Mr. Magoo (1997) Movie Script

Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.
Another day in the can.
Good night, Mrs Wonderbottom.
Ugliest hairdo I've ever seen.
Hold the elevator!
Express elevator.
Elevator with a view!
Now that's what I call
an express.
Good Godfrey! Earthquake!
Don't panic, everyone.
We've got enough canned food here
to cover any emergency.
That's better.
Carry on, boys.
Parking lot. Mm-hmm.
By George, somebody fix the lights...
before anyone trips.
The escalator to the parking lot.
Such sophistication!
- Good night, Henry.
- Good night.
Right turn only.
Road hog!
Blasted potholes!
The checkered flag?
Magoo, you, you speed demon, you!
You've still got it.
El Nino's back.
Oh, Magoo, you've done it again.
And tonight, Quincy Magoo,
the canned vegetable king...
will dedicate the new museum wing
he has donated to the city.
The Magoo Rotunda will house
a travelling exhibit...
of the treasures of Kuristan...
including the rarest of all rubies,
the Star of Kuristan.
Treat her gently, young fella.
Check underneath. I think
there's something rattling there.
Yes, you dropped the keys, my boy.
It's the most precious ruby
in the world.
- Lovely.
- It's just gorgeous.
- It's exquisite.
- Exquisite.
No. Actually it's corundum.
That's an aluminum oxide.
Okay, don't take my word for it.
Exquisite is an adjective,
not an element.
All right. If you're so smart,
how come Mr Cloquet told me...
to watch you like a hawk?
Cloquet said that?
Why is it that someone always seems
to burn the rumaki?
Maybe you should see
another eye doctor.
Waldo, Hiram has been my optometrist
since I was a small boy in knee pants.
He's like 2,000 years old.
All his other patients are dead.
You can't hold that against him.
But he's still making appointments
with them.
Trust me, you need a second opinion.
Oh, my gosh!
- Would you, would you look at that!
- What?
Wait, don't look. Don't look.
- What?
- She's coming this way.
Mr Magoo?
I am Stacey Sampanahoditra
of the Kuristani foreign office.
Oh. This is my nephew Waldo.
Waldo Magoo. It is an honour.
Uh, you'll have to forgive him
He gets like that, lost in thought.
Quite a scholar, you know.
Graduated with a large class.
Isn't that right, Waldo?
Yeah. L-l, I w-went there to college.
Uh, Waldo, why don't you invite,
uh, Stacey to our opera tomorrow night?
I would be most honoured, sir.
will you join us
for the opera tomorrow night?
It's a, uh, benefit performance.
Uh, we're doing excerpts
from the Norsemen saga.
I look forward to it.
Please excuse me.
I must greet diplomats.
That's a very attractive young lady.
But I'm, I'm such a fool.
l-I tried to offer her a snack.
Oh, Waldo, don't be so hard on yourself.
Cupid makes fools of us all.
And now, as curator of this museum...
it is my pleasure
to present our benefactor...
a man of great vision,
Quincy Magoo.
- Step right this way, sir.
- Ah, well, thank you, thank you.
Ah, well, may, uh, may all
of the exhibits in this hall...
chime with the light
of human knowledge.
My dear, thank you.
Thank you.
Look out! Watch out!
Oh, yes.
Great Scott!
What is this, indoor fireworks?
What a wonderful touch.
Excuse me.
Or a blackout.
I should inform the power company here.
Get that fixed,
and get these lights back on.
Hello down here.
Public telephone.
Oh, what... Excuse me, sir.
We have an emergency...
Great Scott!
We have an injured man here.
Bandaged from head to foot.
Help. Some assistance, please.
And whoever did it
has stolen the telepho...
God! They gave me a bad mask.
Okay. Go.
I gotta watch her like a hawk.
You just, uh, you just hang on.
I'll get you some medical attention.
You stay right here.
No, you're in no condition...
Oh, well.
How many times must I tell you?
Stay back in the booth, man.
I'll take care of him.
I'll be back. I'll get some help
or maybe find a telephone.
Freeze! Drop the gun.
Turn around.
Yes, sure.
Must be a phone out there somewhere.
Well, if you can't bring Mohammed
to the mountain...
Morning, Angus.
Avast, Angus.
Are you ready to cast off?
Waldo? What are you doing here?
Oh, just cleaning your windshield.
Aha, my boy, you are a prince,
but I have a date with a flounder.
- Anchors aweigh.
- Anchors aweigh.
Oh, the windshield did need cleaning,
huh? Right, Angus?
I don't think I've seen it
this clear since 1956.
Well, now that you're here,
we'd better inform the police.
Orders, U.S. State Department.
This incident is to remain
completely under wraps.
Which includes the crazy 9-1-1 call
about a bandaged man in the museum.
We substitute a replica
of the jewel and...
And we open the exhibit
as if nothing has happened.
Hold it. Who the hell are you?
And who told the State Department?
I did. They said they would send two
of their very best operatives.
Gustave Anders, CIA.
I'm in charge
of this investigation.
Chuck Stupak, FBl, and
I'm in charge of this investigation.
The CIA has no jurisdiction
on American soil.
This could very well become
an international incident.
Not if you don't get in my way,
fancy pants.
I don't get it.
There's nothing in the papers.
It's a trap.
They're trying to lull us
into a false sense of security...
and then bust us
when we make a careless move.
We'll never make it to Cloquet's.
They're onto us, Luanne.
- I can feel it in my...
- Morgan, that's yesterday's paper.
Nothing like the old sea air
to clean out the pipes.
Huh? Right, Angus?
The sun is a little hot.
Time to apply the old Ban de Soleil.
There we go.
Oh. A very refreshing,
minty fragrance.
Ah, the French.
They think of everything.
What's that? The old fog
rolling in, thick as pea soup?
Not my pea soup, mind you,
but maybe one of those other brands.
Bob, why steal the Star for your boss,
Cloquet, and get peanuts for it...
when he can turn around
and auction it off for millions?
Why not auction it off ourselves?
That way we get millions
and each other.
Me and you?
I could take you to places
you've never been before.
I've never been to Toronto.
I know a little cosy
bed-and-breakfast place in Toronto...
but we could skip the breakfast part.
Come on, Angus. We won't let
a little fog stop us, huh?
You rotten seagulls!
You con-sarned buzzards, you!
Uncivilized behaviour.
I'd never do anything like that to you.
I'm gonna have to get this
dry-cleaned now.
Blast your...
Ho-ho-ho. I've got a strike.
Well, shiver my timbers!
It's a lunker!
Just call me Ishmael.
It's Moby Dick!
Why, look at that... Look at...
Look at that, Angus.
It's huge.
He was a big one, Angus.
Just look at the size
of those, uh, uh, pants.
Well, I'd say we were in
the Bermuda Triangle...
but we're nowhere near Bermuda.
I'll just play it safe
and head for shore.
Well, Angus, here we are in safe harbour
once again.
Well, an escalator to the top.
How swank.
Must be a yacht club.
Angus, where are you, boy?
Well, hello, Angus.
Come on there, fella.
We believe Magoo created a diversion
while his accomplices stole the jewel.
But why? Mr Magoo
is a very wealthy man.
Are you sure about that? People do eat
a lot more fresh food these days.
Okay, we don't collar Magoo.
We put him under surveillance.
But this is absurdity. I'm to be
his guest at the opera tonight.
Great! You can be our inside person.
That is, if it's all right
with the FBI.
So, Magoo has the Star of Kuristan.
But it was Luanne's fault!
She double-crossed us.
I shouldn't have hired her.
But she's the only one capable
of stealing the Star.
How could someone with such beauty...
be so treacherous?
I worship all that is beautiful,
The greatest sin is to destroy
a thing of beauty.
I fear now we must destroy
the beautiful Miss Le Seur.
Kill her.
But first, get the stone, all right?
Tomorrow buyers are arriving from
all over the world to bid on the ruby.
Schmidt. Gosher. Havzinski.
I hear there's a rumour
Ortega Peru might even show.
The Piranha?
The king of the underworld?
Oh, Morgan,
don't screw this up, hmm?
I'm coming. On my way!
- Hello, sir.
- Um, oh, Stacey!
Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?
I thought that Waldo was going to pick
you up, uh, on the way to the opera.
Well, in my country, the invitee
always picks up the inviter.
I'm sure that Waldo
would not have it any other way.
Unc, I need to borrow a tie.
- Oh, hi, Stacey.
- Hello, Waldo.
Uh, why don't you, uh, show Stacey
the garden before you leave?
It's quiet and, uh, and peaceful...
and, uh, intimate.
l, l, I don't think
she'd want to see the...
I'd love to see more
of your charming home.
All right. It's, uh...
It's right back here.
The smell of rice is in the air.
Love in bloom,
if ever I've seen it before.
Angus? Come on, now.
How many times...
have I told you
to stay out of that closet?
Come on in here, boy.
Help me with my scales.
It's my uncle's work.
Never have I seen
such a plant sculpture.
Topiary's kind of a hobby of his.
And he specializes in the abstract.
Oh, no.
That's a bunny rabbit.
Hey, well. What...
What is... What is that?
Oh. So you want to play fetch again?
Is that it?
Ah, well, it's a dog's life.
Here we go.
There it goes.
Your uncle, do you think
he needs glasses?
Oh, and how!
Just don't try and tell him that.
He will not spend the money?
I notice he drives a very old car.
Is his business not healthy?
Oh, no. No.
He just loves that old car.
And if Unc loves something,
he won't let it go.
Angus! Stop terrorizing the squirrels.
- Stupak!
- Where are you?
Right behind you.
Don't turn around.
Just spotted a conspicuous white male.
Dirty clothes,
needs a haircut.
- Sticks out like a sore thumb.
- Where is he? Can't see him. Over.
Right behind you.
Turn around. Don't turn around.
- Walk backwards.
- What?
Walk backwards.
More! More.
More. Stop.
- Where?
- Look to your left.
I am Rolvaag
King of Norway
Aha. Uh, one minute, please.
Uh, uh, may I help you?
Oh, that voice.
The timbre! The tone!
It belongs to the world,
but for the moment it's mine alone.
And I tremble.
- Mr Magoo, I presume?
- Uh, yes.
And, uh, you are, um...
Prunella. Prunella Pagliacci,
reporter for "The Opera News."
Prunella. I knew a young lady once
named Prunella.
Mr Magoo, w-will you consent
to an interview?
Well, why not? Uh, back here,
uh, tonight, after the show.
Oh. No, l, I wouldn't want to share you
with all of your well-wishers.
Oh, well, uh, uh, uh,
a private, uh, rendezvous.
Uh, a walk on the beach
at, uh, Sandy Cove...
uh, shall we say, noon tomorrow?
I'll be there early.
Be wonderful tonight.
Well, uh...
Great Scott!
Uh, did you hear that, Angus?
She doesn't want to share me
with anyone.
Is it possible after all these years,
another duet at last?
"O Solo Mio" no more.
Stupak. Stupak!
Where are you?
I am Rolvaag
king of Norway
I am Rolvaag
king of Norway
- Break a leg, Mr Magoo.
- Ah, Rumford, yes.
Thank you, uh, Sam.
I am Rolvaag
King of Norway
Where am I?
Oh, backstage.
Let's go.
Stupak, where are you?
What's going on in there?
I am Rolvaag
king of Norway
Go out there a nobody,
come back a star.
Open the throat,
sing from the diaphragm.
And remember, always sit down
whenever you can.
That man's got a very big head.
Ah, stage, uh...
Stage, uh... Stage left.
Time to warm up
for the old fight scene.
Get over there and shut off that fan!
I am a crusty
lusty Viking
That was the note that brought a lump
to the judges' throats.
After that, I knew
the Van Cliburn award was mine.
Well, the years have not dimmed
its beauty.
Oh, thank you.
Any, uh, more questions?
Uh, not that I want
this interview to end.
Oh, me, too. It's just,
just been such a thrill...
to hear the story of your life in song,
Mr Magoo, I mean real...
Oh, please, please, please, dear.
Call me Quincy.
Quincy, I'm really happy
I got this chance to know you.
I'd like to get to know you better.
Ah, Prunella, could this be
a new beginning?
- Yes, of the end.
- Of the end?
Uh, the end of loneliness.
The beginning of discovery.
How nice.
- This is a very special day, Prunella.
- Oh, for me, too, Quincy.
Ah, then you know that this is
the opening of the carp fishing season?
- Of course!
- Oh, Great Scott!
And I'm so happy
we're experiencing it together.
As am I. Eh, together, yes.
I learned that the hard way.
When you have something precious,
you must keep it in sight all the time.
Something precious,
such as, say, a jewel?
Yes, indeed.
The most precious jewel of all.
What does this jewel look like?
My jewel is luminous, sparkling.
A flaming red...
- Ruby?
- Ruby, yes!
- Where do you keep this ruby?
- Close to my heart.
Oh, Quincy.
Oh, I'm sorry, Quincy,
but l, I want you to kiss me.
Oh, well, it's, uh...
No, b-but not here. Someplace.
Someplace private, like a, like a boat.
Do you happen to have a boat?
Well, in two words:
"Anchors aweigh."
Prunella. Uh...
Well, my boat is just down here.
Oh, no.
It's Luanne Le Seur.
The Black Widow.
She kills all of her male accomplices.
No one has ever been able to finger her.
Wow. Whoever brings her in
will get a big promotion.
- Maybe a book deal.
- Hey, where're you going?
Nothing like the warm sea air.
Huh? Lo... Look at that.
The, the fish are jumping and...
Look at that.
Isn't that wonderful?
- Dear me.
- Now, Quincy, there's an idea.
Why don't we do some fishing?
Where do you keep your tackle box?
Oh, my tackle box
is back at the house.
Ah, but this is wonderful.
The open sea, it's magnificent.
And so inspirational.
Isn't it wonderful?
Oh! Oh!
- What? What? What is it?
- I think I sprained my ankle.
Oh, I'll call the emergency sea rescue.
Oh, no, no, no, no. L-lt'll be okay.
I just need to rest it.
Oh, well, you, you come on up front now.
Be careful.
- Okay.
- We'll take care of you, and...
Just sit down, and I'll head
for the shore.
- Oh, could we go to your house?
- Ah!
Well, I'll put the wheel to the keel
and the gas to the mast!
I am a rusty
crusty Viking
I hope I'm to your liking
- How do I look?
- Wow!
Waldo, we mustn't.
Well, w-why not?
l-ls there someone else?
- It's Mr Magoo.
- What?
Your government thinks Mr Magoo
stole the Star of Kuristan.
A-And you?
Do you think he did it?
Waldo, I need your help.
Hey, we don't have a warrant...
so be quick about it,
or we've both had it.
One, two, three.
- Testing. One, two, three.
- Got it, loud and clear.
Mayday! Mayday!
Magoo! He's back.
I'm a lusty
crusty Viking
I hope I'm to your liking
And I'm a Viking woman
A lusty, busty charmer
Please let me pierce your armour
And together we'll find love
- All right.
- Oh, no. Don't. Put me down.
- Here we go.
- My ankle's fine.
Here we go.
Ah. Well...
with a little more practise,
l, uh, could pop the question.
Oh, your house is beautiful.
Do you mind if I look around?
Look away. Look away.
I'll just put my hat
in the closet here, and...
May I make you a cocktail?
Ah, I'm famished. Do you think
you could cook us something?
Something hot?
Can I cook?
You may call me "Cordon Bleu" Magoo.
Uh, which way
to the little girls' room?
Ah, atop the stairs.
Let me light your way.
Ah, ah, your repast awaits you
down here, my dove.
Next I want you to put some water
on to boil.
And while we're waiting for that,
let's clean about, oh...
two or three sprigs of parsley.
Water on to boil.
Next, pat the chicken dry.
Now, take some lemon
and rub it on the chicken.
Now, make sure you get the whole
chicken. Lift the leg if you have to.
Now, I hope you're not cheating
and using bottled lemon juice.
If you are,
it just won't taste as good.
Why? Well, no peel appeal.
Angus, there you are, old friend.
Well, I can't play right now.
I don't have any time.
And now, lift both legs
high into the air. Left and right.
All right, then. Just one last time,
then you take it upstairs.
All right.
Come on, don't be a slacker.
You can do it.
Lift those legs!
Left and right.
Back and forth.
One, and two, and three, and four.
Come on, you can do it.
Lift both legs high into the air.
Lift them left and right.
And left and right.
Come on, you can do it.
Lift those legs high into the air.
And dance!
Come on.
Get your rear into gear.
Now, don't stop
until you're ready to drop.
Now you're cookin'!
Go get some sandpaper,
and sand that sucker smooth.
You don't want any bumps
on the surface.
I recommend a medium grade paper
if you use a sandpaper that's too fine,
you're gonna be at it all day.
Now, whatever you do,
do not use a metal file...
because that will shred the surface
to a pulp.
Must be a Chinese recipe
to make the chicken tender.
Either that, or it's German.
Use short, light strokes,
and watch out for surface abrasions.
Don't rush it.
These things take time.
I want him.
Magoo is goin' down!
- You hear me?
- What?
Come on!
after you finish drilling,
you want to make sure that
you squirt some caulk into those holes.
There's something very important
we need to talk about.
Waldo, Waldo. How did you know?
I thought this was my little secret.
Then it's true!
Yes, and a lot of people
are in for a big surprise.
- Have you gone insane?
- Yes! Yes, l...
- You have gone insane.
- Insane. Insane with passion.
Their names are even the same:
- Prunella?
- Prunella.
Oh, oh, oh, you're talk...
You're talking... That's wonderful, Unc.
It's time that you met
this glorious thief...
who has stolen my heart.
Uh, I'll be right back.
Oh, my gosh!
He did do it.
Aha! There you are,
my Viking princess.
Come. I want you to meet someone.
Not now.
I can't wait any longer, Quincy.
I'm gonna ask you once, and only once.
Ah, you're going to propose!
Oh, my precious bonbon.
You read my mind.
You know what I came here for.
You know what I want. Give it to me.
Ah, you modern women.
You're so direct.
Now what is this? Oh, we've been
playing fetch all day with this.
All right, boy, go ahead.
Hold it!
Unc, who is this?
Uh, Waldo Magoo, this is, uh,
Prunella Pagliacci.
I'm FBI. That man just stole
the Star of Kuristan.
Stole? In this house?
- He's heading for the driveway.
- Get up.
- He stole the Studebaker.
- What?
The eggplant mobile.
What? Watch your head.
This way.
Hold it! Stop or I'll shoot.
- Stop or I'll shoot!
- Don't worry. He's not gonna get away.
Get out of the way!
Get out of the way!
- Unc, there he is.
- Ah, yeah, all right.
- No, over there, over there.
- I see him. I see him.
- He's turning left.
- Left it is.
He's turning right.
Big truck! Big truck!
Hold on!
He's a crafty fella.
Taking evasive action. That won't work!
- You're not getting away.
- That's the wrong car.
He's back there.
Don't worry, my boy.
We'll catch him on the turnaround.
Hold on, Angus!
Hey, look out!
- Stop!
- Look out!
- Stop!
Don't panic, now.
We're only in some kind of tunnel.
Brakes! Brakes, Unc!
Unc, hit the brake!
Great Scott!
Those speed bumps. I tell ya.
I'll sue this city.
Uh, Prunella, uh, about the FBI.
You were saying?
Yeah, uh, uh, FBI.
l, I'm... I'm an undercover agent...
for the government.
Does this mean no story
in "The Opera News"?
I'm sorry I had to deceive you.
They think you stole
the Star of Kuristan.
That's what I've been trying
to tell you.
What? They, they what?
That burglar in your house was really
a notorious jewel thief...
who works for a man
named Austin Cloquet.
The bureau has learned that Cloquet
plans to sell the jewel...
tomorrow at a secret auction
up at a ski lodge.
Every billionaire gangster
in the world is coming...
except the most powerful of them all:
Ortega Peru, The Piranha.
No one's ever seen him.
He never goes anywhere.
So if we could get someone
to impersonate Peru...
we could get close to the gem
and recover it.
But who?
We lost him right here,
and Magoo didn't return home all night.
Why is he always
one step ahead of me?
Kenyawa Tambe just charged some tickets
to a ski resort.
Yeah, so what?
Kenyawa Tambe is one
of Luanne's aliases.
- Why didn't you tell me this before?
- I just found out.
- Oh really?
- Yeah.
You know, we're supposed to be working
as a team here.
- You're going around behind my back.
- If the pressure's too much for you...
- You'll take over! You'll take over!
- Sirs!
I shall go with you.
No. Young lady, this is strictly a job
for professionals.
Then why are the two of you going?
Welcome to the Rockies, gentlemen.
If you'll follow me to the limo,
I'll take you to Austin Cloquet.
Who the hell are you?
Ortega Peru.
What's it to you?
Mr Peru never goes anywhere.
That's right.
I never go anywhere.
So when I go somewhere,
everyone thinks I am nowhere...
when I'm really there.
Now, let's put this show on the road.
Uh, sorry.
Mr Peru, uh, this way.
There are no signs.
So you've been staking out my uncle
all this time.
Is that right?
That's my job.
And the way you say you feel about him,
is, is that part of your job, too?
You all right, boy?
You saw this man?
Yeah. He just went up the mountain.
Said his name was Ortega Peru.
Magoo is Peru?
Magoo, The Piranha.
This is big.
We're gonna need some backup.
Don't you know how to open a door?
thank you all for coming.
We're especially honoured today
to have with us Mr Ortega Peru.
I was going to kill someone
this morning...
but I did it last night
so that I could be here.
Well, you're too kind.
Well, when you've changed
your clothes, these lovely ladies...
are waiting to serve you
with chilled champagne in the solarium.
Thank you.
Not bad. What do they mean?
Every time I kill a man...
I tattoo his portrait
on my body.
What do you do when you run out of room?
Stop killing people?
Hey, I bet Peru's got
some pretty nice tattoos.
You hombres, uh, go on ahead.
I have got to use
the, uh, powder room.
Come on!
Let's go!
- Champagne?
- Oh, yes.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Thank you.
Well, now that we're all here,
may I have your attention, please.
This is where
our little adventure began.
Gentlemen, may I present...
the Star of Kuristan.
The auction will commence
when you write down your opening bids.
Uh, I do not pass my cash...
until I get a close look
at the dingus.
Give it to me in my hand.
Mr Peru?
Your frog is leaking.
Oh. Well.
We have an impostor.
Mr Peru is Mr Magoo.
Why would Peru disguise himself
as Magoo?
Shut up, you idiot, and get him!
Keep your distance!
This hepcat has a black belt in mayhem.
Hold it!
Give me the Star of Kuristan.
The Star is mine!
The auction is off. Get out.
Come on, go!
My dear! By gum,
you almost had me fooled.
Unc, watch out.
She's got a gun.
Of course she has, Waldo!
She's a federal agent.
She's not what you think!
Now, Waldo, you're talking about
the woman who saved my life.
Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.
Oh, you can't tell me that yesterday
meant nothing to you.
I am a Viking
A lusty, trusty Viking
Yesterday sucked.
And you kissed a carp.
- Give me the jewel!
- This is all you ever wanted?
You're a true gentleman,
and there aren't many of those left.
Too bad you had to go
and get in my way.
All right, I got the gun now.
Halt or I'll fire!
Don't shoot!
It's me! Waldo!
Great Scott!
Waldo, she's bamboozled me!
She, she, she, she, she's a, a sneak.
Uh, after her!
W-Wait. That'll be easier
with your clothes on.
Oh, yeah, clothes.
Oh, yes, yes, clothes.
This way.
- Police!
- Let's beat it!
Hold it!
Come on, let's go!
Look out! Freeze!
- Hold it!
- Keep your hands up!
- There!
- Come with me.
Get that man!
Hold it!
You'll just have to wait your turn.
- She's over there!
- Where?
- It's too late. It's all over.
- Balderdash, Waldo!
It ain't over
until we've cleared our good name.
Aha-ha! A snowboard.
After her, my boy!
- Wait, Unc, no!
- It's as easy as pie!
That's the wrong kind of board!
Hold it!
- Hold on, Angus!
- Stupak, go after them!
The women's boarder cross final
is about to begin.
Ready, set, go!
Get back here, you Jezebel!
I'll catch you, Prunella!
And the winner of the women's
boarder cross final is a man!
A man? On an ironing board.
- Excuse me.
- Up there.
Hold it right there!
Ah, a detour.
I'll get you, Prunella!
Watch out!
Unc! Unc!
Are you all right?
Don't take that detour, Waldo!
Stay right there.
We'll be right down.
Come on, buddy.
Look! There's
some footprints down there!
They went that way!
Come on!
This is a good idea, Waldo.
You're the real McCoy.
A true Magoo.
I want Magoo.
Who can imagine?
Luanne Le Seur and Mr Magoo.
Yes, we're talking best-seller.
- I can't believe they did it.
- That's it! That's the title!
Now, we just have to check the airports
and search all the hotels...
and make sure
they don't get away.
Senor Peru.
One moment, my darling.
The Star of Kuristan is ready
for delivery. You have 15 million?
Of course. It will make
a fitting gift for my fiancee.
- We are to be married this weekend.
- I'll be there tomorrow.
The Star of Kuristan.
Uh, excuse me.
Do you have a Luanne Le Seur
registered here?
I'll be with you in a moment.
If you'd just sign here.
- Now, who did you want?
- Luanne Le Seur. Is she registered here?
See, we got an airline
late-luggage delivery...
but the party's not staying
at our hotel, so we're checking.
I see.
What hotel are you with?
The St. Paul.
I see.
It says "Fantasy World Costume Rental."
Haven't they let you out
a little before Halloween?
- Madam.
- Oh, thank you, young man.
Have a good afternoon, madam.
Angus. Angus.
Now, stop that.
Unc, let's get out of here.
He's onto us.
- Let go.
- Angus, no!
- He's attacking that old lady!
- Great Scott!
Unhand that woman, Angus.
Let me see.
Hey, lady,
you forgot your stuff.
What's that?
It's an airline receipt
made out to "Prunella Pagliacci."
Prunella Pagliacci?
That woman is an impostor.
- Unc, that was Luanne Le Seur.
- Well, there, you see?
That's why Angus went after her.
Great Scott!
We had her within our grasp,
and she slipped through our fingers.
Balls of fire!
Oh, good dog, Angus. Good dog.
This receipt is for Brazil.
Why would she go to Brazil?
- She's going to Peru.
- She'd go to Brazil to go to Peru?
- Exactly.
- But why?
To get more for the ruby.
- Peru?
- Exactly.
- But then why go to Brazil?
- Peru is in Brazil.
- Peru is in Brazil?
- Ortega Peru is in Brazil.
Ortega Peru! Of course.
And that's why we're going to Brazil.
Come on, Waldo.
Unc, l, I think this is the place.
Attaboy, Waldo.
Ease up there, Angus.
I like your badge.
I'm going on ahead.
You stay here.
I'm gonna eyeball the situation.
Unc, um, m-maybe I should do
the eyeballing.
Maybe we should leave out the bit
about "till death do us part."
- She's nervous enough already.
- Jefe.
Luanne Le Seur is here, Jefe.
Javier, after Rosita and I go
to EuroDisney...
have the Le Seur woman killed,
but quietly.
If you disturb my guests,
I will be very disappointed.
Monkey bars. Must be
a children's playground.
Oh! Hello, little girl.
Did I interrupt you
in your afternoon nappy?
Now, now, we mustn't let
the grown-ups know that we're here.
Now here's something sweet,
a chocolate.
You go ahead. That's it.
Now, you go on back to sleep.
There you are, honey.
You're the ugliest child
I've ever seen.
And needs a change of diaper, too.
Oh, oh, Waldo.
Hold on.
The little angel is trying to sleep.
So, you know...
Well, where did she go?
Kids. Can't sit still for a second.
Ah, well, I think
she's run off there...
where she can have
her chocolate in private.
Now, Waldo, this is the plan.
I will gain entry to the house
through a window.
You keep an eye on the lawn party
and spot Luanne Le Seur if you can.
Waldo, you need to take some Tic-Tacs.
- Unc, it's not me.
- Please, please. L, l...
I am talking to someone here, Waldo.
Now, please.
Now, what you have to do is...
Great Scott!
Step on it, Unc!
Stop! Stop! Go back!
Come on, Angus! Come on!
Good boy.
Unc, there's Luanne.
All right.
Now, I'll nab him.
You keep your eye on Le Suer,
but don't forget:
She's smart, dangerous, ruthless,
soft, beautiful, a good kisser...
- Unc!
- Huh? Yeah, all right, all right.
Keep your eye open for pitfalls.
How are you?
Senorita Le Seur,
at last we meet.
- You have the Star?
- Do you have the 15 million?
It may take them time to count.
Please stay for the wedding. Afterwards,
I will have Javier take care of you.
Thank you.
Do it quietly
and don't disturb the guests...
or I'll be very disappointed.
Kid, are you lost?
I was looking for the pool.
- Wow! Oh, it's beautiful.
- Ooh, pretty, yes?
- I'll go get the bridesmaids.
- Okay.
Time for a little Red Cross here,
Let me see.
Oh, my dear child!
You should have your dentist
file down those teeth.
Rosita? Darling?
Are you with no clothes on?
Is everything all right?
I'm crazy with the love, mi amor.
I will see you soon,
my precious flower.
Before we take our sacred vows,
precious one, I have a surprise.
So do I!
Adios, amor. Nuevo nacho.
It wouldn't last.
I've never loved you.
- Get him!
- Out of the way!
Unc, help! Over here!
- This is no time for a rope exercise.
- Unc, that thing's down here.
- Good Lord!
- The rope, Unc, get the rope.
- The rope?
- Magoo!
This is the rope
that can save the boy.
All right, let's have at it.
I will exchange the ruby
for the rope.
Of course, take it. Take it.
But help me with the boy.
You know, I should have you killed,
but I admire a family man.
- You'll be safe in a minute, Waldo.
- Ready?
- Ready.
- Good luck.
Hold on there, Waldo.
Magoo has brought police!
It's that way!
- Attaboy, Angus. Good boy.
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Higher! Pull!
- Good, Angus.
Here we are. Police! Don't move
Stay there!
Ortega Peru!
He's escaping that way!
No one escapes Magoo.
There goes the bride.
Oh, man! You'd think Peru
could've done better than that.
Magoo's dog!
Let's get him!
You weren't leaving without me,
were you?
There's the getaway limo.
Hold your horses!
- Unc!
- Arrest him!
Call the chopper!
We have to stop him!
Show me the ruby.
Big nasty woman!
Get back!
Thank you. Crime never pays, my boy.
Could you pull over?
I'd like to get off.
Ortega Peru, you are under arrest!
Land your helicopter now!
Don't panic.
We're dropping down a raft.
Swim toward the raft.
Hurry up.
Swim toward the raft.
We are dropping you a line.
You'll have to hook it up
to the raft.
- Then we will pull you to safety.
- Got you now, missy.
Stay calm.
Hook it to the raft.
Quincy, please, give me the jewel.
You and me together...
Luanne Le Seur, you have
the heart of an artichoke.
Stop wasting time!
You're headed for a waterfall.
Great Scott!
We're safe now.
It's hooked to the raft.
Pull us up.
Well, look at that rainbow, Magoo.
You just might be a leprechaun.
La Cascada de Muerte,
the Falls of Death...
where many a bride
left stranded at the alter...
has jumped to her final...
Oh, my goodness!
Another one! Aye!
- Are you all right, dear?
- W-Well, I'm, I'm all right.
I'm, I'm fine.
Oh, that's the spirit, dear.
You'll find someone else.
It's inner beauty that counts.
Words of wisdom, my dear.
Words of wisdom.
Magoo, you've done it again.
Have a good day.
Who are you?
What are you doing?
I am Simone Deculaat,
the wedding caterer.
Oh, you'll love prison, Simone.
They make great "loaf de meat."
Hey, hey, hey, come here.
Get a picture.
How's my hair look?
- Well done.
- Very nice.
Thank you.
Waldo, thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
What will you do now?
Well, Uncle Quincy just created
a new position for me in his company.
You're looking at
the head of security.
And now that you have found
your path in life...
I suppose you would not be willing
to return to Kuristan with me.
In a heartbeat.
Well, you don't have to.
I like it here much better.
- Wow!
- Oh, Waldo!
Mr Magoo. Um, sorry we, uh,
put you through all that.
Would you autograph this for us?
By Jove! A-And a very good likeness
of me, too, I must say.
You boys certainly move fast.
The TV movie airs Friday.
Quite right. Quite right.
Always keep moving.
Come on, Angus.
Have a good day.
Well, Angus, it looks like
it's just you and me now.
Don't take this wrong, but I feel
that there's someone out there...
the perfect somebody just for me...
and someday Cupid is gonna fire
into the heart of the bull's-eye.
And this is one steep staircase.
Good exercise
for an old dinosaur like me.
Indeed! Oh, by Jupiter!
Oh, Magoo, you've done it again!
Oh. Pardon me, madam.
Oh, Magoo, you dog!
Come on, now. One and two. One and two.
Higher! One and two. One and two.
Don't stop until you're ready to drop.
Come on, left leg. Keep going.
One and two. One and two.
Stick 'em up.
Gimme that!
No. You give it to me.
Angus, it's a struggle
against the beast.
- Oh, I really got him. Oh, no.
- Cut!
Remember, I hire people to kill people.
- Cut.
- Let me help you.
Get up there, Billy.
Come on, Billy. Come on, boy.
Pee. Go ahead, pee.
Come on, pee, boy.
That's it. Pee. Pee.
Good boy! Good boy!
Quiet. Action!