Mustache (2023) Movie Script
1
- Some people say
there are an infinite
number of universes
with an infinite number
of possibilities.
If so, maybe there's a
place for me.
But even if there was,
I'm stuck here,
so I guess it doesn't matter.
- Nobody studies.
- Exactly, bro.
- They used to be best friends--
- Oh, a question.
- She gives so much work.
- My parents accuse me
of being too easily distracted,
I disagree.
If anything, I'm too
easily focused.
- Ilyas, look here.
Ilyas.
- My mustache started
growing when I was 10 years old.
It's a problem.
On class photo day,
I hid under my teacher's desk.
No one even noticed I
wasn't there
and they took the
picture without me.
- Arms down.
Are you grade eight
or little kids?
What are you?
- What am I?
I'm just a kid from San Jose.
Our house is full of paintings
my mom made a long time ago,
but she doesn't paint anymore.
- Ammi, you killed me.
- Good.
- I always confuse
the day of judgment
with "Terminator 2:
Judgment Day."
My parents let us watch
this for some reason.
At some point,
I realized that I exist within
a complex lattice of rules
that governed my entire life.
It's comforting having a map
for understanding reality.
Otherwise, how would I
know what to do?
My mustache, for example,
I'm not supposed to shave it,
but when I look in the mirror,
a profound
self-loathing overtakes me.
- What are you doing?
Aboo come look at Ilyas.
- Don't, Ilyas, it will
only grow back more.
- But it's sunnah to
trim it though.
- Sunnah to trim it?
You want to do sunnah?
Why do you want to look
like a homeless?
- My god, Ammi.
- I've chosen obedience
over my self-interest.
It's the right thing to do.
- That's so true.
You take forever to go
to the bathroom.
We're literally all gonna
be late because of you.
- It's not my fault.
- Yes, it is.
- Yes, it is.
- Boys and girls
in Islamic school
have to continually prove
their disdain for one another
or be accused of having a crush,
which would be socially
catastrophic.
It's a self-regulating,
fear-based system.
I guess that's why I never
talked to Yasmeen at school.
- What did I
say about turning
clothing into projectiles?
Give it to me, give it to me.
- Finally, I'd like to
mention the Stargate
in the movie "Stargate."
The Stargate right here...
is a shimmering portal
that transports people
through a wormhole by
demolecularization.
It's this really cool door
of water you walk into,
transporting you to a
planet far away,
into a new phase of life.
Interestingly enough,
the water portal in "Stargate"
is similar to the Islamic
concept of maturity.
A boy reaches the age of
accountability
when he has something
called a wet dream,
which is a dream about water.
I've had a lot of wet dreams.
- I think you should
ask your parents
about that, Ilyas.
- No, but I thought-
- All right, thank you, Ilyas.
That was very personal.
All right, moving on.
Everybody, pull out a
clean sheet of paper.
We're doing a pop quiz.
- Nice shot.
- That's not a foul.
Don't be gay.
- You're just slow
because you're fat.
- They have showers in there.
- What?
- You know, in case you
have a wet dream.
I'm just kidding, man.
It was really funny,
your speech.
- Emotions are to
be suppressed completely
or released at an
appropriate time.
To others, I could be
having a religious moment.
Every year, eighth graders
from a local public
school observe us.
We're kind of a zoo
exhibit for them.
To them, we are aliens,
but I guess the
feeling is mutual.
- Watch it.
- Sorry.
- Just kidding.
Were you crying?
- No.
- Why were you crying?
- I was, I was concentrating.
- Why don't you concentrate
on shaving your face?
- Ammi, it was an accident.
Am I suspended?
- We haven't decided yet.
- Are you gonna tell Aboo?
- Lately, I've been
imagining myself
leaving my family behind,
going somewhere where
I can finally be alone.
Yosemite National Park maybe
where I become a saint.
No one would ever have to see me
or my upper lip ever again.
Aboo settled on Amir
Business Solutions
for the name of his new company.
Seems like when it comes
to businesses,
the more solutions, the better.
- Hameed, I
really can't wait that long.
- I know this
is not ideal,
but you know how things
are right now.
If you can just do me a
favor and wait until Monday,
it will clear, I promise.
- Aboo?
- Yeah, okay.
I'll deposit it on Monday.
- We just need a few
more clients.
We're so close to...
Ilyas?
- Ammi said to drop this off.
- Oh, right.
Thank you.
Jerry, have you met my son?
This is Ilyas.
- No, I don't think I have.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Why don't you tell me
what this is really about?
- I don't think
you'd understand.
- Try me.
- I love watching TV
dads talk to their kids.
Feels like dispatches
from another universe.
We don't really talk
much at dinner.
Silence is great for
appreciating food.
Do you remember in seventh grade
when Tariq got so mad
that he stood up
and flipped off Brother Abdullah
in front of the entire class?
- Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
- Tariq was all defiant
and then started crying
in front of everyone.
- Oh my god, you're so dramatic.
- But it was dramatic.
I still don't get why
Brother Abdullah
pretended he didn't see it.
- He was protecting him.
He knew that if Tariq's
dad found out,
he would've slapped him
in front of everyone.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Did you IM me just to tell
me the Tariq story again?
- Yeah.
- So, what did Brother
Ismail say to you today
after everything that happened?
- Ilyas,
what'd you do?
Come with me now.
- Do you think Tariq's
dad likes him?
- I've gotta do homework.
Ilyas,
you better not have messed
up my Napster, dumb ass.
- I didn't!
- You're always
pausing them to go online!
- The older we get,
the stricter the
gender relations.
I prefer it.
Who wants to deal
with the stress
of real life co-ed
friendships anyway?
- And the
mountains shall vanish
as if they were a mirage.
- Please behave.
- Go.
- Yo!
- Oh my god, I missed
you so much.
- Hey, Usman.
- Sit on the bed.
- Bro, yes.
No, get up, get up.
I'm not sitting on there.
- You got this little man.
- Yes!
- Nice, Usman!
Let's go.
- Damn.
You want to play?
- Oh yes, sure.
- Yo, I can't
believe Usman beat you.
- Aasim is the
total package.
Stellar grades, religious,
and able to carry full
conversations
in Urdu with adults.
He always gets picked to be
the Silicon Valley Muslim
Association Fundraiser
youth speaker.
He's the best.
- Did you really give
that kid a bloody nose?
- Indirectly.
- Whoa, you're hella gangster,
huh?
- Hella gangster.
- Yep.
- You better hope
they don't put you inside
the Islamic school in Sac.
I think a kid got
electrocuted there.
- What? No, that's just
a weird rumor.
- It's what I heard, okay?
- Bro, I couldn't do
Islamic school.
Islamic school kids are weird,
no offense.
- Cordoba isn't like that.
It's normal.
- Your parents still
won't let you shave?
- No
- You should just do it anyway.
- Ilyas, hey.
Aboo's calling you.
- Go.
- No, he's calling you.
- That is no excuse.
Well, now it's double.
Ilyas,
Rashida said that American
boy went to the hospital.
- Well, he's okay now, okay?
- She said your behavior
is getting worse and worse
and your grades are slipping.
Say something!
- Oh my god!
- Ilyas, they are taking
away your scholarship.
- I said it was an
accident though.
- Well, I am the one
who has to pay for it.
- Maybe public school is
the electric shock he needs
to wake up.
- Ammi what do you mean?
- I'm not spending any more
money sending you to Cordoba.
You are going to Miller
High School next year.
Go.
There's nothing left to say.
Go!
What if public school is
a huge mistake?
Do you know what goes on
in these schools?
Drugs, alcohol, girlfriends.
Ilyas is not like Aasim.
- Cordoba sucks, but
it's always been my home.
But maybe I have to
leave home to flourish.
I can find myself at
public school.
- Welcome
back to Nickelodeon's guide
to getting you
through high school.
- Prove my dad wrong.
- Pay!
- Wrecking my
date with Joanna.
- Oh, like it was funny
wrecking my study date
the night before?
- If you get into even
a tiny bit of trouble
in public school,
it'll destroy my chances
of going away to college.
They won't even let me
out of the house.
Understand?
You mess this up
and I will set your
stupid robot toys on fire.
- No, thank you.
I will not succumb to
your cocaine brownies.
I'm a Muslim and Muslims
never cocaine.
There is no god but God and
Mohammed is his messenger.
- I see you've passed the test.
Come with us.
- Muslims were at the
forefront of astronomy,
algebra, medicine for centuries,
but we got too comfortable.
We forgot what made us
successful in the first place,
our Islam.
Then, we fell behind.
Don't forget yourself.
Ilyas.
- Hi, I'm Liz Park.
The system messed up my schedule
and I should be in Acting 1,
not Visual Arts.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Hey, there's been a mistake.
I should be in Geometry,
not Algebra 2.
- You're supposed to
make these changes
before the school year starts.
You were told this months ago.
- I know, I just,
I didn't notice.
I mean, I did notice.
I just, I thought that if I
could come in early morning,
then I could change it.
- Yo, Kaylee,
I heard your sister started
working at the strip club!
- Dude, don't
put that shit on me! Stop!
- No dude, Protoss is way
easier to use.
It's just too technical,
Zerg, just too technical.
I was gonna tell you guys
about this dream that I had.
- Ilyas in the house.
What's up?
- Hey.
- As-salamu alaykum, man.
- Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.
- Yo, hit me up if you
need anything, okay?
- Yeah. Actually, I
was just gonna ask you.
- I have a meeting
thing to go to,
so I gotta go, Ilyas.
I'll find you around, yeah?
Okay.
- Hey, man!
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, are you from India?
- No, I'm Pakistani,
but I was born here,
but like my parents
are from there.
No, not really.
I can understand it though.
- I'm Arun.
Do you wanna be friends?
Did you know me and my friend,
we got into a car
accident this weekend?
The car behind us
bumped into us,
and then we bumped into
the car in front of us,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they crashed into
the car in front of them-
And they crashed into
the car in front of them,
and they crashed--
- Cool, okay.
Sorry, I'll see you later.
I'll go wait for my
mom over there.
- Okay, see you tomorrow.
- See you.
- It's not my fault,
dude has a hag of a wife.
- Okay.
- He's mad at me now, bruh.
- It was funny.
I recorded that.
You know that he
doesn't like you
'cause you never hand
in any homework,
you don't do anything--
- But I'm not the only one
who doesn't do anything.
- Right, okay.
- But he only has it out for me.
- Excuse me.
Hi, does anyone have a
quarter I can borrow?
I need it for the pay phone
so I can call my mom.
- Just so you know,
you got a little something
on your lip there.
- My lip?
- Yeah. Oh, no, the top one.
Yeah.
Just a little lower,
you're so close,
you almost got it.
- A little to the left.
Mm-hmm.
- We're just messing
with you, dude, don't worry.
Let me see.
Of course that's his mom.
- Shh.
- Glad you
didn't need the quarter.
- Thank you,
come again.
- They're just joking.
Okay.
I wanna go home,
back to Cordoba.
At least I understood
how things worked there.
Maybe my dad was right.
I'm not like Aasim.
But what if Miller High
turned me into a bad Muslim?
Would they be forced to
send me back?
Will you help corrupt me?
- Sure.
- I'm lovin' this. I learned
this at public school.
- Did you just buy a Big
Mac, get rid of the burger,
keep the box, then cook
your own halal burger
to trick us all into thinking
you're eating an actual
Big Mac for some reason?
- No.
- Devonte told me
this is the one.
- You're friends with Devonte?
If everybody's a sinner then
everybody can be a winner
No matter your rag color,
deep down we all brothers
And regardless of the time
- You listen to this?
What, you trying to be cool?
- Yeah, it's the best.
- Ilyas...
- I learned this at
public school.
I'll see you when
you get there
- It's nice.
If you ever get there
- Trust me, this is exactly
what they use in movies
as marijuana.
- Oregano?
- Yeah, it's gonna be legit.
Good luck.
- I need to
increase my ambition.
I need to raise the stakes,
tip the scales to really
scandalize them.
There must be
something I can do.
Something bad enough.
Something haram enough.
What could it be?
- Hey, do you have a pen?
Ooh, Gelly Roll, I freaking
love these. Thanks!
- Interesting.
- You're like the last person
I would expect to do
something like that.
- I don't actually want
to have a girlfriend.
I know it's haram.
- Right.
- I just wanna make it
seem like I have one.
- Okay, and you want
me to help you
write these fake
emails from Liz?
- You're a better
writer than I am.
- Yeah, you're not a
good writer.
- And you can make it seem
like it's from a real girl.
- Right.
- You know, 'cause you are one.
- Yeah.
- So you'll help me?
- Give me a reason.
Are people mean to you
there or something?
- Oh, no, it's...
Because of my dad.
He, um...
Don't tell anyone.
He's really sick.
He has a heart condition,
and me being in public school
is just stressing him out.
- Won't scaring him
with the letters
just stress him out even more?
- I think we have to
take that risk.
- This is a really dumb idea.
- Oh. Yeah, you know
what, forget about it.
- But maybe it's so
dumb that it could work.
And if it gets you
back to Cordoba,
I mean, if that's what's best.
- Yeah, I mean, yeah.
- Okay, fine. For your dad,
I guess.
- For my dad.
- I'm gonna need
material though.
- Why don't you just
go talk to her?
- It's go time.
- It says Third Eye Blind on it.
Maybe she's a Hindu.
Knock it all down
- What?
Will this song live on
- Can I be honest?
- Yeah.
- Of course I can.
Okay, look, it's way
too obvious.
Like, real people don't
talk like that.
- I thought it was good.
- People don't say what
they mean all the time.
- Some people do.
- No, that's stupid,
they don't. Look at this.
For so long, can I graduate
- Hey, Ilyas, how's it going?
I'm dying to know what you think
of the CD I burned for you.
Track five is the best.
I freaking love Third Eye Blind.
I don't get it.
She's not saying anything, you
know, to show she likes me.
- Are you serious?
- I don't think my
parents will get it.
- You gotta read between
the lines, Ilyas.
- But, like, what lines?
- Ugh.
Girls aren't just saying
what they feel all the time.
Sometimes just talking
to you is how they feel.
- So you're saying that
my parents are right
about not talking to girls?
- Uh, yeah? Actually, yeah.
Talking to somebody like you
Do you live the days
you go through
Will this song live
on long after we do
Can I graduate
Can I look at faces
that I meet
Can I get my punk ass
off the street
Won't die on the vine, I
want to knock it all down
Can I graduate
Echo fading, candle blow
Did you flash out long ago
Cross my fingers,
I don't know
Someone poked you down below
- Georgia, you
never listen to me.
- I already told you,
Roger, I'm keeping the baby.
- And what kind of
father am I gonna be, huh?
- I know you're scared.
I'm terrified.
- I will not become
like my father!
- You won't be!
Roger, I love you.
- I thought I loved you.
- You don't mean that.
- I don't.
I don't love you.
- I can't. I can't,
Roger, I just can't.
- Yes, nice work Jesse, Rachel.
Oh, did you feel that,
guys? Got so quiet in here.
Oh.
- Hi, I was just watching.
- Okay, well, you'd get
a better view inside.
- Okay.
- Over there.
You can really tell if
a performance is working
by how still a room gets.
Sit right here.
All right, I think we all
need to shake this off.
That was really intense.
Okay, everybody up.
Let's take a deep breath.
Let it all out.
All that stuff you've
been bottling up.
Try to express yourself
through your movement.
Yes, yes.
Can you mirror her face too?
Yes!
- We are free!
- Hey, pen guy.
- Hey.
- How do you pronounce
your name again? Ilyas?
- Ilyas. Like "ill"
and then "yas".
Ilyas.
- Ilyas.
- Yeah.
You're Liz.
- Yeah.
Are you gonna keep coming
to acting class?
- I have a free period,
so I guess I could.
- Where the hell were you?
- I was in the band room
with what's his name.
- Tell me everything.
- This is great,
we're just trucking along here.
Two items left.
Catering, who would like to
take over catering this year?
Okay, Sister Belkese.
We all love Sister Fontima,
we know this.
But there was mint chutney,
there was a spicy red chutney,
and then there was hummus.
What is hummus doing
with samosas?
Am I crazy? Am I crazy?
The next issue is the Building
Maintenance Committee.
I mean, maybe Brother
Hameed can do that.
Hameed?
- Yes?
- Will you do it?
- Will I do...
- We need someone from the board
to take over the Masjid
Maintenance Committee.
- Maintenance?
- Well, what else are you
gonna do with the money
from your fancy new company?
- I will spare no expense.
- Mashallah.
That is settled then,
and finally, I think--
- Dear Ilyas, 11:45 is my
favorite time of the day.
That's the passing period
before acting class.
Our eyes meet from down the hall
and I know what we have is real.
So don't worry about what Joey
and the other boys
say about you.
They don't know you like me.
They don't know how
talented you are.
They don't know your
sensitive heart,
all the great things
you're destined to do.
I wanna tell them you're
the next Will Smith,
and not just because
of that suave mustache.
Psyched for our date
on Friday. Kisses, Liz.
PS, we're going to a concert
with Third Eye Blind.
That's a rock band that
sings about drugs.
Is that obvious enough
for your parents?
- It's perfect.
You're amazing.
Like, as a writer.
- What are you doing,
talking to girls online?
- Uh, no.
- Well, I have five CDs
I need to burn
for Salman tonight.
Get the hell out of here.
- Okay, okay. Geez!
- Bro, damn it, my
Wu-Tang album stopped!
I made promises to my customers!
- Wander.
Horse.
Wander.
If you want to stay,
you have to play.
Come on.
Cavalier.
Wander.
Horse.
Wander.
Knight.
- Sorry, I have to go
use the bathroom.
- Cavalier. No, wander, wander.
- Vitamin A is very important.
It's one of the most
important vitamins.
Oh, you'll thank me
later in life
when you don't need
glasses, pay attention.
- You gotta finish the carrot
before you play the game.
- Bud, give that back!
- Hey, whoa.
- Give that back!
- Gotta finish the carrot
before you play the game!
- Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.
- Ew! Aasim speaking?
- Really?
- Ugh!
- It was my suggestion.
He's good!
- If not Ilyas, then
maybe Usman, right?
- Is it
really funny?
Focus.
Your body is a tool
of expression.
Which brave soul,
which true thespian among us
will deliver our first
monologue next week?
No? Seriously?
No one is willing to
answer the magic if?
- Ilyas is ready and willing.
- Will you?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right, Ilyas!
And don't you worry,
it'll be just as terrifying
as you're imagining.
- Can it be from anything?
- Yes.
Anything you like.
- The date was
October 30th, 1989.
The date was October 30th, 1989.
The date was October 30th, 1989.
It started off like any
lonely night at the lab.
My eyes bleary from...
- What are you studying?
History?
- Yeah.
- See? No need to waste
money on maintenance.
- Doesn't the masjid have
someone they can pay to do this?
- Ilyas, don't you want
the good deeds?
Who cares what people think?
- Ammi's name's on this.
- Oh, yeah, because
she made that.
She made that one, too.
- Whoa.
- I could teach you,
if you ever stop playing
"Donkey Kong."
- The world's
first temporal helix.
The world's first temporal...
Oh my God.
- Idiot!
- I wrote this based on the
movie "Back to the Future."
The date was October 30th, 1989.
It started off like any
lonely night at the lab,
my eyes bleary from staring
at the temporal charts.
I had seen the data...
I had...
I had seen the data a
thousand times,
but that night, I nodded off.
For a second.
I spilled coffee all
over my desk.
I cursed my luck, my
life, my very existence.
I had wasted everything.
But that's when I saw it.
The coffee seemed to circle
something so peculiar,
something so odd in the
ostensibly random data.
And that's when it happened.
It instantly
coalesced in my mind.
I scrambled to my notepad
and I drew out the first
temporal helix.
The formula that could
make time travel possible
was sitting right in
front of me,
and yet I wondered, what had
I brought into this world?
Had I opened Pandora's box?
I crumpled it up and I
threw it away.
- Just keep going.
- So don't make the same
mistake I did, Jimmy.
I gave up my life, my family,
my fortune, for what?
Are you ready to set
things right?
- Hey, Ilyas.
Nice monologue, dude.
- Oh, hey guys.
Thanks.
This is my,
this is Arun.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Pleasure.
- We're from
different countries.
- Cool.
- So what are you guys up to?
- Headed off campus.
- You wanna come?
- Yeah.
I mean, yeah, sure.
See you later.
- Okay Ilyas, okay
the question of,
like we have this
debate all the time.
- Not this again.
- Do you think
Miss Martin is hot?
- She's so hot.
- Rachel is obsessed with her.
- 'Cause she's hot.
'Cause she's so, like there is,
a drama teacher has no
right to be so fine.
- Okay, well that's
because you just love everyone.
You think Arthur Miller's hot.
You think David--
- Arthur Miller?
I mean Arthur Miller is
kind of attractive.
- Arthur Miller is
very, very cool.
- In like a
weird New York way.
- Rachel you did not
just say that.
- What does that mean?
Does the gravy have lard in it?
- I can check.
- Nevermind. I'll just take the
mac and cheese, please.
- But mashed potatoes.
I don't know, they're good.
- Mashed potatoes
traumatize me.
- It's the salt and
pepper, that's really good
right?
- Mashed potatoes
taste like fries.
- You did not just say that.
- What did mashed
potatoes do to you?
You can tell me.
- Why would you want
anything mashed?
- Well.
- Would you
wanna eat mashed carrots?
- No, because
that's gross.
- Okay, okay, do the same thing
but this time just like
invest, like sell it bit.
- Got it, I'll make sure I
throw my head back faster.
Oh.
- Okay guys, we have to go.
We have to go.
- Jesse, you better bring
the good shit tonight.
- Oh yeah, I got it handled,
don't you worry it's
gonna be sick.
- What is?
- It's a party.
You should totally come.
Here, I'll write down my
address for you.
- I am calling it off.
- What, why?
Are your parents sending you
back to Cordoba?
- No, I'm staying.
- Okay.
Can I ask why?
- What do you mean?
I just don't wanna go
back anymore.
- Oh, nevermind.
She seems really nice.
- What?
- You're staying for Liz,
that's awesome.
- That's not true.
Just staying for people.
Cordoba's full of weirdos.
- Excuse me?
- No one understood me.
- Wow.
I didn't realize it was so bad.
- Yeah. Thank God I'm out.
- Thank God.
- All right, gotta go.
- Wait, but what about your dad?
Your dad, his heart condition.
- Oh.
- Wow, so that thing you said
about your dad was just a lie.
- Only because--
- You're so dumb, Ilyas.
- We need to make it seem
like De Anza
is the best option.
- Are we going somewhere?
- No, we're not, I am.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
When I was getting my masters,
I had to teach an engineering
course to some undergraduates.
There was this one student
who was very interesting.
He failed the midterm and
then he got an A on the final.
I brought him in to chat
because I was proud of him.
He had completely turned
things around.
When I sat him down,
he was a mess.
He was stuttering,
he was scared.
I didn't understand.
Do you have any idea?
- No.
- All of a sudden he
blurted out that he cheated.
And once he admitted it,
he completely relaxed.
And because he told the truth,
I let him take the final again.
What is this email from
Don't lie.
- It's not a real letter,
it's made up.
- So, it's a joke?
- No, I just wanted you to
think that I had a girlfriend.
Because I wanted you to
think I became bad
so you'd take me out of
public school.
- But your grades were
just improving.
- It's fine now,
but it wasn't during all this.
- So, why couldn't you
come and talk to us?
- So, you really don't
know this girl at all?
- Yeah, we go to
school together.
She's in the same acting class,
but she didn't write it,
it's made up.
Acting.
- You mean drama?
- Yeah.
It is during my free
period, so it's no big deal.
- Look Asiya,
he's doing acting now.
Do they do kissing scenes?
What else do they do?
- No, it's not like that.
I just--
- What else is he
hiding from us?
- Nothing!
- Don't raise your voice to me.
Okay, okay, fine.
I believe you Ilyas.
But do one thing before you go,
go get me the school directory.
- What?
- The school directory.
- Why?
- Just bring it.
- Ammi, is Aboo gonna call her?
- What is the
problem if I call her?
You're telling the truth, right?
- No, please don't do that.
- Why?
- Please.
- You have to bring evidence.
- Please no.
- Beta, what's the problem?
Is it because you will
be embarrassed?
- Yeah, I'm gonna Europe
again this summer.
No, he's not my boyfriend.
Emails?
I dunno what you're
talking about.
Guys, you'll never guess
what that perv Ilyas did.
- I can't let
this happen.
- Whatever you're
doing it's stupid,
they'll get over it by tomorrow.
If you leave right now.
Hey.
- Why does everyone keep
taking the phone?
- Ilyas, you came.
Drinks are in the kitchen
and the theme is glow.
- Have you gotten any calls?
- Yeah, glow.
- How many phones do you have?
- What?
- How many phones do you--
- Guys, don't touch that.
- And then my mom said
it was a popsicle center.
- Arun, Arun, Arun,
Arun, Arun, Arun, Arun.
- It'll be so fun,
come on.
- Oh, you a freak.
What the hell are you doing?
- It was a wrong number.
- Okay, I'll leave it.
Musa.
- Yeah?
- Go bring Ilyas.
- Isn't he sleeping?
- Can you go?
- You're already up.
- Aasim?
- Ilyas.
Oh shit your shirt.
Come here let me clean it.
It's just juice.
It's, well it's just juice.
- Yeah, no, it's no big deal.
- Anyway, I gotta go
find a friend.
So catch you around man.
- I told you he must
be sleeping.
- Ilyas.
Where is he?
Where are my keys?
- Hey.
- Ilyas.
- I gotta go.
- Oh, can you imagine this
guy shit faced?
Eh.
Do a little twirl.
Whoa.
- Oh, you're a natural.
- Sorry, guys I really gotta go.
- I gotta go home.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not going anywhere, okay.
Just loosen the stick
that's up your ass.
- Hey guys, how's it going?
Yeah good, good.
- You all right, Ilyas?
Think he just wants
chill out for a bit.
Okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we're gonna come
back for you.
- Aasim was saying your
families know each other?
- Yeah, we grew up going
to each other's houses.
- Aw, that's so cool.
- Yeah.
So what did you tell
your parents?
- Nothing.
I have a car.
- So how's that speech
coming along?
- I thought Debate
hasn't started yet.
- No, not at school.
It's for something else.
- It's going great, Ilyas.
You know what, let me know
if you need a ride home.
- You're totally like his
older brother.
You need to keep an eye
on him at school.
- Maybe he needs to
keep an eye on me.
- Is everything okay?
You seem...
- Yeah, it's all cool.
Are you guys?
- Yeah, since last week.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think I should go now.
Sorry.
I mean, thanks for inviting me.
- Ilyas, what the hell?
Aasim, Ilyas just
smashed your window.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
Ilyas.
- Shit, crap, crap, crap, crap.
- What do you want?
It's hella late.
- Why would you send
another email?
- What, so I'm supposed to
do whatever you tell me?
I think you should go home.
- No, it's okay.
I just, I need a favor.
- What favor?
- I don't know
- If my mom finds you out here.
- Please.
- My brother's here too.
You're an asshole Ilyas,
just go home.
- It's okay.
It's pretty late anyway.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
Ilyas.
- Amir Uncle?
- As-salamu alaykum, beta.
- Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.
Is everything okay?
- Yes. I'm just--
- Oh, you're looking for Aboo.
Aboo's--
- No, no, no, no, no, don't
disturb him, it's okay.
I'm looking for Ilyas.
I see his bike here, so.
- Ilyas?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
This is his bike, so.
- No, I haven't seen Ilyas.
Uncle's looking for you.
- Ilyas.
- You all right man?
- No.
- Get in the car.
Sorry.
- I can't just leave my bike.
- It's okay just leave it there.
We'll just grab it in
the morning.
Just pick it up in the morning.
- Oh, no, no, we'll take it.
We'll take it.
Hurry up.
- No, it's fine. No, no, no.
- I got it
- Give it to me.
- Uncle, you okay?
- Your hair.
- Get in the car.
- Dude,
Yasmeen has weird friends bro.
Was Uncle wearing a wig?
- The bike's slipping,
it's not gonna hold.
- Just be quiet.
- Look, look.
- I should have never
sent you to public school.
- What?
I didn't want this.
It's not my fault.
- Then whose fault is it, Ilyas?
- You couldn't afford
Cordoba, that's your job.
So that's your fault.
- Just go.
- Where's Aboo?
But it's Saturday.
Aboo.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
It's fine.
Close the door.
- Okay.
Miss Martin,
I haven't been coming
to class lately.
So I just wanted to let you know
that I'm not coming again.
- Well, technically you
were never enrolled.
It's our secret.
Is it girl stuff?
- Not really.
My dad doesn't like it, so.
- Well, you can come back
whenever you want.
- Thanks.
- Don't stop creating,
even if it's just to
figure yourself out.
- Okay.
We'll see.
- I like the megalodon,
the great white shark.
Hey, Ilyas.
- Hey, Arun.
- The bull shark, the blue
shark, the bamboo shark.
I went to the aquarium and I...
- Liz.
Liz.
- Yeah?
- Uh, is this your pen?
- Yeah, it is.
Thanks.
- No problem.
I thought it was yours.
You left it
in the classroom, so.
- Ilyas.
- Yeah?
- I thought you knew
about me and Aasim.
You're just a freshman.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Okay?
- I don't get it.
- Nevermind.
- Ammi, why'd you stop painting?
I'm sorry about this.
- No, it's actually not as
expensive as you'd think.
- I can chip in.
- No, you can't.
Look, just don't tell my parents
about, you know, and we're even.
Just say it.
- What do you mean?
- You think I recite the Quran
and do these speeches to
get attention,
that I'm a phony piece of shit.
- I didn't say that.
- You wouldn't believe me,
but I like how it
feels in my heart.
I really do.
But I also like how it feels
when I make out with Liz.
So, what do I know?
- You could just, like,
play video games instead.
- I'm not you, Ilyas.
Look, I don't wanna
lecture anyone on the stage
but I can't really
cancel either.
- Your name?
- Yeah, it's Biru.
- Okay.
- Why is it so quiet?
Did you eat too much biryani?
As-salamu alaykum.
- Aleichem shalom.
- Without further delay,
allow me to introduce
this year's youth speaker,
Mr. Aasim Haqq.
- Tonight I've been tasked
with speaking about
some challenges
our Muslim youth face
in their everyday lives
and how we can overcome them.
However, I thought it
would be beneficial
that I give my time to
someone else instead.
So without further ado,
Ilyas Amir.
- Did you know about this?
- What?
- I'm stuck.
I am stuck.
I am stuck!
Let go!
- What is he doing?
- He's almost done, I think.
- Isn't this haram?
- It is still permissible.
Give it a minute.
- Usman, Usman.
Mustache.
Three, two, one.
- We are one.
- It's pure.
Wait, can't I just close?
- No, that's enough.
- Please?
We're all a little strange
and scared to be laughed at.
So, may Allah help those of us
who are struggling to
accept ourselves,
accept ourselves.
- Ameen.
- Ameen.
- Thank you, Ilyas.
That was, uh...
We have to invest in the youth.
Okay.
- Hey. That was something.
- I'm sorry about before.
That was really dumb.
- Well, I'm talking to you,
right?
- Sometimes just talking
is how you feel.
I think I pulled my groin.
- How could you not know he
was going to do that, Hameed?
That was absolutely
unacceptable.
Ilyas is a troubled boy
and he ruined this event.
- At least people stayed
awake this year.
- Excuse me?
- And don't call my son
a troubled child.
If he's a troubled child,
I'm a troubled mom.
- Asiya.
- It's this biryani
that ruined your event.
- Let's go.
- And your jokes,
they're as cheap as your suit.
- Asiya, let's go.
- Let's get out of here.
- Let's go. Sadia, Musa, go.
- I thought it was cool.
I don't think people are
used to stuff like that.
- Yeah, they did laugh though.
- It wasn't supposed
to be funny.
- It wasn't?
- Not really.
- I'm not sitting in the back.
- Usman helped,
but yeah, it was mostly me.
- Close the door.
- Why are you always
wasting water?
- Ilyas!
- Gee, coming.
- What do you call what
you did today?
A drama scene.
- Performance art, I guess.
- Oh.
It was very, um, long.
I liked it.
You seemed so free.
You need help?
- No.
I think I know how.
- It's your choice, beta.
If I really wanted to
I'll be waiting for you
Yes, I really want you to
Say yeah
If I was in love with you
We'd laugh the way we do
'Cause I want to
know it's true
Say yeah
The little bit with you
Was enough to get me through
I would make it up to you
Say yeah
On the very day
we're through
We would have to
say it's true
But I really want you to
Say yeah
All I want is one last
chance as your lover
Maybe we'll make it together
One last chance
for each other
Blame the rain
If I really love you
I'll be waiting for you
'Cause I really want you to
Say yeah
- Some people say
there are an infinite
number of universes
with an infinite number
of possibilities.
If so, maybe there's a
place for me.
But even if there was,
I'm stuck here,
so I guess it doesn't matter.
- Nobody studies.
- Exactly, bro.
- They used to be best friends--
- Oh, a question.
- She gives so much work.
- My parents accuse me
of being too easily distracted,
I disagree.
If anything, I'm too
easily focused.
- Ilyas, look here.
Ilyas.
- My mustache started
growing when I was 10 years old.
It's a problem.
On class photo day,
I hid under my teacher's desk.
No one even noticed I
wasn't there
and they took the
picture without me.
- Arms down.
Are you grade eight
or little kids?
What are you?
- What am I?
I'm just a kid from San Jose.
Our house is full of paintings
my mom made a long time ago,
but she doesn't paint anymore.
- Ammi, you killed me.
- Good.
- I always confuse
the day of judgment
with "Terminator 2:
Judgment Day."
My parents let us watch
this for some reason.
At some point,
I realized that I exist within
a complex lattice of rules
that governed my entire life.
It's comforting having a map
for understanding reality.
Otherwise, how would I
know what to do?
My mustache, for example,
I'm not supposed to shave it,
but when I look in the mirror,
a profound
self-loathing overtakes me.
- What are you doing?
Aboo come look at Ilyas.
- Don't, Ilyas, it will
only grow back more.
- But it's sunnah to
trim it though.
- Sunnah to trim it?
You want to do sunnah?
Why do you want to look
like a homeless?
- My god, Ammi.
- I've chosen obedience
over my self-interest.
It's the right thing to do.
- That's so true.
You take forever to go
to the bathroom.
We're literally all gonna
be late because of you.
- It's not my fault.
- Yes, it is.
- Yes, it is.
- Boys and girls
in Islamic school
have to continually prove
their disdain for one another
or be accused of having a crush,
which would be socially
catastrophic.
It's a self-regulating,
fear-based system.
I guess that's why I never
talked to Yasmeen at school.
- What did I
say about turning
clothing into projectiles?
Give it to me, give it to me.
- Finally, I'd like to
mention the Stargate
in the movie "Stargate."
The Stargate right here...
is a shimmering portal
that transports people
through a wormhole by
demolecularization.
It's this really cool door
of water you walk into,
transporting you to a
planet far away,
into a new phase of life.
Interestingly enough,
the water portal in "Stargate"
is similar to the Islamic
concept of maturity.
A boy reaches the age of
accountability
when he has something
called a wet dream,
which is a dream about water.
I've had a lot of wet dreams.
- I think you should
ask your parents
about that, Ilyas.
- No, but I thought-
- All right, thank you, Ilyas.
That was very personal.
All right, moving on.
Everybody, pull out a
clean sheet of paper.
We're doing a pop quiz.
- Nice shot.
- That's not a foul.
Don't be gay.
- You're just slow
because you're fat.
- They have showers in there.
- What?
- You know, in case you
have a wet dream.
I'm just kidding, man.
It was really funny,
your speech.
- Emotions are to
be suppressed completely
or released at an
appropriate time.
To others, I could be
having a religious moment.
Every year, eighth graders
from a local public
school observe us.
We're kind of a zoo
exhibit for them.
To them, we are aliens,
but I guess the
feeling is mutual.
- Watch it.
- Sorry.
- Just kidding.
Were you crying?
- No.
- Why were you crying?
- I was, I was concentrating.
- Why don't you concentrate
on shaving your face?
- Ammi, it was an accident.
Am I suspended?
- We haven't decided yet.
- Are you gonna tell Aboo?
- Lately, I've been
imagining myself
leaving my family behind,
going somewhere where
I can finally be alone.
Yosemite National Park maybe
where I become a saint.
No one would ever have to see me
or my upper lip ever again.
Aboo settled on Amir
Business Solutions
for the name of his new company.
Seems like when it comes
to businesses,
the more solutions, the better.
- Hameed, I
really can't wait that long.
- I know this
is not ideal,
but you know how things
are right now.
If you can just do me a
favor and wait until Monday,
it will clear, I promise.
- Aboo?
- Yeah, okay.
I'll deposit it on Monday.
- We just need a few
more clients.
We're so close to...
Ilyas?
- Ammi said to drop this off.
- Oh, right.
Thank you.
Jerry, have you met my son?
This is Ilyas.
- No, I don't think I have.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Why don't you tell me
what this is really about?
- I don't think
you'd understand.
- Try me.
- I love watching TV
dads talk to their kids.
Feels like dispatches
from another universe.
We don't really talk
much at dinner.
Silence is great for
appreciating food.
Do you remember in seventh grade
when Tariq got so mad
that he stood up
and flipped off Brother Abdullah
in front of the entire class?
- Yeah, it was pretty crazy.
- Tariq was all defiant
and then started crying
in front of everyone.
- Oh my god, you're so dramatic.
- But it was dramatic.
I still don't get why
Brother Abdullah
pretended he didn't see it.
- He was protecting him.
He knew that if Tariq's
dad found out,
he would've slapped him
in front of everyone.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Did you IM me just to tell
me the Tariq story again?
- Yeah.
- So, what did Brother
Ismail say to you today
after everything that happened?
- Ilyas,
what'd you do?
Come with me now.
- Do you think Tariq's
dad likes him?
- I've gotta do homework.
Ilyas,
you better not have messed
up my Napster, dumb ass.
- I didn't!
- You're always
pausing them to go online!
- The older we get,
the stricter the
gender relations.
I prefer it.
Who wants to deal
with the stress
of real life co-ed
friendships anyway?
- And the
mountains shall vanish
as if they were a mirage.
- Please behave.
- Go.
- Yo!
- Oh my god, I missed
you so much.
- Hey, Usman.
- Sit on the bed.
- Bro, yes.
No, get up, get up.
I'm not sitting on there.
- You got this little man.
- Yes!
- Nice, Usman!
Let's go.
- Damn.
You want to play?
- Oh yes, sure.
- Yo, I can't
believe Usman beat you.
- Aasim is the
total package.
Stellar grades, religious,
and able to carry full
conversations
in Urdu with adults.
He always gets picked to be
the Silicon Valley Muslim
Association Fundraiser
youth speaker.
He's the best.
- Did you really give
that kid a bloody nose?
- Indirectly.
- Whoa, you're hella gangster,
huh?
- Hella gangster.
- Yep.
- You better hope
they don't put you inside
the Islamic school in Sac.
I think a kid got
electrocuted there.
- What? No, that's just
a weird rumor.
- It's what I heard, okay?
- Bro, I couldn't do
Islamic school.
Islamic school kids are weird,
no offense.
- Cordoba isn't like that.
It's normal.
- Your parents still
won't let you shave?
- No
- You should just do it anyway.
- Ilyas, hey.
Aboo's calling you.
- Go.
- No, he's calling you.
- That is no excuse.
Well, now it's double.
Ilyas,
Rashida said that American
boy went to the hospital.
- Well, he's okay now, okay?
- She said your behavior
is getting worse and worse
and your grades are slipping.
Say something!
- Oh my god!
- Ilyas, they are taking
away your scholarship.
- I said it was an
accident though.
- Well, I am the one
who has to pay for it.
- Maybe public school is
the electric shock he needs
to wake up.
- Ammi what do you mean?
- I'm not spending any more
money sending you to Cordoba.
You are going to Miller
High School next year.
Go.
There's nothing left to say.
Go!
What if public school is
a huge mistake?
Do you know what goes on
in these schools?
Drugs, alcohol, girlfriends.
Ilyas is not like Aasim.
- Cordoba sucks, but
it's always been my home.
But maybe I have to
leave home to flourish.
I can find myself at
public school.
- Welcome
back to Nickelodeon's guide
to getting you
through high school.
- Prove my dad wrong.
- Pay!
- Wrecking my
date with Joanna.
- Oh, like it was funny
wrecking my study date
the night before?
- If you get into even
a tiny bit of trouble
in public school,
it'll destroy my chances
of going away to college.
They won't even let me
out of the house.
Understand?
You mess this up
and I will set your
stupid robot toys on fire.
- No, thank you.
I will not succumb to
your cocaine brownies.
I'm a Muslim and Muslims
never cocaine.
There is no god but God and
Mohammed is his messenger.
- I see you've passed the test.
Come with us.
- Muslims were at the
forefront of astronomy,
algebra, medicine for centuries,
but we got too comfortable.
We forgot what made us
successful in the first place,
our Islam.
Then, we fell behind.
Don't forget yourself.
Ilyas.
- Hi, I'm Liz Park.
The system messed up my schedule
and I should be in Acting 1,
not Visual Arts.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Hey, there's been a mistake.
I should be in Geometry,
not Algebra 2.
- You're supposed to
make these changes
before the school year starts.
You were told this months ago.
- I know, I just,
I didn't notice.
I mean, I did notice.
I just, I thought that if I
could come in early morning,
then I could change it.
- Yo, Kaylee,
I heard your sister started
working at the strip club!
- Dude, don't
put that shit on me! Stop!
- No dude, Protoss is way
easier to use.
It's just too technical,
Zerg, just too technical.
I was gonna tell you guys
about this dream that I had.
- Ilyas in the house.
What's up?
- Hey.
- As-salamu alaykum, man.
- Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.
- Yo, hit me up if you
need anything, okay?
- Yeah. Actually, I
was just gonna ask you.
- I have a meeting
thing to go to,
so I gotta go, Ilyas.
I'll find you around, yeah?
Okay.
- Hey, man!
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, are you from India?
- No, I'm Pakistani,
but I was born here,
but like my parents
are from there.
No, not really.
I can understand it though.
- I'm Arun.
Do you wanna be friends?
Did you know me and my friend,
we got into a car
accident this weekend?
The car behind us
bumped into us,
and then we bumped into
the car in front of us,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they bumped into
the car in front of them,
and then they crashed into
the car in front of them-
And they crashed into
the car in front of them,
and they crashed--
- Cool, okay.
Sorry, I'll see you later.
I'll go wait for my
mom over there.
- Okay, see you tomorrow.
- See you.
- It's not my fault,
dude has a hag of a wife.
- Okay.
- He's mad at me now, bruh.
- It was funny.
I recorded that.
You know that he
doesn't like you
'cause you never hand
in any homework,
you don't do anything--
- But I'm not the only one
who doesn't do anything.
- Right, okay.
- But he only has it out for me.
- Excuse me.
Hi, does anyone have a
quarter I can borrow?
I need it for the pay phone
so I can call my mom.
- Just so you know,
you got a little something
on your lip there.
- My lip?
- Yeah. Oh, no, the top one.
Yeah.
Just a little lower,
you're so close,
you almost got it.
- A little to the left.
Mm-hmm.
- We're just messing
with you, dude, don't worry.
Let me see.
Of course that's his mom.
- Shh.
- Glad you
didn't need the quarter.
- Thank you,
come again.
- They're just joking.
Okay.
I wanna go home,
back to Cordoba.
At least I understood
how things worked there.
Maybe my dad was right.
I'm not like Aasim.
But what if Miller High
turned me into a bad Muslim?
Would they be forced to
send me back?
Will you help corrupt me?
- Sure.
- I'm lovin' this. I learned
this at public school.
- Did you just buy a Big
Mac, get rid of the burger,
keep the box, then cook
your own halal burger
to trick us all into thinking
you're eating an actual
Big Mac for some reason?
- No.
- Devonte told me
this is the one.
- You're friends with Devonte?
If everybody's a sinner then
everybody can be a winner
No matter your rag color,
deep down we all brothers
And regardless of the time
- You listen to this?
What, you trying to be cool?
- Yeah, it's the best.
- Ilyas...
- I learned this at
public school.
I'll see you when
you get there
- It's nice.
If you ever get there
- Trust me, this is exactly
what they use in movies
as marijuana.
- Oregano?
- Yeah, it's gonna be legit.
Good luck.
- I need to
increase my ambition.
I need to raise the stakes,
tip the scales to really
scandalize them.
There must be
something I can do.
Something bad enough.
Something haram enough.
What could it be?
- Hey, do you have a pen?
Ooh, Gelly Roll, I freaking
love these. Thanks!
- Interesting.
- You're like the last person
I would expect to do
something like that.
- I don't actually want
to have a girlfriend.
I know it's haram.
- Right.
- I just wanna make it
seem like I have one.
- Okay, and you want
me to help you
write these fake
emails from Liz?
- You're a better
writer than I am.
- Yeah, you're not a
good writer.
- And you can make it seem
like it's from a real girl.
- Right.
- You know, 'cause you are one.
- Yeah.
- So you'll help me?
- Give me a reason.
Are people mean to you
there or something?
- Oh, no, it's...
Because of my dad.
He, um...
Don't tell anyone.
He's really sick.
He has a heart condition,
and me being in public school
is just stressing him out.
- Won't scaring him
with the letters
just stress him out even more?
- I think we have to
take that risk.
- This is a really dumb idea.
- Oh. Yeah, you know
what, forget about it.
- But maybe it's so
dumb that it could work.
And if it gets you
back to Cordoba,
I mean, if that's what's best.
- Yeah, I mean, yeah.
- Okay, fine. For your dad,
I guess.
- For my dad.
- I'm gonna need
material though.
- Why don't you just
go talk to her?
- It's go time.
- It says Third Eye Blind on it.
Maybe she's a Hindu.
Knock it all down
- What?
Will this song live on
- Can I be honest?
- Yeah.
- Of course I can.
Okay, look, it's way
too obvious.
Like, real people don't
talk like that.
- I thought it was good.
- People don't say what
they mean all the time.
- Some people do.
- No, that's stupid,
they don't. Look at this.
For so long, can I graduate
- Hey, Ilyas, how's it going?
I'm dying to know what you think
of the CD I burned for you.
Track five is the best.
I freaking love Third Eye Blind.
I don't get it.
She's not saying anything, you
know, to show she likes me.
- Are you serious?
- I don't think my
parents will get it.
- You gotta read between
the lines, Ilyas.
- But, like, what lines?
- Ugh.
Girls aren't just saying
what they feel all the time.
Sometimes just talking
to you is how they feel.
- So you're saying that
my parents are right
about not talking to girls?
- Uh, yeah? Actually, yeah.
Talking to somebody like you
Do you live the days
you go through
Will this song live
on long after we do
Can I graduate
Can I look at faces
that I meet
Can I get my punk ass
off the street
Won't die on the vine, I
want to knock it all down
Can I graduate
Echo fading, candle blow
Did you flash out long ago
Cross my fingers,
I don't know
Someone poked you down below
- Georgia, you
never listen to me.
- I already told you,
Roger, I'm keeping the baby.
- And what kind of
father am I gonna be, huh?
- I know you're scared.
I'm terrified.
- I will not become
like my father!
- You won't be!
Roger, I love you.
- I thought I loved you.
- You don't mean that.
- I don't.
I don't love you.
- I can't. I can't,
Roger, I just can't.
- Yes, nice work Jesse, Rachel.
Oh, did you feel that,
guys? Got so quiet in here.
Oh.
- Hi, I was just watching.
- Okay, well, you'd get
a better view inside.
- Okay.
- Over there.
You can really tell if
a performance is working
by how still a room gets.
Sit right here.
All right, I think we all
need to shake this off.
That was really intense.
Okay, everybody up.
Let's take a deep breath.
Let it all out.
All that stuff you've
been bottling up.
Try to express yourself
through your movement.
Yes, yes.
Can you mirror her face too?
Yes!
- We are free!
- Hey, pen guy.
- Hey.
- How do you pronounce
your name again? Ilyas?
- Ilyas. Like "ill"
and then "yas".
Ilyas.
- Ilyas.
- Yeah.
You're Liz.
- Yeah.
Are you gonna keep coming
to acting class?
- I have a free period,
so I guess I could.
- Where the hell were you?
- I was in the band room
with what's his name.
- Tell me everything.
- This is great,
we're just trucking along here.
Two items left.
Catering, who would like to
take over catering this year?
Okay, Sister Belkese.
We all love Sister Fontima,
we know this.
But there was mint chutney,
there was a spicy red chutney,
and then there was hummus.
What is hummus doing
with samosas?
Am I crazy? Am I crazy?
The next issue is the Building
Maintenance Committee.
I mean, maybe Brother
Hameed can do that.
Hameed?
- Yes?
- Will you do it?
- Will I do...
- We need someone from the board
to take over the Masjid
Maintenance Committee.
- Maintenance?
- Well, what else are you
gonna do with the money
from your fancy new company?
- I will spare no expense.
- Mashallah.
That is settled then,
and finally, I think--
- Dear Ilyas, 11:45 is my
favorite time of the day.
That's the passing period
before acting class.
Our eyes meet from down the hall
and I know what we have is real.
So don't worry about what Joey
and the other boys
say about you.
They don't know you like me.
They don't know how
talented you are.
They don't know your
sensitive heart,
all the great things
you're destined to do.
I wanna tell them you're
the next Will Smith,
and not just because
of that suave mustache.
Psyched for our date
on Friday. Kisses, Liz.
PS, we're going to a concert
with Third Eye Blind.
That's a rock band that
sings about drugs.
Is that obvious enough
for your parents?
- It's perfect.
You're amazing.
Like, as a writer.
- What are you doing,
talking to girls online?
- Uh, no.
- Well, I have five CDs
I need to burn
for Salman tonight.
Get the hell out of here.
- Okay, okay. Geez!
- Bro, damn it, my
Wu-Tang album stopped!
I made promises to my customers!
- Wander.
Horse.
Wander.
If you want to stay,
you have to play.
Come on.
Cavalier.
Wander.
Horse.
Wander.
Knight.
- Sorry, I have to go
use the bathroom.
- Cavalier. No, wander, wander.
- Vitamin A is very important.
It's one of the most
important vitamins.
Oh, you'll thank me
later in life
when you don't need
glasses, pay attention.
- You gotta finish the carrot
before you play the game.
- Bud, give that back!
- Hey, whoa.
- Give that back!
- Gotta finish the carrot
before you play the game!
- Okay, okay, okay,
okay, okay, okay.
- Ew! Aasim speaking?
- Really?
- Ugh!
- It was my suggestion.
He's good!
- If not Ilyas, then
maybe Usman, right?
- Is it
really funny?
Focus.
Your body is a tool
of expression.
Which brave soul,
which true thespian among us
will deliver our first
monologue next week?
No? Seriously?
No one is willing to
answer the magic if?
- Ilyas is ready and willing.
- Will you?
- Yeah, sure.
- All right, Ilyas!
And don't you worry,
it'll be just as terrifying
as you're imagining.
- Can it be from anything?
- Yes.
Anything you like.
- The date was
October 30th, 1989.
The date was October 30th, 1989.
The date was October 30th, 1989.
It started off like any
lonely night at the lab.
My eyes bleary from...
- What are you studying?
History?
- Yeah.
- See? No need to waste
money on maintenance.
- Doesn't the masjid have
someone they can pay to do this?
- Ilyas, don't you want
the good deeds?
Who cares what people think?
- Ammi's name's on this.
- Oh, yeah, because
she made that.
She made that one, too.
- Whoa.
- I could teach you,
if you ever stop playing
"Donkey Kong."
- The world's
first temporal helix.
The world's first temporal...
Oh my God.
- Idiot!
- I wrote this based on the
movie "Back to the Future."
The date was October 30th, 1989.
It started off like any
lonely night at the lab,
my eyes bleary from staring
at the temporal charts.
I had seen the data...
I had...
I had seen the data a
thousand times,
but that night, I nodded off.
For a second.
I spilled coffee all
over my desk.
I cursed my luck, my
life, my very existence.
I had wasted everything.
But that's when I saw it.
The coffee seemed to circle
something so peculiar,
something so odd in the
ostensibly random data.
And that's when it happened.
It instantly
coalesced in my mind.
I scrambled to my notepad
and I drew out the first
temporal helix.
The formula that could
make time travel possible
was sitting right in
front of me,
and yet I wondered, what had
I brought into this world?
Had I opened Pandora's box?
I crumpled it up and I
threw it away.
- Just keep going.
- So don't make the same
mistake I did, Jimmy.
I gave up my life, my family,
my fortune, for what?
Are you ready to set
things right?
- Hey, Ilyas.
Nice monologue, dude.
- Oh, hey guys.
Thanks.
This is my,
this is Arun.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Pleasure.
- We're from
different countries.
- Cool.
- So what are you guys up to?
- Headed off campus.
- You wanna come?
- Yeah.
I mean, yeah, sure.
See you later.
- Okay Ilyas, okay
the question of,
like we have this
debate all the time.
- Not this again.
- Do you think
Miss Martin is hot?
- She's so hot.
- Rachel is obsessed with her.
- 'Cause she's hot.
'Cause she's so, like there is,
a drama teacher has no
right to be so fine.
- Okay, well that's
because you just love everyone.
You think Arthur Miller's hot.
You think David--
- Arthur Miller?
I mean Arthur Miller is
kind of attractive.
- Arthur Miller is
very, very cool.
- In like a
weird New York way.
- Rachel you did not
just say that.
- What does that mean?
Does the gravy have lard in it?
- I can check.
- Nevermind. I'll just take the
mac and cheese, please.
- But mashed potatoes.
I don't know, they're good.
- Mashed potatoes
traumatize me.
- It's the salt and
pepper, that's really good
right?
- Mashed potatoes
taste like fries.
- You did not just say that.
- What did mashed
potatoes do to you?
You can tell me.
- Why would you want
anything mashed?
- Well.
- Would you
wanna eat mashed carrots?
- No, because
that's gross.
- Okay, okay, do the same thing
but this time just like
invest, like sell it bit.
- Got it, I'll make sure I
throw my head back faster.
Oh.
- Okay guys, we have to go.
We have to go.
- Jesse, you better bring
the good shit tonight.
- Oh yeah, I got it handled,
don't you worry it's
gonna be sick.
- What is?
- It's a party.
You should totally come.
Here, I'll write down my
address for you.
- I am calling it off.
- What, why?
Are your parents sending you
back to Cordoba?
- No, I'm staying.
- Okay.
Can I ask why?
- What do you mean?
I just don't wanna go
back anymore.
- Oh, nevermind.
She seems really nice.
- What?
- You're staying for Liz,
that's awesome.
- That's not true.
Just staying for people.
Cordoba's full of weirdos.
- Excuse me?
- No one understood me.
- Wow.
I didn't realize it was so bad.
- Yeah. Thank God I'm out.
- Thank God.
- All right, gotta go.
- Wait, but what about your dad?
Your dad, his heart condition.
- Oh.
- Wow, so that thing you said
about your dad was just a lie.
- Only because--
- You're so dumb, Ilyas.
- We need to make it seem
like De Anza
is the best option.
- Are we going somewhere?
- No, we're not, I am.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
When I was getting my masters,
I had to teach an engineering
course to some undergraduates.
There was this one student
who was very interesting.
He failed the midterm and
then he got an A on the final.
I brought him in to chat
because I was proud of him.
He had completely turned
things around.
When I sat him down,
he was a mess.
He was stuttering,
he was scared.
I didn't understand.
Do you have any idea?
- No.
- All of a sudden he
blurted out that he cheated.
And once he admitted it,
he completely relaxed.
And because he told the truth,
I let him take the final again.
What is this email from
Don't lie.
- It's not a real letter,
it's made up.
- So, it's a joke?
- No, I just wanted you to
think that I had a girlfriend.
Because I wanted you to
think I became bad
so you'd take me out of
public school.
- But your grades were
just improving.
- It's fine now,
but it wasn't during all this.
- So, why couldn't you
come and talk to us?
- So, you really don't
know this girl at all?
- Yeah, we go to
school together.
She's in the same acting class,
but she didn't write it,
it's made up.
Acting.
- You mean drama?
- Yeah.
It is during my free
period, so it's no big deal.
- Look Asiya,
he's doing acting now.
Do they do kissing scenes?
What else do they do?
- No, it's not like that.
I just--
- What else is he
hiding from us?
- Nothing!
- Don't raise your voice to me.
Okay, okay, fine.
I believe you Ilyas.
But do one thing before you go,
go get me the school directory.
- What?
- The school directory.
- Why?
- Just bring it.
- Ammi, is Aboo gonna call her?
- What is the
problem if I call her?
You're telling the truth, right?
- No, please don't do that.
- Why?
- Please.
- You have to bring evidence.
- Please no.
- Beta, what's the problem?
Is it because you will
be embarrassed?
- Yeah, I'm gonna Europe
again this summer.
No, he's not my boyfriend.
Emails?
I dunno what you're
talking about.
Guys, you'll never guess
what that perv Ilyas did.
- I can't let
this happen.
- Whatever you're
doing it's stupid,
they'll get over it by tomorrow.
If you leave right now.
Hey.
- Why does everyone keep
taking the phone?
- Ilyas, you came.
Drinks are in the kitchen
and the theme is glow.
- Have you gotten any calls?
- Yeah, glow.
- How many phones do you have?
- What?
- How many phones do you--
- Guys, don't touch that.
- And then my mom said
it was a popsicle center.
- Arun, Arun, Arun,
Arun, Arun, Arun, Arun.
- It'll be so fun,
come on.
- Oh, you a freak.
What the hell are you doing?
- It was a wrong number.
- Okay, I'll leave it.
Musa.
- Yeah?
- Go bring Ilyas.
- Isn't he sleeping?
- Can you go?
- You're already up.
- Aasim?
- Ilyas.
Oh shit your shirt.
Come here let me clean it.
It's just juice.
It's, well it's just juice.
- Yeah, no, it's no big deal.
- Anyway, I gotta go
find a friend.
So catch you around man.
- I told you he must
be sleeping.
- Ilyas.
Where is he?
Where are my keys?
- Hey.
- Ilyas.
- I gotta go.
- Oh, can you imagine this
guy shit faced?
Eh.
Do a little twirl.
Whoa.
- Oh, you're a natural.
- Sorry, guys I really gotta go.
- I gotta go home.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not going anywhere, okay.
Just loosen the stick
that's up your ass.
- Hey guys, how's it going?
Yeah good, good.
- You all right, Ilyas?
Think he just wants
chill out for a bit.
Okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we're gonna come
back for you.
- Aasim was saying your
families know each other?
- Yeah, we grew up going
to each other's houses.
- Aw, that's so cool.
- Yeah.
So what did you tell
your parents?
- Nothing.
I have a car.
- So how's that speech
coming along?
- I thought Debate
hasn't started yet.
- No, not at school.
It's for something else.
- It's going great, Ilyas.
You know what, let me know
if you need a ride home.
- You're totally like his
older brother.
You need to keep an eye
on him at school.
- Maybe he needs to
keep an eye on me.
- Is everything okay?
You seem...
- Yeah, it's all cool.
Are you guys?
- Yeah, since last week.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I think I should go now.
Sorry.
I mean, thanks for inviting me.
- Ilyas, what the hell?
Aasim, Ilyas just
smashed your window.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
Ilyas.
- Shit, crap, crap, crap, crap.
- What do you want?
It's hella late.
- Why would you send
another email?
- What, so I'm supposed to
do whatever you tell me?
I think you should go home.
- No, it's okay.
I just, I need a favor.
- What favor?
- I don't know
- If my mom finds you out here.
- Please.
- My brother's here too.
You're an asshole Ilyas,
just go home.
- It's okay.
It's pretty late anyway.
- Ilyas.
Ilyas.
Ilyas.
- Amir Uncle?
- As-salamu alaykum, beta.
- Wa-Alaikum-Salaam.
Is everything okay?
- Yes. I'm just--
- Oh, you're looking for Aboo.
Aboo's--
- No, no, no, no, no, don't
disturb him, it's okay.
I'm looking for Ilyas.
I see his bike here, so.
- Ilyas?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
This is his bike, so.
- No, I haven't seen Ilyas.
Uncle's looking for you.
- Ilyas.
- You all right man?
- No.
- Get in the car.
Sorry.
- I can't just leave my bike.
- It's okay just leave it there.
We'll just grab it in
the morning.
Just pick it up in the morning.
- Oh, no, no, we'll take it.
We'll take it.
Hurry up.
- No, it's fine. No, no, no.
- I got it
- Give it to me.
- Uncle, you okay?
- Your hair.
- Get in the car.
- Dude,
Yasmeen has weird friends bro.
Was Uncle wearing a wig?
- The bike's slipping,
it's not gonna hold.
- Just be quiet.
- Look, look.
- I should have never
sent you to public school.
- What?
I didn't want this.
It's not my fault.
- Then whose fault is it, Ilyas?
- You couldn't afford
Cordoba, that's your job.
So that's your fault.
- Just go.
- Where's Aboo?
But it's Saturday.
Aboo.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
It's fine.
Close the door.
- Okay.
Miss Martin,
I haven't been coming
to class lately.
So I just wanted to let you know
that I'm not coming again.
- Well, technically you
were never enrolled.
It's our secret.
Is it girl stuff?
- Not really.
My dad doesn't like it, so.
- Well, you can come back
whenever you want.
- Thanks.
- Don't stop creating,
even if it's just to
figure yourself out.
- Okay.
We'll see.
- I like the megalodon,
the great white shark.
Hey, Ilyas.
- Hey, Arun.
- The bull shark, the blue
shark, the bamboo shark.
I went to the aquarium and I...
- Liz.
Liz.
- Yeah?
- Uh, is this your pen?
- Yeah, it is.
Thanks.
- No problem.
I thought it was yours.
You left it
in the classroom, so.
- Ilyas.
- Yeah?
- I thought you knew
about me and Aasim.
You're just a freshman.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Okay?
- I don't get it.
- Nevermind.
- Ammi, why'd you stop painting?
I'm sorry about this.
- No, it's actually not as
expensive as you'd think.
- I can chip in.
- No, you can't.
Look, just don't tell my parents
about, you know, and we're even.
Just say it.
- What do you mean?
- You think I recite the Quran
and do these speeches to
get attention,
that I'm a phony piece of shit.
- I didn't say that.
- You wouldn't believe me,
but I like how it
feels in my heart.
I really do.
But I also like how it feels
when I make out with Liz.
So, what do I know?
- You could just, like,
play video games instead.
- I'm not you, Ilyas.
Look, I don't wanna
lecture anyone on the stage
but I can't really
cancel either.
- Your name?
- Yeah, it's Biru.
- Okay.
- Why is it so quiet?
Did you eat too much biryani?
As-salamu alaykum.
- Aleichem shalom.
- Without further delay,
allow me to introduce
this year's youth speaker,
Mr. Aasim Haqq.
- Tonight I've been tasked
with speaking about
some challenges
our Muslim youth face
in their everyday lives
and how we can overcome them.
However, I thought it
would be beneficial
that I give my time to
someone else instead.
So without further ado,
Ilyas Amir.
- Did you know about this?
- What?
- I'm stuck.
I am stuck.
I am stuck!
Let go!
- What is he doing?
- He's almost done, I think.
- Isn't this haram?
- It is still permissible.
Give it a minute.
- Usman, Usman.
Mustache.
Three, two, one.
- We are one.
- It's pure.
Wait, can't I just close?
- No, that's enough.
- Please?
We're all a little strange
and scared to be laughed at.
So, may Allah help those of us
who are struggling to
accept ourselves,
accept ourselves.
- Ameen.
- Ameen.
- Thank you, Ilyas.
That was, uh...
We have to invest in the youth.
Okay.
- Hey. That was something.
- I'm sorry about before.
That was really dumb.
- Well, I'm talking to you,
right?
- Sometimes just talking
is how you feel.
I think I pulled my groin.
- How could you not know he
was going to do that, Hameed?
That was absolutely
unacceptable.
Ilyas is a troubled boy
and he ruined this event.
- At least people stayed
awake this year.
- Excuse me?
- And don't call my son
a troubled child.
If he's a troubled child,
I'm a troubled mom.
- Asiya.
- It's this biryani
that ruined your event.
- Let's go.
- And your jokes,
they're as cheap as your suit.
- Asiya, let's go.
- Let's get out of here.
- Let's go. Sadia, Musa, go.
- I thought it was cool.
I don't think people are
used to stuff like that.
- Yeah, they did laugh though.
- It wasn't supposed
to be funny.
- It wasn't?
- Not really.
- I'm not sitting in the back.
- Usman helped,
but yeah, it was mostly me.
- Close the door.
- Why are you always
wasting water?
- Ilyas!
- Gee, coming.
- What do you call what
you did today?
A drama scene.
- Performance art, I guess.
- Oh.
It was very, um, long.
I liked it.
You seemed so free.
You need help?
- No.
I think I know how.
- It's your choice, beta.
If I really wanted to
I'll be waiting for you
Yes, I really want you to
Say yeah
If I was in love with you
We'd laugh the way we do
'Cause I want to
know it's true
Say yeah
The little bit with you
Was enough to get me through
I would make it up to you
Say yeah
On the very day
we're through
We would have to
say it's true
But I really want you to
Say yeah
All I want is one last
chance as your lover
Maybe we'll make it together
One last chance
for each other
Blame the rain
If I really love you
I'll be waiting for you
'Cause I really want you to
Say yeah