Middle Life (2025) Movie Script
1
[soft piano music]
Dad, don't backseat drive.
Come on.
Okay, okay.
So, a hypothetical.
She comes back.
What would you say?
What would you say that
you haven't already said?
That I haven't already said?
Nothing.
Exactly.
Exactly what?
You've already said all
you've gotta say, and she left.
Right.
And she's not coming back.
You're probably right.
Slow down, for God's sake.
Sorry I gotta piss, man.
[overlapping podcast chatter]
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Fuck.
Oh my God.
Jesus.
Are you okay?
Maybe stop moving.
Don't move. I'm calling 911.
Hi, there's been an
accident at Whitmore road and
fuck, I don't know.
My dad.
My dad's stuck in the car.
His dad. Stop moving.
Dad?
Dad, you all right?
Oh shit.
[eerie music]
[upbeat jazz music]
[soft piano music]
It's so stupid.
People don't think about
how much it's impacted
so many different fields.
Medicine, transportation,
communication.
I mean, they're using AI now
to detect diseases
way sooner than any
doctor possibly could.
Like what's so terrifying about
improving people's health
or making sure cars
don't crash into each other
and people want that banned?
Are you talking to me or
are you on the phone?
Why would I be on the phone?
Well you've got your earbud.
Oh, I'm listening to a podcast.
Ok okay.
And then there's
the whole thing about
AI taking people's
jobs, like sure
but what about the
jobs it creates?
Do you want to do socks?
On your nose?
Again?
Oh my gosh, your feet
are getting so big.
They got so big.
Did they grow overnight?
Did your feet grow overnight?
Are you gonna take
your sock off?
No, we're gonna put
socks on with grippies.
Oh no, are you stuck in there?
Oh, that's so cute.
Do you have big elephant ears?
Do you have a big
elephant trunk?
It's a big day.
You're gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna have
so many new friends.
I know daycare's a new place.
I'll be back before you know it.
Go, go, go.
Idiot.
They do a ton of weddings.
I've booked them
a bunch of times.
I just think a DJ
might be better.
Well, you should also consider
you might not get
your deposit back.
It's kind of why they
ask for a deposit.
Oh.
[mellow jazz music]
Well, my friend Courtney thinks
thinks her boyfriend
might propose.
Oh yeah?
Send them my way.
I will.
I mean, I don't know if
he's actually gonna do it
but I could tell her to
give him an ultimatum.
Do it.
I need it.
What do you mean?
I thought business
is great since you
went back full time.
No, I mean, on a normal year
I'd be juggling between six
to eight weddings right now.
So far I have two.
Well, at least you
have a good excuse.
You had a baby.
Yeah, and so did Chris.
He's about to get tenure
which is great
and also complicated for me.
All right, man, you're all set.
Oh, thanks.
Appreciate it.
Just pay with the app?
That'd be great, thank you.
You playing hockey?
Oh yeah.
Cool.
[upbeat music]
[anxious noises]
[cheering]
[dog barking]
I got you.
Got you.
Oh, you got me.
It's like she's annoyed
about it or something.
About getting tenure?
That's crazy.
Seriously, it's like
she's surprised.
Meanwhile this has
always been the exact plan
I've been working towards.
Her exact plan, by the way.
I feel like I've carefully
planned out everything
up to this moment.
Like what?
Like everything.
Getting my MFA at 25.
Getting engaged at 26.
Getting married at 28.
Starting a business at 30.
First kid at 34.
Operating that way?
Is exhausting.
Such a relief.
The only thing I didn't
plan on is my business
going down by 80%.
I thought going back to work
getting Theo in daycare
would help her chill out
but it's, I don't know
I don't get it at all.
He just doesn't get it.
And he doesn't want to.
She loves work.
I hate work.
Work's going great.
Can't complain.
Glad to be out of
the house, you know?
That's great, Andie.
Well, I might as
well get into it.
I wanted to sit
down with you guys
because I'm working
with this amazing company
called Bloomspire.
It's all about beauty
and financial freedom.
Hold on a second, Ashley.
Is this another one of
those pyramid schemes?
Because we've been
down this path before
and you still owe me money
[light piano music]
Hey.
Holy shit.
Ryan, right?
- Yeah
Andie.
- I remember
You think I wouldn't remember?
You saved my life.
How are you?
Good.
- How's your dad?
He's good.
Dad's great, thanks.
Really?
Yeah, back to his
old self honestly.
Wow.
That's amazing.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm good.
It's quite a spread
you've got here.
You wanna join me?
No thanks.
I'm here with my friends.
But it was nice seeing you.
Glad you're doing well.
Hey, what's your number?
We should get a drink or
something. I feel like I never
got to properly thank you for
coming to my rescue.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
Are you kidding?
Come on, I insist.
Gimme your phone.
I'll text myself.
People do this.
Um, all right.
All right.
Hi, Ryan.
The guy whose life I saved.
Done.
Cool.
[laid-back jazz music]
[grunting]
Really?
Huh, what?
You're jerking off right now?
No, no. Uh.
Just a minute.
I'm gonna be late for work.
Just a minute.
[soft piano music]
It's beautiful right?
Oh yeah this is amazing.
- It's really nice.
I'm so glad I got
you guys in here.
The pastor is about
a million years old.
He might have dementia.
But don't worry I'll
run point on the day.
That's great.
It's not a problem
that I really don't
believe in God right?
Yeah that's fine.
What are you doing around here?
I'm just, I'm going
up to The Fox.
The Fox in the
middle of the day?
Yeah I go up there
with Dave and Rob
every Wednesday for a beer.
You know that.
Oh yeah.
Hey you should come with.
No I can't.
I should go back to work.
You know what?
It's weird that we're
both here without Theo.
This is the first time.
I feel like we
forgot him somewhere.
Yeah but we're free again.
Thank God.
All right man,
rough-ins are all set.
Sounds good.
Thanks so much
for this job, man.
I gotta get on more of these.
Yeah, of course, man.
Just don't fuck it up.
[laughs]
No man, tomorrow
should be pretty easy.
I just gotta test the
drains and fill in the lines.
It'll be like hour
and a half tops.
Okay, sounds good.
Just let me know
when you need me.
I gotta piss, man.
All right, for sure.
Just go around back.
All right.
I'm wondering who
I would talk to
to set up a referral agreement.
For a wedding planner?
[soft jazz music]
Ryan? Ryan Evans?
I think I know him.
Did he used to manage
the Great Hall?
Okay great.
I will reach out directly.
Thank you so much.
Hey, Ryan.
The guy whose life I saved.
Hi, it's Andie.
How's it going?
The guy from the accident?
Yeah.
- That you saved?
Yeah.
Why does he wanna meet with you?
I guess he wants to thank
me in person or something
Maybe it's part of
his healing journey.
All right.
Sounds like a weirdo, but.
But what?
I'm mostly installing
bidets for people on TaskRabbit.
I've never used one.
Once you use one, you
can't stop talking about it
and you can never go back.
It's kind of the problem.
- Yeah that doesn't sound good.
Like physically,
your body, it adapts.
Your body? Like your butt hole?
Yeah.
[laughs]
Gets too sensitive, you know?
Goes soft.
[laughs]
Ridiculous.
Oh I gotta piss.
I'll be right back.
["Deck the Halls" playing]
Can we get another round?
[sighs]
That was fast.
I couldn't go.
I got this thing. I just like
feels like I gotta
go out of nowhere.
If I don't go, I'm
gonna fucking burst
and then nothing comes out.
Hurts like hell.
That sounds really inconvenient.
At least you're a plumber though
you're always near a toilet.
I'm realizing that a lot of this
is really too much information.
It's intimate.
- [laughs]
Well we've already
spoken at length
about the state of my butt hole
so maybe it's appropriate.
It's okay.
It sounds like you
have a UTI though.
It's not I got tested
they don't know what it is.
Anyway, where's
your wedding ring?
Did you get divorced
or something?
What?
- Where's your wedding ring?
At the restaurant, you
were wearing a wedding ring.
Yeah, no, it was just
starting to pinch
so I'm having it resized.
Not divorced.
Is that a problem?
No not at all.
Just curious.
You got another round.
I did.
- Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
To my hero.
Oh please, anyone
would have stopped.
Maybe.
Maybe not though.
I'm just so glad
your dad was okay.
Seriously, he's so lucky.
["Silent Night" plays]
So how was all that?
The accident?
I give it a solid
seven out of 10.
Could've done another flip.
No, I mean like having
a near-death experience.
Have you ever had a
near-death experience?
Not really, not like that.
I don't know, my friend.
He's not really my
friend it's like a guy
I went to school with
but he like went to sleep
never woke up, you know?
And like, it wasn't
clear, you know
could've been a heart attack
could've been COVID
could've been the vax.
I'm so sorry.
No, we weren't
close, not like that.
It's just like,
he didn't get the
near-death experience, you know?
He just got the
death experience.
That's a good band name though.
The death experience?
Anyway, you were saying?
I'm just lucky.
You know, I got a
little wake-up call.
A reminder, a jolt, you know?
Like, gotta wake up a bit.
Wake up how?
I don't know, I'm
still figuring it out
and like I spend most of
my week installing bidets
but I'm trying to make
an effort to make each day
like a really good
one, you know?
Just in small ways.
Could be the last one, you know?
And if not, hopefully
you know, they add up.
Life could be great.
It's like a bucket list.
When someone knows
they're gonna die
and they make a list of
all the things they want to do
before they kick the bucket.
Kick the bucket?
What the fuck does that mean?
It means to die, I don't know.
I know that, but like
what's the bucket?
What bucket?
Okay, it's like
if you're standing
and then you abruptly fall back
in this case you die
and your legs fly up in the air
Like a cartoon, like a--
Yeah, or like in Home Alone.
Home Alone?
Yeah, and you're
standing next to a bucket
and you kick the
bucket, bucket goes flying
and then you're dead.
What bucket?
Like is this a
janitorial emergency?
Like, what's happening?
Or a plumber,
plumbers use buckets.
We do use buckets.
Wanna catch one more drink?
I think there's a bar up here.
Um I don't know.
How's it going over there?
Did he go down?
Sound asleep.
Maybe one drink?
Is that your kid?
Yeah, that's Theo.
That's such a cute baby.
Yeah.
[laughing]
House party, right there.
Oh, that's fun.
We should go in.
What?
Are you kidding?
Why not?
They'll never notice.
That's nuts, they'll
throw us out.
Who cares, bucket list.
Bucket list, bucket list.
Let's go, come on.
[upbeat holiday music]
Hey how's it going?
Good how are you?
Good.
Hi.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hey, how are ya?
Hey, how's it going?
Cheers.
How do you know Jesse?
We know Pat, actually.
Pat who?
You don't know Pat?
Crazy.
Yeah, we go way back.
Yeah, way back.
I actually used to be
in a band with Pat.
We both did.
She was the singer.
Oh, that's cool.
What line of work you guys in?
Fintech.
Advertising.
UX design.
What do you do?
Voiceover.
Well, what kind of stuff you do?
I don't know, ads, kids shows
kind of all over the map.
You should do one of
your voices for them.
I don't think that's the vibe.
That's the vibe.
Yeah.
I don't know about that.
[overlapping dialogue]
Okay, what would I do though?
Okay, I did a kids
show, it's not out yet.
The guy's name is
Lord Evilton, okay?
Lord Evilton sounds
like a bad guy.
Yeah, it's like a
villain, kind of ghoul guy.
Okay, here we go.
You better watch
out, little ones
because Lord Evilton
is feeling extra spicy.
No?
[laughs]
["O Holy Night" plays]
[indistinct party chatter]
Hey.
Hi.
This is fun, right?
Yeah, fun party.
Bucket list.
I'm glad we came.
I'm glad we came too.
Listen, me and that Louise woman
we're kind of hitting it off.
Amazing.
Yeah, would you be
offended if I hung back
and kind of went for it?
No, of course not.
You sure?
Yeah, I should go
home to my baby anyway.
I can get you an Uber.
No, I will get my own Uber.
[laughing]
Thank you.
Look, good hang.
Okay handshake, yeah, good hang.
All right, I'll see ya.
See you later.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry about that.
Oh, it's all good.
So, your friend's leaving?
Yeah, she's off.
Hi.
How's your night?
Should we go to the bedroom?
Yeah.
Oh, I just have to
go to the bathroom.
It's just around the corner.
Be right back.
Oh, not now, man.
Come on.
You can do it.
Come on.
Just a little--
[grunts]
Fuck.
This is so annoying.
Oh.
What's wrong?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Again?
You just went.
I have to go again.
I have to go again.
[grunts]
Jesus.
[moaning]
[grunts]
[classical music intensifies]
[knocking]
Yeah?
Hey, is everything OK in there?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
[grunts]
Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
It's-- it happens.
Whatever it is, you
just did in there.
I should go.
I just got this whole thing.
It's all good.
Just-- thank you, you know.
No worries. Yeah.
For the wine.
Yeah, no, of course.
It's so embarrassing.
It's all good.
[intense classical music]
[grunts]
Fuck.
Fuck it.
Hey.
[indistinct TV audio]
How are you?
Did you watch the debate?
[somber music]
Yeah.
Fucking shit show, man.
How's the physio?
Good.
Is Omar back, or
is it the woman?
Yeah.
Let's just watch TV.
[melancholy music]
30% off for 12 months
and that was four months ago.
And I haven't seen
that discount at all.
Second of all, your
internet is slow as shit.
No, listen.
Did I swear?
I didn't swear.
Oh, my god.
You know what?
Have you-- this is a
genuine question for you.
Have you considered
getting a real job?
Can you believe this guy?
Can you not talk like
that in front of Theo?
It's fine.
He doesn't know what's going on.
[soft music]
OK, so you're at
the grocery store?
Yeah.
We just finished
shopping, put the
groceries in the car.
Chris picked up Theo, and I
went to put the cart away.
Uh-huh.
And then on the way
back, there was a
cart blocking a parking
space, so I put that one away.
Good samaritan.
There was another
one, and another one
and then another one.
You know there are people
who are paid to do that, right?
I don't know.
It was like I was in
a catatonic state.
I must have put
away like 15 carts.
What did Chris say?
Nothing.
He never acknowledged it.
That's weird.
I know.
OK, so what did you
want to discuss?
So one, the party bus.
Yeah, I just locked
that in for you on Friday.
Right.
And when we came
up with that idea
we were watching Vanderpump
and they had a party bus on it
and then we kind of--
We weren't thinking clearly.
OK, well, you did put a
deposit down on that already.
Right, and so we
thought we could ask
them to just make it
into like a normal
bus, you know?
Just take all the
party stuff out, you know?
Do you hear that?
No.
Sounds like water's running.
[water running]
[soaring music]
Hey, you're all set.
You just needed a new float.
Great.
What do I owe you?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks.
How are you?
I'm good, you?
Good.
Wanna go bowling?
Ah!
I got it.
Best one so far.
Yeah.
Tight game.
You know why I think
I'm not good at bowling?
Why's that?
Because whenever I'm up there
all I'm thinking about is
what my big celebration will be
if I bowl a strike.
And then it's pointless,
because I can never
get a strike anyway.
That's why you think
you're not good at bowling?
Yeah, I'm overthinking
the celebration
and then I never get to use it.
Huh.
That's pretty
heartbreaking, actually.
I know.
All that time spent up
there over the years.
How often do you bowl?
Just thinking about what my big
celebration will be.
And never a strike, not once.
It's tragic.
You know what?
I'm putting the bumpers up
and no matter what happens
out there, it's a strike.
We're marking it a strike.
Yeah?
Yeah, you deserve this.
This is your moment.
What?
Yeah!
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
You ever been to an auction?
$4,000.
$5,000.
$6,000.
Where are you going?
Just for coffee.
With Ryan?
Yeah, it's in the calendar.
Bye, sweetheart.
I love you.
Goodbye.
So now what?
You ever been to
Pizza Hut Buffet?
They brought it back.
I'm stuffed.
I'm just getting started.
You're an animal.
Hey, I'm making dinner.
Oh sorry, I already ate.
Huge buffet.
$20,000.
$25,000.
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
You ever wonder
how TV gets made?
Remember, It's never
too late to wake up
[applause]
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
Let's go swimming.
[screaming]
It's freezing.
It's good for you.
It's good for you.
[upbeat jazz music]
$30,000.
$40,000.
[laughter]
Oh my God, $50,000.
[laughter]
[groans happily]
[laughter]
That was exhilarating.
[laughter]
Yeah.
[romantic music]
I should probably get going.
Good hang.
Good hang.
[melancholy music]
Oh hey
I was over an hour late for my
lecture because of
you, so thanks for that.
Why didn't you put
it in the calendar?
You and your fucking calendar.
Am I even allowed to
use that, by the way?
I thought it was just for
scheduling social activities.
I haven't had a social
life in over two years.
If I don't schedule my
showers, I can't shower.
Yeah, but you're not
scheduling showers
you're scheduling
coffees with Ryan.
How much fucking coffee
can you drink, by the way?
Jesus.
I don't know, I
just feel like on a
day-to-day basis
I have all these
stresses and negative
thoughts and anxieties
between like work and
money and parenting
and Chris and just
like life, you know?
Yeah.
And you know how
garbage trucks have
those metal claws
on the back of them?
That just like reach
out and pick up a
garbage can, flip
it upside down and
violently empty it out?
I guess.
The garbage is like
those negative thoughts.
So Ryan is like a metal claw
on the back of a garbage truck.
Yeah.
And you are a pile of garbage.
No, I'm the garbage can.
Oh, very romantic.
It's not romantic,
that's my whole point.
Well, if it's
legitimately not romantic
why don't you just
introduce the two of them?
Who knows, they
might become friends.
[laughter]
Thanks for the ride.
And the pedicure.
That was harrowing.
Oh my God.
She definitely earned that tip.
Yeah.
Until next time.
Hey, would you ever want to
come over for dinner sometime?
Really?
Meet Chris?
You think that's a good idea?
You don't?
No, I'm honored, I just...
Look, I just think it
makes sense at this
point, you've become
a part of my life.
I've wormed my way in, have I?
Yeah, you've wormed your way in.
And obviously, you
know, Chris is one of
the absolute biggest
parts of my life.
I just think it makes sense
for you guys to know each other.
I mean, I've met all his pals.
His pals.
Right.
Sure.
Dinner.
Sounds good.
Just let me know when.
Thanks again for the ride.
You know, sometimes
when you're not
around, I try to
picture what you're
doing at that exact moment.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Sometimes it's like
something mundane.
Usually it's something fun.
Or like some kind
of epic adventure.
But I never really
know for sure, you know?
Okay.
And the not knowing
makes me kind of sad.
You can always just ask me.
I can text you updates.
I can share my location.
No, it's like a
good kind of sad.
It's nice to be
reminded that I still
can feel that way
about something.
That's still in my
arsenal, you know?
Well I'm happy that I
can make you feel sad.
I should get going.
I gotta help with bedtime.
Good hang.
I'll text you about dinner.
Sure.
[gentle, optimistic music]
[knocking on door]
Let's see who's here.
Hey.
Welcome.
How's it going?
Theo.
Not in your mouth, honey.
How are you, bud?
Yeah.
This is for you guys.
Thanks.
Come on in.
It's a bidet.
What's up, man? I'm Ryan.
Hey. Chris.
Thanks so much
for having me over.
Yeah, of course.
Cheers.
This one.
Oh, thank you.
So...
Oh, thanks so much, man.
Yeah, of course.
I just got to ask
what's, you know
what's with the bidet?
[laughter]
It's a bit of an inside
joke, Ryan's a plumber.
Okay.
Installs a lot of bidets.
Cute.
So good to see Theo again.
Yeah.
Again? I didn't even know
you'd seen each other at all.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, we've hung out
together a bunch
of times with Theo.
I told you that.
No, no, no, you
didn't tell me that.
Yeah, you did.
You must have been
listening to a
podcast or something.
I told you.
It was the time we went
to the farmer's market.
Went shoe shopping.
Shoe shopping, yeah.
Oh.
And then there was the
time I split my pants.
You split your pants.
Oh, my God.
I split my pants on
the swings and Theo
was laughing at
me and mocking me.
It was hilarious.
Oh, yeah.
It was a lot of butt holding.
It was very funny.
Such a great kid, man.
Such a great kid.
I know.
Yeah.
But the bidet is a real gift.
I want to install
it for you guys.
Tonight?
No, that's okay.
It doesn't take very long.
I mean, like, how
long until we eat?
Yeah, we just put
in the lasagna.
So, like...
40 minutes, I guess
but you really don't...
You don't have to.
Yeah, are you sure?
I'll just work up my appetite.
Yeah?
Um...yeah
Yeah, I mean, sure.
Sure.
Okay, I'll grab the
tools from the truck.
What's the big deal?
Do we need a bidet?
First, like, hundred
I did of these
something went wrong every time.
Really?
Yeah, something
different every time, too.
But, you know, last ten
or so, I've been on a roll.
Nothing.
Oh, yeah?
Well, until this one.
The nut is, like,
corroded or something.
You ever seen that before?
It's fucking wild.
Can we just leave it or...?
Well, now we sprung
a bit of a leak.
Just a drip.
Nothing too crazy.
Actually, do you
have, like, a pot?
Yeah, a pot.
On it.
Sprung a leak.
What?
Yeah, I need a pot.
Fucking idiot.
Theo went down.
Can you guys be quiet in there?
Yeah.
Oh, jeez, I should
have taken my socks off.
Doesn't even make sense.
It's like, where
is this water even
coming from, you know?
Shh shh.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
This is super embarrassing.
Well, it's fine, but
the food's getting cold.
We should probably eat.
At least let me clean up.
I'm so sorry.
It's fine.
Just what can we do now?
Well, I turned the water off.
So don't use the toilet.
You have another bathroom?
No.
Damn.
Uh, I think I can fix it.
I just need to go get a part.
What if I, uh, what
if I call a plumber?
Well, he is a plumber.
Yeah, but I mean, like
more experienced plumber.
I can fix it, guys.
I just need the part.
It's totally fine.
My dad's friends a plumber.
I'll call him in the morning.
Should this be all
loose like that?
Let me see that.
What is that?
Huh.
You might be right.
I'm gonna put my head down there
and I'm gonna turn it.
And you turn it
the opposite way.
You turn that one
the opposite way.
Shhh.
Yeah.
Counter.
No, wait clockwise.
Okay.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Turn it, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Turn it.
Yeah.
Tight?
Yeah.
I think we did it.
Woo-hoo.
Let's eat some fucking lasagna.
I'm not gonna lie.
I was worried
there for a minute.
Great job, everyone.
We did it.
Worked out.
I mean, I didn't do much.
No.
We all played our part.
Worked out.
Hmm.
Look, I'm not saying
don't be his friend
but you're spending way
too much time with him.
What's too much?
It's like I barely--
Well, you see him
way more than you see
any of your other friends.
Oh, please.
Or me, or Theo.
That isn't even true.
You just don't like that
I'm having fun without you.
Why can't you have fun with me?
I'm fun.
Instead, I get everything else.
Oh, everything else, huh?
Poor you.
What a chore that must be.
That's not what I meant.
Sure.
It's just-- why is it
all such a-- it's not--
why is it all such a struggle?
Why is what a struggle
being with me?
No.
Everything.
Why is life such a struggle?
Oh, life is a struggle, huh?
You-- you don't think so?
[laid back jazz music]
He just keeps saying I'm
having a midlife crisis.
You're way too young for that.
If anything, it's
like quarter life.
Oh, yeah?
You think I'm going
to live to be...140?
Well, I hope so.
So couples therapy's
still not helping?
It's like he's not even trying.
Can we talk about
something else?
Sure.
You still haven't
texted Ryan back?
I feel kind of bad, but I
told Chris that I wouldn't.
Yeah, that makes sense.
[bright piano music]
It's fine.
I take him to all his
appointments, seriously.
I'm not shipping Dad off.
He's my responsibility.
Well, somebody's got
to do it, and I was
driving the car, OK?
My fault, my responsibility.
I got this, all right?
Just drop it.
I'm trying like I--
What do you want me to say, OK?
I'm trying to do the best I can.
[cozy jazz music]
I've emailed twice
it's not far from here.
I'll try again. I just don't
want to come on too strong.
Well, there's no rush.
The attic's just going to
be empty if you're not here.
Unless you're feeling cramped.
It's not that.
I can just tell it's
annoying for your
roommates whenever
I have Theo here.
No comment.
You don't think you and
Chris are going to work it out?
I don't know. It
doesn't feel like it.
[quirky music]
[music escalates]
[Ryan] Andie, it's been a while
I've been texting.
I don't know if
they're going through.
But, yeah, I don't know. I
hope I didn't screw anything up
with the bidet and maybe
that was a really bad idea.
Anyway, I just hope you're OK.
Maybe call me or
text me if you want.
There's still a
lot of work to do
obviously, but
it's getting there.
I think it looks great.
Yeah, it's crazy
how close it all is.
I'm so nervous.
That's completely normal, but
you don't have to be nervous.
That's why you have me.
I'm going to take
care of all the details.
And all you have to
do is show up on the
day and marry the
man of your dreams.
[mellow jazz music]
There's like 17 minutes left.
He's obviously going to
play an idol or something.
I hope not.
Did we just finish two bottles?
Uh, yeah.
I'm going to get us some water.
Hey, long time. I'm
doing a job in your hood.
You want to grab coffee?
Should be done by three.
It's been way too long.
I'm here to talk.
Whenever you're ready.
Nada? Oh boy.
I really appreciate you
guys having me over.
I realize how pathetic
this chain looks.
Sorry again, by the way.
[laughter]
Ow
Fuck!
Hey.
Hi.
Um, I'll go get Theo.
Okay.
Hey, buddy.
Smells good in here.
All right.
Yeah, making my chili.
Hi, honey.
Okay, bye, Theo. I love you.
Yeah, bye. See ya.
Yeah.
That's okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness. You're so fast.
When did that happen?
Ryan.
Hey, how are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Okay, about the
same, to be honest.
Yeah, no change?
No, it's like still the
same urgency and then the pain.
Sorry to hear that,
but the MRI came
back, and that's normal.
So that's great.
No obstructions.
We know from the
blood work last month.
No infections. So,
um, I want to refer
you to another specialist.
A specialist in
psychosomatic disease.
Oh, interesting. What's that?
It's a subspecialty
of psychiatry
because I just want
to see if there's
something going
on that you're...
somehow not your brain
isn't sending the
signals to release your bladder.
So it's like psychological?
Could be. I mean, that's
the next thing to look at.
Gotcha.
Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday dear
Dad. Happy birthday to you.
Whoo-hoo! You want
to blow them out?
Should we try to blow them out?
Let's give it a go.
Whoo-hoo! Alright.
Thanks guys so much.
We love you. Yeah, for sure.
Mommy taking Theo to
the daycare. Daddy
will come get you and
take you everywhere.
I love you and I'll
miss you every single
day. And Mommy will come get
you after daycare on Monday.
One sleep, two sleep,
three sleep. Mommy!
I know it's the worst.
Andie, it's Ryan. I
got your text. Well
you know, the emojis.
I'm not really sure
what you're saying, but
it's great to hear from you.
I'm just going to a
job right now, but
I'm off at 11. Do you want to
get coffee? Would
love to catch up.
Years ago, like
four years ago, he
rear-ended someone on the 401.
Okay.
Nothing major,
just like the front
bumper was all dented
in. And he drove
around like that without
getting it fixed for two years.
Crazy.
Anyway, when I got pregnant with
Theo, I told him,
"You gotta get the car
fixed. I'm not driving
around with a baby
in that fucked up car."
Absolutely. Safety issue.
Yeah, and he
went and got a new
car. Instead of fixing
it, he went out and
got a brand new car.
Mmm.
Anyway, I've been
thinking about
that a lot lately.
I see what you're saying.
So has he got a new car?
I don't think so.
You know, Theo's not even two.
I need him to come around.
So now what?
I think we need
to go on an epic adventure.
I'm not sure I'm up for it.
I think you need a jolt, Andie.
Sounds painful.
Let's take a trip.
What? Where?
Anywhere.
The world is our oyster.
Can we be back by 3:30?
You said that Chris
had Theo till Monday.
Ugh.
Give me 48 hours.
I don't know.
36. Come on. How far of a
walk is it to the airport?
So?
What about Houston?
Yeah, but what's in Houston?
Texas. I don't know.
Guns? Good barbecue?
What about L.A.?
I've never been.
Neither have I.
I've always wanted to
see that where you...
You know the hands?
The hands? In the sidewalk?
You've always
wanted to see that?
Oh yeah.
["California, Here
I Come" by Al Jolson]
California, I've been blue
Since I've been
away from you
I can't wait til I get going
Even now I'm starting
in to call, oh
California, here I come
Right back where
I started from
Where bowers of flowers
bloom in the sun
Matt Damon, cool.
Worth the trip?
Yeah.
It's not as glamorous
as I expected.
Well, we did it.
Should we get a souvenir?
Yeah, sure.
Well, here's Ryan.
You might have to
settle for Andie with a Y.
That's close enough.
Alright, let's go.
That'll be $16.94.
Here you go.
It's not working?
I think the bank might
have blocked it. I'm not sure.
That's fine.
Thanks.
Sorry, I think the
bank froze my card
because I'm traveling.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
I think I saw some
hotels kind of like
back there or something.
Hey, wait.
We should trade.
What do you mean?
You take Ryan, I
take Andie. Get it?
Yeah.
Should we figure out
a place to stay maybe?
We just got here.
Okay.
At the Greek Theater, so.
Wow.
Even the wildlife is
famous in Hollywood.
The cougar's name was P-22?
That's the government name.
Look at this. Andie,
only 10 bucks.
That's cool.
You should get it.
24 hour vacation
in L.A. First time.
Okay.
What should we do?
We're really close to the park.
You can go for a
hike or whatever.
Check things out from there.
Okay.
Sick.
This is so annoying.
Every time I try to
check out on Hotels Now
it jacks up the price.
Can you try?
I don't have roaming, so
it'd be crazy expensive.
Maybe try another app?
There's almost nothing on
Airbnb for tonight either.
The sun's going down.
We should hike up
and get a good view.
Well, I'd kind of
like to figure out
where we're staying tonight.
And you don't have roaming.
Shore Club.
Yeah, man.
Right on.
My brother lives in Nova Scotia.
Oh, you're kidding.
Yeah.
Are you Canadian then?
No, no, no. His
wife is from there.
Oh, nice.
I'm Ryan.
Dusty.
Nice to meet you. That's Andy.
Hey.
You guys from out of town?
Yeah, we just got in.
Welcome. I'm new as well.
Just been here a couple months.
Oh, yeah, from where?
Grand Rapids.
Oh, nice. I love Michigan.
Illinois.
Grand Rapids, Illinois.
Well, I should
probably help her out
trying to find a place to stay.
Oh, let me know if
you have any luck.
Why, you looking?
No, no, no. Not right now.
I'm living in my car.
Sorry to hear that.
No, it's good.
It's a lifestyle choice.
I chose it.
Lot of people are doing it now.
It's part of the LA experience.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started
showering at Planet Fitness.
They got a free Pizza
Friday thing too
that's been pretty
clutch for me lately.
I can shower in
any part of town.
Nice, man.
Well, take care of yourself.
I will.
You too.
Nice meeting you.
That's kind of sad.
Yeah.
So are we going to
hike up or what?
No. Unless you want
to sleep in that
guy's car, we need
to make a plan.
One of us does.
I'm sensing irritation.
Well, you did pitch
an epic adventure.
Yeah, so?
So you've had zero plans.
The epic adventure
is just me planning a
vacation for us in real time.
I'm not asking you
to plan any of this.
The whole point is
to be spontaneous.
I'm having a great time.
And spontaneously
having to sleep in a
park is not my idea of a
good time, unfortunately.
I can't believe you
didn't plan anything.
How would I have
planned anything?
I was standing right next to
you at the departure board.
We didn't know we
were going to LA.
I thought it was part
of the theatrics.
Theatrics? Am I
putting on a show for you?
This is all a show. All of this.
What are you talking about?
This. Your whole
stupid...personality.
You barely even know me.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't know you.
I don't even know
what I'm doing here.
Alright. I'm out.
Great.
[dramatic music]
Where are you?
I'm worried.
Yeah, I'm just up here.
Cool.
It gets cold here at night.
Yeah, I'm used to it.
Aren't you Canadian, though?
I know, I know. It's
just...it's not what I pictured.
Yeah, I get that. I get that.
Anyway, you were
saying your buddy had
work for you or something?
Oh yeah. So, drove
down, sublet a place
and then he ghosted me.
Can you believe that?
Casper.
His name was Casper?
No, Casper the Ghost.
Ah.
His name was Steven.
Steven Jacuzzi.
Anyway, fell behind on rent.
Bill started piling up, so
I started living in my car.
Hitting up Planet
Fitness every day.
It's been nice though.
They talked me into
a personal trainer.
It's expensive.
It adds up, but...but
yeah, feel this.
Feel it.
It's nice, man. Let's go.
Three weeks.
Yeah, this is me right here.
Huh.
Got a Mazda 3.
You can park here all night?
Yeah. So far, so good.
Huh.
Yeah.
So, I usually take
the front seat, front
passenger, but I'll
let you have that.
I could do driver or
slide across the back.
Just let me shuffle
some stuff around.
Maybe I'll see what
Andie's saying.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can, uh...
Yeah, I can make room for
your girlfriend too, no problem.
[emotional music]
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're not a stranger.
I should have had
more of a plan.
I shouldn't have said
your personality was stupid.
I found us a hotel.
Thanks.
When are we checking in?
You think we have time
to make it down to
the ocean before we
take off tomorrow?
Well, it would be a
shame to come all the
way down here and
not even see it.
We should get up
early. Make it happen.
Really good water
pressure in there.
I forgot how nice it
is to shower alone.
Glad we could facilitate.
Wonder if they have
laundry service here.
How long we staying for?
Sorry bud, we take off tomorrow.
I'm gonna go shower.
Enjoy.
[indistinct TV sounds]
It seems like every
TV commercial now is
for some kind of AI.
Yeah, scary stuff.
I don't even own
a phone anymore.
Oh, really?
Do you need one?
I know some cities
do like a program
where you can get one for free.
No, no, no. It's by
choice. I'm off the grid.
Oh.
Yeah, I threw it off an
overpass right onto the highway.
I see. Why?
These annoying bots
kept messaging me
over and over again
using the same exact
wording months apart.
Saying what?
Just threatening
my life basically
revenge porn, you name it.
Oh.
I blocked them and they'd become
unblocked pretty much instantly.
Delete the Facebook app.
Show back up on my phone.
It's really weird.
Not really. Facebook
is in on it.
Yeah. They know.
The actor that was
playing my landlord
went to college with Zuckerberg.
Yeah. Then they kidnapped
Mother, turned her
into an AI bot.
Anyway.
It's all this smart
dust they keep
dropping. It's full
of nanotechnology.
They get in your system
take over.
Just them versus us.
Ryan, Dusty and...
Mandy.
Just the three of us.
Ooh. Toy Story. Turn it up.
Whoo.
Toy Story. Nice.
Ryan, can I talk to
you outside for a minute?
Shh. Shh.
Outside? I'm in a robe.
Yeah, yeah. Take it outside.
What do you mean, "he's crazy"?
He's nuts. He thinks
his mom is an AI bot.
What does that mean?
I don't know. It
means he's unhinged.
Damn. You want me
to kick him out?
He was so excited about
sleeping in a normal bed.
No, no. Don't kick him out.
You could set him off.
Nah, I can kick him out.
I'm not really worried
about it. He's harmless.
He goes to Planet
Fitness every day.
To shower and eat pizza.
Look, I'm just going
to sleep in the tub.
What?
I need a locking
door between us.
What about me?
You'll be fine. You
just said he was
harmless. And you
could take my bed.
You sure?
[phone vibration]
[crying]
Andie.
Come on. Open the
door. What's wrong?
You all right?
He's filing for divorce.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
Come here.
[crying]
[sad music]
He told me I should
get a lawyer.
I just feel so blindsided.
Sorry, Andie.
You think I should
call him or no?
I can't answer that for you.
Why not?
Okay. Let me answer your
question with a question.
Sounds helpful.
Okay. So you call him.
Okay.
What are you going
to say that you
haven't already said?
That I haven't already said?
Yeah.
I don't know that we made
a choice a long time ago
when our heads were
in the right place.
That we made vows to each other.
That we decided to bring
a life into this world
and we owe it to
Theo to give this
relationship
everything we've got.
But I've said all that before.
Really?
Yeah.
And he wanted to be apart.
Why?
He says that all
my reasons are to
justify poor decisions
we've made in the past
and that I don't even
like him anymore.
Do you?
I don't know.
Well, then don't call him.
Really?
You've already said
all you've got to say.
True.
You give good advice.
You can thank my
Dad for that one.
He used to gie me great advice.
Wait, what do you
mean "used to"?
I thought you said he
recovered from the accident.
He did.
Physically.
What do you mean?
He's there. He's just like...
You know, he's not
all there, you know?
Oh, my God, Ryan, I'm so sorry.
No, don't make a big
deal of it, Andie. It's fine.
All things
considered, we're really lucky.
We just can't
communicate the
same way we used to.
Anyway, let's go do something.
Let's go down to the ocean.
I mean, I want to.
I just don't know
if we have time.
Our flight leaves
in a couple hours.
Well, fuck it.
What do you mean?
Fuck it!
What do you have to
do at home anyway?
Chris has Theo till Monday.
Come to L.A. for 24
hours? That's insane!
Let's push our flights.
I don't know.
Just one more day.
[upbeat music]
All right. Fuck it.
Yes! Let's do it! Come on!
Let's go!
Run off to the west coast
Where your life
can be a dream
Fearful of the ending
Where the moment
feels so sweet
We're lying on the floor
How can I hold on?
And we're lying on the floor
How can I hold on?
Chase the waves back
into the sea
Flowers and angels
sway in time
To songbirds and
howling wolves
and seashell chimes
And darling I
would only ever
close my eyes
Darling I would only ever
close my eyes
close my eyes
close my eyes
Darling I would
only ever close
Darling I would only ever
close my eyes
to live each moment twice
How much money would
it take for you to
post a video on your Instagram
of you getting your
diaper changed?
Can I mention the challenge?
No mention.
It's not like an ice bucket?
No caption.
Well, would I do it for $4,000?
What?
[laughing]
You'd do it for $4,000?
Well, at first I
was gonna say five.
I was gonna say five
and then I thought--
You thought "I would
do it for less than 5"
Where's my phone?
Have you seen my phone?
We shouldn't do this.
He's not coming back.
You've had an emotional day.
And we've had too much to drink.
Okay, straight to voicemail.
That's four voicemails now.
Six texts.
Where is she?
God, we should have
figured this out yesterday.
I knew this was gonna happen.
Because why wouldn't
anything go right
on a wedding day?
That bitch better be dead.
Coffee.
Yeah.
I love it here.
[laughing]
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Oh, I had a wedding today.
What?
I had a wedding today.
What?
I've been working with
this couple for over a year.
I completely fucking spaced.
How did you--
They've been trying to
call me for three hours.
What the fuck am I gonna do?
You forgot?
What the fuck am I gonna do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh my God, I never should
have changed my fucking flight.
Oh, I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
Oh my God, I'm
completely fucked.
I'm never gonna
come back from this.
I'm gonna get fucking sued.
Can't you just
give them a refund?
Refund?
It's just a wedding.
Just a wedding?
It's the most important
day of people's fucking lives
and I just fucking ruined it.
Oh my God, it's crazy.
I feel so guilty, I'm sorry.
My business is ruined.
You're gonna come
back from this.
My life is ruined.
"I'm gonna come back from this"?
Yeah.
I shouldn't have
changed my fucking flight.
Fuck.
I'm so sorry.
No, I'm not blaming you.
Fuck, this is not about you.
I'm sorry.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I need some space.
I need some fucking space.
What?
What?
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music]
[glass shattering]
[dramatic music]
[Ryan] I need to keep
my eyes on the road.
I'm sorry.
["O Come All Ye Faithful"]
O come ye, O come
ye to Bethlehem
Alright you're all set.
Oh, amazing, thanks man.
No problem at all.
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
Christ, the Lord
[soft piano music]
My God, this place,
it's amazing.
Can't believe you got it.
I know.
I hope Theo loves
it as much as I do.
I should've labeled
these boxes better.
I'm debating whether to
tell you something or not.
No, you're not.
You're gonna tell me or you
wouldn't have said that much.
True.
Out with it.
Okay, um, I went Christmas
tree shopping with Candace.
And the guy
who put the tree on
the car was Ryan.
Oh.
Did you talk to him?
Well, yeah, I mean,
he remembered me
from when we met before.
And what did he say?
What did he say?
You mean, what did I say?
I let him have it.
I was like, it
was totally fucked
how he just abandoned you in LA.
And what did he say to that?
He said he wanted to apologize
and that he had been
trying to apologize
but he thinks you blocked him
which I obviously already
knew, but I was playing dumb.
Yeah.
I don't know, he was
like talking about
how he freaked out and there
was no excuse or something
but I was like, "save it
she's moved on with her life".
What?
Yeah, I told him I was
helping you move today.
You did?
He actually offered to
help, which was very sweet.
Anyway, that's it.
He did a good job
tying the tree to my car
and I tipped him 20 bucks.
Anyway.
Anything else?
Nope.
All right.
Well...
thanks for the update.
[somber piano music]
[emotional piano music]
So the good news is
they're open to settling.
Really?
Yeah, they just want
this all to be over with.
Okay, and what are
they asking for?
Well, they want a full refund.
I already gave them a
full refund months ago.
Plus $15,000.
Ugh...
Basically all the
deposits they lost
plus their emotional distress.
Okay, I'll take the stupid deal
but I need to pay
it in installments.
I want them to take
down the Google review
and the Yelp review and
apologize for egging my car.
I'll see what I can do.
Andie.
What are you doing here?
I had to see you.
Why, so you can run
away from me again?
No, I ran into your friend Beth.
I don't know if she told you.
She did.
I've been thinking a lot about
what happened lately.
"About what happened"?
Yeah.
You should say
about what you did.
Not "what happened".
Nothing "happened" to you.
I know I left you there
and it was so shitty of me.
I feel endlessly
guilty about it.
Fuck.
I gotta piss.
If I go piss in that
Popeye's over there
will you wait for me?
Nevermind, fuck it.
Look, when we were in LA
I got overwhelmed
by this feeling that
I'm not good for you.
You're really good for me
but I'm not good for you.
You don't get to decide
what's good for me or not, I do.
I know, but I felt
like this tornado
and I came crashing
into your life.
Everything started falling
apart for you because of me.
If I stayed with you
for one more second
I thought I would destroy you.
I couldn't live with that.
I couldn't live with
destroying another person
that I care about.
You know that wasn't your fault.
Yes, it was.
You know, when I got home
I tried to go back to
the way I was doing things
you know, finding the
little joys in every day.
Now I spend all day
just thinking about
how there's a
version of my life.
that could have
been so much better.
So much better.
The version with you.
You know, before we
met, I was a mess.
I thought that I could
just check off the boxes
and live out this
perfectly planned existence
but I couldn't.
And then I met you.
And you may have witnessed
my life falling apart
but that was all gonna
happen sooner or later anyway.
It had to.
And your whole way of living
like you might die tomorrow
it was honestly really
appealing to me.
But I can't live like that.
Not now.
Because the thought of
either one of us dying tomorrow
and not getting to spend
the next 50 years together
is just completely and
utterly debilitating.
Did you just pee your pants?
Yeah.
Yeah I did.
Congratulations.
[soaring music]
So now what?
Definitely wanna take a shower.
But then, I don't know.
Wanna just hang out?
Sounds like a plan.
[upbeat music]
[soft piano music]
Dad, don't backseat drive.
Come on.
Okay, okay.
So, a hypothetical.
She comes back.
What would you say?
What would you say that
you haven't already said?
That I haven't already said?
Nothing.
Exactly.
Exactly what?
You've already said all
you've gotta say, and she left.
Right.
And she's not coming back.
You're probably right.
Slow down, for God's sake.
Sorry I gotta piss, man.
[overlapping podcast chatter]
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Fuck.
Oh my God.
Jesus.
Are you okay?
Maybe stop moving.
Don't move. I'm calling 911.
Hi, there's been an
accident at Whitmore road and
fuck, I don't know.
My dad.
My dad's stuck in the car.
His dad. Stop moving.
Dad?
Dad, you all right?
Oh shit.
[eerie music]
[upbeat jazz music]
[soft piano music]
It's so stupid.
People don't think about
how much it's impacted
so many different fields.
Medicine, transportation,
communication.
I mean, they're using AI now
to detect diseases
way sooner than any
doctor possibly could.
Like what's so terrifying about
improving people's health
or making sure cars
don't crash into each other
and people want that banned?
Are you talking to me or
are you on the phone?
Why would I be on the phone?
Well you've got your earbud.
Oh, I'm listening to a podcast.
Ok okay.
And then there's
the whole thing about
AI taking people's
jobs, like sure
but what about the
jobs it creates?
Do you want to do socks?
On your nose?
Again?
Oh my gosh, your feet
are getting so big.
They got so big.
Did they grow overnight?
Did your feet grow overnight?
Are you gonna take
your sock off?
No, we're gonna put
socks on with grippies.
Oh no, are you stuck in there?
Oh, that's so cute.
Do you have big elephant ears?
Do you have a big
elephant trunk?
It's a big day.
You're gonna have so much fun.
You're gonna have
so many new friends.
I know daycare's a new place.
I'll be back before you know it.
Go, go, go.
Idiot.
They do a ton of weddings.
I've booked them
a bunch of times.
I just think a DJ
might be better.
Well, you should also consider
you might not get
your deposit back.
It's kind of why they
ask for a deposit.
Oh.
[mellow jazz music]
Well, my friend Courtney thinks
thinks her boyfriend
might propose.
Oh yeah?
Send them my way.
I will.
I mean, I don't know if
he's actually gonna do it
but I could tell her to
give him an ultimatum.
Do it.
I need it.
What do you mean?
I thought business
is great since you
went back full time.
No, I mean, on a normal year
I'd be juggling between six
to eight weddings right now.
So far I have two.
Well, at least you
have a good excuse.
You had a baby.
Yeah, and so did Chris.
He's about to get tenure
which is great
and also complicated for me.
All right, man, you're all set.
Oh, thanks.
Appreciate it.
Just pay with the app?
That'd be great, thank you.
You playing hockey?
Oh yeah.
Cool.
[upbeat music]
[anxious noises]
[cheering]
[dog barking]
I got you.
Got you.
Oh, you got me.
It's like she's annoyed
about it or something.
About getting tenure?
That's crazy.
Seriously, it's like
she's surprised.
Meanwhile this has
always been the exact plan
I've been working towards.
Her exact plan, by the way.
I feel like I've carefully
planned out everything
up to this moment.
Like what?
Like everything.
Getting my MFA at 25.
Getting engaged at 26.
Getting married at 28.
Starting a business at 30.
First kid at 34.
Operating that way?
Is exhausting.
Such a relief.
The only thing I didn't
plan on is my business
going down by 80%.
I thought going back to work
getting Theo in daycare
would help her chill out
but it's, I don't know
I don't get it at all.
He just doesn't get it.
And he doesn't want to.
She loves work.
I hate work.
Work's going great.
Can't complain.
Glad to be out of
the house, you know?
That's great, Andie.
Well, I might as
well get into it.
I wanted to sit
down with you guys
because I'm working
with this amazing company
called Bloomspire.
It's all about beauty
and financial freedom.
Hold on a second, Ashley.
Is this another one of
those pyramid schemes?
Because we've been
down this path before
and you still owe me money
[light piano music]
Hey.
Holy shit.
Ryan, right?
- Yeah
Andie.
- I remember
You think I wouldn't remember?
You saved my life.
How are you?
Good.
- How's your dad?
He's good.
Dad's great, thanks.
Really?
Yeah, back to his
old self honestly.
Wow.
That's amazing.
How are you?
I'm good.
I'm good.
It's quite a spread
you've got here.
You wanna join me?
No thanks.
I'm here with my friends.
But it was nice seeing you.
Glad you're doing well.
Hey, what's your number?
We should get a drink or
something. I feel like I never
got to properly thank you for
coming to my rescue.
Oh, you don't have to do that.
Are you kidding?
Come on, I insist.
Gimme your phone.
I'll text myself.
People do this.
Um, all right.
All right.
Hi, Ryan.
The guy whose life I saved.
Done.
Cool.
[laid-back jazz music]
[grunting]
Really?
Huh, what?
You're jerking off right now?
No, no. Uh.
Just a minute.
I'm gonna be late for work.
Just a minute.
[soft piano music]
It's beautiful right?
Oh yeah this is amazing.
- It's really nice.
I'm so glad I got
you guys in here.
The pastor is about
a million years old.
He might have dementia.
But don't worry I'll
run point on the day.
That's great.
It's not a problem
that I really don't
believe in God right?
Yeah that's fine.
What are you doing around here?
I'm just, I'm going
up to The Fox.
The Fox in the
middle of the day?
Yeah I go up there
with Dave and Rob
every Wednesday for a beer.
You know that.
Oh yeah.
Hey you should come with.
No I can't.
I should go back to work.
You know what?
It's weird that we're
both here without Theo.
This is the first time.
I feel like we
forgot him somewhere.
Yeah but we're free again.
Thank God.
All right man,
rough-ins are all set.
Sounds good.
Thanks so much
for this job, man.
I gotta get on more of these.
Yeah, of course, man.
Just don't fuck it up.
[laughs]
No man, tomorrow
should be pretty easy.
I just gotta test the
drains and fill in the lines.
It'll be like hour
and a half tops.
Okay, sounds good.
Just let me know
when you need me.
I gotta piss, man.
All right, for sure.
Just go around back.
All right.
I'm wondering who
I would talk to
to set up a referral agreement.
For a wedding planner?
[soft jazz music]
Ryan? Ryan Evans?
I think I know him.
Did he used to manage
the Great Hall?
Okay great.
I will reach out directly.
Thank you so much.
Hey, Ryan.
The guy whose life I saved.
Hi, it's Andie.
How's it going?
The guy from the accident?
Yeah.
- That you saved?
Yeah.
Why does he wanna meet with you?
I guess he wants to thank
me in person or something
Maybe it's part of
his healing journey.
All right.
Sounds like a weirdo, but.
But what?
I'm mostly installing
bidets for people on TaskRabbit.
I've never used one.
Once you use one, you
can't stop talking about it
and you can never go back.
It's kind of the problem.
- Yeah that doesn't sound good.
Like physically,
your body, it adapts.
Your body? Like your butt hole?
Yeah.
[laughs]
Gets too sensitive, you know?
Goes soft.
[laughs]
Ridiculous.
Oh I gotta piss.
I'll be right back.
["Deck the Halls" playing]
Can we get another round?
[sighs]
That was fast.
I couldn't go.
I got this thing. I just like
feels like I gotta
go out of nowhere.
If I don't go, I'm
gonna fucking burst
and then nothing comes out.
Hurts like hell.
That sounds really inconvenient.
At least you're a plumber though
you're always near a toilet.
I'm realizing that a lot of this
is really too much information.
It's intimate.
- [laughs]
Well we've already
spoken at length
about the state of my butt hole
so maybe it's appropriate.
It's okay.
It sounds like you
have a UTI though.
It's not I got tested
they don't know what it is.
Anyway, where's
your wedding ring?
Did you get divorced
or something?
What?
- Where's your wedding ring?
At the restaurant, you
were wearing a wedding ring.
Yeah, no, it was just
starting to pinch
so I'm having it resized.
Not divorced.
Is that a problem?
No not at all.
Just curious.
You got another round.
I did.
- Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
To my hero.
Oh please, anyone
would have stopped.
Maybe.
Maybe not though.
I'm just so glad
your dad was okay.
Seriously, he's so lucky.
["Silent Night" plays]
So how was all that?
The accident?
I give it a solid
seven out of 10.
Could've done another flip.
No, I mean like having
a near-death experience.
Have you ever had a
near-death experience?
Not really, not like that.
I don't know, my friend.
He's not really my
friend it's like a guy
I went to school with
but he like went to sleep
never woke up, you know?
And like, it wasn't
clear, you know
could've been a heart attack
could've been COVID
could've been the vax.
I'm so sorry.
No, we weren't
close, not like that.
It's just like,
he didn't get the
near-death experience, you know?
He just got the
death experience.
That's a good band name though.
The death experience?
Anyway, you were saying?
I'm just lucky.
You know, I got a
little wake-up call.
A reminder, a jolt, you know?
Like, gotta wake up a bit.
Wake up how?
I don't know, I'm
still figuring it out
and like I spend most of
my week installing bidets
but I'm trying to make
an effort to make each day
like a really good
one, you know?
Just in small ways.
Could be the last one, you know?
And if not, hopefully
you know, they add up.
Life could be great.
It's like a bucket list.
When someone knows
they're gonna die
and they make a list of
all the things they want to do
before they kick the bucket.
Kick the bucket?
What the fuck does that mean?
It means to die, I don't know.
I know that, but like
what's the bucket?
What bucket?
Okay, it's like
if you're standing
and then you abruptly fall back
in this case you die
and your legs fly up in the air
Like a cartoon, like a--
Yeah, or like in Home Alone.
Home Alone?
Yeah, and you're
standing next to a bucket
and you kick the
bucket, bucket goes flying
and then you're dead.
What bucket?
Like is this a
janitorial emergency?
Like, what's happening?
Or a plumber,
plumbers use buckets.
We do use buckets.
Wanna catch one more drink?
I think there's a bar up here.
Um I don't know.
How's it going over there?
Did he go down?
Sound asleep.
Maybe one drink?
Is that your kid?
Yeah, that's Theo.
That's such a cute baby.
Yeah.
[laughing]
House party, right there.
Oh, that's fun.
We should go in.
What?
Are you kidding?
Why not?
They'll never notice.
That's nuts, they'll
throw us out.
Who cares, bucket list.
Bucket list, bucket list.
Let's go, come on.
[upbeat holiday music]
Hey how's it going?
Good how are you?
Good.
Hi.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hey, how are ya?
Hey, how's it going?
Cheers.
How do you know Jesse?
We know Pat, actually.
Pat who?
You don't know Pat?
Crazy.
Yeah, we go way back.
Yeah, way back.
I actually used to be
in a band with Pat.
We both did.
She was the singer.
Oh, that's cool.
What line of work you guys in?
Fintech.
Advertising.
UX design.
What do you do?
Voiceover.
Well, what kind of stuff you do?
I don't know, ads, kids shows
kind of all over the map.
You should do one of
your voices for them.
I don't think that's the vibe.
That's the vibe.
Yeah.
I don't know about that.
[overlapping dialogue]
Okay, what would I do though?
Okay, I did a kids
show, it's not out yet.
The guy's name is
Lord Evilton, okay?
Lord Evilton sounds
like a bad guy.
Yeah, it's like a
villain, kind of ghoul guy.
Okay, here we go.
You better watch
out, little ones
because Lord Evilton
is feeling extra spicy.
No?
[laughs]
["O Holy Night" plays]
[indistinct party chatter]
Hey.
Hi.
This is fun, right?
Yeah, fun party.
Bucket list.
I'm glad we came.
I'm glad we came too.
Listen, me and that Louise woman
we're kind of hitting it off.
Amazing.
Yeah, would you be
offended if I hung back
and kind of went for it?
No, of course not.
You sure?
Yeah, I should go
home to my baby anyway.
I can get you an Uber.
No, I will get my own Uber.
[laughing]
Thank you.
Look, good hang.
Okay handshake, yeah, good hang.
All right, I'll see ya.
See you later.
Hey.
Hi.
Sorry about that.
Oh, it's all good.
So, your friend's leaving?
Yeah, she's off.
Hi.
How's your night?
Should we go to the bedroom?
Yeah.
Oh, I just have to
go to the bathroom.
It's just around the corner.
Be right back.
Oh, not now, man.
Come on.
You can do it.
Come on.
Just a little--
[grunts]
Fuck.
This is so annoying.
Oh.
What's wrong?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Again?
You just went.
I have to go again.
I have to go again.
[grunts]
Jesus.
[moaning]
[grunts]
[classical music intensifies]
[knocking]
Yeah?
Hey, is everything OK in there?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
[grunts]
Oh, my god.
I'm so sorry.
It's OK.
It's-- it happens.
Whatever it is, you
just did in there.
I should go.
I just got this whole thing.
It's all good.
Just-- thank you, you know.
No worries. Yeah.
For the wine.
Yeah, no, of course.
It's so embarrassing.
It's all good.
[intense classical music]
[grunts]
Fuck.
Fuck it.
Hey.
[indistinct TV audio]
How are you?
Did you watch the debate?
[somber music]
Yeah.
Fucking shit show, man.
How's the physio?
Good.
Is Omar back, or
is it the woman?
Yeah.
Let's just watch TV.
[melancholy music]
30% off for 12 months
and that was four months ago.
And I haven't seen
that discount at all.
Second of all, your
internet is slow as shit.
No, listen.
Did I swear?
I didn't swear.
Oh, my god.
You know what?
Have you-- this is a
genuine question for you.
Have you considered
getting a real job?
Can you believe this guy?
Can you not talk like
that in front of Theo?
It's fine.
He doesn't know what's going on.
[soft music]
OK, so you're at
the grocery store?
Yeah.
We just finished
shopping, put the
groceries in the car.
Chris picked up Theo, and I
went to put the cart away.
Uh-huh.
And then on the way
back, there was a
cart blocking a parking
space, so I put that one away.
Good samaritan.
There was another
one, and another one
and then another one.
You know there are people
who are paid to do that, right?
I don't know.
It was like I was in
a catatonic state.
I must have put
away like 15 carts.
What did Chris say?
Nothing.
He never acknowledged it.
That's weird.
I know.
OK, so what did you
want to discuss?
So one, the party bus.
Yeah, I just locked
that in for you on Friday.
Right.
And when we came
up with that idea
we were watching Vanderpump
and they had a party bus on it
and then we kind of--
We weren't thinking clearly.
OK, well, you did put a
deposit down on that already.
Right, and so we
thought we could ask
them to just make it
into like a normal
bus, you know?
Just take all the
party stuff out, you know?
Do you hear that?
No.
Sounds like water's running.
[water running]
[soaring music]
Hey, you're all set.
You just needed a new float.
Great.
What do I owe you?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks.
How are you?
I'm good, you?
Good.
Wanna go bowling?
Ah!
I got it.
Best one so far.
Yeah.
Tight game.
You know why I think
I'm not good at bowling?
Why's that?
Because whenever I'm up there
all I'm thinking about is
what my big celebration will be
if I bowl a strike.
And then it's pointless,
because I can never
get a strike anyway.
That's why you think
you're not good at bowling?
Yeah, I'm overthinking
the celebration
and then I never get to use it.
Huh.
That's pretty
heartbreaking, actually.
I know.
All that time spent up
there over the years.
How often do you bowl?
Just thinking about what my big
celebration will be.
And never a strike, not once.
It's tragic.
You know what?
I'm putting the bumpers up
and no matter what happens
out there, it's a strike.
We're marking it a strike.
Yeah?
Yeah, you deserve this.
This is your moment.
What?
Yeah!
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
You ever been to an auction?
$4,000.
$5,000.
$6,000.
Where are you going?
Just for coffee.
With Ryan?
Yeah, it's in the calendar.
Bye, sweetheart.
I love you.
Goodbye.
So now what?
You ever been to
Pizza Hut Buffet?
They brought it back.
I'm stuffed.
I'm just getting started.
You're an animal.
Hey, I'm making dinner.
Oh sorry, I already ate.
Huge buffet.
$20,000.
$25,000.
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
You ever wonder
how TV gets made?
Remember, It's never
too late to wake up
[applause]
[upbeat jazz music]
So now what?
Let's go swimming.
[screaming]
It's freezing.
It's good for you.
It's good for you.
[upbeat jazz music]
$30,000.
$40,000.
[laughter]
Oh my God, $50,000.
[laughter]
[groans happily]
[laughter]
That was exhilarating.
[laughter]
Yeah.
[romantic music]
I should probably get going.
Good hang.
Good hang.
[melancholy music]
Oh hey
I was over an hour late for my
lecture because of
you, so thanks for that.
Why didn't you put
it in the calendar?
You and your fucking calendar.
Am I even allowed to
use that, by the way?
I thought it was just for
scheduling social activities.
I haven't had a social
life in over two years.
If I don't schedule my
showers, I can't shower.
Yeah, but you're not
scheduling showers
you're scheduling
coffees with Ryan.
How much fucking coffee
can you drink, by the way?
Jesus.
I don't know, I
just feel like on a
day-to-day basis
I have all these
stresses and negative
thoughts and anxieties
between like work and
money and parenting
and Chris and just
like life, you know?
Yeah.
And you know how
garbage trucks have
those metal claws
on the back of them?
That just like reach
out and pick up a
garbage can, flip
it upside down and
violently empty it out?
I guess.
The garbage is like
those negative thoughts.
So Ryan is like a metal claw
on the back of a garbage truck.
Yeah.
And you are a pile of garbage.
No, I'm the garbage can.
Oh, very romantic.
It's not romantic,
that's my whole point.
Well, if it's
legitimately not romantic
why don't you just
introduce the two of them?
Who knows, they
might become friends.
[laughter]
Thanks for the ride.
And the pedicure.
That was harrowing.
Oh my God.
She definitely earned that tip.
Yeah.
Until next time.
Hey, would you ever want to
come over for dinner sometime?
Really?
Meet Chris?
You think that's a good idea?
You don't?
No, I'm honored, I just...
Look, I just think it
makes sense at this
point, you've become
a part of my life.
I've wormed my way in, have I?
Yeah, you've wormed your way in.
And obviously, you
know, Chris is one of
the absolute biggest
parts of my life.
I just think it makes sense
for you guys to know each other.
I mean, I've met all his pals.
His pals.
Right.
Sure.
Dinner.
Sounds good.
Just let me know when.
Thanks again for the ride.
You know, sometimes
when you're not
around, I try to
picture what you're
doing at that exact moment.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Sometimes it's like
something mundane.
Usually it's something fun.
Or like some kind
of epic adventure.
But I never really
know for sure, you know?
Okay.
And the not knowing
makes me kind of sad.
You can always just ask me.
I can text you updates.
I can share my location.
No, it's like a
good kind of sad.
It's nice to be
reminded that I still
can feel that way
about something.
That's still in my
arsenal, you know?
Well I'm happy that I
can make you feel sad.
I should get going.
I gotta help with bedtime.
Good hang.
I'll text you about dinner.
Sure.
[gentle, optimistic music]
[knocking on door]
Let's see who's here.
Hey.
Welcome.
How's it going?
Theo.
Not in your mouth, honey.
How are you, bud?
Yeah.
This is for you guys.
Thanks.
Come on in.
It's a bidet.
What's up, man? I'm Ryan.
Hey. Chris.
Thanks so much
for having me over.
Yeah, of course.
Cheers.
This one.
Oh, thank you.
So...
Oh, thanks so much, man.
Yeah, of course.
I just got to ask
what's, you know
what's with the bidet?
[laughter]
It's a bit of an inside
joke, Ryan's a plumber.
Okay.
Installs a lot of bidets.
Cute.
So good to see Theo again.
Yeah.
Again? I didn't even know
you'd seen each other at all.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, we've hung out
together a bunch
of times with Theo.
I told you that.
No, no, no, you
didn't tell me that.
Yeah, you did.
You must have been
listening to a
podcast or something.
I told you.
It was the time we went
to the farmer's market.
Went shoe shopping.
Shoe shopping, yeah.
Oh.
And then there was the
time I split my pants.
You split your pants.
Oh, my God.
I split my pants on
the swings and Theo
was laughing at
me and mocking me.
It was hilarious.
Oh, yeah.
It was a lot of butt holding.
It was very funny.
Such a great kid, man.
Such a great kid.
I know.
Yeah.
But the bidet is a real gift.
I want to install
it for you guys.
Tonight?
No, that's okay.
It doesn't take very long.
I mean, like, how
long until we eat?
Yeah, we just put
in the lasagna.
So, like...
40 minutes, I guess
but you really don't...
You don't have to.
Yeah, are you sure?
I'll just work up my appetite.
Yeah?
Um...yeah
Yeah, I mean, sure.
Sure.
Okay, I'll grab the
tools from the truck.
What's the big deal?
Do we need a bidet?
First, like, hundred
I did of these
something went wrong every time.
Really?
Yeah, something
different every time, too.
But, you know, last ten
or so, I've been on a roll.
Nothing.
Oh, yeah?
Well, until this one.
The nut is, like,
corroded or something.
You ever seen that before?
It's fucking wild.
Can we just leave it or...?
Well, now we sprung
a bit of a leak.
Just a drip.
Nothing too crazy.
Actually, do you
have, like, a pot?
Yeah, a pot.
On it.
Sprung a leak.
What?
Yeah, I need a pot.
Fucking idiot.
Theo went down.
Can you guys be quiet in there?
Yeah.
Oh, jeez, I should
have taken my socks off.
Doesn't even make sense.
It's like, where
is this water even
coming from, you know?
Shh shh.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
This is super embarrassing.
Well, it's fine, but
the food's getting cold.
We should probably eat.
At least let me clean up.
I'm so sorry.
It's fine.
Just what can we do now?
Well, I turned the water off.
So don't use the toilet.
You have another bathroom?
No.
Damn.
Uh, I think I can fix it.
I just need to go get a part.
What if I, uh, what
if I call a plumber?
Well, he is a plumber.
Yeah, but I mean, like
more experienced plumber.
I can fix it, guys.
I just need the part.
It's totally fine.
My dad's friends a plumber.
I'll call him in the morning.
Should this be all
loose like that?
Let me see that.
What is that?
Huh.
You might be right.
I'm gonna put my head down there
and I'm gonna turn it.
And you turn it
the opposite way.
You turn that one
the opposite way.
Shhh.
Yeah.
Counter.
No, wait clockwise.
Okay.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Turn it, okay?
Okay.
All right.
Turn it.
Yeah.
Tight?
Yeah.
I think we did it.
Woo-hoo.
Let's eat some fucking lasagna.
I'm not gonna lie.
I was worried
there for a minute.
Great job, everyone.
We did it.
Worked out.
I mean, I didn't do much.
No.
We all played our part.
Worked out.
Hmm.
Look, I'm not saying
don't be his friend
but you're spending way
too much time with him.
What's too much?
It's like I barely--
Well, you see him
way more than you see
any of your other friends.
Oh, please.
Or me, or Theo.
That isn't even true.
You just don't like that
I'm having fun without you.
Why can't you have fun with me?
I'm fun.
Instead, I get everything else.
Oh, everything else, huh?
Poor you.
What a chore that must be.
That's not what I meant.
Sure.
It's just-- why is it
all such a-- it's not--
why is it all such a struggle?
Why is what a struggle
being with me?
No.
Everything.
Why is life such a struggle?
Oh, life is a struggle, huh?
You-- you don't think so?
[laid back jazz music]
He just keeps saying I'm
having a midlife crisis.
You're way too young for that.
If anything, it's
like quarter life.
Oh, yeah?
You think I'm going
to live to be...140?
Well, I hope so.
So couples therapy's
still not helping?
It's like he's not even trying.
Can we talk about
something else?
Sure.
You still haven't
texted Ryan back?
I feel kind of bad, but I
told Chris that I wouldn't.
Yeah, that makes sense.
[bright piano music]
It's fine.
I take him to all his
appointments, seriously.
I'm not shipping Dad off.
He's my responsibility.
Well, somebody's got
to do it, and I was
driving the car, OK?
My fault, my responsibility.
I got this, all right?
Just drop it.
I'm trying like I--
What do you want me to say, OK?
I'm trying to do the best I can.
[cozy jazz music]
I've emailed twice
it's not far from here.
I'll try again. I just don't
want to come on too strong.
Well, there's no rush.
The attic's just going to
be empty if you're not here.
Unless you're feeling cramped.
It's not that.
I can just tell it's
annoying for your
roommates whenever
I have Theo here.
No comment.
You don't think you and
Chris are going to work it out?
I don't know. It
doesn't feel like it.
[quirky music]
[music escalates]
[Ryan] Andie, it's been a while
I've been texting.
I don't know if
they're going through.
But, yeah, I don't know. I
hope I didn't screw anything up
with the bidet and maybe
that was a really bad idea.
Anyway, I just hope you're OK.
Maybe call me or
text me if you want.
There's still a
lot of work to do
obviously, but
it's getting there.
I think it looks great.
Yeah, it's crazy
how close it all is.
I'm so nervous.
That's completely normal, but
you don't have to be nervous.
That's why you have me.
I'm going to take
care of all the details.
And all you have to
do is show up on the
day and marry the
man of your dreams.
[mellow jazz music]
There's like 17 minutes left.
He's obviously going to
play an idol or something.
I hope not.
Did we just finish two bottles?
Uh, yeah.
I'm going to get us some water.
Hey, long time. I'm
doing a job in your hood.
You want to grab coffee?
Should be done by three.
It's been way too long.
I'm here to talk.
Whenever you're ready.
Nada? Oh boy.
I really appreciate you
guys having me over.
I realize how pathetic
this chain looks.
Sorry again, by the way.
[laughter]
Ow
Fuck!
Hey.
Hi.
Um, I'll go get Theo.
Okay.
Hey, buddy.
Smells good in here.
All right.
Yeah, making my chili.
Hi, honey.
Okay, bye, Theo. I love you.
Yeah, bye. See ya.
Yeah.
That's okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh my goodness. You're so fast.
When did that happen?
Ryan.
Hey, how are you?
I'm good. How are you?
Okay, about the
same, to be honest.
Yeah, no change?
No, it's like still the
same urgency and then the pain.
Sorry to hear that,
but the MRI came
back, and that's normal.
So that's great.
No obstructions.
We know from the
blood work last month.
No infections. So,
um, I want to refer
you to another specialist.
A specialist in
psychosomatic disease.
Oh, interesting. What's that?
It's a subspecialty
of psychiatry
because I just want
to see if there's
something going
on that you're...
somehow not your brain
isn't sending the
signals to release your bladder.
So it's like psychological?
Could be. I mean, that's
the next thing to look at.
Gotcha.
Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday dear
Dad. Happy birthday to you.
Whoo-hoo! You want
to blow them out?
Should we try to blow them out?
Let's give it a go.
Whoo-hoo! Alright.
Thanks guys so much.
We love you. Yeah, for sure.
Mommy taking Theo to
the daycare. Daddy
will come get you and
take you everywhere.
I love you and I'll
miss you every single
day. And Mommy will come get
you after daycare on Monday.
One sleep, two sleep,
three sleep. Mommy!
I know it's the worst.
Andie, it's Ryan. I
got your text. Well
you know, the emojis.
I'm not really sure
what you're saying, but
it's great to hear from you.
I'm just going to a
job right now, but
I'm off at 11. Do you want to
get coffee? Would
love to catch up.
Years ago, like
four years ago, he
rear-ended someone on the 401.
Okay.
Nothing major,
just like the front
bumper was all dented
in. And he drove
around like that without
getting it fixed for two years.
Crazy.
Anyway, when I got pregnant with
Theo, I told him,
"You gotta get the car
fixed. I'm not driving
around with a baby
in that fucked up car."
Absolutely. Safety issue.
Yeah, and he
went and got a new
car. Instead of fixing
it, he went out and
got a brand new car.
Mmm.
Anyway, I've been
thinking about
that a lot lately.
I see what you're saying.
So has he got a new car?
I don't think so.
You know, Theo's not even two.
I need him to come around.
So now what?
I think we need
to go on an epic adventure.
I'm not sure I'm up for it.
I think you need a jolt, Andie.
Sounds painful.
Let's take a trip.
What? Where?
Anywhere.
The world is our oyster.
Can we be back by 3:30?
You said that Chris
had Theo till Monday.
Ugh.
Give me 48 hours.
I don't know.
36. Come on. How far of a
walk is it to the airport?
So?
What about Houston?
Yeah, but what's in Houston?
Texas. I don't know.
Guns? Good barbecue?
What about L.A.?
I've never been.
Neither have I.
I've always wanted to
see that where you...
You know the hands?
The hands? In the sidewalk?
You've always
wanted to see that?
Oh yeah.
["California, Here
I Come" by Al Jolson]
California, I've been blue
Since I've been
away from you
I can't wait til I get going
Even now I'm starting
in to call, oh
California, here I come
Right back where
I started from
Where bowers of flowers
bloom in the sun
Matt Damon, cool.
Worth the trip?
Yeah.
It's not as glamorous
as I expected.
Well, we did it.
Should we get a souvenir?
Yeah, sure.
Well, here's Ryan.
You might have to
settle for Andie with a Y.
That's close enough.
Alright, let's go.
That'll be $16.94.
Here you go.
It's not working?
I think the bank might
have blocked it. I'm not sure.
That's fine.
Thanks.
Sorry, I think the
bank froze my card
because I'm traveling.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
I think I saw some
hotels kind of like
back there or something.
Hey, wait.
We should trade.
What do you mean?
You take Ryan, I
take Andie. Get it?
Yeah.
Should we figure out
a place to stay maybe?
We just got here.
Okay.
At the Greek Theater, so.
Wow.
Even the wildlife is
famous in Hollywood.
The cougar's name was P-22?
That's the government name.
Look at this. Andie,
only 10 bucks.
That's cool.
You should get it.
24 hour vacation
in L.A. First time.
Okay.
What should we do?
We're really close to the park.
You can go for a
hike or whatever.
Check things out from there.
Okay.
Sick.
This is so annoying.
Every time I try to
check out on Hotels Now
it jacks up the price.
Can you try?
I don't have roaming, so
it'd be crazy expensive.
Maybe try another app?
There's almost nothing on
Airbnb for tonight either.
The sun's going down.
We should hike up
and get a good view.
Well, I'd kind of
like to figure out
where we're staying tonight.
And you don't have roaming.
Shore Club.
Yeah, man.
Right on.
My brother lives in Nova Scotia.
Oh, you're kidding.
Yeah.
Are you Canadian then?
No, no, no. His
wife is from there.
Oh, nice.
I'm Ryan.
Dusty.
Nice to meet you. That's Andy.
Hey.
You guys from out of town?
Yeah, we just got in.
Welcome. I'm new as well.
Just been here a couple months.
Oh, yeah, from where?
Grand Rapids.
Oh, nice. I love Michigan.
Illinois.
Grand Rapids, Illinois.
Well, I should
probably help her out
trying to find a place to stay.
Oh, let me know if
you have any luck.
Why, you looking?
No, no, no. Not right now.
I'm living in my car.
Sorry to hear that.
No, it's good.
It's a lifestyle choice.
I chose it.
Lot of people are doing it now.
It's part of the LA experience.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started
showering at Planet Fitness.
They got a free Pizza
Friday thing too
that's been pretty
clutch for me lately.
I can shower in
any part of town.
Nice, man.
Well, take care of yourself.
I will.
You too.
Nice meeting you.
That's kind of sad.
Yeah.
So are we going to
hike up or what?
No. Unless you want
to sleep in that
guy's car, we need
to make a plan.
One of us does.
I'm sensing irritation.
Well, you did pitch
an epic adventure.
Yeah, so?
So you've had zero plans.
The epic adventure
is just me planning a
vacation for us in real time.
I'm not asking you
to plan any of this.
The whole point is
to be spontaneous.
I'm having a great time.
And spontaneously
having to sleep in a
park is not my idea of a
good time, unfortunately.
I can't believe you
didn't plan anything.
How would I have
planned anything?
I was standing right next to
you at the departure board.
We didn't know we
were going to LA.
I thought it was part
of the theatrics.
Theatrics? Am I
putting on a show for you?
This is all a show. All of this.
What are you talking about?
This. Your whole
stupid...personality.
You barely even know me.
Yeah, you're right.
I don't know you.
I don't even know
what I'm doing here.
Alright. I'm out.
Great.
[dramatic music]
Where are you?
I'm worried.
Yeah, I'm just up here.
Cool.
It gets cold here at night.
Yeah, I'm used to it.
Aren't you Canadian, though?
I know, I know. It's
just...it's not what I pictured.
Yeah, I get that. I get that.
Anyway, you were
saying your buddy had
work for you or something?
Oh yeah. So, drove
down, sublet a place
and then he ghosted me.
Can you believe that?
Casper.
His name was Casper?
No, Casper the Ghost.
Ah.
His name was Steven.
Steven Jacuzzi.
Anyway, fell behind on rent.
Bill started piling up, so
I started living in my car.
Hitting up Planet
Fitness every day.
It's been nice though.
They talked me into
a personal trainer.
It's expensive.
It adds up, but...but
yeah, feel this.
Feel it.
It's nice, man. Let's go.
Three weeks.
Yeah, this is me right here.
Huh.
Got a Mazda 3.
You can park here all night?
Yeah. So far, so good.
Huh.
Yeah.
So, I usually take
the front seat, front
passenger, but I'll
let you have that.
I could do driver or
slide across the back.
Just let me shuffle
some stuff around.
Maybe I'll see what
Andie's saying.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can, uh...
Yeah, I can make room for
your girlfriend too, no problem.
[emotional music]
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're not a stranger.
I should have had
more of a plan.
I shouldn't have said
your personality was stupid.
I found us a hotel.
Thanks.
When are we checking in?
You think we have time
to make it down to
the ocean before we
take off tomorrow?
Well, it would be a
shame to come all the
way down here and
not even see it.
We should get up
early. Make it happen.
Really good water
pressure in there.
I forgot how nice it
is to shower alone.
Glad we could facilitate.
Wonder if they have
laundry service here.
How long we staying for?
Sorry bud, we take off tomorrow.
I'm gonna go shower.
Enjoy.
[indistinct TV sounds]
It seems like every
TV commercial now is
for some kind of AI.
Yeah, scary stuff.
I don't even own
a phone anymore.
Oh, really?
Do you need one?
I know some cities
do like a program
where you can get one for free.
No, no, no. It's by
choice. I'm off the grid.
Oh.
Yeah, I threw it off an
overpass right onto the highway.
I see. Why?
These annoying bots
kept messaging me
over and over again
using the same exact
wording months apart.
Saying what?
Just threatening
my life basically
revenge porn, you name it.
Oh.
I blocked them and they'd become
unblocked pretty much instantly.
Delete the Facebook app.
Show back up on my phone.
It's really weird.
Not really. Facebook
is in on it.
Yeah. They know.
The actor that was
playing my landlord
went to college with Zuckerberg.
Yeah. Then they kidnapped
Mother, turned her
into an AI bot.
Anyway.
It's all this smart
dust they keep
dropping. It's full
of nanotechnology.
They get in your system
take over.
Just them versus us.
Ryan, Dusty and...
Mandy.
Just the three of us.
Ooh. Toy Story. Turn it up.
Whoo.
Toy Story. Nice.
Ryan, can I talk to
you outside for a minute?
Shh. Shh.
Outside? I'm in a robe.
Yeah, yeah. Take it outside.
What do you mean, "he's crazy"?
He's nuts. He thinks
his mom is an AI bot.
What does that mean?
I don't know. It
means he's unhinged.
Damn. You want me
to kick him out?
He was so excited about
sleeping in a normal bed.
No, no. Don't kick him out.
You could set him off.
Nah, I can kick him out.
I'm not really worried
about it. He's harmless.
He goes to Planet
Fitness every day.
To shower and eat pizza.
Look, I'm just going
to sleep in the tub.
What?
I need a locking
door between us.
What about me?
You'll be fine. You
just said he was
harmless. And you
could take my bed.
You sure?
[phone vibration]
[crying]
Andie.
Come on. Open the
door. What's wrong?
You all right?
He's filing for divorce.
Oh...
I'm sorry.
Come here.
[crying]
[sad music]
He told me I should
get a lawyer.
I just feel so blindsided.
Sorry, Andie.
You think I should
call him or no?
I can't answer that for you.
Why not?
Okay. Let me answer your
question with a question.
Sounds helpful.
Okay. So you call him.
Okay.
What are you going
to say that you
haven't already said?
That I haven't already said?
Yeah.
I don't know that we made
a choice a long time ago
when our heads were
in the right place.
That we made vows to each other.
That we decided to bring
a life into this world
and we owe it to
Theo to give this
relationship
everything we've got.
But I've said all that before.
Really?
Yeah.
And he wanted to be apart.
Why?
He says that all
my reasons are to
justify poor decisions
we've made in the past
and that I don't even
like him anymore.
Do you?
I don't know.
Well, then don't call him.
Really?
You've already said
all you've got to say.
True.
You give good advice.
You can thank my
Dad for that one.
He used to gie me great advice.
Wait, what do you
mean "used to"?
I thought you said he
recovered from the accident.
He did.
Physically.
What do you mean?
He's there. He's just like...
You know, he's not
all there, you know?
Oh, my God, Ryan, I'm so sorry.
No, don't make a big
deal of it, Andie. It's fine.
All things
considered, we're really lucky.
We just can't
communicate the
same way we used to.
Anyway, let's go do something.
Let's go down to the ocean.
I mean, I want to.
I just don't know
if we have time.
Our flight leaves
in a couple hours.
Well, fuck it.
What do you mean?
Fuck it!
What do you have to
do at home anyway?
Chris has Theo till Monday.
Come to L.A. for 24
hours? That's insane!
Let's push our flights.
I don't know.
Just one more day.
[upbeat music]
All right. Fuck it.
Yes! Let's do it! Come on!
Let's go!
Run off to the west coast
Where your life
can be a dream
Fearful of the ending
Where the moment
feels so sweet
We're lying on the floor
How can I hold on?
And we're lying on the floor
How can I hold on?
Chase the waves back
into the sea
Flowers and angels
sway in time
To songbirds and
howling wolves
and seashell chimes
And darling I
would only ever
close my eyes
Darling I would only ever
close my eyes
close my eyes
close my eyes
Darling I would
only ever close
Darling I would only ever
close my eyes
to live each moment twice
How much money would
it take for you to
post a video on your Instagram
of you getting your
diaper changed?
Can I mention the challenge?
No mention.
It's not like an ice bucket?
No caption.
Well, would I do it for $4,000?
What?
[laughing]
You'd do it for $4,000?
Well, at first I
was gonna say five.
I was gonna say five
and then I thought--
You thought "I would
do it for less than 5"
Where's my phone?
Have you seen my phone?
We shouldn't do this.
He's not coming back.
You've had an emotional day.
And we've had too much to drink.
Okay, straight to voicemail.
That's four voicemails now.
Six texts.
Where is she?
God, we should have
figured this out yesterday.
I knew this was gonna happen.
Because why wouldn't
anything go right
on a wedding day?
That bitch better be dead.
Coffee.
Yeah.
I love it here.
[laughing]
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck.
What's wrong?
What's wrong?
Oh, I had a wedding today.
What?
I had a wedding today.
What?
I've been working with
this couple for over a year.
I completely fucking spaced.
How did you--
They've been trying to
call me for three hours.
What the fuck am I gonna do?
You forgot?
What the fuck am I gonna do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh my God, I never should
have changed my fucking flight.
Oh, I didn't know.
I'm sorry.
Oh my God, I'm
completely fucked.
I'm never gonna
come back from this.
I'm gonna get fucking sued.
Can't you just
give them a refund?
Refund?
It's just a wedding.
Just a wedding?
It's the most important
day of people's fucking lives
and I just fucking ruined it.
Oh my God, it's crazy.
I feel so guilty, I'm sorry.
My business is ruined.
You're gonna come
back from this.
My life is ruined.
"I'm gonna come back from this"?
Yeah.
I shouldn't have
changed my fucking flight.
Fuck.
I'm so sorry.
No, I'm not blaming you.
Fuck, this is not about you.
I'm sorry.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry.
Oh, I need some space.
I need some fucking space.
What?
What?
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music]
[glass shattering]
[dramatic music]
[Ryan] I need to keep
my eyes on the road.
I'm sorry.
["O Come All Ye Faithful"]
O come ye, O come
ye to Bethlehem
Alright you're all set.
Oh, amazing, thanks man.
No problem at all.
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
O come, let us adore Him
Christ, the Lord
[soft piano music]
My God, this place,
it's amazing.
Can't believe you got it.
I know.
I hope Theo loves
it as much as I do.
I should've labeled
these boxes better.
I'm debating whether to
tell you something or not.
No, you're not.
You're gonna tell me or you
wouldn't have said that much.
True.
Out with it.
Okay, um, I went Christmas
tree shopping with Candace.
And the guy
who put the tree on
the car was Ryan.
Oh.
Did you talk to him?
Well, yeah, I mean,
he remembered me
from when we met before.
And what did he say?
What did he say?
You mean, what did I say?
I let him have it.
I was like, it
was totally fucked
how he just abandoned you in LA.
And what did he say to that?
He said he wanted to apologize
and that he had been
trying to apologize
but he thinks you blocked him
which I obviously already
knew, but I was playing dumb.
Yeah.
I don't know, he was
like talking about
how he freaked out and there
was no excuse or something
but I was like, "save it
she's moved on with her life".
What?
Yeah, I told him I was
helping you move today.
You did?
He actually offered to
help, which was very sweet.
Anyway, that's it.
He did a good job
tying the tree to my car
and I tipped him 20 bucks.
Anyway.
Anything else?
Nope.
All right.
Well...
thanks for the update.
[somber piano music]
[emotional piano music]
So the good news is
they're open to settling.
Really?
Yeah, they just want
this all to be over with.
Okay, and what are
they asking for?
Well, they want a full refund.
I already gave them a
full refund months ago.
Plus $15,000.
Ugh...
Basically all the
deposits they lost
plus their emotional distress.
Okay, I'll take the stupid deal
but I need to pay
it in installments.
I want them to take
down the Google review
and the Yelp review and
apologize for egging my car.
I'll see what I can do.
Andie.
What are you doing here?
I had to see you.
Why, so you can run
away from me again?
No, I ran into your friend Beth.
I don't know if she told you.
She did.
I've been thinking a lot about
what happened lately.
"About what happened"?
Yeah.
You should say
about what you did.
Not "what happened".
Nothing "happened" to you.
I know I left you there
and it was so shitty of me.
I feel endlessly
guilty about it.
Fuck.
I gotta piss.
If I go piss in that
Popeye's over there
will you wait for me?
Nevermind, fuck it.
Look, when we were in LA
I got overwhelmed
by this feeling that
I'm not good for you.
You're really good for me
but I'm not good for you.
You don't get to decide
what's good for me or not, I do.
I know, but I felt
like this tornado
and I came crashing
into your life.
Everything started falling
apart for you because of me.
If I stayed with you
for one more second
I thought I would destroy you.
I couldn't live with that.
I couldn't live with
destroying another person
that I care about.
You know that wasn't your fault.
Yes, it was.
You know, when I got home
I tried to go back to
the way I was doing things
you know, finding the
little joys in every day.
Now I spend all day
just thinking about
how there's a
version of my life.
that could have
been so much better.
So much better.
The version with you.
You know, before we
met, I was a mess.
I thought that I could
just check off the boxes
and live out this
perfectly planned existence
but I couldn't.
And then I met you.
And you may have witnessed
my life falling apart
but that was all gonna
happen sooner or later anyway.
It had to.
And your whole way of living
like you might die tomorrow
it was honestly really
appealing to me.
But I can't live like that.
Not now.
Because the thought of
either one of us dying tomorrow
and not getting to spend
the next 50 years together
is just completely and
utterly debilitating.
Did you just pee your pants?
Yeah.
Yeah I did.
Congratulations.
[soaring music]
So now what?
Definitely wanna take a shower.
But then, I don't know.
Wanna just hang out?
Sounds like a plan.
[upbeat music]