Next Stop Wonderland (1998) Movie Script

[ Gulls Screeching ]
[ Bossa Nova ]
Look, I didn't-- I didn't
mean it to be this way.
This-- Every-- The reasons why
I'm leaving are on this tape.
It points out the six
points of why I think...
our relationship is doomed
and why I'm leaving it.
You can watch it later.
I was gonna mail it,
but now-- I'll just give it to you now.
Are you taking your VCR,
or did you leave that upstairs?
I bought the VCR! I'm taking my VCR!
I bought-- It's the
only thing I'm taking.
What is that on top of the car?
Is that a futon on top of the car?
That's-- That's our futon.
That's my futon.
I'm takin' the--
Can I please take the futon?
Please?
Violence is not the answer!
Get in the car!
Don't be drivin' back here
in a couple days, okay?
I'm not going through this
over and over and over.
I-I-I'm not-- That's on the tape.
I-I think that's point
number four on the tape...
because I have my vision,
you have your vision,
and I'm leaving, because
the Tantoonis need me.
The who? The Tantoonis.
What is-- It's an Indian tribe.
It was in the newspaper.
It was on CNN! You don't even watch TV.
You don't read the paper. You don't
know what's going on in the world!
That's one of my reasons.
That's point one!
You can't just walk out, Sean.
Listen, listen.
I'm gonna go, and I'm not coming back.
- Take Fidel.
- Please take Fidel.
I'm not taking Fidel, Sean. I'm
not taking your fucking cat!
I don't have the time and
energy to take care of the cat.
I have to go and get
something accomplished.
That cat will be in the way--
Ow! I am a man of peace!
You are a woman of violence.
I'm not a man like that.
And you're turning me into that man-- That's
like point number eight. I don't know--
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Elevator Bell Dings ]
Hi. Good night. Good night, Erin.
Have a good night.
[ Woman On P.A. ] Dr. Kravitz, you
have a visitor in the main lobby.
Dr. Kravitz, a visitor in the main lobby.
Do you guys know Bob, that
security guard from the lobby?
Mmm, he's really something, huh? Yeah.
He asked me to go to this little
soiree with him on Saturday,
to the aquarium, 'cause that's where
he used to work, and then yesterday...
he drops, like he mentions, that
Rick hit on him last summer.
Oh, he didn't say that! I only flirted.
It was his uniform. I couldn't resist!
I know, but the thing is,
he said some really mean and nasty things
about you, and it made me feel really bad.
All right, so he's a homophobic prick.
So what else is new? Story of my life.
I already said yes, that I would go.
You left me the witches' costume?
Honey, it's you!
Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
You're confused, honey.
What would you do if you were me, Erin?
Well, you want to get out of it?
Yeah.
Tell Bob that you're meeting...
a friend and her "date" at the party.
When her date doesn't show up, she
gets really upset, she wants to leave.
You need to take her home, and
then you're out. That's it.
It's really simple. Men
are really easy to trick.
- Or treat-- you witch!
- That's perfect! I need a friend, though.
I have no friends, so, Erin, will you
please go with me and be my friend?
- No. I hate parties.
- Yes! You always have a reason. Please come with me?
Oh, Erin, you have just got to go!
I mean, what man could resist the
wicked witch of the west wing?
[ All Laughing ] Listen, my
mother is in town this weekend.
I don't have any time. I have to be with her.
Yeah, okay, well.
Wait a minute. My mother
is in town this weekend.
Yeah, I'll go.
Oh, thank you!
Trick or treat!
- [ Kids Crying ]
- Mama! Mama!
Oh, oh, honey!
[ Kids All Crying ] Mama!
I want my daddy! Mama!
Daddy!
- I found it.
- You haven't got much Wordsworth, have you?
No. I'll let you have
that one half price.
Oh, shoot! Got it?
- Yep. - There you go. No, no, no.
Don't close it. You should never close a
book until you've read something from it.
What? Just a sentence or a word.
It can be very, very revealing.
Just read something, anything.
Read from the top, then.
"When from our better selves we have too
long been parted by the hurrying world,
"and droop, sick of its business,
of its pleasures tired,
how gracious, how benign is Solitude."
[ Woman ] Quiet chords from my guitar
Floating on the silence
that surrounds us
Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams
Quiet thoughts by quiet streams
And a window that looks out
on Corcovado
Oh, how lovely [ Phone Rings ]
[ Sax ] [ Answering Machine Clicks ]
Hi, it's Mom. I fly in
at 9:30 tomorrow morning,
so I'll see you at the gate.
Hope we can have a little fun tomorrow night.
Kick up our heels or something?
[ Tone ] [ Man ] Airport Station next.
Change here for the airport terminal shuttle.
Next stop, Airport.
Change here for the Logan
Airport terminal shuttle.
[ Woman On P.A. ] The airport
shuttle service is located...
up the escalator, to the left.
Inbound train approaching.
[ Man ] This is Airport Station.
Stay clear of the doors.
[ Bossa Nova ]
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
Aquarium Station next.
Next stop, Aquarium.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Welcome to the Boston Aquarium,
home of Myrtle, the turtle,
and Puff, the balloonfish.
What's expanding faster
than Puff, the balloonfish?
We are-- The North Addition--
Coming in 1999.
Watch us grow!
Hey, you guys? Who is this?
That is... Fred Astaire?
[ Man ] No, no, no. This
is Burgess Meredith.
Remember? I was telling you this yesterday.
You have to recognize that marking there.
By his neck? I knew it.
Well, he escaped from the
tray again last night.
Oh, don't worry about it. That's okay.
I mean, they always escape.
Hey, Ben. How you doin'?
Hey, Yuri needs you for a second down in pumps.
He has another pipe leak.
I-I-I can't, Ben.
I'm diving in two minutes.
It's a two-minute job-- for you, anyway!
Hey, Ben.
Did you have a chance to go over the
Assistant Aquarist application I put in?
Okay, nothing's been decided.
But you're still in the running.
All right. Thanks, Ben.
[ Woman ] The dolphin show begins in--
Ahh, good!
I'm a volunteer diver,
not volunteer plumber, Yuri.
This is the last time I'm comin' down
and doin' you a favor, all right?
I'm not getting paid for this. I don't want
to be down here helping you. No moreski.
Ahh... I do-- I do you favor.
Yuri, first of all, what's this? You
have, like, half a gasket in here.
Where's the other half
of the gasket, huh?
Bye!
[ Woman Singing In Foreign Language ]
So, there isn't a problem.
Just fax it to the hotel.
I'll sign it, and then I'll fax it back.
All right.
Now, darling, you weren't there.
And this gentleman-- I was there, Mom.
Your plane was early.
Well, whatever. I didn't see you, and
I thought you weren't gonna make it,
so this very lovely man offered me a
ride, and so I took it and I'm sorry,
Okay, forget about it. but I did
leave you a message on the machine.
It gave me some time to walk around.
I went to the aquarium.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
Let me make it up to you.
My latest acquisition. What do you think?
Blinding teeth.
Well, he's available. What?
They're not all gay, you know. Piper!
Darling!
Oh, hi! Oh, my God!
It's good to see you! I have
never, ever seen you in red.
[ Piper ] What has happened?
Oh, this isn't red. This is Hollywood black.
You look great.
And this-- Look at this.
This is my latest find.
He is going to be the biggest thing ever.
Isn't he big now? Oh,
yes, you know, he is.
[ Man ] It pays the tuition. Tuition?
- I'm in med school.
- Really?
My daughter went to medical school.
Yes, Harvard.
Harvard. Yes. She didn't
want to continue.
I didn't finish.
She didn't finish because it
was her choice not to finish.
She had the highest grade point
average of any female at Harvard.
No, I didn't. Yes, she did.
- No. No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
[ Woman ] Piper. I did not!
- So, what are you doing now?
- I'm a phlebotomist.
You-You study insects?
She is not a phlebotomist. She is a
registered nurse, a profession...
her late father esteemed very highly.
And she's a very good one.
I'll see you later. It's
inevitable to see you later.
[ Piper ] Bye-bye, Rory.
Good luck to you.
He'll need it.
So, how's the old place?
It's quiet. Hmm. Renovations?
We never finished.
Hmm.
Have you really been
by yourself ever since that--
That, that Marxist left?
- He was an activist, Mother.
- Well, it's the same thing.
I must say I was delighted when I heard
you gave him his walking papers.
Sean left me, Mom.
No. And you let him?
Did I have a choice?
Dear, sweetness,
light of my life.
With men, you always have a choice.
Well, you didn't.
Mmm. Mmm.
I'm sorry, Mom. I don't
know why I said that.
- It's okay.
- There's no comparison.
You're right.
Loss is loss. It's the
same thing, either way.
You know what I think
your father would have wanted?
I think he would want you to move on,
find yourself a new man
and be happy again.
- Ihappy.
- Well, there's no crime in showing it, is there?
Look, Mom. I know that you
don't think that a woman...
can be alone and be content.
What are you talking about?
This is me you're talking to.
Of course, I do.
Oh, come on. You are never alone.
You're always surrounded...
by all these people.
Listen, what are we going to do tonight?
I had an idea. Um, thought maybe
Dodge and I would come over...
to the old apartment and
have some cocktails-- Dodge?
- Dodge!
- Who is Dodge?
The gentleman I met at the airport.
I told you this!
You never listen to me!
His name is Dodge?
His name is Dodge, and we thought
we'd take you out tonight.
- I have a date.
- Dodge and I thought we would have some drinks--
What? I have a date.
You have a date! Goddamn you.
What have I been carrying on about?
Who with?
Who's it with? Come on.
A girl from work.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
This is Wonderland Station...
in the Wonderland commuter parking lot.
A quarter-pound of pecorino, please.
The price of cheese.
[ Woman On TV ] Reporter Arnie Reisman
has been following that story.
[ Arnie Reisman ] It's only
the latest in a series...
of anonymous acts of vandalism that began
last month during the Boston Aquarium's...
prolonged legal battle
with Lesser Construction.
Yesterday, Lesser Construction
lost its bid...
to build a state-of-the-art mausoleum...
on this waterfront lot,
now officially, future home of
the aquarium's North Addition.
I want to congratulate
Miss Shebola and the aquarium...
for getting the approval
for their Addition.
Now, the good people of Boston will
have a place to cavort with fish,
instead of a place
to properly, hygienically,
not to mention economically,
bury their loved ones.
Now, this will not send
our company, in any sense,
into any kind of financial distress.
We're now in the business
of building privately run,
for-profit, commercial prisons.
There's no need to tell you
how successful they are.
What about the allegations that
you're behind the aquarium vandalism?
That is very-- I've heard--
That's ridiculous.
I love fish. They're good creatures.
I've nothing against them.
Are you worried that you're going to wind
up in the same prison you're building?
Is that funny? [ Man ] That's enough!
[ Man And Woman Arguing ]
[ Man ] You're actin' like an idiot!
[ Woman ] Stupid!
[ Woman ] I am not acting like an idiot!
[ Man ] No, you're not
actin' like an idiot.
You just don't fuckin' listen! Who
do you think you are, leavin' here?
You're actin' like-- Take it easy!
Hey, hey, hey, cut, cut, cut!
Will you guys please shut up?
- What is the matter with you?
- Sorry. We had an argument, all right? I'm sorry.
Try to keep it down.
Will you please try and keep it down?
He's trying to study.
- Have a little respect.
- Who cares what other fuckin' people say?
[ Glass Breaking ] [ Man ] You moron!
[ Woman ] I'm not an idiot, you are! Man!
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
[ Woman On TV ] ...their continued
support for the protesters,
said they now prefer
to negotiate with developers.
This is Renita Harrow, BSN News.
I don't give a damn!
[ Woman Speaker ] And it is
with pride that I pronounce...
that when construction finishes
on the North Addition in 1999,
Boston will again have...
the nation's premiere public aquarium.
[ Woman Speaker ] Let us christen
this voyage tonight, leave the port,
move forward,
put the bad water behind us.
[ Speaker ] On behalf of myself and Puff,
our little fish mascot,
Frankie, get me a drink.
- You got it, Arty.
- Enjoy the festivities.
Thank you.
I was born into the willows
I'm in love with you for you
And a word for the emotion
is it fa-so-la-te-do
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
So, what kind of an idiot would
blow off a woman like you?
He's a bastard. Let me tell
you something about this guy.
He's a little acey-deucey.
You know what I mean. No straight guy...
in his right mind would
blow off a woman like you.
Yeah, well, I guess it
wasn't meant to be.
I don't know. I think I'm gonna go home.
No, wait.
What do you say I go with you?
You're alone, I'm security.
I mean, she and I, we're not even involved.
As far as I'm concerned, Bob,
there is no security.
Only security guards.
[ Woman ] Hey! Hello. Hey, Erin.
Could I just have a minute? [
Erin ] Certainly. Certainly.
See you, Bob.
Okay, all right. Are we done?
Can we go now?
Are you done? Can you go?
Wait a minute. I thought that the whole
point was that I would be here--
Right. But now the point seems to be...
that you are really
preoccupied with my date.
Oh, I'm preoccupied with Bob.
Hey! We havin' a good time?
Hi! Hi! Cricket, what do you
say we dance, right now?
I'd love to. Great!
When she walks she's like a samba
That swings so cool and sways
so gentle Alan! Alan!
Yeah?
Bob? Bob? Remember?
- Bob, how are you?
- This is Cricket. Cricket, Alan. Alan, Cricket.
How are you? Hi.
Cricket's a nurse where I work now.
Over at the, uh, hospital. Uh-huh.
Hey, we could have used you here last week
what with the shenanigans and everything.
A guy like Bob. Back in the
saddle again, huh, Bob?
If I were still here,
that shit would never happen.
- Good seeing you.
- Alan.
You here alone? Yes, I am.
I got a chick you're not gonna believe.
A hot chick, free thinker, rubbin' against the
furniture right now, all by her lonesome.
She's trawlin' for action,
beggin' for somethin',
and I think you're the kind of
guy that can give it to her.
Well, you know, Bob. I'm really quite
flattered that you'd think of me,
but to tell you the truth,
I'm real busy at the moment.
So, I'll see you later. Wait a minute.
What are you, some kind of fag?
[ Man ] Alan!
Yo, Alan! How are ya?
- Oh, shit.
- I'll meet ya at the bar!
Great to see you again, Bob.
Good to see ya.
Where ya been, buddy?
Hey, I'm gettin' the feeling
you're trying to avoid me.
No, no, no. I'm not avoiding you, Frank.
I'm very busy, you know. I've got classes.
I'm volunteering here.
I got a little favor I gotta ask ya.
Oh, Christ, Frank.
- If this is about your toilet, I can't
come by every time. - No, no, no.
It's flushin' like
a champ since you been there.
Listen, uh, maybe you
can take me on a little tour.
You want a little tour, Frank? Yeah.
You can show me that little Poof fish
that's on the news all the time.
Puff, Frank. It's a puffer
fish, all right? Come on.
[ Woman ] When threatened,
a balloonfish...
can rapidly inflate its body
with water or air. [ Tapping ]
Frank! Do you see where it says,
"Do not tap on the glass"?
All right? These are very sensitive fish.
They got feelings? Yeah, they do, Frank.
You know what?
You're really not supposed to smoke here,
so why don't we go back where we came from?
And I'll just see you in a couple days
and I'll give you some money, all right?
You were doin' just fine
when you were plumbin', Al.
When you were workin' with your
father, when you were a team.
Look, Frank. You did me a really big
favor by lending me the money...
so I could go to school,
but I'm a full-time student now,
and it's just gonna take me
a little more time.
I can't give you any more time.
Christ, Frank.
What do you expect me to do?
I don't have any money.
Small favor. Do it, and I'll knock
off the interest on the loan.
[ Woman ] The North
Addition, coming in 1999.
Certain people just want
a message sent, that's all.
So what is this... favor?
Just eliminate the fish. That's it.
- Puff?
- Yeah, Puff!
[ Laughing ] What, are
you kidding me, Frank?
There's no way. Oh, for Christ's sake,
it's a goddamn, pansy-ass fish!
Look at it!
Ladies.
You know, Frank. I can't believe
that you're asking me to do this!
I'm not gonna do it! But don't worry.
You know what.
'Cause I will definitely get you
your money, one way the other.
Next Monday, I will see you. I will have your
money, plus your three points, all right?
Hey, Alan. Who's gonna loan
you the money, your father?
He's at the dog track, blowin' the
two grand I fronted him last week.
[ Woman On Video ] Biologists
call it a defense mechanism,
because it defends the fish against
attacks by hungry predators, like sharks.
Smile! Hey, looks like you
just made the society page!
What's your name, gorgeous?
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Answering Machine Clicks ] Hi, this is Erin.
Please leave a message after the beep.
[ Beep ] [ Piper ] Hi, doll. I've
got some interesting news for you.
Okay, now. If you look
in this week's Herald--
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetie, it's me. I'm in London.
I just picked up a copy of the Herald.
- Yeah, I know. I saw it.
- What do you mean you saw it?
- Who spoiled it for you?
- What are you talking about?
Wait a minute. Why do you have the Herald?
Aren't you in London?
If you'll just look at page
67, I'll be able to tell you.
Wait, these are--
These are the personal ads.
Just look in the middle
of the second column,
right between "Vivacious Vixen"
and "Wasting Away."
"Waiting For You. Do you
believe in destiny? I do.
"Be part of mine. Me: 29, five foot six.
"Brains, beauty, body, all in one.
"Frisky, cultured and carefree
professional with zest for life.
"Number one in fun!
You: Sophisticated, smart...
"and sumptuous success story
who will make me smile.
"Us: Soul mates seeking
spontaneous combustion?
Pervs or drunks need not apply."
Darling, you sound so excited!
I'm very happy!
You put in a personal ad for me?
I admit I did have a little help
from my publicist.
Oh, my God. Darling, look.
If you're not going to help
yourself, I feel, as your mother,
that I have the right to help you...
if I can. As my mother? As
my pimp is more like it.
Look, sweetie, it's only an option.
You can access your messages by dialing a
four-digit code. I gave you your birthday, 1966.
You know, Ma, I would never do this. Never!
And-And, who is this person?
"Frisky, carefree, with a zest for I--."
Oh. This is you. Isn't it, Mom?
This is you. No, sweetie, it is not me.
It is you.
It is the you I remember,
the sweet, darling, happy you...
that you used to be before--
I'm sorry. [ Sighs ]
I've got to get ready to go to work.
I know.
Listen. I just wanted to remind you,
actually, about Thanksgiving in Manhattan.
I won't forget about Thanksgiving, Mom.
I'll be there.
Feel free to bring
a new friend, if you like.
[ Man ] Yes. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen.
The angler fish.
This is the female, by the way.
My apologies, ladies.
Nature can be cruel.
Can anyone tell me, out of interest,
why the male is so humbly displayed?
Come on, people. Wake up! Someone!
Someone other than Alan.
Anybody but Alan.
Okay, Alan.
- The, um, Ceratadeam--
- Ceratoidea.
Ceratoidea has evolved
so that the male is always...
right there with the female, ready
to inject it with the sperm.
It's what you would call
a symbiotic relationship.
Thank you, Alan. Another
amazingly accurate answer.
Moving on, next snapshot, if you would.
Ahh. The Coelacanth.
Now, the Coelacanth...
is known to be one of the most
elusive of the deep-sea creatures.
Julie, come here, no. Ladies and
gentlemen, I stand corrected.
This is probably the most
elusive of the sea creatures.
By sea, I mean "C" or maybe "D" or most
probably "F." [ Class Groans, Laughs ]
Sit down. Sorry.
I'd like to see you in the office
a little later. [ Bell Rings ]
- [ Julie ] You're the only one who takes notes, Alan.
- Everybody takes notes.
Duh. They have notebooks,
and you have a--
You know, you're a tutor and you should
be making sure I do things like that.
Wait a minute. Julie, I'm not your tutor.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not. I hired you.
No, you didn't hire me.
I'm just a friend.
You make it sound like I'm some old man or something.
Well, you gotta help me, then.
I'll give you my notes, all right?
Make copies of them, and definitely
copy-- Let's go to the study hall now.
And then you can, like, catch me up a little.
No, no, tell you what.
Take the notebook. Give it back to me tomorrow.
I gotta see Ray about my paper.
You're such a pill! What're you
talking about? I'm not a--
I like a good time
as much as the next guy.
I'm just... not the next guy.
I'll see you later.
[ Man On Radio ] Good morning, Boston!
Twenty minutes past the hour.
[ Woman ] Rick, you are definitely water.
Olly, I know you're fire, all right?
So, how did you two meet?
Well, all right. No, no, no, no.
I'll tell the story.
Lettell the story. No, let
me, 'cause you always lie.
- I don't lie. I embellish. - [ Woman
] Make it juicy. Just tell me!
Oh, it was about four years ago. I
was out on the duck tour, you know?
[ Woman ] Oh, yeah. You know, the
amphibious thing that goes in the water?
Can I tell the story? Thank you.
[ Rick ] I'm embellishing.
I get seasick really easily. We
were still on Newbury Street.
We weren't even in the harbor yet.
He's seasick.
[ All Laughing ]
I was on the side-- I was on the side.
Basically, I was getting sick.
Oh, my God. Oh, but as a nurse
I'm used to that kind of thing,
and I took right over, didn't I? You did.
I was very professional.
And, I consider myself, now,
the luckiest nurse in all of Boston.
Except, of course, for you, Erin.
Erin, this is a great shot.
Correction, my dear.
That is not luck. That is fate.
I don't believe in fate.
[ Olly ] What?
What, like there's some unseen hand
leading you down the garden path?
Exactly. I wish. I'm
sorry, I don't believe it.
It isn't necessarily unseen-- [
Rick ] Unseen hands can be fun!
I totally believe in fate.
I mean, like, for instance,
if Erin hadn't been at the
aquarium party the other night,
I never would have realized
how much I wanted Bob.
[ Olly ] Ta-da! [ Rick ] Who's Bob?
[ Cricket ] This guy that I'm dating.
Case in point.
- You know, I heard he quit.
- What?
No, Bob was fired, actually. He was
demonstrating how to load his gun...
in the commissary-- to a small child.
Yeah, well, that was,
like, a total setup.
I don't know, Erin. I mean, you have
to believe in something, right?
It makes life more fun. That's right!
And Erin is the fun girl.
Fun, fun, fun. Yes. All of
Boston society knows it now.
[ Laughing ] You look great.
[ Man ] All right, all right.
Here's one, here's one. Ready?
"I am a divergent thinker with a sharp
wit, but a reflective soul." Hmm?
"I value quiet reads, sublime sunsets,
humor, tenderness and balance."
That's not a personal ad! That's
a fuckin' daily affirmation!
I'll find you a personal ad.
- [ Chattering ]
- Alan, are you in?
What are you talkin' about? In what?
Oh, it's a bet. We're all gonna
reply to the same personal ad.
We go out with the chick.
First guy who scores gets
200 bucks from the two losers.
Right on. Or three.
So I guess Traci's what-- history?
No, I ain't got time for a
townie-- I mean, no offense, bro.
[ Laughing ] None taken, bro.
What do you say? You in or-- Okay,
so what do you have to do to win?
Well, we agreed on it.
It's gotta be a French kiss.
That's tongues... intermingling
consensually, right? Right? Exactly.
- Unforced. That means you, all right?
- Yeah, unforced.
[ Alan ] Just out of
curiosity, hold on a second.
How will the two losers know
that the winner actually won?
We watch it. Right.
- We'll be there. - Incognito.
- Yeah. We'll be in disguise.
It's gonna be great. Are you gonna be in or what?
Well, no. Are you kiddin'?
That's, like, the stupidest
thing I've heard in my life.
Of course I'm not in. Maybe it's
just when you get to be my age.
I realize that I can only be who I am. I
can't present myself in any different way.
I don't wanna meet somebody who
presents herself in a different way,
because then you have two people that
are basically lying, gettin' together,
talkin' a bunch of crap, you know?
I know this firsthand, because
what I've been tryin' to do...
is to change my destiny and not just spend
the rest of my life being a plumber.
Not that there's anything wrong with
plumbing, but it gives me a freedom.
I can pursue the thing I really love.
How do you find what you love?
Well, I think-- I'm kidding.
[ All Laugh ] Oh, man!
Things are getting like-- Jesus, what are we?
A bunch of chicks or something?
Bob's probably my soul mate. I believe that.
I totally believe that.
How could you say that? I dearly
hope that Bob is not your soul mate.
Look, look. It's not about Bob.
It's about whether or not there's
meaning and direction in our lives.
I suggested that-- [ Erin ]
Well, there isn't! There isn't!
What do you mean, "There isn't"?
I'm not saying there's not meaning,
but there's no direction, you know?
Case in point, my parents.
They met on an airplane.
They were flying back from Paris.
The only reason my mother was on the flight--
she was supposed to be on earlier flight--
But on the way to the airport, her
taxi struck and killed a little dog,
who was chasing a little furry
squirrel, and she was delayed.
That's a totally random act, you know?
That's why she met my father.
No, Erin, that is fate.
[ Olly ] Oh, come on. [ Rick
] Tell that to the dog.
[ Erin ] Yes, tell that to the dog.
No, no, I'm serious!
You don't want to be a plumber, Alan.
Yeah, but the point is,
I don't wanna be a plumber, but I
got nothin' against my father.
I got nothin' against my grandfather.
He's doin' what he wants to do.
I'm tryin' to do what I want to do.
What are you doing? You're going
to be a marine biologist?
Is that it? Yeah.
I'll tell you something. I don't
know from marine biology.
But, I don't see any money in it.
I mean, plumbing. Money.
And you're still workin' with water.
I got nothin' against bein' a plumber.
If someone asks me what I do, and
that's what I'm doin', I'm a plumber.
I mean, it's not about bein' a plumber.
What does Dad think about you
not wantin' to be a plumber?
You know what? I'm gonna go up to the
bar and buy a round of drinks...
to celebrate my brother
movin' to the south end.
You don't have a problem with a
drink from an eastie, do you, Kev?
Sure.
Man. What's the matter with your brother?
He's got his head
in the books, every night.
I mean, he's studying
and studying and studying.
We never studied that hard,
and it never hurt us.
"Consistency is
the hobgoblin of little minds."
[ In Unison ] Yeah! Yeah.
Consistency. Of course.
[ In Unison ] "Is the
hobgoblin of the mind."
Harry! What's happening? Hey, Al. How are you, pal?
Funny you should stop by.
You know who was in this
morning, lookin' for you? Who?
Frankie. What?
You know, Frankie the collector. Frankie!
We all know Frankie. What can
I get you, my friend? Yeah.
Three Sam Adams and a ginger ale.
You got it.
So, uh, what's an
attractive girl like you...
doing in a bar so early?
Lookin' for fun, maybe?
What's that on your nose?
Huh? You know, the purple blemish
on the end of your nose?
Looks like a basal cell nevus,
or maybe a melanoma?
You know, you may want
to get that checked.
For a man your age, a malignant melanoma
could be fatal if not promptly removed.
[ Kevin ] "Me: 29, five six."
"Brains, beauty, body. All in one.
That's nice.
"Frisky, cultured and carefree
professional with zest for life.
Number One in fun."
"Number One." That's good.
"Pervs or drunks need not apply." Uh-oh.
- That's you two. - [
Laughing ] That's funny!
Look, we fake it just like she is.
Gentlemen, believe me, the fact of the
matter is, this woman's not what she seems.
If she's a beauty, I'm a perv, okay?
Oh, shit! C'mon, man!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
What's goin' on? You all right? I'm fine.
Just spilled some water.
I got it. I got it.
[ Rick ] Okay, sugar. [ Kissing
] You have a good one.
Will you wake me up when you get in? Yep.
Bye, Oliver. See you!
That's so sweet! Olly is so wonderful.
I love how you two met.
I mean, he is so Sag.
Olly would hate me for telling you this,
but I can't resist.
We actually met through a
gay dating service. What?
Manhunters. On the "Meat
Market" bulletin board.
You call in a description,
like "Tenderloin," "Butt."
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding! But it
was through a gay dating service.
But what about the mystery?
Oh, honey, it does not matter
how you meet Mr. or Ms. Right.
I will tell you what the real mystery is.
The real mystery is:
What keeps two people together
after they meet?
[ Woman ] Okay.
[ Woman ] You have no new messages.
[ Beep ]
[ Answering Machine ] End of messages.
You have no new messages.
[ Beep ] End of messages.
You have no new messages.
[ Beep ] End of messages.
[ Sean On Video ] Hi, Erin.
Just want to be clear.
This is very important.
I know I've left before.
I know I've come back with my tail
between my legs and cowered and such.
I'm not gonna do that again. I'm leaving.
This is it. I'm fed up.
I don't want to fight with you anymore, and
the reasons are what I'm listing right now--
That's four or five. I can't remember.
First off, is, uh, you've never
come with me once to my rallies.
The reason why you don't want to
come to my rallies is that...
you do not like the masses,
crowds, whatever.
What do you have against the
masses, is what I want to know?
I am in the mass.
I am a member of the crowd.
No new messages. [ Beep
] End of messages.
[ Sean ] ...workers, Erin, is
the only way we as a people...
in this country, we as a people
in this society, will move--
End of messages.
You have no new messages.
You have no new messages.
End of messages.
Say this was a rally, our
relationship, and I showed up to it.
No matter how many signs, how many
slogans, how many things I'm chained to...
I cannot, somehow,
change our relationship.
I can't change you. I really have to say,
I wonder if any man really ever could.
[ Ringing ]
[ Woman ] Hi. Welcome
to the Hera personals.
To access your messages, please
punch in your personal code...
followed by the pound sign.
[ Beep ]
To hear your new messages, press one.
To hear saved messages, press two.
To delete a message, press three.
[ Beep ]
You have 64 new messages.
To hear your new messages, press one.
[ Beep ]
Hi there. This is, uh, Bob calling.
Hi, I'm, uh, Daryl.
My name is Elliott, and I am
an insurance adjuster.
- Hi!
- Hey, how ya doin', toots? It's me, Joey.
[ Beep ]
Anyway, let me tell you
a little bit about myself.
I'm active. I'm energetic. I'm outgoing.
Forty-si-- Actually, 43 years old.
I have slightly thinning hair.
None on my back. I have no back hair.
I'd say five nine, five nine and a half.
- Give or take a-- - Let's
just say around six feet.
Let me tell you about
what I do. I'm a, uh--
Very successful 30-year-old attorney.
I decided to go back to school, actually,
and get a graduate degree in divinity.
I'm a Vietnam-era vet.
I'm a temp. But that's not,
like, a permanent thing.
- [ Beep ]
- I own my business.
I'm calling you
from the office right now.
- My interests are, uh--
- I like women a lot.
I was brought up Catholic, but we
can go into that when I meet you.
[ Beep ] I do pull-ups, and
occasionally I will do a squat thrust.
I think that probably we would have
a lot in common, because, um--
- Come on! I get along well with people.
- [ Beep ]
- I actually just finalized my divorce,
about four days ago. - [ Beep ]
- I have to admit I've got some, um,
some betrayal issues. - [ Beep ]
- I'm looking for a woman who
is tall, yet clean? - [ Beep ]
- Someone that likes their mother and
hopefully likes my mother. -[ Beep ]
Reading your ad made me feel like
we were soul mates, I thought.
- If you could hold on, I have a fax
coming in now. I, uh-- - [ Beep ]
- My number's 555--
- 9536. And, uh, over and out.
That was great. You know what?
What? You might as well give
me the check right now.
You don't have a chance in hell.
Hey! Alan!
Nice computer.
Here's your 135 bucks, Frank.
Just like usual. You wanna count it?
Hey, what the hell happened to your nose?
Let's take a little drive.
Shit.
[ "Call To The Post" ] [ Frank ]
Don't matter about the money now.
[ Alan ] Don't matter about the money-- Frank!
Look at this grease on my face, man.
You have any idea what I went
through to get this money?
I put my ass on the line
and vouched for ya.
I thought I could count on you, Alan.
I promised certain people results.
They're expecting results now.
If they don't get 'em-- What did
you bring me here for, Frank?
[ Groans ] Oh.
Your father's tool kit.
He comes in here yesterday practically
begging for another two grand.
And he gives me this for collateral.
I told him I can't loan him any
more, but he wouldn't take it back.
What am I gonna do with a tool kit, Alan?
Thought that maybe you'd want it,
not that you need it anymore.
Go give 'em back to him.
He's down in section three.
Where he always is.
[ Track Announcer ] There goes Swifty!
[ Bell Ringing ]
[ Man ] Erin?
Hi. I'm Nathan. Hi.
So, I take it this is your first time.
Yeah. You're the first suitor.
Suitor. I like that. I like that.
It's old fashioned. I'm kind of
an old-fashioned guy myself.
[ Clears Throat ] You, um,
surprise me, frankly.
Why?
You just don't seem like
the sort of woman...
who would resort to placing an ad.
[ Laughs ] Sorry, um.
I'm sure you get that all the time.
You're a very attractive woman.
So, you study God? God?
Aren't you a divinity student? Yeah.
Well, God's an immense subject.
We don't have to talk about it.
I think it makes
some people uncomfortable.
No! Let's talk about God.
I'm the V.P. of Operations at the
Krylex Corporation in Waltham.
Krylex manufactures small rubber
parts for a variety of commercial...
and industrial products-- products
ranging from the small rubber helmets...
on wall-mounted spring door studs...
to the waterproof gaskets on
street newspaper vending machines.
You're starting to glaze over.
I see it. Don't worry.
Happens all the time. I'm not offended.
I'll tell you why.
It's because most people are blind
to the impact small rubber parts...
have on their daily lives.
Erin, how often do people
look under their phones?
Um-- Precisely. When you get home,
I'd urge you to do just that.
You'll appreciate what
I'm about to tell you.
The four small rubber nubs
that your phone rests on?
Admittedly, not very exciting.
But, consider what the consequences
would be without those rubber nubs.
You know, you don't say a lot,
but it's pretty obvious
what you're telling me.
- Really?
- Your body language says it all.
You're palming me.
I'm sorry?
You're palming me. Your
palms are exposed to me.
When a woman does that,
she's subconsciously flirting.
Yeah? What does this mean?
Oh. Tiger, hmm?
Let's just sum up here, okay? God is
definitely a woman, because only a woman...
would have the kind of compassion
necessary to create someone...
as beautiful as you. Okay.
There-there-there's one giant
hole in your argument. Hole.
Daryl, no female deity would have had
the absence of mind to create you,
the male gender, a gender that spends all
of its time looking forward to getting off.
God is a man.
Why? Because men need women.
Women don't need men.
And yet, you're here. It's
a hole in your argument.
I collect art. South American, mostly.
Really? South American?
Have you been? Yeah, my dad took me
to Brazil when I was very young.
But I love-- I love Brazilian music.
Well, I was down there
for a conference ten days ago.
My tan's faded, but, um--
- That's it. You're playing with your hair.
- I'm bored.
Do you always deal with people like this?
I-- Well.
It's just that I've been taking this course in
communication and trying out things I learned.
Can I just drop it, I mean, really?
I'm just so lonely. I'm sorry.
I-I-I can't meet people. It's like
I've got a sign on my forehead.
Yeah, that's the-- That's the thing.
About God-- He's so hard to
pin down, at any moment.
He? She.
You know, he, she, it.
As Cicero said,
"Consistency is
the hobgoblin of little minds."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, you mean.
How come you never smile?
Would that make you more comfortable?
You don't really like me, do you?
No! I don't like poseurs.
I mean, you're probably
a very nice person,
but I have no way
of knowing that, you know?
You're all uncomfortable, you're
telling all these strange jokes,
and why are you trying
so hard to impress me?
You would be much more appealing
if you would just be yourself.
[ Paper Rattling ]
Here, let's see. "Frisky and carefree."
- So who's the poseur?
- My mother put in that ad.
Oh, really? Well, what's her number?
Who is the real Erin Castleton?
Please stand up.
Well, uh, what would you like to know?
First I'd like to know what
attracted you to nursing.
Other people's pain. [ Laughing ]
That's funny. I like that.
No, actually I was in medical school
at Harvard, but I dropped out.
Why?
I lost, um--
I lost my motivation. It's a long story, anyway.
Got all night. All morning.
[ Man ] Here you go, pal.
Let me get this round. Refill?
Yeah. Least I can do.
[ Coins Rolling ]
[ Slap ] [ Clears Throat ]
Uh, what the heck is that?
This is funny. I, um--
I was married once, a long,
long, long time ago.
But, I-I carry that as a sort
of, you know, good luck charm.
Well, I guess it's not working.
Alan, I can't put this in here.
I just got this dry-cleaned.
Don't worry, Kev. There's plenty of room.
[ Phone Ringing ] Just
put it in the-- Tsk.
Aw, smells like fish, man. I'm gonna
get fish smell in my fabrics.
[ Ringing Continues ]
- Hello?
- Uh, yeah, hi. My name is Erin.
You called about my ad in the Herald.
No, I think you must want my brother Kevin.
Hold on a second.
Hey, Kev! Telephone! It's for you!
[ Kevin ] Coming!
Sorry.
[ Bossa Nova ]
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
I got it! Hello?
This is he. Oh, it's nice to finally
meet you, Erin, so to speak.
Yeah, you'll have to excuse me.
I'm a little out of breath.
I'm moving out of the place I'm living in.
Yeah, I'm moving to a much nicer place.
You're the most beguiling
woman I've ever met.
You don't take men's
compliments very well, do you?
I take what I need. Which is?
Another round. You got it. Barkeep?
Another round for the lady, please.
Mm-hmm.
Thanks. Yeah.
I liked what you said earlier
about, um-- [ Clears Throat ]
What was it? Um, sticking to your
principles and following your dreams.
But, um, do you really
believe that if you do that...
that things will just come to you
like it's-- like it's destined?
Yeah, I really do.
You know, my brother says that a lot.
You know, he says you create
your own luck, but, uh--
You know, take me, for instance. No, no.
No, let's take your brother.
Okay, uh, my brother.
What's his name? Alan.
Alan. It's funny. When I think
of Alan, I think of, uh,
what W.C. Fields said which was, uh,
"Consistency is the
hobgoblin of little minds."
No, Emerson. It was Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Well, whatever, I mean, whoever said it is
not so much important as I remembered it.
But I think of him that way because
he's always, always in his books.
Books? Yeah, you know,
Really? and I respect his determination.
I'm lucky, you know, because I
have more than determination.
I have determination plus talent,
plus, like, a natural intelligence...
and then sort of a street savvy
that I think I've picked up myself.
And sometimes that's hard
to deal with, you know.
'Cause you know you've
got both barrels loaded.
And sometimes you only wanna
use one, but you can't.
Uh, you know, it's funny
to me when I think about it,
because I remember back when
I was studying for the bar--
And I don't think I had to study
as hard as a lot of people--
Every night Alan was out
partying, and I'm at home,
directed, and now it's sort of weird.
Because, you know, I'm out there.
I'm grabbing.
I'm taking, you know.
I see. I want. I take.
And he just sits at home every
night and studies, so--
Puff? Oh, my God.
[ Screeching ]
[ Screeching ]
[ Screeching ]
- [ Screeching ]
- Freeze!
[ Chirping ]
Oh.
Oh, Puff.
[ Erin ] But I'm not lonely.
I, I like to be by myself.
I mean, people don't understand that. You
know, they, they think that you're a bitch...
or that you, you know, that
you must certainly be depressed.
I mean, say, say a woman is
sitting alone in a bar reading.
You know, a man who comes in, he
automatically makes an assumption...
that she's either sitting there
waiting to be propositioned,
and, you know, if she doesn't want it, then
there must be something wrong with her,
because, you know,
what woman in her right mind...
would be content just
sitting by herself, you know.
But I'm not lonely when
I'm sitting in a bar by myself,
and, you know, I'm not even
lonely when I'm at home alone.
I get-- You get lonely
in a crowded room...
or a subway that's packed with people.
You know, all these people
and every one a stranger.
My father-- My father had one
of those quiet Irish souls.
He was a poet.
Well, actually, he was a cardiologist,
but he wrote beautiful poetry.
He would take us to Ireland in the summers,
and he and I would take these long walks,
and then we would just sit
together staring out at the sea.
He said that if you can learn to contemplate
just one beautiful thing every day...
that it would give you
something very special.
[ Speaks In Foreign Language ]
It's a Gaelic expression.
It means, "Quietness without loneliness."
Oh, my God. I have
been talking and talking.
It seems for hours. Um, I'm sorry, Barry.
It's-- I think you're the
first man that I've met...
that hasn't had, like, a pathological
need to talk about himself.
Um, but anyway, let's talk about you.
What do you do? I'm a therapist.
Oh, does that make
you feel uncomfortable?
Today youngsters throughout Boston
struggled to express their feelings...
for the fish we all called Puff.
Reporter Arnie Reisman was with the
children of the Wimble School...
and got some of their reactions.
It wasn't just another day for the
kids here at the Wimble School.
For some, it was a difficult day.
When I heard that
he got eaten by a piranha,
um, that, um, I felt like
he'd never come back again,
'cause I never saw a fish in my life.
How does that make you feel? Sad.
What a shame. Thanks, Arnie.
In national news, the Tantooni
standoff in Tantooni, Arizona--
You know, a nurse. It's
like the expression, uh,
"Consistency is the
hobgoblin of little minds."
What did you just say?
Oh, I was just quoting Marx, Karl Marx.
I tend to contradict myself a
lot, you know, especially...
around, um, you know, a, uh,
you know, a--
Hmph. You know, I'm feelin' bloated.
I'm gonna go, uh, take a pee-ski, okay?
And, uh, you want anything?
I mean, I'm sure you don't want
anything from the bathroom.
I'll just go. Sh--
[ Kevin ] That's gonna end
up in my bank account.
[ Man ] You forget I was watching you.
I don't think you did so well.
What are you talkin' about? I did great.
Really couldn't see too well.
How do you think he did? Are you kidding?
He struck out. No surprise there.
Think she can see us? Nah.
She wouldn't recognize us anyways.
[ Chattering ]
Hi, honey. I'm home.
- Eric?
- Yeah?
- I like you.
- I, I, I like you too.
You're my little hobgoblin. Number four.
And I'd rub your head and make a wish,
but there's too many people watching.
What do you mean?
She's touchin' him. No.
That can't be happening.
But I'd like to be
alone with you someplace.
Sure. No, not now, Eric.
Right, I mean, we should wait.
Tomorrow night. That's a good time.
A little getaway I know of.
Don't tell anyone, okay?
Yeah. It's just gonna
be our little secret.
You promise me? Right, right, absolutely.
Why would I say anything?
Meet me tomorrow night, 9:30.
[ Man On Radio ] It is a big deal, because
Puff was more than your average balloonfish.
She represented to the children-- She?
Did you say, "she"?
Puff was a female, yes. I can't
believe I gave her those notes.
- You know what I mean? Hmm?
- What?
- Talking about that girl Erin.
- Erin who? - Erin, the nurse.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was sharp.
She was nice. I mean, I think
she was intimidated by me.
That's probably why she didn't call back.
Along those lines, why don't we go out to
Zanzibar tonight and pick up a couple of ladies?
You know what, I'm out tonight. I can't do it.
I'm just not feeling up to it.
You guys go. I'm just gonna
nuke some fish sticks tonight.
[ Mutters ] [ TV, Indistinct ]
Look on the bright side. At least
you didn't lose your money to me.
Let's go out. You gotta get back up
to the plate, man. Take your whiffs.
[ Phone Rings ] The prison will be
privately run and inmates charged...
for their stay. Hello? Who?
The penal system took a detour
into the twilight zone, Hey, hey.
No, I'm not surprised at all. once
again, thanks to the crafty ways...
- Tonight?
- Of Arty Milhous Lesser.
It began this afternoon when the Suffolk
County zoning... Sure, tonight's great.
Reluctantly awarded Lesser-- 9:30's perfect.
Our little secret, huh?
[ Bossa Nova ] [ Kevin ] Don't worry.
I won't tell a soul.
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
Can I get you anything else?
Just the check.
What are you doin'? [ Woman ] Hey! Hey!
[ Shouting ] Outside!
[ Woman Shouts ]
Get goin'! Get goin'!
[ Shouts ]
What are ya both of ya
doin' here, ya freaks?
Oh, don't wipe it off, Alan.
What? You didn't like it?
I mean, it's not that I didn't like it.
It just came a little unexpectedly.
Come on. You've been flirting with me since
I hired you as my tutor in September.
You didn't hire me as your
tutor, all right? Yes, I did.
I accepted the respon-- I'm tryin' to
help you out in the class. That's all.
I'm doin' you a favor.
Don't deny it, Alan.
[ Both Laughing ]
Did you bring my notes, by the way? Oh.
I forgot them, but they're home.
I'll give them to you tomorrow.
Oh, good, well, you know, that was kind
of like the point of gettin' together.
I mean, the thing is-- It's just I'm
tryin' to finish a paper tonight.
I mean, I kind of need the notes,
because that's what I took them for.
Well, this is our date. I didn't know I
was supposed to bring a bunch of papers.
It's not exactly. I mean, we were gonna get
together, and you were gonna give me the notes.
I mean, that was sort of
the point of it, I thought.
So you asked me to this fancy
restaurant on a date...
so I could bring you back your notes.
That's really nice.
You look really beautiful.
Thank you. I got dressed up
especially for our date.
You know, I wonder
if it would be possible...
not to keep using that word, okay?
You're funny. [ Clicks Tongue ]
Have you ever seen a whale
swimming around in the ocean?
No.
Maybe you'd like to go with me on this whale watch.
It's incredible out there.
I mean, first of all, it's, like,
a half hour out on the boat,
which is beautiful, and you're looking
over the expanse of the ocean.
And-- [ Clears Throat ] It's a very, uh--
Romantic would be the wrong word.
Just a serene pleasant time, and I think
it'll perk up your interest in class.
You wanna go? Yeah.
All right. Well, let's see.
So it's like another date.
No, I would say more of
a low-pressure, low-key,
kind of just a couple
of friends hanging out.
I'd really be interested
in that. Seriously.
I read Moby Dick. Okay.
[ Woman On P.A. ] Paging Dr. Betcher.
Paging Dr. Betcher, please.
Hi. Hi.
Paging Dr. Stateman.
Dr. Stateman, please.
Bob's gay.
He is? Yeah.
He came out on our last date.
That whole macho thing-- That
was, like, this huge cover-up.
I'm sorry.
Uh, you were right. I made,
like, this huge mistake.
It's just that Bob was there, and I
thought that that was my only choice.
You know, with men there's
always-- There's a choice.
It's just a really weak selection.
The only person that can
make you happy is yourself.
I know that sounds really hokey,
but I'm finding that to be true.
Yeah. Don't you just hate men?
Oh, God, I wish I did. That would
make my life so much easier.
- Who's got the malaria patient in room 18?
- He's mine.
Oh, to have been a mosquito
upon that man's cheek. Oh.
[ Erin ] Mr. de Silva, you're dressed?
Yes, I-- I need to give you
a gamma globulin shot.
Would you take off your pants, please?
I had all my shots yesterday.
Not this one.
Just take off my pants? Yes, sir.
Just my pants, right? Just your pants.
Okay. [ Laughs ]
[ Humming Bossa Nova Tune ]
[ Singing In Foreign Language ]

You like bossa nova?
- This gonna hurt? - It's gonna be
painful sitting down for a little while.
My flight is on Friday.
Where did you contract the malaria?
It was in Bolivia. I was on expedition.
I'm a musicologist.
I collect ethnic folk songs.
I'm going to Sao Paulo for holiday.
You like my country's music, right?
I can tell there is a little bit
of Brazil in you. Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm. See, you are sad and happy.
You don't smile, but you are content.
You are sad and happy at the same time.
In Brazil we have a term
for that. It is saudade.
It's like melancholy, nostalgia.
It's very bossa nova.
[ Sings ]
[ Groans ] It means--
"Sadness has no end. Happiness does."
- I like that song.
- Yes, it's a very good song.
Listen, there's a club in Somerville that
plays Brazilian music if you are interested.
I work the night shift. Well,
what time do you get out?
I'm sorry. That was very forward of me.
I do not ever, ever-- Show me your hands.
I'm not married.
Well, you might have taken it off and put
it in your wallet. You know, men do that.
I'm not that kind of man.
My wallet just has pieces of
paper and lots of plastic.
I'm becoming a plastic person
I have so much plastic--
I get out at 7:30 in the morning.
Well, uh, my name is Andre de Silva.
And it was a pleasure having
you care for me, uh-- What?
Erin. Erin. Yes.
You should have said it was a pain in the ass.
An American would have.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
I know, but I am Brazilian, and we--
Erin.
See ya, Alan. All right, Stu.
Take care, Stu. All right. See ya later.
Hey, Alan. Hey, Ben.
- They want to see you up in Administration.
- Yeah.
[ Woman ] Sit down.
[ Sighs ]
We're all a little distracted
because of this latest incident.
Attendance has skyrocketed
because of all this publicity.
But all the kids want to see now
is the piranha exhibit.
Poor Puff, eh?
You volunteer a lot of hours here, Alan.
It's well worth it, Miss Shebola.
We think so too. We'd like to
start paying you for them.
It's great, because I could
really use the money.
Yuri Spinov needs a part-time assistant
in Physical Plant. He recommended you.
We know it's a change
from what you've been doing.
But it will put you on staff.
Well, I'll have to just
think about it a little bit.
Of course. Let us know by Monday?
Okay. [ Clicks Tongue ]
Oh, God. This is to South
American men with good sweaters.
But you should go back. Hmm.
You really should.
The people are so wonderful.
That spirit-- You don't
find it anywhere else.
And-- And the land. The--
The beaches are wonderful.
Some day I will go back. You should go back.
I'm going back.
Yeah, why? This city--
It's all schools and hospitals
and bars and graveyards.
The young people here, all they do
is-- They study, and they drink.
It's terrible. I think one's
school year should be spent,
you know, by the ocean walking with
someone that they love very much,
eating fried fish by the, uh--
Anyway, you should go back.
You should go there.
I think you should be somewhere warm. I
think it would be good for your heart.
I don't know. I-I-- I guess I feel that if
I left right now I would be running away.
Running away? I don't understand.
If you're running away, somebody's chasing you.
So what is it that's chasing you, huh?
Uh-- Uh, personal business. I understand.
So let's make a toast. To perhaps the
most beautiful woman that ever lived.
Oh, no. Yes, the most beautiful
woman that ever lived which is you.
Let's not confuse matters. And to me,
the greatest man that ever lived.
[ Laughs ] Okay. [ Chuckles ]
Cheers. Cheers.
[ Groans ]
Oh, geez. I'm going to buy
you the most expensive...
$5 bottle of wine you ever saw.
Look what I got us: a bottle
of wine and a corkscrew. Hey.
[ Hums ]
No, no, don't, don't. [ Sighs ]
I need to get some air.
I need to get out of here.
[ Man On P.A. ] Grab your binoculars and
cameras, folks, and get up on the deck,
because in another few minutes, we'll be
entering the humpback whale feeding grounds.
What we have here is hands
down the best whale watching--
[ Groans ] You all right?
My stomach is just, like, wobbly, gobbly.
You know what's good. Just
look out there on the horizon.
Where? The horizon would be where
the land and the sea meet.
Right. Just look directly out
there and take a couple of deep--
Okay. Can you breathe deeply?
Feelin' a little better now?
Huh. Whoa.
Look at that! Spectacular!
[ Crowd Exclaiming ]
Oh, shit!
Alan, I'm really sorry.
I'm being such a drag.
I'm keeping you from watching the fish.
Why don't you just go up there?
I'll be all right here. No, no, no, no.
No, go. No, I wouldn't dream of it.
No, I feel really bad. It's just
like a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
It's not a big deal.
No, I'm just kidding.
I'll come back out when
you're feelin' better. Yeah?
Without you, but I'll come back out.
Oh, you. Tsk.
You know what. I'm really not feeling very well.
I think I should just walk myself home.
No, I-I-I think you should stay.
It's fine.
I don't think I'm going to be very
good company right now. No, this is--
This is the perfect company.
Look-- Look at the water.
That's very beautiful, like, like you.
See, it's-- You can be alone, but to be
alone with someone else who is alone--
Alone together-- That-- That is perfect.
Do you know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
Relaxation is everything.
It's the answer. [ Sighs ]
See, what relaxes you? Tell me.
You, um-- You like to fly, right?
I am terrified of flying. Oh, perfect.
So you are in a two-seater,
and it is being flown by my father who
weighs 462 pounds, because he lost 10.
And he can't see out of
his right eye-- his left--
It changes. And the plane goes like this.
And there's clouds inside the
plane, outside the plane.
And then all of a sudden, you're getting sick.
You're about to scream.
And then the plane just drops,
and you look out the window.
Then it clears, and there's beautiful
sunlight in the plane, and you look out,
and you see Corcovado.
Oh! Ah, and the beaches, and
then the plane just glides in.
The door opens, and you're there.
You relax, and it's perfect.
It's beautiful. Yes, very beautiful.
So why don't you, uh, come with me...
to Sao Paulo?
You're joking. No, I'm not joking.
God! Look at your tattoo. Mm-hmm.
That is, like, so cool.
That's like Popeye.
It's really hard.
You know-- You know, Julie-- Yeah?
Seriously, you know,
I know what you're thinking.
And I mean-- Really, I-- Yeah?
What am I thinking? I just
invited you out here...
because I wanted you to
experience this with me.
Oh. All right? I'm sorry. I
don't wanna hurt your feelings.
So you don't have any desire to kiss me?
Oh, no, no.
You don't? No, of course, I
have a desire to kiss you.
But I just think it would
be best-- I like you a lot.
Oh, I like you a lot too.
You do? Yeah.
Geez--
I will take care of everything. Visa. I-I-I
can't believe you're asking me this.
We're strangers. We are not strangers.
I have known you at least
two lifetimes that I know of.
Oh, don't give me that bullshit, please.
How is that bullshit?
I know how you feel. I
don't know what I feel.
I have to spend Thanksgiving
with my mother in Manhattan.
No, no, that's wrong. Forget your mother.
I love my mother.
Yes, I love your mother--
I don't know her. When I know
her, I will love her, but--
Do this for you, darling. Please, come.
No, no, no, no. Oh, yes.
Yes, come for a little bit.
I don't think this is really
gonna work out like this. Why?
I mean--
I-I just want this to mean something.
It means a lot to me.
I'm gonna walk myself home from here.
Listen, I leave in three days.
Three days.
I fly planes.
I was adopted. My father--
That's not my father.
I'm not going to get fat.
Hey. Hi.
You cut your hair. [ Laughs ] Yeah.
Uh, well, we finished the job.
We, uh, stopped them from buildin' the dam.
We saved the land,
the reservation, the river, everything.
What are you doin' in Boston?
Uh, well--
We-- We saved the burial grounds.
And, uh, the Tantoonis
were very grateful.
They were so grateful that they
decided to build a casino on it.
You know? It's just all about money.
You know, my heart isn't in it anymore.
It was just really lonely down there.
I really missed you, and I'm wrong.
You're the one...
who doesn't need to change.
I'm the one who needs to change.
I don't want you to change.
I mean, don't ever change.
You know what I mean.
[ Water Bubbling ]
[ Keyboard Keys Clicking ]
[ Man ] Come on. [ Woman ] The paper.
This better be good. Did you spell-check this?
I spell-checked it.
I slaved for hours. All right.
I'm trying to make what we've
got together mean something.
I know. It means everything.
[ Paper Thuds On Floor ]
[ Julie Laughing ]
[ Bossa Nova ]
[ Woman ] Stay
And we'll make such sweet music
Come hear the lovebird
He's just out my window
We'll hear the night sing
and I'll make a star glow
In northern Brazil, people
who believe in Candomble,
they offer this to
the goddess of the sea, lemanja.
Now, there is also supposed to be fried fish.
I thought better of it.
Um, what is this offering for?
Good luck.
What is this? I leave tomorrow morning.
Erin, will you come with me?
You are crazy.
Yes, crazy for you.
[ Woman ] The time is running
Take everything life can give you
You know it's there
so take it, even fake it
Till it comes true
[ Man On P.A. ] There goes Swifty!
[ Bell Rings ] One, two, three.
[ Frankie ] A lot of worry about nothing.
Uh, busted blood vessel or somethin'.
Guess I gotta lighten up
on the booze, huh?
That's great, Frank. You know, I'm
really glad you're gonna live.
But actually I just came by
to give you this.
This is way more than
just one installment.
I got a part-time job,
and I'm gettin' you...
off my back once and for all, all right?
Hey, Frank, what the hell are you doin'?
Certain associates of mine really appreciated
what you did, how it all worked out.
The attendance at the aquarium has doubled.
It didn't work out.
The point is, you worked out, Alan.
[ Paper Tearing ] And this...
is your reward.
Hey, Arty! Uh, this is, uh, my boy, Alan.
- Alan, say hello to Mr. Lesser.
- It's good to finally meet ya.
Frankie's told me a lot about ya.
He said you were a student.
You look like you've been out of short pants
for a while now. What are you, 40, 41?
- No, I'm 35.
- 35, huh?
You're at a pivotal junction
in your life, Alan.
It's good to have you aboard.
[ Man On P.A. ]
Greyhounds now entering the--
Frankie, we got a wacko down on
the new waterfront place there.
Come on! He's makin' waves. Do somethin'.
Or maybe use this new guy here?
Send him down.
I'll get on it right away, Mr.
Lesser. [ Door Closes ]
[ Man On P.A. ] Number Five,
Satin Flame, 70 pounds.
Number Six, Burden's Drought, 73.
Number Seven, It Is Gently, 72.
Number Eight, Jar Man, 75.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello? [ Andre ] Erin, hi.
It's me. Are you packing? Hi.
Oh, my sweet. Yeah, I'm packing.
You know, I want to come
over and help you pack.
We should pack together.
Um, no, no, no, don't.
I'm sorry, darling.
I get so eager to see you.
I'll see you at the airport tomorrow.
I'll be there in the morning.
[ Singing In Foreign Language ]
[ Continues ] What does that mean?
Ah, what this means, darling--
It means, "I want your love for me."
"The two of us like this until the end.
"I do not want sadness anymore.
I will make you happy,
and destiny is what tells me this."
Erin, I will make you smile.
I swear I will, Erin.
So, uh, tomorrow at the airport, right?
Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.
Good, and, please, a small bag.
All you need is toothpaste
and a little two-piece--
[ Woman Singing In Foreign Language ]
Puff?
[ Piper ] What time your train
is gonna arrive tomorrow?
Oh, it's gonna be so fabulous.
Everybody's gonna be there.
Everybody is dying to see you.
Dodge is gonna be there.
Brazil, wow.
Does that sound beautiful, huh?
I hear that's beautiful this
time of the year. Brazil.
That's way past Medford, Brazil.
[ Driver ] What time's your flight? 9:35.
You're not gonna make it. I'm sorry?
You're not gonna make it.
The tunnel is jammed.
Oh, I have to make it.
The tunnel is clogged.
All right, um-- All right, take me
to Bowdoin Station, the Blue Line.
[ Tone ]
[ Man On P.A. ] Airport Station next.
Change here for the airport terminal shuttle.
Next stop, Airport.
[ Brakes Screeching ]
This is Airport Station.
[ Woman ] Excuse me.
I'm trying to get out of here. Why
don't you just knock me down?
Come on!
[ Man On P.A. ] This is Airport Station.
Change here for
the airport terminal shuttle.
This is Airport Station.
Change here for the
Logan Airport terminal shuttle.
Wonderland Station will be next.
Next stop, Wonderland.
Headset?
In-flight movie? [ Man ] Yes. Thank you.
Headset? Uh, yes, please.
In-flight movie? None for me,
thanks, and none for the lady.
Headset? Yes.
So-- [ Clears Throat ]
You are traveling alone?
Yes. Mmm.
And you?
Uh, yes.
It seems... always alone.
You travel for business?
No, no, uh, for pleasure.
Ah! Pleasure.
Well, you must like
my country's music then.
Yes, I do.
[ Foreign Language ]
[ Continues ]
That's beautiful, but what does it mean?
Ah, what this means-- May I?
It means this, darling.
So close your eyes
For that's your lovely way to be
Aware of things your heart alone
Was meant to see.
Over there? Right over here.
The fundamental loneliness goes
Whenever two can dream
a dream together
Feelin' a little better? Yeah, a little.
Thanks. I--
This way. I'm sorry about that. I--
No, no, no. That's-- That's totally all right.
I think I just--
I just needed some air or something.
The train was so crowded. I know, yeah. I
mean, that Airport Station is horrible.
People are, like, shoving. Yeah.
They're in such a rush
to get outta there.
Sit down. Thanks.
Yeah, my father used to bring
us to this beach all the time.
I still come here
every day to read or relax.
Do you? Every day, that's so nice.
Well, I think it's important to have
some daily ritual in your life...
that gives it a sense
of consistency, you know?
C-C-Consistency?
Yeah.
But, uh, um, wouldn't you say that, uh,
"Consistency is the, uh,
hobgoblin of little minds"?
Well, actually, it's:
"A foolish consistency...
is the hobgoblin of little minds."
That's Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Waldo Emerson, right.
But I don't think coming to a place
like this every day is foolish.
No. No, not at all.
Because I think it's important sometimes
just to sit in a quiet place...
and stare out at the sea and just--
Contemplate something beautiful.
It's funny, though.
I never realized such a beautiful
beach was so close to Boston.
Well, it's not always this nice.
Um--
Well, I guess I better get home.
You wanna take a walk? I'd love it.
Great. Okay.
Ah, it's right down here.
[ Woman ] So close
Your eyes
For that's a lovely way to be
Aware of things your heart alone
Was meant to see
The fundamental loneliness goes
Whenever two can dream a dream
Together
You can't deny
Don't try to fight the rising sea
Don't fight the wind
The stars above
And don't fight me
The fundamental loneliness goes
Whenever two can dream a dream
Together
When I saw you first
The time was half past three
When your eyes met mine
It was eternity
But now
We know
The wave is on its way to be
Just catch the wave
Don't be afraid
Of lovin' me
The fundamental loneliness goes
Whenever two can dream a dream
Together
Together
Together
Together
[ Woman ] Batucada is free
It's the food for you and me
And the rhythm you hear
Will make you dance
Batucada is wrong
and it won't make it flow
He loves hearing this song
and he can dance
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
[ Woman ] Batucada is on
Batucada, come on
He loves this song
and he loves to dance
[ Woman Singing In Foreign Language ]
[ Man Singing In Foreign Language ]
[ Woman, Man Singing
In Foreign Language ]