Monkeybone (2001) Movie Script

[ Squeaks ]
$$$$[Cartoon Music]
[ Cackling ]
Back, Stanley.
You are going back--
back to when it all began.
Are you back yet?
Get back!
We haven't got all day!
[Stanley]It was third grade.
The teacher was Miss Hudlapp.
She was kinda squat and lumpy.
She smelled funny.
- But she was kind.
- Class!
How many times have I told you?
In this class...
we do not pound ten-penny nails
into Stanley's head!
[Stanley] You know how some teachers
have those kinda flaps on their arms--
those big sacks of limp flab
that, like, dangle?
- Aahh.
- It sounds weird,
but for some reason, as I watched
those big old flaps of hers,
- I began to feel...
- [ Sighs ]
oddly... aroused.
And then the horror began.
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Gasps ]
[ Grunting ]
Young man,
what's that in your lap?
Oh, it was useless--like putting a
baseball cap on the Washington Monument.
And then, all at once,
there he was--
- Hey, baby, I love your way!
- Oh!
-$$ Yo, monkey$$
-[Miss Hudlapp]Ooh!
Moo-coo! Moo-coo!
Moo-coo! Moo-coo!
How 'bout it, Doc--
can you help me?
All in good time, my boy.
All in good time.
[ Laughs Hysterically]
Oh, what a loser!
Oh, roll out the wacky wagons!
Well, that's our pilot.
And the good news is...
the Comedy Channel has picked us up
with an order for six episodes.
And now I'd like you to meet
the man who got it all started,
the creator of America's
most disturbed comicstrip,
the man behind the monkey,
if you will.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please-- Stu Miley!
- [ Cheering, Applause ]
- Come on, Stu. Don't be shy!
You can't go yet.
There's a potload of money here.
Besides, you haven't talked to Bill
from Bazoom Toys, who's got great ideas.
Oh, Mr. Miley, do we ever!
Check it out. The Monkeybone phone.
Every kid's gonna want three and
want their friends to have three.
Check out the slippers. You're walking,
your tootsies are warm, you're laughing.
The Monkeybone backpack. If you're
goin' to Europe, flip it around--
Stu. Stu. Stu, what are you doin'?
Come on. Come on.
We gotta talk to the guys
from Burger God.
Burger God-- aren't they the ones that
found the rat gut in the french fries?
No. No.
No, they found a pig gut,
which is different.
- Mmm.
- That's-That's practically pork.
- [ Scoffs ]
- It's a lot of real money,
the kind of money
that can buy happiness.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- I got the ring, Herb.
- The what?
- The ring. That ring.
- What ring? No.
- What-What do you mean?
- Tonight's the night, Herb.
- Why?
- Tonight is the night.
That girl pulled me
out of a nightmare.
She makes me happy, Herb,
not all of this stuff.
Right over here.
Do you see this door?
The cool thing is
that you open it,
you go out, it closes,
and you can't get back in.
- But, Stu, you want to leave?
- Yeah.
- You're a hit! Everybody loves you!
- Come on!
Doc, I don't want to be stuck here
with a bunch of these media creeps.
I just want to be us,
home, alone.
Come on. Besides, I have something
that I - I want to give to you.
Can't you
give it to me later?
Yes, I could, but if later got here
sooner, it-- it would be a lot better.
Hi, Herb.
- Ah, yes.
- Herb--
Yeah. Oh-- Yeah, that'll be good.
You got everything? Ah, yeah.
Stu, these are just prototypes.
They aren't the real products.
Just something for you to take home.
Just spend some time with them,
get a feeling for them
before you say "no."
- No.
- [ Squeaks ]
Stu, come on.
One more thing.
Actually, there's a couple of trucks to
come with, you know, Monkeybone stuff.
- You guys mind waiting a little longer?
- [ Car Starts ]
Good night, Herb.
Of course. You guys get outta here.
You're a beautiful couple.
Look at this.
Now he won't let us leave.
- Who?
- The monkey!Hey, Herb,
Can you get this guy to move?
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Come on, please? Help me out here.
Stu, stop.
The monkey is good luck.
- Come on.
- I never had any good luck...
- until I met you.
- Everybody loves him.
You're gonna be a huge success,
so just relax and enjoy it.
- [ Chuckles ]
[Truck Horn Honks]
[Stu, Mockingly]
Thank you, Herb!
- What happened?
- I don't know!
- What is it?
- Some sort of inflatable raft.
Oh! Whoa!
[ Shrieking ]
[ Gasps ]
- Stop the car! Stop the car!
- Whoa!
Put on the brakes!
Stop the car!
- Great idea! Wish I'd thought of that!
- [ Horns Honking ]
Stu, I'm right here, baby.
It's me. It's Julie.
I love you.
Everything's gonna be okay,
I promise. I promise.
I'm Dr. McElroy from the Sleep
Institute. This man is my patient.
[Man] There's no response
to external stimuli.
- [ Voices Fading ]
- He's probably slipped into a coma.
Take him to the university hospital.
They have the best head trauma center.
[ Screaming ]
[Man Over P.A.]
Now arriving in DownTown.
Please exit
to the right of the car.
[ Panting ]
- Hello?
- Please exit to the right of the car.
- Am I dead?
- Next stop, Land of Death.
Wait, please!
I'd like to know if I'm dead.
Hey, young man!
Carry your bags to the "Y"? Ow!
Hello, handsome.
Like cigars?
- [ Shrieks ]
- We got'em cheap. Genuine Cubans.
- [ Chuckles, Rattles ]
-Say, fella!
How's about a shoeshine?
Spit and polish! Whoo-hoo!
$$ We welcome you to DownTown
and while you're in your coma$$
$$ This cheap and cheerful clown town
will be your home-sweet-home-a$$$$
[Raccoon] Yo, coma dude!
Man, what's your hurry?
a bad freakshow in there.
[Snake] Yeah, big boy,
what about that backpack?
[Male Voice]Nightmares!Get
your nightmares here! Step right up!
Oh, we got nightmares about
Daddy, nightmares about Mama.
Oh, yeah. Step right up here!
Get some nightmares here.
- Can you help me? [ Shrieks ]
- Oh, hey, there, young fella.
- Wanna see a nightmare?
- [ Clears Throat ]
- Hey, mister, got a smoke on ya?
- [ Gasps ] No, I'm trying to cut back.
Goo-ooo-ood eatin'!
Barbecue pork,
barbecue squab.
- Bacon!
- Step right up, three for a dollar.
Win a prize
for the little lady.
- [ Shrieks ]
- Hey, bud, glad to see me?
- N-No.
- What's the matter?
Come on, dream buddy.
Don't run away.
We got a lot
of catchin'up to do!
Got any new nightmares for me?
Something scary?
[ Murmurs ]
Hey, new in town, huh?
How 'bout a coma-tini?
There it is.
[ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming Continues ]
- [ Chuckling ]
Oh, by the way,
my name is Bull.
Oh, hi. Hiya.
How do you do?
Stu Miley, right?
I seen all your dreams.
- You're a big celebrity down here.
- Down where?
Land of nightmares.
- [ Fanfare ]
- Wake up, everybody!
It's time
for Monkeybone live!
Time for a little singing,
a little dancing...
and, of course, some good-natured
bashing of my very own creator,
Mr. Stu-pid Mopey!
- Hey, guy!
- [ Chuckles Nervously]
Now, I know you're all in comas,
but my first guest is gonna...
spike your charts!
[ Laughs Wanly]
I wanna be loved by you
$$And nobody else but you$$
I wanna be loved by you
Deedle-ee deedle-ee deedle-ee dum
Boop-boop-ee do
- [ Trumpets ]
- Whoo-oo-oo!
- [ Gasps ]
- Mmmm--
- [ Shrieks ]
- Hiya, boss.
[ Whimpers ]
- Kimmy?
- Oh,Julie. Oh, my God, look at him.
Look at my poor
little babybrother!
Oh, God, I can't stand to look
at him. Oh, God. Wow.
How you doin', little one, hmm?
You holdin' up?
I'm fine, Kimmy.
At least he had a chance
to give you the ring.
- The ring?
- Grandmother's engagement ring.
- The one he had me send so he--
- Good morning, Dr. McElroy.
Hello, Doctor.
Kimmy, this is Dr. Edelstein.
- Vital signs have stabilized. Good.
- Listen, Doctor,
these machines are actually what's
keeping him alive right now, right?
- At the moment, yes.
- Okay. Well, do you think...
-you could give me a realistic--
- Comas are unpredictable.
He could wake up today
or tomorrow or--
Doctor, hey, sweetheart.
Our father took
a long time to die,
so Stu and I made a pact...
when our time came...
we wouldn't let it drag out.
- which one's the plug?
- What plug?
The plug?
The one you pull?
Oh, God, Kimmy.
Don't even talk like that.
I need a realistic answer,
Doctor! Give me a date!
All right.
Three months.
There's always some brain damage,
but after three months...
the chances of coming back
shrink dramatically every day.
Well, I want him to have
every chance, Doctor.
We could... certainly give it...
[ Sighs ]
three months.
[Owl Hooting]
Oh, poor Buster!
He hasn't eaten all day.
What's that?
[Dog Whimpers]
Stu did this?
Yeah, right about the time we met,
when he first came to the sleep lab.
Jesus, honey.
He hadn't had
a good night's sleep in years.
The nightmares would wake him up,
and he'd just start right in painting.
How do you go from here...
to cartoons?
-Switch hands.
- What?
Stu was right-handed, so I made him
switch the pen to his left hand...
to see what would come out,
and we got the first Monkeybone.
- Wow. Two guys in the same brain.
- Yeah.
Which one did you
fall in love with?
$$$$[Nightclub Music]
Hey, Stu, why so glum?
At least they haven't pulled
the plug yet. Have another 'tini.
No, I'm sick of martinis...
and carnival rides and watching
other people's nightmares.
- Hmm?
- The one thing I'm really sick of is--
Speaking of dames, I'd like to sing
a tune about the beautiful Miss Julie.
She's conscious,
boyfriend here's an eggplant.
I'm just kiddin; pal,
'cause you know in your heart...
Miss Julie is faithful,
loyal and true.
All aboard
The lady got a loose caboose, all
aboard, the lady got a loose caboose
On board
Get on the Julie train
On board Miss Julie's
juicy booty train
- Uh-huh, my Julie's got a booty--
- Whaa!
You have humiliated me
in public for the last time!
- I doubt that. [ Screams ]
- Back in the pack!
[Monkeybone] Monkey-napper!
Help! Monkey-napper!
Let me out. It's not my fault. I happen
to be a figment of your imagination.
- Learn to act normally. I had to.
- Normal, huh?
- Hiya, Stu.
- Hello, Kitty!
[ Growls, Barks ]
- I brought you a refill.
- I'd love a stiff one,
but Stu here forgot
to endow me, equip me.
- Ow!
- Nothing for him. He's being repressed.
Is something wrong, Stu?
You seem... tense.
It's my girlfriend. I'm starting
to think I'll never see her again.
-[Monkeybone Struggling]
- Why didn't I just propose?
Right there. At least that way
I'd know what she said.
- I'd know if she's waiting for me.
- She is waiting for you, Stu.
I know she is.
- Guys like you don't come around often.
- Ahh!
[ Sighs ]
I mean it, Stu.
You're one in a million.
- [ Purring ]
- [HeartBeating]
[ Shrieking ]
- That's it! Back in the pack!
- Not by the hair of my butty-butt-butt!
- [ Growls, Yells ]
- [ Shrieks ]
- I'm reportin' this to my union!
- What union?
The sidekick's union-- me, Tonto,
Robin, the BoyWonder, Chewbacca--
[Imitates Chewbacca]
You top bananas better watch--
- That's it! Enemy fire! I'm goin' in!
- Come here.
Ah-oo-ga! Ah-oo-ga!
Dive! Dive! Dive! Dive!
- I left my phone number in your undies.
- [ Snarls ]
[ Blubbering ]
Try not to lose it in traffic!
Sorry, Kitty. I'll be right back,
after I choke my monkey!
- Eat my dust! Loser!
- Monkeybone!
- [Wind Whistling]
- [ Screams ]
[ Resonant Voice ]
Earl Biegler,
- I have come.
- Can't hear ya, young fella. Speak up.
[ Clears Throat ]
Earl Biegler--
Stop mumbling,
you dern fool!
Jeez! Here.
- [ Gasps ]
- An Exit Pass!
- Got a reprieve.
- Good for him. He's gonna wake up.
No, no, no.
This is not right.
- He's old! Ancient!
- That geezer?
That decrepit old fart?
[Monkeybone]Hey, Honest Abe,
the Great Emancipator!
- Whoo!
- No! Wha--
[Crowd Gasps]
- But--
- But--
- Wha-- I--
- Wha-- I--
- Th--
- Th--
Hey! Hey, you!
I want to talk to you.
[ Monkeybone Shrieks ]
He got an Exit Pass.
- Where's mine? When do I go home?
Stu, please. Let's not
disturb the nice Reaper.
- [ Crowd Gasps ]
- Sorry, mate.
- [ Whimpering ]
- Off duty.
- ''Off-duty''? You--
- Calm down!
Whoa, boss, you got it
all mixed up.
You're the nice guy,
I'm the irrepressible screw-up.
- Whoa!
- Mr. Reaper, I'm sorry!
Wait, wait!
Come back! Come back!
- [ Bike Bell Ringing ]
- That's right! You fly away!
Fly away!
[ Muttering ]
Fly, fly... away.
Oh, who am I kidding?
I am never gonna get outta here.
I'm never gonna see her again.
Good golly, Mr. Miley.
Mr. Stu Miley, hmm?
Good golly, Mr. Miley.
Mr. Stu Miley, hmm?
Package for you.
Thank you very much.
[ Stu Reads Invitation ]
Whoo! Playtime
with Mr. Big!
Hypnos, the god of nightmares.
Do you know what this means?
- I finally get a date. Ow. Whoo!
- He's finally gonna hear my case!
[ Humming ]
What do you think?
[ Sighs ] Come on, you.
I need an opinion. Wake up!
You know,
you got fan mail to read--
people wanting autographs.
[ Chuckles ]
You got 15 minutes of fame,
and you're gonna sleep right through it.
Of course, knowing you,
maybe that's the plan, huh?
Julie, hi!
- Oh, Kimmy! Hi. Why are you--
- Hey.
Listen, this is really hard
for me, but, um--
Well, it's been three months,
and, um, I gave the order.
[Chuckles Nervously]
$$ 'T ain't no big thing$$
-$$ To wait for the bell to ring$$
- Whoo! Now, this is living!
spare for days$$
$$Is troll DownTown
to theredlightplace$$
Jump up, bubble up
What's in store
Love is the drug
and I need to score
- There is a live feed tonight.
- Live feed?
- What is that?
-Just watch.
$$Stitched up tight
Can't shake free$$
- Hey!
- [ Yells ]
Get your fat ass
outta my face.
- $$Ahh$$$$
- [ Excited Chattering ] Show time!
- $$Ahh$$$$
- [ Excited Chattering ] Show time!
[ Laughing ]
[ Pig ] Here it comes! The orb is on!
Look! They're sitting on a cake!
Hey, that's me.
Nice tux, dude.
[ Gasps ]
Who's dreaming this?
- What is this?
- [ Laughing ]
Julie, I'm--
I'm here!
[ Gasps ]
[Clock Ticking]
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Cyclops Giggling ]
- Bon voyage, little brother.
- No, Kimmy!
- Oh, my God. No, don't! Julie!
- [ Laughing ]
- [ All Laughing, Cheering ]
Julie, I love you!
I loveyou. Look at me.
Look at me. I'm up here.
It's Hypnos.
It's Hyp.
Hyp, Hyp, hurrah.
Good evening!
Good evening!
$$$$[Medusa Singing,
- [ Groans ]
-[Hypnos]Stu Miley.
Hey, I'm glad
you could make it, man.
We see a lot of nightmares
down here, but yours are like...
- caviar. [ Chuckles ]
- I just saw a dream.
It was my girlfriend.
She dreamed that they were gonna...
pull the plug on me.
[ Laughing ]
Give us a moment, will you, darling?
You see, Stu, you made this pact
with your sister.
- Huh?
- No life support?
Pact? Pact? No life support?
[ Cackles ]
- Pull the plug! Pull the plug, pleas--
- No!
That's wrong.
Julie would never agree to that.
They're pulling the plug
at 9:00 a.m.
Anybody that dumb
deserves to die!
- Can't you help me?
- Stu, I'm just the god of sleep.
- This is Death's bailiwick.
- Death?
[ Grunts, Sighs ]
[ Panting ]
Cheating Death--
and this is extremely
off the record--
what you gotta do...
is go into the Land of Death,
sneak up right under Death's nose...
and steal
one of those Exit Passes.
Well, Hyp, thanks for the idea,
and good luck with the shock therapy.
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Hissing ] Will you shut up?
He gave you a sign?
It doesn't sound rational, okay?
It's not rational.
I don't care anymore, Alice. We've
got exactly six hours to wake him up.
Hey, look! Mr. Green Stain's got
a dead one. What do we do now?
[Stu]He's taking her to the Land
of Death. We have to hitch a ride.
-Don't worry. I'll protect you.
-Listen to you-- Xena, Warrior Princess!
[ Humming ]
The gates are closing!
Come on!
[ Grunting ]
Help, boss, I'm going fast!
I'm dying, boss!
Come on, come on!
Look what I found.
[ Chuckles ]
- Whoo! Well, that's worth knowing.
- [ Moaning ]
[ Both Screaming ]
Chart number one is
from five years ago.
This is the worst nightmare
Stu had at the sleep lab--
abnormally intense alpha wave activity
with a peak that lasted over a minute.
And this-- Alice--
this is earlier today.
- Holy shit.
- Wow.
He's caught in a loop--
a nightmare loop.
- Does everybody know what Oneirix is?
-[Man]It's nightmarejuice.
If those charts are right,
Stu's swimmin' in the stuff.
- We can decrease the levels.
- No, I want to give him a massive dose.
- That's not gonna stop his nightmare.
- Hutch, I don't want to.
I want to crank it up, take it right off
the charts. I want to scare him awake.
$$In the afterlife you could be headed
for the serious strife$$
$$Now you make the scene all day
but tomorrow there'll be hell to pay$$
$$In the afterlife you could be headed
for the serious strife$$$$
$$$$[Continues, Indistinct]
DownTown trolley,
right on schedule.
Yes, yes, yes.
All right.
But I'm at a critical
juncture here, please.
The last days of Pompeii.
[ Gasps, Laughs ]
-Nice eruption.
-Thank you! I'm yours. What do you want?
- Let's get to reapin'.
- Let's go!
Got a bunch of new recruits
fresh in from Dispatch.
- Fine, fine. Send them in.
-Send 'em in!
[ All Murmuring ]
Okay, first up
on the docket today,
Chakasandra Singh,
New Delhi-- snakebite.
Singh, sang, sung.
- [ Whimpers ]
- [ Chuckles ]
Okay, Scott, step up here, please.
Scott, Death. Death, Scott.
- Hi, Scott.
- Hello.
Scott enjoys sunsets
and Steven Seagal movies.
[Death And Assistant Laugh]
Next up, Clark Devereaux,
Chicago, Illinois.
- Looks like complications from a coma.
- Right.
- Ah-- Oh, come on!
- What?
- It says he recovers.
- Recover?
It says he's gonna live another
- Let me have an Exit Pass. Yeah.
- Exit Pass?
That means forms.
That means bureaucracy.
- Yeah. What's your name?
- Say something!
- Herb.
- Come here, Herb.
- Please.
-Stand up straight!
- [ Stu ] I am standing up straight.
I want you to picture this
with me, if you can.
-You're a customer, you're about to die.
You're a little excited, a little
fearful, and here comes the Grim Reaper.
Tell me, Herb, [ Shouting ]
what the hell is he covered in?
- Uh, pea soup?
- As you requested, one Exit Pass,
- [ Gasps ]
O mighty wielder
of the scythe.
- [ Stu ]Just behave!
- Exit Pass? Oh, what a coincidence!
I was just heading over to DownTown--
Don't bite me there!
I'd be happy to drop that
off for you, if you don't mind!
- Herb?
-[Monkeybone] Yeah?
Could I see you
over there, please?
-[Monkeybone Whimpers]Over there?
- Yeah.
- Latta!
- [ Growling ]
[ Growling, Snarling ]
- Uh-oh.
- Impostors! Get that monkey!
- Get 'em!
Get in there! Go on, you Reapers!
Go, go, go!
Stu, Stu, Stu!
[ Whooping ]
- That's it!
- Well done!
- Fire in the hole!
- Whose hole? Whose hole?
[ Yelling ]
[Alarm Blaring]
[Stu Panting]
Hey, Monkeybone, there's a train!
Arnold, now. Now!
[ Screeching ]
[ Grunting ]
Come on, Monkeybone!
Come on, buddy, you can do it!
Okay. All righty.
Take it easy.
- [ Screeching ]
- [ Yelling ] Help, boss!
Comin' in.
Whoo! Thank you!
Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.
[ Whooping ]
[ Whooping, Yelling ]
What's the maximum
safe dose?
The most we've ever used
is, um, half a C.C.
Five C.C.s.
[ Groaning ]
[ Whimpering ]
[Monkeybone]Hold it, Doctor!
Stu, I'm comin'in!
- [ Whimpering ]
-[Monkeybone]Oh, yeah!
- [ Yelling ]
- [ Yelling ]
- [ Grunting ]
- That's it! Now, hit those pedals!
[Sniffling, Sobbing]
- [ Stu Pants, Laughs ]
- Whoo! Yes!
Terra firma, we made it!
- Monkeybone, you saved my life!
- What?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
Look, we only have about five minutes.
Just that, now that I'm leaving, there's
so many things I wanted to say to you.
Ah. Don't get mushy on me. I'll be fine,
just drop me off at the bar.
You've been a hell ofa figment, pal.
I wish I could take you home with me.
Ah, right back at ya, boss.
[ Clicks Tongue ] Right back at ya.
No joke, little buddy.
I really do love--
I love you too... boss!
[ Cackles ]
Love you too!
[ Whooping ]
- [ Whooping, Chattering ]
- Wait! Monkeybone!
Don't do this!
Please! Wait!
- Nice work, little feller.
- Monkeybone, wait!
No, don't do this!
- [ Laughing ]
- Let go!
We can talk about this! Come on, wait!
- [ Creatures Clamoring ]
- Come back here!
Wait! No, you don't understand!
He's got my Exit Pass!
Oh, I'm so sorry, Stu.
It's just all part of the deal.
[ Laughs Sinisterly] We've got
big plans for that body of yours!
- No! This can't be happening!
- [ Whooping ]
[ Screaming ]
Julie! Julie!
[ Whooping ]
- Stu?
- [ Coughs ]
Jul-- [ Hiccups ]
[ Chuckles ]
Whoa, baby!
- Stu!
- [ Chuckling ]
Two more little ticks
of the clock, and--
Welcome home.
Oh, Stu!
Home sweet home, huh?
Actually, I was expecting
something a little swankier.
[Door Closes]
You have to assume that Monkeybone
would be a pretty lucrative franchise,
with, uh,
royalties, servants--
- I gave all the servants the day off.
- Oh.
-[Cackling Like Monkeybone]
- [ Laughs ]
Honey, why don't you just rest
on the sofa for a minute?
Okay? All right?
- [ Gasps ]
- Hmm!
Oh, bitchin' good cake.
- Good.
- You want a hunk?
No, thank you.
[ Chuckles Nervously]
-[Champagne Pouring]
- Oh.
Here's to a celebration that should
have happened three months ago.
- Stu?
- Hmm?
I want you to know I found
the little surprise you left that night.
If you were wondering
what the answer was,
it was "yes",
and it still is.
- It is?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
With all my heart.
- And what was the question?
- You asked me to marry you.
- Marry you? [ Laughs ]
- Mm-hmm.
No, you did. Here.
- See?
- Oh! He did it!
- Buster! Look who's here!
- [ Barking ]
Hello, Buster.
[ Groans ]
I've never seen him
act like this before!
He's a lying son of a bitch!
Don't believe anything he says!
- He's got mental problems! Shut up!
- Ow!
- [ Screeching Like Monkeybone ]
- [Barking Continues]
$$$$[Sultry Beat]
Oh, baby.
$$$$[Volume Increases]
- [ Chitters ]
- What are you watching?
[ Grunting Gently]
- Hmm?
- You think this is medically advisable?
- We got a doctor on duty.
- Well,
as long as it's okay
with Monkeybone--
- which it seems to be.
- Huh?
Oh. Huh?
$$I've been feelin'
trapped, baby$$
- [ Squeaks ]
-$$ Tryin' to hold back this feelin'$$
$$For so long$$
-$$And if you feel like I feel, baby$$
- [ Continues Barking ]
-$$ Come on Oh, come on$$
$$ Whoo
Let's get it on$$
$$Aahh, baby$$
$$Let's get it on$$$$
$$$$["Foxy Lady"]
$$ You know you are$$
$$A cute little heartbreaker$$
$$Foxy, yeah$$
$$And you know you are
a sweet little love maker$$
$$I wanna take you home$$
$$ Yeah
I won't do you no harm, no$$
$$ You got to be all mine
All mine$$
$$Foxy lady$$
$$Here I come, baby
I'm comin' to get ya$$
- [ Whooping ]
- $$Foxy lady$$$$
Dive! Dive! Dive!
- Ow!
- Oh, God, Stu!
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, my-- Are you-- Oh!
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Grunting ]
- [ Gasps ]
- Heads up! Feeding time!
[Screams, Moans]
[ Screaming ]
Ohh! What-What-What?
[ Gasps, Whimpers ]
What? What? Who are you?
- What do you want?
- Dinner.
You gotta move fast or you'll starve.
Here, have some popcorn.
They feed us the slops
from the Morpheum Theater.
You hope for Milky Way, you settle
for Skittles. I'm Steve-- Steve King.
Stephen King?
What are you doing here?
I'm Jack the Ripper.
- I'm Lizzie Borden.
- How do you do?
- Attila the Hun.
- Attila the Hun.
[ Fanfare On Kazoo ]
All hail the most glorious,
the most esteemed,
Oh, enough! Enough, enough!
I'm hung over.
- Hyp, did you bring me cough medicine?
- That night-light I asked for?
- King, you pussy. [ Laughs ]
- Bite me, Poe.
- You set me up!
- Easy, pal. [ Chuckles ]
Just coming to congratulate you. It
ain't easy snatching those Exit Passes.
Steve was the last guy to do it,
and that must have been 25 years ago.
Why'd you do it, huh?
Wh-What did I ever do to you?
It's nothing personal, Stu, it's just
we need nightmares-- fresh nightmares.
We'd die without 'em.
That's why we grabbed your body.
- I'm no nightmare-maker.
- That's the monkey's job.
- Monkeybone? What?
- [ Laughs Maniacally]
Let's face it, Stu. Nobody wants
to be a figment. It's a dead-end career.
So he gets fed up,
he comes to us with a proposition:
We help him swipe your body, he helps us
get a heap of brand-new nightmares!
- News flash, buddy: I'm a cartoonist!
But you got a girlfriend who's figured
out the chemical basis of bad dreams.
And guess what. She just whipped up
a big ol'batch of nightmarejuice!
[ Laughing ]
Oh, we're predicting record box office.
What's plural for orifice? "Orifi"?
No, I wasn't in a coma!
All right, I was in a coma. It wasn't
like I was "in a coma" and goofing off.
I was thinking up
hilarious new bits the whole time!
[ Laughing Wildly]
You see, it's all synergy.
The show synergizes the strip.
The strip synergizes
the merchandising.
The merchandising synergizes
the religion.
And the religion synergizes
the Barbara Walters special!
And then, baby,
we are all in...
the United Empire
of Monkeybonia!
No, really.
He's ready to merchandise, yeah.
We gotta move on this,
so get the burger guy, the toy guys...
the toy guys and
the lunchbox people in here--
Herb, get off that phone right now.
You're exploiting him!
- Am not.
- Herb, he's not himself.
He's your friend. He trusts you,
and you're taking advantage of him!
- Am not. I'm on the phone!
- Are too!
- My cocina.
- Hey, hey.
My refrigerator, where I store
and chill my food.
And this-- the oven,
where I cook my food.
And if you'll step this way, you'll find
my dining room, where I eat my food.
What is all this stuff about
merchandising? You hate merchandising.
I know, baby, I do.
But look at it from another angle:
There's a potload
of money here.
$$I'm dirty as a manhole$$
$$ Cover$$
$$I'm looking for
my long-lost$$
$$She turned me out
and now$$
$$I'm sinkin'$$
- [ Whimpering ]
- $$I'm just so easily led$$
$$ When the little head
does the thinkin'$$$$
You two-bit simian stooge.
We didn't send you up here to shake your
booty with a bunch of lingerie babes.
[ Slowed-Down Voice ]
But it's my fantasy.
I don't care!
We sent you up here to make nightmares!
Now, you get out there, and you get that
nightmarejuice, and you get to work!
'Cause you may be
a free man during the day,
but when you dream...
your monkeyass is mine!
[ Buffer Whirring ]
What the--
- [ Chittering ]
- [ Gasps ]
- [ Kissing Sound ]
- Oh, baby, I'd really like to,
but it'd put me
in a lot of hot water.
Why don't you just
give that back?
- Oh, do you?
Well, in that case, why don't
you give me a little preview?
- [ Kissing Sound ]
- $$Makin'love with you$$
$$Is all I wanna do$$$$
[ Screeches ]
Let go! Let go!
Let go of my pants!
- Stu?
- [ Snores ]
- Where have you been?
- Hmm?
I was asleep.
Honey, don't lie to me.
I know you went out.
Nope. Not me.
You must be dreaming.
I know what this is about. You've been
mad because I haven't proposed to you.
Oh, go on, admit it!
You've been giving me the stinkeye ever
since that business with the banner.
- You, you and that dog.
- I have not been giving the stinkeye.
You're giving me
the stinkeye right now.
Stu, you're wearing shoes
and a poncho...
with no pants,
in bed.
[ Mutters ]
I know.
[Distant Screaming]
Well, did you all
have sidekicks--
figments, monkeys?
A raven.
Mine was a dog.
Man's best friend. [ Scoffs ]
I went through hell
to get that Exit Pass.
And who got to
use it? Cujo.
Miley, you got a visitor!
Oh God, Stu,
I'm so sorry.
I wanted to tell you
what was going on.
I really,
really liked you.
Thank you, Kitty,
but that doesn't matter right now.
The woman I love is living with a horny
little monkey that looks like me.
- What a lucky girl.
- Kitty, listen.
Is there any way I can get a message to
warn her about what Monkeybone is up to?
- Time's up! Break it up! Let's move!
- No, no. No!
- Give me a moment,just to look at him.
- Let's go!
- Stu!
- Feeding time!
As you know, Burger God
is prepared to launch...
our new Mega Monkey Meal.
- Uh, something wrong?
-A pig gut!
- How much is McDonald's offering?
- Less.
A pleasure to be
in business with you.
[ Laughing ]
Here's another thing. The Natural
History Museum is kicking off...
a fund-raising campaign and wanna know
if you can appear at a benefit.
Oh, I get it.
We give the public the impression...
that we're doing
something charitable-- brilliant!
Yes, that's it exactly.
Now, I think you remember
Bill here from Bazoom Toys.
We have a little something here
we think you might just like.
It's a prototype.
Codename: Little Jack Horner.
Go ahead,
pull out his thumb.
- [ Trumpets ]
- [ All Laughing ]
- No, it's mine!
- Oh.
Say, could you fill these babies up
with a particulate solution...
of one part powdered chemical enzyme
to ten parts water?
- Uh,Jerry?
- Sure.
- Yeah, yeah, I guess we could.
- All right!
You've got yourself
a deal!
- [ Trumpeting ]
- [ All Laughing ]
Shall we shake on it?
Shake on it? That's not the way
we do things in Monkey Land.
In Monkey Land,
we rub our bottoms together.
You heard the man.
Get your asses on the table.
[ Cackling ]
The thing is, I'm responsible
for the way he's acting.
It's the nightmarejuice.
It's gotta be.
Julie, that stuff
probably saved his life.
He's not Stu anymore.
The Stu I love is gone.
He spends all his time in the garage.
He says that he's... autographing.
[ Laughing ]
Nightmare in a butt!
- [ Trumpets ]
- [ Laughing ]
-[Buster Barking]
- Huh?
I think I hear
a guinea pig.
[Buster Continues Barking]
Listen, let's bring him in
for some tests.
I guarantee
you're overreacting.
[ Buster Barking ]
Oh, actually, no, I don't think
I'm overreacting.
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Barking ]
[ Growling, Barking ]
- [ Trumpets ]
- [ Whimpers ]
Sweet dreams,
you little bastard.
[Cats Meowing]
[Hypnos]Dog dreams?
This is completely humiliating.
That stinkin' monkey.
I can't believe it.
We give him a body,
and he sends us dogs.
Let's not
think about dogs.
Let's think about...
[ Laughs ]
Oh, what a luscious surprise.
[ Laughs ]
[ Both Laughing ]
So, I thought, "What the hell.
I'm a big celebrity now.
I can get all the chicks I want.
Why get married?"
On the other hand,
if you are married, no more stinkeye.
Plus, they can't testify
against you.
Testify about what?
[ Phone Ringing ]
- Hello.
-Julie, it's Hutch.
- Oh, Hutch. What?
- The nightmarejuice-- it's gone.
Somebody switched it for
a beaker of grape Kool-Aid.
Grape Kool-Aid?
But who'd wanna--
Stu, are you sure
you just wanna give these away?
- It seems wrong.
- Go, go, go, go!
Shh. Sh-sh-sh-sh.
Here. You'll need these
for your trip.
And this.
Kitty, you can't do this.
You're gonna get in trouble.
You're the one
true-hearted man I ever met.
You find a way back to that girl
of yours, and you make her happy.
Thank you.
What about the guard?
I'll take care of that rat.
[ Purring ]
Okay, Stu.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Good-bye, Kitty.
- [Guard]Hey, lady, what are you--
- [Kitty Snarling]
[Kitty And Guard Fighting]
[Guard Screams, Gurgles]
- [ Gasps ]
- Go!Just go!
Well, thank you, Kitty.
I'll never forget you.
And I mean that.
I'll really... never forget you.
[Kitty Snarling,
Guard Screaming]
Last one.
[ Vocalizing ]
What kind of idiot sneaks
into the Land of Death twice?
One that likes a good stretchin'?
[ Laughs ]
Shut up.
I wanna hear what he has to say.
Now, Death, I know you're mad at me,
and I don't blame you.
But we're both mad at DownTown, and
we're both mad at your brother, Hypnos.
So now you're gonna tell me it's all his
fault and you were completely innocent.
No, I'm not gonna tell you that.
I wanted that Exit Pass.
I wanted it bad enough that I had to
stare you right in the face to get it.
Because I--
I got a girl up there,
and I shoulda--
I-I never--
I wanna tell her
that I love her.
Oh, gosh, he loves her.
That changes everything.
- Ow! Okay, uncle!
- Sit down. Sit down right now.
Down, down!
And don't say another word.
I'm a simple person.
I do an honest day's work.
Why does everybody
make it so hard for me?
You're switching bodies.
You're stealing Exit Passes.
I work a long enough day
as it is.
Look, you can take my soul.
I-I don't need it.
You can turn me into a paper doll.
Just, please, give me one hour.
That's it.
[ Assistant ]
Hey, I love my girlfriend.
you're gonna need
a new body.
You know...
I don't generally
do this, but...
I really like
your comic strip.
- Really?
- Yeah, it slays me.
Death, coming from you, that's,
you know, that's-- Whew!
It's nothin'. But turn around
before I change my mind.
- Huh? Oh.
- Turn around.
All right, could you
bend over, Stu, please?
- Huh? Bend over?
- Yeah, just bend over.
All right.
[ Screaming ]
Come on. Come on.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
Fresh pancreas. That oughta pay
for that new Mercedes.
And preparing to detach
my round-the-world cruise.
[ All Screaming ]
Where am I?
What's wrong
with my neck?
You broke it.
You're an organ donor.
[ Bones Cracking ]
Those are our organs.
Get back on that slab!
I will need this body!
- So, get back!
- Hey!
- 'Cause I gotta--
- It's a bone saw!
Yeah! Aah!
Oh, look!
- Get back here with that body!
- Whoa! Oh!
- What are you doing?
- Sorry! Sorry!
That's our body!
- There he goes!
- Get him! Get him!
[Indistinct Yelling]
[ Tires Squeal ]
Hey, Mr. Snyder, hey!
Oh, wow.
Garden's lookin' good.
- Uh, I apologize...
- [ Bones Crack]
for my appearance,
but I'm your--
Please, please, please,
just don't call the cops, okay?
[ Grunting ]
[ Bones Cracking ]
[ Buster Whimpering ]
Buster! Oh, how've
you been, buddy, huh?
You been good?
You been a good dog? Huh, yeah?
What do you got here for me, huh?
What's this?
I look like an idiot.
[ Buster Barking ]
Stay. Stay.
Good dog.
[ Barking ]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Hey, bus, wait!
Hey! Damn!
Hi. Sorry.
- The organs are, uh, in transit.
- There he is!
- He's on the bus!
- They're in perfect working order.
They're working even better
than we expected.
So, let's see what this...
particulate solution
is all about.
- [ Trumpets ]
- Oh! Oh!
[ All Laughing ]
Damn, what the hell
is this stuff?
[ Sighs ]
[Door Creaking]
Oh, man.
Oh, this is weird.
[ Shuddering ]
[Distant Screaming]
Come back here, you!
Oh, my God,
we've got a flasher.
- Isn't that Herb?
- Must be some publicity stunt.
The clothes
have turned evil!
They're working together--
shirts, socks!
Whole ensembles! For God's sakes,
get rid of your tie!
No, no, no,
Herb, you ding-dong.
- [ Herb Screaming ]
-[Policeman]Come back here. Stop!
Uh, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Chuckles ]
Forget about the naked man
with the purple face.
[ All Laughing ]
Your incredible,
misguided generosity...
has made this a very special day
for the museum.
And also
a very special day for me.
All thanks
to a very special lady--
Ms. Julie McElroy.
Julie, take a bow!
On your feet, girl!
Give it up for Julie!
Stand up! Stand up!
Lookin' good.
- [ Laughing ]
- Unh!
Unh, unh, unh.
Oh, she's a brick
She's mighty, mighty
Just lettin' it all hang out
Oh, she's a brick
That lady's stacked
and that's a fact
Ain't holdin'
nothing back
$$She knows
she's got everything$$
- That a woman needs to get a man
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
$$How can she lose
with the stuff she use$$
$$ Thirty-six, twenty-four
$$ Oh, what a winning hand
'Cause she's a brick$$
$$ That lady's stacked
and that's a fact$$
$$Ain't holdin' nothing back$$
$$Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down now$$
Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down now
$$Shake it down, shake it down
Shake it down now$$
- She's a brick
- [ Applause ]
You're mighty mighty,
and I'm lettin' it all hang out.
How about it,Julie?
But it looks so new.
Uh, well, that's
because it is new.
But... the heirloom ring--
your grandmother's ring.
What, you want
a used ring?
[ Tires Squealing ]
There he is!
$$$$[''Olympic Fanfare,
Bugler's Dream'']
Get him! Stop that dead man!
We're doctors!
We don't wanna hurt you!
We just want your organs!
[ Buster Whimpering ]
-[Surgeon]Stop running!
- No!
- Then you'll be sued!
- Fine!
Damn you, dead man!
- Hey!
- Invi-- Invitation only.
We don't need invitations,
we've got diplomas.
Julie? Operators are standing by.
Offer expires at midnight.
Doc, don't do it!
He isn't Stu.
He's Monkeybone!
All right, let's go.
That's it.
Say, babe, what did
that creep call you?
He called me "Doc."
[People Chanting]Show me the monkey!
Show me the monkey!
- Come on, fella, let's go.
- [ Struggling ]
Please, please!
I have to talk to this man.
Who are you? Why did you--
Why did you say those things?
Doc, it's all a mix-up.
We were in the Land of Death,
he stole my Exit Pass...
and that's how Monkeybone
got my body.
See, all they had left for me
was this stinking corpse.
- Thank you.
- Doc.
No, don't walk away!
He's only here
to give people nightmares.
Doc, the dream--
don't you remember?
They were pulling the plug,
and I called out to you.
And you heard me,
- [ Buster Barking ]
- Buster?
Yeah, come here, fella.
Don't lie to me.
Is it--
Is it you?
I had to come back,Julie.
I had to give you this.
I meant to give it to you before,
the night it happened.
I was happy,Julie.
I really was.
Just try to remember me
like that.
Not like this.
[Grunting, Snorting]
What's wrong?
I'm crying too.
I just don't have any tears.
I'm all dried up.
Ladies and gerbils,
you know the next part.
It's 50 bucks a swat.
Who's up first?
Oh, yeah.
No, this one's on me.
[ Laughs ] Here's your bat, babe.
Step right up.
Just cock the bat like this.
That's good.
- It's all right.
- [ Gasps, Grunts ]
[ All Gasp ]
We have to stop this. Those dolls
have been tampered with. They're toxic.
Oh, that's okay, honey.
No problem.
Back in the pack.
- Stu?
- I mean it this time.
Back in the pack!
Eek! Uh--
[ Chuckles ]
I can explain everything.
I was tired of being a figment.
It's dirty, menial work.
It's kind of like being a pool boy.
But even pool boys have their own
bodies. Don't I at least deserve a body?
Not my body!
You get back in the pack, you bastard!
[ Whimpering ]
Back in the pack?
With the stinky gym socks
and the moldy cheese sticks?
I've got the body,
and I am never getting back
in that goddamn pack!
[ Shrieks ]
Oh, no, please, they're dangerous!
No, you can't!
[ Shrieks, Chittering ]
Come on.
Excuse me.
What is he doing?
- He's gonna jump.
- [ Cackling ]
[ Gasps ]
I love you.
- No!
- Monkeybone!
Let go, let go, let go!
- Did you sleep with my girl?
- Sleep with her?
- We did the whole Kamasutra twice.
- Oh, yeah?
Where's her birthmark?
[ Both Screaming ]
Come on.
[ Screaming ]
- [ All Screaming ]
- [ Screams ]
Hey, where'd you get
that body?
It's a loner, okay?
- You sprung a leak.
- [ Screams ]
I think it can be saved.
Put it on ice.
- [ Chattering, Yelling ]
- Don't move. I'm coming at ya!
- [ Screaming ] Damn it!
- [ Grunts ]
- Whoa!
- I'll take that, young man.
Here, have another.
I'm dead.
No, stop!
That's ours!
- Thanks.
- That's mine!
- Ha ha!
- Ha ha!
[ Screaming ]
Come on, Monkeybone,
let's do it!
Hey, Stu, I got an idea--
joint custody.
- I get the body on weekends, you get--
- Shut up!
I think
I can bring 'em down.
Please, wait!
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]
[ All Gasping ]
- [ Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ]
[ Both Screaming ]
[ All Groaning ]
[ Both Screaming ]
Where's my body?
Where's my body?
- You mean my body.
- Crap, we're dead!
[ Both Screaming ]
- [ Cheering, Yelling ]
- A hundred bucks on the monkey.
[ Both Screaming ]
[ Rumbling ]
Closing time.
Monkey-killer! Monkey--
[ Groans ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Roars ]
Oh! Ha!
[Indistinct Scatting]
Hey! Hey, whoo!
- Whoo-hoo. Hey!
Stu! You think I gilded
the lily a little?
I do like to dress up
when I come downtown.
So, how was she?
She, uh--
She was beautiful.
Ofcourse, I was decomposing
at the time,
but at least now she knows
how much I love her.
So, I guess I'm yours.
Uh, excuse me, Death.
I hate to break up
this little lovefest,
but my little bladder
is about to burst.
[ Screams ]
But I really gotta go!
[ Groaning ]
Hey, where--
where's Monkeybone?
Back in your head
where he belongs.
Stu, I don't wanna hurt your feelings,
but on your own, you're a tad vanilla,
so I didn't want to
send you back without him.
What back? D-Did you--
You're sending me back?
- Yeah, I'm sending you back.
- Thank you, Death.
I like you. I'll take
the South Park guys instead.
I hear they're dying
to meet me. [ Laughs ]
Come on, Stu, come on.
Turn around.
- So, I should assume the--
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Stu? A little higher.
- Yeah.
- See ya!
- [ Screaming ]
[ Razor Buzzing ]
Excuse me, that's our corpse.
We've been chasing it all over town.
Help yourself, pal.
All right, smart-ass,
you prepared to cooperate now?
- [ Grunts ]
- [ All ] Whoa!
[ Gasps ]
Uh, buddy,
could I borrow your um--
- [ Whimpering ]
- Thank you.
[Buster Whimpering]
[ Barking ]
Hey, buddy.
How are you, huh?
How are you?
Is it you?
Is it really you
this time?
People, for the love of God,
take off your clothes!
Take off your clothes!
$$$$[Rap, Indistinct]
$$$$[Continues, Indistinct]
$$$$[Rap, Indistinct]
$$$$[Continues, Indistinct]
$$$$[Continues, Indistinct]
$$ Wouldn't it be wonderful$$
$$If the night
was made of gold$$
$$ We'd stay up late
and drive around$$
$$ There's nowhere else to go$$
$$Hey, look at me
I'm all dressed up$$
$$I'm hot enough to glow$$
$$I'm where it's at$$
$$And everybody
wants to take me home$$
$$Fall away$$
$$Fall away from this world$$
$$Fall away$$
$$ Where we can be alone$$
$$ Wouldn't it be wonderful$$
$$ The day was silver rain$$
$$ We leave our coats
and catcha cold$$
$$Dripping in
the silver dollars$$
$$Fall away$$
$$Fall away from this world$$
$$Fall away$$
$$ Where we can be alone$$
$$Fall away$$
$$Fall away from this world$$
$$Fall away$$
$$ Where we can be alone$$
$$ Oh, look at me
I'm everything$$
$$ The sun, the moon
the stars$$
$$I'm razorsharp
I'm burning up$$
$$Setting off
the firealarms$$
$$Fall away$$
$$Fall away from this world$$
$$Fall away$$
$$ Where we can be alone$$
$$Fall away$$
$$Fall away from this world$$
$$Fall away$$
$$ Where we can be alone$$
$$ We can be alone$$$$