Monsters Wanted (2013) Movie Script

[Fly buzzing]
- Halloween shtuff.
Right there,
in the middle of the dirt--
we're paving
a bunch of this--
it's going to be
the biocontainment tent,
which is gonna lead you
into the facade city
that leads down
to where our bus is.
That's gonna lead you
out into the woods.
The feel is to be
Louisiana bayou,
walking down the docks.
Here's the dock.
Poor carpenter.
I think they have
about given him a hemorrhage
'cause this is
the most out-of-square thing
he's ever built.
We've wanted to own
our own haunt for years.
We've been going
to haunted houses
since we were both
knee-high to a grasshopper.
You know, she was scaring kids
in the neighborhood at six
and building her own haunt
in her garage,
and we've done--been
a home haunter here for a while,
and we've--I've been
to hundreds of haunted houses
all over the country.
We love Halloween.
It's the only holiday
we celebrate.
- I was kind of born spooky.
The first horror movie I saw--
I was three--was Poltergeist.
You know,
my parents were like,
"oh, you look like
the little girl,"
and, you know, then later on
in the night, of course,
I was pawing at the TV,
"take me, take me."
- This town just didn't
have anything
that struck us as wow,
fantastic, kick butt,
and so we were like, look,
let's turn louisville in.
Let's raise the bar
on Halloween in louisville.
Let's step it up,
let's make something fucking
fantastic out of it,
and let--let's make
a theme park.
So you come around
this side of the tent,
come walking in.
Here's the ticket window.
In front
of the ticket window,
you are in the center
of the theme park.
This is your entrance area.
So you'll have
concession booths.
You'll go off that way
for zombie city.
You go off this way
for darkness falls.
Hopefully stay a few hours,
so everyone feels
they get their money's worth.
'Cause if you're not getting
your money's worth,
it's not worth it,
it's not doing it right.
- Every time I talk about it,
I get excited.
[Clears throat]
When I let my mind run
and think about
all the possible complications
and how tight we are
on budgeting and time
and everything, then I
start to get stressed out.
- So yeah, it's
a little scary at this point.
It's exciting scary.
It's not, like,
freak-out scary to me,
but it's definitely
a little...
- [Sighs]
Are we ready for this?
Okay, we can do this.
[Listen to the anchorman
by ok zombie]
- They're coming
to get you, Barbara
thanks, Johnny,
for that update
our guy in the field's
it's too late
mass pandemonium here
and everything's
very strange
it seems there are
zombies out there
eating brains
listen to the anchorman
he's got some news
he'll have you
running scared
and stayin' tuned
listen to the anchorman
he's got some news
he only wants to say
you're kind of screwed
we don't have any good news
for you
it's nothing
but gloom and doom
this just in,
there's relief coming
but not too soon
listen to the anchorman
he's got some news
he'll have you
running scared
and stayin' tuned
listen to the anchorman
he's got some news
he only wants to say
[Paintballs shooting]
- Uh, we're at paintball asylum,
at asylum xtreme sports,
uh, the louisville store
and the paintball field.
We knew,
for paintball to exist
or for a retail store
to exist,
it had to be more
than just paintball,
and that's when we grew
the asylum xtreme sports line.
And then, I always had,
in the back of my mind,
I had a notion
to do a haunt.
- It was actually Kenny
and his team
who decided to start
darkness falls,
and they were running it
as a fantastic attraction.
Darkness falls is now going to
be in its fourth year running.
Um, it was
kind of my crazy--
no, it was your crazy idea,
wasn't it?
No, all right.
I'll go ahead
and take credit for it.
It was kind of my crazy idea
to go ahead
and expand everything
into a haunted theme park.
[Dramatic music]
Darkness falls is scary,
and it's fantastic.
And I absolutely
did not want that to change.
Zombie city
is actually gonna be
quite a bit more theatrical,
um, and unique
in a lot of aspects.
Uh, it's almost gonna be
a little more
like a fully immersive play
that you walk through.
- We came up with trying
to do this carnival
and do the carnival games,
where you can win
the pink floofy bear
or the Teddy bear
that was cut in half
and is bleeding and dripping
and, you know,
try and make it a little eerie
and halloweeny but fun.
- You guys are getting
a lot bigger this year,
as far as just number
of attractions and stuff.
- It's scary, really, for me.
- Is it?
- I mean--
yeah, I'll be honest.
I wish we maybe
was only expanding
on one haunt this year.
I think to double--
to add two haunts to it,
um, I mean, I don't want
to be negative about it
in no way,
by no means at all.
It's just,
it does concern me
on how much bigger
we're getting so fast.
- Welcome to darkness falls.
Okay, this is
where the crazy clown...
- And this was always
where we had the--
- who looks like Kenny
with a really long chin
and some white makeup.
- That dude
don't look like me.
In the past, we had
only one slide, which--
- and now we're gonna
split them off into--
- now it's double.
Yeah, it was doubled.
So now, it's like--
- boyfriend, this way.
Girlfriend, this way.
- Come on, dude!
- We're doing
industrial sewer pipes.
And, like, you've been
going into a sewer,
industrial wasteland.
- So they're inside?
- She's got
a dad-good point.
If we do
a drop window there...
- Here.
- And we do, you know,
a trapdoor wall there,
one actor can be hitting
a couple different scenes,
running back in front of here.
- Oh, yeah.
- We can save an actor.
- Because that way,
if they don't--
if they get logged
up here,
whoever's here
just drops it and runs.
- Yeah.
- Dude, that's genius.
Let's do that.
- So much more effective.
I'd worked
at two major haunted houses
on the east coast,
and I was burned out.
I got a call
from Shawn Wallace.
"Hey, I know this guy,"
you know,
"and he's doing this."
And I said, "I don't--
I don't really want to deal
with the haunts
in this area."
I've met with some of them,
and I don't want
to work with them.
And, uh,
"oh, no, he's new."
- The evil dead cabin
is basically gonna have
a door right here,
leading you in
off the path.
Room two
is where we're hoping
to build the drop floor,
where the floor
will drop 3/4 of an inch
out from underneath you.
- It's gonna be so much fun.
It looks like it.
- Okay, okay, all right.
- I work with dusty
at the day care, and I told her
I wanted to get involved
in different projects
because I was really bored.
I think she found rich
on craigslist
or something like that.
I'm not even sure.
Dusty thought...
I don't remember how it
came about, but she goes,
"you're gonna have to deal
with his ego."
And I was like, "I don't think
he has an ego.
I think he has money
to back up his shit."
[Laughs] Like, I don't think
there's an issue here.
- Hi, grant,
my name's dusty June.
I'm one of the stage managers
at asylum haunted scream park.
You put in an application
on our monsters wanted form.
- How many days left?
- A day and a half
till auditions.
Uh, opening night,
we're at 74 days and--
- you're not counting down
or anything?
- No, I'm not counting down.
I'm just scared shitless.
Our whole life savings
up in one 12-day period.
Um, so yeah, we're--
but we're on track.
We're gonna get it open,
one way or the other.
We got
a lot of people helping.
We've spent years
giving favors to people,
and so
we're calling 'em in.
Everything we can get to try
to get this and do it right.
Yeah, great.
Well, then,
we will see you on Saturday.
No problem.
See you. Bye.
I worked 70, 90 hours a week
for my day job.
You know, it was "salary."
You know, I worked 40 to 50
as my required hours,
put in more time.
I worked weekends for 'em,
do whatever I needed to do.
And come February,
I guess,
when we really decided
this haunt needs to go up
and there was so much to do,
well, I stopped working
as hard for them.
I wasn't working
every single weekend anymore,
you know,
and pulling seven-day weeks.
I was gonna go out and work
on the haunt on the weekend.
But it basically got to
a point where I was told
to basically give up
my haunted house
or take a $20,000 pay cut,
'cause he was gonna hire someone
else to pick up the slack
and do time logs
every minute of my day,
and I wasn't gonna be able
to work at home anymore,
which I had been doing
for 15 years,
just work out of my house.
So after that, I was like,
"here's my resignation.
"Look, I'll give you 60
to 90 days to find someone else,
get 'em trained."
And I'm like, "I'm just gonna go
full-time, being a haunter."
You know, I'm getting to the
point in my life where I'm 35.
It's time for a change.
I don't need to spend
the next five years in my house,
locked up in a closet
at my house,
you know,
working for someone else.
I'd rather go out and do
something for myself,
even if that risks
everything I have,
and do something I love.
- Right now,
everything that I own
is going
into this haunt attraction,
and I'm actually starting
to contemplate selling things
just to continue to fund it,
because it's--
we're at the point
of no return.
- We're gonna do a--
a two-part audition.
Dusty and janel are gonna
be able to take notes
on who seems more creative
and outgoing
and who can be put
in different places
in different positions
in the haunt,
and then we call 'em in,
one by one,
to do the direct auditions,
where they know
we're watching them,
and we get to be
the scary people.
- I'm hot.
I can't wait till October
when it's not hot.
I need misters
and some guy in a bikini
with a grape leaf.
[Snakes in the shadows
by viva viva]
- I got a fever
of 110 degrees
I'm seeing snakes
in the shadows
on the long walk home
- so I'm gonna pick
one of you,
and you have to be a zombie
while playing duck, duck, goose.
- I must be stoned
can somebody help me,
I got a fever
of 110 degrees
seeing snakes
in the trash
- [Screaming]
- Each night we're open,
you're gonna be performing
for thousands of guests.
- Being swallowed,
held by your past
hungry for my need
- you know, we want people
that want to be here,
they want to have fun,
and they want to scare the hell
out of innocent people.
- I got a fever
of 110 degrees
- [Screaming]
- Are you scared?
- You should be.
- Oh! You guys,
she's--she's got great eyes.
- Mm-hmm.
- Obviously.
- I enjoy working
with somebody else
and someone to feed off of.
But I can also work
- Help me, please
I got a fever
of 110 degrees
- Aah!
- As a monster--
pick your monster--
read a nursery rhyme.
- [Deep voice]
Mary had a little lamb
whose fleece
was white as snow.
- [Laughs]
That was good.
- [Growling]
I don't know what I was.
I just did that.
- I'm hearing words
whispered in the wind
saying, all right,
- Let's do some role play.
- Okay.
So I'm being stabbed?
- You're being stabbed.
- Aah! I've been stabbed!
Help me, John!
- Locked me in here
just because I like seeing
what's underneath a person.
- Come on, get a little closer.
Dance with bubba.
Show me your dance moves.
- Tell the balloons
to stop talking to me
- The fact they're made
so fragile, it's so funny.
- What's that on ya?
Mmm. You got some smell good on.
What is that?
- Help me!
I've been stabbed!
- [Laughs maniacally]
- Mmm. Pop-tarts?
- We've got our own gollum
in zombie city.
I think it went
real well.
- We're different.
Um, me in particular.
I'm--I'm different.
I've never been able
to really blend into society,
so I'm creating
my own world,
and I'm inviting
other outcasts
into a world
that I'm creating,
and we're just gonna be
a happy, wacky, weird,
creepy, crazy family.
Whatever it is
that's deep within you
that you think
is a little weird,
that you feel
self-conscious about,
that you usually hide,
we accept that
and appreciate that.
Like, disabilities
are not disabilities.
They're special features.
Are you weird, different?
Do you not
fit into society?
Do you occasionally
have random thoughts
about killing people
and creating massive fires
to wipe out everyone
on the planet?
Well, yeah.
Come on in to our group.
- All right,
we're rolling.
- All right, I got
this stupid-ass,
imported video camera
that I got
from these dumb-ass people
walking through here.
I can't figure
how this son of a bitch work.
I might even take--
take these vise grips
like I did
to one of my other victims.
- [Whimpering]
- And just reach in there,
put it on her tongue,
and twist and twist
and twist and twist
till she can't make
no more noise.
It's like, yeah!
I'll just yank it!
Hush up!
I ain't gonna hear you
after a while!
Oh, yeah!
- What? That was great!
- That was exactly
what I was picturing.
Just random,
kind of old stories.
That was good.
- My name is
Pete "chainsaw" madden.
- Every chainsaw guy
I've ever met
is a little whacked out
and loves their chainsaw
way too much.
That's why we love him.
- I love my chainsaw.
I love my chainsaw.
We have so much fun
Oh, and the blades ain't
very sharp either.
That's what's best
about it.
We having so much fun,
and it ain't over yet.
- [Groans]
- [Laughs]
- [Groaning]
- [Laughing]
- No! No!
- Can you see that?
I'm not giving you
no more than that.
- [Moans]
- [Laughs]
We're gonna have
so much fun later!
- [Screaming]
- Yes, we are!
Oh, it's gonna be
so fun!
That's my wife Ruby
up there.
My daughter sitting
on the steps, that's Kayla.
And my grandson codin.
I've been over
at the asylum for--
this'll be my fourth year,
and all three years
I've been over there,
I've cut somebody
so far.
Aah! Aah!
- [Screams]
- Oh!
- I gave a girl stitches
last year.
When I come out
with my chainsaw,
I'm within 2 feet of ya,
and my chainsaw starts.
You know, it's the element
of surprise,
and then, that chainsaw,
you've got it going,
and that just blows
their minds away.
Get that chainsaw fired up
when he come in there,
and I backed him up
against my chain-link fence.
[Chainsaw buzzing]
He was like,
"oh, please stop!
"I just shit in my pants.
It's running down my legs.
Please stop!"
I love making little kids
cry and scream.
- [Crying]
- They say it's bad,
but I love it.
- [Crying]
- If they fall to the ground,
I get on top of 'em.
Right in their face.
I won't let 'em up.
I won't let 'em up.
If they're down,
they're down.
Just the thrill
of being in that control,
and they're running
from you, and--
and you're probably never
gonna see 'em again.
You could just do
whatever you want to 'em.
Bring 'em on, 'cause I'll
give 'em what they paid for.
My grandson,
he's looking at it.
I don't think he's gonna go
this year, so--but he says
he's gonna take my chainsaw over
when I get old.
- What's your name again?
- Codin.
- And what are you gonna be
when you grow up?
- A monster.
- [Groans]
Oh, I give him a scare,
every now and then.
We're sitting there,
watching TV, and I say,
"are you
afraid of the dark?"
- [Whimpering]
- [Laughs]
I'm gonna
make you cry now.
Maybe not.
- I want to make sure
that the actors are happy.
We can come up
with a general concept for them,
but I also want
to double-check and make sure
that that's something
that they're gonna be
comfortable doing.
If we put her in a role
where she
is an infected zombie
and she can do the whole crazy,
twitchy thing,
I think that that might be
something that she'd enjoy.
'Cause I started
telling people
that I was gonna start
giving them a general idea
of where we're gonna
put them,
so they can start working
on character development,
and we can get
their costumes done.
- Okay.
- I don't even know
when I'm gonna find time
to do that.
- Yep.
- Okay.
- She--she's perfect
in the box as a zombie.
That's perfect.
- Okay. So then I'm just
short the very last guy.
- It's 12:46 in the morning,
and I have coffee.
- How many cups of coffee
do you have in a day?
- 12.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- And about 128 ounces
of Mountain dew.
- You need to be
involved in this too,
'cause you were
at several of the actors'--
- hi, Matt.
Not much.
How you doing?
- Yeah, get the fuck out.
- Um, it's a matter
of how many people
get arrested, yeah.
So we ended up officially
sponsoring zombie walk in town,
which we're actually
the country's large--
like, guinness world record
largest zombie walk,
except they haven't
paid the $5,000
to guinness world record
to get the world record.
He calls me yesterday,
he's like,
"hey, we're not gonna be
able to get our permits,"
and I said, "so you're saying
zombie walk can't go on
'cause you can't afford
four more cops?"
I said, "let me call you back
in a little bit."
Made a few phone calls,
got four more cops hired up.
Um, so the zombie walk's
going on this year
because luckily I knew some
people who knew some people
who could get me these cops.
I'm in.
See you then.
Okay, bye.
[Indistinct chatter]
- I wanted to dye myself green
for the second zombie walk,
and, uh, so I got a nurse's
costume, and I ripped it up
and dyed myself
completely green,
and it was quick and cheap,
and I ended up winning
"hot zombie."
So I'm reprising my role,
only less nursey.
- We're on bardstown road
right now,
and it is
the 2011 annual zombie walk.
- Zombie walk started
about six years ago.
Three friends,
they got together,
and they all share
the same birthday,
and then now it's celebrated
August 29th,
8:29 P.M. every year.
We're selling
some merchandise here.
Selling the official
zombie attack t-shirt.
We've got remote-controlled
zombies right here.
We have energy drinks.
Life-size gummy brains.
They are bubble gum-flavored,
just like the real thing.
You know, everything
a growing zombie needs.
- I just like the Gore.
I've been a Gore fan
for a while.
- Is that eatable?
- I guess.
- It is something
about zombies.
Uh, like, the CDC
has actually said
that the zombie situation is
something that could happen.
There's something
that's like
the overall realisticness
of zombies
that kind of
pulls out everybody.
- Well, the zombie walk
is basically
a night
where all the undead creatures
can feast upon
all of the nice, human flesh,
and in that moment,
we really feel alive.
[Like you by ok zombie]
- [Hisses]
- Walking around,
ignoring the sound
head starts to pound
and it's over
if you want to be
something different than me
maybe you'll see
that it's over
- for seven years now,
we've thrown a zombie attack,
which basically looks like
several thousand people
dressed as zombies,
running around,
acting like goofballs.
I printed
on little business cards
just a hand-drawn map
of the highlands
with a little arrow
that pointed, "attack."
And we thought
we'd have five or six people,
and we got about a hundred
that first year,
and it has steadily doubled
every year.
Well, the mayor's office
sent out a press release,
saying they projected
10,000 to 12,000,
which I thought was crazy.
But, looking at it,
I think they're right.
- You want a piece
of me
and I knew that you'd
want me to be
like you
want a piece of me
and I knew that you'd
want me to be
like you
- I love it. It's, like,
the best thing of the year.
I look forward to it
every year.
This and Halloween.
- Zombie attack has gotten
bigger and bigger every year,
uh, with more and more concerns
from the mayor's office
and the city.
And they don't want, really,
this going on anymore,
but they know
they can't say no,
so they--they kind of
drowned us in demands,
and if it wasn't for rich
and his company,
this would not be happening
right now.
10,000 people having
a great time wouldn't be here.
And he does it
because he loves it, you know?
- You want a piece
of me
and I knew that you'd
want me to be
like you
want a piece of me
and I knew that you'd
want me to be
like you
want a piece of me
and I knew...
[Indistinct chatter]
- It's big business.
You know, there are haunted
houses around the country
that will literally do
$1 million, $2 million,
$3 million in 30 days,
and that's their business.
They get that many people
who come show up.
They get that big of a show,
that big of a production,
and it's got a lot of money.
And then,
at the same time,
in order to put on
a multimillion-dollar show,
you gotta buy
a lot of stuff.
- Hi, rich.
- Hi.
- Where--where are we?
- I'm not sure.
I haven't had coffee yet.
I think I'm in St. Louis
at transworld,
which is exciting.
I love transworld.
It has cool
Halloween stuff,
so we can figure out
whatever people sell
that we can make
with duct tape
cheaper, better,
and look cooler.
[Dramatic music]
- This is the Halloween
and attraction show.
We have over 500 exhibitors,
and we have probably
about 7,000 attendees.
- So it's a trade show
specifically for owners
of haunted--haunted houses.
There's really
only one trade show,
and that's this one,
so we typically just--
just do this one show.
- This is the show
of the year.
Basically, a lot
of our exhibitors
write all of their orders
at this particular show
for one year.
- If you--if you look
at all the companies,
they all kind of specialize
in a couple of different things.
Either silicone masks,
large costumes, animatronics.
So you see a wide variety
of product,
which really offers customers
a lot of different options.
- This is, uh,
one of our new products.
It's an attack zombie,
and her name is
sidewinder Sally.
She's--she's ravenous.
She is just like...
- Well, the company
is called Gore galore,
and we've been in business
14 years,
and we like to specialize
in giant costumes,
giant puppets, and
actor-operated animatronics.
- There's everything
that you could ever want.
If you can't find it,
it doesn't exist.
- I mean, it's not gonna
take a beating
against the wall repetitively
all night.
It's got a soft core.
- Yeah.
- You know,
but it's foam,
so it's not really
gonna hurt.
That looks really
fuckin' cool.
- That didn't hurt at all.
- I know Halloween itself,
the holiday
is second to Christmas,
and sometimes I wonder
how close it is to Christmas,
because there's so much,
and Halloween's getting
bigger and bigger.
I don't even know
what kind of money
is walking around in here
It's just crazy.
It's--it's great.
- If you look
at the bigger houses,
netherworld, erebus--
uh, God, the list goes on--
they have budgets of hundreds
of thousands of dollars,
so, uh, it varies a lot,
but literally,
from a couple thousand
to hundreds of thousands,
if not millions of dollars
for those companies,
each year in new product.
- I got books.
I got lots of books.
Got lots of books
and this is really just
walking down one aisle,
if that gives you an idea
of the size of this convention.
- There's people here
from Germany, Japan,
Puerto Rico, Australia--
all, literally,
all over the world,
people come to this show.
- It is the best show
that we run.
It is so fun.
Everyone loves it.
The people,
the exhibitors are amazing.
The buyers are real enthusiasts
and love what they do.
- As much as it's all
about scaring people,
it's still kind of
bringing you back
to what you were
when you were a kid.
What scared you,
what--what, you know,
you thought about at night,
and then, you know,
it's what you want
to give to other people.
That's the purpose
of the industry.
- Without the love, if you're
all worried about the money,
then it's really hard
to create product
that people--other people
can fall in love with.
So, I mean, you have to--
you've got to have
a passion for it.
I-I wouldn't be the same person
without it, so--
I couldn't--I couldn't
live without it.
- It's not all about the money.
It's about the love.
But we got 120 people
to pay to work it,
and almost $200,000 this year,
all said and done.
It's gonna work.
Not a religious guy,
but I'll pray.
- At the moment,
we're working on costumes
for our 80-plus actors
that we have to find
clothes for right now.
- Are we officially
at 80-plus?
- Yes.
- Aah!
- I can't even see you.
- I love the nose.
- Wah-wah.
- The big piece
of today's training class
is really
about scare tactics.
How we're gonna scare.
Things we're gonna do
to scare.
How we're gonna get into,
you know,
people's heads
to scare them.
So the first part,
we're gonna talk about
in that scare tactics stuff
is what we call
scaring forward.
As the scares go on,
the purpose is to scare them
to the next place.
Scare them forward
down the show.
Scare them
farther down the line.
- Actor training
is actually
one of the most important
things you could have,
because all the bad things
that could go wrong,
90% are because the actor
doesn't know what they're doing.
- What you want to look for
is loose-armed,
I'm-gonna-punch-you guy.
That's the kind of guy
who walks
through the haunted attraction.
He's more in attack stance.
His arms are loose.
He's, like, ready to--
he's ready to fight.
That's the kind of guy
that you want to keep
your distance from.
- Most of our cast has not had
any haunt experience,
so they have no idea
what they're about to face.
- They didn't tell me
it's going to be
eight hours of grueling work.
We told you.
It's, you know,
"oh, I don't like this guy
calling me, you know,
an idiot."
We told you they're going to.
Let's work on a response.
- If your actors cannot
put on a good show,
people will never
come back.
You can have
phenomenal sets,
and you can have
amazing props and prosthetics
and makeup and costuming.
If that person cannot
effectively make a scare,
nobody will come back
to your show.
- We're taking patrons outside
of their normal reality,
and we're putting them
into our reality.
We have to make that
appear real to them,
so that way, the fear
appears real to them.
- We are the predators.
They are the prey.
We're gonna kill 'em.
They're gonna be killed.
When you remember that,
anything they say
doesn't change the fact
that you want to kill 'em.
- Some haunted houses
throw you in a costume,
say, "this is what you
have to do for ten hours."
That's all you can do.
Pushing a button,
pushing a button.
You want
to strangle yourself.
- They're gonna get bored.
They're not gonna want to say
the exact same things
800 million times a night.
I encourage creativity
'cause that's kind of what
this whole thing is about.
It's about being creative
and having fun.
- We're picking janel
to go out to the haunt.
My fork was definitely
in my mouth
when we drove
past that cop.
- Megan?
- Yeah.
- How you feeling?
- I'm great!
- How many days
till the haunt opens?
- 13.
- How much is there to do?
- Tons.
This much
times a billion.
I think I passed tired
about a week ago.
I'm on to a slap-happy,
crazy sugar rush
to where 5-hour energies
kind of just take
the edge off a little bit.
This is when people start
snapping at each other,
and nobody's very snappy,
which is nice.
- I don't--I don't mean
to get smart, Dave.
All right, well,
then don't worry about it.
If you want to--if--
ho, ho, ho!
The electrician's
a motherfucker.
- Why?
- Well, besides the fact that
he does shitty fucking work,
and every fucking wire
out there is nicked,
and I got to go redo
all the motherfuckers,
I just need to make sure
they're safe
and they're out there.
They're all nicked.
"Well, everything--this
whole fucking thing for you
"has been a motherfucker.
I'm not doing another
motherfucking thing for you,"
and hung up on me.
He can go fuck himself.
- All right.
- [Sighs]
- Are we gonna be ready
for rehearsal?
- Yeah.
Are we going to invite other
people to our rehearsal?
I don't remember.
They're written down.
- Andrew and t.C.
- Well, if you go around
and start moving actors around,
you'll irk me.
That's fine. Then--
if you start ordering
the actors around,
we're going to have
a problem.
If you have a problem
with an actor,
then you can come
to the stage managers,
and they'll take care of it
and address it.
Okay. How is that gonna work,
Joe? Please tell me.
And we--you and I
are gonna go over here
and have
another conversation
away from everyone else.
- Let's go, chief.
- Meow.
- I tried to politely
take it away from you.
Fuck you! Go home!
Go the fuck home!
Come on, come on.
Come on.
- Are they over there,
- They went to talk to Kenny,
I bet.
- The exact words were,
"whatever I tell an actor to do,
they're gonna do."
They're paid employees.
[Indistinct conversation]
- So, guys, what are we
all doing here?
- [Laughs]
Waiting for janel.
- Waiting on the drama
to resolve.
Then we can get
some work done.
- For one
of the other partners,
you know, he'd been here
since he started.
We came into this process
a little late,
Joe and I, so he
has animosity to us.
- Joe means--means well.
It's just, I think everybody's
got a little tension on 'em.
Uh, Joe feels like
he wasn't--I mean, everybody--
I think
it's communication.
Uh, those two have had
a breakdown in communication
a little bit,
for a while.
- We're out here every day.
We've called
every friend we know.
We've done every favor.
We hired people to do
the things we can't.
And we haven't seem him
until a week ago.
And now he's trying to come in
and take over,
and, well, obviously,
that irks everyone else
on the team.
There's always
one bad apple in the bunch.
You know, one wild card.
You don't know what's gonna
come out of whose mouth next.
Everyone's on the same page
and understands
what's happening,
except for the apple.
[Fishing hole by viva viva]
- We don't want to go
when we get old
- I think I need
the stress-relieving bobcat.
- every day's the same
out the window
- roughly speaking,
we're just behind and screwed,
so we're gonna--
we gotta slam it.
- Zombies are chasing you
down here,
and you're like,
- Every day's the same
out the window
- what's the theory behind
how everything's being done?
- I'm running out of money.
- We don't want to go
when we get old
- I think we can be done
a week after we open.
- Rich and janel
are the bosses,
and I follow them
- And then a zombie
comes over here,
and they're like, "bleh,"
so you're like, "aah!"
And then the floor drops,
'cause you guys are,
"I'm gonna blow the shit
out of these motherfuckers!"
Boom! And you're like, unh.
Zombie disappears.
- I been looking
at photographs
- I emailed it to you,
I emailed it to dusty,
I emailed it to Nikki, and I
emailed it to April so that--
- I'll go dig back
through all the emails
to find it right now,
when I need it.
No problem.
Peter Piper's peppers sounds
like a kindergarten book.
- Yes. And more.
It does not.
- Tell me it does not.
- I know,
but we already did it,
and we've been doing it
for the last hour.
- Why do I have a razor blade
in my pocket?
- I don't know.
- I got more wonderful mail.
I opened it up.
It was a Halloween card.
It was
nightmare before Christmas.
I'm looking at it.
Ooh, a bag of lorazepam.
Somebody sent me
anxiety medicine.
And it had a little note
in there,
"don't go too crazy."
- He comes running back
in here, opens the door,
and you go, "aah!"
And you go running out.
- I was like, you know,
I've never actually had my head
shaved before, so fuck it.
Might as well.
- I'm about to have it all
pretty much shaved off,
all for the character.
- We've been getting home
so late at night
that I go to the computer,
and I start working.
I fall asleep
at the computer,
and then wake up at 7:30,
and we're out the door again.
- "Tired" implies
I get sleep.
But sleep?
I'm not sure right now.
- I'm not a millionaire.
I can't afford to put
real siding on the houses.
I can't afford to buy
the fake brick right now.
So we're doing
what we can.
- And the zombie
comes over here,
closes the door,
and resets.
That's how it goes.
- I didn't get that.
Can you do it
one more time?
[Indistinct chatter]
- Okay, makeup's gonna be
primary here,
secondary here,
tertiary here.
Boxes are gonna be
on this wall,
this wall,
and under here.
- So I was supposed to go
get makeup today?
- Yeah.
- When did you tell me that?
- Yesterday.
- You said that
you were gonna go to horner's
and pick up makeup
when you went to horner's.
- I did?
- Yes.
- Kaley, we may not have
the makeup to do tonight.
- I need to be building,
but I'm going to do
what we have to do tonight
with actors.
- Which is what?
- Semi-practice
dress rehearsal,
makeup, costume attempt
number one.
All will be well,
Not sure how yet,
but it'll all work.
- Aah!
- God damn it, Pete!
- You knew it was coming.
- I did.
- Nice.
- [Laughs]
- He just laughs at you.
- It's only me and him
in this room alone,
and I'm
a little bit afraid.
I'm a little bit afraid
that he's gonna
scare the hell out of me.
- Because you're not gonna
get used to me.
- I'm doomed.
- Pete, your laughter--
your laughter is like
music to my ears.
We love Pete.
It's like music, music.
- [Laughs]
- Welcome back
to the start of the asylum
haunted scream park stop.
Our whole season's
about to get going,
and we all know
it's going to be
an interestingly wild,
hard season.
So I wanted
to welcome you in again.
The point of tonight is,
"a," we're gonna
get everybody in costume.
Dusty and kaley are gonna start
hollerin' out people,
and we're gonna be walking
through the scenes,
more or less starting
front to back in the haunts,
taking you in
and working on costumes.
- I'm glad we're getting
to do this
'cause it'll work
all the kinks out,
and then we'll get everything
streamlined on Wednesday,
and I think we'll be
good to go on Friday.
- I need a cigarette.
- I need James, torin,
April, and Alex.
- Come on, what about me?
- No. You're last now.
[Kick back
by sick of sarah]
- I get to work in scrubs,
and I didn't have to go
to school for it.
I'll be
in the isolation cage,
so yeah,
I'm gonna be gross.
It's gonna be awesome.
- It's not like anything
I've ever worn,
but I like it.
- Turn it over
to the flip side
looking for your answers
your route to crawl
and you'll tell
all your friends
- I will be, what?
A commando ninja girl
who will shoot you
if you've been bitten.
- For the kickbacks,
ripping on the rejects
they call their friends
- one has optional pants
that match.
Do you want a costume?
- They ain't gonna be looking.
- Okay.
- When that chainsaw
comes out of the refrigerator,
they're done.
- I know.
- Because they're gonna
run right out the door,
they're gonna fall down
on that ramp,
and I'm gonna be
right on top of 'em,
and I ain't gonna let 'em
get off that ramp.
- I know.
- And it's not a place
in time
we're just hoping
that you'll find
- I've done this
for 15 years.
You need to impress me,
Yes, you have
to impress the customers,
but you have
to impress me too,
'cause if not,
you won't get candy.
Let's walk and put everybody
in their seats.
You're not a zombie yet.
The infect--it's a virus.
So you've been infected,
but you haven't fully turned,
so you're crazy.
- Okay, okay.
Okay, I might be able
to make it work.
- You have to use a little bit
of imagination here
because not quite
all of it's done yet.
But I'm gonna be in the maze
somewhere, going around,
being behind the scenes,
moving the walls.
I will have different wigs,
um, and different bits
of costume
to help solidify the effect
of me being different people,
which is the reason
that this is gone.
We're puppets,
but I found my strings,
and now the strings
are cut.
Let the symphony begin.
- Something
we might have left behind
- As the groups
are coming through,
if you start getting
backed up,
you're going to have
to change your scene slightly
in order to
move people through faster.
Kaley, you ready?
- Yes!
- Take your groups and go!
- Just keep walking.
- What the hell?
- Oh, yeah. I have
to pee first, though.
- Our rehearsal
didn't go well, um,
in that I didn't know
what we were doing
or how we were doing it.
Yeah, he keeps hurting himself.
He's--he's done that already,
and then he did--
- see, the first time
I come out--
- he did that
the other day.
- He hurt himself last time.
- So I hit it,
and when I hit it,
the dumb thing,
it come out, and it cut my arm.
- Cover this with something,
but we need to
get you a handle.
- No, no, no.
You don't need to cover that.
I know now.
I know the door will slam.
- You're not bleeding
on customers.
- I can if I want to.
- No, you cannot.
- Yes, I can.
- No, it's against health codes.
- I can make 'em bleed.
- Okay.
- [Laughs]
- I'm just kidding.
Don't you dare.
- [Laughs]
- So while I was trying
to talk to my actors
and have them put in place
and get ready
for me to come around
and do it again,
most of 'em were just,
"okay, I did it," and left.
[Overlapping chatter]
- Do we stay here?
- I don't want to stay here
in the dark.
- Well, you're gonna
be doing it for, like,
eight hours a night,
aren't you?
- Yeah, but I'm gonna
have a laser, though.
That's some type
of light.
- You got an iPhone.
- We can't even go back...
And, like, hang out?
- No, you can go back and talk
with Greg and Dustin.
'Cause I think
you're grouped with them.
- Okay, 'cause I don't want
to just stand here in the dark.
- They're back that way.
- This way?
- That way, yeah.
But you can walk around
on the outside.
That's what I just did.
- I can't do this.
Oh, my God,
seriously, no.
Not doing this.
- Um, like, what happened?
- I went over, and I did
the walk-through first
to check on zombie city,
'cause I was right there.
- Yeah.
I didn't know what you guys
were planning on doing,
and then, like, that's why I
wanted you to come and help me,
'cause I didn't know
what you guys
had planned on actually
having them do.
- Oh, okay.
- And so I was like,
well, you know--
- I'm sorry. I thought rich
was with you guys.
- No.
I--like, I tried to put them
in their scenes,
and then I was like,
"okay, go ahead and do this,
do this," and then they
started following us too.
And I was like, "well, I can't
just leave them in the dark,"
because there's
no lights out there,
and--and then krista
freaked out and left.
- You need to say,
"this is your spot. Sit."
- Yeah, and I did.
Most of 'em did.
- [Moaning]
- We're having
a conversation.
- Oh, okay.
- Quick, rich.
How'd it go?
- Fantastic!
- I think
the most disappointing thing
was knowing that my actors
were underprepared,
just because
our--our rehearsal
had not gone
terribly well,
and there were some major
miscommunications that happened.
- There's a bit of 'em
on the, uh, stage.
- Okay. All right.
Oh, that's disgusting.
- We're gonna build
our asses off with a hammer.
- God!
- Okay, let's go
build us a carnival.
[Saw buzzing]
- We're at least over halfway
done with the frames,
which is great.
Who knew?
Just cut some wood,
and you can just
build something real quick.
I'm known as Shawn of the dead
in the community.
It's a
performance art/freak show.
I'm all pretty.
[Normal voice]
I'll hammer nails into my face.
Power drills.
Shove big hooks.
[Onlookers scream
and groan]
- God!
- [Clears throat]
Most people
don't understand.
I don't know why.
- I should probably
wear safety glasses,
which I'm not.
I'm pretty sure we're not
using the sawhorses right,
'cause I've never actually
used sawhorses,
which I know is actually
the safer way to do this.
I'm probably doing
a whole ton of stuff wrong.
Yeah, no, that's not safe.
Don't do that.
- I had to fix this part.
- It was crinkled
a little bit?
- Yeah.
- What do you think it was?
- Well, I think
that's the rain.
- They were supposed to
use plastic,
and they used this stuff.
This stuff lets water
permeate it.
Wasted time,
wasted money.
This time of year,
I'm reminded about, like,
why do I keep doing it?
And I keep on telling myself,
next year,
or whatever's here,
if I buy something,
it's an investment,
and we don't have
to hopefully buy as much
the following year,
but we've always bought
more and more.
- Yeah.
- Credit cards
are so maxed out
by the time
October comes around,
you hope November,
you can pay 'em off.
- [Laughs]
- I need you upstairs.
She's shopping
for scary shit,
and this is
carnival shit day.
Like, carnival shit.
How much?
- [Clears throat]
- I just found
Halloween bears.
- You can't say,
"I don't know."
That does not work for me.
- [Clears throat]
- There's no price.
I don't know.
[Rock music]
- Yeah!
- Look at that.
What else we got?
- You're pretty helpful.
- Aw, I don't think
I got any ducks.
Used for a game.
They're bet--they're
better than wiffle balls.
How about eyeball suckers?
It's gonna cost you $3
in games to win one of those.
How much did I pay for that?
- They're priceless.
- We just rolled two.
- Two?
- 2,000 so far.
- [Laughs, murmuring]
- We still have
another cart.
Down to the wire.
- [Sighs]
- Yeah.
Down to the wire.
She's about to have
a heart attack.
- [Sighs]
Here we go.
- She just balanced
her checkbook
and didn't like
the answer.
Give me a hug.
Give me a hug.
Come out of the little,
blue glowy reflective things.
- I'm okay.
- Vampires don't sparkle.
- You wouldn't do that
to the tape.
- So $2,306.17.
- You guys are cutting it close
with the cash.
- Um, yeah.
That was my fault.
I never should have let rich
hold on to 40 grand.
I was in charge
of half the money,
and he was in charge
of the other half of the money.
And, um, before we were
even a quarter of the way
into the build,
he was already broke.
And, uh, that's--
that's why the budget ran
quite a bit deeper
than it needed to.
[Saw buzzing]
- What's on your mind?
- That there's a lot of shit
left to do in 24 hours
before the dress rehearsal
and then even more shit to do
in the next 72 hours
before the first night.
I'm overwhelmed.
I can't even comprehend
how janel and rich
are handling it right now.
- [Whistling]
- There's somebody that
complained to the city council.
The city council
calls the fire department.
The fire department
emails my division.
My boss emails me.
'Cause I know the competition
right now is--
this is--this is
my third haunted house today.
- Really? It's dirty, man.
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'm not sure
who is really behind
the barrage of emails
I keep getting,
but I'm not getting 'em
only on you.
I'm getting them
on southside drive.
I'm getting them
on strawberry Lane.
I'm getting them
on, uh, waverly.
My goal is
to get everybody going.
You know, I don't want
to be, you know,
the opposite going away,
you know what I mean?
I just--especially if you're
trying to make money legally.
- Can you tell me
what just happened?
- Surprise inspector.
I'm pretty sure 'cause one
of the other haunted houses
are complaining
about b.S.
And so they just
have to come look.
- Is it a common thing,
do you know?
- Unfortunately.
I got permits for as much
as we thought we needed.
Apparently, there's more.
- Okay, we need to talk
about something.
- Kenny's of the opinion
that we shouldn't do
dress rehearsal tomorrow night,
and I agree.
We're not ready for it.
- No, we're not
ready for it.
- And I don't even think we can
get close enough to fake it.
- Okay.
- But we don't--
I don't have the time--
neither does Kenny--
to stop and deal with actors
coming through, nothing.
We just--there's no way.
Hey, kaley.
- You're not having
dress rehearsal?
- There's no way
I can have actors in these
while we're
putting shit up.
I don't even have
my air lines running out
for the animatronics.
- Okay.
- It's just not gonna happen.
- Mm-hmm.
- Much as I really
fucking want it
and they really
fucking need it,
it ain't gonna happen.
- Okay.
Well, all right.
[Soft rock music]
- How long are your days
right now?
- Around 20, 22 hours.
I got 2 1/2 hours
of sleep last night.
There's a bunch of people
I'm frustrated with...
Just 'cause it's like,
oh, you're gonna have
to do that again.
That's not quite
what I said.
But I wasn't clear,
so it's frustration at myself,
because I didn't walk them
through it and demo it.
- I think everybody's excited
and at the same time
kind of tense
that it's, uh--
everything's coming in
so close,
and there's still
a shit ton of work to do.
- How tight are you on time
at this point?
- Very tight.
Like, I don't really want
to sit here and talk to you.
- How worried or scared
or excited are you right now?
- I don't have
an emotion yet,
'cause I'm not gonna stop
and think about it.
- How is janel holding up?
- Kind of like me,
except, you know,
she doesn't deal with
high-pressure situations
that don't go
according to plan
nearly as well as I do.
'Cause if you don't
have a plan,
you can make it up
as you go along,
and the plan's perfect.
She doesn't believe
that philosophy.
But the list got thrown
out the window
a couple weeks ago,
so it's kind of more...
Fly-by-night at this point.
- Is it fair to say you're
kind of all-in at this point?
- Oh, way more than all-in.
Kind of
a little beyond all-in.
Not a good thing
credit card companies exist.
It's kind of like,
oh, shit.
I need more lighting.
I need $1,000.
- How many--how--
how long left?
Do you know the hours?
- I can tell you to the second,
but I'm not going to.
It will just depress me.
I hope customers show up.
I hope they'll show up.
Remember, you're stage managing,
so you're packing for 50.
- I am packing for 50.
Damn it!
This isn't even mine!
Mine isn't here.
There's enough crap--
ooh, duct tape.
I hope to God
I don't forget anything,
'cause if I do,
I'm fucked.
- How can I use these?
How can I use these?
What can I fucking
do with these?
I only got one washer.
I only got one nut.
I can't pull this in.
I can't pull that there.
How do I get this
to push?
I need to drill a hole.
I need a drill bit.
I need a drill bit.
Homemade drill bit.
That looks like
a perfect tool to me.
I have
some serious concerns.
A couple people
overslept this morning
'cause we've all worked
too hard this week.
I don't have my entrance line
squared up.
I don't know how the hell
I'm getting people in yet.
It's kind of a problem.
We got rain that soaked
all of the face masks,
every 200 of them.
The power amp
was left outside.
All my controllers
and wires were left outside.
I'm short s.D. Cards.
I'm short...
A whole pile of shit.
Why the fuck is this
in here?
[Rock music ringtone]
Okay, done.
I'll have it done
in a few moments.
- All right.
All right.
- Make sure the carnival
has exit signs.
If you have
another exit sign,
put it in zombie hunting.
- What time is it?
- Quarter till.
- Holy fucking shit.
Yeah, I need
these fire extinguishers first.
- All right.
- Tell me
as soon as they're done.
Paint it red, paint it black.
Who gives a fuck?
And then screw that down,
right on top of the wet paint,
move on.
We got too much shit
to deal with.
- You think everything
is gonna get done?
- [Laughs]
You're funny.
- You told me the damn exit
signs were up, and they're not.
And I called
the damn inspector,
and it's the last thing
the inspector wants
is to come in here,
and they're not up.
I gotta have 'em now.
I don't know
where the fire exits are.
His phone's up here.
You told me an exit sign
was up!
There's no exit sign up!
- I handed those
to Matt earlier.
- I told you--
I told you, hell,
Matt has enough stuff
to do.
[Sympathy for the devil's
little helper by viva viva]
- no lie
high and dry
no lie
high and dry
no lie
high and dry
no lie
high and dry
no lie
high and dry
- what's this?
- Will call window.
This goes over the window
that leads to the picnic tables
under the awning.
These two go on the wall.
- And how am I supposed to be
in charge of this shit?
- I don't know. Kenny told me
to give it to you.
- God damn it.
- Yeah, I'll point out
where they go.
- I got it, honey.
- Hey, rich,
can you do me a favor
and tell Pete to leave me alone?
- No.
- We've only got a few more
hours before it opens,
so, um, really, there's way
too much work to be done
in one day
and not enough people,
and everybody's frustrated,
which isn't helping.
a little stressed out.
- I still have, like,
30 more things to do
before we open.
Just gotta make sure
this fits.
- Oh, you gotta be
kidding me.
- Just gotta hit it
with a hammer.
- We open in...
About an hour and a half
or less.
- Think so?
- Okay, if you do not have
your costumes for darkness,
come with me.
- This is unwashed
for three days
to give it
the proper effect.
- Mmm.
- It smells so good.
- How are things going
back here?
- Move that this way
so that these will come closer.
Can we?
Right there.
Hey, Kenny, can you figure out
time warping for me real quick,
go back a week?
- I know.
- I have no air here
or power yet.
- This box?
- Yeah.
Slide it under.
Slide it under.
Yeah, it'll reach.
I'll be back in three seconds.
Thank you.
- What am I doing?
[Indistinct chatter]
- I-I can't give you
a percentage
of what the--how much
we're gonna be ready
and what's not
gonna be ready, so...
All these dead-looking people
around here.
Oh, yeah, we're doing
a haunted house.
- Hey, zombie city, I think
we're gonna do a test run.
It's just gonna be me
and Brian coming through.
James, you gonna
give me the rules?
- Okeydokey.
Enter at your own risk.
By entering
the quarantine zone,
you assume all responsibilities
for your person
and personal possessions.
- Rockabye, baby
on the treetop
when the wind blows
the cradle will...
- [Growling]
- [Laughs]
- Hey, hey, hey, howdy.
How y'all doing today?
Well, I'm the new sheriff
in town,
just in case
y'all were wondering.
Well, since I can't find
my pa,
if you need anything,
please just come find me.
- [Moans]
- Oh, God! Help me!
No! Help me!
- [Humming]
- Ooh, light.
I-I remember.
I remember sunlight.
The sun upon my face,
it used to feel good,
but now I hate it!
- The gods will end
the suffering!
- [Laughing and screaming]
- Freeze!
Freeze! Don't you move!
Don't you move at all!
Are you alive?
Is anyone here alive?
They'll get you, man.
The dogs is fucking in there.
I'm gonna blow
this goddamn place up high.
- That's good.
Watch your language.
- All right,
I'll watch the language.
- I think they need to
work a little harder
to keep 'em longer.
- Why was no one
in the bus?
- [Coughs]
The actress had to quit.
- We didn't have...
Enough actors.
You know, I thought
we were gonna have enough,
and the next show,
we just didn't.
It's like, really,
we don't have anyone there?
What the hell
are we gonna do?
- One of our main clowns
apparently quit a week ago,
and it didn't get
passed down to us right.
Can you work
in this clown town,
directing in the tunnel
for a little while
till I can find
someone else?
- The barn doesn't have lights.
- Huh?
- The barn
doesn't have lights.
Danny put a flashlight
in there to hold them over.
Matt's on it.
- Well, we're working on it,
trying to get some 12 volt.
- The boys can't get
the chainsaw working
in the support tunnel.
- Well, it's 'cause
they fight it.
We're got customers
coming through.
Our first 50 guests
have gone through.
I'm seriously freaked out
and stressed out
I have way too much
to fucking do.
[Indistinct crowd chatter]
- Nobody can hear
the music.
I took a radio out there
and they just can't hear it,
so I'm trying to bring it
closer to the stage.
Watch out.
Watch out.
[Overlapping chatter]
- Oh!
- Oops!
- Oh, crap.
- All right.
So you want to be
on this?
- Like this.
Check this out.
- I don't have a choice
right now.
- I've got a big speaker.
- Oh, you do have one?
- Except I need power.
- Okay.
- Uh, we need
two power strips.
Uh, I can't have these.
I can't have these.
- You can't use these?
- No, you need that.
You all look beautiful.
[Music playing]
[Mr. incredible
by sick of sarah]
- pick it up
- [Screaming]
- Hello,
Mr. incredible
[Overlapping shouts]
Please take off
your cape
- Bill wouldn't even move.
There's this--
- yeah. It's nice finding out
what works and what, you know,
what's not gonna work.
- Yeah.
- Well, we don't really have
power in zombie city,
which is one thing.
Like, our lighting over there
is just cars
with, uh, emergency
blinkers on, obviously.
But we have had the problem
with the air compressor
over here freezing up,
which cuts out our animatronics,
which make them go,
and the one that's supposed to
be getting electrocuted,
going, "aah,"
he just goes...
- Shit's still not right.
I'm short on lights
and I can't get enough.
- With the lights on
fuck you,
Mr. incredible
- Tonight is fix-it night.
Figure out what's wrong
and we fix it tomorrow.
Yo, my entire job tonight
has been saying,
"hold out until tomorrow.
It'll get better."
- Like, there's a list of stuff
that needs to be fixed,
on top of the lighting
and everything.
- Hmm?
- Out where?
- Yeah, out where?
- Where?
- In darkness?
- There's no one from...
[Overlapping chatter]
- We had one actor.
He had been going
up to all the other actors
and saying,
"I think it's stupid
"that we're not getting
enough breaks.
Come with me."
So some of the shit
that got stirred up later
that got blamed on me
was really because
this guy had been going around
and telling people to go,
and they didn't know that
he wasn't a point of authority
and just went.
- We're having a few challenges
with actors in darkness.
- I know.
- I've really got to have
either everybody
in makeup at 7:45,
or I need everybody at the
back patio for a little bit,
and we need to go over
some shit
and squash it tomorrow.
- All right.
- We need to rah-rah 'em
and work on that.
- Yeah, I know.
- And fix the scenery problem.
- How has your first night
been so far?
- I'm having fun.
It's chaos,
but I'm having fun.
- I know.
- Oh, wow.
- Kaley.
Uh, he, uh--we talked
about this earlier today.
- It was with rich.
- Oh, oh, okay.
- And then, uh,
he came up here earlier today.
He's from Arkansas.
He's worked several haunts
in Arkansas.
We found out
where we want him at.
- Kenny comes up
with the guy Rick,
and he's like, "hey, uh, this
guy called me this morning.
Uh, he's gonna be
in clown town."
And I'm like, "oh, cool.
"I'll go show him
where he needs to go.
"I'll just go ahead
and take him now,
and then we'll get him
into makeup."
Because it was already
almost ten after 6:00.
So I started to walk away,
and Joe is like,
"hey, I want to talk to you
for a minute."
I'm like, "that's fine.
"I'm gonna take this guy down.
I'll be back in a minute.
And then, uh, you know,
we'll talk."
He's like, "kaley, I want to
talk to you for a minute."
I said, "that's fine.
I'm gonna take this guy down.
I'll be back in a minute."
And he got pissed off.
- I can't handle the drama.
- Wait.
Which drama in particular
are you talking about?
- There's a lot.
- [Sighs]
Joe versus kaley.
He was threatening
to fire her.
- All right.
- So I just--
I need to know.
- No, I mean--I mean,
Joe doesn't have the power
to fire anybody,
but he just wants the respect
out of it,
and I understand that.
If Joe was right here,
I'd say the same thing.
He's getting his feelings
hurt too much
when there's a lot of people
got a lot of things going on.
- Yeah, I'm concerned,
because it's a fucking
Joe-sized Thorn in my side,
and it's stressing
janel out,
and it's stressing rich out,
and it's stressing
Kenny out,
and everybody, it's like,
going down the line.
Like, one of my actors
just told me
that everybody's
walking around,
like, angry and upset.
I don't want my actors
to see that.
They don't need to be
stressed out by proxy,
so yeah,
it's infuriating.
- I had her sit down because--
- kaley said that's just fine.
- If she's sitting in the light
at the table,
then they think
she's a mannequin at first,
and then, when she says
it gets more of a scare
than when she was trying
to pop out at 'em.
'Cause popping out
wasn't working at all.
- How do you think kaley
handled the Joe situation?
- As far as I know,
she proved herself.
She proved herself that
she was capable of handling
all the things that Joe
had an issue with.
And it shut him up.
- I'm just saying this.
I'm just saying...
- Just imagine the biggest fan
you've ever seen
and the biggest load of shit
hitting it in waves.
That too.
[Upbeat music]
- get up every morning
when the rooster crows
where I've been
or what I've done
I don't really know
but I don't, oh
- hi, guys!
Welcome to hell's kitchen!
- Take your two-bit sense
and keep on walkin'
- Where are you going?
Don't leave me!
[Chainsaw buzzing]
- Tonight was so much better
than last night.
- They were falling down,
tripping, running,
like little girls.
We finally figured it out.
- Just take your
two-bit sense and keep on
[metallic clatter]
- What went really well is
we opened
without any major events
from the customers'
point of view.
'Cause I really don't care
about the whole Joe thing.
It sucks, but at
the end of the day,
the customers don't know.
Joe called Kenny
and basically quit
and said he's done
with this,
and he'll help Kenny
finish out the season,
'cause he doesn't want to
leave him hanging,
'cause they've known
each other a long time,
so I don't know
at this point
if he's coming
next weekend or not.
I'm kind of hoping
he doesn't.
Don't really care.
Stay away from me.
- Are you where you thought
you'd be at this point
with the two haunts?
You know,
where are you right now?
- I don't know.
I think I'm at home.
Where are we, tico?
We're not in Kansas anymore.
- You're always gonna hit
that burnout phase,
doing this job.
It's so hard.
But ultimately--um,
I know a lot of haunted houses
are like this.
We're a family.
- Sometimes there may be
interpersonal issues.
But when you threaten,
or get--uh, get--
one of ours gets into trouble,
we're there.
- [Laughs]
[Electronic feedback,
muffled talking]
Hi, doll face. Dance?
- We've got
these guys right here.
They're drop panels,
so they actually fall down,
and actors can pop out.
You can do anything,
really, like that.
This is really old school.
It's probably
the most old-school trick
we have in the book.
This specter we've got
right here
is on a pulley system,
so these are very...
1970s haunted house.
- I met my soon-to-be
ex-wife down here,
and she made me choose
here or the morgue.
I was 22. I was young.
I was stupid, and I chose her.
I'm getting divorced this year,
and after eight years,
I'm finally back
where I belong.
- The haunted house is actually
part of the reason
that myself and rig
are together,
and, uh, actually
just recently got engaged.
This place has killed
several relationships for me,
but, uh, I finally someone--
somebody else
that's as passionate
about this place as I am.
[Overlapping chatter]
- We're gonna have
an 8:00 or 8:05 cast call.
We've got a reviewer already
sitting here waiting.
Ohio valley haunts
is already on the property
to go through
shortly after 8:00.
I'm doing everything
I can do up to then.
- Did you set up any audio
in clown city yet?
- Some.
I have one of
the cd players,
but not the cables
to plug into that amp.
That's what
I've been working on.
I've been trying to get
everything else,
much less fix the blue tarp,
fix the fence
so it doesn't fall down.
I'm--I'm trying.
- We already have
Um, they're gonna be
the first people in.
You guys were
fucking fantastic
for devil's attic
last night.
All I heard was
compliments, compliments,
They could not believe
how on-point you were
for it being
2:00 in the morning.
You need to be
that on-point tonight.
Can I get, like,
a "hell yeah"?
All: Hell yeah!
- Aah!
- All right.
Go be zombies.
- Whoo!
- How important
are reviews?
- Huge. Most haunted houses
are built on word of mouth
and what people read
on the web.
So the reality
of it is,
is, you can slap
a $50,000 billboard up
and, you know,
for six months,
if somebody says
your haunt sucks,
people aren't
gonna come out.
- So tonight's
a big night.
- Tonight's a big night.
by the willbillies]
- So this is
your mechanism
that actually
makes you fly,
and it goes along
with this.
So you go...
I guess nobody
expects it,
and once they realize
it's a real person,
they're like, "you've got
the coolest show ever!"
I just want to be, like,
"I know, 'cause I rock."
- When I point at you,
you say, "darkness falls.
"You'll be afraid,
but that's not all.
You'll piss
your pants in..."
- Darkness falls.
- "You'll be afraid,
but that's not all.
You'll piss
your pants in..."
- Darkness falls!
- Whose forest is it?
- My forest!
- Whose forest is it?
- My forest!
- Go kick
some fucking ass!
[Overlapping howls]
- After midnight
- [screaming]
- when the smoke's
on the water
and the fireflies
are glowing
you will do right
by me
- [Screaming]
- By the moonlight
you will pay
your penance
for the things you do
- y'all ready
to see a show?
- Yeah!
- Do right by me
- oh, my God.
- Oh, God.
- Ah!
- [Screams]
- I didn't have my personal
staple gun that I use,
um, so I used one of
their industrial ones.
This is my friend,
my industrial staple gun.
If you have ever wanted
to staple somebody,
this is the time.
[Gun clicks]
- Whoo!
- Right here.
[Gun clicks]
- [Groans]
- Oh!
- I pulled it out.
- Oh, my lord.
- [Groans]
- Ohh!
- Ahh!
- Oh!
All I see
is everybody's faces go...
And I was like, what?
And I was like, oh!
[Overlapping chatter]
I started my period.
- After midnight
when the smoke's
on the water
and the fireflies
are glowing
you will do right
by me
- [Screaming]
- By the moonlight
you will pay
your penance
for the things
you've done
you will do right
by me
- What happened?
- The chainsaw guy accidentally
clocked her in the temple.
It's gonna be concussion
number two this year.
And this now makes
14 years straight
Pete has hurt somebody.
- And the thing is,
she felt bad
and didn't want to
leave the scene,
so she kept trying
to fight through it.
- She was like, "I ran into
Pete's chainsaw."
[Chainsaw buzzing]
- [Screams]
- We're at haunted hotel,
uh, the longest haunt
in louisville for 21 years,
and I've been here for 11.
We don't go from movies.
We don't use themes
like that at all.
Ours comes from
our own wicked thinking
of all our employees.
[Rock music]
[Chainsaw buzzing]
If you're not bleeding
or passed out,
I'm not letting you out,
and that's the rule.
I mean, if you're scared
or crying,
I tell them, "go harder,"
and they usually do anyway.
[Chainsaw buzzing]
Yeah, there's a wall
of tally marks...
Of people who pee
their pants.
We had 176 one year,
and then that was--also,
it was 16 ambulance rides.
Can somebody please check
on that?
- [Indistinct response]
- Do we need an ambulance?
- Unfortunately not.
- Darn.
Well, we don't need
an ambulance,
so I guess
that's good news.
But anyone who's ever been here
knows that this is
the intense we-might-
actually-cut-you haunted house,
and that's why
they come back.
- We really do
want to kill you.
That's our thing.
We are mental in the head.
We're the best
in the industry.
We want to kill you
when you come in.
We want to make you feel
that fear
right before you die,
you see what I'm saying?
- There's nothing like
a little kid
screaming and crying
in your face.
You just holler louder.
- I used to come here
when I was a little kid.
- Really?
- Yeah.
So I always
wanted to work here.
- Definitely,
haunted hotel's a tradition.
Um, like I had a couple
go through last night,
and 16 years ago,
this was their first date.
So that means something,
you know?
Those are the stories
that we like to hear.
It just kind of
turned into family.
Everybody comes back
year after year,
and we stick together,
and that's why it is
the haunted hotel.
It's not based
on what we build
or what we decorate with.
It's based on the people.
- Perfect.
- How are you doing,
- I missed you, petey.
I wanted to stay so bad.
Like, I was almo--I was crying
'cause I didn't want to leave,
I wanted to stay.
But they wouldn't let me,
'cause I was passing out,
bleeding from my ear
a little bit.
I've learned to keep
my distance, though, from Pete.
No more chainsaws
to the dome.
- I catch janel
every once in a while,
sitting in the middle
of the city,
going, "it came true.
"It--it--it's a real world.
I have my own world.
"It came out of my head
"and it went
into the middle of people.
There's people acting
in it."
- It is kind of cool.
It's alive,
and it's growing it,
and changing
and expanding on it,
so it's--
it's really, really cool.
I kind of feel
like God, creeping through.
Yeah, I'm starting
to feel--
I guess more relaxed,
more accepting
that it's here.
Uh, I don't know.
I'm also really stressed out
because we're--we're broke.
We're, like, flat broke.
We have no money at all.
And I'm not gonna make back
my investment this year.
Our electric was shut off,
and, uh,
our water is about to be
turned off.
Yeah, I went home and I put on
my renaissance gown
and I walked around
with a candle.
- Nice.
- It's very medieval.
It's really,
do we need groceries
or do we need
a 20-foot fireball, you know?
- 20-foot fireball!
We wanted something unique
that was gonna
spawn lookers.
More reasons
for people to come--
"what the hell was that?"--
and come over this way.
- [Laughs]
- It's beautiful!
- Whoo!
- It's pretty badass.
- So we thought
it would be cool.
We've got
20-foot fireballs.
We've knocked out
most of the kinks.
It's time to play now.
- [Groans]
- [Laughs]
- Aah!
- Oh, God!
- Aah!
[Rock music]
- Zombie city has received a ten
from some of the reviewers.
It's unheard of.
It is absolutely
unheard of.
Getting a ten,
it doesn't happen.
- They call mabel crazy!
That guy,
right over there,
you can see him going,
[If you really want it
by viva viva]
- 'Cause if you
really want it
you don't need to
ask why
- I rarely do this,
but I decided I'd do this
one time this season,
and you all
get to see it, okay?
Are y'all ready?
All: Yeah!
[Cheers and screams]
- Like a light
- yeah!
- Get out!
[Cheers and screams]
- This is usually
where I take shots.
I can't take a shot here.
- Killing people is fun.
Did you know
that killing people
brings joy and excitement
to the world?
I like stabbing people
and ripping their hearts out,
and then I feed their heart
to their friends.
- Come on, bop me.
Bop me.
Oh, yes!
- Scooping up
the field mice
and boppin' 'em
on the head!
- Everyone's having fun.
That was the point.
And janel looks sexy
as an evil bunny.
Can you go be a bunny
with a circular saw?
- Do you want to
help me kill people?
Because the person that
used to help me kill people,
I killed them.
- 'Cause if you
really want it
you don't need to
ask why
- It's so busy.
Apparently, we've got, like,
1,500 people in line
or something like that.
- Last year,
we was that busy,
but that's just one line.
Now, this year,
we're busy here,
we're busy over there,
we're busy right here.
The porta-pots
are even busy.
- Just because
it's funny,
turn around and wave
to the people way back there!
[Overlapping screams]
- It perfectly ran
when I started the year.
- Oh, my God.
- Rubbing the wall
and cutting people's feet.
- It's the last night.
- Don't remind me.
You're gonna
make me sad.
- Has it been
that awesome, that--
- yes. Yes, it has.
- But it's been
so not awesome sometimes.
- Yeah, but the not-awesome
parts are the funnest.
- Um, I'm happy
it's over.
I've got my weekends
free again.
But it was so much fun,
I don't want it to end.
- Damn.
Gotta wait another whole
year for this shit.
Hope we start earlier
next year.
- What do you think
about being a zombie?
- [Moans]
- Is it killer?
- [Groans]
- [Laughs]
I love you so much.
She's shy.
She really is.
She came a long way
to do this, she really did.
She's--she's sick
all the time,
and she came a really
long way
outside of herself,
as a little person, to do it,
'cause she's, like,
super shy.
Tonight's a sad night.
We're not gonna see
our family for a long time,
and it's gonna suck.
I'm probably
gonna go home tomorrow
and lay down
and cry for a while.
I know janel is.
It's breaking janel's heart.
She's--I've watched her,
six times this morning
tear up so bad,
without saying words.
She's, like, she feels
like she's this mama
of this huge project,
and she was like
she's liberated
and freed people,
just giving 'em
something to do
outside of the norm,
you know,
because this is where
it's an outlet.
It's family.
- Uhh!
- Ow!
- I love you guys,
and it's been fun,
but it can't last forever.
- We made it through
with only two concussions,
and it was
a little emotional
of a night,
but it was cool.
Our little family
had grown up
and was walking
on its own.
- I've had many people,
um, tell me
that they really felt
like it changed their life,
and it makes me feel good
that it was--
it was larger project.
It wasn't just business.
- I'm gonna be sad
that I don't hear Nick saying,
"that's not good,"
and Christina's stick
and Nina's scream
and Barry's growl
You guys are great.
- We love you, dusty.
- I love you too.
- You know, dusty,
I want to say, you know,
it wouldn't be right if we
didn't, you know, haze you.
Get her!
[Overlapping shouts]
- Aah! Aah!
- These haunts, they're
nothing without you guys,
so out of everything,
from the bottom of our hearts,
without you,
this wouldn't exist.
So we love you.
- Oh, let's give them one hell
of a round of applause.
- Thank you!
- 'Cause they deserve it.
[Cheers and applause]
- That community
that we've built,
it's a little bit
'cause we're all a little
screwed up in the head.
But at the same point,
you know,
I've got lifelong friends,
whether they came back to
the haunt next year or not,
'cause there's--
there's some people
who don't know that
they're gonna come back.
- This is like
a second dad,
in a really weird,
twisted way.
This is like
my best friend.
- Aw! That's all right.
We'll make it.
- I'm gonna cry.
Don't make me cry.
[Overlapping chatter]
- Uh, yes.
I'm gonna bawl
my little eyeballs out.
- I felt like I finally
had this huge family,
and it was all over.
You know, not that we were
never gonna see them again,
but the whole ritual of
being together every weekend
and the chaos
that we conquered
and all the challenges
that we overcame every weekend
was now ending,
so, I mean, it was--
it was a little overwhelming.
You know, I still
kind of feel that way.
I had planned
on setting aside
enough money for us
to survive several months
before we found something else
to create income,
because I knew
that the first year,
we weren't gonna
make money back.
But when it came down
to the line,
we just went out
and bought what we needed,
and we ran through
that reserve budget,
so we're really broke.
- I think we both
learned some lessons
about how to do this
next year together,
in that, you know,
who's allowed to do budgeting
and who's allowed
to do buying, but...
Guess I'm pretty good
at spending.
I have to go to this
job interview now.
- Hi. Okay.
- I love you.
- I love you.
The financial situation,
uh, definitely, uh,
makes me a little leery
about my decisions.
Life is short.
You know, live it.
Do what you love.
- The average person is not
passionate about anything.
They don't have that same
passion and love.
They get up,
they go to their job,
and then they want to go
party for the weekend
and get away
from their life.
If I've got to start
lots of different things,
if I've got to go out
on a limb and risk everything
to try and make it work,
I'm gonna do it.
The worst thing that could
happen is, I fail
and I lose everything.
I can start over
and do it again.
It's not like
we've done it.
It's...We're doing it.
It's been different.
It's been fun.
Been worth
every bit of it.
I'll never regret it.
Just can't wait
to do it again.
[First time I saw her
by viva viva]
- every now and then
I think about the times
when I was younger
I had a hunger
to do something brave
and bold
and leave 'em all
in the dust
but everything trusted
rusted in the rain
now I'm never gonna
see things
the same way again
and I see
oh, I see
oh, I see
waiting at the bus stop,
sucking on cough drops
smoking too much
and now I cough a lot
don't give it
a second thought
if I would live
the life I've got
who cares about all the shitty
thoughts in the way?
fuck it
well, I paid a little visit
to my hometown
everything was ripped out
and eased out of the ground
I was homesick
when I was home
I'm never
going home again
well, don't try
too hard
you look like a phony
you sound like a phony
it's a bunch of baloney
hey, it comes
and goes away
there's no pleasure
without pain
and everything
I trusted
rusted in the rain
now I'm way too old to care
and too young to complain
and I see
I'll take you
anywhere you want to go
and I see
I'll take you
anywhere you want to go
yeah, yeah yeah yeah
and I see
I'm never going home
- Everybody
get the fuck out.