Nastya (1993) Movie Script
Nastya
Yawn
Moscow 1992
Do you have any notebooks?
No, we have no notebooks either.
How about ink?
No ink either.
How about a geometric compass?
We don't have one, but we
do have the "goat legs" device
Here, take a look.
You stick a pencil in here,
stand it like this, and turn it
And do you have any
pencils in stock?
No. No pencils.
And what's in those
ink cartridges?
There's nothing in them.
They're just there for decoration.
And what did they
used to contain before?
Little boy, why don't
you take a hike?
You can do that yourself.
Whaaat?!
Well? Has it begun?
Saint Yakov Alekseevich
They're just going to the bath-house
Aunty-dear, do you have
any erasers?
Yes, we do have erasers.
Here
So, are you taking them?
I'm taking.
Varya, ring him up!
Ask if they said
anything over the radio
Well, ask, go ahead.
Well...those bastards!
- Is it a coup?
- No, not that
They stole our rubber hose
Yakov Alekseevich, may I please run home?
Mom's having a heart attack.
Mom, let's not talk about that
So you don't even believe
there's happy families out there
There are... one in a thousand
And you will have one, too.
Why do you refuse it in advance?
Mom, I thought we had an agreement...
OK, I'll keep mum
...And how is Val'ka doing?
Is she still rotating her boyfriends?
She is.
Well, that's the way to go.
She'll look around for some time
and finally find someone
Whereas I'm gonna die
and you will be left all alone
But you'd better ask me:
"Is it easy to live your whole life alone?"
Mom!
The majority of women have already been married,
got a divorce, and will never marry ever again.
not for anything!
But people will gossip that no one
wants to marry you
And what do you think? You think
I have no boys I know?
- I don't mean that
- Well, I have them!
Who?
A guy.
Then why are you sitting
at home all the time?
Go out with him.
Mom, where am I gonna go
if you are sick?
What do I need you for?
I'll knock on the neighbor's wall
and she'll come over
Come on, go out with him
And you know something!
Bring him here.
We could all watch TV together
And I could enjoy a bit more
Ah, here it is.
Hello...?
Well if you want, maybe
I will bring him here now
Sweetheart, put on my shoes
Mom, it's wet outside,
they'll get ruined
Just put them on
Shurik! Hello! How's life?
Life's normal. But who is this?
It's Nastya? Have you
forgotton me? Ay, ay, ay!
You and I met at Mymrik's
birthday party
Oh, are you Valya?
No, I am a friend of hers.
I was wearing a beige dress.
So, what are you doing right now?
Studying
And I had some free time,
so I thought, why don't I call you.
It's such nice weather,
maybe we can take a walk?
Well, I am actually busy
Shurik, I really need you.
I have a proposition for you.
We need to talk.
Alright, I'll meet you at 7
by the Engels monument.
Good. I'll be there.
Shurik! Here I am.
Hi.
Umm...Hi
Well... what's up!
So, what's going on? Report.
Are we just gonna stand around here?
Let's take a walk.
Let's.
Well...start talking.
Quite honestly, I don't have
any proposal for you.
I was just in the right mood,
so I decided to give you a call.
And I am glad that I called
Actually, I've got lots
of studying to do
You shouldn't study all the time. Your
whole life will pass and you won't notice
How about we go to my place.
It's better than freezing ourselves out here.
Let's go
- Young man!
- Me?
Could you please
punch me in the face?
Don't react to him
I deserve it
We're not bothering you,
and you please don't bother us
Come, come
I understand.
Sir! Could you please punch me in the face?
Sometime in the winter, I will.
- Hippy! If I hit him,
his head would fall off...
- Yes
- Hippy!
Ah, forget him. May I ?
Excuse me. I feel more
comfortable this way.
Excuse me for wearing high heels
Hey listen! How about we
go get your books and study at
my place?
Our place is quiet.
There's my sick mom there, but
she won't get in your way
Why? Why did you call me out here
if you can't even wear high heels?
Shurik, don't get upset.
My mom made me wear them.
Why did you drag me
out of the house?
For me to sit with your sick mom?
What the hell does she
need me for?
You'd better sit with her yourself,
instead of calling up random people
Next time keep in mind
No matter how I am,
I will always find me someone, if I need to.
And it will be someone
better than you.
Oh, it's you.
What's happened to you?
Come in. It's nothing.
Hi, Mymrik
Nastya, you're a reasonable person.
You make the call
We're going out of town to a concert
Just for one day
For one night
An administrator is coming with us.
Is this normal?
A female adminisrator.
The woman is 100 years old!
She's 40
What's the difference?
- Ah, here they are.
- Thank you.
- What's that?
- Glasses.
Ah, they've come for me.
I'll open it.
Please stop crying. Please don't.
Howdy.
Should I cancel my trip?
What do you mean "cancel"?
Have you totally lost it?
Howdy.
The train is coming in 20 minutes.
I'll call you
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Have a nice day.
Wait, you forgot the bag
Why the hell does he need
a suitcase for just 1 day?
- Here!
- OK, thanks a lot
- You're welcome
- I'll give you a call
- Bye bye.
Well, why do you always
torment him?
He's a total saint.
I never see him off.
I can't stand watching him leave.
I have only 2 people,
you and Mymrik.
and I have only 2:
you and mom.
Mom wants me to bring
home some sort of boyfriend.
Then she will calm down.
So now I wanted to
borrow Mymrik from you.
My poor poor girl.
Oh how badly you need a man.
Let's call Val'ka.
She's always got a
truckfull of boyfriends.
Perhaps we shouldn't?
Hi.
- Valechka, you see...
- You can tell me later
- To the center!
- Cost you a gran
Get in.
Hey there, little dame!
- What about the money?
- I'm sorry, chief, no can't do.
They don't like it when
I pay money to men.
- We don't like it, dear.
- OK, fine.
We'll be seeing each other.
Well why are you all shy?
Come over here.
Hello.
Hello to you.
Gentlemen, get acquainted. This is Nastya.
We need a third...
What to do?
Should we give Veller a call?
Lost your mind.
Then let's call Fima.
Shoot. We should have warned
them ahead of time.
Oh, why am I wasting everyone's time!
I totally forgot: I can't today.
That's right, I cannot.
Please do excuse me.
- Do you want me to come with you?
- No, it's fine. Thank you, so sorry, bye!
They're expecting me
I fell down. It's slippery.
Lady, your face is very familiar.
Where could I have seen you before?
I don't know.
Lady must not think that
Aleksandr Pechogin is a drunkard.
Aleksandr Pechogin went to the
dinosaurs to get a job as a driver.
And the dinosaurs give
Aleksandr Pechogin a glass of Vodka to drink.
I drank and they instantly give me
another one, telling me to chase it down
with water.
I drink it, but it's vodka.
Pranksters.
Still, you have a very
familiar face.
Where could I have seen you before?
Excuse me, on which dates
did they say they'd cut off the electric
current to the tram line?
on even or odd days?
on even ones.
and today is which one?
an even one.
Aleksandr Pechogin, wake up.
We've arrived.
Lady
Lady, wait. I just remembered...
I saw you under comrade Engels
- Why are you following me?
- I am walking you home
- What for?
- Because I am a gentleman
Listen, gentleman, go home
and get some sleep
Understood
People!
She does not need me.
In fact, nobody needs me
I am a stranger to this
festival of life
Forgive me and good bye!
What are you doing?
So long
Over here
I'm sorry, but it wasn't meant to be.
Why, you... you...are an idiot!
- It's all over now
- You're an imbecile!
I've been condemned to remain alive.
Why, you...you're a total psycho!
There's a ledge here
And if you missed it, you'd be
falling 20 meters down
And that would have been the best scenario
What should I do with you?
- Call the cops?
- What for? They'll pick me up anyway.
Where do you live?
Ivan the Terrible Street #6, apt 9
- Let me walk you home.
- No need.
Hey, do I have a bruise here?
You asked for it.
Why did you want to get it?
I am an epitomy...
What?
A punishment because I...
too long to explain
Alright, then. Take care.
All the best to you.
Take off your coat.
Oh, button up your shirt.
And comb your hair.
Do you have a comb?
Come over here
Mom, why did you get up?
I'm feeling much better. Hello.
This is Aleksandr.
Nastya's mom. Very pleased to meet you.
Oh, no. Please don't. We're informal here.
Nastya, please get him slippers.
Please have a seat.
You over here, and Nastya over here.
And I'll be here on the edge.
Help yourself.
Macaroni from flour.
Homemade cabbage.
- Salt.
- Mom, we already ate.
- We were visiting friends
- Is that so? What a pity.
Well, let's drink a shot,
and then I'll leave you two alone.
I've got things to finish up in the kitchen.
He's gonna take a pass.
I'll pass.
In that case I'll drink alone.
To our encounter!
Mom, you've lost it.
You've got a heart condition,
and you're drinking
It's alright.
Please do go ahead and smoke.
I can smoke later on.
Pardon me, Aleksandr,
so when did you first meet Nastya?
Because she's got nothing
but secrets from me.
He frequents our store... every day...
And that's where me met.
I see.
And all this you see,
Nastya sewed it all by herself.
That one there is
Van Gogh... Vincent.
The one who cut off his ear.
You recall?
It's called "Sunflowers"
And these days, Nastya is
working on "The Swan Lake"
Do you remember it
from the ballet?
He comes to the lake, and
when the swan sees him, it comes
alive and starts to dance.
That's very pretty
It came alive and started dancing
like so: tam, tam...
mom...
I'll be right back
I'll have something to eat.
- Whom are you trying to reach?
- Did you order the engine oil?
- No
There was this man with a beard-
he told me it was apartment 9
Oh, that's one flight down.
This building has two #9 apartments
He fell asleep. He's probably tired.
Maybe we should give him
the roll-out bed?
No can't do.
Sasha!
you fell asleep
You need to walk him home.
So that our local hooligans
don't harass him.
Watch out!
And there's your tram.
And here is my tram...
- You're a good person. We should get together.
- We can...
How can I call you?
- 333-77-22
- I'll remember it
Well, take care, Tanya.
My name is Nastya.
Forgive me. I've got these lapses... Bye.
So you call me, alright?
Hey, move aside.
Airhead.
Oh, shoot, damn it!
They opened up all the
holes in the city, damn parasites!
Here, here, let me help you,
did you hurt yourself, grandma?
They removed all the lids
from the sewers on purpose
So that people fall right through them
Not really, granny. People are stealing it
for themselves- for iron recycling
Look at that. Can one call
this a potato?
It's only good for shooting
with a slingshot
It would be nice to take this potatoe
and shoot her right in the eye!
Who?
Why, that seller girl
Now yank my bike out of there
and I will head home
Maybe you shouldn't?
Now it's dark and dangerous.
In that case, you pull it yourself
Follow me
OK... This way.
Bring the bike up
- You...watch it there, don't bend the spokes
It'a an imported vehicle.
- I won't bend them, granny
- Do you have a hex on you?
- A what?
- You know... an evil eye.
- I don't think so.
- I can remove it
- Thanks, no need for it.
Alright. Do you have a sacred wish?
- No, granny, I don't have one.
- You're lying.
I will fulfill TWO of your sacred wishes.
As an exception to the rule.
For I see you are not quite a scumbag yet.
Granny!
- Granny, let's put your bike in. They might steal it.
- That does not concern you.
TWO and no more.
And that's that.
Aleksandr left his cigarettes here
You already told me
Oh, yeah. Seems like a nice guy.
- So quiet
- Yes, quiet
- And knows when to stop drinking
- Yes, he knows.
- Tell him to stop by more
- I will
- And he liked the Van Gogh
You shouldn't criticize your work.
Look, finish this swan.
We can give the Van Gogh to Aleksandr
and move the swan here. It will fit better here.
- Mom, if only I could be like that...
- Like what?
Like her
She's all covered in feathers
like some American Indian
Alright... let's go to sleep.
If only I could be like that...
Young lady,
Please take a seat
- Me?
- Yes, you
Please go ahead
What... What is it?
Did my face get dirty?
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
Mom!
Have a look at me.
- You're my beauty.
- You recognize me?
What, you want me to not recognize you?
- Office supplies.
- Hello, Yakov Alekseevich
- It's me, Nastya
- Where are you?
- Yakov Alekseevich, my mom is really sick
Can you give me a few
days off, without pay?
Really?
- Yakov Alekseevich, I have
never asked you before
- All right, take it.
- Thank you, Yakov Alekseevich
And who are you?
Plotnikova's replacement, are you?
Yeah, I am Plotnikova's replacement.
If this job's too hard for her,
she should come out and say so.
We'll find someone else, no problem.
- We give her free living quarters
- Why are you yelling? I am working here.
Gentle lady,
Howdy.
Hi.
This task is not for you, lady.
We can handle it without you.
You go right ahead, have fun, enjoy, get some rest
Margunin!
What is it?
All your sewer covers have been stolen
and look what you're up to.
- Did you deliver the pipes?
- Where am I to get them?
- Alright, go and they'll sign out the pipes for you?
Young lady, you rest up and enjoy yourself.
I'll send the right person here now.
So you are our new maintenance man?
I'm replacing Plotnikova
Plotnikova?
I know... Sounds familiar.
Cuz...they stole all the sewer covers
and no one has put any flags up
somebody will surely fall
into the hole
it happens
Huh! Precisely,
one already fell in!
Mommy dear! That's Titerin himself!
Come along.
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
Don't worry. We'll take care of it.
You step aside please.
- Really, you don't have to.
- We'll do it. Come give me a hand.
Take it. And ONE, TWO, THREE!
Let's get it one more time.
ONE...TWO...THREE!
Total chaos in the district.
Is it really that hard to put up
a road barrier?
We do put them, but they get stolen.
Also, it's the maintenance people who answer for that.
Are you the maintenance?
- You?!
- What can maintenance people do about it,
when they don't even get a tool shed?
What can they do?
I have an offer.
What offer?
We've purchased some Japanese technology.
It cleans, sweeps and washes all by itself.
Would you like to see it?
We do.
I cannot.
- My mom is...
- We'll convince her.
Mom.
- Mom, we have guests.
- Hello!
You're still sick, mommy-o?
Maksim Petrovich, why did you come down personally?
I already told Margunin I'd start tomorrow...
By no means! Stay in bed
until you've fully recovered.
This is comrade Teterin,
our new district prefect.
And if you need anything,
you let me know.
- Don't be shy
- Oh, I'll tell him, you parasite!
I'll tell him everything.
For two years now I ask himto make me
a tool shed. They won't lift a finger.
Meanwhile I come home,
and the rubber hose is stolen!
And that's how it goes, mister Prefect.
Well I hope you got the message now?
Here's my direct phone line.
If you need anything, do call me.
I'll be glad to hear from you.
Meanwhile, we wanted to show
your daughter some Japanese technology.
- Any objections?
- Mom, I told them I couldn't...
Yeah? Why can't you?
Go have fun, no use sitting at home.
You've sat long enough.
If there's a heaviness upon my heart
In her alone I seek the answer
And not because she radiates a light
But because with her one does not need light.
And in the circle of universes,
And in the twilight of the brooding hour
- There's but one star whose name my lips repeat...
- Please watch the road, or we'll crash.
Yes, ma'am!
Oh Nastya, Nastya!
What?
- This is what I wanted to avoid. It's what I feared...
- What did you fear?
I was afraid to fall in love.
- Please don't laugh. It's serious.
It only seems that way to you.
You do not know me at all.
- I've fallen in love, perhaps for the very first time...
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, please stop the car now!
They're selling red beets there!
I must buy some for the borscht.
But only on one condition.
You must stay in the car.
- Teterin speaking.
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, the mayor is looking for you.
- Tell him I am meeting with constituents
- Got it!
- Also, the Japanese are here...
- I said I'd be in at 1pm. 1pm! Over and out!
Oh my lord, they act like children.
They can't take any decisions themselves.
Maybe just to hell with it all, and
let's drive out somewhere scenic to relax?
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you are expected by
you constituents, and me- by my mom.
And in the twilight of the brooding hour
There's but one star whose name my lips repeat
Could you please tell me, Ivan the Terrible Street-
is that the old Liberty Street?
No. It's the old Clara Zetkin street.
Thank you.
Excuse me, does Aleksandr Pechogin live here?
- Which one is that?
- A young guy, not very tall.
Ah, Sashka!
Yes.
- who's against? -me
- who abstains? -me
- adopted!
- i'm still against!...
you're welcome!
In a Dark Age of transition, everywhere and always
the worst scum of every society rises to the top
And it not only lacks objectives, but also any sign of contemplation.
It expresses with all its might only its own restlessness and impatience.
Meanwhile this well-known scum unwittingly comes
under the influence of a tightly-knit clique
of a so-called vanguard who act with a specific aim
- Excuse me, where can I find Sasha?
Down the corridor, to the left.
Second door after the kitchen.
- ...and other idiots, which also happens.
brilliant, isn't it?!
- yes...absolutely
no, that's incorrect! I'll tell you this much: scum are
those who took for themselves two packs of bedsheets
...and the idiots are those who voted for it
- ladies and gentlemen, I thought we agreed to hold a concert
- you can shove this concert up your ass!
Please come in
- gentlemen, I ask you to observe language that's parliament-worthy
- oh, please...
Hello.
Excuse me, is Aleksandr home?
Hello.
He's not here. But he might be back soon.
You may wait for him.
Please take off your jacket
and have a seat.
My name is Olya.
Pardon me, but who are you? You don't
have to answer if you don't want to.
Why not? My name is Nastya.
I work as a clerk in
an office supplies store.
Is that the truth? Although, I am sorry
I have no reason to not believe you.
So let's entertain the idea
that you're an office supplies clerk
for now
- why for now?
- because...
because with your physical attributes,
you'll be a make-up artist in a month
somewhere in America
- Or in the worst case, in Israel.
- I don't know. I am not planning to take my attributes anywhere.
Well, everyone says they have no such plans.
Forgive me my directness, Nastya...
I don't know what relations you have with Sasha.
He's my brother, a very good person whom I love...
But believe me that despite all his good qualities,
he is unworthy of you.
because you... how should I say this?...
What time is Sasha coming?
Actually, after 6. But I thought,
perhaps he'd drop in sooner.
Yesterday, in one house, he left his cigarettes.
I was asked to return them.
- Bye.
Why do you consider your brother
unworthy of me?
Because you are you,
and he is he.
Good afternoon.
Girls!
- Good afternoon
- Howdy
- Do you know how to read? We're closed...
- Oh, Valya, who gave you a black eye?
What the...?! Are you blind?
Woman, can't you read the sign?
Closed for lunch.
Greetings to you from Nastya Plotnikova.
I am her relative.
I came to visit her from
the city of Tver.
Our dear Nastya? How is she doing?
Taking care of her mom. Doing maintenance work.
So I decided, I should replace her at work.
for now.
No, thanks. Your move...
Thank you so much. Do excuse us,
but we'll do our dear Nastya's work ourselves.
Then I will go
Say hi to Nastya
Actually, I don't even know
anyone in this city.
It's bad when one has no acquaintances.
If you want, you can come to Makhno metro station at 7pm
My husband will be doing a performance there.
It's a very prestigious show.
Thank you, dear Katya!
Your face looks very familiar.
Where could I have seen you?
You have to guess.
- Yesterday...
- At the dinosaurs?
As you were jumping off the bridge.
Do you remember?
Hazily.
...And when you fell asleep
at someone's house...
Have you forgotten?
Are you Nastya?
Nastya
Pardon me.
Heh! Some mental lapses!
Did your mom get upset with me?
- On the contrary. She talked all night about
how you're so calm and modest
- Really?
I don't remember very well.
Do you remember what we talked about
when you walked me home?
Yes... in general terms...
And how you set a date with me?
Have you forgotten?
You forgot.
Of course I remember!
Where, then?
- You tell me where. I remember.
- Metro station "Makhno"
- At 7
- Right, Makhno at 7
Nastya, I am sorry, I
landed a small job here.
Hey, chief, be a pal,
can u stop this machine?
Nastya dear, take a look,
which way fits me better?
Up to here, or down to here?
It was good like it was.
No, why should I look like a relic?
We have people visiting nowadays.
Yeah, up to here.
Mom, do you know how to tap-dance?
Peace of cake!
Oh, I am not supposed to.
So, did you return the cigarettes?
I did.
Was he glad?
He was.
OK, come what may,
I'm gonna trim it.
Mom, do you think it's acceptable
if I ask Teterin to hire Sasha as a driver?
Of course it's acceptable.
But how does it look? I barely met him
and I'm already bugging him for favors...
Oh, please.
Does he have a drivers license?
Yes, he does...probably.
- Teterin speaking.
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, hello again.
- Margunin has stopped by. They want
to install the toilet door for me.
- Can you imagine?
- Mom...
They're simply tormenting me and you!
I could punch a hole through this door with
my bare finger. It's as thin as cardboard.
- Punch through what?
- The closet door
- What door? Who is speaking?
- It's Tonya Plotnikova?
- What Tonya?... Who?!
Nastya's mom.
- Hello
- Mom, say about Sasha
- Oh, whatever.
- I beg your pardon.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, Nastya has
given me an idea here...
You know we have this one
relative here, named Sasha
So well-mannered, quiet, not a drunk.
Can we give him a job as your driver?
- Well why not? Of course. Tell him to come by today
- Thank you.
No problem. Tell me, is Nastya there?
Could you give her the phone?
Nastya? Yeah, sure.
- It's for you
- I'm not here
- Alright, please send her my regards.
- I will. Thank you, Vladimir Nikolaevich.
- So you won't forget about that door?
- I won't
- OK, thanks, bye now.
Mom, so what about Sasha?
Also settled. You're taking Sasha and
bringing him there with all his work papers.
But tell him it's gotta be today.
There's too many applicants for a gig like that.
- I'm listening...
- Hello, Olya, this is Nastya
- Olya, did Sasha come home?
- No
I'll go ahead and hang myself
And they will bury me
[WESTERN ACCENT] Oh, you look fine...
- Hello
- Hello
I am sorry for making an acquaintance on the street,
but perhaps we will be dining together?
- ...and making photographs?
- Nah, we won't be.
Then maybe we'll buy some brand-name clothes
and you will be in my collection of Beautiful Russian Women?
- No
- I'll pay in dollars
- Mister, want me to show you a trick?
- I don't understand very well.
- May I?
- What for?
A trick, look!
OK? Let's run!
[SINGING]...I'll go ahead and hang myself...
- Woa! We ran away.
- Olya, you're nuts.
We should have ripped out
his sideburns, that foreign pervert!
- But where is your hat?
- Oh no, it fell off back there.
- Wait here
- Forget it. Don't go, they'll beat you.
Pardon me.
But this hat already has an owner.
Do pardon me.
Hey, beauty, where are you off to?
Stop, I am asking you nicely.
But the hat is ours.
Just try and come closer! Just try it.
- I'll slam you so hard that you'll spend your
hole life working off the hospital bills
- Oh yeah?!
- Say what?!
- Have you no decency?
Say what?!
- We're not bother you...
- Why, look at you...
- ...and you leave us alone
- ...and look at how you behave
Come on, there's no one around.
Nothing but trash here.
- Hey, Crooky, hold this
- Let's go.
And how about the TV set?
And what about the china?
I'm bringing it
You know, Nastya, until the
age of 13, I was an Ugly Duckling
- Where to?
- We're to see Teterin
But when I realized that someone could like me,
I lost all interest in being that.
What do you think of love, does it exist?
- It probably does
- Well, I can't fall in love.
I want to... We're to see Teterin... and I cannot.
- Why is that?
- Perhaps you are overly demanding
- What do you think of Shakespeare?
- Shakespeare is an English writer.
How do you interpret Hamlet's words:
"One must be cruel only to be kind"?
Excuse me for a second
Pardon me, can you tell me
where Mr. Teterin's office is?
- It's over there
- Thank you
- Here's the documents, I'll wait for you here
- But what if they ask me something. No, come along.
Excuse me, who is the last in line here?
We are.
Then we'll be after you.
And here everyone is amazed at you, too.
Or have you gotten used to it?
Not quite.
Thank you, gentlemen, please...
Here, please meet the
most beautiful girl in Moscow.
Anastasia Plotnikova herself!
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you have
a call from Washington, D.C.
As soon as I am done,
send in Plotnikova.
Goodbye.
I see you took the time to charm even Teterin.
Olya dear, I've known him for only 20 minutes.
Oh, Nastya, this isn't my hat.
- How can that be?
- Someone else's...
It's totally new, with a new label.
Nightmare, what have we done?!
Turns out we stole it from him?!
Not stole it... we "privatized" it.
You cannot come in. He is
on a call with Washington.
- Will it be long?
- I don't know.
- But next appointment is Plotnikova
- Who?
Plotnikova. His orders.
You just tell him I am here.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, do excuse me,
Zhukova is here.
but you ordered to send in Plotnikova
I am all confused, don't know whom to send in.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, did you hear me?
Send in Plotnikova.
- As I understand it, you are Plotnikova?
- I am
- What for?
- Trash
Hey, where are you going?
So you're buying beets for newbies,
you slimy democrat!
- Scumbag!
- Let go of my hair, you fool!
Olya!
- What now?
- Please hear me out.
What is there to hear? That you
have known Teterin for only 20 minutes.
And you leave us alone, got it?
- But this is unfair.
- One must be cruel only to be kind.
Shakespeare, Hamlet.
Wear it, buddy. An investment.
Mercedes 600 will take you away from all your...
Yakov Alekseevich, may I please sit here awhile?
- I am a relative of Nastya Plotnikova.
- Actually, no, you're not allowed to.
Swimsuits from the firm Kitaina.
Sold in the USA and in Beryozka stores.
What are you...?
What for?
Please don't. We'll fix it ourselves.
Oh, come now...
Don't be so upset.
Our Nastya will come and fix it all.
Come now... don't cry.
Calm down.
- I'm so cold...
- Please don't
- I got hit in the face for no reason
That's alright. Nowadays everyone
gets it in the face.
I keep calling and calling him,
but she hangs up on me.
Yakov Alekseevich,
maybe you can call him?
- No, I wouldn't feel right.
- It's not for me. It's for your beloved Nastya.
- For Nastya?
- Yes.
You see...she met one young man.
But his sister decided that Nastya is a slut.
Nastya?! Plotnikova?!
Yes.
- How can I reach her?
- Here is the phone number.
But you don't need to talk to her.
Just ask Sasha to come to the phone
I wish to inform you...
...First of all, Nastya Plotnikova
is a fantastic worker...
...Second, Nastya Plotnikova is a person with a crystal-pure soul
- Third...in every moral sense, Nastya Plotnikova is...
- They're buying! They're buying the "Dzerzhinsky"!
He's paying three dollars!
I made eyes at him...
What a fool I am. I should have said $5.
Hey, Valya, offer him the "Stalin"!
No, that wasn't for you.
Pardon me, I'll call you back.
Help me, or else he might skip out!
- One dollar
- Yes...
Two dollars
And three dollars
Good?
Mister! Are you interested in history?
I recommend taking the full set.
For two dollars.
Ah, this is comrade Leonid Brezhnev...
...looking very young.
Now so hard to get. Do take it.
Fraulein, I approached you to make a photo
because you look like Madonna.
And what did you do to me?
A hole into wool.
Hooligan!
See how you're tramping around here,
just spoiling all the business.
Yakov Alekseevich, maybe we should display them
on all the shelves upfront, so they are more visible?
Yeah, all the ones we have on the shelf
We put up there for DOLLARS!
Oh look, Stalin's mustache piece broke off
We can glue it back.
Woman...sweetheart,
why are you touching products with your hands?
and sticking your nose in...?
Yes, it's me again.
Yes...
Oh yeah?
You and your brother aren't worth
even Nastya's pinky finger!
...but it only from us...
You're the one who's a
loose-mannered geisha!
Swimsuits from the firm Kitaina.
Sold in the USA and in Beryozka stores.
- Maybe that one in white?
- No
- What about the one in grey?
- Not very...
Good-not too good. We're losing time.
That one in the jacket.
Light!
- Block it off!
- Block the foot traffic.
- Camera on me.
- Hey, what's this?
- Sorry, the exit is closed.
Move along, move along.
And thus, the computer revealed to us
the one billionth passanger. You're the one.
Please introduce yourself.
- What?
- What is your name?
- Anastasia
- Anastasia! A remarkable Russian name!
And now, a minute for a commercial.
Girl, off to the make-up artists, quick!
Citizen-passengers, please be conscientious
We kindly ask of you.
There she is, our charming lucky winner! Applause!
And now, our "billionth" sponsors
have prepared a surprise.
Is it a small blouse or a jacket?
Please go ahead!
A coat... slightly made from mink.
And now 2 minutes for commercials.
That was for our TV viewers.
But for us, the White Walz.
Billionth-Dame, invite the gentlemen.
Excuse me, can I invite a friend of mine?
- He's supposed to be here
- When he arrives, you may. Meanwhile,
permit me to be in his place
Citizen-passangers...
...due to maintenance, the Makhno
station is temporarily closed.
the doors will not be opening.
Won't the doors be opening?
- They won't be.
- They won't let the passangers out?
- It's only temporary
- Someone is supposed to
meet me here for a date at 7
- How will he get here? Can you talk to someone?
- First of all, it's not 7 yet. Second, it's only for a short while.
We'll wrap it up very soon.
Katya! Excuse me.
Katya, it's me!
- Do you recognize me?
- Of course I do!
May I introduce Ekaterina. She
is the one who invited me here.
Good evening. No reason not to drink then.
Mikhalych!
- A national figure is drinking vodka.
- Let him. We have enough for everyone.
That's your business, but keep in mind:
he'll be getting his check lying down.
- Let's go
- Pardon me
You know, I had told Katya this...
that Chekhov was correct
when he said
When you gaze upon beauty, you sense
yourself to be a temporary phenomenon.
- But beauty is eternal like the sky or the sea
- Nobody cares what someone once said. Let's go dance!
Want to dance? Come, we invite you.
Bud, help me out. Your flowers for my belt.
- A belt? What's that, a "Vranger"?
Hello
I represent the Association
of Independent Passangers
I must immediately pass these flowers
to the Makhno station.
Look who woke up! Should have done it
earlier. They won't open the doors there now.
My association will go on a hunger strike.
Alright, I will put you in the rear cabin.
Billionth-Dame!
May I introduce our sponsor from South Korea!
He invited us for a boat ride
Can we also come along?
- Are these your friends?
- Yes
They are all invited. And this is my girl.
You are all invited!
Tell me, have you ever had a view of
Moscow in the night from the water?
Darling, I probably can't go.
I have to wake up early tomorrow.
What to do? Hang on, let me ask
my friend, he'll walk you home.
Have a nice swim together!
Katya, hold on!
Why are you just standing there?
Go after her.
- I can't catch up with her now.
- Why you! She loves you so much.
Get away from me, I don't want to see you.
Get away.
Billionth-Dame!
Quit pouting, Billionth-Dame!
Come for the front-cover photo shoot.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
here's our surprise for Uncle Savelyi
May I introduce Ms. Tver and Ms. Israel.
Be my guest.
Pardon me, gentlemen!
May I see you for a second?
These are a belated gift from
Sasha Pechogin, if you remember him.
And he asked me to give you this message:
that he left for Singapour...forever!
- So long!
- Sasha, wait, I'll explain everything.
Olya was right. You are you, and I am me.
- It's just a coincidence.
- No, it's fate. Such is life!
I wish you happiness.
Fool!
Billionth-Dame!
Where are you off to?
We have to hand in
an honorary check now!
To hell with all of you!
God, why did I need all this?
I don't want it.
I don't want it!
Hello?
Nastya, this is Sasha
I messed things up a bit, didn't I?
Umm...yep
Which office supplies store are you in?
The one over by the bridge?
Yep.
- Then I'll stop by, ok?
- Yep.
- I'll stop by.
- I'll be waiting.
Young lady, where are you going?
I'm here to visit an acquaintence.
What acquaintance, for goodness sake?
This place is under remodeling for 5 years now.
It's open.
Hey, it's me.
- How's your mom?
- She's fine.
Valya, this one guy will come asking for Nastya.
Tell him that she...flew away to Tver.
forever!
Look at me, I went for a ride!
- Hello, Yakov Alekseevich?
- Oh, you're back?
That's good.
Are you not feeling well?
- Insomnia
- Oh... Where are you going?
Downstairs to the repair shop.
Maybe they can fix it.
Nastya has come just now.
Wanna talk to her?
No, I won't.
Don't want to.
She doesn't want to.
OK, Mymrik, it's time for me to go.
You call me, ok? Call me.
Nastya, can you imagine-
he woke me up and started
- ...talking, talking, talking...
- Katya!
this one guy is about to show up
and ask for Nastya Plotnikova
So just tell him she flew away to Tver
She has it there!
He says you have erasers in stock
We want 100 pieces.
The limit is 2 per person
- We're buying for the entire school
- Oh, just give it to them, before they drag
the whole gang in here.
Katya, ring them up for 100
- Hello
- Hello
Tell me, does Nastya Plotnikova work here?
- Uh-huh
- Plotnikova has slipped away
Come again?
Nastya's gone. She flew away.
To Tver.
What Tver, young lady, I just
spoke to her on the phone.
She talked to you and
instantly flew away.
Valya, don't ring up any more
erasers. These are the last batch.
So, apparently she flew away...
Yes, she flew away.
- For a long time?
- Forever.
Here. Each box contains 30 pieces.
You can count it yourself.
One...two...three...
So, I am in Singapour, and you're in Tver.
And there is no forgiveness for me.
This is for you.
A positive feedback.
Aunty-dear, some boxes have
white erasers, and others- green.
- Do you have any yellow ones?
- I'll be right back.
Sasha!
...Now I'll go and hang myself...
Sasha!
What?
Got it!
I'm alien to this festival of life.
Forgive me, good people!
Good bye.
Don't be afraid. There's a ledge there.
What ledge! They removed it this morning.
Oh God!
Your hand! Give me your hand!
Your hand, come on!
One second. Have I told you
that you are a good person?
You did, now give me your hand.
And that I like you a lot,
did I say that?
You haven't said that.
Then consider it said.
Oh shoot! Goddamit!
They've open up all these holes, damn parasites!
Yawn
Moscow 1992
Do you have any notebooks?
No, we have no notebooks either.
How about ink?
No ink either.
How about a geometric compass?
We don't have one, but we
do have the "goat legs" device
Here, take a look.
You stick a pencil in here,
stand it like this, and turn it
And do you have any
pencils in stock?
No. No pencils.
And what's in those
ink cartridges?
There's nothing in them.
They're just there for decoration.
And what did they
used to contain before?
Little boy, why don't
you take a hike?
You can do that yourself.
Whaaat?!
Well? Has it begun?
Saint Yakov Alekseevich
They're just going to the bath-house
Aunty-dear, do you have
any erasers?
Yes, we do have erasers.
Here
So, are you taking them?
I'm taking.
Varya, ring him up!
Ask if they said
anything over the radio
Well, ask, go ahead.
Well...those bastards!
- Is it a coup?
- No, not that
They stole our rubber hose
Yakov Alekseevich, may I please run home?
Mom's having a heart attack.
Mom, let's not talk about that
So you don't even believe
there's happy families out there
There are... one in a thousand
And you will have one, too.
Why do you refuse it in advance?
Mom, I thought we had an agreement...
OK, I'll keep mum
...And how is Val'ka doing?
Is she still rotating her boyfriends?
She is.
Well, that's the way to go.
She'll look around for some time
and finally find someone
Whereas I'm gonna die
and you will be left all alone
But you'd better ask me:
"Is it easy to live your whole life alone?"
Mom!
The majority of women have already been married,
got a divorce, and will never marry ever again.
not for anything!
But people will gossip that no one
wants to marry you
And what do you think? You think
I have no boys I know?
- I don't mean that
- Well, I have them!
Who?
A guy.
Then why are you sitting
at home all the time?
Go out with him.
Mom, where am I gonna go
if you are sick?
What do I need you for?
I'll knock on the neighbor's wall
and she'll come over
Come on, go out with him
And you know something!
Bring him here.
We could all watch TV together
And I could enjoy a bit more
Ah, here it is.
Hello...?
Well if you want, maybe
I will bring him here now
Sweetheart, put on my shoes
Mom, it's wet outside,
they'll get ruined
Just put them on
Shurik! Hello! How's life?
Life's normal. But who is this?
It's Nastya? Have you
forgotton me? Ay, ay, ay!
You and I met at Mymrik's
birthday party
Oh, are you Valya?
No, I am a friend of hers.
I was wearing a beige dress.
So, what are you doing right now?
Studying
And I had some free time,
so I thought, why don't I call you.
It's such nice weather,
maybe we can take a walk?
Well, I am actually busy
Shurik, I really need you.
I have a proposition for you.
We need to talk.
Alright, I'll meet you at 7
by the Engels monument.
Good. I'll be there.
Shurik! Here I am.
Hi.
Umm...Hi
Well... what's up!
So, what's going on? Report.
Are we just gonna stand around here?
Let's take a walk.
Let's.
Well...start talking.
Quite honestly, I don't have
any proposal for you.
I was just in the right mood,
so I decided to give you a call.
And I am glad that I called
Actually, I've got lots
of studying to do
You shouldn't study all the time. Your
whole life will pass and you won't notice
How about we go to my place.
It's better than freezing ourselves out here.
Let's go
- Young man!
- Me?
Could you please
punch me in the face?
Don't react to him
I deserve it
We're not bothering you,
and you please don't bother us
Come, come
I understand.
Sir! Could you please punch me in the face?
Sometime in the winter, I will.
- Hippy! If I hit him,
his head would fall off...
- Yes
- Hippy!
Ah, forget him. May I ?
Excuse me. I feel more
comfortable this way.
Excuse me for wearing high heels
Hey listen! How about we
go get your books and study at
my place?
Our place is quiet.
There's my sick mom there, but
she won't get in your way
Why? Why did you call me out here
if you can't even wear high heels?
Shurik, don't get upset.
My mom made me wear them.
Why did you drag me
out of the house?
For me to sit with your sick mom?
What the hell does she
need me for?
You'd better sit with her yourself,
instead of calling up random people
Next time keep in mind
No matter how I am,
I will always find me someone, if I need to.
And it will be someone
better than you.
Oh, it's you.
What's happened to you?
Come in. It's nothing.
Hi, Mymrik
Nastya, you're a reasonable person.
You make the call
We're going out of town to a concert
Just for one day
For one night
An administrator is coming with us.
Is this normal?
A female adminisrator.
The woman is 100 years old!
She's 40
What's the difference?
- Ah, here they are.
- Thank you.
- What's that?
- Glasses.
Ah, they've come for me.
I'll open it.
Please stop crying. Please don't.
Howdy.
Should I cancel my trip?
What do you mean "cancel"?
Have you totally lost it?
Howdy.
The train is coming in 20 minutes.
I'll call you
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Have a nice day.
Wait, you forgot the bag
Why the hell does he need
a suitcase for just 1 day?
- Here!
- OK, thanks a lot
- You're welcome
- I'll give you a call
- Bye bye.
Well, why do you always
torment him?
He's a total saint.
I never see him off.
I can't stand watching him leave.
I have only 2 people,
you and Mymrik.
and I have only 2:
you and mom.
Mom wants me to bring
home some sort of boyfriend.
Then she will calm down.
So now I wanted to
borrow Mymrik from you.
My poor poor girl.
Oh how badly you need a man.
Let's call Val'ka.
She's always got a
truckfull of boyfriends.
Perhaps we shouldn't?
Hi.
- Valechka, you see...
- You can tell me later
- To the center!
- Cost you a gran
Get in.
Hey there, little dame!
- What about the money?
- I'm sorry, chief, no can't do.
They don't like it when
I pay money to men.
- We don't like it, dear.
- OK, fine.
We'll be seeing each other.
Well why are you all shy?
Come over here.
Hello.
Hello to you.
Gentlemen, get acquainted. This is Nastya.
We need a third...
What to do?
Should we give Veller a call?
Lost your mind.
Then let's call Fima.
Shoot. We should have warned
them ahead of time.
Oh, why am I wasting everyone's time!
I totally forgot: I can't today.
That's right, I cannot.
Please do excuse me.
- Do you want me to come with you?
- No, it's fine. Thank you, so sorry, bye!
They're expecting me
I fell down. It's slippery.
Lady, your face is very familiar.
Where could I have seen you before?
I don't know.
Lady must not think that
Aleksandr Pechogin is a drunkard.
Aleksandr Pechogin went to the
dinosaurs to get a job as a driver.
And the dinosaurs give
Aleksandr Pechogin a glass of Vodka to drink.
I drank and they instantly give me
another one, telling me to chase it down
with water.
I drink it, but it's vodka.
Pranksters.
Still, you have a very
familiar face.
Where could I have seen you before?
Excuse me, on which dates
did they say they'd cut off the electric
current to the tram line?
on even or odd days?
on even ones.
and today is which one?
an even one.
Aleksandr Pechogin, wake up.
We've arrived.
Lady
Lady, wait. I just remembered...
I saw you under comrade Engels
- Why are you following me?
- I am walking you home
- What for?
- Because I am a gentleman
Listen, gentleman, go home
and get some sleep
Understood
People!
She does not need me.
In fact, nobody needs me
I am a stranger to this
festival of life
Forgive me and good bye!
What are you doing?
So long
Over here
I'm sorry, but it wasn't meant to be.
Why, you... you...are an idiot!
- It's all over now
- You're an imbecile!
I've been condemned to remain alive.
Why, you...you're a total psycho!
There's a ledge here
And if you missed it, you'd be
falling 20 meters down
And that would have been the best scenario
What should I do with you?
- Call the cops?
- What for? They'll pick me up anyway.
Where do you live?
Ivan the Terrible Street #6, apt 9
- Let me walk you home.
- No need.
Hey, do I have a bruise here?
You asked for it.
Why did you want to get it?
I am an epitomy...
What?
A punishment because I...
too long to explain
Alright, then. Take care.
All the best to you.
Take off your coat.
Oh, button up your shirt.
And comb your hair.
Do you have a comb?
Come over here
Mom, why did you get up?
I'm feeling much better. Hello.
This is Aleksandr.
Nastya's mom. Very pleased to meet you.
Oh, no. Please don't. We're informal here.
Nastya, please get him slippers.
Please have a seat.
You over here, and Nastya over here.
And I'll be here on the edge.
Help yourself.
Macaroni from flour.
Homemade cabbage.
- Salt.
- Mom, we already ate.
- We were visiting friends
- Is that so? What a pity.
Well, let's drink a shot,
and then I'll leave you two alone.
I've got things to finish up in the kitchen.
He's gonna take a pass.
I'll pass.
In that case I'll drink alone.
To our encounter!
Mom, you've lost it.
You've got a heart condition,
and you're drinking
It's alright.
Please do go ahead and smoke.
I can smoke later on.
Pardon me, Aleksandr,
so when did you first meet Nastya?
Because she's got nothing
but secrets from me.
He frequents our store... every day...
And that's where me met.
I see.
And all this you see,
Nastya sewed it all by herself.
That one there is
Van Gogh... Vincent.
The one who cut off his ear.
You recall?
It's called "Sunflowers"
And these days, Nastya is
working on "The Swan Lake"
Do you remember it
from the ballet?
He comes to the lake, and
when the swan sees him, it comes
alive and starts to dance.
That's very pretty
It came alive and started dancing
like so: tam, tam...
mom...
I'll be right back
I'll have something to eat.
- Whom are you trying to reach?
- Did you order the engine oil?
- No
There was this man with a beard-
he told me it was apartment 9
Oh, that's one flight down.
This building has two #9 apartments
He fell asleep. He's probably tired.
Maybe we should give him
the roll-out bed?
No can't do.
Sasha!
you fell asleep
You need to walk him home.
So that our local hooligans
don't harass him.
Watch out!
And there's your tram.
And here is my tram...
- You're a good person. We should get together.
- We can...
How can I call you?
- 333-77-22
- I'll remember it
Well, take care, Tanya.
My name is Nastya.
Forgive me. I've got these lapses... Bye.
So you call me, alright?
Hey, move aside.
Airhead.
Oh, shoot, damn it!
They opened up all the
holes in the city, damn parasites!
Here, here, let me help you,
did you hurt yourself, grandma?
They removed all the lids
from the sewers on purpose
So that people fall right through them
Not really, granny. People are stealing it
for themselves- for iron recycling
Look at that. Can one call
this a potato?
It's only good for shooting
with a slingshot
It would be nice to take this potatoe
and shoot her right in the eye!
Who?
Why, that seller girl
Now yank my bike out of there
and I will head home
Maybe you shouldn't?
Now it's dark and dangerous.
In that case, you pull it yourself
Follow me
OK... This way.
Bring the bike up
- You...watch it there, don't bend the spokes
It'a an imported vehicle.
- I won't bend them, granny
- Do you have a hex on you?
- A what?
- You know... an evil eye.
- I don't think so.
- I can remove it
- Thanks, no need for it.
Alright. Do you have a sacred wish?
- No, granny, I don't have one.
- You're lying.
I will fulfill TWO of your sacred wishes.
As an exception to the rule.
For I see you are not quite a scumbag yet.
Granny!
- Granny, let's put your bike in. They might steal it.
- That does not concern you.
TWO and no more.
And that's that.
Aleksandr left his cigarettes here
You already told me
Oh, yeah. Seems like a nice guy.
- So quiet
- Yes, quiet
- And knows when to stop drinking
- Yes, he knows.
- Tell him to stop by more
- I will
- And he liked the Van Gogh
You shouldn't criticize your work.
Look, finish this swan.
We can give the Van Gogh to Aleksandr
and move the swan here. It will fit better here.
- Mom, if only I could be like that...
- Like what?
Like her
She's all covered in feathers
like some American Indian
Alright... let's go to sleep.
If only I could be like that...
Young lady,
Please take a seat
- Me?
- Yes, you
Please go ahead
What... What is it?
Did my face get dirty?
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
Mom!
Have a look at me.
- You're my beauty.
- You recognize me?
What, you want me to not recognize you?
- Office supplies.
- Hello, Yakov Alekseevich
- It's me, Nastya
- Where are you?
- Yakov Alekseevich, my mom is really sick
Can you give me a few
days off, without pay?
Really?
- Yakov Alekseevich, I have
never asked you before
- All right, take it.
- Thank you, Yakov Alekseevich
And who are you?
Plotnikova's replacement, are you?
Yeah, I am Plotnikova's replacement.
If this job's too hard for her,
she should come out and say so.
We'll find someone else, no problem.
- We give her free living quarters
- Why are you yelling? I am working here.
Gentle lady,
Howdy.
Hi.
This task is not for you, lady.
We can handle it without you.
You go right ahead, have fun, enjoy, get some rest
Margunin!
What is it?
All your sewer covers have been stolen
and look what you're up to.
- Did you deliver the pipes?
- Where am I to get them?
- Alright, go and they'll sign out the pipes for you?
Young lady, you rest up and enjoy yourself.
I'll send the right person here now.
So you are our new maintenance man?
I'm replacing Plotnikova
Plotnikova?
I know... Sounds familiar.
Cuz...they stole all the sewer covers
and no one has put any flags up
somebody will surely fall
into the hole
it happens
Huh! Precisely,
one already fell in!
Mommy dear! That's Titerin himself!
Come along.
Vladimir Nikolaevich!
Don't worry. We'll take care of it.
You step aside please.
- Really, you don't have to.
- We'll do it. Come give me a hand.
Take it. And ONE, TWO, THREE!
Let's get it one more time.
ONE...TWO...THREE!
Total chaos in the district.
Is it really that hard to put up
a road barrier?
We do put them, but they get stolen.
Also, it's the maintenance people who answer for that.
Are you the maintenance?
- You?!
- What can maintenance people do about it,
when they don't even get a tool shed?
What can they do?
I have an offer.
What offer?
We've purchased some Japanese technology.
It cleans, sweeps and washes all by itself.
Would you like to see it?
We do.
I cannot.
- My mom is...
- We'll convince her.
Mom.
- Mom, we have guests.
- Hello!
You're still sick, mommy-o?
Maksim Petrovich, why did you come down personally?
I already told Margunin I'd start tomorrow...
By no means! Stay in bed
until you've fully recovered.
This is comrade Teterin,
our new district prefect.
And if you need anything,
you let me know.
- Don't be shy
- Oh, I'll tell him, you parasite!
I'll tell him everything.
For two years now I ask himto make me
a tool shed. They won't lift a finger.
Meanwhile I come home,
and the rubber hose is stolen!
And that's how it goes, mister Prefect.
Well I hope you got the message now?
Here's my direct phone line.
If you need anything, do call me.
I'll be glad to hear from you.
Meanwhile, we wanted to show
your daughter some Japanese technology.
- Any objections?
- Mom, I told them I couldn't...
Yeah? Why can't you?
Go have fun, no use sitting at home.
You've sat long enough.
If there's a heaviness upon my heart
In her alone I seek the answer
And not because she radiates a light
But because with her one does not need light.
And in the circle of universes,
And in the twilight of the brooding hour
- There's but one star whose name my lips repeat...
- Please watch the road, or we'll crash.
Yes, ma'am!
Oh Nastya, Nastya!
What?
- This is what I wanted to avoid. It's what I feared...
- What did you fear?
I was afraid to fall in love.
- Please don't laugh. It's serious.
It only seems that way to you.
You do not know me at all.
- I've fallen in love, perhaps for the very first time...
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, please stop the car now!
They're selling red beets there!
I must buy some for the borscht.
But only on one condition.
You must stay in the car.
- Teterin speaking.
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, the mayor is looking for you.
- Tell him I am meeting with constituents
- Got it!
- Also, the Japanese are here...
- I said I'd be in at 1pm. 1pm! Over and out!
Oh my lord, they act like children.
They can't take any decisions themselves.
Maybe just to hell with it all, and
let's drive out somewhere scenic to relax?
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you are expected by
you constituents, and me- by my mom.
And in the twilight of the brooding hour
There's but one star whose name my lips repeat
Could you please tell me, Ivan the Terrible Street-
is that the old Liberty Street?
No. It's the old Clara Zetkin street.
Thank you.
Excuse me, does Aleksandr Pechogin live here?
- Which one is that?
- A young guy, not very tall.
Ah, Sashka!
Yes.
- who's against? -me
- who abstains? -me
- adopted!
- i'm still against!...
you're welcome!
In a Dark Age of transition, everywhere and always
the worst scum of every society rises to the top
And it not only lacks objectives, but also any sign of contemplation.
It expresses with all its might only its own restlessness and impatience.
Meanwhile this well-known scum unwittingly comes
under the influence of a tightly-knit clique
of a so-called vanguard who act with a specific aim
- Excuse me, where can I find Sasha?
Down the corridor, to the left.
Second door after the kitchen.
- ...and other idiots, which also happens.
brilliant, isn't it?!
- yes...absolutely
no, that's incorrect! I'll tell you this much: scum are
those who took for themselves two packs of bedsheets
...and the idiots are those who voted for it
- ladies and gentlemen, I thought we agreed to hold a concert
- you can shove this concert up your ass!
Please come in
- gentlemen, I ask you to observe language that's parliament-worthy
- oh, please...
Hello.
Excuse me, is Aleksandr home?
Hello.
He's not here. But he might be back soon.
You may wait for him.
Please take off your jacket
and have a seat.
My name is Olya.
Pardon me, but who are you? You don't
have to answer if you don't want to.
Why not? My name is Nastya.
I work as a clerk in
an office supplies store.
Is that the truth? Although, I am sorry
I have no reason to not believe you.
So let's entertain the idea
that you're an office supplies clerk
for now
- why for now?
- because...
because with your physical attributes,
you'll be a make-up artist in a month
somewhere in America
- Or in the worst case, in Israel.
- I don't know. I am not planning to take my attributes anywhere.
Well, everyone says they have no such plans.
Forgive me my directness, Nastya...
I don't know what relations you have with Sasha.
He's my brother, a very good person whom I love...
But believe me that despite all his good qualities,
he is unworthy of you.
because you... how should I say this?...
What time is Sasha coming?
Actually, after 6. But I thought,
perhaps he'd drop in sooner.
Yesterday, in one house, he left his cigarettes.
I was asked to return them.
- Bye.
Why do you consider your brother
unworthy of me?
Because you are you,
and he is he.
Good afternoon.
Girls!
- Good afternoon
- Howdy
- Do you know how to read? We're closed...
- Oh, Valya, who gave you a black eye?
What the...?! Are you blind?
Woman, can't you read the sign?
Closed for lunch.
Greetings to you from Nastya Plotnikova.
I am her relative.
I came to visit her from
the city of Tver.
Our dear Nastya? How is she doing?
Taking care of her mom. Doing maintenance work.
So I decided, I should replace her at work.
for now.
No, thanks. Your move...
Thank you so much. Do excuse us,
but we'll do our dear Nastya's work ourselves.
Then I will go
Say hi to Nastya
Actually, I don't even know
anyone in this city.
It's bad when one has no acquaintances.
If you want, you can come to Makhno metro station at 7pm
My husband will be doing a performance there.
It's a very prestigious show.
Thank you, dear Katya!
Your face looks very familiar.
Where could I have seen you?
You have to guess.
- Yesterday...
- At the dinosaurs?
As you were jumping off the bridge.
Do you remember?
Hazily.
...And when you fell asleep
at someone's house...
Have you forgotten?
Are you Nastya?
Nastya
Pardon me.
Heh! Some mental lapses!
Did your mom get upset with me?
- On the contrary. She talked all night about
how you're so calm and modest
- Really?
I don't remember very well.
Do you remember what we talked about
when you walked me home?
Yes... in general terms...
And how you set a date with me?
Have you forgotten?
You forgot.
Of course I remember!
Where, then?
- You tell me where. I remember.
- Metro station "Makhno"
- At 7
- Right, Makhno at 7
Nastya, I am sorry, I
landed a small job here.
Hey, chief, be a pal,
can u stop this machine?
Nastya dear, take a look,
which way fits me better?
Up to here, or down to here?
It was good like it was.
No, why should I look like a relic?
We have people visiting nowadays.
Yeah, up to here.
Mom, do you know how to tap-dance?
Peace of cake!
Oh, I am not supposed to.
So, did you return the cigarettes?
I did.
Was he glad?
He was.
OK, come what may,
I'm gonna trim it.
Mom, do you think it's acceptable
if I ask Teterin to hire Sasha as a driver?
Of course it's acceptable.
But how does it look? I barely met him
and I'm already bugging him for favors...
Oh, please.
Does he have a drivers license?
Yes, he does...probably.
- Teterin speaking.
- Vladimir Nikolaevich, hello again.
- Margunin has stopped by. They want
to install the toilet door for me.
- Can you imagine?
- Mom...
They're simply tormenting me and you!
I could punch a hole through this door with
my bare finger. It's as thin as cardboard.
- Punch through what?
- The closet door
- What door? Who is speaking?
- It's Tonya Plotnikova?
- What Tonya?... Who?!
Nastya's mom.
- Hello
- Mom, say about Sasha
- Oh, whatever.
- I beg your pardon.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, Nastya has
given me an idea here...
You know we have this one
relative here, named Sasha
So well-mannered, quiet, not a drunk.
Can we give him a job as your driver?
- Well why not? Of course. Tell him to come by today
- Thank you.
No problem. Tell me, is Nastya there?
Could you give her the phone?
Nastya? Yeah, sure.
- It's for you
- I'm not here
- Alright, please send her my regards.
- I will. Thank you, Vladimir Nikolaevich.
- So you won't forget about that door?
- I won't
- OK, thanks, bye now.
Mom, so what about Sasha?
Also settled. You're taking Sasha and
bringing him there with all his work papers.
But tell him it's gotta be today.
There's too many applicants for a gig like that.
- I'm listening...
- Hello, Olya, this is Nastya
- Olya, did Sasha come home?
- No
I'll go ahead and hang myself
And they will bury me
[WESTERN ACCENT] Oh, you look fine...
- Hello
- Hello
I am sorry for making an acquaintance on the street,
but perhaps we will be dining together?
- ...and making photographs?
- Nah, we won't be.
Then maybe we'll buy some brand-name clothes
and you will be in my collection of Beautiful Russian Women?
- No
- I'll pay in dollars
- Mister, want me to show you a trick?
- I don't understand very well.
- May I?
- What for?
A trick, look!
OK? Let's run!
[SINGING]...I'll go ahead and hang myself...
- Woa! We ran away.
- Olya, you're nuts.
We should have ripped out
his sideburns, that foreign pervert!
- But where is your hat?
- Oh no, it fell off back there.
- Wait here
- Forget it. Don't go, they'll beat you.
Pardon me.
But this hat already has an owner.
Do pardon me.
Hey, beauty, where are you off to?
Stop, I am asking you nicely.
But the hat is ours.
Just try and come closer! Just try it.
- I'll slam you so hard that you'll spend your
hole life working off the hospital bills
- Oh yeah?!
- Say what?!
- Have you no decency?
Say what?!
- We're not bother you...
- Why, look at you...
- ...and you leave us alone
- ...and look at how you behave
Come on, there's no one around.
Nothing but trash here.
- Hey, Crooky, hold this
- Let's go.
And how about the TV set?
And what about the china?
I'm bringing it
You know, Nastya, until the
age of 13, I was an Ugly Duckling
- Where to?
- We're to see Teterin
But when I realized that someone could like me,
I lost all interest in being that.
What do you think of love, does it exist?
- It probably does
- Well, I can't fall in love.
I want to... We're to see Teterin... and I cannot.
- Why is that?
- Perhaps you are overly demanding
- What do you think of Shakespeare?
- Shakespeare is an English writer.
How do you interpret Hamlet's words:
"One must be cruel only to be kind"?
Excuse me for a second
Pardon me, can you tell me
where Mr. Teterin's office is?
- It's over there
- Thank you
- Here's the documents, I'll wait for you here
- But what if they ask me something. No, come along.
Excuse me, who is the last in line here?
We are.
Then we'll be after you.
And here everyone is amazed at you, too.
Or have you gotten used to it?
Not quite.
Thank you, gentlemen, please...
Here, please meet the
most beautiful girl in Moscow.
Anastasia Plotnikova herself!
Vladimir Nikolaevich, you have
a call from Washington, D.C.
As soon as I am done,
send in Plotnikova.
Goodbye.
I see you took the time to charm even Teterin.
Olya dear, I've known him for only 20 minutes.
Oh, Nastya, this isn't my hat.
- How can that be?
- Someone else's...
It's totally new, with a new label.
Nightmare, what have we done?!
Turns out we stole it from him?!
Not stole it... we "privatized" it.
You cannot come in. He is
on a call with Washington.
- Will it be long?
- I don't know.
- But next appointment is Plotnikova
- Who?
Plotnikova. His orders.
You just tell him I am here.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, do excuse me,
Zhukova is here.
but you ordered to send in Plotnikova
I am all confused, don't know whom to send in.
Vladimir Nikolaevich, did you hear me?
Send in Plotnikova.
- As I understand it, you are Plotnikova?
- I am
- What for?
- Trash
Hey, where are you going?
So you're buying beets for newbies,
you slimy democrat!
- Scumbag!
- Let go of my hair, you fool!
Olya!
- What now?
- Please hear me out.
What is there to hear? That you
have known Teterin for only 20 minutes.
And you leave us alone, got it?
- But this is unfair.
- One must be cruel only to be kind.
Shakespeare, Hamlet.
Wear it, buddy. An investment.
Mercedes 600 will take you away from all your...
Yakov Alekseevich, may I please sit here awhile?
- I am a relative of Nastya Plotnikova.
- Actually, no, you're not allowed to.
Swimsuits from the firm Kitaina.
Sold in the USA and in Beryozka stores.
What are you...?
What for?
Please don't. We'll fix it ourselves.
Oh, come now...
Don't be so upset.
Our Nastya will come and fix it all.
Come now... don't cry.
Calm down.
- I'm so cold...
- Please don't
- I got hit in the face for no reason
That's alright. Nowadays everyone
gets it in the face.
I keep calling and calling him,
but she hangs up on me.
Yakov Alekseevich,
maybe you can call him?
- No, I wouldn't feel right.
- It's not for me. It's for your beloved Nastya.
- For Nastya?
- Yes.
You see...she met one young man.
But his sister decided that Nastya is a slut.
Nastya?! Plotnikova?!
Yes.
- How can I reach her?
- Here is the phone number.
But you don't need to talk to her.
Just ask Sasha to come to the phone
I wish to inform you...
...First of all, Nastya Plotnikova
is a fantastic worker...
...Second, Nastya Plotnikova is a person with a crystal-pure soul
- Third...in every moral sense, Nastya Plotnikova is...
- They're buying! They're buying the "Dzerzhinsky"!
He's paying three dollars!
I made eyes at him...
What a fool I am. I should have said $5.
Hey, Valya, offer him the "Stalin"!
No, that wasn't for you.
Pardon me, I'll call you back.
Help me, or else he might skip out!
- One dollar
- Yes...
Two dollars
And three dollars
Good?
Mister! Are you interested in history?
I recommend taking the full set.
For two dollars.
Ah, this is comrade Leonid Brezhnev...
...looking very young.
Now so hard to get. Do take it.
Fraulein, I approached you to make a photo
because you look like Madonna.
And what did you do to me?
A hole into wool.
Hooligan!
See how you're tramping around here,
just spoiling all the business.
Yakov Alekseevich, maybe we should display them
on all the shelves upfront, so they are more visible?
Yeah, all the ones we have on the shelf
We put up there for DOLLARS!
Oh look, Stalin's mustache piece broke off
We can glue it back.
Woman...sweetheart,
why are you touching products with your hands?
and sticking your nose in...?
Yes, it's me again.
Yes...
Oh yeah?
You and your brother aren't worth
even Nastya's pinky finger!
...but it only from us...
You're the one who's a
loose-mannered geisha!
Swimsuits from the firm Kitaina.
Sold in the USA and in Beryozka stores.
- Maybe that one in white?
- No
- What about the one in grey?
- Not very...
Good-not too good. We're losing time.
That one in the jacket.
Light!
- Block it off!
- Block the foot traffic.
- Camera on me.
- Hey, what's this?
- Sorry, the exit is closed.
Move along, move along.
And thus, the computer revealed to us
the one billionth passanger. You're the one.
Please introduce yourself.
- What?
- What is your name?
- Anastasia
- Anastasia! A remarkable Russian name!
And now, a minute for a commercial.
Girl, off to the make-up artists, quick!
Citizen-passengers, please be conscientious
We kindly ask of you.
There she is, our charming lucky winner! Applause!
And now, our "billionth" sponsors
have prepared a surprise.
Is it a small blouse or a jacket?
Please go ahead!
A coat... slightly made from mink.
And now 2 minutes for commercials.
That was for our TV viewers.
But for us, the White Walz.
Billionth-Dame, invite the gentlemen.
Excuse me, can I invite a friend of mine?
- He's supposed to be here
- When he arrives, you may. Meanwhile,
permit me to be in his place
Citizen-passangers...
...due to maintenance, the Makhno
station is temporarily closed.
the doors will not be opening.
Won't the doors be opening?
- They won't be.
- They won't let the passangers out?
- It's only temporary
- Someone is supposed to
meet me here for a date at 7
- How will he get here? Can you talk to someone?
- First of all, it's not 7 yet. Second, it's only for a short while.
We'll wrap it up very soon.
Katya! Excuse me.
Katya, it's me!
- Do you recognize me?
- Of course I do!
May I introduce Ekaterina. She
is the one who invited me here.
Good evening. No reason not to drink then.
Mikhalych!
- A national figure is drinking vodka.
- Let him. We have enough for everyone.
That's your business, but keep in mind:
he'll be getting his check lying down.
- Let's go
- Pardon me
You know, I had told Katya this...
that Chekhov was correct
when he said
When you gaze upon beauty, you sense
yourself to be a temporary phenomenon.
- But beauty is eternal like the sky or the sea
- Nobody cares what someone once said. Let's go dance!
Want to dance? Come, we invite you.
Bud, help me out. Your flowers for my belt.
- A belt? What's that, a "Vranger"?
Hello
I represent the Association
of Independent Passangers
I must immediately pass these flowers
to the Makhno station.
Look who woke up! Should have done it
earlier. They won't open the doors there now.
My association will go on a hunger strike.
Alright, I will put you in the rear cabin.
Billionth-Dame!
May I introduce our sponsor from South Korea!
He invited us for a boat ride
Can we also come along?
- Are these your friends?
- Yes
They are all invited. And this is my girl.
You are all invited!
Tell me, have you ever had a view of
Moscow in the night from the water?
Darling, I probably can't go.
I have to wake up early tomorrow.
What to do? Hang on, let me ask
my friend, he'll walk you home.
Have a nice swim together!
Katya, hold on!
Why are you just standing there?
Go after her.
- I can't catch up with her now.
- Why you! She loves you so much.
Get away from me, I don't want to see you.
Get away.
Billionth-Dame!
Quit pouting, Billionth-Dame!
Come for the front-cover photo shoot.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
here's our surprise for Uncle Savelyi
May I introduce Ms. Tver and Ms. Israel.
Be my guest.
Pardon me, gentlemen!
May I see you for a second?
These are a belated gift from
Sasha Pechogin, if you remember him.
And he asked me to give you this message:
that he left for Singapour...forever!
- So long!
- Sasha, wait, I'll explain everything.
Olya was right. You are you, and I am me.
- It's just a coincidence.
- No, it's fate. Such is life!
I wish you happiness.
Fool!
Billionth-Dame!
Where are you off to?
We have to hand in
an honorary check now!
To hell with all of you!
God, why did I need all this?
I don't want it.
I don't want it!
Hello?
Nastya, this is Sasha
I messed things up a bit, didn't I?
Umm...yep
Which office supplies store are you in?
The one over by the bridge?
Yep.
- Then I'll stop by, ok?
- Yep.
- I'll stop by.
- I'll be waiting.
Young lady, where are you going?
I'm here to visit an acquaintence.
What acquaintance, for goodness sake?
This place is under remodeling for 5 years now.
It's open.
Hey, it's me.
- How's your mom?
- She's fine.
Valya, this one guy will come asking for Nastya.
Tell him that she...flew away to Tver.
forever!
Look at me, I went for a ride!
- Hello, Yakov Alekseevich?
- Oh, you're back?
That's good.
Are you not feeling well?
- Insomnia
- Oh... Where are you going?
Downstairs to the repair shop.
Maybe they can fix it.
Nastya has come just now.
Wanna talk to her?
No, I won't.
Don't want to.
She doesn't want to.
OK, Mymrik, it's time for me to go.
You call me, ok? Call me.
Nastya, can you imagine-
he woke me up and started
- ...talking, talking, talking...
- Katya!
this one guy is about to show up
and ask for Nastya Plotnikova
So just tell him she flew away to Tver
She has it there!
He says you have erasers in stock
We want 100 pieces.
The limit is 2 per person
- We're buying for the entire school
- Oh, just give it to them, before they drag
the whole gang in here.
Katya, ring them up for 100
- Hello
- Hello
Tell me, does Nastya Plotnikova work here?
- Uh-huh
- Plotnikova has slipped away
Come again?
Nastya's gone. She flew away.
To Tver.
What Tver, young lady, I just
spoke to her on the phone.
She talked to you and
instantly flew away.
Valya, don't ring up any more
erasers. These are the last batch.
So, apparently she flew away...
Yes, she flew away.
- For a long time?
- Forever.
Here. Each box contains 30 pieces.
You can count it yourself.
One...two...three...
So, I am in Singapour, and you're in Tver.
And there is no forgiveness for me.
This is for you.
A positive feedback.
Aunty-dear, some boxes have
white erasers, and others- green.
- Do you have any yellow ones?
- I'll be right back.
Sasha!
...Now I'll go and hang myself...
Sasha!
What?
Got it!
I'm alien to this festival of life.
Forgive me, good people!
Good bye.
Don't be afraid. There's a ledge there.
What ledge! They removed it this morning.
Oh God!
Your hand! Give me your hand!
Your hand, come on!
One second. Have I told you
that you are a good person?
You did, now give me your hand.
And that I like you a lot,
did I say that?
You haven't said that.
Then consider it said.
Oh shoot! Goddamit!
They've open up all these holes, damn parasites!