Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?! (2014) Movie Script

'Dear Santa,
'I know it's a tiny bit early
to be writing you my Christmas list
'but I know how busy you get.
'You see, what I want for Christmas
can't be found in a shopping mall
'or made in Santa's workshop.
'What I want for Christmas
is for my dad to marry Sophie
'so I can get a new mum.
'Sophie came into my school
to teach singing.'
Do you believe in angels...
'I was scared to perform
in the nativity play
'but Sophie's a singing teacher
who works with children who get shy.'
...fairy tales come true
'And that's when Dad
fell in love with Sophie.'
'Only trouble was,
'Sophie was already marrying Bradley Finch,
'but she decided to ditch him.'
'Even though
he's a really famous flashmobber.'
I'm Bradley Finch.
'So I helped Dad propose to Sophie.'
- Sophie?
- Oh!
- Will you marry me?
- Yes.
Oh, Sophie.
I lost the ring.
I've lost the ring!
'Then Sophie got a job in New York
'and they're meant to be getting
married there on Christmas Eve
'but she still doesn't have
an engagement ring
'so please, Santa,
'help my dad choose
the perfect ring for Sophie
'and make my Christmas wish come true.'
- Er... which one?
- That one there.
- That's enormous.
- Ls it that one?
- What do you think?
- It's beautiful.
How much is that?
Er... OK, urn... yeah.
- That's the one?
- Yes, please. Thank you.
I wish you'd keep
your big mouth shut sometimes.
- Thanks very much indeed.
- Thanks a lot.
Let's get out of here
before we do any more damage.
- Happy Christmas.
- Thanks very much. Bye-bye.
Let's get some sweets.
- Ow!
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you all right?
- No, I'm not all right.
I'm on way to enter
the flashmob competition, you know.
- Well, I said I'm sorry.
- Well, I'll see if I can do my moves.
Not really.
Anyway, just be careful next time.
Come along, Volumnia.
Come on.
- Get ready.
- Come on.
- Get ready...
- Come on.
- Get ready...
- Come on.
Get ready...
See you on the sixth floor.
Get ready
Get ready
Get ready
Get ready
Get ready
Get ready
Everybody in the mall
Stop what you're doing
Put down your bags
and clear out the stores...
Santa's little helpers
got some work to be doing
Cos it's time for Christmas shopping
Hey, we're Christmas shopping
Yay, we're Christmas shopping
We are Christmas shopping...
Wow! Look, a flashmob.
Yay, we're Christmas shopping
Shopping like we're popping
And we're shop, shop...
Look, there's Santa, look.
...drop, dropping...
Are you here to sign up
for the flashmob competition?
- What do you win?
- You win a trip to New York
to dance on top
of the Empire State Building.
- We're going to New York.
- Yeah!
Never gonna stop, stop...
Look down there. Look at that.
Someone's called security.
Who's responsible?
What's going on?
Yay, there's no stopping us,
we are just delirious...
So, what do we do? Do we sign up?
Yeah, if you'd like to
sign in there for me.
Gordon Shakespeare, Oakmoor School.
And where does the actual final
take place?
In and around the London Eye.
Oh, the London Eye?
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Shopping all the way
Oh, what fun it is to shop
Till it's time to pay
Hey, we're Christmas shopping
Shopping like we're popping
And we're shop, shop, shopping
Till we're drop, drop, dropping
to the ground
It's Bradley Finch.
He's a friend of Sophie's.
What an idiot.
Woo, we're Christmas shopping
Yeah, we're Christmas shopping
Oh, and then we're plopping
We're plop, plop, plopping till we drop
Auntie Pat? Auntie Pat?
You'll not believe what I've just seen.
- I beg your pardon?
- Who are you?
My name is Mrs Keen
and I'm in charge.
Yeah, right.
Very good, Auntie Pat.
You can come out now.
Could you please tell me your name?
- I'm Mr Poppy.
- Yes, Mr Poppy, what do you do here?
I'm the Mr Poppy.
P-O-P-P-Y, Poppy.
Of course!
You're the nephew, aren't you?
You're the nephew with the special...
Sorry to be personal, but I really
don't like the look of your coat.
Could you take your coat off, please?
This is my coat, OK?
And this is what I can do with it.
- What is your subject, may I ask?
- I can't hear you cos it's over my ears.
You look ridiculous.
I think you should change your name
from a K to a M,
cos you should be called Mrs Mean.
I shall see you in assembly,
but take that coat off.
I shall see you in assembly.
With the coat off!
The silent stars go by
Yet in the dark street shineth
The everlasting light
The hopes and fears of all the years
Are met in thee tonight
Well, boys and girls, I think it's
about time I introduced myself.
My name is Mrs Keen
and I am your new headmistress.
Mrs Bevan, your old headmistress,
she's on a Christmas cruise in the middle
of the Mediterranean at the moment
and actually she's rather dumped me in it
because this term
we're having an Ofsted inspection.
We don't know when the inspector's coming
but he has the power
to shut the whole school down forever.
The only good thing Mrs Bevan did
is provide us with
what is called a super teacher.
He's arriving today.
He'll be quite strict but he is going
to get us through the inspection
and the one thing he will not expect
is a four-legged creature in assembly.
He's part of the St Bernadette's gang.
No, we don't have gangs.
Get the animal out of assembly.
Mrs Keen?
Mrs Keen, wait.
Archie's got an idea.
Archie, do tell me, what is your idea?
We can do flashmobs and save the school.
What are you talking about?
Yes. I was going to take the class
to the Empire State Building
and do a flashmob.
Mr Poppy, flashmobs have got nothing
to do with school inspections.
Sorry, but you've just gone on
in the assembly hall about super teachers.
You've got a super donkey here.
He can dance, he can sing.
I can put a little cape on him
if it makes you feel better.
What you like to tell me,
what sort of dance does he do?
A highland fling?
He does contemporary, he does urban,
he does break-dancing.
Mr Poppy, come with me.
You see what that says? Read it.
You can't read can you?
- You're not at all qualified.
- Well, I'm trying.
- You have to go.
- What have I actually done that's so bad?
Please don't make this any more difficult.
You are expelled.
Oh, what's the point in spelling it?
I'm very sorry.
And the sooner you go the better.
Archie, look after the place for me.
Can you move out of the way?
- I've been expelled.
- Have you been naughty?
No, I didn't do anything.
She's got nothing on me.
Please don't leave.
If she could even understand in her tiny
brain how important the flashmob is.
Think how many millions of people
will see us dancing
at the top of the Empire State Building.
No one's gonna close a school down
with that much talent.
Can we still do the flashmob?
You're gonna have to try
and keep it going with Archie.
Look, I know he's a donkey, guys,
but he's taught me more about teaching
than any teacher ever has.
More than this guy, or this guy.
Do you know what?
The only people that I can rely on
are you guys.
- See you, guys.
- Bye-bye.
Hi, Sophie.
Oh, Lauren, I've just arrived at the hotel.
It's so exciting.
We're gonna have
such a fantastic time here.
- Awesome.
- Look, look. Look at the bed.
Oh, I wish you were here, Lauren,
cos we've got so much to do.
I've designed a few of your dresses.
Are we still having
a winter wonderland wedding?
A winter wonderland!
'I miss you so much.'
I want you to be my mum
more than anything.
'I know.
I want to be your mummy too.
'I love you.'
Me too.
We want Poppy! We want Poppy!
What on earth is this?
- We want Poppy!
- What are they doing?
- What's Poppy?
- I don't know what Poppy is.
I'm so pleased to see you.
You've arrived just in time.
The inspector's on his way any minute now.
What are you doing?
Would you please go back
into your classrooms?
This is too ridiculous.
We're in a frightful muddle.
There's donkey poo everywhere
so do watch out.
And there's a man called Mr Poppy
who says he's a teacher but he's not
and it will be a disaster
if the inspector sees him.
- Who's this?
- This is my daughter, Lauren.
Oh, what's she doing?
Oh, she comes to work with me,
I find it quite helpful.
Ah, but you'll have to be in uniform.
There's a lost property box
in my... in my study.
It's a bit smelly but could you fit her up?
Now, er... don't take any notice.
We're in total chaos.
The children have taken over completely.
No, you're not going in there,
you're coming this way.
- Oh... Oh, God!
- Oh, dear, I'm so sorry.
Come on!
Hello? Yes, I'm calling you
from St Bernadette's School.
There's a donkey here.
I wonder if you could come and collect it.
Excuse me. What?
You can't do that.
All the children love that donkey.
- That's fine, they can go and visit it.
- And the donkey loves them.
Yes, how lovely, but this is not
the right place for a donkey.
Psst, guys.
Don't worry, it's me.
Have you seen the super teacher?
He's in the head's office.
I've got a plan. Watch this space.
Oh, Lauren, come on, you monkey!
Just because all the other children...
Good afternoon... evening.
I'm the government
inspector of the schools.
- I need you to get Mr Poppy back.
- Mr Poppy?
He's the bestest teacher
in the world of the land.
Can you get him reinstated?
Well, it's really a
question for Mrs Keen. We
could get her in and
have a chat about it.
No, I don't think there's any
need for that, Mr... what is it?
- Shepherd, Jeremy Shepherd.
- German Shep... What?
Jeremy Shepherd.
And I'm Inspector Gadgnet, Gadgneet.
- Gadget?
- Yeah, that's it.
I'll call the main office,
see if they can't find Mrs Keen,
cos she's really the person...
No, I don't think there's any need
for that, Mr Snippet.
Could you tell Mrs Keen I think I've
found the man she's looking for.
Thank you.
You know who I think that is.
Mr Poppy, yeah.
Come on, let's get you dressed.
There's a picture of Mr Poppy.
"The donkey pooed
on Mr Poppy's foot today."
This whole school seems to centre
around Mr Poppy and the stupid donkey.
Right, er... children, come in.
Sit down.
Er... right, children, because I don't
know you and you don't know me,
I'd just like to ask you a few questions.
Could you sit on your seat please?
What's your name?
- Joseph.
- Thank you, Joseph.
- What's your name?
- Bob.
Tell me what the capital of France is,
please, Bob?
Er... Malumbia?
Malumbia? I don't think that exists.
Oh, for goodness sake.
- Mr Poppy.
- I'm not Mr Poppy.
I'm the new boy, Marmaduke James.
Was just starting at the school,
trying to do some learning.
- Just get out.
- Oh, come on, it's not fair.
I'll get Mrs Keen.
Can you just please just let me...
Right, children...
Hey, come on... Out!
All right, it's not funny.
Come on, back to work.
Concentrate on what you're doing.
Um... OK, children, I've got to take this
so just keep working.
- Hello?
- Hello, Sophie?
What's the matter?
A little bit grumpy?
Right, is this urgent,
cos I'm in the middle of a class?
'No, I'm just... I'm excited.
I'm a little bit nervous.'
The good news is that,
by way of a present,
Bradley has offered
to put on flashmob at the wedding.
Bradley Finch?
He's coming to our wedding?
I'm sorry, Sophie,
but is that entirely appropriate,
to have your ex-boyfriend at our wedding?
- Well, he's still my friend.
- 'No, thank you. No, thank you.'
The last thing I need is to be taught to dance
by your ex-boyfriend. That's not happening.
We've just got to go with the flow, Jeremy.
And believe me, Lauren will love it.
I know you've got to go,
I've got to go too.
Oh, OK.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
Huh? What did you say?
Cos it sounded like...
I love you.
Yes. Ssh.
- Bye.
- Bye.
I'll take that as "I love you too".
Do you know Bradley Finch?
Er... well, I've met him.
I wouldn't say I know him.
Can we all get back to our work, please?
We know you have a problem
but we know who can help you.
- Mr Poppy, I Suppose?
- Yes!
All right, that's enough Mr Poppy.
That's enough about my wedding.
Let's just concentrate...
- Come on, follow us.
- Yeah, come on.
Come on, Mr Shepherd.
It'll be fun.
All right, all right, come on.
- I can't believe it.
- I know. I'm here!
- In New York.
- In New York.
For my...
Miss Ford, there's a bouquet for you here.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, he's so sweet.
I was just on the phone to him
and he was so grumpy, but look what he did.
"Dear Sophie, love and..."
It's from... from Bradley.
It's not from Jeremy.
- So he's here?
- No, but he's coming.
- Ah... right.
- And he is going to give me a present
of a flashmob.
- A flashmob?
- For the wedding.
It's gonna be
the best wedding ever.
Come on.
Mr Shepherd.
- We meet again.
- Yes, Mr Poppy, we do.
What I need to find out, OK,
is are you're gonna help me?
- Help you what?
- I've got to get back into the school
because if I don't get
back there, Mr Shepherd,
we're not gonna be able
to enter the competition.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What competition?
- The flashmob competition.
- Why is everybody talking about flashmobs?
Apparently, I've now got
to have one at my wedding.
- You're getting married?
- In New York.
My dad's getting married
to a girl called Sophie
and Sophie's got an ex-boyfriend.
Bradley Finch.
- Bradley Finch, the dancer?
- Yes.
- Bradley Finch, the flashmob guru?
- Yes.
- We love him!
- I think he's trying to get Sophie back.
- Well, we don't know that, do we?
- Well, it sounds like it to me.
- I don't see that's any of your business.
- We can get a flashmob troupe together,
win the competition, go over to New York
and stop Bradley Finch
smoochy-smooching your fiance.
Everybody meet tomorrow for flashmob
auditions in the hall taken by...
super teacher Mr Shepherd.
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
show me what you got
- Hey-ha, hey-ha, show me what.
- Oh, come on!
Woo-hoo, Woo-hoo,
do your own sweet thing
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
give me everything
Show me all the moves you make
Gotta get that body shake and swing
You gotta shake that thing...
You're in my team.
Wow! I want you in my team.
'I want this kid on my team.'
- Jump and swing.
- Jump and swing
- Shake that thing.
- Shake that thing
- Jump and swing.
- Jump and swing
- Shake that thing.
- Shake that thing
- Jump and swing.
- Jump and swing
- Shake that thing.
- Shake that thing
Jump and swing...
- Why is it doing that?
- Cos he's got the rhythm.
He can dance, I told you, Mr Shepherd.
He's a dancing donkey. Come on!
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
show me what you got
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
sure will mean a lot
Woo-hoo, woo-hoo,
do you own sweet thing
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
give me everything...
Hey-ha, hey-ha,
sure will mean a lot
What on earth are you all doing?
The inspector's coming up the path.
I told you how important this is.
Why are you standing there? Panic!
Right, Mr Poppy, get
that donkey out of here.
I'm so sorry, Mrs Keen.
Come on, come on!
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!
OK, you guys, brilliant.
Glasses on.
He's coming!
- All clear.
- Well done, guys.
Oh, come on.
Oh, there he is, right.
Excuse me, don't go away.
Thank you.
Right there, thanks.
Come on.
Come on.
He's really stubborn. Up there.
That's it.
Oh, come on.
Mr Shepherd?
Mr Shepherd?
Let's go and get him.
Mr Shepherd!
We've got no time for sunbathing.
Mrs Keen's doing her nut in there,
Mr Shepherd.
Maybe he was climbing the tree.
He fell out of the tree.
Mr Shepherd? Come on, wake up.
Are you OK, Dad?
Everyone grab a limb.
Can you hear me?
Hello, sleepy head.
How are you?
We rescued you from outside.
You'd fallen out of the tree
cos you were scrumping for apples.
- Who are you?
- Dad?
Who are you?
- Do you want a drink of water?
- No.
Oh, what are you talking about?
- Where's this?
- Where is this?
This is the school.
You're a super teacher with super powers.
Remember the flashmobs?
The flashmobs. We auditioned in the hall.
You were spinning around
on the chair going,
"I don't want her on my team.
Remember that, Mr Shepherd?"
Christmas. You were getting married
Christmas Eve in New York.
The nativity.
You must remember the nativity?
Little baby Jesus.
Mason, grab baby Jesus from the crib.
Remember this little guy?
Hold him, it's baby Jesus.
- Mrs Mean's coming.
- Quick, hide me.
False alarm everybody, phew!
It wasn't the inspector after all that.
It was a man with a van
and he's taken the donkey away
so no more donkey droppings
all over the place.
Thank you so much, Mr Shepherd.
You made the phone call, didn't you?
We're all fine now.
No inspector today but we don't know
when he's going to be coming, do we?
This is the baby Jesus.
How sweet. Have you been doing
the nativity altogether? How lovely.
But children, don't forget,
the inspector's on his way.
See you in a minute.
- What have you done with my donkey?
- What donkey?
Archie, my singing and dancing donkey.
I don't know.
- You do know who I am, don't you?
- No.
I'm the headteacher
and you are answerable to me.
- So what have you done with the donkey?
- I don't know.
Oh, come on.
Can't you remember anything?
Look into those eyes.
What do you see?
- A little girl.
- Your little girl, Lauren.
This is the baby Jesus.
Where you going now?
- Dad! Dad!
- Mr Shepherd?
We just need to get him home, OK?
- Do you know where you live?
- Yes.
Right. We'll get him to a doctor
and then he probably just needs
a good night's sleep
and he'll be as right as rain.
I promise I'm gonna help you.
And that's a Poppy promise.
Yeah, and they're 100% guaranteed, right?
We're gonna get
Mr Shepherd's memory back.
Come on, let's go!
Lauren, you don't actually live
in one of these houses, do you?
Yes, I do.
- Are they real?
- Yes.
- Do Smurfs live in them?
- No.
- They're tiny.
- Hi, Lauren.
Who's that?
- The librarian.
- Bet she's got a big brain.
- Hi, Jeremy. Hi, Lauren.
- Hi.
- Who's Jeremy?
- You.
- Hi, Katherine. Hi, Toby.
- Hi, Lauren.
Hi, Jeremy.
Gosh, there's a lot of you today.
Ooh, nice dog.
- There's the doctor's.
- Come on, let's go in.
He fell out of a tree. I had a little look
where he fell around the apple tree
and there was no brains
coming out of his ears.
Well, the good news is
that there doesn't seem
to be too much physical damage.
I think what you're going to have to do
is try and flood his brain
with... with warm memories,
with pleasant associations...
Yeah, but he can't remember anything.
He can't even remember Christmas.
He can't remember Christmas?
Well, maybe what you should do
is create Christmas for him a little early.
Surround him with all things Christmas.
- Would scaring him work?
- Scaring him?
Yeah, I mean it works when I have hiccups.
What sort of...?
- I don't like it.
- Whoa!
This is your house, Mr Shepherd.
It's where you live.
- Look, Christmas tree.
- Christmas tree.
- Yes! Tinsel.
- Tinsel.
Yes! Look, there's a robin.
Can you say robin?
- Robin.
- Robin!
Robin, robin, robin, robin.
You remember, don't you?
No, I don't. I don't remember.
That's just it, that's the thing.
I don't remember anything.
All right, keep your hair on.
He can't have forgotten you, Lauren.
- Mr Poppy will look after you.
- Yeah, he always does.
We'll get him to remember Christmas
for you, Lauren.
What you doing up here?
- I don't like these clothes.
- They're your clothes.
I don't like them though.
I don't know this man.
OK, all right, easy.
We can take you to the shops tomorrow.
Give you a little makeover.
- What's a makeover?
- You know, put some new clothes on you,
er... do your hair
and a bit of makeup maybe... No.
Look, it doesn't matter about clothes, OK?
What matters is there's a little
girl downstairs who needs your help.
Come on, let's go
and find out about Christmas.
Have you got your memory back?
- Ah...
- Come on, let's go.
First we put mince pies
and carrots for the reindeer.
What are...
Sorry, what are the reindeers?
Reindeers are really handy
cos they pull the sleigh through the sky.
What's a sleigh?
A sleigh is the thing
that Santa rides in.
Yeah, it's like a big wooden car pulled
by the reindeers through the night sky.
- And who's Santa?
- Oh, Dad, this is Santa.
Well, he's a bit bigger than that
and he's fatter.
Yeah, he's got a huge white beard
and a sack of presents.
He goes, "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas."
How does he know
what presents to get people?
You write a list
and post it to the North Pole.
- Tell him about the naughty or nice list.
- You're either naughty or you're nice
and I think the whole of the class
will get on the nice list
and I think you would maybe
get on the bad list.
- Why?
- Because you don't remember Christmas.
- Yeah.
- Christmas is magical.
That's why we make Christmas wishes
in our wishing well.
We put magic fairy dust in
that Mum left us.
- Who's Mum?
- My mum.
- Where's she?
- In heaven.
Everybody needs a wish
at Christmas time, it's true
Some are made for those we love
and some because we're blue
When the sky is dark
and there are no stars up above
Then you have to find a way
to fill your heart with love
Have a little faith
Light a little light
Everyone is gonna have
their wish tonight
Just close your eyes
And count to three
And find yourself believing
Take this light of mine...
Hey, what's this stuff?
It's all his stuff
from when he was a little kid.
Cool. Look at that,
Father Christmas riding a train.
- What's this?
- His journal.
Wow! Look at him, he's tiny.
Still got big ears though, hasn't he?
What does it say?
"I like trains."
He wants to be a train driver.
"I went to a model village
with my mum and dad."
"I pointed at my house."
- Where's the model village?
- It's in the town where my dad grew up.
- Do you think you could take us?
- Probably.
We could take him
to all the places in his journal.
The model village, the funfair.
Wow! Great room.
- Oh...
- So where do I sleep?
I'll sleep with the kids.
You two can sleep in my bed.
Yes! I love this bed. This is my
favourite room in the whole house.
Come on, Mr Shepherd, in we get.
We'll take you shopping tomorrow,
get you some new clothes,
create a brand new you.
You smell nice.
That was a funny noise.
Yeah, I just done a pop-off.
Oh, whoa! Oh, what's that smell?
- Ah, so you can remember farts.
- What?
"Jing-a-ling, Jing-a-ling."
Oh, God, it's moving.
- It's moving.
- Yeah, it's an escalator.
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
I love to hear our laughter mingle
Ha-ha, ho-ho
Gliding through the snow
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The bells have got the snowflakes dancing
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
OI' Dobbin's even prancing
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The night is made for sweet romancing
Ha-ha, ho-ho
Through the snow we go...
What's that?
- That is a steam train, Mr Shepherd.
- What?
You used to want to drive one of these
when you were a little boy.
We're gonna ride it
to your Christmas past.
Come on, children.
Brings you sliding even closer
in my arms
Can't you hear the sleigh bells
asking why we're single?
Right, everybody jump on.
Stay in partners, please.
What? Whoa, wait!
Kids, hold on. Wait!
Mr Shepherd!
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling...
What are you doing?
OI' Dobbin's even prancing
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The night is made for sweet romancing
Ha, ho, through the snow we go...
Jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
Oh, I'm exhausted.
Ah, Kieona. Thanks awfully.
Put it down there, please.
Why have I got a mug?
Can you get my cup and saucer
which is over there?
I don't like drinking out of a mug.
Thanks awfully.
Thank you.
Er... Kieona, before you go,
can you just make sure Mr Shepherd knows
that the inspector's on his way
and we've all got to be on high alert.
It could be any minute now.
So tell Mr Shepherd,
tell everyone you meet in the corridor,
look out.
Shoulders down.
Hair back.
Good. Off you go.
Thanks awfully for the tea. Bye.
Nearly there.
Just a few more steps, Mr Shepherd.
OK. You can open your eyes.
This is the village you grew up in.
- It's tiny.
- Yep.
- How did I grow up in here?
- You were tiny.
Come on.
It's Mrs Miggins in the post office.
Hello, Mrs Miggins.
Look, this is the church
where you used to sing.
Can you remember
the little man in the dress?
- I think I know this guy.
- That's the baby Jesus.
- No, that's Father Christmas.
- Father Christmas.
- Ho, ho, ho.
- Ho!
- And look who he's got with him.
- A dog.
- Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer.
- Rudolph, the dog... reindeer!
Can you hear that?
A Christmas song.
Christmas is a time for wishing
It's a time for reminiscing
Presents that you opened long ago
All the places you remember
Christmas shopping in September
Stolen kisses beneath the mistletoe
So don't forget the reason
It's such a special season
Though you may be feeling kind of blue
And as the snow may come or go
The only thing you need to know
Christmas always will remember you
Everybody needs a special Christmas
Full of wondrous magic and delight
Christmas is a time
for making dreams come true
So come on with us this Christmas
and take flight
Hanging up your stocking,
let's get started
Carol singers knocking,
so warm-hearted
Better get a move on,
Christmas will not wait
This is our Christmas song
And Christmas don't last long
So reach out
for the Christmas that's in you
This is our Christmas song
Sing out and sing it strong
And all your Christmas wishes
really will come true
- Look, the crib.
- Oh...
You used to come here
every Christmas Eve.
- Who are they?
- What do you mean? It's the baby Jesus.
- Oh, the little one?
- Yeah, the little one in the middle.
OK, and who's the one
on the other side?
Look, OK. We're gonna have
to explain the story, guys.
- Yeah.
- Go, Joseph.
- There was this woman named Mary.
- Right.
And there was this man called Joseph.
And Joseph asked Mary to marry him.
- And an angel came down.
- What's an angel?
Basically, like, a half bird, half lady.
It wears, like, a really nice white dress,
like a wedding dress,
and she tells people all
the important news,
like the news
that you're gonna have a baby.
- I'm gonna have a baby?
- No.
- Who is?
- Joseph.
- This Joseph?
- No, I'm not having a baby.
- Mary's having the baby.
- Mary's having Joseph's baby?
No, Mary's having the baby
from the fella in the sky.
- Santa?
- No!
- God's the father.
- Who's God?
He's the man in the sky
with a big beard, lives in the clouds.
Well, that is Santa.
You said that was Santa and he flies.
No, Santa's the guy with the reindeers.
God's the guy
who just wisps about on the clouds.
Everybody flies in this.
Let's just recap, OK.
There's a fella called Mary. Oh... no.
- What?
- Wait.
The main thing is, they have to go
to Bethlehem on the back of a donkey.
- What donkey?
- Exactly.
Can you remember
what you've done with my donkey?
Hey, dude, where's my donkey?
Hey, dude, where has he gone?
My wife is having a baby
with no donkey to ride on, ride on
Hey, dude, seen my donkey?
Hey, dude, I need a rest
My donkey should carry Mary,
gotta get this off my chest
Hey, dude, where's the donkey?
Hey, dude, where's he at?
I've got to get to a stable
cos I'm tired and I'm fat
Dude, he's sure gone off track
I want my donkey baby, yeah
I want my donkey back,
I want him back
So what happens next in the story?
You're gonna have to wait
till we get to the competition.
- What competition?
- The flashmob competition!
All right, I only asked.
Jeremy, it is me.
Why are you not returning my calls?
I must have left you a dozen messages.
Can you please just let me know
you and Lauren are OK?
I can't understand the silence, Jeremy.
- Where's this place?
- This is where you popped the question.
We're not gonna
flashmob you this time,
we're gonna splash mob you.
Do you understand
that we are getting married soon
and it's really worrying to me
that you don't return my calls?
And so you got into a boat
And your heart began to float
And you rowed towards your Sophie
with a ring...
Could you just let me know
that you and Lauren are OK?
I'm sorry. I feel...
I'm getting a little bit hysterical.
And all the world stopped turning
You made a splash,
you made a splash
You couldn't find the ring...
Let me know
you still want to get married to me.
Let me know you're still involved
in our wedding.
- Thank you!
- Your dreams could still come true
He made a splash, splash...
And please tell Lauren I love her?
La, la, la, la, la...
Look, come on.
Trust me, Mr Shepherd.
I'm gonna do this
for your own good.
You made a splash
Why did you do that?
He doesn't remember.
Come on, children!
- This is where you came to have fun.
- Fun?
How are you with heights?
("Jing-a-ling, Jing-a-ling")
I don't like it.
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
They set your heart a-tingle
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
How brilliant is this?
Do you like it?
No hands!
Why do you keep doing
these things to me?
Because you used to have fun
when you were a little boy.
- How do you know?
- Because I've read it in your journal.
- What journal?
- This journal.
- Was this mine?
- Yes.
- Where did you get this?
- We found it.
Under the bed.
Do you remember any of it?
What have you just done, Mr Shepherd?
How are we gonna get
your memory back now?
Well, maybe I don't want my memory back.
- What about me?
- What about you?
Right, that's it. Don't
worry about it, Lauren.
Christmas past is over.
Now we're gonna do Christmas present.
So follow me.
We're nearly there.
Right, Mr Shepherd,
you leave me no choice.
My back is against the wall
and when my back's against the wall
I come out fighting.
We are gonna take you to the big guy,
the man himself, the man in red.
Kris Kringle, St Nicholas,
the big guy with the hairy face.
- Who are all these people?
- Tell him, kids.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Too many, too many.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Stop, stop, stop.
Saw you all running in there.
Welcome to Santa's Grotto. Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
Now, do you have
your appointment cards?
We haven't actually got
an appointment card.
I'm afraid you can't see Santa Claus
unless you've got an appointment,
but Merry Christmas.
We need to see Santa.
It's our last chance.
Well, I think that
there may be an appointment
coming through
in about two weeks' time.
We haven't got time
for two weeks' time.
We've got to get to the competition
tomorrow in London.
If we don't win the competition, we're not
gonna get to the Empire State Building
and if we don't get
to the Empire State Building
we aren't gonna save the school
and we're not gonna save him
getting married to Sophie.
If you guys can prove to me
that you love Christmas
then maybe you can see Santa Claus, OK?
Well, get on with it, Big Buttons.
Question one.
What do elf children learn at school?
Bit of everything, wrapping presents.
The elf-abet.
Who is Father Christmas'
favourite musician?
The baby Jesus.
Elfis. What's Father Christmas' wife name?
Mrs Santa Claus?
Mary Christmas.
What do I get if I take a photo of myself?
An elfie.
You guys are not doing well at this test.
If you can pass the song test,
then you can see Father Christmas.
Bring it on.
What about the elf,
is he gonna be singing?
He's not an elf, that's Mr Shepherd.
He's got the hat, he's got the trousers,
he's got the ears.
I mean...
he has definitely got the ears for it
so he's an elf.
- Why are you being so mean on him?
- I'm not being mean on him.
I'm just saying that
he's come up in my elf crib
and he's bringing his elf self
up in my elf grill
and all I'm saying
is you'd better elf off.
- Right, OK, let's go through.
- No, no, no!
Please, one at a time.
Please don't crowd him.
He'll be claustrophobic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- I really don't like your elf.
- No, he's a bit official, isn't he?
- Yes.
- He's elf-ish.
- Yeah, he is elf-ish.
- Have you got a special wish?
Yeah, I've got actually a
really important wish.
- I lost my donkey.
- How did you lose him?
I don't know.
Mr Shepherd seems to have
put him somewhere
and can't remember where.
We'll get him back.
Anyone else got a wish?
- What's your name?
- Lauren.
You come and tell me, Lauren.
There you go.
Ah, Lauren,
and what's your special wish?
I want Dad to marry Sophie
so I can get a new mum.
- Marry Sophie?
- Yeah.
- Is he going to?
- He was, but now he's lost his memory.
Ah, really? I promise
we'll get his memory back
and he'll marry Sophie,
as long as you really believe.
- You must believe to receive.
- True that.
Oh, wait a minute.
You can't make that promise.
You can't say what I will
and what I won't remember.
This is all made up.
The wooden horses with ears,
they're not even real.
- These trees, they're everywhere.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop it.
It's all made up.
Look at that, there's nothing in there.
- They're not real presents.
- Stop it.
It's rubbish, it's fake.
Look at his.
- Ow!
- OK, the beard's real. Just the beard.
Elves, get him.
Kids, get that elf.
("Jing-a-ling, Jing-a-ling")
Wait, come here, come here.
Come here!
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
What fun to hear the sleigh bells jingle
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling...
Mr Shepherd! Quick, guys.
Follow the elf.
Everybody on, everybody on.
Gliding through the snow
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The bells have got the snowflakes dancing
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling...
Come here.
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The night is made for sweet romancing
Ha-ha, ho-ho
Through the snow we go...
Do not go off-road.
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling...
Brake, brake, brake! Big bush!
Jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling,
ol' Dobbin's even prancing
Jing, jing-a-ling,
jing-a-ling, jing-a-ling
The night is made for sweet romancing
Mr Shepherd.
What do you think you were doing?
I was trying to get away from that elf.
I didn't like him.
What's wrong with you?
Are you trying to ruin my Christmas wish?
Hang your head in shame.
You've let me down,
you've let the class down,
you've let Lauren down,
you've let yourself down,
you've let Father Christmas down,
and Archie.
But worst of all...
- you've let your trousers down.
- Oh!
OMG, we made it.
Smell that, Mr Shepherd.
Pollution. This is the Big Smoke.
If New York's the Big Apple
then London is... the Big Pineapple.
Look, an open-top bus.
Can you feel the Christmas spirit yet?
- Ow!
- He's feeling it, kids.
Buckle up for the ride of your life.
We can go.
Wow, look at that!
Look at that!
Destination Christmas.
Look. Whoa!
Look over there.
Look, it's the eye of London.
It's beautiful.
OK, this is where we're doing the flashmob.
Everyone, see this picture of Archie.
I want you to hand it out to anyone
because we need him to win the competition
so we can take Mr Shepherd to New York.
Meet at the registration point
in five minutes.
And keep your eyes peeled
for Bradley Finch.
- Wow!
- What?
Mr Shepherd, it's an ice rink.
This is a Christmas tradition.
- What are they doing?
- Come on, come slide with me.
There. See?
- How cool does this feel?
- Oh, that's great.
- Whoa!
- Ow!
Mr Shepherd, it's a flashmob.
The competition's started.
Gonna skid, cannot wait
For all these Christmas decorations
For these lovely, shiny
baubles on a sleigh
How I wish it could
be Christmas every day
So string us up and hang us high
As bouncy as can be
The prettiest baubles
on the Christmas tree
Here every year...
It's brilliant.
It's mob-alicious.
Go on, Mr Shepherd.
Mr Poppy, look at me now, I'm in it.
The prettiest baubles,
prettiest baubles
Prettiest baubles,
prettiest baubles
The prettiest baubles
on the Christmas tree
We need to get the children, Mr Shepherd.
Hey, kids, the competition's started.
Oh, it's Bradley Finch.
Everybody follow him
but keep it on the lowdown.
Um... Lauren.
Um... I'm not doing this on purpose,
I really have lost my memory
but I'm trying for you, I promise.
- Will you help us win the competition?
- Yes, I will. Yes, I really will.
Come on.
I can't wait for us to see Sophie.
Oakmoor Stars
We are Oakmoor Stars
We are the flashmobbers
who choose the best location
We're dancing on the bridge
so we impress the nation
Forget a boring Christmas
of presents and mince pies
Cos Christmas isn't Christmas
till Oakmoor win a prize
Shakespeare, he is our leader
He is our light on Christmas Day
Mr Shakespeare, our greatest leader
He is the star that lights our way...
He can't street-dance.
He's too posh to street-dance.
Oakmoor Stars
Jump up and grab
The biggest presents
Your feet are jumping
Your heart is pumping...
Guys, this is good.
Oh, yeah, we're just so in it
- Oakmoor's gonna win it...
- Whoa!
On the bridge tonight
We're so big and flash
Taking all the cash
This is our final bash
We gotta dash
Oakmoor Stars
What's that?
Another flashmob.
Who's gonna float your boat
this Christmas?
Take you to the island
of your dreams
Who's gonna float your boat
this Christmas?
To a place
where nothing's as it seems
Who's gonna sail away,
float towards Christmas Day?
Get your Christmas candy
and your booze
Who's gonna float your boat
this Christmas?
On the Christmas island holiday cruise...
Come on, kids, we gotta go.
We gotta get ready.
- 'Tis the season.
- 'Tis the season
To be joy, joyful
- Feel the rhythm.
- Feel the rhythm
Of the wind beneath your sails
Bells are ringing as we jingle
Can you feel your fingers tingle?
On our joy, joy, joyful
Cruise to Christmas Day
Carol singers...
What are you all looking at so intently?
Can I have a look?
Oh, I say, that's really rather good.
Where is that taking place?
- London.
- In London?
Do you know, I thought I recognised it.
Isn't that lovely?
On our joy, joy, joyful
Cruise to Christmas Day...
Stop, stop. All stop, stop!
- Cruise into Christmas.
- Everybody now
- Cruise into Christmas.
- Sing it out now
Have a happy Christmas
Full of good cheer
We'll send you a postcard
saying wish you were here
- Yeah.
- Can we have a go?
No, we can't have a go.
We've had a go.
Our go was better than their go.
Hey, Mr POPPY-
We just saw Mr Shakespeare on the bridge
dressed as a lady.
- What?
- Yeah.
Look at that. It's another one.
Stay up all night...
Ooh, stay up all night...
They've got a cloning machine.
- Santa is the man.
- Stay up all night
- Santa is the man.
- Stay up all night...
How many Santas can you get
on the London Eye?
I don't know, how many Santas
can you get on the London Eye?
I dunno, a lot.
Let's take a trip, we'll take a flight
upon a big sleigh ride...
Do you know, I'm really,
really impressed by this.
What is it they call it?
- Flashmobbing.
- Oh, this is flashmobbing?
Oh, is it? It's rather sick.
Isn't that what you all say?
It makes you rather sick.
One, two, three, four,
leave my presents at the door
Five, six, seven, eight,
you had better stay up late
get yourself a little elf
50, 80, Santa, baby
- Wow! A wheel full of Santas.
- Cool.
- Santastic!
- Ooh...
- Stay up all night.
- I said hip, I said hop
- I said hip-hop, Santa's gonna stop.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- He's got the moves like Santa.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- He's got the grooves like Santa
- Ooh, stay up all night
- Oh, you made it, then?
- Yes.
- You don't think you're gonna win, do you?
- We'll give it a try.
It's a wasted journey.
What makes you think you're gonna win?
- We've got a super teacher.
- Where?
- Here.
- Ls that not Where's Willy?
- What?
- Where's Willy?
- Shepherd.
- Hi.
- Jeremy, yes.
- How you doing?
- Good, good. Shakily, isn't it?
- No, Shakespeare.
- With the Oak Boils.
- Was it good?
- Wonderful. Really, really top stuff.
- Thank you.
- Anyway, Shepherd.
- Just smile and say yes.
What are you doing here?
We're doing the Flashmob.
Why aren't you preparing for the big day?
- What big day?
- Your wedding.
Yeah, we've gotta go, Bradley.
- Sorry, but we've got a flashmob to do.
- No, I know...
Well, please give my... my love to Sophie.
- We will. Goodbye.
- And all the best.
So, Bradalicious,
what do you think of our chances
of winning the flashmobber?
Hey, dude, where's my donkey?
Hey, dude, where has he gone?
My wife is having a baby
with no donkey to ride on, ride on
Hey, dude, seen my donkey?
Hey, dude, I need a rest
My donkey should carry Mary,
gotta get this off my chest
Hey, dude, where's the donkey?
Hey, dude, where is he at?
I've got to get to a stable
cos I'm tired and I'm fat...
Very good.
Do you know, isn't it a shame
that Mr Poppy's not here
to see this nativity flash
cos he rather liked all this sort of thing,
didn't he?
I want my donkey back,
I want him back
Dude, he's sure gone off track
I want my donkey, baby
Yeah, I want my donkey back,
I want him back
Go, Lila.
Everybody needs a wish
at Christmas time, it's true...
Oh, look.
Isn't that gorgeous?
Mr Shepherd would like to see this.
I wonder if I should go
and see if I could find him.
- He's just gone to the loo.
- Oh, has he? Yeah.
Then you have to find a way
to fill your heart with love
Have a little faith,
light a little light
Everyone is going to have
their wish tonight
Just close your eyes
And count to three
And find yourself believing
Hear my song of love
Heaven-sent from up above
And follow every starlight
Let them light the dark night
Wish upon a Christmas time
Follow me and take my hand
I will light your way
Fly with me to wonderland
For your first Christmas Day
And suddenly the stars come out
And we are not alone
We're gonna shine so hard
and you're never gonna stop us
And we feel so bright
that you're never gonna pop us
So we're turning up the music
and we're partying tonight
Cos there's a party in the sky
We're gonna dance until we fly
We're going ho, ho, ho,
Light up, light up
We're going ho, ho, ho,
Light up the sky
We're going ho, ho, ho
Light up, light up
We're gonna dance until we fly
Cos there's a party in the sky
We're gonna dance until we fly
Take this light of mine
Lead me to a hope divine
And though the stars are faded
Never mind the jaded
Wish upon a Christmas time
Though the stars are faded
Never mind the jaded
Wish upon a Christmas time
Come on, kids.
Let's find out who's won.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
flashmobbers all,
thank you for taking part in Bradley
Finch's Christmas Flashmob Competition.
But now the moment
you've all been waiting for,
who's it gonna be?
Ladies and gentlemen, the winner is...
Here's the trip to New York.
Maybe my wish will come true.
The Oakmoor Christmas Stars.
Er, yet again we're top of the tree.
New York, New York.
- We love you, Mr Shakespeare.
- I love me too. I love me too.
Er... New York, New York,
it's a wonderful town.
The talent is up
and the rubbish is down.
Mr Poppy, please.
We've got to go to New York.
I'll never get a new mum.
You will, I promise.
I've made you a Poppy promise
and I can't go back on it.
Don't worry, I've got an idea.
Stop for me, Mr Cabbie,
I got a plane to catch.
- Are you receiving?
- Hi!
'The good news is we're gonna go and dance
on top of the Empire State Building.'
'Bad news is we didn't
win the competition.'
'Don't worry, we've got a plan.
'We're gonna meet at the airport
and take Gordon Shakespeare's tickets.'
New York.
Come on, kids.
Operation Distraction is go.
Right, yeah, let's go.
- Your passports, sir.
- Thank you.
We won a competition, you see.
We're going to New York.
Broadway, it's kind of my natural habitat.
Ooh, there's your boarding passes, sir.
Thank you so much.
Very important.
Thank you. We're leaving in
less than an hour, everyone.
Troilus, can you please behave
and leave Cressida alone...
Oh, I see.
You're gonna fly to New York,
to New York, to New York, to New York
You're getting high on New York
High, high, high,
you just can't wait...
Mr Shepherd, grab their passports.
And the tickets.
You just can't wait for New York
High, high, high,
you just can't wait
Higher than the Empire State
High, high, high,
you just can't wait for New York
We'll miss you, we'll miss you,
we'd love you to stay
We'll miss you, we'll miss you,
as you fly away to New York
- Don't fly away to New York...
- Come on.
Don't fly away to New York...
You're twitching.
Stop twitching, stop dancing.
- New York...
- Stop dancing. That was rubbish.
We won, we're going to New York.
And we're going right now.
Get back in the queue.
Hello, there.
How are you?
I'm Gordon Shakespeare.
I'm from the Oakmoor
and we're incredibly posh,
aren't you, children?
- Say hello, Tarquin.
- Hello, Tarquin.
Hello, my name is Tarquin.
There you are.
You can go through, children.
Why, thank you ever so much.
Good day.
Well, where are they?
I don't know where they are.
I'm afraid you won't be able to fly, sir,
without your boarding passes...
We've got to fly.
- Mr Poppy, Mr Poppy.
- What?
My Christmas future, what
if I don't like her?
You've asked her to marry you.
She'll be beautiful.
Besides, it's not about you.
This is about Lauren.
Come on!
We've made it to the Big Apple!
Come on, let's go in.
New York
Oh, hello. I've got a reservation here.
- My name's Jeremy...
- Shepherd.
We have a reservation for a Mr Shepherd
but that's not for four days.
That's me. What I'd like to do
is to bring that forward four days
for my daughter and myself
plus 12 small beds for the children
and a big one for my headmaster, Mr Poppy.
- Sir, I would love to help.
- Thank you.
It's holiday season
and we have a wedding party with us.
- I'm in the wedding, I'm the groom.
- He's the one getting married.
I'm marrying Sophie, the bride.
We have a wedding rehearsal
going on right now
with a Mr Finch so I...
- Finch?
- I told you he'd be here.
Have you seen them smoochy-smooching?
There has not been a smoochy smooch.
Have they been...?
Er... I do not know
what you're talking about, sir.
Has she been...?
No, but look...
Sorry to interrupt you, Henry, but where
did you say that wedding rehearsal was?
- The rehearsal's through there, sir.
- Thank you very much. Come on.
- No, guys. I'm afraid... Peter.
- We just need to get in there.
It's my wedding rehearsal in there.
- Mr Shepherd...
- Please, he just manhandled me.
- Mr Shepherd...
- We're in America.
You're supposed to be nice.
Get off me!
- Is that security?
- Happy Christmas.
Yeah, we have two grown men
and about 10 to 15 small children.
Can you make sure they get out
of the building, please? Thank you.
- Just taking the bags to room 242 sir.
- OK, thanks, Pete.
I'm right behind you, Pete.
- I'll get those bags too.
- Cheers, Chuck.
Oh, Pete,
can you get some more champagne up
for the wedding party, please?
- OK, Mr Henry, I'm right on it.
- Thank you.
Bounce and sway, yes.
Bounce and sway.
- Sophie, you're a natural.
- Jeremy?
Excuse me.
Not that one, the other one.
- Hello, darling.
- Sophie.
What are you...? Get... get off.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Stupid man.
You didn't tell me she was a ginger.
Why did you kiss my mother?
Why did you kiss my best friend?
Er... I was nervous and I just made
a bit of a mistake. I'm really sorry.
How can you mistake me
for my mum and my best friend?
It's the jetlag.
We've been on a plane.
I've got a bit of jetlag
and it made me a little bit blind.
What are you wearing?
And what's that?
I'm the headmaster
and I'd like to know what Bradley Finch
is doing here smooching you.
And I'd like to know
what you're doing here.
Yeah, what are you doing here?
We won a competition to do a dance
on top of the Empire State Building.
I'm sorry, you won a competition?
What is wrong with you?
Can't you afford socks?
- Sorry, who... he's the headmaster?
- And best man.
Why is this man your best man?
You've only known him five minutes.
- My brother, Charlie, is the best man.
- Yeah.
Can't we just all be
one big happy family?
Do you see what he's wearing?
Look, Nanny Pam, I've got Oreo eyes.
I can't believe she's gonna marry him.
Hello, Mr Poppy, I'm an American.
How are you today?
Look at him.
Your burger and your shake, Mr Poppy.
Maybe he's just a bit overexcited
cos the whole wedding and...
Yeah, he's definitely
overexcited, I mean...
Nothing else could explain that, could it?
- You met him before.
- Yeah.
- He's always been like this?
- No, no, no, he's, um...
straight, you know, straight-laced.
Taste that.
- There's something wrong.
- It's really good.
- I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
- Yeah.
She's got to marry you.
She doesn't even like me.
She likes Bradley Finch.
Because you've changed.
We've got to make her
like you, Mr Shepherd.
You're gonna take Sophie down that aisle
if it's the last thing we make you do.
We're gonna sort out your wedding cake.
We'll sort the vows out.
We need to get you some
new clothes as well.
- Some new togs.
- Really?
- Threads.
- Threads?
If you're gonna come to this wedding,
you need to come correct.
St Bernadette's, Mrs Keen speaking.
Yes, I'd like to speak
to the headteacher, please.
Mm-hm, speaking.
No, the headmaster, please.
It's me, Mrs Keen.
I am the headmistress.
I thought the headmaster was Mr Poppy.
Mr Poppy was never a headmaster.
Lord, no!
'He's just an unqualified
classroom assistant.
Mr Poppy has gone.'
You are the inspector, are you?
Oh, my goodness, is that the time?
I've said way too much. Bye-bye.
Mr Poppy, please.
- I'm afraid I'm gonna have to interrupt.
- Uncle Henry.
Mr Poppy, you're gonna have
to be out of here by noon today.
They have created a number of incidents.
At breakfast there was pancakes
on the ceiling.
There was a river of maple syrup.
I'm afraid it's just not gonna work here.
- Has Uncle Henry been good to you?
- Yeah.
- Thanks, Uncle Henry.
- Bye, Uncle Henry.
I'm not their uncle.
- He's just pretending to be angry.
- Yeah.
- I think you should look more cool.
- He could do with a looking a bit cooler.
How much were the family
loving Bradley Finch last night?
Too much.
He thinks he's the groom.
You're the groom.
You need to say to him, "I'm the groom!"
Or maybe you need to be Bradley Finch.
- What?
- Well, then Sophie might like you more.
Maybe we've got to Finch you up, big style.
Spick and span, Betty.
- Spick and span.
- Of course, sir.
Spick and span, Betty.
Spick and span.
Yes, sir, sure, sir.
Come in.
Well, you have to admit,
your fiance is acting a little strangely.
I mean... look,
why don't I help you with the vows?
If he's not...
I'll help you with the vows.
We could incorporate it into the flashmob.
How about that? That's an idea.
No, I'd be happy to help.
I know, your brother is so sweet.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Shepherd Finch.
Uh, yeah!
- Yeah, Dad!
- King of bling!
Mr Shepherd, they're ready for you
in the cake tasting.
Cakes are on Uncle Henry.
No, no, no! Please!
Jeanette, keep the cakes away.
OK, but only for ten minutes.
Mr Poppy...
Mr Shepherd,
please can you help me here?
Oh, just a little bit of cake, please.
Under no circumstances
can you go near the cakes, OK?
Would you like a piece
of cake, Uncle Henry?
Yes, I would.
- Henri?
- Yes, sir?
It's Bradley Grinch.
Something quite serious has happened.
Some of your...
some of your staff have come into my room
and have taken half my wardrobe.
- I find that very hard to believe, sir.
- Half my wardrobe, including my jewellery.
Why would they dry-clean my jewellery?
My blue jacket's missing,
my dark jacket,
my leather print jacket, my red jacket
that looks just like that is...
Where did you get that jacket?
- It looks a lot like my jacket.
- Oh? Lucky you.
- Why are you dressed like me?
- I'm not, I'm dressed like me.
- You're dressed like you?
- Just like it's my wedding.
I'm marrying Sophie, not you.
You know her so well, huh?
I don't even suppose you know
what sort of cake
she would like, do ya, Shepherd?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Which one?
- Not telling.
- Well, it's the strawberry cream.
I'm glad you're so happy with the cakes.
Why don't you have a bit more?
Leg it!
That is it! Mr Shepherd!
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Mr Poppy, in here.
Mr Shepherd!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you looking for those kids?
- Yes, I am.
- They went that way.
Thank you.
Listen, when I went
into Bradley Finch's room,
he was on the phone to Sophie
and he was saying he was gonna help her
with her wedding vows.
They're the most important part
of the ceremony.
He shouldn't be doing that, you should.
- I don't think I can do it.
- You've got to do it.
I don't remember her,
I don't remember any time with her.
- I haven't got any memory.
- You haven't even kissed her yet.
I know. I tried.
I tried but she wouldn't have it.
I got the side of her head.
But you need to kiss her.
Then your memories
might come flooding back.
How am I gonna kiss her?
Tomorrow, take her for dinner.
Wine her, dine her.
We could bring some mistletoe into action
and finish off with a kiss
and then the memories will come back.
If only you hadn't fallen out of the apple
tree none of this would have happened.
- I know.
- Let's go and find the children.
- Bradley, there you are.
- Ssh.
What? What?
He's lost his memory.
- Shepherd.
- Shut up!
- Fell out of a tree.
- No.
- Gone.
- Gotta tell my sister.
No, no, no, not yet.
I'm sure we can use this to our advantage.
You're at the altar, I presume, and this
is where you want to have your vows.
Go and get the others.
I would say, "I've loved you
since the first day we met."
That should be you, Dad.
- He looks like he really likes her.
- He does really like her.
He's gonna eat her.
I have loved you
since the day I saw you.
Time's running out, Mr Shepherd.
You have to speak to Uncle Henry
and book a table at the restaurant.
Come on.
- What are we gonna do, kids?
- I've got an idea.
My dad can re-propose to her.
I've still got the ring.
We could hide it in the food maybe.
You could give them one piece of spaghetti
for them to share
and then they'll go closer
and closer and closer and kiss.
- And the magic's in.
- Yes!
Lauren, make sure
Daddy orders spaghetti.
- Excuse me.
- Oh, Lauren.
- My dad wants to take you out to dinner.
- Oh!
- It's gonna be in the pizza restaurant.
- Will you tell him yes?
Keep your hands off Sophie.
- Oh, so sweet.
- So... sweet.
- I'll just give you the menu.
- Thank you.
Rodrigo recommends
the pizza is excellent here.
Jeremy, listen, I've got
a really sneaking suspicion
that there's something wrong.
Not with me.
It's OK if there is, OK?
But you've got to tell me.
Is it wedding nerves?
- Just a little bit jangly?
- No, no.
- No, I'm really well.
- Because if you don't want to get married...
I do. I do want to get married.
I really want to get married.
- To me?
- To you.
- Here?
- I wanna get married to you here.
- In...
- And kiss and just...
- What?
- Carry on our lives.
- Pasta!
- Check.
- Sauce.
- Check.
- Basil.
- Check.
- Ring.
- Check.
Come on.
Shall we order?
- Sorry.
- Whoa!
Don't allow the ladies to take the order.
The order comes from man usually.
I don't think it does.
Can I have the menu?
- Give me the menu.
- Spaghetti.
Yes, of course.
- I don't want spaghetti, Jeremy.
- Let's have spaghetti.
How about a song for the lady?
You've got the moon
to make you swoon
But you can't do much
without the mistletoe
If you want some bliss
on a night like this
Then you need the mistletoe
to get your Christmas kiss
There's a thing this time of year
That will bring your loved one near
Make her heart do somersaults
and backward flips
So believe us when we say
Please don't wait till Christmas Day
Get your mistletoe
and kiss those lovely lips
If you're having your first fight
And the magic's gone tonight
And you're feeling like
the two of you are through
There's only one way
you should go
To make friends back out of foe
You can smack her lips
beneath the mistletoe
- You've got the moves.
- Got the moves
- The funky groove.
- The funky groove
But your funk is sunk
without the mistletoe
Though you kiss with ease,
they don't grow on trees
But your mistletoe does
so come and kiss me please
Your mistletoe does
so come and kiss me please, muah
Oh, my gosh, Jeremy!
That was amazing.
That's why you brought
all these children here.
- It hasn't worked.
- What do you mean it hasn't worked?
The kiss, it just didn't work.
Nothing happened to me.
- What are you saying now?
- Nothing happened.
- Didn't you feel anything?
- No, nothing.
Nothing happened?
I knew you didn't wanna get married.
She didn't even find the ring.
Mr Poppy! Children!
What are you doing here? Out!
Get out of my restaurant.
Move it, move it, move it.
And you, Mr Poppy.
And you can take that moustache off.
Mr Shepherd? You left me
to put the kids to sleep on my own.
I had to read them a
story and do the voices.
You could have helped out.
- Sorry.
- Room for a little one?
Sure, yeah.
- That was a real mess.
- You can't give up now.
Come on, we're in the city of dreams.
The Big Apple.
This whole place was built
on people's dreams.
Don't let Lauren's dream disappear,
Mr Shepherd.
Remember what Father Christmas said?
If you don't believe, you won't receive.
How can he do this to you?
You know, this should be
the happiest time of your life.
- I don't know.
- It's like he's totally changed character.
What am I gonna do?
If he's not the man for you,
the time to call it off is now.
We're only gonna get
one more chance at best.
We've got to give this
our absolute everything.
I don't know what it was last night
that went wrong, Mr Shepherd.
It might have been the spicy sauce.
It could have been the pasta.
It might have been your breath.
But we've got to give this our everything.
We want you to be happy
and be with the right man.
Yes, the right man.
Oh, sorry. I didn't realise
everyone was going to be in here.
If you want to talk to me,
you can talk to me in front of my family.
Can I just say there is no way
you're gonna fit into that dress?
It's tiny.
What do you want?
Can I just say, people are allowed...
Sorry, I'm finding this really difficult
with you lot listening.
Is there any chance
you might just put your hands on your ears?
- Come on, Grandma.
- Oh!
Can you just give him another chance,
for Lauren's sake?
Of course.
OK. Come on,
we'll just leave those there.
Please, Sophie,
can I have one more chance?
Just one more date?
Because, Sophie, you're...
You're Lauren's Christmas wish.
You're my Christmas future,
all wrapped up in one Christmas present.
And I promise I'll never
let you down again.
I promise.
All right, Jeremy.
I will give you one more chance.
You can meet me
at the Park restaurant at two o'clock.
But if you arrive one minute past two,
one second past two o'clock,
I will take that as a sign
that you don't want to marry me.
And this was all lovely.
Thank you.
Yes! Guys, give me five.
Give me five.
Big jellyfish.
- Head's office?
- Yeah, just down there, through that door.
You've got poo on your head.
Donkey poo.
Donkey poo.
Does someone want to tell me
what's going on?
Ah, Mr Shepherd, how lovely to see you.
Do you know, I've been looking for...
Oh, you're not Mr Shepherd.
Who are you?
- Er... Mr Parker.
- Mr Parker, the inspector.
Could you give us a little bit more time
just because we want to be
absolutely ready for you?
- Well, that's why I'm here.
- What do you mean?
I've been sent by Mrs Bevan to help bring
you up to standard for the big inspection.
- But you are the inspector.
- No.
- You're not the inspector?
- No.
So wait a second...
You're the super teacher,
not the inspector.
So where's Mr Shepherd
and who's he?
- Mr Shepherd.
- Hi, Henry.
Hi, alone at last.
I just wanted to apologise, really, for
the way that the evening went last night.
I shouldn't have shouted at Mr Poppy
and the children like that, I mean...
I was wondering
how long that was gonna take.
Thanks for the apology, Uncle Henry,
but Mr Shepherd's got a very important date
and, if you'll excuse us,
we need to have a man-on-man.
Come on, Mr Shepherd.
- But...
- Oh!
And thanks for looking after the children.
The children? I...
- Boo!
- Oh, no.
Don't worry, Mr Shepherd,
you're gonna be fine.
Big daddy breaths.
And don't forget, when on a date,
keep your hands clean,
keep your nose clean
and keep your burn clean.
Good luck.
Ah, Jeremy!
Look, I know that we
haven't seen eye to eye
but I think it's time
we had a man-to-man talk.
- What?
- I don't think
it's going to work out
between you and Sophie.
I only say that because she doesn't want
to marry you anymore.
- How do you know that?
- Because she told me.
She loves me again, Jeremy,
and the only reason
why she's been hanging on
is because of... Lauren.
You're lying.
- And what about you?
- What about me? I'm not lying.
You haven't told her
that you lost your memory.
Poppy hasn't told her,
and what has Poppy been telling you?
That he's the headmaster of the school?
- He is the headmaster of the school.
- He's an unqualified teaching assistant.
Maybe you should listen to me instead.
- Which one are you again?
- Charlie, Sophie's brother.
Listen, I'm sorry.
He's telling the truth.
She doesn't love you anymore.
I think it's time for you to move on.
'If you arrive
one second past two o'clock.
'I will take that as a sign
that you don't want to marry me.'
New York to London,
are you receiving? Over.
'First things first,
how's the inspector?'
'The inspector's turned up
but he's not the inspector.'
- What?
- He's the super teacher.
The super teacher's here.
Mr Shepherd's here with me.
Mr Shepherd's the inspector.
Maybe it's a bad connection.
We know you've been having a hard time,
you're kinda confused
Oh, yeah
He's left you alone
and you're feeling a little bit used
Oh, yeah
Though the sun isn't shining
There is still a way out
Someone who knows you
and wants to propose to you
And he doesn't have any doubt
Bradley Finch
He's the one you adored
Once upon a dream
Bradley Finch
You can still make him yours
You'll make a winning team...
Mr Shepherd, what are you doing?
You've got to be at the restaurant.
She wasn't telling the truth.
She loves Bradley Finch.
Step right UP
Take his hand and dance
Dance with Bradley Finch...
- Bradley Finch is a liar.
- You're a liar, Mr Poppy.
I've never told a lie in my life,
scout's honour.
You told me you were the headmaster.
You're an unemployed,
unqualified classroom assistant.
- That's true, isn't it?
- Who told you that?
You are a liar, your pants are on fire.
Why don't you have a look
in your own pants?
Turns out you're the liar.
Pretending to be a super teacher
when in fact you're an inspector
- trying to bring the school down.
- What?
I know that you're here for your wedding,
a beautiful bride
Oh, yeah
But look at the tears that
you're shedding, did somebody die?
Oh, no
Time to step out the shadows
No more time in the wings
And though I'm just Bradley,
I still love you madly
I even bought two rings
Bradley Finch
If you marry me now
I'll be the best of grooms...
- Can't we just move on?
- I am moving on, Mr Poppy.
I'm moving on without you.
Just leave me alone.
So please rethink your future
Use what's in your head
Come on, Sophie, be my trophy
And marry me instead
Marry Bradley Finch,
marry Bradley Finch
Marry Bradley Finch,
marry Bradley Finch
Marry Bradley Finch,
marry Bradley Finch
Well, that went well.
- Sophie?
- Oh!
- Sophie? Sophie, please.
- No.
Please Sophie, please, please.
Look, please, I can explain everything.
- No, you can't.
- I can, I can.
- How could you do it again?
- I can.
Let me explain. Just listen.
Stop hitting me. Stop.
- You are breaking my heart.
- I can't marry you, Sophie.
- You've met someone else, haven't you?
- No.
- You've met someone else.
- Sophie, I fell out of a tree.
And I forgot everything.
Absolutely everything.
Lauren, you, Christmas.
Love. I didn't recognise my house.
I can't remember a thing.
- Jeremy, is this another funny...
- No, no.
- Joke?
- I really can't.
Right, so...
Right, so you've had a hit on the head
and you've got memory loss?
All right, well, then,
we can take you to a doctor.
I've been to a doctor.
Jeremy, we're in America.
They do brilliant things here.
Your memory will come back.
Jeremy, I know you love me
and we definitely love Lauren.
Sophie, I don't know if I love you
because I can't remember you.
I don't know you.
I can't say I love you.
- But what do you mean?
- But Lauren loves you.
- I know she does.
- Now here's what you're gonna do.
You're gonna to take Lauren
and you're gonna marry Bradley.
- What?
- You're going to be Lauren's family.
And you're going to bring her up.
She loves you.
Jeremy! Stop it.
Stop talking like this.
I'm not marrying Bradley.
- You know you want to.
- I don't want to marry...
- Yes, you do.
- Jeremy.
He's great.
Say goodbye to Lauren.
- No, Jeremy, you can't...
- I've got to go.
Oh, Lauren...
Oh, Lauren.
Oh, Lauren!
Oh, darling.
You're not gonna be my mum, are you?
I don't know, darling.
I don't know if I can.
I don't know how I can.
He doesn't remember me, darling.
You have to...
you have to go, darling.
You have to go.
Oh, Sophie.
- He doesn't wanna marry me.
- I'm so sorry.
Oh, there you are.
How could you do that to Sophie?
Just how?
I had to, Lauren.
I'm no good to Sophie right now.
I can't be her husband
because I've lost my memory.
- But what about me?
- Don't you worry.
You can go and live with Sophie
and she's gonna marry Bradley Finch,
who'll teach you all
kinds of cool dances.
I don't like Bradley Finch!
Why can't you remember?
You don't wanna remember, do you?
If you remember me,
you're gonna have to remember who you were
and you're gonna have to remember
when Mum died and all those sad things.
It's all right, Lauren.
I'll look after you.
Oh, Bradley.
I know you
and I really do care about you.
Hello, Henry.
Things not working out
on the romantic front, Mr Shepherd?
Things aren't working out
on any front, Henry.
Well, when I find myself lost like that
I take a walk in this magical city
and, well, it's a magical time of year,
Mr Shepherd.
It's Christmas in New York City, and I
want you to have a little faith, you know,
that things are gonna work out just fine.
Thanks, Henry. I'll do that.
Hey, Mr Shepherd, it's cold out there.
Why don't you take this?
Thanks, Henry.
Thank you.
- Happy Christmas.
- Why, thank you.
And Happy New York, Mr Shepherd.
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos
Everybody knows
a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight...
I'm really sorry, guys.
The Wedding's off.
Lauren doesn't get to dress
in her sparkly dress,
I don't get to dress up
as a snow pig,
none of you get to wear
your white sparkly outfits.
I feel sorry for Lauren.
Me too. We're gonna have
to be her family now, guys.
- Where is Mr Shepherd?
- Yeah?
I don't know.
To see if reindeers
really know how to fly...
I think I can help.
- Do you know where Mr Shepherd is?
- Yes.
- Where?
- He's gone to find the Christmas spirit.
But where is it, exactly, the address?
Follow your nose and you'll find it.
Why don't you take Lauren
and go and look for Mr Shepherd
and, well, I'll look after the children?
Hm, you've changed.
- Well, I am their Uncle Henry, right?
- Yeah!
Thanks, Uncle Henry. You're a star.
See you, kids.
OK, who wants
a triple chocolate Christmas shake?
- Me!
- Follow me.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from 1 to 92
Although it's been said
many times, many ways
Merry Christmas to you
Yes, I will.
She said yes!
We're never gonna find him.
We will, we just need to keep trying.
He could be up there
or he might have gone down that way.
But I want him now.
I know you do,
but we haven't even searched all this.
We haven't even been to the park.
We haven't been up there.
I want my daddy.
I know you do
and I really wanna try and find him
but I dunno where he is.
'If you don't believe,
Mr Shepherd, you won't receive.
'Magic fairy dust
that Mum left us.'
'Believe, Mr Shepherd.'
'You've got to believe, Dad.
You've got to believe.'
Lauren! Oh, baby!
Oh, Lauren!
I'm so sorry... Oh, God!
I'm so sorry, darling.
I'm so sorry.
I'll never forget you ever again.
I'll never forget you.
Thank you, Mr POPPY-
Thank you for looking
after her and us both.
That's OK.
There's still time.
We can make it to the church
and you can marry Sophie.
Oh, don't worry about the wedding now.
We've got to make
Lauren's Christmas wish come true.
Please, Daddy.
You've got to marry Sophie.
Please, Daddy. Please!
- Well, come on, then.
- Let's do it.
Come in.
- Henry.
- More of these.
Thank you.
Miss Ford, there's a saying in my family
goes way back,
just for occasions like this.
Just before you say "I do",
always take a moment or two.
Come on!
Come on!
Bradley, do you take Sophie
for your lawful wife, to have and to hold,
from this day forward
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
for as long as you both shall live?
I do.
Sophie, do you take Bradley
for your lawful husband,
to have and to hold,
from this day forward,
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
for as long as you both shall live?
Sorry, can I just, um...
I'm just going to need a minute if...
I'm... I can't.
I'm sorry, I can't.
This isn't right.
This... this isn't...
Bradley, this is not my dream.
It's yours.
You deserve more, Bradley,
and it's not me.
I'm so sorry.
I just can't.
Have a little faith
Light a little light
Everyone is gonna have
their wish tonight
Just close your eyes
And count to three
And find yourself believing...
That's right, Sophie.
Tonight I, the snow pig,
am gonna make
your Christmas wish come true.
Take it away, Mr Shepherd.
Rock out.
I woke up from my dreaming
He woke up
I saw all of the signs
All the signs
I got back all of the feelings
So I'm no longer blind
He's not blind
I took a look in the mirror
He just looked
Just to see what I'd see
What you'd see
I saw a new happy person
Staring back at me
Well, it must be love
It's love, it's love
Yeah, it must be love
It's love, it's love
Well, it must be love
that I am feeling
Yeah, it must be love
I remember your loving
It's come back
All the things that you do
Memory's back
How you drink all my coffee
Take all my biscuits too
She's the one
How your beautiful laughter
How she laughs
Was the light of my life
She's his life
Said we'd love ever after
So will you become my wife?
Well, it must be love
It's love, it's love
Yeah, it must be love
It's love, it's love
Well, it must be love
that I am feeling
And I'm on my knees
Oh, hallelujah
And I've got a box
Give him the box
And I'm opening the box
so that you'll wear my ring
And maybe wash my socks
Well, I'm taking the ring
She's taking the ring
And I'm putting it on my finger
It's on her finger
But it doesn't fit
because it never fit
Cos you never checked my size
but it must be love
It's love, it's love
Yeah, it must be love
It's love, it's love
And it must be love
that we are feeling
And we've got our girl
Our wish come true
And she's our whole world
And we both love you
And we're gonna be the family
that you always wanted
Wait and see
Well, it must be love
It's love, it's love
Yeah, it must be love
It's love, it's love
And it must be love
That I am feeling
It must be love
Archie's back.
Kids, who's up for a flashmob?
We made it to the top
of the Empire State Building.
Let's have a flashmob wedding.
High, high, high,
we just can't wait
Higher than the Empire State
High, high, high,
we just can't wait for New York
High, high, high,
we just can't wait
Higher than the Empire State
High, high, high,
we just can't wait for New York
We're going ho, ho, ho
Light up, light up
We're going ho, ho, ho
Light up the sky
We're going ho, ho, ho
Light up, light up
We're gonna dance until we fly
- Cos there's a party in the sky.
- Arrest that snow pig, he stole my flight.
- Take him downtown, officers.
- We're gonna dance until we fly
Hey, we're Christmas shopping
Yay, we're Christmas shopping
We are Christmas shopping
and we're not stop, stopping
Yay, we're Christmas shopping,
shopping like we're popping
And we're shop, shop, shopping till
we're drop, drop, dropping to the ground
This is our Christmas song
And Christmas don't last long
So reach out
for the Christmas that's in you
This is our Christmas song
Sing out and sing it strong
And all your Christmas wishes
really will come true
Hey, New York.
Watch this donkey shake his arse.
Archie, Archie, Archie!
Hey, dude, where's my donkey?
Hey, dude, where has it gone?
My wife is having a baby
and we have no donkey to ride on, ride on
Hey, dude, seen my donkey?
Hey, dude, I need a rest
My donkey should carry Mary,
gotta get this off my chest
Hey, dude, where's the donkey?
Hey, dude, where is he at?
I've got to get to a stable
cos I'm tired and I'm fat
Dude, he's sure gone off track
I want my donkey, baby, yeah
I want my donkey back,
I want him back
Dude, he's sure gone off track
I want my donkey, baby, yeah
I want my donkey back,
I want him back
Ooh, stay up all night
- This is Santa.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- Santa is the man.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- Santa is the man.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- Santa is the man.
- Ooh, stay up all night
Santa is the man
Let's take a trip,
we'll take a flight upon a big sleigh ride
Across the stars, across the moon,
we wanna stay up all night
Stay up all night
One, two, three, four,
leave my presents at the door
Five, six, seven, eight,
you had better stay up late
get yourself a little elf
50, 80, Santa, baby
- Stay up all night.
- I said hip, I said hop
- I said hip-hop, Santa's gonna stop.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- He's got the moves like Santa.
- Ooh, stay up all night
- He's got the grooves like Santa
- Ooh, stay up all night
Take this light of mine
Lead me to a hope divine
And though the stars are faded
Never mind the jaded
Wish upon a Christmas time
Though the stars are faded
Never mind the jaded
Wish upon a Christmas time