Mr. Malcolm's List (2022) Movie Script

[children giggling]
[house mistress] Bedtime, girls.
Julia Thistlewaite,
Selina Dalton,
that means you too.
[child] Be quiet!
[house mistress]
Come along now, young ladies.
Do not dawdle.
[children laughing]
Now, it's right together.
Left together.
And repeat.
Keeping your head
in books all day
will not create
the marriageable mind.
I have nothing materially
to offer a husband anyway.
And I have no loving father
to make me a match.
A right pair we make.
Oh, Selina, I'm in agony
over our parting.
You must promise
to write to me every week.
I promise.
Will you write to me
every week as well?
I will try,
but I cannot guarantee
a regular correspondence.
Once I'm out in society,
I will be far too busy.
And you really think
I can visit you
in London one day?
Of course.
After I've fallen in love
and made myself
a proper match,
then I shall
find you a husband.
We will always look out
for one another,
dear Selina.
[door opens]
[house mistress]
Candles out, girls!
[young Julia] Oh, Selina,
do not be such a namby-pamby.
Good morning.
[horse whinnies]
Oh, Miss.
Quite the beauty.
which headdress?
the feathers.
-[carriage approaching]
-[horse whinnies]
[both laugh]
The biggest catch of the season
in the year of our Lord 1818
was the
Honorable Jeremy Malcolm.
'Twas true he had
no title of his own
and was only
a younger son of an earl,
but his maternal aunt
had left him the bulk
of her sizable fortune
and a large country estate
in Kent.
I heard he was out
with Emilia James last.
But tonight,
I heard Julia Thistlewaite.
Mr. Malcolm was searching
for a bride.
But not just any bride.
And he wouldn't be seduced
by fine eyes
or a flirtatious smile.
It's Mr. Malcolm.
Twenty thousand a year.
He had no interest
in social climbers
or fortune hunters.
Mr. Malcolm was a kind man
who possessed an outward reserve
that concealed a warm heart,
a heart he was eager to bestow
upon the appropriate young lady.
In fact, he had set upon
a unique way
of pursuing true love
that was beginning to earn him
quite the reputation.
[orchestra playing
"Largo Al Factotum"]
It's Julia Thistlewaite.
La la lalera
Julia Thistlewaite
with Mr. Malcolm.
It would be the match
of the season.
Hasn't she been out
in society for,
what, four seasons?
It may be time to think
about stepping aside
and allowing
the younger ladies
have their chance.
He gave up his seat
for me once.
I nearly swooned.
La la la la la la
A te fortuna, a te fortuna
I do wonder why they make
so many foreign operas.
We are in England,
after all.
Do you not agree,
Mr. Malcolm?
Are you not a fan
of Rossini,
Miss Thistlewaite?
Is he the short, stout man?
No, no.
He's the composer.
How silly of me.
You must think me
quite ignorant.
No, not at all.
Perhaps you are
better informed
on other matters.
Tell me,
what opinion do you hold
on the Corn Laws?
-The Corn Laws?
Uh, let me think.
[mouthing] The Corn Laws.
Why, I am for them,
of course.
-[Malcolm] Really?
And why is that,
if I may ask?
Well, I--
I believe that, um...
restraint in one's diet
is bound to have
a healthful effect.
Sono il factotum della citt
[singing continues]
It's a pity
you're not able to speak
on the parliamentary floor.
Your... views
could change
the face of politics.
Or its figure,
at any rate. [chuckles]
[song ends]
-[audience applauding]
-Do you see he is yawning?
[Lady Margaret]
How embarrassing.
[children laughing]
Slow down!
[child chattering, laughing]
You have a caller.
But I am not
accepting callers.
Well, I know that.
But try telling that to someone
who thinks he knows more
than the whole of England.
Oh, Mama.
Mr. Woodbury.
So kind of you to call.
And so frequently, too.
Miss Dalton.
My father is out visiting
the parish's sick,
as he does
every Tuesday.
I do not believe
it would be improper
to dispense
with his chaperonage
this once, Miss Dalton.
I was emboldened
to approach you
knowing that with the recent
unfortunate demise
of your employer,
you have been cast
into this world
without fortune or prospects.
I realize that
I may be your senior
by, well, a few years,
but I have always felt
that a woman would benefit
from a more
mature companion,
one who can give her
guidance in life.
Like a father,
you mean?
You jest, Miss Dalton.
Or, um... Selina,
if I may be so bold.
You must know
how ardently I admire you
and how...
It is my fondest desire
to have you-- as my wife.
I am greatly honored
by your offer,
but I cannot accept.
Do not be so hasty,
Miss Dalton.
'Tis common knowledge
your father is
of modest means,
and you are but one
of his many offspring.
I am prepared
to assist them
if you wed me.
But if you refuse,
well, your prospects
will be very grim, indeed.
Well, it is true
that my family situation
weighs heavily on me,
but I still must refuse
your kind offer.
I find such an attitude
I must warn you,
this offer will not
be extended a second time.
Third actually.
I understand
and fully accept
the consequences
of my decision.
And now,
I must beg you
to please excuse me.
[stammers] I...
Goodbye, Mr. Woodbury.
Out of my way,
idiot geese.
Morning, John!
Have you heard
Lord Christopher Jones
has finally found
a suitable match?
Do you not want to know
who he has chosen to marry?
I doubt I have any choice
in the matter.
A Miss Marjorie Notcutt.
Mmm. Fascinating.
Is that from Selina,
my dear?
She writes so often
I can barely keep up.
Oh, dear. Mr. Woodbury
has proposed again.
I have noticed Mr. Malcolm
doesn't appear to be calling.
I do have more than one
gentleman caller.
You must not feel too bad
you have failed
to capture his notice.
Some say he will never
choose a wife.
I feel perfectly fine.
There is something
from Lady Burke.
She's sent me one of those
wicked caricatures
that are all the rage.
It appears to be
of Mr. Malcolm.
And I am in it as well.
It can't be.
[Julia screams]
Oh, Julia.
-[pedestrian 1]
Did you hear about Mr. Malcolm?
-[pedestrian 2] No.
[pedestrian 1 gasps]
Well, he turned away
Miss Thistlewaite.
Come inside!
Never been inside here before.
It's cozy.
Is this all of them?
All the ones for sale.
[pedestrian 3]
They're here in the window.
I don't understand.
[pedestrian 4]
Miss Thistlewaite.
-How embarrassing.
-Oh, my!
[pedestrians laughing]
Do you have a pencil?
[pedestrian 3]
How mortifying.
Her reputation must be
in tatters.
Cassie, please discover
what I did to incur
this humiliation.
Take this to my cousin.
You will find him
at his club.
The Lord of Limbs.
I am ruined.
[pedestrian 3]
She'll never find a husband,
I think.
[chattering continues]
-[coach driver] Steady.
-[horse neighs]
[pants, groans]
Refreshment, sir?
Thank you.
Good evening, sir.
[people chattering]
I shall come here more often.
Good evening.
Good to see you.
Did you hear...
[croupier] Place your bets,
ladies and gentlemen.
Final bet, Cassidy?
Yes. Final or nothing.
Your turn, madam.
[player laughs]
[Cassidy groans]
Good sport
as always, milord.
You, you're a cheat.
Absolute cheat.
Ooh, that's strong.
[clears throat]
[John clears throat]
Oh, God.
Who else has seen this?
[Cassidy] Tell Miss Thistlewaite
I will handle the matter.
Mr. Malcolm.
Excuse me.
My dance card at
the Millers' ball next week
has a free space,
if you would be
so inclined.
You will have
to forgive me.
A riding ailment
does not permit me,
Lady Gwyneth Amberton.
Lady Amberton.
Daughter of Earl
and Countess Amberton.
Of course.
How strange.
I do wonder how
one encourages sentiment
without dancing.
Lord Cassidy,
Lady Amberton.
Hello. How do you do?
How do you do?
Now, excuse us.
Uh, Malcolm,
you are acquiring
quite the reputation.
Is that so?
Yes, indeed.
They are calling you
a trifler...
...a breaker of hearts,
a destroyer
of young ladies' dreams.
You're joking.
What nonsense.
Well, perhaps
the gossips are correct.
You paid
very particular attention
to my cousin Julia
and now
have not been to call.
I escorted your cousin
to the opera once.
I did not pay her
"very particular
What actually occurred
is besides the point.
It's what people say
that matters.
And everyone is saying
that there must be
something wrong with Julia.
I'm sorry that your cousin
has become the target
of gossips,
but I do not plan to marry
a woman merely because
I took her to the opera.
No, no one said
you had to.
That is what they want,
isn't it?
What are those dreams
I am accused of destroying?
Dreams of marrying
the "catch of the season"
purely for my fortune.
I will not have it.
[croupier] Place your bets.
Do you want in?
No, no. I have spent
all my money.
Oh, excellent.
Why not just choose
some girl
and just make
an end of it?
You know,
propagation of the species
and all that.
Why do you think
I am here tonight?
I am very anxious
to find a suitable bride.
Then why not Julia?
She's generally acknowledged
as a handsome woman.
Here you go, sir.
Thank you.
She's handsome enough,
but she's not the one for me.
Place your bets.
Why not?
I don't know.
She flutters her eyelashes
far too much.
that's blinking.
That is your reason?
No, that's
a pretty paltry reason.
It was very distracting.
Numerous times
throughout the evening,
I thought she was going
to fall asleep.
Don't look at me
like that.
Place your bets.
It was not the only thing
that turned me off
Miss Thistlewaite.
Item four.
"Converses in
a sensible fashion."
My tailor's conversation
is far more scintillating
than your cousin's.
I tried to engage her
in a discussion
about the Corn Laws,
and she thought
it was a diet regimen.
It's your turn, sir.
What is this?
Is this a list?
[croupier] Place your bets.
Yes, it is.
You have some sort of
list of qualifications
for a bride?
Yes, I do. So?
[croupier] Chance, sir.
You may roll again.
That is
damned arrogant of you.
No wonder you cannot
settle upon anyone.
You want them to meet
some catalog of requirements,
like a...
Very well done, sir. a tandem horse
you're purchasing
for your curricle.
Exactly that!
I have specific requirements
when filling my stable.
Why not even more
stringent requirements
when choosing a bride?
A companion
I will see morning...
Shall we roll again, sir?
...noon and night.
Next thing you know,
you'll be putting her
through her paces
or checking her teeth.
-I'll add that to the list.
Bad luck, sir.
One more?
No, I'm not drinking.
One more.
She does not bite,
you know. [laughs]
You have the manners
of a Billingsgate fishwife!
I would not know,
as I do not keep
the low society
you do, Cousin.
From my friend Selina.
Evidently, the news
has reached Sussex.
the whole of England
will know.
Did you...
speak to Mr. Malcolm?
I did.
What did he say about me?
Well, he agreed
that you are
a handsome woman.
Did he?
That is good news.
But he has this list,
you see, and, um...
Well, unfortunately,
you did not meet
the fourth qualification.
I would have failed it myself
as I have no interest
in politics
and have always found
the Corn Laws
particularly confusing.
He has a list...
of requirements
for a bride?
And I must say that
I did not care for the idea
at first myself,
but then when
he explained it to me,
I could see his point.
What if the girl has
some odd kick in her gallop?
Well, his brother,
the Viscount,
was lured into a terrible match
and left miserable
as a consequence.
I don't believe it.
The arrogance!
I would like to see
what is on this list.
Did you see it?
But it would do you no good.
No good at all.
No one can live up
to these expectations.
I mean, even if you'd passed
the Corn Laws test,
your eyelashes,
they irritated him to no end.
My eyelashes?
Is the man deranged?
No, of course not.
You just can't fool him
with those tricks you pull.
He despises
flirtatious games.
The unmitigated gall.
What conceit!
Is it rather warm
in here?
Somehow I will see to it
that the Honorable Mr. Malcolm
receives exactly
what he deserves.
He won't get away with this.
Well, I'd best be off.
And you're
going to help me.
Julia, absolutely not.
Julia, no.
what are you doing?
Julia, stop.
My dearest Selina...
...thank you
for your kind correspondence
in regards to
that vile caricature.
I've been thinking that it would
cheer me up no end
to see you after all this time.
Will you come visit me in London
for what is left of the season?
I promise you will be
well entertained.
she's from the country.
Would you just be quiet
for once, John?
[clears throat]
[coach driver]
You made it!
I did!
How long has it been?
My dear,
how you've blossomed!
You look well yourself!
I'm so glad
you're here.
You must be parched.
Come inside.
John, put Selina's bags
in her room immediately.
My dear cousin,
Lord Cassidy,
is dying to meet you.
So, tell us more
about how you've been
occupying your time
in the charming countryside.
It's such a different life
from here in town.
Well, as I mentioned
in my letters,
I had been in Bath
serving as a companion
to the elderly Lady Ossory
in her final years.
Yes, Lady Ossory.
How dreary for you.
No, no. It was not
at all unpleasant,
though I did long
for some companions
my own age.
Bath has become
quite the destination
for septuagenarians.
Oh, my dear,
I understand completely.
I find foreigners
very tedious as well.
Well, your letter came
in the nick of time
as I've yet to find
another position.
My dear Selina,
if it is a position
that you're looking for,
I may have
the very thing.
Well, "position"
may not be quite
the right word.
It's more of
a project, a lark.
You see,
there is a gentleman,
a Mr. Malcolm,
who is widely known
for his arrogance.
Is he the one
in that awful caricature?
The very same.
As you may know,
he paid me very public,
very pointed attentions
and then humiliated me
by withdrawing his suit.
how dreadful for you.
Uh, I--
I am so sorry.
It was very unpleasant,
especially when
I found out
that he had
a list that
he judged me against
and found me wanting.
What sort of list?
It is a list
of the qualifications
he is looking for
in a bride.
But he believes himself
to be so superior
that his qualifications
are quite unreachable.
I would love
for Mr. Malcolm
to receive the comeuppance
he deserves,
but I need
your assistance.
My assistance?
If we were
to present you
as the perfect woman
that he is looking for,
and then allow him
to discover that
you have a list,
and he does not meet
the requirements
on your list,
well, that would be
a perfect sort of
poetic justice.
I don't know. It's--
It sounds rather...
[scoffs] My dear Selina!
Do not be
such a namby-pamby!
I will not allow that man
to ruin one more reputation.
But if he is as arrogant
and fastidious as you say,
then how am I
to attract his attention?
If Mr. Malcolm
was not captivated by you,
then surely he will not
even look in my direction.
Oh, Selina.
What an astute observation.
even though your look
is not fashionable
in the classical sense,
you are more informed than I
or any other young lady
before you.
You know
about the list.
And with some tutelage
from my cousin and me...
Mmm. have a very good chance
of meeting the requirements.
[chews, grunts]
Your-- Your cousin
is going to instruct me
on how to attract
a sophisticated gentleman
of particular tastes?
[chews, gags]
Apparen-- Apparently, yes.
I-I-I don't think I...
My dear Selina.
I do hope you'll agree
to help me.
After all,
we've always looked out
for each other, have we not?
Plus, it could be
rather fun.
What is it exactly
that you want me to do?
Thank you.
[clears throat]
Item number one:
"Handsome of countenance
and figure."
That's lovely, Molly.
Lower across
the bodice.
[Julia] Number two:
"Graceful and well mannered."
Look at me.
Back arched
just a little, Selina.
We are having
the gown cut low.
We don't want him
to miss the effect.
that's outrageous!
And we are...
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
Don't stop now.
You will trip Cassie.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
And fly like a bird!
Spin out.
[Julia] Number three:
"Educates herself
by extensive reading."
Becoming a suitable bride
is quite burdensome.
I almost feel as if
I'm being trained up
to become a wife.
I know.
God forbid someone decided
to enter a marriage
based on love.
What a wonderful thing to say.
You must exude
an elegance of mind,
a knowledge
of the world,
while still
retaining the navet
that men find so charming.
-Do you know anything
about the Corn Laws?
-Of course I do.
It's very important
that you do.
I've brought you some tracts
on the subject.
Do not waste too much time
on those tracts, Selina.
A gentleman doesn't
like a lady to be more
intelligent than he is.
A wife with a mind,
God forbid.
And thinking too deeply
causes forehead furrows.
It might be a good idea
if you meditated
on the ocean.
I find when I think
of the sea...
I'm less apt
to wrinkle my brow.
Oh! I almost forgot.
No blinking.
I beg your pardon?
Malcolm doesn't like
flirtatious tricks.
Well, Cassie,
if you were paying
the least bit of attention,
you would have realized
I already explained
to Selina
that there should be
no artificiality
in her behavior
when she pretends
an attraction
to Mr. Malcolm.
That doesn't sound
anything at all
like what I said.
Well, excuse me
for not using words
of fewer syllables.
Well, if you're
so bloody smart,
Miss Hoity-Toity,
how come you couldn't pass
Malcolm's little test?
What is this now,
your fourth season?
Maybe if you'd
warned me!
I didn't want anything
to do with this.
I don't want anything
to do with you!
That's not--
I believe I have an idea
of what Mr. Malcolm
is looking for.
Now, what plan do you have
for us to meet?
Selina, you are blending in.
[guests chattering]
Now you must hide.
A job masterfully done,
I'd say.
I'm a little nervous.
Do not worry.
Wait in here.
I shall return.
[guests chattering]
[music playing]
I should have stayed
in Sussex after all.
I beg your pardon?
Uh, I'm-- I am sorry
to disturb you, sir.
I thought this room
to be unoccupied.
'Tis no matter.
Um, hiding from
the dancing?
Uh, something like that.
I was, um...
reflecting on
the futility of a dream.
Is any dream futile?
It gives us hope,
and hope is a good thing.
In your opinion.
Others of us may believe,
as the poet said,
"'Tis hope is the most
hopeless thing of all."
What a sad conviction.
I prefer to believe,
as Johnson did,
that hope is
a "chief happiness
which this world affords."
But, perhaps,
you hope for
something unworthy,
in which case
you deserve to hope
in vain.
Confess, sir.
You were hoping to win
at the gaming tables
and have lost,
and are now indulging
in a fit of pique.
I would not confess
to such childish conduct.
Though had I played,
I would have hoped to win.
So you contend you hope
for something worthy?
I do, indeed.
Then it is my hope
that you obtain it.
I am honored.
Perhaps I am mistaken
in thinking hope
a useless thing.
I-- I'm...
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I disturbed you. I...
I should go.
No. I should be
the one to leave.
I have spent enough time
in solitary reflection.
I would be honored,
once you return
to the ballroom,
to be properly introduced.
as my mother always said,
I am a natural-born dancer.
I really am.
I mean, dancing runs
in my fam--
Excuse me.
Where have you been?
I have a likely prospect
for you.
Young filly,
deep-chested, long legs.
I very much regret using
this horse analogy.
No, I think
you'll like this one.
She has quite
the air of mystery
about her.
That sounds alarming.
I tend to
keep my distance from
mysterious young ladies.
I think I just found
a likely prospect of my own.
I just wonder
how long she'll stay
in the orangery.
Sorry, what's that?
Did you meet--
Did you say you just
met someone in the orangery?
Yes. Though she's
probably married
or equally ineligible.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
[guest] Lord Cassidy.
Where is he off to?
[Cassidy] Excuse me!
Selina, did you--
did you just meet
a gentleman in here?
He was delightful.
[guest laughs]
I do not see
what's excellent about it.
Julia says
I'm not to leave this room.
She says
she has to create an--
an "aura of mystery"
about me.
Forget what Julia told you.
We're returning
to the ballroom immediately.
Why? Do you know
the gentleman?
I rather think I do.
Come on.
My dear girl,
where have you been?
I see your dance card
is empty.
Do not be so judicious.
Do you want
a drink?
What are you doing here?
The beau monde
is fascinated by
the mysterious incognita.
There has been
an interesting
Mr. Malcolm!
There's someone
I want to
introduce you to.
M-Mr. Malcolm?
That is correct.
[Mrs. Thistlewaite]
Mr. Malcolm,
how lovely to see you,
and how well you look.
Mrs. Thistlewaite.
Miss Thistlewaite.
Mr. Malcolm.
I, however, have yet
to learn your name.
Mr. Jeremy Malcolm,
may I present
Miss Selina Dalton?
Miss Dalton,
I am very pleased
to make your acquaintance,
-[Mrs. Thistlewaite]
Now, tell me, Mr. Malcolm.
Will your delightful mother,
Her Ladyship,
be joining us this season?
They stumbled upon
each other moments ago
in the orangery.
How unpredictable!
It's wonderful.
I was hoping, Miss Dalton,
perhaps you might join me
for a tour of
the Dulwich Picture Gallery
Thank you.
That would be nice.
Tomorrow, then.
Lord Cassidy.
Well done.
Mr. Malcolm courting
yet another one.
Shh! I think
he might hear you.
Well, you most certainly
have a reputation.
A trifler?
Well, yes.
of hearts?
I suppose
one could say that.
A destroyer
of young ladies' dreams?
That is
an absurd exaggeration,
but I have heard
rumors along those lines.
And you?
Do you believe
this description of me?
I am not ready
to pass judgment.
Well, I am glad
to hear you say that,
Miss Dalton,
for I do not believe
I deserve this reputation
I have acquired.
Particularly in the case
of Miss Thistlewaite,
I find myself blameless.
She told me you paid her
very marked attentions.
I escorted her
to the opera once.
I see. Was it
an amusing opera?
No, it wasn't.
The soprano missed
most of her notes,
and Miss Thistlewaite
wore this feather which
brushed against my nose
so frequently
over the course
of the evening,
I found myself
wanting to sneeze.
you and Miss Thistlewaite
are the victims
of a most egregious
set of circumstances.
and screeching sopranos
are not conducive
to romance.
So you acquit me
of trifling with
Miss Thistlewaite's affections?
I am-- I am afraid
I cannot.
You were
too easily put off.
A sincere gentleman
would have tried
a second time
before casting a woman aside
in the public eye.
Invited her to
a musical concert, perhaps.
But I knew
I was not interested
in Miss Thistlewaite
after the opera.
Had I continued
to pursue her,
I would have deserved
the reputation
I have acquired.
So what would
you have me do
in such circumstances?
Excuse me.
Jeremy Malcolm.
Henry Ossory,
as I live and breathe!
What are you doing here?
I thought you were
stationed with your regiment
in the north.
I'm just in town
for the memorial
of Lieutenant Colonel Donoghue.
But I am thinking
of selling out
and joining the ranks
of you idle gentlemen wastrels.
Are you sure
you're up to it?
It can be
quite exhausting.
Excuse me, Miss Dalton.
May I present
Captain Henry Ossory?
Miss Dalton?
Captain Ossory?
Miss Selina Dalton?
I take it the two of you
are familiar
with each other.
Yes. Miss Dalton was
an excellent friend
of my uncle's widow.
I wanted to thank you
for your kindness to my aunt.
I see.
But what
a fortunate coincidence
to come upon you
so unexpectedly.
How opportune.
I am very pleased
to meet you, Captain.
I esteemed your aunt
very highly
and have long wished
to express my condolences.
Why, thank you.
I served as a companion
to Captain Ossory's aunt
in Bath
during her final years.
How very kind.
Well, I should let you
resume your tour
with Mr. Malcolm.
But I would be pleased
to call on you,
if you would give me
your direction.
I am staying
at the Thistlewaites'
in Berkeley Square.
Well, Mr. Malcolm.
Miss Dalton.
Oh. Uh, do make sure
you see the Venus and Adonis.
Quite exquisite.
What a fortuitous meeting.
Look at Mr. Malcolm.
Doesn't look pleased,
does he?
[Julia] Good evening, Molly.
Do not mind us!
Uh, excuse me, Miss?
[Julia] Selina must be
absolutely famished.
Good evening, Molly.
Just a little something.
It's beautiful.
what did he say about me?
Um, merely
that he escorted you
to the opera.
I must admit, Julia,
that does not seem
such a heinous crime.
Did he tell you
about my eyelashes?
Your eyelashes?
Just wait until he starts
to weigh you up against
that list of his.
Then you'll see
how unpleasant he can be.
Oh, Selina.
I need you to help me.
There's no way
I can touch him.
He holds all
of London society
in his palm.
But I'm just not sure
he is the villain
you paint him to be.
I want him humiliated,
as I was.
More than anything, I--
I want my reputation restored.
And my--
my prospects are dwindling.
I truly understand,
but maybe...
I have known you
nearly all my life.
And you have known
Malcolm for, what,
less than a day?
Ugh. He has this effect
on all women.
It's like he exercises
some kind of power over them.
He did not exercise
any power over me.
Are you sure?
You did not find something
mesmerizing about him?
I cannot deny that
I see a certain...
[clears throat]
I knew it.
You're being blinded
by his intelligent conversation
and devastatingly handsome
good looks.
Well, take it from me,
it leads to nowhere.
Are you feeling well today,
Yes, quite well.
[door opens]
Captain Ossory.
Oh. I'm not acquainted
with a Captain Ossory.
Are you, Julia?
Captain Ossory is
an acquaintance of mine.
Oh. Send him in at once.
May I present
Captain Ossory to you,
Captain Ossory,
Mrs. Thistlewaite
and Miss Thistlewaite.
Your servant, Mrs. Thistlewaite,
Miss Thistlewaite.
Please be seated,
Thank you, ma'am,
but actually
I came to request
the pleasure of a promenade
with Miss Dalton.
Another one!
That would be lovely.
Please excuse me
while I collect my things.
[Ossory] Of course.
[sighs, chuckles]
[clears throat]
So, Captain Ossory?
I was not aware
that Selina had
an acquaintance in town.
Yes, Miss Dalton was
a dear friend of my aunt's.
It's very strange.
She's never mentioned you.
Are you situated in town
or is this a flying visit?
Newly situated, yes.
I hope you don't mind
the intrusion.
A friend of Selina's
is surely a friend
of mine-- Ours.
Thank you both.
How kind.
-Shall we go?
Mrs. Thistlewaite,
Miss Thistlewaite,
lovely to meet you both.
[door closes]
[children laughing]
[Ossory] I'm not sure
if you are aware, Miss Dalton,
but my aunt
mentioned you many times
in her correspondence with me.
Your aunt spoke of you
quite often, as well.
I am very pleased
to have this opportunity
to make your acquaintance.
I feel likewise.
I must admit, however,
to yet another motive
for seeking you out.
I came to London
to meet you
because it's my belief
that my aunt desired us
to make a match.
[stammers, laughs]
What gave you
that impression?
her letter to me
before her death,
in it she wrote,
"It is my desire that you
and Miss Dalton make a match."
I see. Then it appears
you interpreted
her meaning correctly.
Yes, yes.
Her words were
rather plain.
Unless, of course,
she could have been
speaking of cribbage.
She could have meant
we should engage
in a cribbage match.
Or chess.
Could she not have been
speaking of chess?
I am afraid not.
She knew me to be a very,
very poor chess player.
Ah. Um, good day, Henry.
Miss Dalton.
Good day, Mr. Malcolm.
It appears
I have interrupted
a humorous discussion.
It was nothing
of consequence.
We were discussing a letter
Captain Ossory received
from his aunt.
Well, I wondered if
you were to attend
Lady Hartley's ball
week after next.
-I believe I am.
As it happens,
I too am to attend
Lady Hartley's ball.
Perhaps I might be
favored with a dance?
Well, shall we?
After you.
Good day,
[gossiper 1]
I've heard
she's from Sussex!
I must say,
whatever is the matter,
dear Selina?
[gossiper 2]
Where is Sussex?
I, um--
I received correspondence
from my mother.
She's asked me to call on
my cousin's widow,
Mrs. Covington,
while I'm in town.
Whatever is wrong
with her?
When I met her last,
she would not
accept me at my word
that I had no beau.
She quizzed me
on the subject
for 20 minutes
before offering
to find me a husband.
I hate to think
how she'll react
when she finds out
I'm still unwed.
She was married,
widowed and married again
by our age.
How vulgar.
whatever you do,
do not mention
to Mr. Malcolm
that you have
such a vulgar cousin.
One of the requirements
on his list is:
"Has genteel relations
from good society."
I wouldn't call the Daltons
"from good society."
But, Selina,
you're the daughter
of a clergyman.
That's at least
fourth-class society,
possibly even third.
At best.
Oh, and while
we're speaking of it,
at the dinner party,
you will need to play
the pianoforte.
Musical talent
is another requirement
on Malcolm's list.
he loves music.
But I don't play
the pianoforte.
I am surprised
Mr. Malcolm desires a wife
when he could
just as easily hire
a performing bear.
Do not worry,
dear Selina.
I have a plan.
[Julia] Mr. Banbury,
how's your wife?
So, tell me, Captain Ossory,
how are you finding
society life so far?
I seem to be
constantly thwarted
in my endeavors.
Hmm. What endeavors
are those, may I ask?
The art of courtship.
[Cassidy] Well, ladies?
What do we think?
Tolerable enough?
Handsome enough to tempt?
[Malcolm laughs]
I find courting
to be less an art
than an avocation.
[Mrs. Thistlewaite]
You served in
the Peninsular,
did you not,
Captain Ossory?
Yes, in the 18th Regiment
of Light Dragoons.
Did you see any action,
Yes, at Waterloo.
I saw more death
than a man should,
but a great victory all round.
How brave.
Swapping a battlefield
for a ballroom.
How ironic.
I still find myself
surrounded by
a multitude of sweaty men
desperate for female company.
[all laugh]
Miss Dalton, tell me,
how do you know
Miss Thistlewaite?
-You met at school,
I believe?
-Yes, we attended--
We, uh, both attended
Mrs. Finch's
Ladies Academy as girls.
I attended on the
kindness of a benefactor
of my father's.
I was bullied quite terribly,
but Julia was kind to me.
Miss Dalton,
I was curious,
what is your opinion
on the Church Building Act?
[Mrs. Thistlewaite]
What a weighty question
to ask over soup.
I believe
it is in bad taste
to discuss politics
before the entre is served.
Perhaps you are correct.
However, I am interested
in Miss Dalton's opinion.
as the daughter
of a clergyman,
it is obviously
important to me
that there are
houses of worship
available to all.
I feel that
the million pounds set aside
for this purpose
is exorbitant.
I believe our government
intends by this measure
to suppress the radicals
and keep anarchy at bay,
when they could use
some of those funds
to better
the lot of the poor,
thereby accomplishing
the same purpose.
They could just
pay us better.
[cutlery clatters]
Hear! Hear!
[all laugh]
I apologize
for the lecture,
but you did ask me
for my opinion.
I am sure your father himself
could not preach
a more eloquent sermon.
[Ossory clears throat]
And you, Mr. Malcolm,
what's your opinion
on the matter?
Although I doubt
you will be able to express
your argument as well.
It's very much the same,
[piano playing]
[Cassidy humming]
[playing continues]
[Ossory chuckles]
Good shot,
Miss Thistlewaite.
I must be nearsighted!
[Cassidy] Selina,
you're taking losing
mighty well.
How amiable
and even-tempered of you.
Take another shot,
my dear.
May I assist?
So, keep your shoulders
in line with the target.
Ball between your feet.
A little more.
[Malcolm] Hands steady.
Deep breath in.
Thank you.
All right,
Captain Ossory.
It's your shot
for the win.
It's an easterly wind,
so aim a little
to the right.
[clears throat]
Well done.
[Cassidy] Marvelous!
[Julia] It would have been
a shame to lose
on such an easy shot.
Can you pass me the shawl?
My legs are cold.
The wind was,
uh, westerly.
If I had listened to you,
I would have.
Oh, Captain.
I'm pretty sure
it's to the east.
I'm surprised you lasted
that long in the cavalry
with such a dreadful
sense of direction.
I never lose.
Neither do I.
My lords and ladies,
may I have your attention,
Lot seven,
an eight-year-old
Irish draft mare.
All of 16 hands.
Well-schooled and hunted,
she's sporting countryside.
Have I an opening bid
of 150...
My mother used to always say,
"Never, ever, ever
go near a horse--"
Enough about the horses!
Tell us what Malcolm
thinks of our girl.
No, please,
not this again.
He told me that he
was initially impressed
by her wit and humor,
but was concerned
that she was not
serious enough.
But after the dinner party,
that fear was laid to rest.
"Not serious enough."
He certainly makes
rash judgments.
It's as I've told you,
There is
no pleasing the man.
No, no. Look, I may have
quoted him incorrectly.
He was very,
very complimentary.
He said you've nearly met
all of the qualifications
on his list,
which is a good thing.
Oh, dear.
I know this is
hard to hear, Selina,
but it shall be over soon.
-Julia, that's not
what I'm saying.
-Selina! [gasps]
Selina Dalton!
How rude!
As I live and breathe.
Cousin Gertie!
What a surprise!
May I introduce
my dear friend...
Miss Thistlewaite.
Miss Thistlewaite.
That's a mouthful.
Miss Thistlewaite.
Say that one 20 times.
Miss Thistlewaite.
Miss Thistlewaite. Miss--
Say it, try, try!
Miss Thistlewaite.
Miss-- You can't do it!
What you need, my girl,
is a husband
so you can change
that ghastly tongue twister
of a name.
Mrs. Covington,
may I introduce you
to Lord Cassidy?
How do you do?
[Mrs. Covington]
Oh, Lord. [chuckles]
Hey, Malcolm.
[Mrs. Covington] Is that
the famous Mr. Malcolm?
Do you know him?
I saw the most
hilarious caricature of him
a few weeks past.
I didn't know
you were here.
Mr. Malcolm.
Captain Ossory.
What a wonderful
Nice to see you again,
Miss Thistlewaite.
[clears throat]
Mrs. Covington,
may I present
the Honorable Mr. Malcolm
and Captain Henry Ossory.
I'm delighted
to make your acquaintance,
Mrs. Covington.
Mrs. Covington.
No, sir, it is I
who am delighted.
[chuckles, stammers]
Well, I have never been
in the same room with a captain,
a lord and an honorable.
Although, I am not
quite exactly sure
what it means
to be an honorable.
It's the next best thing
to a lord, am I right?
He is the younger son
of an earl.
[Mrs. Covington]
Oh, oh, oh.
Now, that's a real pity.
Because you've got
the look of a lord,
much more than
this young gentleman
over here. [laughs]
You know, Mr. Malcolm
has a more, um...
dignified look
about him.
[Julia stammering]
I think Mrs. Covington
would probably like
a drive home...
by a lord.
I'm sure His Lordship
has other plans
for the rest
of the afternoon.
No. No, he doesn't
have any plans.
Julia, I do.
No, you don't.
I do. No, I--
No, I don't.
Thank you.
I would be honored.
I am glad I dressed
so sensibly today.
Is this hat
not ravishing on me?
Shall we go then?
Of course,
of course.
One thing I learned
in my two trips
to the altar
is that the gentlemen
don't like to be
kept waiting.
[cackling] Oh, yes!
They're never waiting.
Oh, yes.
Julia Thistlewaite--
I'll call sometime soon.
Excuse me, sorry.
[muffled chuckle]
And how are you acquainted
with Mrs. Covington?
She-- She is--
My cousin.
-Your cousin?
-Seven times removed.
Selina, my dear,
if we're not buying,
we'd better be going.
before you leave,
I was wondering if
Miss Dalton would join me
for a ride tomorrow?
Um, I-I--
She would be honored
to ride with you,
Mr. Malcolm.
that's settled.
Us ladies should
leave you gentlemen
to your stallions.
Good afternoon.
[auctioneer calling]
All done.
At 84, the seller in front.
At 84 guineas, last. Sold!
My dear Selina,
it is working.
And now thanks to me,
you will not fail item six.
I thought that must be
why you claimed her.
Couldn't imagine
you felt a sudden desire
for her kinship.
Just do not
reverse course on me.
I will not, Julia.
I promise to be everything
he desires in a woman:
witty, humorous,
serious, genteel,
musical, fashionable,
only the best relations
and all at the same time.
I thought you might
like to wear this.
Oh. It is--
It is magnificent.
But I cannot.
[sighs] I must say,
it looks ravishing on you.
It is yours now.
Thank you, Julia.
It is nothing.
See you tonight.
See you tonight.
[ducks quacking]
That is a very beautiful
bonnet on you.
You are very quiet
this afternoon.
Please don't feel the need
to make conversation.
I much prefer silence
to those that rattle on
with nothing to say,
like that Mrs. Covington.
She's quite
the character, isn't she?
I must say, I'm very glad
I'm not courting
Miss Thistlewaite.
Beg your pardon?
What do you mean?
Well, I mean...
Well, it's obvious,
isn't it?
That I would want
my future companion's relations
to have a modicum
of gentility.
And if they did not?
I'm sorry
I introduced the subject.
'Tis a moot point,
after all.
I'm not courting
Miss Thistlewaite.
I'm court--
I think it's quite clear
who it is I'm courting,
isn't it?
But if you were
still courting Julia
and you had met Mrs. Covington,
would that affect
your opinion of Julia?
Well, it would have to,
wouldn't it?
There's a saying
where my family is from.
[speaking Yoruba]
A man who marries a woman
marries all her relatives.
I'm sorry, I...
I've said too much.
I understand this is
quite overwhelming.
And what do you find
overwhelming, Mr. Malcolm?
The society balls.
Gold-rimmed tea cups.
The tying of silk cravats.
All of this is very easy.
You learn the rules.
You follow the rules.
If there is a moment
where there is no rule,
you make a rule,
you follow that.
I find everything else
Why did you come
to London, Miss Dalton?
I was lonely.
I was lonely, too,
before you came.
I... I am having
a house party
at my estate in Kent,
and I would be pleased
if you would come
as my guest.
I am honored
by the invitation,
but I am a guest
of the Thistlewaites.
I will invite them as well.
And Cassie, of course.
I'll even invite Ossory
if you'd like.
My mother is coming
to act as hostess,
and I thought perhaps
your parents might like
to come as well.
Thank you.
I shall write
and ask them.
I suppose we should
be heading back.
[Selina gasps]
Miss Dalton,
I am so sorry.
I seem to have
torn your dress.
'Tis no matter,
Mr. Malcolm.
It can easily be repaired.
Please, call me Jeremy.
Did Mr. Malcolm mention
if Captain Ossory
has been invited?
Yes. He told me
he's on the guest list.
Ugh. What a bother
that man has become.
[sighs] I shall have
to distract him, of course.
My dear, have you thought about
Captain Ossory for yourself?
Mummy, no!
He's a perfectly
good match,
but far too low down
in comparison
to our own good standing.
We're here.
Well, that certainly
looks impressive.
A Mrs. Thistlewaite,
Miss Thistlewaite
and Miss Dalton, my lady.
My darling Selina.
I missed you so much!
My little chickpea!
[Mrs. Dalton]
You look so well!
Welcome to Hadley Hall.
Thank you.
It is beautiful.
A little smaller
in real life.
May I present my mother
Elizabeth Malcolm,
the Countess of Kilbourne.
Lady Kilbourne
will do just fine.
Mrs. Howard will
show you to your rooms.
I thought you might like
to refresh yourselves
before joining us for tea.
That would be lovely.
How's Kitty?
[Mr. Dalton]
She was pining a little bit,
but she'll be fine.
Miss Dalton...
I am very happy
you're here.
I am very happy
to be here.
The stables
are in the East Wing.
I could get used
to the country.
One day, I'll buy
a house just like this.
Not on your salary.
My son tells me
you were raised in Sussex,
Miss Dalton.
Yes, my lady.
Which part of Sussex?
And, Mr. Dalton,
I believe you still serve
as vicar there?
Yes, my lady,
coming on nearly
20 years now.
And, Mrs. Dalton,
are your people
from Sussex as well?
My family's name
is Kingswater.
I'm afraid I do not know
any Kingswaters.
[Mr. Dalton clears throat]
[bell chimes]
Mrs. Thistlewaite,
we cannot thank you enough
for taking care
of our Selina.
It's been no problem
at all.
Selina, I forgot to ask you
how Mrs. Covington is.
Did you call on her
as I asked?
Mrs. Covington
is the widow of my cousin.
She lives in town.
I did run into
Mrs. Covington.
[Mrs. Dalton] Good.
I'm glad to hear it.
Her husband
was my second cousin only,
but she is a widow.
Mrs. Dalton and myself
have always taught Selina
to show compassion
to those in less fortunate
Pray, excuse me
as I take a turn about the room.
He fell at Waterloo.
He died a hero's death
by all accounts.
Cut down by cannon
while defending
Wellington's flank.
There was nothing left
of him to bury,
so we were forced
to conduct his funeral
in absentia.
[Lady Kilbourne]
Terribly sad.
Miss Dalton.
I do not care
that Mrs. Covington
is your cousin
and I am sorry
I gave that impression.
It is I
who must apologize.
I think you were concerned
for my good opinion
and thought
if you told the truth,
you'd lose it.
It is my fault.
I sounded dreadfully arrogant
and I have regretted it
many times since.
I've been wanting
to tell you the truth,
but I--
I believe you.
Then let's forget all about
this foolish incident.
It does neither of us
any good to harp on it.
Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Dalton,
perhaps you could write
to your cousin
and invite her
to join us
at next week's ball.
That sounds like
such a fun idea.
Don't you agree,
Mr. Dalton?
Well, I am confident
that the behavior
that prevails
at these occasions in town
will not permit here.
Mr. Malcolm seems
a very trustworthy gentleman.
[Julia] Selina?
May I come in?
Selina, I...
I think it is time.
If you think
it is time for bed,
I can only agree.
I think it is time
to show Mr. Malcolm
your list.
I know Mr. Malcolm
hurt your feelings
and I am so sorry.
What are you saying?
I am saying
that I do not think
Mr. Malcolm is
the man you think he is.
I see.
Now that you have seen
Hadley Hall
and seen how rich he is,
you think you can get him
to marry you, is that it?
I wonder if you would
like him as much
if he was
a poverty-stricken curate
from Yorkshire.
No, that is not it!
I am not interested
in Mr. Malcolm
because of his possessions.
He has been kind to me.
You agreed to help me.
We were in this together.
I don't feel Mr. Malcolm
deserves such treatment.
And I?
You think I deserve
such treatment?
I was humiliated
in front of the whole
of good society.
Have you never
offended anyone?
It happens.
No one wants a person
incapable of forgiveness
for a friend.
And I don't want
a prosy preacher's daughter
for a friend.
This is mine!
[door slams]
[Malcolm] What was that?
[Lady Kilbourne]
Probably that Miss Thistlewaite.
She looks the
door-slamming type
to me.
Thank you, Reeves.
What surprises me
is that she did not
set her cap for you.
She did, at first.
It was short-lived.
What happened?
Well, I took her
to the opera once and...
did not call again.
It died a natural death.
So you think.
I doubt she'd forget
that kind of rejection
very quickly.
She's not enjoying
taking second place
to your Miss Dalton.
She's not my Miss Dalton.
Not yet.
Yes, I know.
I do wish you would hurry
the business.
You know how much
I detest entertaining.
So, you approve?
If I had
my wits about me,
I'd persuade you
to marry some silly,
ignorant girl
against whom
I would not suffer
in comparison.
Someone like
your brother's wife.
Mother, you would suffer
no matter whom I married.
And surely
you must know by now,
relations by marriage
were designed to aid us
in developing our character.
Selina is a gift from God
in that regard.
And far be it for me
to question the Almighty.
Mr. Dalton would not approve.
Yes, Mother. I know.
[bird squawks]
[gun fires]
[dog barks]
[Selina] Well done.
Thank you, sir.
Captain Ossory!
[Julia] I think it should be
a masquerade.
They're all the rage.
Yeah, but I have to wear
a mask though.
[Julia] It's not up to you.
It's Mr. Malcolm's home.
Of course it is, but...
We were just discussing
next week's ball.
Julia wants it to be
a masquerade.
What is your opinion?
Well, I've never been
to a masquerade before.
See, Mr. Malcolm?
It must be a masquerade.
Selina has never been to one.
Then it's decided.
A masquerade it is.
I do believe we have
some costumes
in the attic, sir.
Thank you, Reeves.
Everyone feel free
to help yourselves.
Thank you.
I should be able to find
what I need at the dressmakers.
Do you plan on
going as a lady?
Of course not. A Greek.
Any particular Greek?
Any Greek will do.
-Julius Caesar.
Julius Caesar
was Roman.
Greek, Roman,
it scarcely matters.
I plan to wear
a white robe
and some leaves
over my ears.
I went to one
of these blasted things
as Henry VIII once.
I almost suffocated.
I remember.
What are you wearing,
I have no idea.
I was hoping
to get some inspiration
once I visited the attic.
Why not go
as your namesake?
Who do you mean?
Selene, goddess of the moon.
Cassie has already taken
my costume.
I told you,
I'm not going as a woman.
I'll be one
of those, um...
philosophical fellows,
like Plato or Socrates.
My cousin going as
one of the deepest thinkers
in history.
That does quite
boggle the mind.
[all laugh]
So will you go
as Selene?
I have no objection
masquerading as a goddess.
Who is this Selene?
Selene was
the goddess of the moon,
which she drove across
the sky every night.
The story goes that
she fell in love
with a mere mortal
who was far beneath her,
both literally
and metaphorically.
I had no idea
military men had such
an intimate understanding
of mythology.
Oh, I think there's
quite a lot you don't know
about military men.
Selina, I would be happy
to assist you
with your costume.
I could take some designs
to my dressmaker
when I head into town.
Why, thank you, Julia.
Miss Thistlewaite,
let's shoot something.
[sighs] If we must.
Now, the trick is
keep the stock tight
to your chest
and shoot where the bird
will be rather than
where it is. All right?
[clears throat]
[Ossory] Thank you, sir.
[birds squawking]
[gun cocks]
[bird squawks]
[wings flapping]
-[Ossory laughs]
-[dog barks]
Hmm. I think I've got it.
I've never seen
a woman do that before.
I suppose
that's a compliment.
It most certainly is,
[bird squawks]
[dog barks]
[Ossory laughs]
[chattering, laughing]
Mr. Dalton,
is that really the best
you could have done?
Oh, Mr. Malcolm,
what a pleasure
to be invited to
your very impressive home.
You must be very thirsty,
Mrs. Covington. Allow me
to escort you to get some punch.
How gracious, Mr. Malcolm.
You, the host.
I knew what they said
about him couldn't be true.
Shall we?
Oh, yes.
[Mrs. Covington laughs]
I must speak with you.
You know, Julia,
I must say,
I don't know why
ladies complain about having
to wear feminine attire.
This is quite
a bit more comfortable
than knee breeches,
I can tell you.
When I walk,
there's the most
refreshing breeze.
Cousin, I did not come here
to discuss the benefits
of wearing a dress.
It's not a dress.
I need to talk to you
about Selina and Malcolm.
Ah. I see.
You've finally caught on
to the fact
that all your scheming
was for nothing.
Well, I knew that
all along.
I knew they were
perfectly suited
to each other.
I imagine that must sting
just a little bit.
You thought
to humiliate Malcolm,
and you end up presenting him
with the perfect wife
on a silver platter.
A pirate!
You know, Julia,
you and Malcolm...
you're much more alike
than you've considered.
You really shouldn't be
so damned picky,
or you might
miss your chance.
I'm going to go.
Well, I almost didn't
recognize you there,
Miss Thistlewaite.
Captain Ossory,
is that you?
Your costume is
very out of character.
I'm not sure
how to take that remark.
Do you find me
dull and spiritless,
not manly enough
for swashbuckling adventure?
[scoffs] No.
I find you quite manly.
I'm not entirely sure
how we strayed onto
that topic.
The fault
is entirely mine,
though I cannot regret
the unintentional compliment
you gave me.
Ladies and gentlemen,
prepare your wigs
and hoist your dresses...
Shall we?
...for the quadrille.
[guests applauding]
Which is quite nice.
It's just a bit
of fabric really.
[guest] Julia Thistlewaite
dancing with a military man?
Well, I never!
[orchestra playing quadrille]
By the way,
it's me, John.
[Molly] Well, she's quite taken
by him, isn't she?
My daughter, dancing
with the captain?
That is joyous.
[all exclaiming]
have you seen Selina?
Well, it's not
the easiest of tasks
this evening, dear.
[music stops]
[guests applauding]
Ladies and gentlemen, the waltz.
May I, a mere mortal,
beg of the goddess Selene
the honor of this dance?
You may.
[orchestra playing waltz]
[guest 1] Her mask,
isn't that wonderful?
[guest 2]
That's Selina Dalton.
[guest 3] Oh, my.
She is quite beautiful.
[Lucy] Mr. Malcolm is dancing.
[Lady Margaret] Is that
Julia Thistlewaite's friend?
She's a complete nonentity.
Her father is
a country vicar.
Well, he told me
he couldn't dance.
Mr. Dalton, look.
Well, hello, sir.
Well, it appears
there may be
wedding bells soon.
Thank you for the company,
but I really must go.
Wait, Ju--
Selina, I--
Miss Dalton!
Miss Thistlewaite
needs you immediately.
Mr. Malcolm,
please excuse me.
What is it?
[Molly whimpers]
where are you taking me?
She is just
through here, Miss.
[door closes]
For Mr. Malcolm.
She's too good for you,
you know.
That I believe wholeheartedly.
Thank you, Reeves.
I have an appointment
in my study
with a certain lady.
Wish me luck, old boy.
Next time you see me,
hopefully I'll be betrothed.
I would wish you luck,
but I don't think
you'll need it.
Well, you cast your eye.
The night is young.
[door closes]
This reminds me
of our first meeting.
Do you remember
what you said to me?
I said I thought
hope a futile thing,
and you disagreed with me.
Yet you said you hoped
I obtained what
I was looking for.
You had little idea
the thing I was looking for
was you.
I wanted to wait,
at least until the end
of the house party.
But I do not think I could be
any more convinced
than I am right now.
would you do me the great honor
of becoming my wife?
What's this?
"Qualifications for a husband.
Does not make others feel
as if they cannot live up
to an impossible standard."
No, Selina.
Selina, wait!
[door rattles, opens]
[chattering, laughing]
Selina, aren't you
supposed to be
in the study?
With Malcolm.
He said he was
meeting you there.
I made no appointment
with Mr. Malcolm.
Please excuse me.
Is everything all right?
I don't know.
What-- What is
the meaning of this?
[Malcolm] Selina, wait!
Wh-What's this?
I think you'd
best explain yourself, Julia.
Miss Thistlewaite?
So it was you who refused
my offer just now.
It's his own fault.
You spurned me publicly.
All because I didn't meet
a qualification
on that cruel list of yours.
So yes,
I decided to show you
what it feels like
to be judged
and found wanting.
Can you blame me
for enlisting Selina
in the--
Don't tell me you had
a part to play in this?
Julia mentioned it
to me.
But you cannot think I--
The time for pretense
is over.
I never engaged
in any pretense.
So you did not lie to me
and tell me Mrs. Covington
was not your cousin?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the cotillion.
Good God,
what a fool I have been.
[orchestra playing cotillion]
I should have known
from then.
You will call me
Mr. Malcolm.
M-Mr. Malcolm,
please hear me out
before you condemn me.
And how can I believe
a word you say?
It seems you have been
deceiving me
from the beginning.
Malcolm, perhaps you should
listen to what
she has to say.
I hardly think you're
the appropriate person
to counsel me.
It's obvious they've
beguiled you as well.
[guests exclaiming]
[music continues playing]
If you will excuse me,
I am in the middle
of hosting a ball.
A masquerade,
Do you see?
Do you see now
how arrogant he is?
How could you stand there
and say nothing?
Well, if you're wondering
whether to lock me in my room,
I can assure you,
I do not intend
on coming down again tonight.
Don't bother.
Are you satisfied
with your behavior, Julia?
Course not.
Oh, I feel like
I'm going to be sick.
I think it's best
I return to the ballroom.
[sighs, sniffs]
[music stops]
[guests applauding]
Your shoulders down.
[Molly chuckles]
Stop standing on my feet.
[Mr. Dalton] You disappeared
early last night.
[Selina] Did I?
You know, Selina,
though Mr. Malcolm,
from what acquaintance
I have made of him,
appears true of heart,
he is nevertheless
from an altogether
different sphere.
This decision
I have come to believe
you are making,
we want you to know
that it's yours and yours alone.
And even if you and Mr. Malcolm
should decide not to make
a match of it,
well, it's been nice
to have had a little holiday.
I'll leave you
to your thoughts.
Though it pains me
to admit it,
I have to concede
that you were right,
and I was...
not entirely right.
[Reeves] That should
do the trick, sir.
Thank you.
Oh, we must do something.
I think that's how
this whole debacle began.
Captain Ossory,
what if you were to pretend
to woo Selina?
I think Malcolm
was jealous of you before.
It might work again.
I don't think so.
I prefer to let them
work out matters for themselves.
Well, they don't appear to be
doing a very good job of it.
Malcolm has all but disappeared
since last night.
Would you give us
a moment, please?
Yes, of course.
I really should check
where Malcolm is anyway.
Captain Ossory,
it's all perfectly harmless.
I just want to ensure
that Malcolm values Selina
as he should.
I think there have been
enough silly schemes.
Don't you think,
Miss Thistlewaite?
But you wouldn't even
have to do anything.
Although it might be a good idea
if you did pay Selina
a little extra attention.
I refuse to pretend
an attraction I do not feel
and stand by
and let you ignore
the one that I do feel.
But you came to London
to make a match with Selina.
So now I'm not
even allowed to decide
to whom I'm attracted?
Does this feel as though
I'm attracted to Miss Dalton?
I may not be a lord
or an honorable,
but I'm falling in love
with you, Julia.
And I plan on devoting
the rest of my life
to keeping those
nasty habits of yours
in check.
[both laugh]
In fact, I positively
look forward to it.
Oh, Henry.
could we speak outside?
You know
I don't like horses.
You have some nerve,
after the trick
you all played on me.
I was helping you.
If only you had
the wit to see it.
'Tis true that Julia wanted
to humiliate you.
I, on the other hand,
I knew Miss Dalton
was perfect for you
from the very beginning.
Whether you thought
you were helping me or not,
Miss Dalton used information
she obtained from you
about what I was looking for
in a wife to become that woman.
I have absolutely no idea
who she actually is!
That is simply not true.
She barely paid any attention
to anything that we said.
[stammers] Well, except the--
the musical talent part.
That she had to fake.
My point is,
if she had listened to us,
she probably wouldn't have
attracted your notice at all.
So what you're saying is
she's smarter than you
and Julia?
No, no, that's not
what I'm saying.
She is most likely smarter
than Julia or I--
For Christ's sake,
Dash it,
you're twisting my words.
What I'm trying to say,
Jeremy, is that if--
Selina Dalton
is the right woman for you,
and if you ruin this,
you'll regret it
for the rest of your life.
If I ruin this?
Well, Lord Cassidy,
I appreciate your concern.
However, nowhere on
my now-infamous list
does it specify deception,
lying or scheming.
I am no longer interested
in Miss Dalton
and can only regret
that I fell foul
of her little game.
if you will excuse me.
I suppose I have you
to thank for this?
I beg your pardon?
If you had thought
to orchestrate
a compromising situation,
I must admit, I had
thought you a great deal
cleverer than this.
I received an invitation
to tour the gardens.
I assumed it to be
a group tour.
I certainly did not plan
on meeting you here alone.
I suppose it's coincidence
then that I too
received a note,
though mine spouted
some nonsense about
"a discussion that promises
great future benefit."
It's all very melodramatic,
now I think on it.
You are to be commended,
Miss Dalton.
I have avoided
a great number of attempts
to entrap me in matrimony,
but never have
I met someone whose methods
are so obviously
contrived as you.
You insufferable,
conceited coxcomb.
I would never be content
to marry a man who holds
such a low opinion of me.
Well, this is a good thing
there has been
no such engagement.
I now wish I had taken
a more enthusiastic part
in Julia's despicable scheme
to humble you,
although I realize now
it would have never worked.
She expected you
to fall in love with me.
I have since learned
that you--
that you are
incapable of love, sir.
Though perhaps
we're all better for it
because you're not
worthy of it, either.
Goodbye, Mr. Malcolm.
I wish you and your list
all the happiness in the world.
Miss Dalton!
Go away.
You have every right
to despise me.
I despise myself.
-I deserve that.
Selina, I don't know why
I went through with it.
I wanted revenge
on Mr. Malcolm.
I was so angry that one man
could turn my entire life
into a farce.
But then I did want
to ruin your chances
with him as well.
We both had the dream
of marrying for love.
And after all
of my failed seasons,
I gave up hope.
You captured Malcolm's heart
without even trying.
And I was
so jealous of you.
I couldn't bear
to see you succeeding
where I had failed.
It all seems
so silly now.
If I had just stopped,
I would have seen
that the only person
I was failing is you.
Selina, do you think
that you can forgive me?
please don't go.
We must reconcile you
with Malcolm.
I think you might have been
more correct in your reading
of Mr. Malcolm than I was.
That is very noble
of you, Selina.
But is this
what you really want?
I will have John
prepare my carriage for you.
Thank you.
I do want to thank you
before I leave.
Had it not been for your--
for your scheme,
I would have never experienced
what it feels like
to fall in love...
and that alone
makes me very content.
I'm happy for you.
What do you mean?
He's a good man.
How did you know?
Cassie, of course.
I would have never expected
to fall in love
with someone like Henry.
He's just so...
Now, Julia,
do not be
such a namby-pamby.
[John] Move on.
[carriage departing]
You do not look like
a man who has just
become happily engaged.
That's because
I'm not happily engaged.
Miss Dalton has left.
You have ruined things,
haven't you?
And after all my efforts.
What did you just say?
I am saying that I arranged
for a tour of the rose garden
at three o'clock.
I assumed it would give
the two of you
enough time alone together
to come to some sort
of betrothal.
Why did you--
Why did you not tell me
this earlier?
If I had known you were
in such a great hurry
to bungle things,
you can be assured
I would not have exercised
such forbearance.
What did you do
to upset Miss Dalton so?
Nothing so serious. I merely
accused her of attempting
to entrap me in marriage.
I must say,
I am quite
disappointed in you.
I am well aware
that you have a list.
When I first learned of it,
I was concerned
that you had become
arrogant and judgmental.
But then I came to realize
your list is in the nature
of a shield.
So many women
have pursued you
for your fortune
that you did not want to
give your heart to a woman
that might prove unworthy.
But I have never met
so sincere a lady
as Miss Selina Dalton.
It is difficult
for you to let someone
past that guard
that you've placed around
your heart.
But unless you do,
you're in danger of losing
Miss Dalton's altogether.
Love cannot be planned
so carefully, my dear.
It will stir things up
a bit.
That is part of its charm.
I have to go after her.
There's no need
to look so apprehensive.
She will not eat you.
You've not seen her
in a temper.
She is a fearsome sight.
And more beautiful than ever.
[Cassidy] It's the way
that they look at me.
This one reminds me
of Great Uncle Vivian.
Yeah, Julia,
he was killed by a horse.
Do you know
where she's going?
She's gone back to Sussex.
Her parents follow tomorrow.
Thank you.
And thank you, Cassie.
You were right.
I was--
I was right?
Of course
I was right!
Miss Thistlewaite.
I am sorry.
I'm sorry too.
-Let's go.
-Go, Malcolm. Go!
Go, Malcolm!
What on earth
do you think you're doing?
[panting] Are you trying
to get us both killed?
I realized I forgot
to give you something
before you left.
What is it?
[Selina scoffs]
Do not tell me that is
your infamous list.
It's a new list
that I just composed.
I would like to offer
an explanation for the
deplorable way I've treated you
since I found out
Miss Thistlewaite's plot
and then again
this afternoon
in the rose garden.
Though it pains me
to admit,
I was relieved
to find an excuse
to discredit you.
There is
a certain feeling of...
when you find yourself
falling in love with someone.
And I can only hope
that you will forgive me
for being a misguided fool.
Miss Selina Dalton,
I have loved you deeply
from the moment
I saw you in the moonlight
of that orangery.
You are everything...
everything I could have
ever hoped for.
You are
the "chief happiness
this world affords,"
to misquote Johnson.
And I would count myself
the most fortunate
and humble of men
if you would
be my wife.
You have yet
to give me an answer.
Tell me, though...
what opinion do you hold
on the Corn Laws?
Has every stupid thing
I've ever said or done
been announced
to the entire world?
Jeremy, of course
I will marry you.