Neptune's Daughter (1949) Movie Script
I'd like to tell you a story about a guy,
a girl and a bathing suit.
I saw her at every swimming meet
the city ever had, just like this one.
She was always lined up
with a group of other girls...
... but she stood out like a swan
in a bunch of mud hens.
I saw the starter take his place
and call, "Swimmers up."
She hit the water and cut through it
like a million-dollar yacht.
At the turn, it was neck and neck...
... but she soon pulled away,
away out in front.
And that's where she belonged,
out in front.
Well, she walked
to her dressing room on air.
And I went right after her.
Well, she knew me
and knew what I wanted...
... but the answer was still no.
I tried to convince her we could go
places together, but she wasn't interested.
She didn't wanna go anyplace but home.
She lived in a little apartment near the
college with all her trophies and her sister...
... a scatterbrained little chick
who had a lot to offer...
... but couldn't seem
to get anyone to take it.
I kept telling her the swimsuit business
was crying for us.
With my ideas and her face and figure,
we'd be a cinch.
She seemed interested, but was worried
about her amateur standing.
But I felt if I kept after her,
I'd make her realize...
... there comes a time in every woman's life
when she has to turn professional.
We started on a shoestring.
She was clever.
She designed and modeled her own suits.
They were new, different.
A little gag here, a little trick there.
And did they sell!
Say, she could sell anything.
The orders kept coming in
and pilling up...
... and we shipped them out
as fast as we could fill them.
Before you knew it,
we were in big business.
- So what?
- So what?
Everybody and his brother will be there.
Not to mention LIFE and Look
and the news services.
Sorry, I don't play polo.
Neither will the players when they get
a load of you parading around the pool...
...in that swimming spectacle
you're gonna stage.
- I'm going to stage?
- A tribute to our South American neighbors.
You're a good neighbor, aren't you?
Sounds like great publicity.
What about the club?
They're pretty conservative.
- I wonder if they'll go for it.
- They'll go for it.
As soon as you sell Mr. Canford,
the club president.
Me? Oh, now, just a minute, Joe.
You're the barker of this outfit.
I'm just the trained seal.
You balance this ball
on that pretty nose of yours...
...and we'll both take a big, fat bow.
- Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go.
- Go where?
To Middlebrook, to meet
the South American polo team.
Oh, Betty, get that gleam out of your eye.
You're not going.
Oh, Evie, this is my chance
to meet a romantic Latin.
And a polo player
is what I've always wanted.
Yes, last year, it was a football player
you always wanted.
- The year before that, it was a cowboy.
- Well, I'm flexible.
You're too flexible.
Well, this time, it's the real thing.
This time it's love.
Love. Oh, Betty.
Evie, you might as well face it.
I'm madly in love.
- With whom?
- The South American polo team.
Betty, dear, you've got to stop
throwing yourself at men.
- You're only going to get hurt.
- Not if my aim is good.
Besides, what's wrong
with a woman chasing a man?
Well, it just isn't done.
Men are men and women are women,
and, well, that's just the way it is.
Well, I don't wanna change it,
I just wanna get in on it.
If I don't stop dreaming
of orange blossoms...
...l'm gonna have to sleep
with a smudge pot at the foot of my bed.
- Are you hurt?
- No, not too bad. Just got my shoulder.
We've got a great masseur at the club.
Fix you up in no time.
Hey, Julio!
Call Jack Spratt, the masseur.
Who will be the lucky winner
on tonight's Stroke of Fortune...
... the quiz show to end all quiz shows?
You don't have to guess anything,
you don't have to say anything...
... and you don't have to know anything.
If you're lucky and have a telephone
and can answer our call...
... you will receive $ 1000
and other valuable prizes...
... if you're lucky and have a telephone.
And now, the wheel is turning.
While we're waiting for
the winning number, the orchestra plays.
Excuse, please, senor,
you make with the massage?
- Not now. Come back later.
- But, senor...
You want me to lose a thousand dollars?
This is an important program.
They give away prizes.
Last week there was an old maid
in Pomona...
...she won a 32-room house,
a four-door sedan...
...a live-bait barge
and a two weeks' vacation...
...in a Tibet monastery,
with all expenses paid.
Oh, but, senor, you better come with me.
Senor O'Rourke, she hurt his arm.
Her did? Senor O'Rourke,
you mean the captain of the polo team?
Well, why didn't you say so
in the first place?
I wouldn't have won anything anyhow.
I listen to these quiz programs all the time.
Of course, they never call me.
They... Sort of a waste of time.
Sometimes those quiz programs
are not on the level.
Stop the music, stop the music!
- Long distance is ringing the winner.
- Probably some phony name.
- Mr. Jack Spratt of Clayport, California.
- Jack Spratt!
Whoever heard of anyone
named Jack Spra...?
That's me! They're ringing me!
- No answer yet?
- It's locked.
- Keep trying, operator.
- Oh, the key, the key.
- Don't stop ringing!
- You'd better hurry up, Mr. Spratt.
- Well, I can't find my key!
- This is your last chance.
Oh, no, no, no!
Mr. Spratt doesn't answer?
Well, never mind, operator.
But Mr. Spratt
will receive our consolation prize...
... of five crisp, new $ 1 bills.
Five dollars? Five dollars.
You'll never know what I went through
to get all those phones.
Night after night in those phone booths.
I paid $30 for that radio,
a fortune in box tops.
Wore out two pair of pants
just sitting.
I lose half of my customers,
and what happens?
They call me and I can't even get in,
all on account of a little key.
A little key no bigger than...
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, mister.
- Where will I find the polo players?
- Oh, they are out on the polo field, I think.
Well, how do I get there?
Well, you go down this road
until you come to a...
No, no, you go down this road
until you come to a tree...
...and then you turn to the...
No, no.
You go down this road until you come...
Gee, I don't think you can get there
from here.
Well, aren't there any polo players
around here?
El capitn Jose O'Rourke
is in the tack room, I think.
Well, how do I get to the tack room?
Well, you go down this road
until you come to... No, no, no.
- You go down this road until you come to...
- Oh, here we go again. Never mind.
Great country, South America.
You know, I've always wanted to meet
one of those black-eyed senoritas.
The senoritas right here
look muy bonitas to me.
Yeah, well,
they may look that way to you...
...but whenever I meet them,
they're always facedown on a table.
They only come to me to get them
in shape for some other guy.
- Can you keep a secret?
- Sure.
Well, I wouldn't like this noised around,
but I've never had a girl.
- No.
- See, my mother was very strict.
- Didn't have my first date till I was 24.
- Your mother wouldn't let you go out...
...with members of the opposite sex?
- Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me...
...which ones was the opposite sex.
- I'll bet you've had plenty of girls.
- Too many.
Believe me, horses are more dependable.
Of course, one cannot
make love to a horse.
No, unless one happens
to be another horse.
Of course,
I don't have much choice myself.
You see, women don't like me,
and, well, I don't like horses, so...
Well, amigo,
maybe your approach is wrong.
Now, what is the first thing you do
when you get a woman in your arms?
Well, I give her a salt rub.
Oh, no, no, I'm talking about love.
The first thing you do is kiss her.
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Oh, don't tell me
you have never kissed a woman.
Well, have you ever held a woman
in your arms?
Have you ever held a woman's hand?
Well, have you ever...?
Oh, amigo, you are in bad shape,
aren't you?
- I don't know.
- But I will show you what to do.
First, you have a beautiful woman
in your arms.
You hold her tenderly.
Oh, she's gorgeous and she's all yours.
- She is?
- Oh, yes.
- Would you mind if I held her for a while?
- Of course. Here, you take her.
You know, she's heavier than I thought.
Now, you must say to her:
- Why do I have to speak Spanish?
- Because it's a language of love.
- Women can't resist it.
- They can't?
Now, hold her tight.
No, tighter. Still tighter. Tighter.
- She's kind of big.
- All right, kiss her.
No, not like a baby, like a man.
Oh, amigo, I like you.
And you have made my arm
as good as new. Well, hasta la vista.
Oh, in your language,
that means "adis, amigo."
Gee, he sure looks romantic
in that Groucho costume.
Gosh, anybody could get a girl
if he looked like that.
What a guy.
Senor O'Rourke.
Speak to me, say something.
Oh, gee, he's unconscious.
What'll I do now?
Oh, no, I gotta give him a chance
to defend himself.
Oh, Senor O'Rourke, I didn't know
you were behind that door, honest.
I wouldn't hurt a polo player for anything,
especially a South American polo player.
My name is Betty Barrett.
I hope you don't think I'm bold
for breaking in like this.
Gee, you're handsome.
Do you think I'm pretty?
You don't have to answer that now.
I live at the Savoy Apartments
and if you're ever in the neighborhood...
...you might drop in sometime. Tonight.
Oh, Senor O'Rourke!
- Is this all right, Miss Betty?
- Oh, yes, but they like it hot.
There, that's better.
Are you sure my sister's
not gonna be home this evening?
- Yes, I'm sure.
- Oh, I sure hope so.
No, I guess it'd be too obvious
if I sat on his lap.
- Will there be anything else, Miss Betty?
- I wish to be alone tonight, Matilda.
You may go.
Come in.
- Oh, Jose, what a surprise!
- I am delightful.
What a beautiful...
It's an old native custom.
Won't you sit down?
Oh, I do not understand so good
your language.
Well, sit down in your own language.
Merci, mademoiselle.
You understand Spanish good? Good.
Spanish is the beautiful language of love.
You speak it very fluently, don't you?
Tijuana.
Well, I wanna if you wanna.
My hors d'oeuvres. I prepared
some of our native dishes for you.
Oh, I am delightful.
My beautiful... Sacramento, California.
- Well, don't go away, Jose. "Babalu."
- "Tico-Tico."
Well, if Spanish does it,
this ought to do it.
I made these just for you.
Oh, I am delightful. You made...
This thing,
I've lost so much weight, you know.
I made these
with my own two little hands.
Oh, your little hands.
They are so... So... So so-so.
Gee, just like in the ads.
You are so gentle, so beautiful, so...
Tell me more.
Tell me more.
Oh, that's beautiful.
You sound so different
when you speak Spanish.
You know, that's just the way
I feel about you.
And that means I want to hold you
in my arms forever.
And now, please, turn over.
Oh, that's an old South American
expression meaning...
...let's have soft music.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Shall we dine or shall we dance?
- Well...
- Let's dance.
Oh, doesn't this music
do something to you?
Gee, members of the same lodge.
Argentina, Brazil or Nicaragua?
Oh, your friend here says
that he plays all the instruments.
How interesting.
Oh, nice. He has consented
to do a number for us.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Mind?
Oh, he'd love it.
I'll sing too. Jose, come on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we have a rare treat.
A countryman of mine from South America
is gonna do a number for us...
...accompanied
by his very charming companion here.
What would you like us to play?
Oh, yes. Go ahead.
The orchestra is yours.
Use any instrument you like.
I love those men who go:
Give me a South American drummer
And keep your butcher and your plumber
Oh, let me hear the fabulous fracas
Of the maracas
Give me the guy who strums the guitar
An ocho cuatro to the bar
I'll even take the yokel
From Buenos Aires musicians' local
Who does the vocal
Frre Jacques, Frre Jacques
Babalu! Babalu!
I love those men who go:
They've warned me time and again
But, oh, how I love those men
Those men
Those men
Excuse me.
I love those men who go:
But, oh, how I love those men
- Did I wake you?
- Fine time to get home.
Fine time before I got home.
Where have you been, with whom,
and who said you could wear my coat?
Casa Cugat, Jose O'Rourke and nobody.
Jose O'Rourke? Not one of those
South American polo players?
Not just one of the players, the captain.
I hit the jackpot.
Betty, dear, can't you get in enough trouble
here without going below the border?
Look, Betty. Now, no one wants a nice,
substantial man for you more than I do...
...but these visiting firemen
are strictly on a joy ride.
Now, believe me, honey...
...when you fall hard and they exit laughing,
it's not going to be so funny.
Oh, you've been out with them.
Certainly not.
But, Eve, he thinks I'm wonderful.
He says he's never met anybody like me.
That I believe.
- Betty, dear, you don't know this type.
- Yes, I do.
Tonight was just a buildup.
Next time, he'll show his teeth.
I love those men who go:
Betty, look, please.
Now, put down these animated beanbags
and listen to me.
I want you to promise
you won't see him again.
Nope. I got a date with him tomorrow.
I love those men who go:
Yes, I'll see that it's taken care of.
Of course. All right. All right.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- I received a telephone call this morning.
- Your name, please?
Jose O'Rourke.
Oh, yes, Mr. O'Rourke.
Miss Barrett's expecting you.
Miss Barrett? I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.
If you'd just be seated,
she'll be back shortly.
She's showing some buyers
through the factory.
Oh, could I join them? You see, I've never
seen a bathing suit in its natural state.
Oh, yes, of course.
- Miss Carroll.
- Yes?
- How far has the tour gotten?
- I think they're on the third floor.
Thank you. This way, Mr. O'Rourke.
- This way, please.
- Oh, yeah.
I usually make a rough sketch
of a new idea...
...and then give it to our artists
to retouch and refine.
The design is then put on the material...
...and the pattern is stamped
by these pattern machines...
...onto this special pattern paper.
They look a little like
old-fashioned piano rolls, don't they?
As you know, our bathing suits
are made of silk from China...
...rubber from Malaya, wool from Australia,
cotton from all over the world...
...and, of course, our own wonderful
synthetic rayons made right here.
And now, if we...
If you'll step this way, please.
I'd like to show you another
very interesting piece of equipment.
The spools of thread are putting together
a patchwork of colors...
...which revolve
into a beautiful harmony.
This strange-looking monster
is knitting swimsuit material of Celanese...
...rubber yarn, Lastex and Mattletex.
Now, those in the rear are set to handle
any type of material we intend to use.
We hang the pattern paper on,
tie the yar...
As I was saying...
The automatic blade cuts through hundreds
of thicknesses of material simultaneously.
See? And once the material is cut,
it is stacked in sizes ranging from 10 to 20.
You know, any woman over size 20
should have her bathing suit made to order.
Oh, I agree.
Shall we go on
to the finishing department?
And over there,
the girls are sewing the very first seam.
On this shaft back here, the girls
are working on the actual garment...
...sewing and finishing the neckline.
These girls are Mattletexing
the waistline for perfect fit.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
you have seen the Neptune bathing suit...
...conceived, designed and created.
If you will kindly step into the salesroom,
you will see it come to life.
The Riviera suit.
The Christmas package.
The Ballerina.
The Sarong.
The Scotch Mist.
The Pantywaist.
The Olympic, for the sportswoman.
And now, the Streamliner.
Lovely, Miss Barrett. Perfectly charming.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You'll notice that the suit
neither shrinks, sags nor stretches.
No, it doesn't, does it?
Would you mind telling me
what company you represent?
Oh, I'm in business for myself.
Would you mind turning around
for me, please?
- Well, no, not at all, Mr...?
- O'Rourke. Jose O'Rourke.
- Did you say O'Rourke?
- Yes.
Lotus, my robe, please.
Mr. O'Rourke,
would you mind stepping into my office?
- I won't keep you waiting long.
- Oh, Miss Barrett, for you, I'd wait forever.
Lotus.
Mr. O'Rourke,
you're exactly what I anticipated.
You have the advantage.
I anticipated nothing like you.
You no doubt have some idea
why I sent for you.
No, but I assure you I'm delighted.
Does the name Barrett
mean anything to you?
No, not yet, but I have a feeling it will.
- What can I do for you, Miss Barrett?
- You can stay away from my sister.
- Your sister?
- I have plans for my sister.
Worthwhile plans.
And I don't intend to see them disrupted
by a South American detour.
Oh, forgive me,
I don't understand this word "detour."
Allow me to explain.
To detour is to take the bad road
because the good road is unavailable.
But, Senorita Barrett,
I am not unavailable.
And now, will you break the date
with my sister?
Date? Well, I...
You have a date with her tonight.
Will you please break it?
Very well. If I must, I must.
Good. Thank you very much.
However, there is a slight condition.
I thought so. Well, how much?
Oh, it isn't money I want.
No? What do you want?
Merely that you consent to go
in your sister's place.
Me? Why, you're out of your mind.
Oh, not at all, just a little lonesome
after I put my horses to bed.
Mr. O'Rourke...
...your state of mind after you tuck
your horses in is hardly any of my concern.
I'm sure you can find some other
misguided female to take their place.
Oh, undoubtedly, but you see,
I am particularly drawn to your family.
So if I cannot go out with you, I...
You realize, of course,
that this is just another form of blackmail.
Oh, Senorita Barrett,
in my language, there is no such word.
If I go with you, will you promise
never to see my sister again?
I promise.
Very well, it's a deal.
Oh, Senorita Barrett, your spirit
of self-sacrifice is truly admirable.
- Where shall I pick you up?
- This address, 8:00.
- Good. Oh, do you have a car?
- Of course.
Oh, then we will go to dinner,
drive along the ocean.
There'll be a moon tonight. I'm sure
you can show me points of interest.
Mr. O'Rourke, I will show you
the most miserable evening of your life.
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, there is just one more question.
How do I get this off my finger?
It's very simple.
On this side, we have the oldest
avocado trees in Southern California.
Over here, you will observe
a small inlet known as Pirates' Cove.
Around the bend, there is...
Miss Barrett, I don't care
what's around the bend, really.
You've shown me Pirates' Cove
with no pirates...
...lnspiration Point with no inspiration
and Lovers' Lane with no love...
...so I will take you home now.
Thank you very much.
Why are we slowing down?
And don't you tell me we're out of gas.
It's my car, remember?
Look.
Quote, "to detour
is to take the bad road...
...because the good road
is unavailable," unquote.
- Did I say that?
- Yes.
You also insinuated
that I was a blackmailer...
...and several other unpleasant things.
Well, I'm sorry. But, well,
Mr. O'Rourke, please try to understand.
My sister Betty
is somewhat of a problem.
She needs to find a man that's substantial
and settled and, well, safe.
And I am not?
Well, are you?
No. No, I am unsubstantial,
unsettled and definitely unsafe.
But not for your sister, no.
Don't worry, Miss Barrett.
I'll keep my end of the bargain.
Thank you very much, Mr. O'Rourke.
Jose, please.
Jose.
- And now if you'll take the road to the left...
- Of course.
Oh, do you mind if we stop
at the stable a moment?
My best pony has been rather ill.
I would like to look in on her.
No, not at all.
I'll only be a second.
She is very beautiful in the moonlight.
Julio, tonight, I want you to play
like you've never played before.
Patron, I have serenaded
beautiful senoritas...
...all over the world for you
and I have never failed you.
And tonight, I won't fail you.
Oh, I'm afraid my pony's worse.
I'll have to sit up with her all night.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Would you care for a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
- Your horses mean a great deal, don't they?
- Oh, yes, senorita.
When they suffer, I suffer.
- What's that?
- Oh, just some of the stable boys.
They play at the drop of a sombrero.
Do you know what the music is saying?
I have an idea.
I think maybe we'd better be going.
My heart beats faster, faster
Faster and faster
At the sight of you
My heart beats faster, faster
Faster than I have ever felt it do
You bring me madness, madness
Beautiful madness every little while
When you pass by
And you smile
My heart beats faster, faster
Not its own master
When I hear your voice
My heart hears music, music
Music for dancing
And it has no choice
And if I never kiss you
Tell me, what can my poor heart do?
But just beat faster and faster
Until it breaks
In two
There, that's better.
How does it feel, Linda?
Fine, unless I breathe.
Miss Felligi, we ought to have it a little
lower here and a little bit higher there.
- Right.
- Eve, I've gotta talk to you.
Oh, come on in, Joe. I'll just be
a moment. That's all. Thank you.
- I'll take care of the sketches, Miss Felligi.
- Yes, Miss Barrett.
- Where were you last night?
- Where were you this morning?
I was getting over last night.
I spent three hours with the president
of the club waiting for you.
- And you waited in the bar.
- Can I help it if he likes television?
I'm sorry, Joe.
I had something else to do.
Oh, I suppose last night
wasn't important.
Well, of course it was, Joe,
but, well, this was personal.
Oh, personal, eh?
Joe, lower your eyebrows.
I'm strictly a career gal.
The only interest I have in men is whether
or not they whistle at our bathing suits.
You know that.
Oh, now you're talking.
You know, honey, love has ruined more big
business than the Sherman Antitrust law.
Unless, of course, one partner
happens to be in love with the other.
I have a picture of Sears
falling in love with Roebuck.
That's not what I meant.
I'll pick you up at 8:00 sharp.
And this time, my little webfoot, I'll deliver
you to the president of the club personally.
Yes, master, yes.
Matilda, where's my little white coat?
Last time I saw it, it was going
through that door on Miss Betty.
Oh, I see. Where was Miss Betty going
when she went through the door?
To the other door.
Said she had to get out before you got in.
Well, do you know where she was going?
I wouldn't fill out an affidavit,
but I have an idea.
I eavesdropped a phone call.
- To whom?
- A Mr. Jose O'Rourke.
Said she'd meet him
at his apartment tonight. Alone.
Matilda, are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure. I heard it
with my own two little pierced ears.
Well, that scheming, calculating...
- Miss Barrett. What an expected pleasure.
- I'll bet it is.
Well, where is she?
- Who?
- My sister Betty, of course.
- Oh, is she loose again?
- You know perfectly well she is.
Don't tell me that she isn't here,
because I know she is.
- Miss Barrett, I gave you my word, l...
- Your word.
- What does your word mean?
- Oh, to me it means a great deal.
Why don't you sit down,
have a nice drink and cool off, huh?
Mr. O'Rourke, I wouldn't drink with you
if you were the last man on earth.
Well, what an interesting possibility.
Will you tell my sister
to come out of your closet?
There is nothing in my closet
except a few suits...
...one of which is minus a button.
At home, we have a skeleton.
- She's probably under the bed.
- I suggest you look.
I intend to.
You know, in my country,
that practice is confined to old maids.
- Your button.
- Would you like to sew it on?
Oh, would you care for a shower?
Shirts, shorts, pajamas
and miscellaneous.
Very, very funny. What about
the other door, the one in the living room?
- Miss Barrett, please.
- I thought so.
- Well, one would think you didn't trust me.
- And one would be so right.
- Now, kindly step aside.
- Miss Barrett, I am a gentleman.
Step aside.
Very well. You win.
- Well, you do have a date with her?
- With your sister? No. Believe me.
Now, I will take it as an apology...
...if you sit down
and have that drink with me. All right?
I'm sorry.
I'm not that sorry.
A lovely lady, soft music...
...a warm summer's evening.
You know, for an evening
that started out so badly...
...it has definite possibilities.
No, no, no, before you drink,
you must always say, "Salud."
You know, l...
- You know, on second thought...
- Yes?
- I really can't stay
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- I've got to go away
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- This evening has been
- Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands
They're just like ice
- My mother will start to worry
- Beautiful, what's your hurry?
- My father will be pacing the floor
- Listen to the fireplace roar
- So, really, I'd better scurry
- Beautiful, please don't hurry
- Well, maybe just a half a drink more
- Put some records on while I pour
- The neighbors might think
- But, baby, it's bad out there
- Say, what's in this drink?
- No cabs to be had out there
- I wish I knew how
- Your eyes are like stars right now
- To break the spell
- I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
- I ought to say, "No, no, no, sir"
- Mind if I move in closer?
- At least I'm gonna say that I tried
- What's the sense of hurting my pride?
- I really can't stay
- Oh, baby, don't hold out
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- I simply must go
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The answer is no
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The welcome has been
- How lucky that you dropped in
- So nice and warm
- Look out the window at that storm
- My sister will be suspicious
- Gosh, your lips look delicious
- My brother will be there at the door
- Waves upon a tropical shore
- My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
- Gosh, your lips are delicious
- Or maybe just a cigarette more
- Never such a blizzard before
- I've got to get home
- But, baby, you'd freeze out there
- Say, lend me a comb
- It's up to your knees out there
- You've really been grand
- I thrill when you touch my hand
- But don't you see?
- How can you do this thing to me?
- There's bound to be talk tomorrow
- Think of my lifelong sorrow
- At least there will be plenty implied
- lf you caught pneumonia and died
- I really can't stay
- Get over that old doubt
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- I really can't stay
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- I've got to go away
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- This evening has been
- Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands
They're just like ice
- My mother will start to worry
- Beautiful, what's your hurry?
- And Father will be pacing the floor
- Listen to the fireplace roar
- So, really, I'd better scurry
- Beautiful, please don't hurry
- Maybe just a little drink more
- Put some records on while I pour
- The neighbors might think
- But, baby, it's bad out there
- Say, what's in this drink?
- No cabs to be had out there
- I wish I knew how
- Your eyes are like stars right now
- To break the spell
- I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
- I ought to say, "No, no, senor"
- Mind if I move in closer?
- At least I'm going to say that I tried
- What's the sense of hurting my pride?
- I really can't stay
- Oh, baby, don't hold out
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- You simply must go
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The answer is no
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The greeting has been
- You're lucky that I dropped in
- So nice and warm
- Look out the window at that storm
- Your sister will be suspicious
- Gosh, your lips look delicious
- Your brother will be there at the door
- Waves upon a tropical shore
- Your maiden aunt's mind is vicious
- Gosh, your lips are delicious
- Maybe just a cigarette more
- Never such a blizzard before
- You've got to go home
- But, baby, I'd freeze out there
- I'll lend you my comb
- It's up to my knees out there
- You've really been grand
- I thrill when you touch my hand
- But don't you see?
- How can you do this thing to me?
- There's bound to be talk tomorrow
- Think of your lifelong sorrow
- At least there will be plenty implied
- lf I caught pneumonia and died
- You really can't stay
- Get over that old doubt
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
I called for Eve that night
and waited a couple of hours for her.
But she never showed.
Well, it was too early to go home,
so I dropped in at Cugie's.
The joint was really jumping.
I fought my way to the bar and sat down.
But this time I was smart.
This time, I stuck to the soft stuff.
Through the mirror I saw Lukie,
the owner of the club, bearing down.
I'm one of the few people who like Lukie.
Maybe he deals under the table
once in a while...
... but he always gave me
a square shuffle.
He tried to buy me a drink,
but I wasn't having any.
Then he asked me the $ 64 question:
Where's the mermaid tonight?
She stayed at home.
She has a little headache.
Too bad. Don't look natural
to see you here without her.
Well, I'll probably drop in
on the way home and see how she feels.
Well, you can save yourself a trip.
She's evidently feeling better.
- Nice-looking guy, if you like the type.
- And I don't.
Shall we?
- Do you know him?
- Only by reputation.
Jose O'Rourke,
the famous South American polo player.
A 10-goal man.
- That's good?
- You bet it's good.
He's the whole team. Subtract him...
...they haven't got a chance of winning.
- Winning what?
The big polo match at Middlebrook.
- Don't you read the papers?
- Only the race results.
Big game, eh? Any good bets around?
Lukie, this is a polo match,
strictly society stuff.
Fifty bucks is tops in the locker room.
Fifty bucks? That's birdseed.
I bet that on traffic signals.
So this guy is the whole works, eh?
Without him, they haven't got a chance?
- What else do you know about him?
- Nothing.
Except he's dynamite with the ladies,
undoubtedly out to feather his nest.
Right now, he's unfeathering mine.
You know, I never dreamed this morning
I'd hold you in my arms this evening.
The only reason
I'm in your arms this evening...
...is so my sister Betty won't be.
Oh, and all the time
I thought it was my charm.
Our song, remember?
Jose, how wonderful to see you again.
The minute I heard the music,
I thought of you.
Remember?
Lovely thing. The music.
Jose, darling, how cute of you
to have them play our song.
- Remember?
- l...
He has it played at the drop of a senorita.
Let's sit down, shall we?
Senor O'Rourke.
- She just said that...
- I know.
"Our song. Remember?"
I'm sorry, senor,
but this is a table for two.
This was a table for two.
Mr. O'Rourke, Mr. Backett.
- Mr. Backett is a dear and old friend.
- Very old.
- I aged 10 years waiting for you.
- Joe, please, I'll explain later.
- Why should you?
- Well, Mr. Backett is my partner.
Well, it's a wonder you're not bankrupt.
Please, no.
Now, look, I happen to have a date
with Miss Barrett this evening...
...and I don't want anybody to annoy her.
I had a date with Miss Barrett first,
and who's annoying her?
You both are. Now, please, sit down.
- I'm sorry, senorita, I apologize.
- Well, I don't.
And there are a few other things
I'd like to say.
Say them to me on the dance floor, then.
Come on. Excuse us, please.
What do you mean
by creating such a scene?
"Creating a scene," she says.
She stands me up last night.
I call for her tonight, she's not there.
No message, nothing.
I come to the Casa Cugat
alone, friendless.
- And sit in the bar.
- I had nothing but salted peanuts!
I wonder, worry, I grieve.
- I'm just about to call the morgue.
- Oh, Joe...
When in she comes
on the arm of a professional guest.
- Jose is not a professional guest.
- Wait till the check comes around.
I go to your table.
I sit down like a gentleman.
This mallet-wielder insults me.
I try to defend myself
and I'm accused of creating a scene?
- Joe, please.
- Doesn't our business...
...our friendship, mean more to you
than this Romeo from the Amazon?
Joe, I can explain,
if you'll let me get a word in.
- He's not a Romeo, he's...
- Oh, really?
The man means absolutely nothing to me.
The reason I came out with him...
...was to keep him away from Betty,
and he knows that.
She's crazy about him.
She would follow him
right across the border...
...if I didn't nip this thing in the bud.
- Now, do you understand?
- Knowing your sister, I'd say maybe.
And you're not going to see him again?
- No, of course not.
- Good. Let's get out of here.
You've got a busy day
at the office tomorrow.
Well, Joe, it's early yet,
and I can't just walk out...
Take me home, Joe.
Get my things, would you, please?
So this will be
the best game of the season.
- Now...
- Excuse me.
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
- Don't let it bother you.
- Of course not.
Know anything about polo?
- What's his first name?
- No, no, it's a game.
Very fast. Played with a mallet and a ball.
- Oh, you mean croquet.
- No, you dope.
Now, listen, and get this straight.
Go out to the Middlebrook Country Club
tomorrow...
...and pick up a polo player
named Jose O'Rourke.
- Bring him here.
- Suppose he don't wanna come?
Persuade him.
You know, boss, sometimes
I hardly know what you mean.
Hey, Julio, is Jose O'Rourke around?
Oh, no, senor. He is out on the polo field.
He will be back soon, I think.
Well, I'll wait in the...
- He's pretty good, ain't he?
- Oh, that is nothing, senor.
- Come out here, I show you a good trick.
- Really?
Hey, Gonzales.
- What's he gonna do?
- Knock the cigarette out of your mouth...
...with the whip.
- Out of whose mouth?
- Oh, do not be afraid, senor.
He never misses. With one flip of
the whip, he will cut the cigarette in half.
Yeah? I'll make it easier for him. There.
Okay, he do it with half a cigarette.
- Are you sure he can do this trick?
- Sure.
- He does it with my brother all the time.
- Yeah?
I'd like to see him
do it with your brother first.
Okay. Hey, No Nose!
No Nose? I'll see you in the tack room.
Hey, Pancho,
where does Jose O'Rourke hang out?
The tack room.
Gee, thanks, Mr. O'Rourke.
You know, that gaucho suit
worked for me too.
I got a girl now. She kind of likes me too.
I hope you don't mind,
but you know who she thinks I am?
- Jose O'Rourke?
- That's right, how did you know?
Gosh. Pardon me,
we're in the midst of a conversation.
- Okay, buddy, let's go.
- Let's go where?
- Never mind, just get going.
- Here, don't push me, Mac.
- Come on, get going.
- I said, don't push me.
Now, I dare you to do it again. I dare you.
Say, you take directions nicely,
don't you?
Look, I ain't got all day.
Lukie wants to see you.
Lukie? Lukie who?
Lukie Luzette, that's who.
You mean the fella,
the guy, the one...?
Yeah, all three.
- Oh, what does he want with me?
- He don't tell me his business.
He said, bring in Jose O'Rourke.
So I'm bringing you in.
Oh, you've got the wrong fella.
I'm not Jose O'Rourke.
- I'm Jack Spratt.
- And I'm Little Bo Peep.
- Quit stalling.
- No, I wouldn't fool you, honest, I wouldn't.
I'm not a South American.
Look, no accent.
Now, wait a minute, now.
South Americans are always
tall, dark and handsome.
- I'm a little bitty redhead.
- Oh, no, you don't.
Here, put me down.
Look, ask anybody.
They'll tell you I'm not Jose.
Jose. Jose, darling.
Hey, somebody who knows you.
- Oh, no. No.
- Get her in. Tell her to come in.
Oh, there you are, darling.
Guess that means we're engaged.
Oh, aren't you gonna say something?
Oh, I know. You're speechless with joy,
I can see it in your eyes.
Oh, I can hardly wait
for the day when I'll be Mrs. Jo...
What's the matter? Aren't you happy
about my being Mrs. Jo...?
Darling, you do want me to be Mrs. Jo...?
You keep that up,
you're gonna have a slaphappy wife.
And I want you to be proud
when people point us out...
...and say, "There go the newlyweds,
Mr. and Mrs. Jose O'Rourke."
I'll tell Eve about it tonight.
I'd tell her now,
but she's rehearsing the girls at the pool.
Oh, I forgot. My engagement ring.
I bought it today.
You'll get the bill for it tomorrow.
Well, I have to go now.
I think I go with you.
Well, come on, if you're coming.
Well, something seems
to be holding me back.
What's the matter?
Is there something on your mind?
- Well, not exactly.
- Well, then I'll see you at the pool.
La Traviata.
Here. Here.
So she's gonna marry you
and become Mrs. Jo...
- Hey, get going.
- Okay.
Oh, pardon me, madam.
Hey, did you see a redheaded guy
go by here? Which way did he go?
- Albuquerque.
- Albuquerque.
Albuquerque?
- Well, kids, what's new?
- This is a cute little number.
All right, now, girls.
Come on, we're gonna try it again.
Betty, you put the record on
and count it out, would you?
- Okay.
- Come on, gals.
Get into positions. Line up.
Get them started.
I'm gonna work out new formations...
...before we try in the water.
- All right.
Ready, go.
Backstroke, two, three...
...four, five, six, seven, together.
Forward, two, three, four, five.
Breaststroke.
Go to position four. Tread water, right.
Up and down. Lay back.
Both, up and down. Both.
Pat, eight.
One, two, pat, two, three, slide up.
Six, seven, eight...
I wonder if Jose has a sister.
Three, four, five, six, seven, up,
one, two, three, down.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three and turn.
One, two, three and turn.
One, two, three, four.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
Boss, I got him.
I got him locked up in there.
Good work.
I got a big wad riding on Middlebrook.
With this O'Rourke
out of the running, I'm a cinch.
Why, you birdbrain. That isn't O'Rourke.
That's some stupid-looking
redheaded goon.
Gee, I'm sorry, boss.
I'm sorry I made that mistake.
I hate myself.
I'll let him go
and pick up the real guy.
Let him go? So he can tip off O'Rourke?
You let him out of your sight until
after the game and I'll cut your throat.
This time I'll send someone with a brain.
Yeah, somebody with a brain.
That evening, on my way out of the factory,
I stopped to look in on Eve.
An old family custom.
I was surprised to find her
still at her drawing board...
... and a little curious to know
what she was working on so late.
It was a sketch of a new swimsuit.
A very nice suit, except for one thing:
It looked exactly like a polo outfit.
- You like it?
- Frankly, no.
It's too reminiscent.
- Of a certain polo player.
- Jose?
- That's ridiculous.
- Oh, ridiculous, is it?
Ever since that polo player rode into
your life, you've been a different girl.
You've missed appointments,
neglected your work.
We've built up something together, Eve.
Something that's pretty good.
I don't care to see it knocked flat
by a gust of wind from below the border.
Joe, the business means just as much
to me as it does to you.
As for Jose O'Rourke,
I don't wanna ever see him again.
Well, now you're talking.
Maybe he did give me the idea
for the suit.
So what? It's new and different.
I thought we could spring it
at Middlebrook...
...when we give our water show.
Sort of a tribute
to our South American neighbors.
Oh, that's my girl.
What say let's close up shop?
- How about a nice, cozy dinner?
- Nothing I'd like better, Joe.
- Pick me up in an hour, huh?
- Okay, honey.
And you forget what I said.
I should know...
...that the kind of guy
who would appeal to Betty...
...couldn't get to first base with you.
Very pretty.
- What are you doing here?
- Watching you.
I came to return your gloves.
Thank you very much for the gloves.
Now, wait. Now, wait, wait a minute.
When are you going to return
the things you took of mine?
- I've taken nothing of yours.
- Oh, but you have.
- My peace of mind, my every thought, my...
- Oh, Jose.
Please, leave me alone.
And I'd appreciate it a great deal
if you'd leave my sister alone too.
- Well, are you opposed to marriage?
- Why, are you thinking of it?
Oh, yes. Very much, all the time.
- Well, that's a relief.
- I hoped it would be.
I suppose I really ought to
apologize to you.
Well, it's about time.
You can hardly blame me for thinking
your intentions weren't entirely honorable.
- Of course not.
- After all...
...I feel a very deep responsibility
to my sister Betty.
- Well, naturally.
- But if you have marriage in mind...
Well, I guess if it's all right with Betty,
it's all right with me.
Well, now that you approve of marriage
and approve of me...
...there is only one thing left to clear up.
- What's that?
- It isn't Betty I want to marry.
It's you.
Me?
It's been that way from the beginning,
but you wouldn't see it.
- You wouldn't listen.
- Well, Jose, I can't listen now.
This is impossible.
- It's all wrong.
- What's wrong about it?
- We can't do this to Betty.
- It's perfectly all right with Betty.
- Well, what about Joe?
- It will be all right with Joe too.
He'll find somebody else in the water,
make a fortune with her...
Well, that only leaves you and me.
- Oh, no, Jose.
- Listen, I love you.
I loved you the moment I saw you.
I will always love you.
Now, are you going to get out of there,
or will I have to go in after you?
No, no.
Don't come in. I'll come out.
Up to now, my relationship with Eve
had been strictly business.
But I knew
I had always been in love with her...
... and tonight I decided to do
something about it.
As I handed her the flowers,
I felt something was wrong.
Flowers, I brought you some flowers.
Thank you, Joe. They're beautiful.
Well, they won't be
if you don't put them in water.
Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
I'd say you were thinking,
and not about flowers.
What's on your mind, honey,
or would you rather not tell me?
Of course I wanna tell you, Joe, but...
Well, I just don't know how.
- lf it's anything I said tonight, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no...
...it's nothing like that.
- Then what is it?
As if I didn't know.
You sure he's the right guy for you?
- That he's sincere and honest and worthy?
- Yes, I'm very sure.
You weren't sure an hour ago.
Well, a lot can happen in an hour.
It was like a bolt of lightning.
I don't know.
I guess that's just the way it happens
when it's real.
I'm very happy, Joe.
I'd like you to be happy for me.
- When's it gonna be?
- Tonight.
He isn't wasting any time, is he?
We're flying up to Yuma tonight...
...and right after the game tomorrow,
we're leaving for South America.
South America?
Well, you don't need me anymore, Joe.
The firm's well-established.
It can get along just as well without me.
You're the driving force.
I just did what you told me.
There are lots of girls coming up now.
Smarter ones, and prettier too.
Oh, Joe, I just wish
it could have been you.
- That must be Betty.
- You haven't told her yet?
No, and I'm not
looking forward to it either.
She hasn't had much luck with men...
...and the one man she's crazy about,
I take away from her.
Hi, sis. Hi, Joe.
Oh, I have something thrilling to tell you.
I'm so excited, I gotta sit down.
I can't sit down, I'm too excited.
Your sister has something to tell you.
It may be a shock, so you better sit.
I know! You and Eve
are gonna get married.
- Well, you're only half right.
- Please, Joe, let me tell her.
Oh, what is it?
Betty, dear, it's about Jose.
I was all wrong about him...
Oh, that's wonderful.
I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.
- Tell me what, dear?
- About me and Jose.
- What about you and Jose?
- We're gonna be married.
- Married?
- Yes, I'm so excited I could die.
- I don't believe it.
- I didn't believe it either, but it's true.
- Look, a ring and everything.
- It's a ring, all right.
- When did he give it to you?
- A few hours ago, when he proposed.
He's had a busy day.
Well, he wanted to get married
right away...
...but I was worried about Eve,
because she thought he was a heel.
We all make mistakes.
People aren't always what they seem.
- Well, Evie, then you give your consent?
- Of course she does.
She wishes you every happiness
in the world, don't you, Eve?
- Of course I do, Betty.
- Well, that's wonderful.
Then you two can stand up for me.
I'm afraid we can't.
We have a lot of work at the factory.
Well, don't take it so hard, sis.
I'll still be around.
Hey, Matilda, what's for dinner?
I'm starved.
Oh, no, Joe, he wouldn't dare.
- Let me go.
- No, no, this is my job.
I'll take care of it.
- Hello, darling.
- Don't you "darling" me.
How dare you show your face
around here?
- Of all the contemptible, despicable, low...
- Why, Eve, l...
I ought to slap your face,
but you're not just worth the effort.
Let me in.
Let me in!
I must talk to you.
No use looking at that door, bud.
- I'd tackle you before you got halfway.
- Oh, football player, huh?
I suppose like most football players,
you've got a slipped disc.
All I ever got slipped
was 200 bucks before each game.
- Now, sit down.
- Look, don't get so rough.
I'm only concerned about your back.
A lot of football players have slipped discs.
- You don't have trouble with your back?
- I don't have any trouble.
Really? Even right there?
Just as I thought. You know,
I run across a lot of these cases in my work.
Yeah? What do they do?
I'd rather not tell you about it.
It'd only make you worry.
First, it throws you off to one side
a few degrees.
And then a little more,
a little more, a little more.
And finally you're at an angle
where they just cover you up.
What do you mean?
I ain't off no degrees.
You're not, huh? Get the chair.
Here, sit down and face me.
We'll make a little test right here.
Now, look me straight in the eye.
- Hey, you sitting up straight?
- Sure.
- Gee, there does seem to be a difference.
- I knew it.
Stand up.
You know, you could probably go like this
for years before the final stages.
But then again,
it could happen over night.
Hey, walk over to me.
- What happens in the last stages?
- Oh, I'd rather not tell you.
It's pretty horrible and, well,
I wanna remember you just as you are.
- Is there any cure?
- I could help you.
- But you haven't been nice to me.
- Is there a cure?
I don't brag, but my massages
have helped hundreds.
- Would you give me a treatment?
- Oh, sure.
Get over on the table there.
Just stretch right out.
There, get up there. Every second counts.
You never know where those
slipped discs might slide to next.
Here. How's that feel, huh?
See, this is much quicker.
Besides, you don't want
any backtalk to me anyhow.
Here. Now we'll put a little
pressure pack on here.
- How's that, huh?
- Yeah.
- That feel better?
- Yeah.
- That hurt?
- No, no.
Oh, it will.
You'll feel better
when it stops hurting.
Now, we'll...
There. How does that feel, huh?
Yeah.
This is in case you walk in your sleep.
Now, for the final treatment,
we'll give you a little hot poultice here.
Yes, sir. You should be done
in about an hour.
Haven't been able to find out
why Jose O'Rourke isn't in the game.
But the South Americans
certainly miss him.
Well, I'm gonna go and find him.
There is the stroke,
and it's over for a score.
That makes the score 2-0
for the North Americans.
Don't you understand what
I'm trying to tell you? He's been kidnapped.
Jose O'Rourke.
He's been kidnapped, kidnapped.
Pardon me, senor.
Did you say kidnap?
No, but I'll try it that way.
He's been kidnapped.
Kidnap? Hey, Pedro.
- What did he say, what did he say?
- He don't know what it means too.
Oh, well...
Oh, I'd better call the police.
Hey, have either of you
seen Jose O'Rourke?
Or do you know where he is?
S, senorita, Jose O'Rourke
has been kidnapped, I think.
Kidnapped?
You mean he's been abducted?
Abducted? Hey, Pedro.
- Well, what did he say?
- He is still working on "kidnapped."
Oh, this is awful.
I'd better go call the police.
- Hello, is this the police department?
- I have to report a kidnapping.
Hello, give me the police department.
This is the police department?
Well, look, my fianc has been
kidnapped, I mean, napped.
A description?
Well, he's about 6-feet-2, he's got
red hair and brown eyes and he's...
He's here! Jose, darling,
thank goodness you're safe.
- How'd you get away?
- I wa...
No time for explanations.
Get your polo suit.
- You gotta get out there and win the game.
- Yeah.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- What's the matter?
- Are you ill?
- Well, I've been duped.
- Duped?
- Yeah.
They filled a needle with dupe
and they duped me.
You mean doped, you dope.
Did they hurt you?
Oh, it was terrible.
First, they stick me with a little needle, then
they stick me with a little bigger needle.
Then with a little bigger,
bigger needle.
To think you have to go out there
and play polo.
Oh, I'm in no condition to ride a horse.
Why?
Where you think they stick the needles?
And there it comes out.
Bakersfield hit it,
number four for North America.
Hernandez is on it, riding. They're all riding.
There's Nelson.
There goes North America,
riding for another score.
That team is really galloping.
They're balanced.
They're riding as a team, believe me.
They're going along down the field.
It looks as if they're going to score.
No! No!
Sit down, son, sit down.
They're carrying Sanchez off the field.
The South Americans
certainly need a miracle man today.
But where are they going
to get a miracle man? Where?
- What's the matter? All right?
- The dupe.
Keep breathing. Once you stop
breathing, that dupe will get you.
Now, open up your eyes.
- Now, get up on the horse.
- Where's the horse?
- In front of you.
- I thought that was you.
Come on, give him a hand.
He's been duped.
That's South American for doped.
Put your foot in his hand, not the stirrup.
That's better, yeah.
No.
Here, I'll show you how to do it.
You see?
- Now, go in there and win for us.
- Okay.
Wait a minute!
I'm not supposed to be up here,
you're supposed to be. Come on.
Put your foot in the hand like that.
- Up, up. That's it.
- Here.
- No, you're on the wrong horse.
- Wait a minute. Put me down.
There must be an easier way
to get on one of them.
Try it like this.
Oh, that's good, and then you...
There.
- That's good.
- Here, get in there and win for us.
You're supposed to be up there, not him.
Now, come on, over.
Here. Wait a minute.
What are you doing? I...
Put me down, will you?
Hey.
No, no, no.
- Here, that's it.
- Here.
That's it, put this foot over.
This foot over.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, I'm...
Oh, there you are.
Where did he go now?
Now, where's Jose?
Oh, there you are. Look.
Oh, I know. Look,
you put your leg up like he did.
- Like here?
- Up here.
Like... That's right. Now, you...
Where's my foot? Where's my leg?
Where's my leg?
No, that's not it.
You foot's coming off,
your foot's coming off.
Oh, I broke my leg!
Look, this has gone far enough.
Get him on that horse.
Here, here, here.
Here, put me down.
Get back around the horse.
That's right. All right, now.
Back, boy, back, back.
Now, get in there and win.
No, wait a minute. Betty, let me explain.
I can't ride, I...
Hey, you forgot your polo mallet!
- That's not a polo pony, that's a jumper.
- A jumper?
Whoa, boy, whoa!
But I don't understand.
Here, here, here.
Here's a player riding onto the field.
Look out!
What a spectacular entrance.
We can't see who it is from here.
It's number three. Yes, it is!
It's Jose O'Rourke.
O'Rourke?
I don't get it.
How can you be there
and here at the same time?
Split personality.
- Shut him up, Max.
- No, you don't, Lukie.
Well, patron, a redheaded fellow...
Yes, never mind.
How can I get to the polo field?
Grab the squad car outside.
- Come on, Julio.
- Well, Lukie...
...kidnapping isn't a very pleasant rap.
You won't need a television
where you're going.
There's plenty of excitement
in the game now with O'Rourke in.
Anything's liable to happen.
He's the sparkplug of his team.
O'Rourke's been hit.
He seems to be dazed.
He's lost control of his mount
and is bumping into all the players.
There's the ball at the goal post.
Both teams are riding after it.
O'Rourke's got it and he scores
with his cap...
...making the first score
for the South Americans.
You were just wonderful in the game.
Come on.
Only two more minutes to play.
Ready for the next horse.
Oh, no.
The teams are in midfield.
O'Rourke is late for lineup again.
There goes the ball. Fordman misses.
Hernandez rides over the ball.
He's offside.
Nelson comes through.
The ball is rolling.
And a beautiful play by Jose O'Rourke.
He rode Nelson right off the ball,
enabling Gonzales, his teammate...
... to go through to make the score
for South America. That ties up...
There's very little time left
in this last chukker.
You can expect some real action now.
Nobody's giving an inch.
There goes the ball down the field...
...and there goes O'Rourke galloping
down the sideboard after it.
Hey! Stop!
That's my popcorn!
Hey!
There's a scramble for the ball.
Looks like O'Rourke has found it.
He's broken his mallet.
But nothing is going to stop
Jose O'Rourke today.
There he goes down the field,
both teams chasing him.
Another beautiful shot.
They'll never catch him now.
The ball is in the clear now.
And there he goes again.
It's over for the South Americans.
Before I present this trophy
to the victorious South American team...
...I would like to say
that in all my experience...
...l've never seen such spectacular polo.
I take great pleasure
in presenting this trophy...
...to the captain of the South American
team, Jose O'Rourke.
I am proud to accept this beautiful cup
on behalf of my teammates.
Wait a minute.
This cup belongs to Jose O'Rourke.
Senorita, I am Jose O'Rourke.
- You?
- Yes.
What some people won't do to get a cup.
Jose, tell this imposter who you are.
- I'm Jack Spratt.
- You see, he's the real Jack Spr...
What is a Jack Spratt?
Betty, I hope you won't hate me,
but I'm the real impostor.
I'm not a polo player.
I'm not even a South American. I'm...
Well, I'm just a masseur.
Why... You're wonderful.
And I don't care if you are a masseur.
I like the French
as well as the South Americans.
And I'd be proud to change my name
from Barrett to Spratt.
- Did you say Barrett?
- Yeah.
- Do you have sister?
- Sure, Eve.
Wait a minute!
I just don't believe it. I don't know
whether to kiss you or kill you.
Well, kiss me.
I got two extra tickets on the plane.
We can make it a double wedding.
Oh, that's wonderful! But where's Jose?
Oh, he's probably on a boat
for South America by now.
- Oh, Betty.
- Eve! Oh, come on. Get ready. You're on.
- I can't. You don't understand.
- Let her get dressed.
I understand everything.
Will you get ready?
- Senor.
- What happened?
She fell for it. She thinks you're
on your way to South America by now.
- Good, good.
- Joe? Joe.
Hey, you kids beat it.
Jose, hide in that cabana right there.
I'll see what she wants.
Come on, Eve.
The ballet goes on in a few minutes.
Joe, you've got to hold it up for me.
I've got to find Jose and explain.
I can't let him go away feeling that...
Now, look, Eve, there are several hundred
people out there waiting to see you swim.
- They're waiting to see a ballet.
- I don't care.
I'm not gonna do it.
Will you forget about Jose O'Rourke
and Eve Barrett and think of me?
Just this once, think of me?
Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. I'm terrible sorry.
I didn't mean to be so selfish.
I'll be ready in a minute.
Jose?
- Yes?
- It's all set.
Well, I guess this is what you call
a happy ending, huh?
After all, I got the girl I wanted,
she got the man she wanted and you...
Well, you got the business.
Yeah. Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?
- Hello.
- Why...
Well, fancy meeting you here.
Why, Jose! Where did you come from?
South America.
But why?
Shall we dance?
Well, that's the story of a guy,
a girl and a bathing suit.
Happy ending too.
South America, take it away.
a girl and a bathing suit.
I saw her at every swimming meet
the city ever had, just like this one.
She was always lined up
with a group of other girls...
... but she stood out like a swan
in a bunch of mud hens.
I saw the starter take his place
and call, "Swimmers up."
She hit the water and cut through it
like a million-dollar yacht.
At the turn, it was neck and neck...
... but she soon pulled away,
away out in front.
And that's where she belonged,
out in front.
Well, she walked
to her dressing room on air.
And I went right after her.
Well, she knew me
and knew what I wanted...
... but the answer was still no.
I tried to convince her we could go
places together, but she wasn't interested.
She didn't wanna go anyplace but home.
She lived in a little apartment near the
college with all her trophies and her sister...
... a scatterbrained little chick
who had a lot to offer...
... but couldn't seem
to get anyone to take it.
I kept telling her the swimsuit business
was crying for us.
With my ideas and her face and figure,
we'd be a cinch.
She seemed interested, but was worried
about her amateur standing.
But I felt if I kept after her,
I'd make her realize...
... there comes a time in every woman's life
when she has to turn professional.
We started on a shoestring.
She was clever.
She designed and modeled her own suits.
They were new, different.
A little gag here, a little trick there.
And did they sell!
Say, she could sell anything.
The orders kept coming in
and pilling up...
... and we shipped them out
as fast as we could fill them.
Before you knew it,
we were in big business.
- So what?
- So what?
Everybody and his brother will be there.
Not to mention LIFE and Look
and the news services.
Sorry, I don't play polo.
Neither will the players when they get
a load of you parading around the pool...
...in that swimming spectacle
you're gonna stage.
- I'm going to stage?
- A tribute to our South American neighbors.
You're a good neighbor, aren't you?
Sounds like great publicity.
What about the club?
They're pretty conservative.
- I wonder if they'll go for it.
- They'll go for it.
As soon as you sell Mr. Canford,
the club president.
Me? Oh, now, just a minute, Joe.
You're the barker of this outfit.
I'm just the trained seal.
You balance this ball
on that pretty nose of yours...
...and we'll both take a big, fat bow.
- Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go.
- Go where?
To Middlebrook, to meet
the South American polo team.
Oh, Betty, get that gleam out of your eye.
You're not going.
Oh, Evie, this is my chance
to meet a romantic Latin.
And a polo player
is what I've always wanted.
Yes, last year, it was a football player
you always wanted.
- The year before that, it was a cowboy.
- Well, I'm flexible.
You're too flexible.
Well, this time, it's the real thing.
This time it's love.
Love. Oh, Betty.
Evie, you might as well face it.
I'm madly in love.
- With whom?
- The South American polo team.
Betty, dear, you've got to stop
throwing yourself at men.
- You're only going to get hurt.
- Not if my aim is good.
Besides, what's wrong
with a woman chasing a man?
Well, it just isn't done.
Men are men and women are women,
and, well, that's just the way it is.
Well, I don't wanna change it,
I just wanna get in on it.
If I don't stop dreaming
of orange blossoms...
...l'm gonna have to sleep
with a smudge pot at the foot of my bed.
- Are you hurt?
- No, not too bad. Just got my shoulder.
We've got a great masseur at the club.
Fix you up in no time.
Hey, Julio!
Call Jack Spratt, the masseur.
Who will be the lucky winner
on tonight's Stroke of Fortune...
... the quiz show to end all quiz shows?
You don't have to guess anything,
you don't have to say anything...
... and you don't have to know anything.
If you're lucky and have a telephone
and can answer our call...
... you will receive $ 1000
and other valuable prizes...
... if you're lucky and have a telephone.
And now, the wheel is turning.
While we're waiting for
the winning number, the orchestra plays.
Excuse, please, senor,
you make with the massage?
- Not now. Come back later.
- But, senor...
You want me to lose a thousand dollars?
This is an important program.
They give away prizes.
Last week there was an old maid
in Pomona...
...she won a 32-room house,
a four-door sedan...
...a live-bait barge
and a two weeks' vacation...
...in a Tibet monastery,
with all expenses paid.
Oh, but, senor, you better come with me.
Senor O'Rourke, she hurt his arm.
Her did? Senor O'Rourke,
you mean the captain of the polo team?
Well, why didn't you say so
in the first place?
I wouldn't have won anything anyhow.
I listen to these quiz programs all the time.
Of course, they never call me.
They... Sort of a waste of time.
Sometimes those quiz programs
are not on the level.
Stop the music, stop the music!
- Long distance is ringing the winner.
- Probably some phony name.
- Mr. Jack Spratt of Clayport, California.
- Jack Spratt!
Whoever heard of anyone
named Jack Spra...?
That's me! They're ringing me!
- No answer yet?
- It's locked.
- Keep trying, operator.
- Oh, the key, the key.
- Don't stop ringing!
- You'd better hurry up, Mr. Spratt.
- Well, I can't find my key!
- This is your last chance.
Oh, no, no, no!
Mr. Spratt doesn't answer?
Well, never mind, operator.
But Mr. Spratt
will receive our consolation prize...
... of five crisp, new $ 1 bills.
Five dollars? Five dollars.
You'll never know what I went through
to get all those phones.
Night after night in those phone booths.
I paid $30 for that radio,
a fortune in box tops.
Wore out two pair of pants
just sitting.
I lose half of my customers,
and what happens?
They call me and I can't even get in,
all on account of a little key.
A little key no bigger than...
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, mister.
- Where will I find the polo players?
- Oh, they are out on the polo field, I think.
Well, how do I get there?
Well, you go down this road
until you come to a...
No, no, you go down this road
until you come to a tree...
...and then you turn to the...
No, no.
You go down this road until you come...
Gee, I don't think you can get there
from here.
Well, aren't there any polo players
around here?
El capitn Jose O'Rourke
is in the tack room, I think.
Well, how do I get to the tack room?
Well, you go down this road
until you come to... No, no, no.
- You go down this road until you come to...
- Oh, here we go again. Never mind.
Great country, South America.
You know, I've always wanted to meet
one of those black-eyed senoritas.
The senoritas right here
look muy bonitas to me.
Yeah, well,
they may look that way to you...
...but whenever I meet them,
they're always facedown on a table.
They only come to me to get them
in shape for some other guy.
- Can you keep a secret?
- Sure.
Well, I wouldn't like this noised around,
but I've never had a girl.
- No.
- See, my mother was very strict.
- Didn't have my first date till I was 24.
- Your mother wouldn't let you go out...
...with members of the opposite sex?
- Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me...
...which ones was the opposite sex.
- I'll bet you've had plenty of girls.
- Too many.
Believe me, horses are more dependable.
Of course, one cannot
make love to a horse.
No, unless one happens
to be another horse.
Of course,
I don't have much choice myself.
You see, women don't like me,
and, well, I don't like horses, so...
Well, amigo,
maybe your approach is wrong.
Now, what is the first thing you do
when you get a woman in your arms?
Well, I give her a salt rub.
Oh, no, no, I'm talking about love.
The first thing you do is kiss her.
Oh, no, I couldn't do that.
Oh, don't tell me
you have never kissed a woman.
Well, have you ever held a woman
in your arms?
Have you ever held a woman's hand?
Well, have you ever...?
Oh, amigo, you are in bad shape,
aren't you?
- I don't know.
- But I will show you what to do.
First, you have a beautiful woman
in your arms.
You hold her tenderly.
Oh, she's gorgeous and she's all yours.
- She is?
- Oh, yes.
- Would you mind if I held her for a while?
- Of course. Here, you take her.
You know, she's heavier than I thought.
Now, you must say to her:
- Why do I have to speak Spanish?
- Because it's a language of love.
- Women can't resist it.
- They can't?
Now, hold her tight.
No, tighter. Still tighter. Tighter.
- She's kind of big.
- All right, kiss her.
No, not like a baby, like a man.
Oh, amigo, I like you.
And you have made my arm
as good as new. Well, hasta la vista.
Oh, in your language,
that means "adis, amigo."
Gee, he sure looks romantic
in that Groucho costume.
Gosh, anybody could get a girl
if he looked like that.
What a guy.
Senor O'Rourke.
Speak to me, say something.
Oh, gee, he's unconscious.
What'll I do now?
Oh, no, I gotta give him a chance
to defend himself.
Oh, Senor O'Rourke, I didn't know
you were behind that door, honest.
I wouldn't hurt a polo player for anything,
especially a South American polo player.
My name is Betty Barrett.
I hope you don't think I'm bold
for breaking in like this.
Gee, you're handsome.
Do you think I'm pretty?
You don't have to answer that now.
I live at the Savoy Apartments
and if you're ever in the neighborhood...
...you might drop in sometime. Tonight.
Oh, Senor O'Rourke!
- Is this all right, Miss Betty?
- Oh, yes, but they like it hot.
There, that's better.
Are you sure my sister's
not gonna be home this evening?
- Yes, I'm sure.
- Oh, I sure hope so.
No, I guess it'd be too obvious
if I sat on his lap.
- Will there be anything else, Miss Betty?
- I wish to be alone tonight, Matilda.
You may go.
Come in.
- Oh, Jose, what a surprise!
- I am delightful.
What a beautiful...
It's an old native custom.
Won't you sit down?
Oh, I do not understand so good
your language.
Well, sit down in your own language.
Merci, mademoiselle.
You understand Spanish good? Good.
Spanish is the beautiful language of love.
You speak it very fluently, don't you?
Tijuana.
Well, I wanna if you wanna.
My hors d'oeuvres. I prepared
some of our native dishes for you.
Oh, I am delightful.
My beautiful... Sacramento, California.
- Well, don't go away, Jose. "Babalu."
- "Tico-Tico."
Well, if Spanish does it,
this ought to do it.
I made these just for you.
Oh, I am delightful. You made...
This thing,
I've lost so much weight, you know.
I made these
with my own two little hands.
Oh, your little hands.
They are so... So... So so-so.
Gee, just like in the ads.
You are so gentle, so beautiful, so...
Tell me more.
Tell me more.
Oh, that's beautiful.
You sound so different
when you speak Spanish.
You know, that's just the way
I feel about you.
And that means I want to hold you
in my arms forever.
And now, please, turn over.
Oh, that's an old South American
expression meaning...
...let's have soft music.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Shall we dine or shall we dance?
- Well...
- Let's dance.
Oh, doesn't this music
do something to you?
Gee, members of the same lodge.
Argentina, Brazil or Nicaragua?
Oh, your friend here says
that he plays all the instruments.
How interesting.
Oh, nice. He has consented
to do a number for us.
- I hope you don't mind.
- Mind?
Oh, he'd love it.
I'll sing too. Jose, come on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
tonight we have a rare treat.
A countryman of mine from South America
is gonna do a number for us...
...accompanied
by his very charming companion here.
What would you like us to play?
Oh, yes. Go ahead.
The orchestra is yours.
Use any instrument you like.
I love those men who go:
Give me a South American drummer
And keep your butcher and your plumber
Oh, let me hear the fabulous fracas
Of the maracas
Give me the guy who strums the guitar
An ocho cuatro to the bar
I'll even take the yokel
From Buenos Aires musicians' local
Who does the vocal
Frre Jacques, Frre Jacques
Babalu! Babalu!
I love those men who go:
They've warned me time and again
But, oh, how I love those men
Those men
Those men
Excuse me.
I love those men who go:
But, oh, how I love those men
- Did I wake you?
- Fine time to get home.
Fine time before I got home.
Where have you been, with whom,
and who said you could wear my coat?
Casa Cugat, Jose O'Rourke and nobody.
Jose O'Rourke? Not one of those
South American polo players?
Not just one of the players, the captain.
I hit the jackpot.
Betty, dear, can't you get in enough trouble
here without going below the border?
Look, Betty. Now, no one wants a nice,
substantial man for you more than I do...
...but these visiting firemen
are strictly on a joy ride.
Now, believe me, honey...
...when you fall hard and they exit laughing,
it's not going to be so funny.
Oh, you've been out with them.
Certainly not.
But, Eve, he thinks I'm wonderful.
He says he's never met anybody like me.
That I believe.
- Betty, dear, you don't know this type.
- Yes, I do.
Tonight was just a buildup.
Next time, he'll show his teeth.
I love those men who go:
Betty, look, please.
Now, put down these animated beanbags
and listen to me.
I want you to promise
you won't see him again.
Nope. I got a date with him tomorrow.
I love those men who go:
Yes, I'll see that it's taken care of.
Of course. All right. All right.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
- I received a telephone call this morning.
- Your name, please?
Jose O'Rourke.
Oh, yes, Mr. O'Rourke.
Miss Barrett's expecting you.
Miss Barrett? I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.
If you'd just be seated,
she'll be back shortly.
She's showing some buyers
through the factory.
Oh, could I join them? You see, I've never
seen a bathing suit in its natural state.
Oh, yes, of course.
- Miss Carroll.
- Yes?
- How far has the tour gotten?
- I think they're on the third floor.
Thank you. This way, Mr. O'Rourke.
- This way, please.
- Oh, yeah.
I usually make a rough sketch
of a new idea...
...and then give it to our artists
to retouch and refine.
The design is then put on the material...
...and the pattern is stamped
by these pattern machines...
...onto this special pattern paper.
They look a little like
old-fashioned piano rolls, don't they?
As you know, our bathing suits
are made of silk from China...
...rubber from Malaya, wool from Australia,
cotton from all over the world...
...and, of course, our own wonderful
synthetic rayons made right here.
And now, if we...
If you'll step this way, please.
I'd like to show you another
very interesting piece of equipment.
The spools of thread are putting together
a patchwork of colors...
...which revolve
into a beautiful harmony.
This strange-looking monster
is knitting swimsuit material of Celanese...
...rubber yarn, Lastex and Mattletex.
Now, those in the rear are set to handle
any type of material we intend to use.
We hang the pattern paper on,
tie the yar...
As I was saying...
The automatic blade cuts through hundreds
of thicknesses of material simultaneously.
See? And once the material is cut,
it is stacked in sizes ranging from 10 to 20.
You know, any woman over size 20
should have her bathing suit made to order.
Oh, I agree.
Shall we go on
to the finishing department?
And over there,
the girls are sewing the very first seam.
On this shaft back here, the girls
are working on the actual garment...
...sewing and finishing the neckline.
These girls are Mattletexing
the waistline for perfect fit.
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
you have seen the Neptune bathing suit...
...conceived, designed and created.
If you will kindly step into the salesroom,
you will see it come to life.
The Riviera suit.
The Christmas package.
The Ballerina.
The Sarong.
The Scotch Mist.
The Pantywaist.
The Olympic, for the sportswoman.
And now, the Streamliner.
Lovely, Miss Barrett. Perfectly charming.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
You'll notice that the suit
neither shrinks, sags nor stretches.
No, it doesn't, does it?
Would you mind telling me
what company you represent?
Oh, I'm in business for myself.
Would you mind turning around
for me, please?
- Well, no, not at all, Mr...?
- O'Rourke. Jose O'Rourke.
- Did you say O'Rourke?
- Yes.
Lotus, my robe, please.
Mr. O'Rourke,
would you mind stepping into my office?
- I won't keep you waiting long.
- Oh, Miss Barrett, for you, I'd wait forever.
Lotus.
Mr. O'Rourke,
you're exactly what I anticipated.
You have the advantage.
I anticipated nothing like you.
You no doubt have some idea
why I sent for you.
No, but I assure you I'm delighted.
Does the name Barrett
mean anything to you?
No, not yet, but I have a feeling it will.
- What can I do for you, Miss Barrett?
- You can stay away from my sister.
- Your sister?
- I have plans for my sister.
Worthwhile plans.
And I don't intend to see them disrupted
by a South American detour.
Oh, forgive me,
I don't understand this word "detour."
Allow me to explain.
To detour is to take the bad road
because the good road is unavailable.
But, Senorita Barrett,
I am not unavailable.
And now, will you break the date
with my sister?
Date? Well, I...
You have a date with her tonight.
Will you please break it?
Very well. If I must, I must.
Good. Thank you very much.
However, there is a slight condition.
I thought so. Well, how much?
Oh, it isn't money I want.
No? What do you want?
Merely that you consent to go
in your sister's place.
Me? Why, you're out of your mind.
Oh, not at all, just a little lonesome
after I put my horses to bed.
Mr. O'Rourke...
...your state of mind after you tuck
your horses in is hardly any of my concern.
I'm sure you can find some other
misguided female to take their place.
Oh, undoubtedly, but you see,
I am particularly drawn to your family.
So if I cannot go out with you, I...
You realize, of course,
that this is just another form of blackmail.
Oh, Senorita Barrett,
in my language, there is no such word.
If I go with you, will you promise
never to see my sister again?
I promise.
Very well, it's a deal.
Oh, Senorita Barrett, your spirit
of self-sacrifice is truly admirable.
- Where shall I pick you up?
- This address, 8:00.
- Good. Oh, do you have a car?
- Of course.
Oh, then we will go to dinner,
drive along the ocean.
There'll be a moon tonight. I'm sure
you can show me points of interest.
Mr. O'Rourke, I will show you
the most miserable evening of your life.
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, there is just one more question.
How do I get this off my finger?
It's very simple.
On this side, we have the oldest
avocado trees in Southern California.
Over here, you will observe
a small inlet known as Pirates' Cove.
Around the bend, there is...
Miss Barrett, I don't care
what's around the bend, really.
You've shown me Pirates' Cove
with no pirates...
...lnspiration Point with no inspiration
and Lovers' Lane with no love...
...so I will take you home now.
Thank you very much.
Why are we slowing down?
And don't you tell me we're out of gas.
It's my car, remember?
Look.
Quote, "to detour
is to take the bad road...
...because the good road
is unavailable," unquote.
- Did I say that?
- Yes.
You also insinuated
that I was a blackmailer...
...and several other unpleasant things.
Well, I'm sorry. But, well,
Mr. O'Rourke, please try to understand.
My sister Betty
is somewhat of a problem.
She needs to find a man that's substantial
and settled and, well, safe.
And I am not?
Well, are you?
No. No, I am unsubstantial,
unsettled and definitely unsafe.
But not for your sister, no.
Don't worry, Miss Barrett.
I'll keep my end of the bargain.
Thank you very much, Mr. O'Rourke.
Jose, please.
Jose.
- And now if you'll take the road to the left...
- Of course.
Oh, do you mind if we stop
at the stable a moment?
My best pony has been rather ill.
I would like to look in on her.
No, not at all.
I'll only be a second.
She is very beautiful in the moonlight.
Julio, tonight, I want you to play
like you've never played before.
Patron, I have serenaded
beautiful senoritas...
...all over the world for you
and I have never failed you.
And tonight, I won't fail you.
Oh, I'm afraid my pony's worse.
I'll have to sit up with her all night.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- Would you care for a cigarette?
- No, thank you.
- Your horses mean a great deal, don't they?
- Oh, yes, senorita.
When they suffer, I suffer.
- What's that?
- Oh, just some of the stable boys.
They play at the drop of a sombrero.
Do you know what the music is saying?
I have an idea.
I think maybe we'd better be going.
My heart beats faster, faster
Faster and faster
At the sight of you
My heart beats faster, faster
Faster than I have ever felt it do
You bring me madness, madness
Beautiful madness every little while
When you pass by
And you smile
My heart beats faster, faster
Not its own master
When I hear your voice
My heart hears music, music
Music for dancing
And it has no choice
And if I never kiss you
Tell me, what can my poor heart do?
But just beat faster and faster
Until it breaks
In two
There, that's better.
How does it feel, Linda?
Fine, unless I breathe.
Miss Felligi, we ought to have it a little
lower here and a little bit higher there.
- Right.
- Eve, I've gotta talk to you.
Oh, come on in, Joe. I'll just be
a moment. That's all. Thank you.
- I'll take care of the sketches, Miss Felligi.
- Yes, Miss Barrett.
- Where were you last night?
- Where were you this morning?
I was getting over last night.
I spent three hours with the president
of the club waiting for you.
- And you waited in the bar.
- Can I help it if he likes television?
I'm sorry, Joe.
I had something else to do.
Oh, I suppose last night
wasn't important.
Well, of course it was, Joe,
but, well, this was personal.
Oh, personal, eh?
Joe, lower your eyebrows.
I'm strictly a career gal.
The only interest I have in men is whether
or not they whistle at our bathing suits.
You know that.
Oh, now you're talking.
You know, honey, love has ruined more big
business than the Sherman Antitrust law.
Unless, of course, one partner
happens to be in love with the other.
I have a picture of Sears
falling in love with Roebuck.
That's not what I meant.
I'll pick you up at 8:00 sharp.
And this time, my little webfoot, I'll deliver
you to the president of the club personally.
Yes, master, yes.
Matilda, where's my little white coat?
Last time I saw it, it was going
through that door on Miss Betty.
Oh, I see. Where was Miss Betty going
when she went through the door?
To the other door.
Said she had to get out before you got in.
Well, do you know where she was going?
I wouldn't fill out an affidavit,
but I have an idea.
I eavesdropped a phone call.
- To whom?
- A Mr. Jose O'Rourke.
Said she'd meet him
at his apartment tonight. Alone.
Matilda, are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure. I heard it
with my own two little pierced ears.
Well, that scheming, calculating...
- Miss Barrett. What an expected pleasure.
- I'll bet it is.
Well, where is she?
- Who?
- My sister Betty, of course.
- Oh, is she loose again?
- You know perfectly well she is.
Don't tell me that she isn't here,
because I know she is.
- Miss Barrett, I gave you my word, l...
- Your word.
- What does your word mean?
- Oh, to me it means a great deal.
Why don't you sit down,
have a nice drink and cool off, huh?
Mr. O'Rourke, I wouldn't drink with you
if you were the last man on earth.
Well, what an interesting possibility.
Will you tell my sister
to come out of your closet?
There is nothing in my closet
except a few suits...
...one of which is minus a button.
At home, we have a skeleton.
- She's probably under the bed.
- I suggest you look.
I intend to.
You know, in my country,
that practice is confined to old maids.
- Your button.
- Would you like to sew it on?
Oh, would you care for a shower?
Shirts, shorts, pajamas
and miscellaneous.
Very, very funny. What about
the other door, the one in the living room?
- Miss Barrett, please.
- I thought so.
- Well, one would think you didn't trust me.
- And one would be so right.
- Now, kindly step aside.
- Miss Barrett, I am a gentleman.
Step aside.
Very well. You win.
- Well, you do have a date with her?
- With your sister? No. Believe me.
Now, I will take it as an apology...
...if you sit down
and have that drink with me. All right?
I'm sorry.
I'm not that sorry.
A lovely lady, soft music...
...a warm summer's evening.
You know, for an evening
that started out so badly...
...it has definite possibilities.
No, no, no, before you drink,
you must always say, "Salud."
You know, l...
- You know, on second thought...
- Yes?
- I really can't stay
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- I've got to go away
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- This evening has been
- Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands
They're just like ice
- My mother will start to worry
- Beautiful, what's your hurry?
- My father will be pacing the floor
- Listen to the fireplace roar
- So, really, I'd better scurry
- Beautiful, please don't hurry
- Well, maybe just a half a drink more
- Put some records on while I pour
- The neighbors might think
- But, baby, it's bad out there
- Say, what's in this drink?
- No cabs to be had out there
- I wish I knew how
- Your eyes are like stars right now
- To break the spell
- I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
- I ought to say, "No, no, no, sir"
- Mind if I move in closer?
- At least I'm gonna say that I tried
- What's the sense of hurting my pride?
- I really can't stay
- Oh, baby, don't hold out
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- I simply must go
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The answer is no
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The welcome has been
- How lucky that you dropped in
- So nice and warm
- Look out the window at that storm
- My sister will be suspicious
- Gosh, your lips look delicious
- My brother will be there at the door
- Waves upon a tropical shore
- My maiden aunt's mind is vicious
- Gosh, your lips are delicious
- Or maybe just a cigarette more
- Never such a blizzard before
- I've got to get home
- But, baby, you'd freeze out there
- Say, lend me a comb
- It's up to your knees out there
- You've really been grand
- I thrill when you touch my hand
- But don't you see?
- How can you do this thing to me?
- There's bound to be talk tomorrow
- Think of my lifelong sorrow
- At least there will be plenty implied
- lf you caught pneumonia and died
- I really can't stay
- Get over that old doubt
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- I really can't stay
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- I've got to go away
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- This evening has been
- Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice
I'll hold your hands
They're just like ice
- My mother will start to worry
- Beautiful, what's your hurry?
- And Father will be pacing the floor
- Listen to the fireplace roar
- So, really, I'd better scurry
- Beautiful, please don't hurry
- Maybe just a little drink more
- Put some records on while I pour
- The neighbors might think
- But, baby, it's bad out there
- Say, what's in this drink?
- No cabs to be had out there
- I wish I knew how
- Your eyes are like stars right now
- To break the spell
- I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
- I ought to say, "No, no, senor"
- Mind if I move in closer?
- At least I'm going to say that I tried
- What's the sense of hurting my pride?
- I really can't stay
- Oh, baby, don't hold out
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
- You simply must go
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The answer is no
- But, baby, it's cold outside
- The greeting has been
- You're lucky that I dropped in
- So nice and warm
- Look out the window at that storm
- Your sister will be suspicious
- Gosh, your lips look delicious
- Your brother will be there at the door
- Waves upon a tropical shore
- Your maiden aunt's mind is vicious
- Gosh, your lips are delicious
- Maybe just a cigarette more
- Never such a blizzard before
- You've got to go home
- But, baby, I'd freeze out there
- I'll lend you my comb
- It's up to my knees out there
- You've really been grand
- I thrill when you touch my hand
- But don't you see?
- How can you do this thing to me?
- There's bound to be talk tomorrow
- Think of your lifelong sorrow
- At least there will be plenty implied
- lf I caught pneumonia and died
- You really can't stay
- Get over that old doubt
- But it's cold outside
- Baby, it's cold outside
I called for Eve that night
and waited a couple of hours for her.
But she never showed.
Well, it was too early to go home,
so I dropped in at Cugie's.
The joint was really jumping.
I fought my way to the bar and sat down.
But this time I was smart.
This time, I stuck to the soft stuff.
Through the mirror I saw Lukie,
the owner of the club, bearing down.
I'm one of the few people who like Lukie.
Maybe he deals under the table
once in a while...
... but he always gave me
a square shuffle.
He tried to buy me a drink,
but I wasn't having any.
Then he asked me the $ 64 question:
Where's the mermaid tonight?
She stayed at home.
She has a little headache.
Too bad. Don't look natural
to see you here without her.
Well, I'll probably drop in
on the way home and see how she feels.
Well, you can save yourself a trip.
She's evidently feeling better.
- Nice-looking guy, if you like the type.
- And I don't.
Shall we?
- Do you know him?
- Only by reputation.
Jose O'Rourke,
the famous South American polo player.
A 10-goal man.
- That's good?
- You bet it's good.
He's the whole team. Subtract him...
...they haven't got a chance of winning.
- Winning what?
The big polo match at Middlebrook.
- Don't you read the papers?
- Only the race results.
Big game, eh? Any good bets around?
Lukie, this is a polo match,
strictly society stuff.
Fifty bucks is tops in the locker room.
Fifty bucks? That's birdseed.
I bet that on traffic signals.
So this guy is the whole works, eh?
Without him, they haven't got a chance?
- What else do you know about him?
- Nothing.
Except he's dynamite with the ladies,
undoubtedly out to feather his nest.
Right now, he's unfeathering mine.
You know, I never dreamed this morning
I'd hold you in my arms this evening.
The only reason
I'm in your arms this evening...
...is so my sister Betty won't be.
Oh, and all the time
I thought it was my charm.
Our song, remember?
Jose, how wonderful to see you again.
The minute I heard the music,
I thought of you.
Remember?
Lovely thing. The music.
Jose, darling, how cute of you
to have them play our song.
- Remember?
- l...
He has it played at the drop of a senorita.
Let's sit down, shall we?
Senor O'Rourke.
- She just said that...
- I know.
"Our song. Remember?"
I'm sorry, senor,
but this is a table for two.
This was a table for two.
Mr. O'Rourke, Mr. Backett.
- Mr. Backett is a dear and old friend.
- Very old.
- I aged 10 years waiting for you.
- Joe, please, I'll explain later.
- Why should you?
- Well, Mr. Backett is my partner.
Well, it's a wonder you're not bankrupt.
Please, no.
Now, look, I happen to have a date
with Miss Barrett this evening...
...and I don't want anybody to annoy her.
I had a date with Miss Barrett first,
and who's annoying her?
You both are. Now, please, sit down.
- I'm sorry, senorita, I apologize.
- Well, I don't.
And there are a few other things
I'd like to say.
Say them to me on the dance floor, then.
Come on. Excuse us, please.
What do you mean
by creating such a scene?
"Creating a scene," she says.
She stands me up last night.
I call for her tonight, she's not there.
No message, nothing.
I come to the Casa Cugat
alone, friendless.
- And sit in the bar.
- I had nothing but salted peanuts!
I wonder, worry, I grieve.
- I'm just about to call the morgue.
- Oh, Joe...
When in she comes
on the arm of a professional guest.
- Jose is not a professional guest.
- Wait till the check comes around.
I go to your table.
I sit down like a gentleman.
This mallet-wielder insults me.
I try to defend myself
and I'm accused of creating a scene?
- Joe, please.
- Doesn't our business...
...our friendship, mean more to you
than this Romeo from the Amazon?
Joe, I can explain,
if you'll let me get a word in.
- He's not a Romeo, he's...
- Oh, really?
The man means absolutely nothing to me.
The reason I came out with him...
...was to keep him away from Betty,
and he knows that.
She's crazy about him.
She would follow him
right across the border...
...if I didn't nip this thing in the bud.
- Now, do you understand?
- Knowing your sister, I'd say maybe.
And you're not going to see him again?
- No, of course not.
- Good. Let's get out of here.
You've got a busy day
at the office tomorrow.
Well, Joe, it's early yet,
and I can't just walk out...
Take me home, Joe.
Get my things, would you, please?
So this will be
the best game of the season.
- Now...
- Excuse me.
- Who's that?
- I don't know.
- Don't let it bother you.
- Of course not.
Know anything about polo?
- What's his first name?
- No, no, it's a game.
Very fast. Played with a mallet and a ball.
- Oh, you mean croquet.
- No, you dope.
Now, listen, and get this straight.
Go out to the Middlebrook Country Club
tomorrow...
...and pick up a polo player
named Jose O'Rourke.
- Bring him here.
- Suppose he don't wanna come?
Persuade him.
You know, boss, sometimes
I hardly know what you mean.
Hey, Julio, is Jose O'Rourke around?
Oh, no, senor. He is out on the polo field.
He will be back soon, I think.
Well, I'll wait in the...
- He's pretty good, ain't he?
- Oh, that is nothing, senor.
- Come out here, I show you a good trick.
- Really?
Hey, Gonzales.
- What's he gonna do?
- Knock the cigarette out of your mouth...
...with the whip.
- Out of whose mouth?
- Oh, do not be afraid, senor.
He never misses. With one flip of
the whip, he will cut the cigarette in half.
Yeah? I'll make it easier for him. There.
Okay, he do it with half a cigarette.
- Are you sure he can do this trick?
- Sure.
- He does it with my brother all the time.
- Yeah?
I'd like to see him
do it with your brother first.
Okay. Hey, No Nose!
No Nose? I'll see you in the tack room.
Hey, Pancho,
where does Jose O'Rourke hang out?
The tack room.
Gee, thanks, Mr. O'Rourke.
You know, that gaucho suit
worked for me too.
I got a girl now. She kind of likes me too.
I hope you don't mind,
but you know who she thinks I am?
- Jose O'Rourke?
- That's right, how did you know?
Gosh. Pardon me,
we're in the midst of a conversation.
- Okay, buddy, let's go.
- Let's go where?
- Never mind, just get going.
- Here, don't push me, Mac.
- Come on, get going.
- I said, don't push me.
Now, I dare you to do it again. I dare you.
Say, you take directions nicely,
don't you?
Look, I ain't got all day.
Lukie wants to see you.
Lukie? Lukie who?
Lukie Luzette, that's who.
You mean the fella,
the guy, the one...?
Yeah, all three.
- Oh, what does he want with me?
- He don't tell me his business.
He said, bring in Jose O'Rourke.
So I'm bringing you in.
Oh, you've got the wrong fella.
I'm not Jose O'Rourke.
- I'm Jack Spratt.
- And I'm Little Bo Peep.
- Quit stalling.
- No, I wouldn't fool you, honest, I wouldn't.
I'm not a South American.
Look, no accent.
Now, wait a minute, now.
South Americans are always
tall, dark and handsome.
- I'm a little bitty redhead.
- Oh, no, you don't.
Here, put me down.
Look, ask anybody.
They'll tell you I'm not Jose.
Jose. Jose, darling.
Hey, somebody who knows you.
- Oh, no. No.
- Get her in. Tell her to come in.
Oh, there you are, darling.
Guess that means we're engaged.
Oh, aren't you gonna say something?
Oh, I know. You're speechless with joy,
I can see it in your eyes.
Oh, I can hardly wait
for the day when I'll be Mrs. Jo...
What's the matter? Aren't you happy
about my being Mrs. Jo...?
Darling, you do want me to be Mrs. Jo...?
You keep that up,
you're gonna have a slaphappy wife.
And I want you to be proud
when people point us out...
...and say, "There go the newlyweds,
Mr. and Mrs. Jose O'Rourke."
I'll tell Eve about it tonight.
I'd tell her now,
but she's rehearsing the girls at the pool.
Oh, I forgot. My engagement ring.
I bought it today.
You'll get the bill for it tomorrow.
Well, I have to go now.
I think I go with you.
Well, come on, if you're coming.
Well, something seems
to be holding me back.
What's the matter?
Is there something on your mind?
- Well, not exactly.
- Well, then I'll see you at the pool.
La Traviata.
Here. Here.
So she's gonna marry you
and become Mrs. Jo...
- Hey, get going.
- Okay.
Oh, pardon me, madam.
Hey, did you see a redheaded guy
go by here? Which way did he go?
- Albuquerque.
- Albuquerque.
Albuquerque?
- Well, kids, what's new?
- This is a cute little number.
All right, now, girls.
Come on, we're gonna try it again.
Betty, you put the record on
and count it out, would you?
- Okay.
- Come on, gals.
Get into positions. Line up.
Get them started.
I'm gonna work out new formations...
...before we try in the water.
- All right.
Ready, go.
Backstroke, two, three...
...four, five, six, seven, together.
Forward, two, three, four, five.
Breaststroke.
Go to position four. Tread water, right.
Up and down. Lay back.
Both, up and down. Both.
Pat, eight.
One, two, pat, two, three, slide up.
Six, seven, eight...
I wonder if Jose has a sister.
Three, four, five, six, seven, up,
one, two, three, down.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three and turn.
One, two, three and turn.
One, two, three, four.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no.
Boss, I got him.
I got him locked up in there.
Good work.
I got a big wad riding on Middlebrook.
With this O'Rourke
out of the running, I'm a cinch.
Why, you birdbrain. That isn't O'Rourke.
That's some stupid-looking
redheaded goon.
Gee, I'm sorry, boss.
I'm sorry I made that mistake.
I hate myself.
I'll let him go
and pick up the real guy.
Let him go? So he can tip off O'Rourke?
You let him out of your sight until
after the game and I'll cut your throat.
This time I'll send someone with a brain.
Yeah, somebody with a brain.
That evening, on my way out of the factory,
I stopped to look in on Eve.
An old family custom.
I was surprised to find her
still at her drawing board...
... and a little curious to know
what she was working on so late.
It was a sketch of a new swimsuit.
A very nice suit, except for one thing:
It looked exactly like a polo outfit.
- You like it?
- Frankly, no.
It's too reminiscent.
- Of a certain polo player.
- Jose?
- That's ridiculous.
- Oh, ridiculous, is it?
Ever since that polo player rode into
your life, you've been a different girl.
You've missed appointments,
neglected your work.
We've built up something together, Eve.
Something that's pretty good.
I don't care to see it knocked flat
by a gust of wind from below the border.
Joe, the business means just as much
to me as it does to you.
As for Jose O'Rourke,
I don't wanna ever see him again.
Well, now you're talking.
Maybe he did give me the idea
for the suit.
So what? It's new and different.
I thought we could spring it
at Middlebrook...
...when we give our water show.
Sort of a tribute
to our South American neighbors.
Oh, that's my girl.
What say let's close up shop?
- How about a nice, cozy dinner?
- Nothing I'd like better, Joe.
- Pick me up in an hour, huh?
- Okay, honey.
And you forget what I said.
I should know...
...that the kind of guy
who would appeal to Betty...
...couldn't get to first base with you.
Very pretty.
- What are you doing here?
- Watching you.
I came to return your gloves.
Thank you very much for the gloves.
Now, wait. Now, wait, wait a minute.
When are you going to return
the things you took of mine?
- I've taken nothing of yours.
- Oh, but you have.
- My peace of mind, my every thought, my...
- Oh, Jose.
Please, leave me alone.
And I'd appreciate it a great deal
if you'd leave my sister alone too.
- Well, are you opposed to marriage?
- Why, are you thinking of it?
Oh, yes. Very much, all the time.
- Well, that's a relief.
- I hoped it would be.
I suppose I really ought to
apologize to you.
Well, it's about time.
You can hardly blame me for thinking
your intentions weren't entirely honorable.
- Of course not.
- After all...
...I feel a very deep responsibility
to my sister Betty.
- Well, naturally.
- But if you have marriage in mind...
Well, I guess if it's all right with Betty,
it's all right with me.
Well, now that you approve of marriage
and approve of me...
...there is only one thing left to clear up.
- What's that?
- It isn't Betty I want to marry.
It's you.
Me?
It's been that way from the beginning,
but you wouldn't see it.
- You wouldn't listen.
- Well, Jose, I can't listen now.
This is impossible.
- It's all wrong.
- What's wrong about it?
- We can't do this to Betty.
- It's perfectly all right with Betty.
- Well, what about Joe?
- It will be all right with Joe too.
He'll find somebody else in the water,
make a fortune with her...
Well, that only leaves you and me.
- Oh, no, Jose.
- Listen, I love you.
I loved you the moment I saw you.
I will always love you.
Now, are you going to get out of there,
or will I have to go in after you?
No, no.
Don't come in. I'll come out.
Up to now, my relationship with Eve
had been strictly business.
But I knew
I had always been in love with her...
... and tonight I decided to do
something about it.
As I handed her the flowers,
I felt something was wrong.
Flowers, I brought you some flowers.
Thank you, Joe. They're beautiful.
Well, they won't be
if you don't put them in water.
Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
I'd say you were thinking,
and not about flowers.
What's on your mind, honey,
or would you rather not tell me?
Of course I wanna tell you, Joe, but...
Well, I just don't know how.
- lf it's anything I said tonight, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no...
...it's nothing like that.
- Then what is it?
As if I didn't know.
You sure he's the right guy for you?
- That he's sincere and honest and worthy?
- Yes, I'm very sure.
You weren't sure an hour ago.
Well, a lot can happen in an hour.
It was like a bolt of lightning.
I don't know.
I guess that's just the way it happens
when it's real.
I'm very happy, Joe.
I'd like you to be happy for me.
- When's it gonna be?
- Tonight.
He isn't wasting any time, is he?
We're flying up to Yuma tonight...
...and right after the game tomorrow,
we're leaving for South America.
South America?
Well, you don't need me anymore, Joe.
The firm's well-established.
It can get along just as well without me.
You're the driving force.
I just did what you told me.
There are lots of girls coming up now.
Smarter ones, and prettier too.
Oh, Joe, I just wish
it could have been you.
- That must be Betty.
- You haven't told her yet?
No, and I'm not
looking forward to it either.
She hasn't had much luck with men...
...and the one man she's crazy about,
I take away from her.
Hi, sis. Hi, Joe.
Oh, I have something thrilling to tell you.
I'm so excited, I gotta sit down.
I can't sit down, I'm too excited.
Your sister has something to tell you.
It may be a shock, so you better sit.
I know! You and Eve
are gonna get married.
- Well, you're only half right.
- Please, Joe, let me tell her.
Oh, what is it?
Betty, dear, it's about Jose.
I was all wrong about him...
Oh, that's wonderful.
I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.
- Tell me what, dear?
- About me and Jose.
- What about you and Jose?
- We're gonna be married.
- Married?
- Yes, I'm so excited I could die.
- I don't believe it.
- I didn't believe it either, but it's true.
- Look, a ring and everything.
- It's a ring, all right.
- When did he give it to you?
- A few hours ago, when he proposed.
He's had a busy day.
Well, he wanted to get married
right away...
...but I was worried about Eve,
because she thought he was a heel.
We all make mistakes.
People aren't always what they seem.
- Well, Evie, then you give your consent?
- Of course she does.
She wishes you every happiness
in the world, don't you, Eve?
- Of course I do, Betty.
- Well, that's wonderful.
Then you two can stand up for me.
I'm afraid we can't.
We have a lot of work at the factory.
Well, don't take it so hard, sis.
I'll still be around.
Hey, Matilda, what's for dinner?
I'm starved.
Oh, no, Joe, he wouldn't dare.
- Let me go.
- No, no, this is my job.
I'll take care of it.
- Hello, darling.
- Don't you "darling" me.
How dare you show your face
around here?
- Of all the contemptible, despicable, low...
- Why, Eve, l...
I ought to slap your face,
but you're not just worth the effort.
Let me in.
Let me in!
I must talk to you.
No use looking at that door, bud.
- I'd tackle you before you got halfway.
- Oh, football player, huh?
I suppose like most football players,
you've got a slipped disc.
All I ever got slipped
was 200 bucks before each game.
- Now, sit down.
- Look, don't get so rough.
I'm only concerned about your back.
A lot of football players have slipped discs.
- You don't have trouble with your back?
- I don't have any trouble.
Really? Even right there?
Just as I thought. You know,
I run across a lot of these cases in my work.
Yeah? What do they do?
I'd rather not tell you about it.
It'd only make you worry.
First, it throws you off to one side
a few degrees.
And then a little more,
a little more, a little more.
And finally you're at an angle
where they just cover you up.
What do you mean?
I ain't off no degrees.
You're not, huh? Get the chair.
Here, sit down and face me.
We'll make a little test right here.
Now, look me straight in the eye.
- Hey, you sitting up straight?
- Sure.
- Gee, there does seem to be a difference.
- I knew it.
Stand up.
You know, you could probably go like this
for years before the final stages.
But then again,
it could happen over night.
Hey, walk over to me.
- What happens in the last stages?
- Oh, I'd rather not tell you.
It's pretty horrible and, well,
I wanna remember you just as you are.
- Is there any cure?
- I could help you.
- But you haven't been nice to me.
- Is there a cure?
I don't brag, but my massages
have helped hundreds.
- Would you give me a treatment?
- Oh, sure.
Get over on the table there.
Just stretch right out.
There, get up there. Every second counts.
You never know where those
slipped discs might slide to next.
Here. How's that feel, huh?
See, this is much quicker.
Besides, you don't want
any backtalk to me anyhow.
Here. Now we'll put a little
pressure pack on here.
- How's that, huh?
- Yeah.
- That feel better?
- Yeah.
- That hurt?
- No, no.
Oh, it will.
You'll feel better
when it stops hurting.
Now, we'll...
There. How does that feel, huh?
Yeah.
This is in case you walk in your sleep.
Now, for the final treatment,
we'll give you a little hot poultice here.
Yes, sir. You should be done
in about an hour.
Haven't been able to find out
why Jose O'Rourke isn't in the game.
But the South Americans
certainly miss him.
Well, I'm gonna go and find him.
There is the stroke,
and it's over for a score.
That makes the score 2-0
for the North Americans.
Don't you understand what
I'm trying to tell you? He's been kidnapped.
Jose O'Rourke.
He's been kidnapped, kidnapped.
Pardon me, senor.
Did you say kidnap?
No, but I'll try it that way.
He's been kidnapped.
Kidnap? Hey, Pedro.
- What did he say, what did he say?
- He don't know what it means too.
Oh, well...
Oh, I'd better call the police.
Hey, have either of you
seen Jose O'Rourke?
Or do you know where he is?
S, senorita, Jose O'Rourke
has been kidnapped, I think.
Kidnapped?
You mean he's been abducted?
Abducted? Hey, Pedro.
- Well, what did he say?
- He is still working on "kidnapped."
Oh, this is awful.
I'd better go call the police.
- Hello, is this the police department?
- I have to report a kidnapping.
Hello, give me the police department.
This is the police department?
Well, look, my fianc has been
kidnapped, I mean, napped.
A description?
Well, he's about 6-feet-2, he's got
red hair and brown eyes and he's...
He's here! Jose, darling,
thank goodness you're safe.
- How'd you get away?
- I wa...
No time for explanations.
Get your polo suit.
- You gotta get out there and win the game.
- Yeah.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- What's the matter?
- Are you ill?
- Well, I've been duped.
- Duped?
- Yeah.
They filled a needle with dupe
and they duped me.
You mean doped, you dope.
Did they hurt you?
Oh, it was terrible.
First, they stick me with a little needle, then
they stick me with a little bigger needle.
Then with a little bigger,
bigger needle.
To think you have to go out there
and play polo.
Oh, I'm in no condition to ride a horse.
Why?
Where you think they stick the needles?
And there it comes out.
Bakersfield hit it,
number four for North America.
Hernandez is on it, riding. They're all riding.
There's Nelson.
There goes North America,
riding for another score.
That team is really galloping.
They're balanced.
They're riding as a team, believe me.
They're going along down the field.
It looks as if they're going to score.
No! No!
Sit down, son, sit down.
They're carrying Sanchez off the field.
The South Americans
certainly need a miracle man today.
But where are they going
to get a miracle man? Where?
- What's the matter? All right?
- The dupe.
Keep breathing. Once you stop
breathing, that dupe will get you.
Now, open up your eyes.
- Now, get up on the horse.
- Where's the horse?
- In front of you.
- I thought that was you.
Come on, give him a hand.
He's been duped.
That's South American for doped.
Put your foot in his hand, not the stirrup.
That's better, yeah.
No.
Here, I'll show you how to do it.
You see?
- Now, go in there and win for us.
- Okay.
Wait a minute!
I'm not supposed to be up here,
you're supposed to be. Come on.
Put your foot in the hand like that.
- Up, up. That's it.
- Here.
- No, you're on the wrong horse.
- Wait a minute. Put me down.
There must be an easier way
to get on one of them.
Try it like this.
Oh, that's good, and then you...
There.
- That's good.
- Here, get in there and win for us.
You're supposed to be up there, not him.
Now, come on, over.
Here. Wait a minute.
What are you doing? I...
Put me down, will you?
Hey.
No, no, no.
- Here, that's it.
- Here.
That's it, put this foot over.
This foot over.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, I'm...
Oh, there you are.
Where did he go now?
Now, where's Jose?
Oh, there you are. Look.
Oh, I know. Look,
you put your leg up like he did.
- Like here?
- Up here.
Like... That's right. Now, you...
Where's my foot? Where's my leg?
Where's my leg?
No, that's not it.
You foot's coming off,
your foot's coming off.
Oh, I broke my leg!
Look, this has gone far enough.
Get him on that horse.
Here, here, here.
Here, put me down.
Get back around the horse.
That's right. All right, now.
Back, boy, back, back.
Now, get in there and win.
No, wait a minute. Betty, let me explain.
I can't ride, I...
Hey, you forgot your polo mallet!
- That's not a polo pony, that's a jumper.
- A jumper?
Whoa, boy, whoa!
But I don't understand.
Here, here, here.
Here's a player riding onto the field.
Look out!
What a spectacular entrance.
We can't see who it is from here.
It's number three. Yes, it is!
It's Jose O'Rourke.
O'Rourke?
I don't get it.
How can you be there
and here at the same time?
Split personality.
- Shut him up, Max.
- No, you don't, Lukie.
Well, patron, a redheaded fellow...
Yes, never mind.
How can I get to the polo field?
Grab the squad car outside.
- Come on, Julio.
- Well, Lukie...
...kidnapping isn't a very pleasant rap.
You won't need a television
where you're going.
There's plenty of excitement
in the game now with O'Rourke in.
Anything's liable to happen.
He's the sparkplug of his team.
O'Rourke's been hit.
He seems to be dazed.
He's lost control of his mount
and is bumping into all the players.
There's the ball at the goal post.
Both teams are riding after it.
O'Rourke's got it and he scores
with his cap...
...making the first score
for the South Americans.
You were just wonderful in the game.
Come on.
Only two more minutes to play.
Ready for the next horse.
Oh, no.
The teams are in midfield.
O'Rourke is late for lineup again.
There goes the ball. Fordman misses.
Hernandez rides over the ball.
He's offside.
Nelson comes through.
The ball is rolling.
And a beautiful play by Jose O'Rourke.
He rode Nelson right off the ball,
enabling Gonzales, his teammate...
... to go through to make the score
for South America. That ties up...
There's very little time left
in this last chukker.
You can expect some real action now.
Nobody's giving an inch.
There goes the ball down the field...
...and there goes O'Rourke galloping
down the sideboard after it.
Hey! Stop!
That's my popcorn!
Hey!
There's a scramble for the ball.
Looks like O'Rourke has found it.
He's broken his mallet.
But nothing is going to stop
Jose O'Rourke today.
There he goes down the field,
both teams chasing him.
Another beautiful shot.
They'll never catch him now.
The ball is in the clear now.
And there he goes again.
It's over for the South Americans.
Before I present this trophy
to the victorious South American team...
...I would like to say
that in all my experience...
...l've never seen such spectacular polo.
I take great pleasure
in presenting this trophy...
...to the captain of the South American
team, Jose O'Rourke.
I am proud to accept this beautiful cup
on behalf of my teammates.
Wait a minute.
This cup belongs to Jose O'Rourke.
Senorita, I am Jose O'Rourke.
- You?
- Yes.
What some people won't do to get a cup.
Jose, tell this imposter who you are.
- I'm Jack Spratt.
- You see, he's the real Jack Spr...
What is a Jack Spratt?
Betty, I hope you won't hate me,
but I'm the real impostor.
I'm not a polo player.
I'm not even a South American. I'm...
Well, I'm just a masseur.
Why... You're wonderful.
And I don't care if you are a masseur.
I like the French
as well as the South Americans.
And I'd be proud to change my name
from Barrett to Spratt.
- Did you say Barrett?
- Yeah.
- Do you have sister?
- Sure, Eve.
Wait a minute!
I just don't believe it. I don't know
whether to kiss you or kill you.
Well, kiss me.
I got two extra tickets on the plane.
We can make it a double wedding.
Oh, that's wonderful! But where's Jose?
Oh, he's probably on a boat
for South America by now.
- Oh, Betty.
- Eve! Oh, come on. Get ready. You're on.
- I can't. You don't understand.
- Let her get dressed.
I understand everything.
Will you get ready?
- Senor.
- What happened?
She fell for it. She thinks you're
on your way to South America by now.
- Good, good.
- Joe? Joe.
Hey, you kids beat it.
Jose, hide in that cabana right there.
I'll see what she wants.
Come on, Eve.
The ballet goes on in a few minutes.
Joe, you've got to hold it up for me.
I've got to find Jose and explain.
I can't let him go away feeling that...
Now, look, Eve, there are several hundred
people out there waiting to see you swim.
- They're waiting to see a ballet.
- I don't care.
I'm not gonna do it.
Will you forget about Jose O'Rourke
and Eve Barrett and think of me?
Just this once, think of me?
Oh, I'm sorry, Joe. I'm terrible sorry.
I didn't mean to be so selfish.
I'll be ready in a minute.
Jose?
- Yes?
- It's all set.
Well, I guess this is what you call
a happy ending, huh?
After all, I got the girl I wanted,
she got the man she wanted and you...
Well, you got the business.
Yeah. Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?
- Hello.
- Why...
Well, fancy meeting you here.
Why, Jose! Where did you come from?
South America.
But why?
Shall we dance?
Well, that's the story of a guy,
a girl and a bathing suit.
Happy ending too.
South America, take it away.