Moving (1988) Movie Script

oh, no!
I don't believe it!
Oh, my God, Monica.
It's Frank Crawford.
The man's got maybe 30
square feet of lawn, right?
He's on a lawn tractor!
I believe you.
Lawn tractor.
Come back to bed.
I can't sleep!
The noise!
I mean, listen
to that thing!
It sounds like
a 20-ton jackhammer!
Well, then go downstairs
and tell him to stop.
That's the neighbor
from hell.
He was in the marines
for 15 years.
You saw the movie Rambo.
We gotta consider
the Rambo factor here.
Arlo, why don't you
go downstairs and talk to him
or, better yet,
come back to bed.
You shouldn't
just stand there
getting yourself
all worked up.
You know what happens.
Your nose starts bleeding.
My nose bled once.
For 5 days.
Arlo: They're called
rocket launchers.
How many you want?
Oh, I want
a dozen of 'em.
Boy: Ok.
I knew I could
count on you.
Monica: Marshall?
It's your turn
to feed flipper.
Come on.
Wait a minute.
There's Whitney Houston!
Daddy, please.
Well, I didn't believe it.
It was Whitney Houston.
Hi, mom.
Hi, sweetheart.
I can have
the car today, right?
You may not.
You know, I really would
like to know what the use
of having a license is
if I can't drive.
I need my car today.
Ok? I have my art class,
and then I have
choir rehearsal.
Dad, how about you?
Can I borrow
your car
and you take
the bus to work?
Um, let me get this right.
You take my $24,000
brand-new Saab,
and I take the bus.
Is that your plan?
Yeah. Can I?
Mmm. I have to
mull that over.
I think not.
You know, Natalie Townsend
has her own car.
Then your problem's solved.
You ride to school
with Natalie Townsend.
That's not funny.
You know, you're
treating me like a child.
Well, I wonder why.
Ok. Just wait till
I'm 18, and I'm gone.
You're gonna be
out of my pocket?
I'm going. Mmm.
See you guys!
Boys: Bye.
Bye, sweetie.
Good morning,
Mr. pear.
Good morning, Victor.
Take care
of my baby.
You bet.
I'll help you
with that, ma'am.
Oh, why, thank you.
You hold this
for me.
Excuse me.
You work out?
No. I used to.
Well, you gotta
keep at it.
No pain, no gain.
Oh, really?
I have
a different motto.
No pain...
Sounds good to me.
this is me.
Me, too.
You work here?
Starting today.
Huh. Welcome aboard.
Arlo pear.
Oh, Helen Fredericks.
Listen, why don't
you just leave that
with the receptionist,
and I'll pick it up later.
Ok. I'll do that.
Arlo: I do all
our mass transit stuff,
you know, bus lines,
subway, stuff like that?
It's a battle to the death--
me versus gridlock.
Sounds very exciting.
Oh, it is.
Good morning.
How ya doin'?
Morning, John.
John: Hi.
You're gonna like it here.
Everybody's real nice.
Well, this is where I live.
Feel free
to stop by anytime.
Woman: Poor guy.
He doesn't know yet.
Helen: Oh...
Arlo, Arlo, relax.
Now, this isn't easy
for me, either.
Who's the woman?
Name's Helen.
Helen fredericks.
She, uh, works
with Jansen.
So, the merger
went through.
Yeah, the merger
went through.
We signed the deal
Friday night.
You got a bulb
burnt out here, Roy.
Arlo, listen...
With a merger
like this,
there are
always certain...
Don't bullshit me.
Roy, if you're gonna
let me go, just tell me.
Arlo, I'm sorry.
So, that's it?
After 15 years?
Arlo, listen,
this is, uh--
this is
my home number, huh?
Why don't you call me
if you need a little--
any assistance,
Fuck you, Roy!
After 15 years!
Fuck you!
The wrong finger.
I gave the man
the wrong finger!
it's all right!
No, it's not.
I stood in his face
for 10 minutes
and held up
my index finger.
The wrong finger!
Arlo, sit down.
Listen to me.
Don't torture yourself.
Ok? We'll be fine.
You are a terrific
transportation engineer,
one of the best
in the country.
Now, tomorrow morning,
we'll put a new rsum
and by the end of the week,
you'll have your choice
of jobs. You'll see.
I gave him
the wrong finger!
I said on the porch!
Is this a porch?
Huh? Does it look
like a porch to you?
It looks like
a shrub to me!
Now pay attention!
Green, leafy!
Flat, concrete,
hard, brick!
You got it now,
soldier?! Huh?
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
What are you
starin' at?
Get in
the house, boys.
Come on. Don't make
eye contact.
Is your old man still
lookin' for a job?
Tell him we could use
a good paperboy around here!
This kid ain't cuttin' it!
I'm calling
about the Ginsu knives.
Arlo pear.
He won't remember me.
Sure he will.
He danced with you
3 times that night.
But, Natalie,
he's different.
I mean, look at him.
Will you shut up
and get in there?
Come on, move your feet.
Left, right.
That's it.
It's called walking.
No problem.
You got it.
Hi. Can I help you?
I'm just looking.
Hey, we met
at the party.
Right. At Duane's house.
I'm Kevin.
Oh, yeah, right.
I thought I'd never
find you again.
I wanted to call you,
but I didn't know
your number.
Well, it's
in the book.
I didn't know
your name.
Well, that's
in the book, too.
How about puttin' it
in this book?
Ok. Bye.
- So, what happened?
- Come on.
We're going
out Friday night!
Oh, Casey,
that's great!
I know, and he has
his own apartment.
Oh, that's
even better.
Yes, and he goes
to Fairleigh Dickinson,
and he's majoring
in pharmacy.
Oh, right, right,
I can just see you
living on a farm.
Man, on megaphone:
Arlo pear.
Stand away from that car.
Yeah. You, move it!
Man: Ha ha ha!
I fooled you, didn't I?
And now we go in
for the kill!
You're not going
anywhere, pear.
I got you right
where I want you!
Cut it out, Frank!
It's just you
and me now, sport.
What's your problem,
I'll tell you
what my problem is.
I have a brain tumor.
I'll tell you
what my problem is.
I have a brain tumor!
cut the shit, Frank!
Honey, telephone.
Mayday, mayday.
We've been hit. We're going in.
Mayday, mayday.
Honey, I'm going.
See ya later.
Who is it?
Yes, this is Arlo pear.
What do you want?
Yes, I'd be interested.
Well, that was
very nice of him.
Yes, I know where that is.
Yes, an hour? I could
be there in an hour.
I'll see you then.
Thank you very much.
Whoo! Ho ho ho!
Whoo h-oww!
Yoww! Hey! Ohh!
Good luck.
Thank you, Judy.
Arlo pear.
Yes, sir.
Hi. Simon Eberhard.
Gee, I'm glad
you could make it.
I've wanted
to meet you for years.
Have a seat.
Can I get you
anything? Coffee?
No, Mr. eberhard.
Thank you very much.
Please, call me Simon.
We're gonna be working
together every day.
Excuse me.
Would you find Gary?
Tell him Arlo pear's here.
That's Gary Marcus,
chairman of the board.
Canceled a flight today
so he could meet you.
Now, let's see,
you're the man who does--
where is he?
Hi. Gary Marcus.
Heard nothing but
great things about you.
Welcome to G.T.I.
Have you been
filling in our friend?
Well, yeah,
I was just about to.
Um, here, Arlo.
Take a look at this.
We call it
the phase one shuttle.
It's a fully automated
monorail commuter train,
the fastest, most advanced
train in the world.
180 Miles an hour.
Who's gonna drive
this thing, my wife?
we want you to head
our research and
development division.
You'll have
complete autonomy.
You can set your own staff,
set your own schedule,
whatever you want.
Let's be
perfectly Frank, Arlo.
I'm sure there
are a number
of other offers
that you're considering.
Arlo, we know what you
were getting at Metro,
and this job pays
20,000 more.
We'll treat you
like a king.
Full staff,
Stock options,
profit sharing.
Expense accounts,
state-of-the-art equipment.
Arlo, whatever you want,
you got it.
I personally
guarantee it.
How's that sound?
Terrific. Well,
I guess the first thing
on the agenda
is we gotta
get him out there
as soon as possible.
Out there?
Didn't someone
talk about this?
Well, no, I...
Well, it was probably
just an oversight.
Arlo, the job
is in Boise.
That's where
we're headquartered.
That's where the prototype
for the shuttle is.
Simon: Oh, we'll do
everything that we can.
Your wife
is gonna love it.
We'll fly both of you
out there next week,
help you find a home, huh?
Arlo, I lived
in Idaho all my life.
It's beautiful country.
Great fishing.
Do you like
the outdoors?
Is it outdoors?
This is a big decision.
Maybe you wanna go home
and talk it over
with the wife and family.
Monica: Come on, case.
I already bought you
a ticket.
No, mom, I'm sorry.
I can't come hear you sing.
I've made other plans.
Marshall: Other plans
with Kevin?
We saw what you and Kevin
were doing last night.
Casey: Shut up.
Shut up!
Dad, will you please
tell them to shut up?
Well, why don't you
invite Kevin?
Oh, right, mom.
That's a fun date,
to bring my boyfriend
to hear my mother sing soprano?
I don't think so.
These potatoes
are delicious.
Thank you, sweetie.
Um, do you have enough?
You know...
Kevin just might
enjoy it.
No, mom.
Are these Idaho potatoes?
I don't know, Arlo.
I bet they are. I bet
these are Idaho potatoes.
I know.
Why don't you tape it,
and I'll listen to it later.
It's the country's
leading producer
of silver, you know.
Monica: What is?
I'm sorry. I thought we
were talking about Idaho.
Dad, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
But I read an article
this afternoon,
about Idaho,
our 43rd state,
the gem state.
Which, by the way, is where
Whitney Houston was born.
No, she wasn't.
She was born right here,
in New Jersey.
Well, she sang so good,
you'd think she was
born in Idaho.
What's going on here?
You got a job!
With who, the Idaho
tourist bureau?
No. I'd be honored
if it were, but, ahem...
It's this company
called G.T.I. Transit.
It's a new opportunity,
a big raise.
Well, there's more.
What is it?
Well, I didn't
tell them yes.
Well, what is it?
I didn't tell them yes.
Well, what?
in Boise, Idaho.
Boise--did you say
Boise, Idaho?
No way!
Arlo, come on, now.
That's not fair!
You promised me!
No way. There's no way.
No way I'm moving.
The phone hasn't been
ringing off the hook,
ladies and gentlemen.
You can commute.
To Idaho?
Baby, it's 2,000 Miles.
It's not fair.
This is my last year
of school.
I have Kevin here
and all my friends.
I know, baby,
but it's not that easy.
Well, there's no way
I'm moving.
No fucking way!
Wait a minute!
That's a quarter in
the swear jar, young lady.
25 cents in the swear jar?
Here's $1.00, dad.
Because there's no goddamn way
I'm goddamn movin'
to any son-of-a-bitch,
goddamn, shitty-ho!
Leave the room.
Arlo: Well, you guys,
don't you want dessert?
Both: Oh, yeah!
Wait a minute. I helped
you guys last week.
I love this house.
Arlo: So do I.
I love this town.
I love our friends.
I don't wanna move.
I don't wanna move,
either, baby,
but things change.
You could always work
for my father.
I'm sure that offer's
still good.
Making mustard.
But you wouldn't be
making mustard.
You'd be
supervising people.
Who are making mustard.
I am a transportation
That's what I do.
That's what I do.
This job offer out there...
It's a good job, huh?
Once in a lifetime.
I can't believe
I'm moving again.
No, not this time.
I'm gonna take care
of everything.
If they kiss,
we're dead.
You swear?
That's it.
We're moving.
Arlo: All right, ladies
and gentlemen, listen up.
We're gonna take
it from the top,
and this time, I want
some feeling in it, ok?
Operation Idaho.
5 weeks to go,
and what's the plan?
All: We sell the house
for as much as we can.
And what do we do
with 4 weeks to go?
Buy a new house in Idaho.
3 weeks to go,
what do you say?
Clean up the attic
and throw stuff away.
2 weeks to go,
and the big yard sale...
Arrange with the mailman
to forward the mail!
One week to go,
and what's the job?
Hire somebody
to drive the Saab!
Moving day, and we're
out of Jersey!
We're gonna start a new life
in a town called Boise!
Great! That was excellent!
Hey, case. Fries
or onion rings?
Have you told him yet?
Why not?
Because I'm not moving.
What do you mean?
I mean I'm not moving.
Even if I have to
kill someone.
Where did you
get him, coach?
It ain't over
till it's over.
Come on, Freddy, go!
One more lap!
Come on,
let's go, Randy!
One more lap, baby!
You can do it!
You've done it before!
Let's go!
I can't believe
you're leaving me!
Woman: As you can see,
the entire house
is very sunny.
It's wonderful
for plants.
Philip, wouldn't
our brown couch
look good in here?
Uh-huh, and, honey,
look at the paneling.
And here are the 2
downstairs bedrooms.
Sounds like
they like it.
If they make an offer,
let me do the talking.
Don't even nod your head.
I'll handle everything.
Aah! Oh, my God! Aah!
Oh, my God!
What the hell?
Where's Casey?
Ohh, stop...
Stop what?
Stop me.
What's this?
Oh, I was just doing
some work around the house.
Monica: You'll love
the kitchen.
It has all the
top-of-the-line appliances.
Oh, this is our stove.
It has the grill and a fan
with a downdraft.
It's great.
And over here, this operates
the garbage disposal.
Arlo: What--
Here they are!
Is that
a working fireplace?
Yes, it is.
We use it all winter.
Very nice, very nice.
This would
be perfect for us.
Well, I'm glad
you like it.
Why don't you
come outside here?
I'll show you
the barbecue--
um, uh, where
does this go?
Oh, it's
just a basement.
You've seen one,
you've seen 'em all.
Well, could we
have a look at it?
Look at that? Jesus!
It's just a--just
a storage area now,
you know,
washing machine, dryer.
Well, we'd still
like to see it.
Oh, but, no!
You see,
it's a mess.
It's--damn watch!
Is there a problem
with the basement?
No, there's
no problem
with the basement,
except to be honest
with you, uh,
the door is stuck.
It's been stuck
for 6 months.
I've tried
to open it.
You can't open it.
Well, let--
but you can't.
Well, I'll just
give it a try.
I know you'll
give it a try--
here, I'll just--
well, I'll just--
Well, uh,
we should've had you
here 6 months ago.
At least.
we're going.
Yeah, let's
have a look.
Well, this is
the garage door.
And the basement
is really dry...
Oh, my God.
Who's that?
Oh, that's
our daughter Casey.
Hi, honey.
These are the Seegers.
We'll be taking the washer
and dryer with us.
What are you doing
to this child?!
She's a student.
a class project.
Class project?
Yeah. She's studying
sensory deprivation.
She's doing
a damn good job.
She's gonna get
an "a."
Aren't you, dear?
We'll be
out of your way
in just a minute,
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Come on this way.
This here
is the storage room.
Well, Mr. pear,
now, uh...
About your asking price.
Yes, um,
how firm is it?
Well, we have had
other interest.
Heh heh. But we'd be
willing to consider
say, within 5%.
My God.
Uh, of course,
that is negotiable.
Frank, what in the hell
are you doing here?
Hey, neighbor.
I saw the car
parked out front.
Somebody looking
at the house?
Yes, they are. Uh...
Can you come back
in 10 minutes, please?
Just thought
I'd say hi.
That's the kind
of guy I am.
They're showing
a snuff film
on cable, Frank.
Why don't you
check it out?
Frank, don't go
in the house.
Frank. Frank.
Mrs. pear.
Hi. I-I'm Frank Crawford.
Hi. I live right next-door.
Larry Seeger.
This is my wife Cleo.
Oh, what
a beautiful name.
You know, one of
the, uh, women
that I work with
at the teen center
is named Cleo.
Get him out of here!
Cleo: Really?
Frank: Mm-hmm.
Frank has to
be going now.
Do you play golf,
Larry: Well, I try.
Well, you know,
there's a new course
that just opened up
down the road.
And maybe you and me,
we could break it in
together sometime.
It's a deal.
Oh, I almost forgot.
a little welcome
to the neighborhood
Aren't you sweet.
It's a bundt cake.
It's, uh...
My mother's recipe.
Cleo: Thank you.
Larry: Say, Arlo,
how much did you pay
this guy to come over?
Ha ha ha.
Oh, I couldn't
pay him enough,
could I, Frank?
Money? No, thanks.
Uh, listen, Frank,
could I talk to you?
Certainly, neighbor.
I'm at your disposal.
So, if you'll
excuse us.
Very nice meeting you--
oh, heh--
meeting you both.
And, um...
Real pleasure.
You go ahead.
Nice to meet you.
Nice meeting you, too.
I'm gonna do
a little refurbishing
on the house, so, uh,
I hope it won't
disturb you.
Oh, come on.
Don't forget
it's a date.
Oh, yeah, we--
right there.
Mrs. pear.
Frank! Come here!
Jesus Christ!
What are you doing?!
I'd say I'm selling
your house.
Because you people
bore me.
I want you out!
I crave new blood.
Ain't you gonna
peel that?
I know what's in it.
that's disgusting.
- Mr. pear.
- Hi.
Arlo, we've
talked it over,
and we'd like to
make you an offer.
Oh, that's great.
Mom, we're coming back
as soon as we find a house.
We're not gonna
go stay this time.
Randy: May we have
our own bedroom?
Can we buy this one?
We're gonna do
the best we can
to get you
your own room,
but I need the book.
We gotta go.
Come on, guys. Unh.
Oh! Pull!
There you go.
Hey, take care
of your sister, ok?
She's not
feeling well.
I'll see you guys.
Ok, bye.
Oh, mother,
thank you.
We really
appreciate this.
Come on, dear.
We gotta get going.
We're gonna be late.
See you, dad.
Take care, ok?
I don't even know
where Idaho is.
Monica: Sounds perfect.
It's "4 bedrooms,
sunken living room,
with fireplace,
needs some work."
And this, naturally,
is the living room.
Probably your dream house,
isn't it, dear?
Of course,
you'd probably
decorate it
Oh, yes. We'd get
bigger penises.
Oh, Arlo, this is great.
And they have 4 bedrooms.
Can you believe it?
You know how much
this place would cost
back in Jersey?
Oh, God.
Look at these windows.
My plants
are gonna love it here.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
We're taking
all the windows with us.
Oh, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I'm a joker.
I'm a nut.
Come on in the kitchen.
I'll show you the kitchen.
Yeah, I built
these cabinets myself.
They're beautiful.
And tiles. Look.
And 2 sinks.
Yeah, unfortunately,
we're takin' 'em with us.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Oh, he's irrepressible.
I like your jokes,
but the listing
said something
about a new
heating system?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's right.
New furnace. Gas.
Forced hot air.
Very efficient.
Come on out
in the backyard.
Do you like
these doors?
I love 'em.
We're taking
all the doors with us.
His material sucks,
but I like his delivery.
I don't care, Arlo.
I want this house.
Arlo: It's beautiful!
You know, I have lived
in 14 different houses
and I've never had
my own pool.
And I've
always wanted one
ever since
I was a little girl.
Well, sister, I've got
some bad news for you.
We're taking it with us!
I really like
to joke, Roger,
but I'd like to talk to you
about financing this house.
Terrific, terrific.
Why don't we leave
the little ladies here,
you and I will go inside
and talk about it.
God, this is great,
Alice, great.
Thank you.
Well, we love it.
So you found
your dream house,
and right now
you're asking
first Boise
savings and loan
to give you a mortgage.
As you can see,
I've had the same job
for 15 years.
Well, that's very nice,
but it's not enough.
I mean, Al Capone
had the same job
for 30 years.
But we've never had
any problem with credit.
Oh, don't get me wrong.
I trust you.
We trust all our customers.
Why, this bank
was built on trust.
Here. Sign here.
You gotta get closer.
This pen is chained down.
Woman: Mr. Hanks,
Mr. Wilson wants to
see you right away,
and he wants you to
bring all your records
for the last 5 years.
I'll be there
as soon as I can.
Whoo, I see you got twins.
Hey, I'm one of twins.
I'll tell you, though,
my twin brother,
he's not too smart.
I mean, last year,
he forgot my birthday.
Mr. Wilson is waiting!
Is something wrong?
Oh, no, everything is ok.
Your application is fine.
But right now
I can't give you any money.
When can you
give us the money?
Mr. pear, are you
a gambling man?
No, I'm not.
Well, you are now.
Look, I'm gonna level
with you people.
I just spent
a big chunk
of the bank's money
on Hannah blue
in the seventh
at hallmark downs.
That's embezzlement.
That's right,
and that's exactly
what I've been doing here
for 22 years.
But I'll tell you,
this horse can't lose.
You'll get your money
for the house.
I did my homework.
This horse has never lost
on a wet track.
I can't remember
when I've ever seen
a track this dry.
And they're off!
Lady Paris
gets the early lead,
with Hannah blue second
along the inside...
Hannah blue, baby, come on.
Come on, Hannah blue.
Move it, move it, move it.
Pass 'em, pass 'em.
Go ahead,
Hannah blue, baby, go.
Hannah blue, come on, baby.
Oh, God, please, Hannah blue.
I'll do anything.
I'll go back to my wife.
You heard him, God!
Hannah blue!
He said he'd be true
to his wife!
Take it easy, will you?
I said I'll go back
to my wife.
This application's approved!
Mr. pear?
How's it hangin'?
How's what hangin'?
Your dick.
Huh? Oh, uh,
it's hangin' to the left.
I'm Edwards,
and this is Perry.
We're here
to give you an estimate
for the Cortez brothers
moving and storage company.
You got anything I can
write with around here?
By the phone.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Well, yeah, well,
like I was saying, well,
we generally start
upstairs, you know?
Upstairs. Ok. Um...
Ok, we got here
the bedroom, huh?
Master bedroom, bed,
2 tables--
antique tables?
Uh, yeah.
an antique clock, too.
Probably worth
a lot of money, huh?
Yeah, I suppose so.
A chest of drawers,
antique lamp.
Hey, this is
a nice suit.
Give me my suit.
This doesn't
even fit you.
Give me my suit!
And we got here the, uh,
wardrobe closet, huh?
This your wife's underwear?
Put that down!
This is going,
too, right?
Back up!
Give me this!
I don't care
what you say.
I want you
out of here right now.
I've seen enough
of this shit, ok?
Let's go!
We got a deal for you.
We come here
to make a deal with you,
and we're gonna
make this deal.
Now, we figured
25 cartons.
We'll make
the whole move for you
from door-to-door,
That's loading everything
on the truck
and taking it off
for $1,930.
We have your estimate,
and I thank you
gentlemen for coming by.
And I'll
show you out now.
This is the door.
You remember the door.
It works both ways.
You'll be going out.
What are you doing
in my purse?!
He was in my purse!
She's lying.
She's crazy.
I don't know what's
the matter with your wife.
She's lying.
What?! Well,
get out of the house!
That's it!
Edwards: Hey, brother,
why don't you chill out?
You know how
this thing goes.
We help you out,
and you help us out.
Here. There's out.
I helped you.
Now get out of my house.
Hey, man, I'll smack you
in the mouth.
What? You--
and stay out!
The shark
son of a bitch.
Woman: Uh, Mr. pear?
Oh, hello.
I'm Carol Davenport.
I'm with the hummingbird
moving company.
I believe I spoke
with you on the phone.
Oh, yeah, uh,
come in, please.
Oh, good.
this is Mrs. Davenport.
She's from
hummingbird movers.
It's a completely
different company.
She's a professional.
Carol: It comes to $2,430.
Now, this figure includes
all transportation,
mileage, tolls,
and insurance.
We've just a small fee
for packing and unpacking.
Um, for that fee,
will you reassemble all the beds
once we get to Idaho?
We will do everything.
You two have enough
to worry about, am I right?
Thank you.
Enjoy 'em.
How much
for everything?
Wrap it all up.
Will that cash
or charge, sir?
Come on, Arlo.
Give me the tour.
Ok, come on, Arnie.
Well, you can see
we never
throw anything out.
You look around here,
you can tell this is
the sale of the century.
Well, at least
the sale of the decade.
285, 286...
Monica: Believe me, ma'am.
They're all there.
It says 1,000 pieces.
Well, I'm sure
they're all there.
287, 288...
Uh, how much for this?
This? Oh, this?
I'll pay you
to take this.
Excuse me.
Does your dog bite?
Madam, that dog hasn't
farted since march of '78.
Here's some comic books,
mostly D.C.,
and here's
some video games.
And here's some pictures
of my sister...Naked.
I'll give you 140 for it.
I'll give you 150.
Sorry. That's
too steep for me.
I changed my mind.
There you go, kid,
a nice, short fuse for you.
All right, boys,
more bang for the buck.
Here we go.
Randy, Marshall,
put those m-80s down.
Get back
to your own yard, ok?
Wipe your feet.
Having a mustard sale,
I hear you folks
are moving out west.
I got a brother
lives out that way.
I never visit him,
God-awful country.
I'm sorry to hear that,
We're gonna miss you.
The wife and I,
maybe we could send you
a plane ticket.
You could come out and
visit us at Christmas.
Could, but I won't.
Well, I'd be happy
to drive your car
to Idaho for you,
Mr. pear.
In fact,
when I saw your ad
up on the bulletin board
at school,
I couldn't believe it.
My family lives
right outside of Boise.
I'd be going that way
Have you ever driven
a turbo Saab?
Oh, yes, sir.
In fact, coincidentally,
my Uncle owns
a Saab dealership
in Illinois.
I used to work there
in the summertime.
Well, what did you do
for this Uncle of yours
in the summertime?
Did you sell them?
Oh, no, sir,
I repaired them.
I have some references
if you'd like to see them.
Ref--you know, I don't
need to see this.
Why don't you come on
in the house?
We'll talk about the trip.
Hey, I'll fix you
a beer.
Oh, I don't drink, sir.
Some lemonade
would be fine,
if it's not
too much trouble.
Uhh! Ooh!
Ok, well, if you do
hear from him,
tell him to call me.
Ok. I know. Bye.
Mrs. Arlo pear?
I'm with
hummingbird movers.
I'm the packer.
Uh, you know,
you don't have to wrap
each one of those
Oh, it's no problem.
If daddy doesn't come home,
do we still have to move?
Why did you say that?
Casey, have you done
something to your father?
Come on, baby, tell me.
Honey, I'm not gonna be
angry with you.
I'm not gonna put you
on punishment.
I just want to know
the truth.
Have you done something
to your father?
You're serious.
I'm not gonna stand here
and listen to this.
Why don't you ask
the man on the roof?
What man?
The man on your roof
that's screamin'
and wavin' his hands.
Maybe he's
seen your husband.
That's one.
I'm just taking
a educated guess,
but you're being paid
by the hour, are you?
You got it.
Hi, Arlo.
This is crystal.
Hi, crystal.
I hate to shock you,
but Casey's getting married.
We're at the Sullivan
wedding chapel.
Yes, Arlo!
Are you serious?!
I'm afraid so.
Listen, I appreciate
you calling.
We'll be right there!
Ok. Please hurry.
Monica! Our daughter's
getting married.
You want to come?
Crystal: Now,
hold still, dear.
Arlo: Casey,
what is going on?
I'm getting married,
as soon as the justice
of the peace gets here.
You can stay
if you want.
Honey, now listen
to me, ok, case?
Now, I know that if
Kevin really loves you,
he'll wait until
you're old enough--
mom, I'm not marrying Kevin.
I asked him,
but he said no.
I'm marrying him.
His name is Rudy something,
and I love him very much.
Your daughter's
about to become
a very wealthy
young woman.
Arnie: Casey called
us and asked us
to act as witnesses.
She said you knew
about it.
I didn't think
it was right,
so I thought
I should call.
I don't think
I have to tell you
how very special
Casey is.
Casey, where'd
you find this man?
Is there a asshole
convention in town?
No. I met him at the mall
this afternoon.
But I feel like I've
known her all my life.
I'll supervise
her career myself,
see that she's
Monica: Casey, honey,
you can't be serious.
Oh, yeah?
Sure, we'll have
our problems,
like most young couples.
You're gonna have
a problem walking straight
if you don't take your hands
off my daughter.
Dad, you wouldn't
listen to me.
I cannot leave now.
It's my last year
of school.
Casey, we didn't know
how serious you were.
Excuse me, Monica,
we have an extra room
in the house.
We were planning
on renting it out.
It's not very big.
That's all right.
Crystal: We already
think of you as family.
just till I graduate?
We're going.
Arlo: Here. Marry these!
Monica: Second thoughts?
I couldn't sleep, either.
I was just thinking,
wondering if the kids
will remember this house.
I think so.
A lot of happy memories.
Do you remember Marshall
took his first steps
right over there?
And Randy didn't walk
until 6 months later.
Now look which one's
the track star.
Oh, Arlo, I hope we're
doing the right thing.
It doesn't really matter
where we live
as long as we're together.
We hired
the right movers.
Don't worry, honey.
Everything's gonna be ok.
Mrs. pear?
Yes, Mr. pear?
Would you have
one last dance with me
in New Jersey?
Arlo: No!
Hey, Mr. p,
sorry we're late.
Late?! You're not
supposed to be here!
Hide your underwear,
I know, I know.
You're expecting
another mover, huh?
Hummingbird movers?
We work for them now,
as of yesterday.
It's fate.
Fuckin' kismet.
Fuckin' kismet? Fate?
I don't give a damn
about that.
I don't want
you gentlemen
in my house,
touching anything that
belongs to my family,
damn it!
Gorgo, this man don't
want to pay us for the day.
I don't want you
in my--
Hey. Hey, you--
Gorgo! You're gorgo?
You're gorgo--you can move
anything you like.
I was just kidding
with the--
move my car if you'd like.
Just pick it up
and put it on the lawn, ok?
They're here!
Hey! What are you doing,
dragging that around?
I have a key inside
that you can unlock
that with, ok?
That won't be
necessary, Mr. pear.
What are you doing?!
Hey, hey, nothin'
like a nice, cold drink.
Honey, I found
this container
for our sandwiches
and things,
and I'll put it in--
you guys
enjoying yourself?
this is great.
I love it.
So where you folks
movin' to?
Boise, Idaho.
Sure you don't want
to move to new Orleans?
I beg pardon?
New Orleans.
You know,
new Orleans, Louisiana?
It's mardi gras time.
Maybe you'd rather
move there.
We bought a home
in Boise, Idaho,
and we're moving
to Boise, Idaho.
Suit yourself.
Heh heh heh heh!
Oh, shoot.
Hey, man, the leg
just jumped off.
Bullshit! This leg
didn't jump off.
This is--oh, my God!
My grandfather made
this table
with his own hands!
It's irreplaceable!
I'm sorry I'm late, sir.
You're not late.
Mr. pear,
I'm 30 seconds late.
Here's the key.
I want you to park it
sideways when you park it,
'cause I don't want
any scratches on her.
Yes, sir.
I understand.
Don't worry
about a thing, sir.
I'm not worried.
Take good care
of my baby, now.
Yes, sir, I will.
55, stay alive.
Well, take care.
Good-bye, Mr. pear.
Hi, Frank.
I know this may be
an oversight on your part,
But a couple of years ago,
you borrowed
my weed whacker, remember?
Well, we're moving,
as you can see,
and, uh, I'd like to get
that weed whacker back
and take it with us,
so can I have it?
It's our weed whacker,
I mean,
the whole family
went down to sears
We went to sears.
And, uh, it was on sale
for $18.
The whole family likes it,
so I come over to ask you
to give it back to me.
Frank, I knew you was gonna
do something like this.
I loaned you
the weed whacker 2 years ago
to cut your grass.
You haven't cut shit
with the weed whacker.
What did you
do with it?
Keep the weed whacker,
Frank. Ok?
That's the kind of guy
I am! Ok?
You love
the weed whacker?
Be happy
with the weed whacker,
'cause you have
no friends, Frank.
Nobody wants
to talk to you.
Edwards: Frank!
I don't believe it!
Perry: Hey, Frank!
Frank Crawford!
How the hell are you?
Edwards! Perry!
Well, choke my chicken!
When did you guys
get out?!
A few months ago, man!
Hey, man,
is this your base?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Man, this is great!
I love it!
Come on in
and have a brew.
We're gonna take
a break.
Frank: Come on in!
Whoa! Yeah, man!
I'm gonna miss you,
Crystal, I want you
to take this, ok?
I won't hear of it.
Now come on.
Give me a hug.
Arlo, we're really
gonna miss you.
Gonna miss you, too,
Want you to take care
of my little girl, now.
We will.
You know, you're
a handful, little girl.
I know, but you love me.
Yes, I do.
Randy, Marshall,
check the dog.
She's alive, dad.
Then we're taking her
with us.
Monica: Bye.
Bye, sweetie.
You be good.
Take it easy, case!
Casey: Be good.
We won't.
We'll miss you!
Everybody say good-bye
to Frank.
Good-bye, Frank
good-bye, Frank!
Marshall and Randy:
Good-bye, Frank!
Arlo: Bye, Frank!
Swing on this,
Boom! Boom! Boom!
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Dad, I have to use
the rest room.
And I'm hungry.
There's a restaurant
over there.
You like that? Good.
Uh, that corner table, ok?
And your mouth is shut.
Your mother and I
will order food.
May I help you?
Uh, yes,
2 cheeseburgers,
order of fires,
and 2 milks,
and one
plain burger.
Dad, it's this famous guy
driving our car.
That's right.
No, the Saab.
Monica: "The amazing 8
personalities of Brad Williams.
"A case study in mpd:
"Multiple personality disorder.
schizophrenic tendencies
"manifested themselves
at an unusually early age.
"He reportedly graduated
from 3 different
grade schools simultaneously."
oh, they never
put a vanity mirror
where a girl can use one.
Damn nostril hair.
Giddy-up, Mr. car.
Hey, stud,
you wanna ride me?
Do you like my car?
It's got
a real big engine.
Do you?
Have it your way,
Mr. perfect.
I hope
she's a good driver.
You're listening to Boise's
number one
rock 'n' roll station: J-105.
I'm Carl--
Well, it's almost 3:30,
and the movers
should be there by now.
Boys, we're almost there.
Arlo: I got the key,
and I want everybody--
close your eyes!
Come on, kids.
Close your eyes.
This is gonna be--
you, too!
This is
gonna be a surprise.
All right,
close your eyes!
can we open
our eyes now?
Where are the doors?
Oh! Ooh!
The kitc--
the kitchen!
Where's the kitchen?
They took
the goddamn kitchen!
There's no kitchen!
Hey, how's it hangin', man?
Arlo: How's it hangin'?
Where are you guys?
You're supposed
to be here now!
Uh, well, we got lost.
I think I took
a wrong turn somewhere.
Uh, do you think,
by chance,
you may have
made a wrong turn
to new Orleans?!
we're in new Orleans,
and, uh,
it's mardi gras time.
Mardi gras time, huh?
Listen, asshole,
I want my furniture here
in Boise, Idaho,
and I want it now!
Hey, all right, all right,
we're on our way, pal.
Randy: I thought
you said we had a pool!
Cadell, when I bought
this house from you
it had doors...
and a swimming pool!
Now where's the shit now?
Now, hold on, pear.
I distinctly told you
I was taking the pool
and the doors with us.
You said you were joking.
You were
just kidding about that.
No, sir. No, sir.
I recorded
the entire conversation.
I got
the transcript right here.
I said just kidding
about the windows
and the kitchen sink,
so I never actually said
just kidding
about the doors and the pool.
Now, listen, cadell!
You're a bullshitter, ok?!
Now, if you don't have
workmen here in 2 days
putting my stuff
back in order,
I'm gonna
kick your ass!
Man on TV: Well,
Mr. Maverick's in.
How 'bout you,
Mr. Maverick?
Gentleman friend
still not home?
No, and I don't
understand it.
He told me to call him.
I'm sure
he'll be back soon.
come here and watch
Maverick with us.
Sit here.
Maverick: I'll see it
and raise you $200.
Man on TV:
That ain't money.
Oh, it's the same thing.
Here's my draft
for $10,000.
Still ain't money.
We're not playin'
table stakes.
Ya see,
that's James garner.
He plays
Bret Maverick.
And that's
his brother Bart Maverick.
They're gamblers
on the Mississippi.
I don't know
who he is.
I think
he's a desperado.
Arlo: Honey?
Monica: Hmm?
You awake?
The boys register
for school today.
By noon today,
the movers should be
here with our stuff.
I'm gonna get
the furnace fixed.
And by tonight,
everything should
be back to normal.
God, no.
Your name wouldn't
be Crawford, would it?
Yeah, that's right.
Cornell Crawford.
What's it to ya?
Do you have a brother?
Well, choke my chicken.
Your name's pear, right?
You lived right
next-door to Frank.
Am I right?
It's a small world,
isn't it?
Too small.
Yeah, Frank says
you're a real asshole,
and if you fuck with me,
I'll kill ya.
Ya understand?
Oh, yeah, I--
Uh, Randy
and Marshall pear?
Oh, I thought
there'd be 2 of you.
2 of me?
Yes, don't you have
a brother named Marshall?
No, ma'am.
Marshall's my middle name.
Oh, I see.
You know,
these computers
are gonna
be the death of us all.
Yes, ma'am.
They made the same mistake
at my other school.
Well, Randy Marshall,
I guess you'll only
be needing one of these,
and your
locker number's 54,
and that's straight
down this hall
and to your right.
Marshall, is that you?
How'd it go?
I pulled it off.
Ahh, great.
Do you think
they'll catch on?
No one has yet.
I never thought
I'd say this, but...
I'm getting tired
of cheeseburgers
and fries.
Is it the movers?
Arlo: The movers! Hooray!
It's the movers.
Sons of bitches!
Wait! Don't--no!
Please, back up.
Mr. and Mrs. pear.
We're from the welcome
wagon committee.
I'm Zelda Messina.
Woman: Hi!
Elizabeth Griffin.
Welcome to Boise.
Oh, these
are some brochures.
It's a free gift
from our
local merchants,
Mrs. pear.
Now, we can only come in
for just a minute.
Oh, uh, well,
we're not really fixed up yet.
Oh, I'm sure
it's just lovely.
Oh, no,
well, see--
could you move the car?
Ladies? Uh, um--
ah, I'll go around.
Brad: Oh, man, that is--
that is a great car, man.
Fuck, it handles
great, man.
Left, right.
It's great.
Brakes stop
on a fuckin' dime.
Jesus Christ,
you got power
in this thing, man.
The thing'll
take a hairpin turn
at 120,
no fuckin' problem.
You floor it,
it just says gimme more.
The car says
gimme more, man.
Keys, dude?
A cop tried
to pull me over.
I said
eat this, man.
I put it in fifth.
Forget about it.
The only thing was
I couldn't
get it in reverse,
but then
I was pissed,
and then
I said fuck,
I don't
need reverse.
What do I need
reverse for?
I don't wanna go
back in life, man.
I wanna go forward.
So the cop tries
to pull me over,
I say fuck it.
Ha ha.
Where...Is my car?
Oh, I was supposed
to deliver this car
to, uh,
To a guy named Arlo.
Is that you?
Is your name Arlo, man?
That's a fuckin'
funny name. Arlo. Ha ha.
Oh, man, you must laugh
all the time, huh?
You come here
through a war zone?
Soda Springs, man.
Back off, dude.
I'm just delivering
this car as a favor
for a friend
of mine, man.
Brad Williams.
Do you know him?
He's really
fuckin' straight.
I mean,
he's about my height.
Could I...
Speak to Brad...Please?
No, man,
you can't talk to Brad.
I can't talk to Brad.
No one knows
who Brad is, man.
I love him.
He's beautiful!
I can't
get close to him.
Shit, man,
Nixon knew, man.
I don't even know
my political affil--
Happened to my car?
Brad probably loaned
the car to the pope.
Don't let--
don't let
the hat fool ya, man.
The pope's
a crazy fucker.
He probably
blessed the car,
got wasted,
and just drove it
off a fuckin' cliff.
Monica: Uh,
come back next week...
Who are the chicks?
Well, we hardly ever
get into this neighborhood.
Hardly ever. Really.
Afternoon, ladies!
I'm gonna kill you.
Do you hear me?
So you got about
an hour to get outta town
before I find a gun
and I load it
with 8 bullets
and I kill all crazy 8
of you son of a bitches.
Now, please go.
I don't wanna go to jail.
You're squishin'
Teddy, man.
I'm gonna kill him, too.
How was the move?
Good morning,
Mr. pear.
Good morning.
It is a pleasure
to meet you.
Bob Delaney,
Arlo pear.
Come on. I want ya
to meet Ted.
Ted, this is Arlo pear,
the genius from New Jersey.
Hey, at last.
Thank you.
I want to show you
some drawings
as soon
as you're settled.
Come on, Arlo.
Let me show you
your office.
Isn't this
place great?
so nice here.
Oh, Arlo, this
is Nina Franklin.
She'll be your
Hi. Welcome
to G.T.I.
Would you
like some coffee?
Oh, no. I have an
organizational meeting,
and it may
keep me awake.
Come on, Arlo.
Here we are,
home sweet home.
Do you like?
I love it.
Ha ha.
Well, I'm sure
you wanna
get settled in,
so I'm gonna run,
but if you
need anything,
anything at all,
hesitate to ask.
As far as
I'm concerned,
the king of Idaho!
Thank you very much.
Oh, they bought it.
I got the job.
I'm the king of Idaho.
Shh shh. Yeah.
Sharpen pencil.
Why not?
A little drum roll.
Back beat, please.
Woman: Come on,
let's set up over here.
Reporter: Sir,
would you care to comment
on the decision to scrap
the phase one shuttle project?
You better talk
to Mr. Barnett.
Mr. Barnett,
would you care to comment
on the decision to scrap
the phase one shuttle project?
About what?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Ask Mr. pear.
Reporter: Thank you.
Reporter: Mr. pear,
how do you explain
the $15-million cost overrun
on the phase one shuttle?
$15 million?
Where did
the $15 million go,
Mr. pear?
I don't know.
What do you think
of the decision
to scrap
the whole project?
Scrap the whole project?
Have you thought about
legal representation?
Now that your job
has been eliminated, sir,
what are
your personal plans?
I just
sharpened my pencil.
Newscaster on TV:
We'll have more on this story
on the 6:00 news. Chuck?
In another top story,
the G.T.I. Scandal
continues to unfold.
The shutdown
came as a shock
to local
area residents,
hundreds of whom
work for G.T.I.
And whose jobs
are in question.
Hey, they're
talkin' about me!
Chuck: The project
coordinator offered
very little new information.
Reporter: Now that your job
has been eliminated, sir,
what are
your personal plans?
I just sharpened
my pencil!
Here, found
some more for you.
...whose latest book
is entitled go for it.
Dr. Ames, exactly
what do you mean by...
Go for it?
Well, Chuck, the book
is about change.
I think it's about time
that people realize
a little bit of change
is a good thing.
Dr. ames:
For example, Chuck,
moving to a new town,
starting a new job,
well, for most people,
this is a high-stress
well, I think
we should embrace it.
I think it's
the spice of life.
After all,
what's the worst thing
that could happen?
Ha ha.
Dr. ames: Don't be afraid
to shake things up.
I gotta meet that lady.
I gotta ask that lady,
where's my furniture?
Lady, where's my door?
What is it
with you, fella?
You think life
is one big joke?
No, no, no,
life is not
a big joke.
It's a series
of 8,000 or 9,000
little jokes,
you know,
all lined up in a row.
There they are,
and they slap you down.
Slap. Slap. Slap.
And the only way
you can survive that
is keep your head down!
Make the mustard!
Huh? Stay in New Jersey,
and you make
the goddamn mustard!
After you're happy
where ya are,
don't move!
Stay where ya are!
Keep your head down,
and don't move,
and you won't get hurt!
Hank, what'd
you do that for?
I thought he was
holdin' the place up.
Bartender: Nah, the guy
was just spouting off.
Help him up.
I'm awful sorry.
That's ok.
High point of my day.
Come on! Come on,
put some movement in it!
Listen, you wanna
get your little old ass--
excuse me...
People to kill.
Yo, man.
There's some crazy mother
in a Saab following us.
Who is it, man?
I want my furniture!
Oh, shit.
It's Arlo pear.
Oh, man.
Forget about him.
Hey, man! Watch the road!
Look out!
Ha ha ha!
Arlo, I think you're taking this
much too seriously.
It's just business.
Get your ass
in the car, Marcus.
Tell them I'll be
about 10 minutes late.
Yes, Mr. Marcus.
Buckle your seat belt.
we can do it.
We can make up
the money.
Look, I know
you're disappointed, Arlo,
but I--I just
don't think that--
excuse me!
It's just a question
of accelerating
the schedule.
All we need is 3 teams
working on the train itself.
Yes. Arlo!
Arlo, I like
what you're saying,
but who would
coordinate it all?
You're looking at him.
I don't know, Arlo.
I--I'm not sure.
well, think about it.
And while you're
thinking about it,
take this goddamn wheel.
Take the wheel.
Aah! Where
are you going?!
I--I can't drive
from the passenger seat!
Hey! Come on!
We don't need problems,
I don't want your money.
I want those assholes.
All: Oh, those assholes.
Arlo: Let's
get those assholes.
Man: Get 'em, buddy.
That's Arlo pear, man.
He's coming back for us.
Give him a hand.
Look it! This guy's
fuckin' crazy, man!
What are you
talkin' about?!
He's climbing
onto the truck.
All right. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.
Yo, I don't see him
anymore, man.
I think he fell off.
He's on the roof, man!
Hey, what--
how's it hanging?
I can't see the road!
Ooh ooh!
Yo, man, he looks crazy.
That's right, fuckhead.
I'm crazy!
Come on.
I'll take care of you, man.
Ooh! Ha!
Now, look here,
Mr. pear.
If you got any complaints
about our service,
you better call
the head office.
Shut the hell up.
No more talk!
I want my furniture!
Who you think
you're talkin' to?
I'll stomp a mud hole
in your ass, poop-butt.
Honey, I'm home.
Look what I found.
I found our shit.
I brought our shit home.
This is our shit.
Like I said,
they key to a successful move
is proper preparation.
Well, I've got a surprise
for you, too.
Well, whup it on me.
Get out of here!
what happened to you?
Nothing. I'm fine.
I'm the king of Idaho.
Come on, you guys!
Let's move it!
Move it!
Excuse me, Mrs. pear.
Where would you
like this?
Down the hall
by the door.
I think that's the perfect
placement for it,
if you don't mind
my saying so.
I've been thinking
about what you were
talking about,
and you can
build the train,
but you can't
drive the train.
All right!
Thank you.
I'll see you
at work.
I'll give you a ride home.
Oh, no. No, thanks.
I'll walk.
After all,
it's a beautiful day.
Yes, it sure is.
Excuse me, kids.
What the fuck
are you doing?!
I want you to take
this big red motherfucker
and put it back
in your garage.
Do you understand,
you son of a bitch?!
And go to the store and buy
you a human-sized mower!
And who's
gonna make me?
I don't want any trouble.
Come on, flipper.
Let's go home.
Boy, let's go!
Come on, flipper.
Cornell: You're all right,
We're gonna get along
just fine.