Neues vom Wixxer (2007) Movie Script
bell sounds
As usual too late, Eddie
Chief Inspector! Who is that guy? The brother of Pan Tau?
Inspector Very Long my partner.....and the hot Eddie - a greasy informant.
Now, what do you have for us?
I have informations ... about the Wixxer (masturbator)...
the Wixxer...is really...
your old colleague....Inspector Rather-short!
We already know that!
Was even mentioned in the newspaper.
But unfortunately he run away
OK....Rather-short is in this very moment...in
Argh!!
what: "In the ass????"
I heard "in Argentinia"
or "Aachen"? (city in Germany)
the informant speaks very unclear...
Yes, Eddie, you are SUPER!
You are the best! The number one of the informants!
Red Indians!!
Duck!
You take that way!
Freeze!
The Wixxer....
Go on, Rather! Take off your stupid mask.
No further step!
LOOONG!!
I am coming!
Chief Inspector - catch!
Damned!
Because of you Rather-Short got away again!
No he did not!
Here lies Rather-Short. Because he is dead.
Rather!
That means: There is a new Wixxer....
And there are another 6 graves...but all empty.
Chief inspector I think we have a problem.
I think YOU have a problem.
(here lies Very Long)
Hello! Here speaks EDGAR WALLACE!
Morning!
Seven graves - seven heads....
and who is that?
That's me, Sir.
Ha, no seriously - who is the ugly bird?
That's really him.
And who is this little bitch?
Sir John !! This is Miss Victoria Dickham.
What?! THE Victoria Dickham?! - I don't know her at all.
She is the doughter of Lord David - your predecessor.
David Dickham, the best man of Scottland Yard. The legend...
Oh yes, Dicky the old criminal. And who are the three negroes there?
They all look the same....
From those we just have the names. Brinkman is taking care of that.
Why am I on the deathlist with those people? I even don't know them.
But Please do not take that to serious.
What do you think how often I was on deathlists already?
Why don't we send him on holidays?
Can not do. He doesn't have any holidays left...
Oh, that's bad luck.
Or we bring him to a safe place - and wait until the whole thing is over.
You want to insult him ?! An Inspectior of the
Yard would rather die than give away that case!
Ok! Than you just stay here!
My office is called the "safest place on earth" for a reason!
DUCK!!!
Good News, Sir John! I do not have cancer after all!
Who ever is the new Wixxer - he means serious bussiness!
He already ordered seven coffins - all for tomorrow.
That means we have only one day.
And how many hours does such a day have?
Twentyfour.....
My Name is chief inspector Even Longer. And this is the longest day of my life.
All what you see is happening in realtime. Only a lot faster...
Well, if it is like that, I make ourselves a nice coffee first.
It must be here.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. WHat can I do for you?
Scottland Yard! We must urgently speak with Lord Dickham.
A pleasure. I will see whether Lord Dickham is available for the gentlemen.
Please enter.
You have a funny accent.
I am from Germany.
Ah!
Ehm. This fat man and his assistant want to talk to you, my Lady.
Scottland Yard!
But my lawer already explained everything!
This group of kids run into my Rolls Royce!
Its about you stepdaughter.
Oh!
I am Chief Inspector Even Longer. Oh, ehm... sorry, I... just quickly...
Do you have a precise idea what you hope to find down there?
Ehm, Lord Dickham! Nice that we finally meet....
My beautiful nose - it was just brand new!
I buy you a new one, darling. Now breathe slow - very calm now ....
And you! ahve now exactly ten seconds for an explanation
before you breath filtered air in jail.
Not necessary, Sir, We are from the Yard. May I say what a big honour it is.....
....to finally meet you in person. The man who all alone cought the Zinker!
Ehhm, that was Heinz Drache (other German actor).
And with what do you think you have to waste my precious time with,
Chief Inspector?
Oh, a misunderstanding....
Inspector Even Long - aehm, Chief Inspector Even Long...
The other way around...
Oh, God. A lot changed in the Yard obviously!
Something like him we would have put in Prison in my time!
It's about your daughter, SIr. She is in severe danger.
Victoria! Oh, my God!
Don't talk such a nonsense!
My daughter is in an animal shelter and helps guinipigs with eating disorder.
My daughter on the Wixxer's death list??
Don't worry, Sir. I will take her to my place for safety reasons.
To Scottland Yard... to protect her....
The same way you protected my wife? No way!
And now both of you make yourself invisible!
We are expected in the Abbey St. Foku Vila.
The royal wedding takes place there...
How nice! We have visitors!
Victoria!
Papa, look, I found this poor pigeon on the drive way.
Ooch, an accident?
On first sight, may be. But the bruise on the head.....
.... is a sure sign for an influence from outside! Did you search the crime scene?
Sure! And there I found this !
And who owns this? - The son of our maid!
Did he confess? - I already handed him over to his parents.
Gratulations Mrs. Watson! - Thanks, Mr. Holmes.
Sorry, Mrs. Dickham! I am afraid I have bad news for you.
I am sure this is a misunderstanding.
You should better take this threat serious. The Wixxer is a very bad man!
We know that!
Hence we will take care of the safety of our daughter ourselves.
Dolly, please get a private detective.
But Papa, I can take car of myself. Who would want to harm me?
Especially on a beautiful day like today....
Don't let go! Don't look down!
Attention, I pull you up now! One, two.....
.....three, four , five , six! That calms the nerves!
I get a glass water for you. I get you a Brandy.
I get myself a glass Champagne!
Victoria, I was so worried about you.
Everything is ok.
Did you already talk to Papa about us? I am sure he will like you.
Like ...might be a little....let's say we are on the same wave length.
Thank God! You know how important his approval is for me.
Well, when will you ask him for my hand?
That's on top of my list.
Here is your water Mrs. Dickham.
Thanks!
That was Chucky Norris! I am absolutely sure! I saw him in the garden.
Aha!
That finishes me off! We have just one day to prevent five killings...
And now we even have to play baby sitter for an unmannered kid...
But I had the impression the two of you like each other ...
What do you want to say with that?
Nothing!
Ok, you hugged and kissed her. But that does not mean much...
Very often you get hugged and kissed by strangers.
Yes, yes, yes, ok! You are right!
After Jennifer I was totally desperate. I felt so lonely.
I even stopped drinking.
Victoria and me we are ... we come together... we go together.
Thats nice! - Nice, as if!
You saw what her father thinks of me.
He is the most important person for her.
But now owrd to anyone, clear!
My relationship to Victoria is purely professional.
Did you get that?
Naturally! Purely professional!
But for the world of aristrocrats you might have to work on your looks.
One time gefilte salad combination, please.
Dressing? - Vinegrette, please. Thanks!
And what does your girlfriend want? - I take the burger with sauce.....
NO, NO,NO! The chief inspector eats diet from now on. What you have for that?
Diet..... - here!
Thank you!
You failed! - Yes I know, I ...
Tomorow is the roayl wedding. You just have one day left! - Hello, HELLO!!
Why did the man put the receiver down?! I did not even say good bye!!!
Is it really serious between you and Mrs. Dickham?
It was never this serious for me.
Hey! Wrong cantine!
Victoria is the first women who loves me for what I am - and I will marry her.
You know, I had so many disappointments....but Victoria is different.
Yes, I know: She is young and beautiful...and from a good family.
And I am tired, old and live in my car...
Nevertheless we belong together. Can you understand that?
You have..... - yes, yes, I have no style, no manners..
But I never was in a private school like you!
Ehm, I would... - You would help me?
Hmm?
Don't let me beg now! You saw how Lord Dickham likes you.
You just have to teach me how to behave and all...
It's an honour for me.
Let's start right now. - What? Not now.
We must be at the coroners office in 5 minutes.
That's more than enough!
That worked out perfectly!
[Coroner - 5 minutes later] - Very elegant.
That is the chief inspector who is trusted by the women.
Yeah, but it is quite tight here on top. - It's very nice there on top.
Prof. Brinkman there are two clowns.
Hey kids, look who is there. Piggy fat and piggy smart.
My son is getting 8 and at home we renovate.
So we had to move the party here.
And where is your wife? - Over there, drawer number 207.
Tja, death trap house work. A piece of cake?
Tell me, don't you recognize something on our Chief inspector?
He became more fat, did he?
Let's get down to business. Did you find out anything?
A lot.
That is for sure Rather Short - no doubt!
That is NOT Rather Short....
Right!
That is Rather Short! - And something interesting: He is dead.
Hey Klausi, there are your glasses! - Thanks, uncle Brinkmann.
You know anything about our death candidates yet?
- Sure! We make a lot of progress...
This here is you! And that is a distant relative of the Queen.
The daughter of the Duke of DIckham. The 14th in the row of future Queens.
At least an attractive corpse to be, isn't she?
Papa, what is that? - That is a liver, Blacky.
Now you put it back into the uncle where you found it!
What about the other names?
No idea. But I already ordered a few people - to buy a telephone book.
I will call you as soon as I know something.
One should not play with testicles!
One more question, Brinkmann: "Do you Know Chucky Norris?"
The insane mass murderer?
Good man!
You know where to find him?
Attitude! Attitude, inspector! Don't scuffle!
Straighten the spine - show the chest - head up!
Yes, yes... - Not "yes,yes", that is important!
People look at that. Who walks cock-eyed gets looked at cock-eyed!
"schief" [cock-eyed] inspector.....
Chief, you look much better. Now, smile! Smile! Yes, like that!
Just watch the eyes of the nice nurse who will open the door....
Who is there?!
[don't worry, lead!] - what are you doing here, Hatler? I thought you are a butler.
Not at all! That was just a holiday job! During my studies.
Because those faschists did not give me any subsidies.
But against all odds I got my doctor title in psycholgy and since two years
I am the Fuehrer - aeh leader - of this clinic.
And how is Jeniffer?
No idea, we split up. She did not agree with my german shepard dog.
Papperlapapp! Why are you interested in my patient Chucky Norris?
He was seen at a crime scene of an assassination.
Impossible!
See yourself. He sits since years in this cell.
Are you really sure he can not get out here?
Hundred per(cent)...
Chacko! Has this patient been released at any time?
I don't understand that.
I think he wanted to say: "no".
This institute is absolutely break safe!
Than you will agreee if I look around a little...
ok, make yourself at home..
He doesn't stink as susal - did he shower?
Yes. ...purely professional!
...or gay...
...I am hungry...
wanna buy rose , hahaha
I never saw something terrible like this...
I captured - aeh, took over - this clinic two years ago.
And completely renovated.
What's wrong with you? You are so nervous.
I am on the death list. - My God!
Don't be a wuzz! You lack the necessary self-confidence!
You must just belive in yourself! Than you can conquer the whole world!
Painting! Perfect therapy against delusions of grandeur.
Secret files. Highly confidential. A to D
Here you are! We searched you all over the place.
Who lives here? - The caretaker. The good soul of my institute.
He wanted to cut the hedge....Do you know where he is?
I think he is already outside.
What are you looking at? Do you think I am insane?
What do you think? You are just a chair!!
SILENCE! We are not in the mad house!
Oooh, mail!
I must go to the Abbey at once.
I must kill them!
TAXI !!
[13:38 Abbey St,. Vokuhila black and white]
hoho, that is an exquisite old building.
Reminds me of old times. I worked a lot in black and white..
The nuns don't believe in color. They say: If God would have liked color,
he would have printed the bible in color.
The interior architect should be held liable!
Ihhh, what is that?
This is Jesus, my naive angel.
Hudson! We look around. Bring the luggage to our rooms.
Hudson, you can't do that alone. just wait...
And here will be the royal wedding? Miserable!
That is not necessary, Miss Victoria.
Pppaerlappa, Hudson. I never was interested in other peoples opinion.
People should help each other no matter what class they belong.
They should be ther for each other.
Shared misery is half misery. One shall carry the other ones load.
Victoria!
Even!
You look good! Papa will appreciate. Me also by the way.
Victoria, it is a big mistake to stay over night here.
You can't trust nuns! - Why you say that?
My parents have been nuns...
For me this Abbey is the safest place on earth.
I have a lot of nice memories here
The nuns always took good care of me when
Papa was away to hunt horrible criminals
the matron will look after me. I know Sister Lucifa my whole life
or even longer
Not even a WIxxer would dare to attack me here.
Anyway! I would like to watch you around the clock.
But I also have to take care of the other victims.
No problem! I mean chief , I could... - That is a good idea! We split up!
I watch the Abbay and you take care about the next death candidate.
Right! But as I am myself on the death list it could be a little risky
to go so alone in the lions cave...
Do you want to go to my room to see whether everything is ok?
That is my duty!
Shall I show you my dress which I will wear at the marriage?
Yes, please!
But first we go to papa and tell him about our plans!
I wanted to tell you....your father and me... we...
Sister Lucifa!
How many nuns are living here?
None of your business!
25 - plus sister Steffanie who came to us recently. The poor soul.
Thank you. Six sugar cubes please.
She is deaf-mute.
I AM SORRY!
The tea is perfect, Sister. - Great are the doings of the Lord...
and who appreciates them fancies them. Jessia, 1.1.1 verse 2.
"Morituri te salutant" = "The doomed for death salute you"
Asterix as galdiator, book 3 page 43...
You are a smart man - I don't like you!
Cigarettes?
No thanks, I don't smoke on duty.
I am happy that you are here.
One feels much safer when Scottland Yard is in the house.
Was that you? - What?
Na, this...
Chucky Norris - did I know it!
YOU? YOU?
BUT! BUT!
WHAT? WHAT?
Did he shot at me?
Do you know him? - distantly...
he is my brother.
Step brother to be precise. One can see that, right, mopsy?
You shall not call me like that!
Earlier everybody called you that. Or buddah, bally, or hamburger
And what are you doing here?
My job, beautiful Lady.
You are dance instructor for Lambada.
Not any more. With dancing alone you dont get any women any more.
But with that.
"the three questionmarks"??? Solve any mistery.
First detective: Much Longer - Second detective: Much Longer
third detective: Much Longer. Investigation and Archive: Much Longer.
What is that all about?
It always looks better if you have some subordinates...
By the way my friends call me: "Much-Oh"
You tell me right now what you are doing here!
Tja, what to say? It has been a day like any other..
I remember it as if it was yesterday....
but it was today noon...
I sat in my office and the work grew over my head as usual....
I just desired three things: A scotch, a woman
and that hair tonic which I ordered from Pais,...
when I recognized my pronounced arm muscles,
on of the wishes came into my office
and I at once saw: it was NOT the hair tonic!
Much Longer?
Depends who asks.
Me.
Than: Yes.
It's about my stepdaughter. She is on the Wixxer's death list.
Look, lady, I take every case. But I am not interested in crime.
I want to be honest to you, lady. Risk is not my thing.
For that I am just too young.
I am desperated. You were my last hope.
I think I faint.
What about 200 pound plus costs?
You are pretty expensive, Lady!
The 200 pounds are for you!
You shall protect Victoria?
I don't need a bodyguard!
Wait a moment! You are Victoria?
Slowly all pieces fall into place.
Like a good Puzzle.
We go now to Lord Dickham!
Dr. Brinckmann?
Dr. Brinckmann?
Ah, it's you!
I just had a short nap.
The only place where you can get a little peace.
Good that you are still alive! The colleagues already placed bets on you.
How many think I survive? - Nobody!
We just bet "WHEN" it will get you.
Do you want to join the bet? - No, Thank you.
You found out the address of the next victim?
Ah, yes, right!
...Ceasar Cicero Catch - Latin Teacher, lives Flickenschild Street 7 - good luck!
You don't want to come with me?
Unfortunately not, You see yourself how much work is pending here.
It's just...my father got shot on duty...
...he was all alone...
the mistery never got solved. Yeah yeah, that's how it is.
Good bye, Dr. Brinckman.
Ok, guys! He is gone!
Lord Dickham, did your wife really order this dance teacher
to protect Victoria?
I can only say: Luckily! He saved my daughters life. I am thankfull forever...
let's say until I die.
Lord Dickham, to make it clear, you do not have to thank me.
I just do my job.
I could get used to you.
Cohiba?
No thanks, I don't drink on duty.
What is going on here?
Sir David, Victoria needs a man she can 100 percent trust!
Do you really take me for an old stupid idiot?
Sure! ....Surely not - I mean...
When I see how you look at her I know exactly what you think!
Why think? I just want... purely professional...
If I come to know that you put your sausage fingers on my daughter,
I will reactivate my Judo knowledge and rip you apart in mid-air!
Do we understand each other?
Hey, Mopsy, do you want to hear my opinion?
NO! - I think the old guy with the white hair does not like you.
But don't worry. It might just be because of you.
Shut up!
You are not so ok. Yes, I can feel it.
Now you know how I felt when we were kids.
There only you have been in the center.
I have been where??
Don't you remmeber?
At that time you made good weather with our grand parents
by building a Big Ben...
Than you came...with your new step-shoes...
shortly afterwards they died....
I have never been in the center.
There only you always were dancing.
Dancing is good for the figure. I recommend break dance for you.
Pitty, pitty! He was a good man. And still so young.
Pretty sad. Stepped to death. With his own dagger.
No, he would have survived the dagger.
He got killed by that here.
Who has such ideas? Beasty!
What a luck that you had a can of tomato juice in your breast pocket!
Why did you? - I always have that.
Very clever!
Dr. Brinckmann what shall we do with the paintings?
Look valuable - take them with us!
A good idea to get shot. The Wixxer thinks your are dead now.
Yes, but I still do not get what is the meaning of those names on the list?
Sir John! That is not your flat!
Really? Pitty!
My patience is finished ! Stop the fairy tales! [book title: Fairy tales - Grimm]
Chucky Norris is going in and out here as it pleases him!
Did you ever think of locks?
Please behave. I do not approve of your Nazi methods.
I know, what I saw.
Your patient got my girlfriend...
...an innocent women - almost killed.
Hence I will get him now - no matter what you say.
I am seriously concerned about you. What is bothering you?
You want to know what bothers me? That I can tell you.
The Wixxer is still at large. And he makes fun of me.
He even tells me whom he wants to kill.
Just keep on talking.
And the father of my girlfriend hates me.
Though he was always my big example.
Calm down, relax.
For that is no time now.
RELAX!!!
Now let's talk very honest.
Since when are you attracted to older men?
What? I am not!
You hate that Lord Dickham?
No, I envy (menghormati) him.
You envy also a man?
Chief inspector, do you sometimes wish to be a woman?
Bullocks! Ok, I got my back waxed, but...
...I only did it because my partner wanted it.
Anyway, my brother does that every week.
And everybody thinks he is great.
Allthough he does nothing but stupid nonsense.
Idendity loss - pathologic hate on imaginary brother -
Stop it! I have totally diffferent worries!
...abnormal self-pitty -
Yeah, yeah and most probably I am also schizophrenic...
...perfect, schizophrenic...
Yja, my good chief inspector, I should keep you for observation.
Just for a few years.
I have enough. You can be happy if you keep your teeth!
I am now going to Chucky Norris.
Diagnosis: Asshole!
Chucky!?
I knew it!
If I do not loose two pounds until tomorrow,
I will never fit into the dress...
Pardon, two pounds will not be enough Mylady.
{distant scream] Ahhh, my eye!
Where do you go, Dicky? To Victoria?
Later may be, darling. Now I will go to toilett first.
Big or small?
Let's see, what is possible.
Oh God, that is boring!
Continue, Hudson, and quick please.
As you wish, Mylady.
It is one of those rainy evenings ....
...I follow this lady...name I forgot.
What are you doing here?
Even if I knew, I would not be allowed to tell.
I found this in my shower.
Dr. Hatler...!?
For heaven's sake what is going on here?
Why is this room here? - You ask that?
Chucky Norris run away! - Run away?
From your mad house! - What?
And someone tried to kill me! - I am not involved in that!
I despise violence.
If I wouldn't have the steel plate in my head, I would be dead by now.
Korea war? - School sport competition.
Brinckman? We run out of time!
Yes, I know.
Who are the two unknown on the death list?
That are Fred Fartwind and Kuki Dent...
Yeah I know that those are Fred Fartwind and Kuki Dent!
But where can we find them?
Wait a moment! I have no idea!
Super! Thanks for nothing!
Idiot!
You dont know kKuki and Fred, inspector?
No, do you?
Yes, they own a very distinguished establishment at the Thames.
Join me! Today they have Karaoke.
Dr. Hatler please to the ....
[23:11 At the saucy flute smurf]
This is a passport control!
What took you so long?
Fred and Kuki are in there night club. We closed everything.
This time the Wixxer will not outrun us. Let's go inside.
I should not go inside.
Why that?
The Wixxer thinks, he shot me dead. And I want it to stay like that.
Shall I solve the mistery alone now? Do you rather want to go home?
I already fought for my life today while you held hands with your girlfriend!
Where have you been when my head almost got cut open?
Ah, yes, I forgot. At that time you have been bussy to let the Wixxer get away!
The WIxxer shot three times into my can!
You are not longer objective due to all your love!
I don't have to listen to such a garbage.
I wanted your help. Well I already got double crossed by a partner.
Say, where did you come from...
From the Yard naturally we come...
Look at that! Dolly Dickham...
Where are the others??
Do they all look like you?
Yes they all look like we!
Noo, than you can not enter.
EVEN!
Sir John!
Did not know that you are leading this crackdown.
Did you already spot Fred and Kuki?
Fred and Kuki?? This is Mimi and Mumu!
Twins and highly talented!
We are here privately. Like every evening. right, blacky ?!
At least you have fun.
Fred Fartwind, Kuki Dent?
My friends call me gloomy Fred.
But I am not your friend. Is that your brothel?
Tell the barkeeper that you are a cop, than you'll get an apple juice for free.
I am not here for fun. The Wixxer wants to kill both of you.
But we have the best bodyguards from England.
The boy with the harp - The puppeteer...
...from Mexico!
You should better not underestimate the Wixxer!
Or both of you are as good as dead.
Did you hear Kuki-Baby? We are as good as dead!
To our death!
Man Even! Where you show up the people fall over
like the shithouse flies!
They were killed, Sir! - Probabky the Whisky!
Right, Cyanide.
Good stuff!
Where did this bottle come from? - Someone brought it before.
How did he look like?
Very normal, black, black hat, death mask....
And he was totally black.
We must go back to the Abbey at once!
The WIxxer is always one step ahead.
Now I will not go one millimeter away from you.
You are the last one on the list.
I feel the solution is very near...
...but I dont't get the parts together.
Much! What are you doing there?
How did you recognize me? I even disguised myself!
You could help me. Right now three nons with a box disappeared...
I am sorry, I am very bussy myself.
They wore pumps and straps...
You are right, we must find them!
I just ask the humpback. Hey Mobby Dick!
Is her a secret pass way?
What's wrong with the old frog? Stupid, or what?
She is deaf-mute.
No reason to ignore my question.
See this georgeous foggy night. Here we can be only the two of us..
Finally alone!
Oh, Even, if the marriage tomorrow could be ours already!
Have you met Papa?
Yeah...I have been there..and we have ...
...Tell me, is the Queen also coming?
Naturally! Her great nice marries.
The whole royal family will be there.
And you will be part of it soon.
Now, did both of you talk together?
Yes, ...wea have ... long... talked...
Even, I am so happy! Now everything will be good.
Dolly?!
Chucky?!
Interesting!
My beloved stepdaughter in the arms of this fat cop.
Your father has been right after all.
There must be a secret passage here!
Carefull, Chucky. With that one can hurt people.
[swamp - more swamp]
HELP! I am stuck in here! HELP!
Here, grab it!
That is too short!
Hurry, inspector! I did not hurt you after all!.
I just had to kill the messenger! The Wixxer demanded it from me!
Say it now! Who is the Wixxer?
The Wixxer... you will never guess that!
The Wixxer is nobody else than...Argh!
Now I got you, Wixxer!
We should bring you to the hospital, Mylady.
All away there! Hands up, Mylady!
Are you insane? You almost killed me.
Funny, isn't it? Your own plan backfired.
You wanted to kill Viktoria!
To become sole beneficiary to the Dickham fortune.
That is why you followed us.
You always just cared about the money, didn't you?
Dicky will cut you out of his will anyway when he hears of you two.
I thought you talked to him.
One after the other...
You hired a totally incompetent detective from whom you knew
he could not protect Victoria
Where is Much by the way?
Stop!
This is my dance area, there is your dance area!
And you killed Freddy and Kuki that nobody could find out
you worked there as cheap B-girl.
But I saw your photo in the bar.
And than you wrote to Chucky Norris, where he can find Viktoria.
On your letter head!
The game is over, WIXXER!
I think you are wrong, chief inspector.
Pardon, the photo you mentionde was made by me during a party.
And on the letter this is the logo of our paper mill.
That paper is available all over England.
I also have one! Me too!
First of all, I have shot the Wixxer.
He must have a wound on his left shoulder.
You are soo finished!
Why didn't you tell me that earlier, you complete idiot?
Only because you kept important information from me,
I had to ,,.. a totally innocent...
Try to dip in straight!
No, John! Now there must be an end!
I demand that you suspend this man right now!
Ah, just wait, Dicky. I am sure he just did his job.
Yes, that he did and soundly! I just came from the hospital.
Do you know how my wife looks? Like a shagged chicken! And me too.
What is wrong with you. You should go home and sleep a while.
Papa will protect me.
That is my job. I can do that as good as him.
And I am awake and highly concentrated.
How late is it by the way?
And on top I suspect this guy to fancy my daughter!
Ah, Dicky, I don't believe that.
No normal women would let herself be touched by Even.
Except if she gets money for it.
You must rub more intensively. Like that?
I can't get it out....
Harder, otherwise it doesn't work...
John!
You know what you have to do!
Yeah, but Dicky! Who shall do his job??
[8:00 Abbey St, Vokuhila]
This moment the European high society gathers here to....
I am Pavel and have no idea what I am doing here!
Looks nice her in color.
We do this only because of the TV coverage.
Black and white would irritate the advertisement target group
of the 14-49 year old.
Ignorant pack!
Do you know what I like most in animals?
They never lie to you.
I did not want to lie to you. I really tried to talk to your father...
It's really better if you go now.
Before another misery happens.
Yes, you are right. I messed it up.
Even you do not trust me anymore. Why should you?
Five people on the list are dead - I almost killed your stepmother
my partner hates me - your father hates me even more
Sir John fired me.
And I have no fade idea who this damned Wixxer is.
Tja, this I will also not need anymore.
Huh, EVEN!!
I finish you, you old dirt-pig!
Mopsy finally grows up.
This is an important day for the British Royals
Princess Barbie of Kent - the great nice of the queen -
is going to give the wedding wow to her yearlong love
Prince Richard of Hohenlollern
And there she arrives the beautiful Princess
who as usual dazzeles through her Beauty
followed by Prince Richy - he never fails to answer the questions
of the many reporters
Yes, he knows it perfectly - the manners of the German high society
and he knows how to behave appropriate.
In the church the high society looks forward to the ceremony
the Ladiues and Gentlemen present themselves in colorfull clothes
evrey fashion designer is presented here.
There must be a secret passage.
Where is he?!
He who?? You have been in there with a man??
Why did you never talk to me about that?
Where is the Wixxer?
He was in here and kidnapped Victoria.
Damned. How did they get out of here?
Not through the window for sure.
That is only painted....
[secret passage]
What did I say? Painted!
Just forget the girl. There are so many women on earth.
I know what I talk about!
Pitty. We can not enter. But we tried!
You better handle that. You know women better...
Ok, girls. I really don't want to hit women...
All right!
Hey, Ladies!
Only one is allowed to hit my little broither. And that's me.
No feeling for rythm!
Hands up!!
Hey, Wixxer! You forgot your ashtray!
That's how it's done!
Victoria!
Thank God, she lives!
We have less than two minutes.
For heaven's sake!
The WIxxer wants to blow up the royal family.
I hate bombs.
What shall I do? - Cut the blue wire, it is always the blue one.
Stop! Red! In one film it has been the red one.
Much what do you think?
Much?!
Sorry, but bombs are just not my thing.
But you can't leave us just like that!
Yes, I think I can.
Green is the hope - or yellow - from the color point of view...
Just shut up!
Call Brinckmann. He knows bombs.
Hello...
Long here! we must defuse a bomb and have only 50 seconds left!
Wait a moment.
Hello!!??
Here I am. What is the model?
A certain death 5000?!
Top Model! With that you could blow up a whole Abbey.
And how can we defuse it??!!
Yes...yes....aha...yes...yes...
...ok...ok everything clear - Thanks!
ANd? - He says one can not stop it.
We must all die.
Once I fall in love and than this shit happens!
Long, quick! Wack it! - The Wixxer??!
No, the switch at the wall!
Now!
How did you know which wire to cut?
In black and white all wires look alike. The color does not matter there!
Now we want to see who is behind the mask this time.
Sister Lucifa!!
Surprised, chief inspector?
I thought that!
That is why you didn ot want us in the Abbey.
And your plan was to blow everybody up, because....
in fact: "why??"
She is not the Wixxer!
But who is it than?
The one who points the gun at us right now.
Lord Dickham! You?!
You have a surprising ability to watch things.
You are the Wixxer?? But you were an idol!
An example for everybody in Scottland Yard.
Your cases have been filmed even.
You did not understand a thing!
It was always about Victoria.
But she is your daughter!
You still did not understand.
Victoria is....
the Wixxer!
Victoria?!
You killed your own father...
I hate him! He crossed me the day when he married this snake!
And today I would have blown up both..
...and with them the whole royal family.
Why?
That I can become Queen of England !!
Why else?
Sure, you are the 14th in the row of princesses...
But why the death list?
I killed Rather Short just for you, Even.
He was a bad man.
And to take over as Wixxer was perfect to mislead everybody.
Eddie helped me. But than he wanted to cross me.
And Fred and Kuki had to be stopped.
Their bar was the worst Bitch brothel of whole London.
But why Very?? He is almost just a kid.
Because you spent more time with him than with me.
Also you must make sacrifices - as I have to...
And C.C. Catch?
Ah, C.C. Catch!
He always let me fail in latin.
And I can't kill him anymore when I am Queen of England!!!
My god, you are totally insane...
That means you faked the assassinations on you to mislead us.
Chuck Norris was just a will-free puppet.
As she is!
No!
I am her mother!
I was the first wife of Lord Dickham.
He left me. Shortly after her birth. He said I am insane. INSANE!
Me!!!
But why does she wear your Wixxer cloth?
Mother just faked the kidnapping.
I wanted to make sure that you do not come to know any of it.
You should have be my King.
Together we would have created a better world.
There is no "we", Victoria. Come, give me the weappon.
You will not shot at me.
Yes, I will!
No...
Nooooooo!
Very! Very, say something!
You saved my life!
And I doubted you...
You killed him!
I can't forgive you that!
Good bye.
Sister Steffanie??
Special Agent Inge Lenzen, FBI.
Always the same place...
I am responsible for the safety of prince Friedwart.
The situation is under control.
The wedding can continue....
I have enough with you! You damned ashole -
I am sorry for your colleague.
He was the best partner I ever had.
I like to hear that, Sir.
Very, you live!
Naturally!
You and your stupid tomato juice!
An old Yard trick. I personally introduced it.
Who knows how many cops got saved by it!
You will all go to hell!
Will she ever recover?
Difficult to say...
...pathologic phantasies are not my special field ...
I did send her already two years ago in his clinic.
But I had to surrender. ANd you know taht I don't like that!
Ahh, such a nice office! I would like that!
Victoria did love you a lot.
She shot me!
That is part of a good relationship.
What do you think how often my wife shot me?
Important is that there is shooting back...
That is right!
[Wixxer arrested! Much Longer ennobled by Queen]
Funny! At the end all your women end up with Hatler.
By the way...
...I brought something for you.
For me?
A Yard protector 2000 with enforced platinum coating.
Chief! That must cost a fortune.
Because somehow ..you also saved my life .. and so..
That is the safest tomato juice can worldwide...
it is refillable, outlet re-enforced and a seperate inlet opening...
and the best of all, if you twist here...
Not so bad..
..can re-fill the can...
END
you have to show me, how one behaves and so on...
I didn't know that you will do that...hahaha
Lord Dickham, to make it clear you don't have to thanks me...
Are you sure he can not get out? - Hondred.....
Oh, Too early!
Mother kidnapped my fake - aeh faked my kidnapping...
I already send some of my people.
And let someone be shot dead....
As usual too late, Eddie
Chief Inspector! Who is that guy? The brother of Pan Tau?
Inspector Very Long my partner.....and the hot Eddie - a greasy informant.
Now, what do you have for us?
I have informations ... about the Wixxer (masturbator)...
the Wixxer...is really...
your old colleague....Inspector Rather-short!
We already know that!
Was even mentioned in the newspaper.
But unfortunately he run away
OK....Rather-short is in this very moment...in
Argh!!
what: "In the ass????"
I heard "in Argentinia"
or "Aachen"? (city in Germany)
the informant speaks very unclear...
Yes, Eddie, you are SUPER!
You are the best! The number one of the informants!
Red Indians!!
Duck!
You take that way!
Freeze!
The Wixxer....
Go on, Rather! Take off your stupid mask.
No further step!
LOOONG!!
I am coming!
Chief Inspector - catch!
Damned!
Because of you Rather-Short got away again!
No he did not!
Here lies Rather-Short. Because he is dead.
Rather!
That means: There is a new Wixxer....
And there are another 6 graves...but all empty.
Chief inspector I think we have a problem.
I think YOU have a problem.
(here lies Very Long)
Hello! Here speaks EDGAR WALLACE!
Morning!
Seven graves - seven heads....
and who is that?
That's me, Sir.
Ha, no seriously - who is the ugly bird?
That's really him.
And who is this little bitch?
Sir John !! This is Miss Victoria Dickham.
What?! THE Victoria Dickham?! - I don't know her at all.
She is the doughter of Lord David - your predecessor.
David Dickham, the best man of Scottland Yard. The legend...
Oh yes, Dicky the old criminal. And who are the three negroes there?
They all look the same....
From those we just have the names. Brinkman is taking care of that.
Why am I on the deathlist with those people? I even don't know them.
But Please do not take that to serious.
What do you think how often I was on deathlists already?
Why don't we send him on holidays?
Can not do. He doesn't have any holidays left...
Oh, that's bad luck.
Or we bring him to a safe place - and wait until the whole thing is over.
You want to insult him ?! An Inspectior of the
Yard would rather die than give away that case!
Ok! Than you just stay here!
My office is called the "safest place on earth" for a reason!
DUCK!!!
Good News, Sir John! I do not have cancer after all!
Who ever is the new Wixxer - he means serious bussiness!
He already ordered seven coffins - all for tomorrow.
That means we have only one day.
And how many hours does such a day have?
Twentyfour.....
My Name is chief inspector Even Longer. And this is the longest day of my life.
All what you see is happening in realtime. Only a lot faster...
Well, if it is like that, I make ourselves a nice coffee first.
It must be here.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. WHat can I do for you?
Scottland Yard! We must urgently speak with Lord Dickham.
A pleasure. I will see whether Lord Dickham is available for the gentlemen.
Please enter.
You have a funny accent.
I am from Germany.
Ah!
Ehm. This fat man and his assistant want to talk to you, my Lady.
Scottland Yard!
But my lawer already explained everything!
This group of kids run into my Rolls Royce!
Its about you stepdaughter.
Oh!
I am Chief Inspector Even Longer. Oh, ehm... sorry, I... just quickly...
Do you have a precise idea what you hope to find down there?
Ehm, Lord Dickham! Nice that we finally meet....
My beautiful nose - it was just brand new!
I buy you a new one, darling. Now breathe slow - very calm now ....
And you! ahve now exactly ten seconds for an explanation
before you breath filtered air in jail.
Not necessary, Sir, We are from the Yard. May I say what a big honour it is.....
....to finally meet you in person. The man who all alone cought the Zinker!
Ehhm, that was Heinz Drache (other German actor).
And with what do you think you have to waste my precious time with,
Chief Inspector?
Oh, a misunderstanding....
Inspector Even Long - aehm, Chief Inspector Even Long...
The other way around...
Oh, God. A lot changed in the Yard obviously!
Something like him we would have put in Prison in my time!
It's about your daughter, SIr. She is in severe danger.
Victoria! Oh, my God!
Don't talk such a nonsense!
My daughter is in an animal shelter and helps guinipigs with eating disorder.
My daughter on the Wixxer's death list??
Don't worry, Sir. I will take her to my place for safety reasons.
To Scottland Yard... to protect her....
The same way you protected my wife? No way!
And now both of you make yourself invisible!
We are expected in the Abbey St. Foku Vila.
The royal wedding takes place there...
How nice! We have visitors!
Victoria!
Papa, look, I found this poor pigeon on the drive way.
Ooch, an accident?
On first sight, may be. But the bruise on the head.....
.... is a sure sign for an influence from outside! Did you search the crime scene?
Sure! And there I found this !
And who owns this? - The son of our maid!
Did he confess? - I already handed him over to his parents.
Gratulations Mrs. Watson! - Thanks, Mr. Holmes.
Sorry, Mrs. Dickham! I am afraid I have bad news for you.
I am sure this is a misunderstanding.
You should better take this threat serious. The Wixxer is a very bad man!
We know that!
Hence we will take care of the safety of our daughter ourselves.
Dolly, please get a private detective.
But Papa, I can take car of myself. Who would want to harm me?
Especially on a beautiful day like today....
Don't let go! Don't look down!
Attention, I pull you up now! One, two.....
.....three, four , five , six! That calms the nerves!
I get a glass water for you. I get you a Brandy.
I get myself a glass Champagne!
Victoria, I was so worried about you.
Everything is ok.
Did you already talk to Papa about us? I am sure he will like you.
Like ...might be a little....let's say we are on the same wave length.
Thank God! You know how important his approval is for me.
Well, when will you ask him for my hand?
That's on top of my list.
Here is your water Mrs. Dickham.
Thanks!
That was Chucky Norris! I am absolutely sure! I saw him in the garden.
Aha!
That finishes me off! We have just one day to prevent five killings...
And now we even have to play baby sitter for an unmannered kid...
But I had the impression the two of you like each other ...
What do you want to say with that?
Nothing!
Ok, you hugged and kissed her. But that does not mean much...
Very often you get hugged and kissed by strangers.
Yes, yes, yes, ok! You are right!
After Jennifer I was totally desperate. I felt so lonely.
I even stopped drinking.
Victoria and me we are ... we come together... we go together.
Thats nice! - Nice, as if!
You saw what her father thinks of me.
He is the most important person for her.
But now owrd to anyone, clear!
My relationship to Victoria is purely professional.
Did you get that?
Naturally! Purely professional!
But for the world of aristrocrats you might have to work on your looks.
One time gefilte salad combination, please.
Dressing? - Vinegrette, please. Thanks!
And what does your girlfriend want? - I take the burger with sauce.....
NO, NO,NO! The chief inspector eats diet from now on. What you have for that?
Diet..... - here!
Thank you!
You failed! - Yes I know, I ...
Tomorow is the roayl wedding. You just have one day left! - Hello, HELLO!!
Why did the man put the receiver down?! I did not even say good bye!!!
Is it really serious between you and Mrs. Dickham?
It was never this serious for me.
Hey! Wrong cantine!
Victoria is the first women who loves me for what I am - and I will marry her.
You know, I had so many disappointments....but Victoria is different.
Yes, I know: She is young and beautiful...and from a good family.
And I am tired, old and live in my car...
Nevertheless we belong together. Can you understand that?
You have..... - yes, yes, I have no style, no manners..
But I never was in a private school like you!
Ehm, I would... - You would help me?
Hmm?
Don't let me beg now! You saw how Lord Dickham likes you.
You just have to teach me how to behave and all...
It's an honour for me.
Let's start right now. - What? Not now.
We must be at the coroners office in 5 minutes.
That's more than enough!
That worked out perfectly!
[Coroner - 5 minutes later] - Very elegant.
That is the chief inspector who is trusted by the women.
Yeah, but it is quite tight here on top. - It's very nice there on top.
Prof. Brinkman there are two clowns.
Hey kids, look who is there. Piggy fat and piggy smart.
My son is getting 8 and at home we renovate.
So we had to move the party here.
And where is your wife? - Over there, drawer number 207.
Tja, death trap house work. A piece of cake?
Tell me, don't you recognize something on our Chief inspector?
He became more fat, did he?
Let's get down to business. Did you find out anything?
A lot.
That is for sure Rather Short - no doubt!
That is NOT Rather Short....
Right!
That is Rather Short! - And something interesting: He is dead.
Hey Klausi, there are your glasses! - Thanks, uncle Brinkmann.
You know anything about our death candidates yet?
- Sure! We make a lot of progress...
This here is you! And that is a distant relative of the Queen.
The daughter of the Duke of DIckham. The 14th in the row of future Queens.
At least an attractive corpse to be, isn't she?
Papa, what is that? - That is a liver, Blacky.
Now you put it back into the uncle where you found it!
What about the other names?
No idea. But I already ordered a few people - to buy a telephone book.
I will call you as soon as I know something.
One should not play with testicles!
One more question, Brinkmann: "Do you Know Chucky Norris?"
The insane mass murderer?
Good man!
You know where to find him?
Attitude! Attitude, inspector! Don't scuffle!
Straighten the spine - show the chest - head up!
Yes, yes... - Not "yes,yes", that is important!
People look at that. Who walks cock-eyed gets looked at cock-eyed!
"schief" [cock-eyed] inspector.....
Chief, you look much better. Now, smile! Smile! Yes, like that!
Just watch the eyes of the nice nurse who will open the door....
Who is there?!
[don't worry, lead!] - what are you doing here, Hatler? I thought you are a butler.
Not at all! That was just a holiday job! During my studies.
Because those faschists did not give me any subsidies.
But against all odds I got my doctor title in psycholgy and since two years
I am the Fuehrer - aeh leader - of this clinic.
And how is Jeniffer?
No idea, we split up. She did not agree with my german shepard dog.
Papperlapapp! Why are you interested in my patient Chucky Norris?
He was seen at a crime scene of an assassination.
Impossible!
See yourself. He sits since years in this cell.
Are you really sure he can not get out here?
Hundred per(cent)...
Chacko! Has this patient been released at any time?
I don't understand that.
I think he wanted to say: "no".
This institute is absolutely break safe!
Than you will agreee if I look around a little...
ok, make yourself at home..
He doesn't stink as susal - did he shower?
Yes. ...purely professional!
...or gay...
...I am hungry...
wanna buy rose , hahaha
I never saw something terrible like this...
I captured - aeh, took over - this clinic two years ago.
And completely renovated.
What's wrong with you? You are so nervous.
I am on the death list. - My God!
Don't be a wuzz! You lack the necessary self-confidence!
You must just belive in yourself! Than you can conquer the whole world!
Painting! Perfect therapy against delusions of grandeur.
Secret files. Highly confidential. A to D
Here you are! We searched you all over the place.
Who lives here? - The caretaker. The good soul of my institute.
He wanted to cut the hedge....Do you know where he is?
I think he is already outside.
What are you looking at? Do you think I am insane?
What do you think? You are just a chair!!
SILENCE! We are not in the mad house!
Oooh, mail!
I must go to the Abbey at once.
I must kill them!
TAXI !!
[13:38 Abbey St,. Vokuhila black and white]
hoho, that is an exquisite old building.
Reminds me of old times. I worked a lot in black and white..
The nuns don't believe in color. They say: If God would have liked color,
he would have printed the bible in color.
The interior architect should be held liable!
Ihhh, what is that?
This is Jesus, my naive angel.
Hudson! We look around. Bring the luggage to our rooms.
Hudson, you can't do that alone. just wait...
And here will be the royal wedding? Miserable!
That is not necessary, Miss Victoria.
Pppaerlappa, Hudson. I never was interested in other peoples opinion.
People should help each other no matter what class they belong.
They should be ther for each other.
Shared misery is half misery. One shall carry the other ones load.
Victoria!
Even!
You look good! Papa will appreciate. Me also by the way.
Victoria, it is a big mistake to stay over night here.
You can't trust nuns! - Why you say that?
My parents have been nuns...
For me this Abbey is the safest place on earth.
I have a lot of nice memories here
The nuns always took good care of me when
Papa was away to hunt horrible criminals
the matron will look after me. I know Sister Lucifa my whole life
or even longer
Not even a WIxxer would dare to attack me here.
Anyway! I would like to watch you around the clock.
But I also have to take care of the other victims.
No problem! I mean chief , I could... - That is a good idea! We split up!
I watch the Abbay and you take care about the next death candidate.
Right! But as I am myself on the death list it could be a little risky
to go so alone in the lions cave...
Do you want to go to my room to see whether everything is ok?
That is my duty!
Shall I show you my dress which I will wear at the marriage?
Yes, please!
But first we go to papa and tell him about our plans!
I wanted to tell you....your father and me... we...
Sister Lucifa!
How many nuns are living here?
None of your business!
25 - plus sister Steffanie who came to us recently. The poor soul.
Thank you. Six sugar cubes please.
She is deaf-mute.
I AM SORRY!
The tea is perfect, Sister. - Great are the doings of the Lord...
and who appreciates them fancies them. Jessia, 1.1.1 verse 2.
"Morituri te salutant" = "The doomed for death salute you"
Asterix as galdiator, book 3 page 43...
You are a smart man - I don't like you!
Cigarettes?
No thanks, I don't smoke on duty.
I am happy that you are here.
One feels much safer when Scottland Yard is in the house.
Was that you? - What?
Na, this...
Chucky Norris - did I know it!
YOU? YOU?
BUT! BUT!
WHAT? WHAT?
Did he shot at me?
Do you know him? - distantly...
he is my brother.
Step brother to be precise. One can see that, right, mopsy?
You shall not call me like that!
Earlier everybody called you that. Or buddah, bally, or hamburger
And what are you doing here?
My job, beautiful Lady.
You are dance instructor for Lambada.
Not any more. With dancing alone you dont get any women any more.
But with that.
"the three questionmarks"??? Solve any mistery.
First detective: Much Longer - Second detective: Much Longer
third detective: Much Longer. Investigation and Archive: Much Longer.
What is that all about?
It always looks better if you have some subordinates...
By the way my friends call me: "Much-Oh"
You tell me right now what you are doing here!
Tja, what to say? It has been a day like any other..
I remember it as if it was yesterday....
but it was today noon...
I sat in my office and the work grew over my head as usual....
I just desired three things: A scotch, a woman
and that hair tonic which I ordered from Pais,...
when I recognized my pronounced arm muscles,
on of the wishes came into my office
and I at once saw: it was NOT the hair tonic!
Much Longer?
Depends who asks.
Me.
Than: Yes.
It's about my stepdaughter. She is on the Wixxer's death list.
Look, lady, I take every case. But I am not interested in crime.
I want to be honest to you, lady. Risk is not my thing.
For that I am just too young.
I am desperated. You were my last hope.
I think I faint.
What about 200 pound plus costs?
You are pretty expensive, Lady!
The 200 pounds are for you!
You shall protect Victoria?
I don't need a bodyguard!
Wait a moment! You are Victoria?
Slowly all pieces fall into place.
Like a good Puzzle.
We go now to Lord Dickham!
Dr. Brinckmann?
Dr. Brinckmann?
Ah, it's you!
I just had a short nap.
The only place where you can get a little peace.
Good that you are still alive! The colleagues already placed bets on you.
How many think I survive? - Nobody!
We just bet "WHEN" it will get you.
Do you want to join the bet? - No, Thank you.
You found out the address of the next victim?
Ah, yes, right!
...Ceasar Cicero Catch - Latin Teacher, lives Flickenschild Street 7 - good luck!
You don't want to come with me?
Unfortunately not, You see yourself how much work is pending here.
It's just...my father got shot on duty...
...he was all alone...
the mistery never got solved. Yeah yeah, that's how it is.
Good bye, Dr. Brinckman.
Ok, guys! He is gone!
Lord Dickham, did your wife really order this dance teacher
to protect Victoria?
I can only say: Luckily! He saved my daughters life. I am thankfull forever...
let's say until I die.
Lord Dickham, to make it clear, you do not have to thank me.
I just do my job.
I could get used to you.
Cohiba?
No thanks, I don't drink on duty.
What is going on here?
Sir David, Victoria needs a man she can 100 percent trust!
Do you really take me for an old stupid idiot?
Sure! ....Surely not - I mean...
When I see how you look at her I know exactly what you think!
Why think? I just want... purely professional...
If I come to know that you put your sausage fingers on my daughter,
I will reactivate my Judo knowledge and rip you apart in mid-air!
Do we understand each other?
Hey, Mopsy, do you want to hear my opinion?
NO! - I think the old guy with the white hair does not like you.
But don't worry. It might just be because of you.
Shut up!
You are not so ok. Yes, I can feel it.
Now you know how I felt when we were kids.
There only you have been in the center.
I have been where??
Don't you remmeber?
At that time you made good weather with our grand parents
by building a Big Ben...
Than you came...with your new step-shoes...
shortly afterwards they died....
I have never been in the center.
There only you always were dancing.
Dancing is good for the figure. I recommend break dance for you.
Pitty, pitty! He was a good man. And still so young.
Pretty sad. Stepped to death. With his own dagger.
No, he would have survived the dagger.
He got killed by that here.
Who has such ideas? Beasty!
What a luck that you had a can of tomato juice in your breast pocket!
Why did you? - I always have that.
Very clever!
Dr. Brinckmann what shall we do with the paintings?
Look valuable - take them with us!
A good idea to get shot. The Wixxer thinks your are dead now.
Yes, but I still do not get what is the meaning of those names on the list?
Sir John! That is not your flat!
Really? Pitty!
My patience is finished ! Stop the fairy tales! [book title: Fairy tales - Grimm]
Chucky Norris is going in and out here as it pleases him!
Did you ever think of locks?
Please behave. I do not approve of your Nazi methods.
I know, what I saw.
Your patient got my girlfriend...
...an innocent women - almost killed.
Hence I will get him now - no matter what you say.
I am seriously concerned about you. What is bothering you?
You want to know what bothers me? That I can tell you.
The Wixxer is still at large. And he makes fun of me.
He even tells me whom he wants to kill.
Just keep on talking.
And the father of my girlfriend hates me.
Though he was always my big example.
Calm down, relax.
For that is no time now.
RELAX!!!
Now let's talk very honest.
Since when are you attracted to older men?
What? I am not!
You hate that Lord Dickham?
No, I envy (menghormati) him.
You envy also a man?
Chief inspector, do you sometimes wish to be a woman?
Bullocks! Ok, I got my back waxed, but...
...I only did it because my partner wanted it.
Anyway, my brother does that every week.
And everybody thinks he is great.
Allthough he does nothing but stupid nonsense.
Idendity loss - pathologic hate on imaginary brother -
Stop it! I have totally diffferent worries!
...abnormal self-pitty -
Yeah, yeah and most probably I am also schizophrenic...
...perfect, schizophrenic...
Yja, my good chief inspector, I should keep you for observation.
Just for a few years.
I have enough. You can be happy if you keep your teeth!
I am now going to Chucky Norris.
Diagnosis: Asshole!
Chucky!?
I knew it!
If I do not loose two pounds until tomorrow,
I will never fit into the dress...
Pardon, two pounds will not be enough Mylady.
{distant scream] Ahhh, my eye!
Where do you go, Dicky? To Victoria?
Later may be, darling. Now I will go to toilett first.
Big or small?
Let's see, what is possible.
Oh God, that is boring!
Continue, Hudson, and quick please.
As you wish, Mylady.
It is one of those rainy evenings ....
...I follow this lady...name I forgot.
What are you doing here?
Even if I knew, I would not be allowed to tell.
I found this in my shower.
Dr. Hatler...!?
For heaven's sake what is going on here?
Why is this room here? - You ask that?
Chucky Norris run away! - Run away?
From your mad house! - What?
And someone tried to kill me! - I am not involved in that!
I despise violence.
If I wouldn't have the steel plate in my head, I would be dead by now.
Korea war? - School sport competition.
Brinckman? We run out of time!
Yes, I know.
Who are the two unknown on the death list?
That are Fred Fartwind and Kuki Dent...
Yeah I know that those are Fred Fartwind and Kuki Dent!
But where can we find them?
Wait a moment! I have no idea!
Super! Thanks for nothing!
Idiot!
You dont know kKuki and Fred, inspector?
No, do you?
Yes, they own a very distinguished establishment at the Thames.
Join me! Today they have Karaoke.
Dr. Hatler please to the ....
[23:11 At the saucy flute smurf]
This is a passport control!
What took you so long?
Fred and Kuki are in there night club. We closed everything.
This time the Wixxer will not outrun us. Let's go inside.
I should not go inside.
Why that?
The Wixxer thinks, he shot me dead. And I want it to stay like that.
Shall I solve the mistery alone now? Do you rather want to go home?
I already fought for my life today while you held hands with your girlfriend!
Where have you been when my head almost got cut open?
Ah, yes, I forgot. At that time you have been bussy to let the Wixxer get away!
The WIxxer shot three times into my can!
You are not longer objective due to all your love!
I don't have to listen to such a garbage.
I wanted your help. Well I already got double crossed by a partner.
Say, where did you come from...
From the Yard naturally we come...
Look at that! Dolly Dickham...
Where are the others??
Do they all look like you?
Yes they all look like we!
Noo, than you can not enter.
EVEN!
Sir John!
Did not know that you are leading this crackdown.
Did you already spot Fred and Kuki?
Fred and Kuki?? This is Mimi and Mumu!
Twins and highly talented!
We are here privately. Like every evening. right, blacky ?!
At least you have fun.
Fred Fartwind, Kuki Dent?
My friends call me gloomy Fred.
But I am not your friend. Is that your brothel?
Tell the barkeeper that you are a cop, than you'll get an apple juice for free.
I am not here for fun. The Wixxer wants to kill both of you.
But we have the best bodyguards from England.
The boy with the harp - The puppeteer...
...from Mexico!
You should better not underestimate the Wixxer!
Or both of you are as good as dead.
Did you hear Kuki-Baby? We are as good as dead!
To our death!
Man Even! Where you show up the people fall over
like the shithouse flies!
They were killed, Sir! - Probabky the Whisky!
Right, Cyanide.
Good stuff!
Where did this bottle come from? - Someone brought it before.
How did he look like?
Very normal, black, black hat, death mask....
And he was totally black.
We must go back to the Abbey at once!
The WIxxer is always one step ahead.
Now I will not go one millimeter away from you.
You are the last one on the list.
I feel the solution is very near...
...but I dont't get the parts together.
Much! What are you doing there?
How did you recognize me? I even disguised myself!
You could help me. Right now three nons with a box disappeared...
I am sorry, I am very bussy myself.
They wore pumps and straps...
You are right, we must find them!
I just ask the humpback. Hey Mobby Dick!
Is her a secret pass way?
What's wrong with the old frog? Stupid, or what?
She is deaf-mute.
No reason to ignore my question.
See this georgeous foggy night. Here we can be only the two of us..
Finally alone!
Oh, Even, if the marriage tomorrow could be ours already!
Have you met Papa?
Yeah...I have been there..and we have ...
...Tell me, is the Queen also coming?
Naturally! Her great nice marries.
The whole royal family will be there.
And you will be part of it soon.
Now, did both of you talk together?
Yes, ...wea have ... long... talked...
Even, I am so happy! Now everything will be good.
Dolly?!
Chucky?!
Interesting!
My beloved stepdaughter in the arms of this fat cop.
Your father has been right after all.
There must be a secret passage here!
Carefull, Chucky. With that one can hurt people.
[swamp - more swamp]
HELP! I am stuck in here! HELP!
Here, grab it!
That is too short!
Hurry, inspector! I did not hurt you after all!.
I just had to kill the messenger! The Wixxer demanded it from me!
Say it now! Who is the Wixxer?
The Wixxer... you will never guess that!
The Wixxer is nobody else than...Argh!
Now I got you, Wixxer!
We should bring you to the hospital, Mylady.
All away there! Hands up, Mylady!
Are you insane? You almost killed me.
Funny, isn't it? Your own plan backfired.
You wanted to kill Viktoria!
To become sole beneficiary to the Dickham fortune.
That is why you followed us.
You always just cared about the money, didn't you?
Dicky will cut you out of his will anyway when he hears of you two.
I thought you talked to him.
One after the other...
You hired a totally incompetent detective from whom you knew
he could not protect Victoria
Where is Much by the way?
Stop!
This is my dance area, there is your dance area!
And you killed Freddy and Kuki that nobody could find out
you worked there as cheap B-girl.
But I saw your photo in the bar.
And than you wrote to Chucky Norris, where he can find Viktoria.
On your letter head!
The game is over, WIXXER!
I think you are wrong, chief inspector.
Pardon, the photo you mentionde was made by me during a party.
And on the letter this is the logo of our paper mill.
That paper is available all over England.
I also have one! Me too!
First of all, I have shot the Wixxer.
He must have a wound on his left shoulder.
You are soo finished!
Why didn't you tell me that earlier, you complete idiot?
Only because you kept important information from me,
I had to ,,.. a totally innocent...
Try to dip in straight!
No, John! Now there must be an end!
I demand that you suspend this man right now!
Ah, just wait, Dicky. I am sure he just did his job.
Yes, that he did and soundly! I just came from the hospital.
Do you know how my wife looks? Like a shagged chicken! And me too.
What is wrong with you. You should go home and sleep a while.
Papa will protect me.
That is my job. I can do that as good as him.
And I am awake and highly concentrated.
How late is it by the way?
And on top I suspect this guy to fancy my daughter!
Ah, Dicky, I don't believe that.
No normal women would let herself be touched by Even.
Except if she gets money for it.
You must rub more intensively. Like that?
I can't get it out....
Harder, otherwise it doesn't work...
John!
You know what you have to do!
Yeah, but Dicky! Who shall do his job??
[8:00 Abbey St, Vokuhila]
This moment the European high society gathers here to....
I am Pavel and have no idea what I am doing here!
Looks nice her in color.
We do this only because of the TV coverage.
Black and white would irritate the advertisement target group
of the 14-49 year old.
Ignorant pack!
Do you know what I like most in animals?
They never lie to you.
I did not want to lie to you. I really tried to talk to your father...
It's really better if you go now.
Before another misery happens.
Yes, you are right. I messed it up.
Even you do not trust me anymore. Why should you?
Five people on the list are dead - I almost killed your stepmother
my partner hates me - your father hates me even more
Sir John fired me.
And I have no fade idea who this damned Wixxer is.
Tja, this I will also not need anymore.
Huh, EVEN!!
I finish you, you old dirt-pig!
Mopsy finally grows up.
This is an important day for the British Royals
Princess Barbie of Kent - the great nice of the queen -
is going to give the wedding wow to her yearlong love
Prince Richard of Hohenlollern
And there she arrives the beautiful Princess
who as usual dazzeles through her Beauty
followed by Prince Richy - he never fails to answer the questions
of the many reporters
Yes, he knows it perfectly - the manners of the German high society
and he knows how to behave appropriate.
In the church the high society looks forward to the ceremony
the Ladiues and Gentlemen present themselves in colorfull clothes
evrey fashion designer is presented here.
There must be a secret passage.
Where is he?!
He who?? You have been in there with a man??
Why did you never talk to me about that?
Where is the Wixxer?
He was in here and kidnapped Victoria.
Damned. How did they get out of here?
Not through the window for sure.
That is only painted....
[secret passage]
What did I say? Painted!
Just forget the girl. There are so many women on earth.
I know what I talk about!
Pitty. We can not enter. But we tried!
You better handle that. You know women better...
Ok, girls. I really don't want to hit women...
All right!
Hey, Ladies!
Only one is allowed to hit my little broither. And that's me.
No feeling for rythm!
Hands up!!
Hey, Wixxer! You forgot your ashtray!
That's how it's done!
Victoria!
Thank God, she lives!
We have less than two minutes.
For heaven's sake!
The WIxxer wants to blow up the royal family.
I hate bombs.
What shall I do? - Cut the blue wire, it is always the blue one.
Stop! Red! In one film it has been the red one.
Much what do you think?
Much?!
Sorry, but bombs are just not my thing.
But you can't leave us just like that!
Yes, I think I can.
Green is the hope - or yellow - from the color point of view...
Just shut up!
Call Brinckmann. He knows bombs.
Hello...
Long here! we must defuse a bomb and have only 50 seconds left!
Wait a moment.
Hello!!??
Here I am. What is the model?
A certain death 5000?!
Top Model! With that you could blow up a whole Abbey.
And how can we defuse it??!!
Yes...yes....aha...yes...yes...
...ok...ok everything clear - Thanks!
ANd? - He says one can not stop it.
We must all die.
Once I fall in love and than this shit happens!
Long, quick! Wack it! - The Wixxer??!
No, the switch at the wall!
Now!
How did you know which wire to cut?
In black and white all wires look alike. The color does not matter there!
Now we want to see who is behind the mask this time.
Sister Lucifa!!
Surprised, chief inspector?
I thought that!
That is why you didn ot want us in the Abbey.
And your plan was to blow everybody up, because....
in fact: "why??"
She is not the Wixxer!
But who is it than?
The one who points the gun at us right now.
Lord Dickham! You?!
You have a surprising ability to watch things.
You are the Wixxer?? But you were an idol!
An example for everybody in Scottland Yard.
Your cases have been filmed even.
You did not understand a thing!
It was always about Victoria.
But she is your daughter!
You still did not understand.
Victoria is....
the Wixxer!
Victoria?!
You killed your own father...
I hate him! He crossed me the day when he married this snake!
And today I would have blown up both..
...and with them the whole royal family.
Why?
That I can become Queen of England !!
Why else?
Sure, you are the 14th in the row of princesses...
But why the death list?
I killed Rather Short just for you, Even.
He was a bad man.
And to take over as Wixxer was perfect to mislead everybody.
Eddie helped me. But than he wanted to cross me.
And Fred and Kuki had to be stopped.
Their bar was the worst Bitch brothel of whole London.
But why Very?? He is almost just a kid.
Because you spent more time with him than with me.
Also you must make sacrifices - as I have to...
And C.C. Catch?
Ah, C.C. Catch!
He always let me fail in latin.
And I can't kill him anymore when I am Queen of England!!!
My god, you are totally insane...
That means you faked the assassinations on you to mislead us.
Chuck Norris was just a will-free puppet.
As she is!
No!
I am her mother!
I was the first wife of Lord Dickham.
He left me. Shortly after her birth. He said I am insane. INSANE!
Me!!!
But why does she wear your Wixxer cloth?
Mother just faked the kidnapping.
I wanted to make sure that you do not come to know any of it.
You should have be my King.
Together we would have created a better world.
There is no "we", Victoria. Come, give me the weappon.
You will not shot at me.
Yes, I will!
No...
Nooooooo!
Very! Very, say something!
You saved my life!
And I doubted you...
You killed him!
I can't forgive you that!
Good bye.
Sister Steffanie??
Special Agent Inge Lenzen, FBI.
Always the same place...
I am responsible for the safety of prince Friedwart.
The situation is under control.
The wedding can continue....
I have enough with you! You damned ashole -
I am sorry for your colleague.
He was the best partner I ever had.
I like to hear that, Sir.
Very, you live!
Naturally!
You and your stupid tomato juice!
An old Yard trick. I personally introduced it.
Who knows how many cops got saved by it!
You will all go to hell!
Will she ever recover?
Difficult to say...
...pathologic phantasies are not my special field ...
I did send her already two years ago in his clinic.
But I had to surrender. ANd you know taht I don't like that!
Ahh, such a nice office! I would like that!
Victoria did love you a lot.
She shot me!
That is part of a good relationship.
What do you think how often my wife shot me?
Important is that there is shooting back...
That is right!
[Wixxer arrested! Much Longer ennobled by Queen]
Funny! At the end all your women end up with Hatler.
By the way...
...I brought something for you.
For me?
A Yard protector 2000 with enforced platinum coating.
Chief! That must cost a fortune.
Because somehow ..you also saved my life .. and so..
That is the safest tomato juice can worldwide...
it is refillable, outlet re-enforced and a seperate inlet opening...
and the best of all, if you twist here...
Not so bad..
..can re-fill the can...
END
you have to show me, how one behaves and so on...
I didn't know that you will do that...hahaha
Lord Dickham, to make it clear you don't have to thanks me...
Are you sure he can not get out? - Hondred.....
Oh, Too early!
Mother kidnapped my fake - aeh faked my kidnapping...
I already send some of my people.
And let someone be shot dead....