Morning, Noon & Night (2018) Movie Script

I don't like you
and you don't like me.
MARCO: Ah-ha, Big Cliff.
What's up man?
Marco, my main man.
Down to the bottom, need more.
- All out, I'm waitin'.
- Shit, man.
Well, when's that gonna be?
MARCO: Hopefully, today.
(SIGHS) Well, let me
know when you do know.
- All right?
- Fo sho, you be cool.
Yeah, yeah, you be cool.
- Peace.
- Yeah, peace out, whatever.
Good morning, sweetie.
Good morning, Daddy.
You have blow all
over your nose.
Oh, shit.
Is it gone?
Yeah, why do you
do so much blow?
'Cause it gives me an
edge and I need that.
In the corporate world,
everything's about
screw everybody else.
I gotta be sharp as a
razor, twice as sharp.
It's worse than dog
eat dog out there.
It's wolf eat wolf.
And those bastards
want me outta there.
See, I've reached the
corporate glass ceiling.
Can't go any higher than
head of department at NFK
without moving into executive,
and executive is all a Japanese.
And you may or may
not have noticed,
but I am not Japanese.
You're too tall.
That's right, and that
gives me an advantage.
Let me teach you
a little something
about having an advantage.
When you've got an advantage,
you have got to take
advantage of it, pshew!
CLIFF: And do me
a favor, will ya?
Stay outta my shit, okay?
I don't even like blow.
CLIFF: Then why'd
you steal half a gram?
It was for my friend.
Oh, Emily who used to be Joel?
Yeah, she's got a hard life.
It's not easy being transgender.
I can imagine.
I find it challenging enough
just being one gender.
Apparently, there are
like 200 genders nowadays.
And look what I got stuck with.
Oh, don't you talk like that.
You are beautiful.
So, you goin' to school today?
I guess.
What do you mean you guess?
I hate school.
I think I'm gonna drop out.
you shitting me?
You've already dropped
out of two colleges
and I had to eat the
tuition both times.
And Northern was
fuckin' expensive!
Well, look at it this way.
Community college
isn't nearly as much.
(LAUGHS) So now you're
saving me money, I suppose.
Wait, that's bullshit;
you pay for it.
And so what are
you gonna do now?
You're gonna have to
get a job, you know?
So I'll get a job.
CLIFF: Yeah, and then
you'll quit after three days.
Daddy, please, can
you just leave me alone?
Don't you have any ambition?
- Hmm, no.
- None at all?
Don't you wanna be somebody?
I am somebody.
Yeah, you're right.
You're a professional dropout.
But it would be
nice being rich.
CLIFF: Oh, and how
might you achieve that?
I figured I'd
just outlive you,
inherit all your money.
You know, at the
rate you're going,
it shouldn't even be that hard.
I'd be surprised if
you even made it to 60.
I am going to
slow down, I swear;
once I get a little bit of
time, which will be soon.
- Sure.
- You watch.
So you see your mother lately?
- No.
- Talk to her lately?
- No.
- Why not?
Because I hate Matt.
She has terrible taste in men.
- Hey, hey, watch it!
- Not you, Daddy.
You're wonderful.
Good answer and you're right.
I am wonderful in my own
charmnoxious kind of way.
So what's wrong with Matt?
He's just a horrible,
sloppy, disgusting drunk
and Mom's zoned out
on benzos all day
watching the Home
Shopping Network
buying shit she doesn't need.
- I hate it there.
- Well, then stay here,
- but go to school.
- Okay.
Listen, I got to go to work.
We will talk about this
droppin' out shit later.
Look, I don't get it.
Why drop out at all?
I mean, aren't you
takin' bullshit classes,
like underwater basket
weaving and poetry anyway?
Creative writing and history,
- with your old buddy, Aaron.
- That's right.
That sounds great, but, look.
I gotta go, honey.
- We'll talk about this later.
- Okay.
- I love you, muah.
- Love you, too, Daddy.
- And stay away from my blow!
- Okay.
And don't touch my Diet Coke.
is gonna drive me to drinkin'.
If I don't start drivin'
that hot rod Lincoln, yeah.
Fuck everything.
Stupid mother fuckin',
get the fuck outta the way!
Get a life!
I can't drink this.
Every day is a
miniature eternity.
No, Jesus.
No, Jesus Christ.
No, not Teddy.
Franklin Roosevelt, close.
Still wrong.
What caused the
Great Depression?
My dog died, funny (CHUCKLES).
What brought the end of
the Great Depression?
Xanax; okay, funny man.
There's an F, that
stands for funny.
(SIGHS) Blessed Circe.
Oh, I love the Beer Bash!
The one day of the year
where getting smashed
is not only condoned,
it's encouraged.
All right, can anyone tell me
when the first drug laws
were introduced, anybody?
Come on, just try.
- In the '60s.
- No.
Anybody else?
- You.
- In the '20s.
No, in 1729 in China when
the emperor banned the sale
and importation of the opium
throughout the whole nation.
And what happened next?
Opium use just kept increasing
and becoming more prevalent.
Then, in the 1830s,
the British realized
that they were running a
trade deficit with China.
You see, there were
a great many things
that the West wanted
from the Chinese,
but nothing they
wanted from them.
So the British began
shipping in wholesale opium
into the country.
And guess what?
That shit just sells itself.
Heroin, by the way, is
a derivative of opium.
And as more and more of the
Chinese people got addicted,
the emperors did not dig
it, so they banned it.
And what happened next?
- It got more popular?
- Exactly.
So what can we
take from all this?
Stuff that's banned
gets more popular.
Precisely, just like
the prohibition of alcohol
here in the States in the 1920s.
Ya see, when you tell people
they can't have
something they like,
they'll find a way to get it.
And prohibition was
the direct cause
of the birth of organized
crime in this country,
which began in Chicago,
Detroit, and New York,
and was controlled by the Mafia,
which was predominantly Italian,
though there were many
ethnic groups involved.
Including the Purple Gang
right here in Detroit.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Oh, god.
Oh, that's a good one.
Ah, fuck.
Ah, gross.
Fuck it.
Are you in school?
My dad just asked
me if I'm at school.
I'm at school, call down;
you're freaking out.
He says, yes, I am.
My dad's freaking out.
Who isn't.
Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
- Aaron.
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- You sound weird.
I just choked
on some Gatorade.
- Yeah, with vodka in it?
- No, plain Gatorade.
NIKKI: Right, ya know
you're gonna get caught
and then you're gonna get fired.
Why don't you just
stop drinking?
Hey, Ms. Pothead,
she without sin
can cast the first stone.
Hey, I smoke for
fun; you're a drunk.
I can quit anytime;
you're addicted.
- Really.
- Yeah, really.
What can I do for ya?
- So, ya got any?
- Pot?
No, plutonium.
- Yes, pot.
- Sure.
Can I come by after
work and get some?
AARON: Of course.
Great, you goin'
to the Beer Bash?
Sure, I love the Beer Bash.
- Figures.
- How's your love life?
Hmm, nothin' to
write home about.
How's yours?
(SCOFFS) You kicked
the life outta me.
(CHUCKLES) I might
not ever recover.
(LAUGHS) Bullshit.
I'll see ya after work.
Oh, fuck!
God dammit.
I could look at
purses all day.
I could look at shoes forever.
(SCOFFS) I hate Mr. Goldman.
He thinks he's so smart.
Well, I mean,
he kinda is smart.
He's been friends with my
dad since they were like
seven in elementary
school or something.
But I hate this school;
it's so full of losers.
People who can't
get in a university.
Yeah, like us (CHUCKLES).
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
I could just scream.
And what am I supposed
to do with history?
Who cares?
It already happened, what
are you gonna do about it?
We should be focusing on shit
that's happening right now.
I seriously don't care
what happened yesterday.
Me neither.
So what do you got?
I got some Oxycontin I
stole from my grandmother.
She's got pain pills in
every drawer of the house
and she's proud of it.
Gets 'em prescribed from
three different doctors.
She says you don't have to
go three steps in this house
without finding more pain pills.
She sets a great example.
God, people are so
fucked up these days.
But I got some bars of
Xanax I stole from my mom.
Trade ya.
I'm so sick and tired
of this whole routine.
Day in and day out,
morning, noon, and night,
the same fucking thing.
I'm about ready to scream.
I found a dope house.
You did?
Where, I'm not going to Detroit.
Pretty close, Pontiac.
- Shit, that is pretty close.
- Mm-hmm.
So what do we do?
Well, Emily gave me the
number and the address,
so all I have to do is call.
Are you sure
you wanna do this?
I don't know, do you?
I don't know, I'm not
sticking a needle in my arm.
Well, me neither;
we'll just snort it.
I'm scared.
It'll be fun.
Like, yeah, it'll be fun.
Let's just think about
this for a second.
It's a big deal.
So call.
- Call.
- I'm scared.
Okay, then let's
just not do it.
Hi, Smokey?
This is Billie, Emily's friend.
Can me and my friend come over?
Yeah, I know where it is.
Yeah, no.
Okay, we'll be there soon.
Shit (LAUGHS),
now what do we do?
Well, we don't have to go.
Yeah, we do.
Because I just said we would.
So I don't wanna
look like asshole.
To who, Smokey?
You don't even know him.
Okay, so what do we do?
(SIGHS) I heard it's great.
Emily said, you know how
good it feels smoking pot?
Well, it's a million
times better.
A million times, how?
I don't know, but
we can find out.
- Okay, let's go.
- All right.
We're so bad.
Can anyone tell me the
reasons World War I started?
Just try.
- You.
- The spread of communism.
(SIGHS) That
answer woulda worked
for both the Korean
and Vietnam Wars,
but not World War I, good try.
Anybody else?
The sinking of the Maine.
No, that was the
Spanish-American War.
How 'bout an arms race?
Wasn't it the Cold War?
It was, good response.
But it was also one
of the major causes
for World War I before that.
An arms race
between who and who?
- You.
- Japan and America?
Jesus Christ.
Did any of you do the
assigned reading, anybody?
Britain and Germany,
ring any bells?
what year were you born?
- 1996.
- And who was the president?
George Bush.
- The second?
- Oh, my god.
You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me.
- You wanna try again?
- No.
Try anyway.
I don't know, Obama?
You're all nothin'
but a bunch of slackers!
Hey, we're Millennials
and we don't like labels.
Oh, my god.
Look, this is the world you're
living in like it or not.
This isn't a dress rehearsal.
This is it, okay?
You've only got
one shot at this.
You can either
choose to be present
in your own lives or not.
(SIGHS) Fine, there's gonna
be a test on this next week.
I suggest you do the assigned
reading or else you'll fail.
And if ya blow this,
then you're probably gonna
blow the whole course,
which, I'll remind
you, is required.
Then, you will be screwed.
You can't use that kind
of language in front of us,
and call us names
and threaten us.
This is supposed
to be a safe place.
(CHUCKLES) Is it really?
I guess I forgot.
I thought a classroom was
a place to be challenged,
a place that linger some ideas
that are a little scary
from time to time.
My mistake, deepest apologies.
Class dismissed.
Do the reading.
Really, it's fascinating stuff.
I swear to god!
Yeah, they wrangled
me into working tonight.
I don't like the fact that
it sort of endorses drinking,
but I do live in the community
and it's only once a year,
so what the heck, right?
What about you, are you going?
No, Debbie and I are
going to the casino tonight.
Oh, so do you like gambling?
- Yeah, it's all right.
- Okay.
I'm not very good at it,
but Debbie just loves it.
She get so caught up in it.
It's like she
becomes someone else,
like there's a devil
inside her or something.
Do any of your students do
any of the required reading
or anything else
expected of them?
- Some of them.
- Yeah, some.
- The good ones.
- God.
I don't think I have
any good ones right now.
They all stare at me so blankly
with their dead
eyes, doll's eyes.
Then, I figure it's
gotta be my fault, right?
You know, this shit's
really interesting.
Maybe I'm making it boring.
I had a history teacher
in high school like that;
third year, Mr. Zehue.
That guy managed to make
everything in history
dull as rocks.
Hated him for it, but
have I become him?
It's actually worse than that.
It's like no one wants to listen
to anything I have to say.
It's just like they
cut me off whenever...
- Aaron, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- I'm just (STAMMERING).
- You're sweaty.
Just a bad day is all.
- Honestly, just a bad is all.
- No, no.
You're sweating and
you're hyperventilating.
- No, honestly, I'm fine.
- Are you sick?
Maybe I am coming
down with something.
Good talk, I'll see ya around.
Holy fuck, would ya
look at this mess.
Oh, shit.
MARCO: Big Cliff,
the man of the hour.
How so?
MARCO: Because I haven't
talked to you in over an hour.
Sorry, dude, nothin' yet.
But you're
expecting it, right?
MARCO: Sooner or later.
- Hey, keep cool.
- Yeah.
You keep cool, all right?
- Peace, man.
- Yeah, yeah.
Peace out, whatever.
BILL: What happened?
- Marco, fall through?
- Exactly, so?
BILL: It'll happen,
bro, sooner or later.
BILL: I'm waitin' here, too.
That's what everybody
keeps tellin' me.
You let me know when, all right?
- Hasta la vista.
- Yeah, yeah, whatever.
KELLY: We're
driving in circles.
BILLIE: I'm telling
you, this is it.
This is it?
It's the right address.
It looks just
like a normal house.
I suppose it would.
I'm not going in there.
Then, I'll go in alone.
- Really?
- Yeah, really.
I want to get outta
here as fast as I can,
so I'll just say you're waiting.
- You got any money?
- Uh, yeah.
20 bucks.
I got 40, also curtesy
of my grandmother,
who besides having pills
stashed all over the house,
also has money stashed
everywhere just in case.
Are you sure
you wanna do this?
I don't know, do ya
think we shouldn't?
I don't know, I mean,
we could still go back.
You know this is a
really bad idea, right?
- Uh-huh.
- Fuck that.
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
What the fuck?
What the fuck?
understand, I understand.
But it's like
Oh, fuck me.
That's not good,
but in the sixth grade I literally
put my homeboy in a box.
Oh, my god.
They're getting weapons.
I could leave.
I could just leave, but
I can't leave Billie.
Oh, my god.
Come on, let's get outta here.
- Did you get it?
- Yeah, I did.
- Well, don't pull it out.
- I won't.
KELLY: What was it like?
BILLIE: There was a
whole family in there,
including an old lady
and like four little...
- Fuck, this is a dead end.
- Well, turn around.
KELLY: Okay.
Anyway, Smokey's a nice guy.
Whole thing was effortless.
Well, that's good to know.
Shit, how do we get
out of here, fuck.
I'm telling you,
that was the scariest
moment of my entire life.
I was sure they
were gonna kill me.
Look, I'm still shaking.
- Do you see that?
- Hmm.
Well, (TONGUE CLICKS) let's see.
- Did you lose it?
- No, I didn't lose it.
It's in here, calm down.
You can trust me
with this stuff.
Here it is.
- How much is that?
- $60 worth.
- No kidding.
- Yeah.
I asked him what to do,
which he thought was cute.
We should each
cut one line each,
about this long.
So do we just chop
it up like blow?
Yeah, I suppose.
Well, lucky for us,
my dad has all the latest and
most sophisticated equipment
for cutting up
and snorting blow.
- Shall we?
- We shall.
(LAUGHS) Look at this,
there's blow everywhere.
Your dad's a slob.
No, he's not, trust me.
This place is normally
perfectly cleaned and lined up.
He must really be
freaking out, geez.
Look at this mess.
If my dad doesn't
get this buyout,
he's gonna get fired.
You cannot do as
much blow as he does
and go to work every day
and get away with it.
- He knows that.
- Hmm, your dad's hot.
- What?
- He's hot.
Ew, he's too old for you.
Well, I know that but
can't I say he's hot.
- No.
- Meh.
Let's see.
There it is.
- You go first.
- No, you.
- No, I'm scared.
- So am I.
Okay, let's do it
at the same time.
- Okay.
- Together.
- Ready?
- I guess.
- Okay.
- Okay.
One, two, three, go.
Well, that's different.
It kinda burns a little.
Yeah, but not in a bad way.
Yeah, it doesn't
seem like much.
No, but let's just wait
and see what happens.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- I think I feel sick.
- You do?
Maybe it's bad.
No, I hear you're supposed
to feel kinda sick and barf.
- Right, yeah, I know that.
- Okay.
I think I feel sick, too.
- I feel warm.
- Me, too.
- Nice and warm.
- Yeah, tingly warm.
- I feel it.
- So do I.
It's strong.
It's kind of like this
heavy-duty cough syrup
my dad had once.
Every time I passed
the bathroom,
I would take a slug and then
float away on a rosy cloud.
Jimmy Choo,
Christian Louboutin.
Chanel, Prada, Hermes.
Brian Atwood, Miu Miu,
Manolo Blahnik; transplendent.
Givency, fabulous (GIGGLES)!
- I wish I had a cigarette.
- Me, too.
And neither of us smokes.
I see what this is.
This is just one bad
habit leading to the next.
(LAUGHS) Do you think your
dad has one sitting around?
Probably, let's look.
James, get the car.
BILLIE: Let's sit outside.
Right, yeah, cool.
This is pretty awesome.
A million times
better than pot?
Then, we're totally fucked.
I don't know if you're
supposed to feel
a million times
better than regular.
Why not, isn't better to
feel good than to feel bad?
(CHUCKLES) Not this good.
Wanna do a little more?
KELLY: I need to
think about this.
I've got a better idea.
Let's not think about
anything anymore.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Emily.
EMILY: Since when
do you guys smoke?
Since now.
It's in a long line of new
bad habits we're acquiring.
So I take it you
guys saw Smokey?
- We did.
- Well, she saw him.
- I sat in the car.
- And, what do ya think?
He's a nice guy.
Not him, the dope.
- Oh, that (CHUCKLES).
- (LAUGHS) Oh.
Is there any left?
Yeah, like all of it.
So what do ya
say we do some now,
take the rest back to my house?
Libby said she's
coming over later.
And you're in love with Libby?
So what, I am?
So you became a girl, then
fell in love with a girl?
I guess so.
Ironic, isn't it?
I guess I like girls.
Whatever, come on
you dope fiends.
- Let's go.
- M'kay.
MAN: My neighbor's kid
got arrested last night.
- For what?
- He was so drunk and high
that his buddies
called him an Uber car
and apparently they gave
him the wrong address,
(CHUCKLES) so the kid
walks into the wrong house
and goes to sleep on the couch.
And he was arrested for what?
Unlawful entry and burglary,
even though he
didn't take anything.
Wait, I don't get it.
If he didn't take anything,
then why burglary?
Because apparently,
after dark,
unlawful entry automatically
becomes burglary.
It's like a mandatory sentence.
Wow, that's bullshit.
How old's the kid?
MAN: I mean,
he's no kid really.
- He's 35.
- Oh, hell.
You gotta be blind drunk to
walk into the wrong house
and fall asleep on the couch.
Yeah, I've never
been that drunk.
Me, neither.
In his favor, he was still
pretty new to the neighborhood.
- Still.
- Still.
So, Mr. Johnson, let's
step up to the plate.
Shall we put our cards
on the table, yes?
All right, I've been head of
sales of NFK for five years.
During that time,
sales are up 17%.
Now, as per our contract,
it is time for both a
raise and a promotion.
Indeed, valid point; a
reasonable bump in pay.
A promotion, no.
- Difficult.
- What?
Would you care for some sake?
Very good, very expensive.
- The best.
- Of course.
Well, as you're well aware,
NFK is based in Japan with
the headquarters in Tokyo.
Yes, I've been there
a number of times.
And you will notice that
all of our top executives
- are Japanese.
- Yes, I noticed that.
- Coincidence?
- Yes.
Well, for you to go beyond
your present position
would put you in the
top executive rank,
but it's not possible for you.
- In Japan.
- What do you mean?
We are here in America.
We have laws that prohibit
discrimination based on race,
and that is what you're
talking about here, right?
Oh, I'm well
aware of these laws.
It's not possible.
Things are not gonna change.
This is a Japanese company.
Now, let us get
our fish in a row.
You can stay in your present
position with comfortable pay,
but you might want to move
on to another company.
Hopefully, with no grass roof.
We will make it well
worth your time.
- More sake?
- Please.
So, tell me, how exactly will
NFK make it worth my while?
An extremely generous
compensatory offer
has already been made.
However, just because
an offer has been made
does not mean that it has
automatically been accepted.
Psht, some
pertinent information,
we don't know might be missing
as we are making our
decision about you.
Yes, and I have no doubt
that you've examined
the numbers thoroughly.
But what I don't think
you've truly grasped
is what if I decide to stay
on in my present position.
- With substantial pay?
- Well, again, Mr. Miura,
those are just numbers.
They hardly reflect the
reality of the situation.
And what, Mr. Johnson, is
the reality of the situation?
If I may speak bluntly, sir,
although I do fear offending
your delicate Japanese
Please, Mr. Johnson,
speak bluntly.
I don't like you
and you don't like me.
Bluntly noted.
But with your attitude
and your behavior,
I'm not particularly fond of it.
Like what for example?
What is that
stain on your shirt?
- That awful stain?
- Snot.
Now, let's say that we
were to work together
for another five years.
That could make
us both irritable
and perhaps not as constructive
as we might be were we
working with other people.
- Possibly so.
- Now, I have already spoken
to my attorney and he assures me
that any legal proceedings
regarding race discrimination
would be very public and cost
us both money, a lot of money.
Money that in my minds I could
much more easily be added
to my buyout package.
Now, in the end, I
think that both sides
will find this new
arrangement most satisfactory.
You have us you say, how
do you say, under a barrel?
No, sir, over a barrel.
But the truth is I just want
what's best for all parties,
NFK in particular,
who I do feel that I
am a integral part of
even though I'm not Japanese.
I have been head of
sales for five years.
I have been here for 18 years.
I was here long
before you, Mr. Miura.
(GASPS) I have been
at NFK for 25 years.
Yes, but not here; not
in the United States.
And believe it or
not, we count, too.
- Do you now?
- Yes.
And, now, I'm sure I can
count on NFK showing me
just how much I
truly mean to them.
Well, can't you leaves
sleeping dogs lie?
You may well get away with this.
Yes, I think it might
and so does my attorney.
Now, if you will just
make certain of it,
I have no doubt
that both parties
will leave this
negotiation satisfied.
(SCOFFS) Thank
you, Mr. Johnson.
No, thank you, Mr. Miura.
- Hello?
- Hi, Mom.
- How are you today?
- Very tired.
I don't know what's
gotten into me.
I can barely hold the phone.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Are you still drinking?
- No.
MOM: But I can hear
the cubes clinking.
No, you didn't.
It's a bad connection.
You know these
modern cellphones.
It's a wonder they work at all.
MOM: I don't know,
I don't have one.
Look, I can hardly breathe.
- I'll talk to you later, okay?
- Okay, Mom.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, honey.
- Hello?
- Hey, Pat.
I just talked to Mom
for like 10 seconds.
She sounds terrible.
PAT: She's taking way
too many sleeping pills.
Well, what can we do about it?
PAT: We, what do
you mean we, white man?
- It's just me.
- Okay, you.
PAT: I try to take them
away from her, but I can't.
But what's the difference?
She won't even try anymore.
She won't do physical therapy.
She won't do anything
except lie on the couch
with her mouth open and
her hands all curled up
like she's already dead.
(SIGHS) So when are you gonna
come down here and visit?
I can't, it's mid semester.
PAT: Yeah, yeah, yeah,
it's always something.
You haven't seen
Mom in eight years.
I know; I feel
terrible about it.
PAT: Yeah, I'll bet you do.
Are you still drinking like
it's going out of style?
No, I'm doing really good.
PAT: I can hear the
ice cubes clinking.
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
- Bad connection.
- Bullshit.
- Gotta go, talk to ya later.
- Bye.
Eh, right on time.
NIKKI: Ah, Christ,
you started without me.
Look at you, you're saturated.
- Not quite yet.
- Ah, face it.
You're perpetually pickled.
twue, it's twue!
Oh, god, you smell
like a dill pickle.
Come on, fess up.
Why do you drink so much?
Is it because I
broke your heart?
I was drinking long before
you broke my heart, my dear.
Part of the reason you dumped
me was my drinking, remember?
Hmm, nope, guess I moved on.
- So have I.
- Yeah, to Cloud Cuckoo Land.
So stop avoiding the question.
- Why do you drink so much?
- Why not?
That's a bullshit answer.
AARON: Any answer I give
you is gonna be bullshit.
- Try me.
- Okay.
I'm 50 years old
and I'm only an associate
professor of history
at a crumby little
community college.
How's that?
I've got the worst students
in the history of education,
like since before
Ancient Greece.
I mean, ever.
And I've spent years
writing an historical novel
on a truly worthy
subject, Stephen Decatur,
who really deserves a good
book to be written about him,
but I can't do it.
I'm not good enough;
my prose sucks.
- So try harder.
- (SCOFFS) Yeah.
- Thanks for the advice.
- (CHUCKLES) What?
You really think that those
are good enough reasons?
Come on, reasons don't matter.
Oh, I had a tough childhood.
My dad kicked my ass.
My mommy didn't love me.
Oh, terrible me!
Please, reasons only matter
in stories; not in real life.
Well, okay, why do you
smoke so much reefer?
- I like it.
- There you go.
That's why I drink.
weed doesn't make me puke.
Yeah, be thankful
for small favors.
Look, why don't
you just drink two
- or three drinks and stop?
- I can't.
NIKKI: Why don't
you just drink beer?
(CHUCKLES) Look, I gotta go.
I gotta go pick up Max from his
anger management in an hour.
Poor Max.
You know, you can't just punch
a guy in the mouth anymore
for bein' an asshole.
Hey, you like my new sweater?
Yeah, it's pretty.
Hmm, I got it on sale.
Half off, it's 100%
cashmere (GIGGLES).
Are you goin' to
the Beer Bash later?
Sure, it's my night.
The one night of the year
where gettin' hammered
is encouraged.
Mm-mm, not really.
Close enough.
Well, then I guess
I'll see ya later.
AARON: Sure.
Could you bring one?
Don't I always?
Yes, it's one of the few
reasons I still like you.
Hey, quit bogartin'
and pass it over here.
Will ya?
SANDRA: Hey, Cliff.
What happen, Marco
and Bill let ya down?
- Yes, they did, so?
- You're in luck.
I'm in the neighborhood,
I'll drop by.
- Great, when?
- Soon.
- How soon?
- Very soon.
Great, thanks!
Yes, whoa!
Jesus Christ,
slow the fuck down!
You're in a residential
- Your own, in fact.
- Geez, I'm sorry.
You are the last
person I wanna run over
at this particular moment.
Oh, well, thank god I
got that goin' for me.
Otherwise, I'd be
just chopped liver.
I can't stay long.
- 300?
- Yep.
Is it any good?
No, Cliff, it's shit.
Should I take it home?
Hell, no!
No, geez, I just
asked a question.
- You goin' to Dick's Friday?
- Maybe.
- Fred's band is playing.
- Maybe.
SANDRA: It would be
nice to see you there.
A definite maybe.
Don't you wanna see me?
You know I do.
- How much?
- Very much.
Now, just give, give,
give me the fuckin' blow!
- All right, I gotta go.
- All right, thanks.
- Have fun.
- I will.
Oh, and slow down.
There are kids all
over the place.
All right, I will, thanks.
Bill, good to see you.
Come on in.
You called a few hours ago.
A couple times, right?
Yeah, of course, I did.
Then, why are you so
surprised to see me?
I don't know.
Home delivery,
it's just for you,
because I've known
you so damn long.
300, right?
That's what it is.
Hasn't changed since last week,
but you never know;
prices fluctuate.
(CHUCKLES) Well, thanks a lot.
How the fireworks goin'?
Awesome, I've been building
four and five-stage rockets
in my house without a permit.
Now, totally fucked
up and smokin'.
- Isn't that dangerous?
- Well, yeah.
I could take out my whole house.
Hell, I've got
enough black powder,
I could take out
both my neighbors,
but I'm gonna have the biggest
4th of July celebration
in all of lower
southwestern Michigan, yeah.
- If you say so, man.
- Yeah, I did say.
And you know what else
is the bee's tits?
No, what?
You take a full
stick of dynamite,
stick it in a shell
hole, ya light it,
lay down about 10 feet away.
And then what happens?
The whole world blows up.
It's fucking awesome
(LAUGHS), mind-blowing.
I bet.
Thanks so much for
coming by, man.
Yeah, no problem.
Keep in touch, I know you will.
You know I will.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, cocaine
Dun, dun, dun, dun
Oh, my god.
I've got eight grams of blow.
That's a lot.
(CHUCKLES) Where's
my fuckin' mirror?
Who the fuck is that?
Marco, it's good to, what
on earth are you doin' here?
- Come on in.
- What?
What do you mean
what I'm doin' here?
You just called me.
CLIFF: Yeah, I did.
This is the premium shit.
You want some?
No, can't stay, I
got Diane waitin'.
So it's 300, right?
Now, you know you my man.
If I could give it to you
for any less, I would.
My man (LAUGHS)!
You'll never guess
what happened to me.
Humor me, what?
Well, first, I called
you and you were out.
So then I called
Bill and he was out.
So then I called Sandra
and she was right here,
right in the fuckin' driveway.
I almost hit her with my
car, so I scored from her,
and then Bill came over and
now you're here (CHUCKLES).
So what you sayin'?
I'm sayin' I got three
eight balls, 12 grams of blow.
Bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum, cocaine
Three eight balls, you?
Yeah, what do ya mean, me?
am not your conscience.
In fact, I'm your
fuckin' drug dealer,
but you are way too
big of a cokehead
to have 12 grams of coke lyin'
around your crib at one time.
You gonna kill yourself.
Marco, my man,
don't be ridiculous.
I am a grown ass adult,
possibly retired with
a very healthy pension.
- I know what I'm doin'.
- Really?
I know what I'm doin'
when it comes to blow.
I fuckin' doubt it.
- But just be careful, okay?
- All right.
All right, I will, I promise.
You give my best to
Diane, all right?
Yeah, all right.
Fuckin' idiot.
Bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum cocaine
Bum, bum, bum
Three, four, five (LAUGHS).
Six, seven, eight,
nine (LAUGHS).
Oh, my god, will ya
look at all this.
All right, where is
my fuckin' mirror?
Oh, you little bitch!
How dare she use my shit?
And now you're doin' blow?
You don't got enough problems?
Where'd you get the money?
God dammit.
Oh, yuck, what the
fuck is that, dirt?
Ugh, god dammit.
What's the matter,
Kelly, too busy?
Now, who the fuck is that?
'Sup, dudes, come on in.
You have three eight balls?
I know (CHUCKLES).
You guys want some?
That's too much for you.
- What?
- It is!
Why don't you admit it?
You should not have three eight
balls lyin' around your crib
at one time.
What are the
two of you saying?
Give two back.
SANDRA: Yeah, we'll
give 'em back to you later.
- When?
- Tomorrow or the next day.
You have no right,
I won't do it.
Real talk, Cliff.
Just look at it this way.
You are our best client.
We don't wanna lose you, bro.
- Exactly.
- (STAMMERING) Listen, listen.
If I put my mind to it,
I could probably kill
myself with one eight ball.
So what difference does
it make if I got three?
We're your coke dealers
and we know better than you,
- so give it up.
- This is outrageous!
- I won't do it.
- Yes, ya will.
I want my money back.
You want your money back?
All right, you know
I didn't mean that.
It's just, you can't...
Okay, I'll give you one.
(SIGHS) You're not gonna do
two eight balls in one night.
You're probably not even
gonna do all of one,
so just give us
two back, one each.
I don't see why
this is necessary?
It just is, do it!
We're your friends, Cliff.
This is so, you can't a, god!
It's just not done!
This is my.
Fine, I'll get the blow.
You need to give us two.
You can't handle everything
you got there (MUMBLING).
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight.
Fine, fine, you're my friends.
I get it, there.
Man, there's only
seven grams in here.
What, I don't know
how that happened.
- I counted.
- Keep it.
Face it, Cliff, you're a fiend.
You just might have a problem.
Moi, a problem,
don't be ridiculous.
Hey, when you want this,
just call me and I'll
bring it over, all right?
Thank you.
I don't know another
cokehead on the planet
who has drug dealers as
kind and as thoughtful
as the two of you.
I'm sure you're right.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
MARCO: Fuckin' idiot.
My coke dealers just
had an intervention on me.
Is it possible that
I do have a problem?
An issue, somethin'
that needs lookin' into?
Bum, bum, bum,
bum, bum cocaine
Ah, god dammit.
Go, get in there.
'Kay, all right.
There we go.
I got coke, I got my phone.
All I need now is to change my
clothes and I am outta here.
Well, if it's not
my prized students.
STUDENTS: Mr. Goldman.
Mr. Goldman?
I'm not Aaron to you
after all these years?
Come on, Kelly (SCOFFS)!
You know I spent every
weekend at your house
when you were a kid drinkin'
beer with your old man.
Don't you remember?
I remember, Aaron.
Fancy running into
you at a Beer Fest.
Yes, perfect example of irony.
Get this (CHUCKLES).
My dad had a party once,
when the Tigers were
in the World Series,
and you walked in and asked,
who's playing?
started World War II?
- What?
- Just kidding.
Correct answer, Germany.
- I knew that.
- Bullshit.
Got a light?
Emily, if I denied you your
safe space in class today,
again, I sincerely apologize.
From now on, my class
will be a safe space
within a safe space
and we'll only talk about
the happy events in history.
You seemed like
you were getting
awfully tense in class
today, Mr. Goldman.
Guess what?
I was, I'm the teacher.
I'm attempting to
inculcate information,
which I believe is not only
important but invaluable,
and you little rat
bastards don't give a shit
and won't even try.
(LAUGHS) You can't
call us rat bastards.
Oh, yes, I can.
We're not in class now.
This is not a safe space.
This is the real world.
Rat bastards, rat
bastards, rat bastards!
Okay, so why is it important?
- What, history?
- Yeah.
- Why is it important?
- Yeah, why?
Okay, good
question, a fair one.
History allows you
to form a philosophy
based on previous examples.
Without history, you
would have no idea
if you were thinking
a new thought or not,
and chances are you're not.
It gives you a view of
where and when you live.
Where you are in reality
and what's reality?
- Like where we are right now?
- Yes!
In space and time.
Jesus, in space, we're right
in front of the VFW Hall.
And in time, this is
the present moment
of a continuing and
continuous timeline.
Since you can't
see what's ahead,
you can only see what's behind
and use that as an example.
What's already happened
is the only indicator
of what's to come.
That's a good
answer, Mr. Goldman.
- Yeah, cool.
- Mm-hmm.
You know, that's the only point
I think I got across today
and it's to three
stoners in a parking lot.
That's probably
right, Mr. Goldman.
Still, I'm gonna
go get some beer.
Are you guys just gonna hang out
and smoke cigarettes all night?
- Maybe.
- Probably (GIGGLES).
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
I'll see ya around.
Oh, and do the assigned reading
or face the consequences.
Yes, Mr. Goldman.
AARON: Hi, Mimi.
- Aaron.
- How are you?
Peachy, you?
Meh, so far so good.
You know, it's strange to
see you outside the setting
of the liquor store.
Say, can I get a look at
that stein on the top shelf?
(SCOFFS) Made in
Japan, how appropriate.
No, thanks.
Well, it's always
great to see you.
Have a good night, okay?
- Goldman!
- Johnson!
- Hey!
- How are ya?
- Good, man, you?
- Great.
- What's up?
- Nothin'.
Hey, you wanna go smoke a joint?
Yeah, I'm holdin'.
Maybe a little
later on, all right?
All right, you know, I
always loved that about you.
You've always got
weed, and so do I.
I'll tell ya what, let's
get a couple beers in us,
and then we'll sneak
out to the parking lot.
- Absolutely.
- Right on.
GLORIA: How many?
- I'll take 10.
- Five's the limit.
Ooh, but if I
spend those five,
I can come back for more, right?
I suppose, but
that's a lotta beer.
That's okay, I like beer.
That's why I'm here.
I'll have five tickets, please.
Thank you.
- 10 tickets, please.
- Didn't you just hear?
- Just kidding.
- Very funny.
Oh, I do try.
Hey, aren't you
Nate Goldman's son?
- Yes, I am.
- How's he doing?
Eh, he's hangin' on by
the skin of his teeth.
Well, tell him
Gloria sends her best.
I will, Gloria, thank you.
BARTENDER: Hello, there.
Can I have two, please?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Two beers, please.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
You know, whenever I hear
the name Cliff Johnson,
I always envision a
fat kid in my head.
Fuck you.
I was a fat kid (LAUGHS).
I was the fattest kid on my
whole little league team.
You know, whenever someone
says Aaron Goldman to me,
I always picture some
long-haired hippy freak.
- Man, we have changed.
- Yeah (LAUGHS).
So, you wanna do some blow?
Really, blow huh?
Wow, if I recall, that always
make me nervous and agitated.
I don't know, maybe later.
Hmm, been drinkin'
a lot lately?
- Oh, yeah.
- Hmm.
I drink between 14 and
20 beers every night.
No shit, how do ya do it, man?
You're in great shape.
Ah, I'd have to say
it's probably the coke.
Keeps my metabolism up.
Psht, that it
would (CHUCKLES).
CLIFF: So, you
seen Nikki lately?
Yeah, about an hour ago.
She should be here at anytime.
Two of you still together?
No, I dare say
we never will be.
I don't meet any of
her requirements.
And what are those?
Ah, let's see.
I don't make enough money,
I don't have any kids,
and I'm not tall enough.
Wait, wait, wait.
I seem to remember that
you're taller than she is.
Yeah, by about two inches,
but not when she's in heels.
Oh, and whoever
the lucky guy is,
he can't be a drunk.
Oh, well, then did you
ever stop and ask yourself,
what it was she liked about you?
Sure, I've always got pot.
Well, as long you
keep buyin' weed,
the two of you will
always have that.
- Right.
- So ya wanna do a bump?
- Blow, coke.
- Yeah, sure.
- Where should we go?
- I don't know.
You didn't drive, did you?
- Fuck no.
- No, me either.
Looks like it's the bathroom.
Lead on.
- Here, hold that.
- Sure.
Man, your daughter and her
friends are really fucked up.
- On what?
- I don't know.
Kids take a lotta
pills these days,
and heroin.
That's what was on
my fuckin' mirror.
- What?
- On my coke mirror,
they musta put heroin on it.
I tasted it and it sure
as hell wasn't blow.
God dammit, that little bitch!
What has she got
herself into now?
He says as he gets ready
to snort coke off
of a public toilet.
Oh, here.
So, you here about Claw?
Ah, Claw!
Calvin Coolidge Claw,
the worst kid in school.
He was worse than
you and me combined,
and that's sayin' something.
I've always liked
him, how's he doin'?
- He's dead.
- Claw's dead?
- Yeah, he killed himself.
- Fuck, how?
Get this, he goes
to work one morning,
like he did every morning
at some insurance company.
Walks into the main lobby
in front of everyone,
pulls out a gun, and shoots
himself in the forehead.
- Why?
- Why?
Who the fuck knows why?
Why does anybody do anything?
But I do know that Claw loved
his booze and drugs, man.
He was a miserable
drunk for years.
Shit, ex-wives, kids, whatever.
Who knows, man?
But, fuck, right
in the forehead.
Oh, Jesus, that's horrible.
- I know, man.
- It's sick.
Yep, here, do a couple lines.
AARON: Yeah, all right.
(LAUGHS) It's good
to see you, Goldman.
I mean, considering we live
like five and a half
blocks from each other,
how come we don't see
each other anymore?
I don't know, you tell me.
Shit, that news about
Claw is freakin' me out.
We were really close
in grade school.
One time, we were out
wrestlin' in the yard, ya know?
Just fuckin' around, and
for no reason at all,
he spits his bubblegum
into his hand.
It had to be like four or
five pieces of Bazooka, right?
And he just rubbed
it into my scalp.
I had a bald spot on
my head for a month.
(LAUGHS) What a fuckin'
asshole thing to do.
It wasn't funny but,
man, did he laugh.
He laughed his
god damn head off.
I swear to god.
I thought he was gonna croak
he was laughin' so hard.
- Now, he's dead.
- Hmm, yeah.
AARON: Shit, you
go to the funeral?
Fuck no, it's in Grand Rapids,
but Shane Bullet went.
- Said it was a open casket.
- Get out!
Yeah, and he said that no
matter how much putty they used,
you could still see
the fuckin' hole.
- Oh, sick!
- Yeah.
God dammit, gimme the coke,
I'll lay out a
couple more lines.
Yeah, sure.
Jesus, I'm sorry, man.
You fuckin' idiot!
Look what you did!
That's all I've got!
What the fuck is
the matter with you?
Do you know what I
had to do to get that?
My fuckin' drug dealers
had an intervention on me!
Aw, I oughta fuckin' kill you!
Man, just get the fuck
outta the way, Jesus!
AARON: I'm really sorry, man.
Great seein' ya.
What about the broken glass?
Fuck the broken glass!
Holy shit!
My cashmere sweater!
I'm so sorry.
Fuck, what is the
matter with you?
It was an accident!
Yeah, your whole
life is an accident.
- I'll get some napkins.
- Oh, geez!
This is a catastrophe!
It's gonna be fine,
I'll be right back.
- Fuck.
- Stupid.
Get over here.
You took heroin?
I did what?
Ya took heroin?
No, I didn't.
Oh, ya didn't?
Then, what the fuck was
that all over my mirror?
Uh, nothing.
Nothin', oh, don't
give me that shit.
It sure as hell was
something and it wasn't blow.
Well, it's all over your nose.
Fuck that, if
it wasn't heroin,
then what was it?
- Uh.
- Don't you lie to me!
I've never lied to you!
CLIFF: Well, then
what was it then?
What are you talking about?
That's a pill.
We crushed it
up and snorted it.
Why did ya do that?
'Cause it works faster that
way and it gets ya higher.
Why would you do that?
For the fucking fun of it!
Why do you snort cocaine?
This is not about me!
Daddy, please, can we
just talk about this later?
Do you want to
live with me or not?
Well, then cut this shit out!
Okay, okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
All right.
- Okay.
- Good.
- Let's get a beer.
- Right.
Let's get a beer.
- Are you all right?
- I don't know.
The lights are flashin',
my heart is racing.
I think I might be
havin' a heart attack.
No, you're not,
wipe your nose.
Right, wipe my nose.
Yeah, come on, you'll be fine.
Right, I'll be fine.
Thank you, mm-hmm.
Hey, Aaron, how are you?
Great, two beers, please.
You got any napkins
or paper towels?
Yeah, so you really don't have
any good students this semester?
None, I'd halfway
kill them all,
but that might not
be the best answer.
I'd just be happy to get
through to at least one of them.
Yes, well, there's always
next semester, right?
It'll be here soon enough
and you can only hope
it'll get better,
right (LAUGHS)?
- So how are you?
- Great.
I couldn't be better, why?
Well, my
sister-in-law, she has a.
- A what?
- You know, a.
- A problem with her hand?
- No.
- A drinking problem.
- Right!
Well, I hope she figures
out how to deal with that.
- What about you?
- What about me?
I'm fine.
Everybody knows.
- Do they?
- Yeah.
Fuck 'em.
Thanks for the paper towels.
- God bless.
- Sure he does.
- That's his job.
- Mm, mm, mm.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Another one.
- Okay.
gonna have to leave.
It's not my fault.
The paper bunting
shit got in my face.
You're obviously intoxicated.
Now, just leave and be thankful
we don't call the police.
Police, I fell down?
SECURITY GUARD: You're drunk.
Now, come on; move it.
You're ruining
everyone's good time.
Be cool, man, no pushing.
You oughta be ashamed,
making a drunken spectacle
of yourself at Oktoberfest!
Ya got a light?
Sure, what just happened?
Did they throw ya outta there?
I just fell into the
paper bunting shit.
I just knocked over
some beer bottles.
I don't know.
(SCOFFS) And they wanna
call the cops on me.
My own fucking neighbors.
Hey, I'm an optimist, too.
Fuck you!
So, girls, what was the
first drug ever made?
- Uh, opium.
- In China.
- In 1729.
- That's right.
You sly devils, you only
pretend that you're stupid.
Heroin is a concentrated
form of opium
and it's an extremely
powerful drug.
So is booze.
Yes, it is very
strong, my undoing.
But everybody's gotta choose
their own poison (CHUCKLES).
Look at this.
Ew, gross, is that
some kind of deformity?
Grow up, yeah, I got it
during the Battle of the Bulge.
What war was that?
- Fuck off.
- No, you.
Fuck you, pfft.
No, fuck you, World War II.
Here's lookin' at you kids.
Oh, god.
Aaron, you're a fiend.
So is your dad.
You're tellin'
me, I live with him.
- (LAUGHS) Wow!
Good work, Goldman.
Tossed out on your
ass, that's impressive.
I'm glad to see you still
got the same old spirit.
- Thanks.
- (LAUGHS) Claw would approve.
- Kelly.
- Dad.
- Emily.
- Hmm, thoughtful.
Aren't I though, charmnoxious?
- Anyone wanna smoke a joint?
- Mm-hmm.
NIKKI: Hey, guys,
you started without me.
Hey, Einstein, you
knocked over everything.
You're the biggest
schmuck in the world.
Well, it's a tough job,
but somebody's gotta do it.
God, in his infinite
wisdom, chose me.
Pass the joint.
There we go.
AARON: Think I'll get in
trouble at school for this?
- Oh, no.
- What do you think?
I mean, how are
they gonna find out?
Right, man, of course.
Oh, really, 'cause Ms.
Mosely, the English teacher,
was in there sellin' beers.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, fuck, you mean Vicki.
Oh, shit, she's a blabbermouth.
Everybody's gonna
hear about this.
Fuck, I'm screwed.
Oh, well, what are you gonna do?
- Aaron, you skipped me.
- Oh, shut up.
NIKKI: Here, you go, Dad.
Wait, wait, wait.
Hey, man, why don't
you spark yours up?
- Yeah, sure.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
Twice the fun.
There we go, thank you, dear.
- Yeah, Dad.
- It's gender discrimination.
- Sounds good.
- More, more.
So you will never
guess who got a Harley.
Christ, he's a
bigger drunk than me!
I know, and so the
first thing he does,
is he gets drunk and he
crashes it right into a wall
at Goldman Optical
right there on Woodward.
- Oh, my god.
- Psht.
And they say he lost a testicle.
Yeah, but he's still a
good electrician though.
Got a cigarette, Mr. Johnson?
So you gonna light that
thing or not, knucklehead?
- I ain't got a lighter.
- Here.
For you, dear.
- Somebody take this roach.
- Here, I'll take it.
- Thank you.
- Go ahead and pass me...
- I'll take one of the newbs.
- Your dad's hot as shit.
- There we go.
- I'll do what I want.
- Fuck you.
More for me.
CLIFF: Now, don't
be bogartin' that.
NIKKI: Oh, yes,
pass that to mommy.
- I will finish that.
- Hey, now.
BILLIE: You look great in
that turtleneck, by the way.
- Thank you.
- Oh, yeah.
Can you see it?
I told you it was a good look.
- L'chaim.
- (CHUCKLES) Salute!