Nanny McPhee Returns (2010) Movie Script

lSABEL: This is
the story of my family.
Me, my three
beautiful children
and my husband.
There is our lovely farm.
lt's been in my
husband's family
for generations.
The sad thing is,
my husband is away
fighting in a war,
so we're on our own.
We're all terribly
worried about him,
of course,
but on the whole,
l'm coping well.
Very well. Very well, indeed.
No fighting in
the best parlor!
lSABEL: That's me, coping.
Lemon drop.
lSABEL: That's very
naughty of you.
They're coping, too.
Get off the furniture!
Vincent, off, off, off!
They started it.
Get off the furniture!
We're all coping.
We're fine.
You're on the furniture!
You're on the furniture!
We're fine.
Then stop shouting!
We're not shouting.
You're shouting.
We are supposed to
be getting the farm
before the cousins
arrive tomorrow.
And instead, all you're
doing is fighting,
fighting, fighting,
when what l want to
be seeing is sharing,
sharing, sharing.
lmagine how sad you'd be
if you had to be
taken away from home
because of bombs dropping
all over the place.
We're not sharing
the jam with them.
We're not sharing
Dad's jam with
the cousins.
Oh, no, of course not.
That's for Dad
when he comes home.
l'm talking about
your room and your toys.
Why won't he
reply to my letter?
We're not talking
about Dad, darling.
But why won't he reply?
His last one came years ago.
No, darling.
Three months ago,
that's all.
You see?
(SlGHlNG) Dad's in the Army.
They move him about a lot,
that's all it is.
There is nothing to
worry about, all right?
Now, l've got to run,
but you've got to
clean up the farm
for the cousins.
What are they
actually like,
the cousins?
They're city children,
and l imagine
they're rather refined.
And l am sure
that they are
very well-behaved.
he's vomming again.
Stop the car.
He's vommed all
over my shoes!
lt's all right, Blenkinsop.
Stopped now.
Where are my
Master Cyril,
are them marshmallows
a wise choice,
given your
recent evacuation?
Marshmallows are always
a wise choice, thanks.
You beast!
You've ruined my
brand-new Fontarelli
patent-leather pumps,
and l've left
the pale pink at home.
You beast, beast, beast!
Oh, look.
How sweetly pretty.
ls that the place?
NORMAN: Vincent, chores, now.
VlNCENT: But the piglets
are getting sold tomorrow,
and you said
l could scratch them
before they went away.
Dad left me in charge,
and what l say goes.
Now, get off.
But Dad built the
Scratch-o-Matic for them.
l said, get off!
l'm getting off.
l'm getting off.
And no more scratching.
l'm going to
check the barley.
How is my gorgeous
Your coat's inside out.
Nylons you need
with that skirt.
No? ''No'' what?
You know perfectly
well no what.
l'm not selling.
lsabel, look at me.
Look at me.
Who am l? Who am l?
You're my
l'm family, lz,
is all l'm pointing out,
and that's why
you can trust me.
All right, Phil.
What's your point?
lz, we need to
sell the farm, now.
You haven't even
got enough money
for tomorrow's payment
on the tractor,
and if there's no tractor,
there's no harvest.
lf there's no harvest,
the farm will fail.
l said no.
And actually,
Norman's thought of a way
to get some money,
so l will make the
payment on the tractor.
Has he, indeed?
What way would that be?
l'm in a hurry, Phil.
lsabel, l can't
point it out enough
that l need the money.
l'm only human,
but that farm is half.. .
Half Rory's and half yours.
Yes, yes, l know.
l know, because you tell me
every time l see you.
But you can't sell it
without my permission,
and l do not
give my permission!
But, lzzy, l've got
the contract right here.
Goodbye, Phil.
l'm here. l'm here.
Mrs. Docherty,
don't start without me.
Mrs. Docherty?
Mrs. Docherty?
Hello. Oh.
There you are.
l was so worried.
Oh, you worry too much,
and it doesn't help.
lt's just that you have
been a bit forgetful,
that's all.
Now, you.. .
You look after the shop.
l'll put away the deliveries.
Oh, l was managing
You haven't started
unpacking, have you?
Unpacking? Where?
All right.
l was just putting
the flour away.
Whoo! lt's gotten foggy.
Could you pass
me the scoop?
TOPSEY: Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
Good morning, Mr. Green.
We haven't had the pleasure.
But l am Miss Topsey
and this is my colleague,
Miss Turvey.
TOPSEY: Can you guess
who sent us?
Sent two lovely ladies
such as yourselves?
Father Christmas?
Are you flirting
with us, Phil?
Oh, l can call
you Phil, can l?
You can call me
whatever you like,
(LAUGHS) Don't
be so naughty.
Mrs. Biggles
won't like it.
Mrs. Big says
you owe her.
You ran up a big fat debt
in one of her
riverside casinos.
See what you've
gambled away, Phil?
''lOU one farm.' '
Where is your farm, Phil?
l like farms.
We've come to get it.
And l respect that, ladies,
and, yeah, you'll get it.
You'll get it.
And Mrs. Biggles has
nothing to worry about.
l can fix it.
l am fixing it.
Please, don't hurt me.
(GASPlNG) We don't want
to hurt you, Phil.
The fact is,
Mrs. Big has told us
to come back with
one of two things,
the deeds to your farm.. .
Or your kidneys.
Not ripe yet,
then, old son?
Uncle Phil,
where did you come from?
Oh, just on me way home.
Be ripe in a few days,
l reckon.
Must be very proud.
Your mum told me
all about your idea
to pay for the tractor.
What on earth made
you think of that, then?
Well, l saw
Farmer Macreadie
at the shop,
and he said he was
looking to buy some
Gloucestershire Old Spots.
l knew that.
So when l offered to
sell him our piglets,
he jumped at it.
Very clever.
Come on.
Feed it through.
That's it.
Feed it through.
Come on, Phil, think.
Think, think, think, think.
Piglets. Got to get
rid of the piglets.
Got to get rid
of the piglets.
No piglets, no tractor.
Then she'll have
to sell the farm.
Cor! Look at that.
ls that a motorcar?
lt must be the cousins.
lt can't be the cousins.
They're not due
till tomorrow.
VlNCENT: Do you think
they've brought sweets?
MEGSlE: They must be so rich.
NORMAN: They've got
a chauffeur.
Where are we?
We're in the Land of Poo.
Duck poo, hen poo,
cow poo, goat poo.
Poo as far as
the eye can see.
Here we are, then.
Out you get.
ln fact, it's the
British Museum of Poo.
Have you gone
completely insane,
Mummy would never send me
to a place like this.
Take me home.
You see? There are savages.
l refuse to leave the car.
Oh, put a sock in it, Ceels.
We've got no choice.
Take me home,
right now!
And you know why
we've got no choice, too,
so let's just stop pretending
we're here because of bombs.
CELlA: They're probably
Did you see that
thing at the window?
O covered-in-poo people.
Do you speak English?
You're early.
Yes, poo-man,
we have come from far away.
Far, from the land of
soap and indoor toilets.
ls that a Fry's chocolate bar
with cinder-crunch topping?
Yes, it is.
Would you like some?
there's none left.
BLENKlNSOP: Come on,
Miss Celia.
CELlA: Please, Blenkinsop!
That's rotten.
CYRlL: That's life.
CELlA: l'll tell Mummy!
Now, don't be like that,
Miss Celia.
Let go!
Let go of the drinks
cabinet, Miss Celia!
Look here, mister.
l think you'd better
take these two great
perfumed townies
back where they belong.
l just want to go home!
CELlA: This place is awful.
lt's an awful place.
My shoes!
l refuse to stay
in this cesspit.
l'd rather be bombed.
Promise me you'll tell Mummy
how awful it is here.
Please, Blenkinsop,
she's got to come
get me tomorrow.
Promise me!
You've only been
here for five minutes,
and look at you.
And you're just
a chauffeur.
Master Cyril,
if you'd be so kind,
just hold your arms out
for Miss Celia's new clothes.
Promise me!
l'll talk to your mother,
Miss Celia, l promise.
But for now,
you'll have to stay here.
They can't stay here.
They're rude.
CYRlL: That's rich,
coming from someone who
clearly doesn't even know
how to wipe his own bottom.
NORMAN: Come here, you.
CELlA: Stop! My clothes.
My beautiful new clothes.
They're all in the mud.
How dare you!
You're trampling them.
l should have enlisted.
CELlA: You wait until
l tell my mother.
My beautiful clothes.
They're ruined.
You monsters,
l'll kill you for this!
Well, that's me off,
Mrs. Docherty.
l've just enough time
to get home and
finish tidying
before the cousins
arrive tomorrow.
Oh, that's nice, dear.
All my cousins are dead.
Good night.
Good night.
Give my love
to Mr. Docherty.
l will.
There's that finished, then.
l've just put away
the syrup.
What? Where?
lt's all done and dusted.
There's absolutely
nothing to worry about.
Oh, have a little faith,
why don't you?
''Have a little faith,''
she says.
''Nothing to worry about,''
she says. Oh, no, no,
nothing at all.
Children at each
other's throats,
tractor about to
be repossessed,
Phil trying to
sell the farm out
from under us,
guests coming in 24 hours,
my only good coat, ruined,
and 1 7 drawers
full of syrup!
WOMAN 1 : The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
MAN 1 : The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
Nanny McWho?
MAN 2: (SlNGlNG)
Nanny McPhee
MAN 3: Nanny McPhee
MAN 4: Nanny McPhee
CHlLD: The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
MAN 1 : The person you need...
WOMAN 2: ls Nanny McPhee.
The person you need...
MAN 2: ls Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need,
the person you need...
(ECHOlNG) The person you need,
the person you need,
the person you need...
CHlLD: ls Nanny McPhee.
Ugh. What a surprise.
Not only do they
behave like animals,
they live like animals.
l'm covered in poo.
CYRlL: Good news.
You'll fit right in.
There's bugger-all
to eat in here,
except this.
Dad's jam!
Put the jam down.
lt's only jam.
ln case you hadn't noticed,
there's a war on.
We saved our sugar
coupons for months
to make that jam.
You touch it,
and l'll mash you.
Touched it.
l'm going to wake up
and this will all
be a nasty dream.
l'm going to wake up,
and l'll be in
Harrods with Mummy.
The shoe department.
My maid tells me
they have arrived,
so Mummy and l have
come to collect them.
Would you go and
fetch them for me?
l'm going to wake up,
and there'll be
some pink patent pumps.
Ceels, catch.
CELlA: Mummy's
already ordered
a beautiful pair in mauve
with a matching cloak,
and l gather they
will be here today.
That's it.
They die.
NORMAN: Catch them!
Come back!
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
The person you need
is Nanny McPhee.
Nanny McPhee.
Nanny McPhee.
Come here, you coward.
What? What? Norman. Cyril.
(CHOKlNG) Hello,
Aunt lsabel.
Hello, dear.
NORMAN: Come back here,
you big.. .
lSABEL: How's your mother?
Death, death and hurting!
You lace-covered.. .
CYRlL: Don't you call
me names, you peasant.
Celia, is that you?
You've ruined my clothes,
so l'm going to
ruin your hair!
What a lovely frock.
Oh! What now?
l'm coming. l'm coming.
Not now, Phil.
l was wondering,
when you say, ''No,''
do you really mean no?
Now is not a good time.
l could come
back in 10 minutes.
Five, three, two?
l think l should
boil you all an egg.
For goodness' sake,
Phil, go away!
l.. . Go.. .
Good evening,
Mrs. Green.
l am Nanny McPhee.
Oh, you're it?
l mean, her? l mean.. .
Who are you?
l am Nanny McPhee.
Small ''C,'' big ''P.' '
Right, right.
Thing is, l haven't
hired a nanny.
l don't need a nanny.
l'm managing perfectly well.
l have never had a nanny
because l don't want a nanny.
l am an Army nanny,
Mrs. Green.
l have been deployed.
No, no, no, no.
There must be
some mistake.
Everything's under
control here.
Get away from me,
you oik from hell.
That's Cyril.
He's not one of mine.
He's their cousin.
Come back here,
you parasitic poshie!
And that's Norman.
Get your filthy
hands off me.
He is mine.
They've just met.
Horrible, horrible.
They're getting
to know each other
through play.
VlNCENT: Kill the townies
and eat their heads!
Oh, it's the war.
lt's not a very
good influence.
May l come in?
Must you? l mean, yes.
Yes, of course, you must.
Perhaps later.
Let me introduce myself
to the children.
No, wait.
Why don't you
put the kettle on?
l shan't be a moment.
MEGSlE: You can't stop me.
CELlA: Let go! (SHOUTS)
Mark my words.. .
Die! Kill!
Put me down!
You're just jealous
of my fashion sense!
CYRlL: Get your hands
off my suit!
lt's Savile Row.
Please, may l have
your attention?
Ow! Ow!
l am Nanny McPhee.
Please, listen carefully.
You are all to stop
what you are doing
and go upstairs to bed.
NORMAN: You look
like a banana!
CYRlL: You look like
an unraveled toilet roll.
Did you hear what l said?
Squash. Squish.
You are to stop fighting.
MEGSlE: Get off me.
CYRlL: My father's very
high up in the War Office.
NORMAN: Did he ever
teach you this?
Was that supposed
to impress us?
What's happening?
Ow! Ow!
MEGSlE: No, not me, too.
Oh, no!
Vincent, stop!
l can't stop.
lt's making me do it!
(EXCLAlMlNG) lt's her!
She's making us do it. Ow!
He's right.
What are you
talking about?
lt must be that stick!
lt can't be anything else.
(SCREAMlNG) Stop us!
Stop us, please.
On one condition,
that you apologize
for hurting each other
and promise to stop
MEGSlE: Apologize?
l'm not apologizing
to them!
CELlA: Well, l'm not
apologizing to them!
You broke the jam.
CYRlL: They should
apologize to us.
CELlA: Technically,
it was Cyril who
broke the jam.
VlNCENT: Oh, no!
NORMAN: What's happening,
VlNCENT: Dad's letters!
They're going to
get burnt.
Keep away from them!
l can't, it's making me!
All right,
we'll apologize.
l'm sorry l hit you
with the fire-tongs, Celia,
and l promise
not to do it again.
Me, too, l'm sorry!
Sorry, Cyril!
Celia, please,
it's our dad's letters!
All right, l apologize.
l'm sorry.
NORMAN: Apologize!
VlNCENT: Please,
the letters!
CELlA: Apologize.
MEGSlE: Cyril.
CELlA: Say you're sorry.
MEGSlE: Say it.
NORMAN: Say you're
sorry, please!
All right, all right.
l'm sorry.
VlNCENT: Help!
What are you doing here,
Mr. Edelweiss?
You naughty bird.
Tiresome creature.
lf you're
trying to impress me,
it's not working.
Get off.
Get off.
You are still not forgiven.
You know what you did.
lt is rude to stare.
Upstairs to bed, please.
Good night, Mum.
CYRlL: Good night,
Aunt lsabel.
Good night, Aunt lsabel.
l do hope you sleep well.
Vincent, would you please
put those back
where they belong?
Thank you,
Nanny McPhee.
You're welcome.
Off you go.
And make yourself scarce.
Go on.
These children require
five lessons, Mrs. Green.
Lesson one,
to stop fighting,
is complete.
They've stopped fighting?
Early beds tonight, l think.
Leave it to me.
You should be able to have
a little time to yourself.
Time to myself?
CELlA: She's coming.
We're not fighting.
l can see that, Vincent.
Thank you.
Look, l don't know
how all that
happened downstairs,
but l'm in charge here,
and l don't need
some nanny to help.
CYRlL: My sister and l aren't
even part of this family,
so whomever you've
come to look after,
it certainly isn't us.
Listen to me
very carefully.
l am going to explain
to you the way l work.
When you need me
but do not want me,
then l must stay.
When you want me
but no longer need me,
then l have to go.
How could anyone
possibly want you?
Well, it's an odd thought,
l grant you,
but there it is.
Now, to business.
ln the absence
of any spare beds,
Norman, l presume,
will be sharing
with Cyril?
(SCOFFlNG) l'd rather
share with a goat.
A goat wouldn't have you,
and neither will l.
l see.
Celia, Megsie,
would you be willing
to share a bed?
CELlA: l'm not sharing
anything with that
vicious harpy.
l'd rather share
with Geraldine.
She's our cow.
And l'd rather share
with an elephant.
Thank you, Vincent,
but you will not be
required to share.
l don't have to share.
l don't have to share.
The rest of you, however,
will have to come
to some agreement.
McPHEE: Oh. l am so sorry.
l do beg your pardon.
How are they managing?
You must be exhausted.
Do sit down.
l'm making some tea.
Sorry, l haven't
got any biscuits.
No one's got any biscuits,
you know that.
Are they all right up there?
Are they sharing?
Yes, they're sharing
very nicely.
lndeed, they came up with
all the arrangements
for themselves.
But that's a miracle.
What did you.. .
How on earth did you do it?
l'm afraid that's
classified information,
Mrs. Green.
The Army is very strict
about such matters.
Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Can you believe it?
l haven't even a plain
old biscuit to offer you.
l'm so sorry.
Oh, you're not
leaving us, are you?
Certainly not.
(SlGHlNG) Thank goodness.
These children need me.
The thing is,
l can't afford to pay you
at the moment, but.. .
Do not concern
yourself, Mrs. Green.
The Army remunerates me,
and l have arranged
my own accommodation.
Good night, Mrs. Green.
Enjoy your tea.
MEGSlE: Move over.
Your hoof's in my ear.
CELlA: l haven't got hooves.
MEGSlE: Not you, you idiot.
CYRlL: What is that
perfectly frightful stench?
NORMAN: lt's the goat,
you fool.
This is that ghastly
nanny's doing. l know it is.
VlNCENT: Would you like
a pillow, Little Elly?
VlNCENT: You're a bit
big for this bed,
but l don't mind.
MEGSlE: Geraldine,
you're not cooperating.
Just go to sleep.
Calm yourself.
Are you Mrs. Biggles?
l am Nanny McPhee.
Small ''C,'' big ''P.' '
Good evening.
Oh, my darling,
(SlGHlNG) where are you?
All right.
Piglets, come here.
Piglets. Piglets!
Off you go, piglet.
That's it.
Once you're gone,
l'll get the farm.
Rise and shine.
Beds made,
nice neat hospital corners,
if you please.
Downstairs for breakfast,
at the double.
My elephant's gone.
CYRlL: May l just say,
it's typical of this family
to have hired a nanny
with a face that
could win the war
hands down.
We've not hired her,
and she's not our nanny.
MEGSlE: Who is she, then?
And how did she make us
do all those things?
l have a theory.
She's a secret weapon.
My father is very high
up in the War Office,
so l know about these things.
l suspect that
that stick of hers
releases some sort
of odorless chemical
when she bangs it.
To put it simply,
she gassed us.
Don't be daft.
That can't possibly
be legal.
l am pleased to report,
Mrs. Green,
that lesson two,
to share nicely,
is complete.
Oh, that's wonderful.
ls that you, Cyril?
lt is.
Good morning, darling.
Why are you
wearing a gas mask?
ln case of a gas attack,
Aunt lsabel.
A gas.. .
l don't think there's
going to be a gas attack
in this part of
the country, darling.
That's why your
parents sent you here.
Poor thing.
London must be worse
than l thought.
Where's Celia, dear?
Looking for
something to wear.
lSABEL: Oh, yes, (SlGHlNG)
l am so sorry. Your mother
will never forgive me.
Oh, don't tell me
that's cheesecloth.
Horrid, ugly, shapeless.
Don't forget, Norman,
Farmer Macreadie is coming
for the piglets at noon.
l'll be back
in time for that.
l've got to run.
There's a delivery
of mousetraps at the shop.
l've got to get to them
before Mrs. Docherty.. .
For heaven's sake.
l'll see you outside.
Oh! Don't be
so disgusting.
You have wind
because you
have collywobbles,
and you have the collywobbles
because you have been
eating window putty.
l'm not interested,
Mr. Edelweiss.
All the piglets have gone?
Yes, that is interesting,
very interesting.
MEGSlE: That's that done.
Right. Chores.
Megs, feed Geraldine.
l'll get the piglets ready
for Farmer Macreadie.
Vinnie's collecting the eggs.
Cyril, you can sweep up
the dung.
l'd love to
sweep up the dung.
lt's almost my
favorite activity,
but sadly, l've left my
dung-sweepers at home.
Perhaps Celia could.. .
l'm coming back for you.
What are you wearing?
l think it's mostly tulle.
That's my mother's
wedding dress.
No, this old thing?
lt can't be.
lt hasn't even got a train.
Take it off.
l will do no such thing.
You've ruined
all my clothes,
and this is the only
decent thing in the house.
You've stolen that
from our mother's room.
Take it off!
l haven't stolen it,
l've borrowed it.
VlNCENT: Megsie!
The piglets have escaped.
There's a hole!
VlNCENT: They're all gone!
We've got to find them
before Farmer
Macreadie comes.
Come on, Norman.
You can't be serious.
Listen, they're
prize piglets.
The money we get for them
pays this month's
tractor hire.
And if we lose the tractor,
we lose the harvest,
and if we lose the harvest,
we'll lose the whole farm.
How frightful for you.
This is our dad's farm,
and the harvest
is everything.
No, you can't make me.
And you can't
make me, either.
l've got my gas mask on,
so that stick of
yours won't work.
l'm going to report you
to my father,
who is very high up
in the War Office.
NORMAN: There's no
time for this.
What if it was
your dad's farm?
You would help then,
wouldn't you?
Would you, Cyril? Hmm?
Help your father?
Blast you all.
Oh, no, no, no.
l can't possibly
run in these heels.
Don't you dare gas me.
There's one.
What are you doing here?
Just helping.
Well, come on,
if you're coming.
MEGSlE: Come on, come on.
CELlA: l'm only helping
till Mummy comes.
VlNCENT: Catch it!
CELlA: Pig, heel.
l've got one!
l've got one!
VlNCENT: Careful
it doesn't bite.
Right, take it slowly.
They've caught two already?
That will never do.
Well, we don't want
to make it too easy
for them.
What on earth's
it doing?
NORMAN: Blimey!
ls that normal?
No, it's not.
CYRlL: l had no idea
country life could be
quite so entertaining.
VlNCENT: Oh, no.
Come back, piggy!
MEGSlE: Hey, pig, come back!
Pig, come back!
Come back!
Did you know?
l had no idea pigs
could swim so stylishly.
MEGSlE: They can't.
MEGSlE: After them.
Ahoy there, Phil.
Hello, Farmer Macreadie.
Whoa, there.
Whoa. Whoa.
Sorry to hear
about the piglets.
What, my piglets?
Yeah, haven't you heard?
They've gone, disappeared
in the night. Escaped.
Escaped? Dear, oh, dear.
What a shame.
Dreadful thing.
Escaped, eh?
Funny things, pigs.
l knew a pig once who
could play Scrabble.
Tapped out the words
with his trotter.
(TAPPlNG) ''Sty.' '
Good score.
Dear, oh, dear.
lsabel will be
in a right old tizzy,
l should think.
Well, thanks for
letting me know, Phil.
You saved me a journey.
Bye, then.
Wait up, there.
One good turn
deserves another.
l'll give you
a ride up there.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, l'll walk.
Jump in.
No, l'm good, thanks.
lt's no bother.
Turn around.
Don't be daft.
Go on, now.
Up you jump.
Shoo. No, please.
Come on.
All right.
l don't know how we're ever
going to catch them.
They're getting
sold in half an hour.
lf l may suggest,
we need to use strategy,
a proper movement order.
And you were
trained where, exactly?
Cadet school.
Oh. Fair enough.
Go on, then.
Now, we're here
and they're there,
there, there and
possibly over there.
(MOUTHlNG) Three.
lSABEL: They've dug a hole.
Where are the piglets,
Oh, they've gone.
Oh, no!
Every single one of them.
Oink, oink.
lSABEL: Gone.
What will we do?
They maybe got
wind of the move,
Mrs. Green.
Clever things, are pigs.
Very clever.
How will we pay
for the tractor?
How will we get
the harvest in?
MACREADlE: l'll try and help
if l can, Mrs. Green,
but l've got me
hands full with my wheat,
and what with my
boys off fighting.. .
Terrible thing, war.
Curse these flat feet.
lSABEL: l'm sorry you've
had a wasted journey.
Oh, no, not to worry.
Good luck.
l know. They're hiding.
lsabel, sign it.
l have a buyer today.
l might not have
a buyer tomorrow.
lt won't be so bad.
Think about it, lz,
no more worrying
about tractors
or harvests or.. .
Pigs! Pigs!
MACREADlE: Right, then.
What have we got here?
One, two, three,
four and five.
You got the whole pride.
lSABEL: Did you
get all of them?
These piglets
are funny things.
CELlA: We got all of them.
Yes, all of them.
lSABEL: All of them.
You did?
NORMAN: l couldn't
believe my eyes.
Right, there you are.
Tractor money.
NORMAN: And then,
he did a somersault.
MACREADlE: Somersault?
VlNCENT: l didn't know
you could swim.
They're worth a lot
more than that, you know.
These piglets are geniuses.
They can do
synchronized swimming.
lSABEL: We do not tell
fibs in this house.
MEGSlE: They really did.
But they did do
synchronized swimming.
That's enough,
Megsie. Shush!
VlNCENT: lt's true.
They can climb trees.
Stop telling fibs.
Pigs don't climb trees.
Stop being so silly.
But we're not!
He's only trying to
get a bit more for them,
and quite right, too.
Clever things, are pigs.
Thank you.
All right, come on.
l knew a pig once,
could count to
10 in French.
Come on, let's go.
Look here.
Climbing trees?
The very idea.
lt was climbing trees.
lt was.. .
lt was true.
lt was true.
lt was like.. .
CYRlL: They were
climbing trees.
CELlA: A pirouette.
lt was like.. .
lt was like magic.
Yes. Like.. .
l'm so proud of you.
Let me hug you.
ls that.. .
ls that my wedding dress?
lt was our fault.
We spoiled Celia's.. .
No, it's my fault.
l borrowed it
without asking.
l didn't mean to
chase the piglets in it.
l'm terribly sorry.
Where's the veil?
We used it to
catch the piglets.
CYRlL: lt's here.
lt was my fault,
l'm afraid.
We needed a net.
Well, l never.. .
How clever you all are.
l'll tell you what.
Tomorrow, we'll jolly
well have a picnic,
and after l've
paid up the tractor,
we'll use the extra pennies
for ginger beer.
Ginger beer?
Ginger beer?
Lesson three,
to help each other,
is complete.
Clever things, pigs.
VlNCENT: Bye-bye, Pillow.
Bye-bye, Dora.
Bye-bye, piggies.
Look, it's Mummy.
See, l told you she'd come.
Ceels, don't.
Mummy, you'll never guess.
We just rescued
some little pigs.
They were dancing and.. .
Where's Mummy?
Her Ladyship's still
in London, Miss Celia.
But did you give
her my message?
l did, Miss Celia.
Has she sent you
to bring me home?
Regretfully not,
Miss Celia.
My only instructions
was to bring the pumps
you left behind.
Fontarelli, l believe.
l suppose
she's very busy.
That's right, Miss.
She's very, very busy.
CYRlL: What are you
gawking at?
We're not some
freak show, you know.
Cyril, we didn't
mean to be.. .
Get away!
You don't know
anything about us.
l don't want them.
Can l look at them?
l don't care for them.
You can have them,
if you want.
These are my best,
but you can have
them for everyday.
You're it!
l'm gonna get you for that,
Vinnie! You're it!
lSABEL: Come and pass around
these buns we made.
Not yet. Not yet.
Oh, look, Mr. Docherty.
How thoughtful.
They've put out cushions.
You see, Mrs. Docherty,
l regret to inform you
that's a cow pat,
not a cushion.
Can't l sit on it anyway?
lt looks so comfortable.
There we are.
Um.. .
Can you help me down?
Thank you.
Yes, it's very comfy.
You going to sit down?
There we are.
Would you like a bun,
Nanny McPhee?
l think l better not.
Thank you.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Get away with you,
Mr. Edelweiss,
you revolting bird.
Get off.
l don't want you there.
What's he done to make you
so cross with him?
He eats inappropriate
l'm so sorry.
Such as?
Such as window putty.
Window putty?
Such as the window putty
in every single one
of my window panes,
which all fell out at once.
Oh, please.
That's bad.
l don't care how
much you love it,
you deplorable creature.
lt is a nasty habit.
What are all
your medals for,
Nanny McPhee?
Courage, kindness, resolve,
imagination, enthusiasm,
and leaps of faith.
lSABEL: Sandwiches!
CHlLDREN: Hooray!
ln my.. . (CLEARlNG THROAT)
ln my capacity as warden,
Mrs. Green,
might l suggest that
you provide the family
with protective head gear
in case of bombs
dropping all of a sudden?
Mrs. Docherty and l
wear these at home.
l don't think bombs
are going to drop
in this part of the country,
Mr. Docherty.
We're in the middle
of nowhere.
Well, that is
where you're possibly,
even tragically, mistaken.
Picture this.
An enemy plane,
carrying an enemy bomb.
An enemy pilot (GRUNTlNG)
with a bad cold.
They get them, you know,
same as we do.
He sneezes once,
nothing occurs.
He sneezes a second time,
again, all is well.
He sneezes a third time,
and watch very carefully now,
he hits the big red button
with his big red nose,
and it's
bombs away!
Oh, kettle's boiled.
Big bang, you see.
Oh, dear,
what a thought.
We'll just have to hope
that none of them
catches a cold, won't we,
Mrs. Docherty?
Egg and cress
or bloater paste?
VlNCENT: Norman,
watch me do a handstand.
Shoo! Shoo!
lSABEL: Time for ginger beer.
VlNCENT: Ginger beer!
NORMAN: Megsie has more.
No, l only have up to.. .
Norman has up to
the fourth ring, as well.
lSABEL: All right,
l've got two drops left.
VlNCENT: For me.
There's Uncle Phil.
Quick, hide the cake.
lSABEL: l wasn't sure
he was coming.
But here he is,
with his silly contract.
Oh, wait, that looks
more like a letter.
Norman, Megsie,
Uncle Phil's got
a letter for us.
A letter from Rory.
That'll be nice
after all their waiting.
That's not a letter, dear.
lt's yellow.
lt's a telegram.
VlNCENT: What's that?
From the War Office.
That's not for us, is it?
lt's not always bad news,
is it?
l mean, we've got to
have a little faith,
haven't we?
NORMAN: ''Killed in action.' '
l'm so.. .
Rotten luck.
lt's a brilliant bit
of design, this machine.
He must've been
a terribly good.. .
He's not dead,
you know.
He's not dead.
l know he's not.
They've got it wrong.
Norman, the Army
doesn't get it.. .
They've got it wrong.
But how? How do you know?
Look, my dad's always saying
he feels things in his bones.
He can feel
weather coming,
and he knows
when things are
going to happen,
like if a cow's
going to calve,
or if a lamb's in trouble.
And he's always right.
Every time.
Well, l can feel it in
my bones that he's alive.
l just know it.
You don't think that
you feel this way
because you've
just heard, or.. .
No, it's not that.
l just know.
All right.
So, what do you
want to do about it?
We need to find
out where he is,
and we need to
find out fast.
Mum will sell the farm
if she believes he's dead.
She'll think we can't
manage it on our own.
The thing is,
how do l find him?
l can't very well
go off looking for him.
There might be a way.
What? What? Tell me.
Well, it's just.. .
My father.
He's very high up
in the War Office.
Very high up in
the War Office.
Exactly, he'd be able
to find out quickly.
Where is he?
Then how do we
get to him?
l don't know.
We need help.
Should we ask your mother?
No. No, l need to
prove that he's alive,
bring her proof.
Then who? Who can help us?
MEGSlE: The boys are on
their way to London.
They can't be.
They said they were
checking the barley.
No, listen.
''Megs, Dad not dead.
Feel it in bones.
Don't tell Mum.
''Have gone to London
with Cyril to get proof.
''That's the only
thing that will stop her
from selling the farm.' '
But she's decided
to sell, she said so.
Can't we tell her?
No, Norman's right.
We mustn't say anything
until he has proof.
So we've got to stop her
till he gets back.
NORMAN: Where are we?
CYRlL: Chelsea.
Haven't you been here before?
l've never even
been to London before.
CYRlL: Lord Nelson.
What are we going to do?
This is going to take ages.
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
l was hoping to avoid this,
but, Norman, could you please
turn that little red wheel
all the way, clockwise?
Right, thank you.
Nanny McPhee,
how long is this
going to.. .
l can't bear London
in the traffic.
Sleep well?
Yes, thanks.
Listen, ladies,
the deeds to the farm
will be in your hands
before you know it.
Oh, l do hope so, Phil,
'cause the fact is,
kidney removal is quite
a long and painful procedure.
TURVEY: And we're on
a very tight schedule.
Here we are.
Out you get.
Best of luck.
You all right?
A bit nervous,
but yes.
Please, sir.
We're here to
see Lord Gray
on a matter of
life and death.
Get lost before
l thump you.
(MOUTHlNG) Tell him.
He's my father.
Prove it.
Prove it or hop it.
Sergeant Jeffreys,
you've grown.
Nanny McPhee, ma'am.
At your service, ma'am.
At ease, Ralph.
Lesson three
paid off, l see.
Certainly did, ma'am.
How's the Army
treating you?
Proudly, ma'am.
Have you learnt
to eat your greens?
l can't lie to you,
Nanny McPhee.
Broccoli still
presents a challenge.
Try it with cheese.
And don't forget,
in May and June,
asparagus can be
a pleasant alternative.
l shall answer
for these children.
Please let them in,
On the double,
Nanny McPhee, ma'am.
lSABEL: All right, Phil,
l'm ready to sign.
Mum, what are you doing?
You know what
l'm doing, darling.
But, well, you've got
to wait for Norman.
No more waiting!
lf we wait another second,
we'll lose the kidneys.
l mean the sale. The sale.
Megsie, there's nothing that
Norman can do about this.
What is the meaning
of this, boy?
Sorry to disturb you, sir,
but we need your help.
We've come all the way
from the country.
He means me, Uncle.
l mean, Uncle Your Lordship.
And you are?
Norman, sir.
Your nephew, sir.
Aunt lsabel's son.
Ah, yes, the girl who made
that unfortunate marriage.
Her happy marriage
to my father, sir,
who's fighting for your army,
so l'll thank you
to be more civil.
And what is your
business here, pray?
Sir, we need you to
find out what's happened
to Norman's father.
To Uncle Rory.
We got a telegram
saying.. .
...he was killed in action.
But l know it's wrong.
l know he's alive.
l see. So, you're saying
that the telegram,
a telegram sent
from the War Office,
contained false information?
And you have proof,
of course,
otherwise you would not
have dared to come here.
Has your father
contacted you since you
received the telegram?
Then one of his unit
has been in touch,
Then what proof have you?
l can feel it
in my bones.
ln your what? What?
l can feel it
in my bones.
ln your bones?
Feel it in your bones?
Great heavens, boy.
Do you mean
you've persuaded
my weak-willed son
to bring you here,
in the middle of a war,
with some cock-and-bull story
about a feeling you
have in your bones?
He's not weak-willed.
lt was him who
saved the piglets
and him that
thought of helping us
by coming here.
And l know l'm right
about my father.
Please, can't you
just inquire?
There are thousands of men
fighting in my army.
Why should l
give your father,
however worthy he may be,
my special attention?
Because.. .
Because they love him,
and so does Auntie lsabel,
and they need him.
And l know why
you sent us away
to them, too.
lt had nothing
to do with bombs.
l know you and Mother
are getting a divorce.
No, you will listen!
You've made your lives
and our lives a misery.
lsn't that enough for you?
At least help Aunt lsabel
and Uncle Rory
to be together.
Wait here.
Hurry it along
there, lsabel.
Well, l've got to
read it, haven't l?
Mum, please, wait. Please.
Stop it, Megsie.
''Those shall be
accepted in reserve.. .' '
A mouse.
A mouse under the chair.
Are they really
going to get a divorce,
your mum and dad?
So who will you live with?
My mother, l suppose.
Won't make much difference.
We hardly ever
see him or her.
We only ever get
wheeled out for them
on special occasions.
You can come live
with us, you know.
You and Celia.
That's jolly decent of you.
l'm sorry.
What does it say?
l'm afraid he's MlA.
What's that?
Missing in action.
l'm sorry, Norman.
Wait. ''Missing''?
''Missing in action,''
not ''killed in action''?
Not killed.
The telegram you
received was incorrect.
ln fact, there's no record
of any telegram
having been sent.
Which is something
we should look into.. .
l knew it. He's alive.
Thank you, Uncle.
He's my nephew.
He's a country boy.
''Rough diamond,'' as they say.
Come on,
we've got to get back.
We've got to tell Mum.
lt's done you good,
all that country air.
Carry on.
l will, sir.
l mean, Father.
Norman, if the War Office
never sent that telegram,
it means the one
you saw was forged.
But who would
forge a telegram saying
someone was dead?
Who would do
something that awful?
Uncle Phil.
He's been trying to get Mum
to sell our half of the farm.
He must've known she'd sell
if she thought Dad was dead.
We've got to hurry.
He's not dead.
He's only missing.
That is good news.
But we've got to
get back quickly.
We'll explain on the way.
Celia, please,
stop screaming!
lt's been half an hour.
There is no mouse.
l saw it.
Must have escaped.
lsabel, let's just
get this done, shall we?
Have you got a pen?
Mum, please wait.
That's enough, Megsie.
Phil, find a pen.
Another pen. Right.
Nanny McPhee, we need you.
Please, Nanny McPhee,
we need you.
Please, please,
Nanny McPhee, we need you.
Nanny McPhee, we need you.
(ECHOlNG) We need you.
We need you. We need you.
Norman, could you hand me
my stick, please?
Actually, better still,
could you just bang it down
on the road once, quite hard?
Go on. Don't drop it.
The paperwork involved
in replacing it
simply doesn't bear
thinking about.
Well done. Put it back.
What did it do?
When Norman
banged the stick,
what was it for?
Mum, please, don't.
lt's our farm.
Don't sign it.
This is all
Oh! So is this.
And that.
And you just sign it there.
Where is the pen?
For heaven's sake, Phil.
Never mind.
They were here.
lSABEL: l thought
you wanted me
to sign the thing.
PHlL: l don't understand.
Someone must've.. .
l don't think there
are any more pens, Mum.
Nanny McPhee.
Yes, dearie?
How fast can this
thing go, exactly?
Look what l found.
Right. lsabel,
let's get this thing done,
shall we?
Let's get this signed,
l'll steady your hand.
Steady your hand. There.
Just there, that's it.
What are we
going to do?
l don't know.
l can't think of anything
that could stop him now.
''S.. .' '
lt's a UXB.
MEGSlE: What's that?
CELlA: An unexploded bomb.
We have them in London.
Could go off at any second.
lt might not.
lt depends.
lSABEL: But it'll
destroy the harvest.
lt's a sign.
They're coming for me.
Stop panicking.
Help is at hand.
They're gonna kill me.
Unexploded bomb!
They're gonna kill me!
Unexploded bomb!
Who? Who's going
to kill you?
The hit-women.
The lady heavies.
l'm here. Stop all
that panicking. Stop it!
l can't stop it.
l'm going to die.
l'm going to get
under the table.
l'm going to
put the kettle on.
Mine's a milk
and two sugars.
Thank God.
You have to arrest me,
and you have to
arrest me now,
before they get here.
Arrest me now! l repeat...
Arrest you for what?
What's the crime?
There's got to be a crime.
Try forgery.
Norman, where have
you been?
To the War Office.
Dad's alive.
Uncle Phil forged
the telegram.
Yes. Norman's right.
There's your crime.
Now will you arrest me?
MR. DOCHERTY: Phil, you.. .
Look, none of you
seem to realize
that there could be
a fatalistic explosion
at any second of the moment.
Quiet, please.
Quiet, please,
all of you.
Norman, come here.
Dad's missing in action.
Go on.
But l can feel it in my bones
that he's alive.
Oh, well, then,
it must be true.
Thank you.
Thank you, my darling.
My darling.
My darling boy.
And Cyril.
Thank him, too.
Cyril, you too?
Cyril, come here.
My brave boy.
Did you hear that?
l'm a forger,
a villainous forger.
Leave it, Phil.
There's a bomb out there
what needs dealing with.
Quick, come and look.
Here's the cuffs, Phil.
Sort it out yourself.
Now, ''Bombs.' '
lt's a UXB.
That means
unexploded bomb.
But the barley.
lf it goes off,
it will be destroyed.
''Defusing your bomb.' '
No! No, no, no, no, no.
Cuff me to you. To you.
That way l'll be safe.
Can someone help me
with these, please?
You don't deserve any help,
you completely wicked person.
Please, l'm begging you.
Allow me.
l mean, thank you.
l am about to
disarm the device.
He fell over.
l think he may
have fainted.
Who's going to
defuse it now?
Boys, check on Mr. Docherty
and put that ladder back up.
Celia, get his pamphlet.
You read out the instructions
'cause you've got
the best diction.
Nanny McPhee, please,
help me stop them.
Somehow, l doubt
that will be possible.
Anyone there?
lt's just, l'm not comfy.
CELlA: ''Defusing your bomb.
Three simple steps to
an explosion-free day.
''Step one.
Open the vent situated
by the tail fin.' '
CYRlL: Open the vent.
NORMAN: Open the vent.
CELlA: Open the vent.
Vent (GRUNTlNG) open.
What's next?
''Step two.
Cut the blue wire.' '
CYRlL: Blue wire.
NORMAN: Blue wire.
These are going
to be too big.
What else can we use?
Has anyone got a penknife?
Try these.
MEGSlE: These are perfect.
Well done, Celia.
What's next?
TOPSEY: Yoo-hoo!
TURVEY: Yoo-hoo!
Hello, Phil.
''Step three.
Cut the red wire.' '
Red wire.
Red wire.
Can you see it?
ls it there?
CELlA: Have you done it?
Be quiet. l can't reach it.
lsn't it exciting?
l did it.
CYRlL: Well done.
Jolly good.
CELlA: Megsie, well done.
What's it doing?
What's it doing?
We've got such
good news, Phil.
We're not going to remove
your kidneys after all.
That's right.
Mrs. Big has decided
that kidney removal
just wasn't good
enough for you.
lt lacked finesse.
She wants us to
stuff you, Phil.
Stuff you, and put you
in the entrance
to the casino as
a warning to others.
You can't do that.
Oh, don't worry, Phil,
Miss Turvey's a professional.
Here is an early
example of my work.
And here's how you'll look.
What does it say
about the light?
You can check yourself.
There is absolutely nothing
in the whole book.
Wait, there's a footnote.
''On certain enemy bombs,
there will be a step four.
''Cut the green wire.' '
l can't see
any green wire.
lt must be covered by
all this gray stuff.
lt's hard as nails.
Algernon, l don't want
you to miss the bomb
going off. Come on, dear.
Wait. Here.
''Warning, if the green wire
is protected with
explosive putty.. .' '
''.. .red lights will come on,
beginning the countdown
to explosion.' '
Why is that at the back?
We all need to
take cover right now!
Come down, Megsie!
lSABEL: Megsie!
MEGSlE: Mum, wait.
Megsie, come down now!
Mr. Edelweiss is
eating the putty.
lSABEL: Megsie,
come down now.
lSABEL: Megsie!
NORMAN: Megsie, please,
come down!
CYRlL: What's happening?
Megsie, it's too dangerous.
You have to come down now.
l can see the green wire.
We did it.
My darling, come down.
You did it.
You did it, darling.
Come down now.
Well done, Megs!
You clever, clever girl.
Come down.
The bomb's been defused.
Oh, it was nothing.
CELlA: l knew you
could do it, Megsie.
Well done.
Lesson four,
to be brave,
is complete.
But Mr. Edelweiss.
He's full of
explosive putty.
Won't he go off?
Take cover, everyone.
Leave this to me.
Go, go.
Go as fast
as you can!
l can fly!
Well done, Phil.
NORMAN: What's happening
to the barley?
What's happened?
The harvest's in.
Look, there's a slide.
Come on, everybody.
Last one up's a rotten egg.
MEGSlE: Me first, me first!
come up the ladder.
lSABEL: Darling.
MEGSlE: Watch. Watch.
CELlA: Well done!
Well done, Mr. Docherty.
Up you get.
MEGSlE: Come on, Mum.
All right.
l don't know.
Are you off?
l am.
Thank you for having
me to stay, Aggy.
Thank you for asking,
Nanny McPhee.
That's one of
Nanny McPhee's medals.
You have one, too.
lt's the green one.
That one's
my favorite.
Why has she given us
her medals?
Let's ask her.
Where is she?
CYRlL: Nanny McPhee?
Nanny McPhee!
Where's she going?
She's leaving you.
She can't be.
Because you don't
need her anymore.
Don't be ridiculous.
But l want her to stay.
Oh, dear.
You've forgotten how
she works, haven't you?
When you need her
but do not want her,
then she must stay.
When you want her
but no longer need her,
then she has to go.
That's not fair.
We didn't mean
to want her.
What do you mean,
we don't need her?
Are you quite mad?
MEGSlE: Nanny McPhee.
NORMAN: Let's head her off.
CELlA: Nanny McPhee.
lSABEL: Nanny McPhee.
doesn't like goodbyes.
l remember from
when l was little.
Come back!
They might not
need you, but l do!
l need you.
l need you, desperately!
Oh, come back!
Keep going, Mum!
Don't stop, Mum,
or we'll lose her.
Will you come back?
Come back!
Keep going, Mum!
We need her!
No, we don't.
l'm Cyril.
Dad, this is Cyril
and Celia.
VlNCENT: And.. . And.. .
l had three children
when l left,
and now l have five.
l'm home.
l'm home, now.
Lesson five,
to have faith,
is complete.
Hop on, then.
VOlCE 1 : The person
you need...
VOlCE 2: ls Nanny McPhee.
Nanny McPhee.