Mutiny on the Buses (1972) Movie Script

Stan, no!
Come on, Susy.
Oh, Stan, you are wicked.
Oh, you don't half get me going.
Oh, darling.
No, stop it.
We mustn't, not here.
Susy, please.
We're only here for five minutes.
I know, I know, come on.
Oh, I do love you, Stan. Do you love me?
Yes, of course I do, of course I do.
Why can't we get on?
You're due out.
Regulations. My driver's
carrying out an inspection.
How long is he gonna be?
Don't know, mate, but we
can't leave 'til he's satisfied.
You do love me, don't
you, you really do love me?
Yes, of course I do, of course I do.
And you will marry me one day?
Yes, of course, you know
I will, course I will.
Oh, darling, that means we're engaged!
Yes, we're engaged.
Wait a minute, what do
you mean we're engaged?
Now that you've asked me,
you can have another kiss.
No, I didn't, what I'm
trying to say is, oh.
Now don't misunderstand me, oh!
I hope Stan hurries up.
The passengers are
getting a bit impatient.
Here comes one behind.
We've only got 20 minutes
to get back to the depot.
Stan will never make it.
Cor, we've been here long enough.
He should've made it by now.
Oh God, here comes
Hitler. That's all we need.
Why are you still here?
Oh no, the driver's not even in his cab,
there's no point in ringing
the bell for him to go.
Go? I'm ringing for him to stop.
Eh?
Butler,
what was you doing upstairs?
Oh, oh, oh, that's it, is it?
How dare you, upstairs.
You know the regulations.
You're not even supposed
to eat your lunch upstairs.
I'm surprised at you, miss,
holding up the bus service so you can,
with him of all people.
It's all right, Inspector,
we just got engaged.
Engaged?
To him?
Oh God.
What's wrong with that?
In all the years I've known him,
he's never even managed
to get his bus in on time.
Come on, get these buses out.
See you later, Stan.
Come on, hurry up,
you're 20 minutes late.
So what?
You think you can do what you like
with the buses, don't you?
Yeah.
Go and get in that cab and out of it.
I've had just about as much as I can take
from you two mutinous dogs.
You're defying me and breaking
every regulation in the book.
I'm making out a special
report about you two.
Hang about, don't let your driver go,
'til I've checked your way bill.
God.
Hello, Susy, love.
Oh, hello.
Well, let me have a look at it.
Oh, very nice.
Stand up then.
-Eh?
Come on, stand up.
Oh, well, you got it well
in time then, doesn't show.
It's not like that.
Innit? Ooh, you clever girl.
Listen, take a bit of
advice from me, dearie,
don't give anything away until it's legal.
Well, I have got an engagement ring.
Look, love, I've got
five engagement rings,
but no husband.
-What happened?
I'm too generous, especially
after a few gins.
Susy, love.
Hello, Stan.
Cor, I haven't half missed you.
So have I, oh.
Here, it's like catching a fish.
She keeps dangling the bait,
but she won't let him have a nibble.
-Stan.
-Yeah.
Have you found anywhere
for us to live yet?
Yeah, it's all fixed. Mum
said we could live with her.
Oh no, I'm not having that.
I'm not getting married until
we've got a place of our own.
Well, innit marvellous?
I thought you'd be pleased.
I mean, flats are not
easy to come by or houses.
I mean, you just can't pick
them up like that, you know.
You don't wanna wait, do you?
No, of course I don't, darling, but
But just think all the fun we'll have.
Ssh, not in front of the
fellas, careful now, look.
Just the two of us alone.
- I know, I can't-
- Anytime.
-Darling, look.
-Any place.
Yeah, alright then, I'll
tell Mum. She won't mind.
Well, I don't know how I'm
gonna manage when you go.
Well, I can't stay
here forever, Mum, can I?
Especially when I get married.
Well, I don't know
why just for the start.
I mean, you've got a lovely home.
Oh, go on, darling, do it for Mummy.
Well, I can't afford to
keep your mother on me own,
not when I've got your sister
and the little one to support.
Well, she gets her pension, don't she?
And I could chip in with a few bob.
Well, I still think you
should stay here for a start.
I mean, Arthur and Olive
are very happy here.
Does he have to do that
when I'm trying to eat?
What's the matter with him?
He spends hours sitting on that pot.
Well, he's like his father, ain't he?
He's too mean to part
with anything.
How very funny.
I'm getting a little tired
of your crude remarks.
Well, you won't have to put up
with them much longer, mate,
because soon as Susy and I find
somewhere to live, I'm off.
Oh, love, aren't you gonna
have your bread pudding?
Smells delicious.
Yeah, I think he's fighting
a losing battle.
Oh, we're 10 minutes late,
we might as well push off.
Yeah, okay, mate.
Stan.
Stan, look.
Hello, Susy, love. I
didn't know you were back in.
Look, I found some new flats for sale.
-Oh.
-Look, they're ready now,
50 pounds down, pay off 10 pounds a week.
-Yeah.
-You've got to put
your name down before they've all gone.
Yeah, I know, but it's a
lot of money, you see, love
and I'll have to think about it, you see.
Just fancy, Stan, the two of us.
Look, I know.
Alone.
- Look, but 50 quid is-
- A place of our own.
All right, I'll pop in on my way home.
Oh, Stan.
Oh no, you two are not
at it again, are you?
Well, you don't mind
me kissing him goodbye?
Look, my dear, I wish to God
I could kiss him goodbye myself.
Oh, Blakey, I didn't
know you cared, dear.
Get that bus out, come on.
Bye.
Mum, Mum, I've got the
flat! Look, that's it there.
I'm gonna take the deposit round tomorrow.
I've seen about the wedding
and with a bit of luck,
I should be away from here in
about a fortnight.
What's the matter with everybody?
Why's Olive crying?
Arthur's got the sack.
He's what?
I have not been sacked,
I have been made redundant.
Thank goodness you've
got a good, steady job.
We shall need every penny you can earn.
But I'm getting married.
But you can't, not until
Arthur gets another job.
Well, blimey, if I wait
for him to get a job,
I'll be past it.
No, I'm sorry, Mum, I've
got my own life to lead.
It's the baby I'm worried about.
I won't be able to get him enough food.
Well, if he didn't eat so much,
he wouldn't have to sit on
that thing all day long.
Stan, how could you?
Well, you know what I mean, Mum.
Look, I'll see that none of you starve.
Oh God, what else?
I suppose I'll have to go round
and tell them I can't take the flat.
Oh, I knew you'd see us all right, love.
Well, now I'll go and make
the supper.
I think I'll put baby in the high chair.
He doesn't seem to want to.
Come on, darling.
There you are, Mummy will
get you a nice clean nappy.
What's that?
Oh, you naughty little boy.
You little rascal.
You never know what they're
gonna do next.
Here's a nappy.
You're too late, he's beat you to it.
Well, you're
having a bit of a rough time
of it then, aren't you, Stan.
You can say that again, mate.
I'm right up to here with it.
Do you realise if Arthur
don't find another job soon,
I can't get married?
Yeah. Morning, Hitler.
Here, who's this Mr. Jenkins, then?
That is the new general
manager who's been sent down
from the head office to
help me to sort you lot out.
From now onwards, mate,
these buses are gonna be
run properly at a profit.
At a profit? Cor blimey, that's a laugh.
We've heard all that before, mate.
Yes, well, get in your bus
then. You're 30 seconds late.
-All right, all right.
-It's not all right.
-Inspector.
-Sir.
I'm gonna take a look around outside.
I've been studying these time schedules.
Hardly any of your buses
seem to run on time.
I know, sir, I know, I do my best.
It's these drivers,
they're so uncooperative.
That number 11 should have left by now.
Yes, sir, I'll tell
them right away, sir.
Don't worry,
I will.
Good.
Here, I wonder what this
new manager's like then.
I don't know. Mind you,
I've got to watch it a bit.
-Yeah?
-Well, I don't want
any trouble now that I've
got all the family to keep.
Hey, you.
Do you know what time this bus is due out?
No, we haven't made up our minds yet.
What?
Passengers have to
wait outside for the bus.
How long will the next bus be?
About 38 feet.
Having any trouble, Mr. Jenkins?
Mr. Jenkins. Mr. Jenkins, oh.
Who are these two layabouts?
Butler and Harper, sir, the
worst two in the whole depot.
I'm always having trouble with these two.
Well, you'd better not have
any more, scruffy-looking pair.
What about that shower over there?
You lot!
Come here.
Come on, come on, we haven't got all day.
Look at them.
Now that I'm taking over here,
you lot are going to have
to smarten yourselves up.
You're in charge. Look at
them, they're a disgrace.
You know the regulations about uniforms,
in future, you'd better see
they stick to them or else!
Right, you heard what the
manager said, from tomorrow,
you will wear only the company's
uniform as supplied, right?
Oh, it's ridiculous.
Is it, is it?
I'm having no more of these
fancy shirts or filthy sweaters
or any of that flashy rubbish.
I mean, look at that, look, look.
I don't know how you can get
your hands on such things.
Oh, that's easy, I'll show you.
Knock it off.
You lecherous moron,
you know what I mean.
Right, from now onwards, you will wear
only the company's uniform as
supplied, nothing else, right?
Nothing else?
Nothing else.
Here, now look here, Jack,
we're not standing for that.
Oh, don't you worry, mate.
If they think they can
order us about like that,
they've got another thing coming.
Ah, ooh, blimey!
Cor, cor!
Here, I hope this works.
Look, he told us to wear
nothing but our uniforms, didn't he?
Well, that's what we're wearing.
Yeah, I know, but blimey!
This floor ain't half cold, innit?
Ah, oh, ugh!
What's the matter? You
only trod in some sawdust.
I'm not worried about the sawdust,
it's what's underneath it.
Oh good, the other
fellas haven't let us down.
Yeah, oh, that's it, fellas, yeah.
Have you seen Blakey?
Yeah, he's snooping around somewhere.
God, I hope he hurries, with no vest on,
this jacket ain't half
irritating my chest.
Yeah, well, if that's what
it's doing to your chest,
how do you think I feel?
-Eh?
I've got no underpants on.
It's all right for you to laugh,
it ain't half irritating my, cor blimey.
Oh, what are you, stupid or something?
I didn't tell you to leave everything off.
That's what you said.
No.
So the new discipline's
beginning to work then, is it, eh?
Yeah, nice to see the
first shift's here on time
for a change, innit, eh?
That's right, Blakey.
What the?
Now what's going on here, eh?
Now where's all your rest of your clothes?
You told us to wear
nothing but our uniforms.
Yes, but I didn't need mean
nothing but your uniform,
I meant nothing but your uniform.
Morning, Inspector.
Morning, Inspector.
Oh, morning, lovies.
Oh no.
Oh no, not you and all.
Oh, it isn't half cold
with just this jacket on.
Eh?
Yeah, yeah, you,
you are wearing something
underneath it, ain't you?
Orders is orders, look.
Do your jacket up, do
your jacket up, love.
Ooh, I've got goose pimples.
He knows, you've just
shown him a couple.
Here, you're not all like that, are you?
We are.
What the hell's going on here?
Well, it's the Inspector, sir.
He asked us to come to work
with no other clothes on.
He what?
Ooh, I think he's lusting after me body.
Him?
No, no, no.
Just tell him the truth, come on.
You told us to come to
work with nothing else
but our uniforms, didn't he?
Yes.
You kinky or something?
No.
Well, he does go a bit funny sometimes.
It's his age, he's a
bit on the turn, you know.
Shut up.
You've had your fun.
I'll deal with you later.
And in future, I want
you lot coming to work
dressed like that.
Well, blimey, she's
gonna have a bit of a job
looking like that.
Here, I thought this
depot was fully manned.
I intend to expand the services
and I shall need some new drivers.
Come into my office.
And you lot, put your clothes
on and get back to work
or I'll sack the lot of you!
I'll get you two for
this, you see if I don't.
Hello, Susy, love.
Hello, Stan.
I thought I'd catch
you before you went out.
Here, Stan, I've been thinking,
your brother-in-law could
get a job as a driver.
-Who, Arthur?
-Yeah.
Don't be daft, he can't drive.
Well, you could teach him.
Me?
When? How?
When you're out with your bus.
Oh no, can't do that, no.
If you did, Stan, we could get married.
Yeah, well, I know that, but I mean...
You do want to, don't you, Stan?
Yeah, of course I
do, but do us a favour,
don't do that while I've
got this tight collar on.
Look, mate, I'm not a complete idiot.
You've told me 100 times
already, let's get on with it.
All right, big head.
I'm just gonna show him the gears, Jack.
Yeah, don't be long.
Come on, get in.
Cor blimey!
I don't know about driving,
you can hardly get in it.
Right now, make sure it's in neutral.
That's it, right, now start her up.
Right now then, have you got the idea?
Look, my dear good man,
I do drive a motorcycle.
Maybe, but this is
not a motorcycle, is it?
And I'm telling you now,
the clutch on this thing's a real brute!
Right, now stick it in gear.
Oh, God.
Look, push the pedal right down.
Right, that's it, now then,
let it up very slowly,
very slowly releasing the
hand brake at the same
Stop, Arthur!
Wait, stop, what are you doing?
Here, you, stop!
You mad or something?
Hey!
Stop that!
Arthur, stop!
Will you stop shouting at me?
You stupid idiot. Don't
you know the meaning stop?
I'm trying to stop it!
Hey, oh!
Are you all right, Stan?
Come on, give us a hand, Jack, come on!
Yeah, pull him out, that's it, come on.
-Come on, mate.
-There we are.
Oh, oh, oh!
Blimey, you do half pong, mate.
Ugh!
You idiot, what do
you wanna do that for?
I could've been killed!
Yeah, well, at least you
fell in something soft.
Come on, Arthur.
Pew!
Oi, oi, yeah, you, come on, come on!
Look out, mate.
Come on, why are you
so late, eh, come on?
Ah, well, we got held up in the traffic.
Right, I'm putting you
on report, the pair of you.
Up the office.
-Well, come on then.
We'll do it.
No, no, I want Butler and
all. Get him out of there.
Ah, in a minute.
Yeah, look, Blakey, come on.
I'll help you make out the report.
I want Butler, get him out of here.
Oh, oh no.
We've started that striptease
lark again, have we?
No, it's nothing like that, Blakey.
Where are your trousers?
Horrible sight, look.
What happened?
Ah, well, it was an accident.
Yeah, yeah, it was an accident.
What kind of accident?
Well, you know Badgers
Lane, there's no facilities.
Service.
So he had to wander
off behind the bushes.
Yeah, that's it, yeah.
Hey and I fell in a ditch.
In a ditch, yeah.
You sure it was a ditch? Pew!
I should get cleaned off,
if I were you, Butler.
I'm putting you on
report, the pair of you.
Oi, Butler, I should cover my
legs up if I were you, mate.
It don't do nothing for you.
I'm gonna kill Arthur,
getting him into this mess.
Ah, well, don't give him
no more driving lessons.
Well, I've got to, haven't I?
Until he finds another
job, I can't leave home.
No, that's true, still,
I'll tell you what,
he'll be dead keen to learn now, won't he?
I mean, he's got to
keep Olive and the kid.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
He was telling me this morning,
he stays awake all night
worrying about them.
Cor blimey!
Olive.
Olive!
Your baby's crying.
Well, go and see what he wants.
There, there, never mind.
Why does he have to keep on
balling like that all the time?
I never got a wink of sleep.
What do you mean? The
poor little mite's crying,
'cause you woke him up
with your rotten snoring.
I do not snore.
Yes, you do, you shore
like a great fat pig.
I do not.
Yes, you do, all night.
Here, look, you've
started him off again!
You stupid, great, fat lump!
Don't you be so rude.
Why do you always speak to me like that?
You do snore all night
long!
What's the matter with you?
Can't you do anything right?
Arthur's getting very good, isn't he?
Well, he's been at it for
three weeks, he should be.
You'll never learn.
Now, back it up to the
stop and be careful!
Don't worry!
Right!
-Arthur, Arthur!
-Stop!
Arthur!
You great big nit!
That put the
wind up you, didn't it?
You nearly hit that bus stop!
Look, mate, I know what I'm doing.
Yeah, of course he does.
He's very good really.
Here, come on, Stan,
look, we're due out.
Yeah. Now pull it down a
bit and get out of that cab.
All right, all right.
No, no!
Oh God. Look what he's done!
Oh, dear.
You big headed nit, you and
your "I know what I'm doing."
Look what you've done,
you left it in reverse!
Oh no, I didn't, the gear slipped.
No, I'll
tell you what we'll do,
we'll lift it up and stick
it back in the pavement.
Oh, don't talk out of
the back of your head.
You'd need an elephant to lift this up.
Olive.
Give them a hand.
Stop being funny. Now
let's get out of here.
Just one moment, mate.
What are you gonna do about the post?
Oh, we'll say some hooligans did it.
A lot of stupid louts doing
things like that these days.
You're right.
I've just seen one.
-Yeah.
Why don't you belt up?
Come on, Olive.
I'll drive us home, Arthur.
Here, just a minute.
I didn't know Olive
could drive a motorbike.
Oh, Arthur's teaching
her, so she can pick him up
at the depot when he's on late shift.
Oh yeah, well, I tell you what,
if those two are gonna be on the roads,
I'm taking a job on the railways.
Here, let me do that.
No, I've got to learn.
Look, you've got no idea,
you need a special knack.
Now come on.
-No, I can do it.
Leave me alone.
What happened?
You stupid great lump,
now look what you've done.
You've broken the starter, haven't you?
How can you be so clumsy?
Clumsy? Hark who's
talking, who did that?
Nevermind about that! This
is gonna cost us money, innit?
-What's he done now?
-What's happened?
Well, look at that.
You're gonna have to lend me a few quid
to get the bike home.
-What?
Oh no, there must be another way.
Jack, me steering's gone all stiff!
Look!
Arthur, look out!
There's nothing I can do about it!
Arthur!
Arthur, oh!
Get off!
Watch, watch out!
Arthur, help, help!
Olive, are you all right?
I'm stuck!
Good, well, don't move.
I'll go and see if Arthur's all right.
Yeah, come on.
Arthur!
Come on, pull the tent
up, pull the tent up!
Get him off me!
Cor blimey, Olive's changed.
Here!
Where is she?
All right, don't
panic, Olive's all right.
What do you think you're
doing bunging up my hole?
Arthur!
Cor, you don't half get some daft ideas.
Well, I had to help them out, didn't I?
Oi, oi, late again, eh?
Every mortal time you get
back from that Badgers Lane,
-you're late, ain't you?
-Well, it's all the traffic, innit?
Oh, traffic, my eye.
You never leave there on time, do you?
I've got something says
you do it in future, mate.
-What's that then?
-Come and have a look.
Here you are.
What's all that for then?
That's radio control.
Mr. Jenkins is having that
installed to improve efficiency.
From next week, every bus
is gonna have that fitted.
I'll be able to keep in touch all day.
Oh, God, that's all we need.
Yeah.
There'll be no arriving early
at the turn-round points
and having a kip, no
leaving late and dawdling.
I won't give you a minute's
peace all day.
Where on earth have you been?
I've been waiting hours
for me driving lesson.
Look, since we got this
radio controller in the cab,
it's not easy!
Right, now get in.
Inspector Blake here.
SB17, have you arrived at
Badgers Lane turn-round yet?
Blimey, not him again. See what I mean.
Stan Butler in number 17, just arrived.
Well, get back in your cab
and drive off again then.
Eh?
The bus in front of
you has just broken down.
What?
Here, there's a queue about a mile long
waiting at the central station.
That'll keep you busy, won't it?
Oh, blimey, Jack, I'm fed up with this.
You got the message, then,
have you? Any comments?
Yeah, only one!
A little interference, I think, sir.
Oh, this is hopeless.
How on earth can you
give me driving lessons,
when that Inspector of yours
keeps dragging you back to work?
He's right, you know, Jack,
we've got to do something
about this radio here.
If the bosses can order us
about like this all day long,
life won't be worth living.
Yeah, you're right, mate.
Hurry up, Jack, before
Blakey comes back.
Yeah, all right, all right.
Look, are you sure you
know what you're doing?
Look, I was on radios when
I done me National Service.
I've re-tuned all the circuits.
Here you are, he'll
never get through to us
on these wavelengths.
Oh look, we'd better scarper.
Get the bus out early.
Well, don't mess about, come on.
Yeah, right.
Ah, we're off then now, Blakey.
Right.
You mean you're actually
going out on time?
Yep.
Well, I knew there'd be some changes,
once I had that radio control,
but I'll be checking up on
yous in half an hour's time.
-Righto.
-Yep.
That's made my day, that has.
Hello?
SB17, can you hear me?
SB17, can you hear me?
Hello, SB17, can you hear me?
TS14 here.
Oh.
Where are you then?
We're parked behind the Rose and Crown.
What? What are you doing there?
Stopped here last night
and picked up a couple of drunken tarts.
Tarts?
Yeah. We thought we might
find a couple more here now.
What, have you gone mad?
You're supposed to be
going to the Gasworks.
Gasworks?
Who's that speaking?
Your Inspector.
Inspector, must be something big.
Don't you get talking back to me.
You get down to the Gasworks right away!
Yes, sir. Gasworks.
Sorry about that, sir.
I'll tear them off a
strip when they get back.
Don't mess about, get
hold of that Stan Butler.
Yes, sir. Hello, Butler,
this is Blake calling.
Forgot to press the button, sir.
Hello, Butler, SB17.
SB17,
can you hear me?
Number 23 here.
You keep getting the wrong
buses. Where's that one going?
23, where are you?
I'm on my way back to the station.
Station?
23, you shouldn't be to the station,
you should be going to Barley Common.
That's four miles away.
Don't you answer me back.
This is your Inspector calling.
You get down there double quick!
Why, yes, yes, I'll
c-catch a bus right away.
Don't you know how to work this thing?
Well, it seemed all right when
Give me that mic.
SB17, can you hear me, can you hear me?
SB17, can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
SB17, can you hear me?
Clipper, Charlie Victor 2-7 here.
Clipper, Charlie Victor 2-7
here. I'm receiving you, over.
Charlie Victor?
Have we got a Charlie Victor
working for us? Check that.
Charlie Victor, where are you?
Clipper, Charlie Victor here.
I'm approaching London Airport.
What? What route do you think you're on?
I've just come in from Calcutta.
Calcutta? They're all taking
the mickey, it's planned.
You haven't got any
control over your staff!
Number 14 reporting, Inspector.
We just got to the Gasworks.
Gasworks? Right, well, you're late.
So you get right back here to the depot.
Get back?
What depot?
The bus depot, you moron!
How do you expect me to run a bus service
with you lazy dolts?
Now you come straight
back here to the depot,
report to Inspector Blake!
Don't you worry,
we'll be at that depot before you know it.
The depot.
And what's more, you could be charged
with impersonating a police inspector.
You could get five years for that
and transmitting on a
government frequency,
that could be another 18 months.
Here, I wasn't the only one who was
Eh?
I'm making a full report.
In the meantime, this
transmitter is not to be used.
Understood?
-Oh, definitely, yeah.
Don't worry, Officer, I'll see to that.
Yeah.
Stan!
Hello, Susy, love.
Come here.
Did you manage to give
Arthur another driving lesson?
Yep.
Yeah, ever since we fixed
Blakey's radio, it's been easy.
Will he get the job soon?
Well, he's got his
interview tomorrow morning
and he promised he'd stay up all night
learning the Highway Code.
Arthur, you're snoring.
Turn over, you'll wake the baby.
Arthur, turn over.
Get off your back.
Have you gone raving mad?
You were snoring.
You've woken the baby.
I didn't wake him, you did.
What's the matter with him?
Go and see what he wants.
You go, he's your child.
Look, shut up.
Will you shut up?
Don't you dare do
that. Get away from cot!
Mum!
-What's going on?
Will you two shut up?
It's Arthur.
Will you two keep quiet?
Me and Mum's trying to
get some sleep, you know.
It was Olive, she went
berserk, starting to attack me.
I was only trying to turn him over.
You're wasting your time,
he's the same both sides.
-Stan.
-Well.
It was to stop him snoring.
He's waking the baby.
I know, I've heard him.
If you ask me, there's
something wrong with his tubes.
There is nothing wrong with my tubes.
Then you must have an
obstruction up your nose.
I do not have any obstruction.
Oh, come off it, mate.
What about your operation?
Oh, that obstruction wasn't up his nose.
It's his nasal passages,
they're tightening up a bit.
Hm, what a load of old rubbish.
It is not a load of rubbish.
As you get older,
you shrivel up a bit.
I have not shrivelled up.
Oh, I don't know, love,
I mean, I have noticed
Will you belt up?
And you two, clear out of here.
Can't a man have some
privacy in his own bedroom?
You stupid great idiot!
Why don't you empty this thing?
She don't have to now,
you've just done it for her.
I hope Arthur gets that job.
Blimey, the things I went
through teaching him to drive.
Nevermind, darling,
I'll make it up to you.
Oh, at it again, are they?
Look at them nibbling and
licking one another, ew!
All right then, knock it off.
Of course, I couldn't have
done it without old Jack here.
I mean, somebody else would've shopped me.
No, it's nothing, mate.
Oh, I am grateful, Jack. Here.
She's chucking it
about a bit, ain't she?
God help us in the hot weather.
Cor!
-Stan, Stan.
-What?
Well, that's it, I have been accepted.
Have you? Oh, that's marvellous!
Here, Susy, he's got the job.
Oh, smashing. You are a pet!
She can't leave it alone, can she?
Ooh, put me right off my
pudding, that has. Oh.
-Blakey.
-Eh?
Arthur got the job as a driver.
Eh?
No. Oh, my God, not another
one out of the same family.
Oh, oh, that's done it.
I, ah, I was told to give you this.
Eh?
Yeah, did it all right.
Oh, well, you'd better go up the stores
and get yourself issued with
a new uniform, hadn't you, eh?
Report back here for training duties.
Righto, sir.
Dum dee dum dum dum
There's a good boy, do it for Mummy.
Oh, there's Stan. I'll get his tea.
Hello, Mum.
Hello, love.
Hello, Olive.
Hello, my sweetheart.
-Ah!
Here, did you hear about Arthur?
Yes, innit wonderful? Here,
I knew he'd get the job.
Yeah.
He's just gone up to
try on his new uniform.
Has he? Here, Mum, get
us a cup of tea, will you?
Well, how do I look?
Oh, that's great, that is.
I like the overcoat. Where's
the jacket?
Oh, don't be stupid, this is the jacket,
just needs a little
alteration, that's all.
Happen to have rather short arms.
Oh, I can see that.
By the length of that jacket,
you've got short legs and all.
Oh look, baby wants to see Daddy.
Yes, there we are.
Oh, ain't he sweet.
Sweet? Well, I wouldn't
have said that.
I think he wants to
put his daddy's cap on.
Oh, yes. Here
you are, son, there we are.
Oh, he's a little poppet.
Here, Stan, perhaps one
day he'll be a bus driver.
Yeah, well, he's getting
the right sort of training, isn't he?
He spends most of his time sitting.
Well, he can't help that.
I'll get your teas.
Olive, do you mind putting
him down on the floor there?
I don't fancy eating my tea
with him on his pot up there.
Oh.
Here, Mum, will you have him?
Yes, come on, my lovely.
Here we go.
Well, now that Arthur's
bringing the money in each week,
I'll be able to put my 50
pound down for the flat.
Well, I still think you could stay here
for a bit at first.
And I think your Susy's
being very unreasonable.
Now look here, Mum,
I can't start my married
life in this house,
not with Arthur snoring
his head off all night
and little Arthur sitting
on the pot all day.
Oh, Arthur, look.
Eh?
Blimey, look, he's
sitting on my new cap.
Little darling, ah!
Oh, love.
Oh, Arthur.
My new cap. I'll kill him.
Now, don't do your nut. He's
just christened it for you.
It'll have to go to the cleaners.
No, wear it, it might make
your hair grow.
Well, poke me belly in, come on,
let's get some lunch quick.
No, I'm skipping it today.
Look, we agreed we was
gonna practise at darts.
Blimey, mate, the match is on Saturday,
we've only got a few days to go.
Look, I'm going to the
estate agent's with Susy.
I've got the 50 quid deposit.
Stan!
Sorry I kept you waiting.
Here, look, you're
supposed to be practising
for the big night.
What do you think I'm doing now?
Not 200 quid, I thought
it was only 50 pounds.
Look, love, there's
nothing I can do about it.
I haven't got enough of the deposit.
You promised we'd only have to wait
until Arthur got a job.
But I didn't know the
price was gonna go up, did I?
I'll have to save a bit more, that's all.
Look, I've got to get back,
I'm gonna catch this bus.
Well, I'll see you sometime.
Yeah, all right.
Lousy, rotten buses!
Here.
Right, double 61, mate, should be easy.
All right.
Oh, blimey! Look, you're busted.
Look, can't you concentrate?
Fat lot of use you'll
be at the darts match.
Oh, I'm sorry, mate, but
what with the estate agent's
and Susy and everything,
I'm absolutely fed up.
Oh, forget it.
Look, it won't do your Susy
any harm to wait a bit.
Certainly not doing me darts any good.
Well, I can see that, can't I?
Here, what about those fish and chips.
Are they hot enough yet? I'm starving.
Should be.
No, not even warm.
Well, start the engine
up, that'll do it.
Here, wait a minute, we're due off.
Oh, it don't matter.
No, you're right.
Anyway, who's gonna know?
The next bus isn't due
and Blakey's not gonna walk here, is he?
You're right there.
Blimey, who's that?
God, it's Blakey. Quick, get down, mate.
Hurry up, we'll have to stall him off.
Quick.
I caught you, didn't I, I caught you?
You were supposed to have left
this point 10 minutes ago.
Yeah, I know, but you
see, I had a bit of trouble.
That's why I'm running the engine.
-Yeah.
-Oh.
But it's all right now.
Oh, see the van?
The manager's give me that
so I can check up on yous two
any time I like, when you're
least expecting it, mate.
Better than radio control, innit, eh?
Right, you go back to the depot, mate.
I'm getting on the bus with these two.
Come on.
What about the dartboard
and the fish and chips?
Oh, leave it for now.
As soon as he gets off, you
stop and I'll get rid of it.
-Right.
-Come on.
Ah, Blakey, how far are you going?
I'm stopping with you all the way
back to the depot, ain't I?
Oh no!
Oh, that's done it.
What's happening?
Ah, nothing, it's the-the
engine, it's running a bit hot.
Well that's not normal, is it?
I'd better get one of the
maintenance men onto it.
Smells a bit funny and all, doesn't it?
Quick, get the chips out.
Cor blimey, Jack, they're alight!
He's coming back, quick,
chuck them in the pit.
Oh, it's all right, Blakey,
I found out what the trouble was.
It was an oily rag on
the manifold, it's okay.
Well, it smells a bit like a.
Oh my God, look, there's a
fire in the inspection pit!
Quick, get a fire extinguisher!
Yes, sir.
Oh, God, wait.
Hurry up.
Don't stand there like an
idiot, give us a hand, will you?
Come on, bring it over here.
All right.
Come on, hurry up.
All right, I've got
to read what it says.
"Stand nine feet away from the fire."
Where's nine feet?
-Back, back here.
-Right, yeah.
-That's about it, yeah,
that'll do.
-Yeah,
"Then point the nozzle at the flames."
Stand back, stand back, stand back.
What happened?
More, morel
You can't get no more, that's the lot.
Oh, look at the flames!
Look, sound the alarm, quick!
Where, where is it?
Oh, it's lost its dinger.
Oh, oh. Look, that's gonna burn the bus.
Get the hose, quick and turn the water on.
Come on, you turn it on, come on!
Hurry up, come on!
-Give it here!
-Turn it on.
I'll get it over there, ooh!
-Come on!
-Oh, oh, oh!
Hurry up, come on!
I can't, it's jammed, it's jammed!
Well, pull it harder then!
Wait a minute!
Oh, now look what you've done!
Don't, turn the water on!
I can't, it's rusted up!
Oh!
Look at the fire, it's
spreading, look, oh!
Don't panic, don't panic!
I'll phone the Fire Brigade.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Look, what's going on here?
God, almighty, don't just stand there,
that bus will catch fire!
Now, come on, move it out of the way.
Wait a minute, I'll get Jack.
You get into that cab
and back that bus out.
-Yes, I-I will.
-Go on, get a move on!
- Yes, sir, oh, and-
- And don't argue!
Oh, oh, God, oh, my God.
-Go on, back it out!
-Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Get it moving.
Come on, before it goes up in flames!
Yes.
Come on, straight back,
keep it going, keep coming
straight back, come on now.
That's right, that's very nice.
Now keep it going, that's right.
Oh God.
What was that, eh?
Butler!
My new van, I've only just got it today!
Well, it's all right,
they can straighten it out.
Can't they?
Oh, you, oh!
Blimey, makes life very
easy for me, doesn't it?
Just starting when my brother-in-law
bashes in the company's new van.
Look, it was an accident, wasn't it?
My dear man, you should've looked.
Don't you tell me how to drive.
I've been 10 years at this
game, you know, so shut up.
Arthur, as you're on
the first route tomorrow,
don't you think we should
have an early night?
Eh?
Yes, all right, sunshine.
That's a good idea.
Ah!
Goodnight, Mother-in-law.
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Oh, ain't it lovely, eh,
married all these years
and it's made no difference to their love?
Yeah, you're right.
Two minutes and he'll be
snoring his head off.
Of course he won't, anyway,
Olive's thought of something
to stop him sleeping on his back.
Here, I can't find my
pyjama jacket anywhere.
Oh, no, love, it's here.
Oh, thank you.
Dee dee dee dee
Dee dee dee dee
Here, there's some things on my back.
-Oh yes, love.
-Well, what are they?
Balls.
What?
Tennis balls.
It's to stop you snoring so
you won't sleep on your back.
Have you gone raving mad? Take them off!
You think I'm going to bed
with those things stuck on me back?
But they're supposed to work.
Take them off!
Mum, Mum!
You must be out of your mind, girl.
What is it, love?
Mum, he won't wear them.
But it always works, Arthur,
it's to stop you waking the baby.
You look like the Hunchback
of Notre-Dame.
That's it, that is it.
Take them off!
I am not going to bed with
balls sewn on my pyjamas.
Here, I'll tell you what, Arthur,
if you don't want balls
sewn in your pyjamas,
stick them in here and you
can wear this back to front.
Shut up.
I've been round to all the agents
and there's nothing here I can afford.
I shall have to save up
a bit more, that's all.
Well, I suppose so.
At this rate, we'll never get married.
Oh yes, we will.
Oh, come on, cheer up, love.
Here, I tell you what, I'll
get you another cup of tea, eh?
Two teas, love.
Well, I have been
allocated my first route.
The Inspector's put me with him.
Yes, I'll get you a tea, my dear.
-Oh, thanks.
-Two teas please.
I'll get some fags.
Cor blimey, fancy them
giving you Nymphy Norah.
Why, what's wrong with her?
What's wrong with her?
She's worn out more drivers
than the five o'clock rush hour.
Well, the Inspector told
me that if I left it to her,
she'd show me where to stop.
Cor blimey, if you leave it to her,
she won't stop 'til you
get there.
It's been so long since he's been there,
I don't think he knows the way.
Here's your teas, mate.
Oh, thank you.
Here, are you coming
to the darts match then?
Oh, I don't know, I've got
Well, I want to go.
You know, a driver always
has to take his clip pie.
Come on.
Oh, well, of course,
I, ah, I must do what's expected of me.
Come on.
She'll kill him.
If she don't, I know who will.
How do you mean?
I've asked Mum and Olive
to the match.
Cor blimey, should be a
right old punch up then.
Here you are, Mum.
Are you enjoying yourselves?
Oh, it's lovely, ain't it?
Here, what's happening now?
Well, the last game was
a draw, so it's a playoff
between me and Jack
and Blakey and Jenkins.
Go, Jack.
Stan and Jack are doing very well.
So is Arthur with that clip pie of his.
I don't know what he sees in that fat cow.
Oh, he must be drunk, love,
making a fool of himself.
She's not our sort.
So common.
Oh, manners. Here, I'll
go and sort him out.
Arthur.
My little Olive's very upset.
She's been alone all evening.
Cor blimey, when there is grub about,
your little Olive is never alone.
Now we've got them on the run,
take your time, don't
let them fluster you.
No, sir.
Right now, darling, you
know exactly what to do.
Yeah, okay.
You missed! Now pull yourself together.
Okay.
You're doing that on purpose, you.
-Sorry.
-Nevermind, Blakey.
Here, wait 'til they fix the light
and then finish them off, Jack.
Another one, my dear?
Yes, please.
Vodka and tonic and ah.
He's buying her another drink.
I'm gonna get him to buy me one too.
No, no, love, you've had quite enough.
Yes, I've had enough of her.
Oh, now, Olive.
How about buying me a drink?
I will get you one in a moment.
Will you kindly go and sit down?
Here, smell my perfume.
You're wasting your time,
dear, don't go to bed with him.
The only thing he's got
that will keep you awake
is his snoring?
Will you shut up?
Blokes don't snore when
they're in bed with me, dearie.
You don't have to tell
everybody, love, they all know.
Oh, cheeky cow.
Will you shut up?
Oh, my goodness, here are the drinks.
Here you are, my dear.
I'll have that, just
'cause you've got a job,
you can't afford to buy drinks for her.
Hey, don't you touch that?
They're mine, I paid for that round.
Oh, did you? Well, you can have it back,
you tatty tart!
You bitch! Look at that, I'm
soaked, it's ruined my dress!
It's all right, it's only
a spot. I'll get a cloth.
Can I have a cloth please?
Oh, she'll take it off for you.
She does for every other bloke.
You think it's so funny, you have some!
Arthur, look, the slag, I'll kill her!
Will you shut up, sunshine?
You're showing us up.
Oh, shut up! I'll show you!
Disgraceful behaviour, I
knew I should never have come.
Oh, it's nothing, my dear,
just a misunderstanding.
Here, you trollop, you
picked the wrong one!
Right!
Now, Mum!
Oh, son!
Are you all right, love?
Cor blimey, what happened to my head?
You old bag!
Oi, oi, will you cover yourself up?
You're showing your vest.
She called me an old
bag, I'll murder her!
-Butler!
-For God's sake, stop!
We'll all get the sack!
Jack, Arthur, get her out of here!
-Get hold of her.
-Take her out.
-Come here.
-She called me an old bag!
-Get them out of here!
-Let me go!
Let me go!
-Mum, Mum, get her things!
I know what's wrong with
you, my girl, you're on heat.
You want cooling down.
You saw what she did?
I'm sorry about that, my dear.
You come to my office,
there's another towel there
and I've got some brandy in a bottle
to help warm you up a bit.
Blake.
-Yes, sir.
Look after Mrs. Jenkins for me.
Come on, my dear, we'll dry
you up nicely in the office.
Ah, shall we, ah,
would you like to go and sit down?
All right, come on, you two, come on.
You're in this as well.
Now listen, we've spent a lot of money
installing this new firefighting equipment
and each one of you men
has to learn how to use it.
Hang about, we're busmen, not firemen.
Don't you start, I've
agreed this with the union.
If this place had gone up
in flames the other day,
you'd all have lost your jobs.
Well, we're not having that again.
The Inspector will take
you through the fire drill
one shift at a time.
I've been waiting for you two
to get back to make a start.
We'll have to stay behind for an hour.
I'll leave it with you, Inspector.
Yes, sir.
All gather round and
pay attention, will you?
Right, now, I want you all to read
these instruction cards, right?
Here you are, one each.
Give them out, will you?
-Here you are.
I'll shift the bus, we can make a start.
Murder, innit? Arthur.
-Yeah.
-You'd better go
and phone Olive, tell
her you're gonna be late.
And for God's sake, keep the peace.
Suppose you're right.
"What do you do if a fire breaks out?"
Run like hell.
I'll be right behind you.
Hello?
Yes, it's me.
Yes. It's Arthur.
Well, what time will you be back then?
I don't know.
Look, look, you'll see me
when you see me, won't you?
Look, I've got to go now.
Yep, bye.
Bye.
Arthur says he's gonna be late.
Eh?
Yeah, he says they've got
fire drill down at the depot.
A likely story. That's a
lie, if ever I heard one.
They've never had any
fire drill down there.
He ought to have thought of
something better than that.
Do you think he's out with that woman?
Well, of course and
the best thing you can do
is get down there as quick
as you can and sort it out.
Right, I'll go on the bike.
Right, now you all know
the positions, right?
Now then, I give the orders, right?
Right, Butler, sound the alarm.
Well, move then, come on!
Come on, put it up now
in the air like that.
There you are, left hand, hold it up.
Hey, what's Blakey saying?
He's trying to tell them
how to put the fire out!
-Cor blimey!
-Hold it down there.
Down there! The fire's down there!
Oh, stop the bell!
-Eh?
Stop the bell!I Stop the bell!
Now, come on, run the hose
out to it, run it out!
Butler, grab your appliance.
-Eh?
-Grab your appliance!
-Oh, yes, all right.
-Hurry up then, come on.
Stand here, you. Right,
hurry up then, come on.
Right, hold it properly.
All right, all right.
Right, more hose, more hose.
Cor blimey, that caught
me right between the eyes.
Oh, my goodness, that was
a most unfortunate accident.
So was that.
-Oh, God!
-Cut it out! Cut it out!
Give me that thing here, babies.
Here, you go and make sure everyone else
in the building's heard
the alarm, will you?
-Yeah, come on, Stan.
-Go on, clear off.
You get the ladders and tell
the First Aid to stand by.
Get that thing out of
my face and down there!
How many more times have I to tell you?
We're making out the fire's down there.
Everybody out!
Hey, you can't go in there.
Why not? It's an
emergency, innit?
Oh yeah.
All right, come on, all out.
Here, what are you doing? Get out!
Ah, fire drill, Stan's got to save you.
What?
Oh, come on, save me!
God!
Here, Stan, help me!
I can't, I've got me hands full!
-Put me down!
-Get out of here!
-Stan!
-Get out!
We've warned everyone, Blakey.
Oh good, right, now we're gonna pretend
that there's a fire down in
the inspection pit, right.
-Yeah.
-Now, Butler,
I'm leaving you in charge
of the foam-making machine.
You go and stand by the stop cock.
Stop that fire bell, will you? Oh!
-Sorry, Blakey.
-Stop that fire bell!
That's not the fire bell,
that's your telephone.
Oh, I'd better go.
Now don't forget, keep the foam
directed into the pit, right?
-Yes, all right.
-I'm gonna keep you lot
here all night if necessary.
Start it up.
Right.
Right, let's have a bit of vacuum.
Yeah, there we are. Right, turn it on.
Well, it's new,
it's a bit stiff, see.
Oh, that's it.
How's that, is that enough?
Oh, blimey, that's nowhere near enough.
Turn it on some more.
Cor blimey, it's really blooming stiff.
Come here, this will do it.
There you are.
That's better.
Hey, that's great, that is.
Hey, look at that, look!
That's too much! I'm gonna switch it off!
Yeah, okay.
Where's the handle?
I chucked it in the pit!
You stupid idiot, how
am I gonna switch it off?
Come on.
Hurry up, hurry up, do something!
Look at it!
Oh, my God.
Oi, what's going on in here?
Switch it off! Have you gone mad?
We can't switch it
off, we can't find it!
Switch it off!
We can't find it!
Old Blakey's fallen in the pit!
Don't muck about, he
might have hurt himself!
Well, where is he?
Blakey!
Blakey!
Blimey, he looks like
the Abominable Snowman!
Come on, Blakey,
give us your hand, I'll get you out!
Here, Stan, where are you?
Where are you?
You all right, mate?
Come on!
Don't mess about! Stop
mucking about, go home!
Come on.
I can't get out!
Here, give us your
hand, give us your hand!
What the blazes?
What are you playing at?
You, get up there and turn
off that foam machine.
Ah, we've a bit of a problem
there, we can't find it.
What? You get up there
and find it and turn it off!
Oh, yes, sir, right, sir.
And that includes you!
Well, of course, yeah, I'll go help.
-Go on, get out!
-Help me!
It doesn't turn!
-Arthur!
That's Olive!
What's she doing, has
she gone raving mad?
I'm coming!
Arthur!
What do I do?
Put your brake on!
Watch what you're doing with my bike!
Arthur, where's the brake?
-No, no, argh!
-Olive!
Oh no, oh, oh, he's gone down.
Get me out of here!
Get me out of here!
Arthur!
Oh, help!
Stop it, oh!
Olive, Olive, are you all right?
Where are you?
-Where've you gone?
Come on!
Here you are, sunshine, give us your hand!
This is your doing, Blake,
I'd know your handiwork anywhere!
-Butler did it.
-Oh!
Get out of my way!
Oh no!
Isn't she a little beauty?
That's more like it.
I intend to make this bus
company show a profit.
Here, Windsor Safari
Park, what's that then?
Oh, it's a fantastic attraction
and not very far from here,
it's just right for us.
I guarantee that every seat will be full.
Of course, there'll be
more pay for the driver
and plenty of tips.
More money, now that's the job for me.
You? You'll never get the
job, Butler, I'll see to that.
It was all your fault
you messed up my fire drill, didn't you?
I told the manager you were
in charge of the foam machine.
That's right, innit, Butler
needn't apply, need he?
You're darn right he needn't.
See, I'll see you'll never get
one of these tours, Butler.
That's the job you ought to have.
We'd be all right then. More
money and all those tips.
Yeah, well, it can't
be helped, can it, love?
You're always getting
wrong with the bosses.
You'll never get anywhere, you won't.
- But look, love-
- Oh, don't "love" me.
We'll never have enough to get
married at this rate.
I must get back to work. I'd
better hang on to my job.
But Susy.
Ooh, right little madam, isn't she?
Don't you start, it was your fault.
You was the one that mucked
up that foam machine.
She's gone off in a huff.
A right mate you turned out to be.
Hm, women, they cause
all the trouble, you know.
Yeah, you're dead right, mate.
You stick to Nymphy Norah,
at least you know where you stand.
Norah? Right little gold
digger she turned out to be.
Hardly he ever talks to me now.
-No?
-No.
She's found herself a a sugar daddy.
Oh yeah, who's that then?
Jenkins.
No, you're kidding.
Oh, I should know mate, I'm her driver.
She stays back late with him every night.
Does she? Oh, thanks
very much for telling me.
Ooh, you are naughty.
Look, it's gone 11.
But fancy dragging me
here at this time of night.
I still say it's a load of talk.
Look, it's worth investigating.
If we can get something on
Jenkins, we're laughing.
See what I mean? Come on, give us a hand.
Give us a hand.
Oh, Mr. Jenkins.
Here, come over here.
Oh, you are naughty.
Oh, I tore my tights.
Oh, we'll get you a new pair
out of petty cash, won't we?
Anyway, take them off.
Here, let me help you.
Oh, your hands are cold!
Here, Jack, do you
think this is gonna work?
Don't worry, mate, we got him.
Come in.
Oh, morning, sir.
Yes, what do you two want?
Morning, Mr. Jenkins.
how's Mrs. Jenkins?
All right, very well, thanks.
Yes?
Well, we were in the
depot late last night.
We wanted to have a word with you then.
Last night?
We didn't interrupt you.
You were here in your office
busy with one of the clippies,
Norah, wasn't it, Stan?
That's right, Jack.
Shut the door.
What are you two after?
Oi, Blakey, the manager
wants to see you straight away.
Eh?
Oh, oh, thanks.
You wanted me, sir?
Oh, come in, Blake.
I picked the driver for
our first Safari Park tour.
Oh, oh, really, sir?
Yes, we want the best men
with a lot of experience.
Oh, exactly, sir, yes,
that's what I think, sir, yeah.
-So I picked Butler.
-Butler, sir?
Hello, Blakey.
Butler? But you can't! Why pick him?
He's very experienced.
Experienced? He's the worst
layabout in the whole depot.
No, I'm not having it, sir,
no, no, he can't do it.
Are you trying to give me orders?
Oh, no, no, no, sir, no,
but please, I mean, why him?
Don't waste my time.
Butler is driving it.
And you'll see that he's issued
with one of the special uniforms
and you and Butler are taking
the bus out on a trial run
to the Safari Park tomorrow morning.
Thank you, sir.
Right, now we don't want any slip ups.
The Windsor Safari Park is
a sensational chance for us,
a terrific attraction.
We're lucky they've allowed
us to take a tour there.
Don't worry, sir, I've
got it all worked out there.
You ought to be off.
Where's your driver?
Butler? Don't worry, sir.
I sent him to change into his new uniform.
Here he comes now, sir.
-Hey, look at that then!
-Wahay!
Cor blimey, look at
Sergeant of the River.
How do I look, Jack?
Oh, you look just like one of them.
Here, don't forget your
handbag, will you?
Hush.
Oh, Stan, you look great.
And isn't it marvellous?
I still can't believe it.
Now we'll be able to get
that flat straight away.
All right, come on, get away from him.
Getting make up all over his
uniform, look at that, look.
Right, get in your bus
and draw it up to the front.
-Yes, sir.
-Blake, come into my office,
get your final instructions.
Oh, Stan, isn't it lovely?
You've got all that room.
Here, where's the engine?
It's round the back.
Here, I'll show you.
There you are, there's the engine.
Where?
Inside here.
That's why I've got all that
visibility in the front.
Oh, I don't know how they do it.
Yeah, it's good, innit?
I'll show you something else, look.
This is the emergency door.
See that, you can get in this way as well.
Oh.
See.
-Here.
-What?
Give us a kiss while no one's looking.
All right, then.
Oh, don't, here, come on, get in,
I've got to move the bus up.
Oh, my God, I left the
emergency door open!
I'll have to reverse it, just a minute.
-Oh, Stan, Stan, quick!
-What?
-Look!
-What's it done?
What's it done?
I broke it.
Butler, where are you?
Oh, oh, the handle's a bit loose, innit?
Well, it is an emergency door,
it'll make it easier to open.
Butler!
Where are you?
I've just been checking the bus.
Right, now don't forget,
I want all details recorded
and a full log of the journey.
You make a mess of this job
and you're for the chop.
Don't you worry, sir,
you leave it to me.
You're the Town & District trial run?
Yes, that's right, yes.
Yes, we were expecting you.
Follow the road round 'til
you come to the lions.
I'll meet you there.
-Okay.
Hey, look at that!
Oh, yeah.
Hey, hey, Butler.
What?
Look that one over there, look.
What?
Oh God, it's just like
you. It is you.
Oh, very funny.
Here, how about that one over there then?
He looks like you.
Here, why are they so red?
Well, it's the mating season, innit?
Yeah, yeah and I think that
one fancies you.
Shut up and drive on, will you?
This bus been checked?
That's all right, I checked it myself.
We're very strict on security here.
Once you get in among the lions,
all doors and windows shut
and don't stop, understood?
Don't worry about that.
And driver, if you break
down, sound your hooter.
Our guards will come and get you out.
Right, in you go.
Oh, these are the big lions, these are.
These are the man eaters.
-Are they?
-Yeah.
What do you wanna run over
that rock like that for?
There was a big lion in
the middle of the road,
wasn't there, I'd have run over him?
Yeah, if he was a pedestrian,
you wouldn't have bothered, would you?
Cor, look at his teeth!
Look at the way he's pulling
that big piece of red meat to pieces!
Yeah, we're better off in
here than out there with him.
Here, do you know what?
If you ever came face-to-face
with one of them,
you've had it, you know.
-Yeah.
Well, can't you drive round him then?
I can't, can I?
Well, come on, he's gone
now. Come on, drive on, Butler.
Do you hear what I say,
Butler? Drive on, come on.
Drive on!
Shut up.
Don't you tell me to
shut up, Butler. Drive on!
Hey, what's the matter with you now then?
You look as though you've
seen a ghost or something.
Drive on, Butler!
It's a lion.
I know it's a lion, don't I?
The place is full of them, innit?
No.
Butler.
-What?
We mustn't let him
see we're afraid of him.
No.
Of course not, no.
Butler, sound your hooter.
Here, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Suppose, supposing he
don't like my hooter?
Keep quiet.
I think he's going.
Yeah, I-I think he's going.
-Thank God for that.
-Oh.
He's coming back!
-Upstairs, upstairs.
-Oh!
No, me first, I'm the driver.
-I'm the Inspector!
-Get off, get off!
Oh, God!
-Get out of it!
Quick, get out here!
Butler, lions can't get upstairs.
Oh, look, I'm getting out of here.
-Oh, God, oh!
-Look at them!
I'm getting back inside.
-It's all right, Butler,
we're quite safe up here.
Blimey, he's got me!
He's got hold of me, argh!
Ooh, hold on, Blakey!
Oh, oh, I think he's gone.
Are you sure?
You go first, Butler, you're the driver.
I think it's all right now.
Hey, you!
Come down here.
I didn't know it was you.
How dare you open that
door. Can't you read?
Well, I can't understand
it, I thought it was shut.
We've had your type here before.
I shall make a full report to the manager
and your company won't be
sending any more buses here,
that's for sure.
Now drive off and get out!
Yes, yes.
Ooh, it's cold.
Didn't I tell Mr. Jenkins
you shouldn't be allowed
to drive this bus?
Didn't I tell him that?
-Well, don't blame me.
It's a sure thing, innit, Butler?
Whenever you drive a bus,
something goes wrong, doesn't it?
I'll have to make out a
full report about this.
I'll get the blame for it,
you know that, don't you?
Here, I'll tell you what,
if you do get the sack,
you can always get a job
as a lion tamer.
Drive it out, drive it out.
All right, all right.
Cor, look at the size
of those elephants.
Yeah, good job the doors are shut
and they can't get in, innit, eh?
Don't want any more animals
on the bus, do we, eh?
-All right.
-Yeah.
Blakey, come and help me, Blakey!
Ooh, ah, Butler!
Blakey, come and help me, Blakey!
I can't help you, I've
got one as well, haven't I?
Watch it!
Butler, oh, Butler,
oh, for God's sake, stop!
What do think I'm trying to do?
Butler!
I'll have you for this,
Butler, you see if I don't.
Shut up, he's pulling me wheel!
Get off, get off!
-Oh, oh, oh, my God!
-What are you doing?
He's got his bum in me face!
Look where you're going!
I can't get away!
-Get it off!
-Blakey, help me!
I can't, I can't!
Butler!
Oh, oh, it's out of control!
Oh, oh, stop the bus!
I'm doing me best, ain't I?
Oh, I hate you, Butler.
Oh, look out!
Stop, stop!
What's going on here?
Can't you drive this?
Bus?
He's the one.
Look, I know everything went wrong,
but Jenkins will give me
another job on them tours,
I promise you.
I don't believe you,
Stan. Why should he?
Well, well, he will, you'll see.
Look, I don't think we'll
ever get married at this rate.
We might just as well forget it.
Now, look, look, I've
had a word with Mum, see
and if you come and live with us,
look, we can get married
straight away, it won't be for long.
No, it'll never work out.
Well, look, I'll tell you what,
when you finish work tonight,
pop home for tea and
just let's talk it over,
that's all I ask.
Eh?
Please.
Well, as I was saying,
I don't think little
Arthur would bother you.
In fact, I don't think
you'd be seeing much of him.
Well, you don't have to
see him to know he's around.
No, well, Mum's right really.
I mean, we'd be out most nights.
Besides, my room's very cosy too.
Oh, there's Arthur and Olive.
They had to go up to town.
Hello, Mum.
Oh, hello.
Hello.
Hello, Susy.
Hello, Arthur.
I'm starving.
Arthur and I have got
some news to tell you.
You tell them, Arthur.
-No.
Ah, no, no, I ah, I
think you'd better tell.
Oh.
Well, we've just been to the doctors.
I'm expecting again.
What, pregnant?
Oh, what wonderful news!
Yes, Arthur's ever so
pleased, aren't you, love?
Yes, yes, very.
Oh, well, that's it
then, we can't live here.
Oh, I don't know, it
might be rather nice
to have another little one.
What, another Little Arthur?
Well, it might be another Little Olive.
God.
Yes, well, of course it means
that I am gonna have a lot more expenses.
So I'm afraid you'll have to
chip in a bit more, Stanley.
Me chip in a bit more?
Don't worry, I won't stand in your way
and here, you can have your ring back!
That'll help pay for another potty!
Now, now, Susy.
Susy, don't!
Let her go, son. She don't love you.
I know that sort of girl.
All she thinks about is
sex, sex and more sex.
What sort of a life would that be?
Marvellous!
Here, Jack, Jack.
-What's up?
-Wait a minute.
Listen, Jack, we'll have
to go and see Jenkins
about a better job for
me, otherwise I've had it.
Look, Susy, she-she, she gave
me the ring back last night.
Look, so let's go and see
him straight away, shall we?
No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I'm afraid you've had it, mate, look.
What's wrong, what's happened?
Jenkins got the push.
What for?
Well, it appears he told his missus
he was doing overtime last night.
-Well?
-Well, she come in
and caught him doing
overtime on the office floor,
so she got him transferred.
Well, that's it then, innit?
Oh yeah, that's not all, mate,
you wait 'til you hear
this, Blakey's gone.
-Get out of it.
-Yeah.
-He's got the push?
-Yeah, yeah.
Are you sure?
They've had a right old sort out, mate.
Well, I won't miss him for a start.
Who's taking his place?
Oh, they've sent a new
bloke down from head office.
Look, here he is, watch out.
Come on, you, get that bus out.
Here, we've got another one like Blakey.
You're due out in two minutes.
You know the regulations.
You should be carrying out your checks.
Oh, we don't bother with those.
You don't bother, why
don't you bother with them?
Get on with it or I'll report you.
God, he's worse than Blakey.
Here, come on, we'd better show willing,
let's get the bus out.
-No, wait a minute.
That's another thing, we're
not on the same route any more.
I'm on the 14s, you're on the number 11s.
Well, it's not my day today, is it, eh?
I've lost me job, me girl
and now me best mate.
Yeah, well, they say trouble
always comes in threes,
so you should've had your lot by now.
Well, I've had my fill.
Ah, well, there's
always a silver lining.
I tell you what,
they've taken on three
smashing new clippies, look.
Yeah, here, one of them
must be on with you.
Go on, ask her.
No, I don't like to.
Go on, you're free
now. Get stuck in, boy.
-Should I?
-Yeah.
All right then.
Hello, darlings, any one
of you on the number 11?
Yeah, I am.
Are you really? So am I.
They said I was going out soon.
So am I. We must be on the same bus.
Yes, you'll like the number 11 route, yes.
We get half hour's rest at the turnaround.
-Sounds nice.
-Oh, it is.
Ah, have you got a fella?
No.
Oh, this is the best
news I've had today.
Come on, Butler, your
conductor's waiting.
Yeah, I know, I've got her here.
No, no, no, Butler,
not this one, that one.
Oh yeah?
Blakey, no! Oh no, I can't stand it, no.
Come on, darling, I'll
buy you a cup of tea.
Oh, you a conductor, I
thought you got a sack?
Yes, well, things
weren't going too well.
They demoted me, I'm afraid.
That's right, they put you on my bus.
No, I'm sorry, no, oh
God, I can't take it.
I thought that would make you laugh.
Here, Blakey,
I never thought I'd see
you become one of us.
Don't worry, mate, I shall
never become one of yous.
Cor blimey, a bit of a
comedown, innit?
I'll show you lot how to do
this conductoring job, mate.
Oi, where are you going, where you going?
We're not due out for another two minutes.
Look, mate, I'm the
driver and I'm the boss
and I go when I say.
You'll go when I ring the bell, mate.
Well, get on and ring the bell then.
Go on, Blakey's on the bus!
Oh, I've had enough of this.
No, no.
Well, why can't we
get on? It's a disgrace!
No, sir, no, it's not up to me.
I can't let you get on
until my driver says so.
Oh, God.
You do love me, don't
you, you do love me?
Yes, of course I do, of course I do.
And you will marry me one day?
Of course I'll marry
you, of course I will.
Oh, darling, isn't it
marvellous? We're engaged!
Yes, we're engaged.
Here, just a minute.
Now that you've asked me,
you can have another kiss.
No, just a minute, Gloria,
you don't understand.
Look, what I'm trying
to say is, I've got, oh.
You don't understand what I mean, you see.
Oh, Stan.
I seem to remember
this happened before.
Just a minute.
What I'm trying to say to
you is, oh, ooh, Gloria.
No, wait a minute, hang on.
This is where I come in, you see.
Oh, Stan.