Mojo Brookzz: I Know You Lying (2026) Movie Script
1
I need all your fucking energy right now!
Start clapping right now!
Mojo Brookzz!
ATL!
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down.
Y'all gonna make me cry.
I'm already light-skinned.
Listen, y'all, I'm gonna tell you now,
if y'all don't take nothing else I say,
nothing else I say tonight,
appreciate where you are.
- Yeah.
- You understand what I'm saying?
It's a purpose in your life
that's going far beyond
what's happening in it right now.
If somebody in this room,
you ain't have money
for a ticket to this show,
somebody got the ticket for you.
But that don't mean that's gonna be
your situation five years from now.
Yeah!
Real talk, it might not be
all good right now.
I know where I was at five years ago,
and I was questioning shit,
like I ain't know where I was gonna be.
But God had a different plan for my life.
Real talk, my life has changed, y'all.
I'm getting some money.
How much?
That much.
Y'all see my leather?
I'm touring all over the country.
Y'all, I'm getting invited
to parties and stuff
I never thought I would get invited to.
Stuff that I never.
I got invited
to my first Hollywood party, y'all.
Yeah, I only went
because Diddy's still in jail.
That nigga was home, I wasn't going.
And it was who party it was.
We were celebrating
Mike Epps' 55th birthday party.
And they did a Harlem Nights--
You know, it was a Harlem Nights thing,
so we all put the tuxedos on, y'all.
Before I went to that party--
Let me tell y'all something about me.
I got a real Black mama.
So my mama had a talk with me.
She said, "Come over here."
"I need to talk to you
before you go to your little party."
I said, "Mama, what's going on?"
She said, "I'm happy for you."
She said, "But listen to me."
"You don't gotta do nothing
you don't wanna do."
I took that shit with me
right to the party.
We get to the party, y'all,
some of everybody there.
Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Martin Lawrence,
Cedric the Entertainer.
The one that got me was Bobby Brown.
I saw Bobby Brown, y'all,
I say, I gotta get that picture.
I'm there wanting to get the picture,
tell my girl, "I gotta get that picture."
"That's Bobby Brown."
She's like, "Go ask him."
I'm like, "I don't wanna."
She's like, "Why?"
I'm like, "I took a picture
with Cedric the Entertainer,
and I ain't wanna be bouncing
nigga for nigga."
"'Cause that's some ho shit,
and I'm not no ho."
"You gotta wait at least seven minutes
before you can move on."
So as we going back and forth
about me asking for the picture,
my girl, she was like, "Look, look,"
I'm like, "What?"
Somebody was tapping me
on my shoulder, y'all.
It was Bobby Brown.
Bobby looked right at me.
He said, "Young man,
I'm a big fan of your work."
"I've been watching you for a long time."
He said, "I'm telling you now,
you'll be a bigger star in this business
than you already are."
And that meant a lot to me,
coming from somebody like Bobby Brown
that's accomplished the things
he's done in his career.
And I told him,
"I appreciate that. Thank you."
He said, "Man, forget all that.
Let's celebrate. I got something for you."
I'm like, "I don't want none of that."
"My mama told me,
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
He said, "I'm just messing with you.
You know I don't do that shit no more."
I'm like, "I don't know nothing."
"I just wanna get this little picture
and go on about my day."
He said, "No, man,
I got a big project coming out,
and I think you'll be perfect
for the lead role."
He said, "Man, put your number in my phone
so we can connect."
And I'll never forget the day
that Bobby Brown handed me his phone
to put my number in there
for a project that he thought
I would be perfect for.
And I'm gonna tell you why.
Because as I was putting my information
in this nigga's phone,
the letters were so motherfucking big.
Bobby can't see shit.
The letters were so big,
my first name
didn't even fit on the first line.
I put the first two letters
and the other two went down to the bottom.
I said, "Bobby, you don't even know
who the fuck you talking to."
He said, "I do." I said, "Who am I?"
Nigga gonna say, "Lil' Bow Wow."
That's why you gotta
appreciate where you are.
Appreciate where you're going.
See, ladies, listen to me.
Y'all gotta love y'all selves.
Really love you.
Love the skin that you in.
Love the woman that you look at
in the mirror every single morning.
Real talk, I'm telling you.
Love the bodies that you got.
2026, we ain't doing them BBLs.
We going all natural ass
with the dimples in it.
Like a little golf ball.
Look at all the golf ball-booty bitches
in the back, just like, "Period."
Stop letting them doctors
do them surgeries on y'all.
Go out and do the work.
Understand something, if your back is big
Look at all the big-back bitches
trying to tuck them in.
If you don't let your fucking back out
and breathe in here
If your back is big,
go to the gym and un-big your back.
Stop letting them doctors
slap them hard-ass titties on your chest.
Titties ain't got no emotions,
no characteristics.
No manners, the nipples always hard.
Like, bitch, relax. We is at church.
Ladies, nothing wrong with them titties.
You wanna slap your beau,
them bitches fall and hang down a bit.
If you fucking with a man that
really love you, what are you gonna do?
Scoop both them titties up,
push them together,
suck them at the same time.
Have both them titties in his mouth.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
I was fucking with this bitch
that had her titties down.
I tried to squeeze hers together,
her whole back ripped open.
Now I'm in the bathroom trying
to stitch this bitch back up together.
Love your motherfucking self.
Fellas, you too.
You too, fellas.
You don't look as good as you did
when you first met that lady.
You ain't got the same stomach.
It got the nerve to be judged.
Somebody talking about some,
"She done got big."
Nigga, you done got big.
A lot of you niggas, all summer long,
was out here getting in the swimming pools
with your T-shirts on.
Fuck you think you is, Winnie-the-Pooh?
Fellas, you wanna know
if your shit together?
I'll tell you what. Tonight, after you
and your girl get done making love,
nigga, get up,
go to the bathroom and get the towel.
And on your way to the bathroom
to get the towel,
look back at her
to see how she looks at you.
It's gonna tell you
everything you need to know.
I bet you she back there like
"I can't believe I just gave this nigga
some pussy tonight."
If I was lying, they wouldn't be laughing.
For real.
And listen, we gotta go--
We gotta go to the doctor.
We got to get healthy as a community.
Get healthy as a community.
You feel that shit,
go see what's going on.
Googling your symptoms.
Ladies, listen up.
Know your status,
know what's going on down there.
'Cause these niggas
ain't going to the doctor like that.
And that's okay.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
We get our results from y'all.
Stupid ass.
'Cause, bitch, if you good, I'm good.
That nigga looked at his girl like,
"Bitch, we good, right?"
"No, 'cause you ain't said nothing in a
little while, bitch, is we good or not?"
"Well, 'cause you talking about
your results is my results."
"And if something's not right, bitch,
you got some explaining to do."
Go to the doctors, ladies.
You ain't supposed to be wet all day.
That's not good for you.
Bitch text my phone the other night,
"This pussy been wet all day."
I said, "Baby, you need to
go see somebody."
"You sound like your pussy got a cold."
Your panties should not look like
somebody blew snot in them.
I know, I know.
But when them panties dry up, now what?
They crunchy than a motherfucker.
You threw them in my dirty clothes basket,
I done pressed them down.
You got me thinking I forgot about
some crackers in my pocket or something.
Fuck out of here, Cap'n Crunch.
That's called bacterial vaginosis.
These hoes be out here talking about,
"This pussy stay wet."
Nah, baby, that pussy stay sick.
You need to go get you
some Metrotropalopadolazone.
Fellas, look at your lady.
If she laughing,
she know what I'm talking about.
If she not laughing,
you the reason why she got to take
the Metrotropalopadolazone.
All the men in this bitch right now like,
"Man, hold up."
"What the fuck is Metrotropalopadolazone?"
It's an old nigga in the back right now
on his headset.
"Hey, Siri, what is, uh?"
How you say it?
You see how many bitches knew what it was?
She got some in her purse right now.
And, ladies, listen.
You got to know what your body can do,
know what it can't do.
Know what you saying
when you saying things.
You don't want to say the wrong thing
at the wrong time.
Me and this girl was doing our thing once,
she's like, "Daddy, you hitting my spot."
I'm about to nut.
Ladies, y'all do not nut.
That's unladylike.
When she said it, I felt like a bitch.
I looked her right in the eyes,
I said, "Bitch, if you nut in me
and throw my
motherfucking pH balance off"
'Cause now I'm in here
taking the Metrotropalopadolazone.
But see, fellas,
you gotta watch out for these women
that know they body too good.
Don't catch y'all breath, man.
I'm just warming up.
Fellas, you gotta watch for these women
that know they body too good too, though.
Them the ones that'll squirt on you.
And my thing is this, squirting is cool.
I fuck with it, but I feel like it ain't
no real love or respect in it.
Your lady squirting in your face,
you think she give a fuck about you?
She don't give a fuck about you.
She looking down at you
with pure disrespect.
"Look at this nasty-ass nigga."
"Let me pee
all in his motherfucking face."
You can put your whole head in her ass,
she'll turn around,
"Dookie-booty-eating-ass nigga."
"Your mama know you eat ass, bitch?"
Ain't no love or respect in that bullshit.
Know your motherfucking worth, king.
No love or respect in that.
It's fucked up.
I'm a real nigga, I fuck with the squirt.
I feel like all real niggas fuck with it.
You fuck with the squirt?
Right here, a little bit? Okay.
What about you right here, pink shirt?
You fuck with it?
You fuck with it?
What about you, my boy? Fuck with it?
What about you on the end?
You fuck with it?
Okay. What about you, sir?
You fuck with it?
His lady looked at him like, "Uh
what bitch you know be squirting?"
What about you right here, OG?
You fuck with the squirt, unc?
Huh? "Hell yeah."
Unc, you don't even know
what the fuck we talking about.
That nigga like,
"Hell yeah, I drink Squirt."
"I drink Squirt, Mountain Dew, Pepsi."
"Root beer if you got ice."
Old niggas don't know what no squirt is.
Y'all gotta think squirting is new.
These hoes
just started squirting recently.
They wasn't squirting
back in the day like that,
back in the '60s.
They was-- Man, Rosa Parks
What?
Rosa Parks was not squirting on niggas
and getting on the bus.
Get the fuck out of here.
A squirter in the '60s?
Somebody would've gave her a ride.
Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, somebody.
Jesse Jackson, Muhammad Ali, anybody.
Fuck out of here.
You'd think she done squirted on a nigga
all night long and he was like,
"I left you some bus fare
over there on the dresser."
Get the fuck out of here.
Them old niggas can't handle no squirt.
Motherfucker squirt on Unc,
Unc would lose his motherfucking mind.
Unc wouldn't know what to do.
Soon as that shit hit him in the face,
"Bitch!"
"Get your ass up, go to the bathroom!"
"Bitch, you pissing on the bed."
"I just got this goddamn mattress."
"It's a memory foam, bitch,
you gonna make it forget."
You in the bathroom trying to clean up,
Unc on the phone with his homeboy,
"Yeah, Tony, this bitch over here
pissing in the bed."
See, I don't give a fuck, pee on me.
I still got the plastic on my mattress.
Yeah, my thing is
just don't do me any kind of way.
Because these women
will do you any kind of way.
No bullshit, any kind of way.
Fellas, think about it.
You ever give your lady some head before?
Every man in this room,
you gave her some head
and you was down there
and you felt like you had ate enough.
Like, you had enough.
You wanted to come up,
catch your breath a little bit,
and you try to come from down there
and you just feel that pressure
pushing down on your motherfucking head.
This bitch was pushing down
on my head one time,
I thought it was another nigga
in the room.
I'm finna get up and shoot everybody.
Pressing down? Bitch, don't restrict me.
Don't hold me down.
Now all of a sudden, you strong,
but soon as it's time
to bring a case of water in the house
you need some man hands.
Fuck out of here.
They disrespect.
The little bitch gonna tell me,
"Your nose is like my little rose toy."
I say, "How you figure that?"
She gonna say something,
"Your nostrils is the suction part."
Yeah, ho gonna take my nose
and mush it into her coochie bone.
And got to rocking me around like that.
Whole time, my head just down there
just doing this motherfucking shit.
She talking about,
"Why you eating my ass?"
I said, "Bitch, I'm dizzy."
Shooting that shit up my nose,
it's coming out of my mouth.
Ho, I'm drowning.
I hate the ones that get it out too good,
because, bitch, you know who are.
Don't you dare take your fingers
and peel your pussy lips back
like you cocking a pistol,
and raise that bitch up
and get to shooting that shit out.
Shoot it all in my mouth.
Because first of all, ho,
it tastes like beer.
Half these hoes don't even drink water.
This bitch shot a kidney stone
in my mouth.
I'm like, "Bitch, what's this crunchy shit
you shot in my mouth?"
Them bitches was coming out like bullets.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I said, "Hold on, bitch.
You must be from Atlanta, Georgia."
"You got it."
What?
I'm just playing.
She's from Decatur.
Can I talk to y'all about something
and y'all promised not to judge me?
No!
We listen.
Who said they judge? You say you judge?
Okay, I ain't talking to you
right now, baby.
You right here, you say you judge?
- Why do you judge?
- 'Cause I said so.
'Cause you said so? You think that's okay?
Huh?
Okay, who you with tonight?
- Everybody.
- You with everybody?
You not with everybody.
'Cause they don't want
none of what you about to get.
They seen the clips.
Obviously, you haven't.
Now I say we listen
That's what the fuck I thought.
I feel like a lot of times, y'all,
when we see these different entertainers
get on stage,
the love is rarely seen
to be returned to y'all.
I feel like what y'all do for us
is something that just can't be matched.
Y'all give us the opportunity
to live out our dreams.
I'm thankful for that.
And if I don't say nothing else tonight,
thank y'all for selling out
these shows this weekend.
For real.
Thank you.
I feel like, because of that,
we gonna be together for a while.
Y'all was at my first special.
You understand what I'm saying?
When I'm doing my seventh, eighth, ninth,
I want y'all to still be with me.
So I feel like y'all should be able to see
both sides of what my life look like,
when I'm winning and when I'm losing.
'Cause the L's make me
just a regular person,
just like everybody else.
See, when I say that--
I got a phone call a few months ago.
My grandmother had been
diagnosed with dementia.
I don't know if anybody in this room
has ever dealt with someone with dementia,
but there is no pain
like seeing someone you love
forget who you are.
Now, when I got this news,
I was in denial about it
because I'm my grandmother's favorite.
She got 13 grandkids.
She'll line them all up
and tell them, "I love you,"
and look at me and say, "But you the one."
So when I got this news, I was in denial.
I was hurt. I went home.
I seen my grandmother,
she looked me in the face,
her eyes lit up.
- She said, "That's my baby."
- Aww.
"That's my boy. That's my superstar."
"How the comedy thing going?"
I stood up,
looked at the rest of the family,
and said, "Shit, she remember me."
Y'all wasn't doing right
by what she was remembering.
You gotta do right when they remember.
Now, one thing
I quickly learned about dementia
is how this shit can change
at the drop of a dime.
It could change.
The very next day,
I go see my grandmother.
She look at me, stare at me, and she say,
"Boy, you still doing that R&B thing?"
Now, bitch, I just told you yesterday.
We listen
And we don't judge.
I feel like if you got a family member
going through something like this,
the best thing that you could do
is research on what they're going through.
So that way you can find out
how to be there for them
while they go through their final days.
You understand what I'm saying?
So after hours of research,
the thing I was able to walk away with
is the best way
to deal with a dementia patient
is by simply meeting them where they at.
It don't matter where they at.
They 12 years old, you there.
You know what I'm saying? You 12.
She in the Army, I'm in the Army.
We crawling through the living room.
She want to jump my mama
we jumping my mama.
Stomping a hole in that ho if we got to.
Now, the first opportunity
I got to try this,
I came home off the road,
I seen my grandmother.
Seen her. She seen me, eyes lit up.
"That's my baby. That's my superstar."
"How the comedy thing going?"
"Grandma, comedy is going great."
Next day, she switched on me again.
She saw me,
"Baby, you still doing that R&B thing?"
Meet her where she at.
"Yes, me and El DeBarge
about to drop an album any day now."
This the part pissing me off.
Ever since I told her that,
she called me, talking about,
"Where the album at?"
'Cause, bitch,
do you remember shit or not?
'Cause, ho, play with them,
don't play with me.
We listen
And we don't judge.
I got an 18-year-old niece.
18-year-old niece, y'all. This is my baby.
Crazy about her. Crazy about her.
My sister called the other day,
"I gotta talk to you about your niece."
I said, "What's going on?"
She said, "She came out."
I said, "She came out of where?"
She said, "She came out the closet."
I said, "Well, how long was she in there?"
She was like, "Not like that."
She was like, "She got a girlfriend now."
I was like,
"Okay, so she's part of the community."
My sister's like, "What community?"
I'm like, "LB-WWF-WD-40."
You gotta know about this shit.
If you're gonna have a daughter
in a community, you gotta know.
So I'm putting her on game.
I'm like, "Yeah, she with the community."
I said, "They cool." You know?
"If that's what she wanna do,
like, let her do it."
She's like, "It ain't about that.
If you support her--"
I said, "She got my support 1000%.
Do what you wanna do in your bedroom."
That's your business.
The shit that you do in your bedroom,
don't bring it around me.
"That's your business."
That's just how I feel.
She said, "Okay. Well, I wanna
let you know it's been some changes."
I said, "What kind of changes?"
She said, "Well, she's the boy
in her relationship."
I said, "So, what you trying to tell me?
I got to call her nephew?"
She like, "No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying she's the stud."
I said, "You know what?
If she like it, I love it."
"She got my support."
She said, "She really got your support?"
I said, "She do."
She said, "Do she really?"
I said, "What y'all want?"
"I'm not about to hang that flag up
at my house,
if that's what y'all think
y'all finna get me to do."
She said, "No.
Nothing to do with the flag."
"She just wants to know
if you would go with her
to make her first big purchase."
And I was like,
"What, she finna get a car?"
But she was like, "Nah."
"She wants you to go with her
to buy her first strap."
I said, "I know you fucking lying."
Do I look like the type of nigga
that know how to go out and pick out dick?
Do I look like a dick picker
to you, bitch?
My sister had me on that phone fucked up.
I'm like, "Bitch, you must
got that shit Grandma got,
'cause you forgot
who the fuck you talking to."
"That shit gotta be contagious.
Y'all better stop hugging her."
Now we on the phone
arguing about this shit.
I'm like, "I'm not going to do that."
She said, "Why?"
I said, "Bitch, 'cause Mama told me
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
Now we arguing, she trying
to state her case why I should go.
I'm telling her why I shouldn't go.
The reason why she said I should go,
she said, "You should go
because you have one."
I said, "No, I don't."
I said, "What I have, I was born with.
I didn't pick this out."
Had I picked this out,
I probably would've got something else.
No, hear me out.
I'm not saying it ain't there.
I'm just saying
I would've got something else.
You know, I gotta do
a little bit more of this shit now.
I said, "That's not what I got."
I tell my sister, I said, "You should go."
She said, "Why should I go?"
I said, "Bitch, you got six baby-daddies."
"You done seen more dick
than I ever will."
I said, "You gotta go take her."
One thing I learned about family
is that family know your heart.
They know your triggers.
They know what make you sad,
what make you happy.
They know the things you like,
the things you love.
My sister played on that.
See, my niece, when she was two years old,
her father was killed.
I'm the only thing like a father figure
she's ever known.
So my sister hit me with the curveball.
She said, "You doing all this
motherfucking arguing."
"If her father was still alive,
he would've just went."
Fucked me up, hit me right in the stomach.
Now what? I'm at the store,
picking out dick.
I don't wanna be here.
You ever agree to go do something
and then you get there and you realize,
"I should've said no"?
So now you start being mean
to the person for no reason.
My niece in there,
everything she doing irritating me.
She just up looking at the wall,
talking about some, "Um"
I'm getting mad like,
"Hey, you wanna be the man
in your relationship,
it's time to man the fuck up
and make a decision."
"Grab your tool and let's roll.
What the fuck you got going on here?"
"This some gay shit,
for us to be in here together."
We in the store
for about 20 minutes, y'all.
My niece go off.
She see one.
She like, "Oh, Unc, that's the one!"
She reached up,
she grabbed it off the wall.
She pulled it close to her chest.
Her hand her hand was covering it up.
I couldn't see it.
So she get ready
to start walking to the register,
and I'm like, "Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on."
"'Cause I done drove
all the way down here."
"You ain't about to just buy anything."
So I'm like, "Uh"
"Go in there and try that dick on.
Let me see."
Y'all, she went in there
and came back out with it on.
When she came back out, y'all,
that motherfucker was this big
and it was white.
And I had to tell her,
I had to keep it real with her.
I said, "Niecy-Poo, first of all,
you need to get you one
that match your skin complexion."
"Second of all,
if you pull that little motherfucker out,
that little bitch gonna leave you."
I said, "Come over here and pick one out
that got a curve in it."
"Get you one with a curve and a vein,
you gonna be all right."
We was in that store
for an hour and a half.
I done fucked around and bought me one.
Yeah, I hit my bitch with both of them
from time to time.
Soon as I'm done right here,
I swing that motherfucker around.
Yes, I got a backup dick.
Fellas, ain't nothing wrong with it.
They got backup dicks.
Go in the little panty dresser,
move ten panties to the side.
I bet the backup dick
be right in the drawer.
Look at this nigga looking at me like,
"You know what?"
"That don't sound like a bad idea."
We listen.
And we don't judge.
See, fellas, if you in here tonight,
and you with your lady and love your lady,
clap your hands.
Only if you love her.
You don't love her?
You don't love her?
Nigga, clap then.
Nigga, clap so everybody can see.
Clap, nigga.
Thank you.
Would you die for her?
Yeah.
That nigga thought about it.
That nigga was like, "Uh"
"Nigga, die?"
"I'm the one making all the money."
Fellas, if you would die for your lady,
clap your hands.
If you would die for her.
Only if you would die.
Okay.
We lost a few niggas on that one.
A lot of niggas
ain't dying about shit in here.
There's gonna be a lot of,
"So you wouldn't die for me?"
Let me tell you something, fellas.
If you would die for your lady,
you need to go ahead
and roll out the red carpet for her.
Take her places she's never been.
Give her food she's never tried.
And at the end of the night,
grab her and hold her
accountable.
You hoes ain't doing
this little shit right here now.
Ain't nothing wrong
with a little accountability.
Ain't nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with accountability.
Ladies, it's okay to say,
"I'm sorry, my bad."
"I made a mistake. It won't happen again."
Fellas, it's okay to voice how you feel.
It's okay, if she do something,
for you to call her out on the shit.
We be too busy trying to keep the peace.
Fuck the peace.
They don't give a fuck about the peace.
You could be in the living room on Sunday,
watching the Falcons get they ass whupped
Y'all cry-baby-ass.
"He talking about our Falcons."
You could be watching the Falcons play,
your girl will come in with some bullshit.
With a dream.
Not even no shit you do, a dream.
She'll come right up to you,
"Mm. I had a dream last night."
"Yeah, that you went grocery shopping
with your baby mama."
"Y'all had on matching pajamas."
"You want to be a family again
or something?" Like
"Bitch, if you don't get your crazy ass
out of my motherfucking face"
See, fellas, you gotta
start saying something.
See, in my relationship,
you got one time to fuck up with me.
I'm gonna check that shit.
Won't never happen again.
Me and my girl went to a concert.
Went to a concert.
I didn't like her behavior at the concert.
I told her at the concert,
"Bitch, we'll never do this again."
She thought I was playing.
She come in the room eight months later,
"Babe, you gonna take me
to see Chris Brown?"
"Chris Brown?"
You forgot how you acted
when I took you to see Usher?
I said, "Bitch, I'm Chris Brown."
"Now get your ass in there
and make me something to eat."
"Bitch, you got Chris Brown at the house.
Not taking you to no Chris Brown concert."
"You know what's going on
at the Chris Brown concert?"
"This nigga flying around stadiums
with sweatpants on."
"Dick everywhere."
"I'm not taking you
to no fucking flying dick concert."
"Bitch, you want dick over your head?"
"Let me stand on the bed
and do this shit right here."
Fuck out of here.
We go to the Usher concert,
she plays in my motherfucking face.
I'm thinking we going
to see this nigga Usher sing and dance.
Sing and dance.
No, this nigga Usher
got a part of his show
where he put on skates,
and this nigga skating around the arena.
Pull cherries out his pocket,
and put them into the mouths of the women
that's in the audience.
OG, this your lady that you with tonight?
- Yes, sir.
- How long y'all been together, sir?
- Three years.
- Three.
You take her to the Usher concert,
Usher offer her a cherry,
you think she gonna eat one?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
She was looking at me like, "I'd eat two."
But you know what, OG? That's okay.
You all right.
You'll be okay in that relationship
because you know what she wouldn't do.
She can't catch you off guard.
See, there's a man in this room right now
believe his lady wouldn't eat the cherry.
If you believe your lady
wouldn't eat the cherry, clap your hands.
See that?
The first nigga to clap right here,
he going to jail.
That's the type of nigga right there
put your head
in between a washer and a dryer.
When she said she would,
he got mad at her.
"Yeah, bitch, I wish you would think."
"And if they bring some cherries out, ho"
You going to jail, sir.
You gotta lower your expectations.
You got to understand
the type of situation you in.
That's Usher.
That's U-S-H-E-R, R-A-Y-M
O-N -D.
Now, baby, tell me
what you want to do with me.
But see, I ain't mad at you,
because I was just like you.
I didn't think my girl
would eat no cherry, neither.
Not because I would put her head
in between the washer and dryer
or nothing like that.
It was more so like,
"Bitch, we ate before we came."
"Ho, you don't even
like cherries like that."
"Any time we go to Chick-fil-A
to get you a milkshake,
bitch, you always tell me,
'Tell them take the cherry'"
"Whatever you wanna do, we can do."
And we end up having a funky good time.
Usher doing his thing.
I'm watching the shit up on the Jumbotron.
One thing I learned about the Jumbotron
is that the action be closer to you
than what it really feel.
So as I'm looking up at the Jumbotron,
and he doing the cherry thing,
I see a girl that look just like my girl
get her head snatched back.
Now, when I saw that,
I'm like, he gonna get sued.
That's whiplash. That's a crook.
I look over to tell my girl,
to see if she seen it.
"Bitch, that's us!"
"Shake away, do something!"
This nigga Usher took seven cherries,
shoved them in her mouth.
Seven. Nigga, I counted them, seven.
This what pissed me off.
Ho, you gonna take them seven cherries,
but when I try to put these two nuts
in your motherfucking mouth,
you wanna act like a nigga doing too much.
You wanna act like
I'm taking shit too far.
Nah, bitch, do them cherries
the same way you do these nuts.
Spit them out.
Can y'all believe
this little bitch sat up there
and tried to swallow
all seven of the cherries?
Nigga, I lost it.
I chopped that ho in the throat.
The cherries went up,
they never came back down.
She grabbed her throat.
She said, "I need some water."
I said, "Nah, bitch, let it burn."
Get up.
Fellas, find you a woman
that you align with.
Chasing after these young girls?
Get you an auntie.
Where my aunties at? 40 and up, 40 and up.
Yes, they sleepy.
Auntie tired.
Auntie get excited about different things.
Auntie saw that this shit started at six.
She was like, "I'm going."
Auntie tired.
Auntie even took a little nap
before she came here tonight.
Nap ain't do shit, did it, auntie?
If you were here tonight with an auntie,
let me tell you something.
This is the date.
Y'all ain't going nowhere else after this.
Y'all done already went to ate
before y'all came down here.
Leftovers is in the car.
Y'all been thinking over them leftovers
all night long.
Y'all go to the house,
auntie'll give you a little bit of pussy.
When I say a little,
it's gonna be from the side
with her nightgown up.
And if it's real good,
y'all gonna fall asleep
in that same position.
If you in here tonight
and you with a woman
in between the ages of 20 and 35,
the date just started.
Them hoes hate to go home.
They always know another place.
"I know another place.
I know another place."
"I know another place."
"I'm gonna go on TikTok
and find another place."
Bitch, fuck you and TikTok,
how about that?
Little bitch had me outside last week
'til five in the morning.
Talking about, "I know another place."
I said, "No, you gonna give me that pussy
in this Walmart parking lot."
I'm gonna grab me a McGriddle
and head to the house.
They talk to you any kind of way.
Call my phone. This girl 26, I'm 35.
She gonna call my phone at night,
2:30 in the morning.
Talking about, "What you doing?"
I said, "Bitch, I'm asleep."
She talking about, "You need to get up,
come here, and eat some of this pussy."
That's the disrespect.
I'm going places in life.
I'm not homeless.
If I was homeless, that's different.
Then it's like, "Okay."
"What you want from the gas station?
I'm finna be around my way."
But, bitch, I got five pillows on my bed.
You can't talk to me like that.
When my pillow get warm,
I don't gotta flip it over.
I just grab another one.
You can't talk to me like that.
"Come eat some of this pussy"? It's crazy.
Fellas, know your worth.
Don't let these women
talk to you like that.
"Come eat some of this pussy"?
Bitch, how you already know
I ain't ate no pussy today?
'Cause you not supposed to
eat two pussies in one day.
That's how you get mesothelioma.
I just fucked this nigga up right here.
Soon as I said it,
that nigga looked up like,
"Swear to God?"
This nigga going
straight to the emergency room
when this shit is over with.
"Man, my throat been itching
ever since he said this shit."
"Come eat some of this pussy." It's crazy.
You can't talk to me like that.
I told her, "I'm a high value man."
You gotta come to my life
with a little respect.
She's like, "You coming
to eat this pussy or not?"
I said, "I don't think you heard.
I'm high value. A father, a provider."
"I'm a protector.
I got a nice house, nice car."
"You can't talk to me like that."
She said, "Don't even worry about it."
"Somebody else knocking at my door."
I said, "Bitch, that's me."
"Would you like your ass ate as well
while I'm here?"
Silly girl.
Fellas, you gotta stay on the phone
with these hoes 'til you get there.
They will fall asleep on you.
It's four in the morning.
You drove from the west side of Atlanta
to Stone Mountain.
Now this bitch
ain't answering her phone no more?
You drunk on a suspended license?
Bitch, you playing with my freedom.
And what they do?
Call you the next morning, 11:00 a.m.
"I'm sorry."
"I fell asleep."
It'd be 11:00 a.m. the next morning.
"It's cool, bitch. I'm still outside.
Come open up the door."
"I'm leaving with something.
Come open up the door now."
Fellas, that's why you gotta find a woman
you compatible with, even in the bedroom.
Even in the bedroom.
Let your partner know what you like.
Tell your partner what you like.
Stop bringing old habits
into the new relationship.
You understand what I'm saying?
Ladies, learn your man.
Bitch, don't do to me
what you did to Earl.
These women that do some shit to you
you ain't even know they was capable of.
Every man that been with your lady,
if you been with her for a long time,
you done been in this situation,
where your lady done gave you
some regular head one night
and then a little while later,
it was some different head.
It was better than the regular head,
but you couldn't
even really appreciate it
because where your mind was at, right?
Because she gave you
the regular head Tuesday.
Thursday, she gave you
some magnificent head.
Yeah.
But that mean, in your head,
you like, "Bitch, something
had to happen Wednesday."
I tapped my bitch on the head one night.
I was like
"Come on up here,
let me talk to you for a sec."
"What was this shit you was doing here?
What is this?"
"Then you finger my balls a little bit.
What was that?"
"I didn't say I didn't like it.
I said, 'What is it?'"
You gotta understand
that your lady will do some shit for you
that she can't even really ask you.
Because if she asks you,
the conversation gonna sound wild.
Your lady could wanna eat your ass.
She can't ask you that.
How? Look how it's gonna sound.
"Babe, can I eat that ass tonight?"
"If that's what you wanna do."
Can't have that conversation
on your record.
So, what they do?
Every man, you've been tried out,
whether you wanna believe it or not.
What they do? They give you a little head,
they slide down to the balls,
and then a half inch after the balls
is this little space called the gooch.
Now, me personally
I'm a gooch kind of guy.
Bitch, goochie me down.
Little bitch talking about what I need?
I need you to take me through there.
I need you in there.
Fuck outta here.
On Sundays, they call me Goochie Man. Ha!
Now, fellas, I see how you looking at me.
You not gonna judge me.
You not gonna judge me,
because you might one day decide
you're gonna involve yourself
in some gooch activity,
and I'm gonna tell you how to stay safe.
Rule number one,
you involve yourself
in some gooch activity,
there's only one position
that you can be in.
Ninety degrees. You right here.
That's it.
Don't let them trick you
into this motherfucker right here.
Don't let them trick--
I got tricked like that before.
Don't look at me like that.
I crawled so you niggas can walk.
Little bitch told me she was gonna
give me a massage, and I trusted her.
Yeah, we in bed.
She's like, "I wanna give you a massage."
I'm like, "Okay."
She talking about some, "Rollover."
I should've knew how to rollover
This wasn't a good idea,
because when she was like, "Rollover,"
I was like, "All right."
Now I'm laying on my stomach.
I'm laying on my stomach,
and she's doing a massage at first,
like, on my shoulders
and then she got down by my boxers
and she took my boxers
and she popped them real loud like that.
She was like, "Take these off."
I said, "I don't want you
to do the booty part."
She like, "Take them off."
I said, "Bitch, my mama told me
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
This is when I knew
I lost control of the situation.
When I said,
"I ain't gonna take them off,"
she just started snatching them down.
It was like something took over my body,
because as she was snatching them down,
I shook them down.
And I ain't gonna lie to you, I knew--
When I knew it was really over,
when they got to my ankle
I kicked them bitches in the other room.
Now, she doing this massage, y'all--
Did I forget to tell y'all?
I had ate an edible. So
Yeah, I done fucked around, fell asleep.
And all I remember when I was--
The last part I remember, I was woke,
and she was, like,
on this part of my thigh,
and I had fell asleep,
and I just had felt a rush out of nowhere.
She had went
She had went
and pushed my booty cheeks up,
and put her face in there, and went
Scared the shit out of me.
I done woke up and farted.
Bitch, you ain't gonna blow air up in me
and think I ain't gonna blow it back.
Bitch, this is a shootout.
Got me in here queefing, hell nah.
Ladies, y'all gotta understand something,
all men don't like the same head.
All that spitting and slobbering and shit,
bitch, save some for yourself.
This bitch slobbed
so much on me the other day,
my pubic hair was laid down
like I just got a perm.
And I hate a bitch
that suck everything but the dick.
This bitch sucked on
the inside of my thigh for 25 minutes.
I said, "Can you please
stop eating my pussy?"
Leave my pussy alone.
And I don't like all that rough head,
all that
Don't grab me like that,
I'm light skinned.
You come up, you caress.
You don't-- This bitch gonna grab me,
take her fingers
and spread my pee-pee hole open.
I'm like, "Uh, bitch, close my hole."
"Close-- Bitch, unhand me now."
Then she gonna spit down in the hole.
Yeah, gonna fuck around and give me a UTI.
Ladies, y'all gotta understand,
when y'all doing all that spitting
and slobbing and shit,
the spit gotta go somewhere.
Fellas, where it go?
Right down the asshole.
Booty be slippery than a motherfucker.
Bitch had me running to the bathroom
the other night like I had high heels on.
My ass was wet, the floor was cold.
I'm like, "Bitch, hold on,
just give me one second."
Bitch had me shaking so bad,
I looked over in the mirror, I said,
"Boy, you know this ass super."
She ain't had no towels in the bathroom,
so I took a shower curtain
and stuck it in my ass.
Atlanta, Georgia, my name Mojo Brookzz,
and I know you fuck around.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
I need all your fucking energy right now!
Start clapping right now!
Mojo Brookzz!
ATL!
Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down.
Y'all gonna make me cry.
I'm already light-skinned.
Listen, y'all, I'm gonna tell you now,
if y'all don't take nothing else I say,
nothing else I say tonight,
appreciate where you are.
- Yeah.
- You understand what I'm saying?
It's a purpose in your life
that's going far beyond
what's happening in it right now.
If somebody in this room,
you ain't have money
for a ticket to this show,
somebody got the ticket for you.
But that don't mean that's gonna be
your situation five years from now.
Yeah!
Real talk, it might not be
all good right now.
I know where I was at five years ago,
and I was questioning shit,
like I ain't know where I was gonna be.
But God had a different plan for my life.
Real talk, my life has changed, y'all.
I'm getting some money.
How much?
That much.
Y'all see my leather?
I'm touring all over the country.
Y'all, I'm getting invited
to parties and stuff
I never thought I would get invited to.
Stuff that I never.
I got invited
to my first Hollywood party, y'all.
Yeah, I only went
because Diddy's still in jail.
That nigga was home, I wasn't going.
And it was who party it was.
We were celebrating
Mike Epps' 55th birthday party.
And they did a Harlem Nights--
You know, it was a Harlem Nights thing,
so we all put the tuxedos on, y'all.
Before I went to that party--
Let me tell y'all something about me.
I got a real Black mama.
So my mama had a talk with me.
She said, "Come over here."
"I need to talk to you
before you go to your little party."
I said, "Mama, what's going on?"
She said, "I'm happy for you."
She said, "But listen to me."
"You don't gotta do nothing
you don't wanna do."
I took that shit with me
right to the party.
We get to the party, y'all,
some of everybody there.
Snoop Dogg, Ice Cube, Martin Lawrence,
Cedric the Entertainer.
The one that got me was Bobby Brown.
I saw Bobby Brown, y'all,
I say, I gotta get that picture.
I'm there wanting to get the picture,
tell my girl, "I gotta get that picture."
"That's Bobby Brown."
She's like, "Go ask him."
I'm like, "I don't wanna."
She's like, "Why?"
I'm like, "I took a picture
with Cedric the Entertainer,
and I ain't wanna be bouncing
nigga for nigga."
"'Cause that's some ho shit,
and I'm not no ho."
"You gotta wait at least seven minutes
before you can move on."
So as we going back and forth
about me asking for the picture,
my girl, she was like, "Look, look,"
I'm like, "What?"
Somebody was tapping me
on my shoulder, y'all.
It was Bobby Brown.
Bobby looked right at me.
He said, "Young man,
I'm a big fan of your work."
"I've been watching you for a long time."
He said, "I'm telling you now,
you'll be a bigger star in this business
than you already are."
And that meant a lot to me,
coming from somebody like Bobby Brown
that's accomplished the things
he's done in his career.
And I told him,
"I appreciate that. Thank you."
He said, "Man, forget all that.
Let's celebrate. I got something for you."
I'm like, "I don't want none of that."
"My mama told me,
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
He said, "I'm just messing with you.
You know I don't do that shit no more."
I'm like, "I don't know nothing."
"I just wanna get this little picture
and go on about my day."
He said, "No, man,
I got a big project coming out,
and I think you'll be perfect
for the lead role."
He said, "Man, put your number in my phone
so we can connect."
And I'll never forget the day
that Bobby Brown handed me his phone
to put my number in there
for a project that he thought
I would be perfect for.
And I'm gonna tell you why.
Because as I was putting my information
in this nigga's phone,
the letters were so motherfucking big.
Bobby can't see shit.
The letters were so big,
my first name
didn't even fit on the first line.
I put the first two letters
and the other two went down to the bottom.
I said, "Bobby, you don't even know
who the fuck you talking to."
He said, "I do." I said, "Who am I?"
Nigga gonna say, "Lil' Bow Wow."
That's why you gotta
appreciate where you are.
Appreciate where you're going.
See, ladies, listen to me.
Y'all gotta love y'all selves.
Really love you.
Love the skin that you in.
Love the woman that you look at
in the mirror every single morning.
Real talk, I'm telling you.
Love the bodies that you got.
2026, we ain't doing them BBLs.
We going all natural ass
with the dimples in it.
Like a little golf ball.
Look at all the golf ball-booty bitches
in the back, just like, "Period."
Stop letting them doctors
do them surgeries on y'all.
Go out and do the work.
Understand something, if your back is big
Look at all the big-back bitches
trying to tuck them in.
If you don't let your fucking back out
and breathe in here
If your back is big,
go to the gym and un-big your back.
Stop letting them doctors
slap them hard-ass titties on your chest.
Titties ain't got no emotions,
no characteristics.
No manners, the nipples always hard.
Like, bitch, relax. We is at church.
Ladies, nothing wrong with them titties.
You wanna slap your beau,
them bitches fall and hang down a bit.
If you fucking with a man that
really love you, what are you gonna do?
Scoop both them titties up,
push them together,
suck them at the same time.
Have both them titties in his mouth.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
I was fucking with this bitch
that had her titties down.
I tried to squeeze hers together,
her whole back ripped open.
Now I'm in the bathroom trying
to stitch this bitch back up together.
Love your motherfucking self.
Fellas, you too.
You too, fellas.
You don't look as good as you did
when you first met that lady.
You ain't got the same stomach.
It got the nerve to be judged.
Somebody talking about some,
"She done got big."
Nigga, you done got big.
A lot of you niggas, all summer long,
was out here getting in the swimming pools
with your T-shirts on.
Fuck you think you is, Winnie-the-Pooh?
Fellas, you wanna know
if your shit together?
I'll tell you what. Tonight, after you
and your girl get done making love,
nigga, get up,
go to the bathroom and get the towel.
And on your way to the bathroom
to get the towel,
look back at her
to see how she looks at you.
It's gonna tell you
everything you need to know.
I bet you she back there like
"I can't believe I just gave this nigga
some pussy tonight."
If I was lying, they wouldn't be laughing.
For real.
And listen, we gotta go--
We gotta go to the doctor.
We got to get healthy as a community.
Get healthy as a community.
You feel that shit,
go see what's going on.
Googling your symptoms.
Ladies, listen up.
Know your status,
know what's going on down there.
'Cause these niggas
ain't going to the doctor like that.
And that's okay.
Yes, it is.
Yes, it is.
We get our results from y'all.
Stupid ass.
'Cause, bitch, if you good, I'm good.
That nigga looked at his girl like,
"Bitch, we good, right?"
"No, 'cause you ain't said nothing in a
little while, bitch, is we good or not?"
"Well, 'cause you talking about
your results is my results."
"And if something's not right, bitch,
you got some explaining to do."
Go to the doctors, ladies.
You ain't supposed to be wet all day.
That's not good for you.
Bitch text my phone the other night,
"This pussy been wet all day."
I said, "Baby, you need to
go see somebody."
"You sound like your pussy got a cold."
Your panties should not look like
somebody blew snot in them.
I know, I know.
But when them panties dry up, now what?
They crunchy than a motherfucker.
You threw them in my dirty clothes basket,
I done pressed them down.
You got me thinking I forgot about
some crackers in my pocket or something.
Fuck out of here, Cap'n Crunch.
That's called bacterial vaginosis.
These hoes be out here talking about,
"This pussy stay wet."
Nah, baby, that pussy stay sick.
You need to go get you
some Metrotropalopadolazone.
Fellas, look at your lady.
If she laughing,
she know what I'm talking about.
If she not laughing,
you the reason why she got to take
the Metrotropalopadolazone.
All the men in this bitch right now like,
"Man, hold up."
"What the fuck is Metrotropalopadolazone?"
It's an old nigga in the back right now
on his headset.
"Hey, Siri, what is, uh?"
How you say it?
You see how many bitches knew what it was?
She got some in her purse right now.
And, ladies, listen.
You got to know what your body can do,
know what it can't do.
Know what you saying
when you saying things.
You don't want to say the wrong thing
at the wrong time.
Me and this girl was doing our thing once,
she's like, "Daddy, you hitting my spot."
I'm about to nut.
Ladies, y'all do not nut.
That's unladylike.
When she said it, I felt like a bitch.
I looked her right in the eyes,
I said, "Bitch, if you nut in me
and throw my
motherfucking pH balance off"
'Cause now I'm in here
taking the Metrotropalopadolazone.
But see, fellas,
you gotta watch out for these women
that know they body too good.
Don't catch y'all breath, man.
I'm just warming up.
Fellas, you gotta watch for these women
that know they body too good too, though.
Them the ones that'll squirt on you.
And my thing is this, squirting is cool.
I fuck with it, but I feel like it ain't
no real love or respect in it.
Your lady squirting in your face,
you think she give a fuck about you?
She don't give a fuck about you.
She looking down at you
with pure disrespect.
"Look at this nasty-ass nigga."
"Let me pee
all in his motherfucking face."
You can put your whole head in her ass,
she'll turn around,
"Dookie-booty-eating-ass nigga."
"Your mama know you eat ass, bitch?"
Ain't no love or respect in that bullshit.
Know your motherfucking worth, king.
No love or respect in that.
It's fucked up.
I'm a real nigga, I fuck with the squirt.
I feel like all real niggas fuck with it.
You fuck with the squirt?
Right here, a little bit? Okay.
What about you right here, pink shirt?
You fuck with it?
You fuck with it?
What about you, my boy? Fuck with it?
What about you on the end?
You fuck with it?
Okay. What about you, sir?
You fuck with it?
His lady looked at him like, "Uh
what bitch you know be squirting?"
What about you right here, OG?
You fuck with the squirt, unc?
Huh? "Hell yeah."
Unc, you don't even know
what the fuck we talking about.
That nigga like,
"Hell yeah, I drink Squirt."
"I drink Squirt, Mountain Dew, Pepsi."
"Root beer if you got ice."
Old niggas don't know what no squirt is.
Y'all gotta think squirting is new.
These hoes
just started squirting recently.
They wasn't squirting
back in the day like that,
back in the '60s.
They was-- Man, Rosa Parks
What?
Rosa Parks was not squirting on niggas
and getting on the bus.
Get the fuck out of here.
A squirter in the '60s?
Somebody would've gave her a ride.
Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, somebody.
Jesse Jackson, Muhammad Ali, anybody.
Fuck out of here.
You'd think she done squirted on a nigga
all night long and he was like,
"I left you some bus fare
over there on the dresser."
Get the fuck out of here.
Them old niggas can't handle no squirt.
Motherfucker squirt on Unc,
Unc would lose his motherfucking mind.
Unc wouldn't know what to do.
Soon as that shit hit him in the face,
"Bitch!"
"Get your ass up, go to the bathroom!"
"Bitch, you pissing on the bed."
"I just got this goddamn mattress."
"It's a memory foam, bitch,
you gonna make it forget."
You in the bathroom trying to clean up,
Unc on the phone with his homeboy,
"Yeah, Tony, this bitch over here
pissing in the bed."
See, I don't give a fuck, pee on me.
I still got the plastic on my mattress.
Yeah, my thing is
just don't do me any kind of way.
Because these women
will do you any kind of way.
No bullshit, any kind of way.
Fellas, think about it.
You ever give your lady some head before?
Every man in this room,
you gave her some head
and you was down there
and you felt like you had ate enough.
Like, you had enough.
You wanted to come up,
catch your breath a little bit,
and you try to come from down there
and you just feel that pressure
pushing down on your motherfucking head.
This bitch was pushing down
on my head one time,
I thought it was another nigga
in the room.
I'm finna get up and shoot everybody.
Pressing down? Bitch, don't restrict me.
Don't hold me down.
Now all of a sudden, you strong,
but soon as it's time
to bring a case of water in the house
you need some man hands.
Fuck out of here.
They disrespect.
The little bitch gonna tell me,
"Your nose is like my little rose toy."
I say, "How you figure that?"
She gonna say something,
"Your nostrils is the suction part."
Yeah, ho gonna take my nose
and mush it into her coochie bone.
And got to rocking me around like that.
Whole time, my head just down there
just doing this motherfucking shit.
She talking about,
"Why you eating my ass?"
I said, "Bitch, I'm dizzy."
Shooting that shit up my nose,
it's coming out of my mouth.
Ho, I'm drowning.
I hate the ones that get it out too good,
because, bitch, you know who are.
Don't you dare take your fingers
and peel your pussy lips back
like you cocking a pistol,
and raise that bitch up
and get to shooting that shit out.
Shoot it all in my mouth.
Because first of all, ho,
it tastes like beer.
Half these hoes don't even drink water.
This bitch shot a kidney stone
in my mouth.
I'm like, "Bitch, what's this crunchy shit
you shot in my mouth?"
Them bitches was coming out like bullets.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
I said, "Hold on, bitch.
You must be from Atlanta, Georgia."
"You got it."
What?
I'm just playing.
She's from Decatur.
Can I talk to y'all about something
and y'all promised not to judge me?
No!
We listen.
Who said they judge? You say you judge?
Okay, I ain't talking to you
right now, baby.
You right here, you say you judge?
- Why do you judge?
- 'Cause I said so.
'Cause you said so? You think that's okay?
Huh?
Okay, who you with tonight?
- Everybody.
- You with everybody?
You not with everybody.
'Cause they don't want
none of what you about to get.
They seen the clips.
Obviously, you haven't.
Now I say we listen
That's what the fuck I thought.
I feel like a lot of times, y'all,
when we see these different entertainers
get on stage,
the love is rarely seen
to be returned to y'all.
I feel like what y'all do for us
is something that just can't be matched.
Y'all give us the opportunity
to live out our dreams.
I'm thankful for that.
And if I don't say nothing else tonight,
thank y'all for selling out
these shows this weekend.
For real.
Thank you.
I feel like, because of that,
we gonna be together for a while.
Y'all was at my first special.
You understand what I'm saying?
When I'm doing my seventh, eighth, ninth,
I want y'all to still be with me.
So I feel like y'all should be able to see
both sides of what my life look like,
when I'm winning and when I'm losing.
'Cause the L's make me
just a regular person,
just like everybody else.
See, when I say that--
I got a phone call a few months ago.
My grandmother had been
diagnosed with dementia.
I don't know if anybody in this room
has ever dealt with someone with dementia,
but there is no pain
like seeing someone you love
forget who you are.
Now, when I got this news,
I was in denial about it
because I'm my grandmother's favorite.
She got 13 grandkids.
She'll line them all up
and tell them, "I love you,"
and look at me and say, "But you the one."
So when I got this news, I was in denial.
I was hurt. I went home.
I seen my grandmother,
she looked me in the face,
her eyes lit up.
- She said, "That's my baby."
- Aww.
"That's my boy. That's my superstar."
"How the comedy thing going?"
I stood up,
looked at the rest of the family,
and said, "Shit, she remember me."
Y'all wasn't doing right
by what she was remembering.
You gotta do right when they remember.
Now, one thing
I quickly learned about dementia
is how this shit can change
at the drop of a dime.
It could change.
The very next day,
I go see my grandmother.
She look at me, stare at me, and she say,
"Boy, you still doing that R&B thing?"
Now, bitch, I just told you yesterday.
We listen
And we don't judge.
I feel like if you got a family member
going through something like this,
the best thing that you could do
is research on what they're going through.
So that way you can find out
how to be there for them
while they go through their final days.
You understand what I'm saying?
So after hours of research,
the thing I was able to walk away with
is the best way
to deal with a dementia patient
is by simply meeting them where they at.
It don't matter where they at.
They 12 years old, you there.
You know what I'm saying? You 12.
She in the Army, I'm in the Army.
We crawling through the living room.
She want to jump my mama
we jumping my mama.
Stomping a hole in that ho if we got to.
Now, the first opportunity
I got to try this,
I came home off the road,
I seen my grandmother.
Seen her. She seen me, eyes lit up.
"That's my baby. That's my superstar."
"How the comedy thing going?"
"Grandma, comedy is going great."
Next day, she switched on me again.
She saw me,
"Baby, you still doing that R&B thing?"
Meet her where she at.
"Yes, me and El DeBarge
about to drop an album any day now."
This the part pissing me off.
Ever since I told her that,
she called me, talking about,
"Where the album at?"
'Cause, bitch,
do you remember shit or not?
'Cause, ho, play with them,
don't play with me.
We listen
And we don't judge.
I got an 18-year-old niece.
18-year-old niece, y'all. This is my baby.
Crazy about her. Crazy about her.
My sister called the other day,
"I gotta talk to you about your niece."
I said, "What's going on?"
She said, "She came out."
I said, "She came out of where?"
She said, "She came out the closet."
I said, "Well, how long was she in there?"
She was like, "Not like that."
She was like, "She got a girlfriend now."
I was like,
"Okay, so she's part of the community."
My sister's like, "What community?"
I'm like, "LB-WWF-WD-40."
You gotta know about this shit.
If you're gonna have a daughter
in a community, you gotta know.
So I'm putting her on game.
I'm like, "Yeah, she with the community."
I said, "They cool." You know?
"If that's what she wanna do,
like, let her do it."
She's like, "It ain't about that.
If you support her--"
I said, "She got my support 1000%.
Do what you wanna do in your bedroom."
That's your business.
The shit that you do in your bedroom,
don't bring it around me.
"That's your business."
That's just how I feel.
She said, "Okay. Well, I wanna
let you know it's been some changes."
I said, "What kind of changes?"
She said, "Well, she's the boy
in her relationship."
I said, "So, what you trying to tell me?
I got to call her nephew?"
She like, "No, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying she's the stud."
I said, "You know what?
If she like it, I love it."
"She got my support."
She said, "She really got your support?"
I said, "She do."
She said, "Do she really?"
I said, "What y'all want?"
"I'm not about to hang that flag up
at my house,
if that's what y'all think
y'all finna get me to do."
She said, "No.
Nothing to do with the flag."
"She just wants to know
if you would go with her
to make her first big purchase."
And I was like,
"What, she finna get a car?"
But she was like, "Nah."
"She wants you to go with her
to buy her first strap."
I said, "I know you fucking lying."
Do I look like the type of nigga
that know how to go out and pick out dick?
Do I look like a dick picker
to you, bitch?
My sister had me on that phone fucked up.
I'm like, "Bitch, you must
got that shit Grandma got,
'cause you forgot
who the fuck you talking to."
"That shit gotta be contagious.
Y'all better stop hugging her."
Now we on the phone
arguing about this shit.
I'm like, "I'm not going to do that."
She said, "Why?"
I said, "Bitch, 'cause Mama told me
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
Now we arguing, she trying
to state her case why I should go.
I'm telling her why I shouldn't go.
The reason why she said I should go,
she said, "You should go
because you have one."
I said, "No, I don't."
I said, "What I have, I was born with.
I didn't pick this out."
Had I picked this out,
I probably would've got something else.
No, hear me out.
I'm not saying it ain't there.
I'm just saying
I would've got something else.
You know, I gotta do
a little bit more of this shit now.
I said, "That's not what I got."
I tell my sister, I said, "You should go."
She said, "Why should I go?"
I said, "Bitch, you got six baby-daddies."
"You done seen more dick
than I ever will."
I said, "You gotta go take her."
One thing I learned about family
is that family know your heart.
They know your triggers.
They know what make you sad,
what make you happy.
They know the things you like,
the things you love.
My sister played on that.
See, my niece, when she was two years old,
her father was killed.
I'm the only thing like a father figure
she's ever known.
So my sister hit me with the curveball.
She said, "You doing all this
motherfucking arguing."
"If her father was still alive,
he would've just went."
Fucked me up, hit me right in the stomach.
Now what? I'm at the store,
picking out dick.
I don't wanna be here.
You ever agree to go do something
and then you get there and you realize,
"I should've said no"?
So now you start being mean
to the person for no reason.
My niece in there,
everything she doing irritating me.
She just up looking at the wall,
talking about some, "Um"
I'm getting mad like,
"Hey, you wanna be the man
in your relationship,
it's time to man the fuck up
and make a decision."
"Grab your tool and let's roll.
What the fuck you got going on here?"
"This some gay shit,
for us to be in here together."
We in the store
for about 20 minutes, y'all.
My niece go off.
She see one.
She like, "Oh, Unc, that's the one!"
She reached up,
she grabbed it off the wall.
She pulled it close to her chest.
Her hand her hand was covering it up.
I couldn't see it.
So she get ready
to start walking to the register,
and I'm like, "Hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on, hold on."
"'Cause I done drove
all the way down here."
"You ain't about to just buy anything."
So I'm like, "Uh"
"Go in there and try that dick on.
Let me see."
Y'all, she went in there
and came back out with it on.
When she came back out, y'all,
that motherfucker was this big
and it was white.
And I had to tell her,
I had to keep it real with her.
I said, "Niecy-Poo, first of all,
you need to get you one
that match your skin complexion."
"Second of all,
if you pull that little motherfucker out,
that little bitch gonna leave you."
I said, "Come over here and pick one out
that got a curve in it."
"Get you one with a curve and a vein,
you gonna be all right."
We was in that store
for an hour and a half.
I done fucked around and bought me one.
Yeah, I hit my bitch with both of them
from time to time.
Soon as I'm done right here,
I swing that motherfucker around.
Yes, I got a backup dick.
Fellas, ain't nothing wrong with it.
They got backup dicks.
Go in the little panty dresser,
move ten panties to the side.
I bet the backup dick
be right in the drawer.
Look at this nigga looking at me like,
"You know what?"
"That don't sound like a bad idea."
We listen.
And we don't judge.
See, fellas, if you in here tonight,
and you with your lady and love your lady,
clap your hands.
Only if you love her.
You don't love her?
You don't love her?
Nigga, clap then.
Nigga, clap so everybody can see.
Clap, nigga.
Thank you.
Would you die for her?
Yeah.
That nigga thought about it.
That nigga was like, "Uh"
"Nigga, die?"
"I'm the one making all the money."
Fellas, if you would die for your lady,
clap your hands.
If you would die for her.
Only if you would die.
Okay.
We lost a few niggas on that one.
A lot of niggas
ain't dying about shit in here.
There's gonna be a lot of,
"So you wouldn't die for me?"
Let me tell you something, fellas.
If you would die for your lady,
you need to go ahead
and roll out the red carpet for her.
Take her places she's never been.
Give her food she's never tried.
And at the end of the night,
grab her and hold her
accountable.
You hoes ain't doing
this little shit right here now.
Ain't nothing wrong
with a little accountability.
Ain't nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with accountability.
Ladies, it's okay to say,
"I'm sorry, my bad."
"I made a mistake. It won't happen again."
Fellas, it's okay to voice how you feel.
It's okay, if she do something,
for you to call her out on the shit.
We be too busy trying to keep the peace.
Fuck the peace.
They don't give a fuck about the peace.
You could be in the living room on Sunday,
watching the Falcons get they ass whupped
Y'all cry-baby-ass.
"He talking about our Falcons."
You could be watching the Falcons play,
your girl will come in with some bullshit.
With a dream.
Not even no shit you do, a dream.
She'll come right up to you,
"Mm. I had a dream last night."
"Yeah, that you went grocery shopping
with your baby mama."
"Y'all had on matching pajamas."
"You want to be a family again
or something?" Like
"Bitch, if you don't get your crazy ass
out of my motherfucking face"
See, fellas, you gotta
start saying something.
See, in my relationship,
you got one time to fuck up with me.
I'm gonna check that shit.
Won't never happen again.
Me and my girl went to a concert.
Went to a concert.
I didn't like her behavior at the concert.
I told her at the concert,
"Bitch, we'll never do this again."
She thought I was playing.
She come in the room eight months later,
"Babe, you gonna take me
to see Chris Brown?"
"Chris Brown?"
You forgot how you acted
when I took you to see Usher?
I said, "Bitch, I'm Chris Brown."
"Now get your ass in there
and make me something to eat."
"Bitch, you got Chris Brown at the house.
Not taking you to no Chris Brown concert."
"You know what's going on
at the Chris Brown concert?"
"This nigga flying around stadiums
with sweatpants on."
"Dick everywhere."
"I'm not taking you
to no fucking flying dick concert."
"Bitch, you want dick over your head?"
"Let me stand on the bed
and do this shit right here."
Fuck out of here.
We go to the Usher concert,
she plays in my motherfucking face.
I'm thinking we going
to see this nigga Usher sing and dance.
Sing and dance.
No, this nigga Usher
got a part of his show
where he put on skates,
and this nigga skating around the arena.
Pull cherries out his pocket,
and put them into the mouths of the women
that's in the audience.
OG, this your lady that you with tonight?
- Yes, sir.
- How long y'all been together, sir?
- Three years.
- Three.
You take her to the Usher concert,
Usher offer her a cherry,
you think she gonna eat one?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
She was looking at me like, "I'd eat two."
But you know what, OG? That's okay.
You all right.
You'll be okay in that relationship
because you know what she wouldn't do.
She can't catch you off guard.
See, there's a man in this room right now
believe his lady wouldn't eat the cherry.
If you believe your lady
wouldn't eat the cherry, clap your hands.
See that?
The first nigga to clap right here,
he going to jail.
That's the type of nigga right there
put your head
in between a washer and a dryer.
When she said she would,
he got mad at her.
"Yeah, bitch, I wish you would think."
"And if they bring some cherries out, ho"
You going to jail, sir.
You gotta lower your expectations.
You got to understand
the type of situation you in.
That's Usher.
That's U-S-H-E-R, R-A-Y-M
O-N -D.
Now, baby, tell me
what you want to do with me.
But see, I ain't mad at you,
because I was just like you.
I didn't think my girl
would eat no cherry, neither.
Not because I would put her head
in between the washer and dryer
or nothing like that.
It was more so like,
"Bitch, we ate before we came."
"Ho, you don't even
like cherries like that."
"Any time we go to Chick-fil-A
to get you a milkshake,
bitch, you always tell me,
'Tell them take the cherry'"
"Whatever you wanna do, we can do."
And we end up having a funky good time.
Usher doing his thing.
I'm watching the shit up on the Jumbotron.
One thing I learned about the Jumbotron
is that the action be closer to you
than what it really feel.
So as I'm looking up at the Jumbotron,
and he doing the cherry thing,
I see a girl that look just like my girl
get her head snatched back.
Now, when I saw that,
I'm like, he gonna get sued.
That's whiplash. That's a crook.
I look over to tell my girl,
to see if she seen it.
"Bitch, that's us!"
"Shake away, do something!"
This nigga Usher took seven cherries,
shoved them in her mouth.
Seven. Nigga, I counted them, seven.
This what pissed me off.
Ho, you gonna take them seven cherries,
but when I try to put these two nuts
in your motherfucking mouth,
you wanna act like a nigga doing too much.
You wanna act like
I'm taking shit too far.
Nah, bitch, do them cherries
the same way you do these nuts.
Spit them out.
Can y'all believe
this little bitch sat up there
and tried to swallow
all seven of the cherries?
Nigga, I lost it.
I chopped that ho in the throat.
The cherries went up,
they never came back down.
She grabbed her throat.
She said, "I need some water."
I said, "Nah, bitch, let it burn."
Get up.
Fellas, find you a woman
that you align with.
Chasing after these young girls?
Get you an auntie.
Where my aunties at? 40 and up, 40 and up.
Yes, they sleepy.
Auntie tired.
Auntie get excited about different things.
Auntie saw that this shit started at six.
She was like, "I'm going."
Auntie tired.
Auntie even took a little nap
before she came here tonight.
Nap ain't do shit, did it, auntie?
If you were here tonight with an auntie,
let me tell you something.
This is the date.
Y'all ain't going nowhere else after this.
Y'all done already went to ate
before y'all came down here.
Leftovers is in the car.
Y'all been thinking over them leftovers
all night long.
Y'all go to the house,
auntie'll give you a little bit of pussy.
When I say a little,
it's gonna be from the side
with her nightgown up.
And if it's real good,
y'all gonna fall asleep
in that same position.
If you in here tonight
and you with a woman
in between the ages of 20 and 35,
the date just started.
Them hoes hate to go home.
They always know another place.
"I know another place.
I know another place."
"I know another place."
"I'm gonna go on TikTok
and find another place."
Bitch, fuck you and TikTok,
how about that?
Little bitch had me outside last week
'til five in the morning.
Talking about, "I know another place."
I said, "No, you gonna give me that pussy
in this Walmart parking lot."
I'm gonna grab me a McGriddle
and head to the house.
They talk to you any kind of way.
Call my phone. This girl 26, I'm 35.
She gonna call my phone at night,
2:30 in the morning.
Talking about, "What you doing?"
I said, "Bitch, I'm asleep."
She talking about, "You need to get up,
come here, and eat some of this pussy."
That's the disrespect.
I'm going places in life.
I'm not homeless.
If I was homeless, that's different.
Then it's like, "Okay."
"What you want from the gas station?
I'm finna be around my way."
But, bitch, I got five pillows on my bed.
You can't talk to me like that.
When my pillow get warm,
I don't gotta flip it over.
I just grab another one.
You can't talk to me like that.
"Come eat some of this pussy"? It's crazy.
Fellas, know your worth.
Don't let these women
talk to you like that.
"Come eat some of this pussy"?
Bitch, how you already know
I ain't ate no pussy today?
'Cause you not supposed to
eat two pussies in one day.
That's how you get mesothelioma.
I just fucked this nigga up right here.
Soon as I said it,
that nigga looked up like,
"Swear to God?"
This nigga going
straight to the emergency room
when this shit is over with.
"Man, my throat been itching
ever since he said this shit."
"Come eat some of this pussy." It's crazy.
You can't talk to me like that.
I told her, "I'm a high value man."
You gotta come to my life
with a little respect.
She's like, "You coming
to eat this pussy or not?"
I said, "I don't think you heard.
I'm high value. A father, a provider."
"I'm a protector.
I got a nice house, nice car."
"You can't talk to me like that."
She said, "Don't even worry about it."
"Somebody else knocking at my door."
I said, "Bitch, that's me."
"Would you like your ass ate as well
while I'm here?"
Silly girl.
Fellas, you gotta stay on the phone
with these hoes 'til you get there.
They will fall asleep on you.
It's four in the morning.
You drove from the west side of Atlanta
to Stone Mountain.
Now this bitch
ain't answering her phone no more?
You drunk on a suspended license?
Bitch, you playing with my freedom.
And what they do?
Call you the next morning, 11:00 a.m.
"I'm sorry."
"I fell asleep."
It'd be 11:00 a.m. the next morning.
"It's cool, bitch. I'm still outside.
Come open up the door."
"I'm leaving with something.
Come open up the door now."
Fellas, that's why you gotta find a woman
you compatible with, even in the bedroom.
Even in the bedroom.
Let your partner know what you like.
Tell your partner what you like.
Stop bringing old habits
into the new relationship.
You understand what I'm saying?
Ladies, learn your man.
Bitch, don't do to me
what you did to Earl.
These women that do some shit to you
you ain't even know they was capable of.
Every man that been with your lady,
if you been with her for a long time,
you done been in this situation,
where your lady done gave you
some regular head one night
and then a little while later,
it was some different head.
It was better than the regular head,
but you couldn't
even really appreciate it
because where your mind was at, right?
Because she gave you
the regular head Tuesday.
Thursday, she gave you
some magnificent head.
Yeah.
But that mean, in your head,
you like, "Bitch, something
had to happen Wednesday."
I tapped my bitch on the head one night.
I was like
"Come on up here,
let me talk to you for a sec."
"What was this shit you was doing here?
What is this?"
"Then you finger my balls a little bit.
What was that?"
"I didn't say I didn't like it.
I said, 'What is it?'"
You gotta understand
that your lady will do some shit for you
that she can't even really ask you.
Because if she asks you,
the conversation gonna sound wild.
Your lady could wanna eat your ass.
She can't ask you that.
How? Look how it's gonna sound.
"Babe, can I eat that ass tonight?"
"If that's what you wanna do."
Can't have that conversation
on your record.
So, what they do?
Every man, you've been tried out,
whether you wanna believe it or not.
What they do? They give you a little head,
they slide down to the balls,
and then a half inch after the balls
is this little space called the gooch.
Now, me personally
I'm a gooch kind of guy.
Bitch, goochie me down.
Little bitch talking about what I need?
I need you to take me through there.
I need you in there.
Fuck outta here.
On Sundays, they call me Goochie Man. Ha!
Now, fellas, I see how you looking at me.
You not gonna judge me.
You not gonna judge me,
because you might one day decide
you're gonna involve yourself
in some gooch activity,
and I'm gonna tell you how to stay safe.
Rule number one,
you involve yourself
in some gooch activity,
there's only one position
that you can be in.
Ninety degrees. You right here.
That's it.
Don't let them trick you
into this motherfucker right here.
Don't let them trick--
I got tricked like that before.
Don't look at me like that.
I crawled so you niggas can walk.
Little bitch told me she was gonna
give me a massage, and I trusted her.
Yeah, we in bed.
She's like, "I wanna give you a massage."
I'm like, "Okay."
She talking about some, "Rollover."
I should've knew how to rollover
This wasn't a good idea,
because when she was like, "Rollover,"
I was like, "All right."
Now I'm laying on my stomach.
I'm laying on my stomach,
and she's doing a massage at first,
like, on my shoulders
and then she got down by my boxers
and she took my boxers
and she popped them real loud like that.
She was like, "Take these off."
I said, "I don't want you
to do the booty part."
She like, "Take them off."
I said, "Bitch, my mama told me
I don't gotta do
nothing I don't wanna do."
This is when I knew
I lost control of the situation.
When I said,
"I ain't gonna take them off,"
she just started snatching them down.
It was like something took over my body,
because as she was snatching them down,
I shook them down.
And I ain't gonna lie to you, I knew--
When I knew it was really over,
when they got to my ankle
I kicked them bitches in the other room.
Now, she doing this massage, y'all--
Did I forget to tell y'all?
I had ate an edible. So
Yeah, I done fucked around, fell asleep.
And all I remember when I was--
The last part I remember, I was woke,
and she was, like,
on this part of my thigh,
and I had fell asleep,
and I just had felt a rush out of nowhere.
She had went
She had went
and pushed my booty cheeks up,
and put her face in there, and went
Scared the shit out of me.
I done woke up and farted.
Bitch, you ain't gonna blow air up in me
and think I ain't gonna blow it back.
Bitch, this is a shootout.
Got me in here queefing, hell nah.
Ladies, y'all gotta understand something,
all men don't like the same head.
All that spitting and slobbering and shit,
bitch, save some for yourself.
This bitch slobbed
so much on me the other day,
my pubic hair was laid down
like I just got a perm.
And I hate a bitch
that suck everything but the dick.
This bitch sucked on
the inside of my thigh for 25 minutes.
I said, "Can you please
stop eating my pussy?"
Leave my pussy alone.
And I don't like all that rough head,
all that
Don't grab me like that,
I'm light skinned.
You come up, you caress.
You don't-- This bitch gonna grab me,
take her fingers
and spread my pee-pee hole open.
I'm like, "Uh, bitch, close my hole."
"Close-- Bitch, unhand me now."
Then she gonna spit down in the hole.
Yeah, gonna fuck around and give me a UTI.
Ladies, y'all gotta understand,
when y'all doing all that spitting
and slobbing and shit,
the spit gotta go somewhere.
Fellas, where it go?
Right down the asshole.
Booty be slippery than a motherfucker.
Bitch had me running to the bathroom
the other night like I had high heels on.
My ass was wet, the floor was cold.
I'm like, "Bitch, hold on,
just give me one second."
Bitch had me shaking so bad,
I looked over in the mirror, I said,
"Boy, you know this ass super."
She ain't had no towels in the bathroom,
so I took a shower curtain
and stuck it in my ass.
Atlanta, Georgia, my name Mojo Brookzz,
and I know you fuck around.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.