Moonstalker (1989) Movie Script

1
- Where are you getting beer?
- I'm so cold.
- Get me one of them beers.
- Vera, got 'em burgers ready to go?
Shit.
Dear, how about another beer, will ya?
So what do you think, kids?
Some vacation, huh?
- Fabulous, daddy.
All my friends are gonna be so jealous.
- This place sucks.
I'm freezing.
Why couldn't we go to
Florida, like everybody else?
- And waitin' in all those
lines with all those tourists?
Huh, son?
Huh, huh, huh?
No, this year, we're
gonna miss those crowds.
We're gonna see the great outdoors.
Hell, we got this whole
campground to ourselves.
As soon as 'em coals get hot,
I'm gonna cook us up some real burgers.
Vera, got them burgers and my beer?
Damn it, where is that woman?
You kids sit here and enjoy the scenery.
I'm gonna see what's
happened to that goof.
- Will you stop that?
I'm trying to read.
- I didn't think you knew how.
- Listen, you little brat,
just because I was forced to
come on this stupid vacation
with you doesn't mean I
have to listen to any more
of your smart-ass remarks.
- And what are
you gonna do about it?
- How about this, you little
miserable little shit?
- Ow!
- Vera, where in the hell's my beer?
- Please, I'll
do whatever you want.
- Vera?
- Just don't hurt my babies.
- Vera, are you in there?
- They're my babies, too, Jennifer.
- Vera?
You okay?
- Harry?
- What the hell's going on, woman?
- Please, Harry, Jennifer's husband, Rex,
just turned up out of nowhere.
Everybody thought he was dead.
- Damn it, Vera,
I thought we agreed there
wasn't gonna be no soap operas.
We're gonna cook them barbecue
hamburgers outside now.
- I can just pop 'em in the microwave.
- No microwave.
We're gonna cook over
an open fire outside.
Now come on, the kids are waiting.
- But Harry, it's freezing out there.
- This is the life, huh, kids?
- I'm cold.
- My fingers are numb,
I think it's frostbite.
- They said on TV it's 75
degrees in Los Angeles.
We could be there by tomorrow night.
- Oh, God. The beach, Hollywood.
- And Disneyland, surfing.
- And traffic and smog and winos.
Take a look around you.
You see any traffic?
You see any smog?
You see any winos?
Oh, shit.
- Maybe they won't stop.
- Stop!
Stop, you can't come in here!
You can't come in here!
Stop!
- Say, what the --
- Look, you can't come in here, old timer.
This spot's taken.
- Hey, sign on the highway
says public campground, mister.
Besides, I see three, four
empty campsites up there.
- Look, friend, I passed
up Six campgrounds
to find this spot.
Me and my wife kinda figured
on being alone with the kids.
You understand, don't you?
- I know exactly what you mean.
There ain't nothing like
being in the great outdoors
to bring a man closer to his kids.
Raised my boy Bernie up
here, as a matter of fact.
Shoulda seen the fish we
pulled out of that river there.
- Yeah?
- Oh, yeah, real whoppers.
Of course, Bernie was
just a little dipper then.
Some of them fish was as big as he was.
Say, that your boy over there?
- Yep.
That's my Mikey.
I wanted to get him out of the city.
- Well, best thing in the world for a boy.
Hey, my name's Bromley.
Ben Bromley.
You can call me Pop, though.
Everybody calls me Pop.
- Harry Scrubs.
Glad to meet you, Pop.
Look, see, I'm kinda sorry,
you know, about the campsite.
- Oh, forget it, mister.
Understand exactly.
Hey, I'll pull over on the far side.
You folks won't even know I'm here.
- Who is that dirty old man?
- Oh, he's just some harmless old guy.
He won't bother us.
- He looks like a derelict.
- Nah, he's just some poor old guy.
Used to live up here.
Taught his boy to fish
right in this river.
- There's fish here?
- That's what Pop said.
- What's he doing over there?
- Chopping firewood, I guess.
- Wow, he's gonna make a real campfire.
Dad, you think we could
go over and talk to him
about fishing and stuff?
- Yeah, sure.
Maybe we'll all go.
- Daddy, please.
- Really, Harry.
What if he's got some disease?
- Hey, he's just a harmless old guy.
He's up there all alone.
Think what it'd mean to him
to be with a real family.
- When Bernie and I used to live up here,
we'd go for weeks and
not see a human being.
Bernie used to sit on
that rock over there.
Deer would come right up
and eat out of his hand.
Used to be a lot of deer up here then.
That boy sure loved them deer.
- More cake, Mr. Bromley?
- Oh, no.
No, thank you, ma'am.
If I had another piece,
I'm liable to bust.
You're sure a lucky man, Harry.
Two great kids and a pretty
little cook like Vera.
- Yep.
I guess I am pretty lucky.
Got a good job.
Motorhome's almost paid for.
- Yeah, I was looking at that
motorhome you got, Harry.
That's sure a beautiful rig.
Vera tells me you even got
a microwave oven in there.
- Microwave, central heating,
air conditioning for the
summer, color television.
You name it, this baby's got it, Pop.
- Bernie always wanted to get
a microwave oven for his ma.
Of course, we couldn't afford it.
We couldn't afford electricity.
But he used to sit
there and he'd tell her,
"Someday, I'm gonna get
you a microwave, ma."
He woulda, too.
Poor woman died before he had a chance.
- Your Bernie sounds like
such a wonderful boy.
- Oh, yes, ma'am.
A man couldn't ask for a
better son than Bernie.
He was gonna take care of
his ma and me in our old age.
- How wonderful.
- We used to have some
good old times together.
Then the boy took sick.
They took him to one of them
big hospitals down state.
Bernie was never the same after that.
- How sad.
- What was wrong with the boy?
- It was nerves, Harry.
Just nerves.
- What the hell was that?
- Ah, probably just some old black bear
out looking for his lady friend.
- There's bears around here?
- Why, sure.
Bears, mountain lions,
all kinds of critters wandering
around these mountains.
Mostly, they keep out of sight now.
- How come?
- It's the campers, son.
Critters don't trust 'em.
Can't trust those humans
out in the wilds, Harry,
cause they'll give you the ax every time!
- I don't know about everybody else,
but I'm about ready to call it a night.
How about you, honey?
- My goodness, I suppose I am tired.
Come on, kids, say
goodnight to Mr. Bromley.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight, Pop.
- Goodnight.
- Hold on just a minute.
You forgot something.
- Why don't you just keep
that for a snack, Mr. Bromley?
- Thank you.
Thank you kindly, ma'am.
Hey!
Night, all!
Nice talking to ya.
Now you just settle down, boy.
I brought you a real nice surprise.
Lookie here, boy.
Homemade chocolate cake.
Sure is good cake, boy.
Just like your mama used to make.
You remember them cakes, boy?
We could have chocolate
cake all the time, boy,
if we had a new microwave
oven like them nice folk
in the next campground.
Yeah, they got all kinds
of things over there, boy.
They got a microwave oven,
an icebox full of food, a color TV.
You could watch cartoons all
day long if you had a color TV.
Told you when I took
you from that hospital
that we was going home.
Only this time, it's gonna be different.
Yeah, this time, we're going in style.
- Pop's gonna take me fishing tomorrow.
- How exciting for you.
- Hey, where are you going?
- Out.
- Are you crazy?
There's bears out there.
- Yeah, sure there are, you little creep.
Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, too.
- I'm gonna tell dad.
- Look, I just wanna go down by the river
and listen to some music by myself.
Give me a break, huh?
- Okay, it's your funeral.
- Thanks, kid.
Sometimes, you're okay.
- What are you doing?
- I thought I heard something.
That old man could be prowling
around out there, Harry.
- Who, Pop?
He's probably snoring his head off by now.
- Well, I don't want Mikey
going over there tomorrow.
- But the old guy said
he'd take him fishing.
- Harry, I don't like that old man.
He scares me.
You take him fishing.
You're his father.
- Well, okay, Vera.
I'll take Mikey fishing.
I still think the old guy's all right.
All you gotta do is listen
to him talk about that
boy of his to know that.
- Now, remember what I told you.
Don't break nothing valuable this time.
Understand?
Don't you go running off no place else,
or I'll let them take
back to the hospital.
Only this time, I won't come and get ya.
Go on, son.
I won't really send you back there.
I brung you home, didn't I?
- Harry!
Wake up!
Wake up!
I thought I heard something.
- Give me a break, Vera.
I just --
Did you hear that?
- That's what I've been
trying to tell you.
- Damn.
Mikey, let me in.
- Stop her, boy!
Don't let her get away, boy.
She's one them that put you away.
She's a camper!
Shit!
- How long do we have to
stay out here, anyway?
It's getting a little cold out, you know?
- You're a hell of a wilderness counselor,
Bob, you know that?
- Look, man, I was built
for comfort, not stress.
Just because I grew up in these hills,
doesn't make me Grizzly Adams, you know?
- Well, it gets cold in
the mountains at night.
I mean, isn't this what you teach
all those little college
cuties in your survival course?
- Yeah, man, and I'm anxious
to get back to them, too.
I got a little practical
exercise I'm gonna teach them.
I call it Sleeping Bag 101.
- Don't you think about
anything else besides girls?
- No.
Hey, did you check out that little chick
with the absolutely perfect thighs?
- Does she have a name?
- Mm-hmm.
Her name is Victoria.
But she said I could call her Vicky.
I think I'm in love, man.
Come on, let's go back up the hill
before that asshole Regis gets
his perverted hands on her,
okay?
- Okay, it shouldn't be long.
There's still two more coming in tonight.
We got a Debbie Harris from Denver
and a PJ Richards from L.A.
- PJ?
- Yeah.
- Do you think PJ is a male or a female?
- Shit.
Road to the camp's gotta
be someplace around here.
All right, civilization.
Hey, anybody home?
Anybody know where the wilderness camp is?
- What I'd like to know, though,
is why we have to stay out
here freezing our asses off
while Regis gets to stay
up in camp where it's warm?
- Well, since we're 50
miles from the nearest town,
there isn't exactly a lot of
places to ask for directions
if somebody gets lost.
Somebody always gets lost.
- And I wonder why they have to put us way
the hell out here, anyway.
- Because this is a
wilderness camp, schmuck.
Where do you want them to put it?
Under the Hollywood freeway?
- That's an idea.
I could go with real
survival things there.
- Ah, look, somebody's coming.
Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, I'm Debbie Harris.
I'm sorry I'm late, my
car's been acting up.
- I'm Ron.
I'm the wildlife instructor.
This is Bobby.
- Well, hello, Debbie.
I'm sure you and I are
gonna be real close friends.
- What do you teach,
sport, hand-to-hand combat?
- Hand-to-hand combat?
That's a good one.
Do you hear that, Ron?
Man, that's a good one.
- Where's the camp?
- It's about five miles
from here down the road.
We're waiting for one more guy to show up
and then we can take you there.
- No, that's okay.
Just tell me how to get there.
I'm sure I can find it
all by my little self.
- Sure.
Listen, just follow this
road another half mile
to the dirt road on your left.
That'll take you to the camp.
Ah, Regis will show you where you tent is.
- Thanks.
- Hey, Debbie,
I'm holding a little informal orientation
in my tent later on.
You're invited.
Wow.
What a bitch.
You think she's a lesbian or something?
- I hope not.
- Oh, thank God you stopped.
Something terrible has happened.
Please, you gotta help me.
Oh, God, thank you,
I'll never forget this.
- Damn it.
Don't you dare quit on me now.
We're almost there.
Thanks, pal.
Damn.
Damn.
- Come on, man.
If this guy hasn't shown up by
now, he probably never will.
- Maybe you're right.
We'll give him five more minutes.
- Five more minutes?
Come on, man, my little
girlies are freezing up there.
- Okay, okay, you win.
Look, grab the sign and
throw it in the back.
And we'll -- wait a minute.
- I don't think that's him, man.
- This time at night, who's it gonna be?
- Hey, man, get out of the road.
He's not gonna stop.
- PJ?
Are you looking for the
wilderness counselor's camp?
All right, listen,
go another mile to the
dirt road on the left.
It's about four miles from --
Slow down!
That road is dangerous!
- PJ, I presume.
- That guy has got a
serious attitude problem.
- Uh-huh, but he looks
way cool in that hat.
- Let's just get the hell out of here.
- All right.
Slip your little panties off, babies.
Bobby's on his way.
- You're sick, you know that?
- Yeah.
- Hey!
Can you give me a ride up to the camp?
My car broke down back there.
- I know, we saw it.
Climb in.
I'll throw this in the back.
- Thanks.
- What happened?
- I don't know, it just quit.
- We just sent a guy up
here a few minutes ago.
Why didn't you flag him down?
- Oh, I flagged him down.
The son of a bitch nearly ran over me.
- You and me are definitely
gonna have to talk to that guy.
- As soon as we get there, Bobby.
As soon as we get there.
- Thanks.
What are you doing in here?
- I thought you might
need somebody to help
dry the places you couldn't reach.
- You did, did you?
- Of course, I could've been mistaken.
- No, I don't think so.
- See, I told you nobody was watching us.
- Well, we can't stay here.
- Why not?
- Well, somebody might
wanna take a shower.
Besides, it's all wet.
- There's nobody in the supply tent.
And that's all filled with
nice, cozy sleeping bags.
- Well, we have to be back at
the campfire in half an hour.
- That's twice as long as we need.
Come on.
- Well, it looks like that son
of a bitch finally got here.
I wonder where he is.
- I don't know, but we're gonna find out.
- Oh, soft.
- Mama just wants you
to always remember one thing, Bernie.
This is our home.
Can't nobody never take that away from us.
- What do you mean you haven't --
What do you mean you haven't seen him?
- I mean I haven't seen him.
Nobody's checked in here
for a couple of hours.
I've scheduled a meeting in 15 minutes.
He'll probably turn up there.
- Look, damn it, I wanna see this guy now.
He's a nut case and I
want him out of here.
- Take it easy, Ron.
He's prepaid for the entire course.
- Are you out of your mind?
I come here to tell
you this guy's a maniac
and you tell me he's prepaid.
- Ron, you know the situation.
We had 12 kids registered for this course.
Seven of them showed up,
including PJ Richards,
wherever he is.
Seven is our break-even number.
If we don't have at least that
many, we're all out of a job
until the regular season
begins next summer.
Try to lighten up a little bit.
So the guy doesn't stop for hitchhikers.
It doesn't exactly make him
Jack the Ripper, does it?
- Right.
- Oh, God damn you, Bobby.
I told you to get everybody
their camping gear this afternoon.
- I just got here, Mr. Buchan.
Besides, they weren't all
here this afternoon to give.
- I don't wanna hear
any of your bullshit excuses.
I want it done tonight.
- Tonight?
It's freezing.
- Tonight, God damn you, Bobby!
I want it done tonight,
right after the meeting.
- Asshole.
- Is everybody always
this friendly around here?
Or did I just come at a bad time?
- I'm sorry.
They're just a little uptight
over last-minute cancellations.
Bobby and Regis are usually --
they're usually pretty good guys.
You'll see at the meeting.
- I hope so.
I was beginning to wonder
what I'd gotten myself into.
What's this meeting, anyway?
- It's just a little
informal get-together.
We introduce everyone, drink a little beer
and decide who we can con
into chopping the firewood.
Look, we still have a few minutes.
Come on, I'll show you
where you're staying.
Come on.
Hello?
Anybody home?
- Yeah, come on in if you stand it.
- Well, this is it.
- Ah-ha, another victim.
- Welcome to the Beverly Hilton.
- Sophie, Vicky, meet Debbie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hiya.
- The four of you have this
whole place to yourself.
Oh, put your bag anywhere you like.
Where's Jane?
- She went to take a shower.
Wait until you see the shower.
It's straight out of The Flintstones.
- Oh, I can hardly wait.
- Look, I gotta get ready for the meeting.
So if you guys can find Jane...
- Sure.
- And I'll see you
in a little while.
- God, isn't he beautiful?
- Forget it, sweetie,
you haven't got a chance.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, he's obviously got
the hots for Debbie here.
- What are you talking about?
I just met the guy.
- It's in the eyes.
You can see it.
- She's right.
He looks at you the same way
that dork Bobby looks at me.
- I met Bobby.
He's a little bit nutty,
but he seems nice enough.
- Oh, he's nice.
He's just a dork.
- I'm gonna go find Jane.
I'll see you at the meeting.
- Good-bye.
- Oh, God, what a day.
- Janel!
Jane, are you up there?
Come on, Jane, we've got a meeting.
Jane?
Janey?
- Okay, everybody, let's gather around.
Now!
Ron, can I have a word with you?
There are four people missing.
Where are they?
- I don't know.
They were all told to be here.
- God damn it, Ron,
we've got to have some
discipline around here.
People can't show up
whenever they feel like it.
- Hi, everybody!
Sorry.
- Do you want me to go find the others?
- Yes.
No.
On second thought, let
'em miss the meeting.
I'm gonna be handing out shift
details in a few minutes.
And let's see how they feel
about a little latrine duty.
- Where's Jane?
- I went down to the showers
to see if I could find her
and this is all I could find.
- Oh, man.
- That cute guy from Seattle.
- Uh-huh.
- He isn't here, either.
They didn't waste any time.
- Oh my God, they couldn't even
stop to turn off the water.
- Who-ho-ho-ho.
- You've all got a lot of work to do
if you're gonna get one of these.
This is the wilderness
counselor's certificate.
The reason you're all here.
With one of these,
you'll qualify for the best
jobs in the best camps.
You won't wait tables.
And you won't tell bedtime stories.
But don't go and get the idea
that we are just gonna hand
you this piece of paper
just because you paid your fee.
Ah, no. You are gonna --
- "Idea that we're gonna
give you this piece of paper
just because you paid your fee."
"No, you're gonna have to earn this."
- You got a problem, Bobby?
- No, Regis.
- Look, somebody's coming.
- Ron, go see who it is.
As I was saying,
you're gonna have to
earn this piece of paper,
God damn children.
Shut up!
- Is it Regis or it is Memorex?
- Okay, I'm coming.
Coming.
- God damn it, get that
light out of my eyes.
- Ah, sorry about that.
Hey, where's Deputy Taylor?
I thought he was the only one working
in the county at night.
- Taylor's out sick.
How many you got up there?
- There's 11 of us, including the staff.
- You got some young girls up there?
- Yeah, we do.
Look, what's this all about?
- Look at them.
They didn't hear one word I said.
There's not an ounce of
discipline in the whole bunch.
- Oh, now, they're just kids, hon.
They don't understand
discipline the way we do.
- Not too many people
do understand, Marcie.
- Let's go into the tent.
Let the kids entertain themselves, yeah.
- No.
You go ahead.
I gotta run a security check.
- Don't you be too long now.
Or Marcie will have to discipline you.
- Anyway, we wanted to check on your kids
just to be on the safe side.
- Well, thanks for coming up.
- Keep your eyes open, just in case.
- Okay.
All right, thanks.
Thanks again.
- Even a maniac won't tangle
with this, unless he's crazy.
- Well, you don't think
he's still around, do you?
- Well, it's hard to tell with these guys.
That's what makes them so dangerous.
- What the hell are you
talking about, Bobby?
- The maniac, Regis.
He just killed a bunch of people
on the campground by the highway.
And he's out looking for more victims.
- Where did you hear that?
- Cop told Ron.
- Hey, Ron, what's all
this crap about a maniac?
- Security check, huh?
You've been a bad boy, Regis.
I'm gonna have to whip you into shape.
First, we'll start out
with a little ambush.
- They're playing your song, Regis.
- Yeah, well, I'm gonna check the grounds.
And then I'm gonna turn in.
And I'm holding you
personally responsible, Bobby,
for any litter in this
campsite in the morning.
So I suggest you stop
telling your little bullshit
maniac stories and get to work.
- He's a major putz.
- Why is he so freaked
out over your story?
- The people who own this
camp are a little sensitive
about maniac stories.
Especially after what
happened here back in '75.
- Come on, what is it?
- There was this guy named Bernie.
And he used to live up here
in a cabin with his folks.
And Bernie was this dumb, gentle guy.
He used to walk through
the woods feeding the deer
and like that.
And the rest of the time
he spent chopping wood.
And every couple of weeks or so,
his pop would take the wood
that he chopped down into
the valley and sell it.
And that's how they survived.
Anyway, one day,
they get a letter telling
them the county is gonna build
a road up the mountain
to turn the mountain
Into a recreation area, with
campsites and like that,
to draw the tourists.
- How rotten.
- What a rip.
- Yeah.
Well, Bernie's pop says
if the county wants his family out,
they're gonna have to throw them out.
He's not moving.
- So what happened?
- So they send a bunch
of deputies up there
to throw them out.
Only, something went wrong.
- What?
- Well, no one knows
exactly what happened.
But according to the official report,
Bernie's pop pulled the gun
and the deputies opened fire.
And when it was over,
Bernie's mom was dead.
And the old man was wounded.
And they took him into jail.
And they kept him there
for a couple of years.
- What about Bernie?
- Bernie took off by himself
into the woods that night.
They say he stayed out there chopping wood
and going crazy.
After that, everybody kind
of forgot him for a while.
But then, then they opened the road.
And the tourists started coming in.
- And?
- And Bernie goes totally berserk.
He comes down here with
that ax of his in his hand
and he starts a swingin'.
And he starts chopping up
these campers left and right.
You see, in his mind, they
were all to blame, right?
Well, the next day, a
young deputy finds him
by the river next to a
pile of arms and legs,
stacked up like firewood.
When they tried to take him away,
he bit the deputy's finger off.
They had to put him in a straightjacket
with a special hood.
- God, now I wish you
wouldn't have told us.
- Yeah, well, I don't
think we have to worry
about poor, old Bernie anymore.
He's been locked up down at
that state hospital for years.
Probably still got him in that hood.
Boyee.
- Hold it right there.
Mm, Regis, Regis.
I'm just gonna love making
you say, "Mercy, Marcie."
Regis?
Stay back or I'll cut
you off at the knees.
- Looks like old Regis
finally shot his wad.
- You really hate him, don't you?
- No.
No, not really.
It's just that he's...
he's so full of shit, you know?
- Well, hate to be the
one to break up the party,
but I think we all should get some sleep.
- I don't know about you,
but I don't think I'm gonna
get much sleep knowing
there's a maniac lose.
- Hey, well, you can
always come to my tent.
- Thanks anyway, Bobby, but
you know, I don't think so.
- Yeah, well, I was just kidding, anyway.
I gotta get those bedrolls.
I'll be in the supply tent.
- Wait a minute, Bobby.
I'll give you a hand with 'em.
- No, I don't need your help.
- Oh, shit.
I think I've hurt his feelings.
- Well, I'm gonna take a shower
while there's lots of hot water.
Wanna walk me to my tent
and protect me from all the maniacs?
- Yeah, sure.
- Nighty night, kids.
Oh, I usually get up around noon.
So try to be quiet in the morning.
- I guess you must be tired.
- Yeah, I really am.
- Would you like me to
walk you to your tent?
- Do you mind if we talk for
just a few minutes first?
- No, of course not.
What do you wanna talk about?
- That story that Bobby
was telling about Bernie.
Did that really happen?
- Yeah.
Well, at least everyone around here
seems to tell it pretty much the same way.
And there is an old cabin
up there in the woods.
- It's such a sad story.
Could we go see the cabin?
- What, now?
- Yeah, would you mind?
- Well, no.
No.
But I mean, I thought you were worn out.
- I am, but I'm wired, too.
I think maybe the walk will calm me down.
- All right.
Well, just stay close to me.
That trail is pretty,
pretty tough right now.
- Bobby?
- I'll get you your bedroll.
- Bobby?
Hey, I'm sorry about before.
It's not that I didn't wanna be with you.
It's, well...it's just you.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
I come on a little too strong.
- You really do.
- I'm such a jerk.
I mean, I talk about Regis,
and I end up coming off twice
as obnoxious as he does.
- Shh.
And you talk too much, you know?
I need my bedroll.
- Okay, great.
- How'd that happen?
- I don't know.
But Regis isn't gonna like it.
- Well, let's not talk
about Regis anymore.
- Yeah.
Fuck 'im.
- Come on.
- Whoa.
- Oops.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Let's get out of here.
- Oh, Marcie.
Oh, baby.
You little devil.
You wouldn't be planning
a little ambush now,
would we, Marcie?
Oh.
Decided to skip the ambush
and go right for the Kill.
Well, that's okay with me.
Marcie?
Marcie!
You son of a bitch!
You fucker!
Jesus!
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
How much further is it?
- The river's just up ahead
and the cabin's on the other side.
Just watch your step down here.
It gets pretty rough walking.
- It's beautiful.
- Yeah.
Hey, you wanna rest a minute?
- Yeah.
- So you really like it, huh?
- Yeah.
It's so primitive.
- You can walk hundreds of
miles into these mountains
and not see a road, a
house, another human being.
There's still lions and
grizzlies up there, you know?
- Are you trying to scare me?
- Well, if I was trying to do that,
I'd tell you about bigfoot.
I mean, most of the recent sightings
have been around in this area.
I mean, two years ago,
bigfoot ate a pup tent
and turned over a jeep
only two miles downstream.
- Great.
Can we go see the cabin now?
- Sure.
Just watch your step.
It's pretty rough down here.
- Let's go inside where it's warm.
- Can't we go someplace else?
- No, silly.
We're going to take a shower.
A nice, hot, steamy shower.
- But what if somebody comes in?
You know, Regis or somebody?
- Chet, Regis is asleep.
Everybody's asleep.
I thought you wanted to
take a shower with me.
- Well, I do.
- Well, come on then.
No guts, no glory, Chet.
Brr, it really is cold.
Hey, why aren't you getting undressed?
Are you shy?
Mm, it's just right.
Nothing turns me on like a nice shower.
All steamy and soapy and hot.
- Where are you going?
- Down here, there's a bridge not too far.
- Why don't we just cross here?
- No, you don't wanna do that.
- Oh, come on, it's as hard as a rock.
- Look, if you're gonna do that,
at least take some of your clothes off
SO in case you get wet, you
have something warm to put on.
- Oh, sure, you'd love
that, won't you, Ron?
- Look it, just be careful.
You don't wanna mess with that.
- Be careful.
Ah, damn it.
- Oh, my God, it's so cold!
- Come on, we
gotta get you warm quick.
- Can't we go back to the camp?
- The camp's almost a
mile on the other side.
Look, Debbie.
- Oh, God, Sophie, get up!
Shit!
- Well, there it is.
- Can we get inside?
- Yeah, yeah, come on.
Sometimes, the kids from
the camp come in here.
There's blankets and a fireplace.
We gotta get you in
before you get pneumonia.
- What's this?
- It's all the wood that
Bernie chopped, I guess.
Come on, we gotta get a fire going.
- It's cold.
- I'll get a fire going.
You get those clothes off.
Come on, do you want me
to take them off for ya?
- That feels so good.
- You can come closer if you want.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna attack you.
We'll get these clothes dry,
and then I'll take you back to camp.
- Ron, I'm sorry.
- Look, there's a place upriver
where I can get you across
without getting your feet wet.
- I said I was sorry.
- About what?
- I didn't listen to you about the stream.
I thought you were trying to trick me
into taking my clothes off.
- Well, it worked, didn't it?
- Isn't there another blanket?
- No, that's the only one.
- Come on, there's room for two.
- Are you sure?
- Come on.
- Thanks.
- You ever see such a mess before?
- This is my first murder.
- Well, you ain't likely
to see many like this.
- Who'd you reckon that is?
I figured everybody in the county
had already been out here tonight.
- 3T50K?Y.
- Taylor, thought you was
home in your deathbed.
- Can we plow through all this?
I heard about the murders
out here last night.
I thought I'd better come
up and take a look at it.
What happened?
- Some junkie took an ax
to a bunch of tourists.
Damnest thing I ever saw.
Must have been on PCP.
I mean, he tore the place apart.
- Coroner been up in here yet?
- Been and gone.
Shit, never seen a coroner
lose his supper before.
It's gonna take the boys
all night at the morgue
to sort out the pieces.
Taking the last one away now.
Funny thing about that one.
Not a mark on him.
- Yeah, well, who is he?
- Some old guy.
Coroner says he had a heart attack.
I think he died of fright.
-Mind if I...7?
- Be my guest.
Hey, hold on a minute.
- Come on, give us a break.
We've been out here all night.
- Take it easy, Sim,
just wanna take a look.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- Hey, Taylor, what's the matter?
You look like you've
seen a freakin' ghost.
- It wasn't any junkie
who did this, asshole.
- Hey.
- It's Bernie.
It's Bernie.
He's back.
- Hey, Taylor, where are you going?
- Don't you understand?
He's back.
He's gonna come home.
- At the camp?
I already checked.
There ain't nobody there.
- Oh, he will be.
He will be.
- You're crazy, Taylor.
There ain't nobody there with them kids.
Crazy bastard.
- Take it away.
- I finally got it.
Is this where you bring all the girls?
- No.
I mean, I never brought
anybody else up here before.
- No?
- Girls don't like me very much.
- Well, I like you and I'm a girl.
- You really like me?
- Well, sure.
Well, you know secret places by the river
and you know how to
drink wine out of a bota.
I like you a lot.
Oh, God, it's really cold out here.
- We can go back if you want to.
- Oh, no.
No, I like it here.
- We have your bedroll.
I can...
we can spread it by the fire.
- That's a good idea.
- Ah, this should be plenty warm.
It's heavy enough.
- Maybe there's some
more wine hidden in it.
- I'd settle for an extra blanket or two.
Oh.
Oh!
Hey!
Hey!
Calm down.
It's just a joke.
- Ajoke?
- It's a joke.
Sure, you can buy those in magic stores.
I've seen them before.
- Oh, God, it looks so real.
- Some little punk from summer
camp probably wrapped it up
in there to get a rise out of us.
- Well, it worked.
- Hey.
Let's go back.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- We can go back to my
tent, if you'd like.
- Okay.
- It's nice and warm there.
Okay.
- What is it?
- Shh.
- What, Bobby?
- Somebody's following us.
- Oh my God, what are we gonna do?
- Well, if it isn't old PJ,
the disappearing camper.
Well, is this how you
get your jollies, PJ?
Spying on people?
Huh?
Well, come on, pervert.
- Bobby, let's just --
- Uh-uh, no way.
No, this jerk needs a lesson.
Come on.
I'm gonna kick your ass from
here to the next hospital.
Come on.
Come on.
Hey, man, what are you doing?
Hey, hey, put that down.
You could hurt somebody with that, pal.
You could hurt someone with that.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Anything.
- Did you plan this whole thing?
- Whose idea was it to come up here?
- Mine, but --
- And who pulled us
both into the stream?
- I did, but --
- I rest my case.
- You rat,
if you think I planned --
- Shut up and kiss me.
- No way, Jose.
I came up here to look around
and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
- Okay.
But don't come crawling back to me
when you freeze your buns.
- Hey, there's something over here.
It's stuck.
- Are you okay?
What is it?
- I think so.
- I guess this must have fell
when you jerked the door open.
What?
- Look at all this stuff.
- The makings
of a pretty good torture chamber in here.
The Grim Reaper approaches a little --
- You think our clothes are dry yet?
- I don't know, let's check.
- The clothes.
- We don't need clothes
for what I've got in mind.
- You pervert.
- Help!
Somebody, please!
Jane, help me!
Regis!
Marcie!
Oh, God!
- Piece of shit vehicles.
Bernie?
Who's Bernie?
I'll take him.
I'll take him from the knees up.
Hey, kids!
Kids!
I'm sorry to interrupt you here.
Kids, I can't tell you how --
Jesus.
- So you think Taylor found
anything up at that camp?
- Taylor's a flake.
- But he's been with
the department 20 years.
- Yeah, and he's still pushing
around that patrol unit.
That tell you something?
- I hear he's a good cop.
- Hurry, or we won't get any sleep at all.
- Ah, sleep is for sissies.
Tell you what, I'll let you
sleep an extra 15 minutes --
- Hello?
Hello, is anybody there?
Hello?
Oh, God.
- I'm telling ya,
it's a regular slaughterhouse up there.
Every cop in the county's up
at the camp trying to
figure out what happened.
- I hear they got the looney though.
They say some kid shot him dead.
- Wait a minute, something's coming.
- Jesus, what a night, huh?
- You got some bodies back there?
- Hell, they're gonna need a semi
for all the bodies they got up there.
We got the live ones, though.