My Baby's Daddy (2004) Movie Script
Now, Peter Piper
picked peppers
But Run rocked rhymes
Humpty Dumpty fell down
That's his hard time
Jack Be Nimble was nimble,
and he was quick
But Jam Master cut faster,
Jack's on Jay's dick
Now, Little Bo Peep
cold lost her sheep
And Rip Van Winkle
fell the hell asleep
And Alice chillin' somewhere
in Wonderland
Jack's servin' Jill,
bucket in his hand
And Jam Master Jay's
making out our sound
The turntables might wobble
but they don't fall down
For as long as I can remember,
the three of us
have always been best friends.
Even when we were babies,
me, Lonnie, and Dom shared
the same crib.
Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose
both did their thing
But Jam Master's gettin'
loose and D.M. C. 's the king
We were tight, like brothers.
But we all had our own dreams.
G, let me down.
Lonnie dreamed of two things.
Mmm.
First was that Rolonda loved
him as much as he loved her.
Huh?
But all she loved
was his money.
He also wanted to be
a big inventor.
My boy Dom.
He just loved the music.
As for me, well, I was built
to be a professional athlete.
Yeah, I was gonna be
the best bo xer
to come out of South Philly
since Rocky.
I was gonna be
the Black Stallion!
Dag, this burns!
Oxygen.
$2 Tuesday was karate night.
Hyah!
Sometimes my cousin Randall
would chill with us.
He had a thing
for candyjacking.
I want it chilly up in here!
You now on Cha Ching's
most-wanted list.
That's why we called him
"No Good. "
We went from boys to men
together.
And the three of us moved into
Lonnie's Uncle Virgil's house.
It was just temporary until
we could find a better place.
You have a ride home, XiXi?
Yes, Father.
Don't be late.
Yes, Father.
Give your father kiss.
Bye, Father.
Look. We can go
in Uncle Virgil's room.
He got one of them
orthopedic beds.
Guess who.
- Alvena?
- No.
Mm.
Hold up. Ooh.
Ooh! Rashida.
Oh, no, no.
This is Laquida.
Unh-unh-unh!
This is Tamika.
You got one more chance
to get it.
Or you won't be making it
to your next fight.
Hey, baby.
I knew it was you.
I was just having fun.
Sorry I'm late.
Had to get a ride
from my father.
Does your pops know
you came to see me?
Yes.
Come on, baby.
You know that's not cool.
Forget about my father.
I love you.
That's what matters.
Happy birthday to you
Hey, Lonnie!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Lonnie
Happy birthday to you
Make a wish, Lon.
I wish Rolonda was here.
Ho-londa!
Get out the way!
- Big Swoll in the house.
- You got your wish.
Can I get her
for my birthday, too?
Happy birthday, boyfriend.
Rolonda.
Don't stop.
I was beginning to think
that you weren't gonna show.
You know Ro-Ro wouldn't miss
her Lonnie's birthday party.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
This right here is my cousin
Big Swoll.
He just got out
the penitentiary.
Hey, Big Swoll.
It's good to meet
a member of the family.
Yeah, I'm all right, Johnny.
Happy birthday, man.
You know, Rolonda,
I was thinking that...
Ooh! Cake.
That's what I want.
Some cake.
I haven't eaten
in two whole hours.
And for some reason,
I just can't stop eating.
Ooh.
There it is.
Nia.
You looked so busy
at work today.
I'm surprised to see you here.
The studio was
really busy today.
How could I miss
one of your famous parties?
Yeah, and you're wearing
that top that I love so much.
That's 'cause I want you
to take it off.
Just a second, baby.
Go, Daddy, go.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
That's cute.
Oh!
Mmm! Ooh!
I'm here now.
I'm here.
Oh.
You know, I...
I have these feelings.
I want to take care
of you, Rolonda.
And I was thinking we could get
our own place
and maybe get married someday.
Damn, Lonnie.
That's real sweet, baby.
Nigger ain't never said no shit
like that before.
So you think maybe we could...
Oh. 10:30, boo.
You know what that mean.
What?
My show is on.
Hey, now, my show is on
Ooh, ooh, my show is on
Up next, "Compton 90221."
My show is on, too.
Compton 90221
We can't be cleaning up
like this.
We gotta hire ourselves a maid.
What are you complaining about?
I'm the one on my hands
and knees.
I thought that was
your favorite position.
Good morning, guys.
- Hey.
Hey.
What's wrong, man?
What's wrong, Lon?
I'm a year older, and I'm
still here with you two guys
at my Uncle Virgil's house.
You know what you sound like
right now, man?
Nah. What?
A bitch.
Yeah.
Seriously, Lonnie.
You don't want to mess around
with a good thing.
I mean, take a look around you.
We got the tight bachelor pad.
We could do whatever we want.
I mean, this is it.
We made it, man.
Right there, dawg.
Mm!
Ta-dow!
You better clean this damn mess
up before you leave.
I know that.
Whip some ass up in here.
This is it?
Getting yelled at
like schoolchildren?
I mean, I thought I'd be
further along in my life by now.
You know, have my own family.
My own place.
One of these days
you guys are gonna grow up.
You 12 minutes late.
I dock paycheck.
Look, Cha Ching, I know we got
friction between us
on account that I took
that Kit Kat seven years ago.
And Bit-O-Honey. Milky Way.
Black licorice.
And case of Coors.
What's "ricorrish"?
Licorice.
Licorice!
Don't play language game
with me.
You now 14 minutes late.
Good talk.
Dang Ling, I can't understand
a damn word your daddy say.
Great first half, kids.
You missed five calls,
you four-eyed punk.
Rolonda! Peaches!
What are you doing here?
We need to talk.
I'm all ears.
Mama dear is gonna go wait
over there.
Remember that time
we was watching "Compton 90221"
and Swapmisha had told Dante
that she was pregnant?
How could I forget it?
Point is, Swapmisha wasn't
the only one got knocked up.
- You mean I'm gonna be a daddy?
- It's yours.
Just forget it, Lonnie.
'Cause I can't take care
of no baby on my income alone.
Daddy also has a job
at the Sanitation Department.
And I just got a job yesterday
at Piggy Smalls' Pizzeria.
You know my Uncle Virgil
raised me right, girl.
And I want to do the same
for our child, Ro-Ro.
I'm gonna take care
of the both of you.
You so good to me, Lonnie.
Don't want to give me that, huh?
Come on.
Come on.
G, we need to talk.
Are you busy?
What it look like, baby?
Is everything okay?
G, I'm pregnant.
We're going to have a baby.
Hey, Dominic.
Your next appointment is here.
Send them in.
Yo, Dommie Dom.
You gotta be kidding me.
It's the Brothas Stylz.
- This is you?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
- Yo, you gots to put us on.
- True.
All right.
Yo, we might be wizzle.
But our lyzzles be
clizzle blizzle.
You feel me, dawg?
Words.
Okay.
Go ahead and spit.
Whatever.
Someone should tell them
they're white.
Oh, hey, Nia.
What's up?
What? I thought I had
the studio till 12:00.
No, no.
It's not that.
Hold up.
Listen. I...
What?
What is it?
Calm down, Dom.
You look whiter than usual.
So, Dom, she gonna have it?
Yeah.
She's gonna have it at home.
- What kind of shit is that?
- I don't know.
She said it's gonna empower her
as a woman or some bullshit.
My life is over.
I'm done.
Finished.
The three of us.
Daddies.
Ain't it great?
I think we should do daddy
training so we can do it right.
Yeah.
That's it.
You know?
Do what our fathers didn't do.
Oh!
Ooh.
Oh, what's that?
A little porn?
Check it out.
They got her in stirrups
and everything.
Make that move, mama.
Damn!
Look at the size of that thing.
Looks like an alien.
- Oh!
- Ew!
Ew!
I'm Annabelle Sinclair.
And I'll be your
birthing/child-rearing expert.
And I am here to guide you
through the journey
that your child is gonna take
from the womb
to the pink or blue bedroom.
I'd like to open the floor
for any pre-birthing questions.
Anybody?
Yes?
You know, is it cool to still
hit the skins during pregnancy?
He asking if it's all right
to still be tappin' that ass.
Oh, sure.
Feel free to get your swerve on
throughout the pregnancy.
Damn.
Don't be embarrassed, dear.
I ain't.
Flatulence is very normal
during pregnancy.
So let 'em rip!
Oh, cool.
Pregnant people, fool.
Well, hell,
I had to let it go, baby.
I'm gonna hand out these balls.
And I want you to put them
between your knees, okay?
Here you go.
You take this.
That's right.
Place it right there.
Hey, Nia.
Sorry, hon.
Dominic.
This is Venus, my doula.
What's a doula?
A midwife.
I gotta talk to you outside.
Come on.
Okeydoke.
Now we're gonna simulate labor.
So I would like for everyone
to get into their
most comfortable positions.
That's right.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Well, you invited me here.
Look, it was my decision
to have this baby.
And it was a fling, Dom.
An office fling.
Dominic, you don't have to
be here.
We've discussed this.
Domineech.
Hey, Dom.
It's Louie.
Yo.
What's up?
Um...
Give me, like, hour and a half.
I think that you're gonna find
natural childbirth
to be loving, blissful,
and wonderful.
I want drugs!
Lonnie, I can't take this pain!
Lonnie!
Is there anything else
I can get you?
Crank! Crack!
Horse tranquilizer, nigger!
I want drugs!
- Okay. Hold on.
- Gin and juice!
I'm gonna get the nurse.
Nurse!
Is there a nurse?
Nurse!
Oh!
What happened, baby?
You drop some pickle juice?
It's my water.
- Your water?
- The baby's coming.
Oh, jeez.
Okay.
Okay, baby.
Breathe.
Cleanup, aisle 3!
Daddy! Daddy!
Get Grandpa!
You have a baby here?
No! No! No!
No one have baby here!
Grandpa Bling Bling
doctor in China.
Grandpa?
Okay. Okay.
Baby, breathe.
Watch out!
I'm going in.
What the hell?
Hey, man, what you doing?
What you doing?
Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Okay.
Let's go.
Ro, Mama Peaches
in the house, baby,
with something to ease
your pain.
You can't smoke in here.
Shut your punk ass up, Urkel.
"You can't smoke in... "
Here you go, Ro.
Mama got something for you.
Here you go, baby.
A little sip. There you go.
You just take yourself
a little sip, now.
- Relax.
- It hurts!
Breathe, baby.
Breathe.
- You did this to her.
- Huh?
- G, baby.
- Yeah, baby?
Talk to me.
Say anything.
Well, that's what your daddy
always tells me.
Whoo! Whoo!
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Nia?
Nia, I got your voice mail.
I came as soon as I could.
- Late again.
- Just breathe.
Oh, my God.
What the hell is that?
Call the doctor.
It's a home birth, idiot.
She's crowning.
Aren't you supposed to
boil water or something?
Why don't you stay
in the kitchen with it?
Jesus. I...
Push it, Ro!
Push it good.
- Push it.
- "Push it, Ro"
Push it real good
Ooh, push it, Ro
Push it real good
Push it, Ro, ooh, ooh
Push it good
Push it, Ro-Ro.
Push it good
Oh! Push it, Ro
- "Push it real good"
- Push it, now.
Get your ass in there
and get it out, Doctor!
We're trying to create
a serene atmosphere here.
You're not helping.
This drug-free idea
is not helping, either.
- Get out of the way.
- Why don't you go home?
Oh, God.
Holy shit.
Come on. Ow!
The baby's coming.
Come on!
Baby coming!
Baby not coming.
It's stuck.
What do you mean, stuck?
Grandma!
Crisco, aisle 4! Stat!
- What?
- What?
Oh, no. Breathe, baby.
Here you are.
A little shorty.
Let's hear it for the homey.
It's okay.
It's got a big thing!
It's an umbilical cord,
Fat Albert.
You did great, baby.
You did great, baby.
I'm a daddy!
Carver. Yeah.
- Bruce Leroy.
- Like George Washington Carver.
- Say hello.
- I'm a daddy.
I'm a daddy!
- Jasmine.
- You should see his eyes.
She's Jasmine,
and she's beautiful.
You are the cutest baby
in all the world.
And he smell like shit.
Baby, oh.
Now would be a good time
to learn how to diaper your son.
You know what?
That sounds like fun, baby.
But I gotta get
to my sparring session.
I got that fight coming up.
So, you know, I gotta get ready.
You pay for juice
out of paycheck!
How the hell he see me
back here with this?
Don't you remember? I told you
I was working tonight.
Uh, yeah.
You forgot, didn't you?
- Uh...
- Mm-hmm.
Wait.
Okay. Look, baby.
I forgot.
I'm sorry.
All right, baby?
But look.
I can't miss training.
Boxing is gonna be
our way out of here.
I can't work for your pops
forever.
Hey, I was born to fight.
Why wait?
I kick your ass right now.
You know what?
Bring it on, Grandma.
You know, your grandmama got
a big mouth.
Come shut it for me, fat-ass.
- Mama. Come on.
- Whoo!
Anytime, Grandma Jackie Chan.
Hey, I know how important
your training is to you.
But still, I think it's time for
you to take a more active role
in raising Bruce Leroy.
- Hey, baby.
- Hey.
Look at Daddy.
You're right, boo.
It's just that I get
a little nervous
when I'm with him by myself.
G, you can do this.
Thanks, guys.
Later, chump.
Hey, Tupac.
How you doing, Tupac?
Now, that is nice.
Yes. That's real nice.
I got watches, DVDs, candy.
What you want?
Skittles?
Cost you a dollar at the store.
I'll give you two for 50 cents.
Uh, no, thank you, Tupac.
I'm okay.
Nigger, you ain't never got
no money!
You always broke!
Hey!
I have exciting news.
You got Princess Ro-Ro's
allowance?
No. I enrolled us in Mommy & Me
classes this weekend.
Oh, I ain't going to that.
Mnh-mnh.
It's gonna conflict with
my strip-aerobics class.
And you know I got to lose
this extra little baby fat.
'Sides, my mama ain't never took
me nor Tupac
to none of them classes,
and we turned out just fine.
And what's up with all this
"you got to be with your baby"
stuff lately?
What you trying to say?
I ain't a good mama?
No.
It's not that.
I thought it'd be nice
if we spent some quality time
together as a family.
Maybe we could start by having
a family dinner tonight.
Mnh-mnh.
Tonight's ladies' night
at the club.
I told you I needed you
to babysit.
No, you didn't.
Look, we could go on all night
with this "he say, she say,
she say, he say" stuff.
But I say your ass is
babysitting.
Yes, dear.
You don't want that.
No.
It'll give you gas.
Here.
There you go.
I'm gonna help her.
I'll get her a book.
On breast-feeding.
But she gotta share
with your daddy.
Oh!
Surprise.
I was just gonna start
on some tracks.
She's got hair.
Yeah. She also breathes.
She giggles.
She's your daughter, Dominic.
Not that anyone would ever know
from your behavior.
What behavior?
Me and the Brothas Stylz are
prepping for their big debut.
Get off me.
Don't touch me.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, listen.
I'm in a pinch,
and I need a big favor.
What?
I'll see you later.
Bye.
See?
It's just you and me, kid.
Me and Jas.
All right. All right.
Come on.
This ain't so bad, right?
No.
Piece of cake.
Hey, Dom,
you gonna pick yours up?
I ain't picking mine up.
You pick yours up.
You two acting like
it's the first time
you've been alone
with your kids.
- It is!
- It is!
- How do we make them stop?
- Oh, come on.
Okay.
All right.
Come on.
Come on, Bruce Leroy.
Come on, big man.
It's okay.
I think they hungry.
Cool. I'm gonna roll
and get some Mickey D's.
Formula, G.
Formula.
They drink formula.
Right, right, right.
My bad, Mr. Mom.
We got that
in the fridge, right?
Yeah, yeah.
In the kitchen.
No, no.
I got it. I got it.
And lay off my lasagna, G.
- One for you.
- Thank you.
One for you.
Okay.
Hey.
This ain't my baby's bottle.
What are you talking about?
Yo, hold up. That's Nia's
breast milk in that bottle.
It's like your boy's sucking
on my lady's titty.
Got a point there.
You're getting soft on me, man.
Oh!
They like the titty on tap.
Look at Bruce Leroy. He got
an appetite like his daddy.
Look at him getting his grub on.
I think it's time to burp 'em.
Okay.
Let's bump 'em, then.
- Burp?
- How we do that?
You just put 'em
over your shoulder.
Yeah. Right like that.
Pat 'em on their back.
Like this?
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
Aw, hell.
My Sean Johns!
You got the "Exorcist" baby.
Hey, that's what babies do.
They burp.
Spit.
And shit! Ugh!
Aw, damn.
It's that titty milk.
I bet it is.
Look at it.
Aw!
It's green shit!
I'm a lean, mean
diapering machine.
Whoo!
Whoo, that's funky.
Dang, Bruce Leroy.
When did you eat some corn, man?
Aah! Aah!
He peed on me!
He peed on me, Lonnie!
Oh, God!
It's burning!
Ow!
Oh, I can't see!
I can't see, Lonnie!
I want my mama.
That's all right, Bruce Leroy.
Daddy gonna get you cleaned up.
We're just gonna get the poop
out your hair.
Oh, man, you got soft hair.
You got hair like your mama.
Mm-hmm.
When you get older, all the
little black girls are gonna be,
"Oh, Bruce Leroy,
you got good hair.
You got Indian in your family?"
And the little Chinese girls
are gonna be,
"Oh, Bruce Leroy, me so horny.
Me love you long time. "
'Cause everybody love
Bruce Leroy.
Wa-yah!
Here's the lotion, G.
- And the baby powder.
- Oh, okay.
See, your uncles understand
a soft, sensitive bottom.
Now, who watching
y'all babies, huh?
Jesus.
Thought you almost got me
with that one, didn't you?
That was a good one.
Ow. Mnh.
Okay.
I'm throwing in the towel.
I give up.
Wait a minute.
I got an idea.
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Hickory dickory dock!
The mouse ran up the clock!
The clock struck one!
The mouse went down!
Hickory dickory dock!
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
That ends the rhyming portion
of the Mommy & Me class.
And now it's time
for the bonding portion
of the Mommy & Me class.
We've got some really pretty,
shiny books.
I think my daughter likes
your son.
I can't blame her.
He's almost as cute
as you are, Lonnie.
You know my name?
It's on your tag.
I'm Brandy.
Hi.
Brandy.
Now let's play
the bragging game.
This is where
we each take a turn.
And you tell us something
special about your child.
Brandy, let's start with you.
Well, Cherie has a smile
that lights up the room.
Just like her mom.
Ooh.
Nice to see your domesticated
ass was able to break away
from the ball and chain tonight.
Fool, please.
I'm a grown-ass man.
I pay taxes.
Sometimes.
Hey, hey.
I run me.
She don't run me.
I'm the president.
She the secretary of state.
Remember that.
Hey, hey. Yo, yo.
Drive By's here.
How'd you get Drive By
to come up in here, man?
His rappers keep getting
locked up.
He's looking for new talent.
The Brothas Stylz are gonna be
his next platinum artists.
The white boys?
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Yizzo.
Our bad. We smashed up lizzle
in this pizniece.
Can I get some?
- Yeah. Whatever.
- All right, then.
Ooh.
Double dip.
He's signing that shit?
Hold up.
Hold up.
Ain't that Ho-londa?
She's supposed to be having
dinner with Lonnie tonight.
All right.
It's time to put some crackers
up in this soup.
Comin' straight from the street.
I mean the cul-de-sacs.
Put your hands together
for the Brothas Stylz.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
What's up, people?
Brothas Stylz in the hizzy!
- Hit it!
- Hit it!
No
We don't mess around
round here
Hell, no
We don't mess around
round here
- "If you pull one trigger"
- "Then you'll pull the other"
- "You think we one figure"
- "Hell, no, fool, we brothas"
And all the girls love us
And haters,
they want to mug us
It's hard to beat
the Brothas
And suckers,
they can't touch it
Our double barrel's
right in our reach
We want the girls
with coconuts
And an ass like a peach
Here the homies run through
your crew like a track meet
Pistol-whip your ass
till I see the white meat
It's ugly
You don't wanna
come round here
'Cause round here you'll
fool around and disappear
Mess around and get stuck
down here
Lose track of the tears
Double-knotted
in the closet for years
- "Rolling Hannibal style"
- "Brain of a child"
- "Mind of a killer"
- "Thriller"
For we ain't nothin' like
vanilla
No
We don't mess around
round here
Hell, no
We don't mess around
round here
So, all our gangstas,
hustlers, hoochies, jump up
Busters, haters, snitches,
get out
Double barrel
blows your shit out
'Cause Brothas Stylz
just put a hit out
Yeah!
Yeah!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Yeah.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Right!
All right.
All right.
I'm telling you.
These guys are the bomb.
This is the future of hip-hop
right here.
You gotta trust me on this.
They got 12 tracks recorded.
They're all hot.
Don't sleep on this, Drive By.
I don't usually sign
white rappers.
But for y'all,
I might make an exception.
Y'all come by my office.
Dismissed.
Thank you.
Get out of here!
- We're going.
- That's cool.
Yo, Lon, what's wrong, man?
Man, I can't believe
Rolonda left me hanging.
I'm starting to think
she's not the woman for me.
No!
You know, it's about time, Lon.
I got tired of you going out
like a sucker.
Yeah.
Seriously, Lonnie.
You gotta get with the program
like me.
I don't think you're getting it.
I like spending time
with Carver.
It's the mama
I'm starting to doubt.
Lonnie, there are plenty
of women out there
that will treat you right, man.
There is this one girl, Brandy,
from the Mommy & Me class.
She's the bomb-diggity-fresh.
But I don't think she'd go
for a guy like me.
She would, man, if you took
some pointers from the pros.
You know what, Lon?
You need some game, dawg.
And some new slang.
'Cause "the bomb-diggity-fresh"?
Where the hell did you
get that from, anyway?
Yeah, man.
You need some style.
A makeover.
Oh.
Dawg boot camp.
Mm.
Ta-dow.
I'm listening.
Oh, no, no.
You're gonna be down. Come on.
That boy's still ugly
if you ask me.
You gotta bend your knees
a little bit.
Bend your knees a little bit.
Now swing your arms.
Not like a monkey, dawg.
You gotta loosen up.
Let the tension out.
Heel, toe.
Heel, toe.
My God.
He's white.
Hey, Brandy.
How you doin', boo?
Lonnie.
No, no, no.
You gotta talk from your nuts,
man. More bass.
This is the art of slap boxing.
A time-honored hood tradition.
Come on, Lonnie.
Put your hands up. Come on.
All right? Great.
Keep 'em up.
Uh, G?
G, man.
G.
Hey, Brandy.
How you doin', boo?
Mm.
We created a player.
Seor Lon Juan.
Mm-hmm.
The adventures
of Daddy Look Good.
So, I hear you celibate.
- What?
- Celibate.
You sellin' a bit.
I'm buyin' a bit.
Wow, Lonnie.
You look different
all pimped out.
Daddy Look Good.
DLG!
Daddy Look Good.
Are you feeling all right?
Oh, I feel real nice.
Put your hand in my pocket
and find out for yourself.
What can I get you two tonight?
Chardonnay, please.
Yac.
Colt back.
Double it up on the rocks
in a dirty glass, thickness.
I'm glad you called.
You've been on my mind.
You been runnin' through my mind
in a thong.
What?
Thong. It's a little thing.
It's like string.
It ain't the full bloomers.
Oh!
My bad.
My bad, baby.
My bad.
It's looks like you gonna
have to come out them clothes.
Goodbye, Lonnie.
Brandy.
Damn.
Be a good girl for Poppy,
all right? Be quiet.
Shh.
Okay, then.
Yeah.
That's a good girl.
Oh!
How was the date tonight?
It wasn't that good,
thanks to you two.
Didn't you use my note cards?
Yeah, I used those.
Tried to do a little
freestyling on my own.
Didn't really work.
Hey, man.
Hey, hey.
That was all Ass-anova
right there.
You know, I really like
this girl Brandy.
Little Carver really likes her.
Look, man, maybe y'all
can patch this up somehow.
Man, the way I acted tonight, G,
I'll be lucky if that woman
ever talks to me again.
You didn't take your hat off,
did you?
Like a damn fool.
Hey, Unc.
What's all the racket
down here, huh?
Babies screaming and everything.
I'm trying to go
to the bathroom.
- I can't do nothing.
- You okay, Jas?
Convenience store.
You inconvenient son of a bitch.
Keep the damn noise down
before I break my foot off
in your ass, boy.
He's mad 'cause he got
hemorrhoids.
Oh! Hey! Hey.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, nothing.
What's going on?
- Hey.
- What?
Daddy has planned a big
family dinner on Saturday.
- Uh-huh.
- And he's invited you.
He's gonna have me as
the main course or something?
I can't this Saturday.
Why?
No Good's getting released
from prison on Saturday.
No Good is nothing but trouble.
And we have a son.
Come on.
Things are different now.
Baby, things are different
for him, too.
He's a reformed man now.
For real.
G, the two of you together
spells trouble.
Look.
All I know is that he's
my cousin
and he deserves a second chance.
Six ounces, just like Mama said.
Uh-huh. Test it.
Ahh.
There you go.
Come on.
Bruce Leroy,
that's good milk, man.
Damn, that's some good
titty milk.
Ooh, ooh.
No!
Yo, who the hell...
No Good?
That's right, baby.
I'm back on the bricks.
What the hell you comin'
through the window for?
Oh, creature of habit, dawg.
Just trying to keep
my skills sharp, man.
Ah. Ah.
Aah!
No Good's back!
Show your cousin
some love, baby.
You got it, baby.
Whoo!
Dawg, I can't believe
it's been two years
since you been locked down.
Well, had the jurisprudence
not violated
the statute of limitations
per se,
I would have only done
30 days, bro.
Did you get a law degree
in prison?
Nah. I watched "The Practice"
for two seasons.
I'm representing myself
next time.
Oh, next time, huh?
You always had game, player.
You always had game.
Speaking of game, man,
what's up with you?
You still boxing?
Yeah, but it's sort of been put
on the back burner for now.
Oh, really?
How come?
Remember we used to go
candyjacking back in the day?
- You mean the kung fu clerk.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Let's just say that a hot temper
runs in his family.
Really?
How you know that?
Um...
Well, his daughter had my baby.
Oh, shit!
Hey, hey, dawg,
watch your F-ing language
in front of my son, dawg.
- Wow.
- Hey, hey.
Bruce Leroy,
it's your cousin No Good, man.
What's up, little bro?
Uh. Yep.
Gimme a little bit.
Yep. Just a slap.
- Go on. Hit it.
- Hit it, now. Hey.
That's my little man.
Drive By, my man, your label is
the first one I thought of
when I discovered
the Brothas Stylz.
Check it out.
Some people think that, like,
we kinda like a white OutKast.
If I want to know what people
think of you, I'll tell you.
- Come on.
- Very good, sir.
You remind people
of a white OutKast.
Yeah.
You really got your finger
on the pulse, there, Drive By.
You weren't thinking about going
to another label?
Well, actually, you know...
You were always
the first choice.
- Right here.
- Right here, dawg.
Here's the contracts.
Sign 'em.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is it?
I mean, this is legally binding?
This is it.
Wanna talk royalties?
Cool.
Publishing.
That's all right.
If you even want a handicapped
parking permit, get at me.
But don't you ever...
mess with me!
I have an anger-management
issue.
You understand?
Yeah, yeah. We gonna sign
that up right here.
Good.
That calls for a celebration.
Oh, we gonna pop up
some of that bubbly?
No, fool.
Milk and cookies.
- Milk and cookies?
- Milk and cookies?
You got a problem
with my milk and cookies?
- No.
- No, no.
Pleasant surprise.
Change of pace.
Well, dip, fool.
Dip!
All right.
We dipping.
- I can't get it in, dawg!
- Break it off!
Break it off, man!
Break it off!
You better dip
and eat them cookies.
Insult me,
and I'll beat your ass.
Today we're gonna discuss
something
every parent must go through.
It's potty training.
Don't make those faces.
It's not as hard as you think.
We're gonna do
some role-playing today.
Show you how to get your baby's
bottom onto the actual ring.
You might want to sing it a song
to relax the muscles.
Dookie, dookie,
doo-doo brown
Mommy, how can I be down?
Make some funny faces.
Now, it's also very important
to praise your child's movement.
"Look at that.
Look what Jason left behind.
Look at the big brown goldfish.
Yay!"
Daddy, everyone,
this is G's cousin No Good.
G, why don't you introduce
No Good to my family?
No Good, this is XiXi's father,
Cha Ching.
Oh, sure.
What's up, nigga?
Yeah.
No Good.
And this is Grandma Fung-Yu.
Hi-yo.
Cha Ching.
Grandma Fung-Yu.
Yeah.
And Sing Sing, XiXi's mother.
All right.
Cha Ching.
- Grandma Fung-Yu.
- Uh-huh.
And XiXi's mama, sexy thing.
- Oh.
- Sing Sing.
Yeah.
And Bling Bling, the grandpa.
- All right. I got this, dawg.
- Okay.
Cha Ching, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Grandma Egg Foo Yong?
Fung-Yu, dawg.
Sexy thing, Miss Thing Thing.
Sing Sing!
- Bling Bling.
- Yeah.
- Ta-dow.
- Bang bang.
And over in the corner
is the hardest-working man
in the organization.
That's my man, little Dang Ling.
All right.
I got it.
Cha Ching.
Grandma Kung Fu.
Sexy Thing.
Sing Sing. Sing Sing.
- Bling Bling. Ta-dow.
- Bang bang.
And little Ding-A-Ling.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Let's eat.
Sing Sing, these
Peking duck feet is the shit!
You no like my cooking?
No, Mom.
"The shit" is a good thing.
"The shit" is good?
Yes.
"The shit" is real good,
Sing Sing.
You know, this is the first time
in two years
I ain't have to worry about
getting shanked at chow.
Don't be so sure.
What's up with your dawg?
Damn, Grandma!
That was a wet one.
- What?
- I have cable.
Whatever, little man.
On cable, every man
in prison movie tosses...
Dang Ling.
That's enough.
Now, go wash the dishes.
When you're done,
you finish tarring the roof.
My father wants to
tell you something.
G, I want to offer you a manager
position at the market.
Yes.
You know, Cha Ching,
I really appreciate that.
But that's not
what I want to do.
Ooh, shit.
Being a manager is a great job.
Look, I got a job.
Boxing is not a job.
You always say that.
But I got my shot coming up,
all right?
I thought you would be happy.
With this promotion, we could
finally get our own place.
Yo. That would be dope.
The three of us.
Hey, brother. Hey.
I'm talking about the future.
Whether it's brighter
to hang around the gym
and chilling
with a bad influence like...
Like what?
Huh?
Like what?
Look, I'm not gonna give up
boxing, okay?
And I would appreciate it if you
wouldn't give up on me, either.
I'm gonna help Dang Ling
clean these dishes.
Somebody done messed up, huh?
This is for XiXi.
Okay.
Ow! Oh, shit!
Jab!
It's so hard now
I'm gonna do it for my baby.
I'm gonna do it for Bruce Leroy.
I'm gonna die!
This duck cheesesteak is great.
It's the other brown meat.
You better ask somebody.
You hear that, sucker?
G!
Back away from the duck!
Get him, Dang Ling!
Know who you're gonna see today?
Go see Daddy.
Go see Daddy.
You're gonna see Daddy.
Okay.
There you go, honey.
You gonna see Daddy today?
- What's up, gorgeous?
- Hey, Dominic.
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Jas.
She just ate, so she should be
ready for bed soon.
What, are you paintin' the town
with your friend Pluto?
Somethin' like that.
What about you?
Beer delivery.
You're not having
a party tonight, are you?
No, no, no, no.
It's for one of
Lonnie's experiments. Okay.
Have a good time.
- I'll be back later.
- Go. We're gonna be okay.
- Don't worry about us.
- Bye, pumpkin.
Bye.
- There's supposed to be four.
- Two.
We have two lights,
two regulars.
Doesn't it say right here?
I don't think we should leave.
We're goin' downstairs, man.
Come on.
We done been throwed up on,
pissed on, and pooped on.
It's time we do
some grown-up shit, man.
- That's right.
- All right?
- Come on.
- All right.
- Cool.
- All right.
Bye-bye.
Sleep tight, little fella.
Ooh, brother gotta pee.
Oh!
Anybody ever tell you
you have beautiful hair?
Come on, let's get busy.
No, no, Stacy.
Don't go in there.
We'll go in there.
Come on, Dom.
You did not bring me up here
to play with my hair.
It's foreplay, baby.
Ha ha!
Hey. Hey!
I'm gonna go check
on the kids.
All right.
What? Who?
God! Damn!
G!
- G!
- Yeah?
- The babies are gone!
- What?
I told you!
- Dom!
- Dom!
- The babies are gone!
- The babies is gone, man!
I just saw 'em
in the other room.
Bruce Leroy!
Jasmine!
- Bruce Leroy!
Move! Move!
Jasmine!
Son!
What are we gonna do?
Outside!
Outside!
- Bruce Leroy!
- Jasmine!
Carver!
Bruce Leroy!
Did you check
up in Uncle Virgil's room?
I'm dialing 911.
No, man, I still got warrants.
What?
- How?
- Bruce Leroy.
What?
Who put y'all up here?
- Carver, you know how to walk?
- Jasmine.
It's all my fault.
I should have checked to
make sure the door was closed.
It could have been worse.
A lot worse.
Man, these kids depend on us.
This is our chance
to be fathers, man.
And we can do the right thing
right now.
Y'all in or what?
Yeah.
I'm in.
Yeah, we can do this.
For the block, boy
Take it rough
Every day it's been the same
old thing on my block
You either workin'
or you slangin'... on my block
You had to hustle
That's how we was raised
on my block
And ya stayed on ya hop
Until you made you a knot
on my block
To hang out
was the thing back then
And even when you left out,
you came back in
To my block, from Holloway,
Bellfort to Scott
We rolled in the flocks,
we know the spots
Drank all the blue dots
On your block you probably
bred a Fat Pat or Tupac
Or Big Pun or B.I.,
your homeboys from knee-high
Even when it was stormin'
outside, that... be by
That's me, dawg
On my block, I ain't have to
play the big shot
Knew me back when I was
stealin' beer from Shamrock
And my nickname was Creepy
If Black June could see me,
he'd be trippin'
And I'd bet
he still try to tease me
My block, where everything
is everything, fa sheezy
Look, fellas, I wouldn't
believe it if I hadn't seen it
with my own former four eyes.
Two proud papas.
Daddies, even.
Fathers.
Hangin' out with their kids.
That's right.
- That's right.
That's right.
Nia's been so busy at work.
Me and Jas been gettin' to
know each other.
I heard that, man.
Yeah.
Look at him. Look at him.
Jab him!
- Hey, hey.
- Jab him.
- Carver.
- Whup his ass.
Hold your right hand up.
- Dip!
- When he drop it...
- There you go.
- Dip.
I thought you said
we was chillin' today, man.
We are.
At the store?
Look here, man.
Stop complaining, all right?
XiXi gonna get on my ass
if I don't start pulling
my weight, all right?
You need a wheelbarrow
to haul all that in.
Oh, snap!
See, this is what I'm talking
about right here.
This is what I wish
I could get for my son.
Why don't you buy it?
Man, do you know how expensive
it is to raise a child now?
There's diapers.
There's formula.
- Not to mention the toys.
- Wow.
Hell, man, I barely got enough
for the necessities.
I'm gonna get that, though.
Yeah, I'm gonna get that.
Right.
Diapers. Bottles.
Chips. Cool.
Damn!
Look, I left my wallet
in the car.
Hold this spot.
Don't lose it.
- Gotcha.
- All right.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh, hey, how you doin'?
You look just like
Patti LaBelle.
Without the big hair, though.
When she was with the LaBelles.
Yeah, okay.
All right, now!
Freeze!
I want it chilly up in here!
Sir? We don't have
much money in the till.
You're welcome to it.
But I would recommend that
you rob a convenience store.
Did I ask you for money?
No, I did not.
Now, give me some
of them snot suckers.
Some of them rattles.
Some ass thermometers.
Pronto.
Yeah. Yeah.
Y'all got some baby grub
up in here?
Is the baby teething?
Oh, and don't forget
the rubber nipples.
Yeah.
And the booties
for the baby's feet.
And cotton swabs.
Cotton swabs.
That reminds me.
Is the baby still on formula?
You should really start
going for organic.
Organic.
Right, right, right, right.
What the hell "organic" mean?
It means it's grown naturally
without any harmful pesticides
that might poison your baby.
What?
You trying to poison my kid?
No!
I want everything organic
up in this bitch!
Right now!
I don't want nobody to move
for two minutes.
That's 150 seconds.
That didn't sound right.
Hoo-hoo!
Open the trunk.
Man, don't tell me
you just robbed the store!
Open the trunk, dawg.
What the hell did you do, fool?
They was robbin' us.
Just 'cause it's overpriced
don't mean you steal it.
Why you trippin'?
I did this for you, dawg.
What?
You the one got a baby
to handle.
Oh, I'm trippin'?
'Cause I ain't your
accomplice no more?
What? You got a baby now
so you don't work no more?
Oh, so robbin' is work now?
Yeah.
Man, they runnin' my plates.
Get in the car, man!
You like hanging out
with your Uncle No Good.
Take some of those right there.
That's what's up.
Yeah, this is kind of good.
Mmm, I can see how you eat
this stuff right here, brother.
You know what?
Me and your daddy got you
all kinds of good stuff today.
Got it for free, too,
if you know what I'm sayin'.
With a toy gun.
Made a clean getaway.
You know why?
You know why?
'Cause crime does pay.
Yes, it does.
Hey, baby.
What?
What's up, dawg?
Baby, what's the problem?
You mad?
Are you stupid?
What are you talking about?
Robbing baby stores?
Baby, that was No Good.
Tell that to your son when
your dumb ass ends up in jail!
Baby, I told you...
"Baby!"
Ow!
Damn!
- Shit!
God.
Yeah.
It'll be okay.
Okay?
G, just look at it
as a chance to grow.
To get in touch with yourself.
Look, man, I'm tired
of touching myself.
I want my lady to touch me.
I want XiXi to touch me.
Where you goin', sexy?
Big meeting today, fellas.
Gonna have a huge payday.
And maybe who knows, you know?
Get a place of my own.
Jas could have a backyard.
Her own room.
Man, you know what
you sound like?
What?
A bitch?
No.
A man.
All right.
I'll talk to you later.
You kind of dress like
a bitch, though.
Drive By, you so crazy.
So, when did you guys
become such good friends?
This is gonna be hard.
This is gonna be real hard.
It's gonna be hard for
the Stylz Brothas to say...
You ain't gonna be the
Brothas Stylz's manager no more.
That wasn't that hard.
No, no, no.
Very easy, dawg.
Let's go.
You're dismissed, bitch.
Dismizzle, bizzle.
I'm all right!
- Dang Ling, where's XiXi?
- She don't want to see your ass.
Cha Ching, where's XiXi?
G, we need to talk.
Outside.
You get that black eye boxing?
Nope.
From your daughter.
Yeah, she got a left hook
like her mother.
I don't smoke cigarettes.
Take a closer look, fool.
Special smoke.
Cure a chronic ailment.
Even a broken heart.
Hmm.
Damn, man.
All this time, I thought
you was uptight and shit.
You remind me of myself
when I was your age.
The Triads.
I was the leader
of the Far East Side Riders.
I dreamt of being
the Chinese Scarface.
Hey.
Say hello to my little friend.
Hey.
What happened?
Met XiXi's moms up at the club.
Got gander at junk in the trunk.
She made you turn
your life around.
Not before reality bitch-slapped
me in the face first.
Gangster Gung Ho
got cap busted in ass.
Pour a little out
for homies ain't here.
Yeah.
After that,
all I could think about
was giving my daughter and
my baby's mama a better life.
Any regrets?
One.
I didn't do it sooner.
Dominic.
Hi.
- Oh. I wasn't expecting you.
- Yeah, I know.
I just wanted to see
if we could talk maybe.
Well, this really
isn't the best...
Dominic.
What's she doing here?
You caught us at a bad time.
We just got out of the bath.
"We"?
Maybe we should talk.
Are you trying to tell me
you're a...
Let's be real.
Jasmine needs
a full-time parent.
For when she's sick.
For when she can't sleep.
You know you can't
be counted on for that.
No, that's not true.
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about.
We have to do
what's best for Jasmine.
And you think her having
two mommies is what's best?
Yes.
Venus and I are in love.
She's with Jasmine
every single day.
You're more into
the Stylz Brothas
than you are into being a dad.
Oooooh
Yeah
La la la la la
We're not living
without sacrifice
Sacrifice
Sometimes blessings,
they come in disguise
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Every valley has a mountain
Every shore, a sea
Every life, a reason
What was meant to be
And that's the way it goes
Brandy.
Ba ba ba ba ba
Brandy.
And that's the way it goes
Da da di yi yi
Advice for life
You only get one chance
to make it right
Live wrong
and pay the price
Be strong and sacrifice
Respect life
and think twice
My God-given rights,
God gave me the light
So I'm gonna shine bright
Despite the negativity
in human life
Life, unh, yo
I'm too blessed
to be stressed
Up against all odds
that manifest in the flesh
Yo, lovin' my life,
life, I'm livin' it
You love the way it sound
and the way that I deliver it
Love life
and keep it innocent
Live and let live,
life's experience
I know you're mad at me.
Hell, if I was you,
I'd be mad at me, too.
But if you give me
a chance to explain.
I am sorry.
Brandy.
Carver.
I am sorry.
Wake your sorry asses up!
I ain't gonna say this
but one time.
So you damn well better hear me.
Now, Lonnie.
Don't get caught up in this
"baby's mama" drama.
Now, you had you
a good woman in Brandy.
She a good woman.
She likes you.
And that baby likes you, too.
You need to be a man.
You need to go ahead
and pick your hair out
and get rid of them damn
deep-sea-diving goggles
and handle your business.
And you.
Rerun.
Huh?
Yeah, you.
You got a good woman, too.
But you're too damn lazy.
All you want to do is
lay up on your ass all day.
And you ain't no fighter.
Hell, I'll knock your dick
in the dirt, old as I am.
Yeah, you need to put
your family first.
Put your family first.
And, Dom, you ain't no player.
Now, Uncle Virgil was a player.
You hear me?
I was slammin' more Cadillac
doors and pimpin' more ho's
while you were still swimming
around in your daddy's nut sac.
And you got a good woman, too.
But no, you mad 'cause she done
got herself another woman.
Hell, be Uncle Virgil
back in the day,
I'd have both them chicks
over at my house right now.
Cookin' my breakfast.
Butt-naked.
With the house shoes on.
Best thing I can suggest to you
is you get yourself
back in your baby's life
as soon as you can.
Don't be like me, Dom.
End up old.
Lonely.
Living with
your goofy-ass nephew
and his broke-ass friends.
Do I really look like Rerun?
Brandy!
Slow down, kids.
Brandy!
Brandy, can you find it
in your heart to forgive me?
You know, the loving,
the caring, the compassionate,
the dashing, the debonair,
the real Lonnie.
He's back.
And he'd like another chance.
How about dinner tonight?
I'm all ears.
You want some pig feet?
Ooh, is she a cutie pie.
Like her mama.
Yes, indeedy, feed the needy.
Want some ribs?
Some chitlins?
So, we were
high school sweethearts.
I thought
he was Prince Charming.
But he turned out to be a toad.
Your ex and my baby's mama
need to get together.
'Cause she's a rat.
A hood rat.
Right.
You know, I've always had
this idealistic view of family.
House in the burbs.
With the white picket fence.
And a cute puppy, like a...
Chocolate lab.
Oh.
Let me clean those for you.
Hey, are these new glasses?
Yeah, the other ones
are kind of large and square.
What you waitin' on, dawg?
An engraved invitation?
Huh?
Kiss her, fool.
Go, Lonnie.
Go.
Go, Lonnie.
Yeah.
I know Ho-landa's my mama.
But Brandy's all that
and a bag of tits.
He's right, boy.
I mean, check out those
tig old bitties.
I've been sucklin' those
chocolate-milk sacs for months,
and it is nice.
Lonnie.
Are you feeling okay?
No, I think I had
a little too much wine.
I guess it is getting
a bit late.
Yeah, maybe I should be going.
That's my daddy.
What the hell is...
Open up the door, fool.
What the hell is this, man?
Breakfast, fool.
No, man, I'm talking about what
the hell you do to the room.
My grandmother told me
make myself at home, man.
Want a grilled-cheese
sandwich, man?
No, I'm cool.
All right, then.
You still mad at me, man?
Look, Robin Hood.
Because of what you did,
XiXi ain't speakin' to me.
I haven't even seen
my baby, man.
That little stunt you pulled
really messed my life up.
What's up with you, man?
You still the same guy that got
"Thug Life" tatted on his arm?
Yeah, that's me.
But I got my son's name
tatted on the other arm now.
We gonna always be boys, man.
We family.
I got a family of my own now.
So that's my priority.
I feel you, dawg.
I'm proud of you, man.
Thanks, baby.
Now, you sure you don't want
one of these grilled cheese?
Yeah, go on
and hook me up one, man.
All right, then.
It's organic.
What the hell you doin' bustin'
in here like you pay the bills?
I mean, like you're the police.
Sit your Count Crackula-lookin'
ass down.
- What?
- And you shut the hell up.
Show me some respect
around here.
'Cause Lord knows I earned it.
The days of you two bitches
using my baby boy
for a payday are over.
He's coming with me.
And maybe, just maybe,
if you get your shit together,
I might let you see him.
But Princess Ro-Ro...
But Ro-Ho, my ass.
Be-otch!
You don't like the way I roll,
take me to court.
Come on, little Carver.
Let's go home.
Sorry you had to hear that, man.
Oh, don't worry.
You'll still get
your little $300 a week.
Ain't that what you had him for?
Let's get out of here.
Swoll!
Mama, no.
And I'm proud to say that many
of Philadelphia's top artists
have recorded right here
in this studio.
And we have
an award-winning engineering...
Dominic.
What are you doing here?
I just want to tell you
you're right.
Being a parent means
being there every day.
Look, I know
you don't need me, Nia.
But I need Jasmine.
Things haven't exactly
been going my way lately.
First the Brothas Stylz
fire me.
Then I find out
you're a lesbian.
Wait a minute.
You got fired?
You're a lesbian?
Thank you.
Thanks.
The other day,
I went to visit you, right?
I saw you and Venus
with Jasmine.
You guys looked
just like a family, you know.
And it became clear
what's important.
I need to be part
of my daughter's life.
I want to pack her lunch on
the first day of kindergarten.
I want to put Bactine
on her skinned knee
when she falls off her bike.
I want to keep her away
from players like me.
I know it sounds stupid.
But there's more to life
than chasing girls.
That's raising one.
Come here.
Let Daddy strap you in.
Swoll, leave him alone.
You can't bust up in here,
take Ro's baby,
and break out, Donnie!
What you want to do, little man?
Huh?
What you want?
It's Lonnie!
Lonnie, partner.
Can I roll with you?
Not this time, Little Tupac.
Superboy that became Superman.
Ro, you shouldn't have
never let that man
slip through your fingertips.
Hey.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it took me so long
to figure out
I wanted to spend
the rest of my life
with you and Bruce Leroy.
I don't want Bruce Leroy
growing up
not knowing who his father was
like I did.
I want him to be proud
to call me "Dad. "
And I want you to be proud
to call me your husband.
XiXi.
G, you had me at "hello. "
For the block, boy
Take it rough
Every day it's been the same
old thing on my block
You either workin'
or you slangin'...
My man Lonnie
finally found happiness.
By the power vested in me
by the state of Pennsylvania,
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Look at that.
You got spit on her chin.
Whoa.
Save something
for the hotel room, there.
Your kids gonna watch this.
Honeymoon time.
Honeymoon time.
Lon, the Carver 5000
is da bomb, man.
Thank you, Uncle Virgil.
And Brandy inspired him to
achieve his dream
of becoming the most successful
black inventor
since the sister
who invented the hot comb.
Toys"R"Us just ordered
1,000 units of the Carver 5000.
Whatever happened to
the Stylz Brothas?
Yeah, yeah.
The white boys.
Kind of had a problem
at the Apollo.
What's up, my niggas?
- Bad management.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dom stopped being a player
and started being a father.
Inspired by his baby girl, Jas,
he decided to spin
his music career
in a different direction.
He created
Hip-Hopscotch Records,
and the first act he signed
was Little Tupac.
A.K.A. Mini T.
It's Mini The biggest
preschool mack around
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Dear Carver, Jasmine,
Bruce Leroy
Happy birthday to you
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
No Good finally found
his niche.
And it's organic.
No pesticides or nothing.
All right.
He got himself
his own cooking show
and became known as the "O. G."
The Organic Gangster.
A smidgen of cayenne pepper.
Cayenne!
- Then boom!
Pow!
Ta-dow!
The flavor is major
in this piece.
Now, meat tenderizing.
First...
- You get your meat.
- Oh, yeah.
Then you get your tenderizer.
Gonna beat that meat.
Fist, meet meat.
Meat, meet fist.
And you start tenderizing,
brother.
Where my money at?
You been owing me $5
for, like, two weeks now.
My block, where everything
is everything, fa sheezy
My block,
we probably done it all
So, Mrs. XiXi Ling Yoon
Dung Quon Puck Washington.
Yes?
You'll be happy to know that
I'm hanging up my gloves, boo.
Really?
You're giving up boxing?
Well, not completely.
Me and my father-in-law,
Cha Ching,
opened us up our very own
bo xing gym/karate studio.
We call it the Mofo Dojo.
Hit me hard!
Hit me hard! Hit me!
Good. Get back.
Come on.
Let's go!
Come on!
Come on!
Harder!
You hit like a girl!
Other hand!
Get back over there.
Come on!
Come on!
Class dismissed.
To great friends.
Nah.
To great...
babies' daddies.
Who would have thought?
Three little babies turning us
into three grown men.
My block
We made the impossible
look easy, fa sheezy
Hmmmm
What's up, Allen?
It's Little Tupac
What's up, Allen Iverson?
What's up, Philly?
- "Come on, yeah, yeah, yeah"
- "Sing for me, sing for me"
It's Mini The biggest
preschool mack around
Always treatin' Philly
like my playground
Now, back in the day,
before the fortune and fame
I knew three babies' daddies
who had no game
It was Lonnie, Dom,
and my man Big G
All of them together
ain't no player like me
Lonnie had a baby mama
he tried to treat nice
But you can't turn Ro
into a housewife
Lonnie was a square
Big glasses, nappy hair
Who chumped the champ
after thug boot camp
And then there's G,
who thinks he's a fighter
If he laid off the hot wings,
he'd be a little lighter
My homeboy Dom,
so busy gettin' on
Couldn't see his daughter
bein' raised by two moms
Dom's got my back,
my income's higher
But if I don't see
my royalties
He's gettin' fired
Mini T's gonna whip it up
Bringin' y'all
that funky stuff
All these daddies
messing up
Baby daddy drama,
baby mama drama
Mini T's gonna whip it up
Bringin' y'all
that funky stuff
All these daddies
messing up
Baby daddy drama,
baby mama drama
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
Yeah
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Okay, why even front like
you're not lookin' at me?
Do I look like
your baby daddy?
Nah, I'm more like a pimp
Tell your man to keep
his eyes on you
'Fore you leave with me
Keep the brim crispy,
leave the stickers on it
The East Coast thing,
though it might seem iffy
What if I take you
outside and
What if I take you
for a ride and
What if I gave you
a credit card?
What if I told you
I was hella hard?
From the way that you shakin'
them apple bottoms
Your man's here
but that's no problem
'Cause he got this here
in the smash, oh, yeah
And Darkchild
got this in the smash
Your girlfriend
can't keep her eyes off me
In the club
with my girl in here
So
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Dawg, you better watch her
I'm in her head
like a doctor
Messin' her brain up
She tuggin' at my shirt,
chick messin' my chain up
Bad Lucc for real,
baby daddies are lame
But I gotta deal with it
Make back outside
I'm too cool
for the regular ride
She on your boy,
I keep her hood
I tell her hop in the fo'
and keep her head down
Poppin' the mo',
your boy Lucc is a player
She already think
I'm a nice dude
I told her
that I won't even fight, dude
I'm just so bigger
than that
As soon as she smiled,
I said
"Yeah, I got triggers
for that"
I can already see it
Me and you
hittin' the strip
With one clip in the middle
of your cleavage
Let's hit the road, mama,
old clothes, leave 'em
Your baby daddy
don't want to see 'em
Yeah
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Yeah, yeah.
Ballin Records, Bungalo presents
Beelow and Juvenile.
Super Psycho production.
So Treacherous, baby.
Infamous.
This one's for the streets.
It's Juvenile and Beelow,
now, where this move at?
Where the move at?
Now, where the move at?
We kickin' it right here
with the new throwback
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
Man, what you know
about this fresh fifty?
You don't know the issue
Been hustlin' all week,
that's why I'm in the club
And I got a cup
with that green stuff in it
Shorty, you ain't no baller
unless my team up in it
And now my team up in it
So best believe
we comin' strong
I roll my blunts up, light
'em, and take 'em to the dome
Then check my cologne
'Cause it's a hundred
for a bottle
I'm with Juvenile
We throwin' hundreds
to the models
I got 'em lookin'
Now I know you see
my ballin' grill
Ball and chain,
it ain't no thing
I got some ballin' wheels
And your baby mama
lovin' me
Dreamin' about discussion
Get close so she can get them
numbers and come fuck with me
That's why you muggin' me,
it ain't no secret
You know we keep it crunked
up, up in the club
Worldwide with this rap, and
I'm about to make it happen
Can't be in the club
scrappin'
- "Whaaa"
- "What's up?"
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
Where the boom at?
Now, where the boom at?
It's Juvenile and Beelow,
now, where this move at?
Now, where the move at?
Now, where the boom at?
We kickin' it right here
with the new throwback
I'm steppin' out
in somethin' flippin'
Grippin' grain
when I'm whippin'
So much pressure
in that trunk
Got that Juvi to skippin'
And that whole block dug it
like we off in the club
I got 'em lookin'
'cause I'm gutter
And showin' 'em love
Couldn't bring the world
to the hood
I'm gonna take the hood
to the world
They criticize me
'bout my hustle
I gotta feed my little girl
Big bank take little bank,
that's the way of the land
Set up shop and get that
paper like a man if I can
Most wanted by them wheezers
and a star to them rookies
Yo, Beelow got game
I'm the truth
like Lebron James
Slam dunkin' on the radio,
most requested in clubs
BMG is who I rep
with my gangstas and thugs
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
You ain't thuggin'
picked peppers
But Run rocked rhymes
Humpty Dumpty fell down
That's his hard time
Jack Be Nimble was nimble,
and he was quick
But Jam Master cut faster,
Jack's on Jay's dick
Now, Little Bo Peep
cold lost her sheep
And Rip Van Winkle
fell the hell asleep
And Alice chillin' somewhere
in Wonderland
Jack's servin' Jill,
bucket in his hand
And Jam Master Jay's
making out our sound
The turntables might wobble
but they don't fall down
For as long as I can remember,
the three of us
have always been best friends.
Even when we were babies,
me, Lonnie, and Dom shared
the same crib.
Dr. Seuss and Mother Goose
both did their thing
But Jam Master's gettin'
loose and D.M. C. 's the king
We were tight, like brothers.
But we all had our own dreams.
G, let me down.
Lonnie dreamed of two things.
Mmm.
First was that Rolonda loved
him as much as he loved her.
Huh?
But all she loved
was his money.
He also wanted to be
a big inventor.
My boy Dom.
He just loved the music.
As for me, well, I was built
to be a professional athlete.
Yeah, I was gonna be
the best bo xer
to come out of South Philly
since Rocky.
I was gonna be
the Black Stallion!
Dag, this burns!
Oxygen.
$2 Tuesday was karate night.
Hyah!
Sometimes my cousin Randall
would chill with us.
He had a thing
for candyjacking.
I want it chilly up in here!
You now on Cha Ching's
most-wanted list.
That's why we called him
"No Good. "
We went from boys to men
together.
And the three of us moved into
Lonnie's Uncle Virgil's house.
It was just temporary until
we could find a better place.
You have a ride home, XiXi?
Yes, Father.
Don't be late.
Yes, Father.
Give your father kiss.
Bye, Father.
Look. We can go
in Uncle Virgil's room.
He got one of them
orthopedic beds.
Guess who.
- Alvena?
- No.
Mm.
Hold up. Ooh.
Ooh! Rashida.
Oh, no, no.
This is Laquida.
Unh-unh-unh!
This is Tamika.
You got one more chance
to get it.
Or you won't be making it
to your next fight.
Hey, baby.
I knew it was you.
I was just having fun.
Sorry I'm late.
Had to get a ride
from my father.
Does your pops know
you came to see me?
Yes.
Come on, baby.
You know that's not cool.
Forget about my father.
I love you.
That's what matters.
Happy birthday to you
Hey, Lonnie!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear Lonnie
Happy birthday to you
Make a wish, Lon.
I wish Rolonda was here.
Ho-londa!
Get out the way!
- Big Swoll in the house.
- You got your wish.
Can I get her
for my birthday, too?
Happy birthday, boyfriend.
Rolonda.
Don't stop.
I was beginning to think
that you weren't gonna show.
You know Ro-Ro wouldn't miss
her Lonnie's birthday party.
I knew you wouldn't let me down.
This right here is my cousin
Big Swoll.
He just got out
the penitentiary.
Hey, Big Swoll.
It's good to meet
a member of the family.
Yeah, I'm all right, Johnny.
Happy birthday, man.
You know, Rolonda,
I was thinking that...
Ooh! Cake.
That's what I want.
Some cake.
I haven't eaten
in two whole hours.
And for some reason,
I just can't stop eating.
Ooh.
There it is.
Nia.
You looked so busy
at work today.
I'm surprised to see you here.
The studio was
really busy today.
How could I miss
one of your famous parties?
Yeah, and you're wearing
that top that I love so much.
That's 'cause I want you
to take it off.
Just a second, baby.
Go, Daddy, go.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
That's cute.
Oh!
Mmm! Ooh!
I'm here now.
I'm here.
Oh.
You know, I...
I have these feelings.
I want to take care
of you, Rolonda.
And I was thinking we could get
our own place
and maybe get married someday.
Damn, Lonnie.
That's real sweet, baby.
Nigger ain't never said no shit
like that before.
So you think maybe we could...
Oh. 10:30, boo.
You know what that mean.
What?
My show is on.
Hey, now, my show is on
Ooh, ooh, my show is on
Up next, "Compton 90221."
My show is on, too.
Compton 90221
We can't be cleaning up
like this.
We gotta hire ourselves a maid.
What are you complaining about?
I'm the one on my hands
and knees.
I thought that was
your favorite position.
Good morning, guys.
- Hey.
Hey.
What's wrong, man?
What's wrong, Lon?
I'm a year older, and I'm
still here with you two guys
at my Uncle Virgil's house.
You know what you sound like
right now, man?
Nah. What?
A bitch.
Yeah.
Seriously, Lonnie.
You don't want to mess around
with a good thing.
I mean, take a look around you.
We got the tight bachelor pad.
We could do whatever we want.
I mean, this is it.
We made it, man.
Right there, dawg.
Mm!
Ta-dow!
You better clean this damn mess
up before you leave.
I know that.
Whip some ass up in here.
This is it?
Getting yelled at
like schoolchildren?
I mean, I thought I'd be
further along in my life by now.
You know, have my own family.
My own place.
One of these days
you guys are gonna grow up.
You 12 minutes late.
I dock paycheck.
Look, Cha Ching, I know we got
friction between us
on account that I took
that Kit Kat seven years ago.
And Bit-O-Honey. Milky Way.
Black licorice.
And case of Coors.
What's "ricorrish"?
Licorice.
Licorice!
Don't play language game
with me.
You now 14 minutes late.
Good talk.
Dang Ling, I can't understand
a damn word your daddy say.
Great first half, kids.
You missed five calls,
you four-eyed punk.
Rolonda! Peaches!
What are you doing here?
We need to talk.
I'm all ears.
Mama dear is gonna go wait
over there.
Remember that time
we was watching "Compton 90221"
and Swapmisha had told Dante
that she was pregnant?
How could I forget it?
Point is, Swapmisha wasn't
the only one got knocked up.
- You mean I'm gonna be a daddy?
- It's yours.
Just forget it, Lonnie.
'Cause I can't take care
of no baby on my income alone.
Daddy also has a job
at the Sanitation Department.
And I just got a job yesterday
at Piggy Smalls' Pizzeria.
You know my Uncle Virgil
raised me right, girl.
And I want to do the same
for our child, Ro-Ro.
I'm gonna take care
of the both of you.
You so good to me, Lonnie.
Don't want to give me that, huh?
Come on.
Come on.
G, we need to talk.
Are you busy?
What it look like, baby?
Is everything okay?
G, I'm pregnant.
We're going to have a baby.
Hey, Dominic.
Your next appointment is here.
Send them in.
Yo, Dommie Dom.
You gotta be kidding me.
It's the Brothas Stylz.
- This is you?
- Oh, hell, yeah.
- Yo, you gots to put us on.
- True.
All right.
Yo, we might be wizzle.
But our lyzzles be
clizzle blizzle.
You feel me, dawg?
Words.
Okay.
Go ahead and spit.
Whatever.
Someone should tell them
they're white.
Oh, hey, Nia.
What's up?
What? I thought I had
the studio till 12:00.
No, no.
It's not that.
Hold up.
Listen. I...
What?
What is it?
Calm down, Dom.
You look whiter than usual.
So, Dom, she gonna have it?
Yeah.
She's gonna have it at home.
- What kind of shit is that?
- I don't know.
She said it's gonna empower her
as a woman or some bullshit.
My life is over.
I'm done.
Finished.
The three of us.
Daddies.
Ain't it great?
I think we should do daddy
training so we can do it right.
Yeah.
That's it.
You know?
Do what our fathers didn't do.
Oh!
Ooh.
Oh, what's that?
A little porn?
Check it out.
They got her in stirrups
and everything.
Make that move, mama.
Damn!
Look at the size of that thing.
Looks like an alien.
- Oh!
- Ew!
Ew!
I'm Annabelle Sinclair.
And I'll be your
birthing/child-rearing expert.
And I am here to guide you
through the journey
that your child is gonna take
from the womb
to the pink or blue bedroom.
I'd like to open the floor
for any pre-birthing questions.
Anybody?
Yes?
You know, is it cool to still
hit the skins during pregnancy?
He asking if it's all right
to still be tappin' that ass.
Oh, sure.
Feel free to get your swerve on
throughout the pregnancy.
Damn.
Don't be embarrassed, dear.
I ain't.
Flatulence is very normal
during pregnancy.
So let 'em rip!
Oh, cool.
Pregnant people, fool.
Well, hell,
I had to let it go, baby.
I'm gonna hand out these balls.
And I want you to put them
between your knees, okay?
Here you go.
You take this.
That's right.
Place it right there.
Hey, Nia.
Sorry, hon.
Dominic.
This is Venus, my doula.
What's a doula?
A midwife.
I gotta talk to you outside.
Come on.
Okeydoke.
Now we're gonna simulate labor.
So I would like for everyone
to get into their
most comfortable positions.
That's right.
Oh.
What are you doing here?
Well, you invited me here.
Look, it was my decision
to have this baby.
And it was a fling, Dom.
An office fling.
Dominic, you don't have to
be here.
We've discussed this.
Domineech.
Hey, Dom.
It's Louie.
Yo.
What's up?
Um...
Give me, like, hour and a half.
I think that you're gonna find
natural childbirth
to be loving, blissful,
and wonderful.
I want drugs!
Lonnie, I can't take this pain!
Lonnie!
Is there anything else
I can get you?
Crank! Crack!
Horse tranquilizer, nigger!
I want drugs!
- Okay. Hold on.
- Gin and juice!
I'm gonna get the nurse.
Nurse!
Is there a nurse?
Nurse!
Oh!
What happened, baby?
You drop some pickle juice?
It's my water.
- Your water?
- The baby's coming.
Oh, jeez.
Okay.
Okay, baby.
Breathe.
Cleanup, aisle 3!
Daddy! Daddy!
Get Grandpa!
You have a baby here?
No! No! No!
No one have baby here!
Grandpa Bling Bling
doctor in China.
Grandpa?
Okay. Okay.
Baby, breathe.
Watch out!
I'm going in.
What the hell?
Hey, man, what you doing?
What you doing?
Oh, my God!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Okay.
Let's go.
Ro, Mama Peaches
in the house, baby,
with something to ease
your pain.
You can't smoke in here.
Shut your punk ass up, Urkel.
"You can't smoke in... "
Here you go, Ro.
Mama got something for you.
Here you go, baby.
A little sip. There you go.
You just take yourself
a little sip, now.
- Relax.
- It hurts!
Breathe, baby.
Breathe.
- You did this to her.
- Huh?
- G, baby.
- Yeah, baby?
Talk to me.
Say anything.
Well, that's what your daddy
always tells me.
Whoo! Whoo!
- Whoo! Whoo!
- Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Nia?
Nia, I got your voice mail.
I came as soon as I could.
- Late again.
- Just breathe.
Oh, my God.
What the hell is that?
Call the doctor.
It's a home birth, idiot.
She's crowning.
Aren't you supposed to
boil water or something?
Why don't you stay
in the kitchen with it?
Jesus. I...
Push it, Ro!
Push it good.
- Push it.
- "Push it, Ro"
Push it real good
Ooh, push it, Ro
Push it real good
Push it, Ro, ooh, ooh
Push it good
Push it, Ro-Ro.
Push it good
Oh! Push it, Ro
- "Push it real good"
- Push it, now.
Get your ass in there
and get it out, Doctor!
We're trying to create
a serene atmosphere here.
You're not helping.
This drug-free idea
is not helping, either.
- Get out of the way.
- Why don't you go home?
Oh, God.
Holy shit.
Come on. Ow!
The baby's coming.
Come on!
Baby coming!
Baby not coming.
It's stuck.
What do you mean, stuck?
Grandma!
Crisco, aisle 4! Stat!
- What?
- What?
Oh, no. Breathe, baby.
Here you are.
A little shorty.
Let's hear it for the homey.
It's okay.
It's got a big thing!
It's an umbilical cord,
Fat Albert.
You did great, baby.
You did great, baby.
I'm a daddy!
Carver. Yeah.
- Bruce Leroy.
- Like George Washington Carver.
- Say hello.
- I'm a daddy.
I'm a daddy!
- Jasmine.
- You should see his eyes.
She's Jasmine,
and she's beautiful.
You are the cutest baby
in all the world.
And he smell like shit.
Baby, oh.
Now would be a good time
to learn how to diaper your son.
You know what?
That sounds like fun, baby.
But I gotta get
to my sparring session.
I got that fight coming up.
So, you know, I gotta get ready.
You pay for juice
out of paycheck!
How the hell he see me
back here with this?
Don't you remember? I told you
I was working tonight.
Uh, yeah.
You forgot, didn't you?
- Uh...
- Mm-hmm.
Wait.
Okay. Look, baby.
I forgot.
I'm sorry.
All right, baby?
But look.
I can't miss training.
Boxing is gonna be
our way out of here.
I can't work for your pops
forever.
Hey, I was born to fight.
Why wait?
I kick your ass right now.
You know what?
Bring it on, Grandma.
You know, your grandmama got
a big mouth.
Come shut it for me, fat-ass.
- Mama. Come on.
- Whoo!
Anytime, Grandma Jackie Chan.
Hey, I know how important
your training is to you.
But still, I think it's time for
you to take a more active role
in raising Bruce Leroy.
- Hey, baby.
- Hey.
Look at Daddy.
You're right, boo.
It's just that I get
a little nervous
when I'm with him by myself.
G, you can do this.
Thanks, guys.
Later, chump.
Hey, Tupac.
How you doing, Tupac?
Now, that is nice.
Yes. That's real nice.
I got watches, DVDs, candy.
What you want?
Skittles?
Cost you a dollar at the store.
I'll give you two for 50 cents.
Uh, no, thank you, Tupac.
I'm okay.
Nigger, you ain't never got
no money!
You always broke!
Hey!
I have exciting news.
You got Princess Ro-Ro's
allowance?
No. I enrolled us in Mommy & Me
classes this weekend.
Oh, I ain't going to that.
Mnh-mnh.
It's gonna conflict with
my strip-aerobics class.
And you know I got to lose
this extra little baby fat.
'Sides, my mama ain't never took
me nor Tupac
to none of them classes,
and we turned out just fine.
And what's up with all this
"you got to be with your baby"
stuff lately?
What you trying to say?
I ain't a good mama?
No.
It's not that.
I thought it'd be nice
if we spent some quality time
together as a family.
Maybe we could start by having
a family dinner tonight.
Mnh-mnh.
Tonight's ladies' night
at the club.
I told you I needed you
to babysit.
No, you didn't.
Look, we could go on all night
with this "he say, she say,
she say, he say" stuff.
But I say your ass is
babysitting.
Yes, dear.
You don't want that.
No.
It'll give you gas.
Here.
There you go.
I'm gonna help her.
I'll get her a book.
On breast-feeding.
But she gotta share
with your daddy.
Oh!
Surprise.
I was just gonna start
on some tracks.
She's got hair.
Yeah. She also breathes.
She giggles.
She's your daughter, Dominic.
Not that anyone would ever know
from your behavior.
What behavior?
Me and the Brothas Stylz are
prepping for their big debut.
Get off me.
Don't touch me.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, listen.
I'm in a pinch,
and I need a big favor.
What?
I'll see you later.
Bye.
See?
It's just you and me, kid.
Me and Jas.
All right. All right.
Come on.
This ain't so bad, right?
No.
Piece of cake.
Hey, Dom,
you gonna pick yours up?
I ain't picking mine up.
You pick yours up.
You two acting like
it's the first time
you've been alone
with your kids.
- It is!
- It is!
- How do we make them stop?
- Oh, come on.
Okay.
All right.
Come on.
Come on, Bruce Leroy.
Come on, big man.
It's okay.
I think they hungry.
Cool. I'm gonna roll
and get some Mickey D's.
Formula, G.
Formula.
They drink formula.
Right, right, right.
My bad, Mr. Mom.
We got that
in the fridge, right?
Yeah, yeah.
In the kitchen.
No, no.
I got it. I got it.
And lay off my lasagna, G.
- One for you.
- Thank you.
One for you.
Okay.
Hey.
This ain't my baby's bottle.
What are you talking about?
Yo, hold up. That's Nia's
breast milk in that bottle.
It's like your boy's sucking
on my lady's titty.
Got a point there.
You're getting soft on me, man.
Oh!
They like the titty on tap.
Look at Bruce Leroy. He got
an appetite like his daddy.
Look at him getting his grub on.
I think it's time to burp 'em.
Okay.
Let's bump 'em, then.
- Burp?
- How we do that?
You just put 'em
over your shoulder.
Yeah. Right like that.
Pat 'em on their back.
Like this?
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
Aw, hell.
My Sean Johns!
You got the "Exorcist" baby.
Hey, that's what babies do.
They burp.
Spit.
And shit! Ugh!
Aw, damn.
It's that titty milk.
I bet it is.
Look at it.
Aw!
It's green shit!
I'm a lean, mean
diapering machine.
Whoo!
Whoo, that's funky.
Dang, Bruce Leroy.
When did you eat some corn, man?
Aah! Aah!
He peed on me!
He peed on me, Lonnie!
Oh, God!
It's burning!
Ow!
Oh, I can't see!
I can't see, Lonnie!
I want my mama.
That's all right, Bruce Leroy.
Daddy gonna get you cleaned up.
We're just gonna get the poop
out your hair.
Oh, man, you got soft hair.
You got hair like your mama.
Mm-hmm.
When you get older, all the
little black girls are gonna be,
"Oh, Bruce Leroy,
you got good hair.
You got Indian in your family?"
And the little Chinese girls
are gonna be,
"Oh, Bruce Leroy, me so horny.
Me love you long time. "
'Cause everybody love
Bruce Leroy.
Wa-yah!
Here's the lotion, G.
- And the baby powder.
- Oh, okay.
See, your uncles understand
a soft, sensitive bottom.
Now, who watching
y'all babies, huh?
Jesus.
Thought you almost got me
with that one, didn't you?
That was a good one.
Ow. Mnh.
Okay.
I'm throwing in the towel.
I give up.
Wait a minute.
I got an idea.
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Baby, baby
Rockin' with my baby
Hickory dickory dock!
The mouse ran up the clock!
The clock struck one!
The mouse went down!
Hickory dickory dock!
Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
That ends the rhyming portion
of the Mommy & Me class.
And now it's time
for the bonding portion
of the Mommy & Me class.
We've got some really pretty,
shiny books.
I think my daughter likes
your son.
I can't blame her.
He's almost as cute
as you are, Lonnie.
You know my name?
It's on your tag.
I'm Brandy.
Hi.
Brandy.
Now let's play
the bragging game.
This is where
we each take a turn.
And you tell us something
special about your child.
Brandy, let's start with you.
Well, Cherie has a smile
that lights up the room.
Just like her mom.
Ooh.
Nice to see your domesticated
ass was able to break away
from the ball and chain tonight.
Fool, please.
I'm a grown-ass man.
I pay taxes.
Sometimes.
Hey, hey.
I run me.
She don't run me.
I'm the president.
She the secretary of state.
Remember that.
Hey, hey. Yo, yo.
Drive By's here.
How'd you get Drive By
to come up in here, man?
His rappers keep getting
locked up.
He's looking for new talent.
The Brothas Stylz are gonna be
his next platinum artists.
The white boys?
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
Yizzo.
Our bad. We smashed up lizzle
in this pizniece.
Can I get some?
- Yeah. Whatever.
- All right, then.
Ooh.
Double dip.
He's signing that shit?
Hold up.
Hold up.
Ain't that Ho-londa?
She's supposed to be having
dinner with Lonnie tonight.
All right.
It's time to put some crackers
up in this soup.
Comin' straight from the street.
I mean the cul-de-sacs.
Put your hands together
for the Brothas Stylz.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
What's up, people?
Brothas Stylz in the hizzy!
- Hit it!
- Hit it!
No
We don't mess around
round here
Hell, no
We don't mess around
round here
- "If you pull one trigger"
- "Then you'll pull the other"
- "You think we one figure"
- "Hell, no, fool, we brothas"
And all the girls love us
And haters,
they want to mug us
It's hard to beat
the Brothas
And suckers,
they can't touch it
Our double barrel's
right in our reach
We want the girls
with coconuts
And an ass like a peach
Here the homies run through
your crew like a track meet
Pistol-whip your ass
till I see the white meat
It's ugly
You don't wanna
come round here
'Cause round here you'll
fool around and disappear
Mess around and get stuck
down here
Lose track of the tears
Double-knotted
in the closet for years
- "Rolling Hannibal style"
- "Brain of a child"
- "Mind of a killer"
- "Thriller"
For we ain't nothin' like
vanilla
No
We don't mess around
round here
Hell, no
We don't mess around
round here
So, all our gangstas,
hustlers, hoochies, jump up
Busters, haters, snitches,
get out
Double barrel
blows your shit out
'Cause Brothas Stylz
just put a hit out
Yeah!
Yeah!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Yeah.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Right!
All right.
All right.
I'm telling you.
These guys are the bomb.
This is the future of hip-hop
right here.
You gotta trust me on this.
They got 12 tracks recorded.
They're all hot.
Don't sleep on this, Drive By.
I don't usually sign
white rappers.
But for y'all,
I might make an exception.
Y'all come by my office.
Dismissed.
Thank you.
Get out of here!
- We're going.
- That's cool.
Yo, Lon, what's wrong, man?
Man, I can't believe
Rolonda left me hanging.
I'm starting to think
she's not the woman for me.
No!
You know, it's about time, Lon.
I got tired of you going out
like a sucker.
Yeah.
Seriously, Lonnie.
You gotta get with the program
like me.
I don't think you're getting it.
I like spending time
with Carver.
It's the mama
I'm starting to doubt.
Lonnie, there are plenty
of women out there
that will treat you right, man.
There is this one girl, Brandy,
from the Mommy & Me class.
She's the bomb-diggity-fresh.
But I don't think she'd go
for a guy like me.
She would, man, if you took
some pointers from the pros.
You know what, Lon?
You need some game, dawg.
And some new slang.
'Cause "the bomb-diggity-fresh"?
Where the hell did you
get that from, anyway?
Yeah, man.
You need some style.
A makeover.
Oh.
Dawg boot camp.
Mm.
Ta-dow.
I'm listening.
Oh, no, no.
You're gonna be down. Come on.
That boy's still ugly
if you ask me.
You gotta bend your knees
a little bit.
Bend your knees a little bit.
Now swing your arms.
Not like a monkey, dawg.
You gotta loosen up.
Let the tension out.
Heel, toe.
Heel, toe.
My God.
He's white.
Hey, Brandy.
How you doin', boo?
Lonnie.
No, no, no.
You gotta talk from your nuts,
man. More bass.
This is the art of slap boxing.
A time-honored hood tradition.
Come on, Lonnie.
Put your hands up. Come on.
All right? Great.
Keep 'em up.
Uh, G?
G, man.
G.
Hey, Brandy.
How you doin', boo?
Mm.
We created a player.
Seor Lon Juan.
Mm-hmm.
The adventures
of Daddy Look Good.
So, I hear you celibate.
- What?
- Celibate.
You sellin' a bit.
I'm buyin' a bit.
Wow, Lonnie.
You look different
all pimped out.
Daddy Look Good.
DLG!
Daddy Look Good.
Are you feeling all right?
Oh, I feel real nice.
Put your hand in my pocket
and find out for yourself.
What can I get you two tonight?
Chardonnay, please.
Yac.
Colt back.
Double it up on the rocks
in a dirty glass, thickness.
I'm glad you called.
You've been on my mind.
You been runnin' through my mind
in a thong.
What?
Thong. It's a little thing.
It's like string.
It ain't the full bloomers.
Oh!
My bad.
My bad, baby.
My bad.
It's looks like you gonna
have to come out them clothes.
Goodbye, Lonnie.
Brandy.
Damn.
Be a good girl for Poppy,
all right? Be quiet.
Shh.
Okay, then.
Yeah.
That's a good girl.
Oh!
How was the date tonight?
It wasn't that good,
thanks to you two.
Didn't you use my note cards?
Yeah, I used those.
Tried to do a little
freestyling on my own.
Didn't really work.
Hey, man.
Hey, hey.
That was all Ass-anova
right there.
You know, I really like
this girl Brandy.
Little Carver really likes her.
Look, man, maybe y'all
can patch this up somehow.
Man, the way I acted tonight, G,
I'll be lucky if that woman
ever talks to me again.
You didn't take your hat off,
did you?
Like a damn fool.
Hey, Unc.
What's all the racket
down here, huh?
Babies screaming and everything.
I'm trying to go
to the bathroom.
- I can't do nothing.
- You okay, Jas?
Convenience store.
You inconvenient son of a bitch.
Keep the damn noise down
before I break my foot off
in your ass, boy.
He's mad 'cause he got
hemorrhoids.
Oh! Hey! Hey.
- What are you doing?
- Oh, nothing.
What's going on?
- Hey.
- What?
Daddy has planned a big
family dinner on Saturday.
- Uh-huh.
- And he's invited you.
He's gonna have me as
the main course or something?
I can't this Saturday.
Why?
No Good's getting released
from prison on Saturday.
No Good is nothing but trouble.
And we have a son.
Come on.
Things are different now.
Baby, things are different
for him, too.
He's a reformed man now.
For real.
G, the two of you together
spells trouble.
Look.
All I know is that he's
my cousin
and he deserves a second chance.
Six ounces, just like Mama said.
Uh-huh. Test it.
Ahh.
There you go.
Come on.
Bruce Leroy,
that's good milk, man.
Damn, that's some good
titty milk.
Ooh, ooh.
No!
Yo, who the hell...
No Good?
That's right, baby.
I'm back on the bricks.
What the hell you comin'
through the window for?
Oh, creature of habit, dawg.
Just trying to keep
my skills sharp, man.
Ah. Ah.
Aah!
No Good's back!
Show your cousin
some love, baby.
You got it, baby.
Whoo!
Dawg, I can't believe
it's been two years
since you been locked down.
Well, had the jurisprudence
not violated
the statute of limitations
per se,
I would have only done
30 days, bro.
Did you get a law degree
in prison?
Nah. I watched "The Practice"
for two seasons.
I'm representing myself
next time.
Oh, next time, huh?
You always had game, player.
You always had game.
Speaking of game, man,
what's up with you?
You still boxing?
Yeah, but it's sort of been put
on the back burner for now.
Oh, really?
How come?
Remember we used to go
candyjacking back in the day?
- You mean the kung fu clerk.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Let's just say that a hot temper
runs in his family.
Really?
How you know that?
Um...
Well, his daughter had my baby.
Oh, shit!
Hey, hey, dawg,
watch your F-ing language
in front of my son, dawg.
- Wow.
- Hey, hey.
Bruce Leroy,
it's your cousin No Good, man.
What's up, little bro?
Uh. Yep.
Gimme a little bit.
Yep. Just a slap.
- Go on. Hit it.
- Hit it, now. Hey.
That's my little man.
Drive By, my man, your label is
the first one I thought of
when I discovered
the Brothas Stylz.
Check it out.
Some people think that, like,
we kinda like a white OutKast.
If I want to know what people
think of you, I'll tell you.
- Come on.
- Very good, sir.
You remind people
of a white OutKast.
Yeah.
You really got your finger
on the pulse, there, Drive By.
You weren't thinking about going
to another label?
Well, actually, you know...
You were always
the first choice.
- Right here.
- Right here, dawg.
Here's the contracts.
Sign 'em.
Wait, wait, wait.
This is it?
I mean, this is legally binding?
This is it.
Wanna talk royalties?
Cool.
Publishing.
That's all right.
If you even want a handicapped
parking permit, get at me.
But don't you ever...
mess with me!
I have an anger-management
issue.
You understand?
Yeah, yeah. We gonna sign
that up right here.
Good.
That calls for a celebration.
Oh, we gonna pop up
some of that bubbly?
No, fool.
Milk and cookies.
- Milk and cookies?
- Milk and cookies?
You got a problem
with my milk and cookies?
- No.
- No, no.
Pleasant surprise.
Change of pace.
Well, dip, fool.
Dip!
All right.
We dipping.
- I can't get it in, dawg!
- Break it off!
Break it off, man!
Break it off!
You better dip
and eat them cookies.
Insult me,
and I'll beat your ass.
Today we're gonna discuss
something
every parent must go through.
It's potty training.
Don't make those faces.
It's not as hard as you think.
We're gonna do
some role-playing today.
Show you how to get your baby's
bottom onto the actual ring.
You might want to sing it a song
to relax the muscles.
Dookie, dookie,
doo-doo brown
Mommy, how can I be down?
Make some funny faces.
Now, it's also very important
to praise your child's movement.
"Look at that.
Look what Jason left behind.
Look at the big brown goldfish.
Yay!"
Daddy, everyone,
this is G's cousin No Good.
G, why don't you introduce
No Good to my family?
No Good, this is XiXi's father,
Cha Ching.
Oh, sure.
What's up, nigga?
Yeah.
No Good.
And this is Grandma Fung-Yu.
Hi-yo.
Cha Ching.
Grandma Fung-Yu.
Yeah.
And Sing Sing, XiXi's mother.
All right.
Cha Ching.
- Grandma Fung-Yu.
- Uh-huh.
And XiXi's mama, sexy thing.
- Oh.
- Sing Sing.
Yeah.
And Bling Bling, the grandpa.
- All right. I got this, dawg.
- Okay.
Cha Ching, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Grandma Egg Foo Yong?
Fung-Yu, dawg.
Sexy thing, Miss Thing Thing.
Sing Sing!
- Bling Bling.
- Yeah.
- Ta-dow.
- Bang bang.
And over in the corner
is the hardest-working man
in the organization.
That's my man, little Dang Ling.
All right.
I got it.
Cha Ching.
Grandma Kung Fu.
Sexy Thing.
Sing Sing. Sing Sing.
- Bling Bling. Ta-dow.
- Bang bang.
And little Ding-A-Ling.
- Yeah.
- All right.
Let's eat.
Sing Sing, these
Peking duck feet is the shit!
You no like my cooking?
No, Mom.
"The shit" is a good thing.
"The shit" is good?
Yes.
"The shit" is real good,
Sing Sing.
You know, this is the first time
in two years
I ain't have to worry about
getting shanked at chow.
Don't be so sure.
What's up with your dawg?
Damn, Grandma!
That was a wet one.
- What?
- I have cable.
Whatever, little man.
On cable, every man
in prison movie tosses...
Dang Ling.
That's enough.
Now, go wash the dishes.
When you're done,
you finish tarring the roof.
My father wants to
tell you something.
G, I want to offer you a manager
position at the market.
Yes.
You know, Cha Ching,
I really appreciate that.
But that's not
what I want to do.
Ooh, shit.
Being a manager is a great job.
Look, I got a job.
Boxing is not a job.
You always say that.
But I got my shot coming up,
all right?
I thought you would be happy.
With this promotion, we could
finally get our own place.
Yo. That would be dope.
The three of us.
Hey, brother. Hey.
I'm talking about the future.
Whether it's brighter
to hang around the gym
and chilling
with a bad influence like...
Like what?
Huh?
Like what?
Look, I'm not gonna give up
boxing, okay?
And I would appreciate it if you
wouldn't give up on me, either.
I'm gonna help Dang Ling
clean these dishes.
Somebody done messed up, huh?
This is for XiXi.
Okay.
Ow! Oh, shit!
Jab!
It's so hard now
I'm gonna do it for my baby.
I'm gonna do it for Bruce Leroy.
I'm gonna die!
This duck cheesesteak is great.
It's the other brown meat.
You better ask somebody.
You hear that, sucker?
G!
Back away from the duck!
Get him, Dang Ling!
Know who you're gonna see today?
Go see Daddy.
Go see Daddy.
You're gonna see Daddy.
Okay.
There you go, honey.
You gonna see Daddy today?
- What's up, gorgeous?
- Hey, Dominic.
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Jas.
She just ate, so she should be
ready for bed soon.
What, are you paintin' the town
with your friend Pluto?
Somethin' like that.
What about you?
Beer delivery.
You're not having
a party tonight, are you?
No, no, no, no.
It's for one of
Lonnie's experiments. Okay.
Have a good time.
- I'll be back later.
- Go. We're gonna be okay.
- Don't worry about us.
- Bye, pumpkin.
Bye.
- There's supposed to be four.
- Two.
We have two lights,
two regulars.
Doesn't it say right here?
I don't think we should leave.
We're goin' downstairs, man.
Come on.
We done been throwed up on,
pissed on, and pooped on.
It's time we do
some grown-up shit, man.
- That's right.
- All right?
- Come on.
- All right.
- Cool.
- All right.
Bye-bye.
Sleep tight, little fella.
Ooh, brother gotta pee.
Oh!
Anybody ever tell you
you have beautiful hair?
Come on, let's get busy.
No, no, Stacy.
Don't go in there.
We'll go in there.
Come on, Dom.
You did not bring me up here
to play with my hair.
It's foreplay, baby.
Ha ha!
Hey. Hey!
I'm gonna go check
on the kids.
All right.
What? Who?
God! Damn!
G!
- G!
- Yeah?
- The babies are gone!
- What?
I told you!
- Dom!
- Dom!
- The babies are gone!
- The babies is gone, man!
I just saw 'em
in the other room.
Bruce Leroy!
Jasmine!
- Bruce Leroy!
Move! Move!
Jasmine!
Son!
What are we gonna do?
Outside!
Outside!
- Bruce Leroy!
- Jasmine!
Carver!
Bruce Leroy!
Did you check
up in Uncle Virgil's room?
I'm dialing 911.
No, man, I still got warrants.
What?
- How?
- Bruce Leroy.
What?
Who put y'all up here?
- Carver, you know how to walk?
- Jasmine.
It's all my fault.
I should have checked to
make sure the door was closed.
It could have been worse.
A lot worse.
Man, these kids depend on us.
This is our chance
to be fathers, man.
And we can do the right thing
right now.
Y'all in or what?
Yeah.
I'm in.
Yeah, we can do this.
For the block, boy
Take it rough
Every day it's been the same
old thing on my block
You either workin'
or you slangin'... on my block
You had to hustle
That's how we was raised
on my block
And ya stayed on ya hop
Until you made you a knot
on my block
To hang out
was the thing back then
And even when you left out,
you came back in
To my block, from Holloway,
Bellfort to Scott
We rolled in the flocks,
we know the spots
Drank all the blue dots
On your block you probably
bred a Fat Pat or Tupac
Or Big Pun or B.I.,
your homeboys from knee-high
Even when it was stormin'
outside, that... be by
That's me, dawg
On my block, I ain't have to
play the big shot
Knew me back when I was
stealin' beer from Shamrock
And my nickname was Creepy
If Black June could see me,
he'd be trippin'
And I'd bet
he still try to tease me
My block, where everything
is everything, fa sheezy
Look, fellas, I wouldn't
believe it if I hadn't seen it
with my own former four eyes.
Two proud papas.
Daddies, even.
Fathers.
Hangin' out with their kids.
That's right.
- That's right.
That's right.
Nia's been so busy at work.
Me and Jas been gettin' to
know each other.
I heard that, man.
Yeah.
Look at him. Look at him.
Jab him!
- Hey, hey.
- Jab him.
- Carver.
- Whup his ass.
Hold your right hand up.
- Dip!
- When he drop it...
- There you go.
- Dip.
I thought you said
we was chillin' today, man.
We are.
At the store?
Look here, man.
Stop complaining, all right?
XiXi gonna get on my ass
if I don't start pulling
my weight, all right?
You need a wheelbarrow
to haul all that in.
Oh, snap!
See, this is what I'm talking
about right here.
This is what I wish
I could get for my son.
Why don't you buy it?
Man, do you know how expensive
it is to raise a child now?
There's diapers.
There's formula.
- Not to mention the toys.
- Wow.
Hell, man, I barely got enough
for the necessities.
I'm gonna get that, though.
Yeah, I'm gonna get that.
Right.
Diapers. Bottles.
Chips. Cool.
Damn!
Look, I left my wallet
in the car.
Hold this spot.
Don't lose it.
- Gotcha.
- All right.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Oh, hey, how you doin'?
You look just like
Patti LaBelle.
Without the big hair, though.
When she was with the LaBelles.
Yeah, okay.
All right, now!
Freeze!
I want it chilly up in here!
Sir? We don't have
much money in the till.
You're welcome to it.
But I would recommend that
you rob a convenience store.
Did I ask you for money?
No, I did not.
Now, give me some
of them snot suckers.
Some of them rattles.
Some ass thermometers.
Pronto.
Yeah. Yeah.
Y'all got some baby grub
up in here?
Is the baby teething?
Oh, and don't forget
the rubber nipples.
Yeah.
And the booties
for the baby's feet.
And cotton swabs.
Cotton swabs.
That reminds me.
Is the baby still on formula?
You should really start
going for organic.
Organic.
Right, right, right, right.
What the hell "organic" mean?
It means it's grown naturally
without any harmful pesticides
that might poison your baby.
What?
You trying to poison my kid?
No!
I want everything organic
up in this bitch!
Right now!
I don't want nobody to move
for two minutes.
That's 150 seconds.
That didn't sound right.
Hoo-hoo!
Open the trunk.
Man, don't tell me
you just robbed the store!
Open the trunk, dawg.
What the hell did you do, fool?
They was robbin' us.
Just 'cause it's overpriced
don't mean you steal it.
Why you trippin'?
I did this for you, dawg.
What?
You the one got a baby
to handle.
Oh, I'm trippin'?
'Cause I ain't your
accomplice no more?
What? You got a baby now
so you don't work no more?
Oh, so robbin' is work now?
Yeah.
Man, they runnin' my plates.
Get in the car, man!
You like hanging out
with your Uncle No Good.
Take some of those right there.
That's what's up.
Yeah, this is kind of good.
Mmm, I can see how you eat
this stuff right here, brother.
You know what?
Me and your daddy got you
all kinds of good stuff today.
Got it for free, too,
if you know what I'm sayin'.
With a toy gun.
Made a clean getaway.
You know why?
You know why?
'Cause crime does pay.
Yes, it does.
Hey, baby.
What?
What's up, dawg?
Baby, what's the problem?
You mad?
Are you stupid?
What are you talking about?
Robbing baby stores?
Baby, that was No Good.
Tell that to your son when
your dumb ass ends up in jail!
Baby, I told you...
"Baby!"
Ow!
Damn!
- Shit!
God.
Yeah.
It'll be okay.
Okay?
G, just look at it
as a chance to grow.
To get in touch with yourself.
Look, man, I'm tired
of touching myself.
I want my lady to touch me.
I want XiXi to touch me.
Where you goin', sexy?
Big meeting today, fellas.
Gonna have a huge payday.
And maybe who knows, you know?
Get a place of my own.
Jas could have a backyard.
Her own room.
Man, you know what
you sound like?
What?
A bitch?
No.
A man.
All right.
I'll talk to you later.
You kind of dress like
a bitch, though.
Drive By, you so crazy.
So, when did you guys
become such good friends?
This is gonna be hard.
This is gonna be real hard.
It's gonna be hard for
the Stylz Brothas to say...
You ain't gonna be the
Brothas Stylz's manager no more.
That wasn't that hard.
No, no, no.
Very easy, dawg.
Let's go.
You're dismissed, bitch.
Dismizzle, bizzle.
I'm all right!
- Dang Ling, where's XiXi?
- She don't want to see your ass.
Cha Ching, where's XiXi?
G, we need to talk.
Outside.
You get that black eye boxing?
Nope.
From your daughter.
Yeah, she got a left hook
like her mother.
I don't smoke cigarettes.
Take a closer look, fool.
Special smoke.
Cure a chronic ailment.
Even a broken heart.
Hmm.
Damn, man.
All this time, I thought
you was uptight and shit.
You remind me of myself
when I was your age.
The Triads.
I was the leader
of the Far East Side Riders.
I dreamt of being
the Chinese Scarface.
Hey.
Say hello to my little friend.
Hey.
What happened?
Met XiXi's moms up at the club.
Got gander at junk in the trunk.
She made you turn
your life around.
Not before reality bitch-slapped
me in the face first.
Gangster Gung Ho
got cap busted in ass.
Pour a little out
for homies ain't here.
Yeah.
After that,
all I could think about
was giving my daughter and
my baby's mama a better life.
Any regrets?
One.
I didn't do it sooner.
Dominic.
Hi.
- Oh. I wasn't expecting you.
- Yeah, I know.
I just wanted to see
if we could talk maybe.
Well, this really
isn't the best...
Dominic.
What's she doing here?
You caught us at a bad time.
We just got out of the bath.
"We"?
Maybe we should talk.
Are you trying to tell me
you're a...
Let's be real.
Jasmine needs
a full-time parent.
For when she's sick.
For when she can't sleep.
You know you can't
be counted on for that.
No, that's not true.
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about.
We have to do
what's best for Jasmine.
And you think her having
two mommies is what's best?
Yes.
Venus and I are in love.
She's with Jasmine
every single day.
You're more into
the Stylz Brothas
than you are into being a dad.
Oooooh
Yeah
La la la la la
We're not living
without sacrifice
Sacrifice
Sometimes blessings,
they come in disguise
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Every valley has a mountain
Every shore, a sea
Every life, a reason
What was meant to be
And that's the way it goes
Brandy.
Ba ba ba ba ba
Brandy.
And that's the way it goes
Da da di yi yi
Advice for life
You only get one chance
to make it right
Live wrong
and pay the price
Be strong and sacrifice
Respect life
and think twice
My God-given rights,
God gave me the light
So I'm gonna shine bright
Despite the negativity
in human life
Life, unh, yo
I'm too blessed
to be stressed
Up against all odds
that manifest in the flesh
Yo, lovin' my life,
life, I'm livin' it
You love the way it sound
and the way that I deliver it
Love life
and keep it innocent
Live and let live,
life's experience
I know you're mad at me.
Hell, if I was you,
I'd be mad at me, too.
But if you give me
a chance to explain.
I am sorry.
Brandy.
Carver.
I am sorry.
Wake your sorry asses up!
I ain't gonna say this
but one time.
So you damn well better hear me.
Now, Lonnie.
Don't get caught up in this
"baby's mama" drama.
Now, you had you
a good woman in Brandy.
She a good woman.
She likes you.
And that baby likes you, too.
You need to be a man.
You need to go ahead
and pick your hair out
and get rid of them damn
deep-sea-diving goggles
and handle your business.
And you.
Rerun.
Huh?
Yeah, you.
You got a good woman, too.
But you're too damn lazy.
All you want to do is
lay up on your ass all day.
And you ain't no fighter.
Hell, I'll knock your dick
in the dirt, old as I am.
Yeah, you need to put
your family first.
Put your family first.
And, Dom, you ain't no player.
Now, Uncle Virgil was a player.
You hear me?
I was slammin' more Cadillac
doors and pimpin' more ho's
while you were still swimming
around in your daddy's nut sac.
And you got a good woman, too.
But no, you mad 'cause she done
got herself another woman.
Hell, be Uncle Virgil
back in the day,
I'd have both them chicks
over at my house right now.
Cookin' my breakfast.
Butt-naked.
With the house shoes on.
Best thing I can suggest to you
is you get yourself
back in your baby's life
as soon as you can.
Don't be like me, Dom.
End up old.
Lonely.
Living with
your goofy-ass nephew
and his broke-ass friends.
Do I really look like Rerun?
Brandy!
Slow down, kids.
Brandy!
Brandy, can you find it
in your heart to forgive me?
You know, the loving,
the caring, the compassionate,
the dashing, the debonair,
the real Lonnie.
He's back.
And he'd like another chance.
How about dinner tonight?
I'm all ears.
You want some pig feet?
Ooh, is she a cutie pie.
Like her mama.
Yes, indeedy, feed the needy.
Want some ribs?
Some chitlins?
So, we were
high school sweethearts.
I thought
he was Prince Charming.
But he turned out to be a toad.
Your ex and my baby's mama
need to get together.
'Cause she's a rat.
A hood rat.
Right.
You know, I've always had
this idealistic view of family.
House in the burbs.
With the white picket fence.
And a cute puppy, like a...
Chocolate lab.
Oh.
Let me clean those for you.
Hey, are these new glasses?
Yeah, the other ones
are kind of large and square.
What you waitin' on, dawg?
An engraved invitation?
Huh?
Kiss her, fool.
Go, Lonnie.
Go.
Go, Lonnie.
Yeah.
I know Ho-landa's my mama.
But Brandy's all that
and a bag of tits.
He's right, boy.
I mean, check out those
tig old bitties.
I've been sucklin' those
chocolate-milk sacs for months,
and it is nice.
Lonnie.
Are you feeling okay?
No, I think I had
a little too much wine.
I guess it is getting
a bit late.
Yeah, maybe I should be going.
That's my daddy.
What the hell is...
Open up the door, fool.
What the hell is this, man?
Breakfast, fool.
No, man, I'm talking about what
the hell you do to the room.
My grandmother told me
make myself at home, man.
Want a grilled-cheese
sandwich, man?
No, I'm cool.
All right, then.
You still mad at me, man?
Look, Robin Hood.
Because of what you did,
XiXi ain't speakin' to me.
I haven't even seen
my baby, man.
That little stunt you pulled
really messed my life up.
What's up with you, man?
You still the same guy that got
"Thug Life" tatted on his arm?
Yeah, that's me.
But I got my son's name
tatted on the other arm now.
We gonna always be boys, man.
We family.
I got a family of my own now.
So that's my priority.
I feel you, dawg.
I'm proud of you, man.
Thanks, baby.
Now, you sure you don't want
one of these grilled cheese?
Yeah, go on
and hook me up one, man.
All right, then.
It's organic.
What the hell you doin' bustin'
in here like you pay the bills?
I mean, like you're the police.
Sit your Count Crackula-lookin'
ass down.
- What?
- And you shut the hell up.
Show me some respect
around here.
'Cause Lord knows I earned it.
The days of you two bitches
using my baby boy
for a payday are over.
He's coming with me.
And maybe, just maybe,
if you get your shit together,
I might let you see him.
But Princess Ro-Ro...
But Ro-Ho, my ass.
Be-otch!
You don't like the way I roll,
take me to court.
Come on, little Carver.
Let's go home.
Sorry you had to hear that, man.
Oh, don't worry.
You'll still get
your little $300 a week.
Ain't that what you had him for?
Let's get out of here.
Swoll!
Mama, no.
And I'm proud to say that many
of Philadelphia's top artists
have recorded right here
in this studio.
And we have
an award-winning engineering...
Dominic.
What are you doing here?
I just want to tell you
you're right.
Being a parent means
being there every day.
Look, I know
you don't need me, Nia.
But I need Jasmine.
Things haven't exactly
been going my way lately.
First the Brothas Stylz
fire me.
Then I find out
you're a lesbian.
Wait a minute.
You got fired?
You're a lesbian?
Thank you.
Thanks.
The other day,
I went to visit you, right?
I saw you and Venus
with Jasmine.
You guys looked
just like a family, you know.
And it became clear
what's important.
I need to be part
of my daughter's life.
I want to pack her lunch on
the first day of kindergarten.
I want to put Bactine
on her skinned knee
when she falls off her bike.
I want to keep her away
from players like me.
I know it sounds stupid.
But there's more to life
than chasing girls.
That's raising one.
Come here.
Let Daddy strap you in.
Swoll, leave him alone.
You can't bust up in here,
take Ro's baby,
and break out, Donnie!
What you want to do, little man?
Huh?
What you want?
It's Lonnie!
Lonnie, partner.
Can I roll with you?
Not this time, Little Tupac.
Superboy that became Superman.
Ro, you shouldn't have
never let that man
slip through your fingertips.
Hey.
Baby, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it took me so long
to figure out
I wanted to spend
the rest of my life
with you and Bruce Leroy.
I don't want Bruce Leroy
growing up
not knowing who his father was
like I did.
I want him to be proud
to call me "Dad. "
And I want you to be proud
to call me your husband.
XiXi.
G, you had me at "hello. "
For the block, boy
Take it rough
Every day it's been the same
old thing on my block
You either workin'
or you slangin'...
My man Lonnie
finally found happiness.
By the power vested in me
by the state of Pennsylvania,
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
Look at that.
You got spit on her chin.
Whoa.
Save something
for the hotel room, there.
Your kids gonna watch this.
Honeymoon time.
Honeymoon time.
Lon, the Carver 5000
is da bomb, man.
Thank you, Uncle Virgil.
And Brandy inspired him to
achieve his dream
of becoming the most successful
black inventor
since the sister
who invented the hot comb.
Toys"R"Us just ordered
1,000 units of the Carver 5000.
Whatever happened to
the Stylz Brothas?
Yeah, yeah.
The white boys.
Kind of had a problem
at the Apollo.
What's up, my niggas?
- Bad management.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dom stopped being a player
and started being a father.
Inspired by his baby girl, Jas,
he decided to spin
his music career
in a different direction.
He created
Hip-Hopscotch Records,
and the first act he signed
was Little Tupac.
A.K.A. Mini T.
It's Mini The biggest
preschool mack around
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday
Dear Carver, Jasmine,
Bruce Leroy
Happy birthday to you
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
No Good finally found
his niche.
And it's organic.
No pesticides or nothing.
All right.
He got himself
his own cooking show
and became known as the "O. G."
The Organic Gangster.
A smidgen of cayenne pepper.
Cayenne!
- Then boom!
Pow!
Ta-dow!
The flavor is major
in this piece.
Now, meat tenderizing.
First...
- You get your meat.
- Oh, yeah.
Then you get your tenderizer.
Gonna beat that meat.
Fist, meet meat.
Meat, meet fist.
And you start tenderizing,
brother.
Where my money at?
You been owing me $5
for, like, two weeks now.
My block, where everything
is everything, fa sheezy
My block,
we probably done it all
So, Mrs. XiXi Ling Yoon
Dung Quon Puck Washington.
Yes?
You'll be happy to know that
I'm hanging up my gloves, boo.
Really?
You're giving up boxing?
Well, not completely.
Me and my father-in-law,
Cha Ching,
opened us up our very own
bo xing gym/karate studio.
We call it the Mofo Dojo.
Hit me hard!
Hit me hard! Hit me!
Good. Get back.
Come on.
Let's go!
Come on!
Come on!
Harder!
You hit like a girl!
Other hand!
Get back over there.
Come on!
Come on!
Class dismissed.
To great friends.
Nah.
To great...
babies' daddies.
Who would have thought?
Three little babies turning us
into three grown men.
My block
We made the impossible
look easy, fa sheezy
Hmmmm
What's up, Allen?
It's Little Tupac
What's up, Allen Iverson?
What's up, Philly?
- "Come on, yeah, yeah, yeah"
- "Sing for me, sing for me"
It's Mini The biggest
preschool mack around
Always treatin' Philly
like my playground
Now, back in the day,
before the fortune and fame
I knew three babies' daddies
who had no game
It was Lonnie, Dom,
and my man Big G
All of them together
ain't no player like me
Lonnie had a baby mama
he tried to treat nice
But you can't turn Ro
into a housewife
Lonnie was a square
Big glasses, nappy hair
Who chumped the champ
after thug boot camp
And then there's G,
who thinks he's a fighter
If he laid off the hot wings,
he'd be a little lighter
My homeboy Dom,
so busy gettin' on
Couldn't see his daughter
bein' raised by two moms
Dom's got my back,
my income's higher
But if I don't see
my royalties
He's gettin' fired
Mini T's gonna whip it up
Bringin' y'all
that funky stuff
All these daddies
messing up
Baby daddy drama,
baby mama drama
Mini T's gonna whip it up
Bringin' y'all
that funky stuff
All these daddies
messing up
Baby daddy drama,
baby mama drama
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
Yeah
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Okay, why even front like
you're not lookin' at me?
Do I look like
your baby daddy?
Nah, I'm more like a pimp
Tell your man to keep
his eyes on you
'Fore you leave with me
Keep the brim crispy,
leave the stickers on it
The East Coast thing,
though it might seem iffy
What if I take you
outside and
What if I take you
for a ride and
What if I gave you
a credit card?
What if I told you
I was hella hard?
From the way that you shakin'
them apple bottoms
Your man's here
but that's no problem
'Cause he got this here
in the smash, oh, yeah
And Darkchild
got this in the smash
Your girlfriend
can't keep her eyes off me
In the club
with my girl in here
So
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Dawg, you better watch her
I'm in her head
like a doctor
Messin' her brain up
She tuggin' at my shirt,
chick messin' my chain up
Bad Lucc for real,
baby daddies are lame
But I gotta deal with it
Make back outside
I'm too cool
for the regular ride
She on your boy,
I keep her hood
I tell her hop in the fo'
and keep her head down
Poppin' the mo',
your boy Lucc is a player
She already think
I'm a nice dude
I told her
that I won't even fight, dude
I'm just so bigger
than that
As soon as she smiled,
I said
"Yeah, I got triggers
for that"
I can already see it
Me and you
hittin' the strip
With one clip in the middle
of your cleavage
Let's hit the road, mama,
old clothes, leave 'em
Your baby daddy
don't want to see 'em
Yeah
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
You better watch your girl
Because she keeps shakin'
for me
You better watch your girl
Before she comes home
with me
Yeah, yeah.
Ballin Records, Bungalo presents
Beelow and Juvenile.
Super Psycho production.
So Treacherous, baby.
Infamous.
This one's for the streets.
It's Juvenile and Beelow,
now, where this move at?
Where the move at?
Now, where the move at?
We kickin' it right here
with the new throwback
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
Man, what you know
about this fresh fifty?
You don't know the issue
Been hustlin' all week,
that's why I'm in the club
And I got a cup
with that green stuff in it
Shorty, you ain't no baller
unless my team up in it
And now my team up in it
So best believe
we comin' strong
I roll my blunts up, light
'em, and take 'em to the dome
Then check my cologne
'Cause it's a hundred
for a bottle
I'm with Juvenile
We throwin' hundreds
to the models
I got 'em lookin'
Now I know you see
my ballin' grill
Ball and chain,
it ain't no thing
I got some ballin' wheels
And your baby mama
lovin' me
Dreamin' about discussion
Get close so she can get them
numbers and come fuck with me
That's why you muggin' me,
it ain't no secret
You know we keep it crunked
up, up in the club
Worldwide with this rap, and
I'm about to make it happen
Can't be in the club
scrappin'
- "Whaaa"
- "What's up?"
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
Where the boom at?
Now, where the boom at?
It's Juvenile and Beelow,
now, where this move at?
Now, where the move at?
Now, where the boom at?
We kickin' it right here
with the new throwback
I'm steppin' out
in somethin' flippin'
Grippin' grain
when I'm whippin'
So much pressure
in that trunk
Got that Juvi to skippin'
And that whole block dug it
like we off in the club
I got 'em lookin'
'cause I'm gutter
And showin' 'em love
Couldn't bring the world
to the hood
I'm gonna take the hood
to the world
They criticize me
'bout my hustle
I gotta feed my little girl
Big bank take little bank,
that's the way of the land
Set up shop and get that
paper like a man if I can
Most wanted by them wheezers
and a star to them rookies
Yo, Beelow got game
I'm the truth
like Lebron James
Slam dunkin' on the radio,
most requested in clubs
BMG is who I rep
with my gangstas and thugs
You ride trucks
on them factory wheels
You wear like gold,
not a platinum grill
You can't spin it
with them played hubcaps
You don't go to clubs
where thugs be at
You got long hair,
but it's braided in a weave
You got tissue
where your titties should be
You look savage,
but you're still on the poor
You a pimp,
but you ain't got no whore
You ain't thuggin'