Miffo (2003) Movie Script

When I told my parents I was going
to be a priest, my mother cried.
"And I used to be so proud of you,"
she said.
Dad offered to give me the car
if I didn't do it.
I told him I'd think it over.
Lord, anoint Tobias Carling
with the Holy Spirit
and accept him
as a minister of your church.
I'm 29, my student loans
total half a million Crowns...
I don't have an apartment,
and, what's worse, no girlfriend either.
There's no way
I'm moving back in with my folks.
I mean, there's a limit...
So I'm renting a room
at an ex-girlfriend's place.
Six years ago
I lugged this bed out of there.
I was going to throw it out,
I wouldn't need a narrow bed ever again.
I would meet someone at college
who'd show me the world
and my life would change forever.
Mom told me to keep it,
it might come in handy.
Unfortunately she was right,
but thanks anyway, Mom.
How did you manage
to get this place?
Money under the table. Here are your keys.
- Do you find that unethical?
- No...
Everyone does it,
and it beats living in student housing.
- Are you going out?
- Yes. This is stuff you left behind.
Listen... it's really nice of you
to let me stay here.
- I wouldn't have asked if...
- Please, Tobias.
It's water under the bridge.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm sure.
I chose this job to effect change.
In my own life, and that of others.
There will come a day when
the bitter truth is unavoidable:
You cannot do your life over again.
Youth belongs only to the young.
But only the old
know how to use it well.
Hi, Dad. About the car, I think I need it.
I'm not staying here a second longer.
I've quit. I'm going to apply for an
assignment you didn't even know existed.
- Did you want something?
- No, I mean... it looked like you were...
You know...
Like, praying or something...
No, It's about time...
Something's got to happen!
- Hello?
- What's going on here?
I wanted to ask if you know
where the church is.
- No.
- Nope.
Well, thanks.
I called about the job. I'm Tobias.
I had a hard time finding my way.
Come here. Look down there.
Down there. See it?
A mosque, in an old bowling alley.
Yet they're packing them in.
Even Swedes go there. Real Swedes, I mean.
Like you and I, blond-bearded types.
I wish I knew how they do it...
You know we'll be closed down
if attendance doesn't improve?
It won't affect me,
I've been retired for a long while.
I was just waiting for someone
who would be willing to take over.
What did you do wrong
at the Pastoral Institute to end up here?
- I actually applied for this position.
- Really? Why?
- It seemed like a challenge.
- A challenge?
Not a downtown congregation where
people mostly care about the stock market.
Have you ever been here before?
No, but I know what it's like.
- People here have real problems.
- Like what?
Like unemployment, alcoholism,
or that they're immigrants, I guess.
- The ones who really need the church.
- I see. So go out and tell them that.
Maybe I should, people don't seem
to know that there is a church here.
No wonder they don't show up, right?
We have to lure them in,
try a new approach. Like a meeting, maybe.
Invite people to share their views
on what the church does.
- People need to feel invested.
- Is that what the institute teaches now?
Among other things, yes.
You need to talk to people,
to let them know you're there.
- Go door to door?
- Sure. Or hand out flyers.
Or put up posters. Anything. People
are actually interested in this. They are.
Cut through the media clutter,
and there's interest in spirituality.
You do have a copier, right?
I could be wrong, but I don't think
they are particularly interested.
No, this ship of ours is sinking.
And it's too late
for this old rat to jump ship.
This isn't right. You got money last week,
and you're saying it's already gone?
- Yes.
- Have you bought anything unusual?
- Nothing.
- It has to be something.
- We bought slacks.
- How much were they?
How much were yours?
Where did you buy them? They're fabulous.
Thank you.
They're Italian, but they were on sale.
- You're new, right?
- Why?
- 299.
- In Taiwanese currency.
- Have you tried giving up smoking?
- A thousand times.
Welfare is not income. It's a temporary
solution, as a last resort.
Listen, Ruben, or whatever.
Do you hear yourself?
You're saying that our established way of
life is pointless. I can tell you it is.
- You make it sound like my fault.
- Whose is it? Your busty coworker's?
- Birgitta?
- Is it her fault?
Maybe it's God's fault
that there aren't enough apartments
for someone like me
to move out before age 40.
Give me a hundred grand to buy one
on the black market, like everyone else.
- Here...
- "Groceries only."
That's all I can do right now.
- Hi, I'm Tobias Carling...
- I'm not buying.
I'm the new priest here.
Would you like to come to a meeting?
Hi, my name is Tobias Carling.
I'm the new priest.
- What?
- I'm a priest.
- What?
- Priest...
- Hi, I'm Tobias...
- Come in.
Oh... I'm a priest.
I brought these...
So you just want a regular fuck, then?
Did you ring my bell? A little while ago?
I didn't get to the door in time.
When I'm in the bathroom
people can make it all the way
back to town before I get my pants on.
You're a priest, right?
Do you lend people money?
No... or, what do you mean?
Somebody told me the church
could help out with a small loan.
- What do you need the money for?
- The rent.
- How much do you need?
- 500.
- Actually, 600.
- Actually...
I'll pay you back. Promise.
You know what, keep it.
I don't think
I'll be coming around here again.
I've walked around just trying to talk
to people all day long, but it's not...
I don't know, no one
seems interested in that.
For 600 I'll talk as much as you like.
- You don't say?
- I do.
Want to go eat?
- So you really believe in God?
- Yes, I do.
I mean, in what way?
What way?
- You've got to know how you believe.
- Of course I do, but what...?
Bring us two more beers.
Enjoy your meal.
I have a spinal cord lesion,
not a drinking problem.
And I do smoke.
- Don't tell Ruben.
- Who's Ruben?
A twerp in expensive pants
who knows squat about basic needs.
You don't know many people like me.
No? I can tell.
- Two beers, there you go.
- Thank you.
- So, what do you do?
- Nothing.
No one wants someone like me
to sexually harass in the workplace.
I shouldn't complain,
I could've been a retard.
- Go on, ask me...
- What?
Anything. Everybody's curious,
but nobody dares ask me anything.
- Well...
- So ask!
- Can't you feel a thing?
- No. Not below the navel.
Nothing at all?
- So you...?
- What?
- Never mind.
- What?
When I see that skier,
Tomas Fogd, I think about...
- Fucking?
- No...
- Everyone asks that. Without fail.
- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
- If you're asking me personally...
- You don't need to...
I have no problem there,
even if it's been a while.
Oh, this is my favorite song! Turn it up.
So turn it up!
Hits you when you're down
It's a fool's game
Nothing but a fools game
Standing in the cold rain
Feeling like a clown
Damn it... Carola?
You fell for it.
- Shit...
- What?
I forgot my keys,
and Mom and her boyfriend are asleep.
So, what do we do?
- Boost me through the window.
- No...
What are you saying?
I'm stuck. You'll have to climb in.
I'm Tobias, the new priest around here.
- Where's the chair?
- We didn't mean to wake you.
- It's all my fault.
- Leffe, go fetch the chair.
No, I'll get it.
Hey... Hey!
You can use the door.
Right. I didn't think of that.
- Want a drink?
- Of course he does.
No, thanks, I'm fine...
I don't think I've met
a priest since I left school.
Well, I think I'd better...
Heard the one about how the priest
who realized he was at a gay bar?
- No.
- You see, he ordered a sausage.
And it tasted like shit.
Shut up, Leif. His jokes are awful.
I've never laughed once.
- Here we go again, it's the crutches.
- You did. The Polish whore and the olives.
It's a Lebanese guy. Torture victim.
We've complained,
but the landlord does nothing.
- Cigarette?
- No, thanks.
I'm fine. I'd better...
- I'd better go home.
- No, no. Stay the night.
- There's a bed in Carola's room.
- No, I...
I can't... No, I mean
I have to go home now.
Okay... Bye!
You fell for it, all of you.
Happy birthday!
Right, thanks.
Except it's not today.
- Isn't it the sixth?
- Of January.
I really thought...
- How stupid of me. Sorry!
- No. It's fine, right? What...?
It's great. We'll celebrate anyway.
Besides, I don't remember
your birthday either, so we're even.
Aren't you getting out of bed today?
I found this.
It's his, isn't it?
Hi, Mom. This is my new girlfriend.
Her name is Carola.
She lives on welfare.
She drinks a lot,
and smokes two packs a day.
And she's in a wheelchair.
But that doesn't matter, does it?
Her mother and this guy Leif would
love to have you over for a family dinner.
What do you say?
It could be really delightful...
- You wrote that.
- What? You wrote that one, I think.
No way! Pull the other one.
How are you?
I thought I was
committed to certain ideals.
Human rights...
I really thought so.
But when it came right down to it,
when it wasn't just talk
I chickened out right away.
What a lousy priest...
Hey, wait! Didn't you forget something?
Well, sorry.
- Is it all right if I go home now?
- Yes.
I know exactly how you feel, you know.
I can't tell you how many times
I've been in this very situation.
You don't have
to feel sorry for me, I'm fine.
I wasn't expecting a massive crowd
but if we have churches,
there should be morning services.
It's an obligation we need to fulfill,
or we might as well curl up and die.
What are you doing here, anyway?
You don't work here anymore.
- Hello...
- Hello.
Right... About last night...
I'm really sorry about that.
I really should have known better.
I think you're a lovely...
I came to give you this back.
You dropped it.
What the hell do you think?
That I've been sitting here, having
wet dreams about a fancy guy like you?
You think you're so great,
working out here in the projects
only to go home to your condo,
and then get a gold star in Heaven.
- But you look down on us.
- I do not.
Yes, you do. You look down on Leffe
and his jokes, and on Mom, and me.
But that's what he's like:
cheap smokes and bad jokes. That's him.
He doesn't want your help. Neither do I.
If you don't get that,
you don't belong here.
- And I have a boyfriend, by the way.
- Well, yesterday you said...
I thought a priest would know
that you can be in a relationship
without fucking all the time.
I can't feel a thing.
Which makes it kind of pointless, right?
It's a bird that's easy to mistake
for a chiffchaff...
- Let's go home.
- Please...
Don't get started. Hey, come on.
I love you. We'll talk tomorrow.
So, it is...
kind of the poet of the forest.
Okay, next bird...
It just left.
- I see.
- Do you have the time?
- A quarter to.
- Can I have it?
- What was that?
- The watch, hand it over.
- No.
- Give me your watch, damn it.
Your cell phone and your money too.
Here... It's a hassle to replace your ID.
- Right, thanks...
- Bye.
- Did you report it to the police?
- No.
- Do that, so your insurance pays out.
- Sadly, there's no solidarity nowadays.
Says the woman
who makes 70,000 a month, or something.
- Not now.
- Doesn't he know how much you make?
No, it's a sensitive subject.
She forgot the fan again.
Maybe you should talk to her.
She might pay more attention to a woman
on that subject.
It's basically your own fault, with your
sheltered childhood and lack of guile.
- Islam is a violent religion.
- Erik!
I'm just saying it clashes
with our Christian ethics.
- So you believe in God?
- Of course I don't.
- That's what I thought.
- Without religion, there would be no wars.
- Right.
- We still believe that.
- There's one left, if someone wants it.
- No.
- I can open another can.
- It's fine. You take it.
I'll just take half of it...
It's really great that you and Jenny
have moved back in with each other.
I rent a room from her, that's it.
Yes, but still...
I am so hung over.
We were going to take it easy last night
but Leffe brought a work friend home,
and, you know...
What was it like with you and Dad?
Was it "true love" and stuff?
It sure was.
He couldn't take his eyes off me.
Or his hands, for that matter.
We took a motor bike to Copenhagen
and got engaged right away.
Then we ran into a truck.
No, it was a school bus...
That was outside Helsingborg. He was
sentenced to two months for drunk driving.
And I never saw him again.
- Hello, girls.
- Hi, sweetie.
Say, Carola...
Know how to make a blonde scream twice?
- Yes, you can have a cig, Leif.
- Sure?
First you fuck her backdoor...
"And then you
wipe yourself on the curtains."
- I'll buy you a whole carton later.
- Sure...
What the hell do you need him for?
Isn't the vibrator in your drawer enough?
Leffe, what are you doing?
Did you forget to tie your shoelaces?
Leif! No... Leif
No, what the hell? Leif!
Ashes to ashes...
Dust to dust.
Jesus Christ will resurrect you
on Judgment Day.
I didn't know Leif,
so it's hard for me to talk about him.
Maybe one of you would like to say a word?
I only met Leif once, and then...
And he asked me...
...if I knew...
...how the priest figured out
that he was at a gay club.
Well, because he thought
the sausages tasted like shit.
You see, Leif is still
the same old Leif. He...
He hasn't become someone else
just because he's dead.
I believe that if Leif goes to Heaven,
it will be Leif's heaven.
There are no golden harps or...
...or cherubs and stuff like that.
But I expect there would be a lot of...
...cheap smokes and bad jokes.
Because that was how Leif was.
That's the way he wanted to be.
Anyone else
remember another one of Leif's jokes?
What do you get if you cross a municipal
worker with a member of the Taliban?
A killer snail!
Do you know...?
Do you know why fighter planes
fly over Norway upside-down?
- Come on.
- That joke's so tired!
No it's not!
Do you know why...
Do you know why...
...why the Pope wears swim trunks
in the shower?
He doesn't want
to look down on the unemployed.
- Hello.
- Hello.
I woke up really early and thought,
"He's actually not bad, that priest."
Did I wake you?
Hang on...
- Who is it?
- Just a girl from my congregation.
I buried her dad yesterday. Her stepdad.
She's a bit sad, she needs to talk.
- But you're off duty. It's Saturday.
- Right. I know.
- Where are you going?
- The bathroom.
- Do you have to?
- Yes.
- But she's in a wheelchair!
- Yes.
That's so sad,
she could have been so pretty.
Yes. Maybe so...
Your mom called to remind you
about the flowers.
- Who was that?
- A friend.
A friend with benefits?
- A friend I rent a room from.
- Who comes prancing around in a nightie.
Well, it is her apartment, after all.
Leffe said I should be a lawyer,
since I'm so good on the defensive.
I had no idea
I'd miss the bastard so much.
I liked him,
even though he was a moron.
If anyone was mean to me,
he would always scare them shitless.
Even though I wasn't his kid.
He was just so... kind.
It's too bad I never told him that.
And now it's too late.
Yeah. It can very easily get too late.
How did you get your injury?
I mean, were you born with it?
You could say that I got dealt a bad hand.
This is it.
They're away,
and I promised to water their plants.
- Holy shit...
- What?
- Are there more than two of them?
- My parents like space.
Mom loves her books, she says.
Oddly enough, I've never seen her
read them, but I guess it's a thing.
Dad sees himself as a humanitarian
even though he can't get along with anyone
or been employed for ten years.
Sometimes I get the urge
to just leave it all.
- Yeah, and go to Las Vegas.
- What?
- It seems like a great place.
- Las Vegas? Maybe so...
So why don't you go?
I don't know,
I guess I don't have the guts.
This used to be my room.
That was a long time ago.
I should have taken it down.
"To Tobias, thanks for the letter."
Were you in love with her?
- So this is where I'd sit...
- Poor Tobias.
- It must've been awful.
- Yes, it was.
What terrible things did they do to you,
force you to play the violin?
You freak!
- Freak?
- That's what you are!
What's the matter?
You don't want to.
- It's fine. I'm used to it, you know.
- I really didn't mean...
I get it. I'm not turned on
by wheelchair people either.
You tell me what to do.
You can start with my top.
Just pull...
The rest is just like usual...
Come here.
Where are you going?
I'm just going to...
The flowers... I forgot about the flowers.
Thank you.
Well, check that out!
The one thing our moms have in common!
I just found it in the drawer...
I didn't use it.
What is that?
Man, was that funny! They do have a
sense of humor, don't they? Good Lord.
The next time I see them,
I'll explain what happened.
Hey... Cheer up. Hey.
- Listen...
- Yes.
What I said about
not feeling anything, it's not true.
It felt really good.
- It felt good right here.
- Okay, great.
You know what?
I've got to go home. Got to run...
You know what? I'll call you. Okay?
I'll call you tomorrow. Great. Bye.
And suddenly,
they were just standing there.
While that golden dick
was buzzing away on the floor.
- It was so embarrassing.
- Good lord, Carola.
Come on, it wasn't that bad.
Where did your sense of humor go?
- It's him I'm thinking of.
- Tobias?
- What do you think will happen now?
- What? We like each other.
Yeah. Sure... I'm sure it'll work out.
You don't think anyone could
love your freak of a kid, do you?
- Pity you didn't have an abortion.
- Stop it!
You know that's not how I feel.
It's just...
I honestly don't believe
that you'd be good for each other.
You're too different.
- Honey, I just care for you.
- No, you don't.
- No, you know what you are? Jealous.
- I am not.
I shouldn't do better than you.
Just because all you get
are losers that fuck and run.
Guys that care more
about your booze than about you.
And in our own bed, too.
Can't we trust you anymore?
It's also
very unprofessional of you.
You've taken advantage
of your position as a priest.
There are many
emotionally unstable people
that look to priests
for help and guidance.
How can they trust you
if you do something like this?
You know as well as I do that
you get too personally involved in things.
Don't you see what hopes
you might arouse in this girl?
She's not just anybody
you break up with when the novelty
wears off in a week or so.
It's an enormous responsibility,
have you considered that?
- Are you listening to me?
- Yes.
Maybe she'll be a vegetable
in ten years' time.
And children.
She might not be able to have any.
There are lots of things
you can't do together.
Travel. Go skiing...
This isn't a charity.
This is real life.
Okay... yes.
- Hello?
- Hello, it's Tobias Carling. Is Carola in?
No, could I give her a message?
I wanted to ask
if she wanted to see me, but...
- I can call later.
- She doesn't want to see you.
What was that?
I can't bear to see her let down again.
Do you understand me?
- Is she in?
- No, she's out with her boyfriend.
And how the hell
are you planning to pull that off?
- You need to at least finish 9th grade.
- So I'll do that.
- And post-9th grade.
- So?
And then lots more schooling.
There's no way you could do that.
- Sure I could, if I was motevated.
- Well, damn. Motevated?
It means to want something,
but you can't even spell that.
It's mo-ti-vated, with an I. Motivated!
- Who cares about that?
- Carola wants to be a lawyer.
I'm going to study
and at least make sure I finish 9th grade.
Apply for a disability pension,
so you can support me.
Then I wouldn't have to
keep jumping through job-seeking hoops.
- What's the matter with you?
- How was the jailbait last night?
- Can I help that she followed me around?
- Sure.
- Don't let it bug you.
- I don't.
You and I, we belong together.
You know that.
It doesn't bug me
because I've met someone.
What did you say?
I've met someone who actually cares.
- Who is he?
- Never you mind.
- Have you fucked him?
- Yeah, and it felt really good.
Beat it...
Beat it, you fucking bitch! Go!
What the hell are you looking at?
So you're still here, are you?
Oh, my...
Yes, I've been sitting here, thinking.
I wanted to tell you
that I don't pity you. Quite the opposite.
I envy your energy.
I used to be like you once upon a time.
But it... I don't know,
it sort of fades over the years.
It's taken me seven years to get here.
Back at the Pastoral Institute,
we could discuss for weeks on end...
if we should always
wear our collars on duty
or if a turtleneck was enough.
As if anybody cared at all.
I should have become
a psychologist instead.
Whatever will be, will be.
Will you be going home
to your girlfriend now?
No, I don't have one.
Let me tell you, I was close once.
Let's see...
Birgit. On land. '63.
I was reassigned and she wouldn't
go with me. So we lost touch...
I haven't seen her since then.
In retrospect,
I wonder if I did the right thing.
Well, that...
When the new phone books come,
I check if her number has changed.
But I've never called, though...
It's like a...
I don't know. It's a small comfort.
No, nobody has called.
Hanna from Arlv, thank you
You taught me a thing or two
I really liked
that you never would lie
So now I can stand up for myself
Stand up for myself!
We worked in the laundry together
She was a communist
Now how could a 50-year-old lady
go be a commie?
The heat of the laundry room
bugged her
But the boss, well he said
he couldn't afford to put in fans
Kiss my ass, said Hanna
Hanna from Arlv, thank you
You taught me thing or two
I really liked
that you never would lie
So now I can stand up for myself
Stand up for myself!
How about this one?
God is clearly absent
'Cause he'd rather
be dead than Red
Too bad he didn't really know
that he was dead and gone...
God is clearly absent
'Cause he'd rather
be dead than Red
He wasn't where he ought to be
He was dead and gone
Okay... How about this one?
Don't go losing those new mittens
The wind, it's blowing so cold
Don't spend all the money you have
'Cause living is expensive
Don't go losing all your teeth now
The wind, it's blowing so cold
Don't you tremble...
I'm sort of suspicious of people
who are big on causes.
I mean, it makes you wonder
what they're running away from.
Like your mom,
she can't even take care of our cat
and now she's off to Africa
to hand out condoms.
- Right, it's weird.
- I give it a month.
Just like when she was into
having foster kids. Remember that?
Are the walls thin here?
- Is Tobias in? Could I speak to him?
- We have guests...
Hey, this is no way to behave.
Hey, you!
Why didn't you call?
You said you'd call but you didn't.
- Talk to him on duty.
- Stay out of this!
- Your problems...
- I believed you.
This is my home, you have no right to...
- Get out!
- Let me go!
- I'm calling the police.
- Stop, god damn it!
Are you all completely stupid?
Come on.
I was going to call you.
Why didn't you? If you had, I wouldn't
have crashed your upper-crust dinner.
- You could have joined us.
- Quit lying and admit that you're ashamed!
Is that surprising,
considering how you're behaving?
Do you think you can behave badly
because you're in a wheelchair?
If you spent half the energy
you spend hating everyone and everything,
you could have gone far,
instead of boozing with your mom!
- You have no idea.
- No. No one knows anything, right?
It's simpler that way. Poor Carola.
Stick your head in the sand.
Why do you think you're disabled?
Did you ask her about that?
Don't you get it? If she wasn't
such a lush you wouldn't be sitting there!
No, sorry...
I don't know anything about that.
Listen, Carola.
I think you're a wonderful girl.
I think you're incredible, really I do.
I took advantage of my position as priest.
- And you were vulnerable...
- Do you believe that crap yourself?
- So, did you sleep with her?
- Yeah.
I've never thought about
if that they can.
Of course they can!
You're doing the right thing.
I mean,
it would never work in the long run.
You have nothing in common, after all.
Just think of everything
you'd have to do.
You'd be, like, her caretaker.
That doesn't work.
You did the right thing, I promise you.
Tobias, face it... I mean...
I know this will sound
very middle-aged, but...
after that first flush of infatuation
there's a long, rough life ahead of you,
so you need to find someone who...
...someone that's right for you.
Yes, of course...
I'm such an idiot.
That's me in a nutshell:
kind, dumb Jenny, who never gets it.
That's how it is.
Everything I do goes wrong.
That's nonsense.
I'm so dull that people can meet me
ten times and still not remember me.
- That's not true.
- I'm so sick of myself.
I can see why you were too.
- Will you stop it?
- I wouldn't want to date me either.
Jenny who is just so nice.
- Who cares?
- I do.
I care about you.
You know that.
She's the only thing I've ever done right
in my life.
Would you like me stay for a bit?
- Yes.
- Do you want a cup of tea?
I'll go get it for you.
I'll be right back.
It feels just like it used to.
You even smell the same.
If you only knew how happy I am...
Gunnar told me...
I'm sorry if...
I didn't mean to...
You know...
Shit, Lola...
You and me have always belonged
I bought you some flowers. Carnations.
What did you do, try to kill them?
Maybe they need a vase.
- Should I go get one?
- Yeah, you do that.
Oh, sorry about this...
I've been here all weekend,
I got carried away.
I haven't had this much fun
since I was a Boy Scout.
I mean...
The way you talked about
what the church can be.
And after the funeral,
it felt like we were on a roll,
and that it was worth pursuing,
so I took the liberty of...
Consider it a first draft -
a starting point for discussions.
No good?
I know, I'm no wordsmith, but...
I had to grab the opportunity.
Why don't we try again, together?
I'm going to quit.
I'm really sorry, but this is pointless.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Help yourself to a jam tart.
My grandchild made them
at nursery school.
Well, this all looks fine.
Leo tells me you worked in the projects.
A useful experience, I imagine.
When I was your age
I went to Kenya for a few years.
- Welcome aboard.
- Thank you.
They're mine!
Okay, let's try it this way.
Uncle Bengt next to your aunt Eva.
- They won't like each other. I'm certain.
- Okay. How about this?
Aunt Eva next to Leo
and that therapist
next to your cousin Klas.
- But he's a creep.
- I know, right?
- So why did you invite him?
- He's your cousin.
Do these people
really have anything to do with us?
Look, this guy and that guy
and this woman, they... Never mind.
These two people are important.
The rest I don't care about.
- Take Lars kesson here. Who is that?
- He was on the list.
- I thought he was one of yours.
- Absolutely not.
But how...?
Oh, I can't take this...!
How about a different approach?
Just the two of us.
What do you say?
Let's go to Las Vegas and get
married at the Elvis chapel, or something.
- Las Vegas?
- Yeah!
- Yes, that would be nice.
- It would, right?
- Let's do it.
- Yes.
- Just go for it!
- Absolutely.
Okay, we're doing it.
I'm doing it!
What are you doing? Are you nuts?
- But you said...
- The invitations have been sent.
Now we'll have to do this all over again!
In the presence of these witnesses
I ask you, Tobias Nils Carling:
Will you take Jenny Maria Brunander
to love and cherish?
Dear friends...
As your toastmaster,
I have the pleasure to present
the father of the groom.
Dear bridal couple, I haven't lost a son
I've gained a daughter.
The parents of the bride.
...as we have managed
to enjoy years of happiness.
So we would like
to share some good advice.
Hugging and kissing
Should never be missing
And will make every day
special and nice
The best thing about you, Jenny...
- Is that you're...
- So crazy and plain nutty.
You really are!
I need say no more than:
Brighton, 1988.
Spain in '92...
Not to mention re in '97.
Talk about slippery slopes!
The grandmother of the bride.
Excuse me...
What the hell are you doing?
Why are you in here? What's up?
I shouldn't have done this.
I shouldn't have gotten married...
- What?
- Jenny.
Jenny is the sweetest person
on earth, but I don't love her.
- I just don't!
- What?
I thought...
I don't know what I thought,
but this is wrong.
Wrong, do you understand?
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
- I regret it. I regret getting married.
- Pull yourself together.
There's a party going on
out there. Speeches.
- Guests who have traveled far.
- No, you're wrong!
You were wrong. I love Carola. I love her.
I think about her all the time, every day.
And I treated her like dirt!
Even at the altar, I was thinking of her.
That she would come take me away.
Don't be so goddamn selfish!
Think about Jenny now.
If it doesn't work out,
you can always get a divorce.
This is the 21st century, after all.
Come on now. Come,
- Come on!
- All right...
We apologize...
But even a groom needs
to do his business sometimes...
I've been thinking about you.
All right?
Quite a bit, honestly.
Who is it?
Well, I'll be...
Hello there, Preacher Man. How are you?
- Out saving the masses?
- Yes, exactly...
I was in the neighborhood,
so I figured...
- I didn't know that you two...
- We sure are!
- I see. How are you?
- Fine. Carola's back in school.
So she gets all these
grants and stuff, you know.
- How are you?
- I'm doing great.
I'm getting married...
- Right...
- Right.
- Well, you two take care now...
- Sure.
Okay... Bye.
I'll be back in an hour.
Make sure all this is gone by then.
Listen, I'm going out for a while.
Your mother and I
talked things over last night, and...
We don't want to throw you out, but...
Maybe you should
look for another solution.
Right, someone called.
Someone called Karl-Henrik, I think.
His number's on the pad in the hall.
I'm lucky that it happened
when I was out and about.
If I'd been at home,
I'd probably be dead now.
I've been working myself too hard
of late, I think.
But 4,876 people
have signed the petition.
So that makes it worth it.
There have even been donations.
Listen, there's something
I'd like to ask you.
We're going to have our first
wedding service since '71.
And they won't let me out of this place.
Would you consider substituting for me?
I don't mean come back for good.
Just step in for the occasion.
I understand if you don't want to.
You have a new position.
Your future is bright.
You'll do it?
- Are you ready?
- Yeah, sure.
We gather...
We gather before God
for the purpose of holy matrimony.
To join the two of you,
Carola Christiansson and Hkan Bodin.
We are here today to ask
the Lord to bless you and to sh...
And to share your joy.
Marriage is a gift of God...
...created to uphold society.
To live as husband and wife...
...is a life of trust and love.
It entails being responsible
and faithfully standing by each other.
Before God,
and in the presence of these witnesses
I hereby ask you,
Carola Angelique Christiansson:
Do you take Hkan Bertil Bolin
to love and cherish
for better or for worse?
- I do.
- Are you sure about that?
Lord of all creation
bless this union
between Carola and Hkan.
Let this ring be the symbol
of their mutual love and fidelity.
In the name of Jesus Christ, your son...
...dear Lord.
The ring. Don't I get the ring back?
- What?
- Aren't you going to give the ring back?
- What do you mean, "no"?
- Sorry. I can't go through with this.
What are you talking about?
I have been such an idiot,
a cowardly fool.
I know I don't have the right
to say anything, and I should shut up.
But is this really what you want? Is it?
- I deeply regret everything that happened.
- What the hell?
Was he the one?! Well?
Do you really want to spend your life
with him? Do you?
I know what you're thinking
"Isn't that just typical of Tobias,"
"When he finally falls in love,
she's disabled and on welfare."
"And her mother is a drunk."
I know all that.
She's an uneducated pain in the ass
who dresses like a Polish whore.
- Tobias...
- But I love her, you see.
She's the first person
who ever made me feel truly alive.
Shouldn't you
be telling someone else that?
"Polish whore..." Gee, thanks.
Have you taken a good look
at yourself in the mirror?
I mean, I...
I didn't...
Maybe there's something special
on TV today?
Like a hockey game?