Most Guys Are Losers (2020) Movie Script
1
[distant ocean waves]
[Mark] There is nothing
more important to a parent
than seeing
their child happy.
And that starts with
finding the right partner.
[optimistic synth music]
Problem is...
most guys... are losers.
So, my beauty,
as I write this,
my goal is to show
you how to find a winner.
Mom,
I met someone.
You think
I didn't already know?
Don't tell Dad?
Pleasant surprise.
Don't tell Dad what?
-Dad!
-[chuckles]
-What?
-Come on.
[Mark]
Wait a second.
Bo,
come meet my dad.
[Mark]
Don't tell me what?
Just hang on a second.
Everybody look busy.
She's coming.
Hey, Sandy's coming home
for Thanksgiving.
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.
Oh.
Who's this guy?
-Hey.
-Oh!
It's her boyfriend.
Nobody.
[seagulls cawing]
Wait, didn't
you want to meet him?
Oh, it must be
a bad connection.
What for? It's not serious
until she brings him home.
Shots. On me.
Do you want to see
me make it rain?
No, thanks.
Hey, my buddy back there
thinks you're really hot.
Can I ask
you a question?
Yeah, I do work out.
Not that.
But while we're here,
are those sequins
-on your jeans?
-[man] Sequined jeans are dope.
So, you come here often?
No.
Champagne's good,
but like, white wines for sure.
Yeah.
You're right.
-Yeah, right?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-It's a good thing, I think--
-Mm-hmm.
What'd you say
we get out of here?
Go back
to my place?
Can you give me
just one--
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hi.
-Hi.
-What do we think?
What do we think?
I think you should be
careful meeting guys at bars.
And I think you sound
like your dad.
-But--
-Hi.
-Yes. Cool. Sounds great.
-Hi. Yes? Cool, awesome.
I have Netflix,
Hulu, Disney+.
Oh, Disney+?
Do you have kids?
Not that I know of.
DNA tests
are for suckers.
You know
what I'm saying?
There's this one girl
in Fort Lauderdale.
She's been trying
to pin me down for years.
Why was he even
at a college bar anyways?
Hey.
Hey.
-Thank you.
-I'll let you work.
["Star" by Dynasty Electrik]
Okay,
who the hell was that?
That's my girlfriend.
I love the way
You live your life
Without a care
Up in the air
I love the way
You live your life
Just like
A game of truth or dare
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way you are
I love the way you are
[Bo] You can go
a bit harder with it.
All right,
now bring it up and...
please?
-Sex Wax.
-Um, one more time for--
You are a star
Keep shining on
You are a star
Keep shining on
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
Oh my God!
You are a star
Keep shining on
You are a star
Keep shining on
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way you are
[phone chimes]
I love the way
You live your life
Without a care
Up in the air
[Bo]
Hey, hey! What's going on?
[Sandy]
Sex Wax gave me a job!
-[both screaming]
-Let's catch a wave!
Okay. Okay!
I've got something
to tell you too.
This job
would take me away
from you for a very long time.
And then there's Sex Wax.
Now that's a once
in a lifetime opportunity
that you have to take.
Babe, you basically
already live with me,
and never let money
dictate your path.
-And who told you that?
-My dad.
Oh, that's easy
for a rich guy to say.
Babe, your dream
is right in front of you.
Take it.
I know.
You're right
in front of me.
And you're the reason why
I don't want to take the job.
-Me?
-Mh-hmm.
-Why?
-Because I love you.
Is that--
is that too soon?
I love you, too.
I have a surprise.
So I asked Sex Wax
if you could
come with me,
and be my cameraman,
and they said yes.
-So--
-Oh!
If that is something
that you would want to do,
I don't know, mm...
-Yeah. Yeah. I--
-Yeah?
I-- I could do that.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
[hopeful indie rock]
[Mark] If your guy
treats his mom well,
that's a great sign.
For one,
it means he's raised to have
an appropriate respect
and appreciation for her,
and most likely,
for all women.
You should be eager
to meet his family
as soon as
you know you like him.
You know...
this might not
be a good idea.
[Sandy]
Bo!
No family's perfect.
Come on.
[birds chirping]
[soft groaning]
Hey, Bo.
It'll be fine.
[Bo]
Mm hm.
Um...
Have you ever dated a guy
whose mom is a cannabis baker?
My dad owns bars.
How can I judge?
Okay? Yeah.
-You know, actually, uh--
-Oh, there she is. What?
What?
Don't bring up my dad.
[dog barking]
[Linda] I would never
talk badly about Bo's father.
But he's a piece of shit.
Mom,
this is why they're fat.
-They're not fat!
-Mom!
[all chuckling]
[Linda] I probably
shouldn't be telling you this.
[Bo]
Okay, so don't.
Oh, please do.
Bo used to have all of his
friends over in high school.
I'd be always
in the kitchen, baking.
A few would wander in
and want some samples.
I would tell them no,
and to wait.
And I'd make
them a fresh batch.
Well, Timmy,
remember Timmy?
-Oh, I remember Timmy.
-Timmy couldn't wait
and snuck
one of the loaded brownies.
-Oh.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Bo found him
on the couch, laughing.
-Talking to God.
-[Linda] Mm hm.
His mother did not think
this was a blessing
and actually,
come to think of it,
I don't think
we saw Timmy after that.
But you see
why I don't smoke weed?
I mean, it's everywhere.
It's constantly around me.
And he doesn't
eat the brownies.
And he's not much
of a drinker.
-No.
-Nothing like his father.
[barking]
[Linda] Are Eugene
and Phil bothering you?
No, no.
I love dogs. It's okay.
They love you.
Who can blame 'em?
-I mean Sandy, you're gorgeous.
-Thank you.
No offense,
but you two must
-bang like bunnies.
-Mom!
[Sandy chuckling]
-Don't say that.
-What? I said "no offense."
-That doesn't make it better.
-Sex and love is beautiful.
-Yes--
-It is.
-It is.
-Sex and love.
I was thinking
about the Sex Wax offer.
[Sandy]
It's a big sacrifice for you.
Aren't you scared?
You remember
what I told you,
when we first
started surfing?
There are only two things
in the world: love and fear.
And then
what'd you say?
"Holy shit,
look at that wave."
After that.
After you let go.
That I loved it.
You see?
It's easy.
You just choose love.
[hopeful indie rock]
[kissing]
[birds chirping]
[Bo]
Bye, Mom!
[Linda]
Bye, kids. Have fun.
Oh, that was--
that was lovely.
Mm-hm.
I want to know
why you are you.
And I'd like
to meet your parents.
Do you want to go
to Chicago with me?
Yeah.
Why are you so
hesitant?
There's something
you should know about my dad.
He...
He wrote a book.
What's the book?
Thank you
for having me.
Mark Berzins wrote this book.
It's Most Guys Are Losers.
Do you have any
parting words of wisdom
for guys who you think
are listening, who are losers?
Don't date my daughter.
[interviewer]
What made you write this book?
[Mark] Ah, well,
my oldest daughter, Sandy,
is going off
to college.
Being in the bar business
for as long as I have,
I mean, I-- I've seen
a lot of, uh, train wrecks.
[interviewer laughing]
Why didn't you tell me?
It's not exactly
the kind of thing
you tell a boy you like
when you first meet.
[dreamy synth music]
[Mark]
Choosing the right person
is the most important
decision in your life.
It's the key
to your happiness.
But you don't choose
who you fall in love with.
Wait a second,
did Sandy tell you,
she's in love
with this guy?
She's telling you
about him for a reason.
She thinks
he's the one.
What are you so
scared of?
Love at first sight.
Seems to have worked
for you and Aunt Amy.
It doesn't
work with women.
I had to learn
to be a good man.
So what do I do?
[Mark sighing]
You try your
hardest to find her.
No, no, no, it's up.
Go up.
[Mark] A classic example
of two douchebag characters
in movies is Swingers.
One guy is a loser,
because he's Noncommittal Guy.
And the other
is a loser,
because he's
Can't Get Over My Ex Guy.
Okay. He's funny.
I got nothing to worry about.
He likes movies.
Yeah, everybody
likes movies, babe.
He doesn't like Swingers.
And that's one of my favorites.
Maybe you should
just read it.
I don't have time.
You could
listen to him.
There's a Morgan Freeman
version?
Yeah, dad's book
really blew up
after he was
on Jimmy Fallon.
-He was on Jimmy Fallon?
-Yeah.
Okay,
I've got to study.
In his voice,
not Morgan Freeman's.
[Mark] One,
if you ever hear from a guy,
"I've only had a couple,"
you know he's lying.
Beware
of "just a couple" guy.
Two. Cheaters.
Once a cheater,
always a cheater.
Three. Freeloaders.
Take Jessica,
our manager of 15 years.
Jessica had a boyfriend
that always needed her
to pay for everything.
He's a good guy,
but he chased pipe dreams
that never led
to any money.
Any guy that has no money
and uses you for your money?
Dump him fast.
He's a loser.
She's bringing
the guy home?
So, it's officially
serious then.
How long
have they been dating?
How long
have they been dating?
Ask her.
Okay, are they sleeping
in here together?
What were you and I doing
when we were their age?
Yeah, when we were their age,
at your parents' house,
I slept on the couch.
And did that succeed
in keeping us apart?
Well, no.
Luckily.
I was so scared
of your dad when we first met.
It's only because
you're not Eye-talian.
Twenty-five years of marriage.
We name our son after him.
You think that guy
would lighten up.
But no, nothing is ever
good enough for your dad.
Does this guy
have a name?
Yes. Bo.
Bo?
That's a loser name.
Does he have
a last name?
Does he?
Well, yes,
but I can't quite remember.
It's something like Milo--
Milo-something-or-other.
-Uh-huh, okay.
-Look, what does it matter?
You can't do anything
about your last name, right?
Think about it.
There is nothing
that could stop me
from falling
madly in love
with a Yugoslavian guy
named Mark Berzins.
How long
have they been dating?
Long enough
to know that
he passed all the tests,
otherwise she wouldn't be
bringing him home.
The only guy
that's passed all the tests
that she's
ever dated is--
-No, no.
-Yep.
[fork clattering]
[Mark] I appreciate
you meeting me this morning.
I just don't know exactly
what happened with you guys.
I wasn't good enough
for Sandy, you know?
She's so great.
She deserved more.
I was really
selfish at the time.
You know, I was so used
to being treated like a God
or something in Naperville,
I don't know.
I was in my head.
It was dumb.
But I've changed
a lot now.
I don't know,
I feel like
I should've
quit playing football.
I should have transferred out
to California with Sandy.
And yeah,
I-- I've never lost.
And now I feel like
I've lost so much.
I miss her a lot,
Mr. Berzins.
Call me Mark.
-Taylor.
-Yeah?
What are you doing?
Making the couch because
Bo's taking the guest room.
First of all,
it's not a guest room,
because
you're not a guest.
And Amy has other plans
for where Bo is sleeping.
-Do you know his last name?
-Yeah. Milosevic.
Let's say I want to find
out some information
on Bo Milosevic.
How would
I go about it?
Good question, Dad.
After a Google search,
I'll cross-reference
with Facebook.
I'll know who he dated,
what his major is,
everything about him.
If this Bo character
has anything to hide,
-I'll expose it.
-[laughs]
This kid is incredible.
Like father, like son.
Thank you for driving me.
You know, your dad
put me on double shifts,
so I should get
my car back soon.
Yeah, it's no problem.
I was actually
just texting Sandy.
She's bringing
her new boyfriend home.
Really?
How's your dad feel about that?
My dad doesn't know
everything about guys.
He wrote about me
being a loser
in a best-selling novel.
That wasn't about you.
About guy, around my age,
who works at his bar,
and named Stephen.
I mean, Stephen,
it's literally one letter off.
Okay, so what if my dad
called you non-datable
in a bestselling book?
Just do what I do.
Don't listen to him.
[optimistic rock music]
[Bo]
Welcome home.
[phone chiming]
Hey, your, uh, sister sent me
a friend request.
See,
they like you already.
Hey, I have
a sweatshirt for you,
that is going
to save your life.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hey-- what's that?
-Is that the original?
-Yeah.
I'm bringing it home
as a surprise.
Can I see it?
You already read it.
Why won't
you let me see it?
It's-- it's a lot harsher.
All Guys Are Losers?
Why does he keep getting
scarier and scarier
and scarier?
That was Dad's
original title,
and the publishers
kind of softened it up.
"An asshole
won't dance with you,
because he's
protecting his ego,
but a douchebag
won't dance with you,
because he's scared."
That's good to know.
I've always wanted to know
what's the difference between
-an asshole and a douche bag.
-Yeah.
-[computer chiming]
-Ooh! We're in, Dad.
He's a film major.
Film major.
Great. Like Barry.
Going to the best film school
in the country is a bad thing?
Well, yeah,
it is when you get out
and you're
looking for a job.
What are you doing
in Dad's desk?
Uh, finding info
on Sandy's boyfriend.
You are having
our son research him?
Well, the first pic
they posted was two months ago.
Isn't it a bit early
for her
to be bringing him home?
And what does a nine year old
know about relationships?
What Dad taught me.
Which is a lot.
Fair amount.
Carrie, you're not going out.
Um, how long
have you known about him?
Uh, way before you did,
apparently.
This is the first
I've heard of it, Dad.
So far I'm with you.
This guy
looks like a loser.
Put a shirt on,
for Christ's sake.
Yes. Right?
Um, and how come
no one told me about this?
Maybe because you wrote
Most Guys Are Losers,
do you think?
[Amy gasps]
Guys, they're here.
Cool. Whatever.
[Sandy screams]
[Carrie]
Get over here!
-Hi!
-Hi!
[both moaning happily]
Oh, it's so good
to see you.
-[Carrie] Thank you.
-Who is this man?
Hey. Bo?
-Nice to meet you, Carrie?
-Carrie. Yep!
-Good to see you again.
-You look great!
-God, congratulations.
-Let me get your bags.
-Thank you.
-He's really sweet.
[Bo] Mrs. Berzins,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
Italians
don't shake hands.
-No?
-We hug!
-Bring it in here! Come on.
-[chuckles]
Welcome to our home.
So glad you can
join us for Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
-Bo?
-Great book, sir.
-Thank you.
-Yes, it is a good book.
[overlapping chatter]
Hey, gang!
What'cha looking at?
Nothing. Please.
No, he would be very proud.
Honey, you got
to see how many followers
she has for her business.
-Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
On Instagram.
Social media.
-Mm. Social media, Dad.
-Yep.
-The demise of relationships.
-Here we go.
And our businesses.
I mean, Bo,
sites like Yelp?
I mean,
Yelp is just a scam
written by
angry customers we 86'd.
Honey, we get
good reviews, too.
Dad hates anything
that hurts Red Ivy.
-Like if they legalized pot.
-Yeah.
Hey. Bo, you must...
like the ganja.
-Dad!
-Come on, Mark.
-[laughs]
-Oh. No, um.
Not everyone
in California smokes weed.
More of a drinker?
One drink is enough.
If we had guys like him around,
we'd go out of business.
-One drink?
-[chuckles]
What do your folks do?
My mom
is an entrepreneur,
but her real passion
is rescuing dogs.
That's terrific.
That sounds a lot like Al.
Bo, have you ever,
like, met any celebrities?
I met Ben Affleck once.
Really?
What was he like?
He was surprisingly cool.
Really?
It's ironic because
chapter three of my book,
I talk about
what a loser he is,
because he left
his wife and kids.
-[Amy] Oh, boy.
-I'm a Matt Damon fan.
This new guy of yours.
-Yeah.
-I think he might be the one.
I was really hoping
you'd say that.
Yeah.
About that.
Kinda need to talk
to you about something.
Please don't say sex.
-Mom--
-[chuckles]
What kind of birth control
are you using, honey?
Oh, I-- Aren't you--
we don't need
to talk about this.
-Why are we talking about this?
-Oh, okay.
You know that we had
you kids starting
really young, and--
I'm "no babies" right now.
Please, don't worry.
Listen, you know,
you're the first
in my line
who's going to finish school?
When I think
of my dad,
and how he came
over from Italy,
he wanted nothing more
than to go to college.
Mm hm!
Just promise me
you'll finish.
-Yeah, I promise. Yeah.
-Okay.
[mid-tempo guitar music]
[Bo] So, uh,
what's it like being famous?
[Mark] Eh, I never
intended for the book
to be a bestseller.
I was just writing
it for my girls.
Now, okay,
up here, we've got Sullivan's.
That's our steakhouse.
Uh, across the river,
over there, you see that?
That's-- we've got O'Malley's,
one of our two Irish bars.
We're walking up, that's
Features, our sports bar.
Right above Features
is my favorite,
Frankie's Blue Room.
My mother used to take us
there when we were a kid.
Listen to the music.
They ran into hard times
about ten years ago.
We bought it, but just
kept it exactly the same.
Sandy tells me that you still
work at all these bars?
Yeah.
For the next few months,
anyway.
Until what? Retiring?
Mom and I
are going to leave all this
and spend
a little time together.
You guys
are serious about that?
Yeah, we take off
right after Sandy comes home
from graduation
to take over Red Ivy.
[exhaling nervously]
What about Paul?
Oh, he'll be fine.
He's so smart. My goodness.
-[car honking]
-[Mark] Okay. We can go.
When I was his age,
I barely saw my old man.
And, you know, it's one summer.
He'll have a blast, right?
Plus you're
going to be there to help.
Thanks, Bob.
[Carrie] I mean, I really
like him, I'm not going to lie.
I know Dad doesn't,
but what do you think?
[Amy]
You know what, so far,
I've been
very favorably impressed.
[Carrie]
Good. He's nice.
And he's a lot
different than Trevor.
[Amy] Trevor may not be
exactly what you think.
How much did
your sister tell you about him?
Not much, really.
Just that she kinda
dropped him after transferring,
and never looked back.
All it takes
is one flaw in a guy.
Okay, but even Dad says
he's the rare winner.
Ah, takes more than winning
football games to be a winner.
Have you ever
seen him after he lost?
Well, he's just competitive.
Like Dad.
That boy...
-is nothing like your dad.
-Hm.
[Taylor] Thought it was always
your dream to sell Red Ivy.
God, no, they wouldn't know
what to do with these
great neighborhood bars
that people love.
So you and Mom
are just going to skip
the whole empty nester
syndrome phase?
Yeah, empty nester
syndrome phase, honey.
That's an excuse for people
in unhappy marriages.
No, that's not a joke.
That's-- that's the truth.
No, it's-- it's funny.
Like it's--
it's funny? Like--
Like I'm a clown?
I amuse you?
No, it's-- it's--
it was funny.
[Mark]
Like I'm a clown?
[Bo] No I thought
it was actually funny.
Like I amuse you?
-Goodfellas! Hah!
-Oh!
-Yeah.
-[both laughing]
You got me.
Yeah, that's, uh,
that's actually my favorite.
I know movies too,
Spielberg.
Yeah,
Bo got second place
in a short
film festival, Dad.
Hey, that's pretty good,
second place, that's great.
Ah, could be better.
But I do believe
in following your dreams.
Saw something
about that in your book.
He studied it.
I enjoyed it.
Very good.
This is us.
Frankie's!
[Al]
Hey, Sandy.
[Al laughing]
-Hey.
-[Sandy chuckles]
Hey, honey.
How are you?
Oh, I'm good,
how're you doing?
-[Sandy] It's good to see you.
-[Al] Good, good to see you.
[Al] Now, you must
be the new boyfriend.
Al?
Feel like I know you already.
-Oh, is that right?
-Yeah.
Is that because
you read my story in the book?
Uh, that too.
But, uh, Mrs. Berzins told
me that you rescue dogs.
My mom
does the same thing.
Oh, well, see,
dogs don't leave you, wives do.
Hence the rule about,
uh, dating alcoholics.
Al's been
in recovery for ten years.
The world's greatest guy.
This guy
saved my life.
But come on,
new boyfriend.
-Meet the crowd.
-[Mark laughing]
Hey, gang.
Gather round.
Bo, this is Jessica.
Now, Jessica's been
with us a long time.
Seventeen years in June.
Yeah, she has seen
every mistake
I've made with this company.
And Mark knows every
mistake I've made with men.
But there's always hope.
And Bo,
this is Rosie.
She's been with us,
uh, since high school.
-Hi, Rosie.
-Hi.
She has helped make this
company a big success.
Give me a hug,
new boyfriend.
[Rosie chuckles]
[Al chuckling]
Now Rosie's magnificent.
She's always
with the wrong guy, though.
Just a shame.
Now this guy--
There he is.
We need to talk.
-Me-- me?
-Yeah.
Uh, wh--what do we
need to talk about?
Film school, bro.
I too am
a fellow film major.
Meet Barry,
one of our best customers.
-Barry.
-Yeah.
Nice to meet you, man.
Any projects that
I would recognize you from?
Well, there was
a silent short film and, uh,
you know,
the crash of '08 happened.
So, I've basically
-just been--
-Drinking.
Right there.
In that seat.
-You know you love me, Rosie.
-[Rosie] Mm-hmm.
Film school
didn't go so well with him.
And this is Stephon.
He wears tight, designer jeans,
and he works for me.
They're comfortable.
You, uh,
do you not like him?
No, he's great,
I just,
I don't want him
to know that yet.
Hey, Mitch.
Mr. Berzins,
you know my name?
Of course I know your name.
I know all my customers' names.
Especially you, Mitch.
Mitch is helping Taylor
down at the LGBTQ center.
[Bo]
Oh. Nice.
It's cool that
you guys are open like that.
What?
-Of course we're open.
-Yeah.
What do you think,
Cali has the monopoly
on being open-minded?
Look at that.
[Bo] So, uh, why did
you call it Red Ivy?
Well, if there's Red Ivy
on the outfield wall
and the Cubs are playing,
that means
they are in the World Series.
-Ah!
-Like 2016.
I see.
Did they win?
Who?
The, uh, professional
baseball team.
[both laughing]
Yeah. Jesus. Okay.
Right there
in the middle.
-It's me with Richard Daley.
-Who's that?
You don't know Dick?
Here's an easy one.
You know Obama?
Well, he's a buddy. Yeah.
Now,
I hear his daughter
brought
her boyfriend home, too,
so some kid has it
even worse than you.
Eh, we'll see.
Now I'm gonna kick
you out of the bar
if you don't know who that guy
is in the blue sport coat.
Mm. That's Tiger Woods.
Okay, I'm ki--
I know that's Michael Jordan--
-I know that's Michael Jorda--
-Okay.
Because Chicago
is a sports town.
-Yeah.
-Hawks. Bulls.
-Uh-huh.
-Jordan. Ditka.
[Bo]
Ditka. Naturally.
You do know
the coach, right?
I recognize him
from a movie.
The '85 Bears?
You ever heard of them?
Not all 85 of them.
[Al laughing]
Who the hell
are the '85 Bears?
Don't ask that
in Chicago.
[upbeat computer music]
[exhales sharply]
[keyboard clicking]
Now we're fucking moving.
[phone chiming]
[phone chiming]
[bar din]
Mr. Berzins.
You know, I-- uh,
I wanted to say thank you
for having me out here.
I never thought that
I would be able
to meet someone
as great as Sandy.
Your book
is fantastic and it worked.
A little presumptuous of you,
don't you think?
Sorry, uh, I--
I didn't mean it that way.
Rule number five
of my do's and don'ts.
The trust of the innocent
is the liar's best friend.
Those are good words
to live by, yeah.
So why did
you lie to me?
I didn't.
"Entrepreneur?"
"She's an entrepreneur."
That's what they call
dealing weed these days?
My mom's
not a dealer.
It's a legitimate business.
It's just like yours.
Her products help breast cancer
survivors, among others.
Where do you get off judging
my mom's weed business?
You own bars, dude.
-[chuckles]
-"Dude? Dude?"
What am I, some surfer?
How come you're not with your
mother on Thanksgiving? Huh?
Sandy asked
me to be here.
-[Mark] Hey, oh!
-[Trevor] Hey.
Hey, oh, there we go.
-What's going on?
-[Mark] Yeah.
Here he is, superstar,
Tom Brady. Look at that!
-Good to see you, Mr. Berzins.
-I said call me Mark.
My bad. Mark.
Is this your friend
from California?
Actually,
this is my boyfriend.
-[Trevor] Oh, really?
-Bo.
-Bo.
-Um, Trevor?
-Trevor, yeah, yeah.
-I've heard
a lot of good things
about you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice to meet you, Bo.
Um, Jessica.
I'm good, actually.
Thanks, though.
Um, I got a tryout coming up
for New York,
so I won't be drinking.
-Thanks anyway.
-Pro-football tryout.
That's right.
Got to make that next step.
-Wow. Playing pro football.
-That's really cool, man.
All right. Thanks.
What do you do?
Play Frisbee?
-Hacky sack?
-[Trevor] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Hacky sack.
Marysia, it is great to meet
Sandy's best friend from home.
You too.
So, um,
have you read the book?
You know, I have. I have.
It's great.
It's a great read.
Hey, you know, he doesn't look
that much like Tom Brady.
[phone chiming]
-Uh oh.
-What's up?
Wait, Paul?
He's investigating me?
Oh, shit.
-He's not supposed to know.
-Know what?
[Al]
Hey, how you doing?
[Al chuckling]
-What's that?
-I can't-- I can't read it.
-Can you read that? I can't.
-Let me see.
-Sex Wax?
-Is that lube?
Uh, surprising.
What's surprising?
Well, that, uh--
the kid
is so well-endowed.
Okay.
She told you that?
If you think
Sandy talks that way,
that you don't
know her at all.
Well then
how do you know?
I mean,
they-- they use sex oils.
[Mark stuttering]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, big guy. I'm sorry.
Okay,
we got to separate them.
Look, are you sure
you want to do this?
He didn't even know that
the Cubs won the World Series.
That doesn't
make him a loser.
Okay. Right.
His mom grows weed.
Hey, hey, easy.
Don't go talking about--
Don't go talking
about the boy's mama.
Hey,
I don't trust this kid.
-Not a bit.
-Really?
Yeah, you know, I'll do
anything to get her back.
Okay, tonight
may be your chance.
Hey, Tommy,
what do you need?
It's a once
in a lifetime opportunity,
she has to take it.
It's--
Sir.
I was...
looking for you.
-Oh, here in the bathroom?
-Mm-hmm.
[distant music]
I wanted to talk to you about
the text that Paul sent.
Yeah, not something
a father wants to see.
Okay.
About Sex Wax.
I thought that
I couldn't come with Sandy,
but she got Sex Wax to help
as long as we film it together.
Hey, hey,
you little
film school freak.
If I see
a video of my daughter
on some porno website,
I will kill you.
Do you understand?
What are we
talking about?
My daughter's sex life.
My worst nightmare.
Guys like you, I--
it's such a joke.
You're such losers,
think you need lube.
Don't flatter yourself, buddy.
Ever hear of foreplay?
I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
What?
Sex Wax
is... for surfboards.
Oh, God, for doing
what with surfboards?
Waxing them.
It's not sexual at all.
-It's not?
-No.
[both]
Oh.
-Jeez.
-[Bo laughs]
I thought
you were upset about Sandy
not taking over
the family business
and traveling
the world to surf.
Traveling
the world to surf?
Well she's getting paid.
She's a social
media influencer.
Like a Kardashian?
Another father's nightmare.
Wha--
When is she leaving?
She leaves next week.
We leave next week.
What about school?
Oh, my God.
Now I wish Sex Wax
was a lube.
-Damn.
-[indistinct]
-Hey, Bo.
-Hey.
Listen,
don't worry about Mark, okay?
He just takes
a while to warm up.
You know,
you'll be fine.
You know,
I know Sandy, she's smart,
she wouldn't
bring you around just to fail.
All right?
You've got this.
You know, she's only said
nice things about you.
It's okay,
you don't have to lie to me.
It's cool.
Let's go have a good time.
-All right.
-Yeah.
-What do we think of him?
-[Barry] I like him.
There you go.
-Rosie, what do you think?
-[Rosie] He's cute.
[Jessica]
He's hiding something.
[Mark]
Exactly.
How do I get
what's hiding out?
I think I'm going
to give him a Dick Daley.
-[Al] Really?
-[Rosie chuckles]
-A Dick Daley?
-No, don't get him wasted.
He's not forcing it on him.
-I'm trying to--
-That's true.
In fact,
I'll take a Dick. Daley.
Can we give him a free beer?
But please, do me a favor.
-Yeah.
-When he's tipsy, talk to him.
Find out information.
I want to know
what he's hiding.
Of course.
I'll hang with the kid.
-He's cool. I can tell.
-How can you tell?
Because Sandy's with him
and she can date
basically anyone she wants.
You know that, right?
All right,
I'll take that free beer.
-Finish that one first.
-Okay. Sure.
[video game shooting sounds]
Use your index finger,
like you would hold a gun.
Right. There you go.
[Pat] Pow!
Get some! Yeah!
All right, don't act like
a jerk-off, though,
we've got a guest here.
It's cool.
He's from California.
He's used to jerk-offs.
[Bo chuckling]
Yeah, man, I mean,
most dudes
in California are losers.
What about
guys from Chicago?
Winners. All of them.
Hey, I don't know
if I believe him,
but that was a
sweet thing to say.
You're cool
with your current boyfriend
hanging out
with your ex?
Yeah, no, I am,
I mean, you know,
as long as
Trev's not drinking, right?
Have you not heard?
-Heard what?
-Nothing.
Listen, just forget
I said anything, okay?
Nothing.
-[Mark laughs]
-Fellas!
Voila.
If one of those are for me,
I'm good, but thank you, Mark.
Oh, that's right.
It's tryouts.
Yeah, yeah, so...
-I'll take that.
-Oh, no, no, no.
This is for our friend,
our special guest.
Here. There you go.
Have 'em both, Pat.
-I'm going to go big tonight!
-As well you should!
So are you joking or...
No, this is a special drink
for a special occasion.
I appreciate it,
but like I said,
-I don't drink, so--
-No, no.
You told me you're that type of
guy that has one drink, right?
-This is one drink.
-I'm with Sandy's friends
and family, so...
You're also
with Sandy's dad, lighten up.
Let's do it, come on, man,
have a drink, right?
Hey, if you can't
handle it, okay.
-Can't handle it, that's fine.
-I know. All right. All right.
-I understand.
-I get what you're doing.
I get what you're doing.
How much do I owe you?
This one
is on the house.
[video game sounds]
-[Bo coughing]
-[Pat] Good luck, my friend.
[laughing]
Oh, what is this?
It's called
a Dick Daley.
[street din]
-Talk to me.
-Hey, honey.
How are things
going at home?
[Paul]
Everything's fine.
But something's not right
with this Bo character.
Mini-Mark,
that's none of your business.
And you don't know him.
I know
a lot more about him
now that
I'm reading his emails.
[Amy]
What?
How did you
get into his e-mails?
[Paul]
Well, Dad told me to do it.
He told me to try
Goodfellas for his password.
Good thing I did,
because did you know
that his mom
owns a weed business?
That is some
serious dirt right there.
See ya!
-Hey.
-Hey.
Can I borrow Sandy
for just a second?
Sure.
I'll be right back.
[bar din]
-Hey.
-Hey. Hey.
What's up?
What's wrong?
I've never seen
that look on your face before.
Oh, your dad.
He's, um, he's throwing me off.
Hey, you just
need to give him time.
He needs to see everything
that's great about you.
Yeah, I can't do that
when he's making me
drink Dick Daleys.
You know why
they're called Dick Daleys?
Because he's friends
with Dick Daley?
Along with all the other famous
people that he's friends with.
He's friends
with Barack Obama.
They call it Dick Daley
because it's meant for losers.
-I thought he liked Dick.
-Well, not really
since he tried
to legalize weed in Illinois.
He couldn't
because he had a stroke.
And that's what you feel
like when you drink it
because of
all the booze, and--
So he's trivializing
a handicap?
I mean,
he's off-color like your mom.
You know, he brought up
my mom's business.
Okay, so what?
My parents aren't judgmental.
Why does that matter?
Oh, you sure about that?
What was it
that you wanted to say to me?
-Was that it?
-It can wait.
[whispering] It can wait.
All right,
there you go.
Uh-oh...
[Al clearing his throat]
[Mark] What's-- what?
[sing-songy]
She's given you the finger.
Which finger?
[Al chuckles]
Okay. Okay. Okay.
You had
our nine year old son
hack into your daughter's
boyfriend's e-mail?
What the heck
is wrong with you?
Honey, I took a shot
at his password,
I thought Paul
knew I was kidding.
-Oh, come on.
-Okay.
It's a good thing it worked,
too, because,
do you know that
his mother is a pot farmer?
I don't care.
Do you know that they are
dropping out of school?
Dropping out?
Mm-hmm,
they're dropping out of school.
But she promised me.
I'm upset, too.
But that's what I found out
in my investigation.
[door clicks]
Coming.
[background music]
-God damn it!
-Oh, shi--
-Damn, dude.
-My bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-You okay?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Shouldn't have
lost that one.
Talking about the game,
not the girl.
-Yeah.
-Right. Okay.
[Pat laughs] Oh, nice.
Only a real man
can finish a Dick Daley.
Yeah, man, I'm actually having
trouble finishing this guy.
Yeah? Here.
Share it with me.
Come on.
Really? Great.
I'm going to keep
an eye out for the media.
All right.
Yeah, do that.
-He said media?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Bo] What kind?
Well,
it's kind of like, you know,
Mark is watching you?
I got people watching me too,
like, pro football scouts,
stuff like that, yeah.
Really?
Yeah,
you don't believe me?
Dude...
I'm hungry, all right,
I gotta sober up, Jesus.
Um, I'll catch you later.
Yeah. Go ahead.
They both deserve it.
They do!
Hey, you're spending
more time here
than in the bar, dude.
Oh, I had a couple of drinks.
More than enough for me.
Same.
It's like that part
in your dad's book.
-He's a winner.
-You hungry?
-I'm kind of tipsy, so...
-I have just the dish.
Hey, is Trevor
really a state champion?
I mean, he just lost his cool,
though, man.
And, you know...
Tom Brady
would never lose his cool.
-Or so I've heard.
-Who?
Exactly. I like him.
Hey, Rosie, uh,
can we get some shots?
I'm paying.
-For who?
-Uh, it's for my friends.
How's it going,
good to see you.
Good to see you, too, Trev.
Hey, how are you doing?
Um, I've been better.
-You know, I miss her a lot.
-I know.
-What-- what can I do?
-There's nothing you can do.
[Rosie] All right.
Pat. Trev.
Come on,
you're only 21 once
on a Black Wednesday
in Naperville.
-There you go.
-Cheers!
-Cheers, guys.
-Cheers.
[all sighing]
[Pat clears throat]
Oh, these are ours.
These are not Carrie's.
You're drinking again, Trevor?
You really think
that's a good idea?
I mean,
these are-- these are Pat's.
Oh, Pat.
Real thirsty tonight, huh?
Maybe you want
to slow down?
You gotta be careful, honey.
Well, it was
good to see you, Carrie.
All right.
Pat, we'll catch up, man.
It's pretty clear
that he's into you, yeah?
Of course
he's into me, we've been
dating for like a month.
Okay, so then
what's the problem?
All right, gender is
not an issue with your family.
I put Mark and Amy
through so much,
I had to make sure that
Mitch is the right guy first.
Wait.
Let me get this straight.
You became a dude,
and now you like dudes!
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Kind of sounds
like a lot of work,
but, yeah, it's cool.
What do you mean by that?
You know, Bo,
sometimes I say
stupid shit when I get drunk.
-That's my bad.
-[Pat] Adopted by the Berzins.
-Lucky guy!
-Yeah. Thanks.
So, you boys got
somewhere you need to be?
Why do you ask?
Are you in charge now?
No, I just--
we're blocking the entrance.
And I figure
that would be, uh--
That would be a fire code.
-Right?
-Yeah.
We're going to go
over there now.
This is our bar.
So if you don't mind
just stepping
out of the way there,
that'd be great.
Thanks, Bo.
Hey, was that guy
wearing Moccasins?
Yeah. Thanks for doing that.
Dude,
you handled it fine.
That's what
your dad's book
would refer
to as total losers.
It just sucks that he's
too big of an idiot to see it.
You think?
He's right
about one thing.
You know,
finding the right partner,
that is the most
important part of life.
Stephon, do you want me
to cover for you
so you can
talk to Carrie?
-No, I wasn't--
-You're like a Berzins, man.
It's pretty obvious.
Trust me, I get it.
It takes balls
for you to date Sandy.
It takes balls
to date the boss's daughter.
Yeah, not my smartest choice.
-Uh, what am I doing?
-So we're at capacity.
Someone has to go out
before someone else can go in.
-Okay.
-Thanks, man.
[Bo] Yeah.
[Carrie chuckles]
Stephon.
Ready to party?
Carrie, you-- you okay?
[Carrie snickering]
Shots, man, really?
You sure about that?
She's a big girl.
She can handle it.
-Yeah, there it is.
-[Pat] Come on, man.
It's me.
You're right. Sorry.
[Carrie snickering]
-Hey, Sandy. How's it going?
-Hey. Oh, good.
Oh, I'm so excited
for you about the tryouts.
-It's amazing Trev.
-Oh. Thanks, yeah, thanks.
I'm excited about it.
Um, I miss you a lot.
What's up with this Bo guy?
I mean, you guys
aren't actually serious.
Yeah,
we-- we are very serious.
-Yeah.
-Sandy, I--
Thank you.
Recommend the Dick Daley.
Oh.
-[microphone feedback]
-Hey, everybody.
You all know
Mark's rules.
["Your Love" by The Outfield]
Josie's on a
Vacation far away
All right, Sandy, I mean,
come on, we can drop it, right?
You go to California,
you date the pussy artist type.
For a little bit,
that's fine,
but when you come
back to Naperville,
it's us-- it's me, right?
Trev--
[Mark's voiceover] An asshole
won't dance with you
because of fear of failure.
A douchebag
won't dance with you
because of
feelings of inadequacy.
[Sandy] I'm not
in the same place you are.
I-- Great--
I've heard you've grown a lot.
Don't you remember
what we used to have, Sandy?
-[Sandy] Trevor.
-Sandy, don't you remember
what it was like, Sandy?
Don't you want that again?
We can have that.
[Mark's voice over]
But a real man dances with you
and he should dance
like nobody is watching.
I just want to use
Your love tonight
[Mark's voice over]
Bar fights are for losers.
A winner
will change his course.
You can't change
the situation...
but you can change
the way that you handle it.
May I have this dance?
Yes.
[whispered] Oh, shit...
Really?
He's a dancer?
What kind of guy dances?
I guess
the one in Moccasins.
[Stephon] There you go.
Can we dance?
-Yeah, I'd love to.
And don't forget
What I told you
All right, Pat.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know, man.
I don't think it's gonna
work between you and Sandy.
I think
Carrie's great, though.
Carrie? Really?
Yeah. Really.
Yeah, that's a...
That's not bad, Pat.
-Actually, that's pretty good.
-You okay?
I can't have my dad
see me like this.
Come with me.
The kid can't dance.
Probably
a shitty athlete too.
-Oh, stop it!
-Probably is.
[upbeat indie rock]
[Sandy laughing]
I love
Frankie's so much.
It's like
this place for people
who don't have families.
Hey, home is always
going to be here.
It's not about
where you live.
What if because I'm not taking
over Red Ivy, Dad sells it?
No, hey, he already said
that's not going to happen.
I could work
a little bit before we travel.
Are you having
second thoughts?
No, that's not
what I meant.
I just-- I don't know,
they've given me so much.
Can we just wait
before we tell them?
All right.
Screw this.
Let's really dance.
[Sandy giggling]
Where'd you learn
to dance like this?
Swingers.
[laughing]
Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey.
The kid can dance.
-[Al laughing]
-Okay.
He's okay.
Average at best.
But I mean, he doesn't have
the moves that I have.
-Look at that.
-I-- I think
it's time to tell him.
Oh, it's past
due time to tell him.
-What?
-[Amy] I can't.
You're his best friend.
Is Sandy okay?
Is she-- is Sandy pregnant?
-Oh, come on. No!
-What?
How could you
not know your own daughter?
No, it's not that.
All right,
let him down easy.
It's very important to him.
Look, what she's
trying to say is...
when you dance...
-it's not pretty!
-Oh, finally!
I couldn't say it
because you're my boss.
Well no, I mean, hey,
I don't have the smooth moves,
but I mean, I-- I-- I--
I got it, I got it.
It's like your left hip
is trying to tell
your right hip what to do.
And neither hip
is listening.
[laughter]
Wait, wait,
didn't you say
that dancing
is the one way to know
what a guy is going to do
before he does it?
You're talking sex?
No, no, no.
If I'm a bad dancer
then I didn't say that,
of course.
Oh, yeah, they've definitely
already slept together.
[Amy] And he's
a really good dancer.
Really good.
-[Al] He's smitten.
-[Amy] Wow.
-And so is Sandy.
-Come on.
Who's side are you on?
Honey, all that matters
is that he and you
are willing to dance.
It doesn't matter
the result.
Like, if one person is great,
the other person...
It is a good thing
for you too, big guy.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. That's great.
Come on, now.
We got customers.
There we go.
Mark's a-- Mark's a bad dancer.
I'm a bad dancer!
[coughing]
-I'm so sorry.
-No, no, it's okay.
We'll get you some water
and you'll be fine.
What's going on here?
Oh, you and Stephon?
Really!
I had no idea.
Does your dad
and your boss know about that?
Come on, man.
I'm just helping her out.
Okay.
Hey, I thought
you had a tryout.
Yeah, I do, um,
I just smoke when I drink.
-It's not a big--
-Thought you weren't' drinking.
I'm not drinking.
I had a couple.
Oh, just a couple.
Yeah, you're that guy.
I guess.
What kind of guy are you?
You're helping the boss's
daughter when she's wasted?
That's exactly
the type of guy I am.
Maybe I'll tell
Mark about you two.
-No, please don't.
-Wha-- wha--
-Come on, man.
-All right. It's gross.
What you did there.
Honey.
You okay?
-No, I'm not okay.
-I'm sorry.
I thought
this kid needed lube
because
he's well-endowed.
Yeah, this is
how my day started!
I don't want
to think about that.
Now I find out
that they're going off
to surf
around the world.
He's taking her
and dropping out of college.
Yeah,
I'm kind of mad about that.
Yeah, what is that?
Apparently,
I'm not a great dancer.
Which means I'm apparently
not great in bed.
So, no,
it's not a good day.
-I'm sorry.
-Frickin' kid.
He's really
starting to piss me off.
Oh, but, honey,
think of it this way.
If you open your eyes
and you really look at
what's happening out there,
your book worked!
-Yeah.
-You wrote it for her.
-She found a great guy.
-Oh.
And guess what?
The book was
really wrong about one thing.
You don't have to be...
like John Travolta
on the dance floor...
to be amazing.
Hm, hm, hm.
But this kid, I mean,
it's just,
I know that there's
something wrong with this kid,
and I'm gonna prove it,
I'm gonna find out.
Dancer boy.
Okay, but, there's just
one thing
I want you to do for me.
-All right?
-Yeah.
I want you... to take...
out...
the trash.
How can
you do that to me?
[Amy laughing]
[phone chiming]
I wonder what team?
Hey, you sure
you don't want to go inside?
No, I'm not ready yet.
[Mark]
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Honey, what--
I'm sorry, Dad.
I took shots in there--
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Honey, shots,
you know this,
they're like
tranquilizers for girls, right?
It's-- I've told you that.
I appreciate you taking
care of her Stephon, but like,
why would you let
her take shots?
I didn't,
I was working.
If you want,
I can take her home.
I got a car here.
It's no problem.
Okay, yeah,
that would be great, thank you.
At least someone's
responsible around here.
Okay, and Stephon,
you're supposed to be
at the front,
right, counting heads.
-There's no one there!
-Bo's covering for me.
No, he's not.
There's no one there.
I'm sorry Mark--
Mr. Berzins, I'm sorry.
-Okay.
-All right, come on, Carrie.
You want to go?
See you. See you, Mark.
-Just-- Can you?
-[Trevor] Yeah.
Okay.
Come on, Stephon. Let's go.
[street din]
Got a DUI last week?
No way.
That's a loser trait.
[emotional dance music]
[phone chiming]
Should probably brush
your teeth when you get home.
[both chuckling]
-Good? All right.
-[Carrie] Uh-huh.
-[Stephon] Hey.
-Sup?
Don't.
Just take an Uber or something.
No, it's fine, you heard Mark,
he said I can drive.
Hey Stephon.
Are you gonna come later?
Yeah, yeah,
I'll follow you guys.
You're going to follow us?
What,
on your bike or something?
Go man the door.
All right?
[scoffs] See you, man.
Rosie!
Come dance with me.
Oh, you like him!
You want to kiss him
Say you miss him
Yes. Go!
-Yes! She said yes.
-[microphone feedback]
[suspenseful music]
Hello, Officer?
Yeah, um, there's a fight going
on at Frankie's right now,
and they're
way past fire code.
All right, thanks.
Hey. Hey, come on.
What are you doing?
I told you there was
something wrong with him.
He got a DUI last week.
Yes.
I bet
Sandy doesn't even know.
No, it must be
the wrong person.
No, Bo Milosevic?
Real common name.
Look at this. Look, Honey.
You don't know him, sweetie.
You don't-- Look at this.
Look at this. I have it--
-What's wrong?
-It's Carrie.
I need you to drive me
to your house, now.
[Amy]
Who is she with?
Honey, this guy is not worth
dropping out of school for.
You told him?
-Yeah.
-No, he only knows
because he had
Paul hack into my email.
You had Paul
hack into his email?
-[Mark] Yeah--
-Dad, that's illegal.
It's a good thing I did, too.
And what else?
You tell her
about the DUI?
What DUI?
Did you read the text?
The DUI was Trevor's.
Wasn't Trevor's!
Trevor wouldn't.
-Oh, my God!
-It was him.
-It was this guy.
-Dude, you're full of shit.
Oh, my God, you're--
We need everyone to leave!
You're over capacity.
Hey, you.
You were
supposed to be there.
Your book told me
to dance with her.
[Mark] Yeah.
This guy is shutting us down.
Mr. Fucking California loser.
Dude, you are clueless.
He had
his nine year old son.
Dig up dirt on me.
What kind of winner
uses his son?
You get me drunk.
You know I don't like drinking.
You read my emails.
You write a book
for your daughter
who you don't even know.
You know what else
you don't know?
Sandy and I
are living together.
Bo, I told you
not to tell yet.
I-- I think
it's about time.
You're living with him?
["Sullivan Street"
by Counting Crows]
You don't even
know him, honey.
He is using you, sweetie.
He's broke
and he's using you.
Don't you see that?
Look at his family.
His mother
is a pot farmer.
Hey!
stop talking shit
about my mom, yeah?
Bo, let's go get some air.
It's a pretty
low move, dude.
Bo!
I've got him.
Honey, you're better
off without that guy.
[emotional instrumental]
[Amy]
Carrie, are you okay?
It's all right, sweetheart.
Are you home?
All right, stay there.
I'm coming.
Text Mark.
Tell him Carrie's okay,
but he is not.
But Mark didn't know
about Trevor.
Send it.
Don't place all your hopes
and dreams in any man.
Hold on.
This guy walks
into Naperville and has to meet
the dad
of the girl he loves.
And that dad
wrote a book saying
that most guys are losers.
Well, I've read
the book too many times
and I see Bo
living up to the rules.
Besides,
whatever happened to hope?
You'll learn.
[sighs] I can't with you.
I just can't. Truly.
I'm almost
Drowning in her sea
-[Trevor] You want a shot?
-No.
But thanks
for bringing me home.
Yeah, of course.
You're Sandy's little sister.
And, uh...
I love her, you know?
Biggest mistake in my life.
Doing what I did to her.
Yeah,
I always liked you guys.
I like you too.
What are you doing?
What, should I
not have done that?
Shouldn't have done what?
Hey, buddy.
You scared me.
What are you doing
with the baseball bat?
Did you drive her home?
Yeah.
Your dad told me to.
You had a DUI last week.
Nah. It's okay.
There's an explanation.
There's no
explanation for men
who try to take
advantage of women.
Take advantage of who?
Come on, Paul.
All right, you know me.
Let's just talk.
Why don't you just
put the bat down, all right?
Paul, come on.
-[Paul] Leave my brother alone.
-[Trevor grunts]
I got to protect myself.
I have a tryout coming up.
You don't have a tryout.
You're a liar. Get off of me!
What are you
doing with my son?
Uh, Mrs. Berzins.
Um, this is not
what it looks like.
[Taylor] Bo, wait!
I know how you feel.
Mark's not
who you think he is.
[Bo]
Yeah, then who is he?
Because to me,
he's an overbearing,
overprotective,
narcissistic asshole.
[Taylor]
You caught him on a bad day.
Bo, I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for Mark.
He saved me.
After my parents
kicked me out for being trans.
I wanted to quit,
give it all up...
and I ended up
in the hospital.
And the only people
I could think to call
were Mark and Amy.
And Amy,
without hesitation,
told me to put everything
in a box and then move in.
And the only thing
I could think is...
this is temporary.
But Bo, family means
everything to this guy.
Bo, you belong
in this family.
It doesn't
feel like that.
Not for a second.
You've seen that side of Mark.
You've read his book.
That's the man
that saved me.
Why is he not here?
If he's the man that wrote
that book, why are you here?
Because I'm the man
that he raised me to be.
You should give him
the same chance that I got.
That's my train, man.
I hope to see you again.
Bo, wait.
You left
everything at home.
Sitting out here is the--
not cooling her off.
How are you going to grow
if you know every damn thing?
You wrote this shit.
[Al laughing]
Hey Paul,
I'm real proud of you
defending
your sister like that.
Yeah. You were so strong.
And that means a lot
to me that you helped me.
-So thank you.
-I'd do that any time.
[Mark] Hey. [panting]
Dad, I'm sorry.
No, honey, I'm sorry.
Where is he?
-I took care of it.
-Where's Sandy?
She's upstairs in her room,
crying her eyes out.
[Mark sighs]
This is on you.
I know.
[melancholic piano music]
Honey.
You okay?
No, I'm not okay, Dad.
Dad, you know,
I always want
to do the right thing.
-Yeah.
-And...
I listened to everything
you said about happiness
and finding
the right partner.
And I brought him
here to show you
how much
I learned from you.
And it's like--
I don't know, it's like
you didn't even see it.
And you think that
you still need to teach me.
No, honey,
I am trying
to protect you.
Protect me?
From what?
From being unhappy?
Because you said
that happiness
was having a dream
that you can't let go of,
and a partner
who would never ask you to.
I want them
to be your dreams.
Not...
not his,
not someone else's, yours.
It's not
just about my dreams.
That's not a partnership.
Yeah.
Dad...
I don't want...
to take over
the family business.
Just like,
you were born
to be a bar owner.
I wasn't.
You don't have to, honey.
I was
wrong about that.
And I shouldn't have
put that on you.
I feel,
a bit, like I have...
failed you, my beauty.
Hey. Hey, Dad.
You haven't failed me.
You haven't.
Just, you were right.
Finding the right guy
is really hard.
But I--
I think I found him.
He was here.
And you
pushed him away.
["Come Back" by Pearl Jam]
Hmm, yeah.
If I keep holding out
[phone chiming]
Will the light
Shine through?
Under this broken roof
It's only rain
That I feel
I've been
Wishing out the days
Oh-oh-oh
Come back
Hey.
[Bo sighs]
Okay. Come on.
You're coming with me, Bo.
-Is that going to be okay?
-It's going to be okay.
My wife's going
to kill me otherwise, too.
-Come on, it's cold.
-Is Sandy okay?
She's great.
I just wanted to tell you
how very proud I am of you.
That if you
Hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have
Lost you another way
Sweetheart.
From wherever you are
Oh
You can talk as much shit
about me as you like.
I just-- I don't like
you talking bad about my mom.
And I don't like bars
because, you know,
my dad is a--
he's drunk asshole.
I understand that.
Mine, too.
But you own
all these bars.
[Mark] Yeah.
Exactly.
I bought up
every single bar
he ever went
into in Naperville.
Why?
So that
he couldn't go in them anymore.
Will my memories
Stay clear?
I'm really sorry...
that I lied to you Mom.
It's all right, darling.
I didn't give you
much of a choice.
I put the weight
of three generations
of my family's legacy...
on your shoulders.
And that's not fair.
Do you know why Sandy
doesn't tell me these things?
It's because
she's scared.
And honestly,
because you don't know her.
I believe in you
because you're smart.
And you're wise
and you're wonderful
and you're so good.
You have to
live your own life
and follow
your own path.
Is she going
to take this job?
Travel the world?
-Leave?
-It's not up to you or me, sir.
She's strong enough
to make her own path.
Come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back
Ooh
Sandy.
Wake up!
Hi, honey.
Look at you,
you look so beautiful.
Thank you, darling.
I'd like you
to read this passage, please.
-I thought-- I thought--
-No.
-I thought maybe--
-The part that I highlighted.
-Okay?
-Well, I wrote this.
I don't even
need to read it.
-[Amy] I'd like you to, please.
-"A good man--
A good man will love
and defend his mother."
-You're right. Yeah.
-You judged his mom.
-[Mark] Wow.
-Come on.
Okay, are you trying
to tell me that you're weren't
a little thrown by the fact
that she's a pot farmer?
Ow, ow, ow!
Come on.
This is not about me.
It's about you. Okay?
Because you think
that there's such a thing
as a sure thing in love,
and there is not.
I mean,
look at you.
How do you think
my father felt about me
running off
and marrying some guy
that wanted to open a bar?
Right, yeah.
Because I "wasn't Italian."
It's not because
you weren't Italian.
Not at all.
It was because
you weren't a sure thing.
But I knew.
I knew
you were the one.
And Sandy knows
that he's the one.
I know.
I know. You're right.
Here's the last one.
Really important. Read it.
"A good man knows
when he was wrong
and will act
accordingly and will...
apologize."
That's what you want.
-You want me to apologize?
-Yes.
I'm sorry.
To him.
Not to me.
Okay. Sorry, Bo.
In person!
-I'll go. I'll go do it.
-All right.
-Just. Well--
-Stop it!
[Mark giggling]
[knocking on door]
-Good morning.
-Morning.
Mark has something
he'd like to say to you.
Yeah, uh,
about last night.
I don't think I ever--
I'm--
what I'm trying to say is...
We're cool, right?
We're cool.
We're-- we're cool. We're cool.
Oh, my God! [Bo laughing]
-[Sandy giggling]
-[Bo sighs]
You're doing
pretty good there, big man.
Now, you little man,
on the other hand,
need a little bit of work.
Yeah, dad.
After last night,
should I really listen to you?
You're right.
You're right.
Who am I to be giving advice?
You know something, son?
I'm very proud of you,
the way you
handled yourself last night.
-Like a real winner.
-Thanks, Dad.
You know,
I'll be testing Mitch today.
Bo already
advised him to study.
See if your mom
needs any help, please.
[Paul] Okay.
Why did you feel
you couldn't tell me?
I had to make sure
he was the right guy first.
Well, if there's
any misunderstanding
from me, I'm sorry.
It's okay, Dad.
[sentimental music]
Next year, I will
come here with a decent man.
-I'm with you.
-[Barry laughing]
-Can I get you a plate?
-That'd be great.
-Can I get you a drink?
-Oh, no thanks.
Not drinking today.
Jessica? You?
-I'll get my own plate, Barry.
-All right,
getting her own plate...
-But he's really trying.
-He's really trying.
Hey, guys.
Glad you're here.
Happy Thanksgiving.
-That is my Aunt Marlene's.
-Oh nice.
Barry!
Happy Thanksgiving, buddy.
Who's the beauty?
Oh, it's my wife.
Lucky me.
Wow. [Carrie laughs]
-I am the lucky one.
-[Mark groans]
Guess who did not
ruin Thanksgiving?
-Me.
-I didn't know
you were coming this year.
Yeah. Yeah.
Your dad invited me.
I thought
you guys would, uh,
like to sit and chat.
Hey, Dad,
what happened to your hand?
Oh, I know,
I can tell you what happened.
Men don't change.
Right, big guy?
I am trying.
Yeah. What did he do?
Oh, Trevor, I'm sure.
No, you don't think he--
No. I know.
Don't mess
with his daughters.
Well, I am glad that
things worked out between us.
Yeah, you are.
Okay,
say it a little deeper.
How about
that Bears game?
Yeah, that's it.
You're getting it.
It's total dude talk.
Everything helps.
Keep it coming.
Let me
tell you something, bro.
There's no
better nine year old
to teach you
how to be a man than me.
-I believe that.
-Booyah!
Hey, now,
don't change him.
I like him
just the way he is.
-It's time.
-[Amy gasps]
[Amy chuckles]
Are you ready
to meet the crazies?
[Linda] Of course I'm ready.
Let me in!
Fucking cold in Chicago.
-[Bo] Oh, no way.
-Yes way!
-Thank you.
-Happy Thanksgiving!
Mom.
And so I say to you,
as I ever say before,
the gift you give
one another is love,
there's no greater gift.
You can
give a person money,
you can give a car,
you can give
all kind of thing,
but you cannot give
anything more than love.
That is the greatest gift
you can give to anyone.
And the love I share
with my beautiful daughter.
There's nothing like it.
I give it
and she give back to me.
I am proud.
So all of you
forgive me for the times
when I did not
expect you to be what you are.
I forgive you.
[laughter]
We have the gift
to give to one another
just to sit at the table
and express
the love for one another.
Not everybody has this chance.
Old men
have to have this chance.
Much more road
in back of me
than in front of me,
I'm sorry to say.
But every bit of it,
every inch of it,
I will enjoy
as I am here
with the love
that you all give to me.
Every moment that you do
I don't
take it for granted.
I take it
for real in my heart.
In my heart.
So from me to you...
I toast
to all of you.
Do not forget,
say Grandpa was a good man
and he wished
to love to all of us.
And we do not forget.
-Salute.
-[all] Salute.
[singing in Italian]
I don't know.
Not bad.
I still can
sing a little bit.
[all laughing]
[upbeat music]
Try that
raspberry cheesecake.
It'll make you
want to smack a cop.
[Al laughing]
And then the pot business
is the next big thing.
Well, it would be,
if big corporations
weren't trying
to screw
family businesses.
Well, yes,
we have that in common.
I don't know if you have met
the world's greatest guy,
but he's right here.
Al, who happens to rescue dogs.
Hi, I'm--
I'm Al.
-And you are?
-I'm Linda.
-Hi, Linda.
-Did I hear you rescue dogs?
Uh...
I've been known to.
Listen. Sit down. Sit down.
Sorry, dear.
You have just displayed
my favorite
of all of your rules.
A desire
to make things right.
[Mark]
Well, I'm trying.
You're my winner.
I may be
the luckiest guy on the planet.
You said it.
I may say
the same thing.
[Amy] You like him now,
right Dad?
-Huh?
-[Amy] You like him now?
I like him very much.
[Amy laughing]
[sentimental music]
You ready to leave?
Yeah.
Well, thanks
for living with your boyfriend,
dropping out of school,
staying in Cali,
and leaving
Red Ivy and Dad behind.
Now there's
literally nothing I can do
to piss dad off
more than you have already.
-This is so true.
-[chuckles]
I guess
I'm just trying to be
a really good big sister.
I think
you should have this.
I don't need it anymore.
It's a really good book.
I works.
[Cover of "Be My Baby"
by the Ronettes"]
The night we met I knew I
Needed you so
And if I
Had the chance I'd
Never let you go
So won't you
Say you love me
I'll make you
So proud of me
We'll make them
Turn their heads
Every place we go
So won't you, please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
I'll make you happy, baby
Just wait and see
For every kiss you give me
I'll give you three
I have been
Waiting for you
Oh, since the day
I saw you
You know I will adore you
'Til eternity
So won't you, please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
So won't you please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
[string instrumental starts]
Love is a silly word
That describes
How I feel
I can't understand
But nor can you
Please tell me you do
Music is a silly thing
That makes me
Want to feel but
No matter how loud I sing
I can't get you
I can't get you
So feed me to the birds
And watch them
Peck out of my eyes
Maybe then I'll
Learn what it's like
To not recognize
When somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't
See what I see
Then hey love's not fair
But I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
When somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't see
What I see then hey
Love's not fair
But I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
When somebody loves you
When someone's not there
We grovel
In our submissions
And just wait
To be fair
Well, I'm going to wait
Till she's mine
In the trees
Yeah, yeah
I'm going to wait
I'm going to wait
Somebody loves you
Somebody loves you
Somebody loves you
Oh, somebody loves you
I said, when
Somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't see
What I see then hey
Love's not fair but
I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
I, I, I feel so alive
[music ends]
[distant ocean waves]
[Mark] There is nothing
more important to a parent
than seeing
their child happy.
And that starts with
finding the right partner.
[optimistic synth music]
Problem is...
most guys... are losers.
So, my beauty,
as I write this,
my goal is to show
you how to find a winner.
Mom,
I met someone.
You think
I didn't already know?
Don't tell Dad?
Pleasant surprise.
Don't tell Dad what?
-Dad!
-[chuckles]
-What?
-Come on.
[Mark]
Wait a second.
Bo,
come meet my dad.
[Mark]
Don't tell me what?
Just hang on a second.
Everybody look busy.
She's coming.
Hey, Sandy's coming home
for Thanksgiving.
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.
Oh.
Who's this guy?
-Hey.
-Oh!
It's her boyfriend.
Nobody.
[seagulls cawing]
Wait, didn't
you want to meet him?
Oh, it must be
a bad connection.
What for? It's not serious
until she brings him home.
Shots. On me.
Do you want to see
me make it rain?
No, thanks.
Hey, my buddy back there
thinks you're really hot.
Can I ask
you a question?
Yeah, I do work out.
Not that.
But while we're here,
are those sequins
-on your jeans?
-[man] Sequined jeans are dope.
So, you come here often?
No.
Champagne's good,
but like, white wines for sure.
Yeah.
You're right.
-Yeah, right?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-It's a good thing, I think--
-Mm-hmm.
What'd you say
we get out of here?
Go back
to my place?
Can you give me
just one--
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hi.
-Hi.
-What do we think?
What do we think?
I think you should be
careful meeting guys at bars.
And I think you sound
like your dad.
-But--
-Hi.
-Yes. Cool. Sounds great.
-Hi. Yes? Cool, awesome.
I have Netflix,
Hulu, Disney+.
Oh, Disney+?
Do you have kids?
Not that I know of.
DNA tests
are for suckers.
You know
what I'm saying?
There's this one girl
in Fort Lauderdale.
She's been trying
to pin me down for years.
Why was he even
at a college bar anyways?
Hey.
Hey.
-Thank you.
-I'll let you work.
["Star" by Dynasty Electrik]
Okay,
who the hell was that?
That's my girlfriend.
I love the way
You live your life
Without a care
Up in the air
I love the way
You live your life
Just like
A game of truth or dare
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way you are
I love the way you are
[Bo] You can go
a bit harder with it.
All right,
now bring it up and...
please?
-Sex Wax.
-Um, one more time for--
You are a star
Keep shining on
You are a star
Keep shining on
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
Oh my God!
You are a star
Keep shining on
You are a star
Keep shining on
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way
I love the way you are
[phone chimes]
I love the way
You live your life
Without a care
Up in the air
[Bo]
Hey, hey! What's going on?
[Sandy]
Sex Wax gave me a job!
-[both screaming]
-Let's catch a wave!
Okay. Okay!
I've got something
to tell you too.
This job
would take me away
from you for a very long time.
And then there's Sex Wax.
Now that's a once
in a lifetime opportunity
that you have to take.
Babe, you basically
already live with me,
and never let money
dictate your path.
-And who told you that?
-My dad.
Oh, that's easy
for a rich guy to say.
Babe, your dream
is right in front of you.
Take it.
I know.
You're right
in front of me.
And you're the reason why
I don't want to take the job.
-Me?
-Mh-hmm.
-Why?
-Because I love you.
Is that--
is that too soon?
I love you, too.
I have a surprise.
So I asked Sex Wax
if you could
come with me,
and be my cameraman,
and they said yes.
-So--
-Oh!
If that is something
that you would want to do,
I don't know, mm...
-Yeah. Yeah. I--
-Yeah?
I-- I could do that.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
[hopeful indie rock]
[Mark] If your guy
treats his mom well,
that's a great sign.
For one,
it means he's raised to have
an appropriate respect
and appreciation for her,
and most likely,
for all women.
You should be eager
to meet his family
as soon as
you know you like him.
You know...
this might not
be a good idea.
[Sandy]
Bo!
No family's perfect.
Come on.
[birds chirping]
[soft groaning]
Hey, Bo.
It'll be fine.
[Bo]
Mm hm.
Um...
Have you ever dated a guy
whose mom is a cannabis baker?
My dad owns bars.
How can I judge?
Okay? Yeah.
-You know, actually, uh--
-Oh, there she is. What?
What?
Don't bring up my dad.
[dog barking]
[Linda] I would never
talk badly about Bo's father.
But he's a piece of shit.
Mom,
this is why they're fat.
-They're not fat!
-Mom!
[all chuckling]
[Linda] I probably
shouldn't be telling you this.
[Bo]
Okay, so don't.
Oh, please do.
Bo used to have all of his
friends over in high school.
I'd be always
in the kitchen, baking.
A few would wander in
and want some samples.
I would tell them no,
and to wait.
And I'd make
them a fresh batch.
Well, Timmy,
remember Timmy?
-Oh, I remember Timmy.
-Timmy couldn't wait
and snuck
one of the loaded brownies.
-Oh.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Bo found him
on the couch, laughing.
-Talking to God.
-[Linda] Mm hm.
His mother did not think
this was a blessing
and actually,
come to think of it,
I don't think
we saw Timmy after that.
But you see
why I don't smoke weed?
I mean, it's everywhere.
It's constantly around me.
And he doesn't
eat the brownies.
And he's not much
of a drinker.
-No.
-Nothing like his father.
[barking]
[Linda] Are Eugene
and Phil bothering you?
No, no.
I love dogs. It's okay.
They love you.
Who can blame 'em?
-I mean Sandy, you're gorgeous.
-Thank you.
No offense,
but you two must
-bang like bunnies.
-Mom!
[Sandy chuckling]
-Don't say that.
-What? I said "no offense."
-That doesn't make it better.
-Sex and love is beautiful.
-Yes--
-It is.
-It is.
-Sex and love.
I was thinking
about the Sex Wax offer.
[Sandy]
It's a big sacrifice for you.
Aren't you scared?
You remember
what I told you,
when we first
started surfing?
There are only two things
in the world: love and fear.
And then
what'd you say?
"Holy shit,
look at that wave."
After that.
After you let go.
That I loved it.
You see?
It's easy.
You just choose love.
[hopeful indie rock]
[kissing]
[birds chirping]
[Bo]
Bye, Mom!
[Linda]
Bye, kids. Have fun.
Oh, that was--
that was lovely.
Mm-hm.
I want to know
why you are you.
And I'd like
to meet your parents.
Do you want to go
to Chicago with me?
Yeah.
Why are you so
hesitant?
There's something
you should know about my dad.
He...
He wrote a book.
What's the book?
Thank you
for having me.
Mark Berzins wrote this book.
It's Most Guys Are Losers.
Do you have any
parting words of wisdom
for guys who you think
are listening, who are losers?
Don't date my daughter.
[interviewer]
What made you write this book?
[Mark] Ah, well,
my oldest daughter, Sandy,
is going off
to college.
Being in the bar business
for as long as I have,
I mean, I-- I've seen
a lot of, uh, train wrecks.
[interviewer laughing]
Why didn't you tell me?
It's not exactly
the kind of thing
you tell a boy you like
when you first meet.
[dreamy synth music]
[Mark]
Choosing the right person
is the most important
decision in your life.
It's the key
to your happiness.
But you don't choose
who you fall in love with.
Wait a second,
did Sandy tell you,
she's in love
with this guy?
She's telling you
about him for a reason.
She thinks
he's the one.
What are you so
scared of?
Love at first sight.
Seems to have worked
for you and Aunt Amy.
It doesn't
work with women.
I had to learn
to be a good man.
So what do I do?
[Mark sighing]
You try your
hardest to find her.
No, no, no, it's up.
Go up.
[Mark] A classic example
of two douchebag characters
in movies is Swingers.
One guy is a loser,
because he's Noncommittal Guy.
And the other
is a loser,
because he's
Can't Get Over My Ex Guy.
Okay. He's funny.
I got nothing to worry about.
He likes movies.
Yeah, everybody
likes movies, babe.
He doesn't like Swingers.
And that's one of my favorites.
Maybe you should
just read it.
I don't have time.
You could
listen to him.
There's a Morgan Freeman
version?
Yeah, dad's book
really blew up
after he was
on Jimmy Fallon.
-He was on Jimmy Fallon?
-Yeah.
Okay,
I've got to study.
In his voice,
not Morgan Freeman's.
[Mark] One,
if you ever hear from a guy,
"I've only had a couple,"
you know he's lying.
Beware
of "just a couple" guy.
Two. Cheaters.
Once a cheater,
always a cheater.
Three. Freeloaders.
Take Jessica,
our manager of 15 years.
Jessica had a boyfriend
that always needed her
to pay for everything.
He's a good guy,
but he chased pipe dreams
that never led
to any money.
Any guy that has no money
and uses you for your money?
Dump him fast.
He's a loser.
She's bringing
the guy home?
So, it's officially
serious then.
How long
have they been dating?
How long
have they been dating?
Ask her.
Okay, are they sleeping
in here together?
What were you and I doing
when we were their age?
Yeah, when we were their age,
at your parents' house,
I slept on the couch.
And did that succeed
in keeping us apart?
Well, no.
Luckily.
I was so scared
of your dad when we first met.
It's only because
you're not Eye-talian.
Twenty-five years of marriage.
We name our son after him.
You think that guy
would lighten up.
But no, nothing is ever
good enough for your dad.
Does this guy
have a name?
Yes. Bo.
Bo?
That's a loser name.
Does he have
a last name?
Does he?
Well, yes,
but I can't quite remember.
It's something like Milo--
Milo-something-or-other.
-Uh-huh, okay.
-Look, what does it matter?
You can't do anything
about your last name, right?
Think about it.
There is nothing
that could stop me
from falling
madly in love
with a Yugoslavian guy
named Mark Berzins.
How long
have they been dating?
Long enough
to know that
he passed all the tests,
otherwise she wouldn't be
bringing him home.
The only guy
that's passed all the tests
that she's
ever dated is--
-No, no.
-Yep.
[fork clattering]
[Mark] I appreciate
you meeting me this morning.
I just don't know exactly
what happened with you guys.
I wasn't good enough
for Sandy, you know?
She's so great.
She deserved more.
I was really
selfish at the time.
You know, I was so used
to being treated like a God
or something in Naperville,
I don't know.
I was in my head.
It was dumb.
But I've changed
a lot now.
I don't know,
I feel like
I should've
quit playing football.
I should have transferred out
to California with Sandy.
And yeah,
I-- I've never lost.
And now I feel like
I've lost so much.
I miss her a lot,
Mr. Berzins.
Call me Mark.
-Taylor.
-Yeah?
What are you doing?
Making the couch because
Bo's taking the guest room.
First of all,
it's not a guest room,
because
you're not a guest.
And Amy has other plans
for where Bo is sleeping.
-Do you know his last name?
-Yeah. Milosevic.
Let's say I want to find
out some information
on Bo Milosevic.
How would
I go about it?
Good question, Dad.
After a Google search,
I'll cross-reference
with Facebook.
I'll know who he dated,
what his major is,
everything about him.
If this Bo character
has anything to hide,
-I'll expose it.
-[laughs]
This kid is incredible.
Like father, like son.
Thank you for driving me.
You know, your dad
put me on double shifts,
so I should get
my car back soon.
Yeah, it's no problem.
I was actually
just texting Sandy.
She's bringing
her new boyfriend home.
Really?
How's your dad feel about that?
My dad doesn't know
everything about guys.
He wrote about me
being a loser
in a best-selling novel.
That wasn't about you.
About guy, around my age,
who works at his bar,
and named Stephen.
I mean, Stephen,
it's literally one letter off.
Okay, so what if my dad
called you non-datable
in a bestselling book?
Just do what I do.
Don't listen to him.
[optimistic rock music]
[Bo]
Welcome home.
[phone chiming]
Hey, your, uh, sister sent me
a friend request.
See,
they like you already.
Hey, I have
a sweatshirt for you,
that is going
to save your life.
Thank you. Thank you.
Hey-- what's that?
-Is that the original?
-Yeah.
I'm bringing it home
as a surprise.
Can I see it?
You already read it.
Why won't
you let me see it?
It's-- it's a lot harsher.
All Guys Are Losers?
Why does he keep getting
scarier and scarier
and scarier?
That was Dad's
original title,
and the publishers
kind of softened it up.
"An asshole
won't dance with you,
because he's
protecting his ego,
but a douchebag
won't dance with you,
because he's scared."
That's good to know.
I've always wanted to know
what's the difference between
-an asshole and a douche bag.
-Yeah.
-[computer chiming]
-Ooh! We're in, Dad.
He's a film major.
Film major.
Great. Like Barry.
Going to the best film school
in the country is a bad thing?
Well, yeah,
it is when you get out
and you're
looking for a job.
What are you doing
in Dad's desk?
Uh, finding info
on Sandy's boyfriend.
You are having
our son research him?
Well, the first pic
they posted was two months ago.
Isn't it a bit early
for her
to be bringing him home?
And what does a nine year old
know about relationships?
What Dad taught me.
Which is a lot.
Fair amount.
Carrie, you're not going out.
Um, how long
have you known about him?
Uh, way before you did,
apparently.
This is the first
I've heard of it, Dad.
So far I'm with you.
This guy
looks like a loser.
Put a shirt on,
for Christ's sake.
Yes. Right?
Um, and how come
no one told me about this?
Maybe because you wrote
Most Guys Are Losers,
do you think?
[Amy gasps]
Guys, they're here.
Cool. Whatever.
[Sandy screams]
[Carrie]
Get over here!
-Hi!
-Hi!
[both moaning happily]
Oh, it's so good
to see you.
-[Carrie] Thank you.
-Who is this man?
Hey. Bo?
-Nice to meet you, Carrie?
-Carrie. Yep!
-Good to see you again.
-You look great!
-God, congratulations.
-Let me get your bags.
-Thank you.
-He's really sweet.
[Bo] Mrs. Berzins,
it's a pleasure to meet you.
Italians
don't shake hands.
-No?
-We hug!
-Bring it in here! Come on.
-[chuckles]
Welcome to our home.
So glad you can
join us for Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
-Bo?
-Great book, sir.
-Thank you.
-Yes, it is a good book.
[overlapping chatter]
Hey, gang!
What'cha looking at?
Nothing. Please.
No, he would be very proud.
Honey, you got
to see how many followers
she has for her business.
-Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
On Instagram.
Social media.
-Mm. Social media, Dad.
-Yep.
-The demise of relationships.
-Here we go.
And our businesses.
I mean, Bo,
sites like Yelp?
I mean,
Yelp is just a scam
written by
angry customers we 86'd.
Honey, we get
good reviews, too.
Dad hates anything
that hurts Red Ivy.
-Like if they legalized pot.
-Yeah.
Hey. Bo, you must...
like the ganja.
-Dad!
-Come on, Mark.
-[laughs]
-Oh. No, um.
Not everyone
in California smokes weed.
More of a drinker?
One drink is enough.
If we had guys like him around,
we'd go out of business.
-One drink?
-[chuckles]
What do your folks do?
My mom
is an entrepreneur,
but her real passion
is rescuing dogs.
That's terrific.
That sounds a lot like Al.
Bo, have you ever,
like, met any celebrities?
I met Ben Affleck once.
Really?
What was he like?
He was surprisingly cool.
Really?
It's ironic because
chapter three of my book,
I talk about
what a loser he is,
because he left
his wife and kids.
-[Amy] Oh, boy.
-I'm a Matt Damon fan.
This new guy of yours.
-Yeah.
-I think he might be the one.
I was really hoping
you'd say that.
Yeah.
About that.
Kinda need to talk
to you about something.
Please don't say sex.
-Mom--
-[chuckles]
What kind of birth control
are you using, honey?
Oh, I-- Aren't you--
we don't need
to talk about this.
-Why are we talking about this?
-Oh, okay.
You know that we had
you kids starting
really young, and--
I'm "no babies" right now.
Please, don't worry.
Listen, you know,
you're the first
in my line
who's going to finish school?
When I think
of my dad,
and how he came
over from Italy,
he wanted nothing more
than to go to college.
Mm hm!
Just promise me
you'll finish.
-Yeah, I promise. Yeah.
-Okay.
[mid-tempo guitar music]
[Bo] So, uh,
what's it like being famous?
[Mark] Eh, I never
intended for the book
to be a bestseller.
I was just writing
it for my girls.
Now, okay,
up here, we've got Sullivan's.
That's our steakhouse.
Uh, across the river,
over there, you see that?
That's-- we've got O'Malley's,
one of our two Irish bars.
We're walking up, that's
Features, our sports bar.
Right above Features
is my favorite,
Frankie's Blue Room.
My mother used to take us
there when we were a kid.
Listen to the music.
They ran into hard times
about ten years ago.
We bought it, but just
kept it exactly the same.
Sandy tells me that you still
work at all these bars?
Yeah.
For the next few months,
anyway.
Until what? Retiring?
Mom and I
are going to leave all this
and spend
a little time together.
You guys
are serious about that?
Yeah, we take off
right after Sandy comes home
from graduation
to take over Red Ivy.
[exhaling nervously]
What about Paul?
Oh, he'll be fine.
He's so smart. My goodness.
-[car honking]
-[Mark] Okay. We can go.
When I was his age,
I barely saw my old man.
And, you know, it's one summer.
He'll have a blast, right?
Plus you're
going to be there to help.
Thanks, Bob.
[Carrie] I mean, I really
like him, I'm not going to lie.
I know Dad doesn't,
but what do you think?
[Amy]
You know what, so far,
I've been
very favorably impressed.
[Carrie]
Good. He's nice.
And he's a lot
different than Trevor.
[Amy] Trevor may not be
exactly what you think.
How much did
your sister tell you about him?
Not much, really.
Just that she kinda
dropped him after transferring,
and never looked back.
All it takes
is one flaw in a guy.
Okay, but even Dad says
he's the rare winner.
Ah, takes more than winning
football games to be a winner.
Have you ever
seen him after he lost?
Well, he's just competitive.
Like Dad.
That boy...
-is nothing like your dad.
-Hm.
[Taylor] Thought it was always
your dream to sell Red Ivy.
God, no, they wouldn't know
what to do with these
great neighborhood bars
that people love.
So you and Mom
are just going to skip
the whole empty nester
syndrome phase?
Yeah, empty nester
syndrome phase, honey.
That's an excuse for people
in unhappy marriages.
No, that's not a joke.
That's-- that's the truth.
No, it's-- it's funny.
Like it's--
it's funny? Like--
Like I'm a clown?
I amuse you?
No, it's-- it's--
it was funny.
[Mark]
Like I'm a clown?
[Bo] No I thought
it was actually funny.
Like I amuse you?
-Goodfellas! Hah!
-Oh!
-Yeah.
-[both laughing]
You got me.
Yeah, that's, uh,
that's actually my favorite.
I know movies too,
Spielberg.
Yeah,
Bo got second place
in a short
film festival, Dad.
Hey, that's pretty good,
second place, that's great.
Ah, could be better.
But I do believe
in following your dreams.
Saw something
about that in your book.
He studied it.
I enjoyed it.
Very good.
This is us.
Frankie's!
[Al]
Hey, Sandy.
[Al laughing]
-Hey.
-[Sandy chuckles]
Hey, honey.
How are you?
Oh, I'm good,
how're you doing?
-[Sandy] It's good to see you.
-[Al] Good, good to see you.
[Al] Now, you must
be the new boyfriend.
Al?
Feel like I know you already.
-Oh, is that right?
-Yeah.
Is that because
you read my story in the book?
Uh, that too.
But, uh, Mrs. Berzins told
me that you rescue dogs.
My mom
does the same thing.
Oh, well, see,
dogs don't leave you, wives do.
Hence the rule about,
uh, dating alcoholics.
Al's been
in recovery for ten years.
The world's greatest guy.
This guy
saved my life.
But come on,
new boyfriend.
-Meet the crowd.
-[Mark laughing]
Hey, gang.
Gather round.
Bo, this is Jessica.
Now, Jessica's been
with us a long time.
Seventeen years in June.
Yeah, she has seen
every mistake
I've made with this company.
And Mark knows every
mistake I've made with men.
But there's always hope.
And Bo,
this is Rosie.
She's been with us,
uh, since high school.
-Hi, Rosie.
-Hi.
She has helped make this
company a big success.
Give me a hug,
new boyfriend.
[Rosie chuckles]
[Al chuckling]
Now Rosie's magnificent.
She's always
with the wrong guy, though.
Just a shame.
Now this guy--
There he is.
We need to talk.
-Me-- me?
-Yeah.
Uh, wh--what do we
need to talk about?
Film school, bro.
I too am
a fellow film major.
Meet Barry,
one of our best customers.
-Barry.
-Yeah.
Nice to meet you, man.
Any projects that
I would recognize you from?
Well, there was
a silent short film and, uh,
you know,
the crash of '08 happened.
So, I've basically
-just been--
-Drinking.
Right there.
In that seat.
-You know you love me, Rosie.
-[Rosie] Mm-hmm.
Film school
didn't go so well with him.
And this is Stephon.
He wears tight, designer jeans,
and he works for me.
They're comfortable.
You, uh,
do you not like him?
No, he's great,
I just,
I don't want him
to know that yet.
Hey, Mitch.
Mr. Berzins,
you know my name?
Of course I know your name.
I know all my customers' names.
Especially you, Mitch.
Mitch is helping Taylor
down at the LGBTQ center.
[Bo]
Oh. Nice.
It's cool that
you guys are open like that.
What?
-Of course we're open.
-Yeah.
What do you think,
Cali has the monopoly
on being open-minded?
Look at that.
[Bo] So, uh, why did
you call it Red Ivy?
Well, if there's Red Ivy
on the outfield wall
and the Cubs are playing,
that means
they are in the World Series.
-Ah!
-Like 2016.
I see.
Did they win?
Who?
The, uh, professional
baseball team.
[both laughing]
Yeah. Jesus. Okay.
Right there
in the middle.
-It's me with Richard Daley.
-Who's that?
You don't know Dick?
Here's an easy one.
You know Obama?
Well, he's a buddy. Yeah.
Now,
I hear his daughter
brought
her boyfriend home, too,
so some kid has it
even worse than you.
Eh, we'll see.
Now I'm gonna kick
you out of the bar
if you don't know who that guy
is in the blue sport coat.
Mm. That's Tiger Woods.
Okay, I'm ki--
I know that's Michael Jordan--
-I know that's Michael Jorda--
-Okay.
Because Chicago
is a sports town.
-Yeah.
-Hawks. Bulls.
-Uh-huh.
-Jordan. Ditka.
[Bo]
Ditka. Naturally.
You do know
the coach, right?
I recognize him
from a movie.
The '85 Bears?
You ever heard of them?
Not all 85 of them.
[Al laughing]
Who the hell
are the '85 Bears?
Don't ask that
in Chicago.
[upbeat computer music]
[exhales sharply]
[keyboard clicking]
Now we're fucking moving.
[phone chiming]
[phone chiming]
[bar din]
Mr. Berzins.
You know, I-- uh,
I wanted to say thank you
for having me out here.
I never thought that
I would be able
to meet someone
as great as Sandy.
Your book
is fantastic and it worked.
A little presumptuous of you,
don't you think?
Sorry, uh, I--
I didn't mean it that way.
Rule number five
of my do's and don'ts.
The trust of the innocent
is the liar's best friend.
Those are good words
to live by, yeah.
So why did
you lie to me?
I didn't.
"Entrepreneur?"
"She's an entrepreneur."
That's what they call
dealing weed these days?
My mom's
not a dealer.
It's a legitimate business.
It's just like yours.
Her products help breast cancer
survivors, among others.
Where do you get off judging
my mom's weed business?
You own bars, dude.
-[chuckles]
-"Dude? Dude?"
What am I, some surfer?
How come you're not with your
mother on Thanksgiving? Huh?
Sandy asked
me to be here.
-[Mark] Hey, oh!
-[Trevor] Hey.
Hey, oh, there we go.
-What's going on?
-[Mark] Yeah.
Here he is, superstar,
Tom Brady. Look at that!
-Good to see you, Mr. Berzins.
-I said call me Mark.
My bad. Mark.
Is this your friend
from California?
Actually,
this is my boyfriend.
-[Trevor] Oh, really?
-Bo.
-Bo.
-Um, Trevor?
-Trevor, yeah, yeah.
-I've heard
a lot of good things
about you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nice to meet you, Bo.
Um, Jessica.
I'm good, actually.
Thanks, though.
Um, I got a tryout coming up
for New York,
so I won't be drinking.
-Thanks anyway.
-Pro-football tryout.
That's right.
Got to make that next step.
-Wow. Playing pro football.
-That's really cool, man.
All right. Thanks.
What do you do?
Play Frisbee?
-Hacky sack?
-[Trevor] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Hacky sack.
Marysia, it is great to meet
Sandy's best friend from home.
You too.
So, um,
have you read the book?
You know, I have. I have.
It's great.
It's a great read.
Hey, you know, he doesn't look
that much like Tom Brady.
[phone chiming]
-Uh oh.
-What's up?
Wait, Paul?
He's investigating me?
Oh, shit.
-He's not supposed to know.
-Know what?
[Al]
Hey, how you doing?
[Al chuckling]
-What's that?
-I can't-- I can't read it.
-Can you read that? I can't.
-Let me see.
-Sex Wax?
-Is that lube?
Uh, surprising.
What's surprising?
Well, that, uh--
the kid
is so well-endowed.
Okay.
She told you that?
If you think
Sandy talks that way,
that you don't
know her at all.
Well then
how do you know?
I mean,
they-- they use sex oils.
[Mark stuttering]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, big guy. I'm sorry.
Okay,
we got to separate them.
Look, are you sure
you want to do this?
He didn't even know that
the Cubs won the World Series.
That doesn't
make him a loser.
Okay. Right.
His mom grows weed.
Hey, hey, easy.
Don't go talking about--
Don't go talking
about the boy's mama.
Hey,
I don't trust this kid.
-Not a bit.
-Really?
Yeah, you know, I'll do
anything to get her back.
Okay, tonight
may be your chance.
Hey, Tommy,
what do you need?
It's a once
in a lifetime opportunity,
she has to take it.
It's--
Sir.
I was...
looking for you.
-Oh, here in the bathroom?
-Mm-hmm.
[distant music]
I wanted to talk to you about
the text that Paul sent.
Yeah, not something
a father wants to see.
Okay.
About Sex Wax.
I thought that
I couldn't come with Sandy,
but she got Sex Wax to help
as long as we film it together.
Hey, hey,
you little
film school freak.
If I see
a video of my daughter
on some porno website,
I will kill you.
Do you understand?
What are we
talking about?
My daughter's sex life.
My worst nightmare.
Guys like you, I--
it's such a joke.
You're such losers,
think you need lube.
Don't flatter yourself, buddy.
Ever hear of foreplay?
I think there's been
a misunderstanding.
What?
Sex Wax
is... for surfboards.
Oh, God, for doing
what with surfboards?
Waxing them.
It's not sexual at all.
-It's not?
-No.
[both]
Oh.
-Jeez.
-[Bo laughs]
I thought
you were upset about Sandy
not taking over
the family business
and traveling
the world to surf.
Traveling
the world to surf?
Well she's getting paid.
She's a social
media influencer.
Like a Kardashian?
Another father's nightmare.
Wha--
When is she leaving?
She leaves next week.
We leave next week.
What about school?
Oh, my God.
Now I wish Sex Wax
was a lube.
-Damn.
-[indistinct]
-Hey, Bo.
-Hey.
Listen,
don't worry about Mark, okay?
He just takes
a while to warm up.
You know,
you'll be fine.
You know,
I know Sandy, she's smart,
she wouldn't
bring you around just to fail.
All right?
You've got this.
You know, she's only said
nice things about you.
It's okay,
you don't have to lie to me.
It's cool.
Let's go have a good time.
-All right.
-Yeah.
-What do we think of him?
-[Barry] I like him.
There you go.
-Rosie, what do you think?
-[Rosie] He's cute.
[Jessica]
He's hiding something.
[Mark]
Exactly.
How do I get
what's hiding out?
I think I'm going
to give him a Dick Daley.
-[Al] Really?
-[Rosie chuckles]
-A Dick Daley?
-No, don't get him wasted.
He's not forcing it on him.
-I'm trying to--
-That's true.
In fact,
I'll take a Dick. Daley.
Can we give him a free beer?
But please, do me a favor.
-Yeah.
-When he's tipsy, talk to him.
Find out information.
I want to know
what he's hiding.
Of course.
I'll hang with the kid.
-He's cool. I can tell.
-How can you tell?
Because Sandy's with him
and she can date
basically anyone she wants.
You know that, right?
All right,
I'll take that free beer.
-Finish that one first.
-Okay. Sure.
[video game shooting sounds]
Use your index finger,
like you would hold a gun.
Right. There you go.
[Pat] Pow!
Get some! Yeah!
All right, don't act like
a jerk-off, though,
we've got a guest here.
It's cool.
He's from California.
He's used to jerk-offs.
[Bo chuckling]
Yeah, man, I mean,
most dudes
in California are losers.
What about
guys from Chicago?
Winners. All of them.
Hey, I don't know
if I believe him,
but that was a
sweet thing to say.
You're cool
with your current boyfriend
hanging out
with your ex?
Yeah, no, I am,
I mean, you know,
as long as
Trev's not drinking, right?
Have you not heard?
-Heard what?
-Nothing.
Listen, just forget
I said anything, okay?
Nothing.
-[Mark laughs]
-Fellas!
Voila.
If one of those are for me,
I'm good, but thank you, Mark.
Oh, that's right.
It's tryouts.
Yeah, yeah, so...
-I'll take that.
-Oh, no, no, no.
This is for our friend,
our special guest.
Here. There you go.
Have 'em both, Pat.
-I'm going to go big tonight!
-As well you should!
So are you joking or...
No, this is a special drink
for a special occasion.
I appreciate it,
but like I said,
-I don't drink, so--
-No, no.
You told me you're that type of
guy that has one drink, right?
-This is one drink.
-I'm with Sandy's friends
and family, so...
You're also
with Sandy's dad, lighten up.
Let's do it, come on, man,
have a drink, right?
Hey, if you can't
handle it, okay.
-Can't handle it, that's fine.
-I know. All right. All right.
-I understand.
-I get what you're doing.
I get what you're doing.
How much do I owe you?
This one
is on the house.
[video game sounds]
-[Bo coughing]
-[Pat] Good luck, my friend.
[laughing]
Oh, what is this?
It's called
a Dick Daley.
[street din]
-Talk to me.
-Hey, honey.
How are things
going at home?
[Paul]
Everything's fine.
But something's not right
with this Bo character.
Mini-Mark,
that's none of your business.
And you don't know him.
I know
a lot more about him
now that
I'm reading his emails.
[Amy]
What?
How did you
get into his e-mails?
[Paul]
Well, Dad told me to do it.
He told me to try
Goodfellas for his password.
Good thing I did,
because did you know
that his mom
owns a weed business?
That is some
serious dirt right there.
See ya!
-Hey.
-Hey.
Can I borrow Sandy
for just a second?
Sure.
I'll be right back.
[bar din]
-Hey.
-Hey. Hey.
What's up?
What's wrong?
I've never seen
that look on your face before.
Oh, your dad.
He's, um, he's throwing me off.
Hey, you just
need to give him time.
He needs to see everything
that's great about you.
Yeah, I can't do that
when he's making me
drink Dick Daleys.
You know why
they're called Dick Daleys?
Because he's friends
with Dick Daley?
Along with all the other famous
people that he's friends with.
He's friends
with Barack Obama.
They call it Dick Daley
because it's meant for losers.
-I thought he liked Dick.
-Well, not really
since he tried
to legalize weed in Illinois.
He couldn't
because he had a stroke.
And that's what you feel
like when you drink it
because of
all the booze, and--
So he's trivializing
a handicap?
I mean,
he's off-color like your mom.
You know, he brought up
my mom's business.
Okay, so what?
My parents aren't judgmental.
Why does that matter?
Oh, you sure about that?
What was it
that you wanted to say to me?
-Was that it?
-It can wait.
[whispering] It can wait.
All right,
there you go.
Uh-oh...
[Al clearing his throat]
[Mark] What's-- what?
[sing-songy]
She's given you the finger.
Which finger?
[Al chuckles]
Okay. Okay. Okay.
You had
our nine year old son
hack into your daughter's
boyfriend's e-mail?
What the heck
is wrong with you?
Honey, I took a shot
at his password,
I thought Paul
knew I was kidding.
-Oh, come on.
-Okay.
It's a good thing it worked,
too, because,
do you know that
his mother is a pot farmer?
I don't care.
Do you know that they are
dropping out of school?
Dropping out?
Mm-hmm,
they're dropping out of school.
But she promised me.
I'm upset, too.
But that's what I found out
in my investigation.
[door clicks]
Coming.
[background music]
-God damn it!
-Oh, shi--
-Damn, dude.
-My bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-You okay?
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Shouldn't have
lost that one.
Talking about the game,
not the girl.
-Yeah.
-Right. Okay.
[Pat laughs] Oh, nice.
Only a real man
can finish a Dick Daley.
Yeah, man, I'm actually having
trouble finishing this guy.
Yeah? Here.
Share it with me.
Come on.
Really? Great.
I'm going to keep
an eye out for the media.
All right.
Yeah, do that.
-He said media?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Bo] What kind?
Well,
it's kind of like, you know,
Mark is watching you?
I got people watching me too,
like, pro football scouts,
stuff like that, yeah.
Really?
Yeah,
you don't believe me?
Dude...
I'm hungry, all right,
I gotta sober up, Jesus.
Um, I'll catch you later.
Yeah. Go ahead.
They both deserve it.
They do!
Hey, you're spending
more time here
than in the bar, dude.
Oh, I had a couple of drinks.
More than enough for me.
Same.
It's like that part
in your dad's book.
-He's a winner.
-You hungry?
-I'm kind of tipsy, so...
-I have just the dish.
Hey, is Trevor
really a state champion?
I mean, he just lost his cool,
though, man.
And, you know...
Tom Brady
would never lose his cool.
-Or so I've heard.
-Who?
Exactly. I like him.
Hey, Rosie, uh,
can we get some shots?
I'm paying.
-For who?
-Uh, it's for my friends.
How's it going,
good to see you.
Good to see you, too, Trev.
Hey, how are you doing?
Um, I've been better.
-You know, I miss her a lot.
-I know.
-What-- what can I do?
-There's nothing you can do.
[Rosie] All right.
Pat. Trev.
Come on,
you're only 21 once
on a Black Wednesday
in Naperville.
-There you go.
-Cheers!
-Cheers, guys.
-Cheers.
[all sighing]
[Pat clears throat]
Oh, these are ours.
These are not Carrie's.
You're drinking again, Trevor?
You really think
that's a good idea?
I mean,
these are-- these are Pat's.
Oh, Pat.
Real thirsty tonight, huh?
Maybe you want
to slow down?
You gotta be careful, honey.
Well, it was
good to see you, Carrie.
All right.
Pat, we'll catch up, man.
It's pretty clear
that he's into you, yeah?
Of course
he's into me, we've been
dating for like a month.
Okay, so then
what's the problem?
All right, gender is
not an issue with your family.
I put Mark and Amy
through so much,
I had to make sure that
Mitch is the right guy first.
Wait.
Let me get this straight.
You became a dude,
and now you like dudes!
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Kind of sounds
like a lot of work,
but, yeah, it's cool.
What do you mean by that?
You know, Bo,
sometimes I say
stupid shit when I get drunk.
-That's my bad.
-[Pat] Adopted by the Berzins.
-Lucky guy!
-Yeah. Thanks.
So, you boys got
somewhere you need to be?
Why do you ask?
Are you in charge now?
No, I just--
we're blocking the entrance.
And I figure
that would be, uh--
That would be a fire code.
-Right?
-Yeah.
We're going to go
over there now.
This is our bar.
So if you don't mind
just stepping
out of the way there,
that'd be great.
Thanks, Bo.
Hey, was that guy
wearing Moccasins?
Yeah. Thanks for doing that.
Dude,
you handled it fine.
That's what
your dad's book
would refer
to as total losers.
It just sucks that he's
too big of an idiot to see it.
You think?
He's right
about one thing.
You know,
finding the right partner,
that is the most
important part of life.
Stephon, do you want me
to cover for you
so you can
talk to Carrie?
-No, I wasn't--
-You're like a Berzins, man.
It's pretty obvious.
Trust me, I get it.
It takes balls
for you to date Sandy.
It takes balls
to date the boss's daughter.
Yeah, not my smartest choice.
-Uh, what am I doing?
-So we're at capacity.
Someone has to go out
before someone else can go in.
-Okay.
-Thanks, man.
[Bo] Yeah.
[Carrie chuckles]
Stephon.
Ready to party?
Carrie, you-- you okay?
[Carrie snickering]
Shots, man, really?
You sure about that?
She's a big girl.
She can handle it.
-Yeah, there it is.
-[Pat] Come on, man.
It's me.
You're right. Sorry.
[Carrie snickering]
-Hey, Sandy. How's it going?
-Hey. Oh, good.
Oh, I'm so excited
for you about the tryouts.
-It's amazing Trev.
-Oh. Thanks, yeah, thanks.
I'm excited about it.
Um, I miss you a lot.
What's up with this Bo guy?
I mean, you guys
aren't actually serious.
Yeah,
we-- we are very serious.
-Yeah.
-Sandy, I--
Thank you.
Recommend the Dick Daley.
Oh.
-[microphone feedback]
-Hey, everybody.
You all know
Mark's rules.
["Your Love" by The Outfield]
Josie's on a
Vacation far away
All right, Sandy, I mean,
come on, we can drop it, right?
You go to California,
you date the pussy artist type.
For a little bit,
that's fine,
but when you come
back to Naperville,
it's us-- it's me, right?
Trev--
[Mark's voiceover] An asshole
won't dance with you
because of fear of failure.
A douchebag
won't dance with you
because of
feelings of inadequacy.
[Sandy] I'm not
in the same place you are.
I-- Great--
I've heard you've grown a lot.
Don't you remember
what we used to have, Sandy?
-[Sandy] Trevor.
-Sandy, don't you remember
what it was like, Sandy?
Don't you want that again?
We can have that.
[Mark's voice over]
But a real man dances with you
and he should dance
like nobody is watching.
I just want to use
Your love tonight
[Mark's voice over]
Bar fights are for losers.
A winner
will change his course.
You can't change
the situation...
but you can change
the way that you handle it.
May I have this dance?
Yes.
[whispered] Oh, shit...
Really?
He's a dancer?
What kind of guy dances?
I guess
the one in Moccasins.
[Stephon] There you go.
Can we dance?
-Yeah, I'd love to.
And don't forget
What I told you
All right, Pat.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know, man.
I don't think it's gonna
work between you and Sandy.
I think
Carrie's great, though.
Carrie? Really?
Yeah. Really.
Yeah, that's a...
That's not bad, Pat.
-Actually, that's pretty good.
-You okay?
I can't have my dad
see me like this.
Come with me.
The kid can't dance.
Probably
a shitty athlete too.
-Oh, stop it!
-Probably is.
[upbeat indie rock]
[Sandy laughing]
I love
Frankie's so much.
It's like
this place for people
who don't have families.
Hey, home is always
going to be here.
It's not about
where you live.
What if because I'm not taking
over Red Ivy, Dad sells it?
No, hey, he already said
that's not going to happen.
I could work
a little bit before we travel.
Are you having
second thoughts?
No, that's not
what I meant.
I just-- I don't know,
they've given me so much.
Can we just wait
before we tell them?
All right.
Screw this.
Let's really dance.
[Sandy giggling]
Where'd you learn
to dance like this?
Swingers.
[laughing]
Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey.
The kid can dance.
-[Al laughing]
-Okay.
He's okay.
Average at best.
But I mean, he doesn't have
the moves that I have.
-Look at that.
-I-- I think
it's time to tell him.
Oh, it's past
due time to tell him.
-What?
-[Amy] I can't.
You're his best friend.
Is Sandy okay?
Is she-- is Sandy pregnant?
-Oh, come on. No!
-What?
How could you
not know your own daughter?
No, it's not that.
All right,
let him down easy.
It's very important to him.
Look, what she's
trying to say is...
when you dance...
-it's not pretty!
-Oh, finally!
I couldn't say it
because you're my boss.
Well no, I mean, hey,
I don't have the smooth moves,
but I mean, I-- I-- I--
I got it, I got it.
It's like your left hip
is trying to tell
your right hip what to do.
And neither hip
is listening.
[laughter]
Wait, wait,
didn't you say
that dancing
is the one way to know
what a guy is going to do
before he does it?
You're talking sex?
No, no, no.
If I'm a bad dancer
then I didn't say that,
of course.
Oh, yeah, they've definitely
already slept together.
[Amy] And he's
a really good dancer.
Really good.
-[Al] He's smitten.
-[Amy] Wow.
-And so is Sandy.
-Come on.
Who's side are you on?
Honey, all that matters
is that he and you
are willing to dance.
It doesn't matter
the result.
Like, if one person is great,
the other person...
It is a good thing
for you too, big guy.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. That's great.
Come on, now.
We got customers.
There we go.
Mark's a-- Mark's a bad dancer.
I'm a bad dancer!
[coughing]
-I'm so sorry.
-No, no, it's okay.
We'll get you some water
and you'll be fine.
What's going on here?
Oh, you and Stephon?
Really!
I had no idea.
Does your dad
and your boss know about that?
Come on, man.
I'm just helping her out.
Okay.
Hey, I thought
you had a tryout.
Yeah, I do, um,
I just smoke when I drink.
-It's not a big--
-Thought you weren't' drinking.
I'm not drinking.
I had a couple.
Oh, just a couple.
Yeah, you're that guy.
I guess.
What kind of guy are you?
You're helping the boss's
daughter when she's wasted?
That's exactly
the type of guy I am.
Maybe I'll tell
Mark about you two.
-No, please don't.
-Wha-- wha--
-Come on, man.
-All right. It's gross.
What you did there.
Honey.
You okay?
-No, I'm not okay.
-I'm sorry.
I thought
this kid needed lube
because
he's well-endowed.
Yeah, this is
how my day started!
I don't want
to think about that.
Now I find out
that they're going off
to surf
around the world.
He's taking her
and dropping out of college.
Yeah,
I'm kind of mad about that.
Yeah, what is that?
Apparently,
I'm not a great dancer.
Which means I'm apparently
not great in bed.
So, no,
it's not a good day.
-I'm sorry.
-Frickin' kid.
He's really
starting to piss me off.
Oh, but, honey,
think of it this way.
If you open your eyes
and you really look at
what's happening out there,
your book worked!
-Yeah.
-You wrote it for her.
-She found a great guy.
-Oh.
And guess what?
The book was
really wrong about one thing.
You don't have to be...
like John Travolta
on the dance floor...
to be amazing.
Hm, hm, hm.
But this kid, I mean,
it's just,
I know that there's
something wrong with this kid,
and I'm gonna prove it,
I'm gonna find out.
Dancer boy.
Okay, but, there's just
one thing
I want you to do for me.
-All right?
-Yeah.
I want you... to take...
out...
the trash.
How can
you do that to me?
[Amy laughing]
[phone chiming]
I wonder what team?
Hey, you sure
you don't want to go inside?
No, I'm not ready yet.
[Mark]
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
Honey, what--
I'm sorry, Dad.
I took shots in there--
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Honey, shots,
you know this,
they're like
tranquilizers for girls, right?
It's-- I've told you that.
I appreciate you taking
care of her Stephon, but like,
why would you let
her take shots?
I didn't,
I was working.
If you want,
I can take her home.
I got a car here.
It's no problem.
Okay, yeah,
that would be great, thank you.
At least someone's
responsible around here.
Okay, and Stephon,
you're supposed to be
at the front,
right, counting heads.
-There's no one there!
-Bo's covering for me.
No, he's not.
There's no one there.
I'm sorry Mark--
Mr. Berzins, I'm sorry.
-Okay.
-All right, come on, Carrie.
You want to go?
See you. See you, Mark.
-Just-- Can you?
-[Trevor] Yeah.
Okay.
Come on, Stephon. Let's go.
[street din]
Got a DUI last week?
No way.
That's a loser trait.
[emotional dance music]
[phone chiming]
Should probably brush
your teeth when you get home.
[both chuckling]
-Good? All right.
-[Carrie] Uh-huh.
-[Stephon] Hey.
-Sup?
Don't.
Just take an Uber or something.
No, it's fine, you heard Mark,
he said I can drive.
Hey Stephon.
Are you gonna come later?
Yeah, yeah,
I'll follow you guys.
You're going to follow us?
What,
on your bike or something?
Go man the door.
All right?
[scoffs] See you, man.
Rosie!
Come dance with me.
Oh, you like him!
You want to kiss him
Say you miss him
Yes. Go!
-Yes! She said yes.
-[microphone feedback]
[suspenseful music]
Hello, Officer?
Yeah, um, there's a fight going
on at Frankie's right now,
and they're
way past fire code.
All right, thanks.
Hey. Hey, come on.
What are you doing?
I told you there was
something wrong with him.
He got a DUI last week.
Yes.
I bet
Sandy doesn't even know.
No, it must be
the wrong person.
No, Bo Milosevic?
Real common name.
Look at this. Look, Honey.
You don't know him, sweetie.
You don't-- Look at this.
Look at this. I have it--
-What's wrong?
-It's Carrie.
I need you to drive me
to your house, now.
[Amy]
Who is she with?
Honey, this guy is not worth
dropping out of school for.
You told him?
-Yeah.
-No, he only knows
because he had
Paul hack into my email.
You had Paul
hack into his email?
-[Mark] Yeah--
-Dad, that's illegal.
It's a good thing I did, too.
And what else?
You tell her
about the DUI?
What DUI?
Did you read the text?
The DUI was Trevor's.
Wasn't Trevor's!
Trevor wouldn't.
-Oh, my God!
-It was him.
-It was this guy.
-Dude, you're full of shit.
Oh, my God, you're--
We need everyone to leave!
You're over capacity.
Hey, you.
You were
supposed to be there.
Your book told me
to dance with her.
[Mark] Yeah.
This guy is shutting us down.
Mr. Fucking California loser.
Dude, you are clueless.
He had
his nine year old son.
Dig up dirt on me.
What kind of winner
uses his son?
You get me drunk.
You know I don't like drinking.
You read my emails.
You write a book
for your daughter
who you don't even know.
You know what else
you don't know?
Sandy and I
are living together.
Bo, I told you
not to tell yet.
I-- I think
it's about time.
You're living with him?
["Sullivan Street"
by Counting Crows]
You don't even
know him, honey.
He is using you, sweetie.
He's broke
and he's using you.
Don't you see that?
Look at his family.
His mother
is a pot farmer.
Hey!
stop talking shit
about my mom, yeah?
Bo, let's go get some air.
It's a pretty
low move, dude.
Bo!
I've got him.
Honey, you're better
off without that guy.
[emotional instrumental]
[Amy]
Carrie, are you okay?
It's all right, sweetheart.
Are you home?
All right, stay there.
I'm coming.
Text Mark.
Tell him Carrie's okay,
but he is not.
But Mark didn't know
about Trevor.
Send it.
Don't place all your hopes
and dreams in any man.
Hold on.
This guy walks
into Naperville and has to meet
the dad
of the girl he loves.
And that dad
wrote a book saying
that most guys are losers.
Well, I've read
the book too many times
and I see Bo
living up to the rules.
Besides,
whatever happened to hope?
You'll learn.
[sighs] I can't with you.
I just can't. Truly.
I'm almost
Drowning in her sea
-[Trevor] You want a shot?
-No.
But thanks
for bringing me home.
Yeah, of course.
You're Sandy's little sister.
And, uh...
I love her, you know?
Biggest mistake in my life.
Doing what I did to her.
Yeah,
I always liked you guys.
I like you too.
What are you doing?
What, should I
not have done that?
Shouldn't have done what?
Hey, buddy.
You scared me.
What are you doing
with the baseball bat?
Did you drive her home?
Yeah.
Your dad told me to.
You had a DUI last week.
Nah. It's okay.
There's an explanation.
There's no
explanation for men
who try to take
advantage of women.
Take advantage of who?
Come on, Paul.
All right, you know me.
Let's just talk.
Why don't you just
put the bat down, all right?
Paul, come on.
-[Paul] Leave my brother alone.
-[Trevor grunts]
I got to protect myself.
I have a tryout coming up.
You don't have a tryout.
You're a liar. Get off of me!
What are you
doing with my son?
Uh, Mrs. Berzins.
Um, this is not
what it looks like.
[Taylor] Bo, wait!
I know how you feel.
Mark's not
who you think he is.
[Bo]
Yeah, then who is he?
Because to me,
he's an overbearing,
overprotective,
narcissistic asshole.
[Taylor]
You caught him on a bad day.
Bo, I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for Mark.
He saved me.
After my parents
kicked me out for being trans.
I wanted to quit,
give it all up...
and I ended up
in the hospital.
And the only people
I could think to call
were Mark and Amy.
And Amy,
without hesitation,
told me to put everything
in a box and then move in.
And the only thing
I could think is...
this is temporary.
But Bo, family means
everything to this guy.
Bo, you belong
in this family.
It doesn't
feel like that.
Not for a second.
You've seen that side of Mark.
You've read his book.
That's the man
that saved me.
Why is he not here?
If he's the man that wrote
that book, why are you here?
Because I'm the man
that he raised me to be.
You should give him
the same chance that I got.
That's my train, man.
I hope to see you again.
Bo, wait.
You left
everything at home.
Sitting out here is the--
not cooling her off.
How are you going to grow
if you know every damn thing?
You wrote this shit.
[Al laughing]
Hey Paul,
I'm real proud of you
defending
your sister like that.
Yeah. You were so strong.
And that means a lot
to me that you helped me.
-So thank you.
-I'd do that any time.
[Mark] Hey. [panting]
Dad, I'm sorry.
No, honey, I'm sorry.
Where is he?
-I took care of it.
-Where's Sandy?
She's upstairs in her room,
crying her eyes out.
[Mark sighs]
This is on you.
I know.
[melancholic piano music]
Honey.
You okay?
No, I'm not okay, Dad.
Dad, you know,
I always want
to do the right thing.
-Yeah.
-And...
I listened to everything
you said about happiness
and finding
the right partner.
And I brought him
here to show you
how much
I learned from you.
And it's like--
I don't know, it's like
you didn't even see it.
And you think that
you still need to teach me.
No, honey,
I am trying
to protect you.
Protect me?
From what?
From being unhappy?
Because you said
that happiness
was having a dream
that you can't let go of,
and a partner
who would never ask you to.
I want them
to be your dreams.
Not...
not his,
not someone else's, yours.
It's not
just about my dreams.
That's not a partnership.
Yeah.
Dad...
I don't want...
to take over
the family business.
Just like,
you were born
to be a bar owner.
I wasn't.
You don't have to, honey.
I was
wrong about that.
And I shouldn't have
put that on you.
I feel,
a bit, like I have...
failed you, my beauty.
Hey. Hey, Dad.
You haven't failed me.
You haven't.
Just, you were right.
Finding the right guy
is really hard.
But I--
I think I found him.
He was here.
And you
pushed him away.
["Come Back" by Pearl Jam]
Hmm, yeah.
If I keep holding out
[phone chiming]
Will the light
Shine through?
Under this broken roof
It's only rain
That I feel
I've been
Wishing out the days
Oh-oh-oh
Come back
Hey.
[Bo sighs]
Okay. Come on.
You're coming with me, Bo.
-Is that going to be okay?
-It's going to be okay.
My wife's going
to kill me otherwise, too.
-Come on, it's cold.
-Is Sandy okay?
She's great.
I just wanted to tell you
how very proud I am of you.
That if you
Hadn't of gone now
I wouldn't have
Lost you another way
Sweetheart.
From wherever you are
Oh
You can talk as much shit
about me as you like.
I just-- I don't like
you talking bad about my mom.
And I don't like bars
because, you know,
my dad is a--
he's drunk asshole.
I understand that.
Mine, too.
But you own
all these bars.
[Mark] Yeah.
Exactly.
I bought up
every single bar
he ever went
into in Naperville.
Why?
So that
he couldn't go in them anymore.
Will my memories
Stay clear?
I'm really sorry...
that I lied to you Mom.
It's all right, darling.
I didn't give you
much of a choice.
I put the weight
of three generations
of my family's legacy...
on your shoulders.
And that's not fair.
Do you know why Sandy
doesn't tell me these things?
It's because
she's scared.
And honestly,
because you don't know her.
I believe in you
because you're smart.
And you're wise
and you're wonderful
and you're so good.
You have to
live your own life
and follow
your own path.
Is she going
to take this job?
Travel the world?
-Leave?
-It's not up to you or me, sir.
She's strong enough
to make her own path.
Come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back
I'll be here
Come back, come back
Ooh
Sandy.
Wake up!
Hi, honey.
Look at you,
you look so beautiful.
Thank you, darling.
I'd like you
to read this passage, please.
-I thought-- I thought--
-No.
-I thought maybe--
-The part that I highlighted.
-Okay?
-Well, I wrote this.
I don't even
need to read it.
-[Amy] I'd like you to, please.
-"A good man--
A good man will love
and defend his mother."
-You're right. Yeah.
-You judged his mom.
-[Mark] Wow.
-Come on.
Okay, are you trying
to tell me that you're weren't
a little thrown by the fact
that she's a pot farmer?
Ow, ow, ow!
Come on.
This is not about me.
It's about you. Okay?
Because you think
that there's such a thing
as a sure thing in love,
and there is not.
I mean,
look at you.
How do you think
my father felt about me
running off
and marrying some guy
that wanted to open a bar?
Right, yeah.
Because I "wasn't Italian."
It's not because
you weren't Italian.
Not at all.
It was because
you weren't a sure thing.
But I knew.
I knew
you were the one.
And Sandy knows
that he's the one.
I know.
I know. You're right.
Here's the last one.
Really important. Read it.
"A good man knows
when he was wrong
and will act
accordingly and will...
apologize."
That's what you want.
-You want me to apologize?
-Yes.
I'm sorry.
To him.
Not to me.
Okay. Sorry, Bo.
In person!
-I'll go. I'll go do it.
-All right.
-Just. Well--
-Stop it!
[Mark giggling]
[knocking on door]
-Good morning.
-Morning.
Mark has something
he'd like to say to you.
Yeah, uh,
about last night.
I don't think I ever--
I'm--
what I'm trying to say is...
We're cool, right?
We're cool.
We're-- we're cool. We're cool.
Oh, my God! [Bo laughing]
-[Sandy giggling]
-[Bo sighs]
You're doing
pretty good there, big man.
Now, you little man,
on the other hand,
need a little bit of work.
Yeah, dad.
After last night,
should I really listen to you?
You're right.
You're right.
Who am I to be giving advice?
You know something, son?
I'm very proud of you,
the way you
handled yourself last night.
-Like a real winner.
-Thanks, Dad.
You know,
I'll be testing Mitch today.
Bo already
advised him to study.
See if your mom
needs any help, please.
[Paul] Okay.
Why did you feel
you couldn't tell me?
I had to make sure
he was the right guy first.
Well, if there's
any misunderstanding
from me, I'm sorry.
It's okay, Dad.
[sentimental music]
Next year, I will
come here with a decent man.
-I'm with you.
-[Barry laughing]
-Can I get you a plate?
-That'd be great.
-Can I get you a drink?
-Oh, no thanks.
Not drinking today.
Jessica? You?
-I'll get my own plate, Barry.
-All right,
getting her own plate...
-But he's really trying.
-He's really trying.
Hey, guys.
Glad you're here.
Happy Thanksgiving.
-That is my Aunt Marlene's.
-Oh nice.
Barry!
Happy Thanksgiving, buddy.
Who's the beauty?
Oh, it's my wife.
Lucky me.
Wow. [Carrie laughs]
-I am the lucky one.
-[Mark groans]
Guess who did not
ruin Thanksgiving?
-Me.
-I didn't know
you were coming this year.
Yeah. Yeah.
Your dad invited me.
I thought
you guys would, uh,
like to sit and chat.
Hey, Dad,
what happened to your hand?
Oh, I know,
I can tell you what happened.
Men don't change.
Right, big guy?
I am trying.
Yeah. What did he do?
Oh, Trevor, I'm sure.
No, you don't think he--
No. I know.
Don't mess
with his daughters.
Well, I am glad that
things worked out between us.
Yeah, you are.
Okay,
say it a little deeper.
How about
that Bears game?
Yeah, that's it.
You're getting it.
It's total dude talk.
Everything helps.
Keep it coming.
Let me
tell you something, bro.
There's no
better nine year old
to teach you
how to be a man than me.
-I believe that.
-Booyah!
Hey, now,
don't change him.
I like him
just the way he is.
-It's time.
-[Amy gasps]
[Amy chuckles]
Are you ready
to meet the crazies?
[Linda] Of course I'm ready.
Let me in!
Fucking cold in Chicago.
-[Bo] Oh, no way.
-Yes way!
-Thank you.
-Happy Thanksgiving!
Mom.
And so I say to you,
as I ever say before,
the gift you give
one another is love,
there's no greater gift.
You can
give a person money,
you can give a car,
you can give
all kind of thing,
but you cannot give
anything more than love.
That is the greatest gift
you can give to anyone.
And the love I share
with my beautiful daughter.
There's nothing like it.
I give it
and she give back to me.
I am proud.
So all of you
forgive me for the times
when I did not
expect you to be what you are.
I forgive you.
[laughter]
We have the gift
to give to one another
just to sit at the table
and express
the love for one another.
Not everybody has this chance.
Old men
have to have this chance.
Much more road
in back of me
than in front of me,
I'm sorry to say.
But every bit of it,
every inch of it,
I will enjoy
as I am here
with the love
that you all give to me.
Every moment that you do
I don't
take it for granted.
I take it
for real in my heart.
In my heart.
So from me to you...
I toast
to all of you.
Do not forget,
say Grandpa was a good man
and he wished
to love to all of us.
And we do not forget.
-Salute.
-[all] Salute.
[singing in Italian]
I don't know.
Not bad.
I still can
sing a little bit.
[all laughing]
[upbeat music]
Try that
raspberry cheesecake.
It'll make you
want to smack a cop.
[Al laughing]
And then the pot business
is the next big thing.
Well, it would be,
if big corporations
weren't trying
to screw
family businesses.
Well, yes,
we have that in common.
I don't know if you have met
the world's greatest guy,
but he's right here.
Al, who happens to rescue dogs.
Hi, I'm--
I'm Al.
-And you are?
-I'm Linda.
-Hi, Linda.
-Did I hear you rescue dogs?
Uh...
I've been known to.
Listen. Sit down. Sit down.
Sorry, dear.
You have just displayed
my favorite
of all of your rules.
A desire
to make things right.
[Mark]
Well, I'm trying.
You're my winner.
I may be
the luckiest guy on the planet.
You said it.
I may say
the same thing.
[Amy] You like him now,
right Dad?
-Huh?
-[Amy] You like him now?
I like him very much.
[Amy laughing]
[sentimental music]
You ready to leave?
Yeah.
Well, thanks
for living with your boyfriend,
dropping out of school,
staying in Cali,
and leaving
Red Ivy and Dad behind.
Now there's
literally nothing I can do
to piss dad off
more than you have already.
-This is so true.
-[chuckles]
I guess
I'm just trying to be
a really good big sister.
I think
you should have this.
I don't need it anymore.
It's a really good book.
I works.
[Cover of "Be My Baby"
by the Ronettes"]
The night we met I knew I
Needed you so
And if I
Had the chance I'd
Never let you go
So won't you
Say you love me
I'll make you
So proud of me
We'll make them
Turn their heads
Every place we go
So won't you, please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
I'll make you happy, baby
Just wait and see
For every kiss you give me
I'll give you three
I have been
Waiting for you
Oh, since the day
I saw you
You know I will adore you
'Til eternity
So won't you, please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
So won't you please
Be my, be my baby
Be my little baby
My one and only baby
Say you'll be my darlin'
Be my, be my baby
Be my baby now
(My one and only baby)
Wha, oh, oh, oh
[string instrumental starts]
Love is a silly word
That describes
How I feel
I can't understand
But nor can you
Please tell me you do
Music is a silly thing
That makes me
Want to feel but
No matter how loud I sing
I can't get you
I can't get you
So feed me to the birds
And watch them
Peck out of my eyes
Maybe then I'll
Learn what it's like
To not recognize
When somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't
See what I see
Then hey love's not fair
But I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
When somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't see
What I see then hey
Love's not fair
But I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
When somebody loves you
When someone's not there
We grovel
In our submissions
And just wait
To be fair
Well, I'm going to wait
Till she's mine
In the trees
Yeah, yeah
I'm going to wait
I'm going to wait
Somebody loves you
Somebody loves you
Somebody loves you
Oh, somebody loves you
I said, when
Somebody loves you
Somebody cares
If you don't see
What I see then hey
Love's not fair but
I can't seem
To keep my eyes
Off of your mouth
And I, I, I feel so alive
I, I, I feel so alive
[music ends]