Monster House (2006) Movie Script
Hello, fence.
Hello, leaves.
Hello, sky.
Get off my lawn!
Trespasser.
Do you want to be eaten alive?
-No.
-Then get out of here!
My trike.
Stay away from my house!
-DJ!
-We're gonna be late.
Yeah, Mom, l'm coming.
l'm coming.
October 30th, another tricycle.
l'm coming.
Mom.
Mom, he did it again.
He took another tricycle.
Okay, honey,
we've talked about this.
You cannot stay up
in your room all day...
...staring at an old man
through a telescope.
But, Mom, there's something wrong
with that house.
l'm serious.
What was that?
l'm serious.
His voice sounds funny.
Someone is hitting puberty.
''What's happening to my body?''
Right, buddy?
Maybe you should come with us.
Oh, the boy's too busy.
He's got his spying to do.
l'm not spying.
Well...
''Well...'' That's okay, buddy.
When l was your age,
l did exactly the same thing.
Of course, it was with binoculars
and involved the lovely Jensen twins.
Neither of which was as lovely
as your beautiful mother.
Will you be an angel
and help me bring out the incisor?
-The incisor.
-Hold this.
Yeah, you don't wanna forget that.
Elizabeth will be here
in a few hours.
lf anything happens,
call the police and hide.
He knows that.
See you tomorrow night.
-What have you done?
-Just let me drive this thing, will you?
-Where is DJ? Where's DJ?
-l'm fine.
You would be so happy
if he was under the car, wouldn't you?
Sorry. lt's hard to see
with the mask on.
Then why don't you keep it off,
Chowder?
Why did you put up your window?
-Chowder.
-lt's aerodynamic.
-Hi, DJ.
-We've got to make time.
The children. The children.
-What children?
-Bye-bye, baby.
-Tell him you love him, dear.
-He knows that.
-Tell your son you love him.
-l don't wanna tell him.
-He knows l love him.
-He's your son.
-You have to say it. Roll it down.
-We're gonna be late.
We both love you.
-That includes your dad.
-That's right.
-He's had enough kisses.
-Blow him a kiss.
-Blow him a kiss.
-Goodbye.
Cheer up.
lt's almost Halloween.
ln one day and three hours,
it's candy time.
Okay?
-Check it out, l got a new ball.
-Cool.
Oh, speaking of which,
have you decided?
Skullzor or Crypt Keeper?
Chowder.
l don't think l'm going
trick-or-treating this year.
What?
Come on, you're gonna break
a six-year streak.
Yeah, six years of being jumped
and egged.
Maybe l'm getting too grown-up.
Three seconds on the clock.
l'm playing basketball.
lt's time
for an in-your-face disgrace.
-Are you okay?
-My nose is in my brains.
Let me see. Oh, my God.
-What?
-You're a dork.
Where's my ball?
Oh, no.
-Sorry, man.
-Wait, wait. DJ.
You're a grownup now,
you go get it.
Chowder, your ball just landed
on Nebbercracker's lawn.
lt doesn't exist anymore.
l paid $28 for that ball.
l raked 10 yards and asked my mom
for a dollar 26 times.
l never worked that hard in my life--
Nebbercracker hasn't come out yet.
-So?
-So maybe he's sleeping.
All right, l'll do it.
l'll never forget this. Hurry, though.
Go.
You.
-No.
-DJ, run!
Get the ball and run!
You're so close.
What have you done?
-Just nudge it over here.
-l'm so sorry.
Oh, l'm so, so, so sorry.
l didn't mean--
You are dead.
DJ, come on, come on!
-Chowder.
-Come on, DJ.
Help. Chowder.
Help. Help.
-You think you can terrorize my lawn?
-No, l'm sorry.
-You wanna be a dead person?
-No. l love life.
This place is not
a playground for children.
-Got it from now on.
-This is my house!
Why can't you respect that?
Why can't you
just stay away from--?
Push.
No siren. Never a good sign.
l'm a murderer.
-No, you're not.
-l'm not?
When it's an accident,
they call it manslaughter.
l think l'm gonna throw up.
Great. Babysitter's here.
See you, DJ.
Perfect.
DJ.
Hey, DJ, l just saw an ambulance.
Did l miss anything interesting?
Hello?
Elizabeth...
...can l talk to you
about something?
Oh, yeah, of course you can,
cantaloupe.
We are gonna have
the bestest time.
-Got tons of neat activities planned.
-They already left.
-They did? They're gone?
-Yes, and l need to talk to you.
So the usual deal indoors by 9,
in your room by 11.
-Lights out, your call.
-Elizabeth.
-And it's Zee.
-''Zee''?
Now, listen up. l control the TV,
the stereo and the phone.
l don't do board games,
Shrinky Dinks or tuck-ins.
l'm not your mother.
l'm not your friend.
Don't talk to me like l'm a baby, okay?
l am practically a grownup.
l don't even need you here,
Elizabeth.
-Gosh, DJ, why'd you break that?
-But l didn't.
Yeah, let me ask you something.
Who are they gonna believe?
-Go to your room.
-Fine.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, very funny.
See how you like it.
Happy Halloween, doofus.
Nice one, Bones.
Look at his face. That's funny.
You're not supposed
to have friends over. Who's this?
-This is Bones.
-What's up?
-He's in a band.
-That's right.
And, anyway, cantaloupe,
let's not open up the rulebook, okay?
Since you're up
way past your bedtime.
No, no, no, this is different. Listen.
You called the neighbors.
Good for you.
l used star-69. He called me.
-Who called you?
-Nebbercracker.
P.S., he died today.
-You lie.
-Do not.
He died, and now l'm getting
phone calls from his house.
A phone call
from beyond the grave.
Guys, come on. l'm serious.
Oh, he's serious.
Did you know he was serious?
-Come on, man, give her back.
-Oh, ''her''? You mind?
Oh, come on. Gross.
-Come on, Bones.
-Wait, hold on, dude. l th--
She's having trouble breathing.
Might have something in her throat.
All right, l'll look into it.
-No. Elizabeth. No.
-Okay, Bones, knock it off.
Downstairs, now.
Sorry, kid, can't play anymore.
You are so funny.
l know. lt's like l don't even try
and it just happens.
God, stop doing this.
Oh, yeah? What you gonna do?
-Homicide.
-Chowder, where are your parents?
My dad's at the pharmacy...
...and my mom's at the movies
with her personal trainer.
-Meet me at the Danger Zone now.
-Fine.
-Bones, l said, knock it off.
-Come on, man.
No, l'm creeped out.
You know,
l saw an ambulance here today.
So?
So maybe Nebbercracker
really did die.
We should be so lucky.
The guy is evil.
No, he's just a crotchety old dude.
Oh, really, Zee?
When l was 10 years old,
l had a kite. Awesome kite.
l could fly it so high
you couldn't see it.
One day, it crashed down.
l followed the string
and it ended right over there...
...across the street,
right at the edge of his lawn.
Did he take your kite?
Yeah, he takes whatever lands
on his lawn.
But that's not the point.
The point is, is that l saw him
talking to his house...
...and kissing it.
Besides...
...everybody knows
what he did to his wife.
Why? What--?
What did he do to her?
-He ate her.
-Bones. Get off. Stop it!
-Bones, enough.
-Come on, Zee.
Bones, l'm so sick of you.
-l was just--
-You have no respect for women.
What? What does that mean?
Get out.
Fine.
Prude.
What are you looking at?
Nebbercracker.
You really are dead, aren't you?
l'm on your lawn, Nebbercracker.
What are you gonna
do about it, Nebbercracker?
Nebber-snapper-flipper-dipper--
My awesome kite.
Chowder.
Chowder.
Chowder?
Chowder.
Heat seeker.
Chowder, what are you doing?
Shut up.
What?
Nebbercracker's back
from the dead.
-No way.
-Yeah.
They leave the keys in here.
You dare me?
Chowder,
you're not listening to me.
Nebbercracker's haunting me,
all right? His blood is on my hands.
And now he's
coming back for revenge.
You're really crazy right now.
Have you noticed that?
l think you're just freaking out
because you killed a guy today.
Life goes on.
For you.
Try and relax. Be cool, like me.
Chowder, what are you doing?
Make it stop.
Quit screwing around.
l need your help.
Fine.
You want my help?
-Yeah.
-l got three words for you.
''Trick or treat.''
Okay. Whatever. Let's go.
Hold on.
Chowder, come on.
The haunting is subtle...
...yet really, really boring.
-Can l go home now?
-Chowder, he'll hear you.
DJ...
...this is why nobody
will sit next to us at lunch.
l'll go Ding Dong Ditch the house
and you'll see. No ghost.
Chowder, stop, please.
Chowder, l'm serious.
Chowder, come back.
Come back here, please, Chowder.
Come on.
Chowder. Come back.
-Oh, no. A bottle.
-Chowder, put that down.
-Come back, please.
-Bottle.
Hey, DJ, who am l?
Get off my lawn.
Don't. Come on.
Run. Chowder, get out of there.
-Chowder, come here.
-Mommy.
This way. This way.
Help.
Come on, Chowder!
Chowder, this way!
Don't look back.
l looked back.
Bones?
Coming.
Don't even think
about crawling back here...
Trick or treat.
What?
Good morning, ma'am.
You witnessed a simulation
of what you'll face this evening.
Studies show that households
that run out of candy...
...are 55 percent more likely
to be TP'd.
To help avert this tragedy...
...l'm here selling Halloween candy
for my school, Westbrook Prep.
Good school.
l got kicked out of there.
Now, what do you want?
Just trying to get a head start on life
and secure a successful future.
You want a successful future?
When a guy with tattoos
comes up to the drive-through...
...give him his burger,
not your phone number.
Thank you for the advice.
l'll be sure to make a note of it.
But back to business.
Eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper.
Without candy, l'm afraid your house
is a bull's-eye with shingles.
Nice try. lt's not my house.
Babysitter?
Okay, let's cut the crap.
Maybe the parents you work for
left you $40 in emergency money.
Maybe they left me 30.
Maybe you give me 20, l write
a receipt for 30 and you pocket 10.
Maybe.
And l want two extra bags
of peanut clusters.
One bag and l'll
toss in a licorice whip.
You're good.
Eight a.m. No detectable movement.
No detectable movement.
Hey, DJ, l brought you
some chocolate.
Cover blown?
No detectable movement.
What are you two weirdoes up to?
Oh, nothing.
Just something in the house
across the street just tried to eat us.
Yeah. We've been watching all night.
We haven't even left this room once.
Not even to go to the bathroom.
Don't drink that.
Oh, gross.
Whatever disease you guys have...
...l'm sure it's got letters
and that they make pills for it.
Zee, it's true. There's something evil
going on across the street.
That's excellent.
l'm really happy for you.
Anyway, have you two astronomers
seen Bones?
He left last night unexpectedly...
...and he never came back.
Never came back?
-Bottle.
-Of course.
Oh, okay, you know what?
l don't have time for this.
Listen, Zee, l don't know
how to tell you this--
Your boyfriend has most likely
been eaten alive.
Sherry Klausen.
l gotta go.
Breakfast.
Happy Halloween, losers.
Hello.
What?
What is it?
Oh, nothing.
Let me see.
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
-No. No. Hey.
-Hey, wait. Hey.
DJ, that's your phone.
-No, stop.
-Girl. Hey.
-Don't go in there.
-Hold it.
Don't go any further.
-Come here.
-Yes, over here.
Are you guys mentally challenged?
lf you are,
l'm certified to teach you baseball.
Detectable movement.
-What do we do? What do we do?
-Come on.
Guys.
-Run, Chowder.
-l'm running.
Help, please.
-Got her.
-No, l got her.
Hello?
-Hey.
-Oh, my God.
There's an angry dad on the phone
looking for the one called Chowder.
Hello?
Losers, l'm talking to you.
He's worried about you.
He should be.
-Start explaining.
-All right, the house, it tried to eat us.
-Stop explaining, l've had enough.
-Wait, wait, where are you going?
To see what's happening
with that stupid house of yours.
-No, no, no. You can't.
-What is your problem?
Puberty. Yeah, l'm having
lots and lots of puberty.
-No more Mountain Dew.
-Right.
l'm going to find Bones.
All right, you have fun.
Don't worry about us, we'll be fine.
And you tell him l said hey, okay?
Safe driving.
See you!
Oh, hi.
You wanna tell me what's going on?
Oh, yeah. l made
the whole puberty thing up.
Hi, l'm JD. DJ.
Yes, Dad, l meant to call you,
but l forgot.
Okay, l'm sorry.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Affirmative.
-Okay, love you. Bye.
-Yeah.
And this is
our little observation post...
...such as it were.
Yeah, posters are stupid.
l was gonna tear them down
and put up some art.
Well, Dad, why don't you
kiss my hairy butt?
Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
Well, hello there.
This is Chowder.
Charles, to the ladies.
Jenny Bennett.
Two-term class president
at Westbrook Prep.
-That's a tough school to get into.
-Yeah, l got in, but decided not to go.
lt's a girls' school.
Which is why l didn't.
You know, there's a...
There's a great taco stand near there.
l hate Mexican food.
-Me too.
-Me too.
Fascinating, isn't it?
Just sits there waiting...
...mocking us with its...
...houseness.
-May l please use your phone?
-Yeah, sure.
Here. Who you calling?
-My mother.
-Rude.
She's probably
not gonna believe you.
lt's too much for the adult mind
to comprehend.
ls this pee? Because if it is,
that's really gross.
-lt's--
-DJ?
You pee in bottles?
What are you talking about?
That one's your pee.
-lt's yours.
-lt's his.
-May l speak with Allison?
-Unsanitary.
-Her daughter. Thank you.
-lt's his pee.
Excuse me.
l was selling chocolates in Mayville,
and, well, it's kind of confusing.
So you hate Mexican food, huh?
Yeah. You too, huh?
Yeah, in fact, you might say
l started hating it first.
Outside in front of the house?
-Fine. Let's get technical.
-Okay.
l started hating it
through the telescope.
Can't call dibs on a girl
through a telescope.
You can't call dibs on a girl.
-Just did.
-Me too.
She didn't believe me.
Authority can be so.
Okay. Normally l don't spend time
with guys like you.
But a house just tried to eat me,
so you've got one hour.
Oh, a puppy.
Didn't see that coming.
Okay...
...l think it's time to call the police.
Do you realize
what's gonna happen tonight?
Hundreds of kids
walking right up to that house.
Wait, wait, wait. Come on.
Guys, l think we're overreacting.
Think about it.
Only a total moron would walk
up to old man Nebbercracker's house.
-Hey, my ball.
-Chowder.
No.
lt's gonna be a bloodbath.
Good news. The cops are here.
All right, kids, this better be good.
l was in the forest wrestling
with a bear claw when we got the call.
l was eating a doughnut.
All three of you,
step to the car now.
-My ears.
-They're at the car.
He's a rookie.
First week on the job.
Officer, we have reason
to believe...
...there's a dangerous creature
inside that house.
-lt may have killed a man.
-And a dog.
Doggy down?
We've got a situation.
-We've got a situation.
-What are you doing?
Calling for backup.
Didn't you hear the kid?
There's a dangerous creature
inside that house.
We don't have backup.
lt's just Judy at the station.
And this is no situation.
lt's just a couple Tater Tots
hopped up on too many Pixy Stix.
l bet you the dead dog
would beg to differ.
What was that?
Nothing.
All right. Time's up, peewees.
-lt's Halloween. We got things to do.
-We do?
No, wait, you can't.
All right, this thing, it has a mouth...
...and it comes out and grabs things
and pulls them in and eats them.
Yeah, like this.
Okay, okay, okay. The thing is...
...we're trying to make this sound
more real than it normally would.
Problem is it sounds kind of not real.
-So we'll see you later.
-No.
All right. l'll show you.
But if things get out of hand...
We'll aim for Bigfoot.
That's loaded.
He's hopping.
Smart house.
Hey.
You-- Both of you. Come here.
Bring it to the car.
Come on.
l'm gonna forget you throwing that rock
because that dance was pretty funny.
But next time any of you
mess with this guy's house...
...all three of you are going
in the hole, you got it?
Now, l'll give you
But we need your help.
lt's your job to help us.
-One.
-Come on.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
That's tender.
My house is right over there.
So much for relying
on the government.
Yeah, l know.
l hate the government.
-Dude, we're screwed.
-No, we're not.
We'll go to an expert.
You're looking
at the three-time, tri-state...
...over-14
''Thou Art Dead'' champion.
His name is Reginald Skulinski.
But they call him Skull.
-Who's ''they''?
-Me and DJ.
-Yeah.
-He's the smartest guy on earth.
So let's go talk to him.
-Hey, Jenny, Jenny.
-Hey, Jenny, Jenny, hold on. Hold up.
Skull is in the game zone right now.
You don't wanna mess with him
when he's in the game zone.
Fine, so how long
is he gonna be playing?
Die. Die.
Who knows? He once played
for four days straight...
...on one quarter, a gallon
of chocolate milk and an adult diaper.
The man's a legend.
Well, if he's not coming out of
the game zone, then we are going in.
-What? Hey, what are you--?
-What? Jenny, no.
lt's like you're not gonna--
You're not gonna do it. Like--
You're gonna die. You're gonna die.
Watch out.
Did you see that?
l just chopped off your head again.
Your head's rolling. You can't see it,
your eyes are on your head.
-Sir?
-What?
l'm busy playing a video game
without even looking at the screen.
What?
Old man Nebbercracker's house
is possessed.
l need to know how to destroy it
before it kills people.
Calm down. You make me wanna
throw up in some tinfoil and eat it.
Oh, you like the steel of my blade?
lt's so cold.
Possessed house, you say?
ln my travels to the video store
and comic-book conventions...
...l've seen many strange
and wondrous things.
And l've heard tell
of man-made structures...
...becoming possessed
by a human soul...
...so that the spirit becomes merged
with wood and brick...
...creating a rare form of monster...
...known as Domus mactabilis.
The house is Mr. Nebbercracker.
We're its murderous enemies.
Have fun getting killed.
Run, coward.
Look at that blood.
So how do we kill it?
You've gotta strike
at the source of life, the heart.
But houses don't have hearts.
Yes!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You might be right about that.
Sorry, children, but l've got some very
important business to take care of.
l won't be seeing you later.
Thou art dead.
So we need to strike at the heart.
Yeah, but where are we gonna find
a heart inside a house?
Ever since Nebbercracker died...
...there's been smoke
coming out of that chimney.
The furnace.
The furnace is the heart.
lf we wanna put out the fire,
we're gonna have to go inside.
Without getting chewed to pieces.
-Dummy.
-Hey, l was just doodling.
No, Chowder, this is it.
First, we build a dummy.
We fill the dummy
with a few gallons of cold medicine.
-Borrow it from your dad's pharmacy.
-Say what?
Feed the dummy to the house, house
eats the medicine, goes to sleep.
-Look at this.
-We get in, douse the fire and get out.
-Questions?
-Yes, are you nuts?
l don't wanna steal drugs
from my father...
...l don't wanna go inside a monster
and l don't wanna die.
-l say it's worth a shot.
-Yes, l agree, let's do it.
Hey, but l wanted that one.
-You've gotta be kidding me.
-Yes.
-Chowder. Quiet.
-Sorry.
Go.
Whoopsie-daisy.
All right, little vacuum-cleaner dummy,
l'm gonna move you into position.
You don't be scared.
That's not how l trained you.
l love you, vacuum-cleaner dummy.
Chowder, come on.
Okay.
Yes.
Trick or treat.
Plug it in.
So close.
Littering, loitering,
vandalism, vagrancy--
-And treason.
-No, not treason.
-You sure? Because in the book--
-l'm sure.
All right, kids, out of the trash cans.
Let's go.
Come on. You heard the big guy.
You see the light. Walk towards it.
Come on, keep it moving.
All right, drop your weapons.
Pass them to me. Come on.
-l will shoot you.
-Well, lookie we got here.
You stay here,
l'm checking this out.
l am on it.
Y'all think something's funny?
You testing me? Huh, tough girl?
You disrespecting the badge?
You don't want none of this.
l'm telling you. Test me. Please.
Y'all wanna test me?
l am the police.
l know you're a thug.
Them brown eyes...
l see it in your eyes.
That's it. That is it.
You got something to say,
Porky, huh?
-That's it, we're taking them in.
-That's what l'm talking about.
-Where we taking them?
-To jail. Let's go.
You hear that?
You guys are going to jail.
But, officer,
you've gotta believe us.
Yeah, 2-percent,
you got the right to shut up.
-Okay, the house is a monster.
-And to think l believed you.
Hey, listen, l'm with you guys.
My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee.
l mean, kind of a cop.
He has a gun.
Yeah. They're gonna love you
downtown, Jughead.
We are supercops.
Yeah. That's why l live in a condo.
Supercop. Super-duper-duper-cop.
Super--
-You hear that?
-That's my stomach. l'm starving.
No, no. That sounds
like the dangerous creature.
-l'm gonna go check it out.
-Oh, my gosh.
This is like trying to wrangle a puppy.
All right, l'll be back.
-You guys, stop.
-Hey, guys.
-No. Get out of there.
-No, don't go in there.
What?
l tell you. Super-roll.
-Stop. Stop.
-Hey. Hey. Come on.
You don't know
what's up with that house.
Where you at, spooky creature?
l'm gonna find you.
Freeze...
...tree.
Hey, what you doing?
You can't do that.
Not to an officer, brother.
That is illegal.
-l'm coming, buddy.
-Put me down!
-l'm gonna go get backup.
-l thought there was no backup.
l'm getting Judy.
Judy!
Help!
Mama!
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
-l think l'm having a stroke.
-Just try to stay calm, okay?
We'll be all right
if we just stay calm.
l'm too young to die!
Jenny. l've always loved you.
-Chowder!
-Sorry.
Mama!
l can't look.
Guys, come on. Let's go.
We're dead. You've killed us
and now we're dead.
l don't think the house knows
that we're in here.
l bet it thinks we're still in the car.
Listen.
lt sounds like it's sleeping.
The only way that we're gonna
get out of here alive...
...is if we find the heart,
we put out the fire.
Maybe we should examine
our other options.
Sure. Other option.
We wait here and do nothing
until it wakes up and eats us.
Find the heart,
put out the fire. Got it.
Explosives. That's so cool.
-He was watching me.
-DJ.
Did you ever see a wife?
People used to say he had one...
...but he fattened her up...
...and he ate her.
''Demolition squad.''
Sorry.
Come on.
Be quiet.
Don't worry, l have a very light step.
There. Right there. Shoot it.
What? l thought
if l shot the heart, that--
-That's not the heart.
-Then what is it?
Well, if those are the teeth
and that's the tongue...
...then that must be the uvula.
So it's a girl house.
What? No.
lt stimulates the gag reflex.
Everyone has a uvula.
Not me.
No.
Okay. Let's move.
We need to move quickly
and quietly.
Don't touch anything.
And stay together--
-DJ!
-Wait.
DJ.
l'll save you.
Chowder, knock it off.
Sorry. l thought you were-- DJ!
-Chowder, it's a toy.
-Oh, yeah.
Where's DJ?
-DJ.
-Over here.
Look at all these toys.
This must be where
Nebbercracker kept his stash.
''Stash.''
l think you guys
should have a look at this.
-The key.
-Come on, we don't have time for this.
Yeah, we've gotta
find a way out of here.
What are you doing?
We have a Ping-Pong table
in our basement.
Constance.
Holy moly. He really did eat her.
Couldn't have.
Her whole body is buried in cement.
Look at all this stuff.
Why would he build her a shrine
if he murdered her?
Maybe he just felt guilty or something.
DJ, can we please get out of here?
l always knew you were hiding
something, Mr. Nebbercracker.
DJ.
Way to go, big nose.
-lt's awake.
-Run!
Hide.
Hey, l know that sound.
My ball.
Where are you going? Come here.
-Chowder, come back.
-You get back here.
Gotcha.
Killer Slinkys!
-Chowder.
-Leave me alone!
DJ! Help!
Oh, no.
Get off.
Jenny.
Chowder.
Come on, Chowder, grab on.
Gotcha.
DJ, look out!
No!
The uvula.
-DJ--
-Chowder.
Mommy!
Gross.
Did we just get upchucked?
The uvula, nature's emergency exit.
That's it. Another great idea, DJ.
Brilliant.
What do you want from me,
Chowder?
l don't see you coming up
with any big ideas.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Do you wanna hear my big idea?
l'm going home to make
a pretzel sandwich. See you.
Chowder, the house is still alive
and you're gonna wuss out?
l risked my life for you.
l stole drugs for you...
...and l could've died in there.
-Yeah, me too.
You're the one that killed
Nebbercracker in the first place.
-Getting your ball back.
-You guys.
Stop fighting.
You're acting like babies.
We are babies.
What were we thinking?
We tried to put a house to sleep
with cold medicine.
-How lame can you get?
-Where are you going?
l'm going home. l suck.
DJ.
At least it's an ambulance.
DJ?
lt's a ghost.
Begone. Fie.
Begone yourself. Get away.
He's not a ghost.
He's not dead. l'm not a murderer.
Of course l'm not dead.
Who said l was dead?
You'll be dead if you don't scram.
-Come on, DJ.
-Let's hurry.
Don't you know what day this is?
l'm running out of time.
l'm running out of time.
Honey...
...l'm home.
Oh, look at you, dear.
Your shingles are all ruffled...
...and your windows are cracked.
Oh, but it's no problem, sweetheart.
lt's no problem at all.
lt's her. The house is her.
-DJ, what are you doing?
-Wait. Come on.
-Come back.
-Where you going?
Nothing paint and varnish
can't handle.
Mr. Nebbercracker.
l know about Constance.
You what?
What do you know?
You don't know anything.
You were in my house? You--
You didn't kill her, did you?
l love her so much.
Hello?
lt's okay.
l can take you away from here.
Would you like that?
Yes.
There we go.
Won't be long now.
All right.
Okay, open your eyes.
-Now, it's not much, l know, but just--
-Darling.
Get away from my house!
l'm gonna rip them to bits.
Help.
-Constance.
-Help. Help.
-What's wrong? Are you hurt?
-Hurt?
Yes, l'm hurt. Those criminals
are attacking our house.
-Trick or treat.
-Now, now...
...they're just kids, dear.
-lt's Halloween.
-No, no, no.
lt's my house,
and they're hurting me.
Constance, look at me. Look at me.
As long as l'm here,
l will never let anyone hurt you.
-Constance.
-Sucker.
You vandals.
-Eat this.
-You hooligans.
-l'll get you.
-Constance, no!
So l finished the house.
She would've wanted that.
She died, but she didn't leave.
And that night...
...that one night of every year...
...l had to take precautions.
-Trick or treat.
-l had to.
-Sucker.
-l had to.
Hey! Get a--
Stay away from my house!
She attacks anyone
who comes near.
Go.
l'm coming, dear.
Go.
No, no, no, wait. l can't let you
do this, Mr. Nebbercracker.
l know that you've been
protecting us all these years.
But now it's our turn to protect you.
Let her go.
But if l let her go...
...then l'll have no one.
That's not true.
Constance, no!
Come on.
The house is alive!
This way. This way. Come on.
You guys, come on.
-What are you doing?
-Trying to slow the house down.
Move it, pork chop.
Come on, come on.
Come on, Mr. Nebbercracker.
Come on.
l can't.
Mr. Nebbercracker. Hurry.
Go on. l'll be all right.
Oh, man.
What are you waiting for?
Come on.
You stay away
from those children, Constance!
Constance.
Mr. Nebbercracker.
Oh, now...
There, there, girl.
My sweet.
You've been a bad girl, haven't you?
You've hurt people.
Oh, Constance.
Oh, we've always known
this day would come. Haven't we?
l have to make things right.
l have to make things right.
Constance.
l've always done
what's best for you, haven't l?
Haven't l, girl?
Come on, let's move.
Oh, Constance.
Let this be the right thing to do.
Leave him alone!
Yeah, get your grubby branches
off the old man!
Take that!
And that!
Mr. Nebbercracker.
Oh, kid, come here.
-Take this.
-What?
You have to help me. Please.
l know you can do it.
Go on. Go. Hurry.
How do you know
how to drive this thing?
l don't.
The chimney.
The chimney leads to the heart.
Jenny!
Jenny. Are you all right?
l'm not sure.
DJ, get rid of that thing.
l'm working on it.
Chowder, l need you to get the house
down under that crane.
Think you could do that?
Piece of cake.
Come on.
You think you can just
mess with my friends?
DJ, look.
Mommy.
Chowder.
Come in, Chowder.
Chowder, buddy?
Hey, guys.
Look who just won.
lt's me, the screwup.
Way to go, Chowder, you did it!
Look at me. Look at Chowder.
Oh, yeah.
-Sorry.
-Guys, come on.
Yes. Look at me.
You can't do that.
That's not fair.
No. Get on the top. Help!
That's it, Chowder.
Keep her coming.
You ain't nothing. You're a shack.
You're an outhouse.
No!
-l can't.
-Yes, you can.
Go.
l kissed a girl.
l kissed a girl on the lips.
Guys. Any time now.
Sorry.
DJ, hurry.
l'm flying!
-On three, light the dynamite.
-Okay, l got it.
-One.
-Come on, come on, come on.
-Two.
-Yes.
Thr--
DJ!
Three!
Do you guys hear something?
lt's over there. Come on.
Oh, my dear.
Goodbye.
l'm sorry, Mr. Nebbercracker,
about your house...
...and your wife.
Your house-wife.
Forty-five years.
We have been trapped
for 45 years.
And now...
...we're free.
We're free.
Thank you, friend.
Thank you all.
We're free.
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
Happy Halloween.
-Trick or treat.
-Trick or treat.
Here you go.
-Thanks.
-Thanks.
Happy Halloween.
Next.
What happened
to Nebbercracker's house?
lt turned into a monster,
so l blew it up.
Trick or treat.
We're gonna need a tricycle.
One tricycle, coming up.
Tricycle.
Tricycle.
-Tricycle.
-Hello, tricycle.
l missed you so much.
-Thank you, mister.
-Goodbye, now.
-Happy Halloween.
-Come on.
-Mom. There's my mom.
-Jenny!
-One second.
-Okay.
So...
We should hang out again.
Soon.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
See you.
Good luck with the puberty.
She grabbed my butt.
That's nice, Chowder.
Hey, Mr. Nebbercracker.
lt's time to go.
Oh, you go on.
l've got some work to do.
All right. Thanks.
-l'll see you around.
-All right. Bye.
Hey.
Stay off my lawn.
l'm just kidding.
-You think he'll be okay?
-Yeah. He'll be fine.
He'll go on vacation, get some color,
maybe he'll meet someone new.
This time, maybe
a nice beach house.
Hey, DJ, look who's here.
-Yes, l can see that, thank you.
-No biggie.
-Hey, boys.
-Hey, Dad.
What the heck kind--?
No, don't tell me. Let me guess.
lt's...
-Dirty pirates?
-That's it. Dirty pirates.
Fun, fun. Oh, you look adorable.
Have fun tonight.
You know, you were right.
We're definitely too old
for trick-or-treating.
Oh, yeah. No question about it.
On the other hand...
...we've been working all night.
Candy time?
Candy time.
We're back. Yes.
Candy.
-Did we just get--?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
lt's Halloween, right?
What do you say you and l go out...
...and ''inspect'' some candy, huh?
We should go eat some candy too.
That's a good idea.
Okay. All right.
Let's go eat some candy.
Lots of yummy candy.
Like carrots.
All right, where's the car?
And that is how l slayed
that mystical dragon.
Oh, yeah? That's great.
Come on, baby. We're out of here.
Not so fast, Bones.
Times have changed.
Skull's not like you.
He gives me the respect l deserve...
...and makes time for me.
Whatever.
Bones!
Hello, fence.
Hello, leaves.
Hello, sky.
Hello, leaves.
Hello, sky.
Get off my lawn!
Trespasser.
Do you want to be eaten alive?
-No.
-Then get out of here!
My trike.
Stay away from my house!
-DJ!
-We're gonna be late.
Yeah, Mom, l'm coming.
l'm coming.
October 30th, another tricycle.
l'm coming.
Mom.
Mom, he did it again.
He took another tricycle.
Okay, honey,
we've talked about this.
You cannot stay up
in your room all day...
...staring at an old man
through a telescope.
But, Mom, there's something wrong
with that house.
l'm serious.
What was that?
l'm serious.
His voice sounds funny.
Someone is hitting puberty.
''What's happening to my body?''
Right, buddy?
Maybe you should come with us.
Oh, the boy's too busy.
He's got his spying to do.
l'm not spying.
Well...
''Well...'' That's okay, buddy.
When l was your age,
l did exactly the same thing.
Of course, it was with binoculars
and involved the lovely Jensen twins.
Neither of which was as lovely
as your beautiful mother.
Will you be an angel
and help me bring out the incisor?
-The incisor.
-Hold this.
Yeah, you don't wanna forget that.
Elizabeth will be here
in a few hours.
lf anything happens,
call the police and hide.
He knows that.
See you tomorrow night.
-What have you done?
-Just let me drive this thing, will you?
-Where is DJ? Where's DJ?
-l'm fine.
You would be so happy
if he was under the car, wouldn't you?
Sorry. lt's hard to see
with the mask on.
Then why don't you keep it off,
Chowder?
Why did you put up your window?
-Chowder.
-lt's aerodynamic.
-Hi, DJ.
-We've got to make time.
The children. The children.
-What children?
-Bye-bye, baby.
-Tell him you love him, dear.
-He knows that.
-Tell your son you love him.
-l don't wanna tell him.
-He knows l love him.
-He's your son.
-You have to say it. Roll it down.
-We're gonna be late.
We both love you.
-That includes your dad.
-That's right.
-He's had enough kisses.
-Blow him a kiss.
-Blow him a kiss.
-Goodbye.
Cheer up.
lt's almost Halloween.
ln one day and three hours,
it's candy time.
Okay?
-Check it out, l got a new ball.
-Cool.
Oh, speaking of which,
have you decided?
Skullzor or Crypt Keeper?
Chowder.
l don't think l'm going
trick-or-treating this year.
What?
Come on, you're gonna break
a six-year streak.
Yeah, six years of being jumped
and egged.
Maybe l'm getting too grown-up.
Three seconds on the clock.
l'm playing basketball.
lt's time
for an in-your-face disgrace.
-Are you okay?
-My nose is in my brains.
Let me see. Oh, my God.
-What?
-You're a dork.
Where's my ball?
Oh, no.
-Sorry, man.
-Wait, wait. DJ.
You're a grownup now,
you go get it.
Chowder, your ball just landed
on Nebbercracker's lawn.
lt doesn't exist anymore.
l paid $28 for that ball.
l raked 10 yards and asked my mom
for a dollar 26 times.
l never worked that hard in my life--
Nebbercracker hasn't come out yet.
-So?
-So maybe he's sleeping.
All right, l'll do it.
l'll never forget this. Hurry, though.
Go.
You.
-No.
-DJ, run!
Get the ball and run!
You're so close.
What have you done?
-Just nudge it over here.
-l'm so sorry.
Oh, l'm so, so, so sorry.
l didn't mean--
You are dead.
DJ, come on, come on!
-Chowder.
-Come on, DJ.
Help. Chowder.
Help. Help.
-You think you can terrorize my lawn?
-No, l'm sorry.
-You wanna be a dead person?
-No. l love life.
This place is not
a playground for children.
-Got it from now on.
-This is my house!
Why can't you respect that?
Why can't you
just stay away from--?
Push.
No siren. Never a good sign.
l'm a murderer.
-No, you're not.
-l'm not?
When it's an accident,
they call it manslaughter.
l think l'm gonna throw up.
Great. Babysitter's here.
See you, DJ.
Perfect.
DJ.
Hey, DJ, l just saw an ambulance.
Did l miss anything interesting?
Hello?
Elizabeth...
...can l talk to you
about something?
Oh, yeah, of course you can,
cantaloupe.
We are gonna have
the bestest time.
-Got tons of neat activities planned.
-They already left.
-They did? They're gone?
-Yes, and l need to talk to you.
So the usual deal indoors by 9,
in your room by 11.
-Lights out, your call.
-Elizabeth.
-And it's Zee.
-''Zee''?
Now, listen up. l control the TV,
the stereo and the phone.
l don't do board games,
Shrinky Dinks or tuck-ins.
l'm not your mother.
l'm not your friend.
Don't talk to me like l'm a baby, okay?
l am practically a grownup.
l don't even need you here,
Elizabeth.
-Gosh, DJ, why'd you break that?
-But l didn't.
Yeah, let me ask you something.
Who are they gonna believe?
-Go to your room.
-Fine.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Yeah, very funny.
See how you like it.
Happy Halloween, doofus.
Nice one, Bones.
Look at his face. That's funny.
You're not supposed
to have friends over. Who's this?
-This is Bones.
-What's up?
-He's in a band.
-That's right.
And, anyway, cantaloupe,
let's not open up the rulebook, okay?
Since you're up
way past your bedtime.
No, no, no, this is different. Listen.
You called the neighbors.
Good for you.
l used star-69. He called me.
-Who called you?
-Nebbercracker.
P.S., he died today.
-You lie.
-Do not.
He died, and now l'm getting
phone calls from his house.
A phone call
from beyond the grave.
Guys, come on. l'm serious.
Oh, he's serious.
Did you know he was serious?
-Come on, man, give her back.
-Oh, ''her''? You mind?
Oh, come on. Gross.
-Come on, Bones.
-Wait, hold on, dude. l th--
She's having trouble breathing.
Might have something in her throat.
All right, l'll look into it.
-No. Elizabeth. No.
-Okay, Bones, knock it off.
Downstairs, now.
Sorry, kid, can't play anymore.
You are so funny.
l know. lt's like l don't even try
and it just happens.
God, stop doing this.
Oh, yeah? What you gonna do?
-Homicide.
-Chowder, where are your parents?
My dad's at the pharmacy...
...and my mom's at the movies
with her personal trainer.
-Meet me at the Danger Zone now.
-Fine.
-Bones, l said, knock it off.
-Come on, man.
No, l'm creeped out.
You know,
l saw an ambulance here today.
So?
So maybe Nebbercracker
really did die.
We should be so lucky.
The guy is evil.
No, he's just a crotchety old dude.
Oh, really, Zee?
When l was 10 years old,
l had a kite. Awesome kite.
l could fly it so high
you couldn't see it.
One day, it crashed down.
l followed the string
and it ended right over there...
...across the street,
right at the edge of his lawn.
Did he take your kite?
Yeah, he takes whatever lands
on his lawn.
But that's not the point.
The point is, is that l saw him
talking to his house...
...and kissing it.
Besides...
...everybody knows
what he did to his wife.
Why? What--?
What did he do to her?
-He ate her.
-Bones. Get off. Stop it!
-Bones, enough.
-Come on, Zee.
Bones, l'm so sick of you.
-l was just--
-You have no respect for women.
What? What does that mean?
Get out.
Fine.
Prude.
What are you looking at?
Nebbercracker.
You really are dead, aren't you?
l'm on your lawn, Nebbercracker.
What are you gonna
do about it, Nebbercracker?
Nebber-snapper-flipper-dipper--
My awesome kite.
Chowder.
Chowder.
Chowder?
Chowder.
Heat seeker.
Chowder, what are you doing?
Shut up.
What?
Nebbercracker's back
from the dead.
-No way.
-Yeah.
They leave the keys in here.
You dare me?
Chowder,
you're not listening to me.
Nebbercracker's haunting me,
all right? His blood is on my hands.
And now he's
coming back for revenge.
You're really crazy right now.
Have you noticed that?
l think you're just freaking out
because you killed a guy today.
Life goes on.
For you.
Try and relax. Be cool, like me.
Chowder, what are you doing?
Make it stop.
Quit screwing around.
l need your help.
Fine.
You want my help?
-Yeah.
-l got three words for you.
''Trick or treat.''
Okay. Whatever. Let's go.
Hold on.
Chowder, come on.
The haunting is subtle...
...yet really, really boring.
-Can l go home now?
-Chowder, he'll hear you.
DJ...
...this is why nobody
will sit next to us at lunch.
l'll go Ding Dong Ditch the house
and you'll see. No ghost.
Chowder, stop, please.
Chowder, l'm serious.
Chowder, come back.
Come back here, please, Chowder.
Come on.
Chowder. Come back.
-Oh, no. A bottle.
-Chowder, put that down.
-Come back, please.
-Bottle.
Hey, DJ, who am l?
Get off my lawn.
Don't. Come on.
Run. Chowder, get out of there.
-Chowder, come here.
-Mommy.
This way. This way.
Help.
Come on, Chowder!
Chowder, this way!
Don't look back.
l looked back.
Bones?
Coming.
Don't even think
about crawling back here...
Trick or treat.
What?
Good morning, ma'am.
You witnessed a simulation
of what you'll face this evening.
Studies show that households
that run out of candy...
...are 55 percent more likely
to be TP'd.
To help avert this tragedy...
...l'm here selling Halloween candy
for my school, Westbrook Prep.
Good school.
l got kicked out of there.
Now, what do you want?
Just trying to get a head start on life
and secure a successful future.
You want a successful future?
When a guy with tattoos
comes up to the drive-through...
...give him his burger,
not your phone number.
Thank you for the advice.
l'll be sure to make a note of it.
But back to business.
Eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper.
Without candy, l'm afraid your house
is a bull's-eye with shingles.
Nice try. lt's not my house.
Babysitter?
Okay, let's cut the crap.
Maybe the parents you work for
left you $40 in emergency money.
Maybe they left me 30.
Maybe you give me 20, l write
a receipt for 30 and you pocket 10.
Maybe.
And l want two extra bags
of peanut clusters.
One bag and l'll
toss in a licorice whip.
You're good.
Eight a.m. No detectable movement.
No detectable movement.
Hey, DJ, l brought you
some chocolate.
Cover blown?
No detectable movement.
What are you two weirdoes up to?
Oh, nothing.
Just something in the house
across the street just tried to eat us.
Yeah. We've been watching all night.
We haven't even left this room once.
Not even to go to the bathroom.
Don't drink that.
Oh, gross.
Whatever disease you guys have...
...l'm sure it's got letters
and that they make pills for it.
Zee, it's true. There's something evil
going on across the street.
That's excellent.
l'm really happy for you.
Anyway, have you two astronomers
seen Bones?
He left last night unexpectedly...
...and he never came back.
Never came back?
-Bottle.
-Of course.
Oh, okay, you know what?
l don't have time for this.
Listen, Zee, l don't know
how to tell you this--
Your boyfriend has most likely
been eaten alive.
Sherry Klausen.
l gotta go.
Breakfast.
Happy Halloween, losers.
Hello.
What?
What is it?
Oh, nothing.
Let me see.
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no.
-No. No. Hey.
-Hey, wait. Hey.
DJ, that's your phone.
-No, stop.
-Girl. Hey.
-Don't go in there.
-Hold it.
Don't go any further.
-Come here.
-Yes, over here.
Are you guys mentally challenged?
lf you are,
l'm certified to teach you baseball.
Detectable movement.
-What do we do? What do we do?
-Come on.
Guys.
-Run, Chowder.
-l'm running.
Help, please.
-Got her.
-No, l got her.
Hello?
-Hey.
-Oh, my God.
There's an angry dad on the phone
looking for the one called Chowder.
Hello?
Losers, l'm talking to you.
He's worried about you.
He should be.
-Start explaining.
-All right, the house, it tried to eat us.
-Stop explaining, l've had enough.
-Wait, wait, where are you going?
To see what's happening
with that stupid house of yours.
-No, no, no. You can't.
-What is your problem?
Puberty. Yeah, l'm having
lots and lots of puberty.
-No more Mountain Dew.
-Right.
l'm going to find Bones.
All right, you have fun.
Don't worry about us, we'll be fine.
And you tell him l said hey, okay?
Safe driving.
See you!
Oh, hi.
You wanna tell me what's going on?
Oh, yeah. l made
the whole puberty thing up.
Hi, l'm JD. DJ.
Yes, Dad, l meant to call you,
but l forgot.
Okay, l'm sorry.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Affirmative.
-Okay, love you. Bye.
-Yeah.
And this is
our little observation post...
...such as it were.
Yeah, posters are stupid.
l was gonna tear them down
and put up some art.
Well, Dad, why don't you
kiss my hairy butt?
Hey, DJ, you got any beer?
Well, hello there.
This is Chowder.
Charles, to the ladies.
Jenny Bennett.
Two-term class president
at Westbrook Prep.
-That's a tough school to get into.
-Yeah, l got in, but decided not to go.
lt's a girls' school.
Which is why l didn't.
You know, there's a...
There's a great taco stand near there.
l hate Mexican food.
-Me too.
-Me too.
Fascinating, isn't it?
Just sits there waiting...
...mocking us with its...
...houseness.
-May l please use your phone?
-Yeah, sure.
Here. Who you calling?
-My mother.
-Rude.
She's probably
not gonna believe you.
lt's too much for the adult mind
to comprehend.
ls this pee? Because if it is,
that's really gross.
-lt's--
-DJ?
You pee in bottles?
What are you talking about?
That one's your pee.
-lt's yours.
-lt's his.
-May l speak with Allison?
-Unsanitary.
-Her daughter. Thank you.
-lt's his pee.
Excuse me.
l was selling chocolates in Mayville,
and, well, it's kind of confusing.
So you hate Mexican food, huh?
Yeah. You too, huh?
Yeah, in fact, you might say
l started hating it first.
Outside in front of the house?
-Fine. Let's get technical.
-Okay.
l started hating it
through the telescope.
Can't call dibs on a girl
through a telescope.
You can't call dibs on a girl.
-Just did.
-Me too.
She didn't believe me.
Authority can be so.
Okay. Normally l don't spend time
with guys like you.
But a house just tried to eat me,
so you've got one hour.
Oh, a puppy.
Didn't see that coming.
Okay...
...l think it's time to call the police.
Do you realize
what's gonna happen tonight?
Hundreds of kids
walking right up to that house.
Wait, wait, wait. Come on.
Guys, l think we're overreacting.
Think about it.
Only a total moron would walk
up to old man Nebbercracker's house.
-Hey, my ball.
-Chowder.
No.
lt's gonna be a bloodbath.
Good news. The cops are here.
All right, kids, this better be good.
l was in the forest wrestling
with a bear claw when we got the call.
l was eating a doughnut.
All three of you,
step to the car now.
-My ears.
-They're at the car.
He's a rookie.
First week on the job.
Officer, we have reason
to believe...
...there's a dangerous creature
inside that house.
-lt may have killed a man.
-And a dog.
Doggy down?
We've got a situation.
-We've got a situation.
-What are you doing?
Calling for backup.
Didn't you hear the kid?
There's a dangerous creature
inside that house.
We don't have backup.
lt's just Judy at the station.
And this is no situation.
lt's just a couple Tater Tots
hopped up on too many Pixy Stix.
l bet you the dead dog
would beg to differ.
What was that?
Nothing.
All right. Time's up, peewees.
-lt's Halloween. We got things to do.
-We do?
No, wait, you can't.
All right, this thing, it has a mouth...
...and it comes out and grabs things
and pulls them in and eats them.
Yeah, like this.
Okay, okay, okay. The thing is...
...we're trying to make this sound
more real than it normally would.
Problem is it sounds kind of not real.
-So we'll see you later.
-No.
All right. l'll show you.
But if things get out of hand...
We'll aim for Bigfoot.
That's loaded.
He's hopping.
Smart house.
Hey.
You-- Both of you. Come here.
Bring it to the car.
Come on.
l'm gonna forget you throwing that rock
because that dance was pretty funny.
But next time any of you
mess with this guy's house...
...all three of you are going
in the hole, you got it?
Now, l'll give you
But we need your help.
lt's your job to help us.
-One.
-Come on.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
That's tender.
My house is right over there.
So much for relying
on the government.
Yeah, l know.
l hate the government.
-Dude, we're screwed.
-No, we're not.
We'll go to an expert.
You're looking
at the three-time, tri-state...
...over-14
''Thou Art Dead'' champion.
His name is Reginald Skulinski.
But they call him Skull.
-Who's ''they''?
-Me and DJ.
-Yeah.
-He's the smartest guy on earth.
So let's go talk to him.
-Hey, Jenny, Jenny.
-Hey, Jenny, Jenny, hold on. Hold up.
Skull is in the game zone right now.
You don't wanna mess with him
when he's in the game zone.
Fine, so how long
is he gonna be playing?
Die. Die.
Who knows? He once played
for four days straight...
...on one quarter, a gallon
of chocolate milk and an adult diaper.
The man's a legend.
Well, if he's not coming out of
the game zone, then we are going in.
-What? Hey, what are you--?
-What? Jenny, no.
lt's like you're not gonna--
You're not gonna do it. Like--
You're gonna die. You're gonna die.
Watch out.
Did you see that?
l just chopped off your head again.
Your head's rolling. You can't see it,
your eyes are on your head.
-Sir?
-What?
l'm busy playing a video game
without even looking at the screen.
What?
Old man Nebbercracker's house
is possessed.
l need to know how to destroy it
before it kills people.
Calm down. You make me wanna
throw up in some tinfoil and eat it.
Oh, you like the steel of my blade?
lt's so cold.
Possessed house, you say?
ln my travels to the video store
and comic-book conventions...
...l've seen many strange
and wondrous things.
And l've heard tell
of man-made structures...
...becoming possessed
by a human soul...
...so that the spirit becomes merged
with wood and brick...
...creating a rare form of monster...
...known as Domus mactabilis.
The house is Mr. Nebbercracker.
We're its murderous enemies.
Have fun getting killed.
Run, coward.
Look at that blood.
So how do we kill it?
You've gotta strike
at the source of life, the heart.
But houses don't have hearts.
Yes!
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You might be right about that.
Sorry, children, but l've got some very
important business to take care of.
l won't be seeing you later.
Thou art dead.
So we need to strike at the heart.
Yeah, but where are we gonna find
a heart inside a house?
Ever since Nebbercracker died...
...there's been smoke
coming out of that chimney.
The furnace.
The furnace is the heart.
lf we wanna put out the fire,
we're gonna have to go inside.
Without getting chewed to pieces.
-Dummy.
-Hey, l was just doodling.
No, Chowder, this is it.
First, we build a dummy.
We fill the dummy
with a few gallons of cold medicine.
-Borrow it from your dad's pharmacy.
-Say what?
Feed the dummy to the house, house
eats the medicine, goes to sleep.
-Look at this.
-We get in, douse the fire and get out.
-Questions?
-Yes, are you nuts?
l don't wanna steal drugs
from my father...
...l don't wanna go inside a monster
and l don't wanna die.
-l say it's worth a shot.
-Yes, l agree, let's do it.
Hey, but l wanted that one.
-You've gotta be kidding me.
-Yes.
-Chowder. Quiet.
-Sorry.
Go.
Whoopsie-daisy.
All right, little vacuum-cleaner dummy,
l'm gonna move you into position.
You don't be scared.
That's not how l trained you.
l love you, vacuum-cleaner dummy.
Chowder, come on.
Okay.
Yes.
Trick or treat.
Plug it in.
So close.
Littering, loitering,
vandalism, vagrancy--
-And treason.
-No, not treason.
-You sure? Because in the book--
-l'm sure.
All right, kids, out of the trash cans.
Let's go.
Come on. You heard the big guy.
You see the light. Walk towards it.
Come on, keep it moving.
All right, drop your weapons.
Pass them to me. Come on.
-l will shoot you.
-Well, lookie we got here.
You stay here,
l'm checking this out.
l am on it.
Y'all think something's funny?
You testing me? Huh, tough girl?
You disrespecting the badge?
You don't want none of this.
l'm telling you. Test me. Please.
Y'all wanna test me?
l am the police.
l know you're a thug.
Them brown eyes...
l see it in your eyes.
That's it. That is it.
You got something to say,
Porky, huh?
-That's it, we're taking them in.
-That's what l'm talking about.
-Where we taking them?
-To jail. Let's go.
You hear that?
You guys are going to jail.
But, officer,
you've gotta believe us.
Yeah, 2-percent,
you got the right to shut up.
-Okay, the house is a monster.
-And to think l believed you.
Hey, listen, l'm with you guys.
My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee.
l mean, kind of a cop.
He has a gun.
Yeah. They're gonna love you
downtown, Jughead.
We are supercops.
Yeah. That's why l live in a condo.
Supercop. Super-duper-duper-cop.
Super--
-You hear that?
-That's my stomach. l'm starving.
No, no. That sounds
like the dangerous creature.
-l'm gonna go check it out.
-Oh, my gosh.
This is like trying to wrangle a puppy.
All right, l'll be back.
-You guys, stop.
-Hey, guys.
-No. Get out of there.
-No, don't go in there.
What?
l tell you. Super-roll.
-Stop. Stop.
-Hey. Hey. Come on.
You don't know
what's up with that house.
Where you at, spooky creature?
l'm gonna find you.
Freeze...
...tree.
Hey, what you doing?
You can't do that.
Not to an officer, brother.
That is illegal.
-l'm coming, buddy.
-Put me down!
-l'm gonna go get backup.
-l thought there was no backup.
l'm getting Judy.
Judy!
Help!
Mama!
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God.
-l think l'm having a stroke.
-Just try to stay calm, okay?
We'll be all right
if we just stay calm.
l'm too young to die!
Jenny. l've always loved you.
-Chowder!
-Sorry.
Mama!
l can't look.
Guys, come on. Let's go.
We're dead. You've killed us
and now we're dead.
l don't think the house knows
that we're in here.
l bet it thinks we're still in the car.
Listen.
lt sounds like it's sleeping.
The only way that we're gonna
get out of here alive...
...is if we find the heart,
we put out the fire.
Maybe we should examine
our other options.
Sure. Other option.
We wait here and do nothing
until it wakes up and eats us.
Find the heart,
put out the fire. Got it.
Explosives. That's so cool.
-He was watching me.
-DJ.
Did you ever see a wife?
People used to say he had one...
...but he fattened her up...
...and he ate her.
''Demolition squad.''
Sorry.
Come on.
Be quiet.
Don't worry, l have a very light step.
There. Right there. Shoot it.
What? l thought
if l shot the heart, that--
-That's not the heart.
-Then what is it?
Well, if those are the teeth
and that's the tongue...
...then that must be the uvula.
So it's a girl house.
What? No.
lt stimulates the gag reflex.
Everyone has a uvula.
Not me.
No.
Okay. Let's move.
We need to move quickly
and quietly.
Don't touch anything.
And stay together--
-DJ!
-Wait.
DJ.
l'll save you.
Chowder, knock it off.
Sorry. l thought you were-- DJ!
-Chowder, it's a toy.
-Oh, yeah.
Where's DJ?
-DJ.
-Over here.
Look at all these toys.
This must be where
Nebbercracker kept his stash.
''Stash.''
l think you guys
should have a look at this.
-The key.
-Come on, we don't have time for this.
Yeah, we've gotta
find a way out of here.
What are you doing?
We have a Ping-Pong table
in our basement.
Constance.
Holy moly. He really did eat her.
Couldn't have.
Her whole body is buried in cement.
Look at all this stuff.
Why would he build her a shrine
if he murdered her?
Maybe he just felt guilty or something.
DJ, can we please get out of here?
l always knew you were hiding
something, Mr. Nebbercracker.
DJ.
Way to go, big nose.
-lt's awake.
-Run!
Hide.
Hey, l know that sound.
My ball.
Where are you going? Come here.
-Chowder, come back.
-You get back here.
Gotcha.
Killer Slinkys!
-Chowder.
-Leave me alone!
DJ! Help!
Oh, no.
Get off.
Jenny.
Chowder.
Come on, Chowder, grab on.
Gotcha.
DJ, look out!
No!
The uvula.
-DJ--
-Chowder.
Mommy!
Gross.
Did we just get upchucked?
The uvula, nature's emergency exit.
That's it. Another great idea, DJ.
Brilliant.
What do you want from me,
Chowder?
l don't see you coming up
with any big ideas.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Do you wanna hear my big idea?
l'm going home to make
a pretzel sandwich. See you.
Chowder, the house is still alive
and you're gonna wuss out?
l risked my life for you.
l stole drugs for you...
...and l could've died in there.
-Yeah, me too.
You're the one that killed
Nebbercracker in the first place.
-Getting your ball back.
-You guys.
Stop fighting.
You're acting like babies.
We are babies.
What were we thinking?
We tried to put a house to sleep
with cold medicine.
-How lame can you get?
-Where are you going?
l'm going home. l suck.
DJ.
At least it's an ambulance.
DJ?
lt's a ghost.
Begone. Fie.
Begone yourself. Get away.
He's not a ghost.
He's not dead. l'm not a murderer.
Of course l'm not dead.
Who said l was dead?
You'll be dead if you don't scram.
-Come on, DJ.
-Let's hurry.
Don't you know what day this is?
l'm running out of time.
l'm running out of time.
Honey...
...l'm home.
Oh, look at you, dear.
Your shingles are all ruffled...
...and your windows are cracked.
Oh, but it's no problem, sweetheart.
lt's no problem at all.
lt's her. The house is her.
-DJ, what are you doing?
-Wait. Come on.
-Come back.
-Where you going?
Nothing paint and varnish
can't handle.
Mr. Nebbercracker.
l know about Constance.
You what?
What do you know?
You don't know anything.
You were in my house? You--
You didn't kill her, did you?
l love her so much.
Hello?
lt's okay.
l can take you away from here.
Would you like that?
Yes.
There we go.
Won't be long now.
All right.
Okay, open your eyes.
-Now, it's not much, l know, but just--
-Darling.
Get away from my house!
l'm gonna rip them to bits.
Help.
-Constance.
-Help. Help.
-What's wrong? Are you hurt?
-Hurt?
Yes, l'm hurt. Those criminals
are attacking our house.
-Trick or treat.
-Now, now...
...they're just kids, dear.
-lt's Halloween.
-No, no, no.
lt's my house,
and they're hurting me.
Constance, look at me. Look at me.
As long as l'm here,
l will never let anyone hurt you.
-Constance.
-Sucker.
You vandals.
-Eat this.
-You hooligans.
-l'll get you.
-Constance, no!
So l finished the house.
She would've wanted that.
She died, but she didn't leave.
And that night...
...that one night of every year...
...l had to take precautions.
-Trick or treat.
-l had to.
-Sucker.
-l had to.
Hey! Get a--
Stay away from my house!
She attacks anyone
who comes near.
Go.
l'm coming, dear.
Go.
No, no, no, wait. l can't let you
do this, Mr. Nebbercracker.
l know that you've been
protecting us all these years.
But now it's our turn to protect you.
Let her go.
But if l let her go...
...then l'll have no one.
That's not true.
Constance, no!
Come on.
The house is alive!
This way. This way. Come on.
You guys, come on.
-What are you doing?
-Trying to slow the house down.
Move it, pork chop.
Come on, come on.
Come on, Mr. Nebbercracker.
Come on.
l can't.
Mr. Nebbercracker. Hurry.
Go on. l'll be all right.
Oh, man.
What are you waiting for?
Come on.
You stay away
from those children, Constance!
Constance.
Mr. Nebbercracker.
Oh, now...
There, there, girl.
My sweet.
You've been a bad girl, haven't you?
You've hurt people.
Oh, Constance.
Oh, we've always known
this day would come. Haven't we?
l have to make things right.
l have to make things right.
Constance.
l've always done
what's best for you, haven't l?
Haven't l, girl?
Come on, let's move.
Oh, Constance.
Let this be the right thing to do.
Leave him alone!
Yeah, get your grubby branches
off the old man!
Take that!
And that!
Mr. Nebbercracker.
Oh, kid, come here.
-Take this.
-What?
You have to help me. Please.
l know you can do it.
Go on. Go. Hurry.
How do you know
how to drive this thing?
l don't.
The chimney.
The chimney leads to the heart.
Jenny!
Jenny. Are you all right?
l'm not sure.
DJ, get rid of that thing.
l'm working on it.
Chowder, l need you to get the house
down under that crane.
Think you could do that?
Piece of cake.
Come on.
You think you can just
mess with my friends?
DJ, look.
Mommy.
Chowder.
Come in, Chowder.
Chowder, buddy?
Hey, guys.
Look who just won.
lt's me, the screwup.
Way to go, Chowder, you did it!
Look at me. Look at Chowder.
Oh, yeah.
-Sorry.
-Guys, come on.
Yes. Look at me.
You can't do that.
That's not fair.
No. Get on the top. Help!
That's it, Chowder.
Keep her coming.
You ain't nothing. You're a shack.
You're an outhouse.
No!
-l can't.
-Yes, you can.
Go.
l kissed a girl.
l kissed a girl on the lips.
Guys. Any time now.
Sorry.
DJ, hurry.
l'm flying!
-On three, light the dynamite.
-Okay, l got it.
-One.
-Come on, come on, come on.
-Two.
-Yes.
Thr--
DJ!
Three!
Do you guys hear something?
lt's over there. Come on.
Oh, my dear.
Goodbye.
l'm sorry, Mr. Nebbercracker,
about your house...
...and your wife.
Your house-wife.
Forty-five years.
We have been trapped
for 45 years.
And now...
...we're free.
We're free.
Thank you, friend.
Thank you all.
We're free.
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
Happy Halloween.
-Trick or treat.
-Trick or treat.
Here you go.
-Thanks.
-Thanks.
Happy Halloween.
Next.
What happened
to Nebbercracker's house?
lt turned into a monster,
so l blew it up.
Trick or treat.
We're gonna need a tricycle.
One tricycle, coming up.
Tricycle.
Tricycle.
-Tricycle.
-Hello, tricycle.
l missed you so much.
-Thank you, mister.
-Goodbye, now.
-Happy Halloween.
-Come on.
-Mom. There's my mom.
-Jenny!
-One second.
-Okay.
So...
We should hang out again.
Soon.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
See you.
Good luck with the puberty.
She grabbed my butt.
That's nice, Chowder.
Hey, Mr. Nebbercracker.
lt's time to go.
Oh, you go on.
l've got some work to do.
All right. Thanks.
-l'll see you around.
-All right. Bye.
Hey.
Stay off my lawn.
l'm just kidding.
-You think he'll be okay?
-Yeah. He'll be fine.
He'll go on vacation, get some color,
maybe he'll meet someone new.
This time, maybe
a nice beach house.
Hey, DJ, look who's here.
-Yes, l can see that, thank you.
-No biggie.
-Hey, boys.
-Hey, Dad.
What the heck kind--?
No, don't tell me. Let me guess.
lt's...
-Dirty pirates?
-That's it. Dirty pirates.
Fun, fun. Oh, you look adorable.
Have fun tonight.
You know, you were right.
We're definitely too old
for trick-or-treating.
Oh, yeah. No question about it.
On the other hand...
...we've been working all night.
Candy time?
Candy time.
We're back. Yes.
Candy.
-Did we just get--?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
lt's Halloween, right?
What do you say you and l go out...
...and ''inspect'' some candy, huh?
We should go eat some candy too.
That's a good idea.
Okay. All right.
Let's go eat some candy.
Lots of yummy candy.
Like carrots.
All right, where's the car?
And that is how l slayed
that mystical dragon.
Oh, yeah? That's great.
Come on, baby. We're out of here.
Not so fast, Bones.
Times have changed.
Skull's not like you.
He gives me the respect l deserve...
...and makes time for me.
Whatever.
Bones!
Hello, fence.
Hello, leaves.
Hello, sky.