Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) Movie Script

Whoo, baby! The anti-villain league
can't catch this.
Guess who stole the map?
[Belle Bottom]
[Strong Hold]
[Nun Chuck]
I got this.
Good work.
[Wild Knuckles]
The map for the legendary Zodiac Stone,
we will become the most powerful
villains in the world.
OK, let's get a move on.
We leave for Beijing tonight.
Okay, let's see here...
I'm in.
Hello beautiful.
Aha! Yes, the Zodiac Stone.
Soon, the power of this unstoppable
beast will be ours.
Oh, for crying out loud!
Hurry up! I got a bunch
of deadly botsies on my tail.
Roger that
Step on it, sister.
Hurry up! Come on!
I got it. I got the stone.
Party's over old man.
The vicious six has a new head honcho.
You just got played, poor sucker!
Hold on. I started this group.
We're a team!
Where's your loyalty?
Oh please, we're villains.
There's no such thing.
It's time for the next generation.
[The Rise of Gru]
Quiet down, class.
Quiet down, class.
People, people.
So, what do you want to be
when you grow up?
I wanna be a doctor.
I want to be a teacher.
No, you do not.
-Me, me.
I want to be a fireman, who's also the
president and also drive race cars.
And what about you, Gru?
Me, I want to be...
a supervillain
Gru! Kiss ala mama.
Woah. My favorite tiny relatives.
No. Guys, come on.
Hey, I got an image to uphold here.
OK. Hey. Are you guys prep for the movie?
Let's go.
Oh! I am a pinball wizard.
Swish swish swish
swish swish swish.
Cheese ray! Cheese ray! Cheese ray!
Don't cheese me, bro.
So creamy, so delicious.
With every calorie.
Bills, magazine.
S&H green stamps.
Holy guacamole.
Where can we listen?
Where can we listen?!
Hello Mr. Gru.
We've received your application to the world's
best supervillain team, The Vicious 6.
A recent opening has become available.
Your interview is tomorrow at noon.
Please go to 417 Main Street.
The password is "you're no good."
"You're no good."
Now, get up from the down, son,
because this invitation is gonna explode, baby!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Very big news, mom!
Mom, who is this sweaty guy?
He's stinking up the house.
I thought you were cooking cabbage.
He's my new guru.
Hello, weird buddies.
They better stop pulling their weight around here.
or I'm kicking them out.
They are killing
my mellow vibes.
Hey! I heard that.
Come on, let's go tell
the troop the good news.
Gentlement, to the basement.
AKA, our new evil lair.
This is fantastic.
Oh. Such a good spray, guys.
My first evil lair. Goosebumps!
Well, you gotta break a few eggs
to make an omelette.
Am I right?
Great job, Ryan.
I said, "Great job."
Never mind.
Adrianne! Mack! Lookin' good.
Joe! How's the family?
Okay. Everybody, get over here.
Now, listen up. Button your overalls.
Hold on to your goggles.
The Vicious 6 wants to meet me tomorrow.
All right. All right.
I'm not mini.
Please stop calling me that,
and also, they haven't accepted me yet.
Hello, Otto. What is it?
Uh huh. Well, tha- tha- yes-
I would...
Okay, you know it would be fun?
Let's play the quiet game.
Anyway, thanks for the hard work today everyone.
I gotta go get some rest.
Tomorrow is the biggest day of my life.
Watch out, world.
Here comes Gru!
I'm not... uhh...
Oh, these guys are the best.
I can't believe it.
Yeah, I get it, but I need
a good night's sleep, so get out.
Okay, fine, fine. Because you had a
nightmare, but just tonight.
I'm not buying the nightmare story, though.
Oh really, you too?
Get in.
-Good night. -Good night.
-Yes, yes, yes. Good night.
I just want to get some sleep.
[Villain News Channel]
Breaking news! The Vicious 6 is ready to
rewrite the rules of villainy.
Villains of the world,
In three days when the clock strikes midnight
and the Chinese New Year begins,
this bad boys' power
is gonna be unleashed.
With the power of the Zodiac,
we're gonna take out
the anti villain league.
And The Vicious 6 will be
the most powerful villains on the planet.
Can you dig it?
What dig it? Do I dig it?
I don't dig it.
There's nothing to dig.
They thought they could leave me
for dead, huh?
Kick me to the curb
like a piece of old meat.
Oh. They got no idea what's coming?
Oh. I'm gonna make them suffer
for what they have done to me.
-Oh boy.
-Hey, Mr. Knuckles.
We uhh... just wanted to make sure
we be getting paid this week.
What about value?
I'm paying you with knowledge.
You are?
Lesson one,
always be prepared.
Lesson two,
The Belguim Five-arm Nose-Pinch.
And lesson 3,
The Lithuanian Haircut.
That's worth all the money in the world.
Hey guys, forget about it.
You're going to get paid.
But first, we got to
get my stone back.
I see a bad Gru arising.
I see I'm feeling on his way.
I'm going now in the room with my heroes.
They're gonna love me
because I'm the best.
Don't mess up tonight.
You're going to join The Vicious 6.
Here is the bad Gru
and did I...
Oh, you want to come?
Right, right...
When you guys tracked me down and
responded to my help, what did happen?
I was like
"who are these tiny tater tots?"
"And where did they get so much denim?"
And you're just wouldn't quit.
All right, I surrender.
Come on in.
We've had some great times since then,
But the thing is... The Vicious 6,
they're the big leagues.
And you guys...
are... great...
and so the job you did with the lair.
A plus.
It's just what I was thinking
is that there are a lot
of other villains in the world.
You know?
Never mind. Look.
I think I just need to fly solo.
See you later, alligator.
Here we go.
Excuse me.
I was wondering if you're no good.
You're good. My mistake.
Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
I was just trying out
this new invention of mine.
I call it "sticky fingers"
or "smart goo."
I haven't quite landed on the name yet.
Come here.
I overheard you were looking
for something...
I yes, I was hoping
you're no good.
I think you'll enjoy
listening in Booth 3.
Right this way.
This is it. Mums the word. Keep it down.
Good luck.
Let her have it, son.
Thanks mister
That's Doctor Nefario.
Here are the package.
If you ever get famous, remember
who gave you your first gadget.
Try backwards.
Welcome to The Vicious 6.
That's pretty...
Everybody here for the interview?
Me too.
So what do you guys
got going on later?
Are you up to no good?
Are you gonna get into some mischief?
Bring the first one in.
They're ready to see you Mr. Gru.
Oh, good good.
Distinguished villains,
My name is Gru.
I feel like I'm talking too loud,
even though our proximity
doesn't require this kind of volume.
If you told me when I was ten,
if I would have the chance to fill
the shoes of my favorite villain ever,
Wild Knuckles
I would say "you got
rocks in your head,"
but now that I'm 11 and 3/4
it makes a lot more sense.
All right, who let the kid in?
I thought he was this tiny man.
What's wrong with you?
You seriously think a puny little
child can be a villain.
Umm... Yes. I'm pretty despicable.
You don't want to cross me.
Evil is for adults,
who steal powerful ancient stones
and wreak havoc,
and not for tubby little pups
who should be at school learning
taking a recess.
Suck, I can't stop.
Come back when you've done
something to impress me.
Who's next?
I am Wingman,
the next member of The Vicious 6.
Behold, the power of flight, Sir.
All right, joke's over.
Show time.
Bring him in. Bring him in, boys!
He took the stone.
Caught him!
Lock down the building.
I did... nothing to see here.
Oh, look at you. Frampton Comes Alive!
Nice choice.
I uh...
Just keep walking.
Look at that. A kid?
What are you doing here?
Okay. Just get on.
-Which way did he go?
-There is that little thief.
-Knock knock. Delivery!
The demon child!
Otto, take the stone back to the lair.
I'll distract them.
No, not now. Come on, come on.
Yeah, baby.
I'll handle this.
Hope you enjoy the rest of your short life.
Please work.
Come on, come on, come on.
We're coming for you, tiny man!
They all said a kid wouldn't
be a real villain.
We-he-ell... This kid just stole something
from the worst villains in the world.
When I bring it back to them,
they're going to say...
"We have made a terrible mistake."
"Please join us."
"Please Gru"
and I will say...
Yes! I will be the newest
member of The Vicious 6.
Now all I need is Otto.
Where is Otto?
No, not "Otto le komay"
He needs to come in now.
-Mini boss!
There you are...
You got it?
Is this... Are you pulling
on my legs right now?
Otto, where's the stone?
What about you?
Come up.
Did you just trade my future?
For a pet rock?!
Okay, I'll go...
Where was this birthday party?
This is unacceptable. Unacceptable!
I told you guys that you weren't
ready for the big leagues
and you have proven me correct.
All you do is mess everything up.
Ugh! What?!
My mom was right.
You do not belong here.
You're fired.
I'm going to find that stone.
When I get home,
you all better be gone.
And Otto, close your yapper!
I'll say goodbye.
No one ever cared if I should leave.
Kevin, no, I will be better
off on my own.
I'm sorry.
I thought you'll be impressed
Can I just speak to Belle Bottom?
Wild Knuckle!
You're alive?
Wow, my favorite villain
is also my kidnapper.
This could be a great opportunity
if you don't kill me.
Shut up and give me the stone.
Ahh. Yes. The stone.
Here's the thing about that.
It's kind of a funny story.
Give it to him.
It's all going to go south very quickly.
What the heck is this?
Where is it, boy?
I don't have it,
I don't have it.
I know you're hiding
it somewhere.
I'm not, I'm not. I swear.
Cross my heart and hope to die.
Stick a needle in my eye.
Don't actually do that though.
Somebody bring me a phone.
Call home. It's ransom time.
No, no, no. My mom will
probably pay you to keep me.
Good one. Call!
Who is this?
Kevin lay what?
You kidding me?
You got henchmen?
Well, that's the end of that.
Listen, you. Bring the stone to me
in San Francisco.
6830 Green Street, got it?
Now you got two days
or you are never gonna see
your little boss again.
Oh ho ho... The stone.
Gave that to my uncle.
It's more his style.
I told you, I don't know where
he went you stupid Twinkies.
Not cool, man.
San Francisco.
Let's rock and roll.
Time to get our stone back.
We're coming for you, Mr. Gru.
San Francisco. Okay.
How will you be paying?
Oh great. You know, if you have any hairballs,
we can upgrade you to 1st class.
Get out.
And I had to turn back
at LaGuardia.
Hey Dolly.
AD STARTING IN 40:14, ENDS IN 40:45.
Oh. Yes, please.
You got real moxie kid,
stealing from The Vicious 6.
I got moxie, really? Did I just
receive a compliment from Wild Knuckles?
All my dreams are coming true right now.
Well, it's about to become your nightmare.
Welcome to my newest torture device.
Disco inferno.
Your minions better get it
by sundown tomorrow
because if 48 hours of disco won't kill you,
the blade will.
Oooh! No, no, no, no, no.
Go go go.
Next up, Green Street.
Wait a minute.
Come back here.
Get your little butts back here.
OK, now. You might feel
a little pinch.
Got you now.
Time to bring some fun.
Any plans for the weekend?
Take five deep breaths.
I'll be right back.
You like picking
on little guys, huh?
Go take a nap, old lady.
Old lady?
I am a master of the ancient
Shaolin Art of Kung Fu.
Get lost.
If you come back to our place,
you're dead.
Shh shh shh... You can thank me
by going away. I'm working.
You? Want to learn Kung Fu?
My teaching days are over.
This is my life now.
I will teach you.
those are not for you.
The name of the game
is sell, sell, sell.
Where is Gru?
How should I know?
What's with the costumes?
Halloween was four months ago.
You look stupid.
Buzz off. Shoo.
I'm getting my meat tenderizer.
Let me help you with that, dearie.
Now, where's the boy?
I didn't mean to scare you.
Don't worry,
we're not mad at him.
We just want to...
hire him.
Where is it?
Wild Knuckles? He's alive?
And working with the kid?
We're going to San Francisco.
Let's hit it.
You had better be paying for my roof.
Pretty groovy, huh?
We begin with a basic kick.
Now, you.
Okay... No kicking.
This is a melon hammer.
It's a weapon.
This is Fred.
He is a dummy.
Never underestimate a dummy.
Now, attack.
Don't tell to me
"I cannot break this wood."
But doubt exists
only in the mind.
You know what I say
to my mind.
Now, you.
kevin kevin kenny
Okay. Clearly, we are not ready
for philosophy.
Let's just train.
Rest up. Tomorrow's going
to be even worse.
What? You're quitting?
I told you, when I get that stone,
We're going to be unstoppable.
I have had enough.
There's nothing sadder
than an aging villain.
So long, old man.
Guys, come on. We're a team.
Hope you like it.
Is this?
I just had to fire my henchman.
You know why?
Because they weren't getting
the job done.
OK, I'm just gonna untie you now because I
I I I need you to do some stuff
for me around the house.
You might be, you know, kind of nice
to have a little company around here.
Oh, yeah.
Villains just doing some chores.
Who knows what kind of trouble
we could get into.
What's that?
-That's your evil chuckle?
Well, it stinks.
You sound like a clown
who swallowed a kazoo.
Really? Well, you look like a wizard going
through an end of life crisis.
Easy now, Don Rickles.
Who's Don Rickles?
I thought we lost you
there for a minute.
Hey, chill, chill.
You wanna try this one, little dude?
Hey soul brother,
where jetting off to?
Disco Frisco!
It's so lucky day chick
I'm heading up the coast.
I could drop you off on the way.
Start with the pool.
This place gotta be spick and span.
What are you doing?
You look like the overcooked turkey
my mom makes on Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention,
the pool is filled
with my pet crocodiles.
Yeah, well, well... doesn't scare me.
Be careful. I can't have you lose an arm
because they need you to change
some light bulbs after this, yeah.
I'll show you how it's done.
Knock it off.
Hey. Whoa! Oh, no.
Marvin, no, no. Stop that.
The net.
I got you.
I got you. I got you.
I don't got you.
Take my hand.
Got you.
You could have ran.
But you... But you didn't.
I told you, you were my
favorite villain in the world.
I could not let you get
eaten by crocodiles.
Even though that would have been
kinda cool to watch.
So... So you want to be
a great villain, huh?
That's all I ever wanted.
You want to, I don't know, you want me...
You want me to teach you a thing or two?
Many fighters have asked me,
"how did I become a great master?"
Even the smallest of us are capable
of great things.
You just dig down deep,
find your inner beast, and...
Now, you try.
Find your inner beast.
Stop this kick.
We have a lot more work to do.
Kevin, Stuart, and Bob,
you are ready.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ready for your Kung Fu
junior chievement badges.
They're dead.
First rule of heist,
always stay in character.
Got it, grandpa.
Say, you mind if we use the John...
My boy Dexter here can't hold it
in till we get home.
Bank of Evil.
It's showtime, kid.
Follow my lead and
don't forget your cue.
Hello I... I just need to cash this.
Oh wowie zowie! What a big bank!
How many security guards
are in here?
Who's this little guy?
Well, that's my grandson who still has not learned
that children should be seen and not heard.
Haha, kids.
I actually have a son of my own.
Yeah, you look so weird.
Oh haha, don't listen to him.
Your son is very uh...
Help I'm seeing a white light.
Helen, I'm coming for you.
Helen, I'm coming for you...
Oh... help!
Help my grandpa.
Somebody help him.
My grandpa!
This is the big one.
You hear that?
It's the sweet sound of angels.
Do something, my life
is flashing before my eyes.
No, no, no.
The other way, the other way.
All right.
Everyone stand back.
-Wait a minute, wait.
Don't give up on me now, buddy.
No, no, no.
I'm feeling better.
Maximum charge.
You saved my grandpa.
Did we... Did we do the heist?
Grandpa say the darnest things.
You dropped this.
Look what I got.
Hey, not bad.
Not bad at all.
We make a good team.
Oh yeah, hey,
we got to keep at it.
Wait till you see what I'm
gonna teach you next.
I cannot wait.
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
Time to strike.
They're not here.
Fan out and find them.
Something big is going
down in Frisco.
Whoo. There it is.
It's been one heck
of a ride, little man.
You know, I'm gonna miss you.
Hey, so welcome. Good luck.
My friend, you're not gonna
learn from the old school.
Oh no...
I can't believe they did this to me.
I... I taught them everything they know.
We were a team.
I give up.
You are a great bad guy.
They are stupid idiots.
Only dream I ever had was
doing bad stuff with my buddies.
Now look at me, old... alone...
Well, you are old.
But you're not alone.
All right, listen up, buster.
We are starting a new team
and it's going to be called
The Terrible Twos.
We can find a better name later,
but right now we are going
to find that stone
and show everybody that you still got it.
Come on, you're just a little kid.
It's over.
-Go home.
-But you said we...
Go home!
Mini boss!
Mini boss!
You found the stone.
Otto, I'm so proud of you.
Hurry, we don't have much time.
We got to get this to Wild Knuckles.
Long time no see, punk.
I'll take that.
Anti-Villain League. You are under arrest.
Well, well, well, everybody...
Did you forget what time it is?
Happy New Year!
Stand your ground.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, NO!
Where do you think you're going?
You stole from us,
and now you're gonna pay.
Enjoy being torn apart.
Why don't we make this a fair fight?
Oh... You thought I was serious?
Hello, traitors!
Remember me?
You can leave me for dead,
You destroy everything I own,
but I will not let you hurt that kid.
So you're gonna save the kid?
Yeah, you and what army?
Okay... this army.
Dig down deep.
Find your inner beast.
Hurry! Faster!
Get away from him.
Destroy the kid.
How does it feel to be beaten
by the tiny little bug?
You guys were amazing.
The Kung Fu,
where did that come from?
Obviously, you guys are re-hired.
Oh, no. Wild Knuckles.
You're gonna be OK, right?
Don't worry about me, kid.
I'll be fine.
You are going away
for a long, long time.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't bet on it.
See you soon kiddo.
Wild Knuckles
was my favorite villain.
We didn't have much time together,
but the time we did have...
I'm so grateful for
I've been thinking about how you
won't see me grow up or be there
for all the terrible things
that I'm going to do.
Believe me,
they're gonna some awful things
But I'm going to make you proud.
I'm going to be the best villain
ever because of you.
Because you taught me what matters,
you can't do anything alone.
Find your tribe.
And never ever let them go.
You better stay out of trouble, kid.
I will live a
good and honest life.
You're alive?
You just blew my mind.
How could you do that?
I cannot wait to fake my own death
to avoid the authorities.
Shoot for the moon, kid.
Shoot for the moon.
See you later, suckers.
I need a scientist who is very genius.
You want to work for me?
No, I am done with villainy
off the happier horizon.
Goodbye, you old chap.
Ohhh... All right, all right. Fine.
Stop with a face. I'm in.
Wanna see something cool?
Are you kidding me?
Big boss, I like that.