Middle Men (2009) Movie Script

I had several million dollars
in a duffle bag
and had to go and see a bunch
of low-life Russian mobsters
who would most likely
cut my throat, take the money,
and kill an innocent kid
just for sport.
It doesn't get any worse than this.
But I had no one
to blame but myself.
I'm the one who put myself
and my family in this situation.
See, life's all about choices,
choices we keep telling
ourselves are for the greater good.
But somewhere deep inside,
we know they'll lead
to a place like this.
And it wasn't greed
or ego that got me here.
I'm here because of what
I had a hand in creating.
It wasn't something that would change
the world for the better,
it wasn't something that would
put me in the history books,
make me a household name
or get me a statue in a park.
But I did have a hand in creating
the greatest invention of our time.
I inadvertently changed
the world as we know it.
My name is jack Harris and I figured out
a better way for guys to jerk off.
Never in the history of the world
have the merchants of obscenity
had available to them the modern
facilities for disseminating this filth.
Men have been jerking off
since the beginning of time.
I mean, it's no secret.
Jimmy, I got your...
Oh, my God!
Why is this mother yelling at her kid?
She should know better.
Men are always thinking about sex.
About every ten seconds some sick,
perverted, degenerate thought
goes through a man's mind.
From the very moment a man figures out
his hand can reach his dick...
...he's figuring out
a new way to pull on it.
But what this country has truly lost
is its moral fiber.
Now, years ago, we had
heroes for our children.
This should come as no big surprise.
Every guy, gay or straight,
prince, pauper, kings,
heads of state, even presidents,
every last one of them is sneaking off
somewhere and whacking it.
This is the space shuttle.
It costs $450 million
every time it's launched by
Uncle Sam and your tax dollars.
Guess what's on it?
A billion dollar satellite.
And why do you think they're
launching that thing?
It's all part of the Internet.
But if you think it has anything to do
with helping your kids learn,
or Daddy reading stats on Tiger Woods,
or Mommy and Grandma learning how
to bake the perfect chocolate cake,
then you're out of your mind.
just follow the money.
The porn industry takes in over
$57 billion a year worldwide,
with no one ever admitting
that they watch.
This is going on every second
of every day, all over the world.
Gone are the days of trips to seedy
bookstores in the dead of night.
Or hiding in the adult section
of your local video store.
Or waiting for a plain
brown paper-wrapped package
to come in the mail.
Whatever you want to see is there
in your home or office, 24 hours a day.
And it's ready when you are.
Discretely, privately,
and in whatever flavor you choose.
Pure Americana.
No matter how many times I keep
rolling this over in my head,
I keep asking myself the same question:
How the hell did I let
things go this far?
Not that long ago,
things seemed so simple.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
- What you got for me?
- I got you a little of everything.
- Looks good.
- I'm starved.
Me, too.
I can always tell your fried chicken
from everybody else's.
- Is that right?
- What's the secret?
A chef doesn't divulge her secrets.
You know that.
You can tell me.
It's not like I'm a stranger.
You marry me, I'll tell you.
Give me your hand.
...will you marry me?
Pepper what? That's the secret?
Are you kidding me?
- Sorry you signed your life away?
- No.
I was one of those guys living
in a Norman Rockwell painting.
And looking back, I had no idea
how happy I really was.
Now across the gulf of space and time,
on another planet called Los Angeles,
California, two men were about to
have a conversation that would
change the path of my life forever.
Hey, how do you sleep
in a chair like that?
How do you sleep
in a fucking chair like that?
Do you mean how do I sleep
with all your fucking noise over there?
You know there's nothing
to jack off to on the Internet?
Watch a video, you degenerate.
Oh, I'm a degenerate?
I'm a degenerate?
You're the one who bought
all the videos in the first place
- and I'm a degenerate?
- You've watched these 1 00 times.
That's why you need new shit.
Yeah, you're a fucking degenerate.
Fuck you.
Don't get all high and mighty.
Fuck me? Fuck you!
Why don't you stop
smoking all these cigarettes
and doing all this fucking coke!
I gotta work in the morning
and I can't sleep
- choking on all this fucking smoke!
- You smoke, you asshole!
Not when I'm sleeping.
And clean this place up.
It's like living
in a fucking toxic waste dump!
Oh, great. Now I get to live
with Martha fuckin' Stewart here?
If I was Martha fucking Stewart,
you'd be jerkin' off in front of me
all fuckin' day, you fuckin' loser!
Don't call me a loser.
Don't call me a fucking loser, bitch.
- You're a fucking loser.
- Don't call me a loser!
- Take it back!
- Don't you square off with me!
- I will kick your ass!
- Take it back!
You son of a bitch!
- Take it back!
- Fucking...
What these two idiots don't know
is that they're less than a year away
from being worth millions
and millions of dollars.
And turning the Internet
into what it is today.
Maybe I should go back even further.
Buck Dolby moved out to LA
only a couple of months earlier
to join Wayne Beering.
These two were childhood friends,
and like everybody else,
were trying to figure out a way
to make it big and get rich.
The only problem was that
they had no plan whatsoever
on how to make their dream come true.
Who could guess that would be
the perfect recipe for success?
As I was flying in here,
I noticed there was so much haze.
How do you deal with all this smog?
Oh, yeah, I don't really
go out that much.
Well, you have a job.
No, I've been collecting disability,
but it runs out in a few weeks.
- You hurt yourself?
- No, I fell.
- I told them I was gonna sue.
- What are you gonna do?
Oh, I don't know, but I feel
I'm on the verge of something.
Yeah? Me, too! I feel like
I'm on the verge of something.
It's like I got these ideas.
Theyjust keep rushing at me.
- Yeah.
- Like idea after idea after idea.
- It's like this waterfall.
- Yeah, it's like a cascade.
- Yeah, like...
- Yeah.
Like I said, they were idiots.
Well, that's not exactly true.
Believe it or not,
Buck was some kind of big-shot
rocket scientist at the age of 22.
He apparently has an IQ of 1 87,
although you'd never know it
talking to the guy.
Buck's favorite thing in the world to do
was spending weekends at NASA,
getting coked to the gills
and floating in space.
Needless to say, he got fired.
Sit. Sit. Sit.
From what I understand,
Wayne was a terrific veterinarian.
He even taught some classes.
- Who's the doctor here, you or me?
- You are, but...
The only problem was that he started
performing unnecessary surgeries
to ensure a steady supply
of canine barbiturates.
That pretty much ended
Wayne's career as a veterinarian.
- Good to see you, man.
- Yeah.
Do we have any, like, hook-up or like,
what's the gack situation?
Dealer's coming over tonight.
Now, I found out
a friend of mine in LA
who owned a night club was sick
and he couldn't work.
Apparently his family needed my help.
- Is he all right?
- Yeah, but he can't work for a while.
Susan called. She wanted to know
if you'd go out to LA for a few weeks,
help straighten out his business.
I spoke to a lawyer out there,
a guy named Jerry Haggerty.
He says the place could be
a real gold mine, baby,
but if you don't get out there soon,
that's it.
They're gonna lose everything.
I'm talking the lot.
I didn't want to leave my family
in Houston. We were happy.
Like everybody else,
we were mortgaged to the hilt,
had credit card debt and were constantly
struggling to make ends meet.
Not a great place to be with a family.
Besides, babe...
you're good at fixing messes.
Thanks, honey.
She was right. If I had one talent,
it was fixing problems, problems nobody
thought could be fixed.
I first learned I had this talent...
...several years ago, while I was
working for one of my dad's buddies
in the construction business.
This guy's name was Louie La La.
He was the leg-breaker
for a local crime boss.
Louie just loved what he did.
If he had a choice between being
President of the United States
and breaking somebody's legs...
- All right.
- ...guess what job he'd pick?
Let's go knee cap this Irish fuck
and get something to eat.
- Knee cap?
- Yeah.
Take a bat, couple of good hits,
the guy wises up real quick.
I wonder if you were to just,
you know, talk to the guy
and find out what happened.
He wouldn't not pay you, right?
I think maybe if you were
to just speak to the guy...
- I am done speaking to this prick.
- I'm sorry.
I know you just wanna
get your money, right?
That's all you want,
is just get the money?
Hurry up, before I change my mind.
- I'm sorry?
- You got two minutes to get my money.
After that, somebody's
getting his knees broke.
He should have been a cowboy
or something. He's more suited.
So now I go inside the bar
and I meet this guy, Morgan.
He was scared and with good reason.
All right, I got problems, too.
You know?
Last couple of projects I built, I...
I got jammed up, you know?
So I had to go to Louie
which is the last fuckin' thing
I wanted to do, you know?
And now I'm waiting to go
to the fuckin' hospital. Why?
Because I owe? I mean, it's not
like I cheated or I stole or anything.
Just stop, all right, for a second?
Do me a favor.
Just let's focus on why we're here.
I mean, obviously when
you borrowed this money,
you had to have had a plan on how
you were gonna pay it back, right?
Let's just figure out what went wrong
and maybe I can get you out of this. OK?
Talk to me.
All right, if I...
if I had a building permit,
I could get the work
and pay him by the end of the day.
And how's that?
I could borrow money in a few seconds
if I had a building permit.
- Don't have a fucking building permit.
- A building permit?
Yeah. I need a fucking building permit.
Not this time. Batter up.
Hey, hold on, Louie.
Now, you got friends downtown, right?
I got friends all over the place.
OK, well, this guy says if he
can just get a building permit
he'll have your money
by the end of the day.
He wants me to do what?
What do I look like, a permiteer?
Look, do we want to get the money
or do we want to break this guy's legs?
I say we get the money, you know?
I'm in a quandary.
I learned that day you can
negotiate your way out of anything.
You just had to find
some common ground.
This is how you learn.
So I was on my way to
Los Angeles to help my friend,
a choice I made out
of financial necessity,
and one that would set in motion a chain
of events I never could have imagined.
Now about the same time...
...Buck had to get a job
in LA to help pay the rent.
Buck may have suffered
through the day,
but at night,
he and Wayne came alive
and began working on their master plan
to take over the world.
I am listening to you.
I am listening. I am listening.
What good is the Internet for
if it's not entertaining?
You know, there's nothing new.
There's... there's no variety.
I wanna see some hot porn.
What I'm seeing over here is boring.
What I'm seeing over here
is redundant.
What I'm seeing over here
is bullshit.
What's your fucking point? Just...
My point is we take some
pictures from a magazine
we scan them, we upload them
and we make a little money.
This has a lot of potential
for you getting really rich.
- Are you making fun of me?
- Let me get this straight.
- You go to the website...
- Are you making fun of me?
No, no, no.
You start your thing, right?
You finish, you clean yourself off,
you go to the filing cabinet,
take out your checkbook,
- write your check.
- No, it's like a subscription.
- Like a subscription to a magazine.
- Oh, really?
People do that all the time.
They send in checks.
Or go to the bank
and get a money order?
Call in their credit cards.
Who the fuck is gonna give you
their credit card?
- I don't know.
- Punch in the numbers?
- Why are you being so negative?!
- I'm not being negative!
There is no program for that.
People do it with magazines
all the time.
You swipe your credit card
in the fucking computer?
No, you dial it in. It's zeros and ones.
- Why are you being so negative?
- There is no program for this.
You punch in your numbers
on the fucking credit...
What's wrong with that?
What are you doing?
- Do not interrupt me for 1 5 minutes.
- OK.
Being a rocket scientist
had its advantages.
Within 1 5 minutes,
Buck had written the program
that is the standard today
for any online credit card transaction.
A technology that Visa, MasterCard
and Amazon had yet to develop.
So I hooked a buzzer up.
Every time we make a sale,
the buzzer will go off.
- How much you wanna charge for it?
- Ten dollars.
Why don't you make it $9.99?
it makes people feel better.
So three or four days go by,
not a single buzzer.
My guess is they almost forgot
they even bothered to do this.
And then...
Did I just hear right?
Yeah, we just made $9.99.
At 4:1 5 in the morning?
Oh, God, the guy's gotta be
a pervert just like you.
You don't know that. This guy
could be on the East Coast
or in Europe somewhere,
where it's night.
This guy could be anywhere.
This is the World Wide Web, dumbass.
You're not fucking
with that thing, are you?
No, man. Those are subscribers.
We're getting rich.
How much are we up to?
Sir, I will be with you in a minute.
We passed the $2,000 mark
about a half hour ago.
- That's fucking amazing.
- Yeah, fucko.
All right, look, so I've
got this thing set up
so that we can tell what pics we're
selling based on the sound, all right?
So the buzzer is the trailer trash.
The chime is for the women over 40.
The whistle is for all
the big titty stuff.
And the bells...
are for the ass-fucking housewives,
- which is what you want.
- Why a whistle?
What do you mean?
Why the whistle for the big titty stuff?
I don't know,
I just thought that, you know,
when you see a woman walking down
the street with big tits, you whistle.
No, that's stupid. The bells
should be for the big titty stuff
- because tits are like bells.
- Tits are like bells? Since when?
- Yeah. Just change it.
- No, I'm not gonna change it.
Just fuckin' change it.
The tits should be for the bells.
The bells should be for the tits.
And the ass-fuckin' housewives
should be whistles?
- Yeah, what is wrong with that?
- That's stupid!
It's not stupid. When you stick
your dick in a chick's ass...
- She what? She whistles?
- Motherfucker!
Idiots. Two grown men
rolling around on the floor,
fighting over bells
and whistles like children.
Me? I didn't have that kind of luxury.
I was too busy in LA
setting up the nightclub.
My best friend james
came out to give me a hand.
It was pretty clear to us
that getting the place up and running
was gonna be an uphill battle.
But, like any other business,
we figured hard work and determination
would lead to success.
- Cheers.
- Good morning.
Am I hearing money?
Seems like ass-fucking
housewives is a big hit.
- We're past the $7,000 mark.
- Are you shitting me?
No, but I'm getting complaints
we need new content.
Why don't we just
buy some more magazines?
No, no, no. I think we need
to come up with some fresh stuff.
- Some stuff of our own.
- Oh, yeah?
How do you plan on doing that?
Remember the game plan.
Remember the game plan.
Buck and Wayne were
about to walk into a place
they didn't know
was owned by Nikita Sokoloff,
the head of the Russian mob
on the West Coast.
These two idiots were about to get
a lot more than they bargained for.
Hey, great to see you, man.
We wanted to know
if your boss was around.
We'd like to talk to him.
We've got a business proposition
we'd like to discuss.
- What is it?
- Well, we'd like to talk to your boss
or whoever owns this establishment.
This place is great.
- Not interested.
- Actually, I think your boss
would be really interested
in what we have to say.
Hey, hey, we've got to...
You OK?
- What's going on here, man?
- Come on, there's other clubs in town.
Relax. Let's get outta here.
What the fuck
are you looking at, bitch?
I've fucked guys like you in prison!
Come on, motherfucker!
Make my fucking day, bitch!
What the fuck are you doing?
OK, all right, all right!
Come on! I'm not fucking going...
Who the fuck are you,
to come into my place
and talk this kind of shit?
I'm telling you, we have
really good intentions, sir.
Look, what you need
to do is chill out and...
Shut up! Shut up.
I chill out...
- Put a bullet in your fucking brain.
- Oh, shit!
Why are you here?
We just wanted to take pictures
of your girls naked
and put 'em on the Internet
and split the profits with you.
Why you not say this?
Hey, hey, where are you going?
Come, come, come.
I told you we have
the best intentions.
- I'm gonna kick your fucking ass!
- Relax.
Within the hour,
Buck and Wayne actually believed
they were best friends
with the Russian mob.
They made a deal to give them
and to be partners for life.
Only I don't think they
quite understood the nuances
of being partners
with the Russian mob.
The next day, they run around
the strip club with a camera,
gathering video for their site.
Watch out, coming through.
We're gonna walk now,
but don't look at the camera.
Within a half a day,
Buck and Wayne were convinced
they were George Lucas
and Steven Spielberg.
Their website took off like a rocket.
They had to buy a new server
to handle all the business.
The mail, it was piling up and
they hadn't even begun to open it.
These two morons had no idea
what they'd created,
and even less of a clue
as to how to operate a business.
Within days, they were
working around the clock.
Don't dump the mail
on the coffee table! Get out!
The server's not gonna be here
for another four days. Fucking God!
I can't do this by myself.
You gotta quit your job, man.
You're fired, you son of a bitch!
You're fired!
- Well, the server problem's solved.
- You steal this?
No, I opened the mail.
There were checks in there, dude.
They weren't bills, man.
We're going to Vegas!
So Buck and Wayne headed east
to the great city of Las Vegas,
to the land of hopes and dreams.
In less than a month, their business
was making about $25,000 a day.
More money than either one
of them could have imagined.
It should have been perfect.
But somehow, they'd figure
a way to screw it all up.
Now, for me, what started out as
helping a friend for a couple of weeks
had turned into a full-time business.
In no time at all,
we turned the place around.
james and I hit the streets,
promoted the club,
held events and before you knew it
there were lines going down the block,
and every night we
were packed to the rafters.
The thing is,
when you do good for someone,
they want you to fix
all their other problems.
There's always just
one more problem to fix.
I'm not sure yet. Believe me, I wish I
could be there, I just can't right now.
I know you're working hard. I just...
I feel like you're
missing so much, you know?
I know. Believe me, I know.
Hey, maybe I could sneak out
to LA for the weekend?
No, don't do that.
I'm actually in Vegas.
- Vegas? What for?
- Jerry Haggerty invited me out here.
Oh, God, Jack.
That creepy lawyer from the club?
He is nothing but trouble.
He's got some business venture
he wants to talk to me about.
If it wasn't for him,
I wouldn't have the club,
and that's turned out better than OK.
I mean, it saved my ass, honey.
He's as crooked as a dog's hind leg,
that one. You just be careful.
OK. I'll...
I'll just have a few laughs maybe.
What starts with laughter
ends in tears, big guy.
- I love you, OK? Bye.
- I love you, baby.
This fucking pro tells me, "Jerry,
you have to learn to hook the ball
because every great player
fights a hook."
Well, I'll tell you what,
I damn sure learned,
'cause everything I hit's
in the fucking woods.
Yeah, five strokes on my handicap.
Well, besides your golf game,
it seems like you're doing pretty well.
Oh, my God, I'm doing great, Jack.
I mean, for a guy who doesn't litigate
and refuses to wear a tie.
But I have some great, great ideas.
So, what kind of deal
do you have for me?
Well, I gotta tell you this story.
I mean, you won't believe it.
I get a call from a friend of mine
that there are these two guys holed up
in their suite at the Hard Rock,
in need of some legal advice.
They used my body like
a fucking bowling ball!
They started this business, but have
no idea what the fuck they're doing.
Now, a couple of months ago,
they make a whole bunch of money,
and they come out to Vegas.
They start partying for weeks,
and, from what I understand,
they go through a pound of blow,
hit every hooker in town and...
You know, basically
just pissed everything away.
- So who are their partners?
- A couple of Russian guys from LA...
- Nikita something.
- Sokoloff?
Yeah, I think that sounds about right.
You know him?
I mean, I know of him.
He's supposed to be a lunatic.
Party over.
You new here? What's your name?
They were kicking the shit
out of these two numb-nuts
because they couldn't pay up
like they were supposed to.
So beautiful.
Why are afraid of me?
So, what kind of business is it?
That's the best part.
Seems like these two morons,
what they did was they collected
a bunch of these dirty pictures
and they put them on the Internet.
I'm telling you,
within a couple of months,
they make over a million dollars.
Yeah, it's just the thing is,
I got a wife, I have children.
I have no interest in getting involved
in the porn industry,
you know what I'm saying?
I got it, but let me ask you a question.
Steve Wynn, Barron Hilton,
are they pornographers?
- No. Why?
- Know why?
Because they got that shit playing on
every TV in every one of their rooms.
You can't name a hotel chain that
doesn't make a ton of money off porn.
- I mean, are they pornographers?
- I mean, I see what you're saying.
Well, but I'm not asking you
to make a porn movie.
I'm just asking you to straighten out
a business situation.
Haggerty, he always had an angle.
He was probably looking
to steal the business
as soon as I straightened
out the Russian problem.
If this was real
and I was going to be involved,
Haggerty couldn't be a part of it.
...make a little money!
He had Feds all over him for some scam
he'd run and he stunk of desperation.
- Welcome back to the Hard Rock, Jack.
- How you doing? Thanks.
- What suite?
- The Penthouse.
From what Haggerty told me, I knew
there was a lot of money in this deal
and that was good. The money
was in porn, and that was bad.
Why I even knocked on the door
is beyond me.
How you doing? Jack Harris.
- Buck Dolby.
- May I?
- Please.
- Thanks.
- Why are you here?! Who sent you?
- I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry.
- Why are you here?
- No, no, no, he's OK.
How do you know what they look like?
This is not what we agreed on!
This is not what we talked about.
He's not part of the circle!
This is part of the agreement
because I checked him out.
Yeah, bullshit!
I know why you're here!
Look, we gotta get the fuck
out of here right now.
- OK, just... I'll deal with him.
- Gotta get the fuck outta here.
- He seems high-strung. Should...
- I'm sorry. He's off the rails here.
Hey, hey! I got my eyes on you, bitch!
Thank you for coming.
Would you like a drink?
I'm OK.
First and foremost,
I would like to apologize
for the cleanliness
and hygiene of this hotel suite.
- Don't worry about it.
- Oh, man.
You know, he's been up
for five straight days.
I called a doctor...
He won't let anybody up.
You gotta get out of here right now,
but you can't use that front door.
Why don't we try and get
some food in him, OK?
- I'm gonna give room service a call.
- We're afraid we're gonna get cracked.
- You mean whacked by the Russians?
- Yeah, yeah.
I gotta tell you something
about myself you don't know, OK?
I'm a multi, multi, multi-millionaire.
I'm an American entrepreneur.
The irony right now is that
I feel like an anaphylactic polar bear
with a bunny rabbit shoved up his ass.
I'm not gonna explain it to you.
It's just that thing, money,
money, money, money.
Everybody's trying to get
to that bunny rabbit.
We owe them a considerable
amount of money.
- I understand.
- But we figured what's the rush, right?
I mean, we're all friends.
I mean, I'm half responsible
for the substance abuse indulgency
and that's part of the problem
that we overlooked.
Here's the thing. I know for a fact that
man back there is posing as a doctor,
when the truth is, there's five guys
out front with a black hood,
they're waiting to kidnap me. They
wanna take me to liquefy my accounts
and they're gonna shoot me
in the head, execution-style.
I'm not gonna let that happen to you.
They made their presence felt
about five days ago,
where they kicked the shit out of us.
I mean, they bum-jacked us pretty good.
I mean, they got my eye, as you can see,
but, like, they really hurt Wayne.
- They hurt him real bad.
- Listen, here's the thing.
You can take me, but I'm not
gonna let you take River Dancer.
She stays, all right? All right?
Listen, listen...
- Do you see what I'm dealing with?
- Tell you what.
Let me try and get her out of here.
You look after him. We'll go from there.
- That sounds good.
- I love you.
- I love you. I do.
- No, you don't.
- Don't touch me.
- I love you.
- No, you don't. No, you don't.
- Yes, I do. I do.
- You do?
- I do. I do.
Look, I love this guy
like a brother, all right?
I mean, I hate him, but I love him.
Rachel, you remind,
you remind me of my mother.
Yeah? My name's Jessie.
Yeah, my mother's name was Brenda.
Oh, you know you can't go there, Wayne.
- That's not good.
- She used to hit me out of my skin.
Come on, come on,
come on, let's sit here.
Hey, why don't you grab your stuff?
I'm gonna get you out here, is that OK?
- I need to get paid.
- Sure. I'll take care of that.
- Whoa, you've got a halo on your head.
- Just look at my eyes.
Yeah. I don't wanna believe
in the circle anymore.
He seems to be doing a little better.
How do you feel?
- I've had a couple days rest.
- Is your eye OK?
It's OK, but...
You just gotta take care
of the Russians.
I don't gotta do anything, OK? I just
want to understand what's going on.
I want to figure out
what you two did right.
Obviously it was something because you
made a million bucks in two months.
I already know what you did wrong,
you didn't pay off your partners.
But so far as I can tell, you guys have
a solid idea, you just got overwhelmed.
You got in over your head. And maybe
you don't know how to run a business.
- But you do, right?
- Yeah, I do.
Well, will you do that for us?
Look, I have no interest
in making a living creating porn.
I have a family.
I don't wanna be a pornographer.
So if I come onboard, I want this to
be a legit business. A hundred percent.
I understand.
I couldn't agree with you more.
So now, you guys can help me.
You two have figured out a way
to take a credit card
from somebody anywhere in the world,
and deliver a product
anywhere in the world,
and neither side ever sees each other?
- That's correct.
- And that was your idea?
- Yeah.
- Well, that's a great one.
And that's a way
to make money long term.
We just need to figure out
a way to facilitate a transaction
between the two parties.
That's where I lost you.
What do you mean by that?
- I don't understand this bullshit.
- All right.
Imagine you got a basement...
anywhere in the world.
Down in this basement,
you got a couple guys
with cameras and some girls.
How about they're Asian girls?
Fine, Asian girls.
Are you with me so far?
Imagine you're a guy that likes
to watch Asian girls online.
Are you gonna give
your credit card number
to some pornographer in Thailand?
And what would it show up as
on your credit card statement?
The divorce rate is high enough
in this country,
without wives opening up
the monthly statement
and seeing that their husband
bought something like
We could have hundreds of sites,
maybe even thousands,
all under some nondescript name?
Exactly, and if I'm a customer
and I get my credit card statement
at the end of the month
- and it says something like...
- BigTits.com.
Right. I might have
buyer's remorse because
my wife's not gonna be very happy,
but if it says something like...
- ...24/7 Billing Company...
- I like that.
...nobody knows what that means.
It's safer for everybody involved.
It's a win/win situation.
The consumer gets what they want,
the content provider get what they want,
and we make ten percent
by handling the transaction.
We're just the middle men.
So we take a cut from the people that
are already out there making this stuff,
- wherever they are.
- Right.
Oh, my God!
That's... that's limitless.
I mean, that is
an insane amount of money
- we're talking about right now.
- Potentially.
It could have no downside. I mean,
except for your Russian partners.
OK, so how do you think
Haggerty fits in?
- I'm not so sure about Haggerty.
- Why? He put us together.
I mean, that'd be kind of shitty
to cut him out now, don't you think?
Haggerty's gonna be
indicted any minute now, OK?
He's got federal agents all
over him pretty much all the time.
That's the truth.
He didn't tell us
he was gonna be charged.
Yeah, well, I just think this business
is questionable as it is,
and it would be unwise to team up
with somebody who is under indictment,
unless you want Feds all over you, too,
which I don't think you do.
No. I think what you're saying
makes sense. I just feel...
I don't know, not right about it.
You know? The guy's saving our life.
Yeah, well, I'd be the one
dealing with the Russians, OK?
It wouldn't be Haggerty.
It would be me. I'd be the one at risk.
The next morning, I flew back to LA.
I made a deal with Buck and Wayne that
we wouldn't provide a frame of content.
We were just gonna be the middle men.
And then I did the right thing.
I took care of Haggerty
after pulling a favor from
my buddy at the Hard Rock.
- So, what's this?
- That's $200,000. Now, you're out.
Wait a... wait a minute.
Excuse me. I'm out?
Yeah. These guys are lunatics.
Wanna take care of them?
Gimme the money back.
- Wait a minute. Just hold it.
- What's it gonna be, Jerry?
Nice. I'll... I'll take the money.
- Yeah? Great.
- I'll take it, yeah.
After I had Haggerty taken care of,
I had Buck and Wayne
have the Russians call me.
They said they owed $400,000,
so I pulled 450 to avoid
any bad feelings in the future.
The deal was, I'd be out in a year.
I figured with the potential
of the business,
I'd make enough money in that time
to provide for my family...
...for the rest of our lives.
Within an hour, some big
Russian named Ivan was at my door.
Ivan, Jack Harris.
Can I get you a drink or anything?
I'm not here to socialize.
OK, I'm just trying to be friendly.
I'm not your fucking friend.
Where's my money?
Your money?
I thought this was Nikita's money.
My uncle. Family money, our money,
that these two shitheads owe to us.
You pay this to me, or...
...maybe I take little boy
on boat trip, huh?
Or... maybe I speak out of turn.
Let's... let's focus on why we're here.
Here's the cash. Feel free to count it.
It's all there.
That's everything they owe you,
plus 50 for your troubles.
OK. OK, this is good.
This is good. We make deal.
- No!
- Fuck! James! Jesus.
He threatened Michael.
I couldn't let that go.
Good punch. Boom.
It's good. Good, very good.
Now, everybody is friends.
Come, come, come.
It's OK. No, no, no.
No, no. Come on. It's OK.
You come, we drink.
What, you don't drink?
Boom. Boom.
Could you do me a favor,
call your uncle first.
Just let him know everything's settled.
It is not necessary.
I am happy, he is happy.
No, I understand.
It's just, it's a lot of money.
I'm sure he'd like to know
that it's been collected.
And I know it would help my partners
sleep a little easier at night.
Thanks. I'll pour you a drink.
It is machine.
I'll give him a try later. Thanks.
Where is he?
You, you. Look at you. I like you.
I like you. You, you make me laugh.
Look, look at him.
He is like puppy. Puppy.
Jesus Christ. Fuck, is he dead?
You're not a doctor,
maybe he's not dead!
I'm not a doctor, but I can tell
you this motherfucker's dead.
How fucking hard
did you punch him?
I don't know, Jack. I punched
him like I always punch 'em.
- I'm sorry, Jack.
- You're a murderer.
What are we gonna do now?
What are we gonna do?
We're not gonna do anything. We don't
mention this to anybody ever. All right?
- What about the money?
- We gave it to him.
The guy's dead. What do you...?
He... he's floating down at
the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.
Right, but they don't know that,
so that's how we need to keep it.
- Understand, Wayne?
- What the fuck are you talking about?
They were supposed to get
the money three hours ago!
- They didn't get their money!
- We gave him the money.
He disappeared with it.
End of story. Right?
But what if they still want it?
We do what we'd do in that situation.
We tell them to go fuck themselves
'cause we paid 'em.
- It's not our problem.
- No, no, no, no.
You need to wake up
and come to school, all right?
What you're gonna have
to do is go out
and buy a GLOCK nine millimeter
and sleep with it under your pillow.
- Wayne...
- Otherwise, you're gonna wake up
with your asshole
choking up on a baseball bat.
- Wayne!
- It's true, Buck! It's true, Buck!
- Jesus Christ.
- I say we just pay 'em.
You want to pay 'em twice?
Does that make sense?
- We didn't pay the first time!
- Right, but they don't know that!
You're a dick!
If we're too eager to pay again,
they're gonna know something's wrong.
They're gonna know we did
something with him. Understand?
How do you figure that?
You just pay them and they go away!
Look, I've tried to make it
as simple and as clear
as I can to you guys, all right?
I'm done talking about it.
We're all accessories to murder,
you understand? Sit down!
- Hey, sugar!
- Hey.
- Oh, sweetie.
- Dad!
- Hey, buddy.
- Dad!
You're back!
- Hey, you OK?
- I'm OK. I just missed you, that's all.
Here you go. Will you hold these?
- Oh, will you hold this?
- Yeah.
You can't eat those!
- You can't eat those, honey.
- Hi. Will you grab my bag, Michael?
- OK, let's go get something to eat.
- Yeah? Where you wanna go?
Wherever you want.
Yeah, look at the pretty
green one. Look.
You OK, baby doll?
- I'm fine.
- Yeah?
It's so nice to have you home.
Mom, what do fish eat?
Some eat plankton,
some eat other fish.
They pretty much eat
whatever's around.
Look, have one of these.
You're awake, aren't you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I know you better than
you know yourself, mister.
What is it, baby doll?
It's just work stuff. It's OK.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
You know, I gotta go back out there
for a couple of days.
I'm sorry, it's just,
it's a new business.
As soon as I get it up and running,
I'll be home all the time, OK?
I promise. OK?
So, what kind of business is it?
It's like I told you, honey,
it's an Internet business.
Yeah, I know. What kind?
Oh, like a billing service.
- Oh, yeah? What for?
- What do you mean?
What do you bill people for?
Just, you know, just entertainment.
Oh, yeah? What kind of entertainment?
Like movies
and just pictures of different stuff.
Hey, maybe you can get some free
movies, bring 'em home for Michael.
It's weird. I feel like
you're not telling me something.
OK, fine. Adult movies.
- Oh, yeah? OK.
- I'm not joking.
Come on, sweetie, you gotta go.
Be serious.
- I'm serious, Diana.
- What?
What do you mean, adult movies?
Relax, I'm not making
porn movies here.
It's an Internet billing service, OK?
That's all.
Internet billing service?
I... What...?
I don't even know what...
I mean, what does that mean?
You bill people on their computers?
Yes, Diana, computers.
OK, right. Yeah, good. That's the
stupidest thing I've ever heard.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I think it's the gold rush
and it'll have us set up
for life in less than a year. OK?
And you're right, I do have to go.
I gotta go, babe.
You don't get to walk out
on this kind of conversation.
I gotta catch my flight.
Honey, OK, take it easy.
No. Hey, hey, hey! Listen!
This is completely crazy and disgusting.
I don't want you being part of it.
I don't want you being a pornographer.
OK, so Steve Wynn and Barron Hilton
are pornographers
because they have these films
in every one of their hotels?
I don't care about them, baby.
Listen. I care about you.
OK, well...
Little did she know
it was already too late.
I couldn't back out now.
I mean, I could just imagine the damage
that Buck and Wayne
would do on their own.
They were the kind of guys
who'd get pulled over for a DUI
and start confessing to some
motorcycle cop about the murder.
I had to keep an eye on them somehow
or I'd end up arrested, or worse yet,
dead by the hands of the Sokoloffs.
So I go back to LA with my wife's
words rolling around in my head.
What's happening?
I'm not in town two minutes and...
I don't like this.
- It's OK.
- I'm telling you, I don't like this.
I'm gonna go with them. I'll see you
guys back at the house. It's all right.
I knew that if I didn't play this
perfectly, I'd be joining Ivan.
We need to talk.
Look, don't take this the wrong way,
but I'm guessing you guys
didn't do this just to be nice.
Tell me about Ivan.
Ivan? What about him?
What happened exactly?
I'm sorry.
What happened with what?
Was he at your house?
Of course he was at my house. Why?
And? What happened?
Nothin' happened.
I paid him, we had a few drinks,
we had a few laughs, and he left.
Nikita, you wanna...
you wanna tell me what's going on?
Ivan never got home.
I don't know what to tell you
about that. Maybe he's off partying,
but I paid him 400 grand,
plus 50 for your troubles.
- What?
- Four-fifty. I gave him 450.
The figure was 200.
Well, that's not what he told me.
Hey, hey, hey,
what you fucking saying?
I'm not saying anything, all right?
What's he saying by
disappearing with your money?
No offense here, but it's sounding to me
like you might have gotten ripped off.
- Fuck you.
- What the fuck you doing?
- They're getting away!
- I got 'em!
- James!
- Shit!
You moron!
Jack, last time.
What happened between you and Ivan?
Look, Nikita, I can tell
you the story a million times
and it's not gonna change.
It's the truth.
He comes to the house
and I pay him. All right?
He ripped us off,
do you understand?
Nikita, wake up! What are you gonna do,
kill me? I'm your partner!
You're gonna kill me
for some shit I didn't do?
What are you gonna do
when Ivan shows up?
You're gonna realize
how much fuckin' money you lost
- because you fuckin' killed me!
- Let him go!
Down, down!
- Put the gun down! Put it down!
- Would you like to try?
- Come on, Nikita.
- Come on, it's OK.
Nikita. I want you to focus
on why we're here, all right?
This is about money.
Just give me a number.
Give me a number that
makes this work. All right?
Double my end, pay every month.
No matter what. No excuses.
But if I find out you lied to me...
...I'll kill you, your family, friends,
people you haven't even met yet.
- We understand each other?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
What I was most afraid
of wasn't dying.
It was the thought of leaving
my children without a father.
Now, I had no choice
but to work, and to work hard.
I was now fully committed
to a life I never could have imagined.
We rented a small space in a
warehouse and built a business.
We had about 20 customers
within a month.
But once word spread
about what we could do,
take a credit card payment online,
customers came pouring in.
But Buck and Wayne
never seemed to care.
Somehow they just didn't get it.
I'm just looking for a copy
of last month's invoice...
Jesus Christ.
Fucking idiots.
You got a check here for two million
dollars under a goddamn candy bar.
Oh, and what, that's a bad thing?
Yeah, like that's a bad thing?
Come on, guys,
this thing's been here for weeks.
Dude, chill out.
After a few months,
the warehouse owner asked us to move.
I guess our clientele was distracting
his workers. But it didn't matter.
In no time at all, we had enough money
to buy our own building.
Go slow with that one.
I think I want that up
in the back left bedroom.
Every time I came home,
it was this wonderful homecoming.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, sugar.
How you doing?
But I knew it couldn't last.
- Hey, buddy, how you doing?
- Dad!
I got you this.
I was throwing houses, gifts and cars
at a problem that could only
be solved by being home more.
I just couldn't do that.
- Is that for me?
- It is.
Diana would complain
every once in a while
that the new house
felt cold and empty without me,
but home was an increasingly
difficult concept for me.
It was like I was living two
lives that were worlds apart.
As we became more
and more successful,
everything became a bigger look for us.
Our parties, our lifestyle.
It wasn't even about being smart.
You just had to be fun,
and you'd draw more and more sites,
which meant more and more money,
which meant bigger planes,
bigger buildings, bigger cars,
bigger houses.
And of course, bigger egos.
Jack, Jack!
- Can I take a picture with you?
- Sure.
- Hey, I'm a big fan.
- Oh, just with Jack.
- What's that?
- Just with Jack.
- Oh, OK. OK.
- Thank you.
- Have a great evening.
- Jack, Jack, over here.
- Can we get an interview for the AVN?
- Sure, yeah.
- Sorry, guys, just Jack.
- What's that?
It'll just take a second.
- We're gonna go over here, all right?
- We'll see you in there.
So tell me, what makes
I think what makes 24/7 so special is,
we take the product,
which is on one side,
and we make it accessible to the
consumer, who's on the other side.
We make the entire operation
totally discreet and professional.
And, you know, we never forget
that it's a business.
We make a real point of making sure
that we take good care of both
the content provider
and the content subscriber.
That's pretty much
how we try and do business.
- Thank you, Jack.
- You got it. Have a good night.
You know, the more time you spend
around all this stuff,
the more normal it becomes.
It's a world without any filters.
It may be crass and in your face, but
there is something very honest about it.
The outside world
seems strange and mundane.
You know that most of the
outside world is looking down on you,
but you also know
at the exact same time,
if they were really honest
with themselves,
they'd kill to be
on the inside with you.
There's Audrey Dawns.
Hottest newbie starlet in the biz.
After all these years,
everybody knew I was a family man.
But the second I saw her,
I knew that I was in trouble.
- Have you been on my site?
- I haven't, no.
Well, I'm not like your other sites.
I only do solo girl.
- Just me.
- What, do you got a guilty conscience?
Guilt? No. Hell, no.
I think people put too much
emphasis on guilt. You know?
Like, I bet if you ask
any one of those old-timers
in one of those old folks' homes,
they'll tell you
they regret the stuff they didn't do,
not the stuff they did.
- You only live once.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
- You ever feel like this partnership
isn't such a real partnership?
You mean like he's Mick Jagger
and we're a bunch of roadies?
Yeah. We made that motherfucker.
I'd like to be in business with you.
- That I might regret.
- Why do you say that?
'Cause I've been ripped off before.
That wouldn't happen with me.
- No?
- No, it wouldn't.
Any chance you could
get me the money
that's been ripped off
from me so far?
Don't worry about it. We're rich.
Well... rich and somebody's bitch.
- Hey, Jack.
- Hi.
Things seem to be going very well.
Yeah. Yeah, things are good.
What are you doing here?
I have a large variety of clients.
Enlighten me here, Jack.
- Why did you cut me out?
- I didn't cut you out.
I gave you 200 grand up front,
before I even knew a deal
was in place. Didn't I?
- Yes. Yes, you did.
- OK.
But... just look... look at you now.
Jerry, you're under indictment.
Please. Please, that'll never stick.
'Cause you see, I'm... I'm just...
I'm extremely smart.
Just answer me, why are you...
Why are you still hangin' around?
I mean, it certainly isn't the money.
Lord knows you have enough.
You're not a greedy man, Jack.
And for damn sure, it ain't the pussy.
You... you're sort of a throwback.
You're actually a faithful
and happily married man.
So why, why is it?
Jerry, why don't you just
enjoy the party, all right?
- You think too much.
- I love... I love to think.
And I... I love to hear my brain
go clickity, clickity, click.
Good to see you.
Sure thing, Jack.
- You don't want any?
- No.
Gentlemen. Gentlemen, hey,
get a hold of yourselves here.
I wanna introduce you
to the legendary Denny Z.
Hey, hey, hey.
Denny Z was a bottom feeder
and a complete scumbag.
The kind of person you'd be
embarrassed to spend time with.
In this business, that's saying a lot.
Yeah, I have some real interesting
ideas on the site's future, man.
I want to set up a sick-ass portal
- for premium members.
- Oh, yeah.
You wanna let me finish?
Fucking cutting-edge shit, man.
- I like what I'm hearing so far.
- Yeah, it sounds brilliant.
- I haven't even said anything.
- Hey, hey. Let... Don't worry about it.
Fuck the details.
I mean, the yak-yak-yak.
Let's try to make a deal here,
all right?
Denny Z, plus Haggerty,
plus Buck and Wayne added up
badly any way you looked at it.
They started their own secret deal
to make money behind my back.
But, in typical
Buck and Wayne fashion,
they had no idea what
they'd gotten themselves into.
- You got anymore vodka suppositories?
- Come on.
I hired some good new people,
got the place turned around,
then my friend couldn't come back to
take it back over, so now it's mine.
That's why he's got me.
See, if anybody steals from him,
I go and kick their ass.
I can't have any thieves
or crooks around here
because I'm too busy
stealing from Jack myself.
Like that motherfucker right there.
Excuse me.
Hey, dawg. What do you
think you're doing?
What you think you're doing?
- I'm doing myjob.
- I saw that shit.
All right, so let me guess.
You... you start
to go home less and less.
Your wife and kids
become total strangers,
and now you find yourself
lonely and confused
with a 23-year-old porn star.
Well, I mean, I wouldn't exactly
call myself an absentee father.
Sorry. I didn't mean to
strike a nerve or anything.
- That's OK.
- It's the oldest story in the book.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
It's a carbon copy
of my life growing up.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Absentee father working all the time.
A self-obsessed mother,
Eight Vicodins a day, drinks at noon.
Her idea of a
well-rounded conversation
usually consisted of questions like...
"Do I look puffy?"
I just think you are so much
better than this world that you're in.
What am I doing wrong, Diana?
Come on. You don't know?
What am I supposed to tell people?
I mean, how do you think I feel
that I can't tell anybody what you do?
Why is it important to you that you
can tell people what I do for a living?
Why is it not important to you?
That's what I wanna know.
What about our children? How do
you think they're gonna handle it
when they find out
what their daddy does?
Well, if they've been raised right,
which I think they have,
I just assume that they'll be OK,
which is all I care about.
Well, you haven't really been
raising them, have you?
Come on, you're never home, Jack.
How would you know if
they're being raised right?
Guess who that falls on?
I'm sorry about today in the car.
It's OK.
I missed you so much.
You feel good.
Where you going?
Come back here.
Where are you?
I don't know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
What do you mean you're sorry?
Oh, my God.
Let me out.
Let me out. Let me out!
Oh, my God.
So I guess we're talking
about a divorce then, aren't we?
What do you think?
We just go on like this?
Oh, God, I despise this hypocrisy.
I'm still in love with you, Diana.
So now I'm flying back to LA,
feeling like it's pretty much
over between me and Diana.
She was right.
I wasn't there anymore.
I'd become addicted to a lifestyle
of money, sex and power
that was light years away from family
or anything I'd ever experienced.
You see, the biggest problem
with my addiction,
was that like all addictions,
it sneaks up on you slowly.
You give into it incrementally,
in an almost imperceptible way.
The other thing was it wasn't
the kind of addiction
where you'd wake up with a hangover.
It wasn't the kind of thing
that would rob you of your wealth.
It didn't rob you of your health.
The more I indulged,
the richer it would make me.
I've got to tell you...
that's impossible to give up.
I can hear your thoughts.
I believe you.
You don't have to tell me.
You like post-orgasm silence?
Don't we all?
You don't have to be mean
just because you feel so guilty.
Do you need me to
let you off the hook?
Despite what you think, you actually
don't have that kind of power over me.
Don't kid yourself.
I'm not.
- I'm younger.
- Yeah.
- I'm hotter.
- OK.
And you like my pussy way more
'cause it's tighter and prettier.
That's so poetic.
You really know
all about this stuff?
All right, so this shows
the horse's past performance.
And this indicates how much
the horse has run.
See? This horse ran three times
in the last three weeks,
so it's probably tired.
- Yeah?
- We don't wanna bet on that one. 'Kay?
- All right.
- And this horse here,
it runs well on a sloppy track.
So just 'cause a horse won
its last few races,
doesn't mean it's gonna win
against a different class of horse.
- You're really good at this.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
- I'm sorry, I didn't order that.
- Courtesy of Mr. Sokoloff, sir.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'll be right back.
- Hey.
- You didn't have to do that.
- Hey, come, come.
- Thank you.
Did you know that
the FBI is following you?
- What?
- Don't look now.
Don't move. Don't react.
I'm just telling you that those men,
sitting at a table,
you can see them over my head,
they are with the FBI.
Organized Crime task force.
I know them because they practically
put me to bed every night.
What makes you so sure
they're following me?
And what makes you
so sure they're not?
They're also terrible actors.
They stick out like sore thumb,
don't you think?
That doesn't mean
they're following me.
Do you see that guy standing
above them? See him?
The one on the cell phone?
That's my cousin Yuri.
They follow me, he follows them.
He just called me a few seconds ago
and he said, they were talking
about you. Not about me.
Isn't that refreshing?
Maybe they tuck you in tonight?
They have no reason to follow me.
I'm just a businessman.
Aren't we all?
- Hi, baby.
- You know her?
Yes. I know her.
She danced at my clubs.
Nice girl. Very nice girl.
How do you know Niki?
We did some business
together a few years ago.
Yeah? Me, too.
Yeah, he said you danced
at one of his clubs.
Yep. His scumbag lawyer is the one
responsible for me losing all that money
- on my site.
- What do you mean?
Nikita set me up with
his lawyer to do my contracts
when I first started my site.
He really fucked me over.
- I don't understand.
- Jerry Haggerty.
- Yeah?
- Fucking scumbag.
Jerry Haggerty is Nikita's lawyer?
- Nikita something.
- Sokoloff?
I think that sounds about right.
Yep. Why, do you know him?
Let's go. Gotta get out of here.
- Where's Jerry?
- Hey, Jack.
What a surprise.
You're Sokoloff's lawyer?
- Sorry?
- You heard me, Jerry.
Now, Jack you know I can't
disclose who my clients are.
- That's attorney-client privilege.
- Why are you fuckin' with me, Jerry?
OK, then, yeah.
Yeah. Don't be moronic.
Of course I'm his lawyer.
I mean, how do you think I found out
about this situation in the first place?
You ripped me off.
In God's name,
what are you talking about?
The big fucking Russian Ivan.
That was you, I know that was you.
He shows up at my house
demanding double what I owed him.
- Some of that was meant for you.
- Yeah, so? So? So what?
So, I'm trying to take a little skim,
for Christ's sakes?
I mean, and you're making what?
Close to 1 00 million?
And what, you throw me
a tuna fish sandwich?
That ain't right. That ain't right.
And then, so... so tell me,
what... what do I get?
"Thanks for putting
this all together, Jerry."
That ain't right,
and you know it, motherfucker.
I took care of you, OK?
I've paid my debt to you.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
Yeah, well, see, the problem is
I don't really see it like that, Jack.
Listen, I'm serious.
All right? We're finished.
No. No, you see, we're not finished.
Yeah, we are, Jerry.
We can't be.
Listen, you killed Ivan, right?
- What did you just say to me?
- Well, I mean you had to kill him.
The man's gone. I mean,
he was here, and then he's gone.
I mean, vanished.
Disappeared. Like in thin air.
It seems pretty obvious
that he took the money and left.
Yes. Yes, see I...
I thought that too for a while.
But I don't think this guy would
have just run off with $450,000.
I mean, he might try to start a new life
with four or five million, you know,
but not that kind of chump change.
So, you see, it just doesn't
make any sense to me, Jack.
So you had to have
something to do with it.
Jerry, if you even suspected that
was the truth, you'd be bleeding me dry.
Sure. But I might be looking
to catch a bigger fish.
Listen, if you even think about
repeating this conversation to anybody,
even in jest, I swear to God,
I'll throw you off a fucking roof.
I didn't kill anybody.
Sure thing, Jack.
You oughta calm down a little.
I mean, we're just a couple
of guys talking here.
I just wanted to carve
out a moment of peace,
to close my eyes
and dream up a solution.
Something really romantic,
like Haggerty getting hit by a bus,
or Wayne and Buck
spontaneously combusting.
What I heard next, I could not believe.
- Guess what?
- What?
The FBI was just here.
Do you know anything
about terrorism, Audrey?
What kind of terrorism
are you referring to?
Do you mean like
national, international,
eco, bio or just your
everyday suicide bomber?
Middle Eastern terrorists, Audrey.
Audrey, we've come to you today
with an opportunity
that very few Americans
have ever had in history.
It turns out you have several
high-ranking members
of a terrorist organization
who are huge fans of your website.
Apparently, some terrorist in Hamburg
that Interpol was on the hunt for
was obsessed with Audrey.
It turned out they could
literally track his whereabouts
when he logged onto the site. Now,
he likes Audrey's website so much,
he emails another
terrorist in Afghanistan...
...who emails another in Pakistan.
Pretty soon, you've got
a worldwide terrorist circle jerk,
all because of Audrey's site.
The Navy was scrambling fighters
off the decks of aircraft carriers...
...whenever Audrey Dawns
was doing her thing.
They didn't think
we'd be willing to help them.
I think they were trying to figure out
a way to force you into it,
but they didn't have
anything compromising on you.
- This is crazy, isn't it?
- I know.
I mean, we're gonna be like...
We're gonna be like spies,
working for the government.
It turns me on!
It was all so crazy.
A 23-year-old porn star was
about to become a major component
in America's war on terror.
Now, at the same time,
Buck and Wayne finally put
together what Denny Z was up to
with their new secret website.
What do you mean? What do you
mean "under 1 8"? How do you know?
I'm telling you,
I saw it with my own eyes.
These girls are underage.
You need to confront this, Wayne.
I saw fuckin' pigtails,
I saw little fucking girls.
Shit, this is not good, man.
I can't believe he fucked us like that.
He totally fucked us!
Oh, no. I'm not going to prison. Oh, no.
We gotta get the fuck
out of the country, right now.
Call a chopper, land on the roof,
chopper out to Van Nuys Airport
and take the jet down to Cambodia.
- You're getting way ahead of yourself.
- We gotta get the fuck out.
We need to demand Denny Z
fucking disable this site!
And we need to fucking say nothing.
- I'm not going to prison.
- We're not fucking pedophiles, man.
- Yeah, tell that to the judge.
- Judge, we're not fucking pedophiles.
- Hey, guys, the FBI is here.
- What?
Yeah, they're up there talking to Jack.
- Terrorists?
- Correct.
- And Audrey?
- Right.
We've been able to confirm that
these terrorists have very
specific viewing patterns.
They're men.
For example...
...we have found that
they very much enjoy
solo or girl-on-girl,
much more than the hardcore.
I mean, they'll watch it,
but they're incredibly homophobic.
Another example.
They enjoy sites that have,
and this is a surprise to no one,
- a military theme.
- Military themes?
Girls posing with guns and the like.
What your government
is recommending...
We recommend Audrey create
a new section on her site
- with a separate payment method.
- A portal.
This will allow us to hone our efforts.
- What are they fucking doing?
- They're just talking.
I'm freaking the fuck out.
I'm not going to prison.
Oh, fuck!
...on their specific viewing,
much more so using
said portal through you.
And we believe this to be
the key to our success.
Oh, of course. Anything I can
do to help, I'll be glad to.
Oh, fuck. Oh, my God,
he's shaking their hands. Oh, fuck.
I'm fucking telling you,
he fucking called 'em!
So now these idiots think I'm
conspiring with the Feds against them.
Of course, I had no idea
what was going on.
They go into a full-blown panic,
and of all the people
in the world to confide in,
who do they go see?
Listen. I gotta tell you,
you guys really piss me off.
I'm pissed off because every time
you have a problem, you come to me.
It's never, "Hey, Jerry,
you wanna go have some dinner,"
or, "We're doing well,
now here's a little gift for you
because without you,
we would have nothing."
No, but if you got Russians
that are looking to kill you
or you're worried about the FBI
because you got a 16-year-old
on your website...
...I immediately become
your best friend. Right?
- It's not like that. That's not true.
- Well, bullshit.
- So, how bad is it?
- Minors fucking on your website?
It's not very good, to be honest.
It's not like it's kiddie porn.
The girls are 16 or 1 7...
You know, we gotta keep it down.
- The girls are 16 or 1 7 years old.
- I see.
But I'm not sure that the government
shares your sense of nuance there.
- What do we do?
- We? You got a turd in your pocket?
First thing you two
rocket scientists gotta do
is get rid of that creepy Denny Z.
You gotta get as far away
from that as possible.
- What?
- Buck called him already.
- Denny Z?
- Yeah.
You're the guy that
put us in touch with him,
told us to get into business with him.
I wanna introduce you
to the legendary Denny Z.
- That I don't recall.
- That's fucked up.
You don't remember that?
Respectfully, it's fucked up.
But it's rather irrelevant now,
isn't it?
I think it's relevant.
I mean, you did introduce us to him.
Nobody likes a finger pointed at them.
Nobody. And I demand the same respect
that I show you two jerk-offs.
Jerry, how do we make this disappear?
That's another "we."
Let me ask you a question,
what are you guys worth now?
Well, it's kind of
hard to keep track of.
Well, give me a rough. Like an estimate.
Maybe, what, 1 00 million?
- Maybe something in that area?
- It's more like 50.
- A hundred, 200 million.
- It's more like 50.
- About a hundred million.
- And, you know, God forbid,
you never thought of giving me
a little piece of that?
In the beginning, Jack said
you were under indictment.
Hey, fuck Jack.
And that little plan of yours
apparently didn't go so well.
You've got FBI looking up
your ass right now.
How about...
how about the three of us?
- We work together, make a partnership.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Now, what about Jack?
- Fuck Jack.
- I said that.
- We'll deal with him.
All right.
The first thing you gotta do
is get rid of that goddamn website.
Then maybe I can help
straighten things out for you.
Thank you very much. Thank you for
everything. You've been a real friend.
- Sure.
- I'm sorry.
- I actually gotta take a shit.
- Sit the fuck down.
Oh, forget about it.
So Buck and Wayne told Haggerty
they'd shut the site down.
What happened next you won't believe.
They just simply forgot.
Listen, I would like to say something
and it's from the bottom of my heart.
I would be extremely unhappy if,
let's say, I got blindsided
and I wound up in court with you two.
So I wanna ask, are you sure,
absolutely sure, that you've told me
everything that there is to know?
- There's an unnecessary pause here.
- No, no, no no, no, no. Jerry.
Jerry, we will never
do that to you again. OK?
Do not ever fuck with me.
- Jerry, Jerry...
- Fuck!
Do you understand?
- Do you understand?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And before you know it,
Buck and Wayne told Haggerty
about the dead Russian.
Every last detail about how
james accidentally killed Ivan.
They didn't get their money!
Now, Haggerty's got me
in the worst possible position.
- Yeah?
- Your son's been arrested.
- What?
- Your son has been arrested, Jack.
What happened? What did he do?
Maybe if you were around
a little bit, you'd know.
Our oldest son, Michael, decided he
didn't care for his grades that semester
so he hacked into the school's computer
system and changed them to his liking.
Now, even though
our marriage was over,
Diana and I always came together
for our children.
Even if we couldn't be a couple,
we were always gonna be a family.
So, we went to visit the
headmaster at the school.
And after some serious discussion,
and a generous donation
to the new gymnasium,
he decided to drop the charges.
What did you have in mind?
But that wasn't enough.
The Houston District Attorney,
Frank Griffin,
decided to proceed with the charges
anyway. So I paid him a visit.
Hi. Excuse me. I'm sorry, sir.
Do you have an appointment?
Sir. Excuse me, sir.
- Jack Harris.
- Sorry, Mr. Griffin. He walked past.
That's OK, gingersnap.
- May I?
- Please.
So... my lawyers
tell me we need to talk.
I know who you are and I'm not gonna
change my position, Mr. Harris.
Your son's committed a very serious
crime, and although he may be a minor,
the state of Texas intends to prosecute
him to the full extent of the law.
Mr. Griffin, he's just a kid.
He made a stupid mistake
and I've reprimanded him, severely.
With all due respect, sir, the school
doesn't even wanna press charges.
Do we really need to go
forward with all this?
Harris, let me lay it all out for you.
There are people, voters,
upstanding people,
to whom I am responsible.
I have to answer to them.
And they want to see him
tried for this?
Well, maybe the acorn doesn't
fall too far from the tree.
So that's what this is all about?
This is more about me than my son?
We all know what you do for a living.
You deal in pornography.
- I run a billing company.
- But you deal with pornography.
Like any hotel chain,
like any satellite or cable company.
- I'm just a middle man.
- I'm not gonna play semantics.
You're a pornographer. You peddle
pornography over the Internet.
I think we're getting off the subject.
Let's focus on why we're here.
What's this?
Here, I'll give you a hand with it.
Let's see, OK.
Yeah. YoungTightPussy.com.
BlacksOnBlondes.com. This is
your billing record, Mr. Griffin.
Take a look at it.
Now, God forbid this
should wind up in here
and fall into the wrong hands.
It'd be on the cover
of tomorrow's paper.
Can you imagine what that would
do to a campaign in this city?
Especially the campaign
of a man whose voter base
is a bunch of good, God-fearing
Christian conservatives?
I mean... that'd be terrible.
You realize you just attempted
to blackmail an officer of the court
and a publicly elected
Texas state official?
And it worked.
I'm assuming you can
clear up this mess.
I'll be glad to handle this
bump in the road for your son.
- Great.
- Can I count on your vote next year?
You got it.
The power of the
Internet is truly amazing.
Well, come hell or high water,
you get it done, don't you?
I try.
There's a part of me that hates
what you did to that man.
There's also a part of me that just...
I miss being protected
by you like that.
Oh, God, I'm confused.
- I'm sorry you feel that way.
- Just get out, Jack.
I'll call you when I get there.
When I was looking for dirt on the DA,
I came across this site here.
- It's a Denny Z site.
- Yep.
- You're not gonna like this.
- What?
It's under Buck and Wayne's domain.
- Shit.
- It gets worse.
With glass dildos?
We can make that happen.
- And I'll personally hire Santa.
- We have developed a new...
Are you out of your fuckin' mind?!
What the fuck's wrong with you?
Underage girls!
- Where is he?!
- We didn't know. I didn't know.
- Jack!
- He's at the Reseda house,
where they shoot everything.
Come on, we were gonna tell you.
We were in way over our heads!
Jack, Z fucked us!
Denny Z fucked all of us!
What the fuck are you doing, man?
Fucking son of a bitch!
I'll have you fucking killed, you prick!
Get the fuck out of my house!
What the fuck are you gonna do?
What the fuck?
Son of a bitch! Call 91 1 !
What's up with you?
You know, I used to sit
at the table with my family.
Is this the old-fashioned Jack?
Families are old-fashioned?
I think families are overrated.
You ever get the feeling that there's
a part of ourselves we just turn off?
- Which part is that?
- I feel like it's the part that...
...tells us this kind of
behavior is wrong.
Some of the things that we're doing...
You're gonna start moralizing?
Jack, you have made all this money
because of all the horny,
frustrated guys out there
who have to jerk off because
their wives or their girlfriends
don't treat them right. So...
so I become their little fantasy girl
for five bucks a pop and make 'em
forget for a fleeting fuckin' instant
that their wives and kids can't
stand the fuckin' sight of them.
So, no, I don't have guilt for that.
You're lucky.
And my soul is perfectly fucking intact.
- That's good.
- Yeah.
You know what I'm starting to think?
I'm starting to think
you're full of shit.
You are so fucking full of shit.
I don't fuckin' need to be here.
Why? Tell me why,
why do I have to be here?
So you can get a call in the middle of
the night from your fucking bitchy wife,
your fucking Texas bitchy fucking wife,
saying that one of your
spoiled fucking kids
can't make it to the prep school
fucking homecoming?
Your bags are packed, Audrey.
We don't belong anywhere
near each other, that's why.
I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean
what I said about your family.
I'm sorry, Jack. Just, please
don't do this to me. Please.
Please, please.
Please don't do this to me.
I'll do what you want.
I'll do whatever you want me to do.
I'll be whatever you
want me to be, Jack. Please.
Fine. Fine.
Fucking fine!
- Yeah?
- jack, it's Allmans.
- I gotta see you.
- Can it wait?
It can't wait an hour.
Thanks for coming, Jack.
You wanna lift up your arms for me
if you wouldn't mind, please?
I just gotta make sure
you're not wearin' a wire.
Why the hell would I wear a wire?
Have a seat, Jack.
I'm here to help you.
I just can't risk getting
compromised in that process.
Forgive me for takin' the
battery out of your phone here.
You're a stand-up guy, Jack.
Your country owes you.
Case in point, two nights ago,
several top-ranking terrorists
were taken out in a fire fight
in Afghanistan.
Several arrests
were made in Europe, Indonesia.
All told about 1 00 rounded up.
And in no small part, thanks to you.
So when I found out about this other
thing, the least I could do is warn you.
Warn me about what?
One of our
investigators has confirmed
the use of underage girls
on one of your websites.
- Jesus.
- Yeah, it's bad, Jack.
Any way you cut it,
it's child pornography,
which means you're indicted
and you go to jail.
I got nothing to do with
that website, you know that?
I do know that.
But you got partners.
What am I supposed
to do about this warning?
Get out, now, yesterday if possible.
- I can't.
- Sure you can.
If by "I can't," you're referring
to this mess, let's talk about it.
How you boys doing tonight?
One of your ex-bouncers
was busted for drugs
a couple of months ago and told us
a story about Ivan Sokoloff,
nephew of Nikita Sokoloff,
being murdered in your
living room five years ago.
Said bouncer also witnessed you
dumping the body in the ocean
off the coast of Catalina.
It's myjob to know when
people are lying to me, Jack.
He wasn't.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
I guess that's what I'd say.
But I'm here to help you, so let me
tell you what I think happened.
You're out here, you got strong-armed.
I don't know, maybe you're
doing somebody a favor,
but you got here and realized you
could make a quick buck and get out.
But then you got partnered
with these idiots,
who now you can't trust because
they're hanging this Sokoloff thing
over your head. Listen, I don't
give a shit that Ivan is dead.
We, your government,
celebrates when a piece of shit
like this no longer breathes.
But this child pornography thing...
...that doesn't go away, Jack.
That's you in prison.
So, I mean, what am I supposed to do?
I mean, I can't go back in time.
You did your government a solid.
That's why you're getting the warning.
The rest is up to you to figure out.
- Honey!
- Diana, what's going on?
- They took him!
- What?
They took him!
Boys! Come on.
You call police, we kill your boy.
Better call your husband instead.
- Yeah?
- jack. I have your son.
Don't fuck around with me.
I will call you tonight
with what I want.
I got it. All right? I'm on my way.
Just don't do anything, all right?
- What the hell is this?
- This is the boy.
- What?
- This is boy from house.
- What the hell are you talking about?
- That's not Jack's kid.
That child is Mexican.
That's Alejandro, the maid's kid.
What is Mexican?
This is boy from house.
That's Alejandro! That's Alejandro!
- Wait.
- That's Alejandro!
- Wait.
- Hi, Alejandro.
You say it's not Jack's boy?
Nikita, do you not understand
the English that we're speaking?
This is the housekeeper's son.
His mother is the housekeeper.
This is a Mexican person.
We are Caucasian people, OK?
You think Jack's gonna
give a shit about this?
You know, he's gonna call the cops!
Hey, is it a bag of hammers or a bag
of hair that you have for brains?
It's a Mexican!
It's a Mexican boy.
- Shut up!
- We gotta get the fuck outta here.
- Did you send them...
- No, I got a bad feeling.
Sit the fuck down.
You are not going anywhere.
Where'd you find these people anyway?
I've done this before.
I know this man. He will pay.
- OK, OK.
- And if you fuck up...
...I swear I'll kill you.
You OK, Dad?
Come here.
I need you to do something for me, OK?
Keep an eye on Mom, all right?
Got it? She loves you a lot.
Yes, sir.
Good boy.
I'm gonna get him back, Diana.
Why am I not surprised?
Because, Jack, you're a very smart man.
You've also always been
a very lucky man,
but, alas, your luck seems
to have run out on you.
I assume that's the money?
Let's focus on why we're here.
You're not gonna get shit from me
until I know the kid is safe.
Jack, we're not animals here. Of course.
And this'll make you happy.
That money's not going to me,
it's going to him.
Hey, buddy.
You all right? You sure? OK.
Let's go, all right?
Can he go now?
- Yeah, sure.
- Alejandro, just take a left.
Go down the hall.
Thank you for not hurting him.
- Why did you kill Ivan?
- I didn't kill anybody.
All right?
I promise, it was an accident.
You can ask them. They were there.
No, no, no.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
We had nothing
to do with that, Nikita.
- It was James, his bodyguard...
- He threatened my family.
It wasn't supposed
to go down that way, Nikita.
I know he was your nephew,
and this might not mean much,
but, look, I'm very sorry...
Easy there, we don't want him
signing contracts under duress.
Jack, there's really no need
for long conversation here.
I mean, you got the kid back, so why
don't you just sign these papers
and we're through.
What am I supposed to sign?
Every line that's
got your name next to it.
See, that'll certify that the
business now belongs to Nikita,
myself and the boys.
So with pen in hand,
would you like to write?
Get out... now.
What am I supposed to do?
I mean, I can't go back in time.
Can I backdate this to last year,
so I don't get screwed paying a bunch
of taxes on money I don't even have?
What did... what did you ask?
May I backdate this?
Yeah, sure. I don't see what
difference it fuckin' makes.
- Go ahead.
- Thank you.
You know, Jack, this is great.
I mean, straight up fuckin' great.
I've been waitin'...
A long time I've been waiting...
You think you're
so fuckin' cute cutting me out.
Well, now you got shit.
A piece of shit like that
couldn't be trusted.
No, no, no, no more killing.
- Come on, respectfully, please...
- Sit down.
One has to be careful
when he choose his partners...
...Mr. Harris.
You make good things for us
all these years.
Sometimes business
is more important than family.
Now, get out.
Clean up that mess.
So then Jack forced us to go
with him to dump the body.
Yeah, then he said if we
told anybody, he'd kill us.
Where did you dump the body?
Told you before, in the ocean.
Jack dumped the body in the ocean.
The ocean's the ocean.
The ocean's the ocean, huh?
Yeah, asshole.
- Where the fuck is my lawyer?
- Let's focus on why we're here,
'cause we're not here to talk about
dumped bodies and alleged murders.
We're here to talk about
child pornography.
Jack was just as much
a part of that as we were.
- Just as much as you?
- Absolutely.
He's OK.
We have a contract that Jack signed
selling his shares of the company
six months prior
to the Denny Z business,
but it's nice to know there's no
dispute regarding your involvement.
So thanks for that.
Come on, let's get you inside.