My Dearest Senorita (2026) Movie Script

[water running]
[somber instrumental music playing]
[razor scratching]
-[woman chuckles]
-[baby coos]
-[man] Did it hurt her?
-What?
No. Not at all.
She never cries. She doesnt even
wake up when I change her. Hm?
You know, it doesnt hurt her.
It hurts you though.
Youre ashamed of her.
My daughter
PAMPLONA, NOVEMBER 1973
Mmm. Youre so beautiful.
-[baby coos]
-[kisses]
If you helped me give her a bath
and held her in your arms,
youd be over this nonsense.
Look at her. Look.
[laughs] Shes such a darling.
I dont want her like theirs.
You dont know what their lives were like.
Its been 40 years
since youve seen either of them.
What do you know about anyones life?
But I know what her life will be like.
Wherever her mother is,
shell have her home.
What are we going to do?
Well follow the doctors recommendations
as soon as we can.
Shell never know about it.
No one will ever know.
Shell have a normal life.
Perfectly normal.
Youre going to stop being so squeamish.
Youre going to love your daughter
and start behaving like a real father.
Will you be able to do that?
[man] I already love her.
And Ill do whatever I have to.
Ill do anything for you, my love.
Your mother will always be here for you.
Always
MY DEAREST SEORITA
[mystical instrumental music playing]
[muffled knocking]
-Hello, Miss!
-Hi, Miss!
Hey!
[blows kiss]
[door lock clicking]
DE JUAN ANTIQUE SHOP
PAMPLONA, DECEMBER 1999
[woman] Our preaching is in vain,
and your faith is also in vain.
This means that if Christ
hasnt really risen from the dead,
the Church must remain silent.
Yes, Javier?
But, miss, is clapping for the Pope
considered a sin?
-[laughing]
-Not at all, my dear.
But its not what we mean
by the fourth commandment, either.
So its okay if I clap
when I see him on TV?
-Cause I like him a lot.
-[laughing]
Yes, clap as much
as you feel like, Javier.
But youre not obliged to.
Keep in mind that the commandments
are obligations for all of us Catholics.
Okay, I was worried.
-Thank you very much, miss.
-[bell ringing]
Well, you dont need to worry
and were at the end of class.
Remember to practice
your parts for the carols.
The show is soon.
-And leave the room tidy, please.
-[kids] Bye, miss!
[man on radio] We have breaking news
on the Wanninkhof case.
In an exclusive interview
with a reporter from this station,
family members maintain that
whoever killed the 19-year-old girl
must have been someone
close to the victim.
Yeah, they say
its the mothers best friend,
the one with short hair
and a face like a pitbull.
Grandma, thats just people gossiping.
-Hm.
-How can you say that?
Well, Im not saying
shes guilty for sure,
but shes making things worse
for herself, isnt she?
That frown she always puts on her face,
it makes your blood run cold.
And shes not very ladylike.
But Grandma, couldnt you
say the same about me?
Im not exactly the most
ladylike person either.
That family is already suffering enough
without having to worry about
a killer living with them.
Theres no way
you look like that woman. Come on!
Ive never heard such a load of nonsense.
You have such a nice clean face,
the face of an angel.
So thats it!
Were just supposed to send all the ugly,
unfriendly, unladylike women to jail.
-Is that it?
-[horn honking]
-Until we run out of-- Ah!
-[metal crunching]
[coughs]
[groans] Grandma? Grandma? Grandma?
Grandma?
[pop music playing on radio]
Hold on, Im coming.
[broken glass clattering]
[grandmother] Adela, sweetie
What happened?
-Grandma, dont move, okay? Ill get help.
-[groans]
Just great.
And it had to be you, didnt it, Adela?
-Here we are.
-Im sorry.
For Gods sake, look at my car!
You pushed me right onto the sidewalk!
-Im really sorry, I--
-Snap out of it!
Look at my car. You see that?
You see the damage you caused?
Im terribly sorry, Begoa, I got
distracted talking to my grandma.
Your grandmas with you in the car?
Are you serious?
Im gonna call my brother
because Im a nervous wreck now.
-Thanks to you!
-Hello.
Weve just had an accident.
On Duque de Ahumada,
close to Cortes de Navarra.
An elderly lady.
Please come quickly.
[melancholy music playing]
[deep exhale]
[deep exhale]
Hello? Can you hear me?
Are you okay?
[siren wailing]
Yes, Im fine. Is my grandmother okay?
Dont worry, were looking after her now.
Let me take a look at you.
I said Im fine! Leave me alone, please.
[EMT] You wont let me check you,
so its your responsibility
if theres anything wrong, okay?
Grandma?
The police will take me to the hospital
right behind the ambulance, okay?
-Ill be there with you.
-Yes, dear. Yes. Yes.
[man] Dont worry, Adelina,
Ill go with your granddaughter.
FLEUR JAEGGY
SWEET DAYS OF DISCIPLINE
[woman on PA]
Attention please, paging Dr. Gonzales.
You are needed
in the surgical ward, unit 4.
I didnt know you were back.
Since September.
I know I should have come by to say hello,
but Ive been practically buried alive.
My father is giving me
control of the company
and Ive been trying to catch up.
So youre not going back to London?
I would have stayed in a heartbeat.
But I always knew
it would turn out like this.
I was hoping that my father,
the workaholic,
would put off retiring,
or not retire at all.
But no.
How was your life there?
-Were you happy?
-[chuckles]
Yes.
Its a city that goes on forever.
Not to say anything against Pamplona
or the life we have here,
but the truth is our Pamplona,
your world and mine,
is very small.
We dont see more than ten streets
and a hundred people.
And then, of course, you get to London,
and the world is enormous.
Then you have to come back.
Then you have to come back.
[nurse] All right, Adelina, make sure
you do what the doctor told you.
Go for walks, but slowly,
and always have someone with you.
Oh, my granddaughter!
Oh, I see. Shes so tall and pretty.
Well, then, off you go with her.
[tense discordant music playing]
[door unlocking]
[man] Where have you been?
[indistinct chatter on TV]
Good evening.
Did Grandma get back okay?
I asked you where you were, Adela.
I decided to walk back.
And you just left your grandma?
Dad, everythings fine. I was a little
agitated and wanted to get some air.
Its no big deal.
You young people think you can do
whatever you want, take no responsibility.
-You dont worry at all.
-[woman] Adela, your father is right.
The responsible thing was
for you to come straight home.
I just took a little walk. Im sorry.
Theres some dinner ready.
Heat it up for yourself.
And lets not dwell on this.
Whats done is done.
[woman on TV] emergency committees
have been set up for every local branch
of the federal government
and every public sector office,
but we must approach the dreaded prospect
of the Y2K bug calmly.
The most important thing is not to panic.
[mysterious music playing]
[shower running]
[gentle, emotional music playing]
[doorbell ringing]
[ringing continues]
Hey, theyre ringing the doorbell.
Can someone get it?
[ringing continues]
Hi there, Im Isabel Goi,
the physiotherapist.
Im here to see Adelina Arrn.
-Yes, this is This is it. Come in.
-May I?
Okay.
God, this gets heavier every day.
Like hauling a corpse around.
-[sighing]
-[door closing]
-And you are?
-Adela, Im sorry.
-Nice to meet you.
-[kisses]
Its that way.
Down there? Let me just [grunts]
[woman] Sorry it took us
so long to come to the door.
No, dont worry about it.
And my coat? Where do I leave it?
-[Adela] Ill put it here for you.
-Here?
Im Isabel. Pleased to meet you.
-[kisses]
-Yes.
-Come this way, if youd be so kind.
-Sure, Ill just take this off.
Sweetie, could you grab my bag
from the floor there, please?
Adelina, heres the physiotherapist.
Her name is Isabel.
Oh my goodness, Adelina,
youre still in bed?
As soon as Im done setting up the table,
well get you out of there.
Because its not good to
be lying down all day.
I should think I ought to rest
after the accident.
Im 88 years old, dear.
Well, thats exactly my point.
If the doctor didnt tell you
to stay in bed, dont do it.
Our bodies are very lazy,
they like to do nothing.
[Adelina] Oh
Come on, lets get up like this.
Hold onto me.
-[groaning]
-Up we go, Adelina!
On your side like that. Very good.
[woman] Ugh, no. Every year
I feel less interested in the whole thing.
And then the amount of food involved,
you know, it makes me sick already,
to be honest.
Hm?
Yes. Yes, thats right.
Shes starting today.
Lets see how it goes.
[Isabel] Thats a traveling dress, huh?
Thats a new one for me.
[Adelina chuckles] Well, getting married
in white wasnt the thing back then.
[Isabel] Yes, thats right.
[Adelina] Besides, my grandfather had died
a few weeks before the wedding. Hm.
-So I wore black, but I was still elegant.
-Of course.
In my cute little traveling dress.
Adelina, turn your head this way now,
like before, thats it.
Push, push, push. Does it hurt?
-No. No, no. No pain at all.
-No?
Very good.
Well, you looked very pretty.
A real beauty. Okay, were all done here.
Let me get that slipper.
Shall I tell you how it went?
Uh, hold on, Ill get my mother.
Shell want to hear it.
-Okay then, hold onto me.
-[Adela] Mom?
[Adelina] Oh, that
felt wonderful, my dear!
-It did?
-Oh!
-Im glad!
-Your hands know just what to do, Isabel!
-[Isabel] Well
-Have you finished?
Yes, all done. Shes fine.
Theres tension,
which is a normal response.
I think the sessions
we have planned should be enough.
Still, she needs to be more active.
Go up and down the stairs,
walk a bit, that type of thing.
This girl wants
to put me in a green tracksuit
and take me to a ballroom
to do the foxtrot,
like those old folks in Madrid.
Well, thank you.
Well make sure she moves a bit more.
-[Isabel] Great.
-Ill move more when Im good and ready.
Not a minute earlier.
-And how are you feeling, sweetie?
-Good.
You were driving, right?
Has that been looked at?
Uh, no, I was just touching my neck.
Touching your neck cause youre in pain.
Lemme see.
Uh No, but, Im fine,
really. Its nothing.
Oof, yeah. Youre really tense.
Do you want me to take a quick look at it?
Let her take a look, okay?
Do it for me.
Your mother and I will
be in the living room.
Come on, Cruz.
Come.
Unbutton your cardigan if you like.
Sit with your legs pointing outwards
and uncover your shoulders.
[soft tense music playing]
-[Isabel] It was this side, right?
-Yes, yes.
[Isabel] Lets see.
I need you to lower it a little more.
Undo one more button.
Thats fine.
Okay.
Ill examine you now,
and if it hurts, let me know.
And tell me how intense it is.
Now turn your head.
Hows that feel?
Its tense, but it doesnt hurt.
Very good.
[music intensifies]
Oh!
Whats wrong?
Here, here you go. Did I hurt you?
Are you okay?
[tense music fades]
[melancholy music playing]
[light clicks]
["Entender el amor"
by Mnica Naranjo playing on speaker]
That lost stare into nothing
Looking for the same thing as you
To learn something in life
To understand love
To discover what the world is like
To understand
To learn something in life
[man signing along]
To understand love completely
A dream come true
[vocalizes]
Come in! Really, come on in.
I just came over to say hi,
I have to be getting to work.
Okay. No, hold on a sec.
Sorry, I-I cant hear you.
[turns down volume]
Whenever I listen to Monica Naranjo,
Im just transported, shes so great.
You were saying?
That I just came
to say hi to you. Im on my way.
Okay, but sit for a few minutes
and have a beer with me, honey.
Another day, I havent eaten anything yet.
Dont worry, beer is
full of carbohydrates.
[can pops open]
Its like a meal in a can.
All right, thank you. But only one.
Cheers!
Mmm! Oh, thats good!
-So, how are you?
-Fine.
I heard you had an accident.
[sighs]
It was just a little scare.
You ran into Begoa, right?
Her father is Gmez Arellano.
Yeah, she went ballistic on me.
Shes a bit of a dumbass.
Fortunately, her brother
was there to handle things.
-The one just back from London, right?
-Yes. Santi.
Yeah, hes a sweet guy.
Well, every cloud has a silver lining.
Do you have any plans for the holidays?
[song stops]
You know the name
they called me in Pamplona all my life?
I do.
You do?
Horse Girl.
Those sons of bitches
arent very discreet, honey, are they?
I just found out
that some people call me
Our Mother Jos Mara.
-What?
-How do you like that, girl? [laughs]
Youve gotta be kidding.
So there we are.
Were still living in the 16th century.
This is a society where people are still
scared of tall women and effeminate men.
I have to forgive them because,
well, Im a priest.
But you dont.
Not everybody is like that.
Oh, really?
There are people here in Pamplona
who might surprise you,
in a good way.
Well, you really must tell
Our Mother Jos Mara
who those people are, okay?
I promise you.
But some other day. I should get going.
How mysterious. I like it.
Shes got style, this one.
Thanks a lot for the beer.
Hm.
Yes, Mr. Gmez-Arellano is away next week.
Call me tomorrow
and well arrange something.
Have a good day.
Mamen, can you get me those
forms I asked for, please?
[Mamen] Yes.
Adela, how nice! What brings you here?
Ive been working
at my fathers antique shop
and earning a salary for four years.
And Ive spent almost no money.
-I want to do something with it.
-Good plan.
Its silly to leave
your money there doing nothing.
How much are we talking about?
About six million pesetas.
Uh-huh.
Thats very good.
Have you considered real estate?
A down payment on a condo?
No, nothing.
Okay.
How much risk can you live with?
As little as possible.
All right.
Id suggest government bonds.
Low interest, very safe.
What do you think?
Whatever you say.
Okay.
So well do the paperwork,
youll come in to sign it,
and you wont have to
think about it after that.
Ill look after it.
Oh, hi. Im sorry,
I didnt know you were here.
I was just getting a glass of water.
May I?
Sure, come in.
-Uh
-Oh, Ill get it for you.
Thanks.
Uh, would you like a coffee?
I was about to make a pot.
If you dont mind, Id love a coffee.
I still have a lot of work to get through.
Adela, listen, about the other day,
Im really sorry.
I made you feel uncomfortable,
and I-I really didnt mean to do that.
-Forgive me.
-Im not very good with physical contact.
And
Im sorry about how I reacted.
No, I can come on way too fucking strong,
and Im terrible with boundaries.
You wanted to help me
and it was awkward. That was all.
Okay, but, um, if youd like me to check
that everythings fine with you,
just let me know.
And well find a way
to make sure you feel comfortable.
I know Im bad at respecting boundaries,
but Im really good at my job.
And one thing I hate is pain.
Yours and mine.
-Ill think about it. I promise.
-Okay.
Hmm, Adela, please,
dont you think its time
to go down and help out your father?
Will you continue with my mother-in-law
or have you finished?
Were done for the day.
Ill just go pack up my things.
[church bell ringing]
[children singing
"O Come, All Ye Faithful" in Latin]
[solemn choral music playing]
[inaudible]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[haunting ethereal music playing]
[muffled] Good.
This arms all done.
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
[footsteps approaching]
[Isabel] Im heading out, sweetie.
Yeah, I could hear you
coming down the hall.
I bet you could. With this thing,
I sound like a garbage truck.
[both chuckling]
So, um
Hey, the Casablanca video store,
do you know how to get there?
Were almost there, okay?
Thats my car on the left.
Oh! Fucking ml.
Wow! This movie is just fabulous.
Its so weird.
Imagine Fassbinder making
a movie for children, but with lesbians.
I havent seen it. When did it come out?
Just last year.
Shit, Id have saved myself a lot of drama
if this flick
had been around ten years ago.
So, what movie are we looking for exactly?
Um, Carl Dreyers Joan of Arc.
Its a silent movie.
The poster is in black and white,
and the actress has super short hair
and a crown made out of straw,
and shes crying.
Shes so pretty, beautiful.
Maria Falconetti.
Maria Falconetti, yes, thats her!
I couldnt remember her name.
I just love that movie. It drives me wild.
Its perfect.
Its more than film, its like a prayer.
Yeah, a prayer.
Youre right.
She has that powerful stare, you know?
With those eyes!
Its like you spend the whole movie
wanting to tell her youre sorry.
I get the shivers every time.
It was back when everyone
was making big-budget epics,
and Dreyer goes in
this whole other direction.
Its so spiritual.
-Yes.
-So
-Theatrical.
-Theatrical.
Thats totally it.
You know what? I want you
to see the play Im doing.
-You do theater?
-Yes, Im an actress.
Although the physiotherapy
is how I make a living,
and Im really good at it, unfortunately.
Mmm.
I guess we all have our
own antique store, huh.
So, wheres the play?
Its playing this Thursday night,
at the ENT,
in the old part of town, you know it?
Were doing a version of Joan of Arc.
Ill be there.
Oh wow!
Okay, like, dont expect
a big production or anything.
Its just a company
with some of my girlfriends,
and Im no Falconetti, you know.
I hope not. I hope you talk, at least.
[chuckles] Yeah, sure. That I can do.
Well, then.
Its getting late, I should be going now.
-Okay.
-Do you know your way back to the car?
Sure, sure. Ive got it, dont worry.
Its a shame to cut it like this, Cruz.
The best way to roast a piglet
is whole or in half.
Mikel, you know very well
I cant bear to see the animals face.
Fine, as you wish.
You want pieces, pieces it is.
-Yes, Id like pieces.
-Here you go.
-How much is it?
-1,500 please.
Here.
Okay.
See you. Happy holidays.
-[Mikel] Same to you.
-Okay, were done. Lets go home.
Next, please. Whos next?
[pensive music playing]
-Mom.
-What?
I need to see a doctor.
-Honey, are you okay?
-Yes.
[Cruz] Its something from the accident.
Well, as soon as we get home,
Ill call Dr. Etxebarra.
Ill go with you.
No, theres nothing wrong.
I just need a checkup.
I mean, I want a checkup.
But not with Dr. Etxebarra.
Thats silly, Adela.
Hes known you since you were born,
and he treats the family.
Mom, with a gynecologist.
-[woman] See you later.
-See you.
[music intensifies]
Is there something I should know about?
No, nothing. Its just, Im 26
and Ive never had an exam.
If youve never been its because
theres no reason to go, silly.
At 26, unless you have strange symptoms
you dont need a checkup.
-When youre my age
-Mom.
I brought it up because
I want you to come with me,
but I can go alone.
Well, you dont have to say it like that.
I know youre a grown woman.
Mom.
Ive been taking estrogen since I was 15
and all I know is that I need it.
Well, yes, you need it for what you have.
But what is it I have?
I know I cant have children,
I dont get my period,
and I need to take estrogen.
So what is all that?
Oh, Adela, thats all there is to it.
[music fades]
[doorbell buzzing]
Okay, well talk after the big meal.
And, Mom, listen to me, okay?
Dont make so much food.
Restrain yourself, okay?
[pop music playing on stereo]
Put Auntie in charge, then.
There you go, thats it. Okay, kisses.
[Jos Mara singing along]
Keep stirring, keep stirring.
[Adela] Jos?
[humming]
Before you were a priest,
were you ever in love?
Honey, watch the bowl,
youre gonna spill everything.
Hang on.
Pour it in. Go on, all of it.
There. Thats perfect.
Here, give it a try.
Mmm.
Delicious.
The potatoes are just right.
Well give it a little time to rest.
So come with me,
I have something to show you.
[static buzzing]
-[80's pop music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
Hey!
-[Jos Mara] Look.
-[tape whirring]
[Adela] What is this?
[Jos Mara] Wait
Here we go, right here.
[Jos Mara on tape] Ah! Well, well, well!
What do we have here?
-What is this?
-Its just scandalous!
Its scandalous how gorgeous you are!
Come here.
If youre crazy, girl, call me up.
If youre not
[both] Its your loss, sweetheart!
Ah!
[laughing]
[Jos Mara chuckles sadly]
[VHS clicks]
[emotional music playing]
His name was
Alonso.
What happened to him?
AIDS, like everyone else.
-[sniffling]
-Was he your Were you
Yeah.
He was the love of my life.
[sniffles]
How terrible.
[kisses]
Well
And you?
Tomorrow, Im going out with
Santiago Gmez-Arellano.
I hope you have a nice time. But
Youre not here to talk about him.
You told me there were people
who could surprise you in a good way.
Who were you talking about?
My grandmas physiotherapist.
Whats up with me?
Im supposed to
get together with her later.
Have you read Henry and June?
No. Who wrote it?
Anas Nin.
A goddess who could write like a demon.
She fucked most of Montparnasse
in the years between the World Wars.
Shes marvelous. I love her.
And youre gonna love her too. Look.
Read this.
Its so beautiful to love
and be free at the same time.
Its so beautiful to love
and be free at the same time.
[exhales]
But Im not a French woman
in the '30s in Montparnasse.
I teach Sunday school in Pamplona.
Well, my Sunday school teacher,
dont you read the book first?
We can talk after that.
When I was 13 years old,
I heard the voice of God speaking to me.
He gave me a mission.
[Medieval flute music playing]
That voice
came to me around midday
in the summer
in my fathers garden.
And after that, I was never alone again,
never helpless.
I have nothing to fear
from mankinds judgment.
And thus I accept the holy fire
I carry in my soul, and I burn.
Gather all my ashes.
My heart already hears
the voices of the angels.
[music fades]
[scattered applause]
[indistinct chatter]
It was so cool with that lighting
Hey! Oh my God, you came, sweetie!
Im thrilled! Did you like it?
-This is the girl.
-[Adela] Yes.
-You didnt like it.
-Yes, I did.
-You thought it was garbage.
-No, I loved it.
Really?
Oh, come on now, of course,
she liked it, she loved it.
Just listen to what shes saying.
Time for a beer, right?
[kisses]
Im Ane, by the way.
Im Adela.
Nice to meet you all.
Weve heard all about you.
-Okay then!
-[laughs]
Uh Whats the plan?
Go for drinks? You coming?
-Come on, come on, shots!
-Have one.
Ill have one, but then I need to go.
-No way, stay!
-Cmon, girl!
Down the hatch, everyone.
[women] One, two, three, woo!
[punk music playing]
Oh, yeah!
[laughing]
This boy puts up his hand and asks me,
But when we take communion,
do we have to drink real blood, miss?
[laughing]
Come on, Javier, you think
thats real blood? Dont be stupid.
Well, I didnt actually say any of that.
I talked about transubstantiation
and the whole works.
But the poor kid was even crying!
[laughing]
[singing along to Euskera ska music]
-[Adela] I dont know the lyrics!
-[Isabel] What?
The lyrics! I dont know them.
Its just this!
Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri
Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri
Yeah! Keep it coming!
[emotional ambient music playing]
Wanna come in?
[keys jangling]
-[Adela] Wait here.
-Okay.
[footsteps receding]
[electricity buzzing]
Come here.
Its an anonymous piece
from the early 20th century.
Wow.
Its in the style of Guido Reni.
Its beautiful.
You see the clean areas?
Almost the whole face.
[gasps] And whats that?
Is it the real thing?
Yes, they bring them here
to have them restored.
-Really?
-Its kind of a tradition.
-[gasps]
-Be careful. Theyre fragile.
Okay.
[laughs]
Watch out.
-Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
-Isabel, please. Isabel. Isabel.
[crystal jingling]
-[Isabel giggling]
-Over here. Please, Isabel, stop.
[Isabel] Ill give you a thump, my girl!
Okay, take it off now.
[laughing]
That was a blast.
[chuckles]
What?
It looks like Luca got some makeup on you
when she said goodbye.
That looks very nice.
-Oh.
-It suits you.
-[telephone ringing]
-Oh, that scared me!
It scared me!
[ringing continues]
Hello?
[father] Adela, what
are you doing there so late?
Are you okay? Is something wrong?
Yes, everythings fine, Dad.
I was just doing some work.
You know who called me?
Jess, the taxi driver.
-He saw the door was open and got worried.
-Im going. Bye.
-Wait. Adela, thank you.
-What?
Whats that you said?
Adela? Are you there?
-Just come home this minute.
-[door closing]
[knocking on door]
Adela, its already
a quarter past twelve, get up.
Santiago is there with your father.
He says you were supposed to meet him.
Now that weve had a drink,
Ill show you something
thatll blow your mind.
No way!
-How did you even find this?
-Hm?
[chuckles]
I did the cover art myself, you know?
[Santi]Thats amazing.
[Adela] The Javier Castle
pilgrimage, 1988.
Oh, look. Thats Fran
And the one with the thermos is Maite.
And this guy
-Him?
-Whats his name again?
Uh, thats Eusebio. Sebi.
-Thats Sebi, of course!
-Thats right.
-Oh, my God.
-Good times.
[Adela] Yeah.
You know the image that comes to me
when I remember those days?
You, at night,
holding a hot drink of some sort
in the doorway of the hostel.
Valerian tea.
I still drink it.
My grandma got me into it.
I watched you from the window.
You seemed 20 years older than us.
I was
What?
Crazy about you.
It would have been very nice
if youd said so, you know.
I was an idiot, Adela. We all were.
No, Santi.
You were sweet.
[Christmas carol
"Campana sobre campana" playing]
[thunder rumbling]
[Santi] Shit, it's raining!
Shit.
Come on! Run, run, run!
Over here!
Ooh.
[laughing]
Adela, Im nuts about you.
I dont know if you feel the same,
or if youre happy about this.
I dont know anything.
[chuckles]
Im sorry.
I have to go.
AVENIDA SHOPPING MALL
[children singing carol]
-[girl] Merry Christmas, Adela!
-Merry Christmas.
[woman] The meat just melts in your mouth.
The butcher always gives me
the best pieces.
-This is just delicious.
-Very good.
Whats in store for us at Mass, I wonder?
Its the first one
from this priest, you know.
-Hell give communion with a limp wrist.
-[chuckles]
How on earth did that man
get assigned to our church?
-A charming gift from the archbishop.
-Right.
-[somber music playing]
-[plates clattering]
Honey, we were joking.
I dont think it was funny.
Thats okay, Ill do the rest.
Ill finish up.
You can dry.
Adela,
I know that weve been on edge lately.
But Im just so scared
that someone will hurt you.
Im worried sick.
There.
Mom, I need to see a gynecologist.
[inhales sharply]
Darling, another time.
[Adela] Leave it. Ill take care of it.
-[water running]
-[silverware clattering]
Do as you wish.
[Jos Mara] When my spirit
faints within me,
it is You who watch over my way."
"There is no one at my right hand
who is concerned for me."
"No refuge can be found for me."
"To no one does it matter
whether I live or die."
"Thus I cry out to you, O Lord."
"Deliver me from my persecutors
for they are stronger than I.
[cell phone beeps]
[Isabel] "Merry Christmas, sweetie."
"On New Years Eve were going to the bar.
Were gonna wear costumes."
"You up for it?"
"I really wanna see you."
"Isabel."
[man on radio] Good morning!
Its just a matter of hours
before we say goodbye to 1999.
Tonight, we enter the new millennium
and we finally find out what happens
with the famous Y2K bug.
[ambient somber music playing]
[tools clattering]
-[telephone ringing]
-Ah, shit.
[clicks tongue]
[continues ringing]
-Hello?
-Adela, its Jos.
I need to see you.
Come with me.
But where are we going?
I have to go home for dinner.
Sure. Just come.
[dance music playing faintly]
[patron] Honey, youre drunk,
and the night hasnt even started.
[Jos Mara] When the loneliness
gets to me, I come here, I sit down,
and I watch them.
I dont ever go in, of course.
But it makes me feel good.
Its like Im introducing you
to my family, you know?
[Adela] They look happy.
They are happy right now, for sure.
When you get to a place
that feels like your own, really yours,
with people who understand you,
nothings better than that.
What is it?
I kissed Santiago.
Hmm.
I liked it very much.
It was great. But, as soon
as I closed my eyes,
the only face I could see
in my head was hers.
The masseuse with the big personality?
Yes, Isabel.
When Im with Santiago
I feel attractive.
But when Im with Isabel,
I feel so free.
Its a totally new experience.
Ive always tried to
be invisible, Jos.
Shut out the whole world.
I was numb about all of it.
My own body,
my my infertility,
the medication.
All the things I dont know about myself.
[emotional music playing softly]
And now
I wanna live.
Now I want to be touched.
I want to be touched all the time.
Do you understand?
It makes me want to throw up,
thats how much I want my own life.
Adela, honey,
life is about passion.
From Jesus Christ to Mnica Naranjo.
When our passions are locked up inside us,
were cut off from life itself.
And the only emotion
we have is resentment.
You dont wanna go through
life feeling resentful.
-I already do.
-So get rid of it!
Do it.
Now! Before its too late.
The fear you feel now isnt enough.
You have to feel even more fear.
-[sobs]
-More desire, more everything.
Listen.
When Alonso
When I lost Alonso
it was like I had fallen
into complete darkness.
It was like a pit.
Ive never been so scared.
Petrified.
But what the two of us shared,
what I lived through
all those years before we met,
the risky life I led,
the many sins I committed,
which made me so happy
It all wrapped around me
like a blanket and comforted me.
And when I hit rock bottom,
God appeared
as a result of my excesses.
Boom!
And he was everywhere.
Everywhere.
It felt like I was
having sex with all the men
Id been with all at the same time.
Id be telling a lie if I said
that I dont have moments
when I miss Alonso.
Im not immune to sadness, but
But I havent ever been alone since.
In the church, I serve the Lord,
but when I look at the door of that club,
I see him.
Happy New Year, darling!
But I dont have a life
full of good memories.
Theres no blanket.
So make one!
Push your boundaries,
make mistakes, get dirty.
You actually know
perfectly well what you have to do.
Do it. Disappoint someone!
What the hell, disappoint all of us!
Leave us in the lurch
and do something amazing and unexpected.
[sobs]
Yes, honey.
[kisses]
Thats it.
Happy New Year, Father.
Happy New Year, my child.
[festive music playing]
[indistinct happy chatter]
[upbeat dance music playing]
[pop rock music playing]
Hey! She made it!
Oh! Adela!
-Yeah!
-[Ane] Adela, come on!
-Shots on me!
-Come here!
[music continues]
[tense somber music playing]
Girl. Cool it.
Cut it out, Isabel.
What? What is it?
[Isabel] Adela!
Wait, stop! Adela, wait up!
Adela!
Adela, stop, stop, stop!
Adela, please. What is wrong? What is it?
-I want to go, Isabel. Let me.
-Okay, but listen. Look at me.
What you saw back there wasnt
It wasnt anything.
It was No, no.
I was so happy
to be seeing you tonight, really.
[music continues]
Its my fault, Isabel.
Thats it. Leave me alone.
-[woman on TV] Happy New Year!
-[crowd cheering]
Happy New Year!
Happy 2000, everybody!
[music continues]
[knocking on door]
[music fades]
Good evening, dear.
-May I?
-Sure, Grandma. Come in.
[fireworks exploding in distance]
[Adelina] Look.
This is my aunt Marga
with my older sister, Ernestina,
may she rest in peace.
They called them the Butches.
Neither of them could have children
and they never had periods.
But they were so tall, and strong.
Like me.
Yes, the same as you.
[Adela] Whyd my mother
never tell me about them?
Your mother adores you, Adela.
But shes been paralyzed by fear
ever since you were born.
She does what she can,
what shes been taught to do.
Like me, like all of us women.
Were they happy?
Well, they had their ups and downs.
We gave them a hard time.
They didnt marry.
But they had money of their own.
And no men to boss them around.
Id say, thats not bad.
Although their beds were always empty.
Youre so wise, Grandma.
Not wise enough.
Its because of you that I understand now.
I took too long.
[kisses]
The next time
you hear someone say Horse Girl,
remember that you come from
a family of strong mares.
[fluorescent light buzzing]
[man 1] Its hard to spot,
but if you look closely
at the mucous membranes,
you can see the scar.
[man 2] I wouldnt have noticed.
It looks amazing, doesnt it?
[man 1] Uh, were done, Adela.
You can get up now.
Let me know if you need anything else.
I really appreciate your opinion.
-See you later.
-Ill keep you posted.
Uh, get dressed now
and Ill see you in my office, okay?
Oh, to take it out, just turn this part.
[door squeaking open]
[man 1] Okay then, Adela.
Im going to try to explain things
as clearly as possible.
You dont have your period
and you cant get pregnant
because you dont have a uterus.
You were born without one,
and without ovaries.
Instead, you were born
with internal gonads.
Internal gonads?
Testicles?
Yes, but undescended.
Of course, in baby boys,
the testicles descend toward
But But give me a second, doctor.
You just You said baby boys.
-What do you mean by that?
-Adela, slow down.
Im not saying youre male.
You have a vagina.
Its shortened, but its there.
In the examination we confirmed
that you were probably born with
an unusually large clitoris.
They operated to normalize
the appearance of your genitals.
They did a very good job.
Is that the usual treatment?
It can be.
I assume your doctors
talked to your parents
and they all made the decision.
Its the recommended procedure
in certain cases of intersexuality.
Intersexuality?
Yes.
Adela, its much more common
than you think.
And are those internal gonads
still there?
No.
They must have taken them out
when you were a teenager.
Its usually done
to prevent tumors or other pathologies.
-For example--
-The operation I had when I was 14.
But my parents said it was for a hernia.
[exhales]
It is possible that you had one.
And during the operation
they also removed the gonads.
But But thats castration.
Well, thats
a very strong word for it, Adela.
[tense music playing]
You should have been told the truth.
And your family doctor
certainly hasnt followed up much, but
I wouldnt describe that way.
But thats what it is.
What do I do now?
The best thing is to forget it
and get on with your life.
Hm?
If you like, we can do your checkups here.
If I stop taking the Meriestra,
what would happen to me?
I dont recommend it.
Your body needs hormones.
So, what would I have been like now?
With no operations, no treatment, no
Who would I actually be now?
[melancholy synth rock music playing]
[scratching]
["My Sweet Prince" by Placebo playing]
Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd fill with desire
Darling, no.
No.
[sniffling]
I am your home.
Me and the dragon
[sobbing]
Can chase all the pain away
So before I end my day
MADRID JUNE, 2000
Remember
[jack hammer rattling]
You are the one
My sweet prince
You are the one
[Jos Mara] "I think
were due for a phone call."
"I hope youre doing well
and you own the bar now."
"I miss you. Jos."
"P. S. I have dreams
that rob me of my reason."
"I find myself in a strange dimension,
surrounded by flames that are meant
to burn with pleasure, an angel appears."
"Or an archangel. Who can possibly tell?"
[reporter] The Wanninkhof murder
has come to be known in this area
as the Case of The Killer Godmother,
and it has caused great indignation
among those who live here.
On one occasion, as Mara Dolores,
was escorted into the courthouse,
the Civil Guard and the National Police
had their work cut out for them
[woman] They just keep lying.
That poor woman is getting screwed.
Theyre all in cahoots
trying to fuck up her life.
[man] The girls mother is constantly
slinging mud at that poor woman.
That mother is going mental
without her daughter.
Plus, shes been jilted. Theres nothing
scarier in this world than a broken heart.
Right.
What do you think, honey?
That when a raging mob looks for justice,
it usually finds an innocent person
that someone doesnt like.
Write that down, Isidoro.
Ive got enough to write down
with all the orders.
-Anything else, Patricia?
-Nothing, honey, thank you.
[man] What do I owe you?
Tapas and a coke. Five fifty.
A. D., when youre finished,
come see me, okay?
See you later, guys.
Listen to me.
How many times have I told you,
bring in your ID card?
Im up for an inspection,
Im gonna be screwed,
This is your last warning.
Bring it tomorrow.
If you dont, Ill get someone else.
Im sorry.
Patricia, need a hand?
No, Ill be fine.
Thank you, sweetie.
[pharmacist] Ill give it to you.
But its important that you pee.
And by the way, tell Antonio
to wash his balls a little better.
Right. Thanks a lot.
[pensive music playing]
[pharmacist] Wow. I see
the testosterone is making a difference.
Two rounds.
Sure, two little beauties.
No prescription yet?
Im afraid not.
Well, Im not going to leave you
without medication, okay?
But its important for you
to find a doctor
and get a prescription, hon.
Here you go.
You boys show it right away.
Ive had some real studs in here,
like out of a porn movie.
You wouldnt believe the transformation.
In two months, youll see.
-See you later.
-See you.
[pharmacist] Hi, how are you?
Waiting here. You know,
youre a real sleazebag.
Thats what you are, a sleazebag.
What youre doing is unspeakable.
Youre going to give me a fricking stroke.
[ambient techno music playing]
Check it out, check it out.
Where are you going?
-Come here, honey.
-Nice tall drink of water.
Why dont you come hang out with us?
[line ringing]
[Cruz] Hello?
Adela, my dear, is it you? Are you okay?
I just want to know if youre doing okay.
Say something. Please.
[hangs up]
[A. D. sobbing]
[trance music playing]
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
[man] If he had any idea
what its like for us.
[woman] Oh, hes here.
Hello.
Hi. Are you okay?
Yeah, sure. Im going to bed.
Uh. Hey, A. D.
Wed like to talk to you. Come sit?
Id rather do it
another time, okay? Im tired.
[doors opening]
Come on, A. D., we really tried.
We all have issues
and youve got some stuff to work on.
But ngela and I have the same ideas
about sharing a space. And this isnt it.
We cant get you to open up, A. D.
And we feel bad for you, but
Maybe youre in the wrong place.
If something we did offended you, tell us,
but this situation is shitty.
I dont wanna live like this.
Are you kidding me?
Was that all?
For almost six months
youve avoided us because of this?
What the hell?
Im sorry.
-Why are you sorry, A. D.?
-No!
-[chuckles]
-Why are you sorry?
But wait. Do you really believe
that my name is Gato?
That my mother has eight tits and meows?
[laughs]
No.
Were pretty weird ourselves.
You mustve noticed me going out
with guys, girls. Hey, guys and girls!
-[ngela] With anything that moves.
-And this one?
She has no idea who
the father of her baby is, for Gods sake.
-No clue.
-[chuckles]
Well, I narrowed it down to three.
Two from back home and this German
hippy who lived in a cave.
Enough said.
-And I might be in the running.
-[chuckles]
A. D., sweetheart.
We knew about it.
Well, we guessed and we didnt care.
In fact, its why we wanted you here.
Because youre the perfect addition
to this little whorehouse.
Right, my darling?
[A. D.] And he has
all these books in his house
that the Church
wouldnt be happy to hear about.
With a voice like that? Hes a priest?
Plus hes very handsome.
[Gato sighs] Let me at him!
I just love all that stuff
about the antique store.
Looking at you, it makes sense.
Its a little bit annoying
how interesting you are.
Okay, done?
How about you?
Whats your real name, Gato?
Im not ready to confess that yet.
Im from Tacoronte, Tenerife.
Ooh, good work, little prince!
And for now, Im just working at home.
Stuffing envelopes,
assembling keychains, whatever.
-And your family?
-My family is kind of like yours.
Good people, I love them.
And I can go back whenever I want.
But when Im there,
Im a square peg in a round hole.
-And yours?
-Mm.
My dads a carpenter,
a bigger fascist than Franco.
My moms a lovely woman.
-Beautiful.
-[A. D.] Mm.
And so smart.
Her mistake was getting
married to that animal.
I talk to her every week.
Not to him.
Wait, arent you an art restorer?
-Hold it gently, like a brush.
-[chuckles]
Okay, now while youre inhaling,
imagine you just quit
some dumb job you absolutely hate.
Thats it. Here.
A photo.
Oh, so handsome.
-[A. D. coughs]
-[laughs]
Your first time, huh?
Guys
with that whole scene
we went through at home,
I forgot to tell you something important.
I Im unemployed as of today.
And what I have saved
will last me two months.
The two of us go through constant
ups and downs in life, honey.
Two months is a lifetime.
Something will come.
You bet your ass it will.
Come on, lets go in.
In you go, little cutie.
[clicks tongue]
No, honey, no.
I think its about time to make up for
all those missed opportunities.
Youre coming with me tonight.
["Flash" by La Prohibida playing]
[Gato] My golden girls!
Like an electric flash
That could kill you
Alana?
Hey there, doll.
You look gorgeous. How are you?
-Hello.
-You look amazing.
-Ill come back, okay? Im giving a tour.
-Okay.
Yeah, girl, what a rack.
Mmm!
Even tastes like milk. Hey there!
That could kill you
Roberta!
My love!
Shes a nympho. Amazing.
[chuckles]
Thats Prohibida.
Like a flash
[crowd cheering]
[Prohibida] Thank you so much.
[cheering continues]
[pop music playing]
Come say hello to her.
But dont worry, shes a friend.
Prohibida!
-Hey there.
-Hi.
Whos this big queer?
My names A. D.
-Andy?
-A. D.!
Ah, A. D.! Pleased to meet you.
Well, youve outdone yourself.
You found yourself a real sweetheart.
[laughs]
You need anything, hon? My life savings?
Maybe later, sweetie.
-You sticking around?
-Yeah, sure.
Shed actually give us her life savings.
[chuckles]
A drink?
Cristi!
-Look who it is, Gato!
-[Gato] Hello, princess.
-How are you, handsome boy?
-Whats up?
-Whats your poison?
-[Gato] Uh, two vodka lemon, please.
Another queer boy in tow?
How are you? Im Cristi.
Welcome to our humble abode.
Pour, baby. Dont make them watery.
Okay, kitty cat. Put away those claws.
[Gato] Mmm! I love you to bits.
Gimme that ciggie.
Drinks are on me. Im so fried.
-Thanks.
-Well, gentlemen, enjoy your evening.
-[man] Cristi! A scotch and soda!
-Wait your turn, I dont have four hands!
Just two. I wouldnt be here if I did.
[A. D.] They called me queer.
Both of them.
Have a bit.
[music continues]
Blech.
The word "queer"
is the only word in the dictionary
that is singular, plural,
masculine, feminine, neutral.
Being queer is a dream.
I dont think it works like that.
You dont?
Shut it, shut it, shut it, you queer!
I have something to tell you
that is totally gonna blow your mind.
[chuckles] You see?
Not talking to you! So self-centered!
[synth pop playing]
Its my song.
Shall we dance?
Coming through! Gotta dance!
["T, lo que tienes que hacer"
by Chico y Chica playing]
You
What you have to do is
Get ready and go out
With modern people
And dance at a disco
You should have
[laughing]
Your school diploma
Here you dont worry about
what anyone thinks.
Be yourself.
If you want to get somewhere
What you have to do
Is wear your coat inside out
And what you have to do
Is sign up for an English course
What you have to do
What you have to do
What we have to do
Is have a style of our own
Not give up on doing things
For fear of what others
May say about us
And finally strengthen our friendship
[song ends]
[laughing]
Hold on.
-But you know who I mean?
-[shushing]
I was talking about how Jackson Pollock
used synthetic resin, right?
Jackson who?
You sound like an encyclopedia.
-A walking encyclopedia!
-[object clatters]
[Gato shushing]
Welcome home.
-Good night then.
-Good night.
[both shushing]
[ngela] Psst!
Come. Come, dont sleep alone.
What?
Dont sleep by yourself, come here.
Ramn Vicente.
Gato. His real name is Ramn Vicente.
[both laughing]
[doorbell buzzing]
[continues buzzing]
Who is it?
Its Patricia, baby. Come down.
Patricia?
What are you doing here, Patricia?
Howd you get my address?
From Isidoro.
Youre lucky I came to see you
and not him, because hes furious.
Fine. Tell him sorry from me,
if thats why youre here, okay,
but Im not going back there.
Hey, hey, relax, altar boy, relax.
Isidoro can fuck himself.
I came to see you.
Okay. Thank you.
But right now things are complicated.
I have to think. And before
that I need some sleep.
What you need is a job and some ID!
Hold this.
But Where are you going?
Look, I cant help you with ID.
But with a job, sure.
Now, as a waiter youre fucking bad, okay?
But you move well.
Youre elegant and well-mannered.
Hotel or luxury store?
I worked in my dads antique shop.
Of course. Perfect.
Youre the kind of person I could use.
Ill pay you 25,000 more a month
than Isidoro. Well?
Id be working where?
In a cute little
souvenir shop, very sweet.
After all that drinking you
lost a few brain cells, huh?
I didnt want to presume, Patricia.
Im a hooker, A. D., not a Falangist.
Dont be scared to say it out loud.
Yeah, but theres no way Im gonna
sleep with anyone for money, huh?
Please, for Gods sake, take your purse.
I dont care who you screw
or whether you charge for it.
I need you for two things.
One, take care of reception.
Its not what you might think.
And two, be my personal assistant.
Why do you want to help me, Patricia?
Because at the bar, you were the only one
who helped me go down the stairs.
Taxi! Come, hop in. You start right away.
I want you to come with me to the clinic.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Patricia, Im filthy.
I need a coffee and a shower.
Theres no time. Youre fine like that.
Youre like a Pasolini hustler. Come on.
I trust you wont have a problem
giving me your ID for the job.
Hmm?
Understand?
I understand.
[grunts]
Thank you.
Here it is.
[woman] She wants her next appointment
to be at the end of the day.
Lets see if we can arrange it that way.
Good morning, Patricia. How are you?
-Good morning.
-Hi, Patricia.
-Theyre ready for you, okay?
-[Patrica] Thanks.
[Patricia] You got me
so relaxed, you know?
[Isabel] Well, thats what Im aiming for.
[Patricia] I woke myself up
with my own snoring.
[women laughing]
Oh, there you are.
[intense music playing]
Im gonna find a taxi.
Ill be outside, Patricia.
[music fades]
[keys clatter]
[Gato shushing]
How are you?
You were up super early.
[baby gurgling]
Hey there.
I got a job.
Already?
Holy shit.
Im impressed.
Where?
One of the clients
from the bar has a business.
Well, thatll come in handy.
Because Amadeo is putting up the rent.
40,000 pesetas. What a prick.
ngelas gonna really struggle.
So will I.
Honey, I have to get going.
Ive got work.
-Change him for me?
-Sure.
Put him on your shoulder so he burps.
-Okay.
-[baby giggles]
-Everythings in ngelas room.
-Hi there.
-Bottom drawer of the dresser.
-Good boy.
[Gato] Just go in.
You okay?
Yes.
[Patricia] Before you open the door,
you have to verify
the appointment details.
Who the client is, who is seeing them,
in which room, and what they need.
Here you take
their coats and bags and what have you.
And you store them in the closet
across from the desk.
This is where youll work.
Most of the time they call us up
to ask for our services.
You never ask for their name
more than once.
And never say their name out loud.
Okay?
Do I ask them what they want or will they
No. You mustnt ever ask that.
The first appointment is with me
and its the most important one.
They tell me
what theyre looking for exactly,
or the path they wanna take.
And if they dont know,
I have to guide them.
[mystical music playing]
This is the Hall of Versailles.
Its where Madame Vega works.
Come on!
This is the medical room.
Madame Altair works here.
And they actually use this for
Dont.
Its very important, A. D.
Dont judge the people who come here.
You have to be very brave
to confront your desires
and place them in another persons hands.
This is sacred.
And this is where I work.
The dungeon.
A. D.
One thing you need to remember.
From the moment you come into
this house until you leave
you will address me always
as Mistress Feli or Madame Feli.
Understood.
The dressing room is this way.
Knock before you go in.
[woman] I want things to be clear.
The other day he suddenly pulled out
this pig mask for me to wear.
-[woman 2] The Fernando from way back?
-Girls.
Bonjour. Im Madame Vega. Enchant.
How are you, cutie?
Uh, Im good.
I really like him, Mistress.
Its so nice to meet you. A. D.
Enchant for me too.
A. D., the clients get
changed in the rooms.
Prepare their things and put
them there ahead of time.
Your uniform is here. You have two.
We open in an hour.
If you need anything just ask.
Thank you.
[speaking French]
[speaking Ukrainian]
[laughing nervously]
[woman 3] He doesnt understand.
Uh, girls, go on ahead, okay?
-See you tomorrow.
-[woman] Okay, see you tomorrow, Isabel.
I guess its my destiny to do physio
on all the old women in your life.
If Patricia hears
you call her an old woman,
shell bury you alive in the desert.
[melancholy instrumental music playing]
Im going that way.
[A. D.] How long have you lived in Madrid?
Well, my temp contract ended
around a month after you disappeared.
How are things?
Look, Im not sure
I wanna do this right now,
this casual chitchat
as if were just acquaintances
bumping into each other. I mean
I dont know if I want to tell you
what Im doing here.
I understand.
I dont know what to say. Im sorry.
Is this why you left?
Im not judging.
Honestly.
But seeing you like this, out of nowhere,
I mean, holy shit.
There were plenty of times
I thought about it,
I wondered what
it would be like if we met again,
but I mean, of course, I never
supposed it would be like this.
Right.
Why did you come?
Because I ran away once
and I dont want
to do the same thing again.
[sighs]
Can I give you my number?
I already have it.
Its a new one.
Oh.
In that case, yeah, Ill take it.
Go ahead.
655
-Yeah.
-[beeping]
34-72-85.
Under what name?
A. D. is fine.
Not much of a stretch, huh?
[A. D. chuckles]
[music continues]
Good night, A. D.
Good night.
[music fades]
You have steady hands.
My grannys diabetic.
How have your first few days been?
Fine, Im adapting pretty well.
I think so too. Youre doing a great job.
Im glad youre here.
Thanks, Mistress.
[chuckles]
When the lights are off
and the doors shut, call me Patricia.
Want to have dinner at my place?
I make a mean gazpacho, you know.
No, thanks, Patricia.
Up to you, honey.
Ill be right out.
[ambient music playing]
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF ALICE B. TOKLAS
[music fades]
[cell phone ringing]
Hello.
[Isabel] I just walked out
in the middle of an unbearable play.
That bad, huh?
No, it was amazing.
Thats the problem. I couldnt stand it.
You still there?
Yes, sure, Im still here.
I cant stop thinking about you.
Same here, and I dont fucking like it.
Because I have spent months
thinking over and over
about what happened
the last time I saw you in Pamplona.
It was the first time
I felt that way, Isabel.
I didnt know what to do.
And I still dont know.
Okay, sweetie, but Im going
out of my mind because, I mean
I dont know who you are.
Like, I know, its you, but not
I fell in love with you,
I fucking admit it.
I fell in love with the girl
who teaches Sunday school,
and now I find myself with Its
I dont know, its like you
stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad.
I dont know what to say.
Well, theres no way I can sleep now.
And you sound really awake too.
Do you want to hang out for a while?
[Isabel] Want some? I just bought it
So, what was the play?
A revival of The Maids.
With these girls who are just spectacular.
Have you tried some acting here?
Uh, well, I want to, Im trying.
Thats why Im here, to act.
I didnt come here to give massages, but
This city has been
eating me alive for four months.
I loved watching you act.
Come on, Adela.
Uh, A. D., Im sorry.
You just felt that way
because of all the oxytocin in you.
Dont say that.
I was being sincere.
Look, I remember the way you admired
that painting in your parents store,
and the way you spoke his name.
The painters name, it was
-Guido Reni.
-Guido Reni, thats it.
Who Id never even heard of.
So Ive seen the look on your face
when you see something amazing.
You have no idea what its like to have to
look at girls who were born for the stage
and compare yourself to them.
Those fucking girls,
they have this way of
delivering their lines with such authority
and also with
so much delicacy.
They have this way
of transforming physically, they
Theyre irresistible.
And I hear myself say the same lines,
with the same intonation,
and bursting with emotion,
but I just feel so ugly.
I know its a weird way to put it, but
I feel ugly and Im full of shame.
Theres nothing ugly from
where Im sitting.
Right.
No, seriously, the best moments in my life
have always been thanks to beauty
that was created by others.
And of course, I know
what its like to be the ugly girl.
Not that I saw myself like that,
but others did.
Those assholes have no clue.
My point exactly.
You know, I looked up
that priest friend of yours?
-Are you serious?
-Mm. After your vanishing act.
You mentioned him just one time.
It was when you were bombed, girl.
-Boy. Im sorry.
-[chuckles]
But I could tell he was someone
you really cared about.
So how was it?
He was charming.
[chuckles]
He helped me a lot to
understand you more.
He drops me a line now and then.
In fact, he knows we ran into each other.
He hasnt mentioned that.
Maybe hes waiting for you to tell him.
He fucking respects you.
[sighing] Oh, my God.
I love this place.
I come here a lot.
I say hi to the guys out cruising.
[Jos Mara] On Saturday,
I dreamt about you.
We had a band, but we didnt
do our own singing and we got caught.
I miss you showing up out of nowhere,
crying and asking me for advice.
You made me feel like Confucius.
I love you.
P. S. Had I not created my whole world,
I would certainly have died
in other peoples.
Our Anas.
An hour and a half with him.
Thank God hes asleep.
I was desperate to pee.
You got in pretty late, huh?
Mm. Stuff at work.
Hmm.
Do my other hand for me?
I always mess it up.
Thanks.
[doorknob rattling]
Must be Gato.
Mm-hmm.
I think he might wake up the kid.
Get the door for him?
Whats up? Are you wasted?
Ah. Here you are, you low lifes.
I knew it.
Amadeo, what is this?
I need to talk to you
and you wont open the door.
You can ring the bell or use the phone.
Thats how its done.
Not like this, not at this time of day.
He who has nothing to hide
has nothing to fear.
This is still my house.
No, no, no. This is your
property, not your house.
Thats why we pay rent.
Look, guys.
Im sorry, but I have to raise the rent.
The way things are going,
I have no choice.
Then theres
Theres the kid, thats why Im here.
What kid?
-What kid? My son? Huh?
-Well, your son.
ngelica, a couple of
neighbors complained.
We have older folks living here,
and I dont want children in the building.
And so who complained?
Who complained exactly, huh?
You name the sin
but not the sinner, ngelica.
ngela, my name is ngela. n-ge-la.
And Ive had enough of your proverbs,
so stop fucking saying them.
You know what well do?
Ill go from door to door
-and find out who complained about a baby.
-[baby crying]
[Amadeo] Calm down.
Please, be quiet, for Gods sake.
-[ringing]
-Calm down? I dont think so.
-Dont you calm down me, mister.
-See, see? Hear that? Hear that bawling?
-Sounds like a fire truck! So irritating!
-We'll find who to blame.
-[banging]
-[Amadeo chuckles]
Whats going on, ngela?
Does my son bother you?
No, why would your son bother me?
Uh-huh, this gentleman here says
my son is bothering the neighbors.
No, no, I didnt say it was him,
but the whole building can hear it.
Anyway, thats just one thing.
Theres also the rent. And other things.
So call and explain your concerns.
And well discuss it.
What was the plan?
Throw a little boy on the street?
[Amadeo] Its impossible to talk to you.
Always the same.
-I cant take it.
-Shh! Okay, okay. Whats up, guys?
[ngela] This gentleman
is raising our rent.
You look annoyed, Amadeo.
He says the baby bothers the neighbors.
But hes making a fuss right now.
Listen to that.
The whole stairwells shaking!
[baby continues crying]
Im really sorry, Amadeo,
but I dont hear a thing.
Wait.
Huh.
[Amadeo] Stop fucking around.
Hm. Nothing. No baby crying anywhere.
Thats really weird.
-[ngela shushing]
-Okay, guys, inside.
Bye, Amadeo. Always a pleasure
to see you. Well talk another time.
[Gato] Fucking great.
Where the hell do we get the money?
[Amadeo] You better fucking pay me!
And shut him up!
That guys such a bastard.
[Patricia] Okay, baby, come here.
Help me with this boot, please.
[sighing]
[groans]
[groans]
What a relief!
That looks bad.
Let me give you a massage.
Okay.
[groans]
Keep going.
Oh, that feels good.
Times almost up for Feli.
Plus Im getting clumsier every day.
[groans]
Thats it, thats it, thats it.
[exhales]
It hurts, but it feels good.
Luckily I have the girls.
And they have you.
Yes, they have me.
And keeping all this going
makes me very happy.
Maybe next year Ill hang
up the boots, though.
It might be good to slow down.
Theres no lack of work here.
Youll be fine.
And what do you want to do?
Me? Im fine here. Im enjoying it.
Youre smart and talented. You dont want
to spend your whole life here.
For the time being, its convenient,
and we all like you.
But Im wondering
what you really want for yourself.
I dont know, Patricia.
You know what I noticed about my corset?
What?
It has your scent.
But not the smell of that cream you use
on your hands. No, your own smell.
Uh. Well, when I was sewing,
I put it on to take some measurements
Take it easy.
Im not judging.
This is my house.
You can use whatever you want
in Madame Felinas house.
Just clean it afterwards.
Come. Sit down.
[somber music playing]
What do you want, Patricia?
What am I supposed to say?
Tell me how you decided to be yourself.
To start hormone therapy.
Whats with the third degree?
Relax, Im just asking you a question.
I dont know. It hasnt been that long.
Ever since I left home.
But I imagine you must have
thought about it for a while.
Theres no right or wrong answer.
Im just curious.
Well, I dont know, Patricia!
They gave me an operation
without my permission.
It was for them, not for me.
I understand you.
[sobbing]
And youve decided
to take charge of your life. Its natural.
Sometimes you have to get mad
and tell the world to fuck right off.
What they did to me cant be undone.
What people can do
when theyre standing on thin ice
can be very cruel, A. D.
Thats the way the world is.
Whats considered normal
is a bunch of excuses
that cowards come up with
to avoid surprises.
They even turn them into laws.
[sniffling]
Come on. Help me get up.
Are you sure?
Yes, get me my crutch.
Over to the mirror.
Do you know how I knew I was a woman?
-No.
-Not by looking there.
[hypnotic trance music playing]
Or by putting this shit on.
These dont make me a woman.
This doesnt do it, either.
This says nothing about me.
Im a woman because
my guts are screaming it, A. D.
Because everything I say, do, feel inside
Whatever hurts and
whatever makes me happy,
my guts scream it.
Its here, A. D.
And if I didnt listen to it,
I wouldnt live very long.
I would rot.
A. D., you cant run away
from who you are.
Its impossible.
[music continues]
What do your guts say?
I have no idea.
Inside is total silence.
I just know Im angry.
It took real balls
to do everything you did.
But youre still conforming
and you dont realize it.
The horrible thing about hate
is it makes us hide ourselves.
But people are gonna hate us
in a similar way or another.
What matters is what
you feel about yourself.
[music continues]
Come. Come meet me.
[gentle synth music playing]
[music continues]
You okay?
Yes, yes.
[metal jangling]
[gasps]
Im sorry, Im sorry.
[music fades]
[water running]
[tapping]
[A. D.] Im going to try
to straighten things out.
Please trust me.
ngela, I want you to cover
for me at work for one day.
At noon, be at
118 Paseo del Pintor Rosales.
Go to the first floor, apartment A.
And tell Patricia I sent you.
I love you. A.
[introspective trance music playing]
[knocking]
[door opens]
Good afternoon.
Oh my gosh!
What a sweet little bundle you are.
I want to eat him! Can I?
-[chuckles] No.
-Hi there, cutie pie!
Come in. You have an appointment?
No, no, no, no, no.
Im a friend of A. D.s.
Id like to see Patricia.
Well, just a moment, okay?
Okay.
He left a letter saying
he was going to fix the money thing.
That I should show up here, and thats it.
Uh, its just for one day,
as far as I know.
Can you fucking believe this kid, or what?
Hes a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Anyway, shall I show you the ropes?
The problem is,
what do I do with the baby?
Theres no one to leave him with.
My other roommate isnt home.
Dont worry about it. Its not a problem.
[whistles sharply]
Come on, Bichi!
Come here.
[purring]
On your feet.
Hes a doctor.
Hes got three kids,
and hell be here all day.
Hes got this.
As in
Yep.
[whimpers]
Dont worry, hell be fine.
[metal jingling]
[baby giggling]
[baby laughing]
[parking brake clicking]
[Santi] Hello?
[A. D.] Hi, Santiago.
[thunder rumbling]
Adela, I should just hang up.
Yes, you should,
but Im asking you not to, please.
I need your help.
Adela, whats going on? Whats wrong?
Whatever it is, it cant be that bad.
Theres nothing wrong, Santiago. Im fine.
But youre the only person
who can help me.
Of course. Adela, why dont you come to
Pamplona and tell me about it?
No one has to know,
we can find somewhere private.
If thats what you want.
Adela, are you still there?
Y-Yes. Yes, Im here.
Santiago, Im having some problems
with money and I need my investment.
You have some nerve, Adela.
Unbelievable.
Six months without
a word from you. Nothing.
With all kinds of nightmare scenarios
playing out in my head.
Your parents are refusing to talk to me.
And there I am begging
Father Jos Mara to tell me
if youre even alive.
And the first time
you see fit to call me up,
its because you want money.
Thats all I am.
No, thats not how I see you.
Im sorry. I wanted to talk to you.
But I wouldve had to come back.
It was too much.
Forgive me, Santiago.
Forgive me, please forgive me.
Cmon, I deserved
an explanation, at least.
No matter what, I would understand.
Adela, fuck!
The last time I saw you,
we were making out.
Im so sorry.
Im sorry, I really am.
An investment isnt the same
as making a deposit in the bank.
There are conditions,
and its hard to cash it out quickly.
Is your account still the same?
Yes.
I can pay back what you invested
out of my own pocket,
and Ill keep the bonds. Does that work?
Uh, thats perfect.
Santiago, thank you.
I dont I dont know what to say.
Well, then, I guess weve said everything.
No, wait, Santiago, dont hang up.
If I hadnt gone,
if Id been able to stay in Pamplona,
it wouldve been you,
and it would have been perfect.
I hope you find what you need.
Same for you, Santiago.
Whats in store for me is
ten streets and 99 people.
[siren wailing]
[siren fades]
[sobbing]
[somber music playing]
[sighs]
[A. D. sobbing]
[music intensifies]
DE JUAN ANTIQUE SHOP
[Gato clicks tongue]
Did you manage to call the plumber?
[ngela] No, I didnt get around to it.
Im sorry.
[Gato] Ugh. The ceilings
gonna come down on us.
-[ngela] Yeah, I know.
-[Gato] Coochie-coo.
-Bouncy legs!
-Coochie.
Oh my God. Where were you?
We were super worried.
Is something wrong?
The rent thing is all worked out.
No need to worry about it anymore.
But how can we not worry, A. D.?
ngela, ngela, ngela.
Lets leave it for later.
-I just dont get it.
-[baby cooing]
[ethereal synth music playing]
Hi, honey.
We really missed you.
But your friend did very well.
Want to have a chat?
We can order Chinese.
No, Im not hungry, Lidia. Thanks.
Sure.
But if you feel differently,
just remember that my door is always open.
Well, thats true for all of us.
[chuckles]
And if you feel embarrassed, keep in mind
that we deal with
embarrassment all the time.
And turn it into happiness.
And how!
[Lidia] Well, okay,
dont stay too late. [chuckles]
[Vega] Thats right.
Leave that, Ill finish it.
Good night. Bye, honey.
Ciao.
[kisses]
[music intensifies]
[indistinct chatter]
[somber discordant
instrumental music playing]
[music fades]
[ethereal synth music playing]
[breathing shakily]
[panting]
[screaming]
[yelling, sobbing]
A. D.! A. D.! A. D.! What are you doing?
What is it? Whats wrong?
-[sobbing] Leave me alone! Go away!
-Stop, A. D., stop, stop, stop.
-Stop, stop.
-Go away. [sobbing]
Listen to me. Just listen to me. Okay?
Youre going to scare the baby.
Its okay, its okay.
-[A. D. sobbing] My body.
-ngela.
-Im here.
-[sobbing] I
I dont want anything to happen to it!
My body, Gato!
-[continues sobbing]
-Its okay, sweetheart.
[sobbing] ngela!
-Its okay.
-I dont want anything to happen
[sobs]
to my body!
Nothings going to happen to it.
I promise. I promise,
well look after it together.
-Right, ngela?
-Of course we will, baby.
Of course we will.
Nothing bad is going to happen. Okay?
-Thats it, baby, thats it. Its okay.
-Were with you.
[sobbing softly]
[Gato] Its okay. Its okay.
[sobbing subsides]
[lamp clicks]
-[birds chirping]
-[distant street noises]
Mm. Youve been talking in your sleep.
What did I say?
I dont know. At one point you were
asking about the Ten Commandments.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
Why are you here?
Because
they told me what happened.
And because
Im always thinking about you.
And because, like I told you,
I hate pain, A. D.
Id like it if you would say my name.
I hate pain.
Yours and mine, Adela.
Ive been missing that.
I know what you mean, girlfriend.
[chuckles]
So now what do we do?
Insist on it.
Insist, sweetie. Insist.
Come on, lets go.
Get out of bed. Up now.
Our bodies are very lazy,
they like to do nothing.
Come.
[emotional music playing]
[cheering, chattering]
Oh, look over there, there.
It is fitting to make merry and rejoice,
because your brother, or your sister,
or this hot mess over here,
was dead and is alive again."
"They were lost and they have been found.
[laughs]
[Adela] I dont fucking believe it.
What are you doing here?
Yknow, the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
So its time to deliver a sermon now?
No, actually, the Partridge Family here
They called me up
and told me how you were doing
and I said, "Ill be there."
Come on. Lets go out on the balcony,
its beautiful outside.
-Youll see.
-Come on.
-Move your ass!
-Ouch!
-[people cheering]
-Look.
Huh?
[indistinct happy chatter]
[music continues]
Wanna go down?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow. Sure.
Is that
Yeah. It is.
-[laughing]
-I love you!
["La luz que vendr" by Zahara playing]
I am not just the silence
I am not the wound I couldn't close
I am not only the fear in the mirror
That pushed away
The ones who wanted to embrace me
I leave behind the reflection
That made me doubt
I place myself in my own hands
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I don't hide in old lies anymore
I don't bite my tongue
To keep the peace
In my eyes
I carry the light that's coming
I am my own flag
I stand steady in my peace
And with the wind
I start dancing
I place myself in my own hands
MY DEAREST SEORITA
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I choose the light
I choose my steps
I choose my name
I choose my love
I face my shadows
The guilt, the disguise
I welcome the girl
Who didn't know how to cry out
I embrace the fury
That once silenced me
And the habit
Of holding my breath
I leave behind the reflection
That made me doubt
I leave behind the look
That tried to confine me
I come to museums when I feel lonely, too.
Do you know why?
Why?
Because it's so peaceful
and silent in here.
And when I go outside,
I find myself swept up again
in the hustle and bustle of life.
[chuckles]
But don't you feel even
lonelier out there?
Sometimes, yes.
But I feel even more alive.
And life is a wonderful thing.
[chuckles]
Miss?
Could you walk me to the exit, please?
Thank you.
I place myself in my own hands
I uncover myself slowly
My body is my home
I am my own home
I choose the light
I choose my steps
I choose my name
I choose my love
[song ends]
[emotional ambient music playing]
[music ends]