Miguel Wants to Fight (2023) Movie Script

[electronic voice] It was an age of
heroes. A time of legends.
And one final showdown would decide the
fate of the empire.
The hero.
The nemesis.
Miguel, you owe me $5.
I ain't paying you shit, Srini!
[electric voice] Oh shit, power up.
[laughing] You've cloned yourself?
[electric voice] Rasengan Time!
[muffled yells and chatter]
[Srini] Cass, grab him by the ponytail!
[David] Hey, yo, Miguel!
[hip-hop music playing throughout]
- Hey-ey-ey!
- Hey!
Bro, I'm working on the Naruto video.
It's comin' out fire!
Oh, my God!
- [Cass] Hell yeah, I've watched that one.
- Srini!
- Yo.
- Let me get some of those.
- Give it back, you can't...
- [David] Over top, over top.
[Cass] Are you serious?
[hip-hop music continues]
- [Miguel] Have y'all seen One Punch Man?
- [David] No, what's that?
[Miguel] It's this anime about this guy
who's able
to defeat any opponent
with just one punch.
Oh, shit. That's a dope skill to
have. Just one punch. Mm!
- Or a really bad one.
- How's that?
'Cause he can't masturbate.
- What?
- I'm just saying,
if his hand is that strong,
he might get super into it
and accidentally
one-punch his own dick off.
It's too dangerous of a proposition.
I would never make that trade.
What if it's the complete opposite?
What if he's, like, really good at it?
You know, just one pull and whoosh!
Hey! Yo, don't aim
your imaginary jizz at me, bro!
- No you're right.
- Fighting's a lot like masturbating.
If fighting is a lot like masturbating,
then you're doing one of 'em really wrong.
"One Stroke Man."
- Ah! Yes.
- Yeah, all right.
Wait, but hold on, though. So, if you're a
superhero and a resulting effect
of your superpowers
is that it only takes you
one stroke to you know?
Now, does that make your life happier
or does that make your life sadder?
- Happier.
- Sadder. Come on. Think on it like eating.
Do you want to be tasting your
food or do you want to be full?
Eating's about savoring,
like experiencing that moment.
[Cass] You sound like the Ratatouille
of jerkin' off.
- No, I'm with David.
- You get it.
Not me, I'm in and out. You never even
knew I was there. I'm a beat-off burglar.
Beat-off burglar.
I'm so glad I don't have a dick.
[Miguel] Oh! I gotta show you guys
Check this out.
[Cass] Oh, my God!
This looks crazy!
[David and Cass cheering]
That's your best one yet, man! Yo!
Bang! Oh, what a shot from Srini!
- [Cass] Yeah, Srini!
- [Srini] 100% from the field!
- Steph Curry on these bitches!
- Nah, that ain't Steph Curry.
That's Indian Curry, flavorful-ass boy!
You lost. Get off the court,
you saggy-faced bitch.
[David] He does have a saggy face.
I never noticed that before.
Yeah, looks like it's gonna
fall right off his skull.
Man, how much does
the bottom of your face weigh?
That's shit's gotta be like,
what, eight pounds?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
- Saggy-face bitch!
- [David] Hey, yo, what the fuck?!
[grunting and yelling throughout]
[announcer] Fight!
Hey. Sorry he said that stuff to you, man.
That guy just super sucks.
Most people are just making an Aladdin
joke or a convenience store joke.
I appreciate he was
artisanal with his racism.
Ooh! You should have
called him "CaBron James!"
Because of the Indian Curry thing?
- You know, cabrn in Spanish...
- No, mm-mm.
It's terrible.
- What about "Luka Dog-Dick"?
- Nope.
- What about "James Hard-on"?
- No.
- 'Cause, you know...
- No, I get it. It's just not that clever.
Hey, hey, Armando's outside.
Can we cross the street? Cool, thanks.
[Miguel] He just got out a couple of weeks
ago. That's the first time I'm seeing him.
He hasn't even come by the gym at all.
- How long was he in?
- Nine months.
Well, imagine you go from you're
about to be a rich professional boxer
to you just got out of jail, standing in
your grandma's front yard staring at meat.
[Srini] Holy shit.
[Miguel] Uh where are his cooking
The next time we walk past, I'm gonna yell
his name like we're buddies,
- so then we'll actually be buddies.
- Why would you want to be his friend?
- He's not a badass, he's a bitch.
- Ooh.
Are you still mad because
of what he said about your dad?
'Course he's still mad
because of what he said about his dad.
- Ah, dammit.
- What's up?
My fuckin' sweater got torn in that fight.
Yeah, man, they tore my shit, too.
How do you get your pocket
torn in a fight?
Don't finger my pocket.
Miguel, you good?
Huh? Yeah. I'm good.
I'm whole.
We all did, like, an equal
amount of, like, punches and whatnot.
[Srini] What?
Wait, did you not get in the fight?
Did I?
- Huh?
- Huh?
You didn't get in the fight?
You didn't jump in?
No, I was... I was in there. I was just...
I was more like on the outside.
I was, I was maintaining the perimeter.
- How did you not jump in?
- People jump in, you jump in.
That's the rule.
I was gonna, but it was just over so fast.
And anyways, the other group had what?
Three people? We had four.
So it just it wouldn't be fair.
- This motherfucker was doing math.
- You gotta jump in, man.
- No, you don't.
- Look, it's whatever. Okay?
You guys are fine. You always are.
I would have jumped in
if you really needed me to, but...
Wait, hold on a second have you never
jumped in before? Like zero times?
- Irrelevant.
- Now this motherfucker can't count.
There's no way you've never jumped in.
Give me my fuckin' phone, Claudia.
- Your what?
- My what?
[Cass] What about the time I got into it
with Claudia Dominguez
because she stole my phone?
[Srini] Oh, man, I remember that. She was
I still can't believe you open-hand
slapped her.
[Cass] Miguel, I could have sworn
you had my back against that bitch.
[Miguel] Nope.
[Srini] Wait, but I definitely remember
you jumping in that time at the movies.
[Cass] Yo, chill out!
Fuck, I paid for that popcorn!
[Miguel] You're wrong.
I didn't jump in there, either.
I didn't want to miss the movie.
Y'all didn't even watch it.
The guy fought a tiger.
[Srini] What about when David got into it
with that kid on Halloween
because he was fucking with you?
[David] No, you got in on that one.
[Miguel] But you know what?
Yeah, it was me and that one dude.
We were both looking at each
other, but I don' think either one of us
wanted to actually do it,
so we ended up just aggressively hugging.
Does that count?
[Cass] Oh, my God.
David, did you know that he
wasn't in the fight? Did you know this?
- "Knowing" is a strong word. I...
- This is fuckin' blasphemous.
- It's Miguel, it's not him. Come on.
- Have you ever gotten into a fight?
- Yes.
- With who?
- No.
- Right.
I don't see the point.
- How?
- How do I not see the point?
Because fighting is stupid.
No, how have you not
gotten into a fight living here?
In this neighborhood. It's like
what everyone does.
And you love fight movies!
It's the only thing you talk about.
Also, your dad's literally a boxing coach.
I just haven't.
Okay? Fighting is bad. Right?
Like, on a scale of good things
and bad things.
[Srini] Nope. It's awesome.
Well, I-I know you've
at least sparred, right?
I mean, I'm at the gym,
but it's mainly because of my dad.
I'm just keeping the place
clean, and I don't really like the gloves.
- They make my hands sweaty.
- The gloves make your hands sweaty?!
Getting into a fight
alongside your friends
is how you know you're really friends.
- It's on the friendship checklist.
- Srini might be a fast
masturbating idiot most of the time, but
he's right. It's a part of it.
Hey, come on, no, it is not. Jesus.
Y'all are so full of shit. You just talk
and talk and talk. Drop it.
We're just playing.
We're messing with you, bro.
I know. I get it.
Okay, what about this one?
You could've told Saul that his
mom is "Michael Whore-dan."
Or "Kevin Whore-ant."
Like a whore.
- Stop saying "whore."
- Stop saying "whore."
[upbeat music playing]
- Hey, son. David.
- What's up, Mr. P.?
- Dorks.
- [Cass] Hey, Coach.
- [Srini] Mr. P.
- What's going on up here?
Uh It's nothing. I mean, we just got
into a little somethin' at the park.
Some guy said some "not nice" stuff
to Srini and then...
I've told y'all already, you wanna fight,
you come to the gym, not the street.
[Srini] Sir, how are you a boxing coach
who's anti-boxing?
I'm not anti-boxing, I'm anti-fighting.
One is dignified.
It has rules, and a ref
and safety equipment.
The other isn't and doesn't.
But at least y'all all stuck
together. That's a good thing, I guess.
What about you?
No war wounds?
His nail kind of got me on my back, Dad.
- David, come, I've got a plate for you.
- Thanks, Mrs. P. I really appreciate it.
- You got a plate for me too?
- No.
- Awesome.
- I'm serious about the fighting thing.
- We got it, Dad.
- Yeah, Miguel's got it.
- Thank you.
- [Cass] Later, Coach.
- [Srini] See ya.
- [Miguel] Gonna chill at David's, Dad.
Don't forget to bring back my plate.
- [Srini] Hey, you wanna go get some pizza?
- [Cass] My dad's making dinner later.
[Srini] Yeah, I'm on a diet, anyways.
All right, bro,
I'm gonna sneak to the kitchen.
- Okay.
- Hey, Mama.
[Miss Nina] Hi!
Is it my turn?
- [Miguel] Hi, Miss Nina.
- Hi, Miguel. Cmo est?
- Bien. What's up, Felipe?
- What's up?
Hey, who's winning?
[Miss Nina] Your brother! Oh my gosh!
Oh! Did you say thank you?
- [David] Course.
- Good.
Hey, Dad.
[David exhales]
[David] You good, bro?
Yeah do you miss boxing?
Not really.
Look, if it's about the fighting stuff,
they're just being idiots.
- You don't gotta do all that, bro.
- No, man, I know. I was just
just asking.
So, look, um, I signed up
for this SAT prep course,
and I was just wondering if maybe you
wanted to do it too. Like, with me?
The math stuff makes way more sense
when you walk it through with me, bro.
- Oh.
- But obviously,
if it's like a hassle or anything, like,
- you got your own life. So, you know.
- Bro, I got you!
Thank you, man. 'Cause I promised
my dad I'd get serious about getting into
and the placement test is Friday, and I
just really need
- to crush this shit, you know?
- Ooh, no. We're gonna crush it,
but we're gonna crush it Ip Man-style.
For sure, but...
Nah, like this. Faster.
[chill hip-hop playing]
[clears throat]
Hey, son, why don't you come have a seat.
[Lydia] It's okay, you're
not in trouble. Don't worry.
- Alright
- [Lydia] It's likely going to be
not great when you hear this at first, but
I think eventually it'll be good to you.
I got offered a new job today. As an RN.
I applied a few weeks ago,
and this morning they told me I got it.
Whoo! Congrats! RN. That's amazing!
Why is that a bad thing?
We have to move.
Like, to a better house
that's here on the street?
[Lydia] The job is in Albany.
Albany? Mom? That's like two hours away.
I didn't think I was gonna get it,
but then I thought, if I did get it,
you know, it wouldn't be for a few months,
but then somebody quit and...
Wait, so, when does all this stuff happen?
- In a week.
- A week?
[Lydia] Next Sunday, we'll make
our first trip down there, so eight days.
[Alberto] It's gonna be a big change
for all of us, but it's a good thing.
It's a much nicer neighborhood
where we're looking.
This new neighborhood is like
the right weight class for you.
- Do you know what I mean?
- No, I don't, Dad.
The boxing metaphors never work.
You know how boxers
have different weight classes?
[Lydia] Babe, they really don't
work. Remember when my mom was in a coma
and you asked the doctor if she
was "down for the count?"
Can I be excused, please?
[somber music throughout]
[upbeat music throughout]
[Alberto] Get your head off the
line, Ronny. Come on!
Don't cross your feet, Matt.
Pick up the pace, everybody!
On your toes! All right, switch partners!
Pablo, use that jab.
Michael, stay small.
- Get on the inside!
- Aint you Felipes son?
Yeah, that was my dad, yeah.
Okay, okay.
- Yo, what's up, papa? How's it going?
- What's up, what's up?
- How's your mom?
- She's good. She's working.
She's working a lot now. Oh, she said to
thank you for the enchiladas yesterday.
- They were bomb.
- I'm glad.
You, um wanna hit the heavy bag like old
No, I'm good, thanks.
That was more of a "me and my Dad" thing.
[Alberto] He was a special fighter,
your dad.
Felt like he was hitting you
with two bags of concrete when he sparred.
They called him the Ferocious Filipino.
That's a terrible nickname.
Yeah. He hated it.
Listen, David, um, things are changing,
but, um, me and Lydia, we're always gonna
be here for you no matter what.
- So how are things changing?
- Yo, yo, yo. Yo. Chill.
What's up? I'm good, right?
Everything's done?
- Yeah, you're good.
- Okay.
What's he talking about, bro?
I have no idea. But he got real
weird on me, bro.
You might want to check on your dad.
[Srini] Yeah. No, I could absolutely kill
a bear with my hands if I needed to.
Hey! We're going to The Cave.
[Srini] All I'm saying is, if a bear
couldn't kill Leo DiCaprio,
a bear's not killing me.
[David] You've never even got this far,
- Miguel.
- I did.
- No, you didn't. I'm looking at the game.
- Yes, I did.
- You definitely didn't.
- Are you watching the same screen as me?
You're not going to make it past this
level. This man is a maniac.
- Let me do this combo.
- You're never gonna be a real samurai.
- Bro, you gotta swing earlier than that.
- Slice, slice, slice.
He's done.
The job is in Albany.
It is like the right weight class for you.
- Pull the sword.
- People jump in, you jump in.
That's the rule.
Getting into a fight
alongside your friends,
is how you know you're really friends.
It's Miguel. It's not him, come on.
[crowd] Fight, fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight, fight
I need your help.
Did you try to "One Stroke Man" yourself
last night too?
I didn't. Unless you did. In
which case I also did, and it didn't work.
What the hell?
I don't wanna help with that.
No. I wanna get into a fight.
- What?
- What?
- Oh, you should fight an old man.
- What the fuck?
I don't wanna beat up an old man, but I...
I do wanna get into a fight.
Don't ask him why. Wait, who cares why?
Is it because these two idiots
gave you a hard time?
- You don't have to fight because of that.
- No, it's...
[Cass] I've always wanted to say,
"Fuck you, you old bitch," to an old man.
- I just want to.
- But why?
Oh, my God. Let the man be, David.
If he wants to fight, he should fight.
Just support him, like he supported you
when you bought that shirt.
[Cass] Those gotta be the strongest
buttons in the world.
It's supposed to fit like this, though.
This is chic.
- Okay.
- Honestly, I think it'd
be pretty funny
to watch Miguel get beat up,
and I don't need
much more reason than that.
For real though, David? I've never fought
in one, and I wanna fight.
I mean, that's a part of the friendship
checklist, right?
- Yep.
- [Srini] That's exactly what I said.
[Miguel] Come on, David.
If you want me to help, I'm gonna help.
I got you.
But I'm just saying, I don't get it, is
all. Like, why now?
- What do you mean?
- Well, you've known all this time
that you haven't gotten into a fight
and it hasn't bothered you before.
Or at least it hasn't bothered you
enough to do anything about it.
So, what's changed?
"The Bona Lisa" changed everything.
Bona Lisa?
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Okay, class,
ten more minutes to finish recreating the
Mona Lisa.
I don't know, ma'am. This feels like way
too difficult of an assignment.
I'm just substituting, Srini. Okay? The
most exciting part of my day today
was getting breakfast for lunch in the
cafeteria. Just do the best you can.
Yo. Holy shit. Miguel got a boner.
- Yo, Miguel got a boner from Mona Lisa.
- No! No, no, I don't.
It's just, it's my pants.
My jeans are stretched out from my belt.
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Please stop pressing your
penis, Mr. Perez. Adrian, callate.
[Miguel] It's just a belt. Look!
Oh, shit, Bona Lisa's taking
his pants off now.
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Adrian, stop saying "Bona
Miguel, go over there and compose
yourself. Stop smiling. I can see you.
- Bona Lisa!
- [all] Bona Lisa!
[fighting bell dings]
Bona Lisa!
But it wasn't a boner.
It was just my pants.
It's fine, it's fine.
It's a very erotic picture.
Okay, so we need to establish
the parameters first.
We need a framework here. We need rules.
Ooh, like Fight Club.
What's that?
Okay. Miguel is obviously
not a bully, right?
He's a good person, which means
the first rule is,
Miguel can only fight
someone who deserves it.
You can't just pick some kid
indiscriminately the way a bully would.
There needs to be
some kind of justice involved.
- I like that. I like that.
- I kind of like that too.
- Rules might make this good.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, I got one. If you wanna
fight someone, Miguel
can't throw the first punch.
- Why can't I throw the first punch?
- Okay, think about it.
The process of getting into a fight is
just as important as the actual fight.
That pre-fight buildup is where
all your energy increases,
and your adrenaline hits, and your heart
gets going, and your blood gets hot,
and your dick gets hard for the Mona Lisa.
- Come on.
- One more rule.
Stay away from Damien Delgado.
[tense music throughout]
- Hey, take... take it easy. All right?
- [student] Oh, my God!
Just take it easy. Just take...
Obviously, I'm not gonna
fight Damien Delgado.
- It's Adrian. That's who I'm gonna fight.
- Yeah, now, Adrian is lean and fast.
- So?
- [Srini] So?
So you're about to get into a
fight and you need to be prepared.
You need strategy like...
Like Bruce Lee.
[tiger roar and punch landing]
[Miguel] Holy shit!
I've been sponging this stuff for years,
fighting by osmosis.
I mean, I might be an accidental master.
Maybe. Probably not, but maybe.
[Cass] Look, I want you to imagine the
The best fighters visualize
their victories beforehand.
They see themselves winning, so they win.
They also win because it's their job and
they train for it,
and they get paid to do it.
And they're not motivated
by erection vengeance.
Bruce Lee was motivated
to stop prostitution in Enter the Dragon.
I mean, so they both
kind of involve erections, David.
See, that's good. Use all of this. Okay?
Now, close your eyes
and enter that dragon.
[reel flickering]
[tense music throughout]
- Srini!
- Go!
[funky tense 70's music]
Holy shit. Miguel got a boner.
Why are you dressed
like the chick from Kill Bill?
- It's from Game of Death, stupid.
- Little tight around the crotch, bro.
[grunting and punching throughout]
Why are you punching him in the butt?
Hey, watch out!
[music picks up in tempo]
[Miguel] I've spared you because I'm a
good person.
You've got a boner right now.
It was not a boner!
[all] You did it, Miguel!
I think that worked.
I'm ready.
Look, bro,
just so it's said one more time,
you don't have to do this
if you don't want to, bro.
[Miguel] Yeah, I hear you, but I'm gonna
go Fists of Fury on this guy.
Like Bruce Lee and Jet Li versions.
All right. Well, make sure to keep
your head moving.
[Cass] You all set?
[Miguel] Yep. I ate a muffin this
- [Srini] What kind? Good, good.
- [Miguel] Blueberry.
[Srini] That's the... That's the strongest
of all the muffins.
[David] All right, bro, so what's the plan
[Miguel] Well, I usually see Adrian after
third period, so that's when I'll try him.
Always see him in the hallway
with his friends being all like...
[Cass] Handsome?
- Not for long.
- Oh, my God, I love it.
[teacher] Good morning, everyone.
[announcer] And in this corner,
the best friend,
the toughest guy in Syracuse.
He is so tough.
[ticking throughout]
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Types of creative writing
include poetry, plays, personal essays,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Hey, Miguel. You gonna beat his ass?
[bell rings]
I gotta go, Ms. Rodriguez.
[Mrs. Rodriguez] We'll get into
Lord of the Flies next class.
- [Cass] Watch his eyes, all right?
- [Srini] You got it, bro.
[Miguel] I'm about to drop this handsome
He steps with that left foot forward,
be careful of that quick jab.
Oh, if he steps that left foot forward,
he's gonna get punched the fuck out.
Where's he at?
Ooh. There he is.
[David] Yo, I thought y'all was playing,
but he is for real handsome.
[announcer] And now, entering the ring,
a born fighter who always has
his best friend's back.
And just like I was saying earlier,
he's the toughest guy in Syracuse.
Ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to...
Oh, what the fuck, bro?
[music slows to a stop]
- What?
- Oh, shit.
[Miguel] You got a cast?
Bona Lisa, what's up, man?
Still getting horny in class?
Wanna sign my cast?
[Adrian] Bona Lisa!
- [Miguel] So now what?
- [Srini] You can still fight him.
You can't fight a kid with a broken arm.
Yeah, sure you can.
A broken leg, that's off limits.
A broken neck, that's a no-go,
but a broken arm?
I mean, if you really think about it,
that thing is kind of like
an advantage for Adrian.
That thing's like a weapon.
You kind of owe it to your
classmates to beat his ass.
He's dangerous.
[Miguel] Nah, man, I'm out.
- Great.
- So let's pick someone else.
- What?
- Awesome!
But, Miguel, we need to do some work on
Stop asking so many questions.
You gotta focus.
[Miguel] Wait, so what are we doing here?
- [Srini] The problem is you're too nice.
- [Miguel] Thank you?
[Srini] While being nice is good for,
like, life, it's not good for fights.
- So we need to un-nice you.
- Right.
- Which is what we're doing here.
- This is the plan.
So I'm gonna point to someone at random
and you have to be mean to them.
Wait, but that seems like
not that great of a plan.
David, what do you think about this?
I think that none of this
has made any sense, man.
But I also think I kind of
want to see this one.
Let's go! Yeah!
Let's fight somebody.
[Miguel] Hell no. You guys crazy?
That's a grown man.
He's probably got kids.
- I'll fight his kids.
- [Cass] No, that's not our guy.
[Miguel] No. No. No, you already said
Damien's out.
Well, I guess it's gotta be
the next person.
That's our guy. That's the fuck.
[Miguel] He's barely moving.
He's maybe not even alive.
- He's you. That's old you.
- Y'all even dress alike.
[Srini] It's a Back to the Future
You gotta bully future you
to save present you.
No, no, no, Srini,
Back to the Future doesn't work that way.
You gotta do it.
You feel the way that you're
recoiling from the idea?
That's how you know you have to do it.
That's how you know
it's gonna make you un-nice.
Then you'll be ready to fight.
I'm annoyed by how much sense this makes,
but fuck! Fine, fine, fine.
Go over there and say to him
exactly what's written down on this paper.
Just be mean. Un-nice yourself.
- Gotta be un-nice.
- Just go.
[employee] Manager to register two.
Manager to register two.
[old man] Oh, shit.
[David] Oh, my God.
Can you help me with the Raisin Bran,
please? It's too heavy.
[old man] Not that one. The other one
right there, this one.
Oh, no wait a minute. Never mind.
Give me that one, better. Yeah.
Yes, mijo. Thank you. Thank you,
- [Cass] Wait.
- [David] Go back.
Yes, mijo?
I, uh
[softly] Fuck you, you old bitch.
[slightly louder] Fuck you, you old bitch.
[David] Come on. Just pick up the volume.
[yelling] Fuck you, you old bitch!
- [gasp]
- [laughter]
What the hell?
[Srini] You screamed it!
Why did you say it so loud?
[Miguel] Shut up, Srini!
[upbeat music throughout]
[Cass] Yeah, Ali, yeah.
[Srini] I got it now.
[David] Don't back up into the screen,
Hey! Look at you gettin' dusted.
Don't leave the evidence, bro.
[Cass] They don't want to date me
Probably want to be me
Me, Miguel, David, Srini!
- Oh!
- What?
I'm telling y'all, it's only a matter
of time when that wall says...
You know what I'm saying? You know what I
Only a matter of time.
I need this whole section right here.
[David] Yo, yo, Cass, Srini.
Should we go kick it at Miguel's?
[Miguel] Wait. Chill, chill,
chill. Um, I'll meet you guys at The Cave.
- [Srini] Man, yeah.
- [Miguel] Yeah, I'll be right there.
[music abruptly stops]
[Lydia] Aw. Always the four of you.
I remember when you all first
started hanging out together.
You were all these tiny little things.
Babies, really.
It's okay to be upset about leaving.
You know that, right?
[Miguel] I'm fine. Okay? Everything is...
It's fine.
Okay, good. I'm glad.
How'd your friends take it
when you told them you were leaving?
I'm gonna tell them, but I just not yet.
Because once I tell them, then
it becomes something that's actually true.
I know it's hard,
but it's better now than later.
When you bottle up your feelings
and you keep secrets away
from the people that you care
about, they can explode.
- Make you do crazy things.
- Yeah.
Like set a trash can on fire
and throw it through the windshield
of your first boyfriend's car
who you freaking caught cheating.
Mom, Mom, Mom.
Right. But you should tell them.
Yeah, you know what?
You're right. I'm gonna go tell
them right now.
I know who I'm fighting. Kevin Troy.
- Kevin Troy?
- The Air Morgans guy?
- Who?
- The Air Morgans guy.
So it's the day after my birthday.
I'm wearing the new Nike high-tops
that my mom got me.
It's those red and black
Jordans? The main ones?
The banned ones. I'm a king at school.
I'm walking through the hallway
and people are giving me high-fives
and shouting my name because of how
awesome these shoes are.
Even a teacher tried
to kiss me. It was crazy.
[Srini] This all sounds fake,
but I don't care. Lie to me.
[Miguel] So it's PE. Kids all around me.
I'm feeling great.
I hear a rumor that I might get
voted Homecoming King.
It's all breaking my way.
Shoes look remarkable.
That's when Kevin Troy walks up.
Hey, Miguel.
[Miguel] I say What's up, Kev?
His name's Kevin, but I call him Kev, even
though I've never talked to him before,
because that's
just how good I was feeling.
Kevin's looking down at my feet
like he's real curious about my shoes.
And I'm like
Nice, right? Got 'em for my birthday.
I can ask my mom where she
got them from if you wanted a pair.
And that's when it all fell apart.
Hey, yo, come check out
these fake ass Jordans.
[Miguel] Because here's the part
I didn't tell anyone.
The shoes were fake. My mom got 'em from
the flea market.
The little Jordan on there wasn't even
dunking it, he was laying it up.
The swoosh was actually a check mark. The
shoes don't even say "Air Jordan" on them.
I swear to God, they said "Air Morgan."
- Look at them.
- Oh, my God, your mom doesn't love you!
You know what a swish looks like?
A swish goes swoosh.
[fight bell rings]
[Miguel] Honestly, I don't know why
I didn't pick him in the first place.
- He should have been my first pick.
- [Cass] Know what? Let's scout this thing.
- Kevin is a little older than you.
- Mm-hmm.
- Kevin knows more than you.
- Mm-hmm.
- He's slightly a better fighter than you.
- Mm-hmm.
- So he's...
- Morpheus in The Matrix.
Yeah, that feels a little...
Is that racist?
'Cause they're both Black?
- Maybe a little.
- One, he knows more than me.
- Mm-hmm.
- Two, he's a better fighter than me.
So you know what that makes me?
- Neo.
- Kevin probably loves The Matrix.
- Is that bad?
- Everybody loves The Matrix.
I'm on Miguel's side, okay?
Everything Kevin Troy does is stupid!
[Cass] Look, you know what to do.
Just close your eyes and visualize it.
Jack yourself in, Neo.
This is a sparring program,
similar to the program
reality of The Matrix.
It has the same basic rules.
Some of them can be bent,
others can be broken.
You understand?
Then hit me, if you can.
[grunting and groaning throughout]
Good. Adaptation, improvisation.
You cloned yourself.
But will you give up your true
self to defeat me?
Eat shit, Kevin Troy!
[Miguel groans]
[Kevin] Why did I beat you?
Do you think me being a better fighter
has anything to do with this place?
Do you think those are Air Jordans
you were wearing?
[high pitched laughter]
Oh, my God, your mom doesn't love you!
[dramatic music throughout]
Ah, fuck.
- When do you see Kevin?
- In the morning.
[David] We have the math prep thing
in the morning, it's Tuesday. Remember?
Oh, shit, I forgot about that.
Can we, like,
maybe schedule a different time for that?
Yeah, um, yeah. Okay. Uh, I think I'm
still gonna go to the meeting.
And I think you should too.
You'll probably finish in time
to find Kevin anyways.
Or better yet, you won't. And then you
don't pick a fight for no reason at all.
See how excited everyone is?
Fuck yeah.
[upbeat music throughout]
Um, no, I've never dated an Indian guy.
Why do you ask?
- No reason.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- All right.
Whoa, you're wearing the Morgans.
Nice touch. Full circle.
- Yo, yo. Did I miss the big fight?
- [Cass] Not yet.
There's Kevin.
[David] All right, bro. If shit goes
south, I'm jumping in.
No, dude. I got this.
Stay back, so it's just me.
- Ooh, I like that confidence.
- All right, tough guy.
He's even got a strong walk going on.
- All right.
- So far, so good.
[Miguel] You were talking to me,
and you were bringing up my Air Morgans.
Guys, this shit might happen today.
- [Srini] Fuck him up.
- [Cass] All right. Come on, Miguel.
[Kevin and Miguel laughing]
What's happening?
[Cass] Why is he taking a selfie
with the Air Morgans?
This is taking a real left turn.
All right, bro.
Oh, my God. I can't keep watching this.
He tried to dap him, and he acted
like he was pulling a sword on him.
[Kevin] You good.
[Srini] So he reached out his hand
to dap you up and you flinched?
- I twitched.
- Your full body flinched.
- It was like a whole thing.
- Dude, what happened?
I accidentally made friends with him.
How the fuck do you accidentally
make friends
with someone you're supposed to fight?
I don't know. He's very charming.
- [Kevin] Talk to you later, bro.
- Yeah, tu sabe.
So he actually recognized the Air Morgans
'cause his parents got him the same ones.
So he apologized. But then I told him that
I was gonna fight him like I was Neo,
and he was Morpheus in The Matrix,
in the dojo scene.
But it wasn't because he was Black.
- Why would you actually say that?
- You didn't even have to bring that up
in the first place.
I gotta go to class.
Bro, I know you had to get
your mind right and all, but
fuck, dude, that test prep this
morning sucked.
Man, they just started talking
about equations and shit,
and it's like my brain just
falls outta my nose.
So here's what I was thinking
for this next page.
Yo, do you not wanna do this anymore, bro?
Yeah. I still wanna fight. Why do you keep
trying to talk me out of it?
I'm not trying to talk you out of it, man.
I'm just trying to do this math.
Oh, right, yeah.
Sorry, I just, uh...
Can we pick this up
after school tomorrow, please?
Sure. But the test is Friday, so
No. I know. I'm just, uh...
Oh, Cass and Srini are downstairs.
Look, man, I know
this is just a practice test,
but it does determine what SAT course you
get placed in.
And if I crush this, we'll be in the same
classes next semester the whole way
- and we can just study together, man.
- Right.
Yeah. I got you. Don't worry about it.
Come on.
[David] What's going on, man?
[Miguel] I just... I really want
to get this fight done.
I still don't get why
you wanna do the fight thing. Who cares?
I mean, they care, but they only care
because they love mayhem.
They're the fucking Killmongers
of our friend group.
- Look at this shit, bro.
- Bam. You're done.
- A kick's not impressive.
- Easy. You're done.
- That's not an impressive maneuver.
- Never recovering.
- Who's Black Panther?
- I got the dead dad, so me, I guess.
You could be Shuri, though.
Or that White guy.
Normally I'm fine being someone else,
but I need to be Black Panther this time.
All right. I get it, man. I do.
My whole family, I mean,
most of them are crazy,
but the one thing they can all talk about
is boxing. It's like the biggest thing.
My dad?
Man, you see what it's like when
I go to the gym.
Everybody wants to brag
on how good he was.
It's like, so what? He's gone.
He's on his way home from the gym one day
and someone runs a red. That's it.
I don't know. Like, how am I supposed
to accept...
Hey, man! Armando, what's up?
Glad to have you back home
where you belong. Free.
All right, cool, cool. Uh, we'll talk more
next time, man.
Hey, no disrespect to my man,
but this motherfucker dead.
I'm keeping the lights on in this bitch.
How come my picture not up there?
[David] Fuck you! What did you say?
- [Miguel] Dude!
- No, no, no. Come on. Walk it off.
Say that shit again.
That's my fucking dad.
Alma, hey.
You're 0 for 2 on fights so far.
Yeah, but you're 1 for 2
on making new friends.
I've been thinking Blake White.
Think that's who I'm gonna try next.
'Cause I always see him after school.
Who is that? What... What did he do to you?
No, you know Blake.
He's the one whose sister...
Oh, that's right. Wait.
First of all, that was like over a month
ago. And second of all, she's fine.
And third of all, he's a total dick.
All he does is make fun of people.
He's a bully.
Hey, Dumbo, you got a license
to fly with those ears?
Oh, can't you hear me, man?
[fighting bell dings]
[Cass] I thought it had to be someone
who did something specifically to you.
I'm ensuring egalitarianism,
like a superhero.
[Cass] But you're more like Peter Parker
before he becomes Spider-Man energy.
Yeah, the problem is you're still afraid
of getting hit.
That's why you flinched with Kevin
when he reached out.
- You can't flinch.
- That makes sense, though.
You have never been hit
in the face before,
and not knowing what that feels like is
way worse than knowing what it feels like
because it's a natural fear,
but it's not as bad as you think.
So just like we had to un-nice you,
now we gotta un-flinch you.
And how's that?
- Well Right?
- God.
- Right. Ha. Let's try again.
- Chill.
- Let's try it again. Okay. Ready?
- Okay. Let's go.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
[David] Ooh! Shit!
- That's so hot.
- What the fuck, Cass?
- Had to be done.
- No, it did not.
It did, because now you're
mean enough to get into a fight,
and you know what to expect in a fight.
Now you're really ready.
Once again, I'm annoyed
by how much sense that makes.
- Hey, what's up, Blake?
- Fuck off.
[fighting bell dings]
- What the fuck?
- No, it's fine. It's gonna dry off, bro.
Don't touch me!
[grunting and groaning]
Hey, what the fuck is going on here?
[yelling and groaning]
[dramatic music throughout]
Stop. Stop, stop! Can you stop?
[rain and thunder]
Oh, my God.
What's this?
I watched some roast videos on YouTube,
and I wrote some stuff down.
You're gonna read to Blake?
That's your plan?
Yeah, I mean, I was practicing
all night. This is solid.
- Okay. You're on, Miguel.
- And don't let him get a word in, right?
- You're a flame thrower.
- Flame thrower.
- Hey, what's up?
- [David] Why did he say that shit so loud?
Man, I don't know, but I like it.
You look like you threaten
to call ICE whenever
something doesn't go your way at, at
Mexican restaurants.
[crowd] Ooohh
[Miguel] You look like
you look like your family
invented gentrification.
You look like you argue on the internet
that it's okay for White people
to say the N-word.
[Cass] Man. He's doing a lot of race
Shouldn't you be sitting outside
a Home Depot right now looking for work
or helping your mom sell tamales
in the parking lot of a grocery store?
Oh, that's why he did the race stuff.
- Blake is racist.
- Yeah, yeah.
You look like your dick probably
called 911 on you
because you were beating it too much.
[crowd laughing]
Oh, well, that one's not racist.
Because, you know, Mexicans lead
the league in domestic violence.
- Ah, there it is.
- Oh, shit.
[Blake] Oh, you wanna put on
a sombrero and take a nap?
Cmo se dice chicken shit?
You know what? Fuck you, Blake.
You know, I'm glad that your sister
got into that car accident.
I'm glad that she broke both of those legs
and I wish that
she would've had a third leg
so she could have broken a third one.
[crowd groaning]
Shit's fucked up.
What the fuck, Bona Lisa?
- [tense music throughout]
- [crowd jeering]
[David over voicemail] Yo, man, you good?
You disappeared pretty quick.
Are you still coming by
to finish this study prep?
[dramatic music throughout]
I need you to help me get into a fight.
[cartoons playing in the background
I just, uh...
So, that's where all the trash goes,
right? Right there on the floor.
Oh, hey, I'm Miguel, nice to meet you.
You wanna learn how to fight?
Ask your daddy.
No. Not precisely. No. I...
I need to get into a fight.
So fight someone.
I can't. Or I mean, there's... there's just
rules that make it hard for me to do so.
For example, I can't throw the first
I gotta get the other person to do it.
And I-I... I'm a good person, man.
I'm Miguel.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Cass can explain it better.
She's cool. You... You'll meet her one day.
- Huh. Hurry up.
- Okay, let's... let's pretend
it was literally impossible
for me to throw the first punch.
And I know that that sounds dumb,
but let's just...
Let's say that's the scenario,
but I still wanna get into a fight.
So if that was the case, what...
What would you tell me to do?
That's easy, make someone
mad enough to punch you.
Right. Yes. So how do I do that?
Call him a pussy.
Tell him to suck your dick. Get loud.
Get in his face. Shit like that.
Nah. I don't consent to that, man.
I don't wanna tell anyone to suck my dick.
I think that's just
like a problematic thing to say,
and I'm much more of a...
It's just... it's not me.
I don't care. So just stick to calling
him a pussy.
Although I find it curious that
you don't think that's problematic.
I tried that shit-talking thing
and it just... it didn't work out.
The guy started crying and the girl
was in the wheelchair and it...
You, you, uh you talked shit
to a girl in a wheelchair?
She's just in the wheelchair
temporarily, not permanently.
Her legs are just... they're broken.
They're not missing, man.
Just to circle back, you're a good person?
- Yeah.
- Huh.
Let me, um,
let me run something by you
and maybe this will help.
- Okay.
- Okay. Maybe you're a bad person.
- Dude.
- Just listen.
All the stuff you just said,
bad person stuff.
I mean, even the thing
about not swinging first.
You might not throw
the first punch, but you're still forcing
that person into a situation
which is just as bad.
And if that's the case,
if you're a bad person,
then who cares about the rules?
If you want to fight, fight.
- [Alberto] Cheers, fellas.
- [all] Cheers, Coach!
[Miguel] What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey.
- Dad. What is going on here?
The fellas are throwing me
a little goodbye party.
Where you been? I've been calling your
phone. You haven't been answering.
- I was at Armando's.
- What were you doing there?
Well, we were talking about
how to get into a fight.
Get into a fight?
- What the hell is going on, Miguel?
- What's going on?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's see. I'm moving.
My parents gave me no warning.
Not even a "Hey, Miguel,
just a heads up, your whole life
might get uprooted."
My dad thinks that I'm a coward.
- Hold on a second.
- No, Dad. It's true.
Oh, my God. Okay. I gotta go
because they're about
to get here, and they cannot see this.
Fucking balloons.
Fucking, I can't fucking... Fuck.
- Hey.
- [Cass] Hey, man.
- [Srini] Were those balloons?
- [Miguel] Yo, chill. Let's go around
the back 'cause my dad and I are just
fighting right now.
Lot of that going on with you, it seems.
Somehow also none of it going on with you.
But don't worry, I know who you're gonna
fight. Fucking bitch.
No. I am not gonna fight a girl.
Okay. Claudia Dominguez
is taller than you.
Claudia Dominguez is faster than you.
Claudia Dominguez is stronger than you.
So physically she has
the advantage on you,
but she's also a fucking thief,
and you're gonna fight her.
Give me my phone! It was just on the
table, now it's not on the table anymore?
[fighting bell dings]
- Mm-mm. I'm not doing it.
- Okay.
[Miguel] Okay? We're done talking about
What about me says that I would
ever do something like that?
[Srini] Well, I just wanna point out,
three hours ago
you made fun of a girl with shattered legs
to her face. So I mean that part.
No, I... First of all,
I didn't see her, okay?
She was below eye line.
She was at wheel height.
That doesn't make it better.
That might make it worse.
You know what?
It's actually a little sexist
that you won't even consider
the idea of fighting Claudia.
Look, she's gonna throw the first punch
for sure.
And you won't get in trouble
because you'll be defending yourself
and you'll have three witnesses
to testify in that fact.
This is our green light.
It's a matter of honor.
Please be the half Mexican, half Puerto
Rican samurai that I know you are.
What other choice do you have?
- Fuck.
- Right.
- Let's go.
- Fuck her.
- You're gonna get your phone back too.
- I'm gettin' my phone back. Bitch.
[Srini] Yee-haw!
[Cass] Now, just close your eyes
and fuck that bitch up.
[bright Latin trumpets playing]
[yelling throughout]
[David] Miguel!
[Miguel] Bro! Why are you dressed like
that? We're doing Crouching Tigre.
You bailed on me, man.
Oh, my God.
Hey, it's David. Leave a message.
Hey, bro. I
I completely... I forgot, I'm sorry.
- [teacher] Michael Carrera.
- Present.
- [teacher] Oscar Diaz.
- Here.
[teacher] Claudia Dominguez.
[teacher] Claudia Dominguez?
That girl's never gonna come to school.
- [teacher] Estefany Fernandez.
- Here.
Just fight Estefany, bro.
Bro, you were really gonna fight Claudia?
You should have picked someone
with a better attendance record.
Look, I know I've said this every time,
but I'm so glad this one didn't happen
for different reasons,
but obvious reasons.
- Yeah, me too actually.
- What are you...
How about let's meet at The Cave tonight?
- Pick someone else.
- Yo, dude. What?
The test is tomorrow, and we still
haven't gone through the prep guide.
Bro, it's a practice test.
It doesn't even matter.
It does to me.
Look, if you don't want to help, fine,
but don't start shittin' on it
'cause you're having a bad week.
Fine. Fine. Fuck it.
How about this? Let's pick someone else
right now. Okay?
- Him.
- [Cass] John?
[Miguel] Yeah. John.
[Srini] John's like the nicest guy on
He has a "Live, Laugh, Love"
sign hanging in his locker.
Yeah, well, he's alive and I'm mad,
so that's who I'm gonna fight.
I'm gonna fuck him up.
[Srini] Well, he's bicycling
peacefully away, so I guess tomorrow.
[Miguel] Pain for everyone. Ha!
One Punch Migueeeel!
[evil laughter]
[Srini] Oh, my God.
[Miguel] Cass and Srini,
I have something for you.
Pain! [laughter]
Miguel! [yelling]
[Miguel] Nice try, David.
But it's a little more like this!
[Lydia] Put it next to Sophia's
stuff in the truck.
Oh, my God.
- Look at all this stuff.
- [Alberto] Yeah.
Maybe we should have done that
before we decided to move.
[Lydia] Yeah. Sorry, take this one and,
and I think we're gonna have the truck
[dramatic music throughout]
[teacher] This is a practice test,
but it is of the utmost importance in
order to move forward.
So, the test starts now.
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Good job.
Mr. Perez.
Mr. Perez?
Oh, hey, good to have you back.
Would you like to keep reading with us?
- Yeah, sure. Uh chapter one.
- That's the wrong page, Miguel.
[student] Uh-uh. Don't look at this. Back
up. Ugh!
- All right, chapter four.
- Also the wrong page.
Okay, what... what page are we on?
Well, you would know that
if you were actually paying attention
and reading along with the class.
Yeah, of course, but as we both know,
that wasn't happening.
So can we just
leave me the hell alone about it?
You were in the clear before
you ran your mouth and said that.
Should I email your mom
and dad about this?
Or perhaps you and I should further
discuss this at lunch detention?
I do not wanna sit here and watch you eat
another sad tuna sandwich or whatever.
[Mrs. Rodriguez] Wow. Today and Monday,
lunch detention.
No, no, no. Today? No, not today. Please.
I can't today.
You can't? Okay, I understand. Doesn't
work for you?
Then it's definitely gonna be today.
[bell rings]
The sandwich stinks today, by the way.
Dime. Yes, Miguel.
- Can I please go to the bathroom?
- Definitely no.
- [Mrs. Rodriguez] Hi.
- Ah! You're like a cat.
What's going on with you, Miguel?
You're one of my best students,
not the typical ones that make me wanna
quit teaching.
Qu te pasa? Huh?
[bell rings]
- [dramatic music throughout]
- [crowd chatter]
[Miguel] Where are you, Johnny Dork? Fuck!
Watch where you're going, motherfucker.
Get outta my way, man!
What the fuck you say to me?
I said, you move, you big, dumb fuck!
[dramatic upbeat music]
Fuck you, man.
[Srini] Dude, you are so lucky
Mrs. Rodriguez likes you.
They ended up blaming
the whole thing on Damien, so
Should we recap some of the
stuff that's happened this week?
Bro, can we please not?
You pissed off the oldest man in America
in a grocery store.
You unintentionally made
friends with a guy you wanted to fight.
- Mm-hmm.
- You got punched in the face by Cass.
- Sorry.
- You made fun of a girl in a wheelchair,
and you tried to fight Damien Delgado,
but it ended with you accidentally
punching your English teacher in the boob.
- Do I have that right?
- Yeah. Good thing the week's over.
Who knows what you would've did
if you had another day?
You might have hit a nun with a brick.
Threw a baby in a lake.
I can't believe you swung
on Damien Delgado.
Man, I don't know. Okay?
Armando was in my head.
[Miguel] Yeah. Am I a bad person?
He said that I was, and I just...
Wait, bro, you talked to Armando?
After the Blake thing. What you guys
were telling me wasn't helping
me get into a fight,
so I figured he'd know something
that y'all didn't.
And you don't think
that's a little fucked up?
Whatever, man, it doesn't matter.
I'm just glad this shit is over.
It was stupid anyways.
I'm just saying, like, I'm glad it didn't
happen because that's not you, bro.
- You're Miguel, man.
- Yo, what the fuck?
You see me hurting,
you know that I'm hurting.
And now is when you choose to do
one of your David-knows-better lessons?
Dude, I've been so supportive
of this dumb shit since it started.
- No, you haven't.
- Yes, I have.
Even though I thought this shit
was stupid.
Even though you bailed on me
with the test prep stuff.
Even though we all saw
that this was getting worse and worse.
I've been here with you every
time, watching you not fight someone, man.
- Fuck you, man.
- Whoa! Hey, hey!
- Don't push me, Miguel.
- I asked you for one thing. One!
So did I. And because you
couldn't be a friend for a fucking week,
I probably failed the fucking test.
A whole week wasted on this. Why?
Because you've got some shit going on
with your dad,
or you're suddenly mad
about something from years ago.
- You don't even know.
- [Miguel] Bro, fuck that.
It doesn't have to do with any of that.
And don't you say shit about my dad.
You don't know a thing.
I know you're a fucking bitch.
How about that?
Your dad probably thinks
you're a bitch too.
Oh, yeah? Well, let's go ask your dad
what he thinks about you.
Fuck you. Man, fuck you!
Tell 'em that you're moving. Tell 'em!
- What?
- I know that you're fucking moving.
I saw the boxes in the truck
and your dad, and I fucking saw it.
You're moving?
Yes. Yes. I'm moving. Okay? In two days.
My parents just told me
last week, and now you could go fuck off.
I probably would never see
any of you again anyway.
You knew you were moving
and spent this whole week trying to fight?
David, say something.
No, man, fuck that guy.
[dramatic music throughout]
You know we're moving in two days, right?
You should probably start putting stuff
into these boxes,
'cause you know that's how boxes work.
You have to put stuff in them.
I assume you told the crew
we were moving by now.
But it doesn't matter.
Probably not gonna be friends
anymore anyway.
I said some real foul stuff to David and
everything just feels like mud right now.
You know you can still be friends
after we move, right?
What'd you say to David?
Dad, why are you always
asking about David?
Ask about me. I'm your son. I'm sorry that
I'm not what you want me to be.
I tried this whole week and all
it did was just make things more terrible.
What do you mean you tried?
Remember last weekend
when Srini got into that fight?
I didn't jump in.
Everyone else did and I didn't,
so they started making fun of me about it.
And then I come back home,
and you tell me that we're moving
and that I'm too much of a
coward to live in this neighborhood. So...
- That's not what I said.
- Dad, you kind of did.
"Hey, Miguel, we're gonna move
to a nicer neighborhood.
You're gonna be much more comfortable."
- That's not what I meant.
- I just...
I thought that maybe
if I get into a fight,
it'd make you wanna stay here,
that we wouldn't have to move
and my friends would respect me because...
I don't... I'm just... Oh, my...
I'm saying it out loud right now
and it just sounds really dumb.
But it made sense to me.
Listen to me, Miguel.
We're moving to a nicer neighborhood, yes.
But we're moving because it's
a nicer neighborhood.
Has nothing to do with you.
At least not in the way
that you're thinking.
When you're a parent,
you owe a responsibility to your children.
You wanna make things better
for them than they were for you.
That's what that's about.
That's what I meant.
Your mom with this job, she has an
opportunity to provide that for us.
I know that she always wanted me
to be just like you.
To be in the gym, but it's just not me.
And I know that David and his dad had it,
but we don't.
I love that you like your own thing, son.
I love that you're your own person.
Maybe you don't see it now, but one day
you're gonna realize that you're that way
because you grew up in a house
with two parents who love you.
David lost one of his parents.
I know he carries that weight.
I see it in him.
You guys have been friends
since you were five years old.
It's a lot of years of friendship.
I know it's not gonna be easy
to leave your friends behind.
I know.
But you're gonna be okay, son.
I promise you.
[dramatic music throughout]
Hey, what's up, Cass?
Can you do me a favor?
[Cass] Hey. Big Jay's come outside.
Yeah, he's gonna make the NBA.
- [David] Yo, yo.
- [Cass] Hey.
- What's going on, y'all?
- Not much.
Um, uh, but also, uh, a, a little.
Hey, bro.
- Nah, man. What the fuck?
- No. I know, man. But...
I would not have come if I knew his ass
was gonna be here.
I wanted to apol...
Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Okay.
You can't leave like that.
Y'all gotta make this right.
Y'all owe it to each other.
Nah, fuck that. You owe it to us.
Y'all aren't the only two
in this friendship.
You don't get to ruin it for everybody.
There are four parts to this.
Four, not two, four.
The leader, the really nice one, the
really hot one. My crush.
- I'm sorry? What?
- [David] Bro, what? Back up.
Clearly I like... I'm into you, Cass.
It's so obvious.
That was not clearly... nothing was clear
about that.
You haven't seen the signs?
Hey, look who it is. Indian Curry's back!
- This fucking guy again.
- Indian Curry.
[Srini] Hey, where's the wagon you use to
carry around the bottom of your face?
Surprised you showed back up
after I put you in the dirt last week.
Oh, what's that thing about Indian
religions believing in reincarnation?
- I guess that's true.
- Fuck off, dude.
Relax, Mike Tyson. I'm not talking to you.
- That's not even an insult.
- Bro, take that bullshit somewhere else.
This is where I took it.
I took it right here...
[western music throughout]
[yelling and grunting]
- [Srini] It wasn't that bad, right?
- [Cass] No, no, it's fine.
No, they suck.
They've been assholes
since, like, day one.
- I know.
- You know what I mean?
Oh, this looks bad though. Does it hurt?
No, it's fine. No. It's good, it's good.
- [Cass] Makes you look tough.
- [Srini] Not as tough as you.
Well what?
Well, how did you like it, bro?
Your first fight?
Bro, it fucking sucked.
- Yeah.
- It's horrible.
I saw you got a clean one in there though.
- Mm-hmm.
- Saved me.
Listen, I, uh...
What I said to you was...
I didn't mean it.
I just...
Miguel, I know.
Me too.
So, uh, you're, like, really moving then?
Tomorrow, bro.
I'm gonna miss you, bro.
Like for real.
I'm gonna miss you too, bro.
- You know... You gotta be gentle!
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Be gentle, chill, chill, chill.
You motherfuckers act like
he's being sent off to war or something.
He's just going to Albany.
It's like two hours away.
- You know how far that is?
- It's not that bad.
[Srini]It's not that far. Let's get out
of here.
[Miguel] Can we watch a movie tonight?
- [Srini] Fuck!
- [Miguel] What?
- [Srini] "Larry Turd."
- [Cass] What?
[Srini] "Larry Turd." That's what I could
have called him.
- Would've been a good one.
- [Cass] That's a good one.
[Miguel] No, wait, hold on, hold on.
You should have said "Donovan Bitchell."
Plays for the "Utah Jizz."
[Cass] Yes. Wait, wait, wait. "Draymond
[David] Yeah. Oh, change it up.
- [Srini] "Manu Gibooboo."
- [Cass] "Manu Gibooboo!"
[David] "Giannis Antetocomein come
[laughter and chatter]
[latin hip hop throughout]