Never Goin' Back (2018) Movie Script
1
[BREATHING STEADILY]
[STEADY BREATHING CONTINUES]
[WHISPERING] Jessie.
Jessie, wake up.
JESSIE: Hmm.
Jessie.
- Get up.
- Mmm.
[SIGHS]
What time is it?
Did I miss the alarm?
No, no, we're good, we're good.
But you have to get up now
'cause I have something
really, really awesome
to show you.
[SIGHS]
Did you draw a dick
on my face?
- Uh-huh.
- Gimme the pen!
- You think you're funny?
- [LAUGHING]
I'm gonna draw a big, fat
juicy dick on your face.
- Where's the pen?
- Fuck off, dude!
- I have a surprise for you.
- I don't believe you.
Stay down. Right here!
Get the fuck off me, dude!
I have a surprise for you!
- I don't believe you.
- Get your butt off me.
No, it's like the best
fucking surprise ever.
- Is it a big surprise?
- The biggest.
Get off.
It's in Brandon's room.
I'm gonna kill you if you
woke me up for no reason.
No, you're gonna love me
so much, dude. Come on.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe your brother
shares a room with this guy.
I can't believe we share
a house with the two of them.
ANGELA: Touch.
Wow, Brandon is such a perv.
ANGELA: At least he watches
girl on girl, though.
Regular porn is like, so sad.
[WOMAN MOANING ON VIDEO]
- [EXCLAIMS]
- Ugh! Oh, my God!
- What?
- Is she peeing?
I don't know.
There's, like, so much.
I think so. That's a thing,
though, golden showers.
- Gross. No.
- No?
I'm not into it.
Don't ever pee on me.
I kinda actually have to pee
right now, though.
It's so far
to the bathroom, dude.
- Okay! Ange, stop!
- [SHRIEKS]
Stop, okay?
What do you wanna show me?
Okay, close your eyes.
Okay, you can open them.
Oh, that's so pretty.
Where is that?
That, my dear, is where you
will be turning 17 next week!
- What?
- Yeah.
There was a deal on Hotpons,
so I went ahead and bought it,
and we are going to Galveston
for your birthday.
Surprise!
Oh, my God!
Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
[SHRIEKS]
Look, look, look.
Here's the condo
we'll be staying at,
and it has a pool
and a hot tub.
And look, it's right
on the beach.
[GASPS]
Holy shit, Ange.
This is so nice, but how?
I mean...
[WHISPERS] Where'd you get
the money for this?
Okay, so don't freak out.
Um, I used our rent money.
But I already talked
to Roderick,
and he gave us
almost every shift this week,
so we'll totally make enough
before we leave.
You used our rent money
for this?
A week before rent is due?
Yeah, but, dude,
we're working, okay?
So, we'll totally make it back.
I can't believe
you didn't ask me about this.
I wanted
to surprise you, dude.
Listen, Jessie.
Your 16th birthday was shit.
Okay? And you've been talking
about going to the beach
since I met you, and it's
finally happening this week.
Unless you just, like,
absolutely don't wanna go.
We still have two hours
to get a refund.
But I really don't think
we should, dude.
It's already paid for,
and we already have the shifts.
Look at this. Right?
You deserve this.
We deserve this.
[JESSIE SIGHS]
- Ten shifts each?
- Straight money.
So, do you wanna go?
[SIGHS]
- Okay, yes. I wanna go.
- [SHRIEKS]
Are you sure? Because I
really want us to go.
Yes, I'm sure.
You know what?
- We deserve this.
- Uh-huh.
We work our asses off.
If we want to go to the beach,
we're goin'
to the fuckin' beach.
Let's go to the fucking beach!
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
-[ANGELA WHOOPING] - I got a reputation to uphold
- [SHRIEKS] Lemme see it!
- Wait, wait, wait.
I can't hold it back,
can only let it go
- Aaah! [SHRIEKS]
- Dude, come on!
Pick it up, pick it up
You know that
it's not necessary
Keep it down, keep it down now
They hate our voices
when they carry
You've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Just right quick while I'm changing direction
Lemme settle down,
lemme ask you a question
Girl, how you feel?
Don't lie
Can I keep it real?
Don't lie
Gonna speak my peace
before I lose control
Got a reputation to uphold
I thought that
you should know...
NEIGHBOR: Hey.
Hey there.
Girls!
Hey!
One of y'all kids
needs to mow that lawn!
Maybe you need
to mow your lawn!
The city's gonna
come down on you.
- The city's gonna cum on us?
- "Come down"!
- No, no, that's her job!
- Yeah!
Y'all are dirty, dirty girls.
[SONG CONTINUES]
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Don't you wanna go say hi
to your mom? [CHUCKLES]
[SARCASTICALLY] Ha-ha.
Hey, you know,
at least she has a job.
If you're gonna go
from man to man,
you might as well
get paid for it.
True dat.
[SONG ENDS]
WOMAN: Scrambled eggs.
I want sliced tomato
instead of bacon,
an order of hash browns
with cheese and onions,
and he will have...
Get out from under there.
Do you want
a smiley-face pancake?
You better get out
from under there
or you're not getting dessert.
And he'll have
a smiley-face pancake
with whipped cream and chocolate
chips and an orange juice.
No! I want chocolate milk!
No, you're getting
an orange juice.
No!
I guess he wants
a chocolate milk.
I swear to God,
if Crystal seats me
with one more fucking toddler...
Uh, have you seen
my section of olds?
The likelihood of one of them
dying here tonight
is higher than I am now.
Speaking of--
I've got your green.
Meet me in the bathroom.
Ten minutes.
Wait! Hey! Hey!
Angela.
I'm not meeting him
in the bathroom again.
Who the fuck pisses
in the middle of a drug deal?
I'll go. I'll punch him in
the dick. I don't give a fuck.
Ladies. I need one of you
to take off tomorrow morning.
I may have promised
a shift to Crystal.
- No, sorry. Can't do it.
- We have to make rent money.
I know, I know.
You're on the schedule
at least 10 times.
It's only one shift. Who's
gonna be the good guy here?
Dude, she's a hostess.
She doesn't even know
how to wait tables.
At least I show up. And sober.
It's not gonna happen,
so get over it.
Okay, ladies, that's enough.
I'm sorry, Crystal.
Another time.
It's fine. I may
just come in anyway,
for when they screw you
by not showing up.
Language.
By the way, you have
three down on table eight.
You're gonna need
two boosters, asshole.
[MOUTHS]
- Jessie. Jessie.
- Right this way.
Don't give me a reason to have
to call her in tomorrow, okay?
Be here in the morning.
We will.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
- [JESSIE SIGHS]
- Bitch.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
I'm gonna go with Ryan
and make sure it goes down
like it is supposed to.
- Trust me, man.
- I'm trying.
But that's a lot of money
we talkin' about here.
Hey, my money's
in this shit, too.
- Yeah, and mine.
- See?
We're all in this together.
From here on out,
we're not just
a bunch of dudes
goin' in on a pound.
I feel like...
And maybe
it's too soon to say,
but I feel like y'all
are my squad.
Man. I been needing
a new squad.
We are gonna build
our squad on one thing:
- Trust.
- Oooh!
Trust. That's what
I'm talkin' 'bout, baby!
My boy!
Yeah. Trust, man.
All right. Now, go on,
have a drink, chill out.
I'll let you know
when the deed is done.
What up?
Oh, and we'll hit you up
from Ryan's phone, man.
Your boy's
almost outta minutes.
DUSTIN: How was work?
Um...
Shitty as usual.
What was that about?
Oh, let's just say that your
big bro is about to make bank!
Me and my boys goin' in
on a pound, cheap as fuck.
Wait, what?
Dustin, come on. I thought
that you quit dealing?
What? I was waiting for
the right business opportunity.
And I gots it.
Well, be careful, okay?
- Dealing's dangerous.
- [DUSTIN GROANS]
We're gonna bounce now. Y'all
gonna be up later? What's up?
No, we're not, 'cause we
actually have to work tomorrow.
- So keep it down.
- [SCOFFS] Sucks for y'all.
Not when we're
at the beach next week.
DUSTIN: Do what?
What beach?
- Galveston.
- How'd y'all swing that?
It's called a J-O-B.
Gross.
- Galveston's a piece of shit.
- Fuck you!
Why don't y'all go to Destin?
It's not that much further.
Well, we don't all have
rich daddies to pay
for our bougie-ass vacations
to fuckin' Florida, okay?
- Bougie!
- Man,
how many times
I gotta tell y'all.
He don't pay
for my shit no more.
I gotta work for my allowance.
DUSTIN: Come on, pretty boy.
What an asshole.
Your brother, too.
Fuck them all, dude.
[SIGHS]
Fuck, I'm tired, man.
What the...
- Whoa! What the fuck?
- Fucking knock!
Damn. What are y'all doin'
in here anyway?
I heard some sexy stuff
back there.
- Get the fuck out!
- I wanna ask you something.
What do you want?
I just wanted you to know,
in case you forgot,
I share a room
with your brother,
and I really don't think
you'd want him
to see something like this,
right here, on my computer.
That's not me, dude.
Why don't you
turn around and prove it?
- Eww! Get the fuck out!
- I know that's Angela's butt.
It's fittin' to be a full moon
tonight. And every night!
It's always gonna be
a full moon in my room!
- Bye! Good-bye! Bye!
- BRANDON: Damn!
And you can use my computer
anytime you want,
- but please give me that back!
- No! Fuck off! No! Bye!
- Jesus.
- We live with idiots.
These need to be washed,
like, yesterday.
Well, we can leave early,
go by your favorite Laundromat.
Fuck you.
I wonder how many guys
have to worry
about their boxers
being stolen by creepy perverts
at the Laundromat?
- None, I'm sure.
- No, obviously not, and yet
this is still real-life shit
that we have to worry about
when we wanna wash
our clothes.
It's not only gross,
it's fucking expensive.
When we get our own place,
the only thing that I care about
is having a washing machine.
Uh-huh.
[BONG BUBBLING]
When you turn 18
you should just, like,
legally adopt me so we can
go ahead and move out already.
[GIGGLES] I'm like four months
older than you, you goof.
[SNIFFLES] Plus, it's not like
Dustin's gonna tell anyone.
- Like, you could just leave.
- [INHALING DEEPLY]
[EXHALES AND CHUCKLES]
Probably not, but either way,
you cannot leave me alone here
with these two,
'cause I will literally die.
Jessie, I have told you,
like, a hundred times,
I'm not going anywhere
without you, okay?
When we move out,
we move out together.
Dolphies, dude.
Dolphies.
My God, we're gonna see
real dolphins soon.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Are you happy?
Happy? I'm obsessed
with this trip.
I can't stop
thinking about it.
I know. Me, too.
It's gonna be the best time.
Best birthday ever.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ALARM BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
- [WHISPERING] Hey.
- Hmm.
Rise and shine,
little sleepyhead.
What time is it?
Time to get up for school.
I don't wanna go to school.
Well, you're in luck.
You quit school
and you work at a diner
and you get to spend
all day there.
That sounds awful, too.
[GROANS]
It is, but...
in five days,
we're gonna be at the beach,
- so that's something.
- Hmm.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
TONY: Yo!
Dustin!
- Who is that?
- Come on, fellas! Damn!
Yo, ain't nobody here, dude.
Somebody here.
Where else they gonna be?
Ain't got no damn job.
I think it's that guy
from last night.
- He's with some kid.
- TONY: Come on!
You know how suspicious
you lookin' right now, dude?
I don't give a fuck
how suspicious I look!
CEDRIC: Man,
ain't nobody home.
- Dude, where you goin' now?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I see you! Hey, I see you!
You don't see nothin'!
What the fuck
is he doing here?
- There's shades on the window.
- Bro, I just seen somebody.
- You can't see nothin'!
- Hey! Open the door!
TONY: I'm not leavin'
without my money!
Fuck, I think he's trying
to break the door down. Go, go!
CEDRIC: Bro, don't do it!
- ANGELA: What? What the...
- Where those motherfuckers at?
You broke down our door!
You gonna pay for that shit?
I ain't payin' for shit.
Dustin! Ryan!
Ryan doesn't even live here!
What are you doing, man?
I'm getting my money,
that's what!
- What money? What the fuck?
- [BANGING ON DOOR]
Hey, yo, Dustin, man!
Who the fuck is this?
Get the fuck out of my house!
ANGELA: Dustin, come out
and deal with your shit, man.
You broke our fucking door!
Fuck that door.
Listen, bro, come here.
- JESSIE: Get the fuck out!
- Who the fuck is this kid?
Hey, listen. This is what
I need you to do. Listen.
- Get $500 worth of stuff.
- BOTH: What?
You touch anything, I'm calling
the fucking police!
- Where's the phone?
- This is our shit, okay?
Dustin didn't pay
for any of this!
- That's not bad.
- Dude, I painted that!
You don't steal
someone's painting!
JESSIE: Don't touch
my PlayStation!
- Bro, I got something.
- No!
- Let's go.
- This is my fucking TV!
I got a TV for you, bro.
Big-ass TV, too!
- Oh, there you go! Go!
- Take it!
- Hell yeah, I want this.
- Take it off my hands! Go!
ANGELA:
Get the fuck outta here.
JESSIE: Thank you! Take it!
ANGELA: Out!
- BOTH: "Beaches"!
- ANGELA: No!
- TONY: Yeah! Let's go, bro.
- Big fucking lottery win, huh?
JESSIE: Good job!
Chill! Wait, wait, wait!
Come on, bro.
Well, have fun
picking this shit up!
Let's get it. One, two, three!
ANGELA: Fucking call
Antique Roadshow.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
We got your fucking
license plate, idiot!
Hey, You better not
call the cops!
This shit's between
me and Ryan, all right?
The cops?
No one wants that, bro!
- Thank you!
- We don't care!
No one fucking cares!
- It doesn't even fucking work!
- ANGELA: Bye!
TONY: Bye, have a nice day.
Thank you.
No, thank you!
- Don't fucking come back!
- Get the fuck outta here, bro!
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
Fuck you, guys!
- [SIREN BLARES]
- Oh, God. Who called the cops?
So, this Tony person.
He's a friend of yours?
I mean, yeah,
I kinda know the guy.
- Kinda?
- We just hooked back up.
I mean, I thought we were
hitting it off.
Hittin' it off?
Are you homosexual, son?
[SCOFFS]
No.
Not at all. Not that there's
anything wrong with it.
Well, is this Tony person
a homosexual?
I mean, do you have a problem
with homosexuals?
No!
Well, I sure hope not.
'Cause I'm a homosexual.
I sure hate being
discriminated against.
No, Officer, I swear.
I love homo...
...sexuals.
I'm not one,
but if I was,
I would be proud
of my gayness.
Love is love.
[SIGHS]
- How 'bout you?
- Me? No.
I mean, not that
I haven't had thoughts, sir,
but I've never acted on them.
I guess there was a thing
with Benny Brewster...
Do you know this Tony person?
Hmm? No.
Right.
So, what you're saying is
that someone you all know
came over here at 7:00 a.m.,
knocked down your door,
and stole your stuff,
and none of you know why?
[SIGHS]
Well, I mean,
call me crazy,
but by any chance, this have
anything to do with drug money?
- BOTH: No.
- No one here
- does drugs, Officer.
- JESSIE: Mmm-mmm.
Then maybe you wouldn't mind
if we took a look around?
Assess the damages?
Ah. Well, well.
No, Officer, no one went
back there, I promise you!
Now, that is one
big piece of glass.
Now, what would
two girls like you
be doin' with such
a big piece of glass?
BOTH: Ready, set, go!
[BOTH SNIFFING]
Did we just tie again?
I can't believe
we tied again.
Jessie, you're so goddamn
pretty. I love your hair.
- I love your hair!
- I love my hair, too.
It smells so good.
You wanna smell it?
[SNIFFS]
It smells so good!
It was such a good idea to get
that strawberry shampoo.
Yeah, we have to get more.
We still have some.
Plenty, I think.
When we run out, we have to
get strawberry again.
- You're so goddamn smart.
- You're so smart, too.
- Wanna make out?
- Yes.
Mmm.
[OFFICER GASPS]
Well, what do we have here?
[EXHALES]
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Lit like a bic, pour the gasoline on me
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
Lit like a bic,
pour the gasoline on me
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
I got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Mothafuckas know
that I'm a bad bitch
Hey! Hey, the fucking phone
isn't working!
How the fuck are we supposed
to make a phone call?
Ma'am? Ma'am, excuse me.
Um, we have to call our work.
Can we please borrow your phone?
It'll just take a second.
[SLAMS PHONE]
Can you hear me?
We don't have any quarters!
There's not even a fucking
place to put the quarters!
What the fuck
is a collect call?
Asshole, dude.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna
kill my fucking brother.
Yeah, you and me both.
I told him
to stop with all this
because he's not fucking smart
enough to be a drug dealer.
- Clearly.
- Ugh! Goddamn it!
I knew we should've
returned the trip.
This is exactly the type of
thing that I was worried about.
What, that'd we'd get robbed
and go to jail for it?
No, that something would happen,
because it always does.
Jessie, this wasn't our fault.
We had nothing to do with this.
It doesn't matter
whose fault it is.
We're gonna get fired, we're not
gonna be able to pay our rent,
we're gonna get kicked out,
and I'm gonna have to live
with my fucking racist
grandparents in Arkansas.
- I just can't do it!
- Whoa, okay, okay. Relax.
Relax, dude. Sit down.
Okay.
Take a breath.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
There you go.
You're all right.
Okay.
First of all,
I will kidnap you
and take you to Mexico
before I let you go to Arkansas,
so that's just not gonna happen.
Second, Roderick
loves us, dude, okay?
He's not gonna fire us for this.
He's gonna be pissed,
but he'll get over it,
he always does.
This is not a big deal.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- You're right.
- Yeah.
- It's just jail.
- It's just jail.
- It's fine.
- Yeah.
- It's not a big deal.
- No.
Shut your eyes
and get some rest, okay?
I mean, they can't keep us
in here for long,
so we will be out of here
before you know it.
What?
[HIP-HOP SONG CONTINUES]
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
I got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Mothafuckas know
that I'm a bad bitch
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Hold, ladies.
You're there, you're here.
FEMALE OFFICER: Lock 'em up!
[DOOR BUZZES OPEN]
FEMALE OFFICER: All right, ladies. Let's go.
Oh, my God, I missed you!
- DUSTIN: What up?
- Oh, my shit!
Oh, you've gotta be
fucking kidding me, bro!
What the fuck is he
doing here, Dustin?
- Calm down. Take it easy.
- Take it easy?
We spent two days in juvie
'cause of your robbing ass!
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I'm sorry, okay?
It was a misunderstanding.
I ain't even mean to...
You didn't mean to break down
our door and fucking rob us?
Yeah, about that.
I'm sorry, man.
- Hey, that shit was stupid.
- You wanna know what's stupid?
Not being able to use the
goddamn bathroom for two days
because you're
in fucking jail!
- You didn't go yet?
- No, I told you I couldn't.
I thought you went last night.
There's no privacy
in that place.
- Dude, that's not healthy.
- No shit!
[CHUCKLES] "No shit"?
[LAUGHING]
I just got...
That's why you my boy.
Hell no.
You think this is funny?
We're probably fired
because of your dumb asses.
- Fuck! Gimme your phone.
- My dumb ass?
- Yeah, you!
- What did I do?
- Y'all had all the drugs.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Good day, Officer.
You're the one
whose little friend here
was yelling in our yard,
waking up our neighbors,
oh, and robbing
our goddamn house
at 7:00
in the fucking morning!
I'm sorry about that. Don't be
bringing' that shit up again.
And here I am
signing your little
teenybopper asses out of juvie,
so why don't you
ease up off your boy?
Thank you, Dustin.
Really, thank you so much.
- He's gonna see us.
- What did he say? Was he pissed?
He just said that we should
come dressed and we better have
- a damn good excuse.
- Oh, God. Thank God.
Oh, well, thank God.
Ain't that nice?
Now, can we please go, ladies?
- Yeah, let's do that, bro.
- Let's jam.
Thank you. Let's get
outta here, baby. Ooh-ooh-ooh!
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO]
[RAPPING]
Y'all make me feel good
Yo, can you turn
this shit down?
Take a look back there
I hope that y'all
ready to ride
Yo, she's fucking
talking to you!
And right now
there's no backing down
[VOLUME INCREASING]
Really?
This the end of the road
No Boyz II Men
We way in too deep
to try and pretend
This move go good
Next step I resign
Full house on the river No chips left behind
[SONG CONTINUES ON CAR STEREO]
[SONG STOPS]
Yo!
Hey!
Hey, where are you going?
What's it look like?
Fittin' to get our grub on!
Oh, Dustin, come on.
Can't we just go home? Please?
You been in the slam
for two days.
You can't tell me
you ain't hungry.
I'm hungry.
We don't have time. We have to
go home and get ready for work.
We don't have to be there
for six hours.
I have to use the bathroom.
Oh, lucky you.
They got a bathroom inside.
Look. This is the least
I can do for you girls
after what y'all been through.
What, let Brandon give us
free sandwiches?
I just bailed
y'all asses out of jail.
No, you signed us
out of the juvie holding cell,
after we sat out
the cost of our tickets.
And here I am
being a good dude
and gettin' y'all
fed and stuff.
Now, come on, man.
Let's go eat.
Dude. Sandwiches.
Ah, shit! Look at these
jailbirds all up in my biz!
What the fuck
is under your hat?
Oh, yeah, my new 'do.
You like? What do you think?
- No.
- I don't know.
It's maybe an improvement.
I'm tellin' you, the '90s
are back, and I happen to be
one of the only persons
who could actually
rock this look right here.
JESSIE: I don't
wanna hear about this.
Yeah, you and Carrot Top.
Well, you watch.
In a month or two, everybody's
gonna be lookin' like this,
but guess what.
I'll have moved on
to the next thing.
Why wait when you can
just move on now? You know?
For real, bro,
I'm getting hungry
just looking at them
curly fries.
Hook us up, man!
Hey, you're lucky my boss
is off today.
I'ma hook you up,
but next time you guys
gotta call first, okay?
Man, when isn't
your boss off, bro?
I ain't never seen that dude.
I feel like you're the manager
around this joint.
You're runnin' the shit, bro.
What? Ah, the manager.
Manager.
[DINGS]
I'ma hook y'all up.
I'm hookin' y'all up!
What y'all want?
Feelin' better?
Did you go?
Can we please
not talk about this?
Did you?
Jessie, seriously,
this is getting ridiculous.
It's actually gettin'
a little bit dangerous.
Shut up about it, okay?
I can't go here.
I'll go at home.
So if you care so much,
hurry up
and finish eating your fucking
sandwich so we can leave.
[SIGHS]
- [MAKES FARTING NOISE]
- [CHUCKLING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
So?
- What?
- What do you mean, "What?"
Why the fuck
was this dude robbing us?
Ah, right. You wanna...
Nah, man.
You got this one, bro.
All right. Well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Y'all remember the night
before the robbery and all that?
Well, me and my boys
were fittin' to go in
on a pound together,
and it did not go as planned.
DUSTIN: Yo, are you sure
this is the right place?
Yeah, man, I got the address
right here.
[WHISPERING]
Maybe we should try knocking.
- [GUN COCKS]
- MAN: All right, baby boy.
You're gonna
empty your pockets,
you're gonna
gimme all of your shit,
and then you're gonna
get the fuck off of this porch
and out of the game. Got it?
[THUNDER CLAPS]
Holy shit, Dustin.
You realize
you could've been killed.
I know, dude.
It was some scary shit.
Not that I'm glad
that this happened,
but you need to stop dealing
and get a job.
For sure. I mean,
that's the plan. Right?
Mmm-hmm.
However-- [CLEARS THROAT]
It is gonna take us a minute
to get our careers goin',
so I might need to borrow
a little for rent this month.
Jesus Christ, Dustin.
How much is a little?
- All of it.
- What?
Are you serious? You used
your rent money for this?
Yo, that's how
selling works, man.
You gotta have money
to make money.
Guess what. We don't even
have our own rent money.
- So we can't help you.
- Bullshit! Uh-uh.
Y'all been working
every day this week.
I know you're rollin'. Talkin'
'bout beach trips and shit.
Beach? What beach?
I mean, just Galveston,
but still.
- Y'all can suck a dick.
- Seriously.
Dustin, I don't care
how you do it,
but you better come up
with that money by the first
or I don't even know what.
Okay? Now, will you please
take me home
so I can use
the goddamn bathroom?
JESSIE: Move! Move! [GROANS]
[TV TURNS ON]
How hard is it to fill up
a goddamn water jug, people?
Do you wanna shower first,
or should I?
There's no fucking
toilet paper.
Here.
No.
[PANTING]
[GROANS]
JESSIE: Dustin,
you need to go to the store.
You need to replenish
the toilet paper.
Oh! You still
ain't gone doo-doo?
There's no fucking
toilet paper!
DUSTIN:
You don't need toilet paper.
Just wash your butt in
the shower. That's how I do.
I did not need to know that.
You're disgusting.
Yeah, if we had any water!
When did the water
get turned off?
- Oh, shit.
- What? Did you not pay the bill?
We already gave you
the money for this month.
Man, I forgot, dude.
- I meant to call, for real.
- Oh, God. Unbelievable.
[BLOWING RASPBERRY]
[JESSIE SIGHS]
ANGELA: I hate this day.
Me, too.
I just wanna take a hot shower
and put on some cozy clothes
and sleep until Monday.
I'd give almost anything
to do that right now.
I'm kinda starting
to regret buying this trip.
I'm really sorry
all this is happening.
What? Angela, hell no.
Look, all of this shit is 100%
my brother's fault, okay?
And whatever ends up happening,
he has to deal with it.
You and I are going
on this trip,
and we're gonna see
some motherfuckin' dolphins,
smoke some
motherfuckin' ganja
and eat some motherfuckin'
doughnuts on the beach.
Okay?
- Okay.
- Okay?
Okay.
- Come on, let's go.
- No!
No, man, we don't
sell our own jeans.
We steal them first,
and then we sell those.
DUSTIN: Where the hell are we
supposed to get $300 jeans?
No, I'm good, man.
Uh...
Nordstrom's or Neiman's.
[SCOFFS]
- Neiman's?
- What?
I ain't stealing shit
out of Neiman Marcus.
All right, so you'll rob
your best friend,
but you won't steal
from a department store?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
"Best friend."
Number one,
that was the first time
I ever robbed anybody,
- which I'm very sorry about.
- We cool.
Number two, look at me.
I can let y'all
borrow some clothes.
He don't get it.
Look, man,
I'm a young black man.
You could give me
an Armani suit.
If I walk into Neiman Marcus,
they're gonna automatically
think I'm stealing.
You wouldn't understand.
- Man, that ain't right.
- It ain't right.
- People need to get woke.
- Get woke.
All right. On the phone,
you said you had "ideas."
- That's one.
- Man, we steal them,
and then we sell them--
that's two.
Seriously? What the fuck
is he doing in our house?
Yo, it wasn't my fault, man.
We got robbed.
Did you know that was
his rent money?
My money got ganked
that night, too.
I'm trying to fix
this shit for all of us.
Why don't you have your daddy
send you some fucking money?
Man, I already told you.
He cut me off a long time ago.
How do y'all
not understand this shit?
How the fuck are you paying
for this juice then?
Get your hands
off my juice!
Will everybody chill
the fuck out? Please.
- Daddy got this.
- Oh, God.
Me and my boys are makin'
a plan right now, so get on!
[JESSIE SIGHS]
All right, so we need
to decide on an excuse.
I was thinking, since it worked
so well last time...
No.
No. I know what you're gonna
say and I'm not doing it.
Come on. Like, a car accident
is the best excuse.
Dude, no, it's not.
I almost lost
a fucking tooth that time.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPS]
[COUGHS]
Okay. I'm ready.
No, no, no, no! Wait, wait,
wait, wait! I'm scared.
Okay, okay.
- Just take a deep breath.
- Okay.
Close your eyes, okay?
It's gonna be over
so fast. Promise.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Just don't hit my nose.
I won't.
- Promise?
- Promise.
Okay.
Okay.
[BREATHING HEAVILY, YELPS]
We got so many sympathy tips.
Because people thought we were,
like, battered women, okay?
- [CHUCKLES]
- It's not worth it.
Why do your plans always
have to require bodily harm?
They don't always.
Chicken pox?
Ugh, they're biting me!
[GROANS]
I can't feel anything at all.
Maybe they don't like my blood.
[PANTING]
[INSECTS BUZZING]
It's on my face!
Oh, my God!
Goddamn. That was actually
by far the worst.
Really? Even worse than
drinking that milk that time?
Um, yeah. I mean, not that
I like throwing up,
but at least
it was kind of easy.
- Mmm-mmm.
- Mmm-hmm.
Roderick?
Um, I think
we have the stomach flu.
We need to go home.
You know, he wasn't even mad,
just, like, genuinely concerned.
He was kinda mad, though.
He has such a good heart,
that Roderick.
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
Dude, are you okay?
[GRUNTS]
I'm good.
I just need a minute.
Jessie, look,
you can't hold it in forever.
Just run inside
and use their bathroom.
I can't, okay?
It's already been too long.
This is getting serious.
It's been almost three days.
Like, what if your intestines,
like, explode,
and then your whole body
is poisoned and then you die?
That's not a real thing, okay?
Dude, you are literally
full of shit right now!
I swear to God,
if you don't shut up...
You know what
you need, dude? Prunes.
Come on.
Dude, I'm serious.
There's like nothing in this
world that prunes can't fix.
That's not true.
Like, at all.
One hundred percent true.
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
Yes. Sample aisle.
Prunes.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKER]
[ANGELA CHUCKLES]
I saw that,
you little thief.
What did you just call me?
I'm buying these.
Does he work here?
Hell no, he doesn't work here.
All right. Come on.
Just walk away.
Okay, let's go. Yeah?
Mmm.
No, come on.
He's not worth it.
- Fuck it. Hey!
- Wait. Don't.
Hey! Over here! Hi!
Hope you're watching to make
sure I don't steal anything.
Oh, no, that's right,
I'm buying these!
You're not buying those nuts.
That's theft!
You stand over there
and you eat and you eat.
You know who pays
for all that? Me!
And all the other people
who shop here
when they raise the prices
to cover for thieves like you!
It's called sampling.
I had like three nuts.
And your little friend here,
dressed like that.
Have some decency!
[SCOFFS] What?
Dressed like what? It's, like,
a thousand degrees outside.
Like a whore.
Like a thief and a whore.
- What did you just call us?
- You heard me.
Go home! Put some clothes on!
Whores, huh?
Okay. Probably not the kind
you like to fuck, though, right?
Not quite young enough I bet,
you fucking pedophile-looking
jizz mopper.
Fucking disgusting rent-a-cop
wanna-be,
Woody Allen-looking
dick face.
Fuck you, dude!
We are leaving now,
but only 'cause
I can't spend another second
looking at
your dumb, hideous face
and your oddly-shaped head,
which is probably
the closest thing to a penis
on your disgusting, rotting,
wilting body, you filth!
Die!
Get out of here!
- Bye!
- [LAUGHS]
Dude! That was fucking crazy!
You're such a badass!
Dude, I know!
What a motherfucker! Fuck!
Fuck you!
Wait, isn't that Paul's car?
Oh, yeah.
Wait, wait, come here.
Dude, come on!
He used to do this shit to me
all the time
when he worked with us.
Me, too.
I used to fucking hate it.
Yeah.
I can't believe that old fuck
called me a whore.
Dude, I know. Motherfucker!
His poor wife. Did you see her?
She almost had a heart attack.
Yeah, I never know
if I should, like,
feel bad for women like that.
Like, why would you be
with someone so horrible?
I don't know, dude. It's sad.
When I see a couple like that,
all I can think about is that
at some point in her life,
he had a boner
and she let him put it in her.
Eww! Why is that
what you think about?
I can't help it. Wait, wait.
One, two, three.
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, you fucking bitches! Why?
Oh, my God! Finally!
We fucking finally got you back!
- No, that shit wasn't funny.
- I'm sorry. I love you.
Eww, no. One of y'all
smell like shit.
- It's our fucking uniforms.
- Yeah.
We have to work tonight,
but we have to go
to the Laundromat first,
because clearly
we smell like feces, so...
Wait, wait, wait. Work?
You're not hittin' up
Art Dog's party?
Oh, shit. I forgot about that.
At his g-ma's, right?
Yes, ma'am. Day drinking
like a motherfucker!
Aaah! Eh, eh!
No, we don't have time
for that.
And we have to see
Roderick sober.
We don't have to get fucked up.
We can hang for a minute
and say hey.
Yeah. Hey!
Hey!
We have to wash
our dresses. We can't.
Just wash 'em
at Art Dog's place.
- He don't give a fuck.
- Dude, yes.
Or we could just go
to the Laundromat.
Maybe you'll see that guy
that stole your underwear.
You can ask for them back.
Or maybe you can borrow
a pair of his.
Oh, that's an option.
- Okay.
- [SHRIEKS] That's my girl!
Hey, that's what
I'm talkin' about.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO]
[RAPPING] Yeah, I got bougie
bitches in the red bottoms
They got they own money
Put that Gucci on 'em
She don't need a man
She just want the dick
Let her work mine
She be doin' booty tricks
[ALL SINGING ALONG]
Hunned hos in the lobby
Hunned G's in the account
Hunned labels on the phone
Talkin' money turn me on
Hello?
What's that you said?
What's that you said?
- Cut the advance?
- Ay
Cut the advance,
bring me the bread
I know that you wanna
have it all, have it all
But you can't have it all
'cause I already got it
Ah, gotta get
a new bank account
'Cause this one full,
get another one started
Blogs and Instagram
and the Snap and the Twit
Yeah, I was already poppin'
And yo bitch?
Hop in the whip
and she strip off the rip
- Rari so slow on the pull up
- Pull up
Got the lane open,
fulla commas
Bling blow flash
Got that ice cuff
Bag fulla bands
Yeah, I need a handcuff
I need it, I need it
- Rari so slow on the pull up - Pull up
Yo, something kinda like this.
Yo, check it out.
Go...
[VOCALIZING]
What y'all think?
I mean, it's, like,
a little advanced,
but I can teach y'all
an easier version
if you wanna learn.
Advanced? What?
Dude, ain't no way in hell
I'm dancing
on no corner for tips.
- That's a dumb-as-fuck idea.
- You think that shit was easy?
I mean, it was basic.
I've been taking hip-hop classes
since I was six years old,
so I'd hardly
call that shit "basic."
How many years
dance experience you got?
What? All my life.
- All his life, bro.
- You took classes?
I don't need
no bullshit classes, son.
This dude
is full of shit, D.
Oh, you think so?
Yeah, unless you show me now.
- Do I? Do you mind if I...
- Show that dude. Show him.
Okay, hold on.
Let's get this.
Uh-huh.
You wanna see somethin'?
Think about--
See, you don't even know...
- But...
- Don't worry about it.
- Man, that looks...
- [GRUNTING]
Look at that. You see
how I get it right there?
- I don't need to. I feel it.
- That's right.
Get it right there.
[GRUNTING]
RYAN: No, no, you see,
you gotta get...
[BOTH GRUNTING]
DUSTIN: Yeah, get lower.
Get in the dirt.
Oh, you wanna do it like that?
DUSTIN: Impregnate the ground.
Dumbass!
That's why you
do not need to dance.
Can't hang
with all them classes you took?
Need a refund!
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] It seems that
situations in our generation
Makes people super cautious
of Cupid's arrow
And where it's facing
They love relations,
they hate relationships
They love the fuckin'
but hate the commitment
In our minds
love is just a game
Too busy to settle down
Too afraid to get played
and I feel the same
Walking around with this
ice brick in my chest
Ice water leaks
where my blood is
And I need someone here
warm enough to melt it
I feel the embrace
But I'm not for sure
that it's the real shit
This is a drug party.
If we don't leave now,
there's no chance
we're getting
out of here sober.
- Oh, shit!
- Angela, no.
But it's for later, dude.
Can you relax?
There's too much temptation.
I don't even trust myself.
Look, if anyone offers you
anything, just say no. Okay?
We can have fun
without getting fucked up.
- Come on.
- All right.
Mmm.
Where's he at?
- Oh!
- Yo!
- Oh, damn! What's up?
- [ANGELA YELLS]
- What's up, girl?
- What's up?
Good. Good seeing you two.
What y'all been up to?
Not much. But hey,
this is a weird question,
but could we use
your washing machine?
What? Like, to do laundry?
Yeah, we just have to wash
some stuff for work.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
You know
my g-ma's casa es su casa.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Spanish, though? Okay.
Spanish,
that's the weed talkin'.
Come on.
Man, you're gonna owe me
a dance after this, though.
- Oh, hell, yeah!
- Oh, duh.
All right, look, there you go.
It's Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dum.
Oh, shit, thank you.
Just holler at me when
y'all get done, all right?
- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, my God, dude.
I've never been so excited
to do laundry in my life.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Buzz me in, yo,
I got the gin and the hydro
So much herb on me
I could start a cooking show
So much liquor with me
thinkin' I could float a boat
Ready, here we go
I'ma ignite tonight,
money tell the truth
So you already know
ya boy keep it lit, though
Smoke like
there's no tomorrow, yeah
Smoke like my time
is borrowed
Uh, double that cup
gettin' double fucked up
Holla at you and your friend, I'ma double my luck
Sorry, Uber driver,
can't sit in the front, nah
Post in the back,
cutie in my lap
I make my own fortune,
mix my own potion
If I throw a Benny,
that's a drop in the ocean
Tryna make some money,
lay a bet on me
Win it all, Rolies
for the whole set on me, ay
Show me that green
I'ma twist it
Pass me that bottle
I'ma twist it
Me and the homies
gettin' twisted
Gettin' twisted,
gettin' twisted
Show me that green
I'ma twist it
Pass me that bottle
I'ma twist it
The whole damn room
gettin' twisted
Gettin' twisted,
gettin' twisted
Are they done yet?
Nope, not yet.
- Dude, I am so hungry.
- Me, too.
- Anything good?
- Just, like, old people shit.
What is this?
Chocolate biscuit, sugar free.
[EXCLAIMS]
Ooh!
Oh, hell, yes!
What?
[GASPS]
Yes!
Mmm.
That's so good.
What y'all doin'?
Oh, shit. Y'all done
found my secret stash.
- Yeah, we were starving.
- Is that okay?
Yeah, that's cool,
but I would only just eat one.
What?
Yeah, man, that weed butter
will fuck you up.
[BOTH RETCHING]
This sucks.
Nothing's coming up.
I can't do it.
No, me neither.
[GAGGING AND COUGHING]
- Fuck, this sucks.
- This sucks.
[LAUGHTER
AND INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Boo!
- [SHRIEKS]
- Damn it, Paul!
- [WHOOPING] I got you bitches!
Hey!
[GASPS]
Here.
God, these are
soaked in beer.
Paul is such a dick.
Hey, you feel
anything yet?
No, you?
Nothing.
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
JESSIE:
Dude, Crystal.
ANGELA:
She's such a bitch.
I bet you she's just like...
a really unhappy person
on the inside.
Which...
if you think about, it's...
actually kinda sad.
Yeah, it is.
Thank God we're not sad
on the inside.
No.
I'm wonderful on the inside.
Me, too.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[CHUCKLES]
Is this seriously
how you're coming
to ask for your jobs back?
Oh, my God, are they wet?
Is that beer?
[SCOFFS]
What the fuck are you doing
in your lives
that you're too busy
to dry your uniforms?
Not working,
that's for sure.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Oh, my God.
You're high as fuck.
Goddamn, it feels
good to be right.
Okay. You two stay right here,
and I'ma go get Roderick.
[JESSIE SIGHS]
Oh, shit, she knows.
Dude, how did she know?
I don't know. You know
what's weird about that?
Huh?
I always think that people
know I'm high when I'm high.
But usually,
they actually don't.
But this time,
she actually did.
Whoa.
That's crazy.
Huh.
Oh, pancakes.
[ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING]
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept
your heart away
[INAUDIBLE]
From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it
Tell me about the plans you're makin'
Oh
Tell me one thing more
before I go, tell me...
[SONG STOPS]
Roderick said he'll meet you
in his office.
And don't worry, I didn't
tell him you were stoned.
I thought it'd be
a fun surprise.
[GIGGLES]
[MOUTHS] Bye.
[SONG RESUMES]
How am I supposed to live
without you?
Y'all feelin' okay?
Now that I've been
lovin' you so long
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[WAVES CRASHING]
ANGELA:
That beach.
I just wanna be there
so bad.
What is the deal with
screensavers like that
in a depressing place
like this?
Huh.
It just makes me wanna be here
so much less.
What they should have...
is pictures
of really sad places.
Yeah. Like...
pictures of the dentist,
coming at you with a drill.
Yes.
- Or Walmart.
- Yeah.
[WHISPERING] No. [GULPS]
K-Mart.
Yes.
[WAVES CRASHING]
I wonder what
Roderick's gonna say.
Me, too.
I wonder if he
believed our excuse.
No.
I did not believe you two
were kidnapped.
Or for that matter, any of
the stories you come up with.
Man, you know
I'm disappointed?
You two were
on such a good streak.
Showing up to work on time,
working hard,
doing drugs after you leave.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Just so you know...
I really was gonna give you
your jobs back today.
- Wait, really?
- Yes.
- So, we're hired back?
- No! No, you're fired.
Comin' here looking like
the goddamn
Wreck of the Hesperus,
and as high as a kite.
And even if I wanted
to hire you back,
you couldn't work like this.
If somebody from corporate
came in here and saw you,
hell, I'd get fired.
The wreck of the what?
I don't know.
But I think he knows
we're high, too.
- [GROANS]
- I can hear you.
I'm literally two feet away.
You know, you two
are really something.
And I'm gonna miss
having you around here.
You're bright, funny,
entertaining as hell,
and one of the only things
about this place I don't hate.
As shitty as my job is,
and it is shitty...
I don't have
the luxury to lose it.
So, take this as a favor
from me to you.
You don't wanna
end up like me.
Go do something
with your lives.
And start by
taking a shower.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
[SINGING] He says to me,
"Loneliness is universal"
"So be happy when you cry"
And yet
I crave to be alone
Still I can't be sure
BUS DRIVER:
Ladies.
Ladies!
Y'all can't be
sleepin' on here.
You need to get up
off my bus.
Where are we?
The transit station.
Now, come on.
You been on here nearly
four hours,
takin' up this seat.
- Okay. Yeah, okay.
- Let's go.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Jesus.
- Is this my face?
- [SIGHS]
Did I look
like this earlier?
I don't know.
I barely remember
us getting fired.
Wait.
That was real, right?
Yeah. I think so.
Ooh, unless
we're having, like,
some kind
of a dual hallucination,
which would be really cool.
Dude, if we ever
dual hallucinate,
I hope it includes, like,
unicorns or some shit,
not us getting fired.
[SIGHS]
- My God.
- [URINATING]
We really got fired.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Dude, are you gonna use
the bathroom?
No, I can't go yet.
Dude, you should
eat something.
We should hit up Brandon
for some sammies,
figure this shit out.
Shit. We're gonna have
to tell him about this.
Yeah, man. But who knows,
maybe he can help us somehow.
Like borrow some money
from the register for a while,
or, like, ask his boss
for an advance or something.
Hey, um,
I'm tryin' to get down
to Centerville and 31st.
You think I could get
a dollar or something?
Can you help me out?
I appreciate you guys.
They, uh, tell you about
the oceans in school?
No.
They're goin' away.
All of 'em.
Shit.
- Good luck.
- Yeah, you, too, man.
Damn, I would pay more
than a dollar for that shit.
That's it.
What, you wanna gangbang
the homeless dude?
I don't really see how that
helps the situation,
- but I'm down.
- What? Dude, no. Okay.
We go to Brandon's work,
right?
We ask him to give us
the register money.
He calls the cops,
says that he got robbed,
and the three of us
split the cash.
- Jessie.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God. Dude.
I'm so proud of you,
but that is never gonna work
'cause Brandon's just
not gonna do that.
Well, we can offer him
something in return.
Like a threesome, but we
don't actually have to do it,
because he's gonna be
just as guilty as us.
It is what he wants
most in life.
Yeah.
Is that mean, though?
Like, raising his hopes up
and then just, you know,
knocking them down like that?
No, not at all,
because technically,
we're helping him
not get evicted.
Do you see what I'm saying?
He's gonna forgive us.
Yeah.
[GRUNTS]
I love you right now!
Yes, let's go!
GARY BUSEY:
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy.
- God. You scared me.
- Here.
Here's the one
that looks like a roadkill.
Ooh, that meatball sub
looks good as fuck.
RYAN: Yo, and that fool's
about to eat two of 'em!
No, man.
He gets, like, two bites
and then he goes on the chase.
You never seen Point Breakbefore, man?
Yo, what are you doin'?
What's it fuckin'
look like, Dustin?
Oh, man, come on. Again?
Always losin'
that goddamn phone, bro.
Hey, yo, you should hit up
your roommate.
See if he can get us
some of them sandwiches.
Oh, no. We already went today.
He ain't gonna do that twice.
Man, I'd roll up in there,
and I'll be all like,
"Bitch, you better make me
two meatball subs,
or I'll fuck your shit up!"
Be like, "Gimme
all the money, too, bitch!"
Hey, your punk-ass
ain't gonna do shit.
Look at you. [CHUCKLES]
Whoa, hold up.
Wait a minute.
- That ain't a bad idea.
- Yeah.
For real.
Yo, check it out.
We rob Brandon's
sandwich shop.
There's our money!
- Dude.
- Man, y'all crazy.
I am not robbin'
a sandwich shop.
Yo, I'll do it. Yo, I even
know a guy, he's got a gun.
Man, we don't need a gun.
Dude, it's Brandon.
We'll just go in there
with masks and shit, yelling,
that dude'll be so scared,
he'll just give us
the money, man.
Oh, man, so you don't think
he gonna recognize your voice?
Oh, shit,
that's a good point.
Yo, what about a note?
Yo, we'll just
write that shit
and then we'll pass
that shit to him.
Hell, yeah!
Oh, a mask. We need masks.
All right.
What are you thinking?
Target
and Party City...
- That shit's expensive, dude.
- Pantyhose. Your sister, man.
Pantyhose!
Dude, this is gonna be
so fuckin' easy.
Are you in on this?
[GRUNTING]
Come on, dude.
Come on, I need you.
[SIGHS]
All right. All right.
I'm not in, though,
but I will help.
'Cause clearly,
just listening to y'all,
you need some guidance.
Guidance? What, from you?
- 'Cause you're so experienced?
- Got way more than you!
I took this fool's TV!
You forgot about that?
Yeah.
Which I am
terribly sorry about.
- Trust.
- Trust.
Oh, but let's go, baby!
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Well, well, well, well.
Look at this.
Y'all comin'
for the foot-long?
Hey, I could make you
a sandwich, too. Zing!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- Uh, your boss isn't here?
- No.
I'm running the ship
solo, baby.
- As per usual.
- ANGELA: Wow.
I'm practically assistant
manager up in here.
Cool. That's cool.
Yeah, that's, like, super cool.
[CHUCKLES]
What y'all been up to today?
Just a little bit of, um...
[EXCLAIMING]
"Please let me with you."
[MOANS]
Uh, yeah.
Um... [CHUCKLES]
That's what we were doing.
We were doing
that exact thing.
- All day.
- Oh, damn. Thought so.
- Y'all two are crazy.
- We're crazy.
Well, speaking
of that, um...
We actually have a question
we wanted to ask you.
Wait, let me guess.
Y'all decided
you're finally ready to, uh,
take a ride on the Branana?
The what?
You know. This fuckin'...
[STAMMERS] Monster boy
who's about to get unleashed.
Well, yeah. Um...
now that you mention it, yes.
Yes, maybe we do.
Maybe do...
[STAMMERS] What?
You know, wanna ride the...
Oh, um... your Branana.
[CHUCKLES]
- Really?
- Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
We do.
But we do need this
very, very tiny favor
from you.
- So tiny.
- So tiny.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Yeah!
Live in the buildin'!
TeamFromNowhere,
they know who we are
[INAUDIBLE]
Finally confident, ow!
I get it bumpin' like
a pregnant woman's stomach
Work a beat out
like some crunches
Somethin' funky's
what I'm comin' with
Yeah, I be on my shit n' critics be all on my dick
N' now I be on nuthin'
I just be on beat
and goin' in
Focusing, hocus-pocusing,
tryna git up out the 'hood
[MUSIC CONTINUES
ON CAR STEREO]
[TURNS OFF STEREO]
Damn. Y'all a'ight?
No, I'm fuckin' scared, bro.
Yeah, me, too.
Take a couple deep breaths.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[EXHALES SHAKILY]
Yeah.
Man, you're
pretty good at this.
Nah, man.
We pretty good at this, us.
We a squad.
[GRUNTS]
For real?
Damn, let's go!
- Bullshit.
- What?
I don't believe you.
Y'all are saying if I give you
the register money...
We'll ride your Branana.
Okay, y'all know
that's my dick?
- Yes!
- Yes! Yes, we know, okay?
- Are you gonna do it or not?
- I mean, I would, but...
methinks y'all
are full of shit.
Okay. Well, um, how about,
we show you our boobs now
as a teaser,
just to show you
that we're not fucking around.
I wanna touch 'em.
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
Okay. You can cup one boob,
over the shirt, no squeezing.
One boob each,
or one boob total?
One each. But that's it
until after we get the money.
I wanna see
y'all make-out, too.
- No!
- No! Dude!
You do it all the time
in your room.
I hear you!
Okay, um...
Well...
Well, if you, um...
do this very, very
tiny favor for us, then,
[WHISPERING]
all that stuff that you hear...
you can join in.
Okay. I mean, yeah...
that's tight. Yeah.
Yeah? Oh, cool.
Yeah, I could maybe
make some arrangements.
Stay there.
I'm staying.
I ain't movin'.
- I didn't know we were...
- No, shh.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Holy shit!
Oh, my God! Oh, shit!
There's a robbery!
This is a fucking robbery!
God, I do not wanna die!
Please do not shoot me!
- Robbery?
- Oh, shit! Shit!
Oh, my God!
Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Bring it down, bring it down.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Uh... Phone, yes! Yes.
It's an old-ass phone. I mean,
I don't even know if it's...
Yes, you, you got it.
Sorry.
You got what you
came for. Please.
The money!
Shit, obviously.
I've never fucking
done this shit. It's crazy.
The fucking register!
Of course!
I was, like,
are you robbing' me?
I didn't even know!
Movin' along,
movin' along! I got you.
This is real right here! Um...
Uh, do you have a bag?
Do you have, like,
a robber's bag
to put the cash into?
Just put it in foil or
a doggie bag, butthole!
- Yes, sir! Oh, shit! Okay.
- [MOUTHS] Dustin?
- Which one?
- Foil, man!
What the fuck?
Dustin? Ryan?
Dustin, you dumb-ass,
it's obviously you!
Take that shit
off your head!
ANGELA: That's clearly
your fucking finger,
so you can
put that shit down!
Ryan, quit it, dude!
We can tell it's you,
obviously, with these
stupid fucking masks!
Is this shit mine?
You son of a bitch!
What the fuck?
- What the fuck?
- Sorry, dude.
Sorry?
Y'all just tried to rob me!
That is not cool!
Hey, you're lucky we didn't call
the cops on you dumbasses!
So this was your
plan for rent, huh?
Rob a goddamn store?
- Rent?
- What if someone had seen you?
You realize
you could've been shot!
Man, that wouldn't
have happened.
Really? 'Cause
it already happened
one fucking time this week!
That was different, yo! I was
trying to start a business.
You were trying
to be a drug dealer!
99 percent of drug dealing
is getting robbed at gunpoint.
Have you never
seen Goodfellas?
- Blow.
- Scarface.
- Even Boogie Nights.
- What?
- The end.
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
the end with the crazy dude
and the firecrackers.
Drug dealing
is not a business, Dustin.
It's idiotic and it clearly
never turns out well for you.
Hey, y'all doin'
all right in here?
It look like things didn't go
as planned.
Uh, yeah, we gonna go ahead
and get outta here
and, um, no hard feelings,
right? Yeah?
All right, cool.
Y'all have a good night.
Be safe, it's dangerous and...
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
Look...
Brandon,
I am so sorry, like...
Yeah.
I know he's my brother, but we
had nothing to do with this.
What was that about rent?
Does he not have it?
Actually, um...
[STUTTERS]
- None of us do.
- What? I'm your roommate!
Why wouldn't you
tell me that?
Yeah, that's what
we were trying to do
with the register money.
Which is still a good idea,
by the way.
You said you needed bikinis,
not rent money.
There's not enough in there
to cover it.
- How much is there?
- I don't know, like $50.
- I did the safe drop
- [BOTH SIGH]
Before you guys got in here.
Dude, what kind
of broke-ass bikinis
did you think
we were gonna buy?
- Wait, safe? What safe?
- I don't know!
The safe down there.
I don't have a key.
Okay, well then,
we can just
take the whole thing
and bust it open later.
It's bolted down!
None of this
is gonna happen, okay?
- Nothing's gonna work.
- Damn it, dude!
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know. I guess,
- find a new place to live.
- Shit!
Can we at least have a fucking
sandwich? I'm hungry.
- Show me your titties.
- Brandon!
JESSIE:
Fuck you.
You can make a sandwich,
just don't make a mess.
- I just cleaned up over there.
- Titties, my ass!
Come on.
Eat up.
Might be a while before
we can afford food again.
- [CAR APPROACHING]
- [BRAKES SQUEAL]
Hey, Brandon,
I think someone's coming.
Oh, shit!
Shit! Go, go hide!
You gotta hide,
that's my boss!
- Now, go on, go! Go, go!
- Dude, what the fuck?
What are you
still doing here?
- BRANDON: Oh!
- Oh, my God! Dude.
- What?
- Look.
Get your horny little ass
outta here. I'll shut it down.
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
That motherfucker.
That shithead
is Brandon's boss.
Yo, poor Brandon.
I don't mind
staying and closing,
if it's okay with you, sir.
As a matter of fact,
it's not okay with me.
I need to get some work done,
and I prefer to do it alone.
Okay. I'll just finish
with the floors then.
The floors look good.
You can go.
- But I... [STAMMERS]
- I said go.
Uh...
Yes, sir.
You can put the broom
away first, Brandon.
Of course.
The broom
that goes in the closet.
The broom closet.
[BOTH GASPING]
Dude.
- [SHUSHES]
- [GASPS]
- I almost had a heart attack.
- Shut up.
- See ya, sir.
- Bye. Good-bye.
Enough chatting. Good-bye.
ANGELA: He just
locked the door.
[GASPS]
- We're trapped in here.
- Dude, relax.
[ANGELA SIGHS]
Here.
[SIGHS]
What are you doing?
You're so stupid.
[CHUCKLES]
Dude, what time does
Brandon's shift start?
Oh, my God,
we're so fucked.
[SIGHING]
How long is he gonna be here?
What the fuck is he doing?
Dude, go check.
[GAGS] Oh, my God!
- Oh, my fucking God! Dude!
- What?
Look at that shit!
And he called us whores!
ANGELA:
Oh, my God!
Yo!
I always said
it was the judgy ones that
end up being the perverts.
- Didn't I?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
That is so fucked up.
Did you see that shit?
I can't.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- [STOMACH GROWLS]
[GROANING]
Are you okay? What?
No, it's just a cramp.
I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
[WINCING] Oh, my God.
- Dude!
- [SHUSHING]
- I'm fine, okay? It's fine.
- No, dude, you're not fine.
It's happening?
Dude, is it happening?
No!
Oh, God, maybe!
I don't know!
Dude, it is! The sandwiches,
dude! It was the sandwiches!
Oh, God,
it was the sandwiches!
It's coming!
It's coming right now!
No, dude,
run to the bathroom.
You'll make it
if you run, dude.
I'm not gonna make it.
I have to just let it flow.
- No! No!
- I have to just let it flow.
I will not let you be someone
who shits your pants
in a broom closet okay?
Unbutton your pants.
- No! Are you crazy?
- Do it!
- No, no, no!
- You have to. You have to.
ANGELA:
Go, go, go!
[SENTIMENTAL SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] I'm standing
on the edge of time
I've walked away
when love was mine
Caught up in a world
of uphill climbin'
The tears are in my mind
Nothing is rhyming
Oh, Mandy...
[DEFECATING]
Oh, God,
it won't stop coming out.
- I'm gonna throw up.
- Close that door!
- ANGELA: [WHINES] I can't!
- It's gonna smell up
the whole fucking place!
Close that door right now!
And you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today
Oh, Mandy
You came and you gave
without taking
What's going on here?
Hey, who's in there?
Oh, Mandy
You kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
And I need you...
[VOMITING]
Oh, my God, dude.
I killed him.
Dude, I puked him to death.
- Uh...
- [SPITS]
[ANGELA GASPS]
No, he's okay.
He's just knocked out.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Okay, shit,
we gotta
get out of here, like, now.
We need to go.
- Fuck! The keys!
- Keys! Keys!
- Shit!
- I got 'em.
Body!
[KEYS JANGLING]
[CHUCKLES]
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
[WHISPERS] Yo!
Dude.
I have a feeling these aren't
his wife's titties.
JESSIE:
Nope.
How illegal is blackmail?
Like medium, I think?
Okay, so I... think when we
get outta here, we should...
leave town for a little while
just to be safe.
Yeah.
Like...
- tonight? Yeah.
- Yeah. Just to be safe.
What do you think?
Oh, I think, um...
I think the sooner,
the better.
Come on!
This one.
[GASPS]
JESSIE:
Gimme the bag.
Okay. Here.
[PANTING]
This one.
Okay, close, close.
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh
[GIRLS YELPING]
When the lights go down
[LAUGHING]
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Pull me on, pull me on
Got my heart
between your fingers
I'm holding on,
holding on
'Cause it's hard
watching you leave hurts
And in this moment
We're all together
Throwing caution to the wind
And then the lights
begin to glow
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me...
[GASPS]
Oh, my God, dude!
I've never seen this much
money in my whole life.
Me neither.
My world explodes
Mmm, I think we have
enough money
to cover all of rent
this month.
Yeah, I think so.
- More than enough.
- [CHUCKLES]
Dustin's gonna freak
when he wakes up
and realizes we're gone.
That's true. He is, but...
He'll settle down when he sees
all the money.
I think I'll leave him a note
or something,
tell him where we're going.
Oh, my God.
Where are we going?
[CHUCKLES]
Anywhere we want.
What about Florida?
Or no,
let's go to California.
- Oh, my God, yes.
- Yeah?
I've always wanted to go
to California.
Like, see all the mountains
and the surfers.
- Venice Beach.
- Oh!
Venice Beach sounds so cool.
Mmm.
I won't wanna come back.
We can get a room to rent.
We have so much money,
no one's gonna care
we're underage.
We could get, like,
a job at one of those cute
little shops by the beach.
Mmm-hmm.
- I'm gonna buy a surfboard...
- Mmm.
And a bikini, day one.
Yes.
And I don't know,
we could go out to eat
at, like,
a really nice restaurant.
Mmm-hmm.
Like, something
overlooking the water.
[GASPS] Yeah. Oh.
And we could, like, spend
the night on the beach,
looking at the stars...
listening to the waves.
- And dolphins.
- Mmm.
Ange, we're gonna see
real dolphins.
We're not just
gonna see dolphins,
we're gonna swim with them
in the ocean every day.
We'll pretty much
be dolphins.
[LAUGHS]
I'm so excited.
Mmm.
Dolphies, dude.
Dolphies.
[CHUCKLES]
[SONG CONTINUES]
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Pull me on, pull me on
Got my heart
between your fingers
I'm holding on, holding on 'cause it's hard
Watching you leave hurts
And in this moment
We're all together
Throwing caution to the wind
And then the lights
begin to glow
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Carry on the words I say
With the weight
of ending days
Watch them pushing you away, away, away
And through all of my mistakes
And the plans in which we made
I'll remember anyway
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
I'll remember anyway
[SONG ENDS]
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] I got a reputation to uphold
I can't hold it back,
can only let it go
Pick, pick, pick
Pick it up, pick it up
You know that
it's not necessary
Keep it down,
keep it down now
They hate our voices
when they carry
You've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Oh!
Just right quick while I'm changing direction
Lemme settle down,
lemme ask you a question
Girl, how you feel?
Don't lie
Can I keep it real?
Don't lie
Gonna speak my peace
before I lose control
Got a reputation to uphold
I thought that you should know I thought that you should know
They say you've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Oh!
[SONG ENDS]
[BREATHING STEADILY]
[STEADY BREATHING CONTINUES]
[WHISPERING] Jessie.
Jessie, wake up.
JESSIE: Hmm.
Jessie.
- Get up.
- Mmm.
[SIGHS]
What time is it?
Did I miss the alarm?
No, no, we're good, we're good.
But you have to get up now
'cause I have something
really, really awesome
to show you.
[SIGHS]
Did you draw a dick
on my face?
- Uh-huh.
- Gimme the pen!
- You think you're funny?
- [LAUGHING]
I'm gonna draw a big, fat
juicy dick on your face.
- Where's the pen?
- Fuck off, dude!
- I have a surprise for you.
- I don't believe you.
Stay down. Right here!
Get the fuck off me, dude!
I have a surprise for you!
- I don't believe you.
- Get your butt off me.
No, it's like the best
fucking surprise ever.
- Is it a big surprise?
- The biggest.
Get off.
It's in Brandon's room.
I'm gonna kill you if you
woke me up for no reason.
No, you're gonna love me
so much, dude. Come on.
Oh, my God!
I can't believe your brother
shares a room with this guy.
I can't believe we share
a house with the two of them.
ANGELA: Touch.
Wow, Brandon is such a perv.
ANGELA: At least he watches
girl on girl, though.
Regular porn is like, so sad.
[WOMAN MOANING ON VIDEO]
- [EXCLAIMS]
- Ugh! Oh, my God!
- What?
- Is she peeing?
I don't know.
There's, like, so much.
I think so. That's a thing,
though, golden showers.
- Gross. No.
- No?
I'm not into it.
Don't ever pee on me.
I kinda actually have to pee
right now, though.
It's so far
to the bathroom, dude.
- Okay! Ange, stop!
- [SHRIEKS]
Stop, okay?
What do you wanna show me?
Okay, close your eyes.
Okay, you can open them.
Oh, that's so pretty.
Where is that?
That, my dear, is where you
will be turning 17 next week!
- What?
- Yeah.
There was a deal on Hotpons,
so I went ahead and bought it,
and we are going to Galveston
for your birthday.
Surprise!
Oh, my God!
Are you serious?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
[SHRIEKS]
Look, look, look.
Here's the condo
we'll be staying at,
and it has a pool
and a hot tub.
And look, it's right
on the beach.
[GASPS]
Holy shit, Ange.
This is so nice, but how?
I mean...
[WHISPERS] Where'd you get
the money for this?
Okay, so don't freak out.
Um, I used our rent money.
But I already talked
to Roderick,
and he gave us
almost every shift this week,
so we'll totally make enough
before we leave.
You used our rent money
for this?
A week before rent is due?
Yeah, but, dude,
we're working, okay?
So, we'll totally make it back.
I can't believe
you didn't ask me about this.
I wanted
to surprise you, dude.
Listen, Jessie.
Your 16th birthday was shit.
Okay? And you've been talking
about going to the beach
since I met you, and it's
finally happening this week.
Unless you just, like,
absolutely don't wanna go.
We still have two hours
to get a refund.
But I really don't think
we should, dude.
It's already paid for,
and we already have the shifts.
Look at this. Right?
You deserve this.
We deserve this.
[JESSIE SIGHS]
- Ten shifts each?
- Straight money.
So, do you wanna go?
[SIGHS]
- Okay, yes. I wanna go.
- [SHRIEKS]
Are you sure? Because I
really want us to go.
Yes, I'm sure.
You know what?
- We deserve this.
- Uh-huh.
We work our asses off.
If we want to go to the beach,
we're goin'
to the fuckin' beach.
Let's go to the fucking beach!
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
-[ANGELA WHOOPING] - I got a reputation to uphold
- [SHRIEKS] Lemme see it!
- Wait, wait, wait.
I can't hold it back,
can only let it go
- Aaah! [SHRIEKS]
- Dude, come on!
Pick it up, pick it up
You know that
it's not necessary
Keep it down, keep it down now
They hate our voices
when they carry
You've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Just right quick while I'm changing direction
Lemme settle down,
lemme ask you a question
Girl, how you feel?
Don't lie
Can I keep it real?
Don't lie
Gonna speak my peace
before I lose control
Got a reputation to uphold
I thought that
you should know...
NEIGHBOR: Hey.
Hey there.
Girls!
Hey!
One of y'all kids
needs to mow that lawn!
Maybe you need
to mow your lawn!
The city's gonna
come down on you.
- The city's gonna cum on us?
- "Come down"!
- No, no, that's her job!
- Yeah!
Y'all are dirty, dirty girls.
[SONG CONTINUES]
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah I want to explode
Oh!
Don't you wanna go say hi
to your mom? [CHUCKLES]
[SARCASTICALLY] Ha-ha.
Hey, you know,
at least she has a job.
If you're gonna go
from man to man,
you might as well
get paid for it.
True dat.
[SONG ENDS]
WOMAN: Scrambled eggs.
I want sliced tomato
instead of bacon,
an order of hash browns
with cheese and onions,
and he will have...
Get out from under there.
Do you want
a smiley-face pancake?
You better get out
from under there
or you're not getting dessert.
And he'll have
a smiley-face pancake
with whipped cream and chocolate
chips and an orange juice.
No! I want chocolate milk!
No, you're getting
an orange juice.
No!
I guess he wants
a chocolate milk.
I swear to God,
if Crystal seats me
with one more fucking toddler...
Uh, have you seen
my section of olds?
The likelihood of one of them
dying here tonight
is higher than I am now.
Speaking of--
I've got your green.
Meet me in the bathroom.
Ten minutes.
Wait! Hey! Hey!
Angela.
I'm not meeting him
in the bathroom again.
Who the fuck pisses
in the middle of a drug deal?
I'll go. I'll punch him in
the dick. I don't give a fuck.
Ladies. I need one of you
to take off tomorrow morning.
I may have promised
a shift to Crystal.
- No, sorry. Can't do it.
- We have to make rent money.
I know, I know.
You're on the schedule
at least 10 times.
It's only one shift. Who's
gonna be the good guy here?
Dude, she's a hostess.
She doesn't even know
how to wait tables.
At least I show up. And sober.
It's not gonna happen,
so get over it.
Okay, ladies, that's enough.
I'm sorry, Crystal.
Another time.
It's fine. I may
just come in anyway,
for when they screw you
by not showing up.
Language.
By the way, you have
three down on table eight.
You're gonna need
two boosters, asshole.
[MOUTHS]
- Jessie. Jessie.
- Right this way.
Don't give me a reason to have
to call her in tomorrow, okay?
Be here in the morning.
We will.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
- [JESSIE SIGHS]
- Bitch.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
I'm gonna go with Ryan
and make sure it goes down
like it is supposed to.
- Trust me, man.
- I'm trying.
But that's a lot of money
we talkin' about here.
Hey, my money's
in this shit, too.
- Yeah, and mine.
- See?
We're all in this together.
From here on out,
we're not just
a bunch of dudes
goin' in on a pound.
I feel like...
And maybe
it's too soon to say,
but I feel like y'all
are my squad.
Man. I been needing
a new squad.
We are gonna build
our squad on one thing:
- Trust.
- Oooh!
Trust. That's what
I'm talkin' 'bout, baby!
My boy!
Yeah. Trust, man.
All right. Now, go on,
have a drink, chill out.
I'll let you know
when the deed is done.
What up?
Oh, and we'll hit you up
from Ryan's phone, man.
Your boy's
almost outta minutes.
DUSTIN: How was work?
Um...
Shitty as usual.
What was that about?
Oh, let's just say that your
big bro is about to make bank!
Me and my boys goin' in
on a pound, cheap as fuck.
Wait, what?
Dustin, come on. I thought
that you quit dealing?
What? I was waiting for
the right business opportunity.
And I gots it.
Well, be careful, okay?
- Dealing's dangerous.
- [DUSTIN GROANS]
We're gonna bounce now. Y'all
gonna be up later? What's up?
No, we're not, 'cause we
actually have to work tomorrow.
- So keep it down.
- [SCOFFS] Sucks for y'all.
Not when we're
at the beach next week.
DUSTIN: Do what?
What beach?
- Galveston.
- How'd y'all swing that?
It's called a J-O-B.
Gross.
- Galveston's a piece of shit.
- Fuck you!
Why don't y'all go to Destin?
It's not that much further.
Well, we don't all have
rich daddies to pay
for our bougie-ass vacations
to fuckin' Florida, okay?
- Bougie!
- Man,
how many times
I gotta tell y'all.
He don't pay
for my shit no more.
I gotta work for my allowance.
DUSTIN: Come on, pretty boy.
What an asshole.
Your brother, too.
Fuck them all, dude.
[SIGHS]
Fuck, I'm tired, man.
What the...
- Whoa! What the fuck?
- Fucking knock!
Damn. What are y'all doin'
in here anyway?
I heard some sexy stuff
back there.
- Get the fuck out!
- I wanna ask you something.
What do you want?
I just wanted you to know,
in case you forgot,
I share a room
with your brother,
and I really don't think
you'd want him
to see something like this,
right here, on my computer.
That's not me, dude.
Why don't you
turn around and prove it?
- Eww! Get the fuck out!
- I know that's Angela's butt.
It's fittin' to be a full moon
tonight. And every night!
It's always gonna be
a full moon in my room!
- Bye! Good-bye! Bye!
- BRANDON: Damn!
And you can use my computer
anytime you want,
- but please give me that back!
- No! Fuck off! No! Bye!
- Jesus.
- We live with idiots.
These need to be washed,
like, yesterday.
Well, we can leave early,
go by your favorite Laundromat.
Fuck you.
I wonder how many guys
have to worry
about their boxers
being stolen by creepy perverts
at the Laundromat?
- None, I'm sure.
- No, obviously not, and yet
this is still real-life shit
that we have to worry about
when we wanna wash
our clothes.
It's not only gross,
it's fucking expensive.
When we get our own place,
the only thing that I care about
is having a washing machine.
Uh-huh.
[BONG BUBBLING]
When you turn 18
you should just, like,
legally adopt me so we can
go ahead and move out already.
[GIGGLES] I'm like four months
older than you, you goof.
[SNIFFLES] Plus, it's not like
Dustin's gonna tell anyone.
- Like, you could just leave.
- [INHALING DEEPLY]
[EXHALES AND CHUCKLES]
Probably not, but either way,
you cannot leave me alone here
with these two,
'cause I will literally die.
Jessie, I have told you,
like, a hundred times,
I'm not going anywhere
without you, okay?
When we move out,
we move out together.
Dolphies, dude.
Dolphies.
My God, we're gonna see
real dolphins soon.
Oh, I'm so excited.
Are you happy?
Happy? I'm obsessed
with this trip.
I can't stop
thinking about it.
I know. Me, too.
It's gonna be the best time.
Best birthday ever.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[ALARM BEEPING]
[SIGHS]
- [WHISPERING] Hey.
- Hmm.
Rise and shine,
little sleepyhead.
What time is it?
Time to get up for school.
I don't wanna go to school.
Well, you're in luck.
You quit school
and you work at a diner
and you get to spend
all day there.
That sounds awful, too.
[GROANS]
It is, but...
in five days,
we're gonna be at the beach,
- so that's something.
- Hmm.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
TONY: Yo!
Dustin!
- Who is that?
- Come on, fellas! Damn!
Yo, ain't nobody here, dude.
Somebody here.
Where else they gonna be?
Ain't got no damn job.
I think it's that guy
from last night.
- He's with some kid.
- TONY: Come on!
You know how suspicious
you lookin' right now, dude?
I don't give a fuck
how suspicious I look!
CEDRIC: Man,
ain't nobody home.
- Dude, where you goin' now?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I see you! Hey, I see you!
You don't see nothin'!
What the fuck
is he doing here?
- There's shades on the window.
- Bro, I just seen somebody.
- You can't see nothin'!
- Hey! Open the door!
TONY: I'm not leavin'
without my money!
Fuck, I think he's trying
to break the door down. Go, go!
CEDRIC: Bro, don't do it!
- ANGELA: What? What the...
- Where those motherfuckers at?
You broke down our door!
You gonna pay for that shit?
I ain't payin' for shit.
Dustin! Ryan!
Ryan doesn't even live here!
What are you doing, man?
I'm getting my money,
that's what!
- What money? What the fuck?
- [BANGING ON DOOR]
Hey, yo, Dustin, man!
Who the fuck is this?
Get the fuck out of my house!
ANGELA: Dustin, come out
and deal with your shit, man.
You broke our fucking door!
Fuck that door.
Listen, bro, come here.
- JESSIE: Get the fuck out!
- Who the fuck is this kid?
Hey, listen. This is what
I need you to do. Listen.
- Get $500 worth of stuff.
- BOTH: What?
You touch anything, I'm calling
the fucking police!
- Where's the phone?
- This is our shit, okay?
Dustin didn't pay
for any of this!
- That's not bad.
- Dude, I painted that!
You don't steal
someone's painting!
JESSIE: Don't touch
my PlayStation!
- Bro, I got something.
- No!
- Let's go.
- This is my fucking TV!
I got a TV for you, bro.
Big-ass TV, too!
- Oh, there you go! Go!
- Take it!
- Hell yeah, I want this.
- Take it off my hands! Go!
ANGELA:
Get the fuck outta here.
JESSIE: Thank you! Take it!
ANGELA: Out!
- BOTH: "Beaches"!
- ANGELA: No!
- TONY: Yeah! Let's go, bro.
- Big fucking lottery win, huh?
JESSIE: Good job!
Chill! Wait, wait, wait!
Come on, bro.
Well, have fun
picking this shit up!
Let's get it. One, two, three!
ANGELA: Fucking call
Antique Roadshow.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
We got your fucking
license plate, idiot!
Hey, You better not
call the cops!
This shit's between
me and Ryan, all right?
The cops?
No one wants that, bro!
- Thank you!
- We don't care!
No one fucking cares!
- It doesn't even fucking work!
- ANGELA: Bye!
TONY: Bye, have a nice day.
Thank you.
No, thank you!
- Don't fucking come back!
- Get the fuck outta here, bro!
- Fuck you!
- Fuck you!
Fuck you, guys!
- [SIREN BLARES]
- Oh, God. Who called the cops?
So, this Tony person.
He's a friend of yours?
I mean, yeah,
I kinda know the guy.
- Kinda?
- We just hooked back up.
I mean, I thought we were
hitting it off.
Hittin' it off?
Are you homosexual, son?
[SCOFFS]
No.
Not at all. Not that there's
anything wrong with it.
Well, is this Tony person
a homosexual?
I mean, do you have a problem
with homosexuals?
No!
Well, I sure hope not.
'Cause I'm a homosexual.
I sure hate being
discriminated against.
No, Officer, I swear.
I love homo...
...sexuals.
I'm not one,
but if I was,
I would be proud
of my gayness.
Love is love.
[SIGHS]
- How 'bout you?
- Me? No.
I mean, not that
I haven't had thoughts, sir,
but I've never acted on them.
I guess there was a thing
with Benny Brewster...
Do you know this Tony person?
Hmm? No.
Right.
So, what you're saying is
that someone you all know
came over here at 7:00 a.m.,
knocked down your door,
and stole your stuff,
and none of you know why?
[SIGHS]
Well, I mean,
call me crazy,
but by any chance, this have
anything to do with drug money?
- BOTH: No.
- No one here
- does drugs, Officer.
- JESSIE: Mmm-mmm.
Then maybe you wouldn't mind
if we took a look around?
Assess the damages?
Ah. Well, well.
No, Officer, no one went
back there, I promise you!
Now, that is one
big piece of glass.
Now, what would
two girls like you
be doin' with such
a big piece of glass?
BOTH: Ready, set, go!
[BOTH SNIFFING]
Did we just tie again?
I can't believe
we tied again.
Jessie, you're so goddamn
pretty. I love your hair.
- I love your hair!
- I love my hair, too.
It smells so good.
You wanna smell it?
[SNIFFS]
It smells so good!
It was such a good idea to get
that strawberry shampoo.
Yeah, we have to get more.
We still have some.
Plenty, I think.
When we run out, we have to
get strawberry again.
- You're so goddamn smart.
- You're so smart, too.
- Wanna make out?
- Yes.
Mmm.
[OFFICER GASPS]
Well, what do we have here?
[EXHALES]
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Lit like a bic, pour the gasoline on me
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
Lit like a bic,
pour the gasoline on me
Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire, fire
I'ma fuck around
and play with fire
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
I got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Mothafuckas know
that I'm a bad bitch
Hey! Hey, the fucking phone
isn't working!
How the fuck are we supposed
to make a phone call?
Ma'am? Ma'am, excuse me.
Um, we have to call our work.
Can we please borrow your phone?
It'll just take a second.
[SLAMS PHONE]
Can you hear me?
We don't have any quarters!
There's not even a fucking
place to put the quarters!
What the fuck
is a collect call?
Asshole, dude.
Oh, my God, I'm gonna
kill my fucking brother.
Yeah, you and me both.
I told him
to stop with all this
because he's not fucking smart
enough to be a drug dealer.
- Clearly.
- Ugh! Goddamn it!
I knew we should've
returned the trip.
This is exactly the type of
thing that I was worried about.
What, that'd we'd get robbed
and go to jail for it?
No, that something would happen,
because it always does.
Jessie, this wasn't our fault.
We had nothing to do with this.
It doesn't matter
whose fault it is.
We're gonna get fired, we're not
gonna be able to pay our rent,
we're gonna get kicked out,
and I'm gonna have to live
with my fucking racist
grandparents in Arkansas.
- I just can't do it!
- Whoa, okay, okay. Relax.
Relax, dude. Sit down.
Okay.
Take a breath.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
There you go.
You're all right.
Okay.
First of all,
I will kidnap you
and take you to Mexico
before I let you go to Arkansas,
so that's just not gonna happen.
Second, Roderick
loves us, dude, okay?
He's not gonna fire us for this.
He's gonna be pissed,
but he'll get over it,
he always does.
This is not a big deal.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- You're right.
- Yeah.
- It's just jail.
- It's just jail.
- It's fine.
- Yeah.
- It's not a big deal.
- No.
Shut your eyes
and get some rest, okay?
I mean, they can't keep us
in here for long,
so we will be out of here
before you know it.
What?
[HIP-HOP SONG CONTINUES]
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
I got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Mothafuckas know
that I'm a bad bitch
Got a red Ferrari
and a death wish
Hold, ladies.
You're there, you're here.
FEMALE OFFICER: Lock 'em up!
[DOOR BUZZES OPEN]
FEMALE OFFICER: All right, ladies. Let's go.
Oh, my God, I missed you!
- DUSTIN: What up?
- Oh, my shit!
Oh, you've gotta be
fucking kidding me, bro!
What the fuck is he
doing here, Dustin?
- Calm down. Take it easy.
- Take it easy?
We spent two days in juvie
'cause of your robbing ass!
What the fuck
are you doing here?
I'm sorry, okay?
It was a misunderstanding.
I ain't even mean to...
You didn't mean to break down
our door and fucking rob us?
Yeah, about that.
I'm sorry, man.
- Hey, that shit was stupid.
- You wanna know what's stupid?
Not being able to use the
goddamn bathroom for two days
because you're
in fucking jail!
- You didn't go yet?
- No, I told you I couldn't.
I thought you went last night.
There's no privacy
in that place.
- Dude, that's not healthy.
- No shit!
[CHUCKLES] "No shit"?
[LAUGHING]
I just got...
That's why you my boy.
Hell no.
You think this is funny?
We're probably fired
because of your dumb asses.
- Fuck! Gimme your phone.
- My dumb ass?
- Yeah, you!
- What did I do?
- Y'all had all the drugs.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Good day, Officer.
You're the one
whose little friend here
was yelling in our yard,
waking up our neighbors,
oh, and robbing
our goddamn house
at 7:00
in the fucking morning!
I'm sorry about that. Don't be
bringing' that shit up again.
And here I am
signing your little
teenybopper asses out of juvie,
so why don't you
ease up off your boy?
Thank you, Dustin.
Really, thank you so much.
- He's gonna see us.
- What did he say? Was he pissed?
He just said that we should
come dressed and we better have
- a damn good excuse.
- Oh, God. Thank God.
Oh, well, thank God.
Ain't that nice?
Now, can we please go, ladies?
- Yeah, let's do that, bro.
- Let's jam.
Thank you. Let's get
outta here, baby. Ooh-ooh-ooh!
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO]
[RAPPING]
Y'all make me feel good
Yo, can you turn
this shit down?
Take a look back there
I hope that y'all
ready to ride
Yo, she's fucking
talking to you!
And right now
there's no backing down
[VOLUME INCREASING]
Really?
This the end of the road
No Boyz II Men
We way in too deep
to try and pretend
This move go good
Next step I resign
Full house on the river No chips left behind
[SONG CONTINUES ON CAR STEREO]
[SONG STOPS]
Yo!
Hey!
Hey, where are you going?
What's it look like?
Fittin' to get our grub on!
Oh, Dustin, come on.
Can't we just go home? Please?
You been in the slam
for two days.
You can't tell me
you ain't hungry.
I'm hungry.
We don't have time. We have to
go home and get ready for work.
We don't have to be there
for six hours.
I have to use the bathroom.
Oh, lucky you.
They got a bathroom inside.
Look. This is the least
I can do for you girls
after what y'all been through.
What, let Brandon give us
free sandwiches?
I just bailed
y'all asses out of jail.
No, you signed us
out of the juvie holding cell,
after we sat out
the cost of our tickets.
And here I am
being a good dude
and gettin' y'all
fed and stuff.
Now, come on, man.
Let's go eat.
Dude. Sandwiches.
Ah, shit! Look at these
jailbirds all up in my biz!
What the fuck
is under your hat?
Oh, yeah, my new 'do.
You like? What do you think?
- No.
- I don't know.
It's maybe an improvement.
I'm tellin' you, the '90s
are back, and I happen to be
one of the only persons
who could actually
rock this look right here.
JESSIE: I don't
wanna hear about this.
Yeah, you and Carrot Top.
Well, you watch.
In a month or two, everybody's
gonna be lookin' like this,
but guess what.
I'll have moved on
to the next thing.
Why wait when you can
just move on now? You know?
For real, bro,
I'm getting hungry
just looking at them
curly fries.
Hook us up, man!
Hey, you're lucky my boss
is off today.
I'ma hook you up,
but next time you guys
gotta call first, okay?
Man, when isn't
your boss off, bro?
I ain't never seen that dude.
I feel like you're the manager
around this joint.
You're runnin' the shit, bro.
What? Ah, the manager.
Manager.
[DINGS]
I'ma hook y'all up.
I'm hookin' y'all up!
What y'all want?
Feelin' better?
Did you go?
Can we please
not talk about this?
Did you?
Jessie, seriously,
this is getting ridiculous.
It's actually gettin'
a little bit dangerous.
Shut up about it, okay?
I can't go here.
I'll go at home.
So if you care so much,
hurry up
and finish eating your fucking
sandwich so we can leave.
[SIGHS]
- [MAKES FARTING NOISE]
- [CHUCKLING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
So?
- What?
- What do you mean, "What?"
Why the fuck
was this dude robbing us?
Ah, right. You wanna...
Nah, man.
You got this one, bro.
All right. Well...
[CLEARS THROAT]
Y'all remember the night
before the robbery and all that?
Well, me and my boys
were fittin' to go in
on a pound together,
and it did not go as planned.
DUSTIN: Yo, are you sure
this is the right place?
Yeah, man, I got the address
right here.
[WHISPERING]
Maybe we should try knocking.
- [GUN COCKS]
- MAN: All right, baby boy.
You're gonna
empty your pockets,
you're gonna
gimme all of your shit,
and then you're gonna
get the fuck off of this porch
and out of the game. Got it?
[THUNDER CLAPS]
Holy shit, Dustin.
You realize
you could've been killed.
I know, dude.
It was some scary shit.
Not that I'm glad
that this happened,
but you need to stop dealing
and get a job.
For sure. I mean,
that's the plan. Right?
Mmm-hmm.
However-- [CLEARS THROAT]
It is gonna take us a minute
to get our careers goin',
so I might need to borrow
a little for rent this month.
Jesus Christ, Dustin.
How much is a little?
- All of it.
- What?
Are you serious? You used
your rent money for this?
Yo, that's how
selling works, man.
You gotta have money
to make money.
Guess what. We don't even
have our own rent money.
- So we can't help you.
- Bullshit! Uh-uh.
Y'all been working
every day this week.
I know you're rollin'. Talkin'
'bout beach trips and shit.
Beach? What beach?
I mean, just Galveston,
but still.
- Y'all can suck a dick.
- Seriously.
Dustin, I don't care
how you do it,
but you better come up
with that money by the first
or I don't even know what.
Okay? Now, will you please
take me home
so I can use
the goddamn bathroom?
JESSIE: Move! Move! [GROANS]
[TV TURNS ON]
How hard is it to fill up
a goddamn water jug, people?
Do you wanna shower first,
or should I?
There's no fucking
toilet paper.
Here.
No.
[PANTING]
[GROANS]
JESSIE: Dustin,
you need to go to the store.
You need to replenish
the toilet paper.
Oh! You still
ain't gone doo-doo?
There's no fucking
toilet paper!
DUSTIN:
You don't need toilet paper.
Just wash your butt in
the shower. That's how I do.
I did not need to know that.
You're disgusting.
Yeah, if we had any water!
When did the water
get turned off?
- Oh, shit.
- What? Did you not pay the bill?
We already gave you
the money for this month.
Man, I forgot, dude.
- I meant to call, for real.
- Oh, God. Unbelievable.
[BLOWING RASPBERRY]
[JESSIE SIGHS]
ANGELA: I hate this day.
Me, too.
I just wanna take a hot shower
and put on some cozy clothes
and sleep until Monday.
I'd give almost anything
to do that right now.
I'm kinda starting
to regret buying this trip.
I'm really sorry
all this is happening.
What? Angela, hell no.
Look, all of this shit is 100%
my brother's fault, okay?
And whatever ends up happening,
he has to deal with it.
You and I are going
on this trip,
and we're gonna see
some motherfuckin' dolphins,
smoke some
motherfuckin' ganja
and eat some motherfuckin'
doughnuts on the beach.
Okay?
- Okay.
- Okay?
Okay.
- Come on, let's go.
- No!
No, man, we don't
sell our own jeans.
We steal them first,
and then we sell those.
DUSTIN: Where the hell are we
supposed to get $300 jeans?
No, I'm good, man.
Uh...
Nordstrom's or Neiman's.
[SCOFFS]
- Neiman's?
- What?
I ain't stealing shit
out of Neiman Marcus.
All right, so you'll rob
your best friend,
but you won't steal
from a department store?
[CLICKS TONGUE]
"Best friend."
Number one,
that was the first time
I ever robbed anybody,
- which I'm very sorry about.
- We cool.
Number two, look at me.
I can let y'all
borrow some clothes.
He don't get it.
Look, man,
I'm a young black man.
You could give me
an Armani suit.
If I walk into Neiman Marcus,
they're gonna automatically
think I'm stealing.
You wouldn't understand.
- Man, that ain't right.
- It ain't right.
- People need to get woke.
- Get woke.
All right. On the phone,
you said you had "ideas."
- That's one.
- Man, we steal them,
and then we sell them--
that's two.
Seriously? What the fuck
is he doing in our house?
Yo, it wasn't my fault, man.
We got robbed.
Did you know that was
his rent money?
My money got ganked
that night, too.
I'm trying to fix
this shit for all of us.
Why don't you have your daddy
send you some fucking money?
Man, I already told you.
He cut me off a long time ago.
How do y'all
not understand this shit?
How the fuck are you paying
for this juice then?
Get your hands
off my juice!
Will everybody chill
the fuck out? Please.
- Daddy got this.
- Oh, God.
Me and my boys are makin'
a plan right now, so get on!
[JESSIE SIGHS]
All right, so we need
to decide on an excuse.
I was thinking, since it worked
so well last time...
No.
No. I know what you're gonna
say and I'm not doing it.
Come on. Like, a car accident
is the best excuse.
Dude, no, it's not.
I almost lost
a fucking tooth that time.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPS]
[COUGHS]
Okay. I'm ready.
No, no, no, no! Wait, wait,
wait, wait! I'm scared.
Okay, okay.
- Just take a deep breath.
- Okay.
Close your eyes, okay?
It's gonna be over
so fast. Promise.
- Okay.
- Okay?
Just don't hit my nose.
I won't.
- Promise?
- Promise.
Okay.
Okay.
[BREATHING HEAVILY, YELPS]
We got so many sympathy tips.
Because people thought we were,
like, battered women, okay?
- [CHUCKLES]
- It's not worth it.
Why do your plans always
have to require bodily harm?
They don't always.
Chicken pox?
Ugh, they're biting me!
[GROANS]
I can't feel anything at all.
Maybe they don't like my blood.
[PANTING]
[INSECTS BUZZING]
It's on my face!
Oh, my God!
Goddamn. That was actually
by far the worst.
Really? Even worse than
drinking that milk that time?
Um, yeah. I mean, not that
I like throwing up,
but at least
it was kind of easy.
- Mmm-mmm.
- Mmm-hmm.
Roderick?
Um, I think
we have the stomach flu.
We need to go home.
You know, he wasn't even mad,
just, like, genuinely concerned.
He was kinda mad, though.
He has such a good heart,
that Roderick.
[STOMACH RUMBLES]
Dude, are you okay?
[GRUNTS]
I'm good.
I just need a minute.
Jessie, look,
you can't hold it in forever.
Just run inside
and use their bathroom.
I can't, okay?
It's already been too long.
This is getting serious.
It's been almost three days.
Like, what if your intestines,
like, explode,
and then your whole body
is poisoned and then you die?
That's not a real thing, okay?
Dude, you are literally
full of shit right now!
I swear to God,
if you don't shut up...
You know what
you need, dude? Prunes.
Come on.
Dude, I'm serious.
There's like nothing in this
world that prunes can't fix.
That's not true.
Like, at all.
One hundred percent true.
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
Yes. Sample aisle.
Prunes.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKER]
[ANGELA CHUCKLES]
I saw that,
you little thief.
What did you just call me?
I'm buying these.
Does he work here?
Hell no, he doesn't work here.
All right. Come on.
Just walk away.
Okay, let's go. Yeah?
Mmm.
No, come on.
He's not worth it.
- Fuck it. Hey!
- Wait. Don't.
Hey! Over here! Hi!
Hope you're watching to make
sure I don't steal anything.
Oh, no, that's right,
I'm buying these!
You're not buying those nuts.
That's theft!
You stand over there
and you eat and you eat.
You know who pays
for all that? Me!
And all the other people
who shop here
when they raise the prices
to cover for thieves like you!
It's called sampling.
I had like three nuts.
And your little friend here,
dressed like that.
Have some decency!
[SCOFFS] What?
Dressed like what? It's, like,
a thousand degrees outside.
Like a whore.
Like a thief and a whore.
- What did you just call us?
- You heard me.
Go home! Put some clothes on!
Whores, huh?
Okay. Probably not the kind
you like to fuck, though, right?
Not quite young enough I bet,
you fucking pedophile-looking
jizz mopper.
Fucking disgusting rent-a-cop
wanna-be,
Woody Allen-looking
dick face.
Fuck you, dude!
We are leaving now,
but only 'cause
I can't spend another second
looking at
your dumb, hideous face
and your oddly-shaped head,
which is probably
the closest thing to a penis
on your disgusting, rotting,
wilting body, you filth!
Die!
Get out of here!
- Bye!
- [LAUGHS]
Dude! That was fucking crazy!
You're such a badass!
Dude, I know!
What a motherfucker! Fuck!
Fuck you!
Wait, isn't that Paul's car?
Oh, yeah.
Wait, wait, come here.
Dude, come on!
He used to do this shit to me
all the time
when he worked with us.
Me, too.
I used to fucking hate it.
Yeah.
I can't believe that old fuck
called me a whore.
Dude, I know. Motherfucker!
His poor wife. Did you see her?
She almost had a heart attack.
Yeah, I never know
if I should, like,
feel bad for women like that.
Like, why would you be
with someone so horrible?
I don't know, dude. It's sad.
When I see a couple like that,
all I can think about is that
at some point in her life,
he had a boner
and she let him put it in her.
Eww! Why is that
what you think about?
I can't help it. Wait, wait.
One, two, three.
[ALL SCREAMING]
Oh, you fucking bitches! Why?
Oh, my God! Finally!
We fucking finally got you back!
- No, that shit wasn't funny.
- I'm sorry. I love you.
Eww, no. One of y'all
smell like shit.
- It's our fucking uniforms.
- Yeah.
We have to work tonight,
but we have to go
to the Laundromat first,
because clearly
we smell like feces, so...
Wait, wait, wait. Work?
You're not hittin' up
Art Dog's party?
Oh, shit. I forgot about that.
At his g-ma's, right?
Yes, ma'am. Day drinking
like a motherfucker!
Aaah! Eh, eh!
No, we don't have time
for that.
And we have to see
Roderick sober.
We don't have to get fucked up.
We can hang for a minute
and say hey.
Yeah. Hey!
Hey!
We have to wash
our dresses. We can't.
Just wash 'em
at Art Dog's place.
- He don't give a fuck.
- Dude, yes.
Or we could just go
to the Laundromat.
Maybe you'll see that guy
that stole your underwear.
You can ask for them back.
Or maybe you can borrow
a pair of his.
Oh, that's an option.
- Okay.
- [SHRIEKS] That's my girl!
Hey, that's what
I'm talkin' about.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO]
[RAPPING] Yeah, I got bougie
bitches in the red bottoms
They got they own money
Put that Gucci on 'em
She don't need a man
She just want the dick
Let her work mine
She be doin' booty tricks
[ALL SINGING ALONG]
Hunned hos in the lobby
Hunned G's in the account
Hunned labels on the phone
Talkin' money turn me on
Hello?
What's that you said?
What's that you said?
- Cut the advance?
- Ay
Cut the advance,
bring me the bread
I know that you wanna
have it all, have it all
But you can't have it all
'cause I already got it
Ah, gotta get
a new bank account
'Cause this one full,
get another one started
Blogs and Instagram
and the Snap and the Twit
Yeah, I was already poppin'
And yo bitch?
Hop in the whip
and she strip off the rip
- Rari so slow on the pull up
- Pull up
Got the lane open,
fulla commas
Bling blow flash
Got that ice cuff
Bag fulla bands
Yeah, I need a handcuff
I need it, I need it
- Rari so slow on the pull up - Pull up
Yo, something kinda like this.
Yo, check it out.
Go...
[VOCALIZING]
What y'all think?
I mean, it's, like,
a little advanced,
but I can teach y'all
an easier version
if you wanna learn.
Advanced? What?
Dude, ain't no way in hell
I'm dancing
on no corner for tips.
- That's a dumb-as-fuck idea.
- You think that shit was easy?
I mean, it was basic.
I've been taking hip-hop classes
since I was six years old,
so I'd hardly
call that shit "basic."
How many years
dance experience you got?
What? All my life.
- All his life, bro.
- You took classes?
I don't need
no bullshit classes, son.
This dude
is full of shit, D.
Oh, you think so?
Yeah, unless you show me now.
- Do I? Do you mind if I...
- Show that dude. Show him.
Okay, hold on.
Let's get this.
Uh-huh.
You wanna see somethin'?
Think about--
See, you don't even know...
- But...
- Don't worry about it.
- Man, that looks...
- [GRUNTING]
Look at that. You see
how I get it right there?
- I don't need to. I feel it.
- That's right.
Get it right there.
[GRUNTING]
RYAN: No, no, you see,
you gotta get...
[BOTH GRUNTING]
DUSTIN: Yeah, get lower.
Get in the dirt.
Oh, you wanna do it like that?
DUSTIN: Impregnate the ground.
Dumbass!
That's why you
do not need to dance.
Can't hang
with all them classes you took?
Need a refund!
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] It seems that
situations in our generation
Makes people super cautious
of Cupid's arrow
And where it's facing
They love relations,
they hate relationships
They love the fuckin'
but hate the commitment
In our minds
love is just a game
Too busy to settle down
Too afraid to get played
and I feel the same
Walking around with this
ice brick in my chest
Ice water leaks
where my blood is
And I need someone here
warm enough to melt it
I feel the embrace
But I'm not for sure
that it's the real shit
This is a drug party.
If we don't leave now,
there's no chance
we're getting
out of here sober.
- Oh, shit!
- Angela, no.
But it's for later, dude.
Can you relax?
There's too much temptation.
I don't even trust myself.
Look, if anyone offers you
anything, just say no. Okay?
We can have fun
without getting fucked up.
- Come on.
- All right.
Mmm.
Where's he at?
- Oh!
- Yo!
- Oh, damn! What's up?
- [ANGELA YELLS]
- What's up, girl?
- What's up?
Good. Good seeing you two.
What y'all been up to?
Not much. But hey,
this is a weird question,
but could we use
your washing machine?
What? Like, to do laundry?
Yeah, we just have to wash
some stuff for work.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.
You know
my g-ma's casa es su casa.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Spanish, though? Okay.
Spanish,
that's the weed talkin'.
Come on.
Man, you're gonna owe me
a dance after this, though.
- Oh, hell, yeah!
- Oh, duh.
All right, look, there you go.
It's Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dum.
Oh, shit, thank you.
Just holler at me when
y'all get done, all right?
- Thank you.
- Oh, thank you so much.
Oh, my God, dude.
I've never been so excited
to do laundry in my life.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Buzz me in, yo,
I got the gin and the hydro
So much herb on me
I could start a cooking show
So much liquor with me
thinkin' I could float a boat
Ready, here we go
I'ma ignite tonight,
money tell the truth
So you already know
ya boy keep it lit, though
Smoke like
there's no tomorrow, yeah
Smoke like my time
is borrowed
Uh, double that cup
gettin' double fucked up
Holla at you and your friend, I'ma double my luck
Sorry, Uber driver,
can't sit in the front, nah
Post in the back,
cutie in my lap
I make my own fortune,
mix my own potion
If I throw a Benny,
that's a drop in the ocean
Tryna make some money,
lay a bet on me
Win it all, Rolies
for the whole set on me, ay
Show me that green
I'ma twist it
Pass me that bottle
I'ma twist it
Me and the homies
gettin' twisted
Gettin' twisted,
gettin' twisted
Show me that green
I'ma twist it
Pass me that bottle
I'ma twist it
The whole damn room
gettin' twisted
Gettin' twisted,
gettin' twisted
Are they done yet?
Nope, not yet.
- Dude, I am so hungry.
- Me, too.
- Anything good?
- Just, like, old people shit.
What is this?
Chocolate biscuit, sugar free.
[EXCLAIMS]
Ooh!
Oh, hell, yes!
What?
[GASPS]
Yes!
Mmm.
That's so good.
What y'all doin'?
Oh, shit. Y'all done
found my secret stash.
- Yeah, we were starving.
- Is that okay?
Yeah, that's cool,
but I would only just eat one.
What?
Yeah, man, that weed butter
will fuck you up.
[BOTH RETCHING]
This sucks.
Nothing's coming up.
I can't do it.
No, me neither.
[GAGGING AND COUGHING]
- Fuck, this sucks.
- This sucks.
[LAUGHTER
AND INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Boo!
- [SHRIEKS]
- Damn it, Paul!
- [WHOOPING] I got you bitches!
Hey!
[GASPS]
Here.
God, these are
soaked in beer.
Paul is such a dick.
Hey, you feel
anything yet?
No, you?
Nothing.
[DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING]
JESSIE:
Dude, Crystal.
ANGELA:
She's such a bitch.
I bet you she's just like...
a really unhappy person
on the inside.
Which...
if you think about, it's...
actually kinda sad.
Yeah, it is.
Thank God we're not sad
on the inside.
No.
I'm wonderful on the inside.
Me, too.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[CHUCKLES]
Is this seriously
how you're coming
to ask for your jobs back?
Oh, my God, are they wet?
Is that beer?
[SCOFFS]
What the fuck are you doing
in your lives
that you're too busy
to dry your uniforms?
Not working,
that's for sure.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Oh, my God.
You're high as fuck.
Goddamn, it feels
good to be right.
Okay. You two stay right here,
and I'ma go get Roderick.
[JESSIE SIGHS]
Oh, shit, she knows.
Dude, how did she know?
I don't know. You know
what's weird about that?
Huh?
I always think that people
know I'm high when I'm high.
But usually,
they actually don't.
But this time,
she actually did.
Whoa.
That's crazy.
Huh.
Oh, pancakes.
[ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING]
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone's swept
your heart away
[INAUDIBLE]
From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it
Tell me about the plans you're makin'
Oh
Tell me one thing more
before I go, tell me...
[SONG STOPS]
Roderick said he'll meet you
in his office.
And don't worry, I didn't
tell him you were stoned.
I thought it'd be
a fun surprise.
[GIGGLES]
[MOUTHS] Bye.
[SONG RESUMES]
How am I supposed to live
without you?
Y'all feelin' okay?
Now that I've been
lovin' you so long
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[WAVES CRASHING]
ANGELA:
That beach.
I just wanna be there
so bad.
What is the deal with
screensavers like that
in a depressing place
like this?
Huh.
It just makes me wanna be here
so much less.
What they should have...
is pictures
of really sad places.
Yeah. Like...
pictures of the dentist,
coming at you with a drill.
Yes.
- Or Walmart.
- Yeah.
[WHISPERING] No. [GULPS]
K-Mart.
Yes.
[WAVES CRASHING]
I wonder what
Roderick's gonna say.
Me, too.
I wonder if he
believed our excuse.
No.
I did not believe you two
were kidnapped.
Or for that matter, any of
the stories you come up with.
Man, you know
I'm disappointed?
You two were
on such a good streak.
Showing up to work on time,
working hard,
doing drugs after you leave.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Just so you know...
I really was gonna give you
your jobs back today.
- Wait, really?
- Yes.
- So, we're hired back?
- No! No, you're fired.
Comin' here looking like
the goddamn
Wreck of the Hesperus,
and as high as a kite.
And even if I wanted
to hire you back,
you couldn't work like this.
If somebody from corporate
came in here and saw you,
hell, I'd get fired.
The wreck of the what?
I don't know.
But I think he knows
we're high, too.
- [GROANS]
- I can hear you.
I'm literally two feet away.
You know, you two
are really something.
And I'm gonna miss
having you around here.
You're bright, funny,
entertaining as hell,
and one of the only things
about this place I don't hate.
As shitty as my job is,
and it is shitty...
I don't have
the luxury to lose it.
So, take this as a favor
from me to you.
You don't wanna
end up like me.
Go do something
with your lives.
And start by
taking a shower.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
[SINGING] He says to me,
"Loneliness is universal"
"So be happy when you cry"
And yet
I crave to be alone
Still I can't be sure
BUS DRIVER:
Ladies.
Ladies!
Y'all can't be
sleepin' on here.
You need to get up
off my bus.
Where are we?
The transit station.
Now, come on.
You been on here nearly
four hours,
takin' up this seat.
- Okay. Yeah, okay.
- Let's go.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Jesus.
- Is this my face?
- [SIGHS]
Did I look
like this earlier?
I don't know.
I barely remember
us getting fired.
Wait.
That was real, right?
Yeah. I think so.
Ooh, unless
we're having, like,
some kind
of a dual hallucination,
which would be really cool.
Dude, if we ever
dual hallucinate,
I hope it includes, like,
unicorns or some shit,
not us getting fired.
[SIGHS]
- My God.
- [URINATING]
We really got fired.
Yeah.
[SIGHS]
Dude, are you gonna use
the bathroom?
No, I can't go yet.
Dude, you should
eat something.
We should hit up Brandon
for some sammies,
figure this shit out.
Shit. We're gonna have
to tell him about this.
Yeah, man. But who knows,
maybe he can help us somehow.
Like borrow some money
from the register for a while,
or, like, ask his boss
for an advance or something.
Hey, um,
I'm tryin' to get down
to Centerville and 31st.
You think I could get
a dollar or something?
Can you help me out?
I appreciate you guys.
They, uh, tell you about
the oceans in school?
No.
They're goin' away.
All of 'em.
Shit.
- Good luck.
- Yeah, you, too, man.
Damn, I would pay more
than a dollar for that shit.
That's it.
What, you wanna gangbang
the homeless dude?
I don't really see how that
helps the situation,
- but I'm down.
- What? Dude, no. Okay.
We go to Brandon's work,
right?
We ask him to give us
the register money.
He calls the cops,
says that he got robbed,
and the three of us
split the cash.
- Jessie.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God. Dude.
I'm so proud of you,
but that is never gonna work
'cause Brandon's just
not gonna do that.
Well, we can offer him
something in return.
Like a threesome, but we
don't actually have to do it,
because he's gonna be
just as guilty as us.
It is what he wants
most in life.
Yeah.
Is that mean, though?
Like, raising his hopes up
and then just, you know,
knocking them down like that?
No, not at all,
because technically,
we're helping him
not get evicted.
Do you see what I'm saying?
He's gonna forgive us.
Yeah.
[GRUNTS]
I love you right now!
Yes, let's go!
GARY BUSEY:
[LAUGHS] Oh, boy.
- God. You scared me.
- Here.
Here's the one
that looks like a roadkill.
Ooh, that meatball sub
looks good as fuck.
RYAN: Yo, and that fool's
about to eat two of 'em!
No, man.
He gets, like, two bites
and then he goes on the chase.
You never seen Point Breakbefore, man?
Yo, what are you doin'?
What's it fuckin'
look like, Dustin?
Oh, man, come on. Again?
Always losin'
that goddamn phone, bro.
Hey, yo, you should hit up
your roommate.
See if he can get us
some of them sandwiches.
Oh, no. We already went today.
He ain't gonna do that twice.
Man, I'd roll up in there,
and I'll be all like,
"Bitch, you better make me
two meatball subs,
or I'll fuck your shit up!"
Be like, "Gimme
all the money, too, bitch!"
Hey, your punk-ass
ain't gonna do shit.
Look at you. [CHUCKLES]
Whoa, hold up.
Wait a minute.
- That ain't a bad idea.
- Yeah.
For real.
Yo, check it out.
We rob Brandon's
sandwich shop.
There's our money!
- Dude.
- Man, y'all crazy.
I am not robbin'
a sandwich shop.
Yo, I'll do it. Yo, I even
know a guy, he's got a gun.
Man, we don't need a gun.
Dude, it's Brandon.
We'll just go in there
with masks and shit, yelling,
that dude'll be so scared,
he'll just give us
the money, man.
Oh, man, so you don't think
he gonna recognize your voice?
Oh, shit,
that's a good point.
Yo, what about a note?
Yo, we'll just
write that shit
and then we'll pass
that shit to him.
Hell, yeah!
Oh, a mask. We need masks.
All right.
What are you thinking?
Target
and Party City...
- That shit's expensive, dude.
- Pantyhose. Your sister, man.
Pantyhose!
Dude, this is gonna be
so fuckin' easy.
Are you in on this?
[GRUNTING]
Come on, dude.
Come on, I need you.
[SIGHS]
All right. All right.
I'm not in, though,
but I will help.
'Cause clearly,
just listening to y'all,
you need some guidance.
Guidance? What, from you?
- 'Cause you're so experienced?
- Got way more than you!
I took this fool's TV!
You forgot about that?
Yeah.
Which I am
terribly sorry about.
- Trust.
- Trust.
Oh, but let's go, baby!
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Well, well, well, well.
Look at this.
Y'all comin'
for the foot-long?
Hey, I could make you
a sandwich, too. Zing!
[BOTH LAUGHING]
- Uh, your boss isn't here?
- No.
I'm running the ship
solo, baby.
- As per usual.
- ANGELA: Wow.
I'm practically assistant
manager up in here.
Cool. That's cool.
Yeah, that's, like, super cool.
[CHUCKLES]
What y'all been up to today?
Just a little bit of, um...
[EXCLAIMING]
"Please let me with you."
[MOANS]
Uh, yeah.
Um... [CHUCKLES]
That's what we were doing.
We were doing
that exact thing.
- All day.
- Oh, damn. Thought so.
- Y'all two are crazy.
- We're crazy.
Well, speaking
of that, um...
We actually have a question
we wanted to ask you.
Wait, let me guess.
Y'all decided
you're finally ready to, uh,
take a ride on the Branana?
The what?
You know. This fuckin'...
[STAMMERS] Monster boy
who's about to get unleashed.
Well, yeah. Um...
now that you mention it, yes.
Yes, maybe we do.
Maybe do...
[STAMMERS] What?
You know, wanna ride the...
Oh, um... your Branana.
[CHUCKLES]
- Really?
- Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
We do.
But we do need this
very, very tiny favor
from you.
- So tiny.
- So tiny.
[HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING]
[RAPPING] Yeah!
Live in the buildin'!
TeamFromNowhere,
they know who we are
[INAUDIBLE]
Finally confident, ow!
I get it bumpin' like
a pregnant woman's stomach
Work a beat out
like some crunches
Somethin' funky's
what I'm comin' with
Yeah, I be on my shit n' critics be all on my dick
N' now I be on nuthin'
I just be on beat
and goin' in
Focusing, hocus-pocusing,
tryna git up out the 'hood
[MUSIC CONTINUES
ON CAR STEREO]
[TURNS OFF STEREO]
Damn. Y'all a'ight?
No, I'm fuckin' scared, bro.
Yeah, me, too.
Take a couple deep breaths.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
[EXHALES SHAKILY]
Yeah.
Man, you're
pretty good at this.
Nah, man.
We pretty good at this, us.
We a squad.
[GRUNTS]
For real?
Damn, let's go!
- Bullshit.
- What?
I don't believe you.
Y'all are saying if I give you
the register money...
We'll ride your Branana.
Okay, y'all know
that's my dick?
- Yes!
- Yes! Yes, we know, okay?
- Are you gonna do it or not?
- I mean, I would, but...
methinks y'all
are full of shit.
Okay. Well, um, how about,
we show you our boobs now
as a teaser,
just to show you
that we're not fucking around.
I wanna touch 'em.
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]
Okay. You can cup one boob,
over the shirt, no squeezing.
One boob each,
or one boob total?
One each. But that's it
until after we get the money.
I wanna see
y'all make-out, too.
- No!
- No! Dude!
You do it all the time
in your room.
I hear you!
Okay, um...
Well...
Well, if you, um...
do this very, very
tiny favor for us, then,
[WHISPERING]
all that stuff that you hear...
you can join in.
Okay. I mean, yeah...
that's tight. Yeah.
Yeah? Oh, cool.
Yeah, I could maybe
make some arrangements.
Stay there.
I'm staying.
I ain't movin'.
- I didn't know we were...
- No, shh.
[DOOR SLAMS]
Holy shit!
Oh, my God! Oh, shit!
There's a robbery!
This is a fucking robbery!
God, I do not wanna die!
Please do not shoot me!
- Robbery?
- Oh, shit! Shit!
Oh, my God!
Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Bring it down, bring it down.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Uh... Phone, yes! Yes.
It's an old-ass phone. I mean,
I don't even know if it's...
Yes, you, you got it.
Sorry.
You got what you
came for. Please.
The money!
Shit, obviously.
I've never fucking
done this shit. It's crazy.
The fucking register!
Of course!
I was, like,
are you robbing' me?
I didn't even know!
Movin' along,
movin' along! I got you.
This is real right here! Um...
Uh, do you have a bag?
Do you have, like,
a robber's bag
to put the cash into?
Just put it in foil or
a doggie bag, butthole!
- Yes, sir! Oh, shit! Okay.
- [MOUTHS] Dustin?
- Which one?
- Foil, man!
What the fuck?
Dustin? Ryan?
Dustin, you dumb-ass,
it's obviously you!
Take that shit
off your head!
ANGELA: That's clearly
your fucking finger,
so you can
put that shit down!
Ryan, quit it, dude!
We can tell it's you,
obviously, with these
stupid fucking masks!
Is this shit mine?
You son of a bitch!
What the fuck?
- What the fuck?
- Sorry, dude.
Sorry?
Y'all just tried to rob me!
That is not cool!
Hey, you're lucky we didn't call
the cops on you dumbasses!
So this was your
plan for rent, huh?
Rob a goddamn store?
- Rent?
- What if someone had seen you?
You realize
you could've been shot!
Man, that wouldn't
have happened.
Really? 'Cause
it already happened
one fucking time this week!
That was different, yo! I was
trying to start a business.
You were trying
to be a drug dealer!
99 percent of drug dealing
is getting robbed at gunpoint.
Have you never
seen Goodfellas?
- Blow.
- Scarface.
- Even Boogie Nights.
- What?
- The end.
- Oh, yeah, yeah,
the end with the crazy dude
and the firecrackers.
Drug dealing
is not a business, Dustin.
It's idiotic and it clearly
never turns out well for you.
Hey, y'all doin'
all right in here?
It look like things didn't go
as planned.
Uh, yeah, we gonna go ahead
and get outta here
and, um, no hard feelings,
right? Yeah?
All right, cool.
Y'all have a good night.
Be safe, it's dangerous and...
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
Look...
Brandon,
I am so sorry, like...
Yeah.
I know he's my brother, but we
had nothing to do with this.
What was that about rent?
Does he not have it?
Actually, um...
[STUTTERS]
- None of us do.
- What? I'm your roommate!
Why wouldn't you
tell me that?
Yeah, that's what
we were trying to do
with the register money.
Which is still a good idea,
by the way.
You said you needed bikinis,
not rent money.
There's not enough in there
to cover it.
- How much is there?
- I don't know, like $50.
- I did the safe drop
- [BOTH SIGH]
Before you guys got in here.
Dude, what kind
of broke-ass bikinis
did you think
we were gonna buy?
- Wait, safe? What safe?
- I don't know!
The safe down there.
I don't have a key.
Okay, well then,
we can just
take the whole thing
and bust it open later.
It's bolted down!
None of this
is gonna happen, okay?
- Nothing's gonna work.
- Damn it, dude!
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know. I guess,
- find a new place to live.
- Shit!
Can we at least have a fucking
sandwich? I'm hungry.
- Show me your titties.
- Brandon!
JESSIE:
Fuck you.
You can make a sandwich,
just don't make a mess.
- I just cleaned up over there.
- Titties, my ass!
Come on.
Eat up.
Might be a while before
we can afford food again.
- [CAR APPROACHING]
- [BRAKES SQUEAL]
Hey, Brandon,
I think someone's coming.
Oh, shit!
Shit! Go, go hide!
You gotta hide,
that's my boss!
- Now, go on, go! Go, go!
- Dude, what the fuck?
What are you
still doing here?
- BRANDON: Oh!
- Oh, my God! Dude.
- What?
- Look.
Get your horny little ass
outta here. I'll shut it down.
Holy shit!
Holy shit!
That motherfucker.
That shithead
is Brandon's boss.
Yo, poor Brandon.
I don't mind
staying and closing,
if it's okay with you, sir.
As a matter of fact,
it's not okay with me.
I need to get some work done,
and I prefer to do it alone.
Okay. I'll just finish
with the floors then.
The floors look good.
You can go.
- But I... [STAMMERS]
- I said go.
Uh...
Yes, sir.
You can put the broom
away first, Brandon.
Of course.
The broom
that goes in the closet.
The broom closet.
[BOTH GASPING]
Dude.
- [SHUSHES]
- [GASPS]
- I almost had a heart attack.
- Shut up.
- See ya, sir.
- Bye. Good-bye.
Enough chatting. Good-bye.
ANGELA: He just
locked the door.
[GASPS]
- We're trapped in here.
- Dude, relax.
[ANGELA SIGHS]
Here.
[SIGHS]
What are you doing?
You're so stupid.
[CHUCKLES]
Dude, what time does
Brandon's shift start?
Oh, my God,
we're so fucked.
[SIGHING]
How long is he gonna be here?
What the fuck is he doing?
Dude, go check.
[GAGS] Oh, my God!
- Oh, my fucking God! Dude!
- What?
Look at that shit!
And he called us whores!
ANGELA:
Oh, my God!
Yo!
I always said
it was the judgy ones that
end up being the perverts.
- Didn't I?
- [LAUGHS] Yeah.
That is so fucked up.
Did you see that shit?
I can't.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
- [STOMACH GROWLS]
[GROANING]
Are you okay? What?
No, it's just a cramp.
I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
[WINCING] Oh, my God.
- Dude!
- [SHUSHING]
- I'm fine, okay? It's fine.
- No, dude, you're not fine.
It's happening?
Dude, is it happening?
No!
Oh, God, maybe!
I don't know!
Dude, it is! The sandwiches,
dude! It was the sandwiches!
Oh, God,
it was the sandwiches!
It's coming!
It's coming right now!
No, dude,
run to the bathroom.
You'll make it
if you run, dude.
I'm not gonna make it.
I have to just let it flow.
- No! No!
- I have to just let it flow.
I will not let you be someone
who shits your pants
in a broom closet okay?
Unbutton your pants.
- No! Are you crazy?
- Do it!
- No, no, no!
- You have to. You have to.
ANGELA:
Go, go, go!
[SENTIMENTAL SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] I'm standing
on the edge of time
I've walked away
when love was mine
Caught up in a world
of uphill climbin'
The tears are in my mind
Nothing is rhyming
Oh, Mandy...
[DEFECATING]
Oh, God,
it won't stop coming out.
- I'm gonna throw up.
- Close that door!
- ANGELA: [WHINES] I can't!
- It's gonna smell up
the whole fucking place!
Close that door right now!
And you kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
And I need you today
Oh, Mandy
You came and you gave
without taking
What's going on here?
Hey, who's in there?
Oh, Mandy
You kissed me
and stopped me from shaking
And I need you...
[VOMITING]
Oh, my God, dude.
I killed him.
Dude, I puked him to death.
- Uh...
- [SPITS]
[ANGELA GASPS]
No, he's okay.
He's just knocked out.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Okay, shit,
we gotta
get out of here, like, now.
We need to go.
- Fuck! The keys!
- Keys! Keys!
- Shit!
- I got 'em.
Body!
[KEYS JANGLING]
[CHUCKLES]
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
[WHISPERS] Yo!
Dude.
I have a feeling these aren't
his wife's titties.
JESSIE:
Nope.
How illegal is blackmail?
Like medium, I think?
Okay, so I... think when we
get outta here, we should...
leave town for a little while
just to be safe.
Yeah.
Like...
- tonight? Yeah.
- Yeah. Just to be safe.
What do you think?
Oh, I think, um...
I think the sooner,
the better.
Come on!
This one.
[GASPS]
JESSIE:
Gimme the bag.
Okay. Here.
[PANTING]
This one.
Okay, close, close.
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh
[GIRLS YELPING]
When the lights go down
[LAUGHING]
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Pull me on, pull me on
Got my heart
between your fingers
I'm holding on,
holding on
'Cause it's hard
watching you leave hurts
And in this moment
We're all together
Throwing caution to the wind
And then the lights
begin to glow
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me...
[GASPS]
Oh, my God, dude!
I've never seen this much
money in my whole life.
Me neither.
My world explodes
Mmm, I think we have
enough money
to cover all of rent
this month.
Yeah, I think so.
- More than enough.
- [CHUCKLES]
Dustin's gonna freak
when he wakes up
and realizes we're gone.
That's true. He is, but...
He'll settle down when he sees
all the money.
I think I'll leave him a note
or something,
tell him where we're going.
Oh, my God.
Where are we going?
[CHUCKLES]
Anywhere we want.
What about Florida?
Or no,
let's go to California.
- Oh, my God, yes.
- Yeah?
I've always wanted to go
to California.
Like, see all the mountains
and the surfers.
- Venice Beach.
- Oh!
Venice Beach sounds so cool.
Mmm.
I won't wanna come back.
We can get a room to rent.
We have so much money,
no one's gonna care
we're underage.
We could get, like,
a job at one of those cute
little shops by the beach.
Mmm-hmm.
- I'm gonna buy a surfboard...
- Mmm.
And a bikini, day one.
Yes.
And I don't know,
we could go out to eat
at, like,
a really nice restaurant.
Mmm-hmm.
Like, something
overlooking the water.
[GASPS] Yeah. Oh.
And we could, like, spend
the night on the beach,
looking at the stars...
listening to the waves.
- And dolphins.
- Mmm.
Ange, we're gonna see
real dolphins.
We're not just
gonna see dolphins,
we're gonna swim with them
in the ocean every day.
We'll pretty much
be dolphins.
[LAUGHS]
I'm so excited.
Mmm.
Dolphies, dude.
Dolphies.
[CHUCKLES]
[SONG CONTINUES]
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Pull me on, pull me on
Got my heart
between your fingers
I'm holding on, holding on 'cause it's hard
Watching you leave hurts
And in this moment
We're all together
Throwing caution to the wind
And then the lights
begin to glow
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
And you pull me close
You make me
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh
When the lights go down
My world explodes
Carry on the words I say
With the weight
of ending days
Watch them pushing you away, away, away
And through all of my mistakes
And the plans in which we made
I'll remember anyway
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
You're like the trees, though, aren't you?
You let the breeze blow through you
I'll remember anyway
[SONG ENDS]
[UPBEAT SONG PLAYING]
[SINGING] I got a reputation to uphold
I can't hold it back,
can only let it go
Pick, pick, pick
Pick it up, pick it up
You know that
it's not necessary
Keep it down,
keep it down now
They hate our voices
when they carry
You've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Oh!
Just right quick while I'm changing direction
Lemme settle down,
lemme ask you a question
Girl, how you feel?
Don't lie
Can I keep it real?
Don't lie
Gonna speak my peace
before I lose control
Got a reputation to uphold
I thought that you should know I thought that you should know
They say you've got
a reputation to uphold
What's the closest emotion?
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Pick it up, pick it up, yeah
I want to explode
Oh!
[SONG ENDS]