Moments of Youth (2026) Movie Script

1
[Mountain winds]
"Something I Can
Dance To" plays.
[Kids cheering]
Scavenger hunt info should
be out any minute now and
I cannot wait to count
on that first place cash.
Keep dreaming, babe.
It's gonna be Team Shady
Ladies who are
staying at that
trophy at midnight.
Right, Lils?
Pulled together,
bonds... tightly tied...
Wait, Lils.
Don't you need to go take
that make up exam?
Well, I might be failing,
but I can tell time.
Oh shoot!
[Poppers popping]
Carson?
Carson, it's okay,
they're just poppers.
STOP!
STOP!
Turn that down.
I'm sorry, but unless
I missed another
memo from the
Chief Water Conservationist
this hallways should remain
dry at all times.
We are so sorry.
We'll take the party
somewhere else.
I get it, I understand.
You know, I put no
blame on you for
wanting to blow off a
little steam, right?
Wanted to boogie on
down before graduation.
We were just talking
about how you're the
coolest principal
in the Northeast.
Well, apparently
we're members of the
same admiration society because
I was just telling my wife
last night over a rousing
game of Pinochle
that this graduating class
is one of my favorites.
Heartfelt music plays.
Such promise, such
determination, such.
SENIORS RULE! [Slapping locker]
SENIORS RULE! [Slapping locker]
SENIORS RULE! [Slapping locker]
SENIORS RULE!
Shed the blocker.
[Bumping into pad]
I will not be jackassin'
down to NC State
to see you get
manhandled by guard
like Sparta did to Athens!
I don't think the Spartans
used rubber blocking
pads, Coach.
They used shields.
Where do you think
idea comes from?!
Come on.
Hey uh
coach?
How'd your team make out
on the scavenger hunt?
Is this a serious question?
Mad Man Pop led his
team to victory.
His first team in
history to roll a skit,
to roller skate
one whole exit on freeway.
Now, you wanna stop
pussyfooting around,
hitting like little girl?
Hit me!
Come on!
[Record scratch]
[Quirky music plays]
Go give me
three laps and we call it a day.
You call Miss Pop
tell her to call
chiropractor for me.
Today can feel scary.
[Inspirational music plays]
But tomorrow feels
feels?
Not scary?
[Cell phone rings]
AHHHH! THAT JACKASS!
[Cash register sounds]
HOLY CRAP!
"Something I Can
Dance To" plays.
Glover?
[Ominous music plays]
Anytime you need me next year,
and I can't make
it to your campus,
you call me, okay?
[Cell phone rings]
OH MY GOD!
What?
HOLY SHIT!
[Water splashes]
[Charming, exciting music plays]
Are you bitches seeing this?
Lily Chang.
Language?
Remember, no more
than four to a team.
Now, I know your
generation grew up with
but the hell with
that boys and girls.
At 3 PM, the tide
might be high or low.
Meet us here to
kick off the show.
Soooo
we need to be at the
beach in an hour.
Joyce!
Are you gonna finish
off the Loukoumades
from Tuesday night?
FREDDIE ROLLS!
[Melancholy music plays]
Oh Freddie!
Ohhhhh.
My Freddie!
Uh, I miss him.
Such a good boy.
You know what he do?
He come over, he mow
the lawn, he push
the little ones on the swing.
Does he ever ask
me for a dollar?
No, not my Freddie.
You know what he say though?
He say,
"Mrs. Pop, you pay me
with 'Laka-mama-dios'
I said, their loukoumades.
He says, potato, potato.
I said, it's a
pastry, not a potato.
Oh, we laugh, I pee.
Oh, he always had new joke.
What do Alexander the Great
and Winnie the Pooh
have in common?
They all have the
same middle name.
[Charming, exciting music plays]
[Door closes]
Big guy think he can
beat my car in race.
He's fast, but
he's not that fast.
Whoo!
Ninety
seven Gs.
Ya'll are rich in this town!
You know that?
Team Commonwealth
Court Common for that W.
I don't think so.
No.
Your grub is a goat, Mrs. Pop.
Spence, we out.
What goat?
He's eating lamb.
"Careless Mood" plays.
Oh, my girls.
Look at my girls.
I still cannot believe
that this is your
last after school
meal as non-graduates.
I can't.
They're not going to
disappear into thin air
like DAVID COPPERFIELD.
Oh, by the way, Alkinos
just got approved
for the new housing development.
Maybe, you know.
Patty!
Maybe you pay the office a
visit and see about internship.
Nice try, Ma
I'm 19.
They are not going to hire me.
Nineteen.
Nineteen, this one.
I was already engaged at 19.
Yes.
And then you rode
your dinosaur down the aisle.
That is funny.
If your mother should tell you
that she was virgin
on wedding night,
POPS!
Lies!
Lies, lies, lies, lies.
Shady ladies.
Let's go, bitches.
"Falling" plays.
What's up, bitches?
Say hello to team.
COMMONWEALTH COURT!
Hurry up! We've got
to get to the beach.
Isn't this the house
that handed out
grapes for Halloween?
I think so.
Let's take a minute to
meet one of our team members.
This trapping bloke
just transferred to.
Winthrop Creek this year.
He's a four-star
recruit and a five-star guy.
Future outside
linebacker for the.
Wolfpack of NC State.
Give it up for Lincoln Glover!
Ma, come on we don't
need all of this.
No no no!
You girls have a long day
ahead of you, okay?
And you know Joyce
always gets second
window round eight,
right, Joyce?
That's true.
All right.
I put this at clorox
wipe in each of your bags.
Thank you.
You girls have fun, okay?
We will, thank you.
All right.
I'm on thread with all
of your parents, okay?
One rule.
What is it?
Jemma is the designated driver.
Alright, everyone have
their Disinfectant Wands?
Yes yes yes!
Love you Ma. All
right, have fun.
Have fun my girls.
Oh, boy.
You know, I love those kids.
[Comedic suspense music plays]
They're funny.
But help me God,
I want Hector to
graduate as fast as possible.
Wow.
Oh, boy.
I am soaked.
Oh, okay.
That's nice.
Here we go.
Didn't know you had that on you.
Always!
Okay.
Well, I'm going to
saddle off for the day, okay?
Now remember, if you
find yourself tiring at all,
my three C's of focus are.
Caffeine.
Calisthenics and.
Calculus.
Okay.
The moment you
suspect any slightest
unorthodox activity, you...
Yes, call you.
Got it.
This school is a
force field boss
and I'm the gatekeeper.
"Enough?" plays.
Lils, any word on your test?
Umm, nope.
[Knocking on car]
Hey, ladies.
Hey, Joyce.
You see the new
five series, Joyce?
Why, Hector?
Did you steal one?
No, Joyce.
But I am planning
to use my winnings
on a down payment.
Oh, ha ha.
Tell you what.
I'll buy you one when we win.
A pristine matchbox version.
GO SHADY LADIES!
It's starting.
Welcome to the
Scavenger Hunt Send-Off!
Go Team Shady Ladies!
Play close attention to
the rules. [Bell chimes]
Number one, immediate
disqualification.
Number three, all tasks must.
Bonus points are
available for most tasks.
For all tasks that
are listed as riddles,
each team can only
have one answer.
Now, before you head out on
the journey of a lifetime,
I just want to say
that you've all had
some tough times
these past four years.
Please maintain your
fraternity beyond
graduation and enjoy your night.
You deserve it.
So, forever we
wish it could last.
After tomorrow, it's
a thing of the past.
Great memories,
even better friends.
The fun, the laughs
will always transcend.
And while the future is bright
we've got tonight.
Go Seahawks! "Made
For This" plays.
Okay, every winning team
said to bang out the
easy tasks first.
So, we eliminate
everything we know we
can't do and start with a
high point task, build a lead.
While we drive around,
we solve the riddles.
We can eliminate that one cause.
I ain't kissing Carson.
Hell nah!
We get points for making out.
That's just a regular.
Friday night for us.
Create a workable app!
Gemma can bang
that out no problem.
No other team will get that one.
The rest of us already
started drinking.
Gemma can't drive
and design an app.
Oh, good point.
You know, scratch that one.
Task number 26. All
team members running
on the Nintendo PowerPad.
What is that?
My cousin's had one.
It's like the first
attempt at virtual reality.
Before the labo?
Way before the labo.
Maybe afterward we
can talk on a landline.
Real life heroes?
What are we Marvel dudes?
I can design some fierce capes.
Wait, Carson.
You're already a hero.
Task number 32.
Capture street signs with
every team member's last name.
Easy. Hynes, Ducette,
Nash, Glover.
Chang, Shafer, Sherwood.
Popodopolous...
[Comedic suspense music plays]
Okay, once I'm
inside, I'll make sure
there's an entryway for Carson.
I'll stand guard.
And shoo off anyone
else tryin' to get inside.
Apply force if necessary.
And I'll run surveillance
from the car.
Ready...
BREAK!
Did you want us to join?
[Doorbell rings]
I got it!
Hello! I have a fresh
pizza, peppers and
peppers and onion, for
my very valued customer
that I am delivering to today.
Ms. Ducette?!
Oh... Principal Crenshaw.
You... live... here?
That is correct. It is incorrect
that I ordered a pizza,
believe me. I would know.
[Whoosh]
They gave me the wrong address.
Oh brother!
Again!
You know what? You might wanna
check with the neighbors.
Their daily intake of
the five food groups
is quite unbalanced.
Ohhh, I'm only authorized to
deliver to the address given.
Think your son
would like a slice?
Is Jupiter the fifth
planet from the sun?
[Laughter]
It is Ms. Ducette, it is!
Well, alrighty. Boy
I hope your shift
ends soon because I believe the
recommended 8.3 hours
of sleep is necessary.
You got a pretty
big day tomorrow.
Big day is the
understatement of a century.
I'm struggling
immensely... writing my speech.
Didn't fate and opportunity
meet in the middle
and perform a joyous dance!
Sandwiched succinctly
in between my love
for butterfly collecting
and ALF Fan fiction
on my favorite hobby list is...
Speech writing!
Okay, come on in.
Wait, wait a minute.
What am I doing here?
This isn't one of those
scavenger hunt deals, is it?
Principal Crenshaw!
Please, I think you
know I'd never engage in
such adolescent foolishness.
But I should be
getting back to work anyway.
No, I'm sorry.
What was I thinking
I'm sorry.
Please. Come on in, Ms. Ducette.
I'll be right there.
Just make yourself at home.
In my dreams, I hear that sound.
[Charming, nostalgic music
plays] some were... lost.
Are you sure these
two are coming home?
If they're not here in
the next 10 minutes.
We gotta move on
to another task.
Oh, trust me. It's
like clockwork.
Hey, any word from Carson
how his team's doing?
He's being
competitive, but vague
kinda sexy actually.
You two are so weird. I love it.
I'm gonna surprise him and
buy him a car if we win.
Ooooo... you need him
having four wheels
he can come break you
off whenever you want.
[Laughter]
It's gonna be weird
not being able to see
you girls whenever
I want next year.
Yeah, I mean
who am I gonna strum
the strings to hmm?
Every time I write a new verse.
Who's gonna say, "Umm Lils,
that hook is way too morbid"?
It can be lonely out there.
Twice as lonely
without my girls.
Listen, Grease, France,
you skanks can be
an Antarctica.
But we're still just
a FaceTime away.
Now, cheers to
seeing your hot and shady faces
any day.
Ayyyyyyyyy.
No pizza for me
t-minus 67 days till the big 5K.
Oh!
You're running this year?
No. Um, I'm actually
waving the opening flag, though.
[Comedic suspense music plays]
Okay, let's get started
here. Where are we?
So, I thought I'd start with the
pleasantries. Good
morning, Principal.
Crenshaw, faculty, um, my peers.
I'm gonna shut this.
It smells so darn
good. I might be tempted.
Old Mama Matona, did
she still own that place?
Yes.
I'm gonna call her
and tell her how good
of a job you're doing.
Yep, I'm gonna do that.
Oh, you don't.
I can't believe they
rebuilt after they
burnt down. And, uh, uh
were you the waitress
that saved those people?
Yes!
Yes!
It was a miracle.
Well, there was like
three people she pulled out.
Yeah, that was me. That was me.
You are a hero.
Thank you.
Wait a minute, that was.
Giuseppe's that burned down.
Wasn't the... fazools?
Giuseppe's!
I...
Yeah, it happened to...
it both was crazy.
Bad peppers.
Both places burned down
because of bad peppers.
Yes.
Roll on fools.
Uh, good morning,
Principal Crenshaw,
faculty, yada yada
I thought I'd start with a joke.
You know, jokes and quotes
are some of the best openings.
Uh, can I use your bathroom?
What's the punchline?
Hahahaha, there's no punchline
I'm only kidding
with you Ms. Ducette.
It's down the hall.
[Crash]
Ms. Ducette is everything okay?
Uh, sorry, just dropped my
phone.
Okay, give me your shoes.
Uh, why?
Just give them to me.
Okay, okay.
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
Getting rid of them!
Why are you throwing my
shoes out the window?
They'll make noise
I can just carry them.
Okay, fair.
You got this.
Yes.
Carson?
It's laundry day.
My god, that kid.
Boy oh boy.
[Glass breaks]
Son of a Pipevine Swallowtail!
Sorry.
Uh, I'll get a towel.
Thanks.
STOP!
Who are you?
Um...
DAD!!!
DAD!!! NO NO NO SH SH SH
DAD!!! STOP STOP STOP
DAD!!! Shh, shh, shh.
Nevermind!
I just couldn't
find the clicker.
What else you got?
Uhh, okay! Um...
Cheap butt!
Last year I got $3 and they
didn't even make it
inside the house.
Inflation, man.
Okay, um, Bri I need
some help up here.
I think our little
dude could use another slice.
Scavenger hunt night is
better than Christmas morning.
"Drive To Glory" plays.
Fly, butterfly,
butterfly in the sky.
Where the hell is that stupid?
Looking for something?
Hey, uh, Miss, um...
Um...
Crenshaw.
Uh, Crenshaw, yes.
Hey, how are you?
Um, how are you?
Wow, save it.
You were being a bad
little boy digging
through your
principal's clothes.
That tie. Do you
think maybe I could
just, um, grab that tie
and I would just be on...
Uh, no!
Come with me.
I'm gonna put those
arms to good use.
You don't want these arms.
These arms are
spaghetti noodles.
I've done more with less.
Mr. Glover!
Isn't there anything we could
do so you could let us through?
Lincoln.
Lincoln!
Not on my watch fool!
"Drive To Glory" plays.
Oooh Oh!
"Playful Bug" plays
[Plunging sound]
I've been trying to get my
husband to do that for weeks.
He's not strong
like you, now is he?
Great, so, um, looks
like that's all
good. Do you mind if
I just grab that tie
and I can be on my way?
You can take your bath and
relax and what are you...
Oh my god.
"Sexy Girl" plays.
Hey!
Be a dear and fetch me
some lavender, will you?
Carson, what is that
splashing noise?
Miss Crenshaw, can I please
just grab the tie and I...
HUNNYYYYYY!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh boy, when the wife
calls you get your
steps in for the 5K.
[Hysterically crying]
Ms. Ducette?
Ms. Ducette, what's wrong?
Oh, I, everyone expects
me to be so damn perfect.
I'm sick of it.
"Sexy Girl" plays.
Yeah, that's the business.
Yeah, that's the,
that's the business.
So do you think I could
just get that tie?
If you give me a kiss.
Uh, what?
It would be so easy
for me to call my husband.
Honey, Come quick!
One of your butterflies.
Oh If I can't even get a
graduation speech right.
[Comedic doom music plays] How
am I gonna make it through
college?
Let alone med school?
Kinesiology?
Pharmacology!
Let alone become a
successful surgeon?
[Phony crying]
"Sexy Girl" plays No,
no, you don't have to
do that, uh, because, um...
[Kiss]
I don't know what
they're teaching you in
that school, but
that's not a kiss.
Let's try that again.
You have one of the
brightest futures of
anyone who's ever laid their hat
and Winthrop Creek High.
Thank you.
Okay.
Now let me go see
what my wife wants.
And then, you know
what we'll do?
We're gonna spread icing
along this conclusion, okay?
Boy oh boy, I miss
vanilla icing.
Get out of there,
he's coming, come on.
He's coming.
He's coming!
He's coming! He's coming!
"Drive To Glory" plays
Robe! Robe! Robe! Robe!
[Thud]
[Grunt]
Go, go.
Jump! Where?
Jump! Are you insane?
You're young. You're heal. Go!
Cars!
Hold up!
I need to get to...
Are we gonna engage in coitus?
It's not even Tuesday.
What am I supposed to
do with that thing?
You got a better idea.
Jump!
COMMONWEALTH COOOOOOOOOOUUUURT.
[Crash]
"Malibu Moonshine" plays.
Here we go. Okay.
[Drone hovering]
Joyce, what are you doing here?
Me? You don't live here.
Where's the perverted
mid-day humpers?
[Buzzer] If you're referring
to my aunt and uncle,
they left for
Vegas this morning.
I'm just turning on the lights
and then going to the game.
Game?
Game!
Jem, what's the task about
getting on a field or whatever?
Task number 49, get
on the ice field or
court during a
professional sports game.
Why, does she play
for the Knicks?
You're a trainer for that
shitty minor league team, right?
I am.
Oh my God. Wait, can
you get us on the field?
You know something?
I haven't slept a
solid night since.
Tatum, Crystal and those.
We Put Out Fire
bitches stole the
hunt crown from our grasp.
I'll text you when I
get to the stadium.
YES!
I'm totally gonna live
vicariously through you girls!
Bri?
How did ya'll drop a hundred
bucks into an account
and make it grow into a
hundred dimes??
Well, the asshat's dad.
Who's the asshat?
Darius, keep up.
With my peripheral
knowledge of the.
Lancaster capital model,
they rode the crypto wave and
were along by 50
grand on speculative.
Ethereum at the initial
offering where the cost...
This is so interesting.
[Yawn] [Snoring] Get up. Get up.
Okay, okay. Big ticket items.
Task number 47, all
of us stripped down
to our skivvies in front
of a national landmark.
That's doable.
Our beautiful state of
Connecticut has 63
recognized national
historical landmarks.
That's right, guys.
The further you travel, the.
Remember, no Facebook no points.
The Henry Bowen
House in Woodstock.
How? Woodstock is literally
two hours in each direction.
Well, speak of the
asshat, Darius's dad
does own a private jet.
Let's hit him off.
Yeah come on! Right I mean
all's fair in love and scaveng.
CARSON SHUT UP!
Bri, you broke up a year ago.
Another word, and
I'm leaving all your
asses here and I
will do this myself.
Hey, everybody. Me again.
We're about to score
some more points,
because we're walking
up to Charles W.
Morgan Whaling's
ship for task 45.
[Chime] Come on!
No, I said you could
be in this one.
Come on. Quick, we
gotta all be in it.
Jesus, I gotta take the
camera, too. Come on.
Nooo! Ugh, I hate you, Hector.
Read one of the riddles.
Task number 18, the
Maverick Man could be
accompanied by all the
members of the Wu-Tang Clan.
Two power couples,
the Bee and the Posh
away in a flinch, built
their lives around the pitch.
The Lady Mogul of them
all fills the tank.
And here's the
space that's blank.
If it's a packed house
on Kylie's, fear not.
You're sure to fit on Kim K's.
Maverick Man has to be Dirk.
He's the best Mav ever.
I think the answer to
the riddle is private jet.
What do you think, Bri?
Wait, hold on. You
guys do realize,
if we get on this jet,
it is game, set, match.
Commonwealth Court
for the W... Wait, no.
Maverick Man has
to be Mark Cuban.
He'd be posting pics flossing
on his jet on the regular.
Lady Mogul of them all,
that can only be Oprah.
And that's gotta be
blank space by Taylor Swift.
Um, power couples were the guy
who plays baseball, pitch?
Yeah, oh, okay, umm.
Jeter's married to Hannah Davis.
But he wasn't a pitcher.
Belander's a pitcher and
he's married to Kate Upton.
Or pitch music?
Um, I'm pretty sure the
riddle answer is yacht.
Power couples that have a
yacht, face helmet, Tim McGraw.
They're always on
both on Instagram.
Um, oh my god. So embarrassed.
B, Queen B, Beyonce and Jay-Z.
Posh away in a flinch, built
their livesaround the pitch.
Um, Posh... Spice?
Wait, how did I not get that
We did wannabe for the
talent show last year.
Pitch is what they call
the soccer field in England.
Punch it in!
Oh yes!
Awesome! Okay.
Guys, guys, I think they're
talking about a jet, not a
yacht.
My dad's at the base tonight.
He could probably get us on one.
It's definitely a yacht.
No chance!
Joyce, text your dad,
it's defintiely a jet
it's defintiely jet.
I don't want to get left
in the middle of the road,
but it does look like private
jet is now also a task.
It's impossible for anyone to
charter a private jet at the
last minute.
Oh, wait.
If only someone would just call
their ex-boyfriend to get us on
one.
Ducette Drive is
in the town over.
[Doors slam shut]
Hey! Hey, you
little delinquents!
How many Ducettes go to
this God damn school?!
Get back here!
People actually use this
thing on like a
day-to-day basis.
It says there's over two million
geocachers in the world.
What is wrong with you idiots?
Next year you're
gonna tell me you've
never played Color Planet.
[Whoosh]
No Patty!!
Task number 12.
Hot and candy rides and games
come along and take your aim.
Pierce the hole and drain it
fast. Squeeze it tight without a
glass.
The inner filling made the same
one is used to put out the
flame.
Ah, man. Now we gotta
go to a carnival.
Better not be any clowns there.
Is the carnival even open yet?
Nobody even shows
up until night time.
Squeeze it tight
without a glass.
Maybe that frog hammer game.
Any idea what your tools are
gonna do with the money if we
win?
Probably gonna get
most of it to my mom.
The rest save for tuition.
Aw, come on, dawg.
You gotta ball out a bit.
Oh, he will.
I'll give you three guesses,
but you'll only need one.
I'm gonna get a car.
So I can go visit Jem
when I'm at the FDU.
BINGO!
[Car engine]
Oh. What up, Tatum?
Oh, you got commonwealth court.
Damn.
Dope-ass wheels, my man.
Yeah, thanks, brother.
Hey, Bri.
Wow, you look good.
Darius!
Bri, ask him about the jet.
NO!
No, just ask him about the jet.
No chance!
How about buying one of
these bad boys if we win, cars?
Please when Darius gets back.
You gotta ask him to
get us on the jet.
You almost done?
We're on a schedule here.
What are you gonna do
if we win the money?
My scholarship only
covers room and board
if I stay at the dorms.
Parties, roommates getting
sexiled every night?
No, thank you.
I'll rent an apartment.
I assume you're gonna hook up
with a bunch of your groupie
football bang buddies?
I prefer friends who fornicate.
Gross!
You almost done.
We're on a schedule here.
Did you guys hear about
Top of the Swarming?
They captured the milkshake
machine at the diner!
They are crushing it!
Darius!
Can we use your dad's jet?
I mean, I'd have to ask him.
You can do that, right?
You're allowed to do that?
Yeah, according to
the rules, it's okay.
They asked you didn't offer.
Save me a ride and
shotgun my brother.
Shotgun?
Huh?
Pierce the whole drain of fast
squeeze inside without a glass.
That's how you shotgun a
beer! "Where We Are Now" plays.
Excuse me!
Everyone, if you
could look out for a
silver container
during the ride,
could you grab it and
give it to us, please?
Oh, you girls wouldn't
happen to be here
for that famous scavenger
hunt, would you?
Oh, you wouldn't happen to
moonlight as a detective, would
you?
Okay, alright.
Patty, you got this.
Look up. Look around.
I am strong. I am willful.
I have the power to overcome
the drops and turns.
Patty?
I will not toss up my sagnaki.
You don't have to go
on. We'll grab it.
Just stay over here. It's fine.
No, no. I am 19 years old
I am going to ride a
goddamn ferris wheel.
Alright, alright,
everyone. Listen up.
Whoever gets a container
I will write a song
about you, mhm!
I have 30,000
YouTube subscribers.
You mean this
container? YES!
Patty? Patty?
[Ferris wheel moving]
PATTY GET OFF THE CART!
Actually, it's
called a basket miss!
Seriously, dude? They
pay you actually to
say that or something?
LET ME OFF!
GOD NO! LET ME OFF!
Hand that container
over here? My man.
Plot twist. First team
to sign the geocaching
letter gets 100 points.
Second only gets 50.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
You can have my day pass.
Why would he want your day
pass, idiot? He works here.
Wait, you know what
I've got? I've got...
Give me your cash.
Give me your cash.
Okay, let's see. We've got
$114... $115
$116! And a Susie
Smoothies card.
Two hole-punches
away from a free drink.
And a kiss from my bestie Joyce.
Listen, you don't
want smoothies.
You know what you want?
Front row tickets to Drake!
Oh, you ladies are
going to have to do
better than that.
Where's my kiss?
Whoa, I can hook you up with
chicks way hotter than Joyce
I mean, okay.
Whoo!
In your face.
That's yours, thank you.
Floating through the air.
Leaves covered in moss.
He proved to everybody
why he's such a boss.
Whoo!
Patty!
You did it! I'm so
proud of you Patty!
Oh my gosh, you're
good. You're good.
Patty, come on, come on.
Patty? You did it. Are you okay?
That
was.
AWESOME! "Girls
Night Out" plays.
Let's head to Yale
for the monument task.
Wait, it says that they
haven't credited us for
the geocaching task yet.
Oh, we have to put something
of our own in the container
and sign off.
Umm, geocaching queen.
Don't you think that's
something you should
have mentioned before
leaving the carnival?
None of you should talk,
you didn't even know
how to pronounce the word.
"Empty Hearts and
Broken Dreams" plays.
Nobody looks better in a suit.
Umm?
Bonus clue, bitches!
[Magic wand reveal]
Open, open!
Joyce, ! Do you
wanna read the clue?
Clue for what? Here.
Miss Mary Mack, Done in a herd.
Speak through song,
and read the words.
Make the crowd unhappy, but
smile away while doing some...
(Tweedly-deedly-dee,
tweedly-deedly-dee)
All the little birdies
on Jaybird Street.
Love to hear the robin
go tweet, tweet, tweet.
Rockin' robin
(Tweet, tweet, tweet)
Rockin' robin.
Mom says always use two.
Everybody loves robin rockin'
Lily, stop singing so well.
You're not trying to
get more subscribers right now.
Oh now you care
about birds, do you?
Okay, I didn't think so
when I saw your pollution.
Or your carbon omissions
outside [Crowd booing]
[Crowd booing] You're
destroying their environment!
[Crowd booing] Your negligence
is ruining their flight path,
okay?
Migration patterns
are suffering.
[CROWD BOOS]
Get together! Get together!
Kiss! Bonus points. We're on a
roll.
[Bell chimes]
[Balloon pops]
One out of two.
If this were baseball, you'd be
leading the league in hitting.
But it's not.
[Wind swirling]
[Air rifle gunshot]
[Air rifle gunshot]
[Treacherous winds]
Cars. Hey it's okay.
Go take a walk.
Do you want me to come with you?
Do you want me to come
with you? [Beanbag hits table]
[Carnival music plays]
Carson.
Hello again.
A little pre-grad Carnival
celebration. I like it!
[Air rifle gunshot] [Laughing]
You know, I almost hit the bell
on the Hammer Strike game.
[Treacherous winds]
No, you didn't.
[Air rifle gunshot]
[Treacherous winds]
Hey kiddo you still have
some tickets left right?
Why don't you go take
a ride on the Carousel?
That ride's whack. I'm going
back on the Scrambler.
Thattaboy! Okie-doke.
I sure don't miss
that dunk tank.
Yeah.
Hey Carson let's have a seat and
see if this guy can sink her
again!
Alright. [Melancholy music]
You know, students would spend
their entire weeklty allowance
futilely trying to
capsize my backside.
[Air rifle gunshot] [Laughter]
No one ever did. Not one.
Except... your buddy.
After slinging three wide right
he runs up and
pushes the button.
[Laughter]
Down I went, like a
Spearfish Torpedo.
Yeah, that was Freddie.
He was the Class Clown
of all Class Clowns.
[Laughter]
Oh, jeez...
Now, you know who did sink me?
Mrs. Johansson.
And she did it while
standing well within
the confines of the proper
dunk booth etiquette.
Man, she was some educator.
Even better friend.
You know, there's
many nights I, uh.
I just keep wondering when is
life gonna get back to normal?
I don't have an
answer for you, buddy.
I'm really sorry I
let you kids down.
Hey, Skip-o-potamus!
What was the wind
sustainability on the ride?
Uh, Principal Crenshaw.
I hope you know.
There's nothing you
could have done.
See you at graduation, Carson.
If you find my tie.
Let me know, please.
Come on, buddy.
[Carnival music plays]
Come on, come on,
come on, buddy.
[Balloon pops]
[Cheers]
YES!
Again, again.
[Balloon pops]
[Cheers]
Oh my god, he did it.
He did it.
Bring it in, buddy!
[Thud]
[Screams] Let's go!
Oh, uh.
Walk it off, Spence!
Even a block of ice rotate
twice on the ferris wheel.
Okay so the next part of the
riddle was to shotgun a beer.
Riddle?
For... scavenger hunt?
Come on, let's go. Chop, chop.
Yeah, I, I was just tryin'
to get your money.
I know nothing about
a scavenger hunt.
Wait, nobody puts out
a flame with a beanbag.
I know where we gotta go.
[Magic wand reveal]
Car, Car. Comin' through!
[Quirky music]
Thank god you guys come.
Patricia, back and forth with
her girlfriends. Back and forth.
Okay, game starts right now.
Only one team
player and one game.
And you will put
blindfold on it.
[Starting bell rings]
And we're off.
"Careless Mood" plays.
To the victor goes the spoils.
Any prize, any size.
Neck and neck, here they come.
The leader of the band,
ugly robot coming to the top.
[CHATTER]
Here he comes, out of the gate.
Dark horse! He's coming around.
[Bell rings] Number five!
[Laughter]
I never see one like this since
Eli make football helmet catch.
[Chime]
Oh! Uh, shotgunning
the beer. Where?
I don't know nothing
about shotgunning beer.
All I know is, they tell me,
give the gun to winner
and that's all I know.
Okay, hold up the water gun.
[Phone rings]
Congratulations.
They did it.
They did it, peppers.
You completed phase
one of task 12.
There will be no drinking and
driving on this scavenger hunt.
The three non-drivers
of the team
will perform the shotgun
in under 15 seconds.
Aren't you pumped you
don't have to clench up,
hopin' you get in with
your fake ass Oklahoma
and Washington state ID's?
I never needed an ID before.
Ain't gonna need one in college.
Not you, you're all
muscles and fine, mmm.
But this one?
He looks like he still plays
with Pokemon cards.
You guys have it easy.
When I was back in 1987.
Right, Theodore,
he's roller-skating
through supermarket with a
Three, two, one.
"Drive to Glory" plays.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Easiest task on the list.
Chug you bitches!
And by the way, Crystal,
Dragon Ball Z was my jam.
Pick that up. You're
gonna need it.
Go Wolfpack.
Yeah.
Four, three, two...
[Whoo's]
All right, boys.
So what has more
alcohol content?
These IPAs you just chugged or
a glass of water?
Um, obvious. No, no, no.
Those are lagers. [Chime]
Do you know how many teams lost
points tonight because of that?
Good luck!
"Western Town" plays
I miss the days when you
two had to wear masks.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
You kids need fuel for
all of your hunting!
[CHEERS] Thank you!
Wait, wait, wait.
Sanitize!
That's my girl.
Oh, I can't wait to
dig in. Thank you!
Word on the street is I am goat.
Guys, let's go.
Other teams are passing us.
Sit down, Captain killjoy.
Have a spanakopita,
okay. There you go.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
You are so much bigger
than that clown.
Yeah!
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Polaroid taken]
All right. Is he gone?!
Now if I catch any of you kids
eating gyros from Amara
Loukanis' tent.
I never cook for
you again, okay?
She's witch.
Witch. Thanks Mrs. Pop!
Oh, it's Robin.
Okay, wait for it...
"Manager's being a tight ass.
It's gonna be hard to
get you on the field
at the game. So if you're in a
time crunch, prob best to stay
local."
What?
Well so much for living
vicariously through us.
I say we take the guaranteed
points and go to Yale.
Screw that, man!
There's no chance in hell any
other team is gonna play in a
pro sports game!
Plus Robin owes me!
I got their groceries
during Quarantine.
Where are we going?
Yale.
I went to six stores for that
one roll of paper towels!
Ferry! Let's go!
"Only Light Days" plays.
So um,
who's gonna be the one to go on
the baseball field during the
game anyway?
I'm the only one who's ever
played a quarter of softball.
Quarters are football.
Task 21.
Sway your body to the groove,
fast or slow. Twist and turn
take instructions from a pro?
Take a swimming lesson?
You good, Jemma?
Man, it'd be real nice to win,
so I can use the prize
money to buy Carson a car.
You guys are gonna be
fine Jemma, okay!
You know what isn't fine
is the amount of toxins
being emitted from
this boat right now.
Do you know how destructive -.
Shhh. Do you wanna get
us kicked off the boat?
Good job, Jem. You woke up
Suzy Save the World.
Hey, listen, you and Carson.
You'll figure it out.
I hope so.
It's just gonna suck,
you know not being able to get a
good luck kiss before a big
exam.
Won't be able to cuddle during
the tortures of Rush Week.
Please, Jemma.
Carson's walking around without
his best friend and a scar on
his back to prove it!
Okay, so if
if he can only carry your books
to Anthropology class once a
week instead of twice,
life goes on!
Walk around. Walk ahead.
Bonds tightly tied, we'll make
it through the other side.
Get the picture,
get the picture.
Come on, come on!
Ha-ha. That's right.
Get out, get out. Let me
get a couple of myself.
Yeah, yeah.
Come on, this is my good side.
I got a gig coming up.
Guys, what is Hector doing?
I'm doing that bicep there.
Guys, look, they're taking pics.
Lily was right,
the Kylie answer it,
it, it must be yacht.
You guys wanna follow what
Hector's doing? It's Hector?!
Which way is starboard?
I mean Joyce, the answer
has to be yacht.
Let's just do it, okay? Come on?
Here we are on a
yacht! Ferry. This is.
Damn it! God damn it, Hector!
Dude!
I'm gonna throw you overboard.
Oh, hey, Joyce.
How'd your "yacht"
riddle answer go?
I can't stand you.
I can't stand you!
Hey, hey, hey!
That's his good side!
Calm down, alright?
The answer is
obviously private jet.
But who could get
on one of those?
"Eliantte" plays.
"The jet is all fueled!
"See you girls
soon." Thanks, Dad!
I told you bitches not
to trust that idiot!
Sorry, Joyce.
We should have listened to you.
Your instincts are
always on point.
You know, from what I hear
about cafeteria food,
I'm really gonna miss your mom's
cooking next year, Patty Pop.
This water's getting dirtier and
dirtier the further we go out.
Disgraceful.
"Grow" plays Think I
can get a bite, girl?
What makes you think I'd give
you anything but a slap right
now?
Oh don't be a sore loser, Joyce.
We had to catch up.
You guys thiefed that container
out from under us.
You see my pic in front
of the monument?
I did. Actually, yeah.
And, uh, I gotta admit,
you didn't look too bad.
Well...
You were lookin' like you'd
take home first place
in any wet tee-shirt
contest this afternoon.
Well, you know I look
better in a bikini.
Play your cards right and, uh,
we can hit the
beach this summer.
Yo! Ho!
I'm in, girl.
We can pop open the sunroof
of my new Beamer
and head on down.
Yeah.
Oh, Joyce.
You like that?
Woah, not in front of everybody.
You know I don't do the PDA
Joyce.
I hope you brought
your snorkel with you.
"Falling" plays.
Your car came in third
last year, right?
Were your riddles this hard?
I feel like I'm back learnin'
'bout parallelograms
and isosceles and
all that noise.
There were some
tough ones, yeah.
Looked like we had
first place locked up.
Then one team won a Goddamn
Monster Truck match.
So they caught the Hail Mary.
You know, it's funny.
I remember at the after
party, [Nostalgic music plays]
I stopped and looked
around, and, uh,
on the surface it was just
another party in a series of a
thousand we'd had before.
Beer pong, random hook-ups,
the whole nine.
But there was this
unspoken presence.
And no one wanted to
come out and say it,
but we all knew this was the
last time we'd all be together.
I'm sure they were glad to not
have to see your arrogant ass
face every.
We really cannot thank you
enough, Darius. Seriously.
You guys really had
perfect timing, and.
My dad said one of the partners
just got in from Zurich.
And you know
my Dad would do anything
for Bri. As would I.
You didn't just say that.
Here we go. Roll camera
on the Soap Opera.
You'd do anything for me.
Does that include
break my heart,
go off to college, and not make
one overture to to get in
touch with me for a year?
Did you start writing Fiction
while I was away at school?!
I told you it made sense for us
not to be committed after I
left.
I mean my college is in
Seattle for Christ's sake!
Translation: "I don't
want to stay with
an uptight virgin
across the country.
I'd rather bang a bunch
of sluts on campus."
Virgin?
You know how much
you meant to me, Bri.
But you had another
year of high school.
I mean, come on.
How was it gonna work?
I told you I'd apply
to whatever college
you went to.
Valedictorian or not.
And I wouldn't let you do that
so you lost your shit.
You told me never to
call you again and
that you didn't want
to see me ever again.
But I called you tons of times.
And I tried to come see you,
but you wouldn't see me.
So I had to leave without
saying goodbye.
The bottom line is you didn't
want me at your school.
And that's the truth.
[Crowd cheering]
Here we go, bottom
of the sixth, folks.
Score tied at 2.
Baxter Ford here with you on
this lovely summer evening.
We gotta find Carmichael.
I know him the best.
But if you get caught,
I don't know you. Got it?
Wait, wait, wait. Why, am I am I
gonna be like arrested or
something?
Joyce, this is Independent ball.
It's not exactly
the Yankees. OUT!
And, one pitch. One out.
As the Steamrollers toss the
ball around the diamond,
Delacroix toes the
rubber, and ponders
what life would be like if
all 27 outs were that simple.
[Helmet slammed on the ground]
Hey, Carmichael.
How's that wrist holding up?
You need me to re-tape
it? It's fine, go!
Get out of here, Robin! Will do.
Just on a side note. My friend
Joyce here is doing a scavenger
hunt.
Go away!
Someone say somethin'
'bout a scavenger hunt?
Nice to make your
acquaintance ma'am.
William Fitzgerald Spillane.
But um, everyone calls me Fitz.
Hi, Fitz. I'm... I'm Joyce.
Ya know, people say
I'm a Joy... ce.
2018 Roosevelt High Hunt Champ.
In the flesh.
So whatcha need?
[Sporting Event music]
Alright so when we head
out in the field next innin',
you warm me up.
I'll toss the batboy some extra
seeds or somethin' to keep him
busy. [Crowd clapping &
cheering]
Oh my god, there she is.
You got it, Joyce.
Oh my God. She looks
like a real baseball player.
Over here, Joyce!
Shhh.
Go, Team Shady-Nooooo...
Okay, sorry.
Strike three!
What about this?
We roll the ball onto the field,
you it up, and run it
over to the bullpen.
Take a seat, and I run
out to right field.
Okay, here we are,
Team Shady Ladies,
at the Miners Steamrollers game.
Okay, and Torres steps in.
Delacroix deals.
[Bat hits ball]
Torres connects, shooting a
missile into the right
centerfield gap. [Cleats
running]
Spillane gives chase.
Spillane up with the ball,
and oh Torres is goin' for two!
Show me the ball!
Show me the ball!
You're out! [Triumphant
music plays]
What a play, first by Spillane.
And then complete with a
perfectly executed relay toss.
And perfect it had to be to
gun down the speedy Torres.
That ball was ticketed
for extra bases, folks!
[Cheering]
Let's see you top that, Hector!
I see a call up in
your future, Fitz!
[Chime]
"Playful Bug" plays.
Got your phone?
Oh, I left mine and
my purse on the jet.
Mine's in my jeans.
No, no, no, not enough time.
Not enough time.
Ah mine's over there, too.
Cars, just give him yours.
It's really bad video quality.
All right.
Commonwealth Court,
got anything to say?
We are at the Bowen House.
It's not the real Woodstock, but
we're honoring its memory
by ripping off our clothes.
Okay, enough! Enough!
Come on, come one.
[Footsteps running]
Guys!
Where are our clothes?
Son of a bitch, my
phone was in there!
Mine, too, and my wallet.
More crime happens on
Sesame Street than on Woodstock.
"Bangin' My Screw"
plays Oh, my God.
I just got my blind audition
time for The Voice!
What? What? What?
You're gonna be a freaking star.
I'm so nervous.
Oh, you guys are
gonna come, right?
Yeah!
Gwen Stefani hits her buzzer.
Cut to us jumping around!
Shady ladies invadin' LA.
"Till the Sky Falls Down" plays
Wait, what song am I gonna do?
Okay, um, you slay the acoustic
version of "Forever Young"!
No-brainer, Lils.
Remember when Lily slayed
this song at Patty's Sweet 16?
How could I forget?
There's gotta be a story here.
Perhaps maybe the
birth of Carson and Jemma?
Played during our first kiss.
I used to love this
song until Prince.
Puppy Love over here
overplayed the crap
out of it from
quarantine classroom.
My mom wasn't considered
an "Essential Worker"
during the Pandemic.
Luckily people love their pizza.
And when you have to choose
between Wi-Fi or rent.
It's not really a choice.
So we cleared out my
dad's fitness center,
slash mom's cat - dog toy
compatibility business storage:
a.k.a. the garage. And set up
Quarantine Classroom for Carson.
Spence and Bri came by.
The girls visited.
People had it a lot worse.
Remember when we changed the
Wi-Fi password on Briana?
I guessed every combination
but my name.
[Chime]
[Hair dryer]
This brilliant artist
had a role with a fish.
Two holidays merged,
and white stripes, another man
was given the same name twice.
Okay phones out! Get on IMDb!
Uh, Cape Crusader.
Let's start there.
Uh, hey Google.
Who are are all the Batmans?
Bat-men? Who are all the actors
to play Batman in a movie?
Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer,
George Clooney.
Come on, come on, come on.
This Wi-Fi is shutting
me out worse than
that twink in Aruba
last Christmas.
D, can I borrow your phone?
[Suspenseful music plays]
No can do bro. That'd be
breaking the rules.
So we can borrow your private
jet but we can't use your phone?
Who's Marge?
Ohh, Large Marge from
that old Pee Wee movie.
My cousins used to rewind that
over and over and make me watch
it.
You think I was afraid
of ferris wheels!
Sorry, Patty Pop. We'll
revisit that later.
How about this
rabbit hole? [Whoosh]
Rabbit hole, girl.
That's Alice in Wonderland.
No joke, I was the Mad
Hatter for Halloween! [Whoosh]
Hold up. It says here there's a
movie called Rabbit Hole
with Nicole Kidman and
Aaron Eckhart in it.
Both were in Batman movies.
Two holidays merged,
such a fine goal.
Nicole Kidman's first movie
was a Christmas movie,
but
she's not credited in Pee Wee.
So Rabbit hole girl is Alice,
and we won't be tumbling
down one. [Whoosh]
Hey Google: Um, what movies
feature a large fish?
Danny DeVito played The Penguin
and was in Big Fish, but not in
Alice.
And no Batman was
in Big Fish or Jaws.
Way to go Team Rock and Fruit
Roll Up! Our first team to solve
the riddle.
So we're looking
for an actor who.
Or actress. Hashtag:
female empowerment.
Did you really just
hashtag, mid-sentence?
What, what, what movies have
tiny people working in a
factory?
It's gotta be animated.
Surprise, surprise. Top of
The Swarming solved the riddle!
Oh, shut up, Hector.
Okay, think, think, think.
Um, um, um. Okay, do the, do
the Minions work in a factory?
Wait, wait, wait. Okay. The
dudes with the, with the orange
hair!
[Group chatter]
Munchkins?! Ohhh Oompa Loompas!
CHARLIE AND THE
CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!
Two holidays merged.
The Holidate. No.
Oh obviously!
The Nightmare Before Christmas.
No joke, I was Jack Skellington
for Halloween!
"This is Halloween.
This is Halloween."
This is Halloween.
This. [Whoosh]
Look up characters with costumes
having black and white stripes.
Oh, look, it's Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!
Michael Keaton! Batman!
Birdman!
This brilliant
artist had a role.
What if that's some sort
of play on words?
Who directed
Beetlejuice? [Whoosh]
Tim Burton.
And looks like he directed Pee
Wee. And I know he did Big Fish,
that's one of my favorite
movies ever. Pattern emerging.
[Whoosh] He did Charlie
in the Chocolate Factory.
And it says right here
the full title is.
"Tim Burton's The Nightmare
Before Christmas".
And looks like he
directed my girl Alice!
You gotta hurry up.
What about that last part?
Uh, it seemed named twice.
Uh, he did
a film called Ed Wood! And.
Edward Scissorhands!!!!
Yeah, but who played
Edward Scissorhands?
Who played Ed Wood?
Johnny Depp. Same name twice!
It's Tim Burton!
All teams that solved
the riddle will be credited.
But
only the first 5 teams
to perform Phase 2
will receive additional points.
And place a check
beside Wild Card Task,
cause you're kicking booty!
[Quirky, exciting music plays]
I'll grab a big block of ice.
And, and we could use some
knives. Better yet, hedge
clippers!
Yeah, sure. They're right
next to the lawn mowers.
Grab the med-kit!
Lincoln. I was thinking of what
we could use our potential
winnings on.
Know how we're always watching
those house flipping shows?
Send it in!
Property Bros 2.0!
I know you could
handle all the design.
100%
Dress rehearsal people.
Ain't no divas on my film set.
I need good energy, people.
I don't wanna be here all day!
Do you have to yell that
loudly? We are right.
Slate!
And...
Action!
[Quirky, dramatic music plays]
Cut!
Cut.
Cars, do we need to discuss
your motivation here?
You see the ice. Mmhmm. Yeah.
You shred the ice. Mmhmm.
Action!
[Quirky, dramatic music plays]
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut!
I'm, I'm trying to be respectful
of your process and all.
But Johnny Depp
was carving birds,
and angels, and dinosaurs.
What in the hell is that?
It's a potato.
Only three slots remaining.
You better not mess this up.
A Filmmaker's
best asset is the
ability to pivot.
Okay?
Martini Shot. Action!
Oh Eddie, is there
anything you can't do?
You take my very breath away.
I swear, look at this!
[Quirky music plays]
Have you ever cut
a woman's hair?!
Would you cut mine?
[Quirky, dramatic music plays]
And... cut! [Scissors cut]
That's why nobody calls "cut"
on my sets but me! [Chime]
And action!
[Dramatic, superhero
music plays]
Meow.
[Grunts]
How could you? I'm a woman!
I'm sorry.
I
I...
[Grunts]
[Whipping]
As I was saying.
I'm a woman and I can't
be taken for granted.
Life's a bitch, and now so am I!
[Halleluiah sound]
And cut!
[Charming, triumphant music
plays] Oh my God! So good!
No joke Lils, you
might be a dual threat.
Oh my god! Singing and acting!
[Celebratory screaming]
Let me just submit it off.
[Celebratory screaming]
to finish Phase 2.
Talk about Cinematography!
Way to go Team This is the
Mo-Scent of Success.
WHAT?
What? What? Are you serious?
I did my own stunts.
Did you see my lamp
post? [Buzzer sounds]
"Bangin' My Screw" plays
I feel so detached.
I'm officially tweet-deprived.
Invalid transmission?
What the hell?!
Carson, did you have
Location Services turned on?
Fu
"Fireball Summer" plays
Ahhh. Commonwealth Court.
Remember to check your videos
before sending them off,
hunters.
It's time to really buckle down.
We're officially at the two-hour
mark.
Get going. What? Why are you
still here watching me? Go!
"Make It Up" plays.
Any ideas?
Anybody?
We gotta pick another task
worth gangbuster points.
Um, create a workable app?
Probably should do
something not impossible.
We could go big.
Steal the State Championship
banner from the gym.
Did the jet altitude screw with
your little brain, Carson?
Say hello
to the holy grail of hunt tasks.
[Magical reveal]
In 1977,
the Girls' Basketball team
won our school's first
state championship.
[Whoosh]
Hurry up, Wade!
We're gonna become legends!
Hanging in the rafters.
No one's more about
creatin' legacies. But
that banner ain't happenin'.
I have an idea, boys.
Oh come on.
They look like hostages!
Come on!
Just kiss!
Do it.
Kiss, kiss, kiss.
Alright, come on. Let's go,
let's get it over with. Come on.
"Playful Bug" plays.
Come on!
3, 2.
[Female screeches]
[Chime] I'm writing a
song about this someday.
I am so turned on right now.
I'm a puddle.
I'm whatever's
bigger than a puddle.
Damn Jemma, how you
kiss this fool, man?
Awe, he's the best kisser ever!
Okay, puddle becomes a desert.
Bye.
BOSS! I can't get this
last Calculus problem!
The derivative. It eludes me!
[Quirky music plays]
How to pick a lock.
The first step is to insert a
small pin-shaped object into the
hole.
So I just slide the
push pin inside.
Good, good! Keep turning.
Thanks, thanks.
Now I just push that in.
Oh!
Don't stop on my account.
But I hope you have
a gymnastics background.
[Alarm]
Pole vault? Dismount? No?
Though she is but
little, she is fierce.
[Whistling]
"Something I Can
Dance To" plays.
Well here she is.
The OG in VR.
Without it, you wouldn't
have your Tik-Toks.
[Halleluiah sound]
They say the Mona
Lisa is a work of art.
Blondie.
Left hand
blue.
I'm sorry?
Just do it so we
can get out of here.
Fine, but if he tries taking
pictures of my feet, I'm
leaving.
Agreed! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh my God. Okay.
Patty. It's clean. It's clean.
It's clean. Good. We're fine.
Emo. Left leg.
Owe. You're on my leg.
Okay, next person that goes,
just fall on purpose.
Alright, Shorty. You're up.
Oh no. I'm gonna fall.
[Groans] Owe!
"Mind Control" plays
Wait ladies of shadiness.
Just like, oh, oh
no. Only 2 can play!
It just says we have to run on
it, not all of us have to play!
Oooh! [Laughter]
[Chime]
"Louder Than the Voices" plays.
Guys, I really think
we can win this thing!
Yo we can win.
Checking apartments.
$25,000 can go a long
way in Nashville.
What's in Nashville?
Lils?
What's in Nashville?
If nothing major comes from
The Voice, I'm moving there.
What? What?
Look
I love you girls,
but I can't just stick around
Winthrop Creek and expect a
record deal to fall from the
sky.
And you're not graduating
with us, are you?
Uh, yo. What about,
what about Task #33?
"Head to the club of stripping,
have a dance, perhaps some
tipping."
Let's go!
Lickity Splits is nearby.
Ooooh naked ladies, with long
hair and nails and boobs. Sign
me up.
[Cell phone rings]
Hey Vic.
Yeah, no, uh no sorry. I am no
where near there. Do you think
maybe you can ask Hannah?
No, uh, no. Yeah, I um,
totally, I get it. Uhh.
Yeah just give me a couple uh,
couple of minutes and I will.
Yeah, I got you.
That was my boss. I have
to make a delivery.
Well we're on a schedule
here so, sorry. Can't do it.
Yeah, well some of us have to
work, Bri! I didn't get a car
before I could walk.
Are you forgetting that this is
the car that drove you around
the past two years?
No, I'm not. Alright,
uh, uh, alright.
The strip club is
18 to get in right?
No, they serve liquor. Why,
you don't have a fake ID?
Of course she doesn't have a
fake ID, have you met her?
Okay, so just do the pass back.
Pass what?
Amped to spend that fat tip on
some knockers, big dawg?
Freddie loved this night.
Freddie always said you'd be
famous some day, Lils.
Can you imagine how much
he'd love this night?
I never got a chance to
meet your boy, but
from what I hear, he was a
pretty awesome dude.
He was the greatest.
Kid could make the
weirdest situations funny.
Remember that thing
Freddie used to do?
Where he'd like turn random
things into puppets?
Yeah!
Hello, young lady.
Might you join me for
some paper back mating?
[Emotional music plays]
Didn't think I'd ever wanna
go back to school.
Every morning I'd Google a new
symptom of a new illness.
Come downstairs,
after the ninth time,
my mom finally caught on.
There has to be something
different I could've done.
[Gunshot] [Gunshot] [Gunshot]
[Screams] Those screams I heard
from the other end of the
hallway.
Still to this day,
every time I hear
a locker slam shut.
[Gunshot]
If Freddie didn't jump
out in front of me.
[Gunshot] [Gunshot] [Gunshot]
[Screams]
Carson wouldn't have been able
to push me under the table.
Gave Mrs. Johanson
just enough time.
[Gunshot] [Gunshot]
All
5 feet, 100 pounds of her,
fearless as hell.
Tackled that maniac from behind.
Mrs. J. Was super hero.
[Gunshot] [Gunshot]
[Gunshot] [Screams]
If she didn't wear that cape,
that bullet would've taken a
much different angle.
[Gunshot] [Screams]
I swear I, I, on windy days it's
it's like I hear that bullet
whizzing by my ear, over and
over and over again. [Bullet
whizzing by]
She was my favorite teacher.
Wish I could tell her
that in my speech.
She taught me that my point of
view isn't limited to debate
team.
She'll be listening,
Trust me.
Freddie was the
best listener ever.
And that smile.
No! Ohh!
Okay, now put it back.
Okay.
Is this your card?
Yeah, how did you know?
We pulled together,
bonds tightly tied,
we made it through
the other side.
You can find a party anywhere.
Remember, he always used to say
that?
What do you think
he'd say tonight?
He'd say "Man up."
And win the whole damn thing!
No, no.
Hey honey, have you
seen my butterfly tie?
I, I, I've checked my primary
tie rack and my auxiliary tie
rack.
Maybe you left it at the gym.
All that focus on getting
lean, mean, and 5K-ready,
you've lost your
focus on fashion.
Yeah, we'll maybe tomorrow I'll
check the gym's lost and found
after my morning burn.
Yeah, you know that my
Graduation ensemble just
wouldn't be complete without
that tie.
What sounds better:
Hope is for tomorrow or
today is tomorrow's hope?
Yeah. Hey... just.
[Emotional music]
keep your speech focused on
what these kids have overcome.
This class especially
needs to hear that.
I just want to do right by
these kids, you know?
Hey! You listen up,
you sexy Administrator.
You spend your nights talking to
college Admission Officers on
their behalf.
You never miss a game.
These students are
lucky to have you.
Keep your speech short,
heartfelt,
and funny!
[Laughter]
Alright!
Uh, maybe I'll send up the
old smoke signals to the
college improv troop.
Oh! The Acade-magicians
would be quite helpful.
Okay, I have a class
in thirty minutes.
Alright.
Bye! Bye Sweetie.
Uh, dance like
nobody's watching.
Hey, you know what I think I'll
do? I'll plunge that drain while
I call the gang.
Oh uh,
strangest thing.
When I was in the
shower just now,
the water went
right down. Weird.
That is weird.
Alright, alright. Bri,
in about five minutes,
go wait in line.
We're gonna go inside, get a
girl's ID who resembles you, and
pass it back to you in line.
Cool? Cars, let's go.
Gentlemen. How we doin' tonight?
$10 cover.
I'm gonna need to see some ID's.
[Laughter]
Carson, let's go.
So funny story, Mr. "I never
get carded", got carded.
Okay anyway. That doesn't
even matter anymore.
Why are you patting around
your? A pack of Skittles?
A pack of Skittles ain't gonna
get this done bro.
You guys have any cash on you?
Here. Give it to Carson.
Ooooh
much appreciated.
[Grunt]
IDs.
Are you kidding me?
We just gave you like $50
and I said
much appreciated .
Maybe double pass back?
You really think
there's gonna be another brotha'
in there who just so happens to
be 6'3210?
Pretty sure you just tacked
on an extra inch or two.
You wanna check my
recruiting profile?
MaxPreps, look it up cuz!
There's a clown behind you.
Is that Crystal?
YO!
CRYSTAL!
You know her?
Hey big guy!
You guys her for the
lap dance challenge?
No, we're here
for knitting club.
How does Junior Achievement
plan on getting in?
Oh, nice glam job. I can
barely see the crow's feet.
Do you think you could
help us get into the club?
Hell no! Last girl who tried
that got her g-stringed booty
canned.
Okay, well can Bri
borrow your ID?
Come with me girl.
Go. Go. Go.
[Sounds of disgust]
[Coughing]
Jeez. God.
This is why you need electric.
Looks like the Fluid Carbonator
is submerged in the engine
crankshaft.
What the hell do
you know about cars?
Nothing. I just made that up.
[Laughing]
That was actually pretty good.
You're cracking
jokes right now?!
You're cracking jokes?
Okay, we are stranded in
the middle of no where.
And Jemma's mom said that Triple
A won't be here for another
hour.
So what the hell are
we supposed to -.
Oh my God! Come
here! [Truck horn]
[Cell phone rings] [Truck horn]
Patricia, darling. How are you?
Did Uncle Stelios, he arrive?
Yes, and I already
ordered the Uber.
Thanks Uncle Stelios!
Thank you!
We Popodopoli, we only ride
in 5-star Uber rated car.
This is a 5-star, right?
Yes, Pops.
Thanks Coach Pop!
And how did you guys know
we even needed an Uber?
The power of group thread!
Your mother text me
after you call her.
I say no child of mine used
Triple A when you've got goat
and bull as parents.
No dad! You hit the
effects button again!
Damn it. I'm sorry, I don't
know what to do here.
Listen, I have rental car
waiting for you. Very fancy one.
The seats, they warm your butt.
Ahh, happy hunting!
You girls have enough to eat?
[Indistinct chatter]
I have to look for the Uber.
Okay, yeah.
How far away is it?
It's still down the
block. [Car stops]
Nice night for a walk, huh?
[Laughter]
Yeah, nice night for a stroll!
See ya. [Car speeds off]
I should have pushed
his car overboard.
You hear that? You hear what
he said? Nice day for a stroll.
[Buzzing overhead]
[Quirky music plays]
You hear that?
Is that your phone, bro?
Uh, no.
Is that you?
OH MY GOD!
[Buzzing overhead]
[Drone hovers and flies away]
This is ridiculous. How much
longer do you think we'll have
to wait?
"Sexy Girl" plays.
Holy shit!
What have you done
with our Valedictorian?
No joke, Bri. I might be
turned on right now
nevermind.
Okay, uh once I'm inside I'll
let you guys in the backdoor.
Alright, cool.
I think I'm in love, dawg.
Easy tiger. Keep the Lincoln
Log in the cabin.
Good evening, ladies.
"Falling" plays.
So, where you girls
headed tonight?
Out of town Graduation party?
Um, long story. Our school's
having a scavenger hunt tonight.
Ah. It's that time
of year again.
My husband's school is
doing theirs tonight too.
One kid even snuck into our
house and stole his tie.
Mrs. Crenshaw?!
Some Winthrop Creekers?!
No way! What?
Nice to meet you ladies!
Oh my gosh!
Call me Darcy.
Hey Darcy.
Hey Darcy?
Wait, don't you need
a car for the Hunt?
What are you doing in an Uber?
Ahhhh. We could
ask you the same question.
I drive this and teach dance.
You know, side hustles.
Saving up for the
family trip to Antigua.
You'd be surprised, your
Principal is quite the frugal
man.
Wait, what did the kid
look like who got the tie?
Oh yeah, tell us.
Let's just say the boy
knows how to plunge.
What does that mean?
I don't get it.
Wait a minute.
"Move your body to the
groove fast or slow.
Twist and turn, take
instructions from a pro."
Take a dance lesson!
Ooh! Punch it in the app.
Oh, oh, Do you think you
could give us a lesson? Please.
How much cash you got?
[Groans]
I knew we should've kept
that free Smoothie card.
Wooh! Alright, titty time.
Where are all the girls?
Plot twist!
You guys get to give
me the lap dance.
That's good girl. Do a little
hair twist. Yeah, yeah!
[Laughter]
Thank you.
Just um, start like this,
and Yeah, this um.
Yeah, maybe put a little,
a little bit more hip.
Cars, out of the way. Let me
show you how it's done, okay.
First, you gotta drop,
and then you gotta pop it,
and you just like
bring it around, right.
Like really get in there.
And then don't be
afraid to get in there.
Just like rub it around,
rub it around town.
Look who just graduated
to Senior Achievement.
You better get an umbrella.
My booty looks good.
Ooooooh. [Ruffling cash]
Ohh. Ohh, Mrs. Crenshaw?
That's our Principal's wife.
She could get it.
I can't even do that.
Inside, outside.
Oooooh! Okay Lils.
[Cheers]
Okay!
[Cheers]
Owe, owe!
Okay big guy, what
do you got for me?
[Butt slap] Come on!
Okay alright, time to go!
[Chime]
I swear I'd rather be kidnapped
on the side of the road right
now.
[Cheers]
Owe, owe!
[Cheers]
[Chime]
[Suspenseful music plays]
[Car pulls up]
GPS says Hynes Boulevard is just
around the corner from the Movie
Theater.
Let's go.
Owe. Wait.
[Magic wand reveal]
It's a Bonus Clue.
These planks are
walked by many,
"prove you're one by
being extraordinary."
Pull up a piece
of the Boardwalk?
That's it!
Let's go. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
If we start by
looking on the board.
Don't waste your time.
Huh. Kinda thought the Boardwalk
clue was gonna be just for us.
I have an idea.
[Heartfelt music plays] MANDY!
Lincoln Glover!
How's it goin' girl?
You look so pretty!
Thank you, Lincoln. We came
out for some ice cream!
Ahhh
I see you got that
mint chocolate chip.
Like always.
Mandy, we gotta get you back.
You're due for your meds in.
Come on dad. It's still early I.
I'll tell you what?
How about
I come by the hospital on Sunday
and we get down
on some ping pong?
Last time you kicked my butt,
so you're gonna have to promise
you'll take it easy on me.
Never!
That's my girl.
You never take it
easy on your opponent.
You win.
At all costs.
[High-five]
Thank you.
Come on, Mandy.
Thank you.
Linc, you okay, man?
My team did a few sessions
of community outreach
at the hospital.
Mandy's been there for months
girl is awesome.
Well it looks like she's
got your fighting spirit.
If I ever make it to the NFL,
I'm comin' for that Walter
Payton Man of the Year Award.
Well,
I have no idea what that means,
but it seems to
me like big, bad,
Lincoln Glover is actually
just a big teddy bear.
And we can tack on
40 points for Task 31.
Cause you're definitely that
little girl's hero, Lincoln.
Nah man.
[Dissolve] She's mine.
[Clunky car driving]
Not exactly the luxury hook
up Coach Pop promised.
That is so - It's
larger than your head.
You're so cheeky.
[Indistinct Chatter]
Hey, open the register!
Oh my god. Please take
whatever you want!
[Suspenseful Music]
[Fearful exclaims]
Please, please. I have a family.
We all have families.
Give me the money!
Big bills only. I don't waste my
time with anything under
twenties.
Okay, okay. Just don't hurt me.
You don't wanna know
what I can do with this thing.
Darcy?
Empty the register!
Darcy! Darcy!
Don't say my name! I mean, who?
Open it up, or I'll shoot.
Well I won't shoot cause it's
a pole, but I'll poke you.
Okay, you don't need to do this,
okay. Um, we'll double your Uber
tip.
Patty Pop, put twenty bucks into
her account right now, please.
It's done. Oh, oh, oh, okay.
Just hand her the pole.
Antigua is not that great,
trust me. I've been there.
[Grunts]
Owe!
Oh my god! Oh my god!
[Grunts] [Chime]
"We Could Ride the
Lightwaves" plays.
[Wood being yanked] Hurry up!
Come on! Need my
help there, Hercules?
I'll have you know, I
put up 265 on the bench.
Ugh, twice!
Done-zo!
Looking forward to seeing
you in the Olympics.
Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about!
I like what I see. Bust
those moves, man! Whooo!
I like what I see. Bust those
moves, man! Whooo! [Chime]
"Hello Catastrophe" plays All
the monuments are too far away.
Maybe there's an App Creation
For Dummies at the book store?
Hey! Mind if we
film you having sex?
Hey! Woah, woah.
Yo. Stop doing that.
Task #47:
"Like a game on
ice, hold the tool,
just don't slice.
One of 4 in a pack of 52,
used to thrust the circ -.
Used to thrust the
circled white hue.
Unlike how the game
on ice is played,
lowest score earns
the highest grade.
Knock one down at sixteen,
and tack on to your tal -.
Boo!
Woah!
[Laughter]
"One-fifteen."
Let's just break this down.
Um, the game on ice.
Figure skating? Ice Fishing?
Oh, oh - what's that one in
the Olympics with the poles?
Curling.
Or...
Or the biggest game
on ice - hockey.
Yes! And uh, slicing is the
bottom of the skates.
What comes in packs of 4 and 52?
4, 4 seasons.
4 quarters.
Well lowest score
is definitely golf.
But I mean, knock down
at sixteen? We're 18, 19.
Could it be the 16th hole?
Oh my God, combining
golf and hockey.
It's not tryin' to
give a brother a break.
You might as well tack on
lacrosse and go for the
trifecta.
Hockey, 4 seasons,
love that hotel and cutting.
Okay so,
going skating on the 16th
hole of a golf course?
Cutting,
like a deck of cards. What's
that game? 52-card pickup!
Yes! Deck of cards. One of 4!
There's 4 of each
card in the deck!
Spades, diamonds,
clubs, hearts.
4 suits. Clubs!
Golf club!
Knock one down.. Hole in one?
Hole in one on the
16th hole gives you
115 points!
I know what I said, okay.
I feel like you didn't, Spence.
Guys
What?
Oh my God.
[Celebratory screams]
[Celebratory screams]
[Magic wand reveal]
Okay, okay. I guess
we're running?
I guess we're running!
Okay, I guess we're running.
Had these made up
especially for tonight.
I haven't signed one yet.
Hope you guys are the first.
So who's putting?
Me. Me.
Umm.. Uh
I kick your ass
every time we play.
We have four minutes
till closing.
I really need to make up for
that monument disaster.
I thought you guys
looked familiar.
One ball. One shot.
What are you doing?
Putting.
You think just a regular
hole in one is worth 115 points?
Do you know what we had
to do to get 115 points?
We had to climb a skyscraper.
So what do we have to do?
You have to get a hole in one,
shooting like a pool cue.
I'm out. I suck at pool.
Give me the damn club!
Bri, just try and
bank it off that rock.
And it's a little bit of a hill.
The wind is sort of -.
Just do the best you can.
What, no.
No!
No, we have to win!
I, I have to win!
I can't lose. Oh,
okay..okay..shhh [Heartfelt
music plays]
I can't lose! Okay... okay!
It's okay, Bri.
If we lose,
doesn't change the fact that
we know you're still dope.
Yeah, I mean, we're still gonna
hit up the pier tomorrow for hot
dogs.
We graduate tomorrow.
Yeah, we graduate tomorrow.
Still gonna hit up the pier
for hot dogs Sunday
while we people watch
everyone jump and panic
as they crash into each
other's bumper cars.
You got this.
[Exciting music plays]
[Triumphant screams]
[Celebratory Music]
I love you guys! I love
you guys so much!
[Chime]
[Suspenseful Music]
[Drone buzzing]
[Swoosh] Okay!
Left or right?
Umm Right. Right.
Go past Betancourt's room
and then down the stairwell.
No, we can't go through
any doors, remember?
We need the staircase in
the middle of the school.
Left, and then bang a right
at the teacher's office.
Now what?
All the other staircases
have doors. [Drone flying]
Oh boy.
Looks like we've got another
Wade McConnell on the horizon.
[Screams] [Owe]
Red alert! Red
alert! [Alarm sounds]
[Thud]
Red alert! Red alert!
[Cell phone rings]
Purple Emperor.
Three inches, wow.
Hello... [Whoosh]
Initiate protocol 7-B.
[Phone slams down]
Boy, first my tie
and now the banner!
Ugh. This scavenger
hunt every year! Boy.
Ugh. This scavenger hunt every
year! Boy. [Book slams down]
Don't you worry, my
little Essex Skipper.
I will measure your
wingspan when I return.
[Drone engine]
Uh-oh.
Damn Jemma! That
engine better not die!
Sorry. I didn't know I was gonna
commit a felony in my high
school tonight.
Stop!
You take one more step
and you won't be walking
at graduation, young man.
And the rest of you
take down this
contraption and split
faster than monarchs
migrating South! Ha.
[Walkie-talkie beep]
Alright. Be right there.
Um. Come on.
Uh Jem? Time to speed this up.
Say adios to "Pomp and
Circumstance", young man.
You think I care when
100G's are at stake! Ha!
For God sakes be
careful Hector, please!
Student has infiltrated the
premises! I repeat: We have a
perimeter breach.
En route to gymnasium.
Breach to be terminated!
[Ankle cracks] [Thud] Ahhhh!
Oh, owe, my ankle.
I've gotta keep going. I've
gotta keep going. I gotta keep
going.
Ah! Oh! Owe!
[Drone Buzzing]
Intruder approaching gymnasium!
Not on my watch, bucko!
[Drone Buzzing]
Go team Shady Ladies!
[Drone buzzing]
[Celebratory screams]
We got it!
What the?!?!
Code blue, code blue.
Package is in the air?
Get out of there Jemma!
What do you think I'm doing?!?!
[Scooter engine]
Well flip me upside down and
call me a Turkish omelet!
The flag has been captured
with the use of a.
[Drone engine flies by]
Quad-Turbo Drone?!
Is it? Ha, it can't be.
The Diamond Edition!
You have to get to
the front entrance.
Front entrance! Front!
No, that way! That way!
No. Side entrance!
Side entrance!
[Drone engine]
[Spray]
You ground that
aircraft this instant!
Lady, it's not mine.
[Drone hovers]
I got ya!
Ahhhhhhh!!!!
You suck Hector! You suck!
You friggen suck!
Hit it Jem!
[Drone flies]
[Thud] [Drone hits the floor]
[Loud laughter]
Owe!
Ahh.
Damn it! I gotta get closer.
What are you doing? What do I
do, what do I do?!?! [Clunky
engine]
If you can perform in front of a
crowd, you fly a God damn drone!
If you can perform in front of a
crowd, you fly a God damn drone!
[Car part breaks off]
Ahh! What do I do though?
[Banner hits locker]
This job ain't worth
thirteen an hour!
Just press buttons
until something happens.
[Screams]
[Drone flies overhead]
Oh, hell no! This is fun AF!
Just think of all those toxins
shooting out of that engine.
Ugh. Fine.
Dummy, it's electric.
[Drone flies by]
[Drone flies]
Oh.
Oh!
You should enter one of
those drone racing competitions!
No way. Did they get the banner?
Oh! Oh-no!
[Drone plummets]
[Drone crashes]
[Gasps]
[Crestfallen music plays]
Nooo!
You beautiful marvel of
mechanical brilliance!
I shall rebuild you.
That's what I'll do.
I will rebuild you back
to your factory settings.
Go get us that win, Catwoman.
Go Team Shady Ladies!
You got this! Right on, baby.
[Intense music plays]
[Screams of encouragement]
[Footsteps running]
CLASS OF '91!
Uh, I fell off the
ladder... [Chime]
"Runnin'" plays.
Whooo! Cut the music, guys.
Wow!
Ya'll really outdid
yourselves this year.
We had three teams
create workable apps.
[Cheering]
Someone scored a goal
at an NHL Playoff game!
Wahoo! Ha, ha!
Shut up Hector!
And of course, after 40 years,
one team completed the
unicorn of all tasks!
[Celebratory screams]
You go, girls.
Let's go girls. Shady Ladies!
Without further ado.
The winner of this year's
Scavenger Hunt Send-Off is...
Team Top of the Swarming!
"Louder Than the Voices" plays
Wahooooo!
Wooo!
Wahoo! Thank you
very much. Hold this.
I never.
In a million years,
thought I'd ever.
Drive a car with keyless entry.
There has been a disputed task.
Of a street named
Kolinsnychenko.
Can you provide us with
the town and cross street?
Uh..
We got it in Westport.
Okay. Yeah right.
Where? Where?
Where? Do you have a video?
No.
[Laughter]
Give me that!
Get her! Get her!
"Runnin'" plays
[Supportive cheering]
Get him, get him, get him!
Oh, come on!
[Loud thud]
[Scream]
Wooo!
Guys! Best. Night.
Ever! [High-fives]
[Cheering]
So. Hunt rules state that the
team with the next highest
points
will become the de facto winner.
[Anticipatory music]
And that is... Team...
This is the Mo Scent of Success!
[Cheers]
And...
Team...
Shady Ladies!
[Exuberant cheers] [Triumphant
music] [Cups thrown on the
ground]
For a tie-breaker,
you guys will complete
one final task.
"To win the hunt,
move quick like a gazelle
"and bring back that
kettle bell!" Go!
[Cheers]
Go get 'em you pack
of hotties. Let's go!
I'll take the beach.
I'll take the
upstairs. Downstairs.
Uh, outside!
Okay. Go Team Shady Ladies!
[Suspenseful music]
Jemma, what the hell?!
[Cheers]
[Cheers] Let's go!
[Slot machine Jackpot.
[Coins flying out of it]
[Sentimental music]
What about Junior Prom?
When Carson showed up at
pre-prom with Jemma's corsage
and on the inside
it said "Deflower".
Her dad's face, her dad's face.
[Indistinct chatter]
Check out what I brought
to put in the time capsule.
Oooooh.
It's deflower.
And no, I don't just carry
that around with me.
I knew we were gonna
do it win or lose.
Yeah sure. Sure, sure, sure.
Soooo
we were talking.
And because we love you guys.
And because watching
Linc and Carson
squirm on that kiss
can't go unrewarded.
We're giving you guys an
equal share of the prize!
[Cheers]
No, no, ladies, ladies.
You don't have to do that.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, Lincoln, Lincoln
that.
You have a full ride.
I need to get rides.
Thank you so much, seriously.
Yes, we're taking it. We're
taking it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Boy, it is a breath of fresh air
to be celebrating with you here
today,
and not in some graduation
parade. Ha, ha.
Although I did get quite
effective at tossing diplomas
through car windows!
I was a, a very effective
Paperboy in my youth.
Ya, ya, ha-ha, cause
you toss. Anyway,
now I want to take a
minute to acknowledge
what you've all had to overcome.
Spending a vast portion
of our formative years
in distance learning.
As well as the tragedy
we all faced as a family,
and the way we united.
I couldn't possibly stand
here today with more pride.
Now you all know me as
not to be a big credit taker.
[Laughter]
Ha, no.
But last night not only
did I have the pleasure
of assisting in the
construction of this
amazing young lady's speech,
but I also had the absolute joy
of the reconstruction
of this momentous gift
from the graduation class.
The Diamond Edition. [Laughter]
Wow!
I could have never imagined
being pulled away from
my butterfly measurement time
would be so rewarding but.
Well, it's my distinct honor
to welcome to the
stage our Valedictorian,
Briana Ducette.
Come to the podium.
[Clapping] [Cheers]
That's great, sorry. Following
the diploma ceremony,
I'd like you all to enjoy a
showstopping performance
from my lovely wife, Darcy!
Get your tickets ready!
And then there was, the,
the uh, Battle of the Bands,
right? Lily finished her set.
Great job. Absolutely.
We were about to leave.
But where was Patty?
The lush passed out on top of
one of those huge concert
speakers!
Jem, you upset about um,
Mr. Romantic here, making out
with Crenshaw's wife?
Not at all. I'm impressed.
Like, she's hot. Perhaps a
criminal. But hot, nonetheless.
In the interest of
full disclosure,
while Principal Crenshaw's
speechwriting tips were quite
helpful,
I did have ulterior motives for
stopping by his house yesterday.
[Loud cheers] [Clapping]
As we gaze out into the
limitless possibilities of
tomorrow,
we have a great
deal of uncertainty.
Let's not forget, we all had a
similar sense of uncertainty
four years ago when we first
walked into that building right
there.
But, whether it was.
But, whether it was Mr.
Betancourt's biology dad jokes,
"what do you call an
educated test tube?"
A graduated cylinder!
Or Mrs. Kim's delicious
chocolate, vanilla swirl
cupcakes.
Or Coach Pop's awesome
Halloween costumes.
My favorite being the amalgam
of Walter White and Jack White.
[Laughter]
Sit down, sit down. You
embarrass Patricia! I hear about
it later!
That sense of uncertainty soon
transformed into comfort.
Oh guys! Remember when we
had the scavenger hunt and
you guys got a ride on
Bri's ex's private jet
take the photo in
front of the Landmark?
But then you guys
completely screwed it up.
And got zero points.
Remember that?! [Fake crying]
Oh is that? Yep, there it is.
There's a boat out on the ocean.
How many points did Hector say
that one's worth?
I, I'm sorry. I,
I can't hear you.
[Laughter] Ooooh.
Guys.
It wasn't the uh,
location services.
Yo, yo. Yo.
Even Tom Brady threw
interceptions man.
Perfect throw
on that relay
earlier Joyce. Ha Ha. Yeah girl.
That ball was goin'
for the fence.
I mended some fences
of fear today.
I'm proud of you.
Well.
You guys will be meeting.
Fitz tomorrow.
Yeah. We're uh, hanging
out tomorrow night and
see where it goes.
Your first date is gonna
be at my graduation party?
Only you bitch. Only you!
This was always
our go-to beer so.
[Label peeled]
You guys know what Carson
said when I came out to him?
Nothing. I didn't have to.
Exciting due to the prospects
of learning new things,
Linc, I'm looking at some
properties that yield us some
sizzling good profit!
If I'm takin' the money,
I'm givin' my share to charity.
I'll donate my share too.
Half. Cause
like Carson said, you
do have a full ride.
There are much worse things
than living in a dorm.
I'm in.
We're in.
I want most of my share to
go towards gun violence.
"The Freddie
Hamerstein Foundation".
I just need my
bed and my guitar.
Babe.
You don't have to do this.
I know how much you
could use that money.
I, um. I want to.
I mean I was just
gonna buy a car.
You know so I can come
see you whenever I want.
For stuff like that.
I was gonna buy you a car.
So that you could come
see me whenever I want.
And hey,
if the trains are down.
[Catches phone]
there's always Facetime.
[Choked up]
Number 50 on next year's
scavenger hunt.
Find this year's time capsule.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't close it. The Polaroid. Oh
wait.
You guys know that
slogan they chose for us?
"While the future is bright,
we've got tonight."
I say to hell with that.
As a dear friend of mine
so poetically exclaimed:
As long as we have each other.
We have forever.
[Heartfelt guitar]
[ Youth plays]
Build on days that
strike the chord,
only look back if it
moves you forward.
Pull out your pocket,
rain or shine.
We searched for truth and
we found our youth.
Build on days that
strike the chord,
only look back if it
moves you forward.
Pull out your pocket, rain
or shine. [Instruments join in]
We searched for truth and
we found our youth.
What are you waiting for?
I've officially
stripped in public
more tonight than I have in
my other 18 years combined.
So listen.
I checked my schedule
for next season and
it looks like we're away against
Stanford, first week in October.
Umm, and I was thinking
maybe after the game
we could possibly -.
So would it be too
soon to ask you
to roll with me to the
party tomorrow night?
Mmm. That depends.
On?
Am I a better
kisser than Carson?
That's dirty.
That's dirty. [Laughter]
Coming from a virgin and all.
Not forever.
Woah! Does that mean.
Mmm, You gotta catch me first.
Girl, I run a 4-540, what's up?!
[Laughter]
[Accordion plays]
[Thud]
"Back To You" plays.
Would you believe,
just yesterday?
Alkinos put that street sign up.
Would you believe somebody
stole it already?!
Bastards.
Oh, I saw her. She
looked gorgeous.
Ohhh. Congratulations, Carson.
Hey um, Darc-um.
Mrs. Crenshaw. How uh..
You uh, look pretty cute
in your little
graduation outfit.
Have you met my
girlfriend? This.
Jemma! Hi!
[Laughter]
Make sure you take
advantage of his
plunging abilities.
Oh, and
you have some nice new
moves to show him too.
[Laughter]
Damn.
Hey, I see you've met two of
my most esteemed students.
[Laughter]
Correct!
Yes, I am
just meeting them right
now For the first time...
Today.
Well Drone shot!
[Drone buzzing]
Oh-uh! Come on, gather in.
Hey Crenshaw,
it's called a selfie ,
okay. Get with the program.
Yes! Whenever you want to crawl
out from under rock, you let us
know.
[Laughter]
Okie-dokie. Say butterfly!
Butterfly!
Oh, I got it!
[Laughter]
Oh, that was a good one.
Look at that.
Jemma!
Aren't you glad I had a copy
of that Scavenger Hunt list?
Does that mean you didn't
actually rob the convenience
store?
When you get to be my age,
you learn how to fake it.
[ Youth plays]