My Thoughts Are Silent (2019) Movie Script
THE KINGDOM OF HUNGARY. YEAR 1526.
In a few hours The Ottoman Empire will
destroy the army of Louis II of Hungary.
Running away from the inevitable defeat,
the king tragically drowns in a swamp,
and the Kingdom of Hungary will lose
its independence for the next 100 years.
Is he mute?
He lost his voice when he was a kid
and so I, Imre,
take care of the church's business.
Let's get down to business then.
I have something
that will make your future church
the most popular destination
in the Kingdom of Hungary.
Listen, merchant, cut out the teasers.
Me and Ishtvan don't like foreplays.
Back in the IX century,
Europeans started to hunt for artifacts
relating to the earthy life
of Jesus Christ.
These artifacts prove that God exists.
Or at least that he existed
The most valued artifacts
are those, which
What do you have?
Something
that will bring here
not only local pilgrims
but also pilgrims from the Polish Kingdom
and maybe even from
the Grand Duchy of Lithuania.
Nails?
No.
Crown of thorns?
No.
Nothing connected with "passions".
-Foreskin?
-No.
The baby tooth of the Savior.
Show it.
I can't
If I open the box,
the tooth will get in contact with oxygen
and turn to dust.
And dust is not sellable.
What did he say?
He says it's a fake!
Tell him he's wrong.
How can we trust you?
This thing works miracles.
You can find it out for yourself
I will let you touch it,
then we'll meet in a week
and if a miracle happens in your life,
you buy it from me.
Should I use the index finger
or the middle one?
As you wish.
What is he saying again?
He says the middle finger
is more convenient.
It's longer, so you don't need
to stretch that much.
For how long shall I be touching it?
That's enough.
How is it?
Do you feel anything?
Not yet, actually.
I'll meet you here in a week,
and there will be
only one question to answer:
"Has a miracle happened in your life?"
MY THOUGHTS ARE SILENVADIM ROTBASED ON A TRUE STORY
Mr. Rott
The dental implant surgery
Sorry Just call me Vadim.
Vadim,
the dental implant surgery, in your case,
will cost a little more than usual.
How much?
750 dollars.
Is it a price for all teeth?
Just for one.
And that's without insurance.
Why is it so expensive?
This is due to your
complicated jaw structure
and the complex nature of your injury.
Do you feel bad?
It feels as if
there is a lump in my throat.
Somewhere near my Adam's apple.
Sometimes it feels like a real apple.
How big of an apple?
Like a Mcintosch?
More like a Granny Smith.
And when you try to swallow it
it feels more like a Pink Lady.
Does your voice ever disappear?
Only during sex.
Regularly?
Once a month.
-I'm talking about the voice.
-Me too.
Shall I join you?
All symptoms in our body
are the warning signals
of our sick consciousness,
that pleads for help.
Do you understand what I'm talking about?
About the ability to heal anything
with the power of thought?
Yes, anything.
Except caries.
Look.
This is something I show
to those special clients who are "unsure".
Above you have a healthy tooth,
below is a sick one.
This is what happens, if it's not treated.
Do you see?
It holds on, it clings,
it tries to climb up.
But in the end it falls.
Us, dentists,
call it "inevitability".
Are you ready?
"The Laugh of an Old Man Coughing",
"Take 4".
Go for it.
I can't
Why not?
There's nothing to laugh about.
Nothing to laugh about?
Let me crack you up somehow. Ok?
The Jew yells: "What shall I do, God?"
The God says:
"Trust me and let go of the branch".
The Jew thinks for a moment and screams:
"Is there anyone else around?"
Go for it.
Laugh!
I can't.
Could you do the cough part maybe?
The cough part!
Coughing I could do,
but not laughing.
What was that?
-Homeric.
-Ok.
And the sardonic?
The next one.
Cool, cool. Where's the old man?
I only recorded
cough!
Don't worry about it, it's all right!
Anyways, man, thanks for the work!
I'll transfer your pay via WebMoney.
Thank you.
Do you mind if we speak in Ukrainian?
-Sure!
-I'd like to practice a little bit.
I can't promise that I'm gonna be amazing
but it will mean a lot to me.
Okay, Peter Oleksiiovych.
Petro.
Sorry, sorry.
Petro Oleksiiovych,
maybe you have some other work for me?
I've quit my film set job
but I have to keep paying my loan.
The loan? Have you moved?
If only I got myself new teeth.
What happened to the old teeth?
Professional injury.
Well, I have something
but I don't know, if it's for you.
It seems that you've overgrown
tasks like these.
Where is it coming from?
From Canada! Where else?
From the studio of my friend,
Jamie Tkachuk.
Jamie Tkachuk?
Seriously?
I'll read you the brief. Coffee?
Jamie says they need the sounds
of animals of the Ukrainian fauna,
wild and domestic.
What for?
What for?
It's for a video game, man.
That's what we do. We do video games.
They pay twenty five Canadian dollars
for each recording.
How much is this?
I don't know,
it's like twenty bucks in real money.
They need different animals:
pigs, horses, dogs, sheep
Whatever! The more the better!
What about parrots?
If the parrot speaks Ukrainian, then yes.
It's Jamie Tkachuk, man!
He is one of us!
The most important thing for him
is for the animals to speak
the language of his historic motherland.
Pigs, horses, sheep -
what kind of game is it?
"Noah's Arc".
Noah's Arc?
Yeah, check it out.
They have already sent us some demos.
Very contemporary!
The music is so deep.
Is it trap or cloud?
They call it Christian trap -
bible stories
told through contemporary music.
Listen here
It's just a regular retrowave.
Take it.
They've sent a reference soundtrack.
I told Jaimie
that your family is from Transcarpathia.
-It's true, right?
-Right.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Well, he freaked out!
Because right there in the mountains
lives Anas Trepidus.
-Who?
-"The Fussy Mallard".
It's a very rare bird, apparently.
Species: The Fussy Mallard.
Latin: Anas Trepidus.
Or it is often called
by the place of origin:
The Rakhiv Mallard.
Latin: Anas Rakhivus.
According to its official status,
it is on the verge of extinction.
He promises to pay you
an extra thousand bucks
if you record this mallard sing.
Canadian dollars?
No, in real money, in US dollars.
But thousand bucks is nothing!
If you can do it, Jamie will offer you
a place in his head office in Canada
to create sound design for the game.
Official visa and all.
Maybe you can get
a full-time job with him afterwards.
Well, this is not writing music
or making films
But that's where the money is right now -
in video games.
Are you kidding me?
This is my new dream!
Can I hug you?
Oh, dude! Later, please.
The destiny of the Rakhiv Mallard
was one of the topics discussed
during the famous
XIII World Congress on ornithology,
which took place in August, 1966,
at October Palace in Kyiv.
One of the reports proved
that over the past three centuries
the number of Rakhiv Mallard
has decreased dramatically.
The reason is the mallard's trademark -
rare violet feather,
which was the object of desire
for fashionistas from Mukachevo
and the whole of Eastern Europe.
There is a theory,
that due to the constant death threat
Rakhiv Mallard received its second name -
the Fussy Mallard.
Today Fussy Mallard's only habitat
is a small mountain lake
nearby the Tykhyi Shelest village
of the Rakhiv region, Transcarpathia.
It's interesting to note that the lake
is placed exactly
between Romania and Ukraine
and so the bird can cross the border
up to hundred times a day
depending on its anxiety level.
In the beginning of the XX century,
this lake was visited
by a delegation of ornithologists
from Dresden, headed by Otto Konig.
However, the goal of their research was
neither the appearance, nor the name.
They studied the birds' voices.
It is known that most ducks sound alike:
they quack.
Quack-quack.
This makes the Rakhiv Mallard special.
Once a year it sings for real.
It is the song
When calling the birds to flock,
the Rakhiv Mallard sings
in such a piercing manner
that it breaks hearts
not only of the average people,
but even of German scientists.
The "Sound of Rakhiv Mallard Song",
as well as the "Petrikivski Painting"
and the
"Cossack Songs of the Dnipro Region"
have been added
to the UNESCO intangible heritage lists.
Below you can see its musical notation.
MUSICAL NOTATION
OF RAKHIV MALLARD SONG
Tea, coffee?
Tiramisu?
No, thank you.
See, Vasia? They didn't want to listen
to you run around,
now they will listen to you scream.
Keep quiet, sweetheart, please.
Shut up for God's sake!
Jeez. Easy, easy
Oh, come on, don't lag behind.
Hurry up, klutz, dammit.
SAKURA
The fine town of Uzhgorod welcomes you!
The heart of Transcarpathia!
-Where to?
-To "Shakhta" district.
Sit down comfortably
and get ready for an unforgettable journey
through the town of cherry blossom.
How's the weather in Kyiv?
Same as here.
Maybe a bit warmer.
-Is anyone protesting?
-No
It's cool in Kyiv
Do you mind if I smoke?
I do mind.
You said you gave up working in taxi?
I did.
Then I got sad.
Where is grandpa?
-He was supposed to pick me up, not you.
-Volodya can't do it.
Why?
The doctors forbade him to drive.
I can drive you, though.
I took a few days off.
Aren't you happy?
Very happy.
For sure?
Do the shoes fit?
What do you think?
Mom, which size is that?
48 EU.
So they're small.
-Or you simply don't like the brand?
-The brand I don't like either.
Heard this saying: "Doesn't matter
which shoes you wear,
if you wear them in Paris"?
I think it doesn't matter
which city you're in,
if you wear The North Face.
Oh! I told you
not to buy clothes at thrift stores.
By putting on someone else's clothing
I'm not buying clothes
at thrift stores, mom!
-They stink!
-It's called "an outlet" in Kyiv!
-Or a "Euro-stock"!
-OK! "Euro-stock"! Hold the wheel
Do you smoke?
No.
Sorry.
Welcome, son.
This is our ritual.
So that the child
feels his father's energy.
-I love you, my kiflich.
-And I love you too.
And you.
And you, aunt Galia, I love you too.
And we love you, right, Vadik?
Yeah, sure. Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
So what are we waiting for?
Help yourself!
Try Parmesan and tomatoes with pesto.
By the way, Bernardo sent his greetings
to all of you from Italy.
-Send him our greetings too!
-Thanks, I will.
You can use your hands.
How about salami,
did Bernardo send it over?
Well, maybe he did.
But it's not allowed. Today we're fasting.
So is Parmesan allowed?
To eat Parmesan or not to eat,
everyone chooses for themselves.
Vadik, if you don't want Parmesan,
take mushrooms, they're good.
Are they ok? Have you tried them?
I never try anything myself.
I give it to Volodya in the morning
and if he's fine - I eat it.
Why is it green?
I added olive oil.
Olive oil, olive oil
Volodya,
don't get angry. It's not allowed today.
It's forbidden to swear today.
According to which laws is it forbidden?
According to the church calendar.
Am I right, Pavlik? Today
Today Archangel Gabriel
came to Mary to tell her
that she would become a mother of Jesus.
That's right, auntie.
Look, Vadim.
There is a holiday
called the Annunciation.
During the Annunciation it is
strictly forbidden to dig up potatoes,
to mow the lawn,
to sweep the dust,
also you cannot use swear words
Volodia, it concerns you too.
-You cannot swear.
-Are haircuts allowed?
-Are they allowed?
-Preferably not.
Have you cut your hair, aunt Galia?
No, I wanted to do it later today.
God saved you!
God saved you, hear that?
May I say it?
He was offered a job in Canada.
Who? Him?
Yes. He was the only one chosen from Kyiv.
I'm going there soon.
-To Canada?
-You can take my room if you want.
Can you imagine? The only one from Kyiv.
Amazing!
For how long?
Well, I haven't considered
coming back yet.
So cool
Cool. The only one from Kyiv,
can you imagine?
He has a very complicated job
And what does he do?
He, well, he listens to sounds,
then he records them.
-He listens, then records
-And they pay money for this?
Yes!
He's What's the name of your job again?
LAKE CHENDESH
RAKHIV DISTRICLAKE CHENDESH
SAVE PICTURE AS
Mom.
Mom, wake up.
I'm not sleeping.
Do you see?
Look!
Look, look!
I'm even a bit scared!
I brought you this from Vatican.
For your protection.
What is it?
It is "Our Father" in Latin
From "Padre Nostro"
till "Deliver Us From Evil".
Victoria Beckham has the same ring.
I read in a magazine.
Well, if Victoria Beckham has such a ring
Victoria Beckham
is a stylish successful woman,
a role model wife and mother.
A "role model"?
She named her son after the neighborhood
where he was conceived.
Brooklyn? Sounds great.
Aren't there nice neighborhood names
in Kyiv?
In which one do you live?
Syrets,
but I used to live at "DVRZ".
Vadik,
would you go to a thermal spa with me?
Mom,
find yourself a husband
and take him to spa.
I don't have any problems with men,
don't worry.
It's a gift from Bernardo,
so don't talk nonsense.
Forget about Bernardo,
he's thirty years old.
You need a real option.
Bernardo and I have a lot of fun.
Like in a fairy tale! We walk for hours,
we go to cafes, meet sunrises. "Belle".
You can meet sunrises
with whoever you want,
but you need to know
whom you'll be meeting your old age with.
Let's stop talking about men.
I want to spend time with you.
You are the most important man for me.
Mom,
try to understand me.
I cannot come to the spa with you.
It's an outsource job.
You can't mess with it.
If I manage to record that bird,
I'll get a chance
I've been waiting for my whole life.
You wanna go to Canada so badly?
Yes.
It's my new dream.
How are we gonna be here without you?
Grandpa won't be able to take it.
Well, you're without me either way.
You in Kyiv and you in Canada
are two very different things.
At least when you live in Kyiv
you visit us,
but from Canada, as far as I know,
nobody returns.
So let's go?
Damn, mom, I forgot my Speedos.
Use your underwear, if you forgot it.
I'd better stay in the car
and listen to music.
You go.
Fine, we'll buy you Speedos
when we arrive.
We're having fun today.
I'll never buy Speedos there.
It's three times more expensive.
You're a cheapskate,
just like your father.
I'm not a "cheapskate".
Saving is a kind of sport for me.
Oh. He said the same.
Do you realize how difficult it is
for me to earn this money?
How many fucking old men
and shitty music I have to listen to?
Wait.
Come here,
I'll slap you for the word "fucking".
Fine.
I apologize.
Are there gonna be any girls?
There gonna be mostly girls.
Let's say, your duck-call broke down.
In this case,
in order not to strain their vocal cords
experienced hunters use
the "ring-and-lid" technique.
Using this kind of mechanical rubbing
we get a good solid "single quack".
Do you know how to find out
how the other person sees you?
I don't know.
Just ask that person
to take a picture of you.
Do you really see me like that?
Look at my picture of you,
and compare it to your picture of me.
Wow.
What are you doing?
Is it Bernardo?
Give it to me.
He reminds me of someone.
Give it back.
He's handsome, right?
-Don't you see
-Galia,
you better wake me up in the morning.
At what time?
At 5 AM?
Why so early?
I arranged an interview.
Good morning!
Are you without your mom?
She went to get some gas.
She'll pick me up later.
What's the name of your parrot?
Tolik.
-Tolik
-Named him after my ex-husband.
-Is he talkative?
-Husband?
He used to be.
Forgive me, Vira Ivanivna.
I I didn't know,
that he
why didn't you say that he is not
He doesn't seem to care.
He shows that he's tired.
Pity.
Could you provoke it somehow?
Pity
Sorry what?
Nothing.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Where?
In the corridor.
What for?
Vadim, don't laugh please.
Tolik is very jealous.
My old friend visited me the other day.
I had him clean the filters
of my washing machine.
Accidently we started watching a film.
Together.
Film? Which film?
"Love Is Not Potatoes".
So, imagine, we were watching that film
and Viktor Ivanovych
has fallen asleep on my shoulder.
And Tolik started to make noise
straight away! He got worried.
Maybe we can provoke him that way?
Aha.
Shall I fall asleep on your shoulder?
It's quiet.
Yeah, I can hear that.
Your hair is so long
Perhaps, he thinks you're a woman
and that's why he's not jealous.
Wait.
What is it?
This is my ex's hat.
Put it on and hide your hair.
He's not looking at us.
Vadik.
Come with me.
Where?
I forgot to say,
when Viktor Ivanovych fell asleep
he put his hand on my breast.
Maybe that's what made Tolia react?
Sometimes I think
the soul of my ex-husband stayed in him.
In whom?
In Viktor Ivanovych?
In the plumber?
In Tolia! The parrot.
Are you serious?
Shall I flirt with you?
If you can
Try the hand?
Ok, give it to me.
Quiet-quiet
I'm sorry, can I?
Yes, please.
-Excuse me
-Go on.
Let's do it.
Like that.
MY GOD, HELP ME TO SURVIVE
THIS DEADLY LOVE
It stinks
Still, I don't understand
How do the voices of cows in Ukraine
differ from voices of cows in Canada?
I mean, why can't they record
these sounds in Canada?
Jamie's creating a game.
He is the director.
He is saying that
"animals should sound disturbed".
But to him, Canadian animals sound calm.
Fed and satisfied,
they're boring, man!
They're not afraid of anything.
Even death?
Exactly.
In contrast with our Ukrainian animals.
Our animals sense
the approach of the Great Flood.
Flood.
Do you know what I am saying?
Camomile, speak!
Are you smoking?
No.
Show your hand!
What?
-Your hand!
-What?
Vadik, we need to have
a serious conversation.
You should know
that I have recently been robbed.
You know who did it?
Two bullies from Radvanka.
Took 800 hryvnas from me!
Luckily they did not hit me.
They said:
"You're lucky you're an old lady".
I was so insulted.
Not because of money.
Although that's also a pity.
But about being called a granny.
And I even don't have grandchildren.
And watching you, I am doubting
if I will ever have them.
Vadik! Is everything fine with you
in the male department?
-Everything's fine.
-When did you last have sex?
You're making me uncomfortable.
It's none of your business!
-It's my business!
-Stop that!
It's family business!
Your sex is my business too.
What do you do, exactly?
-What do I do?
-Yes.
-You're asking me, what do I do?
-Yes.
I'm one of a few people in this country
who successfully does export.
-That's what you can say to people.
-What "export" are you talking about
I export the sounds of Ukrainian animals
to the Western countries!
Some things are more important to me
than kids and grandkids.
For example?
For example this.
It's called creativity.
Have you heard of it?
Oh, you're so lost
There is nothing more important than kids.
No music is worth sacrificing a family.
That's your opinion.
You're a fool, Vadim.
I'm not a fool, I'm a musician.
I mix trap.
Sorry, I don't like this word,
but I am a creator.
Vadik,
when will you start living a normal life?
Sorry, what did you say?
I'm asking when will you start
living a normal life?
What is "a normal life"?
Maybe you can show it to me?
If only I knew myself.
So show me this "normal life".
I'll watch you
and will start living it myself.
I can only show you
what an "abnormal life" is,
look at me and do the opposite.
TWIN PEAKS
WI-FI, SHOWER, COFFEE
Good evening.
We need a room for two.
What's your surname?
Rott.
Galyna and Vadim Rott.
Mr. and Mrs. Rott
we have to disappoint you,
we only have rooms with separate beds.
It works for us.
We're mother and son. We don't necessarily
have to sleep together.
Mom, are you ok?
Mom?
I thought you'd never ask.
I feel a strong spasm in my chest area.
I think it's a heart attack.
Where does it hurt?
Somewhere here.
Did my lips turn blue?
They're fine.
Maybe a little blue.
And nails?
-What about them?
-Are they blue?
-They're red.
-Red?
It can't be seen under the nail polish.
Vadik
I need serious medical help.
Let me give you drotaverine?
Better drive me to the hospital.
Before it's too late.
I want to live.
I don't know how to drive -
you'll rather die from fear.
Get behind the wheel.
What for?
If I feel bad again,
you'll need to know how to drive.
-Ready?
-Yes.
Push the clutch.
Done.
Start the engine.
First gear.
Vadik, it's third gear. I said first.
Now step on the gas,
and let out the clutch gently.
Vadim, I don't wanna hear a thing.
It's a perfect place for a stop.
Take a picture of me here.
Such a beauty around.
What's wrong?
I'm not the one to do it.
When else would I be taking pictures?
When I was young, the cameras were shit.
Now the cameras are good,
but I'm getting old.
It would be late for pictures soon.
Grab your girlfriends
and take pictures with them.
Simple.
Vadik, remember,
female friendship does not exist.
I don't have any girlfriends.
So whom do you have?
You.
I have you.
You are my everything.
You don't have me.
I'm not your property.
You act like a crazy drama queen.
You have no one.
I'm scared for you.
You're up for a lonely old age.
I thought I had you.
Now I don't think so.
Now I have no one, for real.
Mom, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
-Let me take that picture.
-There's no need to.
Don't photograph me,
Vadik, don't do it, I don't want it.
Let's go record your animals.
If I am a crazy drama queen,
I'll be acting as one.
I'll sign over the car and the house
to Pavlik and Lerochka.
Farewell!
Go to your Canada and forget about me.
Give me back my wed ring. Take it off.
-You tried to say "wedding ring"?
-Take off the ring.
Take it.
I don't want anything to remind you
of your mother.
Take it.
Raise your hand!
Hands!
Hands off me!
Mom, what are you doing?
Leave me alone.
I want to die beautifully.
Let some luxury car run me over.
This will be my favor to you.
I won't be disturbing your conscience.
-Go to your Canada, wherever you want to.
-Mom, stand up, there is a car coming.
I don't want to.
It's not a luxury one.
What is it then?
Looks like a koda.
Not the newest one.
Let it be koda.
That's my destiny then.
Mom, koda is approaching, stand up.
Excuse me.
No one needs me!
No one gives a fuck about me.
I'm gonna be alone. All alone.
No one needs me!
-What are you doing?
-Leave me alone!
You broke the gearbox!
Why the hell didn't you fix it?
I don't have enough money for it!
Where's the money then?
I lent it to Bernardo.
Where is Bernardo?
Nowhere.
He never came to meet me.
Never came to meet me.
I spent the whole week alone in Italy.
No one needed me there.
No one needs me.
Reverse is the only gear that works.
I don't know what to do.
There're only thirty kilometers
left to Rakhiv.
We can pop into car service there.
RAKHIV
Could you help me get there?
No problem.
And the day after
we meet at the same spot.
Vadim, maybe you're right.
I need to be looking
for a more "serious option".
There is one man who wrote to me again.
I can't get rid of him.
Let me see.
I can't say he is very handsome,
but he looks serious.
He's inviting me to come.
Where to?
To Genk.
Genk?
Where is it?
In Belgium.
What's his name, again?
Enzo.
Enzo
Here you go.
You say I'm a bad mother.
But you're not too good of a son either.
You never ask me about my health.
Sometimes I do.
Right, when I am nearly dying.
You're probably not aware of my illness?
What's up with you?
According to the doctors
I have chronic pancreatitis.
Everything hurts,
I've been dieting for months,
can't sleep,
can't eat.
Nothing greasy. No salt.
I don't even drink coffee.
What kind of life is it?
And when you drive me crazy like today,
it only gets worse.
Sometimes I just want to
eat a pea soup
and come what may.
Remember you asked me once,
if there was a question
the answer to which
I'd like to know more than anything else?
I remembered.
As a child, I loved playing next to cows.
They ate grass
and observed the world around,
without intruding,
they simply watched.
And I loved watching them.
And have never seen them look up.
If a plane was flying by, for example,
or thunder rumbled.
It's as if they didn't care,
what was happening somewhere above.
I always wonder
could a cow ever look up?
Mom, wait.
Don't ever eat the pea soup, please.
And, if someday you'll really want to,
just Skype me, ok?
I'll talk you out of it.
No-no, thank you.
No I have a personal one.
It's with an olive oil extract.
Don't
Keep it.
Keep it for yourself.
Keep this stuff for a while, yo?
These are the rules, yo.
Ok, fine.
And what is it?
Don't you worry, it will be fine,
not to worry.
Okay.
Glory to Jesus Christ, blokes.
-Sup, Yonchi.
-Yo.
How's your ginger kitty?
Dropped the sprog?
Six. Four of them we gave away,
the remaining two we drowned.
Enough cats already.
-Bless them!
-Bless them.
Listen, why are you snooping around
back and forth on my territory?
We're heading to the Marmarosky highland
to pick up some herbs.
-Herbs?
-Aye.
Look at them!
Oi-oi, who is that blondie next to you?
Hey, man, have we met each other?
We could have met.
-Where?
-If you've been to Uzhgorod
-No, I know nothing about that.
-No?
He seems very suspicious.
Yo, look me in the eye, man.
This bloke came from Kyiv.
Listen, why do you need that "stick",
if you're off to pick up herbs?
It's not a stick. Meaning
It's more of a "boom"
rather then a "stick".
A "boom"?
What's that mumbling all about?
He says this stick
is for sound recording or whatever.
He needs to record some sound.
Could you please explain properly
what that is?
Well, this is called "a dead cat",
underneath is a "Zeppelin"
and it's attached to
Yo, little brat, get out of the car.
Immediately!
Immediately get out of the car,
or I will turn you into dust!
-This is not weapon
-I'll show you weapon!
Get out of the car, schmuck.
What is he saying?
Hands!
Hands.
Wait Who gave you the right
Cake hole!
What's that?
You can have a look.
Let your mother look there. What's that?
Can I?
Try it.
This is a lip balm.
What kind of a lip balm?
With an olive oil extract.
Show it.
How do you like it?
-You can try.
-You serious?
Yonchi, that's a very good lip balm.
You should buy one for your wife.
What are you saying?
That's a very good lip balm.
You should buy one for your wife.
My mother used one of those
and her face got swollen.
One shouldn't use too much of it.
Just a bit.
Well, my mother is a maximalist,
as you know.
Listen, Mihaj,
get the infos from everyone:
IDs, registrations, note it all down.
As for that tall blondie,
get his tax number as well,
he's very suspicious, you understand?
That's it.
Dude, you're aware that you're not allowed
to pick up the wild orchids, right?
-Yonchi
-Quiet. It's forbidden.
I will check each one of you personally,
upon your exit from the area.
Especially that tall hose.
He's very suspicious.
-Fine?
-Thanks, man. I owe you.
You owe me.
See you.
CONSERVATION AREA
LAKE CHENDESH
Help!
Let's start. How do you call yourself?
Excuse me?
Name, surname?
Vadim Rott.
"Rott", as in "mouth"?
As in "mouth" but with a double "t".
Do you work or study?
I work.
Where?
Freelance.
That's not an option.
What exactly do you do?
I work in export.
Are you a businessman?
Well
I export to the Western countries
the sounds of our animals.
Misha, dear, please make us some tea.
I guess this will take time.
Let's do it this way,
while he's making tea,
you skip your jokes and explain to me,
why you've been spying up there.
I haven't been spying.
So what have you been doing there?
Let me say it as it is.
Of course! We're a family here.
I was trying to record
the voice of the Rakhiv mallard,
Mykhailo Ivanovych.
Listen, skip the familiarity.
Vasia calls me Mykhailo Ivanovych,
but for you I'm Comrade Major.
Where did you try to record
the voice of the so-called "mallard"?
Forgive me, Comrade Major,
Mykhailo Ivanovych
I tried to do it at Lake Chendesh.
The lake has dried up.
There's nothing but a swamp.
The same swamp you've got all over you.
Show me
what you've recorded at the border,
I'm not joking with you anymore.
See, there's nothing, it's empty.
Better confess
or I'll ask Vasia to check you.
I'm honest with you.
Vasia!
I've got no time for this.
Get your ass up.
-How are you doing?
-Stand up!
Honestly, I am at work, the same thing.
Come on, what is it? Six?
And at what price are you?
We should have decreased a little.
I'll stay at work a little longer.
You come back, stay a little longer.
Put a "sale" sticker on the jar.
Just something else
At least reach ten liters,
and everything will be fine.
No, I still have a bit of work to do
-Show me what's in your mouth.
-There's nothing.
don't worry. I'll take a taxi. Yeah.
Open it.
No, you have no right to.
My mouth is my private property,
you cannot just get inside it.
By the way,
you have to introduce yourself.
I need to see your documents.
Come on. You're coming in No.
Listen to me.
Don't you fret I don't have much time.
Mykhailo Ivanovych.
I found a 32GB memory card.
But I've never seen such a format.
It's not that simple. I don't sleep here.
Excuse me
Are you ready, guys?
Let's see what he's got.
Play it from the start.
Next.
Ok, next.
That's what I thought.
I see, all clear.
Let's see what he has in his camera.
How do you turn it on?
There's a button on top.
Okay.
This button?
Okay.
Here you have it.
Where did you take this?
Show me.
This is near Mukachevo.
I don't remember anything like it.
Does your tooth ache?
Uh-huh.
Open your mouth.
Clutch it.
Hold it and listen!
Either we delete
all your files, sounds, videos,
forget about this misunderstanding
and tomorrow you leave for Kyiv,
or we let the espionage case go forward
and send the files off for examination.
Vadim, be honest with me,
do you like honey?
Depends on which kind of honey.
Linden.
No.
I'm allergic to it.
Hello, son!
Merry Christmas to you from me and Enzo.
We send you warm wishes
from the heart of the Flemish region -
the fine town of Genk.
Genk is not the Europe you imagine.
It's somewhere in between
Debrecen and Donetsk.
And to be honest, it's not exactly
the heart of the Flemish region.
It's more like the right kidney.
Rain, factories and chocolate fondue.
In short, it's not Italy.
MAIL
Sorry I don't call you often,
there are a lot of problems
I have to deal with.
Enzo has a big family,
we spent a month choosing gifts.
It's good we haven't forgotten about you.
We chose the present together.
Enzo wanted to get you a new mic
or a trip somewhere.
But I managed to persuade him
to get you a down jacket!
Everyone wears them here!
It's not only trs la mode,
but also a protection
for your pelvic area.
You know what I mean.
Our grandpa is soon to visit us,
Enzo promised to pay
for his medical treatment.
I urge you, please,
light a candle for him,
if you'll be visiting the church
before Christmas.
Ask for his surgery to go well.
Place the candle
wherever your heart tells you,
but better somewhere nearby St. Nicholas.
By the way, remember,
I told you a story about cows?
I wondered if they could look up?
This Sunday Enzo and I
are visiting a farm,
he ensures me
that the Belgian cows can do it!
Renew your cancelled passport
and come visit us.
Everyone will be happy to meet you!
Enjoy your new down jacket.
It's very expensive.
Very much.
Love you. Mom.
TO EVERY MOTHER
In a few hours The Ottoman Empire will
destroy the army of Louis II of Hungary.
Running away from the inevitable defeat,
the king tragically drowns in a swamp,
and the Kingdom of Hungary will lose
its independence for the next 100 years.
Is he mute?
He lost his voice when he was a kid
and so I, Imre,
take care of the church's business.
Let's get down to business then.
I have something
that will make your future church
the most popular destination
in the Kingdom of Hungary.
Listen, merchant, cut out the teasers.
Me and Ishtvan don't like foreplays.
Back in the IX century,
Europeans started to hunt for artifacts
relating to the earthy life
of Jesus Christ.
These artifacts prove that God exists.
Or at least that he existed
The most valued artifacts
are those, which
What do you have?
Something
that will bring here
not only local pilgrims
but also pilgrims from the Polish Kingdom
and maybe even from
the Grand Duchy of Lithuania.
Nails?
No.
Crown of thorns?
No.
Nothing connected with "passions".
-Foreskin?
-No.
The baby tooth of the Savior.
Show it.
I can't
If I open the box,
the tooth will get in contact with oxygen
and turn to dust.
And dust is not sellable.
What did he say?
He says it's a fake!
Tell him he's wrong.
How can we trust you?
This thing works miracles.
You can find it out for yourself
I will let you touch it,
then we'll meet in a week
and if a miracle happens in your life,
you buy it from me.
Should I use the index finger
or the middle one?
As you wish.
What is he saying again?
He says the middle finger
is more convenient.
It's longer, so you don't need
to stretch that much.
For how long shall I be touching it?
That's enough.
How is it?
Do you feel anything?
Not yet, actually.
I'll meet you here in a week,
and there will be
only one question to answer:
"Has a miracle happened in your life?"
MY THOUGHTS ARE SILENVADIM ROTBASED ON A TRUE STORY
Mr. Rott
The dental implant surgery
Sorry Just call me Vadim.
Vadim,
the dental implant surgery, in your case,
will cost a little more than usual.
How much?
750 dollars.
Is it a price for all teeth?
Just for one.
And that's without insurance.
Why is it so expensive?
This is due to your
complicated jaw structure
and the complex nature of your injury.
Do you feel bad?
It feels as if
there is a lump in my throat.
Somewhere near my Adam's apple.
Sometimes it feels like a real apple.
How big of an apple?
Like a Mcintosch?
More like a Granny Smith.
And when you try to swallow it
it feels more like a Pink Lady.
Does your voice ever disappear?
Only during sex.
Regularly?
Once a month.
-I'm talking about the voice.
-Me too.
Shall I join you?
All symptoms in our body
are the warning signals
of our sick consciousness,
that pleads for help.
Do you understand what I'm talking about?
About the ability to heal anything
with the power of thought?
Yes, anything.
Except caries.
Look.
This is something I show
to those special clients who are "unsure".
Above you have a healthy tooth,
below is a sick one.
This is what happens, if it's not treated.
Do you see?
It holds on, it clings,
it tries to climb up.
But in the end it falls.
Us, dentists,
call it "inevitability".
Are you ready?
"The Laugh of an Old Man Coughing",
"Take 4".
Go for it.
I can't
Why not?
There's nothing to laugh about.
Nothing to laugh about?
Let me crack you up somehow. Ok?
The Jew yells: "What shall I do, God?"
The God says:
"Trust me and let go of the branch".
The Jew thinks for a moment and screams:
"Is there anyone else around?"
Go for it.
Laugh!
I can't.
Could you do the cough part maybe?
The cough part!
Coughing I could do,
but not laughing.
What was that?
-Homeric.
-Ok.
And the sardonic?
The next one.
Cool, cool. Where's the old man?
I only recorded
cough!
Don't worry about it, it's all right!
Anyways, man, thanks for the work!
I'll transfer your pay via WebMoney.
Thank you.
Do you mind if we speak in Ukrainian?
-Sure!
-I'd like to practice a little bit.
I can't promise that I'm gonna be amazing
but it will mean a lot to me.
Okay, Peter Oleksiiovych.
Petro.
Sorry, sorry.
Petro Oleksiiovych,
maybe you have some other work for me?
I've quit my film set job
but I have to keep paying my loan.
The loan? Have you moved?
If only I got myself new teeth.
What happened to the old teeth?
Professional injury.
Well, I have something
but I don't know, if it's for you.
It seems that you've overgrown
tasks like these.
Where is it coming from?
From Canada! Where else?
From the studio of my friend,
Jamie Tkachuk.
Jamie Tkachuk?
Seriously?
I'll read you the brief. Coffee?
Jamie says they need the sounds
of animals of the Ukrainian fauna,
wild and domestic.
What for?
What for?
It's for a video game, man.
That's what we do. We do video games.
They pay twenty five Canadian dollars
for each recording.
How much is this?
I don't know,
it's like twenty bucks in real money.
They need different animals:
pigs, horses, dogs, sheep
Whatever! The more the better!
What about parrots?
If the parrot speaks Ukrainian, then yes.
It's Jamie Tkachuk, man!
He is one of us!
The most important thing for him
is for the animals to speak
the language of his historic motherland.
Pigs, horses, sheep -
what kind of game is it?
"Noah's Arc".
Noah's Arc?
Yeah, check it out.
They have already sent us some demos.
Very contemporary!
The music is so deep.
Is it trap or cloud?
They call it Christian trap -
bible stories
told through contemporary music.
Listen here
It's just a regular retrowave.
Take it.
They've sent a reference soundtrack.
I told Jaimie
that your family is from Transcarpathia.
-It's true, right?
-Right.
Good afternoon.
Good afternoon.
Well, he freaked out!
Because right there in the mountains
lives Anas Trepidus.
-Who?
-"The Fussy Mallard".
It's a very rare bird, apparently.
Species: The Fussy Mallard.
Latin: Anas Trepidus.
Or it is often called
by the place of origin:
The Rakhiv Mallard.
Latin: Anas Rakhivus.
According to its official status,
it is on the verge of extinction.
He promises to pay you
an extra thousand bucks
if you record this mallard sing.
Canadian dollars?
No, in real money, in US dollars.
But thousand bucks is nothing!
If you can do it, Jamie will offer you
a place in his head office in Canada
to create sound design for the game.
Official visa and all.
Maybe you can get
a full-time job with him afterwards.
Well, this is not writing music
or making films
But that's where the money is right now -
in video games.
Are you kidding me?
This is my new dream!
Can I hug you?
Oh, dude! Later, please.
The destiny of the Rakhiv Mallard
was one of the topics discussed
during the famous
XIII World Congress on ornithology,
which took place in August, 1966,
at October Palace in Kyiv.
One of the reports proved
that over the past three centuries
the number of Rakhiv Mallard
has decreased dramatically.
The reason is the mallard's trademark -
rare violet feather,
which was the object of desire
for fashionistas from Mukachevo
and the whole of Eastern Europe.
There is a theory,
that due to the constant death threat
Rakhiv Mallard received its second name -
the Fussy Mallard.
Today Fussy Mallard's only habitat
is a small mountain lake
nearby the Tykhyi Shelest village
of the Rakhiv region, Transcarpathia.
It's interesting to note that the lake
is placed exactly
between Romania and Ukraine
and so the bird can cross the border
up to hundred times a day
depending on its anxiety level.
In the beginning of the XX century,
this lake was visited
by a delegation of ornithologists
from Dresden, headed by Otto Konig.
However, the goal of their research was
neither the appearance, nor the name.
They studied the birds' voices.
It is known that most ducks sound alike:
they quack.
Quack-quack.
This makes the Rakhiv Mallard special.
Once a year it sings for real.
It is the song
When calling the birds to flock,
the Rakhiv Mallard sings
in such a piercing manner
that it breaks hearts
not only of the average people,
but even of German scientists.
The "Sound of Rakhiv Mallard Song",
as well as the "Petrikivski Painting"
and the
"Cossack Songs of the Dnipro Region"
have been added
to the UNESCO intangible heritage lists.
Below you can see its musical notation.
MUSICAL NOTATION
OF RAKHIV MALLARD SONG
Tea, coffee?
Tiramisu?
No, thank you.
See, Vasia? They didn't want to listen
to you run around,
now they will listen to you scream.
Keep quiet, sweetheart, please.
Shut up for God's sake!
Jeez. Easy, easy
Oh, come on, don't lag behind.
Hurry up, klutz, dammit.
SAKURA
The fine town of Uzhgorod welcomes you!
The heart of Transcarpathia!
-Where to?
-To "Shakhta" district.
Sit down comfortably
and get ready for an unforgettable journey
through the town of cherry blossom.
How's the weather in Kyiv?
Same as here.
Maybe a bit warmer.
-Is anyone protesting?
-No
It's cool in Kyiv
Do you mind if I smoke?
I do mind.
You said you gave up working in taxi?
I did.
Then I got sad.
Where is grandpa?
-He was supposed to pick me up, not you.
-Volodya can't do it.
Why?
The doctors forbade him to drive.
I can drive you, though.
I took a few days off.
Aren't you happy?
Very happy.
For sure?
Do the shoes fit?
What do you think?
Mom, which size is that?
48 EU.
So they're small.
-Or you simply don't like the brand?
-The brand I don't like either.
Heard this saying: "Doesn't matter
which shoes you wear,
if you wear them in Paris"?
I think it doesn't matter
which city you're in,
if you wear The North Face.
Oh! I told you
not to buy clothes at thrift stores.
By putting on someone else's clothing
I'm not buying clothes
at thrift stores, mom!
-They stink!
-It's called "an outlet" in Kyiv!
-Or a "Euro-stock"!
-OK! "Euro-stock"! Hold the wheel
Do you smoke?
No.
Sorry.
Welcome, son.
This is our ritual.
So that the child
feels his father's energy.
-I love you, my kiflich.
-And I love you too.
And you.
And you, aunt Galia, I love you too.
And we love you, right, Vadik?
Yeah, sure. Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
So what are we waiting for?
Help yourself!
Try Parmesan and tomatoes with pesto.
By the way, Bernardo sent his greetings
to all of you from Italy.
-Send him our greetings too!
-Thanks, I will.
You can use your hands.
How about salami,
did Bernardo send it over?
Well, maybe he did.
But it's not allowed. Today we're fasting.
So is Parmesan allowed?
To eat Parmesan or not to eat,
everyone chooses for themselves.
Vadik, if you don't want Parmesan,
take mushrooms, they're good.
Are they ok? Have you tried them?
I never try anything myself.
I give it to Volodya in the morning
and if he's fine - I eat it.
Why is it green?
I added olive oil.
Olive oil, olive oil
Volodya,
don't get angry. It's not allowed today.
It's forbidden to swear today.
According to which laws is it forbidden?
According to the church calendar.
Am I right, Pavlik? Today
Today Archangel Gabriel
came to Mary to tell her
that she would become a mother of Jesus.
That's right, auntie.
Look, Vadim.
There is a holiday
called the Annunciation.
During the Annunciation it is
strictly forbidden to dig up potatoes,
to mow the lawn,
to sweep the dust,
also you cannot use swear words
Volodia, it concerns you too.
-You cannot swear.
-Are haircuts allowed?
-Are they allowed?
-Preferably not.
Have you cut your hair, aunt Galia?
No, I wanted to do it later today.
God saved you!
God saved you, hear that?
May I say it?
He was offered a job in Canada.
Who? Him?
Yes. He was the only one chosen from Kyiv.
I'm going there soon.
-To Canada?
-You can take my room if you want.
Can you imagine? The only one from Kyiv.
Amazing!
For how long?
Well, I haven't considered
coming back yet.
So cool
Cool. The only one from Kyiv,
can you imagine?
He has a very complicated job
And what does he do?
He, well, he listens to sounds,
then he records them.
-He listens, then records
-And they pay money for this?
Yes!
He's What's the name of your job again?
LAKE CHENDESH
RAKHIV DISTRICLAKE CHENDESH
SAVE PICTURE AS
Mom.
Mom, wake up.
I'm not sleeping.
Do you see?
Look!
Look, look!
I'm even a bit scared!
I brought you this from Vatican.
For your protection.
What is it?
It is "Our Father" in Latin
From "Padre Nostro"
till "Deliver Us From Evil".
Victoria Beckham has the same ring.
I read in a magazine.
Well, if Victoria Beckham has such a ring
Victoria Beckham
is a stylish successful woman,
a role model wife and mother.
A "role model"?
She named her son after the neighborhood
where he was conceived.
Brooklyn? Sounds great.
Aren't there nice neighborhood names
in Kyiv?
In which one do you live?
Syrets,
but I used to live at "DVRZ".
Vadik,
would you go to a thermal spa with me?
Mom,
find yourself a husband
and take him to spa.
I don't have any problems with men,
don't worry.
It's a gift from Bernardo,
so don't talk nonsense.
Forget about Bernardo,
he's thirty years old.
You need a real option.
Bernardo and I have a lot of fun.
Like in a fairy tale! We walk for hours,
we go to cafes, meet sunrises. "Belle".
You can meet sunrises
with whoever you want,
but you need to know
whom you'll be meeting your old age with.
Let's stop talking about men.
I want to spend time with you.
You are the most important man for me.
Mom,
try to understand me.
I cannot come to the spa with you.
It's an outsource job.
You can't mess with it.
If I manage to record that bird,
I'll get a chance
I've been waiting for my whole life.
You wanna go to Canada so badly?
Yes.
It's my new dream.
How are we gonna be here without you?
Grandpa won't be able to take it.
Well, you're without me either way.
You in Kyiv and you in Canada
are two very different things.
At least when you live in Kyiv
you visit us,
but from Canada, as far as I know,
nobody returns.
So let's go?
Damn, mom, I forgot my Speedos.
Use your underwear, if you forgot it.
I'd better stay in the car
and listen to music.
You go.
Fine, we'll buy you Speedos
when we arrive.
We're having fun today.
I'll never buy Speedos there.
It's three times more expensive.
You're a cheapskate,
just like your father.
I'm not a "cheapskate".
Saving is a kind of sport for me.
Oh. He said the same.
Do you realize how difficult it is
for me to earn this money?
How many fucking old men
and shitty music I have to listen to?
Wait.
Come here,
I'll slap you for the word "fucking".
Fine.
I apologize.
Are there gonna be any girls?
There gonna be mostly girls.
Let's say, your duck-call broke down.
In this case,
in order not to strain their vocal cords
experienced hunters use
the "ring-and-lid" technique.
Using this kind of mechanical rubbing
we get a good solid "single quack".
Do you know how to find out
how the other person sees you?
I don't know.
Just ask that person
to take a picture of you.
Do you really see me like that?
Look at my picture of you,
and compare it to your picture of me.
Wow.
What are you doing?
Is it Bernardo?
Give it to me.
He reminds me of someone.
Give it back.
He's handsome, right?
-Don't you see
-Galia,
you better wake me up in the morning.
At what time?
At 5 AM?
Why so early?
I arranged an interview.
Good morning!
Are you without your mom?
She went to get some gas.
She'll pick me up later.
What's the name of your parrot?
Tolik.
-Tolik
-Named him after my ex-husband.
-Is he talkative?
-Husband?
He used to be.
Forgive me, Vira Ivanivna.
I I didn't know,
that he
why didn't you say that he is not
He doesn't seem to care.
He shows that he's tired.
Pity.
Could you provoke it somehow?
Pity
Sorry what?
Nothing.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Where?
In the corridor.
What for?
Vadim, don't laugh please.
Tolik is very jealous.
My old friend visited me the other day.
I had him clean the filters
of my washing machine.
Accidently we started watching a film.
Together.
Film? Which film?
"Love Is Not Potatoes".
So, imagine, we were watching that film
and Viktor Ivanovych
has fallen asleep on my shoulder.
And Tolik started to make noise
straight away! He got worried.
Maybe we can provoke him that way?
Aha.
Shall I fall asleep on your shoulder?
It's quiet.
Yeah, I can hear that.
Your hair is so long
Perhaps, he thinks you're a woman
and that's why he's not jealous.
Wait.
What is it?
This is my ex's hat.
Put it on and hide your hair.
He's not looking at us.
Vadik.
Come with me.
Where?
I forgot to say,
when Viktor Ivanovych fell asleep
he put his hand on my breast.
Maybe that's what made Tolia react?
Sometimes I think
the soul of my ex-husband stayed in him.
In whom?
In Viktor Ivanovych?
In the plumber?
In Tolia! The parrot.
Are you serious?
Shall I flirt with you?
If you can
Try the hand?
Ok, give it to me.
Quiet-quiet
I'm sorry, can I?
Yes, please.
-Excuse me
-Go on.
Let's do it.
Like that.
MY GOD, HELP ME TO SURVIVE
THIS DEADLY LOVE
It stinks
Still, I don't understand
How do the voices of cows in Ukraine
differ from voices of cows in Canada?
I mean, why can't they record
these sounds in Canada?
Jamie's creating a game.
He is the director.
He is saying that
"animals should sound disturbed".
But to him, Canadian animals sound calm.
Fed and satisfied,
they're boring, man!
They're not afraid of anything.
Even death?
Exactly.
In contrast with our Ukrainian animals.
Our animals sense
the approach of the Great Flood.
Flood.
Do you know what I am saying?
Camomile, speak!
Are you smoking?
No.
Show your hand!
What?
-Your hand!
-What?
Vadik, we need to have
a serious conversation.
You should know
that I have recently been robbed.
You know who did it?
Two bullies from Radvanka.
Took 800 hryvnas from me!
Luckily they did not hit me.
They said:
"You're lucky you're an old lady".
I was so insulted.
Not because of money.
Although that's also a pity.
But about being called a granny.
And I even don't have grandchildren.
And watching you, I am doubting
if I will ever have them.
Vadik! Is everything fine with you
in the male department?
-Everything's fine.
-When did you last have sex?
You're making me uncomfortable.
It's none of your business!
-It's my business!
-Stop that!
It's family business!
Your sex is my business too.
What do you do, exactly?
-What do I do?
-Yes.
-You're asking me, what do I do?
-Yes.
I'm one of a few people in this country
who successfully does export.
-That's what you can say to people.
-What "export" are you talking about
I export the sounds of Ukrainian animals
to the Western countries!
Some things are more important to me
than kids and grandkids.
For example?
For example this.
It's called creativity.
Have you heard of it?
Oh, you're so lost
There is nothing more important than kids.
No music is worth sacrificing a family.
That's your opinion.
You're a fool, Vadim.
I'm not a fool, I'm a musician.
I mix trap.
Sorry, I don't like this word,
but I am a creator.
Vadik,
when will you start living a normal life?
Sorry, what did you say?
I'm asking when will you start
living a normal life?
What is "a normal life"?
Maybe you can show it to me?
If only I knew myself.
So show me this "normal life".
I'll watch you
and will start living it myself.
I can only show you
what an "abnormal life" is,
look at me and do the opposite.
TWIN PEAKS
WI-FI, SHOWER, COFFEE
Good evening.
We need a room for two.
What's your surname?
Rott.
Galyna and Vadim Rott.
Mr. and Mrs. Rott
we have to disappoint you,
we only have rooms with separate beds.
It works for us.
We're mother and son. We don't necessarily
have to sleep together.
Mom, are you ok?
Mom?
I thought you'd never ask.
I feel a strong spasm in my chest area.
I think it's a heart attack.
Where does it hurt?
Somewhere here.
Did my lips turn blue?
They're fine.
Maybe a little blue.
And nails?
-What about them?
-Are they blue?
-They're red.
-Red?
It can't be seen under the nail polish.
Vadik
I need serious medical help.
Let me give you drotaverine?
Better drive me to the hospital.
Before it's too late.
I want to live.
I don't know how to drive -
you'll rather die from fear.
Get behind the wheel.
What for?
If I feel bad again,
you'll need to know how to drive.
-Ready?
-Yes.
Push the clutch.
Done.
Start the engine.
First gear.
Vadik, it's third gear. I said first.
Now step on the gas,
and let out the clutch gently.
Vadim, I don't wanna hear a thing.
It's a perfect place for a stop.
Take a picture of me here.
Such a beauty around.
What's wrong?
I'm not the one to do it.
When else would I be taking pictures?
When I was young, the cameras were shit.
Now the cameras are good,
but I'm getting old.
It would be late for pictures soon.
Grab your girlfriends
and take pictures with them.
Simple.
Vadik, remember,
female friendship does not exist.
I don't have any girlfriends.
So whom do you have?
You.
I have you.
You are my everything.
You don't have me.
I'm not your property.
You act like a crazy drama queen.
You have no one.
I'm scared for you.
You're up for a lonely old age.
I thought I had you.
Now I don't think so.
Now I have no one, for real.
Mom, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
-Let me take that picture.
-There's no need to.
Don't photograph me,
Vadik, don't do it, I don't want it.
Let's go record your animals.
If I am a crazy drama queen,
I'll be acting as one.
I'll sign over the car and the house
to Pavlik and Lerochka.
Farewell!
Go to your Canada and forget about me.
Give me back my wed ring. Take it off.
-You tried to say "wedding ring"?
-Take off the ring.
Take it.
I don't want anything to remind you
of your mother.
Take it.
Raise your hand!
Hands!
Hands off me!
Mom, what are you doing?
Leave me alone.
I want to die beautifully.
Let some luxury car run me over.
This will be my favor to you.
I won't be disturbing your conscience.
-Go to your Canada, wherever you want to.
-Mom, stand up, there is a car coming.
I don't want to.
It's not a luxury one.
What is it then?
Looks like a koda.
Not the newest one.
Let it be koda.
That's my destiny then.
Mom, koda is approaching, stand up.
Excuse me.
No one needs me!
No one gives a fuck about me.
I'm gonna be alone. All alone.
No one needs me!
-What are you doing?
-Leave me alone!
You broke the gearbox!
Why the hell didn't you fix it?
I don't have enough money for it!
Where's the money then?
I lent it to Bernardo.
Where is Bernardo?
Nowhere.
He never came to meet me.
Never came to meet me.
I spent the whole week alone in Italy.
No one needed me there.
No one needs me.
Reverse is the only gear that works.
I don't know what to do.
There're only thirty kilometers
left to Rakhiv.
We can pop into car service there.
RAKHIV
Could you help me get there?
No problem.
And the day after
we meet at the same spot.
Vadim, maybe you're right.
I need to be looking
for a more "serious option".
There is one man who wrote to me again.
I can't get rid of him.
Let me see.
I can't say he is very handsome,
but he looks serious.
He's inviting me to come.
Where to?
To Genk.
Genk?
Where is it?
In Belgium.
What's his name, again?
Enzo.
Enzo
Here you go.
You say I'm a bad mother.
But you're not too good of a son either.
You never ask me about my health.
Sometimes I do.
Right, when I am nearly dying.
You're probably not aware of my illness?
What's up with you?
According to the doctors
I have chronic pancreatitis.
Everything hurts,
I've been dieting for months,
can't sleep,
can't eat.
Nothing greasy. No salt.
I don't even drink coffee.
What kind of life is it?
And when you drive me crazy like today,
it only gets worse.
Sometimes I just want to
eat a pea soup
and come what may.
Remember you asked me once,
if there was a question
the answer to which
I'd like to know more than anything else?
I remembered.
As a child, I loved playing next to cows.
They ate grass
and observed the world around,
without intruding,
they simply watched.
And I loved watching them.
And have never seen them look up.
If a plane was flying by, for example,
or thunder rumbled.
It's as if they didn't care,
what was happening somewhere above.
I always wonder
could a cow ever look up?
Mom, wait.
Don't ever eat the pea soup, please.
And, if someday you'll really want to,
just Skype me, ok?
I'll talk you out of it.
No-no, thank you.
No I have a personal one.
It's with an olive oil extract.
Don't
Keep it.
Keep it for yourself.
Keep this stuff for a while, yo?
These are the rules, yo.
Ok, fine.
And what is it?
Don't you worry, it will be fine,
not to worry.
Okay.
Glory to Jesus Christ, blokes.
-Sup, Yonchi.
-Yo.
How's your ginger kitty?
Dropped the sprog?
Six. Four of them we gave away,
the remaining two we drowned.
Enough cats already.
-Bless them!
-Bless them.
Listen, why are you snooping around
back and forth on my territory?
We're heading to the Marmarosky highland
to pick up some herbs.
-Herbs?
-Aye.
Look at them!
Oi-oi, who is that blondie next to you?
Hey, man, have we met each other?
We could have met.
-Where?
-If you've been to Uzhgorod
-No, I know nothing about that.
-No?
He seems very suspicious.
Yo, look me in the eye, man.
This bloke came from Kyiv.
Listen, why do you need that "stick",
if you're off to pick up herbs?
It's not a stick. Meaning
It's more of a "boom"
rather then a "stick".
A "boom"?
What's that mumbling all about?
He says this stick
is for sound recording or whatever.
He needs to record some sound.
Could you please explain properly
what that is?
Well, this is called "a dead cat",
underneath is a "Zeppelin"
and it's attached to
Yo, little brat, get out of the car.
Immediately!
Immediately get out of the car,
or I will turn you into dust!
-This is not weapon
-I'll show you weapon!
Get out of the car, schmuck.
What is he saying?
Hands!
Hands.
Wait Who gave you the right
Cake hole!
What's that?
You can have a look.
Let your mother look there. What's that?
Can I?
Try it.
This is a lip balm.
What kind of a lip balm?
With an olive oil extract.
Show it.
How do you like it?
-You can try.
-You serious?
Yonchi, that's a very good lip balm.
You should buy one for your wife.
What are you saying?
That's a very good lip balm.
You should buy one for your wife.
My mother used one of those
and her face got swollen.
One shouldn't use too much of it.
Just a bit.
Well, my mother is a maximalist,
as you know.
Listen, Mihaj,
get the infos from everyone:
IDs, registrations, note it all down.
As for that tall blondie,
get his tax number as well,
he's very suspicious, you understand?
That's it.
Dude, you're aware that you're not allowed
to pick up the wild orchids, right?
-Yonchi
-Quiet. It's forbidden.
I will check each one of you personally,
upon your exit from the area.
Especially that tall hose.
He's very suspicious.
-Fine?
-Thanks, man. I owe you.
You owe me.
See you.
CONSERVATION AREA
LAKE CHENDESH
Help!
Let's start. How do you call yourself?
Excuse me?
Name, surname?
Vadim Rott.
"Rott", as in "mouth"?
As in "mouth" but with a double "t".
Do you work or study?
I work.
Where?
Freelance.
That's not an option.
What exactly do you do?
I work in export.
Are you a businessman?
Well
I export to the Western countries
the sounds of our animals.
Misha, dear, please make us some tea.
I guess this will take time.
Let's do it this way,
while he's making tea,
you skip your jokes and explain to me,
why you've been spying up there.
I haven't been spying.
So what have you been doing there?
Let me say it as it is.
Of course! We're a family here.
I was trying to record
the voice of the Rakhiv mallard,
Mykhailo Ivanovych.
Listen, skip the familiarity.
Vasia calls me Mykhailo Ivanovych,
but for you I'm Comrade Major.
Where did you try to record
the voice of the so-called "mallard"?
Forgive me, Comrade Major,
Mykhailo Ivanovych
I tried to do it at Lake Chendesh.
The lake has dried up.
There's nothing but a swamp.
The same swamp you've got all over you.
Show me
what you've recorded at the border,
I'm not joking with you anymore.
See, there's nothing, it's empty.
Better confess
or I'll ask Vasia to check you.
I'm honest with you.
Vasia!
I've got no time for this.
Get your ass up.
-How are you doing?
-Stand up!
Honestly, I am at work, the same thing.
Come on, what is it? Six?
And at what price are you?
We should have decreased a little.
I'll stay at work a little longer.
You come back, stay a little longer.
Put a "sale" sticker on the jar.
Just something else
At least reach ten liters,
and everything will be fine.
No, I still have a bit of work to do
-Show me what's in your mouth.
-There's nothing.
don't worry. I'll take a taxi. Yeah.
Open it.
No, you have no right to.
My mouth is my private property,
you cannot just get inside it.
By the way,
you have to introduce yourself.
I need to see your documents.
Come on. You're coming in No.
Listen to me.
Don't you fret I don't have much time.
Mykhailo Ivanovych.
I found a 32GB memory card.
But I've never seen such a format.
It's not that simple. I don't sleep here.
Excuse me
Are you ready, guys?
Let's see what he's got.
Play it from the start.
Next.
Ok, next.
That's what I thought.
I see, all clear.
Let's see what he has in his camera.
How do you turn it on?
There's a button on top.
Okay.
This button?
Okay.
Here you have it.
Where did you take this?
Show me.
This is near Mukachevo.
I don't remember anything like it.
Does your tooth ache?
Uh-huh.
Open your mouth.
Clutch it.
Hold it and listen!
Either we delete
all your files, sounds, videos,
forget about this misunderstanding
and tomorrow you leave for Kyiv,
or we let the espionage case go forward
and send the files off for examination.
Vadim, be honest with me,
do you like honey?
Depends on which kind of honey.
Linden.
No.
I'm allergic to it.
Hello, son!
Merry Christmas to you from me and Enzo.
We send you warm wishes
from the heart of the Flemish region -
the fine town of Genk.
Genk is not the Europe you imagine.
It's somewhere in between
Debrecen and Donetsk.
And to be honest, it's not exactly
the heart of the Flemish region.
It's more like the right kidney.
Rain, factories and chocolate fondue.
In short, it's not Italy.
Sorry I don't call you often,
there are a lot of problems
I have to deal with.
Enzo has a big family,
we spent a month choosing gifts.
It's good we haven't forgotten about you.
We chose the present together.
Enzo wanted to get you a new mic
or a trip somewhere.
But I managed to persuade him
to get you a down jacket!
Everyone wears them here!
It's not only trs la mode,
but also a protection
for your pelvic area.
You know what I mean.
Our grandpa is soon to visit us,
Enzo promised to pay
for his medical treatment.
I urge you, please,
light a candle for him,
if you'll be visiting the church
before Christmas.
Ask for his surgery to go well.
Place the candle
wherever your heart tells you,
but better somewhere nearby St. Nicholas.
By the way, remember,
I told you a story about cows?
I wondered if they could look up?
This Sunday Enzo and I
are visiting a farm,
he ensures me
that the Belgian cows can do it!
Renew your cancelled passport
and come visit us.
Everyone will be happy to meet you!
Enjoy your new down jacket.
It's very expensive.
Very much.
Love you. Mom.
TO EVERY MOTHER