Missed Connections (2015) Movie Script
1
"I saw you running on fifth street.
You had pink running shorts
and a white top
and I had a tweed jacket
and brown slacks.
You have beautiful eyes.
Man looking for a woman."
Wow this guy lives in a fantasy world.
Hey, Sis. What are you reading?
Oh Hey, Marc!
Missed Connections.
Here's one.
"We met on the train
and talked for an hour
about the silliest things."
Oh honey who hasn't?
George, I am in need
of some deep inspiration.
A sandwich so delicious.
I not only smell and taste it
but hear and feel it.
You got anything like that?
You embarrass me, Marc.
I'm just a man.
With a gift.
I'll see what I can whip up.
Hey Shakespeare,
mom wants to know if you're doing ok
and if your hair looks washed.
What should I tell her?
Tell her I look very clean
and emotionally stable.
I don't think I feel comfortable lying.
Really?
Cause Mom still thinks
your first kiss was on your wedding day.
And it was the first time,
I had a real kiss.
Awww, that is so sweet.
I think I just got diabetes.
George could you put
some insulin in that for me?
Listen to this one.
"I saw you in the grocery store,
but was too scared to say hi."
What are these, the stalker personals?
No, Marc.
People lose touch and try to reconnect.
It's kinda cute.
Slash creepy and pathetic.
No it's not!
Think about it.
What if the Universe
only gave you 10 seconds
with your soul mate,
and the rest was up to you?
Look this one could be about you.
"Handsome guy in jeans and blazer.
You were reading in the Park.
We made eye contact.
I was wearing a blue sweater
and a cream skirt.
Please write."
I never read in the park
and I definitely don't make eye contact.
No, you should write her.
George tell him that he should write.
No.
Look Julia,
desperate personal ads are
stories for college magazines.
Oh I forgot. You're a novel guy?
That's right.
Speaking of which,
Elenore called, again.
You forgot your business cards.
Marc Reid Novelist.
Fancy.
She also wondered
if a vacation would help?
She is relentless.
Where would I even go?
Maybe spend time on French bridges.
George, don't be ridiculous.
He'd have much more to write
about if he were on a farm
in the English countryside.
Maybe a forbidden love thing in India
or Iraq.
Oooo... Exotic.
You're missing the point.
Sure exotic locations can
give your story a nice flavor,
but the place is almost irrelevant.
It could take place in a trash
compactor in outer space.
If you've got the right characters.
Look. If this were my story,
this girl in the cream skirt
wouldn't be taking out a personal ad
and mooning till I write back.
She would be hating me right now.
What?
Oh yeah, I would have offended her
with my tough yet refreshing honesty.
I'd hate her too.
She's stubborn and oddly
immune to my charm.
Yet try as we might,
fate forces us into situations
till finally, we see past
our initial impressions.
In that moment of discovery,
he sweet tones of a melody
would start to play.
Sweet tones?
Oh, Yeah!
How can you fall in love without music?
We laugh at the situation.
We both realize what is happening.
I take her hand, we start to dance.
And then...
Are you done?
No.
Oh, Ha Ha.
Wait, Marc, I'm Sorry.
I really like your story.
Is this going to be
your next masterpiece?
If I can find my characters.
I mean I've already got
my female protagonist
but I just can't find the perfect guy.
And don't, don't go there.
Well, until you find him.
I have some girl inspiration for you.
No.
She's super cute.
No I'm not going to do this again.
I already told her that you're a writer
and she thinks that's really hot.
You should take her someplace nice.
- You're picking her up at 6pm.
- What tonight?
Yeah.
Wear the blue shirt
I got you for Christmas.
Julia the last girl that you
set me up with brought her cat.
He was well mannered.
He was wearing a top hat and a vest.
It was Lincoln's birthday and I promised
I would make it up to you.
You don't seem grateful.
Alright, look you could be right.
This could suck
or this could be your 10 seconds.
Fine.
I don't see why you married people
see the need to torture me.
George, is that music I hear?
Oh, come on.
Hey, Trent.
French toast for lunch?
I already had mac and
cheese for breakfast.
But if you'd like I know this
great sandwich place nearby.
Merci, mon amour.
You're so cute.
So how was your run?
Dog crap everywhere, every
third step was dodging poop.
Where are your boxes,
you're supposed to have
two loads up here, slow poke.
Uh.. Jessie Listen,
I was up late thinking, and I uh...
Oh No.
Oh, no it's not what you think.
Trent!
If you had cold feet about moving in,
it would be nice to get a heads up.
I took the day off.
Oh no, I'm not getting cold feet.
Are you kidding.
Things are going great between us,
your apartment is 10 minutes closer
and you clean the bathroom.
Yeah I want to move in.
Ok, what did you want to tell me then?
Well you know your friend Becca,
"Beaver tooth" Becca?
I asked her to move in.
I don't need help with the rent.
Oh, she isn't moving in here.
I asked her before you asked me.
She was excited, and then
you asked me, and I said yes.
Then I was like, oh,
this is a bad situation.
I have to tell one of them.
I just couldn't decide. But I knew
I should say something.
You have no idea how worried I was.
You had two weeks and you said nothing?
I know terrible right?
She's supposed to move in tomorrow.
She's going to get there
and I'll be gone.
Oh, so you two were uh...
No of course not.
Well unless you consider
cuddling cheating.
Oh gosh it was this song.
Song?
Yeah, Becca wrote this ballad about me.
About my arms and my eyes.
It was like "He looks at me,
and I want him to see,
the way those brown eyes melted me."
And then there is this whole part
that is like
"Huggably Handsome Hero."
Anyway you had to be there.
But she played it for me and
she said that I inspired her.
I was so excited, that I
didn't know what I was saying,
and I was like
"move in with me."
Wow.
She's gonna be crushed.
You're telling her.
Why?
She'll figure it out on her own.
Trent! Oh my gosh.
It's bad enough you lead her on.
You are not going to make her wait
with her stuff outside
your empty apartment.
I was going to leave her a key.
Why are you always mad
when I tell you things?
Ok, sweetie, listen.
You either, go and tell her,
or you're moving in with her.
Ok, I see how important this is to you.
I guess I'm surprising her
for lunch again.
You mind if I borrow that?
I want her to try it.
Thanks.
I'll call you after I tell,
and then, moving day.
No, it's not a game I'm
playing with you Elenore,
I'll get you a rough when I have one.
That would be the worst game ever.
Look, look my sister is calling.
Yeah, I'll get you something new soon.
Ok, bye.
Pregnancy hotline,
how can I help you miss?
You're not funny Marc.
I'm calling to remind you,
- are you wearing the shirt?
- Yes.
You're lying.
Marc, just wear the shirt,
and some cologne, and be nice.
Yeah, ok.
Thank you, I texted her address to you,
she'll be waiting outside her apartment.
That doesn't sound desperate.
Look, I know you hate this.
But trust me. I have
a good feeling about this.
You have too many
good feelings about me.
Thank you, and wear the shirt.
Yeah, I will.
No Daddy.
You sure? I could have your
brothers on a plane tonight.
And they can't prove anything
if they don't find the body?
No.
Put him in a wheel chair?
No one is flying out here.
What, you don't miss your brothers?
You don't need to fix it.
I know.
He may have been joking, I don't know.
I was just hoping to be done
with moving by now.
He's still moving in?
Jessie you've been out there
six months now.
I think it's time you came home.
There is this young guy at the firm.
No I'd rather die.
He was a wrestler in college
and he has great hair.
Please don't check out
any more guys for me.
I'm fine and Trent is sweet
and handsome and thoughtful, sometimes.
But does he make you happy?
Yes.
How much of that ice cream
have you been eating?
Are you trying to make me cry?
No, just trying to give you
a little perspective.
I just don't understand him.
Maybe you don't know each other
well enough to move in together.
Right, I don't know him.
I'm glad you realize that.
If he moved in now
I would just resent him.
Absolutely, it's unhealthy.
We're not on the same page anymore,
maybe we never were.
That's it, he can't move in,
until I cheat on him.
Yeah, wait, what, NO!
And this way
I'll be able to help him stop.
Dad you're a genius.
This is so not my idea.
I'd better hurry.
Thank you Daddy.
Wait, what, no.
Wait, wait.
Are you weird?
What?
Like is there something wrong with you?
Cause I'd like to know now
before we continue.
Uh. I don't know,
sometimes I like to pretend
I'm from France.
That's actually kind of cool.
I have a strict no pets policy.
Ok?
So... This is my car.
You want me to go with you?
Unless you were waiting
for someone else.
What's the green ox?
Uh, a pub, or a bookstore.
Maybe a superhero.
I haven't decided.
Cool.
Probably a place where...
Maxine Macy will make her final stand.
Maxine, now is she
the gypsy grad student,
or the travel blog assassin?
She hasn't decided yet.
Both good choices.
By the way, how come
whenever she ends up
someplace, it's with sexy results?
Yeah, these are a little half baked,
so try not to look at them.
So uh, what do you feel up for tonight?
Seriously? You have no plans?
I know as much about you,
as I do about Bahrain.
Do I get options?
Sure, Option 1, rob a bank.
Option 2, kidnap the President.
Option 3, escape to Nova Scotia.
They all sound good.
Oo, I wonder if there
will be sexy results?
Look, this may sound
like a joke to you,
but it's what I think about.
Maybe you should just
not talk about it, ok.
Ok.
I'll think of some place to go,
we'll eat, ask the same
boring date questions
and pretend to care.
And you can go home
and write in your journal,
and tell all your friends
about how cheesy I am.
Sound good?
Wait, just wait.
This is a mistake.
Wait, just wait.
Ok I'm sorry,
I just got pushed into this.
I don't need an excuse
about why you're a jerk,
you're off the hook.
I don't want to be off the hook.
Just go around.
You don't want to do this
and neither do I.
That's not true.
You've known me for like two seconds.
Why did you even pick me up tonight.
I don't know.
I really don't.
I got to your house and
I was going to back out,
and I saw you standing there
and I thought that...
I might be missing out on
something great if I passed.
I still feel that way.
Please don't give up on me yet.
Ok, so what now?
Uh, what do you like?
Is this your first date.
Come on, give me a life line here.
You've already proven
that I'm bad at this.
Just do whatever you were
going to do if I wasn't here.
Really?
Yeah, I wanna see what you like to do.
Just be along for the ride, you know.
Best way to get to know you.
I just think it's fair to warn you.
Things could get dangerous.
Do you like sandwiches?
Julia is going to kill you.
Yeah, I know.
Hi, how's he doing?
Not very well.
What? I'm doing just fine.
Will you get the Lady a grilled caprese.
And make me whatever
you made me this morning.
And a number five with extra cheese
and sauted mushrooms,
you know how he likes it.
So I'm not doing well, huh?
Yeah, I deserve that.
Let me regroup in my office.
Don't take too long,
I might run away with George.
Yeah, and then Julia
would really be mad at me.
Oh... Oh....
Um, If you're going to make that noise,
you might want to use the stall.
I just can't.
Please don't ask me to help you.
I should have told her, but
instead I helped her pack.
Why, why did I do that?
I'm filling box with shoes,
and then I'm like,
you should tell her.
And then she's showing me
these new curtains
and there's something
in my head screaming,
"You've got to tell her,
and then we're taking
a snuggle break."
And then she turns
and then she looks at me
and it's like a giant show choir
is singing this huge tell her song.
Do you know what I said?
I really don't.
I said, hi...
Who says that?
A lot of people.
Maybe I should just move in with her.
No! I can't.
Please, please, please help me.
Have you ever had to choose
between two girls?
Not really,
I'm on a blind date right now,
and it's all I can do
to keep her from going home.
But still if you had a girl,
who wanted you to move in,
who's fun and creative
and super affectionate.
Or this other girl, who wasn't as fun,
but is hotter and cleans,
and is smart and stuff.
I'd pick the one
who makes you work more.
What, why?
Because she trusts you to help her,
and if you're willing to work harder,
it means you care more about her.
But what if the easy one
wrote a song about you?
That would complicate things,
but I still know whom I'd choose.
What if I already lost her?
Do something extra, make
her dinner, buy her flowers.
I've never made her dessert.
There you go.
Dessert and flowers.
Oh, well thanks for the advice.
And I hope your date goes well.
And you have a happy breakup.
It's one of Julia's favorites too.
I'm sorry she's not here.
She would love to see you.
I would love to meet her.
What?
Is it ready?
Uh...
Sure is.
What were you...
Oh it's right here sir.
Would you like a free cookie?
No I shouldn't.
I have a surprise planned later.
Oh yeah, hey, did you ever get
that girl thing figured out?
Yes I did, I really wish
I could have them both.
But then I wouldn't enjoy either.
I guess women are a lot
like sandwiches that way.
Uh, I've never really
thought about it like that.
Oh come on, you work
at a sandwich place.
You know, I think I will
take you up on that free cookie
later.
Ok, sure.
Thank you,
No problem.
Is he your parole officer or...
No. I'm not really sure what he is.
Me neither.
George I leave for two seconds.
I have our plans now,
and I think I might just pull this off.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Wow. So what's next?
I'm not going to tell you.
You told me to pretend your not here.
Not what I said.
I don't think you're
going to pull this off.
Wait and see.
Hey Marc, umm...
Thanks George, we need to go if
we're going to catch him awake.
You're going with option two?
I don't think I'm dressed
to kidnap the President.
So just follow my lead in there.
Don't believe anything he says about me.
Don't eat anything and most importantly,
we are not romantically involved.
I think I can handle that last part.
This is starting
to sound sketchy Casanova.
It's just a quick favor
for an old friend.
Ah, you said you weren't coming.
Gary, who is it?
It's the grim reaper,
I'm telling him he has the wrong house.
Come on Gary,
would I miss your birthday?
It was two days ago and who's she?
She's...
She's... a biographer,
you've such a colorful life
I just wanted to preserve.
Oh shut up.
So are you going to let us in?
I am so glad you came.
He's been disagreeable
ever since you called.
No I haven't.
I'm always like this.
Stop it.
Bad enough you have to be here.
But now you're bringing dates.
- Oh, she isn't...
- It's not a date,
unless it's a really terrible one.
Well, I'm sure Marc
is the perfect gentleman,
he's quite the romantic.
Stop inflating the kid's ego.
He has a hard enough time
fitting through the door as it is.
I remembered you're birthday
this year, Alzheimer's and all.
You gave me denture cream
wrapped in coffin brochures.
So ungrateful.
That's very sweet.
Isn't it time you gave him his present?
- Oh I like this girl.
- What?
Oh, I like this girl.
Oh yes, go ahead.
I don't think that now is quite right.
Oh, don't be shy.
He practiced it the
whole car ride over here.
You have a beautiful voice.
You wrote a song?
Oops, did I spoil the surprise?
Well, it's not quite finished.
Then sing what you have so far.
Ok.
You ready?
What?
She's a professional singer,
and she's been helping
me with the lyrics.
Most of them are her idea.
Really? This is so cool.
Birthday concert.
Yeah, you wouldn't believe how
pretty his falsetto voice is.
But I don't sing that way in this song.
I sing really low.
Yes, all the way down to tenor.
This is unbelievable.
Isn't it.
I do wish you'd stop bragging on me.
You're beginning to oversell
this very simple song.
Well get with it,
before I miss my next birthday,
or die, whichever comes first.
Ok, I guess we're really
going to sing now.
This is definitely not
what I would be doing
if you weren't here.
Ok here goes.
Did you get some saddle sores,
when you were riding dinosaurs?
I admit that makes me
a little jealous.
When you can't bend over right.
And it's getting hard to wipe.
When you can't eat what you want.
And have bowl problems.
Sorry.
Go eat some prunes, Captain prunes.
Scarf them down
and drink their juice.
For they really are a magical fruit.
Don't be sad.
Don't feel bad.
Go eat some prunes
before you're had.
And you'll start to feel like
your regular self again.
Keep going.
Gary you're not scary,
just don't go eating dairy.
It'll clog your arteries...
And you will die.
And though it may sound awful.
Just eat prune filled falafels
and you'll always be
my huggably handsome hero.
Nice.
Prunes, prunes, captain prune.
Prunes, prunes, captain Prunes.
Prunes, prunes, Captain Prune.
Prunes, prunes, Captain Prunes
Prunes... prunes, prunes.
You're old.
But not that old.
Yeah, you kinda are.
Wow, that sucked.
That was so fantastic.
Must have taken you guys forever.
All for you, Gary.
Mary, maybe you could get our
performers something to drink.
Course.
Alright, Sinatra, where's the goods?
What?
You and I both know that little
who ha wasn't my present,
so where is it?
I... I am shocked.
After all this time we spent
putting this together for you?
Frankly, I resent the greediness.
So help me,
I will show this girl your book.
- You wouldn't?
- What book?
If you think I'm whistling Dixie,
you just try me mister.
You better go get it.
I don't think he believes you.
You're going to love this.
Alright!
Oh, how I've missed you pastrami.
May the cholesterol
go straight to your brain.
Here's hoping.
All we have is cranberry juice.
I hope that's ok.
Did I miss something?
Nope.
What is that smell?
Why didn't I get a glass?
Because, you don't go to bed if you do.
I'm not a child, and I want
something to drink please.
Well fine, I'll water it down for you.
Did you want a full cup Gary?
Yes.
See I don't think you should
have a full cup,
you know with you're little problem.
Fine, use your best judgment.
If I was doing that
I wouldn't be getting you juice.
For heaven's sake woman,
I'll get it myself.
Thanks for being subtle.
They don't know what the problem is.
Right, and they'll need
a wind talker to break the code.
He's cute.
He's available.
What was that book he wanted to show me?
Oh, probably any number
of embarrassing books.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
You're going to pretend
like you didn't just put that
in your pocket?
Well...
Put it back.
It's not what it looks like.
Right, you were just rescuing it.
- Yeah Kinda.
- Put it back.
Shhh....
I'm not going to spill just let me...
What are you two up to?
I really like the arrangement
here with the right angles.
I couldn't see it
from down there, but it
really brings out the um...
Nice try kid.
I tried to give you more time.
You were in on this?
Sure, it's just a silly game they play.
Whoever has Mortimer wins.
And this week,
loser has to shave his legs.
I told him, I am not
helping him out with that.
Be here tomorrow for breakfast.
Mary, get your camera.
Well. Three weeks in a row.
Now you should be....
Alright, I got dirt on you too old man.
- I dare you to say another word.
- Oh, kill joy.
Is that the book
you didn't want me to see?
One of them.
What's the other one, your novel?
He wrote a novel?
It's so good.
It's this romantic little story.
Look if we're talking
about this I'm leaving.
Oh come on, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
It's so beautiful.
The way Diane and Heath fight for love.
I know and when
they're on separate boats
and they can't get off.
It sounds really cute.
I told you not to let Mary read it.
I won't say anything about it.
I'm sorry.
I'll put the book away.
Are you really going to walk out now?
I didn't give up on you.
It is really steamy though,
here I'll let you borrow it.
What is this?
Is this pastrami?
Huh? Huh?
Is this pastrami?
Huh? Huh?
Don't, you've been clean so long.
Wait!
Gary, you know it's not good for you.
Do you really want another heart attack?
Huh?
Fine!
You want to play rough,
if you take a bite.
I'm not giving you
your problem medicine.
You're bluffing.
Come on Gary,
we both know that's not true.
No!
So good.
Come on!
You, I want to see you
in the kitchen now!
Pastrami, Marc? Really?
Look, before you lecture me,
I just want to say, I'd do it again.
I would.
I feel sorry for the guy.
I know.
Mary, he's all cooped up in here,
and forced to eat these liquid foods,
have you even tasted them?
Just thinking about having to
eat toothpaste flavored shakes,
makes me want to take up smoking,
so I can shave a few years off
of my own miserable ending.
So yes, I brought him a sandwich
because he would do it for me.
So you can't....
I don't think that
you know how to punish people.
I'm not mad.
I know you care about him,
and I think him having a bite
of a sandwich every now
and then is just fine.
I have to be mad
so you won't do it all the time.
Ok.
Besides how would I punish you?
Ban you from ever coming over?
We wouldn't want that.
I don't think Gary would approve.
He doesn't need to know.
I don't think I'm ready for this.
I'll go slow, just like
Diane in your book.
This is really not a good idea.
Tell me, what do you think
about when your writing?
Um... I think about... um...
I um.... I... my... my mother.
Yes, yes my mother and how
she always used to take me to church.
Oh mom, you're such
a big influence on my writing.
I um... I think we should pray.
Don't you?
Nice try.
That's right, Mary, let him have it.
If I'm lucky,
she'll take it all out on him.
He makes a surprisingly
believable George Washington.
Is this him in a pant suit?
Well that's when he was supposed
to be Janet Reno.
Wow, you really know
how to collect on a bet.
You better believe it.
I'm really lucky he makes
such a lousy thief.
Yeah, other than that he
seems like a great grandson.
What?
Oh, Marc isn't my grandson.
Almost was, but then decided not to be.
Here he is trying to be me,
as a super hero.
He even wrote a short story about it.
"The adventures of Captain Prune,
the most regular guy in the world."
How does that work?
Well it's not so much a super power
as the process of...
Oo, not that.
I mean how do you decide
to be a grandson?
Well, I better let him explain that one.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Yum, these nuts are pretty good.
They were better when they
still had chocolate on them.
Ugh..
Come on, lets go.
Wait! You better be here tomorrow.
Sure thing.
Sorry for dragging you here.
I actually had a lot of fun.
Well, I'm glad you did.
I've still got a shaving
to look forward to tomorrow.
And maybe some other awkward stuff.
You sure?
You didn't! Yes!
You owe me one.
So what's our next adventure,
Captain Prune?
I think we still have time
to make the best show in town.
Didn't we just escape it?
Go. Go Go.
Wait! Wait!
Get back here you cheater.
So...
Is this Shakespeare in the park?
Not exactly.
Here?
Best show in town?
Are you hungry?
You have to be joking.
I never joke about theater.
Sit down, the show is about to start.
What are we supposed to see?
Um...
Yum...
I know George is amazing, right?
Watch just there.
Are your invisible friends
about to perform?
That bench any minute.
You're a voyeur.
Shh... I prefer the term
people watcher.
How did you know that would happen?
He does it every week.
I got close one time,
and he addresses it,
"to the beautiful woman on the bench"
I come to see how the story will end.
This is stupid.
Just go talk to her.
It doesn't have to be tonight.
Maybe it's good that they're
a Missed Connection.
A what?
It's this thing in the newspaper,
where people try to reconnect.
They don't need a newspaper
they're right there.
And they'll get together
on their own terms.
Yeah, meanwhile
and probably wondering
if he'll ever move in.
What?
Nothing.
I'm not waiting.
What are you doing?
Excuse miss, hello.
Hi. Excuse miss, hello.
I believe you have my note.
Um... Your note?
Wi, I was supposed to be here,
but you were, and that is my note.
Are you sure, I've been getting
these notes for weeks, so...
They are all mine.
Can I have my notes?
Stop!
What are you doing?
I can't stand by any longer,
those notes are meant for you.
They are?
Yes!
I am in love with you.
What?
Yes, and now I must have you.
Come here you. I love you.
Oh, thank goodness.
No!
You are ruining everything.
What? No.
You're trying to steal her from me.
You poked the wrong bear.
What are you doing?
You poked the wrong bear.
What are you doing?
Why would you do that?
Because he wrote the letters.
Is that true?
Um....This looks like
a private moment, excuse.
That was quite
the acting job there Pachino.
As was your mademoiselle.
As was your mademoiselle.
I hope they're grateful.
Maybe he's not what she was expecting.
Seems like he was.
Yeah.
You gave me my ending.
Now you double owe me.
Really. Cause my face
says that we're even.
Will that make it into your story?
Can we talk about something else?
Ok.
Why did you decide not
to be Gary's grandson?
Unbelievable.
Please?
I lied and stole for you.
And I never asked you to do either.
Promise you won't feel sorry for me?
Got it, only laugh.
Close enough.
It was the summer after
my senior year of college.
I'd been writing this story
since the first semester.
This is going to be
about a girl, isn't it?
- Wait and see.
- But it is.
Can I finish?
Well. My sister stole a copy
of my manuscript,
she mailed it to a publisher,
and they loved it.
They offered me
a $20,000 dollar advance.
I'd never had that much money before.
Thoughts of jet skies and exotic pets
were swimming through my head,
but I already knew what I wanted.
The girl who inspired the story,
Wren Milton.
Wren, as in the bird?
Yeah, yeah exactly like the bird.
- I know the rest of this story.
- You don't.
After I got the ring,
I went to see her grandpa.
We were already good friends
and I needed the help
of a master schemer.
We came up with the perfect proposal,
nothing too crazy, just the two of us.
I had written her this song,
and then suddenly,
everyone that we know, was there.
So you went down in flames then?
Is that why you hate your book?
I'm not finished.
Oh come on.
I mean, I'm sure
it was super embarrassing
with all your family there, but please.
It was probably harder
for her to tell you.
She didn't say no.
Are you married?
No.
But she said yes, right?
She said "Sure why not".
What did you do?
I didn't marry her.
Admit it.
You're feeling sorry for me.
No way, you dodged a bullet.
Really? Cause if felt like
it hit me square in the chest.
I so wanted to marry that girl.
Why didn't you?
Well I couldn't see happily ever after
starting with "Sure".
Wow, you are such as snob.
Yeah, call me picky,
but I'm holding out for the girl
that will say "Hell yes".
Well, may you find
what you're looking for.
She better get here soon,
or she'll miss all the inside jokes.
So, what's your story?
My story?
I don't have one.
Liar.
Everyone's got a story.
I told you mine.
Yeah, that was stupid,
now you have no leverage.
You're not telling me cause it's good.
I like to keep a little mystery.
Why, are you a ghost?
You are, oh it makes so much sense.
You're a French actress
from the 1920's who was killed
before she was able to find true love.
You're allowed to manifest yourself
and help others find their soul mates,
but, if the secret comes out,
then the spell will be broken.
Don't say anything,
but if I guessed right,
blink three times.
Ouch!
Not a ghost.
Zombie?
I dated this guy for
a few weeks in college,
sounds lame, but he was smooth.
He would meet me in the morning
with waffles or crepes,
roast or pasta for dinner.
So food does it for you?
Yeah, maybe.
He called me a few
months after graduation,
and wanted to be with me.
I had finished my dissertation
and got the feeling that this
is where I'm supposed to be.
But when I got here, he got cold feet.
So I got a job and an apartment,
and now I guess
I'm waiting for him to move in.
And you're still here,
that's really impressive.
Thank you.
I better not read that
somewhere in some book.
I make no promises.
Do you hear music?
No.
Me neither.
That was pretty random.
Hang on a second.
May I have this dance?
Ok, I admit you're pulling this off.
You bring out the best in me.
Why did you come out with me tonight?
You seemed so sure I was supposed to.
Hello.
Hey babe it's me?
Oh, hi.
I told her.
It was terrible.
I've never done anything so hard.
I bet.
I know it's late, but
I sure could use your help.
Where are you?
Don't' do anything until
I get back. Ok sweetie?
See you soon.
I kinda, gotta get home.
Sure,
I'm going to murder you.
Uh.. Hello
Seriously, I will stab you in the back.
She waited for three hours.
You should have called
if you were going to stand her up.
Whoa, Whoa, what are you talking about?
George tried to cover for you.
He told me you showed up
at the shop with someone.
Did you think
I wouldn't talk to Melissa?
She just called crying.
For that....
Are you sure I didn't show?
You're kidding right?
I don't....
Wow...
I got to go.
If you hang up on me....
Hold on.
Trent!
Tadda,
I know you like red velvet.
I don't know what to say.
I know what you're thinking.
I'll get the ice cream.
Trent... We need to talk.
Ok, no ice cream.
I swear I got an entire gallon.
Forget the ice cream.
Focus.
Alright.
Trent.
So many things I want to say.
And I want to hear them all.
I really doubt that.
No, I really do.
I'm sorry I put you through a lot.
I was wandering all over,
and I was thinking.
And finally I just yelled
for some sort of sign.
And then two seconds later guess what.
This guy walks in on a horrible date.
And it hits me.
I am the luckiest guy.
And I headed straight over to Becca's
and told her that I couldn't
move in with her.
And it felt good!
Didn't even phase me
when she started crying.
- Trent.
- Listen.
I don't need the songs,
or the compliments, or the kiss-grams.
I just need you.
I can't think of anyone
I'd rather be with.
Can you?
Where did you get this jacket?
I think it's one of yours.
Hi.
Wow, weird babe, this is the guy.
Hi.
Come on in.
You don't mind, do you babe?
Oh come on.
We have cake.
I like cake.
I'm Trent.
Marc.
This looks good.
Are you moving?
In here with this lucky lady.
So, how did the rest of your date go?
Unbelievable.
Out of nowhere,
she starts yelling in a foreign accent
at these people in the park.
Oh, sounds crazy.
She was probably just nervous.
Maybe she hadn't been
on a date in a while.
Oh you totally had to be there.
This one guy got so mad,
he tackled me to the ground.
What?
Yeah, and to top it all off, she
stole from this sweet old man.
Sounds like datezilla.
She was stubborn, frustrating,
and full blown crazy.
And I loved every minute of it.
I wish I'd told her that
before I dropped her off.
This guy is awesome.
You know what.
We should go on a double date together.
That would be interesting.
Hey babe, you mind if I get my jacket?
I'm going to run and get some ice cream.
Right now?
Yes please, it's cold.
Oh...
I will be right back.
What?
Nothing, it looks good on you.
Meh...
Hey.
I am not jealous.
You're jealous, one night
and you're jealous.
I am not jealous.
Trent you're back early.
Trent!
You think I'm stupid?
That you could laugh
in my face behind my back?
How long have you been seeing this guy?
I met him tonight.
I can't believe you're with this guy.
I'm not with her.
I've never been with her.
I mean tonight we almost....
What are you doing?
Nothing happened, calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down.
You have to choose right now, him or me.
Oh ok, you got a day,
but sure let me think...
You.
What?
Are you kidding me?
- But I thought we...
- Look you're a great guy,
and I had fun tonight, now excluded,
but I'm not one of
the girls in your stories.
No you're better.
I couldn't write someone
like you, no one could.
Writers are always imagining
women worth fighting for.
I always wanted to be the kind of guy
that did heroic things
for the woman he loved.
I thought I was, but I screwed up.
I was so busy trying to be that guy,
that I forgot to look
for what I wanted in a girl.
And you think I'm what you want?
I know you are.
You're adventurous,
and brave, and so, so clever.
You are the kind of girl
that would cross oceans.
You're the kind of the girl
that would fight wars.
You are the Odysseus of women.
And I want to be your... your...
Helen of Troy?
No, that's what I was thinking,
but... no.
Your...
Achilles?
No.
I want to be your guy!
Ok, what's my name?
We spent the evening together,
and apparently
I'm the girl of your dreams.
So what's my name?
Um....
Oo, oo, oo.
I know you know.
I think you should go.
You were taking your time,
and he showed up and
was like "My car's this way",
and I really don't know why
I got into the car
when he could have been a serial killer.
It's ok.
Today has been the weirdest day.
I know.
It's been a long day
and you don't have to explain.
It's important
that you're here with me now.
I want you to know.
That you are completely forgiven.
Am I?
Of course you are.
But you are going to have
to work to build back my trust.
Trent, do you know how long
I've been waiting for you?
Seven, eight hours?
No, seven months.
I chose you that long ago, and
I've been waiting since then.
So please tell me,
are you moving in with me?
Sure.
I'll go get the car.
What?
No.
You're not moving in.
What?
You're not wasting anymore of my time.
Look, I don't know what just happened.
I know, goodbye.
Wait, you chose me.
Well, I un-choose you.
Jessie, wait, let's talk about this.
I'm sorry for whatever.
What am I supposed to do,
live with Becca?
Jessie,
I knew you'd change your....
And if you can get home tonight,
you're mother has promised
to make enchiladas.
It's a four hour flight.
And worth it.
I don't think so.
I'm telling her you said that.
Daddy, I have a job.
I'm pretty sure they have those
out here, lots of them.
But there's one great thing here
that you can't get out there.
Oh, Dad, that's not fair.
There are plenty of other good reasons.
I know you miss me,
but I'm not ready to come home.
Then what's keeping you out there?
Things with Trent are over.
Are you waiting for someone else?
No you're right.
Good.
I've waited long enough.
Yes. That's right.
I deserve to be with someone
who's willing to do anything
to be with me.
I'm going to go find him.
Yeah... uh, now?
I'm going to go find him.
Yeah... uh, now?
This is crazy, I don't
even know if he still likes me,
- But you're right.
- What just happened?
Thank you daddy.
No! No!
Stop having epiphanies...
Hey, I'm just going to go to
the store before the lunch rush, ok.
Ok, love you.
Can I help you find something?
Yes, is George here,
I need to speak with him.
He's not.
I could make you something.
No I just need to talk to him,
will he be back soon?
Ok, look I'm sure the two of you
had a nice chat,
and that he made a sandwich
special just for you.
But sweetheart, he's married, so...
No, It's not like that,
I'm looking for this guy.
Oh, I don't think he wants
to see anyone right now.
I can give you
the address for his fan mail.
I can't send a letter, I need
to seem him now, it's urgent.
Yeah, uh hum, ok whatever
crazy emergency you have,
he's not interested.
But he's in love with me.
Wow, ok.
Let me get him on the phone for you.
Thank you.
Hi, Police. I need you to send
someone over to George's Deli.
We've got a live one here.
Sorry.
She ran and ran, until she was sure
she couldn't hear the footfalls
of the Geral Clerics anymore.
At last she came to rest
with her chest heaving
up and down from the exertion.
Her legs quivered under her as she...
Oh that's great, can you wait
until I'm done
to talk about quivering legs?
It's all I can do
to keep from cutting my veins.
Your story makes me
want to slit my wrists.
I know it's bad to say,
but this is really good.
I'm not looking,
I'm just bringing Band-Aids
and antibiotic cream.
Please woman,
you've had to bath me before.
Yeah, and I almost went blind.
Laugh it up Steinbeck,
I'm taking this into the bathroom,
and finishing the job there.
Goodness.
You're going to need sweat pants
so your legs don't get cold.
Ok, well...
maybe later.
Hey.
About last night.
I need to pray.
Stop Marc.
You're safe, I'm not going to jump you,
so you can put your holy shields down.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.
You were just being so sweet,
and I need a little romance in my life.
I'm actually flattered,
and I'm glad that you like my book.
Just, I wasn't ready to get jumped.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be.
In fact, I used our encounter
in my new story.
Really?
Yeah
It's pretty hot.
Well, I better go get that,
you know Gary will traumatize them.
Oh, thank goodness.
Hi.
Is Gary here?
Uh... yes,
but you really don't want
to see him right now.
Mary, my legs feel funny in these pants.
Coming.
I should go.
Wait, sorry,
I just... have you seen Marc?
I don't like this.
Mary, get the glue.
Ok, hold your horses.
Sorry.
Haha.
And the slices are the size
of a traffic cone.
What did I ever do with out you?
Oh, suffer I guess.
Haha.
Thanks Elenore.
Yeah, I can probably get you
a second draft by Friday.
Only this time, can we get
somebody else to do the cover?
No It's fine,
I just... look, just forget it.
Ok, bye.
George I've got a big writing session
ahead of me,
and I need something
that will keep me sharp,
but satisfy my hunger.
You got it.
Hey by the way, you owe me big time.
I told you, a special thanks
at the beginning of the book
is all you're going to get.
No, a crazy fan came in the
other day and I scared her off.
She told me you were in love with her.
Was she cute?
I don't know.
I was blinded by her craziness.
Julia, she could have been
my 10 second girl
from the stalker personals.
You'd never find somebody
that crazy in here. Look,
"We sat in traffic school together,
but I never got the
courage to ask your name.
I hope to meet you there again,
you make my heart
go 100 miles per hour."
Ok. How about this one?
"I saw you from afar,
and thought we had something special,
blah, blah, generic blah."
Skipping that one.
"I was your Odysseus for a night,
but I was waiting for the wrong guy."
"Now I'm waiting for you
to compete my story."
What does that mean?
Hey, are you weird?
Like is there something wrong with you?
Because I'd like to know now
before we continue.
Yeah, I am kinda weird.
You know, sometimes I pick up
random girls on the street.
Yikes, sounds dangerous.
And apparently, I'm bad
with small details like names.
Hum... kind of a deal breaker.
Look do you want me or not?
Hell Yes!
I'm Jessie.
Hello, Jessie.
Hi.
So where are you taking me?
Me, taking you?
I thought we had this discussion.
Oh no, this time you did the asking.
I most certainly did not.
I have a newspaper to prove it.
That wasn't asking you out.
Then what was it?
Charity.
I felt bad for you.
Are you always
going to be this stubborn?
Would you want it any other way?
Manual corrected, synchronized,
and spell checked by H@w-to-kiLL.
"I saw you running on fifth street.
You had pink running shorts
and a white top
and I had a tweed jacket
and brown slacks.
You have beautiful eyes.
Man looking for a woman."
Wow this guy lives in a fantasy world.
Hey, Sis. What are you reading?
Oh Hey, Marc!
Missed Connections.
Here's one.
"We met on the train
and talked for an hour
about the silliest things."
Oh honey who hasn't?
George, I am in need
of some deep inspiration.
A sandwich so delicious.
I not only smell and taste it
but hear and feel it.
You got anything like that?
You embarrass me, Marc.
I'm just a man.
With a gift.
I'll see what I can whip up.
Hey Shakespeare,
mom wants to know if you're doing ok
and if your hair looks washed.
What should I tell her?
Tell her I look very clean
and emotionally stable.
I don't think I feel comfortable lying.
Really?
Cause Mom still thinks
your first kiss was on your wedding day.
And it was the first time,
I had a real kiss.
Awww, that is so sweet.
I think I just got diabetes.
George could you put
some insulin in that for me?
Listen to this one.
"I saw you in the grocery store,
but was too scared to say hi."
What are these, the stalker personals?
No, Marc.
People lose touch and try to reconnect.
It's kinda cute.
Slash creepy and pathetic.
No it's not!
Think about it.
What if the Universe
only gave you 10 seconds
with your soul mate,
and the rest was up to you?
Look this one could be about you.
"Handsome guy in jeans and blazer.
You were reading in the Park.
We made eye contact.
I was wearing a blue sweater
and a cream skirt.
Please write."
I never read in the park
and I definitely don't make eye contact.
No, you should write her.
George tell him that he should write.
No.
Look Julia,
desperate personal ads are
stories for college magazines.
Oh I forgot. You're a novel guy?
That's right.
Speaking of which,
Elenore called, again.
You forgot your business cards.
Marc Reid Novelist.
Fancy.
She also wondered
if a vacation would help?
She is relentless.
Where would I even go?
Maybe spend time on French bridges.
George, don't be ridiculous.
He'd have much more to write
about if he were on a farm
in the English countryside.
Maybe a forbidden love thing in India
or Iraq.
Oooo... Exotic.
You're missing the point.
Sure exotic locations can
give your story a nice flavor,
but the place is almost irrelevant.
It could take place in a trash
compactor in outer space.
If you've got the right characters.
Look. If this were my story,
this girl in the cream skirt
wouldn't be taking out a personal ad
and mooning till I write back.
She would be hating me right now.
What?
Oh yeah, I would have offended her
with my tough yet refreshing honesty.
I'd hate her too.
She's stubborn and oddly
immune to my charm.
Yet try as we might,
fate forces us into situations
till finally, we see past
our initial impressions.
In that moment of discovery,
he sweet tones of a melody
would start to play.
Sweet tones?
Oh, Yeah!
How can you fall in love without music?
We laugh at the situation.
We both realize what is happening.
I take her hand, we start to dance.
And then...
Are you done?
No.
Oh, Ha Ha.
Wait, Marc, I'm Sorry.
I really like your story.
Is this going to be
your next masterpiece?
If I can find my characters.
I mean I've already got
my female protagonist
but I just can't find the perfect guy.
And don't, don't go there.
Well, until you find him.
I have some girl inspiration for you.
No.
She's super cute.
No I'm not going to do this again.
I already told her that you're a writer
and she thinks that's really hot.
You should take her someplace nice.
- You're picking her up at 6pm.
- What tonight?
Yeah.
Wear the blue shirt
I got you for Christmas.
Julia the last girl that you
set me up with brought her cat.
He was well mannered.
He was wearing a top hat and a vest.
It was Lincoln's birthday and I promised
I would make it up to you.
You don't seem grateful.
Alright, look you could be right.
This could suck
or this could be your 10 seconds.
Fine.
I don't see why you married people
see the need to torture me.
George, is that music I hear?
Oh, come on.
Hey, Trent.
French toast for lunch?
I already had mac and
cheese for breakfast.
But if you'd like I know this
great sandwich place nearby.
Merci, mon amour.
You're so cute.
So how was your run?
Dog crap everywhere, every
third step was dodging poop.
Where are your boxes,
you're supposed to have
two loads up here, slow poke.
Uh.. Jessie Listen,
I was up late thinking, and I uh...
Oh No.
Oh, no it's not what you think.
Trent!
If you had cold feet about moving in,
it would be nice to get a heads up.
I took the day off.
Oh no, I'm not getting cold feet.
Are you kidding.
Things are going great between us,
your apartment is 10 minutes closer
and you clean the bathroom.
Yeah I want to move in.
Ok, what did you want to tell me then?
Well you know your friend Becca,
"Beaver tooth" Becca?
I asked her to move in.
I don't need help with the rent.
Oh, she isn't moving in here.
I asked her before you asked me.
She was excited, and then
you asked me, and I said yes.
Then I was like, oh,
this is a bad situation.
I have to tell one of them.
I just couldn't decide. But I knew
I should say something.
You have no idea how worried I was.
You had two weeks and you said nothing?
I know terrible right?
She's supposed to move in tomorrow.
She's going to get there
and I'll be gone.
Oh, so you two were uh...
No of course not.
Well unless you consider
cuddling cheating.
Oh gosh it was this song.
Song?
Yeah, Becca wrote this ballad about me.
About my arms and my eyes.
It was like "He looks at me,
and I want him to see,
the way those brown eyes melted me."
And then there is this whole part
that is like
"Huggably Handsome Hero."
Anyway you had to be there.
But she played it for me and
she said that I inspired her.
I was so excited, that I
didn't know what I was saying,
and I was like
"move in with me."
Wow.
She's gonna be crushed.
You're telling her.
Why?
She'll figure it out on her own.
Trent! Oh my gosh.
It's bad enough you lead her on.
You are not going to make her wait
with her stuff outside
your empty apartment.
I was going to leave her a key.
Why are you always mad
when I tell you things?
Ok, sweetie, listen.
You either, go and tell her,
or you're moving in with her.
Ok, I see how important this is to you.
I guess I'm surprising her
for lunch again.
You mind if I borrow that?
I want her to try it.
Thanks.
I'll call you after I tell,
and then, moving day.
No, it's not a game I'm
playing with you Elenore,
I'll get you a rough when I have one.
That would be the worst game ever.
Look, look my sister is calling.
Yeah, I'll get you something new soon.
Ok, bye.
Pregnancy hotline,
how can I help you miss?
You're not funny Marc.
I'm calling to remind you,
- are you wearing the shirt?
- Yes.
You're lying.
Marc, just wear the shirt,
and some cologne, and be nice.
Yeah, ok.
Thank you, I texted her address to you,
she'll be waiting outside her apartment.
That doesn't sound desperate.
Look, I know you hate this.
But trust me. I have
a good feeling about this.
You have too many
good feelings about me.
Thank you, and wear the shirt.
Yeah, I will.
No Daddy.
You sure? I could have your
brothers on a plane tonight.
And they can't prove anything
if they don't find the body?
No.
Put him in a wheel chair?
No one is flying out here.
What, you don't miss your brothers?
You don't need to fix it.
I know.
He may have been joking, I don't know.
I was just hoping to be done
with moving by now.
He's still moving in?
Jessie you've been out there
six months now.
I think it's time you came home.
There is this young guy at the firm.
No I'd rather die.
He was a wrestler in college
and he has great hair.
Please don't check out
any more guys for me.
I'm fine and Trent is sweet
and handsome and thoughtful, sometimes.
But does he make you happy?
Yes.
How much of that ice cream
have you been eating?
Are you trying to make me cry?
No, just trying to give you
a little perspective.
I just don't understand him.
Maybe you don't know each other
well enough to move in together.
Right, I don't know him.
I'm glad you realize that.
If he moved in now
I would just resent him.
Absolutely, it's unhealthy.
We're not on the same page anymore,
maybe we never were.
That's it, he can't move in,
until I cheat on him.
Yeah, wait, what, NO!
And this way
I'll be able to help him stop.
Dad you're a genius.
This is so not my idea.
I'd better hurry.
Thank you Daddy.
Wait, what, no.
Wait, wait.
Are you weird?
What?
Like is there something wrong with you?
Cause I'd like to know now
before we continue.
Uh. I don't know,
sometimes I like to pretend
I'm from France.
That's actually kind of cool.
I have a strict no pets policy.
Ok?
So... This is my car.
You want me to go with you?
Unless you were waiting
for someone else.
What's the green ox?
Uh, a pub, or a bookstore.
Maybe a superhero.
I haven't decided.
Cool.
Probably a place where...
Maxine Macy will make her final stand.
Maxine, now is she
the gypsy grad student,
or the travel blog assassin?
She hasn't decided yet.
Both good choices.
By the way, how come
whenever she ends up
someplace, it's with sexy results?
Yeah, these are a little half baked,
so try not to look at them.
So uh, what do you feel up for tonight?
Seriously? You have no plans?
I know as much about you,
as I do about Bahrain.
Do I get options?
Sure, Option 1, rob a bank.
Option 2, kidnap the President.
Option 3, escape to Nova Scotia.
They all sound good.
Oo, I wonder if there
will be sexy results?
Look, this may sound
like a joke to you,
but it's what I think about.
Maybe you should just
not talk about it, ok.
Ok.
I'll think of some place to go,
we'll eat, ask the same
boring date questions
and pretend to care.
And you can go home
and write in your journal,
and tell all your friends
about how cheesy I am.
Sound good?
Wait, just wait.
This is a mistake.
Wait, just wait.
Ok I'm sorry,
I just got pushed into this.
I don't need an excuse
about why you're a jerk,
you're off the hook.
I don't want to be off the hook.
Just go around.
You don't want to do this
and neither do I.
That's not true.
You've known me for like two seconds.
Why did you even pick me up tonight.
I don't know.
I really don't.
I got to your house and
I was going to back out,
and I saw you standing there
and I thought that...
I might be missing out on
something great if I passed.
I still feel that way.
Please don't give up on me yet.
Ok, so what now?
Uh, what do you like?
Is this your first date.
Come on, give me a life line here.
You've already proven
that I'm bad at this.
Just do whatever you were
going to do if I wasn't here.
Really?
Yeah, I wanna see what you like to do.
Just be along for the ride, you know.
Best way to get to know you.
I just think it's fair to warn you.
Things could get dangerous.
Do you like sandwiches?
Julia is going to kill you.
Yeah, I know.
Hi, how's he doing?
Not very well.
What? I'm doing just fine.
Will you get the Lady a grilled caprese.
And make me whatever
you made me this morning.
And a number five with extra cheese
and sauted mushrooms,
you know how he likes it.
So I'm not doing well, huh?
Yeah, I deserve that.
Let me regroup in my office.
Don't take too long,
I might run away with George.
Yeah, and then Julia
would really be mad at me.
Oh... Oh....
Um, If you're going to make that noise,
you might want to use the stall.
I just can't.
Please don't ask me to help you.
I should have told her, but
instead I helped her pack.
Why, why did I do that?
I'm filling box with shoes,
and then I'm like,
you should tell her.
And then she's showing me
these new curtains
and there's something
in my head screaming,
"You've got to tell her,
and then we're taking
a snuggle break."
And then she turns
and then she looks at me
and it's like a giant show choir
is singing this huge tell her song.
Do you know what I said?
I really don't.
I said, hi...
Who says that?
A lot of people.
Maybe I should just move in with her.
No! I can't.
Please, please, please help me.
Have you ever had to choose
between two girls?
Not really,
I'm on a blind date right now,
and it's all I can do
to keep her from going home.
But still if you had a girl,
who wanted you to move in,
who's fun and creative
and super affectionate.
Or this other girl, who wasn't as fun,
but is hotter and cleans,
and is smart and stuff.
I'd pick the one
who makes you work more.
What, why?
Because she trusts you to help her,
and if you're willing to work harder,
it means you care more about her.
But what if the easy one
wrote a song about you?
That would complicate things,
but I still know whom I'd choose.
What if I already lost her?
Do something extra, make
her dinner, buy her flowers.
I've never made her dessert.
There you go.
Dessert and flowers.
Oh, well thanks for the advice.
And I hope your date goes well.
And you have a happy breakup.
It's one of Julia's favorites too.
I'm sorry she's not here.
She would love to see you.
I would love to meet her.
What?
Is it ready?
Uh...
Sure is.
What were you...
Oh it's right here sir.
Would you like a free cookie?
No I shouldn't.
I have a surprise planned later.
Oh yeah, hey, did you ever get
that girl thing figured out?
Yes I did, I really wish
I could have them both.
But then I wouldn't enjoy either.
I guess women are a lot
like sandwiches that way.
Uh, I've never really
thought about it like that.
Oh come on, you work
at a sandwich place.
You know, I think I will
take you up on that free cookie
later.
Ok, sure.
Thank you,
No problem.
Is he your parole officer or...
No. I'm not really sure what he is.
Me neither.
George I leave for two seconds.
I have our plans now,
and I think I might just pull this off.
Really?
Oh yeah.
Wow. So what's next?
I'm not going to tell you.
You told me to pretend your not here.
Not what I said.
I don't think you're
going to pull this off.
Wait and see.
Hey Marc, umm...
Thanks George, we need to go if
we're going to catch him awake.
You're going with option two?
I don't think I'm dressed
to kidnap the President.
So just follow my lead in there.
Don't believe anything he says about me.
Don't eat anything and most importantly,
we are not romantically involved.
I think I can handle that last part.
This is starting
to sound sketchy Casanova.
It's just a quick favor
for an old friend.
Ah, you said you weren't coming.
Gary, who is it?
It's the grim reaper,
I'm telling him he has the wrong house.
Come on Gary,
would I miss your birthday?
It was two days ago and who's she?
She's...
She's... a biographer,
you've such a colorful life
I just wanted to preserve.
Oh shut up.
So are you going to let us in?
I am so glad you came.
He's been disagreeable
ever since you called.
No I haven't.
I'm always like this.
Stop it.
Bad enough you have to be here.
But now you're bringing dates.
- Oh, she isn't...
- It's not a date,
unless it's a really terrible one.
Well, I'm sure Marc
is the perfect gentleman,
he's quite the romantic.
Stop inflating the kid's ego.
He has a hard enough time
fitting through the door as it is.
I remembered you're birthday
this year, Alzheimer's and all.
You gave me denture cream
wrapped in coffin brochures.
So ungrateful.
That's very sweet.
Isn't it time you gave him his present?
- Oh I like this girl.
- What?
Oh, I like this girl.
Oh yes, go ahead.
I don't think that now is quite right.
Oh, don't be shy.
He practiced it the
whole car ride over here.
You have a beautiful voice.
You wrote a song?
Oops, did I spoil the surprise?
Well, it's not quite finished.
Then sing what you have so far.
Ok.
You ready?
What?
She's a professional singer,
and she's been helping
me with the lyrics.
Most of them are her idea.
Really? This is so cool.
Birthday concert.
Yeah, you wouldn't believe how
pretty his falsetto voice is.
But I don't sing that way in this song.
I sing really low.
Yes, all the way down to tenor.
This is unbelievable.
Isn't it.
I do wish you'd stop bragging on me.
You're beginning to oversell
this very simple song.
Well get with it,
before I miss my next birthday,
or die, whichever comes first.
Ok, I guess we're really
going to sing now.
This is definitely not
what I would be doing
if you weren't here.
Ok here goes.
Did you get some saddle sores,
when you were riding dinosaurs?
I admit that makes me
a little jealous.
When you can't bend over right.
And it's getting hard to wipe.
When you can't eat what you want.
And have bowl problems.
Sorry.
Go eat some prunes, Captain prunes.
Scarf them down
and drink their juice.
For they really are a magical fruit.
Don't be sad.
Don't feel bad.
Go eat some prunes
before you're had.
And you'll start to feel like
your regular self again.
Keep going.
Gary you're not scary,
just don't go eating dairy.
It'll clog your arteries...
And you will die.
And though it may sound awful.
Just eat prune filled falafels
and you'll always be
my huggably handsome hero.
Nice.
Prunes, prunes, captain prune.
Prunes, prunes, captain Prunes.
Prunes, prunes, Captain Prune.
Prunes, prunes, Captain Prunes
Prunes... prunes, prunes.
You're old.
But not that old.
Yeah, you kinda are.
Wow, that sucked.
That was so fantastic.
Must have taken you guys forever.
All for you, Gary.
Mary, maybe you could get our
performers something to drink.
Course.
Alright, Sinatra, where's the goods?
What?
You and I both know that little
who ha wasn't my present,
so where is it?
I... I am shocked.
After all this time we spent
putting this together for you?
Frankly, I resent the greediness.
So help me,
I will show this girl your book.
- You wouldn't?
- What book?
If you think I'm whistling Dixie,
you just try me mister.
You better go get it.
I don't think he believes you.
You're going to love this.
Alright!
Oh, how I've missed you pastrami.
May the cholesterol
go straight to your brain.
Here's hoping.
All we have is cranberry juice.
I hope that's ok.
Did I miss something?
Nope.
What is that smell?
Why didn't I get a glass?
Because, you don't go to bed if you do.
I'm not a child, and I want
something to drink please.
Well fine, I'll water it down for you.
Did you want a full cup Gary?
Yes.
See I don't think you should
have a full cup,
you know with you're little problem.
Fine, use your best judgment.
If I was doing that
I wouldn't be getting you juice.
For heaven's sake woman,
I'll get it myself.
Thanks for being subtle.
They don't know what the problem is.
Right, and they'll need
a wind talker to break the code.
He's cute.
He's available.
What was that book he wanted to show me?
Oh, probably any number
of embarrassing books.
What are you doing?
Nothing.
You're going to pretend
like you didn't just put that
in your pocket?
Well...
Put it back.
It's not what it looks like.
Right, you were just rescuing it.
- Yeah Kinda.
- Put it back.
Shhh....
I'm not going to spill just let me...
What are you two up to?
I really like the arrangement
here with the right angles.
I couldn't see it
from down there, but it
really brings out the um...
Nice try kid.
I tried to give you more time.
You were in on this?
Sure, it's just a silly game they play.
Whoever has Mortimer wins.
And this week,
loser has to shave his legs.
I told him, I am not
helping him out with that.
Be here tomorrow for breakfast.
Mary, get your camera.
Well. Three weeks in a row.
Now you should be....
Alright, I got dirt on you too old man.
- I dare you to say another word.
- Oh, kill joy.
Is that the book
you didn't want me to see?
One of them.
What's the other one, your novel?
He wrote a novel?
It's so good.
It's this romantic little story.
Look if we're talking
about this I'm leaving.
Oh come on, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
It's so beautiful.
The way Diane and Heath fight for love.
I know and when
they're on separate boats
and they can't get off.
It sounds really cute.
I told you not to let Mary read it.
I won't say anything about it.
I'm sorry.
I'll put the book away.
Are you really going to walk out now?
I didn't give up on you.
It is really steamy though,
here I'll let you borrow it.
What is this?
Is this pastrami?
Huh? Huh?
Is this pastrami?
Huh? Huh?
Don't, you've been clean so long.
Wait!
Gary, you know it's not good for you.
Do you really want another heart attack?
Huh?
Fine!
You want to play rough,
if you take a bite.
I'm not giving you
your problem medicine.
You're bluffing.
Come on Gary,
we both know that's not true.
No!
So good.
Come on!
You, I want to see you
in the kitchen now!
Pastrami, Marc? Really?
Look, before you lecture me,
I just want to say, I'd do it again.
I would.
I feel sorry for the guy.
I know.
Mary, he's all cooped up in here,
and forced to eat these liquid foods,
have you even tasted them?
Just thinking about having to
eat toothpaste flavored shakes,
makes me want to take up smoking,
so I can shave a few years off
of my own miserable ending.
So yes, I brought him a sandwich
because he would do it for me.
So you can't....
I don't think that
you know how to punish people.
I'm not mad.
I know you care about him,
and I think him having a bite
of a sandwich every now
and then is just fine.
I have to be mad
so you won't do it all the time.
Ok.
Besides how would I punish you?
Ban you from ever coming over?
We wouldn't want that.
I don't think Gary would approve.
He doesn't need to know.
I don't think I'm ready for this.
I'll go slow, just like
Diane in your book.
This is really not a good idea.
Tell me, what do you think
about when your writing?
Um... I think about... um...
I um.... I... my... my mother.
Yes, yes my mother and how
she always used to take me to church.
Oh mom, you're such
a big influence on my writing.
I um... I think we should pray.
Don't you?
Nice try.
That's right, Mary, let him have it.
If I'm lucky,
she'll take it all out on him.
He makes a surprisingly
believable George Washington.
Is this him in a pant suit?
Well that's when he was supposed
to be Janet Reno.
Wow, you really know
how to collect on a bet.
You better believe it.
I'm really lucky he makes
such a lousy thief.
Yeah, other than that he
seems like a great grandson.
What?
Oh, Marc isn't my grandson.
Almost was, but then decided not to be.
Here he is trying to be me,
as a super hero.
He even wrote a short story about it.
"The adventures of Captain Prune,
the most regular guy in the world."
How does that work?
Well it's not so much a super power
as the process of...
Oo, not that.
I mean how do you decide
to be a grandson?
Well, I better let him explain that one.
I'm in enough trouble as it is.
Yum, these nuts are pretty good.
They were better when they
still had chocolate on them.
Ugh..
Come on, lets go.
Wait! You better be here tomorrow.
Sure thing.
Sorry for dragging you here.
I actually had a lot of fun.
Well, I'm glad you did.
I've still got a shaving
to look forward to tomorrow.
And maybe some other awkward stuff.
You sure?
You didn't! Yes!
You owe me one.
So what's our next adventure,
Captain Prune?
I think we still have time
to make the best show in town.
Didn't we just escape it?
Go. Go Go.
Wait! Wait!
Get back here you cheater.
So...
Is this Shakespeare in the park?
Not exactly.
Here?
Best show in town?
Are you hungry?
You have to be joking.
I never joke about theater.
Sit down, the show is about to start.
What are we supposed to see?
Um...
Yum...
I know George is amazing, right?
Watch just there.
Are your invisible friends
about to perform?
That bench any minute.
You're a voyeur.
Shh... I prefer the term
people watcher.
How did you know that would happen?
He does it every week.
I got close one time,
and he addresses it,
"to the beautiful woman on the bench"
I come to see how the story will end.
This is stupid.
Just go talk to her.
It doesn't have to be tonight.
Maybe it's good that they're
a Missed Connection.
A what?
It's this thing in the newspaper,
where people try to reconnect.
They don't need a newspaper
they're right there.
And they'll get together
on their own terms.
Yeah, meanwhile
and probably wondering
if he'll ever move in.
What?
Nothing.
I'm not waiting.
What are you doing?
Excuse miss, hello.
Hi. Excuse miss, hello.
I believe you have my note.
Um... Your note?
Wi, I was supposed to be here,
but you were, and that is my note.
Are you sure, I've been getting
these notes for weeks, so...
They are all mine.
Can I have my notes?
Stop!
What are you doing?
I can't stand by any longer,
those notes are meant for you.
They are?
Yes!
I am in love with you.
What?
Yes, and now I must have you.
Come here you. I love you.
Oh, thank goodness.
No!
You are ruining everything.
What? No.
You're trying to steal her from me.
You poked the wrong bear.
What are you doing?
You poked the wrong bear.
What are you doing?
Why would you do that?
Because he wrote the letters.
Is that true?
Um....This looks like
a private moment, excuse.
That was quite
the acting job there Pachino.
As was your mademoiselle.
As was your mademoiselle.
I hope they're grateful.
Maybe he's not what she was expecting.
Seems like he was.
Yeah.
You gave me my ending.
Now you double owe me.
Really. Cause my face
says that we're even.
Will that make it into your story?
Can we talk about something else?
Ok.
Why did you decide not
to be Gary's grandson?
Unbelievable.
Please?
I lied and stole for you.
And I never asked you to do either.
Promise you won't feel sorry for me?
Got it, only laugh.
Close enough.
It was the summer after
my senior year of college.
I'd been writing this story
since the first semester.
This is going to be
about a girl, isn't it?
- Wait and see.
- But it is.
Can I finish?
Well. My sister stole a copy
of my manuscript,
she mailed it to a publisher,
and they loved it.
They offered me
a $20,000 dollar advance.
I'd never had that much money before.
Thoughts of jet skies and exotic pets
were swimming through my head,
but I already knew what I wanted.
The girl who inspired the story,
Wren Milton.
Wren, as in the bird?
Yeah, yeah exactly like the bird.
- I know the rest of this story.
- You don't.
After I got the ring,
I went to see her grandpa.
We were already good friends
and I needed the help
of a master schemer.
We came up with the perfect proposal,
nothing too crazy, just the two of us.
I had written her this song,
and then suddenly,
everyone that we know, was there.
So you went down in flames then?
Is that why you hate your book?
I'm not finished.
Oh come on.
I mean, I'm sure
it was super embarrassing
with all your family there, but please.
It was probably harder
for her to tell you.
She didn't say no.
Are you married?
No.
But she said yes, right?
She said "Sure why not".
What did you do?
I didn't marry her.
Admit it.
You're feeling sorry for me.
No way, you dodged a bullet.
Really? Cause if felt like
it hit me square in the chest.
I so wanted to marry that girl.
Why didn't you?
Well I couldn't see happily ever after
starting with "Sure".
Wow, you are such as snob.
Yeah, call me picky,
but I'm holding out for the girl
that will say "Hell yes".
Well, may you find
what you're looking for.
She better get here soon,
or she'll miss all the inside jokes.
So, what's your story?
My story?
I don't have one.
Liar.
Everyone's got a story.
I told you mine.
Yeah, that was stupid,
now you have no leverage.
You're not telling me cause it's good.
I like to keep a little mystery.
Why, are you a ghost?
You are, oh it makes so much sense.
You're a French actress
from the 1920's who was killed
before she was able to find true love.
You're allowed to manifest yourself
and help others find their soul mates,
but, if the secret comes out,
then the spell will be broken.
Don't say anything,
but if I guessed right,
blink three times.
Ouch!
Not a ghost.
Zombie?
I dated this guy for
a few weeks in college,
sounds lame, but he was smooth.
He would meet me in the morning
with waffles or crepes,
roast or pasta for dinner.
So food does it for you?
Yeah, maybe.
He called me a few
months after graduation,
and wanted to be with me.
I had finished my dissertation
and got the feeling that this
is where I'm supposed to be.
But when I got here, he got cold feet.
So I got a job and an apartment,
and now I guess
I'm waiting for him to move in.
And you're still here,
that's really impressive.
Thank you.
I better not read that
somewhere in some book.
I make no promises.
Do you hear music?
No.
Me neither.
That was pretty random.
Hang on a second.
May I have this dance?
Ok, I admit you're pulling this off.
You bring out the best in me.
Why did you come out with me tonight?
You seemed so sure I was supposed to.
Hello.
Hey babe it's me?
Oh, hi.
I told her.
It was terrible.
I've never done anything so hard.
I bet.
I know it's late, but
I sure could use your help.
Where are you?
Don't' do anything until
I get back. Ok sweetie?
See you soon.
I kinda, gotta get home.
Sure,
I'm going to murder you.
Uh.. Hello
Seriously, I will stab you in the back.
She waited for three hours.
You should have called
if you were going to stand her up.
Whoa, Whoa, what are you talking about?
George tried to cover for you.
He told me you showed up
at the shop with someone.
Did you think
I wouldn't talk to Melissa?
She just called crying.
For that....
Are you sure I didn't show?
You're kidding right?
I don't....
Wow...
I got to go.
If you hang up on me....
Hold on.
Trent!
Tadda,
I know you like red velvet.
I don't know what to say.
I know what you're thinking.
I'll get the ice cream.
Trent... We need to talk.
Ok, no ice cream.
I swear I got an entire gallon.
Forget the ice cream.
Focus.
Alright.
Trent.
So many things I want to say.
And I want to hear them all.
I really doubt that.
No, I really do.
I'm sorry I put you through a lot.
I was wandering all over,
and I was thinking.
And finally I just yelled
for some sort of sign.
And then two seconds later guess what.
This guy walks in on a horrible date.
And it hits me.
I am the luckiest guy.
And I headed straight over to Becca's
and told her that I couldn't
move in with her.
And it felt good!
Didn't even phase me
when she started crying.
- Trent.
- Listen.
I don't need the songs,
or the compliments, or the kiss-grams.
I just need you.
I can't think of anyone
I'd rather be with.
Can you?
Where did you get this jacket?
I think it's one of yours.
Hi.
Wow, weird babe, this is the guy.
Hi.
Come on in.
You don't mind, do you babe?
Oh come on.
We have cake.
I like cake.
I'm Trent.
Marc.
This looks good.
Are you moving?
In here with this lucky lady.
So, how did the rest of your date go?
Unbelievable.
Out of nowhere,
she starts yelling in a foreign accent
at these people in the park.
Oh, sounds crazy.
She was probably just nervous.
Maybe she hadn't been
on a date in a while.
Oh you totally had to be there.
This one guy got so mad,
he tackled me to the ground.
What?
Yeah, and to top it all off, she
stole from this sweet old man.
Sounds like datezilla.
She was stubborn, frustrating,
and full blown crazy.
And I loved every minute of it.
I wish I'd told her that
before I dropped her off.
This guy is awesome.
You know what.
We should go on a double date together.
That would be interesting.
Hey babe, you mind if I get my jacket?
I'm going to run and get some ice cream.
Right now?
Yes please, it's cold.
Oh...
I will be right back.
What?
Nothing, it looks good on you.
Meh...
Hey.
I am not jealous.
You're jealous, one night
and you're jealous.
I am not jealous.
Trent you're back early.
Trent!
You think I'm stupid?
That you could laugh
in my face behind my back?
How long have you been seeing this guy?
I met him tonight.
I can't believe you're with this guy.
I'm not with her.
I've never been with her.
I mean tonight we almost....
What are you doing?
Nothing happened, calm down.
Don't tell me to calm down.
You have to choose right now, him or me.
Oh ok, you got a day,
but sure let me think...
You.
What?
Are you kidding me?
- But I thought we...
- Look you're a great guy,
and I had fun tonight, now excluded,
but I'm not one of
the girls in your stories.
No you're better.
I couldn't write someone
like you, no one could.
Writers are always imagining
women worth fighting for.
I always wanted to be the kind of guy
that did heroic things
for the woman he loved.
I thought I was, but I screwed up.
I was so busy trying to be that guy,
that I forgot to look
for what I wanted in a girl.
And you think I'm what you want?
I know you are.
You're adventurous,
and brave, and so, so clever.
You are the kind of girl
that would cross oceans.
You're the kind of the girl
that would fight wars.
You are the Odysseus of women.
And I want to be your... your...
Helen of Troy?
No, that's what I was thinking,
but... no.
Your...
Achilles?
No.
I want to be your guy!
Ok, what's my name?
We spent the evening together,
and apparently
I'm the girl of your dreams.
So what's my name?
Um....
Oo, oo, oo.
I know you know.
I think you should go.
You were taking your time,
and he showed up and
was like "My car's this way",
and I really don't know why
I got into the car
when he could have been a serial killer.
It's ok.
Today has been the weirdest day.
I know.
It's been a long day
and you don't have to explain.
It's important
that you're here with me now.
I want you to know.
That you are completely forgiven.
Am I?
Of course you are.
But you are going to have
to work to build back my trust.
Trent, do you know how long
I've been waiting for you?
Seven, eight hours?
No, seven months.
I chose you that long ago, and
I've been waiting since then.
So please tell me,
are you moving in with me?
Sure.
I'll go get the car.
What?
No.
You're not moving in.
What?
You're not wasting anymore of my time.
Look, I don't know what just happened.
I know, goodbye.
Wait, you chose me.
Well, I un-choose you.
Jessie, wait, let's talk about this.
I'm sorry for whatever.
What am I supposed to do,
live with Becca?
Jessie,
I knew you'd change your....
And if you can get home tonight,
you're mother has promised
to make enchiladas.
It's a four hour flight.
And worth it.
I don't think so.
I'm telling her you said that.
Daddy, I have a job.
I'm pretty sure they have those
out here, lots of them.
But there's one great thing here
that you can't get out there.
Oh, Dad, that's not fair.
There are plenty of other good reasons.
I know you miss me,
but I'm not ready to come home.
Then what's keeping you out there?
Things with Trent are over.
Are you waiting for someone else?
No you're right.
Good.
I've waited long enough.
Yes. That's right.
I deserve to be with someone
who's willing to do anything
to be with me.
I'm going to go find him.
Yeah... uh, now?
I'm going to go find him.
Yeah... uh, now?
This is crazy, I don't
even know if he still likes me,
- But you're right.
- What just happened?
Thank you daddy.
No! No!
Stop having epiphanies...
Hey, I'm just going to go to
the store before the lunch rush, ok.
Ok, love you.
Can I help you find something?
Yes, is George here,
I need to speak with him.
He's not.
I could make you something.
No I just need to talk to him,
will he be back soon?
Ok, look I'm sure the two of you
had a nice chat,
and that he made a sandwich
special just for you.
But sweetheart, he's married, so...
No, It's not like that,
I'm looking for this guy.
Oh, I don't think he wants
to see anyone right now.
I can give you
the address for his fan mail.
I can't send a letter, I need
to seem him now, it's urgent.
Yeah, uh hum, ok whatever
crazy emergency you have,
he's not interested.
But he's in love with me.
Wow, ok.
Let me get him on the phone for you.
Thank you.
Hi, Police. I need you to send
someone over to George's Deli.
We've got a live one here.
Sorry.
She ran and ran, until she was sure
she couldn't hear the footfalls
of the Geral Clerics anymore.
At last she came to rest
with her chest heaving
up and down from the exertion.
Her legs quivered under her as she...
Oh that's great, can you wait
until I'm done
to talk about quivering legs?
It's all I can do
to keep from cutting my veins.
Your story makes me
want to slit my wrists.
I know it's bad to say,
but this is really good.
I'm not looking,
I'm just bringing Band-Aids
and antibiotic cream.
Please woman,
you've had to bath me before.
Yeah, and I almost went blind.
Laugh it up Steinbeck,
I'm taking this into the bathroom,
and finishing the job there.
Goodness.
You're going to need sweat pants
so your legs don't get cold.
Ok, well...
maybe later.
Hey.
About last night.
I need to pray.
Stop Marc.
You're safe, I'm not going to jump you,
so you can put your holy shields down.
I didn't mean to come on so strong.
You were just being so sweet,
and I need a little romance in my life.
I'm actually flattered,
and I'm glad that you like my book.
Just, I wasn't ready to get jumped.
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
Don't be.
In fact, I used our encounter
in my new story.
Really?
Yeah
It's pretty hot.
Well, I better go get that,
you know Gary will traumatize them.
Oh, thank goodness.
Hi.
Is Gary here?
Uh... yes,
but you really don't want
to see him right now.
Mary, my legs feel funny in these pants.
Coming.
I should go.
Wait, sorry,
I just... have you seen Marc?
I don't like this.
Mary, get the glue.
Ok, hold your horses.
Sorry.
Haha.
And the slices are the size
of a traffic cone.
What did I ever do with out you?
Oh, suffer I guess.
Haha.
Thanks Elenore.
Yeah, I can probably get you
a second draft by Friday.
Only this time, can we get
somebody else to do the cover?
No It's fine,
I just... look, just forget it.
Ok, bye.
George I've got a big writing session
ahead of me,
and I need something
that will keep me sharp,
but satisfy my hunger.
You got it.
Hey by the way, you owe me big time.
I told you, a special thanks
at the beginning of the book
is all you're going to get.
No, a crazy fan came in the
other day and I scared her off.
She told me you were in love with her.
Was she cute?
I don't know.
I was blinded by her craziness.
Julia, she could have been
my 10 second girl
from the stalker personals.
You'd never find somebody
that crazy in here. Look,
"We sat in traffic school together,
but I never got the
courage to ask your name.
I hope to meet you there again,
you make my heart
go 100 miles per hour."
Ok. How about this one?
"I saw you from afar,
and thought we had something special,
blah, blah, generic blah."
Skipping that one.
"I was your Odysseus for a night,
but I was waiting for the wrong guy."
"Now I'm waiting for you
to compete my story."
What does that mean?
Hey, are you weird?
Like is there something wrong with you?
Because I'd like to know now
before we continue.
Yeah, I am kinda weird.
You know, sometimes I pick up
random girls on the street.
Yikes, sounds dangerous.
And apparently, I'm bad
with small details like names.
Hum... kind of a deal breaker.
Look do you want me or not?
Hell Yes!
I'm Jessie.
Hello, Jessie.
Hi.
So where are you taking me?
Me, taking you?
I thought we had this discussion.
Oh no, this time you did the asking.
I most certainly did not.
I have a newspaper to prove it.
That wasn't asking you out.
Then what was it?
Charity.
I felt bad for you.
Are you always
going to be this stubborn?
Would you want it any other way?
Manual corrected, synchronized,
and spell checked by H@w-to-kiLL.