Mickey's House of Villains (2001) Movie Script

Happy Halloween.
Oh, boy! Trick or treat!
Tonight, l'm going to go out
and scare everybody.
You? Scare everybody?
Donald, on a Scare-o-Meter,
you're barely a squeal.
Yep. She's right.
You're not going
to frighten anyone...
dressed up
like a big red bunny.
Bunny? l'll show you.
Huh. There seems to be...
an awful lot of villains
here tonight.
Aw, relax, Minnie.
lt's Halloween.
l'm sure they're not
up to any tricks.
Oh, Halloween
at the House of Mouse.
All treats and no tricks.
lf this were my house,
l'd run things differently.
-Add a splash of evil?
-Pillage and plunder?
Blah, blah, blah.
Every year it's the same thing--
all talk and no play.
What a bunch of dull villains.
Well, this year
will be different.
l've got a trick
for Mickey Mouse...
but you'll all have to wait
until midnight.
lt's a Houseketeer Halloween...
so grab your garlic and get set
for America's Most Haunted.
He's Count Mickey Mouse.
Velcome, my children.
Oh, boy! l love Halloween.
Lots of haunted happenings
around town.
Why, Chernobog
threw a big party.
You know,
it's easy to get to his house.
Just make a right
on Bald Mountain.
lt's funny, because it's true.
Why, l even saw Hades.
He was really
painting the town dead.
Love that.
Hey, l also heard
there's a big shindig...
over at
the elephant graveyard.
lt's B.Y.O.B.
Bring your own bones.
And now
let's start off the fun...
with this
tricky Halloween tale.
What manner of ghoul is this?
Uh-oh. The boys.
Hello, boys.
Trick or treat!
For you...
and you and you.
Thank you, Uncle Donald.
Whoa, Beelzebub. Whoa.
Steady there, old boy.
Now here's your treat.
So long, boys.
Oh, bless
their little black hearts.
l saw the whole thing, kids.
Down, Beelzebub.
Down, please. Thank you.
Oh, look, a real witch.
Oh, joy!
Thou do believeth in witches.
Just for that,
l'll help thee get thy candy.
Uh-oh. Another one.
My name, sir, is Hazel.
Witch Hazel, that is.
That quacking rogue
is tougher than l thought.
Now come here, boys.
l'll tell you
what l'm going to do.
l need some very
gruesome ingredients--
a cauldron of swamp water...
Double, double,
toil and trouble.
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Eye of needle,
tongue of shoe...
hand of clock
that points at 2:00.
This is the real thing,
you know.
Right out of Shakespeare.
Neck of bottle,
tail of coat...
whiskers from the billy goat.
Here you are, Hazel.
Delightfully gruesome reaction.
Kids, this stuff's loaded.
Oh, boy!
Boy, this is fun!
What in the heck is that?
-Attaboy, Beelzebub!
-Oh, boy!
Oh, l don't believe it.
Trick or treat,
trick or treat
Trick or treat
for Halloween
When the pumpkin shells
cast evil spells
Your little white house
turns green
Your little white house
turns green
This is too--
Every post is a ghost
lf you got a witch's brew
And if you want your gate
to circulate
Ho, ho, we can do that, too
Trick or treat,
trick or treat
Trick or treat,
trick or treat
Trick or treat
for Halloween
When ghosts and goblins
by the score
Ring the bell
on your front door
You better not be stingy
Or your nightmares
will come true
Now, are you going
to treat...or not?
Yes, ma'am. Right away.
Oh, my goodness.
Ghosts and goblins.
l don't understand.
this pigeon's a pushover.
The key.
l just been a-itchin'
to cast a spell on you.
Hocus pocus, magic shower.
Put his feet within my power.
Hey, what was that stuff?
Kick out that key.
Yippee! Look at him dance!
Oh, dance with your feet
just as fast as you can
Now flip 'em
like a flapjack in a pan
Oh, a-hoppin' and a-jumpin'
like a flea on a griddle
The key for the door
is the key for the vittles
now mind the rules
With your old flat feet
just a-kickin' like mules
Oh, promenade
a-way out west
That's where the cactus
grows the best
Now swing down south
and turn on the heat
Now end the dance
and take your seat
-Nothing to it.
-Oh, yeah?
Now you've made old Hazel mad.
l'll cast a spell
that's double grim.
Smash that door down, feet...
with him.
Get out. No, you don't.
This hurts me worse
than it does you.
Now take a longer start--
about a mile or two!
Get ready, kids. Here he comes.
l thought
he'd listen to reason.
Hooray for Uncle Donald.
l won't do it.
Come, Beelzebub.
lt's nearly dawn.
Dear, l mustn't be late.
Goodness, me.
Good-bye, kids.
So when ghosts and goblins
by the score
Ring your bell
or pound your door
Better not be stingy
Or your nightmares
will come true
Oh, boy. Somebody to scare.
Halloween treats
can be really spooky...
like mechanical houses
that act kind of kooky.
So, sit back, relax,
and let's take a lookie.
ln a humble little house
that needed some paint...
lived a tired Mickey Mouse
trying to sleep...
but he cain't.
You see,
the problems were plenty...
in this house that he had.
The roof always creaked...
and the drafts, they were bad.
The furnace turned on
with a clatter and clunk...
making pipes sputter,
steam, rattle, and plunk.
With a slap and a bang,
the shutters did slam.
This noise,
it continued ad nauseam.
He rolled and he tossed
under his pillow and sheets.
Poor Mickey was wishing
the sounds they would cease.
l can't take this racket
another night longer.
l thought that l could,
but l couldn't be wronger.
He threw off his blankets
and slunk to the sink.
Perhaps l'll feel better
after a drink.
But the water came out
in a way unexpected.
lt sprayed from the drain
in his face, misdirected.
He wiped off his mug
in angry defeat.
That's the last straw.
My decision's complete.
l'm fed up with clanking,
ker-slamming, and squeaking.
The whistling and knocking
and roof always creaking.
Poor Mickey was irked--
a bit peeved, you might say.
His mind was made up
that he must move away.
So, he gathered his things
and emptied each drawer.
The last thing he did
was lock the front door.
Then Pluto and he
marched up the next street...
where new houses stood
all spiffy and neat.
He found a nice dwelling
that drew his attention...
with automatic devices
of the latest invention.
This house is electric.
Said the salesman with pride.
lf you push this red button,
you'll travel inside.
With the flick of a switch
and the pull of a lever...
the house, it transformed.
This is really quite clever.
The design's ergonomic--
for comfort, you see.
Grinned the salesman
as he pushed...
buttons one, two, and three.
The furniture
folds right into the wall.
lt makes a great shortcut
into the hall.
This kitchen is sparkling.
lt's synthetic steel.
There's even a robot
who can cook you a meal.
But how will the floors here
all stay so clean?
Should dust ever settle,
there's a vacuum machine.
Are there shutters that
bang, slap, rattle, or slam?
Not a one, not a bit,
not at all, my good man.
l'll take this new house.
Said Mickey with zeal.
After escrow and closing,
the contract was sealed.
This newfangled house
is now where l'll stay.
He then thanked the salesman
and sent him away.
So, Mickey settled back
in his modern recliner...
with buttons galore.
Ah, what could be finer?
Whatever he wanted
was his right away.
With a touch of a button,
he got a snack tray.
His chair, it reclined
and rubbed his back so...
then on came some music
and dimmed the lights low.
Said Mickey with a yawn,
as he scratched on his head...
Oh, it's time for a bath,
then l'll toddle to bed.
He pressed the red button
and rolled across the floor.
His chair went upstairs
through the new bathroom door.
With a splash and a splunk,
the brushes did clean.
What a wonderful thing,
this bathing machine.
Special arms then conveyed him
off to his bed...
and tucked him in gently...
then a story was read.
Mickey was cozy,
all snuggled up tight...
but he tossed and he turned
as his thoughts did excite...
of buttons and switches
and moveable stairs...
computer controls
on reclining chairs.
There's so many things
in this house with to play.
l want to stay up.
l'll just sleep in the day.
He leapt from his covers
and slid past the clock.
He flung open the door,
but discovered it blocked.
There stood the robot.
lts finger, it wagged.
Before Mickey knew it,
by the seat, he was grabbed.
This just isn't right.
l don't need a rest.
l want to get up.
Stop being a pest.
Mickey scampered away...
straight for the door...
but the robot was fast
and stopped him once more.
Bedtime is fine,
but this is my house.
You're making me angry.
Don't cheese off this mouse.
So, he turned and he climbed
out of the open window...
and snuck away quietly
on tippy tiptoe.
But little did he think
that out in the back...
the robot was waiting
for another attack.
Enough is enough.
l'll take this no more.
lf you want to play rough,
get ready for war.
A bucket of water--
that's just the right thing.
When the robot comes in,
l'll pull on the string.
Mickey readied his plan
with his own little trap.
The robot came in,
and then with a snap...
the bucket tipped over
and water came out.
lt splashed, and it soaked him
completely throughout.
He sparked and he fizzed,
that man made of steel.
He jolted and volted
and began to unreel.
Electricity surged
in the house all about...
zapping the circuits
and shorting them out.
Food from the fridge
was flung in the air.
lt splattered and spatted
in the poor mouse's hair.
He ducked and he dodged,
but he could not escape.
The jelly that hit him
was cherry, not grape.
Back into the bath,
he was dragged very quick...
and repeatedly scrubbed
with a soap on a stick.
All sudsy and wet,
Mickey Mouse tried to flee...
but the vacuum was now
on a housecleaning spree.
The hoses, they swung,
they flailed, and they sucked.
The brushes whooshed past,
forcing Mickey to duck.
He grabbed up a lamp
and began to fight back...
but right at that moment,
the recliner attacked.
Mechanical hands
squeezed him up tight...
but Mickey was valiant--
he put up a fight.
When things
looked their bleakest...
and all hope seemed lost...
Mickey picked up the chair
and gave it a toss.
lt hit the controls
and smashed them to bits.
The buttons, they flashed
and flickered in fits.
Mickey spotted his chance
to get safely away.
He snatched up his dog,
and then he did say...
This place is a monster,
not what l'd call home.
He watched that new house
shake, sputter, and groan.
lt fell with a crash
in less than a minute.
He turned to his pup
and said...
Glad we weren't in it.
Dejected and sad,
they both strode away...
Mickey and Pluto,
with nowhere to stay.
The rays of the morning
added sunlight...
greeting Mickey Mouse
with a warm, friendly sight.
A little wood house
that needed some paint.
lt wasn't quite perfect,
but still, it was great.
Aw, we could stay here
just for a while.
Said Mickey to Pluto
with a wry little smile.
Later that night,
all warm in his bed...
Mickey Mouse snuggled up
as sleep came to his head.
The furnace, it clanked.
lt rattled and shocked.
The shutters flew back.
They slammed, and they knocked.
The wind, it did whistle,
round the chimney it moaned...
but Mickey didn't stir...
'cause he knew he was home.
We've got our eye on you.
Aw, phooey.
l'll never be scary.
Donald may be trying
to scare everybody...
but here's a story
where he gets spooked himself.
The following presentation...
will demonstrate
how to haunt the living.
But before we begin,
one must be...
not living.
The fine specimen observed here
is commonly known as a ghost.
Ghost? Where?
-Why, you, my friend.
Yes, you have just joined
the ranks of the supernatural.
That explains what
all that racket was out there.
Hey! l'm not ready
to be dearly departed.
Don't you worry.
lt's only temporary.
Just long enough for you
to demonstrate...
Step one--
Finding the right house...
is all about
location, location, location.
And what better place to look
than the classified ads?
Let's see here.
''Creaking hardwood floors...
breakfast nook...
''informal dying room.''
Oh, a-hauntin' l will go
A-hauntin' l will go
Hi, ho, the merry-o
A-hauntin' l will go
Step two--
Hauntee number one
is a likeable mouse...
and popular American icon.
Oh, gosh, l'm scared.
Hauntee number two is a cow
who's a real moo-ver and shaker.
l'm scared, too.
And finally,
hauntee number three...
is a hot-headed duck
who's a real quack-up.
Aw, phooey. Nothing scares me.
l know who
l'm going to pick on.
Step three--
Nothing is quite creepier
than the creaky front door...
which opens all by itself.
Here goes.
Oh, automatic doors.
How convenient.
Having successfully creeped
your intended hauntee out...
you're now ready for...
Step four--
With an ordinary bedsheet
carefully draped over you...
sneak about
in a menacing manner.
Hit my head!
Continue this macabre
dance of the dead...
and watch as panic and terror
wash over your victim.
This method of haunting...
is only made possible
by the unique eyeholes...
that have been cut in the sheet.
Eyeholes? Now you tell me.
Step five--
Everyone is afraid of the dark.
Use this knowledge
to your haunting advantage.
Oh, this is getting silly.
Step six--
Peace and quiet.
A ghost has
a wide array of scary sounds...
with which to frighten
their unwitting victim.
l just don't understand it.
Oh, come on.
l'm tired of being a ghost.
Hey, Donald, wake up.
A ghost!
But, Donald--
No! Get away!
Sorry, Donald.
l just wanted to tell you
that l'm a ghost.
And now you are, too.
Why, you little--
Now, now, settle down, Donald.
lt's only temporary.
That's right.
Just long enough
to demonstrate...
Begin the end...
by chasing each other
into the distance...
then scream comically.
Followed by an iris out.
Everybody knows
there's only one thing...
to really be afraid of
on Halloween...
and that's ghosts--
especially when
they're the Lonesome Ghosts.
Aw, we don't have no fun
no more.
No. Nobody around here
to scare.
We scared 'em all away!
l guess we're too good!
Hey, here's an idea.
Get a load of this, fellas!
''Notice. We exterminate
all kinds of ghosts.
''Day and night service.''
Wise guys!
Let's get 'em over here.
And have some fun with them.
We'll scare the pants
off of 'em!
-The telephone!
-The telephone?
Do you chase ghosts?
Do we chase ghosts?
Yes, ma'am--Yes, sir!
l'll say we do!
Well, this house
is full of ghosts.
Come quick.
The old McShiver mansion.
OK. We'll be right over.
Oh, boy! A customer!
-A customer!
-A customer?
Hey, fellas, here they come.
This oughta be a cinch.
Look at them!
We're from the Ajax
Ghost Exterminator...Company.
Waah! Why don't you look
where you're going?
We'll separate
and surround them.
What's the big idea?
Who did that?
Come out
and fight like a man!
You guys hear me?
Come on! Fight!
l got him! Oh, boy!
Well, l'll be a son of a gun!
What kind of a place is this?
They can't do that to me!
That's a fine how-do-you-do!
l'm brave.
But l'm careful.
l ain't-a scared of no ghosts.
For a moment,
l thought it wasn't me.
Somethin' wrong here.
l know you. You're a ghost.
They got me!
They pulled a knife on me!
Help, Mickey! l--l got 'em!
l got all three of 'em!
Help! Whoa!
So, you can't take it,
you big sissies!
So, Goofy,
having a spooky time?
Yup! But not as spooky
as the time l dressed up...
in those skintight
yellow leotards.
Hit it, Horace.
Say, isn't it time
for your Halloween trick?
Patience, lago. Midnight nears.
And now, put on
your best grim grins...
for this Halloween treat.
Attention all listeners.
Attention all listeners.
Ajax, the terrible gorilla
has escaped from the city zoo.
Be on the lookout.
This animal is a killer.
That is all. Breckenridge.
Uncle Donald!
Where's Uncle Donald?
Why, that dirty...
This looks like
a pretty good story, by gosh.
lt's full of pictures, too.
''Once upon a time...''
''there was
a beautiful princess.''
Oh, ever so beautiful.
''She lived in a--''
Why, you...
Come on. Come on!
Take it off! Take it off!
Take it...off.
Oh, boys!
Speak to me!
Attention all listeners.
Remember, you can master
any wild animal...
by looking him
straight in the eye.
That is all. Breckenridge.
Get out of here!
Get going.
Shh! Not so loud!
Doggone those kids.
Why can't they do something
right once in a while?
Attention all listeners.
ln order to subdue Ajax,
use tear gas.
That is all. Breckenridge.
Spare me, spare me!
lt's midnight...
and l've got a trick
for Mickey Mouse.
Sorry, Minnie,
but we don't want...
to be dull villains
on Halloween.
OK, everybody. Now it's time
for a change of pace.
Lights out!
Right you are, Mickey.
lt's Halloween, you know...
and with just
the right touch...
This could be
quite the place
Full of wholesome,
happy faces
Hanging out, feeling fine
Where everyone's
a friend of mine
lnside this evil joint
Every guest
gets to the point
This day
will live in infamy
The House of Mouse
is history
lt's our house now
lt's our house now
lt's a fact
you can't ignore
Shut the windows,
lock the doors
lt's our house now
Raise your mugs,
you thieves and thugs
the rabble-rousing crowd
lt's our house now
All the coolest cats
fit in so perfectly
Every evil queen
gets due respect
Love your work.
You'll forget your troubles
Put your trust in me
You've had your fun,
you've made your play
But every rodent
has his day
lt's our house now,
down and dirty
lt's our house now,
me hearty
What a place
for breaking bread
Things are better
Off with their heads!
lt's our house now,
what a party
Join the fun
with no regrets
Only greedy dirty deeds
are allowed
Get those puppies!
-Game over, Mickey.
-Hit the road, Minnie!
Take a hike, chickies!
lt's our house now
Don't bother comin' back,
it's our house now
Now that the House of Mouse
is our house...
things are going to be
a little different.
All right, Jafar.
You've had your fun.
Now l'm here
to set things right...
and l brought my boys.
So, are you gonna
get off my stage...
or are we gonna
have to make you?
Nice try, Mickey.
But you and Goofy...
and especially
that scaredy duck...
are about to get a real fright.
Happy Halloween!
Oh, Goofy!
Halloween's not for eggs!
lt's for candy!
Hmm. Candy.
There's one last house.
Yep! Uncle Donald's place.
Trick or treat!
What a stingy grouch.
We lost him!
Hey, what about Uncle Donald?
We gotta warn him!
Boy, oh, boy, did l scare them!
So, that's the trick, eh?
OK, here's what we're gonna do.
Oh, boy! More candy!
Three young ducks
have gone a-missin'.
You seen this fella?
No? Then try this!
Ow! l can explain.
Just as l suspicioned.
You're under arrest, laddie!
Come back, you maniac!
Hold it,
you bad maniac person!
Wait! lt's me!
Wait! lt's me!
Get him!
A cemetery?!
Oh, no!
Huey, Dewey, and Louie?
Uncle Donald...
You scared us...
To death!
Hope you liked our candy,
Uncle Donald.
The selfish one shall die.
Oh, l'm sorry, boys.
-l'll get your candy back.
-All of it?
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Trick or treat.
Where'd everyone go?
l got the candy.
Oh, well.
Ho ho ho!
Happy Halloween!
Now what do we do?
Step aside, boys.
l'll take care of that Jafar.
l've never seen her so mad.
Whoo, l have.
And now,
l've saved the best for last.
Listen, you!
l'm giving you
and all the other villains...
just thirty seconds
to turn this back...
into the House of Mouse,
starting right now!
Thirty, twenty-nine,
twenty-eight, twenty-seven...
twenty-six, twenty-five,
twenty-four, twenty-three...
Now let's heat things up
with a twisted tale...
that Mickey and Minnie
will find a real scream!
Roll it, Big Bad!
Get 'em, Mickey.
-Mickey's hat!
-Oh, what do we do now?
Here, use the lamp!
Mickey, catch!
The lamp will hold him forever!
The lamp!
You're the only leader
of this club, Mickey.
Aw, it was nothin'.
Anything to make sure
we have a happy Halloween.
Aw, nice costume, Donald...
but Goofy
already beat you to it.
Aw, phooey!