Moneyball (2011) Movie Script

[]
[CROWD CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER 1:
Ball one to Johnny Damon
and we are under way.
Damon has eight hits
in 18 at bats,
a double, a triple,
a couple of stolen bases.
He had four hits
in the series opener.
Strike.
[]
Down the right-field line,
fair off the bat of Damon.
It rolls by Spencer.
And Damon will coast into
second base with a leadoff double.
Into right-center field, broken bat,
it'll fall, a base hit.
They wave around Damon.
He will score.
And Jason Giambi delivers
with a run-scoring single
here in the opening inning.
And the Athletics
have taken that 1 -nothing lead.
MAN:
Go, come on, now. We gotta spin it.
CROWD [CHANTING]:
Let's go, Yankees!
Let's go, Yankees!
ANNOUNCER 1:
Bases loaded.
The Yankees have the tying run
at second, down 2-nothing.
The A's are kicking it and throwing it
all over the field.
And it might lead to their elimination
if they don't get it right in a hurry.
Hammered down the right-field line.
Justice!
The Yankees have taken the lead.
They're standing,
anticipating another trip
to the League
Championship Series.
The Yankees one out away.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Eric Byrnes, never with an
at bat in Yankee Stadium,
and they don't get
much bigger than this one.
Or more hectic when you're
up there trying to get a job done.
ANNOUNCER 1 [ON RADIO]:
And they're a strike away.
And they're roaring in the Bronx.
Losing the first two games at home
in the best-of-five series
and roar back to--
[RADIO CLICKS OFF]
[CROWD CHEERING ON RADIO]
ANNOUNCER 1:
The Yankees will defend their title.
[RADIO CLICKS OFF]
[FRED EBB & JOHN KANDER'S
"NEW YORK, NEW YORK"
PLAYING ON TV]
[TV TURNS OFF]
It's okay, Joe, you can leave it on.
I don't need to watch.
Joe, leave it on.
Okay.
ANNOUNCER 2 [ON RADIO]:
Imagine how bad it'd be
if you were a Yankee player
and didn't like the taste
of champagne.
Better ask to get traded.
You gotta give the Yankees--
--win the big game.
ANNOUNCER 1:
What a series that is
gonna be in the next...
[]
CALLER [ON RADIO]:
You know how many kids
are wearing Giambi's--?
You know, Oakland Giambi's jerseys
and hats and pictures and posters?
HOST: Those same kids
will be booing in July when
the Yankees come here.
Is it Giambi that's stabbing the back
or the Pinstripes on the East Coast?
CALLER:
You can't blame them
for pilfering the henhouse.
The henhouse is there.
HOST: I can't blame them?
They're offering $120 million
oer six years.
The Yankees have
deeper pockets and they're
willing to give him money.
They're pilfering our players.
It's like we're a farm system
for the New York Yankees.
How are the guys doing?
BILLY: That was a killer.
That was a killer.
It's a tough one to swallow. It's...
They played great.
They played their hearts out.
They did. They played fantastic.
It just didn't fall our way.
You'll do better next year.
But we were close, though.
We were so close.
Right there.
Almost had it. You gotta
feel good about that.
I feel great about it.
I feel great about it.
Um...
We're not gonna do better
next year.
Why not?
Well, you know we're being gutted.
We're losing Giambi,
Damon, Isringhausen.
Done deal.
We're in trouble.
You'll find new guys.
You found Jason, you found Damon.
I need more money, Steve.
Billy.
I need more money.
We don't have any.
I can't compete against $120 million
with $38 million.
We're not gonna compete with
these teams that have big budgets.
We're gonna work
within the constraints we have,
and you're gonna do the best job
that you can recruiting new players.
We're not gonna pay $17 million
to players.
I'm not asking you
for 10 or 20, 30 million dollars.
I'm just asking for a bit of help.
Get me a little closer
and I will get you that
championship team.
I mean, this is why I'm here.
This is why you hired me.
And I gotta ask you,
what are we doing here
Billy, I--
if it's not to win a championship?
I wanna win just as much--
That's my bar. My bar is here.
My bar is to take this team
to the championship.
Billy, we're a small-market team,
and you're a small-market GM.
I'm asking you to be okay
not spending money
that I don't have.
And I'm asking you
to take a deep breath,
shake off the loss, get back
in a room with your guys,
and figure out how to find
replacements for the guys we lost
with the money that we do have.
I'm not leaving here. I'm not--
I can't leave here with that.
What else can I help you with?
MAN 1 [OVER PHONE]:
It's a good offer,
and you gotta match it. I--
I need another day.
His mind's pretty made up.
I just think you should know that.
[PHONE RINGING]
I got a call. I'll get you back.
I'll let him know.
Bye.
Yeah?
MAN 2: Billy, Scott.
Just got off the phone with Dan.
You didn't.
I was surprised he called me.
Stop. I got Johnny for 7.5
or he doesn't play anywhere else.
That's the deal you made.
Boston just upped it to 7.75.
You there?
We had a deal, Scott.
We have a deal, if it's 8 million.
Oh, man, you played me.
I'm just doing my job for my client.
No, you're playing me,
and you're still playing me.
Congratulations, asshole.
You win.
[PHONE CLATTERS]
[]
MAN 1: I like guys that got
a little hair on their ass.
MAN 2: He looks like a Mantle
or a Mays, quite frankly.
He's got a baseball body.
Matty, who do you got?
MAN 3: I like Geronimo.
Yes.
MAN 3:
The guy's an athlete.
Big, fast, talented.
Top of my list.
POTE: Clean-cut, good face.
Yeah, good jaw.
Five-tools guy.
Good-looking ballplayer.
BILLY: Can he hit?
KEOUGH: He's got a beautiful swing.
The ball explodes off his bat.
He throws the club head at the ball,
and when he connects,
he drives it,
it pops off the bat.
You can hear it all over the ballpark.
PITTARO: A lot of pop.
If he's good,
why doesn't he hit good?
KEOUGH: He is a good hitter.
POTE: He'll be ready.
He's gonna be a good hitter
against big-league arms?
KEOUGH: Could be great.
I don't think so.
Kid needs at bats.
Give him 400 at bats,
he's gonna get better.
He can play.
GRADY:
He's hit everywhere
along the line.
BARRY:
He's one of our guys.
GRADY:
Okay, let's move on.
Artie, who do you like?
I like Perez. He's got a classic swing.
It's a real clean stroke.
I don't know. Can't hit the curveball.
There's some work to be done,
I'll admit that, but he's noticeable.
Got an ugly girlfriend.
BARRY: What's that mean?
KEOUGH: Ugly girlfriend
means no confidence.
PITTARO:
You are full of it. Artie is right.
This guy's got an attitude.
An attitude is good.
He walks in a room,
his dick's already been
there for two minutes.
He passes the eye-candy test.
Got the looks.
He's ready to play the part.
He just needs playing time.
KEOUGH: I'm just saying,
his girlfriend is a six at best.
BARRY:
Look, if we're trying to replace
Giambi, this guy could be it.
PITTARO: I agree with you.
La-la-la-la-la.
Damn, Billy,
was that a suggestion?
Guys, you're just talking.
Talking, "la-la-la-la-la,"
like this is business
as usual.
It's not.
We're trying to solve
the problem.
Not like this.
You're not looking at the problem.
GRADY: We're very aware
of the problem. I mean--
Okay, good. What's the problem?
Look, Billy, we all understand
what the problem is. We have to--
BILLY: Okay, good.
What's the problem?
We have to replace three
key players in our lineup.
BILLY:
Nope. What's the problem?
PITTARO:
We gotta replace these guys
with what we have--
BILLY:
No. What's the problem, Barry?
We need 38 home runs, 120 RBIs
and 47 doubles to replace.
[IMITATES BUZZER]
The problem we're trying to solve
is that there are rich teams
and there are poor teams,
then there's 50 feet of crap,
and then there's us.
It's an unfair game.
And now we've been gutted.
We're like organ donors for the rich.
Boston's taken our kidneys,
Yankees have taken our heart.
And you guys sit around
talking the same old "good body"
nonsense like we're selling jeans.
Like we're looking for Fabio.
We got to think differently.
We are the last dog
at the bowl.
You see what happens to
the runt of the litter? He dies.
Billy, that's a very touching story
and everything,
but I think we're all very much
aware of what we're facing.
You have a lot of experience
and wisdom in this room.
You need to have
a little faith and let us do
the job of replacing Giambi.
Is there another first
baseman like Giambi?
ARTIE: No, not really.
POTE: No.
If there was, could we afford him?
POTE: Nope.
Then what the fuck
are you talking about, man?
If we try to play like the Yankees
in here,
we will lose to the Yankees
out there.
Boy, that sounds like
fortune-cookie wisdom to me, Billy.
No, that's just logic.
Who's Fabio?
He's a shortstop.
He's a shortstop from Seattle.
GRADY:
Now, this is no time
to push the panic button.
Our scouts will find players,
Player Development
will develop them.
We'll teach them to play
Oakland A baseball.
With all due respect,
we've been doing this
a long time.
Why don't you just
let us be responsible
for replacing Giambi
with who we know
that can play?
[BAT CRACKS]
[]
MARTINEZ: Easy power.
SABATINI: And loose.
SABATINI:
Good face.
This son of a bitch
is going in the first round.
You're a premium player, Billy.
You can run, you can field,
you can throw, you can hit,
you can hit with power.
That doesn't come along very often.
SABATINI:
This is Tom Martinez,
national cross-checker.
MARTINEZ: How you doing?
BILLY: Billy Beane.
Nice to meet you.
It's been a while since
I've seen a five-tool guy
that can do everything.
I'm hopeful your interest
in professional baseball
is as strong as ours is gonna be
in getting you in this upcoming draft.
[FOOTSTEPS]
WOMAN:
Mr. Beane?
Mark is ready
to see you now.
BILLY: How you doing?
WOMAN: I'm fine.
How are you?
BILLY: Good.
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, Billy.
Hey, Mark.
Good to see you. Please sit down.
You too.
These are the guys. Guys, Billy.
Boys.
How's it going?
All right. How you been?
You're filling out that chair nicely.
I got three weeks in it right now.
Good, good, man.
Yeah, man. How you doing?
Fantastic.
Awesome.
Couldn't be better.
That's good to hear.
I'm not gonna waste your time.
You just tell me
what you're looking for.
Fifty million dollars
in additional payroll.
You should try Giambi.
Ouch.
I'm sorry. Too soon, right?
I want this to be
a friendly meeting.
It's not all
on your shoulders.
Where's Steve in this?
BILLY: Steve's great.
He's supportive
in rebuilding this team.
That's what we're gonna do.
So, what are you looking for?
A left-handed reliever.
I'm thinking Ricardo Rincon.
That's not gonna happen.
Not even a discussion?
Billy, even if you could afford him,
respectfully, we love him.
We're not about to let him go.
You got this Venezuelan kid
coming up.
We had him.
We moved him to Detroit.
Huh.
What else you thinking?
Outfielders.
To replace Damon?
Yeah.
In your price range? No disrespect.
Enough, Mark.
Uh... Hollins?
BILLY:
Uh-uh.
Garcia?
No.
Maybe Coste.
Uh-uh.
That's it.
All right, tell me about Garcia.
To replace Johnny Damon?
Mark, is he healthy?
Yeah, he's healthy-ish.
He had that back thing.
He'll be ready for spring ball.
BILLY: I'll tell you what.
I can give you Guthrie
if you kick in some cash.
Mark Guthrie?
Yeah.
How much cash?
Two hundred K.
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
MARK:
Okay.
So Garcia's gonna be a no.
You're kidding me, right?
You're kidding me.
I'm not.
Okay. Straight up,
Garcia for Guthrie, no kicker.
No kicker?
BILLY: Straight up.
I think it's gonna be
a hard no on Garcia,
but let's just keep going.
What else you thinking?
What are we doing? Is this business?
This is the way we do
business in Cleveland.
Hey.
Hello.
Who are you?
I'm Peter Brand.
What do you do?
I'm special assistant
to Mark Shapiro.
So, what do you do?
Mostly player analysis
right now.
Been on the job long?
First job in baseball?
It's my first job anywhere.
Wow, congrats.
Thank you.
First job.
Whose nephew are you?
Why does Mark listen to you?
I don't think, uh...
I don't think he does very often.
He just did.
Well, in that circumstance,
I think he was more listening
to Bruce than myself.
Mm-hm. Who are you?
I'm Peter Brand.
I don't give a rat's ass
what your name is.
What happened
in there?
What happened
in that room?
I'm not quite sure what
you're asking me, Mr. Beane.
What did you
tell Bruce?
I just told Bruce I like Garcia.
You like Garcia. Why?
Why?
I don't know. Ahem.
There is an epidemic failure
within the game
to understand
what is really happening.
And this leads people who run
Major League Baseball teams
to misjudge their players
and mismanage their teams.
I apologize.
Go on.
Okay. People who run ball clubs,
they think in terms of buying players.
Your goal shouldn't be
to buy players. Your goal
should be to buy wins.
And in order to buy wins,
you need to buy runs.
You're trying
to replace Johnny Damon.
The Red Sox see Johnny Damon
and they see a star
who's worth $7.5 million a year.
When I see Johnny Damon,
what I see is...
an imperfect understanding
of where runs come from.
The guy's got a great glove.
He's a decent leadoff hitter.
He can steal bases.
But is he worth
the $7.5 million a year
that the Boston Red Sox
are paying him?
No. No.
Baseball thinking is medieval.
They are asking
all the wrong questions.
And if I say it to anybody,
I'm ostracized. I'm a leper.
So that's why I'm cagey
about this with you.
That's why--
I respect you, Mr. Beane,
and if you want full disclosure,
I think it's a good thing
that you got Damon off
your payroll.
I think it opens up all kinds
of interesting possibilities.
Where you from, Pete?
Maryland.
Where'd you go to school?
Yale. I went to Yale.
What'd you study?
Economics.
I studied economics.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
Yale, economics and baseball.
You're funny, Pete.
[]
DAD:
Tell me, why Billy?
What is it that makes him special?
MAN:
Very rare do you come upon
a young man like Billy
who can run, who can field,
who can throw, who can hit,
and who can hit with power.
Those five tools,
you don't see that very often.
MARTINEZ:
Most of the youngsters
that we have an interest in
have one or two tools,
and we're hoping
to develop an extra one.
Your son has five.
We're looking at a guy
that's a potential superstar
for us in New York.
The time is now
to get him started.
We're prepared to make
a sizable financial commitment.
The Mets are gonna
stand behind Billy
because we expect him
to be our big-league center fielder.
This check here
represents the offer
that the New York Mets
would be making to Billy.
You do know that he's been accepted
to Stanford on a full scholarship?
JONGEWAARD:
I do.
So he can do both?
Unfortunately, he can't do Stanford
and professional baseball.
He would have to pick one
or the other.
If he wants to be center fielder
for the Mets,
wants to be a baseball player,
he really needs to accept this
as life's first occupation, first career.
We're all told at some point we can
no longer play the children's game.
We just don't know
when that's gonna be.
Some of us are told at 18,
some of us are told at 40,
but we're all told.
But this is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
We want you badly,
and we think that this amount
of money expresses that desire.
DAD: Billy, this is your decision,
and whatever that decision is,
you know it's fine
with your mother and I.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
PETER: Hello?
Hey, it's Billy Beane.
Hey, what time is it?
I don't know.
Listen, would you have
drafted me in the first round?
What?
After I left, you looked me up
on your computer.
Would you have drafted me
in the first round?
I did, yeah.
You were a good player.
Cut the crap, man.
Would you have drafted me
in the first round?
I'd have taken you
in the ninth round.
No signing bonus.
I imagine you would've passed
and taken that scholarship.
Yeah.
Pack your bags, Pete.
I just bought you
from the Cleveland Indians.
[SIGHS]
[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
MAN 1: Is it attached to that clamp?
MAN 2: Yeah, let me unhook it.
MAN 3:
Slide it up right there.
To the left.
MAN 4: I did.
MAN 5: Yeah, yeah.
MAN 6: Hang on, it's wet.
Come on.
[]
Morning, Suzanne. Coffee on?
Yes.
Great.
[PHONE RINGS]
SUZANNE: Billy Beane's office.
PETER: Hey.
Peter Brand.
Billy.
How are--? Hi, how you doing?
Nice to see you.
Good to have you here.
Boy, you move in fast.
Yeah, yeah.
I got here early this morning.
Wow. Huh.
All moved in.
Yeah.
PETER:
Yeah.
Hey, Billy,
I wanted you to see
these player evaluations
that you asked me to do.
I asked you to do three.
Yeah.
To evaluate three players.
Yeah.
How many did you do?
Forty-seven.
Okay.
Actually, 51.
I don't know why I lied just then.
Why don't you walk me
through the board?
Thank you.
[]
PETER:
Using this equation
in the upper left,
I'm projecting that we need
to win at least 99 games
in order to make it
to the postseason.
We need to score at least 814 runs
in order to win those games
and allow no more
than 645 runs.
BILLY:
What's this?
PETER:
This is a code that I've written
for our year-to-year projections.
This is building in the intelligence
that we have to project players.
BILLY:
Okay.
PETER:
It's about getting things down
to one number.
Using the stats
the way we read them,
we'll find value in players
that nobody else can see.
People are overlooked
for a variety of biased reasons
and perceived flaws.
Age, appearance, personality.
Bill James and mathematics
cut straight through that.
Billy, of the 20,000 notable players
for us to consider,
I believe that there is
a championship team
of 25 people that we can afford,
because everyone else
in baseball undervalues them.
Like an island of misfit toys.
Billy, this is Chad Bradford.
He's a relief pitcher.
He is one of the most undervalued
players in baseball.
His defect is that he throws funny.
Nobody in the big leagues cares
about him because he looks funny.
This guy could be not just
the best pitcher in our pen,
but one of the most effective
relief pitchers in all baseball.
This guy should cost
$3 million a year.
We can get him for 237,000.
PETER:
Billy.
That it?
Yeah.
[MEN CHATTERING NEARBY]
[FOOTSTEPS]
Hey, Art.
Can I talk to you
before you get started?
I'm a bit busy right now.
I know.
I know.
BILLY: Okay.
Morning, everyone.
Art.
Peter Brand. Nice to meet you.
Where the hell's Pete?
That's Pete.
Grab a seat.
I'll be right back.
POLONI: All right,
where did you say he's at?
KEOUGH:
Okay. He's on--
Who's the kid?
A friend of mine.
I can't manage this team
under a one-year contract.
Well, sure you can.
No, I can't.
Okay. I gotta put a team
on the field.
After that, I'll take a good
long look at your contract.
Deal with the manager's contract,
then put a team on the field.
At this moment, if a grounder's hit
to first, nobody's there to stop it.
It's not easy doing what
I do under the cloud of
a one-year contract.
Okay, I understand that.
I've been there.
I know you have.
A one-year contract means
the same thing to a manager
as to a player.
There's not a lot of faith there.
Which is strange
after a 102-win season.
I see.
If you lose the last game
of the season, nobody gives a shit.
So it's on me now?
No, Art, it's on me.
And the kid
is the new assistant GM.
Okay.
BILLY: Okay, fellas.
GRADY:
Hey, Billy.
You can't deny his
offensive output. He can play.
And we need people
that can play.
Who do you wanna
talk about first?
None of them.
Billy, we got 38 home runs,
Guys, you're still trying
to replace Giambi.
I told you we can't do it,
and we can't do it.
Now, what we might be able
to do is re-create him.
Re-create him in the aggregate.
GRADY: The what?
Giambi's on-base percentage
was .477.
Damon's on-base, .324.
And Olmedo's was .291.
Add that up and you get...
Do you want me to speak?
When I point at you, yeah.
BILLY: Divided by three.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
.364.
That's what we're looking for.
Three ballplayers--
Three ballplayers
whose average OBP is...
.364.
Wait, that doesn't come out right.
BILLY: It's right, Artie.
GRADY: Billy.
You gotta carry the one.
Billy.
Scratch this out.
Yeah?
GRADY:
Who's that?
That's Pete.
GRADY:
Does Pete really need to be here?
Yes, he does.
Okay, here's who we want.
Number one:
Jason's little brother, Jeremy.
KEOUGH: Oh, God.
Billy, that's trouble.
Billy, look, if I-- Yeah.
Billy, if I may, he's had
his problems off the field,
and we know what he can't do
on the field.
PITTARO:
He's getting thick around the waist.
There's reports about him
on weed, in strip clubs.
His on-base percentage
is all we're looking at now.
And Jeremy gets on base
an awful lot for a guy
who only costs 285,000.
PITTARO: Jeez, Billy--
BILLY: Number two:
David Justice.
Oh, no.
ARTIE: His legs are gone.
Not a good idea.
PITTARO: Old Man Justice?
BILLY: Why is that?
Steinbrenner's so pissed at
his decline, he's willing to eat
his contract to get rid of him.
Exactly.
Ten years ago, Justice, big name.
Been in big games.
He's gonna really help
our season tickets
early in the year,
but in the dog days in July,
August, we're lucky if he's
gonna hit his weight.
Billy, his legs are gone,
and he's a defensive liability.
I question whether
the bat speed's there.
His legs are gone.
BILLY: Grady.
We'll be lucky to get 60 games
out of him. Why do you like him?
Because he gets on base.
HOPKINS: What is this?
BARRY: What are we doing?
BILLY:
Okay, number three:
[MARKER SQUEAKING]
Scott Hatteberg.
MAN 1: Who?
MAN 2: Hatteberg?
Exactly.
He sounds like an Oakland A
already.
Yes, he's had a little problem with--
Little problem? He can't throw.
He's a career .260 hitter.
The best part of his career is over.
It's just getting started.
Boston wants to cut him.
No one wants to pick him up.
Good. He's cheap.
GRADY:
Let me get this straight.
You're gonna get a guy
that's been released by
half the organizations
in baseball
because he's got
nonrepairable nerve damage
in his elbow and can't throw.
He can't throw
and he can't field.
But what can he do?
MAN 3:
Oh, boy.
Check your reports
or I'm gonna point at Pete.
ALL: He gets on base.
He can get on base.
So he walks a lot.
He gets on base a lot, Rocco.
Do I care
if it's a walk or a hit?
Pete?
You do not.
BILLY: I do not.
BARRY: I got 37 free agents
that are better than those three guys.
Wait a minute,
let me get this straight.
So you're not gonna bring in one
but three defective players
to replace Giambi?
You're not buying into
this Bill James bullshit?
BILLY: This is the new
direction of the A's.
We are card counters
at the blackjack table
and we're gonna turn the odds
on the casino.
I don't see it.
POTE: Seriously, guys.
I think we have to remember
this is the man.
He answers to no one
except ownership and God.
And he doesn't
have to answer to us.
We make suggestions,
he makes decisions.
That's all fine and well,
but we've been working
our asses off
for weeks to make this club better,
and you're shitting all over it.
This is not a discussion.
BARRY:
What are we discussing?
Barry, not a discussion.
WASHINGTON:
Billy, man, um,
there's one thing
you're forgetting.
None of those three guys
knows how to play first base.
Well, you're gonna have
to teach one of them.
WASHINGTON:
Teach?
Which one?
[]
WOMAN [ON TV]: This is really
the kickoff to the holiday season
here in downtown Seattle.
It took weeks of planning
to lead up to the big event,
but it was well worth it.
The weather was ideal.
People are still having a great time.
Thousands of people
were out earlier.
MAN:
We have a nice recap for you
of all the great events taking place
downtown in Seattle--
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
BILLY: Scott?
Yes.
It's Billy Beane of the Oakland A's.
Yes.
Can we talk?
Uh, yeah.
Do you wanna let us in?
Pardon me?
We're out front.
What?
On the curb.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Honey?
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, ma'am.
Very kind.
How's the elbow, Scott?
You know, it's good.
It's really good. It's great. Uh...
I can't throw the ball at all.
BILLY: Yeah.
You've thrown your last ball
from behind home plate.
That's what I'd say.
Well...
Good news is,
we want you at first.
We want you to play
first base for the Oakland A's.
Okay, well,
I've only ever played catcher.
Scott, you're not
a catcher anymore.
If you were, our call wouldn't
have been the only one you got.
Yeah. Hey, listen, no, I appreciate it.
You're welcome.
But the thing is, is...
You don't know how to play first base.
Scott.
That's right.
It's not that hard, Scott.
Tell him, Wash.
It's incredibly hard.
Hey, anything worth doing is.
And we're gonna teach you.
Wait a minute here.
I mean, but what about--?
Jason's gone, Scott.
You want me to take
Giambi's spot at first base?
Yeah.
What about the fans?
Maybe I can teach one of them.
The fans don't-- Good one.
Fans don't run
my ball club.
SCOTT:
Honey, what are you doing awake?
Sweetheart, can you...?
That's my daughter.
You got kids?
Uh, yeah, a daughter.
Scott, this is a contract to play ball
for the Oakland A's.
A copy's been sent over
to your agent.
Discuss with your wife,
let us know.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, and, Scott.
SCOTT: Yeah?
Don't tell anyone
about the first-base thing.
Yes, sir.
Okay.
Happy holidays.
All right.
[]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Hey, Sharon.
Hi, Billy.
Is she ready?
She's out with friends.
But she'll be back. Come in.
Okay.
MAN: Yeah, she's right here. Hold on.
Here you go.
Here, wanna have a seat?
Yeah.
You good, Billy?
Yeah. How are you, Alan?
Good. Really good.
Things are peaceful
around here.
It's good to see you.
Thanks, Alan.
I haven't got to see you
since play-offs.
I wanted to say that New York
was heartbreaking.
I'm sure for you too.
Not many teams make it that far,
and to watch you go that far was--
It was really an accomplishment.
Well, that's nice.
How is the team shaping up?
Team's good. Rebuilding.
SHARON: Good.
I read you lost
Giambonni and Damon.
Giambi.
Giambi.
Yeah.
Damon, Isringhausen.
They're really--? They're gone?
Gone. Yesterday's news.
ALAN: That's terrible.
No, but that is a tough situation.
That's...
You're gonna be fine, though.
You always figure something out.
Where is she?
Where was she?
Down the street or...?
Oh, sorry, yeah. I just
talked to her on her cell.
She's coming up the hill.
Okay.
She's got a cell phone?
SHARON: Yeah.
A 12-year-old?
Yeah.
Huh.
For emergencies.
Big parenting decision.
But it's something that,
you know, we, you know,
all should discuss,
because if you have
any objections, of course...
Her mother and I
will discuss it.
But thank you.
Any of these?
Um...
I don't know.
Do you--?
This one's cool.
BILLY:
Is that good or bad?
Butterflies.
CASEY: They're okay.
Look, that one's pretty.
I like the red.
Should we try?
No?
Oh, I like this one.
Yeah?
Dad, look at this one.
Look how it's red.
It's beautiful.
This one's pretty.
Let's try it out.
Just right here?
Why don't we go over there?
Can we go over there?
[CASEY HUMMING "THE SHOW"]
Oh, honey, you need to sing.
That's so good.
That's beautiful.
Sometimes I sing.
It's fun to sing with
your song, but I don't
want people to listen to me.
Well, honey, I think people
would love to listen to you.
That's beautiful.
Would you sing a little
for your dad?
Right here
in the middle of the store?
Little bit.
Little bit.
You ready?
I'm ready.
Okay.
I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
ANNOUNCER 1:
Billy Beane was taken in the
first round of the amateur draft.
ANNOUNCER 2:
I think this is a steal,
to get Billy Beane.
He's young, he's talented.
A true five-tool player with speed.
This guy is a can't-miss prospect.
This is a great sign
for the New York Mets.
ANNOUNCER 1:
And it could be the turnaround
that they've been looking for.
UMPIRE:
Ball one.
ANNOUNCER 1:
I'll take Billy Beane
over Strawberry.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Billy Beane, an interesting pick,
turned down a scholarship.
He could've gone to Stanford.
Sometimes you don't find out
till you get to the big leagues...
UMPIRE:
Strike!
This guy has never failed
at anything. He's coming
out of high school.
Billy was gonna go to college.
He could've been a great
quarterback.
[]
UMPIRE:
Strike three.
ANNOUNCER 3:
There's not an organization
in baseball
who would not have taken
a chance on this young guy.
[BAT CRACKS]
He didn't pan out.
That happens every year.
Some do, some don't.
MOM:
I mean, if you're having
any doubt at all about this...
Having the scholarship...
MARTINEZ:
Your son was born
with a God-given ability.
ANNOUNCER 3:
Few scouts can go into
the mind of a young man
and determine whether
he's really confident
about what he can do.
MAN:
A very special player.
ANNOUNCER 3:
So you can sign him
based on his ability,
but then he's gotta be successful
to be confident.
And once he becomes confident,
that's when you've got something.
[UMPIRE SHOUTS
INDISTINCTLY]
You make a decision
on what you see.
And if things don't pan out,
you move on.
That's baseball.
Many are called, few are chosen.
PETER:
Billy, that is Kevin Youkilis.
That is the Greek God of Walks.
That's my hero.
That man gets walked
more than anybody in baseball
except for Barry Bonds.
I tried to convince Shapiro
to pick him up last June,
but he said he waddled
like a duck.
Yeah, Boston snagged him.
I think they wanna wait and see.
Are you okay, Billy?
GRADY: Billy?
Can we talk?
Yeah. Yeah.
You're unhappy, Grady. Why?
[CHUCKLES]
Wow.
May I speak candidly?
Sure, go ahead.
Major League Baseball and its fans,
they're gonna be more than happy
to throw you and Google Boy
under the bus
if you keep doing
what you're doing.
You don't put a team together
with a computer.
No?
No.
Baseball isn't just numbers.
It's not science.
If it was, anybody could do
what we're doing, but they can't.
They don't know what we know.
They don't have our experience
and our intuition.
Okay.
You got a kid in there that's got
a degree in economics from Yale.
You got a scout here with
You're listening to the wrong one.
Now, there are intangibles that
only baseball people understand.
You're discounting what scouts
have done for 150 years?
Even yourself?
Adapt or die.
This is about you
and your shit, isn't it?
Twenty years ago,
some scout got it wrong.
Whoa. Okay. Okay.
Now you declare war on the system.
Okay, okay, my turn.
You don't have a crystal ball.
You can't look at a kid and predict
his future any more than I can.
I've sat at those kitchen tables
with you
and listened to you tell parents,
"When I know, I know.
And when it comes
to your son, I know."
And you don't.
You don't.
Okay. I don't give a shit
about friendship,
this situation, or the past.
Major League Baseball
thinks the way I think.
You're not gonna win.
And I'll give you a nickel's worth
of free advice.
You're never gonna
get another job
after this catastrophic season
you're about to set us all up for.
You'll have to explain
to your kid
why you're working
at Dick's Sporting Goods.
I'm not gonna fire you, Grady.
Fuck you, Billy.
Now I will.
Good luck, Art.
[GUNSHOTS ON VIDEO GAME]
Kubota.
You never played ball, right?
I played a little T-ball.
You're the new head scout.
Congratulations.
So Boston's gonna
wait and see?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just you and me, Pete.
And we're all in.
[]
CALLER 1:
It sounds like you're apologizing
for what they're doing.
HOST:
I'm not. I just don't know
what you're gonna do
with the budget that the A's have.
Who are you gonna get?
CALLER 2: I'm looking
at the spring-training roster.
You gotta be kidding me.
HOST: How so?
CALLER 1:
He looked like a clown out there.
HOST: Who?
CALLER 1: Chad Bradford.
BILLY:
Tell me about Bradford.
MAN 1:
I like him a little bit,
but he's a specialist.
He's not a guy that you say,
"The eighth inning is yours,
lefties vs. righties."
In my opinion.
HOST: I don't know what
Billy Beane and management
understands about him.
He only throws the ball
about 82, 83 miles an hour.
There must be something--
CALLER 1:
He is a freak, and not in a good way.
CALLER 3:
Let me ask you this.
MAN 2: Talking about
trying to win a division.
We're counting on David
to be the guy he was.
I have my doubts. He's gotten old.
That's why he's not in New York
anymore, not in Cleveland anymore.
CALLER 3: We paid him
the money we should've
been giving to Johnny Damon.
HOST: Hey.
CALLER 4: Jeremy Giambi.
That's the one to worry about.
He gets comps up and down Vegas
more than in Oakland.
That should tell you something
right there.
CALLER 5:
Isn't that the deal with these guys?
CALLER 6:
He has one good year.
And he gets a huge offer
and then he gets traded.
Bob. Harder.
BOB: Hatteberg.
Good. Good.
Billy, we have to talk
about Hatteberg.
BILLY: Go.
BOB: There's just no feel for the spot.
I think it's a long shot that he can be
a big-league first baseman.
It's day one of the first week.
You can't judge this yet.
No, I think
we can judge it.
I mean, I like him, you know,
but I can judge him.
First base is
the moon to him.
It wasn't to Giambi.
Giambi's the worst
first baseman in baseball.
Gonna compare him to Giambi?
What are we talking about?
All right.
What do you think, Wash?
The nice way to say it
is he lacks confidence.
Well, give him some.
I'll do that, but we got Pena,
who can play first.
And he's looking
mighty good out there.
We wanna go with Hattie.
We got six weeks.
WASHINGTON:
Get down in it.
[MOUTHING]
There you go.
Scotty H.
That's what I'm talking about.
Picking machine.
WASHINGTON:
It's only baseball.
This better work.
I'm just kidding you.
[]
[JOURNEY'S
"DON'T STOP BELIEVIN"' PLAYS]
[OVER SPEAKERS]
Don't stop believin'
ALL [CHANTING]:
Let's go, Oakland!
Let's go, Oakland!
Streetlight
What is wrong with this thing?
It's a dollar, man.
What?
Welcome to Oakland, D.J.
Oh, you gotta be shitting me.
I think this year,
we're gonna show that
it takes a team to win,
not any individual guy,
just a team.
And I think we got
a hell of a ball club here.
Chad, are you intimidated
at all today?
I wouldn't say I'm intimidated, really.
I'm just really excited, like you said.
REPORTER:
Jeremy, how's the team gonna fare
without your brother, Jason?
Well, you know,
the organization did a great job
of bringing in good young guys
to fill that role.
Let's face it,
they're getting a deal with you.
The Yankees are paying
Jason a lot of money.
You are coming here on a dime.
How does that make you feel?
I feel good. Um...
How are the nerves in your fingers?
You know.
REPORTER:
Gotta start with the age,
How do you think
your body's gonna hold up?
You spend a lot of time
at strip clubs, partying.
Do you resent the attention
you get off the field?
I love it.
You spend a lot of time in Vegas.
I do.
I feel great. I did a lot of work to get--
Excuse me. Get out of my shot.
Sorry, go ahead.
There have been questions
about my age
and my declining skills, some say,
but I'm here to prove that wrong.
I asked if you were
CHAD: Excuse me, Mr. Beane?
Hey, Chad.
Hey, I'm not disturbing you, am I?
Not at all. What's up?
I wanted to say thank you
for this opportunity.
Well, we enjoy having you.
It's gonna work out well
for all of us.
I appreciate it, sir.
Nobody's ever given me
a chance like this before.
Nobody?
Well, just you, sir.
Well, it's a big day,
one you won't forget.
Appreciate it.
And I wanna let you know
I'm gonna be praying for you
and your family.
No problem.
ANNOUNCER:
Well, here we are just minutes away
from the season opener of 2002
for the Oakland A's.
The first pitch is moments away.
We'll come back
with the national anthem.
Opening day is upon us.
All right, fellas, smile.
Here we go.
[OVER SPEAKERS]
Hey, she give me love
And I feel all right now
I'm going in.
Text me the play-by-play.
What? Why?
I don't watch the games.
MAN:
Detail, halt!
And forward face!
[PLAYING
"THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"]
["THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"
CONTINUES PLAYING ON TV]
[TURNS VOLUME DOWN]
[]
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
[GRUNTING]
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
That's the third Ranger batter
to be hit today.
Twice Alex Rodriguez was nicked.
The ninth--
[MUTES TV]
[TYPING ON KEYBOARD]
[CELL PHONE BEEPING]
I should've made you a bigger part
of the conversation from day one.
It'd be clear what
we're trying to do.
That was my mistake, Art.
I take responsibility for that.
What are you trying to say?
Doesn't matter what moves
I make if you don't play the team
the way they're designed to be.
Billy, you're out of your depth.
Why not Hatteberg at first?
Because he can't play first.
How do you know?
Not my first baseball game.
Scott Hatteberg can't hit.
He gets on base.
Still keeps us in the plus column.
We need to be seven over .500.
What?
Anything else?
Yeah. I would've rather seen
Bradford in the end than Magnante.
Bradford's a righty.
I don't care about righty-lefty.
I do.
Could this be about your contract?
No.
This is about you doing your job
and me doing mine.
Mine's me being left alone
to manage this team
you assembled for me.
I didn't assemble them for you, Art.
No shit.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Good meeting.
Every time we talk,
I'm reinvigorated
by my love of the game.
[]
HOST [ON RADIO]:
We got Grady Fuson, former head
of scouting with the Athletics.
And, Grady, can you interpret for us
what's going on?
GRADY: They call it Moneyball.
HOST: Moneyball?
GRADY:
Yes, and it was a nice theory,
and now it's just not working out.
COMMENTATOR:
Billy Beane has built this team
on the ideas of a guy, Bill James,
who wrote an interesting book
on baseball statistics.
The problem is that Bill James
never played, never managed.
He was in fact a security guard
at a pork-and-beans company.
HOST:
Do you see this as a decimation
of the organization?
GRADY:
He bought a ticket on the Titanic.
HOST:
Oh, boy.
COMMENTATOR:
He's tried to come up
with a new approach.
My hat's off to him. It won't work.
ANNOUNCER [ON RADIO]:
One-two pitch. Tejada strikes out.
And that is the game.
The Seattle Mariners
win both games on this series, Ray.
They've won 10 in a row.
Seattle is 13 and 3.
I can't watch this shit.
Go on the road with the team.
You don't go on the road
with the team.
That's why I want you to do it.
Why don't you?
I can't develop personal
relationships with these guys.
I gotta be able to trade them,
send them down,
sometimes cut them.
Which is something
you should learn to do,
by the way.
I would never have to
cut a player, unless you...
Oh, come on.
"Come on" what?
Let's practice.
No.
Yeah. I'm a player.
You gotta cut me from the roster.
No.
Go.
What do you mean, no?
No.
Do it.
This is stupid.
Part of the job, man.
Fine.
Billy, please have a seat.
I need to talk to you for a minute.
Go on.
You've been a huge part
of this team.
But sometimes you have to
make decisions for the team.
I'm sure you can understand.
You're cutting me?
I'm really sorry.
I just bought a house here.
Well...
In Oakland.
Well, uh... Well...
"Well... Well..."?
That's all you got to say?
My kid just started
a new school.
They made friends.
That's, uh...
You shouldn't pull them out
in the middle of the year.
You should wait.
What the hell are you talking about?
I don't know. I shouldn't have--
I'm not gonna do this.
I think this is stupid.
I'm not gonna fire anybody,
and this is dumb.
They're professional ballplayers.
Just be straight with them.
No fluff, just facts.
Pete, I gotta let you go.
Jack's office will handle the details.
That's it?
Pfft.
Really?
You rather get a bullet
to the head or five to the
chest and bleed to death?
Are those
my only two options?
Go on the road with the team.
Okay.
Say, bro.
Let me ask you a question.
Yeah.
How come your boss
doesn't travel with the team?
He doesn't like to mingle
with the players.
Is that supposed to
make us easier to cut?
I don't know. I don't know.
And how come soda
is a dollar in the clubhouse?
I never seen
nothing like that.
Billy likes to keep
the money on the field.
Soda money?
Really?
Where on the field is the
dollar I'm paying for soda?
It's hard to see exactly,
but it's there, yeah.
Yeah, it is hard to see.
I'm done.
[]
Hey, Dad.
Hi, honey.
How are you?
I'm good.
Was it bumpy?
It was okay.
ANNOUNCER:
So with this loss tonight,
the Oakland Athletics
incredibly, have lost 14
of their last 17 games.
They are 10 games back
in the American League West.
HOST: Is it fair to say
the experiment has failed?
COMMENTATOR 1:
Well, absolutely. It was predictable.
You don't wish anybody
a lack of success, but the
facts are in front of you.
COMMENTATOR 2:
You can't blame Art Howe.
HOST:
No.
COMMENTATOR 2: The fact
of the matter is, this is not about
statistics, this is about people.
COMMENTATOR 1:
Art Howe is not the problem.
The problem is in the
general manager's office
with Billy Beane.
COMMENTATOR 2:
The root of the problem for me
is philosophical.
I said it before.
This is fantasy baseball.
Billy is just not thinking.
CALLER 1:
Start thinking about a new GM,
making changes.
CALLER 2:
He never goes to the games.
GRADY:
This was very predictable.
CALLER 2:
He needs to look at what's going on.
The man needs to get real.
CALLER 3: I want Billy Beane gone.
HOST:
Calling for Beane's head.
I want your thoughts.
ANNOUNCER:
The past 18 games, they've been
shut out or scored one run four times.
They're just not scoring enough.
It's not just the offense,
not Thad Bosley and the hitters.
It's everything. If there was one thing
you could pick out, you'd try to fix it,
but just everything is in a funk
right now.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
What the hell am I doing?
Oh, man.
BILLY:
Look, Steve.
I believe in what
we're doing.
The record doesn't reflect
the strength of this team
or where we're gonna be
at the end of the season.
Now, Pete and I here feel
very strongly that we stay
on the track we've chosen.
PETER:
Our sample size has
been too small. It's too--
BILLY:
Early. It's still early.
Where do we expect to be
by the All-Star break?
Our goal
and our expectation
is by mid-July to be within
seven games of first.
That would be
this working.
That keeps us in the hunt.
Exceptionally well.
By July.
BILLY: July.
And what's gonna prevent you
from accomplishing that?
What are you afraid of?
BILLY:
Nothing. That's why
we're here, Steve.
That's why we get up
in the morning.
That's all we do.
More?
Yeah, a little more.
Don't tell your mother.
I won't.
Chocolate sauce?
Yes.
Stop.
Big spoon or little spoon?
Little spoon.
Thank you.
Dad, there's no way you're
gonna lose your job, right?
What?
Well, I don't know.
I'm just wondering.
Where'd you hear that?
Well, I go on the Internet
sometimes.
Well, don't do that.
Don't go on the Internet.
Or watch TV
or read newspapers
or talk to people.
I don't talk to people.
I just read stuff.
Honey, everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
Really, you don't have to worry.
But if you lose your job,
will you have to move away?
Honey, I'm not gonna
lose my job.
You don't have to worry.
Okay.
Hey.
There's no problem.
Okay.
All right? I got uptown problems,
which are not problems at all.
You're not worried, right?
No, I'm not worried.
Okay.
Pena.
Okay.
I want Dye in right,
Justice DH'ing,
Pena on the bench,
Hatteberg at first,
and anyone but Mags
first out of the pen.
You want Pena on the bench?
That's right.
So you can play Hattie.
Pena is not only
the best first baseman,
he's the only first baseman.
Hattie gets on base
more than Pena.
In fact, 20 percent more.
And his fielding?
His fielding does not matter.
I've heard enough of this.
Have you?
And I, uh...
I disagree with you,
plain and simple.
And moreover,
I'm playing my team
in a way that I can explain
in job interviews next winter.
Okay? Ahem.
Hattie. Not Pena.
What's up, skip?
How you doing?
Good, how you doing, man?
Get some sleep
last night?
ANNOUNCER [ON TV]:
As the A's hit the field,
we are ready for baseball.
First one out of the dugout
is rookie sensation Carlos Pena,
one of the few bright lights in this
lineup, taking his spot at first base.
[CHAIR CLATTERING]
[]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[PARLIAMENT'S "GIVE UP THE
FUNK (TEAR THE ROOF OFF THE
SUCKER)" PLAYING ON STEREO]
Down, gettin' down
There's a whole lot of rhythm
Billy, quick question.
Do you expect these guys
to produce more or--?
BILLY: Not now.
What's the reason for the slump?
We gotta have the funk
Ow, we want the funk
Give up the funk
Ow, we need the funk
We gotta have the funk
[MUSIC STOPS]
Get down.
Is losing fun?
Is losing fun?
No.
What are you having fun for?
[BAT CLATTERS]
That's what losing
sounds like.
Are you okay, Dad?
You're doing it again.
What?
You're worrying about me.
You're in last place, Dad.
Do I look worried?
Yeah.
Because you're getting
on an airplane, and those
things crash all the time.
Please stop worrying
about your dad.
We're all set.
Okay.
I love you.
Love you too.
All right. Your dad's not in trouble.
Okay.
[]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Yeah.
Suzanne, get me Ed Wade.
SUZANNE: Okay.
Coffee on?
Yes.
Good morning.
Good morning, Billy.
Oh, hi, Louisa.
I need Ed Wade for Billy Beane.
PETER: Hi.
SUZANNE:
Please hold.
PETER: What's up?
SUZANNE: Wade's on 2.
Ed?
WADE [OVER SPEAKER]: Hello?
Ed, it's Billy.
Billy, what's up?
Look, I need a little help on defense.
Okay.
I'm willing to trade
Jeremy Giambi for it.
Really?
What?
Mm-hm. Who you got?
What?
Well, let me think.
What are you doing?
Cleaning house.
Mabry?
Maybe what?
No, Mabry.
Hold on.
No.
Why not?
Because you can't trade
Jeremy Giambi.
He'll be fine, Ed.
Why do I get the feeling
you're picking my pocket?
I'm not. You're picking mine.
Giambi's name alone is worth more.
What's wrong with him?
Nothing.
Can we say it's done in theory
and start drawing up the paperwork?
Okay, but you're gonna have--
Great.
He was gonna
say something else.
When you get the answer
you're looking for, hang up.
Suzanne.
SUZANNE: Yes?
David Dombrowski.
SUZANNE: Okay.
And Pena's going too.
I don't think you should do that.
I really don't think
you should do that.
I want Hatteberg
in the lineup tonight.
You need to take a minute.
I think you seriously need
to think about what you're doing.
Because you're upset.
Okay.
What am I missing?
These are hard moves
to explain to people.
Why is that a problem, Pete?
Don't make
an emotional decision, Billy.
SUZANNE:
David Dombrowski's on 3.
Look, we're gonna
shake things up.
Dave. Pena's going on the block.
You're my first call.
Because he's making the rest
of the team look bad.
He's gonna be
a Rookie of the Year.
Probably an All-Star.
He's an All-Star, Dave.
No. I want a reliever and cash.
Okay. You got five minutes, Dave.
I'm not waiting.
Billy, Pena is an All-Star, okay?
And if you dump him and this
Hatteberg thing doesn't work out,
you know this is--
This is the kind of decision
that gets you fired.
It is.
Yes, you're right.
I may lose my job.
In which case I'm a 44-year-old guy
with a high school diploma
and a daughter
I'd like to be able to send to college.
You're 25 years old,
with a degree from Yale
and a pretty impressive
apprenticeship.
I don't think
we're asking the right question.
I think the question
we should be asking is,
do you believe in this thing
or not?
I do.
It's a problem you think
we need to explain ourselves.
Don't. To anyone.
Okay.
Now, I'm gonna see this thing
through, for better or worse.
Just tell me, do you project we'll win
more with Hatteberg or Pena at first?
It's close...
but theoretically, Hatteberg.
What are we talking about, then?
SUZANNE:
Dombrowski's on again, on 3.
Yeah?
Okay, that'll work.
Great. I need one more thing.
Soda. Yeah, I don't want
my guys paying for soda.
I want you to stock
my machine for three years.
I'm serious.
Great. It's a deal.
Go tell Pena he's gotta pack.
You want me to tell Pena?
Part of the job.
What about Giambi?
You want me to tell him too?
I'll tell him.
Excuse me, Carlos?
Yeah?
Can I speak with you a minute?
Yeah.
Carlos, you've been
traded to the Tigers.
This is Jay Palmer's number.
He's the traveling secretary
for the team.
He's expecting your call.
He'll take care of everything.
Is that it?
Yes.
Okay.
[SIGHS]
Okay.
Art, you got a minute?
Yeah. Take a seat.
You can't start Pena at first tonight.
You'll have to start Hatteberg.
I don't wanna go
The lineup card is mine,
and that's all.
BILLY:
That lineup card is definitely yours.
I'm just saying
you can't start Pena at first.
Well...
I am starting him at first.
BILLY: I don't think so.
He plays for Detroit now.
You traded Pena?
Yeah.
And Menechino, Hiljus, Tam
are all being sent down.
You are outside your mind.
BILLY: Yeah. Cuckoo.
You wanted to see me?
Yeah, Jeremy, grab a seat.
Jeremy, you've been
traded to the Phillies.
This is Ed Wade's number.
He's a good guy, the GM.
He's expecting your call.
Buddy will help you
with the plane flight.
You're a good ballplayer,
Jeremy,
and we wish you the best.
[JEREMY SIGHS]
Jeremy's gone too.
You're killing this team.
Art, I can do this all day long.
ART:
Hey.
You agree with this?
Hundred percent.
You want this door closed?
[]
[PLAYERS CHATTERING]
Scotty H.
Sir?
Go field some grounders.
Yes, sir.
Everybody, listen up.
You may not look
like a winning team...
but you are one.
So...
play like one tonight.
Oh, shit.
When you're getting your pitch,
you're hitting .625, massive.
You're crushing the ball.
But when you swing at things--
Your pitch is middle-in.
When you're
swinging low and away,
you're batting .158.
Every at bat's
like a hand of blackjack.
Every card that's dealt,
your odds change.
So every first-pitch strike,
your batting average goes
down about 75 points.
Seventy-five points.
He should throw 100
pitches before the fifth.
You wanna knock
that starter out.
I want you taking at bats off the 10th
and 11th pitcher by the end.
This is your basic breakdown
of the pitches,
where you should
be hitting them, why.
So you want us to walk more?
Good question. Yes.
Mr. Justice.
Had a few thoughts.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Gonna teach me some things?
Excuse me?
Never seen a GM
talk to players like that.
You never seen a GM
who was a player.
Huh.
[BAT CRACKS]
We got a problem, David?
No, it's okay.
I know your routine.
It's patter. It's for effect.
[BAT CRACKS]
But it's for them, all right?
That shit ain't for me.
Oh, you're special?
You're paying me 7 million bucks
a year, man, so, yeah,
maybe I am, a little bit.
No, man,
I ain't paying you 7.
Yankees are paying
half your salary.
That's what the New York Yankees
think of you.
They're paying you $3.5 million
to play against them.
Where you going with this, Billy?
David, you're 37.
How about you and I be honest about
what each of us want out of this?
I wanna milk the last ounce
of baseball you got in you.
And you wanna stay in the show.
Let's do that.
I'm not paying you
for the player you used to be.
I'm paying you for the player
you are right now.
You're smart. You get what
we're trying to do here.
Make an example
for the younger guys.
Be a leader.
Can you do that?
All right. I got you.
We're cool?
We're cool.
Scotty H.
Yo, what's up, D.J.?
Picking machine.
[CHUCKLES]
How you liking
first base, man?
It's coming along.
Picking it up.
You know, tough transition,
but I'm starting to feel better with it.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's your biggest fear?
A baseball being hit
in my general direction.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
That's funny.
Seriously, what is it?
No, seriously, that is.
Well, hey, good luck with that.
Be social out there.
Social.
Social. Like a greeter at the Gap.
Guy steps into your office,
chat him up.
You're well-read.
You went to school.
Yeah.
Have some fun. Relax.
Everyone wants to attack.
Quit trying to attack.
Let the game come to you, man.
There's no clock on this thing.
This is a war of attrition.
If I take more, I could
even take a few strikes,
but I'll get walked more.
You get on base, we win.
You don't, we lose.
And I hate losing,
Chavvie. I hate it.
I hate losing more
than I even wanna win.
And there's
a difference.
No bunts.
Bunts is an out.
Even if the third baseman is back?
No bunting whatsoever.
If someone bunts on us,
throw it to first.
Don't be a hero
and go to second.
Let them make the mistakes.
When your enemy's
making mistakes,
don't interrupt them.
They're giving you an out.
Just giving it to you.
Take it.
Say thank you.
Another thing.
No more stealing.
That's what I do,
what you pay me to do.
I pay you to get on first,
not get thrown out at second.
This is a process.
It's a process,
it's a process. Okay?
[]
ANNOUNCER 1:
Jason takes it, goes to second for
the only out, and the A's get a run.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Jermaine Dye homers again,
his second in two games.
And the A's are still hanging in.
We'll get you scores here.
The A's pull within two of the
Angels for the wild-card chase.
ANNOUNCER 3:
The Reds have now dropped
five in a row
as Oakland beats them
in the beginning of this series 5 to 3.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Tejada walks.
Ball four.
ANNOUNCER 4:
Ball four and Hatteberg walks.
ANNOUNCER 5:
What is happening in Oakland?
The A's have won seven in a row.
A lot of excitement.
What a winning streak.
But how about the calming
influence of Art Howe?
When you say "your source,"
if it's not me or Peter,
they don't know.
ANNOUNCER 5 [ON TV]:
He's managing
an unorthodox team.
BILLY: Right.
It's not a perfect roster.
But right now, Art Howe is
the reason this team is winning.
He deserves the credit.
Great, thanks. Bye.
Did you hear that?
I heard "seven in a row."
You get the Cleveland matchups?
Yeah, right here.
[]
Voos.
Billy.
That smell is getting worse.
I'm on it.
What are we doing?
Splitting it in half?
Both sides of the plate.
Got it.
Huddy. Mix it up.
Yes, sir.
Trust your slider, yeah?
Yes, sir.
You guys quit distracting him.
You couldn't hit that shit
last night with a paddle.
You gotta see more pitches.
All right, Billy.
Patience.
Hey, David.
Hey, Billy.
Great at bats.
Thank you.
Really quality.
Thank you.
ANNOUNCER 1 [ON TV]:
Base hit to right field.
Tejada scores.
Chavez coming in.
The ball gets past Guiel.
The A's, from 5-nothing down,
now lead 6 to 5.
ANNOUNCER 2:
The Oakland A's are completely
out of hand at the moment.
They are an AL-best 17 and 4
this month.
They also took back-to-back series
at Boston and at New York.
Remember when they traded
Jeremy Giambi in June
and everyone thought
they'd just given up?
Actually, not so much.
[CHATTERING]
BILLY:
Suzanne, get Shapiro on the phone.
You thinking Rincon?
His season's done. He's lost faith.
I think he's gonna dump him.
Hard-core.
SUZANNE:
Shapiro on 2.
Mark, Billy. Let's be honest.
A premier setup man
isn't gonna get you closer
to the play-offs.
MARK [OVER SPEAKER]:
Are you referring to Rincon?
He's a luxury
you can't afford, man.
And you can?
There's half a million
on his contract.
And we've got
at least one other suitor.
By "at least one," you mean one.
Who is it?
I'd rather not say.
San Francisco.
San Francisco.
I'll call you back.
What do you think
we can get for Magnante?
Nothing.
What's left on Venafro's contract?
Two seventy-five.
Suzanne,
get me Sabean on the line.
Get the Giants interested
in Venafro, Mark's only got
one buyer for Rincon.
Us.
SUZANNE: On 3.
Saby-Sabster, it's Billy.
What do you think of Venafro?
I can let you have him
for almost nothing.
SABEAN: Why would you do that?
Because I'm amazing.
I want a couple bucks
and a sweetener.
Throw in, say...
Anderson.
Anderson.
I like Anderson.
No, you don't. Nobody likes him.
I don't know why I'm doing this.
But let's do it.
Venafro for Michaelson. Anderson.
I don't know his name.
I'll think about it.
Think about it and call me back.
Get Shapiro on.
SUZANNE:
Shapiro's on 2.
Mark.
You can't afford him, Billy.
You sure about that?
I get the impression
the market for Rincon is softening.
Huh?
I could be wrong,
but I'd call whoever's
interested
and see if they're still interested.
Call me back.
What about the Mets for Venafro?
You offered him to the Giants.
Suzanne, Steve Phillips.
Between Bonds, Kent, Nen, Snow,
San Francisco's never gonna do it.
Totally agree.
We just need them to cool on Rincon.
SUZANNE: Phillips on 2.
Steve-o, it's Billy.
I hear you're looking for a reliever.
I can give you Venafro.
I can make it quick and easy.
PHILLIPS: What's the angle?
No angle.
Who am I getting fleeced for?
Hang on a sec.
Uh, Bennett, maybe?
How old?
Twenty-six.
Twenty-six, Double-A? Forget it.
Duncan, no.
No. Furbush, no.
Eckerton? Eckerton? Eckerton.
Eckerton.
I like Eckerton.
You don't even know who Eckerton is.
[PHONE RINGS]
Is Venafro hurt?
No, he's fine, he's fine.
It's just an issue for us.
Last couple times, he got hammered.
Not his fault.
That was us. We misused him.
It's Steve.
[WHISPERING] I'm almost done.
Steve Schott.
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Look, Steve-o,
let me be straight with you.
Here's the deal.
I'm getting Rincon.
It's a done deal.
I heard the Giants--
Giants want Venafro for Michaelson.
Anderson.
I'd rather deal with you.
You can give me Eckerton
and $225,000 in cash,
and the Giants can't.
I'll think about it.
Think about it.
But whoever calls me back first
gets Venafro.
Schott hung up.
Oh, I want this one.
Why isn't anybody calling?
SUZANNE:
Shapiro's on 2.
Yeah?
Okay, let me talk to my owner.
I'll call you back.
Get Steve on the phone.
Schott or Phillips?
Why would we call Phillips?
Phillips has gotta call us.
[MUTTERING]
Tell him I'm on the other line.
Hi, Mr. Schott, it's Peter Brand.
I apologize for putting you on hold.
Billy asked me to call you back.
Tell him we want 225,000 for Rincon.
Billy says he needs $225,000
for Ricardo Rincon.
Please.
Yes, I added the "please"
at the end.
Okay. Let me--
Hold on one second, please.
[WHISPERING]
Tell him I'll pay for him.
But when I sell him back for
twice the amount next year,
I keep the money.
Okay, so Billy says
he'll pay for Rincon himself.
But when he sells him
for more money next year,
he's keeping the profit.
Thank you very much.
We'll call you back. Thank you.
Come on. Come on.
[BANGING]
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Suzanne, call Shapiro ba--
Never mind, I got him right here.
Mark. Yeah.
Listen, I don't want Rincon
pitching against me tonight.
Tell him to change clothes
and send him over.
I got you the money.
Yup.
Great.
I don't wanna dampen
the mood at all, but since
we picked up Rincon...
We gotta send someone down.
Mags.
Hey, Billy.
I know I've been struggling lately.
But second half of the season,
definitely turn it around. Ricky and I--
Mike, I need you
to stop getting dressed.
Traded?
[SIGHS]
I'm sorry for the crap news.
I know it hurts.
Mike, I can't have 26 guys
in the clubhouse.
I get it. I get it.
Okay. Thanks.
Hey, Ricardo.
[BOTH SPEAK IN SPANISH]
This must be a bit
of a shock, I guess.
ANNOUNCER 1: Mabry hits one
deep to right-center field.
Racing back, Fick can't get it.
It bounces to the wall.
One run is in. Two runs are in.
Mabry, on one pitch,
has shot the A's in front.
Strike three called.
Twelve straight wins
for the Athletics.
Man alive, was it hairy.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Something strange is now
happening in Oakland.
You cannot argue that point.
ANNOUNCER 1: Twelve straight.
ANNOUNCER 3:
They're making a joke
out of the American League.
They were in Detroit today--
ANNOUNCER 1: He throws to first.
And that's the sound
of 14 straight victories.
Fourteen, the longest run
this year.
It has slingshot the A's into first
in the AL West. A nice streak.
ANNOUNCER 4:
This team was written off.
How do you explain, otherwise,
the victories they've come up with?
ANNOUNCER 5:
The Oakland A's are gonna win
This is the longest win streak
in baseball, folks, in 25 years.
The A's have won 16 in a row.
CALLER 1:
We're going to 20!
We're going to 20!
ANNOUNCER 6:
To have a winning streak of
this duration, you have to be good,
but there's an element
of randomness to it.
The 1927 Yankees, Ruth, Gehrig,
Murderers' Row, some people
still say the best team ever.
Longest winning streak
for them that year? Nine.
CALLER 2:
You guys try to analyze it
from a numbers standpoint.
I'm telling you, there is
no explanation for what's
occurring right now.
INTERVIEWER:
Do you have superstitions going on?
Do you do things
so you keep the streak alive?
ANNOUNCER 7:
The all-time record of 20
does not seem impossible anymore.
ANNOUNCER 8:
The A's were on page one
ofthe New York Times.
They are the story in sports
in this entire country.
ANNOUNCER 9:
Two-two pitch, here it is.
Swing and a miss! Struck him out!
Number 17!
It's taken 71 years.
The Oakland A's
have tied the Philadelphia A's.
The all-time franchise record
and baseball's longest
winning streak since 1953.
ANNOUNCER 10:
The A's are two wins away from
tying the American League record.
ANNOUNCER 5:
It's gone! It's gone! Tejada wins it!
Do you believe it?
Eighteen wins in a row!
ANNOUNCER 6:
You could replay these 18 games
a hundred times over.
And nobody wins
It defies everything we know
about baseball.
ANNOUNCER 10:
The most amazing thing
you could imagine
happened over the last four days
at the Coliseum.
ANNOUNCER 5:
Tejada, up the middle.
The A's have won 19 in a row!
ANNOUNCER 10:
The 1906 White Sox,
the 1947 New York Yankees
have company.
Nineteen in a row.
ANNOUNCER 11:
The A's have a date with destiny.
They're going for the all-time
American League record,
CALLER 1: We're going to 20!
We're gonna take the AL record
to 20, baby!
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
BILLY:
Don't tell me the score, Pete.
SHARON [OVER SPEAKER]:
No, Billy, it's me.
Sharon?
Yeah.
You have a second?
Yeah, what's up?
Well, I didn't actually
expect you to pick up.
I was gonna leave a message.
Um, Casey and I, we're here
and watching the game at home.
And I just wanted to say...
you did good, Billy.
We're really proud of you.
I appreciate it, Sharon.
Thank you.
Good luck.
Okay.
Oh, Casey wants to talk to you.
Hang on.
CASEY:
Are you on your way
to the stadium?
No, I'm on my way to Visalia
to see our minor-league team.
Turn around, please, Dad.
No way, Jose.
Turn around. Come on, Dad.
Nope. Not gonna happen.
You're not gonna jinx it.
I'll talk to you later, sweetheart.
I love you.
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]
Shit.
ANNOUNCER 1 [ON RADIO]:
One out here in the fourth,
and if you're just joining us,
you missed a lot.
And the pitch to Raul Ibanez.
Strike one.
ANNOUNCER 2:
I think my recap will be simple.
The A's scored six in the first,
one in the second, four in the third.
ANNOUNCER 1:
And people would be shocked
if you just did that. Heh-heh-heh.
Eleven to nothing, the A's do lead.
Shit.
Foul off the foot of Ibanez...
[]
CROWD [CHANTING]:
Let's go, Oakland!
Let's go, Oakland!
[CHANTING CONTINUES]
ANNOUNCER 1 [OVER PA]:
Now batting, number 2,
catcher, Brent Mayne.
MAN 1: Oakland!
MAN 2: Here we go, Oakland!
PLAYER:
Two.
UMPIRE:
Safe.
ANNOUNCER 1 [OVER PA]:
Now batting,
number 18,
left fielder Raul Ibanez.
[]
[BAT CRACKS]
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
Safe.
ANNOUNCER 2 [ON TV]:
And the A's now lead
by a score of 11 to 3.
ANNOUNCER 3: A nice cushion,
but you don't wanna give teams life
and let them wedge their way
back in, even when you're--
[BAT CRACKS]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
[BAT CRACKS]
ANNOUNCER 3:
Nobody out, the bases loaded.
And Art Howe on the way to the
mound to make a pitching change.
And this game is still in a state
where it could get out of control
for the Athletics.
JONGEWAARD:
We're all told at some point we can
no longer play the children's game.
We just don't know
when that's gonna be.
Some of us are told at 18,
some of us are told at 40,
but we're all told.
ANNOUNCER 3:
Mike Sweeney with runners
at first and third.
It's an 11-to-7 game,
the A's in front.
Tam peering in for the sign.
Two out. Runners at first and third.
And the 3-2 delivery.
[]
MAN:
It's weird, Billy.
You wanna give up baseball
to become a scout?
BILLY:
I'm not a baseball player.
MAN:
Are you sure this is what you want?
ANNOUNCER 3:
The crowd is roaring.
Koch is ready. One-two pitch.
Alicea puts it in play,
a looper to left field for a base hit.
Around third, tearing for the plate,
here comes the tying run.
Sliding safe.
And the ball game is tied at 11-all.
Holy Toledo.
The A's have blown
an 11 -to-nothing lead.
This is the specter of a development
that has been lurking now
ever since the five-run fourth inning
by the Royals.
And the A's date with destiny
is on hold right now.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ART:
Hatteberg. Hattie.
Grab a bat.
You're hitting for Byrnesy.
Come on, let's go.
Get yourself loose.
ANNOUNCER 1 [OVER PA]:
Hitting for Eric Byrnes,
number 10, Scott Hatteberg.
[]
ANNOUNCER 3:
In your typical A's fashion.
They want a base runner here.
Scott Hatteberg is so adept
at drawing walks.
He's looking for Hatteberg
to get on base,
maybe bring in a pinch runner.
CROWD [CHANTING]:
Let's go, Oakland!
Let's go, Oakland!
[BAT CRACKS]
[]
ANNOUNCER 3:
That one is gone!
And it's 20 consecutive victories
for the Oakland Athletics
on an unbelievable night
when they lost
an 11 -to-nothing lead
and now they win it.
[CHEERING]
The crowd comes back
to insane life.
How do you explain it?
Crazy. Just plain crazy.
Hatteberg is mobbed
at home plate.
In 103 years
of American League baseball,
the Athletics have accomplished
what no one has before.
They have won
BILLY:
It's hard not to be romantic
about baseball.
This kind of thing,
it's fun for the fans.
It sells tickets and hot dogs.
Doesn't mean anything.
PETER:
Billy, we just won
And what's the point?
PETER:
We just got the record.
Man, I've been doing this for...
Listen, man.
I've been in this game
a long time.
I'm not in it for a record,
I'll tell you that.
I'm not in it for a ring.
That's when
people get hurt.
If we don't win the last game
of the Series,
they'll dismiss us.
Billy--
I know these guys.
I know the way they think,
and they will erase us.
And everything
we've done here,
none of it'll matter.
Any other team wins
the World Series, good for them.
They're drinking champagne,
they get a ring.
But if we win,
on our budget, with this team...
we'll have changed the game.
And that's what I want.
I want it to mean something.
[]
ANNOUNCER 1:
The A's going to the play-offs
with the West Division title.
ANNOUNCER 2:
Forgive the A's
if they're not celebrating.
They have been here before,
when Oakland went up two games
to none on the Yanks in the ALDS,
and went nowhere
after losing three straight.
With a win today over the Twins,
Oakland moves into the ALCS
for the first time since 1992.
ANNOUNCER 3:
But remember one thing.
Percentages hold up over a season,
but for one game, one at bat,
throw the percentages
out the window.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER 4:
What the Minnesota Twins exposed
is the fact that the Oakland A's
were fundamentally
not a sound baseball team.
They had a flawed concept that
started with the general manager
and the brain trust thinking
they could reinvent baseball.
You can't approach baseball
from a statistical,
bean-counting point of view.
It's won on the field
with fundamental play.
You have to steal, you have to bunt,
you have to sacrifice.
You gotta get men
in scoring position,
and you gotta bring them in.
And you don't do that
with a bunch of statistical gimmicks.
Nobody reinvents this game.
[]
[BOTTLE CAP CLATTERS]
[LIQUID POURING]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Yeah.
[]
HENRY:
Due respect to the Coliseum,
but this is a ballpark.
BILLY:
Yes, it is.
We're gonna have
some lunch in a little bit.
Why don't I have
some coffee sent up?
Denise?
HENRY:
Thank you, Denise.
BILLY: Thanks.
You're welcome.
You know, it's her birthday
and I need to get her a present,
but she's usually the one
that does that for me.
So do you
have any ideas?
Scarf.
You mean like wool?
No, I meant what women wear with...
You know, decorative.
Ah. And where would
I get something like that?
No disrespect, I just lost in five
for the second year in a row.
Get her a bowling ball
for all I care.
Right.
Well, Steve told me
he's offering you a new contract.
Yes.
So why did you return my call?
Because it's the Red Sox.
Because I believe science
might offer an answer to
the Curse of the Bambino.
Because I hear you hired Bill James.
Yup.
You know, why someone took so long
to hire that guy is beyond me.
Well, baseball hates him.
Well, baseball can hate him,
you know.
One of the great things about money
is that it buys a lot of things,
one of which is the luxury
to disregard what baseball likes,
doesn't like, what baseball thinks,
doesn't think.
[CHUCKLES]
Ah. Sounds nice.
Well...
I was grateful for the call.
You were grateful?
Yeah.
For 41 million,
you built a play-off team.
You lost Damon, Giambi,
Isringhausen, Pena,
and you won more games
without them than you did
with them.
You won the exact same number
of games that the Yankees won,
but the Yankees spent
and you paid 260,000.
I know you're taking it in the teeth,
but the first guy through the wall,
he always gets bloody.
Always. This is threatening
not just a way of doing business,
but in their minds,
it's threatening the game.
Really, what it's threatening
is their livelihood, their jobs.
It's threatening the way
that they do things.
Every time that happens,
whether it's a government,
a way of doing business, whatever,
the people
who are holding the reins,
they have their hands
on the switch,
they go batshit crazy.
I mean, anybody who's not
tearing their team down right now
and rebuilding it
using your model,
they're dinosaurs.
They'll be sitting on their ass
on the sofa in October
watching the Boston Red Sox
win the World Series.
What's this?
I want you to be
my general manager.
That's my offer.
[]
PETER:
Heads up.
What was that?
Sorry. I don't know.
What the hell was that?
You knucklehead.
How was Boston?
Impressive.
Did Henry make you
a good offer, at least?
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
What was it? What was it?
Doesn't matter.
What was it?
That makes you
the highest-paid GM
in the history of sports.
So?
So what?
I made one decision in my life
based on money.
And I swore
I would never do it again.
You're not doing it
for the money.
No?
No.
You're doing it
for what the money says.
And it says what it says to any
player that makes big money.
That they're worth it.
What a dump.
I really wanted to win here.
I really did.
I think you won pretty big, Billy.
Pete, we lost.
We lost.
It's only been a few days.
Give yourself some time
to get over it.
Man, I don't
get over these things.
Ever.
Come with me to the video room.
I wanna show you something.
No, man,
I'm not up for film right now.
Come on. Seriously.
Come on, Billy.
Come on.
PETER:
The Visalia Oaks
and our 240-pound catcher,
Jeremy Brown,
who, as you know,
is scared to run to second base.
This was in a game six weeks ago.
This guy's gonna start
with a fastball.
Jeremy's gonna take him
to deep center.
Here's what's interesting,
because Jeremy's gonna do
what he never does.
He's gonna go for it.
He's gonna round first
and he's gonna go for it.
Okay?
This is all of Jeremy's
nightmares coming to life.
Aw, they're laughing at him.
And Jeremy's about to find out why.
Jeremy's about to realize
that the ball went 60 feet
over the fence.
He hit a home run
and didn't even realize it.
How can you not be romantic
about baseball?
It's a metaphor.
I know it's a metaphor.
Okay.
Pete, you're a good egg.
I'll call you.
[]
CASEY [ON RECORDING]:
Hey, Dad, this is the song
I told you I'd record.
Please don't show it
to anyone else.
Let me know if you change
your mind and stay in California.
If not, you're a really great dad.
I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart
Is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not
I'm a fool, out of love
And I just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit
Caught in the middle
Life is a maze
And love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone, I've tried
And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl
Lost in the moment
I'm so scared
But I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Dum-dee-dum
Da-dum-dee-dum
Just enjoy the show
You're such a loser, Dad
You're such a loser, Dad
You're such a loser, Dad
Just enjoy the show
You're such a loser, Dad
You're such a loser, Dad
You're such a loser, Dad
Just enjoy the show
[]