
- No.
Are you a chicken?
Get in .
We're in trouble, Minion .
l program med it to never stop
until it elim inated the hero.
lt's out there, searching for me.
Where are you, hero?
ls it searching for me, too?
And your mysterious friend,
who's dressed up as Minion
for some reason.
But don't worry,
we can live in here from now on .
- The brain-bots can bring us snacks.
- Sir, that is crazy.
We're gonna have
to face this thing eventually.
Did you m iss what happened out there?
The new me is an utter failure.
- Well , it's clear you're no Metro Man .
- I know I'm not Metro Man .
l just mean , maybe you should stop
trying to be him and just be you .
Really? Is that possible?
- But I sold all my evil stuff.
- Well . . . not everything .
Spee-ider-bot. I don't understand .
l thought everything was gone.
l just couldn't part
with our spider-bot, sir.
l was thinking maybe we could
still use him to patrol heroically.
Minion , you sentimental sim ian , you .
Now, I just need a plan .
- Wait a m inute! Boingo!
- I think you mean "bingo," sir.
That's what I said . Boingo!
Anyone home?
Come out so I can squish you.
Hey, beta box.
Ready for round two, hero?
Are you in the mood
for a slice of hero pie?
OnIy if it comes a Ia expIode.
Where'd you go?
Do you feel the taunting power
of my eyebrow?
How dare you brow me!
Oh , yes!
Missed again .
That's right, metal face,
follow me to your doom .
OK, Minion , ready the death ray.
Yes, sir.
Prepare to meet your maker:
Say bye-bye, Metro Man.
Fire, Minion .
Minion , fire.
- Slight problem here, sir.
- Slight problem? How slight?
Your super-suit
smashed the death ray controls.
What the. . .? Impossible.
- Minion , find the remote.
- Oh , right.
You know, we should really mark these.
Do you remem ber what it looked like?
No, I don't remember
what it Iooked Iike. Try the. . .
Well , it's not that one.
- Minion , turn it off.
- Peekaboo!
You can crawI, but you can't hide.
What about this one?
No. No.
Talk about a crushing defeat.
The old evil me is so annoying .
H urry, Minion !
l can't keep this up!
Minion ! What are you doing?
l've got it, sir.
OK, Minion , on my marco.
I hate spee-iders.
Oh, no!
Goodbye, old me.
We did it! We did it!
Yes, we did , Minion .
Now, let's go get the rest
of our evil stuff back.
- No more school !
- We're free!
No parents!
- Booger.
- With our parents dehydrated ,
we can rule Metro City. Yes!
Not today or any other day,
my sugar-fueled friend .
- Oh , my goodness.
- I'll take that, thank you very m uch .
l'd normally cart your heinies downtown ,
but I have a feeling your parents will
offer you a far more severe punishment.
A glass of water, Minion , if you please.
Well , sir, the weapons of justice
are back where they belong .
Let's just hope the city
is ready for me.
- I'd say it is, sir.
- Look.
They made me my own signal .
Us. They made us our own signal .
Pull yourself together, Minion !
Now, make a note.
- It needs to be a lot bigger.
- Yes, sir.
Let's go patrol , heroically.
Oh , what fun !