Mr. Vampire II (1986) Movie Script
MR VAMPIRE ll
(Vampire Family)
Presented by
LEONARD HO
Produced by
SAMMO HUNG
Planning
WU MA, COREY YUEN KWAI, YUEN BIAO
Project Manager
JESSICA CHAN PUI-WAH
Screenplay by
BARRY WONG PING-YIU
Directed by
RICKY LAU KOON-WAI
This is not a hiking trip! Get to work!
Professor, how much is this antique worth?
A few pence.
A few pence? Are you serious?
See for yourself.
MADE IN HONG KONG
- Hong Kong?
- Professor, there's a cave over there!
- And I found these by the entrance.
- Let's go take a look.
Good! Let's go!
You walk the slowest. You go first.
I'm scared...
That's why.
I want you to be more gutsy.
Come on, get in there. Hurry.
Go.
Go!
Get outta there!
Professor! Help!
Unzip your pants!
Help me, help me quick!
Calm down. Don't be scared.
Splendid, what a tonic!
Good stuff!
Professor, this looks like a tomb.
Let's get outta here!
Get outta here?
Can't you see what this is?
Gold teeth!
We're rich!
I can take care of this here.
You two spread out.
And don't steal anything!
You're stealing again?!
Spit it out!
I said spit it out!
How can you even eat this?
It's a tonic!
You'll die!
Professor, look!
Open it!
- Don't you want to be rich?
- Sure!
Then what are you waiting for?
Stop staring and
give me a hand!
You're good for nothing!
Nice!
What do you mean?
I meant what's on her neck.
Don't touch it!
It's more valuable intact.
You mean including the body, Professor?
If we find a buyer, we'll be rich.
Come and give us a hand!
Professor, there's a little kid too!
Mother and son in the same coffin?
Then the other coffin shouldn't be empty.
Where did it go?
Where did it go?
Ah! Maybe he went shopping?
Yeah right,
maybe he went to your house!
He hasn't gone shopping!
He's right here!
He's got a weapon.
Looks like they fought.
But over what?
- Over money?
- Over girls! Over...
Who cares? Bring all three of them
back to the studio after dark.
Come on, let's move him first.
Hey you two. Stop pacing up and down.
Dust them off!
She died peacefully.
Not peacefully, beautifully.
Her face is still so elastic after
being dead for a century.
Let's see if your heart still beats.
My heart is beating fast all right!
That's right, it's not beating.
Hey! What are you doing?
I need to take off her clothes
so I can clean them.
Clean them? They're antique!
What if you tear them?
I need to bathe her at the very least.
Bathe her?
Bathe yourself!
Stop making trouble!
Always up to no good!
That's right, he tried to
molest a dead body!
Why do you care?
You're undressing her,
that's why!
None of your bloody business!
Why are you so nosy?
Quiet!
Fine, you just watch it!
You think I'm scared?
You're always in my way!
See if you dare to interfere again!
What are you doing?!
Let go of my birdie!
She's all yours!
She's the only animal I love,
apart from my mum!
Birdie, get up!
Please don't die, birdie.
Don't die.
Month-to mouth resuscitation!
He's playing with my bird again, Professor!
You're such a pain in the arse!
- What?
- Oh hi, Mr Nelson!
It's Kwok Tun-Wong.
I've got some good artefacts for you.
- What sort of artefacts?
- Preserved corpses from the Qianlong reign.
- Show me a sample.
- Sure, I'll show you the child.
You smoke too much, Professor.
Be careful or you may get lung cancer.
You eat so much wildlife.
You may get cancer, too.
Who would've thought corpses
could be moneymakers, Professor?
How much do you think this one
will go for?
Why do you care?
You think I might take your share?
No, but you've never shared
your profits with us anyway.
I just haven't shared them yet.
So there is some hope for us two?
Probably just wishful thinking.
That's too loud.
Can't I listen to the radio?
Didn't you hear what I said, sonny?
I turned it off and you
turned it back on!
Professor, can't you see that my hands
are on the steering wheel?
Don't blame me.
Help!
Mummy! Help!
Wait! Wait for me!
Why are you running?
Right, why am I running?
- Professor, the corpse is moving!
- Then it's even more valuable!
- Let's go back!
- Hurry!
Professor, all that's left is the talisman.
Shit! I wonder how the other two
in the studio are doing?
Let's get back, now!
"Each time I stare at you,
your eyes are full of tears."
"Corpse-suppressing talisman.
The General-in-Chief is here."
Corpse-suppressing talisman?
Sounds like sci-fi.
Are you for real?
Looks fine to me.
"This talisman was drawn by
the Taoist vanquisher Zhong Kui.
"It connects the Yin and the Yang
with the five elements.
"It can suppress all evil spirits.
Its power is unsurpassed.
"Thus, it's named the
Corpse-suppressing talisman.
"Any undead corpse that is pasted with
the talisman will become stiff.
"But its power remains and is
ready to be unleashed.
"Descendants must never remove it,
"for the spirit will be awakened
and the corpse will be revived."
"The corpse will be revived"?!
That sounds horrible!
Run!
Mummy!
Step forward, step back.
Step forward, step back.
Crouch!
No...
Birdie, you're free!
What about me?
Professor! Those two...
Those two corpses can move!
You must've pulled off their talismans!
That's right. How did you know?
I should have warned you.
Now look what's happened!
How are things inside then?
I overpowered the female corpse.
- What about the male?
- Did he go shopping?
Shopping my arse!
He almost killed me!
What do we do now, Professor?
- Savage, get my tools ready.
- But they're all inside...
See what's going on from the peep hole.
Open the door.
Professor, I'll stand watch here.
If anything happens,
I'll run away for sure!
Don't worry about me, just go in.
Go get the tools.
What are you doing?
So I can saw him in two
and mince him to pieces!
- To do what? Make soup?
- I've never tried it.
Get a rope. We must capture him alive.
Professor, did you see the corpse?
No. Give me the rope!
What should I use then?
Haven't you heard the idiom
"A successful man uses his hands"?
Hands?
Go get the gun under my pillow.
Gun? When did you get a gun?
I bought it last night. Go!
It's not here!
Why did you kick him?
Now he's coming after me!
Here!
Professor, he's still moving!
Chicken, where's that talisman?
I tore it.
Has it lost its power?
Professor, maybe it's too small
and not powerful enough.
It's possible.
Professor, he's still hopping.
What now?
Tie him up with more ropes.
Then we go and find
the small one before dawn.
We'll lose our fortunes
if anyone finds out!
Give me a hand.
Wait for me!
Let's play in the garden!
Dad, dad!
What is it?
Dad, I need a bamboo stick for the lantern.
Can't you see your dad is busy?
Get it from the greenhouse yourself.
Sounds good!
Dad! Dad!
What is it now?
Dad!
Dad, the greenhouse...
There's... there's...
- That's good then.
- No, dad!
Stop bothering me. Go outside!
We need backup!
He's inside!
Fine, let's all charge in.
Okay!
What? Are you guys scared?
You go in first and yell
if anything happens. Then we'll charge.
Fine!
Let's get out of here!
What's with you guys?
You said you'd charge in
if anything happens!
We've been fooled, it's only a toy plane.
See? I told you I went inside.
I wasn't lying to you all.
You weren't lying, but you tricked us.
I didn't!
If you don't believe me, fine!
You don't have to believe me,
but I really saw him!
I believe you, sis.
They don't believe me, but you do?
You must be lying!
Mary?
It's her again! Turn on the TV!
We're having dinner...
Turn the volume down!
I'll see you on your day off then!
But your kids may not like me.
Why wouldn't they?
OK then.
- Great! So remember to be here!
- Bye-bye.
Bye-bye!
Dad's coming. Let's eat!
You two are so naughty!
Always messing around whenever
daddy is on the phone with Auntie.
Dad, don't talk on the phone during dinner.
Cold food is not good for you.
Just eat!
Tonight's headline news.
Police seized a fishing boat
at San Kung early this morning.
It was carrying adult illegal immigrants
as well as children.
The youngest of these so-called
"small human snakes" was only four.
They drifted in the ocean
for three days and three nights
before being discovered by Marine Police.
Dad, what's a "Small Human Snake"?
It's slang for illegal immigrant children
who want to come to Hong Kong to stay,
- but the government won't let them.
- They must be really suffering!
That's right. They're cold, hungry,
and they can't go outside in the day
or else they'll be arrested!
Dad, I'm full.
Hey, where are you going?
To play with puppy!
Dad, there are two guys and a girl
living in this house.
So how come we have to wash dishes
while she gets to go out and play?
Think of it this way. If there are
two adults and a kid in the household,
then it's logical for the adults to
wash dishes while the kid plays.
But the fact is there's only one adult here.
How come it's not just the adult doing this
so both kids can go out and play?
How about letting the adult play
so the two kids can wash dishes instead?
What would you play then?
There's so much to play
ever since your mum died.
Feeding, changing diapers,
changing and washing the bedsheets,
doing laundry,
washing the dishes.
Washing dishes is considered playing?
Then I'll leave you alone
so you can play with yourself!
Time to find myself another woman.
You're so rude, brother!
Why didn't you knock first?
Now get out!
Get out!
Sorry, sorry!
Come out, don't be scared.
I know you're here.
You... you...
Don't be scared.
I won't tell Uncle policeman.
I won't!
Let's be good friends, OK?
It's too cold here.
Come inside with me.
Hold out your hand.
Let's go.
Chia-Chia?
What are you doing in there?
Dad, don't come in yet!
Get in there, hurry!
It's soaking wet!
What were you doing outside?
Nothing!
Nothing?
What are you hiding in the closet?
Nothing, nothing!
Let Daddy take a look! Step aside.
Dad, I have to go to bed now.
Please leave.
- OK. Good night.
- Good night.
So cute!
Who is it?
Brother, come in,
I wanna show you something.
- What is it?
- Just come in.
So noisy! What's going on here?
Dad, I made a ghost face to scare him.
Dad!
Don't get too rowdy now.
Dad!
You don't have to be scared.
What are you afraid of?
He just wants to be your friend.
Come on, get up.
Brother, isn't it fun?
Yes, yes it is!
If dad finds out, he'll call the police
and they'll arrest him.
Then we don't tell dad!
- Let's cross our fingers.
- Sure.
"When our fingers cross,
daddy won't know a thing."
"When our thumbs touch,
our secrets won't get out."
Hu? Hurry up!
We're running late!
Coming!
Hurry!
Coming!
Stop running wild, you kids.
And watch out for the flowers!
Why are you so early?
Rain in the forecast today, remember?
Hey, dad is gone.
Hurry, tell him to come out.
All right.
- Why is he acting like that?
- I know why!
Dad said that a 'Small Human Snake'
can't go out during the day.
Let's draw the curtains then.
Where is Chia-Chia and her brother?
Let's go get them.
Let's go!
We're coming in.
Don't come in, guys!
Get out!
What is he?
Don't bother him!
Be quiet!
You may scare him!
I'll open it so you can see.
Don't be scared.
They're all good friends of mine.
- I'm Sticky Rice Chicken.
- I'm Spring Roll.
- I'm Trussed Duck Feet.
- I'm Layer Cake.
What's his name?
No idea. He can't even talk.
Why don't we call him OK Boy?
Sure! OK Boy? Great!
We're like honey sticking to peanuts
Let's hold hands, you and I
Looking at you,
hugging you and laughing with you
You're like the little monster
from the cartoons
But you never get mad
and you never get angry
No matter how much I poke fun at you
You're my best friend
and confidant in my life
You are also my private security guard
You stand up for me all the time
I want you to be with me
from dawn to dusk
And go walking the streets with me
To find a true friend in my life
Is all I wish
I love seeing you do somersaults
And giving you a big big hug
I want you to be with me day and night
Even when it's late,
I don't want to say good night
To find a true friend in my life
Is all I wish
Our two hearts are like one
So transparent
- Uncle?
- Speak.
I don't want to drag this out any longer.
Let's get on with it.
So you won't let Gigi marry me?
"Unchanged for 50 years."
Uncle, please think it over.
Gigi and I have been friends since childhood.
I have my principles.
Uncle, I may be just a journalist,
but I'm still young and hard working.
Gigi won't find a better man if
you force her to give up on me.
Spare me the crap!
You've known me since I was a kid, and
my late father was your best friend.
Based on that alone, you should
let Gigi marry me.
Are you trying to win my sympathy?
Forget it!
So there's no hope between Gigi and I?
Not entirely. Take over my clinic.
Inherit the Lam family legacy here
and I'll make you my son-in-law.
Anyone taking her
must also take my shop.
But I'm really not interested
in Chinese medicine!
I'm just gonna turn the clinic
into a photography studio!
Nonsense! If you're not interested,
then I'll find someone else who is!
Bing!
Yes, Boss?
Work hard, and this shop
will be yours one day.
Thank you, boss!
Wait!
At this point, I might as well tell you.
I've already slept with Gigi.
What?! How could you say that?
Not just say it, I've done it too.
Gigi!
What is it, dad?
Let me ask you. Did you let him...
take advantage of you?
He takes advantage of me every day!
Hear that? Every day, she said.
Impossible, she must've heard me wrong.
I'll ask her again.
Gigi!
Yes, dad?
Listen clearly, did you let him...?
Never mind!
Dad, the rice is already cooked!
Hear that?
"The rice is already cooked"!
Are you lying to me?
If I could lie to you, then
I wouldn't lie to your daughter.
And if I could lie to her, then
I wouldn't lie to you.
Hey! What do you mean?
You think about it.
Sir! Do you need a prescription
or to see the doctor?
The doctor.
The doctor?
Boss? We have a patient.
Come in.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
So, what's bothering you?
Not too much, it's just a small thing.
Look.
Just a little thing.
- Well? Does it still hurt?
- No.
How did you get this?
I was playing with
my neighbour's grandson
and he bit me for no reason!
You know how senseless kids can be
when they get excited!
I don't think it was a kid
who bit you,
but whatever it was,
it wasn't human.
- Bing?
- Yes?
Excuse me.
Get me some vintage sticky rice
and water.
Why does your dad look so anxious?
Must be a rare case if he
asks for vintage glutinous rice!
Wow! What happened to you, bro?
I was playing with my
next door neighbour's grandson...
What's it to you?
Are you a doctor too?
I'm not, but I'm a reporter.
Let me take a picture.
Hey! No pictures!
Not you, just the wound.
Yen! Stop messing around!
Boss.
Are you sure it doesn't hurt?
Yes.
Calm down!
Don't worry. You'll be alright.
But be honest with me.
What bit you?
I was playing with
my neighbour's grandkid...
Fine, say no more.
You can go home now.
Thank you, doctor.
Yen, watch the shop for me.
I'll be right back.
What's going on?
You watch the shop.
I'll follow your dad.
Bing, watch the shop.
I have to follow them.
Taxi!
It's you?!
Get in, father-in-law!
Follow that taxi.
What is going on?
He got bitten by a tiger!
Tiger? I think it's a vampire!
Vampire?
Vampire? What are we gonna do?
Right, what can we do?
Get rid of it!
Shit, I forgot my tools!
Follow them and see where they're going.
But don't go in!
Let's go.
Open up, I'm back!
Professor! Open the door!
Go back and bring your dad back here.
Open the door!
Where have you been all evening?
Never mind. Let's go get
that little one back!
Hurry, hurry!
1982 German-made lock.
All too easy for me to unlock it!
Awesome!
"Retarder"? Is there really such a thing?
It's still moving!
A picture with both of them
will make me world-famous!
Done!
But without their faces,
there's no realism.
Why... am... I... walking...
so... slowly...?
Run!
That sounds like Yen!
That's the brat's voice all right!
Yen! What's going on in there?
Vampires!
Open the door!
Coming!
So you wanna help? Then let's
do this together!
Ready?
No need to be scared. I'm here.
What's... that... smell...?
That's right!
It... stinks...!
Danger!
Retard...
Not... again...!
Strike!
Still... wrapped...
in... cloth...!
Strike!
I'll... kill... you...!
Help!
Save... your... father...!
Catch!
- Give... it... to... me...!
- Here!
Broken!
He... is... strong...!
Hurry... up... and... dial...
9... 9... 9...!
Run!
- Hang... up...!
- Take... this...!
Help!
Let's... go...!
I... am... so... dizzy...!
Police...! Come...!
Don't... go...!
Help... me...!
How many times do I have to
tell you, officer?
Those two were really vampires!
Vampire, my arse!
There are no vampires.
Cops!
Looks like a raid!
Stealing corpses is a serious crime!
Right, let's go!
Professor, I don't want to be rich now.
I don't want any money either!
Money? What about your life?
You were bitten by that vampire.
You'll die for sure unless
you inject that vampire's blood.
What?!
You're only telling me this now?
After the police were there already?
You just want me to die!
So glad I didn't get bit!
Professor, I quit!
Where's your chivalry?
This is no time for chivalry!
I'll bite you!
Direct or indirect bite,
it makes no difference.
Let's see where the cops are
taking the corpses.
How come they still
haven't moved the stiffs?
Why are we still arguing over this?
It's really very simple.
Someone dialled 999,
we got here and found two corpses.
Of course we have to follow up.
No way we'll be handing them over
to the museum!
Of course they belong in a museum!
They're not corpses, they're relics!
Relics?
What makes you think they're
relics and not corpses?
Because they haven't decayed!
Can't you see?
How long have they been dead then?
Judging by their outfits,
between 100 to 200 years.
If that's the case, what if
someone put animal skin
on the corpse after killing him?
Would you consider him
a prehistoric relic?
Are you an archaeologist or a sucker?
You can't just make wild guesses!
No more guesses. Hand them over
to us at the Health Department.
An autopsy can determine
their true age.
What? How am I gonna exhibit them
afterwards?
That's easy!
Just have your wife wear a Ching outfit
and sleep in a glass case.
Then you can call her a
relic or a corpse!
You'd better watch it!
At least I wasn't
speaking nonsense like you!
Quit arguing! These corpses--
What corpses? They're relics!
Corpses or relics, they still
need to go under the knife!
You wish! It's my duty to
protect these antiques!
Let the police handle them.
Sure, but after I've opened them up!
This discussion is going nowhere!
It is going nowhere, so?
We'll resolve this with force!
You win.
Men, take the two corpses
to the police station.
Wait!
Excuse me, everyone.
I'm Fireman Ng Lien-Sui [No Water].
Our Commissioner has ordered that no
one can remove the corpses until he arrives.
Not his business!
I haven't finished!
The Immigration and
Anti-Smuggling Commissioners
said they must weigh in on this too!
There they are, father-in-law!
It sure is chilly here!
- It's just the air conditioning.
- Right.
What are you doing?
Close the door.
Sorry for the disturbance,
everybody.
Open it.
Pull him out.
He's as frozen as an ice lolly!
He'll be fine if he stays frozen!
Even snow can melt.
Stabbing the vampire?
I'd better take a picture!
It's too frozen.
No, it's just your old age.
Why not let me try it?
- Are you up to it?
- Just aim at the heart and stab!
Hard, make sure the heart is pierced.
Got it.
Take a photo for me?
Just press the shutter when I count to three.
Just get on with it!
1, 2, 3!
Done!
Shit, the sword's broken!
Now what, father-in-law?
We'll burn them.
Here? You'll burn more than just them!
They are already dead.
And many more will die if
they get out of here!
Go get the kerosene!
Father-in-law, someone's coming!
Let's play dead!
Shit, forgot those two!
Is this the right morgue?
I guess.
This is the one!
Let's look around.
There's so many of them!
Just find the ones with the clothes on.
Check them one by one.
Hey, come over here.
This stiff looks familiar.
Looks familiar? Are you nuts?
I've seen him before somewhere.
Hey! They're here!
That's right!
We're saved!
Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't be here!
Whose blood should we draw first?
The woman, of course!
Why?
The guy must've fooled around
before he died.
Who knows if he has AIDS or not?
Bring the woman over.
OK.
Hold it tight.
It's so hard!
Oh no, we're done for!
I'll get another syringe.
You just warm her up.
Hurry!
What are you two doing?
Move them out now!
The professor is getting mad.
Let's drag them outta here!
Quickly!
Father-in-law,
they're taking the corpses away.
Follow them.
Hurry!
Make it snappy, you two!
No more fooling around!
Step on it!
I am. Where are we going?
To find a deserted place and burn them!
- We're going so fast!
- Let's soften them up!
It's so hard!
1, 2, 3, 4!
1, 2, 3, 4!
It's soft now! Get the syringe!
Hurry!
Father-in-law, there's a roadblock.
We'll ram it. Step on it.
Ram it?!
- Sir?
- What is it?
A truck is speeding towards us!
No matter what, don't let it through.
Yes, sir!
Stop the truck! Stop the truck!
Father-in-law, what do we do?
- Ram it!
- Stop!
Long live the Queen!
Out of our way!
We really can't stop!
What? Don't you know you're talking
to a Royal Hong Kong Police officer?
Father-in-law, now what?
Ram through it!
Why didn't you ram it?
Not my fault, father-in-law.
Not your fault?
Yeah, it might've been difficult.
So you like driving? Go ahead!
Drive and I'll shoot.
Why aren't you driving?
Sir, listen to me--
I don't have time for that.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
I'm charging you with reckless driving,
resisting arrest, attempted murder,
threatening a police officer, etc.
- What's inside the truck? Open it!
- I can't!
Do you think I'm an idiot?
Men!
Your assistance is not needed.
3048, 2040, open the rear doors.
Yes, sir!
Keep pushing!
Don't let them out!
- Go away!
- No way! I'm dead if they get away!
I'm not going anywhere!
Get back, get back!
Father-in-law, a crowd is gathering!
Disperse them!
Keep pushing!
Push it!
- What is it?
- There are two vampires inside!
- Vampires?
- Get these people out!
Freeze! Don't do anything stupid.
I won't, sir.
Freeze! Get back, all of you!
Father-in-law, now what?
- Out of my way!
- What?
Hey! What are you doing?
Fire!
That was close!
Let me take a picture as a souvenir!
Shit! We're done for!
Hurry! Help put out the fire!
The truck is on fire!
Vampires!
Yes, I know!
We're saved!
Fire!
Guns are no use!
Come with me!
Draw their blood!
Go and restrain him!
- Me?!
- Yes, go!
Out of my way!
Get out of the way!
Make way!
Make way!
Father-in-law, now what?
After them!
Sir? Sir?
We have some Breaking News.
Two alleged vampires appeared
in the New Territories...
Hey, turn the volume down!
They are chasing and killing bystanders.
The situation is extremely chaotic...
The news says there's
two vampires on the loose!
Vampires?
Are you sure this isn't a movie?
They found two large OK Boys!
They aren't cute at all!
Don't cry, daddy might hear you!
Let's go back to our room, OK Boy.
I'm not watching this anymore!
I'd better go and check on my kids.
Just ask Ying to watch over
the children for you.
No need.
I'll finish the game later.
Come here. Come here!
Come here!
Now!
A vampire boy?
Dad!
Dad, don't!
OK Boy is harmless!
Dad!
Be quiet!
Hello, 999?
I found a vampire boy here.
"The divine guidance points to
South East, North West..."
Just driving around isn't gonna work.
Silence, can't you see I'm reciting?
Data Division notifying TV news teams.
Vampires found on Castle Peak Road.
All nearby teams please
head there immediately.
Team 17, Ha Yau-yen.
Order received, on my way. Over!
No more reciting. Hang on!
What's taking them so long?
You're late!
The vampire kid is inside.
Daddy!
Daddy!
OK Boy!
Lights!
Fire!
After them!
Yes sir!
Get in!
Blow up the house if necessary!
WAIT!
Don't! Mr Hu's entire family
is in there!
Don't worry, Royal Hong Kong Police
always put hostages first!
You two, go inside!
- Me too?
- Go!
Sir, that's not gonna help!
More people will die!
You again?! Who are you exactly?
Father-in-law, show him your qualifications!
Put away your gun first.
My master Sammo Hung
had Spooky Encounters.
And he's met The Dead and The Deadly.
Last year he even caught Mr Vampire.
As for me, my name is Lam Ching-ying.
Master Lam, what do you suggest we do?
First, turn off all the lights.
And get some sedatives that are
strong enough for elephants.
- I'll take care of it.
- Fine.
Turn off the lights!
Yen, follow me.
- Sir, who's Lam Ching-ying?
- How the hell would I know?
He's willing to risk his life,
so let him go for it!
Stab the vampires' chests with this.
Stab her chest, Father-in-law!
Give me the sword!
What about me?
Do your best to let them
strangle you, then I'll stab!
Not a good idea!
Go on!
Lure him outside.
Father-in-law!
OK Boy!
Come back here!
Turn on the lights!
Bazooka, ready!
Fire!
- Follow me!
- Yes sir!
Put out the fire.
Clean up the scene.
Yes sir!
Fire the sedative bullets!
Let's go all out.
Launch calcium sulphates, KISS!
Father-in-law, aren't we being cruel
by doing this?
"Your body isn't yours to begin with,
and it isn't your only one.
"Once your body burns, you will be
reborn from your own ashes.
"May Buddha give you an early start
on reincarnation to a new life.
"Amitabha Buddha."
Come with us to the station
for a statement.
Dad, don't let Uncle
take OK Boy away.
Let's adopt him, okay?
He's a boy now, but
what about when he grows up?
He will suck our blood!
Don't worry!
I have plenty of blood!
No, Uncle!
Don't take him away!
I really don't know what to do.
He did help us once.
I just don't have the heart.
Don't...
Uncle, are you arresting him?
Little girl, do you like him?
Yes, he's nice, and never mean.
Don't cry, don't cry...
Good boy...
Uncle, he's asleep.
Let Uncle take him to bed.
Don't worry. I won't hurt him.
You can't leave!
Uncle policeman will arrest you
once you get out there.
I have an idea!
What to do with this one,
Father-in-law?
"God has the virtue of cherishing life."
We'll help him reincarnate early and happily.
Goodbye, Uncle.
Uncle, bring him back
when you're free.
Okay.
Yes, come visit us again.
But... what about him?
Starring YUEN BIAO,
MOON LEE CHOI-FUNG, LAM CHING-YING,
BILLY LAU NAM-KWONG, CHUNG FAT,
PAULINE WONG YUK-WAN
Co-starring
BOWIE WU FUNG, LAU CHAU-SAN,
JAMES TIEN-CHUN, CHEUNG WING-CHEUNG
Special Appearances by
WU MA, STANLEY FUNG SUI-FAN,
MANFRED WONG MAN-CHUN, WALTER TSO TAT-WAH,
YEUNG MING, YIU YAU-HUNG
Introducing Child Stars
HO KIN-WAI, HON TO-YUE, CHOI MAN-GAM
Action Choreography
SAMMO HUNG STUNTMEN'S ASSOCIATION
Cinematographers
ANDREW LAU WAI-KEUNG,
CHO WAI-KEI
PETER NGOR CHI-KWAN,
ARTHUR WONG NGOK-TAI
Editor
PETER CHEUNG YIU-CHUNG
Songs sung by
ELLEN NG HA-PING
(Vampire Family)
Presented by
LEONARD HO
Produced by
SAMMO HUNG
Planning
WU MA, COREY YUEN KWAI, YUEN BIAO
Project Manager
JESSICA CHAN PUI-WAH
Screenplay by
BARRY WONG PING-YIU
Directed by
RICKY LAU KOON-WAI
This is not a hiking trip! Get to work!
Professor, how much is this antique worth?
A few pence.
A few pence? Are you serious?
See for yourself.
MADE IN HONG KONG
- Hong Kong?
- Professor, there's a cave over there!
- And I found these by the entrance.
- Let's go take a look.
Good! Let's go!
You walk the slowest. You go first.
I'm scared...
That's why.
I want you to be more gutsy.
Come on, get in there. Hurry.
Go.
Go!
Get outta there!
Professor! Help!
Unzip your pants!
Help me, help me quick!
Calm down. Don't be scared.
Splendid, what a tonic!
Good stuff!
Professor, this looks like a tomb.
Let's get outta here!
Get outta here?
Can't you see what this is?
Gold teeth!
We're rich!
I can take care of this here.
You two spread out.
And don't steal anything!
You're stealing again?!
Spit it out!
I said spit it out!
How can you even eat this?
It's a tonic!
You'll die!
Professor, look!
Open it!
- Don't you want to be rich?
- Sure!
Then what are you waiting for?
Stop staring and
give me a hand!
You're good for nothing!
Nice!
What do you mean?
I meant what's on her neck.
Don't touch it!
It's more valuable intact.
You mean including the body, Professor?
If we find a buyer, we'll be rich.
Come and give us a hand!
Professor, there's a little kid too!
Mother and son in the same coffin?
Then the other coffin shouldn't be empty.
Where did it go?
Where did it go?
Ah! Maybe he went shopping?
Yeah right,
maybe he went to your house!
He hasn't gone shopping!
He's right here!
He's got a weapon.
Looks like they fought.
But over what?
- Over money?
- Over girls! Over...
Who cares? Bring all three of them
back to the studio after dark.
Come on, let's move him first.
Hey you two. Stop pacing up and down.
Dust them off!
She died peacefully.
Not peacefully, beautifully.
Her face is still so elastic after
being dead for a century.
Let's see if your heart still beats.
My heart is beating fast all right!
That's right, it's not beating.
Hey! What are you doing?
I need to take off her clothes
so I can clean them.
Clean them? They're antique!
What if you tear them?
I need to bathe her at the very least.
Bathe her?
Bathe yourself!
Stop making trouble!
Always up to no good!
That's right, he tried to
molest a dead body!
Why do you care?
You're undressing her,
that's why!
None of your bloody business!
Why are you so nosy?
Quiet!
Fine, you just watch it!
You think I'm scared?
You're always in my way!
See if you dare to interfere again!
What are you doing?!
Let go of my birdie!
She's all yours!
She's the only animal I love,
apart from my mum!
Birdie, get up!
Please don't die, birdie.
Don't die.
Month-to mouth resuscitation!
He's playing with my bird again, Professor!
You're such a pain in the arse!
- What?
- Oh hi, Mr Nelson!
It's Kwok Tun-Wong.
I've got some good artefacts for you.
- What sort of artefacts?
- Preserved corpses from the Qianlong reign.
- Show me a sample.
- Sure, I'll show you the child.
You smoke too much, Professor.
Be careful or you may get lung cancer.
You eat so much wildlife.
You may get cancer, too.
Who would've thought corpses
could be moneymakers, Professor?
How much do you think this one
will go for?
Why do you care?
You think I might take your share?
No, but you've never shared
your profits with us anyway.
I just haven't shared them yet.
So there is some hope for us two?
Probably just wishful thinking.
That's too loud.
Can't I listen to the radio?
Didn't you hear what I said, sonny?
I turned it off and you
turned it back on!
Professor, can't you see that my hands
are on the steering wheel?
Don't blame me.
Help!
Mummy! Help!
Wait! Wait for me!
Why are you running?
Right, why am I running?
- Professor, the corpse is moving!
- Then it's even more valuable!
- Let's go back!
- Hurry!
Professor, all that's left is the talisman.
Shit! I wonder how the other two
in the studio are doing?
Let's get back, now!
"Each time I stare at you,
your eyes are full of tears."
"Corpse-suppressing talisman.
The General-in-Chief is here."
Corpse-suppressing talisman?
Sounds like sci-fi.
Are you for real?
Looks fine to me.
"This talisman was drawn by
the Taoist vanquisher Zhong Kui.
"It connects the Yin and the Yang
with the five elements.
"It can suppress all evil spirits.
Its power is unsurpassed.
"Thus, it's named the
Corpse-suppressing talisman.
"Any undead corpse that is pasted with
the talisman will become stiff.
"But its power remains and is
ready to be unleashed.
"Descendants must never remove it,
"for the spirit will be awakened
and the corpse will be revived."
"The corpse will be revived"?!
That sounds horrible!
Run!
Mummy!
Step forward, step back.
Step forward, step back.
Crouch!
No...
Birdie, you're free!
What about me?
Professor! Those two...
Those two corpses can move!
You must've pulled off their talismans!
That's right. How did you know?
I should have warned you.
Now look what's happened!
How are things inside then?
I overpowered the female corpse.
- What about the male?
- Did he go shopping?
Shopping my arse!
He almost killed me!
What do we do now, Professor?
- Savage, get my tools ready.
- But they're all inside...
See what's going on from the peep hole.
Open the door.
Professor, I'll stand watch here.
If anything happens,
I'll run away for sure!
Don't worry about me, just go in.
Go get the tools.
What are you doing?
So I can saw him in two
and mince him to pieces!
- To do what? Make soup?
- I've never tried it.
Get a rope. We must capture him alive.
Professor, did you see the corpse?
No. Give me the rope!
What should I use then?
Haven't you heard the idiom
"A successful man uses his hands"?
Hands?
Go get the gun under my pillow.
Gun? When did you get a gun?
I bought it last night. Go!
It's not here!
Why did you kick him?
Now he's coming after me!
Here!
Professor, he's still moving!
Chicken, where's that talisman?
I tore it.
Has it lost its power?
Professor, maybe it's too small
and not powerful enough.
It's possible.
Professor, he's still hopping.
What now?
Tie him up with more ropes.
Then we go and find
the small one before dawn.
We'll lose our fortunes
if anyone finds out!
Give me a hand.
Wait for me!
Let's play in the garden!
Dad, dad!
What is it?
Dad, I need a bamboo stick for the lantern.
Can't you see your dad is busy?
Get it from the greenhouse yourself.
Sounds good!
Dad! Dad!
What is it now?
Dad!
Dad, the greenhouse...
There's... there's...
- That's good then.
- No, dad!
Stop bothering me. Go outside!
We need backup!
He's inside!
Fine, let's all charge in.
Okay!
What? Are you guys scared?
You go in first and yell
if anything happens. Then we'll charge.
Fine!
Let's get out of here!
What's with you guys?
You said you'd charge in
if anything happens!
We've been fooled, it's only a toy plane.
See? I told you I went inside.
I wasn't lying to you all.
You weren't lying, but you tricked us.
I didn't!
If you don't believe me, fine!
You don't have to believe me,
but I really saw him!
I believe you, sis.
They don't believe me, but you do?
You must be lying!
Mary?
It's her again! Turn on the TV!
We're having dinner...
Turn the volume down!
I'll see you on your day off then!
But your kids may not like me.
Why wouldn't they?
OK then.
- Great! So remember to be here!
- Bye-bye.
Bye-bye!
Dad's coming. Let's eat!
You two are so naughty!
Always messing around whenever
daddy is on the phone with Auntie.
Dad, don't talk on the phone during dinner.
Cold food is not good for you.
Just eat!
Tonight's headline news.
Police seized a fishing boat
at San Kung early this morning.
It was carrying adult illegal immigrants
as well as children.
The youngest of these so-called
"small human snakes" was only four.
They drifted in the ocean
for three days and three nights
before being discovered by Marine Police.
Dad, what's a "Small Human Snake"?
It's slang for illegal immigrant children
who want to come to Hong Kong to stay,
- but the government won't let them.
- They must be really suffering!
That's right. They're cold, hungry,
and they can't go outside in the day
or else they'll be arrested!
Dad, I'm full.
Hey, where are you going?
To play with puppy!
Dad, there are two guys and a girl
living in this house.
So how come we have to wash dishes
while she gets to go out and play?
Think of it this way. If there are
two adults and a kid in the household,
then it's logical for the adults to
wash dishes while the kid plays.
But the fact is there's only one adult here.
How come it's not just the adult doing this
so both kids can go out and play?
How about letting the adult play
so the two kids can wash dishes instead?
What would you play then?
There's so much to play
ever since your mum died.
Feeding, changing diapers,
changing and washing the bedsheets,
doing laundry,
washing the dishes.
Washing dishes is considered playing?
Then I'll leave you alone
so you can play with yourself!
Time to find myself another woman.
You're so rude, brother!
Why didn't you knock first?
Now get out!
Get out!
Sorry, sorry!
Come out, don't be scared.
I know you're here.
You... you...
Don't be scared.
I won't tell Uncle policeman.
I won't!
Let's be good friends, OK?
It's too cold here.
Come inside with me.
Hold out your hand.
Let's go.
Chia-Chia?
What are you doing in there?
Dad, don't come in yet!
Get in there, hurry!
It's soaking wet!
What were you doing outside?
Nothing!
Nothing?
What are you hiding in the closet?
Nothing, nothing!
Let Daddy take a look! Step aside.
Dad, I have to go to bed now.
Please leave.
- OK. Good night.
- Good night.
So cute!
Who is it?
Brother, come in,
I wanna show you something.
- What is it?
- Just come in.
So noisy! What's going on here?
Dad, I made a ghost face to scare him.
Dad!
Don't get too rowdy now.
Dad!
You don't have to be scared.
What are you afraid of?
He just wants to be your friend.
Come on, get up.
Brother, isn't it fun?
Yes, yes it is!
If dad finds out, he'll call the police
and they'll arrest him.
Then we don't tell dad!
- Let's cross our fingers.
- Sure.
"When our fingers cross,
daddy won't know a thing."
"When our thumbs touch,
our secrets won't get out."
Hu? Hurry up!
We're running late!
Coming!
Hurry!
Coming!
Stop running wild, you kids.
And watch out for the flowers!
Why are you so early?
Rain in the forecast today, remember?
Hey, dad is gone.
Hurry, tell him to come out.
All right.
- Why is he acting like that?
- I know why!
Dad said that a 'Small Human Snake'
can't go out during the day.
Let's draw the curtains then.
Where is Chia-Chia and her brother?
Let's go get them.
Let's go!
We're coming in.
Don't come in, guys!
Get out!
What is he?
Don't bother him!
Be quiet!
You may scare him!
I'll open it so you can see.
Don't be scared.
They're all good friends of mine.
- I'm Sticky Rice Chicken.
- I'm Spring Roll.
- I'm Trussed Duck Feet.
- I'm Layer Cake.
What's his name?
No idea. He can't even talk.
Why don't we call him OK Boy?
Sure! OK Boy? Great!
We're like honey sticking to peanuts
Let's hold hands, you and I
Looking at you,
hugging you and laughing with you
You're like the little monster
from the cartoons
But you never get mad
and you never get angry
No matter how much I poke fun at you
You're my best friend
and confidant in my life
You are also my private security guard
You stand up for me all the time
I want you to be with me
from dawn to dusk
And go walking the streets with me
To find a true friend in my life
Is all I wish
I love seeing you do somersaults
And giving you a big big hug
I want you to be with me day and night
Even when it's late,
I don't want to say good night
To find a true friend in my life
Is all I wish
Our two hearts are like one
So transparent
- Uncle?
- Speak.
I don't want to drag this out any longer.
Let's get on with it.
So you won't let Gigi marry me?
"Unchanged for 50 years."
Uncle, please think it over.
Gigi and I have been friends since childhood.
I have my principles.
Uncle, I may be just a journalist,
but I'm still young and hard working.
Gigi won't find a better man if
you force her to give up on me.
Spare me the crap!
You've known me since I was a kid, and
my late father was your best friend.
Based on that alone, you should
let Gigi marry me.
Are you trying to win my sympathy?
Forget it!
So there's no hope between Gigi and I?
Not entirely. Take over my clinic.
Inherit the Lam family legacy here
and I'll make you my son-in-law.
Anyone taking her
must also take my shop.
But I'm really not interested
in Chinese medicine!
I'm just gonna turn the clinic
into a photography studio!
Nonsense! If you're not interested,
then I'll find someone else who is!
Bing!
Yes, Boss?
Work hard, and this shop
will be yours one day.
Thank you, boss!
Wait!
At this point, I might as well tell you.
I've already slept with Gigi.
What?! How could you say that?
Not just say it, I've done it too.
Gigi!
What is it, dad?
Let me ask you. Did you let him...
take advantage of you?
He takes advantage of me every day!
Hear that? Every day, she said.
Impossible, she must've heard me wrong.
I'll ask her again.
Gigi!
Yes, dad?
Listen clearly, did you let him...?
Never mind!
Dad, the rice is already cooked!
Hear that?
"The rice is already cooked"!
Are you lying to me?
If I could lie to you, then
I wouldn't lie to your daughter.
And if I could lie to her, then
I wouldn't lie to you.
Hey! What do you mean?
You think about it.
Sir! Do you need a prescription
or to see the doctor?
The doctor.
The doctor?
Boss? We have a patient.
Come in.
- Have a seat.
- Thanks.
So, what's bothering you?
Not too much, it's just a small thing.
Look.
Just a little thing.
- Well? Does it still hurt?
- No.
How did you get this?
I was playing with
my neighbour's grandson
and he bit me for no reason!
You know how senseless kids can be
when they get excited!
I don't think it was a kid
who bit you,
but whatever it was,
it wasn't human.
- Bing?
- Yes?
Excuse me.
Get me some vintage sticky rice
and water.
Why does your dad look so anxious?
Must be a rare case if he
asks for vintage glutinous rice!
Wow! What happened to you, bro?
I was playing with my
next door neighbour's grandson...
What's it to you?
Are you a doctor too?
I'm not, but I'm a reporter.
Let me take a picture.
Hey! No pictures!
Not you, just the wound.
Yen! Stop messing around!
Boss.
Are you sure it doesn't hurt?
Yes.
Calm down!
Don't worry. You'll be alright.
But be honest with me.
What bit you?
I was playing with
my neighbour's grandkid...
Fine, say no more.
You can go home now.
Thank you, doctor.
Yen, watch the shop for me.
I'll be right back.
What's going on?
You watch the shop.
I'll follow your dad.
Bing, watch the shop.
I have to follow them.
Taxi!
It's you?!
Get in, father-in-law!
Follow that taxi.
What is going on?
He got bitten by a tiger!
Tiger? I think it's a vampire!
Vampire?
Vampire? What are we gonna do?
Right, what can we do?
Get rid of it!
Shit, I forgot my tools!
Follow them and see where they're going.
But don't go in!
Let's go.
Open up, I'm back!
Professor! Open the door!
Go back and bring your dad back here.
Open the door!
Where have you been all evening?
Never mind. Let's go get
that little one back!
Hurry, hurry!
1982 German-made lock.
All too easy for me to unlock it!
Awesome!
"Retarder"? Is there really such a thing?
It's still moving!
A picture with both of them
will make me world-famous!
Done!
But without their faces,
there's no realism.
Why... am... I... walking...
so... slowly...?
Run!
That sounds like Yen!
That's the brat's voice all right!
Yen! What's going on in there?
Vampires!
Open the door!
Coming!
So you wanna help? Then let's
do this together!
Ready?
No need to be scared. I'm here.
What's... that... smell...?
That's right!
It... stinks...!
Danger!
Retard...
Not... again...!
Strike!
Still... wrapped...
in... cloth...!
Strike!
I'll... kill... you...!
Help!
Save... your... father...!
Catch!
- Give... it... to... me...!
- Here!
Broken!
He... is... strong...!
Hurry... up... and... dial...
9... 9... 9...!
Run!
- Hang... up...!
- Take... this...!
Help!
Let's... go...!
I... am... so... dizzy...!
Police...! Come...!
Don't... go...!
Help... me...!
How many times do I have to
tell you, officer?
Those two were really vampires!
Vampire, my arse!
There are no vampires.
Cops!
Looks like a raid!
Stealing corpses is a serious crime!
Right, let's go!
Professor, I don't want to be rich now.
I don't want any money either!
Money? What about your life?
You were bitten by that vampire.
You'll die for sure unless
you inject that vampire's blood.
What?!
You're only telling me this now?
After the police were there already?
You just want me to die!
So glad I didn't get bit!
Professor, I quit!
Where's your chivalry?
This is no time for chivalry!
I'll bite you!
Direct or indirect bite,
it makes no difference.
Let's see where the cops are
taking the corpses.
How come they still
haven't moved the stiffs?
Why are we still arguing over this?
It's really very simple.
Someone dialled 999,
we got here and found two corpses.
Of course we have to follow up.
No way we'll be handing them over
to the museum!
Of course they belong in a museum!
They're not corpses, they're relics!
Relics?
What makes you think they're
relics and not corpses?
Because they haven't decayed!
Can't you see?
How long have they been dead then?
Judging by their outfits,
between 100 to 200 years.
If that's the case, what if
someone put animal skin
on the corpse after killing him?
Would you consider him
a prehistoric relic?
Are you an archaeologist or a sucker?
You can't just make wild guesses!
No more guesses. Hand them over
to us at the Health Department.
An autopsy can determine
their true age.
What? How am I gonna exhibit them
afterwards?
That's easy!
Just have your wife wear a Ching outfit
and sleep in a glass case.
Then you can call her a
relic or a corpse!
You'd better watch it!
At least I wasn't
speaking nonsense like you!
Quit arguing! These corpses--
What corpses? They're relics!
Corpses or relics, they still
need to go under the knife!
You wish! It's my duty to
protect these antiques!
Let the police handle them.
Sure, but after I've opened them up!
This discussion is going nowhere!
It is going nowhere, so?
We'll resolve this with force!
You win.
Men, take the two corpses
to the police station.
Wait!
Excuse me, everyone.
I'm Fireman Ng Lien-Sui [No Water].
Our Commissioner has ordered that no
one can remove the corpses until he arrives.
Not his business!
I haven't finished!
The Immigration and
Anti-Smuggling Commissioners
said they must weigh in on this too!
There they are, father-in-law!
It sure is chilly here!
- It's just the air conditioning.
- Right.
What are you doing?
Close the door.
Sorry for the disturbance,
everybody.
Open it.
Pull him out.
He's as frozen as an ice lolly!
He'll be fine if he stays frozen!
Even snow can melt.
Stabbing the vampire?
I'd better take a picture!
It's too frozen.
No, it's just your old age.
Why not let me try it?
- Are you up to it?
- Just aim at the heart and stab!
Hard, make sure the heart is pierced.
Got it.
Take a photo for me?
Just press the shutter when I count to three.
Just get on with it!
1, 2, 3!
Done!
Shit, the sword's broken!
Now what, father-in-law?
We'll burn them.
Here? You'll burn more than just them!
They are already dead.
And many more will die if
they get out of here!
Go get the kerosene!
Father-in-law, someone's coming!
Let's play dead!
Shit, forgot those two!
Is this the right morgue?
I guess.
This is the one!
Let's look around.
There's so many of them!
Just find the ones with the clothes on.
Check them one by one.
Hey, come over here.
This stiff looks familiar.
Looks familiar? Are you nuts?
I've seen him before somewhere.
Hey! They're here!
That's right!
We're saved!
Of course. Otherwise we wouldn't be here!
Whose blood should we draw first?
The woman, of course!
Why?
The guy must've fooled around
before he died.
Who knows if he has AIDS or not?
Bring the woman over.
OK.
Hold it tight.
It's so hard!
Oh no, we're done for!
I'll get another syringe.
You just warm her up.
Hurry!
What are you two doing?
Move them out now!
The professor is getting mad.
Let's drag them outta here!
Quickly!
Father-in-law,
they're taking the corpses away.
Follow them.
Hurry!
Make it snappy, you two!
No more fooling around!
Step on it!
I am. Where are we going?
To find a deserted place and burn them!
- We're going so fast!
- Let's soften them up!
It's so hard!
1, 2, 3, 4!
1, 2, 3, 4!
It's soft now! Get the syringe!
Hurry!
Father-in-law, there's a roadblock.
We'll ram it. Step on it.
Ram it?!
- Sir?
- What is it?
A truck is speeding towards us!
No matter what, don't let it through.
Yes, sir!
Stop the truck! Stop the truck!
Father-in-law, what do we do?
- Ram it!
- Stop!
Long live the Queen!
Out of our way!
We really can't stop!
What? Don't you know you're talking
to a Royal Hong Kong Police officer?
Father-in-law, now what?
Ram through it!
Why didn't you ram it?
Not my fault, father-in-law.
Not your fault?
Yeah, it might've been difficult.
So you like driving? Go ahead!
Drive and I'll shoot.
Why aren't you driving?
Sir, listen to me--
I don't have time for that.
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
I'm charging you with reckless driving,
resisting arrest, attempted murder,
threatening a police officer, etc.
- What's inside the truck? Open it!
- I can't!
Do you think I'm an idiot?
Men!
Your assistance is not needed.
3048, 2040, open the rear doors.
Yes, sir!
Keep pushing!
Don't let them out!
- Go away!
- No way! I'm dead if they get away!
I'm not going anywhere!
Get back, get back!
Father-in-law, a crowd is gathering!
Disperse them!
Keep pushing!
Push it!
- What is it?
- There are two vampires inside!
- Vampires?
- Get these people out!
Freeze! Don't do anything stupid.
I won't, sir.
Freeze! Get back, all of you!
Father-in-law, now what?
- Out of my way!
- What?
Hey! What are you doing?
Fire!
That was close!
Let me take a picture as a souvenir!
Shit! We're done for!
Hurry! Help put out the fire!
The truck is on fire!
Vampires!
Yes, I know!
We're saved!
Fire!
Guns are no use!
Come with me!
Draw their blood!
Go and restrain him!
- Me?!
- Yes, go!
Out of my way!
Get out of the way!
Make way!
Make way!
Father-in-law, now what?
After them!
Sir? Sir?
We have some Breaking News.
Two alleged vampires appeared
in the New Territories...
Hey, turn the volume down!
They are chasing and killing bystanders.
The situation is extremely chaotic...
The news says there's
two vampires on the loose!
Vampires?
Are you sure this isn't a movie?
They found two large OK Boys!
They aren't cute at all!
Don't cry, daddy might hear you!
Let's go back to our room, OK Boy.
I'm not watching this anymore!
I'd better go and check on my kids.
Just ask Ying to watch over
the children for you.
No need.
I'll finish the game later.
Come here. Come here!
Come here!
Now!
A vampire boy?
Dad!
Dad, don't!
OK Boy is harmless!
Dad!
Be quiet!
Hello, 999?
I found a vampire boy here.
"The divine guidance points to
South East, North West..."
Just driving around isn't gonna work.
Silence, can't you see I'm reciting?
Data Division notifying TV news teams.
Vampires found on Castle Peak Road.
All nearby teams please
head there immediately.
Team 17, Ha Yau-yen.
Order received, on my way. Over!
No more reciting. Hang on!
What's taking them so long?
You're late!
The vampire kid is inside.
Daddy!
Daddy!
OK Boy!
Lights!
Fire!
After them!
Yes sir!
Get in!
Blow up the house if necessary!
WAIT!
Don't! Mr Hu's entire family
is in there!
Don't worry, Royal Hong Kong Police
always put hostages first!
You two, go inside!
- Me too?
- Go!
Sir, that's not gonna help!
More people will die!
You again?! Who are you exactly?
Father-in-law, show him your qualifications!
Put away your gun first.
My master Sammo Hung
had Spooky Encounters.
And he's met The Dead and The Deadly.
Last year he even caught Mr Vampire.
As for me, my name is Lam Ching-ying.
Master Lam, what do you suggest we do?
First, turn off all the lights.
And get some sedatives that are
strong enough for elephants.
- I'll take care of it.
- Fine.
Turn off the lights!
Yen, follow me.
- Sir, who's Lam Ching-ying?
- How the hell would I know?
He's willing to risk his life,
so let him go for it!
Stab the vampires' chests with this.
Stab her chest, Father-in-law!
Give me the sword!
What about me?
Do your best to let them
strangle you, then I'll stab!
Not a good idea!
Go on!
Lure him outside.
Father-in-law!
OK Boy!
Come back here!
Turn on the lights!
Bazooka, ready!
Fire!
- Follow me!
- Yes sir!
Put out the fire.
Clean up the scene.
Yes sir!
Fire the sedative bullets!
Let's go all out.
Launch calcium sulphates, KISS!
Father-in-law, aren't we being cruel
by doing this?
"Your body isn't yours to begin with,
and it isn't your only one.
"Once your body burns, you will be
reborn from your own ashes.
"May Buddha give you an early start
on reincarnation to a new life.
"Amitabha Buddha."
Come with us to the station
for a statement.
Dad, don't let Uncle
take OK Boy away.
Let's adopt him, okay?
He's a boy now, but
what about when he grows up?
He will suck our blood!
Don't worry!
I have plenty of blood!
No, Uncle!
Don't take him away!
I really don't know what to do.
He did help us once.
I just don't have the heart.
Don't...
Uncle, are you arresting him?
Little girl, do you like him?
Yes, he's nice, and never mean.
Don't cry, don't cry...
Good boy...
Uncle, he's asleep.
Let Uncle take him to bed.
Don't worry. I won't hurt him.
You can't leave!
Uncle policeman will arrest you
once you get out there.
I have an idea!
What to do with this one,
Father-in-law?
"God has the virtue of cherishing life."
We'll help him reincarnate early and happily.
Goodbye, Uncle.
Uncle, bring him back
when you're free.
Okay.
Yes, come visit us again.
But... what about him?
Starring YUEN BIAO,
MOON LEE CHOI-FUNG, LAM CHING-YING,
BILLY LAU NAM-KWONG, CHUNG FAT,
PAULINE WONG YUK-WAN
Co-starring
BOWIE WU FUNG, LAU CHAU-SAN,
JAMES TIEN-CHUN, CHEUNG WING-CHEUNG
Special Appearances by
WU MA, STANLEY FUNG SUI-FAN,
MANFRED WONG MAN-CHUN, WALTER TSO TAT-WAH,
YEUNG MING, YIU YAU-HUNG
Introducing Child Stars
HO KIN-WAI, HON TO-YUE, CHOI MAN-GAM
Action Choreography
SAMMO HUNG STUNTMEN'S ASSOCIATION
Cinematographers
ANDREW LAU WAI-KEUNG,
CHO WAI-KEI
PETER NGOR CHI-KWAN,
ARTHUR WONG NGOK-TAI
Editor
PETER CHEUNG YIU-CHUNG
Songs sung by
ELLEN NG HA-PING