Night Owls (2015) Movie Script
1
Does your breath always stink?
Oh, shit!
Fucking clapped that garbage.
You coming?
Yeah.
See that? That's crazy.
Wait, wait.
Slow down.
- Wait.
- What are you doing?
I forgot my key.
This is a nice area.
Right?
Do you rent?
Come on in.
- Impressive.
- Thank you.
What did you say you did again?
Insider tradings.
Just so you know,
I don't do this that much,
like, hardly ever,
so don't be nervous. Yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You have a girlfriend
or something?
Because I don't care.
It's totally fine.
No, no, I would never...
i would never...
you would never
have a girlfriend?
No, I would never cheat on a...
so, you have a...
do you have a girlfriend?
No, I don't.
I was just... I wanted a second.
Why don't we have some wine?
I have wine. Want some?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
This is a really nice place.
- Think fast.
- What?
God. Where did you get this?
A wine place.
This is like an $800 bottle.
Well, then it better be good.
Whoa.
Just use an opener.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Let's get some glasses.
Hey, hey.
That's some
really expensive wine.
All right. I'm good.
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
There we go.
Mmm.
Not used to...
Shit.
Are you crazy?
What?
Oh!
Jesus Christ.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
We don't need
to smash everything.
- I'm so drunk.
- Really?
I feel like you
didn't even drink anything.
Want to go upstairs?
You're the hottest girl
that has ever shown
an interest in me before.
Are you latina?
I feel like you're latina.
Shit.
Hello?
Lady?
Crazy.
Okay!
I'm just gonna uber so you
don't have to worry about it!
Thank you?
Fuck you.
- Yeah?
- Hey.
Peter. How was the flight?
Short flight. We didn't crash.
Real success story.
What do you want?
Good. And the hotel's good?
Everybody's happy
with the accommodations?
They're super swank, man.
What's up?
I'm in will's house.
I'm sorry?
I'm standing in will's kitchen.
I'm looking
at will's family portrait.
I don't... I-I...
Okay, well, you need to explain
to me why you're there.
Ii - after you guys
left the banquet,
I met this girl,
and... and we had drinks
and... and it was going
really well.
I think she... I think she...
i think she liked me.
And then I went back
to her house,
and, um, the only problem is,
it's not her house.
It's, uh...
It's will's house.
Where is she now?
Kevin.
You know, at the...
Moment, I don't...
Kevin, where is she now?
This is very important.
- I have to call you back.
- No. Kevin...
lady!
Hello? Hello?
Peter. Hello?
Oh, fuck.
Hello... oh, god. Hello?
Shit. Oh, my god.
Oh, shit.
Hey, get up!
Get up! Okay, get up.
Let's go. Wake up.
Come on. Come on.
There you go. Okay.
Okay. Now we're talking.
Did you take some...
did you take something?
Did you take something?
Look at me. Hey.
Hey! Wake up!
Hey, Peter.
You tell me
what's going on right now.
I'm sorry.
I need to call an ambulance.
- Ow.
- This girl took something.
- What's her name?
- Who cares?
She needs an ambulance.
Calm down. What is her name?
Tell me to calm down, Peter.
Look, I don't know her name!
Well, what does she look like?
She's little.
She's got brown hair.
She's... she's... she's pretty.
I think she's a latina.
- Is she wearing a red dress?
- She was.
Why?
Okay, we can't call 911.
- What?
- Is she still breathing?
How did you know
she was wearing a red dress?
Is she still fucking breathing,
Kevin?
Yes, she's still breathing!
Okay, listen to me.
What I'm about to tell you
stays between us.
- Okay.
- Tell me that you understand
the severity of the situation.
This can't be shared
with anyone.
Uhhuh. Yeah.
I'm serious, Kevin.
Nobody else knows about this.
Of course.
About a year ago,
this girl seduced will.
Was a huge mistake,
one-time thing.
He cut it off immediately,
but she became obsessed
with him.
Now, if you call 911, the press
is gonna get wind of this.
We can't have that,
not this week.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Sit tight.
I'm gonna send one
of our doctors to you.
In the meantime,
you got to make her throw up.
P-Peter, I'm n-not really,
um, comfortable with that.
I don't care what you're
comfortable with, Kevin.
That's what you do.
Okay.
But don't you think
it'd be a lot simpler
if I just took her
to the hospital, then...
then they could do
what they need to do?
Dr. Newman can get to you
before you can get
to a hospital.
The foot guy?!
Yes. He is a foot specialist.
He is also a real physician.
- O...
- Oh, Kevin?
- Fine.
- One more thing.
This is your clusterfuck.
If she doesn't make it,
she was your girlfriend.
Shit.
Here we go. Okay.
I want to apologize.
I don't want to do this as much
as you don't want to do this.
Okay, all right.
Uh...
There we go. There we go.
Oh!
Okay, you're doing good.
That's good. That's good.
That feel better?
- There you go.
- I'm all better.
- You're good. Good.
- I'm better.
- Hey, Dr. Newman.
- Kevin, hello.
It took a little trying.
But I got her to throw up,
so everything's good.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you didn't need
to do that.
What?
So, her body's already absorbed
whatever she took,
so that didn't really
help at all.
Great.
Okay, so
what are we dealing with here?
Is it sleeping pills,
painkillers?
What do we got?
- I-I have no idea.
- Okay.
Uh, look for an empty bottle.
It's probably somewhere close.
Empty bottle.
Just look on the floor,
look behind the toilet,
look in the shower.
Just look for that empty bottle.
You'll be just fine. Okay.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna lean you
just like that.
Just stay right there. Oh, no.
Okay, Dr. Newman, I'm looking.
Kevin, just start breathing.
You need to breathe.
I'm breathing,
I'm breathing, I'm...
Breathing. How are you?
Oh, well, thank you for asking.
Today I went to the circus
with my daughter.
Oh, that sounds like a...
i got it!
- It's Xanax.
- Ah, bingo!
We got a winner.
Okay, what's the dosage?
.5 milligrams.
Ugh. And the bottle's empty?
Yep. Totally... totally...
totally empty.
Okay. Sit tight.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Okay.
You know what? Hang on a second.
I'm gonna sing you
a little song.
- Okay.
- It's gonna help. Ready?
Okay. Okay. I'm...
I'm gonna hang up, doctor.
Okay, great.
Hi. Doctor, thank you so much.
I am so... so sorry about this.
- Lead the way. Lead the way.
- She's... she's upstairs.
Obviously, you know,
t-this is not how
I thought t-this was gonna
happen, you know.
- God. Did you take something?
- Sorry.
We were in the bathroom.
I don't know if...
if you're supposed to lean
her up like that, but I did.
Oh. Okay. All right,
this is what I need you to do.
- She threw up a bunch, and...
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay,
this is what I need you to do.
I need you to go to the kitchen,
make a pot of coffee,
pour a mug 3/4 full, then
you fill the rest with whiskey,
and you need like a teaspoon
of brown sugar in it, all right?
You want me to make
an Irish coffee?
Whipped cream would be
fantastic.
Go.
She's got great feet.
Okay. She's doing okay.
She's doing okay.
Here's your Irish coffee.
That's for you.
All right, so we're not
out of the woods yet.
Normally I'd attach
a heart monitor,
but since that's not an option,
you're just gonna
have to keep her awake.
Keep her awake? What happens
if she falls asleep?
Well, then her brain will stop
sending the signal to her lungs
that she needs to breathe.
But you're not gonna let
that happen, so we don't have to
worry about that, do we?
Wwhere are you going?
I'm going home.
Drink up.
Wwait, doctor.
Fuck.
You're leaving?
You got to give her
a cold shower,
pour some regular coffee...
You can't leave.
Listen, she's gonna
be a little confused at first.
- This is an emergency situation.
- Just ask her name.
I'm pretty sure
it's not mort Stevens.
You know what I'm saying?
Ask her where she is,
who she is, who's the president
of the United States,
all that kind of stuff.
I could really use
your help here.
Listen, listen, you just
got to keep her awake all night.
You're gonna be fine, okay?
You got this.
That's a fist bump. You failed.
All right. Good luck.
Ccome on, we... b...
fucking foot guy.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, not in the bath,
not in the bath.
That's a drowning place.
That's a drowning place.
Okay. Come on.
There we go. There we go.
There you go. Good girl.
All right.
Sit, sit, sit.
Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit.
No, no, no,
don't go out of the shower.
Get in the shower.
Sit.
Sit down.
Oh.
Hey. Head up.
Drink it.
No.
Drink the coffee.
- I don't want the coffee.
- Tough shit.
Drink the coffee.
I'm supposed
to ask you some questions.
Probably be good if I knew
your name at this point.
What's your name?
I don't remember it.
You can't remember your name?
You have amnesia?
Do you know my name?
No, that's why I just
asked you two seconds ago.
Well, then you're very
romantic 'cause we just had sex.
Oh, you remember that?
Barely. Barely.
That's funny.
Do you know my name?
Yep.
Fernando.
What?
- Fernando.
- Do I look like a Fernando?
You are so racist.
How is that racist?
Because you could be a Fernando.
I've never been confused
with a Fernando before.
- You're a racist.
- I'm a racist?
- You're a racist.
- Okay.
Drink your coffee.
I had sex with a racist.
Add it to the list.
Madeline Parker.
That's a good name.
That's a pretty name.
Well, it is nice to meet you,
I guess.
I'm Kevin.
I know you're confused right now
and that there is a lot of stuff
being thrown at you.
But I would like to know why the
fuck we are in my boss's house.
Excuse me, Kevin,
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
And I'm really, really, really
foggy, so...
I don't know how to help you
or whatever you are...
okay.
Well, when everything clears up
up there for you,
we are gonna have a lot
to talk about.
Hey.
Hey!
I'm sorry that I'm gonna...
get the fuck up.
Ow!
God damn it.
You're like a fucking child.
I am so sleepy.
Yeah, I know you're sleepy.
That's what happens
when you swallow all that Xanax.
Two quick minutes
and I promise I won't die.
You know I can't do that.
Right.
You want to have sex again?
What? No.
- I know that look.
- No.
- You're tenacious.
- Not interested.
You mean you've never,
ever wanted to fuck a starfish?
This is the least attractive
thing I've seen you do.
Ugh.
Okay.
Let's talk.
You have any pets?
Wow. That is a boring intro.
- What? You got a cat?
- I got a dog.
- You have a dog?
- Yeah.
- What's his name?
- How do you know it's a he?
- Okay, what's her name?
- It's a he.
Okay,
what's your male dog's name?
Fernando.
The dog's name is Fernando.
Where are you from?
- My mom's vagina.
- And where was
your mother's vagina located
when you dropped out of it?
Shitsville, Ohio.
Shitsville, Ohio?
Is there a six flags near there?
Yeah.
I guess.
Where are you from?
Born and raised here.
What?
You're fancy.
- That's fancy?
- Yeah.
Everyone from Allen has money?
Yeah.
You know that stereotype
is bullshit, right?
Okay, yeah,
you're from the ghetto.
Not from the ghetto
or the slums.
- You've seen some real shit?
- It's not about that.
I'm just saying...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot
of economic diversity in Allen.
What do you do?
Wow!
What do you do?
Personal architect.
You're a personal architect?
I'm a personal.
What do you do for a living?
Body painting.
You're a body painter?
I paint bodies.
What is your job?
I'm a bartender.
What's wrong with you?
I serve overpriced drinks
to townies like you.
Just 'cause I live here,
that does not make me a townie.
Okay.
What do you do? Wait.
Let me guess.
Aspiring actress.
You're gonna make it good.
I think you know who I work for.
Fuck it.
This is too awkward
for me right now.
This is the most infuriating.
Time to exercise!
Ow! My lungs! You idiot!
- Here we go.
- That really hurts.
I'm sorry,
but we got to work out.
Okay, we're just gonna
take a little walk.
All right. Just walk.
That's all you have to do
is just keep yourself...
oh, my god.
Is that your toenail? I'm sorry.
It's been awhile since I...
Your talons.
Can you hold on one second?
Just please keep walking.
Hey.
How's it going there, champ?
You know, I think,
uh, pretty good.
Everything seems to be
under control.
- Shit.
- Whoa.
Oh, no.
Kevin?
- You are so dumb.
- Kevin, what is that?
Huh?
What? Here we go.
- What was that?
- You hurt my rib, you idiot!
Huh?
Kevin,
you have to talk to me now.
- Talk to me now, son.
- Oh, god.
- What was that?
- Oh, god.
Oh, nothing, uh, a plate fell
and it's making me cough.
A plate fell.
A plate fell, he says.
Okay, please don't wreck
coach's house.
I won't, Peter.
Hey, fuck you, Peter!
Go fuck yourself, you dickbag!
Shut up.
That's for you.
We we got to keep her
under control, Kevin.
You're dumb!
Shut the fuck up.
You are being so rude.
You're a dickhole!
What is she saying?
She says you're a dickhole.
All right, well, at least
she's feeling better, right?
Yeah, I think she really
turned a corner.
All right,
well, keep me posted, okay?
Have you mentioned anything
to will about this?
No, I'm gonna do that right now.
If you could maybe just, um,
reiterate to him when you do
how much I respect him and...
and... and I would never want
to get involved
in his personal life, of course.
Look, take it easy.
You're gonna be fine.
Right now, we just
have to keep a lid on this.
Don't let her talk to anyone
and don't let her leave.
That might be a bit
of a challenge.
I know you never had sex, Peter.
I know you're a virgin, Peter!
Okay, buddy, look,
you're really saving will's ass
on this.
We're not gonna
forget about you.
I'm gonna be on the first plane
out of L.A.X. In the morning.
I should be down there
at 7:00 A.M. to relieve you.
Okay.
I won't let anybody down.
What?
So you know Peter?
- I know a Peter.
- Can we have just,
like, a normal conversation
for two seconds?
I know about you and will.
I need a fucking cigarette.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's bad for your health.
Thank you.
What'd he tell you?
You know, everything.
That you guys
had a one-night stand
and that you got all crazy
and obsessive.
So typical.
You think he would really
leave his wife and kids for...
For what?
For what? I'm interested.
I'm genuinely interested
in what you have to say.
- Nothing.
- For what?
- Nothing.
- For what?
Some crazy slut you take home
for a cheap fuck?
That's not what I meant.
Isn't that
what happened tonight?
Isn't that what happened?
Tonight you...
You took me home.
- And with that, I'm leaving.
- Where you going? Come on.
No, come on.
Let's just relax for a second
and talk.
Relax?!
I'm sorry,
but I can't let you leave.
- Where is my dress?
- I don't know.
We took it off in,
like, a big rush.
Turn around.
Turn around, you perv! God!
Okay, I saw it all anyway
like an hour ago.
Yeah, and then I tried
to kill myself.
You do the math.
That's not why you tried
to kill yourself. Come on.
Oh, you know why? You know why?
I've never gotten, you know,
that bad of a response.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut your mouth.
Zipper.
I don't think that you should
- drive a car really.
- Zipper!
You took enough drugs
to take down an elephant.
- I appreciate the comparison.
- I'm just saying,
you think you should be
operating heavy machinery?
It's a dodge neon.
It doesn't exactly qualify
as heavy machinery.
Anything that's got four wheels
and a motor like that,
that's heavy machinery.
You know what?
Could you just... fuck!
- I am fine.
- I didn't say...
- I am fine. I am fine.
- I didn't say anything.
You try hopping around
on one heel.
I just... i-i don't think
that that's why you fell.
"I-I-I-I-I."
Stupid idiot.
- I don't... I don't know...
- Where's my bra?
Where is my bra?
I'm serious.
I can't let you leave.
Shut up.
It's been real, kev.
You're not going anywhere.
- High-five?
- I'm serious.
And I'm leaving.
Get the... you are such a pussy.
Hold on.
I won't let you.
Kevin.
Please don't get obsessed.
It's just a one-night stand.
You know...
damn it, Kevin,
what's so bad if she licks you?
Hey!
I will call the cops.
Do you hear me?
Do whatever you got to do, dude.
I am serious. Don't get
in the car. Please.
I'm begging you.
I was told to keep you here.
Really, I-I-I'm running out
of options here. Please.
Please, I am begging you, do not
put those keys in the ignition.
Please do not put those keys
in the ignition.
Don't start the car.
Don't start the car!
Please! Don't put it in reverse!
I am begging you! Do not back
out of this driveway!
Dude, let go!
Please. I can help you.
- Let go!
- I'm serious.
Please just get out of the car.
You asked for it.
Please, I am begging you.
Everything that...
oh!
You asked for it!
Oh!
Oh, my god! My eyes!
God damn it.
I've been nothing
but nice to you!
This entire time!
I said to let go.
Oh! Ah!
- Just get up.
- Oh, god!
Just...
It feels bad.
It feels like it's really bad.
Come on.
I got to go, so let's just...
It burns so bad.
Okay, you got to stop hunching.
I don't want to get hit
in the midsection with a corner.
It was... okay.
All right. Just hold on.
Oh, my god.
Oh, god.
Oh, man, it burns so bad.
Well...
I'm gonna have to wear
two eye patches to work.
Nobody wears two eye patches.
Don't do that.
I think I caught my corneas
on the blades of grass.
Well, then why'd you
rub your eyes in it?
To get the burning...
I can't open...
- did... did it work?
- I can't open my eyes.
It burns my... it burns my eyes.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Let's do this.
Does it look bad?
Does it look really bad?
Does it look bad?
Because I have to... - it...
does it look crazy?
Yes.
It doesn't look that bad.
It's okay.
What?
No, no, no. No.
- Hey!
- Hey, what?
- Hey!
- Ah!
Ah! Stop it. Give me the keys.
Give me the keys.
Give me the keys.
- Ow! Oh!
- Stepped on your foot.
I'm gonna put you in the sink
and wash you like a little baby.
Get ready.
Ahh!
Are you fucking kidding me?!
Fuck!
You asshole!
Where you driving? Wait.
Easy.
Ow!
Oh!
- I wouldn't go in there.
- Fuck!
There's, like,
poison oak, coyotes,
I heard there's a mountain lion,
like ticks and stuff.
Oh!
You want to...
you want to play scrabble?
Nerd.
I don't care. I don't care.
Hey. Hey, what are you doing?
Hey. Are you crazy?
Are you insane?
I'm not driving,
so why the fuck not?
Okay, okay, no, no, no, no.
You won't let me drink.
You won't let me drive.
You won't let me sleep.
You're getting a little
too controlling, kev.
I don't like that in a guy,
okay?
I just don't think
you should be drinking whiskey
after downing all those pills.
And I just don't think
I want to spend
another second with you.
Well, I'm sorry about that,
but...
- is this Peter?
- What?
This is Peter. This is Peter.
- What are you talking about?
- Peter put you up to this.
- That's crazy.
- Peter wanted you to babysit me,
keep me here
so I don't do anything crazy.
I think you're a little bit...
aah!
I don't think
that you should be...
god, that guy is so good!
He manipulated a little baby boy
like you to take care
of the crazy Madeline!
Volatile Madeline!
Just don't want you to die.
Oh, you care about me now?
- It's not caring or not.
- You care about me now?
You have no ulterior motive
to keep me here?
Get out of my way.
What ulterior motive
would I have?
Why do you keep hitting me?!
You know what I'm talking about.
- No, I don't!
- I could do a lot of damage
to will if I wanted to.
Oh, you could do damage?
- Yes, I could.
- Who's gonna listen to you?
Um, for your information,
I have a friend
at the herald who would be happy
to take my call.
Do not laugh at me.
I want you to know that will
is beloved at the herald.
- Oh, you are so condescending.
- And if there was ever
a question of your word
versus his...
- Oh, you are so condescending.
- I would be shocked
if anyone would even entertain
your side of the story.
What is that? That's his dick.
Oh, man.
Oh!
There's no way
to prove that that's will.
That could be anybody.
Are you kidding?
Okay, yeah, in full body
it's will, but...
oh, man, is he flexing?
He's so buff.
This was around Christmas.
Oh, god, I'm never gonna
be able to unsee that.
He is gonna look so good
on sportscenter.
Hey! Hey! Oh!
Doesn't matter. They're
all saved to cloud, bitch.
Idiot. That is the last time you
grab something out of my hand!
What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna destroy a man's
life before the biggest game
of his career?
I'm sorry.
What?
I know he's your boss
and everything
and you think
he's like super-cool, the man,
but he did this to himself.
He is more than just my boss.
I have bled silver and blue
since I was a little kid,
and do you have any idea
what it would mean
to bring a national championship
to this school, to this town?
He completely fucks over
his whole family
and the only thing you can think
about is this stupid game?
This is will's personal life.
You picked a pretty convenient
time to air some dirty laundry.
No, no, no.
I didn't have some grand scheme.
I was walking into the ocean
with a pocketful of rocks
and then your dumb ass
came along,
so if you're gonna make me live
this shitty life,
then he's gonna do it, too!
That's a nice way
to live your life.
I hope the universe gives back
what you put into it.
I didn't plan this.
I didn't want this.
- Mm-hmm.
- All I wanted to do was to go
to the banquet and talk to will.
Yeah.
But Peter intercepted me
and he wouldn't let me do that.
What would you have said to him?
Hmm?
I mean, so what?
You banged once.
He sent you a couple dick pics.
That's what middle-aged guys do.
Wasn't only once.
I know you think I'm this floozy
that he just took home
for a one-night stand,
but you could not be further
from the truth.
I don't think you're a floozy,
mostly because it's not 1923.
Oh, god.
And I know that I have no right
to know this.
I don't even know
why I'm asking.
But...
How long did it go on?
Three... three... three weeks?
No.
Three months?
No.
God. Three years?
Such a long time.
Yes, it is.
But he ended it, I guess.
There's... he knew
that what he had done,
it was wrong.
Yeah, he ended it
by text message.
Oh, my god.
It was a classy, classy move.
I'm sorry.
I've gotten one of those once.
It's no fun.
What'd it say?
It said, "Kevin, I think
we should see other people."
Frownie face."
Oh.
That sucks.
Such a fucking idiot.
I mean, the man preaches
integrity and accountability.
And what? He's just...
he's just a fucking horndog.
Well, that's not fair.
That's not accurate.
We had more than just sex.
- It was more than just sex?
- Yeah.
Well, that makes me feel
a lot better.
49-year-old man,
girl who looks like you... sure
you got the world to talk about.
Wow, you are exactly
like everyone in this town!
Everyone has the same attitude
about will.
Will Campbell, coach. That's it.
He's more than coach Campbell
to me. He's my mentor.
He's your mentor?
I don't want to make you sad,
but he's your mentor and you've
never even been in his house.
You didn't even know
this was his house.
He didn't invite you
to any of his cookouts?
I am one of three
video assistants, okay?
It takes a lot to cultivate
that kind of relationship.
But I know I do a good job
and I know that he has noticed,
and we have talked
multiple times.
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, hey.
I completely get it.
I know exactly the job
he does on people.
Let me guess.
He looked you in the eye.
He remembered your name,
little, like, details about you,
he shook your hand.
He made you feel special, right?
It is sick,
but he is so good at that.
Well, if he's so full of shit,
how come you liked him?
Because he didn't do that to me.
- Okay.
- He didn't.
He never wore that mask
around me.
I'm sure you saw
the real will Campbell.
Actually, yes, I did.
You know he's been
married for 20 years.
And they've been on auto pilot
for at least half of that.
If Sarah knew, this whole thing
would be just...
She hasn't been
complaining so far.
Sarah knows?
With will's last contract
extension,
it pays to turn a blind eye,
doesn't it?
My chest feels really tight.
I think I'm having
a heart attack.
No, it's your left arm.
Yeah, yeah,
that's the one that hurts.
All right, you want a drink?
I've had too much to drink.
Because I could really
use a drink.
I think I need
like a baby aspirin.
They say that...
We're having drinks.
I'm gonna get us some.
Good god.
Will's wine is spectacular.
Mmhmm.
You okay?
You're not supposed
to be drinking that much.
- Let's smoke weed.
- No.
- You want to smoke weed?
- No!
Yeah.
No!
Can we please get out of here?
She's 16. She's got weed.
That's a law.
This is creeping me out.
Ooh.
Ooh, what?
It's a little guitar.
I think it's a violin.
I know it's a violin. My god.
Please don't.
What are you gonna do with that?
I'm gonna roll it up and I'm
gonna smoke it like a doobie.
You want to see something cool?
Super weird.
Oh, my god. Sorry.
Can we get out of this room
now, please?
Ooh, darts!
You know, for someone who took
a whole shit-ton of Xanax,
you're bouncing off the walls.
You see this?
That's some harsh shit.
What do you think
that bitch did?
Who cares? Let's go.
- What do you mean, who cares?
- I mean who cares.
Stop... ow!
Who hands darts
with the needles... ow!
Fuck! Shit!
You're out of your fucking mind!
I'm just a little tired.
Come on. Let's get
out of this room, please.
- No, let's play.
- I don't want to play.
Why?
You afraid I'm gonna beat you?
- Okay, we'll play one game.
- Oh, okay.
This sock will be the line.
I'm gonna play
standard scoring rules, okay?
- Oh, my god.
- We'll just go by the bars.
Why are you so serious
all of a sudden?
Why can't we just play
whoever hits
the bull's-eye first wins?
Because we'll be here all night
if we do that.
You'll be here all night.
I won't.
Dang. Good shot.
Thanks.
Shit!
T-t-t-the board is clearly
not flush to the wall,
making it very difficult
to catch a good angle.
Okay, it's not regulation?
It's not. It's bullshit.
- Okay.
- It's not fair.
Is this why the whole team
left you behind?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I mean, they're all in L.A.
The big game is four days away
and you're here playing darts
with me.
I don't have to physically
be with the team
to show my worth or contribute.
Thank you, though.
What do you do then?
I go through hours of high
school players' video footage
and then I take notes...
You jerk off on it?
And I give the notes about the
exceptional players to Peter.
- Hmm.
- Fuck!
Man!
I've never... I've never shot
this poorly.
Boom! She's gonna feel that
in the morning,
- that Chelsea.
- Who's Chelsea?
I named her Chelsea because
there's this really mean cunt
that I went to high school with,
and she looks just like her.
I never had any drama
in high school.
You mean you never got laid
in high school?
I mean I was a heavier...
i was...
I weighed a lot more, so...
How heavy can you get?
Are you done?
Can can I... yeah, I'm done.
Just take a shot.
- Aah! Aah!
- That's bullshit.
You were over the line.
I'm sorry. You're way over.
- No, I wasn't.
- Look where your feet are.
- I was going by that one.
- Why would you go that by sock?
That sock's three feet closer,
and we were...
you said the sock.
You said stand behind the sock.
You didn't specify which... hey!
You just can't handle
that I beat you.
I can handle that you beat me
if you can handle
that you cheated.
I okay, fine.
Whatever helps you sleep
at night, but I won.
I'll sleep fine at night
knowing that I won
fair and square,
because that's how we do it
at Allen state.
Oh, my god.
Don't tell me
you actually believe
in all of will's bullshit.
Yeah, I actually do.
I wouldn't have
gone into coaching if I didn't.
That's how you got
into coaching?
I thought it was
because you couldn't play.
- I could have played.
- What? Kicker?
I don't think
they let fatties kick the ball.
Are you just gonna give
me shit all night,
or do you want
me to answer your question?
Can we do both?
All right. Answer my question.
Well, if you must know,
I was actually in the stadium
during the mud bowl.
I don't know what that is,
but it sounds gross.
You don't know
what the mud bowl is?
No, I don't like football.
I told you.
I think it's barbaric.
What do you and will talk about?
History, politics.
We covered a lot.
And you never went over
the mud bowl?
No. God.
Mud bowl, mud bowl, mud bowl.
You obviously want to tell me
about the mud bowl.
No, I don't want to tell you
if you're gonna be like that.
Will you please tell me
about the mud bowl?
It was awesome.
I was 14 years old.
My dad took me to the game.
My first time in the stadium.
It's will's first year
as the head coach,
and it is pouring rain.
And at this time,
we're like a cupcake game
on major program schedules.
You know what I mean?
Just so they can get a "w,"
keep they're ranking high.
Notre dame comes in ranked
number one in the nation.
We go toe-to-toe with them
the entire game.
Fourth quarter, we're down
by a touchdown, a minute left.
We're on our own 4 yard line.
We have to drive
the entire field.
We have no time-outs.
How do we do it? Methodically.
They're in a dime package,
and will knows that.
There's no need
to try to go over the top.
So everything's a quick drop,
short outs, crossing patterns.
If you catch the ball
within the hash marks,
you got to get out of bounds
right away.
We score.
A normal coach...
just kick the extra point,
we'll deal with it in overtime,
right?
We have the momentum. Not will.
Will calls an end-around
to Marcus Freeman,
who everybody knows
is gonna get the ball
and try to run it
to the end zone.
They've got 10 in the box
stacked against him.
What does Marcus do?
He throws across his body
to a wide-open receiver
in the corner of the end zone.
Two-point conversion good.
The greatest football call in
the history of football calls.
Wow.
Yeah.
- So, did they win?
- Yeah, we won!
That was the game
that put Allen state on the map.
So, what? You got obsessed
with like a bunch
of 20-year-old neanderthals?
Live vicariously through them?
I know it sounds crazy,
but this is really important
to a lot of people, to me.
If we lose,
I get depressed for like a week.
That's what makes you sad?
A football game?
Will has done a lot
for this community.
He's done a lot for the school.
He has created jobs.
He has helped the economy.
He built
the youth builders program.
You can say that about
literally every single coach.
All he did was win a few games.
It's not just that.
Like, my... my dad and I,
we didn't talk very much,
but every Saturday
we were able to order pizza,
sit on the couch,
and be in each other's presence
while we watched the game.
Oh, my god. Wait.
Two men eating pizza,
watching football?
Everybody does that.
Will didn't create that.
Don't idolize him.
He's just a guy.
And to you, he's just a guy?
Yeah.
So, it wasn't the power?
The power?
No.
You don't know
what you're talking about.
So, please, enlighten me.
Enlighten me.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Come on.
Mnhmnh.
Well, I didn't even know
who he was when we met.
Really?
Really.
You didn't know
who will Campbell was?
No.
I'd only lived here for a year.
And I already told you I don't
give a rat's ass about football.
- Okay.
- He used to come into my bar
after work every day and sneak
into a booth in the back,
order a Sam Adams and work
on his fantasy novel,
and I think that's really...
I'm sorry.
Did you say fantasy novel?
Yes, I did.
With like wizards,
like elves and fairies?
- There were no fairies, okay?
- Like minotaurs?
No.
Like half-man, half-tigers?
See, this attitude right here,
this is why
he never told anyone...
because of annoying stuff
like this.
What was it called?
There's no way
I'm telling you that.
- Why?
- Because you're gonna make fun
of it, and then
I'm gonna get mad,
and then I'm gonna punch you,
and I'm tired.
I don't want to do that
right now.
Fine. I won't make fun of it.
I won't laugh at it.
I won't even...
i won't make a peep.
Just tell me the title.
"The keepers of Galnorea."
You kidding me?
What was it about?
Wizards who get gonorrhea?
It's a bad title.
I asked him to change it.
He didn't want to change it.
So, how do you go from talking
about dragons with stds to...
- What?
- To being...
to being in... inti...
to, like, having whatever...
to having sex?
Yes.
He gave me a ride home
one night.
And he invited himself up.
He said we didn't have to have
sex because he was married
and whatever,
but I knew what that meant,
so I fucked his brains out
anyway.
Well, I guess everyone
got what they wanted.
- Oh, god, you're so judgmental.
- I'm not judging.
You know,
I dated a lot of mean guys,
and he's the only one who didn't
actively make me hate myself.
Yeah.
He just made you want
to kill yourself.
- I'm sorry.
- Goodbye.
No. That was not cool.
I didn't mean it.
- It's fine.
- No, it's not fine.
No, really, it's fine.
I didn't even get that right.
I fucked up at fucking up.
- That's good.
- No.
That's good.
I am positive that if you
get another shot at it,
you're gonna nail it.
Just dead on impact.
I'm assuming you jump
from something.
That's very mean.
Seriously,
I believe in you in that.
Thank you.
Did you really want to do it?
For real?
That was the plan. For real.
I bought those pills
off some sketchy dude downtown.
Mort Stevens. -Yeah, I
don't think he was mort.
How do you know? Could have
been... anybody could be a mort.
That's racist.
Touch.
Anyway, I had those pills,
and I kept chickening out,
so I decided that I would come
to the banquet.
I knew tonight
was the last night
that I'd be able to talk to will
before he goes to L.A.
So I snuck in there and I guess
I was hoping
he was gonna talk me out of it,
but that didn't really happen.
And then you picked me up
at the bar?
No.
- Well, I wasn't hitting on you.
- Say that so casually,
like it's the truth?
That's not the truth.
- Well, what is the truth?
- You hit on me.
I did not do anything like that.
You complimented my bag.
You said, "hey, nice bag."
Well, it was nice,
and I was being nice.
You wanted to get into my pants.
You were wearing a dress.
Come on.
Fine. I was hitting on you.
But you were the one that said
you wanted to take me home.
Well, yeah, once I realized
who you worked for,
I thought it'd be
an extra little "fuck you"
to bang you in will's bed.
Thank you.
- Sorry.
- No.
It's fine.
I'm a terrible person.
And now the one solid thing
in my life
has completely abandoned me.
Will was the one solid thing
in your life?
You know he was gonna
leave Sarah.
Oh.
Yeah. I'm that girl.
I'm that girl.
Hey, he seduced both of us.
Yeah.
Except I only
let him fuck me once.
Twice if you count the one time
I let him finish in my mouth.
Oh!
I had to. He was my boss.
Yeah.
It was a wise business decision.
You still sleepy?
I'm the most sleepiest
of all times.
- Let's go outside.
- No.
Come on.
Let's get some fresh air.
There is airs in here.
You can have
one of your cigarettes.
By the way, you should switch
to e-cigarettes.
I've read a bunch of articles
that say it's better for you
and it looks cool.
Will you forward them to me?
- Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem.
Come on. Let's go outside.
No.
Come on.
Okay.
- Let's go.
- You got it, buster.
I won't even drag you.
Thank you,
'cause you hurt me last time.
I know. I'm sorry about that.
I felt it... I felt it...
you've been
throwing me around all night.
Why don't we go
in the pool, huh?
Fuck no.
It's freezing. Are you crazy?
What do you mean?
These conditions are perfect.
Yeah, looks positively balmy.
Ideal.
- It's too cold.
- I love going in bodies of water
when you can see
your own breath.
Do you?
Oh, yeah.
So, what... what...
you're a bartender, right?
Yep.
What's the five-year plan there?
Oh, my god. What are you?
My guidance counselor?
No, I just want to know.
I don't have a plan.
I was never very good
at planning.
What are you good at?
I don't know, man. Blowjobs.
Yeah, you're good at those.
I rest my case.
You play a nice violin.
I gave that up in the ninth
grade along with debate club
and my virginity.
You write really nicely.
How would you know that?
That suicide note really flowed.
It was mostly bumper
sticker wisdom, you know.
I have a gift.
What about you?
What's your plan?
Well, I hope to get
a graduate assistant position
in a few years,
then maybe move up
to an assistant coach
on will's staff.
Then after that hopefully parlay
it into a head coaching gig
somewhere at a small school
that I can make some noise,
just like will did.
Like will, like will, like will.
If you're not careful,
you're gonna waste
your whole life
on that stupid game.
It's not stupid.
Hundreds of players
will tell you
that will is like
a father to them.
That means something.
I'm good at cooking.
That's cool.
Don't patronize me.
No, I think that's awesome.
You should like...
- don't say it.
- What?
"You should open up
a restaurant."
That's you.
Spoton impression of me.
Right?
You're good at impressions.
So what's your specialty?
Jack Nicholson.
I meant what's your,
like, recipe?
Are we still talking about this?
- I'm interested.
- What is your specialty?
Chinese takeout.
I crush it every time.
- Good one.
- Come on.
I'm serious. I want to know.
I watch a lot of cooking shows.
I don't have, like, a specialty.
I don't make one thing,
you know.
I just... I can whip up a meal
with anything
you have in your cupboards.
That's my jam.
So you're like a food genie.
No, but just something
me and my friends
do every once in awhile.
Like I'll make the food and
they'll bring the booze 'cause
we're all broke as fuck.
I don't see my friends
that much.
By the time I get off campus,
they're either home in their own
bed or wasted drunk,
and it's like I have
to take care of them.
Sounds lonely.
Hmm. Keeps me focused.
Wow.
You sound exactly like will.
Well, will always said the key
to success
is preparation and persistence.
Yeah, I know.
I've seen the fucking t-shirts
and the koozies.
All right.
I'm cold.
Let's go inside.
Okay.
Can you help me up?
All right.
You mother...
oh! Oh! Oh!
I'm sorry! I didn't think
it would be this cold!
What a dumb mistake!
I'm so sorry!
- I'm so sorry!
- Oh! Oh, my god!
- Are you okay?!
- Oh, my god!
- I'm so sorry!
- Oh, my...
you fucker.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
- I'm sorry. It's just...
I didn't... I didn't know
how to keep you awake.
Want to keep me awake,
just say "hey!"
Just say "hey"? I-I-I-I...
I don't know
if that's like the strongest...
just say "hey!"
Can you hand me a towel, please?
Got a pool in the winter,
you want to heat it, you know?
Why are you breathing so loud?
I'm not good at being cold.
Come here.
Come on. Open your towel.
We need body heat.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay.
Why are you hard?
I'm
oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
No.
Tough moment to read, you know?
Don't follow me with it.
What are you doing?
I'm just whipping something up.
I'm hungry.
Yeah?
What are you making
with milk and sriracha sauce?
Don't sound so disgusted.
This is a thing that I make.
God.
Okay, you're making a lot of it.
Well, I'm making enough
for when Peter gets here.
How do you know
Peter's showing up?
Okay, he just wants to
talk to you.
Yeah, just a sweet, little
convo between two friends.
What? Do you think
he's gonna threaten you?
I am sure they're going
to intimidate me, yeah.
They'll try, at least.
You can handle that, right?
You're tough.
Okay. Listen.
This is how it's gonna go down.
Peter's gonna show up
with a blank check
to find out how much
it costs to keep my mouth shut.
Yeah right.
Just wait and see.
You'll... okay.
Sounds crazy.
Hey, hey!
- Oh!
- Sorry.
These are for the dish.
I need that back,
actually, so can I have that?
- How much would it cost?
- How much would it cost to what?
How much would it cost
for you not to say anything?
Well, I've never had more than
$1,000 in my bank account,
so most days
you can get me pretty cheap.
- But not today.
- No.
Not today.
Hell hath no fury
and the scorn of the woman.
Scorn of women. I think... yeah,
that's how that goes.
You know what I mean.
Let's just play this out
for a second, okay?
You go to the press.
They rake will over the coals.
They crucify him.
His wife does the whole
"stand by your man" thing
then will goes back to coaching.
He wins a couple big games.
The press looks at it
like a redemption story.
And then where does that
leave you?
- Bahamas.
- You become a trashy girl
that tried
to break up his marriage.
Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
I mean...
If it were just an affair.
But...
It's more than that.
- It's more than that.
- Huh?
It's more than that. What?
I can't... I can't ruin
your perception of Saint will.
You love him.
I don't think this will ruin it
after what I've been
through tonight.
Okay.
Remember when all the...
i can't.
- I can't do it.
- Just tell me.
Remember when all those schools
were recruiting Kyle Walker?
Yeah, of course.
Usc, ucla, 'bama,
Texas, Nebraska, Arizona.
Yeah, shh, shh, shh.
No one cares.
Basically all those schools
were jizzing them self
- to get Kyle Walker.
- Yeah.
And then he went to Allen state?
He wanted to play for will.
Have you seen those girls
at usc?
I'm talking like...
- What is that?
- They're hot.
Look, when you graduate
high school
and you're serious
about college football,
you know the value of being
coached by a living legend.
Kevin, they paid him.
- Bullshit.
- They paid him.
- That is bullshit.
- I'm telling you the truth.
They paid him. I was there.
I went on that trip
with will to Houston.
He rolls up to Kyle Walker's
house in a brand-new range rover
and then he takes a cab home?
So what?
- Doesn't mean anything.
- Okay.
Well, the championship's
on Monday.
What do you think will happen
if I leak
that little tidbit to the press?
The ncaa would do
a thorough investigation
and come up with nothing
because will does not cheat.
At football.
Well, if they looked into it,
they would find plenty.
And then his whole staff...
and you...
would be up shit's creek
without a paddle,
and I don't think the community
would like that very much.
Look, obviously I've heard
the rumors any time
a five-star blue-chip recruit
comes to a small school
like this.
And with all the things
that will has done for Allen,
there's gonna be chatter,
obviously.
Hey, hey.
I'm telling you first-hand,
as a first-hand account,
I'm the source.
Will would never do that.
Okay, come here. Come on.
We're going on a trip.
Come on.
Awesome.
I know.
Kind of overwhelming for such
a famously modest guy, right?
Wow. This ball was signed
by all the captains
of the '03 sugar bowl victory.
Don't forget all of
these beautifully framed posters
praising will's genius.
He's a pretty good
football coach.
He's only human.
This is a narcissistic shrine
that he made
and gave to himself.
Nobody knows this guy.
They all think
he's some modest family man.
Don't you know him?
Isn't he the real will with you?
I don't think
anyone really knows anyone.
Well, I mean, I don't think
that takes away
from his coaching
accomplishments
or the fact
that he's changed the culture...
he has created an unattainable
standard for living
that you try to live up to,
that he doesn't even
try to live up to.
Well...
It doesn't seem so bad to try.
I don't know what to tell you.
Look, I'm just saying you don't
have to put so much pressure
on yourself, you know?
You could have a real life
outside this thing.
Will does.
I'm perfectly happy
with my life, thank you.
You told me
you never see your friends.
And when was the last time
you even had a girlfriend?
That's none of your business.
Well, we just had sex, so it's
kind of sort of my business.
It's really not.
Oh, my god.
Why are you getting touchy?
I'm not getting touchy.
Have we hit a nerve? Huh?
Will you please stop kicking me?
Was tonight your first time?
You have to tell me if it was.
Did it feel like my first time?
Don't answer that.
Do you even go on dates?
Are you on Okcupid?
Nerdlove. Com?
This conversation is over.
Well, we have to talk
about something.
Is nerdlove. Com
even a real website?
If we don't...
I'm falling asleep.
I'm gonna fall asleep
if you don't tell me.
Fine. We will go through
my entire relationship history,
but that means that we have
to go through yours, as well.
That's fine with me.
I just don't think
you can handle it.
Try me.
He started openly hitting on
other girls in front of me.
That's terrible. What'd you do?
Break up with him?
- Hell no.
- Why?
Uh, because that's what
he wanted, obviously.
He wasn't man enough
to break up with me himself,
so he passive aggressively tried
to get me to break up with him.
So you just stuck it out?
Yeah.
I couldn't lose.
That's good.
It always important
for a relationship to feel
like there's a winner
and a loser.
Well, technically, I won 'cause
I got to stay
six months rent-free
in a dope-ass apartment.
- Doesn't seem worth it to me.
- Washer/dryer in unit.
You know what?
Forget I said anything.
You should have
stayed there forever.
No.
Even if you were being abused.
I would have said stick it out.
Do that laundry at your leisure.
Yeah. Worth it.
Now, this is Steve
we're talking about, right?
No, no, no, no.
Steve was the ankle fetish.
- Steve was the ankle fetish.
- Weirdo.
- No, this is...
- Brian?
- Brent.
- Brent.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
No, it's okay.
It's a lot to keep track of.
What are you implying?
Nothing.
You're trying to say
I'm a whore.
- No, I am not.
- Yes, you are.
- I would never... no.
- It's fine.
I kinda am.
No, you're not.
You're being really hard
on yourself.
I'm not being hard on myself.
It's the men
who have been hard on me.
In you.
- In me, on me.
- Okay.
- Play me like a drum.
- Stop it.
You don't want to go on? Okay.
Play you like a drum?
- With their dicks.
- Yeah, I got it.
Yeah.
I don't like...
i don't want to think about it.
Sorry.
What's... you know,
how many dudes we talking?
I don't have a number
off the top of my head.
There's no final tally?
I don't tally them every day.
I'm not in jail like...
What's your number?
I'll give you mine.
I got to think about it.
- Well, me too.
- Okay.
Let's think.
Let's think together.
Okay.
- I got a guesstimate.
- Yeah, I need one second.
- Hold on.
- Oh, boy.
I instantly regret doing this.
Justin.
What?
Okay.
I am ready.
Okay, you first.
I'm not going first 'cause
then you'll just...
you'll hear my number and then
you're gonna change yours.
- We'll go at the same time.
- Okay, that sounds fair.
- On the count of three.
- Okay.
- Three...
- Wait, wait, wait.
Does the other girl
in a threesome count?
What?
Are you having a stroke?
No, I'm... I'm...
I'd love to hear
more about that specific...
- just do the countdown.
- Okay.
Three...
Two, one.
- 8.
- 8.
We have the same number.
Yeah, crazy.
- Ha!
- Weird.
We have the same number.
- It's actually 12.
- Yeah, mine's 6.
Six is respectable.
No, it's embarrassing.
You've been with
the right number of people
for someone your age.
I've been with like no one.
Yeah, that is kind
of embarrassing.
I'm just kidding.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I wish I could take a lot
of mine back.
I'd take one back.
Ouch.
Me?
No, actually, not you.
- Mine's actually 4 1/2.
- 1/2?
I didn't finish.
I think it counts
if you've got your penis in.
- Oh, I got in.
- It counts.
That counts as sex.
Okay, so then it's a solid five.
I am very honored to be
the fifth notch in your bedpost.
Technically
it's in will's bedpost.
Yeah, I know.
I know it well.
Ah. No, no, no, no, no.
Sorry.
What did you get
out of that relationship?
This is gonna sound cheesy.
I don't want to say.
Will believed in me.
He pushed me to do things.
And I have a habit of not
following through all the way,
so that was really good for me.
He's the one who told me
to take cooking classes.
I would have never done that
in a million years.
I would have made fun of it
and then I would have not
followed through
and then I would have wished
that I had.
Well, he was right on point
with that.
I want to live
in this casserole.
- Yeah?
- Seriously.
I want to pay taxes
to this casserole.
See?
No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
- I'm cleaning up.
- No.
We're not cleaning up.
We don't have to clean up.
It's rude.
I forbid you from doing
anything responsible forever.
Oh, my god.
You really don't know how to be.
I don't know
what to do with myself.
Come on.
Safe.
Wh... ah.
Ooh, it's nice out here.
This is really nice.
What are we doing?
Will you relax?
I'm relaxed.
I love... I love being up high.
I feel good, I feel good.
The air is nice and cool
up here.
What's going on?
The sun's gonna come up soon.
Yeah, it tends to do that.
I survived the night.
Yes, you did. No thanks to you.
I could jump off this roof
right now.
Well, please help me inside
before you do 'cause I-i...
yeah, no problem.
That'll only take 45 minutes.
I might change my mind.
I'm winded, too.
Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
No problem.
You know, I really thought
I wanted to do it.
But there was this moment when
I was drifting off
that I thought...
"No. Oh, shit."
You know, you did take me here.
You could have done this
by yourself.
I f...
I feel like you wanted
to be found someway.
Yeah, you're probably right.
You know,
I thought about it once.
I think everybody
thinks about it.
I did more than think about it.
Senior year,
I drove my dad's car into a tree
and told everyone
I fell asleep at the wheel.
Oh, my god.
I was going
through a really tough time.
I wanted to be
valedictorian so bad.
There was this kid, Steve Kim.
We were like neck-and-neck.
I beat that motherfucker.
I was the valedictorian
of my high school.
I gave the speech at graduation.
I thought for sure
I would feel like...
Fulfilled or something.
- Yeah.
- I didn't.
I felt the same way
I had before.
That's when I realized
my life would be a series
of fights with the Steve Kims
of the world.
And it just seemed daunting
because even if you win,
it all feels the same.
I think you're better off
than Steve Kim.
You saved a life...
Cool khakis.
He's a partner in instagram.
Hmm.
Thank you. I like my khakis.
Anyway, I walked away
without a scratch.
Totaled the car.
Wow. You are so lucky.
- That is not luck.
- That's luck.
That was a saab. That is
good, ol' Swedish engineering.
Those things are tanks.
You trying to sell me
a saab right now?
No, I just, you know,
if I could have you
look over here...
Anyway, my dad...
He gave me this
as like something
to remember the accident by.
He has no idea
what I think of every time
I go to look at it.
Shit.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Hey, Peter.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Madeline?
Hello?
Hi. Uh, just, um,
just hold on for one second.
Hey.
You're not gonna find them.
Leave me alone.
You have a phone call.
I just want to go home.
There's someone
that wants to speak to you.
I don't want to talk to Peter.
It's not Peter.
What?
Will?
Come on. Don't tell me that.
Nope.
I don't really think
that's appropriate to ask.
Okay.
Yeah, right.
And if I'm not here?
You can try.
So, they'll be here
in 20 minutes.
Will wants to see me.
Then you got what you wanted,
right?
I'm gonna clean up.
You know, it was Peter
who told him not to talk to me.
Uhhuh.
Yeah, will had no problem
following through with that.
Super happy for you.
It's gonna work out great.
Dick.
Fuck, that wine is good.
Hey, look who's bringing
in the dishes.
Very responsible.
- You know what?
- What?
I'm just making sure
you don't get in trouble, okay?
Uhhuh. This has nothing
to do with a certain someone
who happens to be on their way?
You have a bigger crush on will
than I do.
I would think
you're more concerned
about who's showing up.
You're trying to save his ass
all night.
I'm the whore?
You're the fucking whore.
This is about more
than just you and me.
What is it about? Football?
Is it about your idol,
will Campbell?
Coach?
I seriously cannot wrap my head
around why you still
believe in this guy.
You don't believe in him
anymore?
Okay. Let me just explain
relationships to you.
Oh, I would love this.
Because you probably never
had one.
When you have a relationship
with someone,
you share things, you go deep,
you have feelings that don't get
washed away so easily!
And where does Sarah
fall in all this?
You just proved you have no
idea what you're talking about.
You know,
she has her own secrets, too.
She's not perfect.
Train wreck.
Excuse me?
I said
you're a fucking train wreck.
- I'm a fucking train wreck?
- Yeah.
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
You think life has to be this...
who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?!
You can say that to me?!
Look at you!
You're empty inside!
You haven't lived a day
in your fucking life
until you met me!
You used me to get to will.
And now you're gonna
bring him down with you.
Yeah, you got me pegged.
You're so smart.
I think I do.
Enlighten me.
You're just
a scared little girl.
That's it.
Mmhmm.
What about a regular
relationship?
It's too boring, right?
Too mundane.
Got to cry for help.
Got to pull some shit
like last night, right?
Fuck you!
Let me ask you a question
since you're the better person
here, right? Mr. morality.
I didn't say that.
- Let me ask you a question.
- Mm-hmm.
What would you have done
if I died last night?
Then you'd be dead.
You're not listening.
What would you have done?
Would you have called 911
finally instead of wasting time
calling Pete,
calling this secret doctor,
instead of calling someone who
could actually save my life?!
You're a fucking coward!
You're a piece of shit!
I bet... I bet if Peter
told you to drive by a hospital
and open up the door
and let me fucking tumble out,
you would you have done it!
And you want to know
why I know that?
It's because you're a stupid,
little bitch,
and you would do anything
they tell you to do
'cause you don't have
a fucking brain of your own!
Yeah, walk away.
I'll tell them you said hi.
Call me a fucking bitch.
You're a bitch. Fucking bitch.
Mort st... fucking bitch.
Ow!
So, the bedroom is even cleaner
than we found it.
There's no sign
of illicit love-making anywhere.
That's great.
And you're gonna be a big hero.
Your career's gonna take off.
Sky's the limit.
And you'll get will back.
Everybody wins.
Maddie.
Try one of those on.
I don't really, uh,
smoke that much.
You'll like it.
Yeah, it's smooth.
You know, Kevin, you really
do look like a dog's asshole
right now.
Yeah, well,
it's been a long night.
Trust me.
It won't go unappreciated.
Will and I were talking.
There might be a spot on
the coaching staff opening up
that could have your name on it.
Coaching staff, huh?
Liked the way
you handled yourself.
What's gonna happen to her?
You look good.
You don't have to be here.
I know you don't have time
for my bullshit.
Maddie, don't. Don't say that.
Shouldn't you be with the team,
your family?
No.
I should be right here with you.
Right.
- I needed to see you.
- You're only saying this now
'cause you don't want me to go
to the press.
That's not true.
You want the truth?
You want the truth
about how I feel?
- Yeah.
- I love you.
I want you back in my life.
I never wanted you
out of my life.
But it's complicated.
- It's complicated.
- Yeah, it's complicated.
You know it is.
It's complicated.
So I don't know what to do here.
First thing,
I want to make sure you're okay.
I'm fine.
- I don't think you're fine.
- I'm the best I've ever been.
I love you,
and I have missed you.
God, I missed you.
You don't miss me.
You miss late-night quickies
and room service.
Well, yeah.
Come on, maddie.
It's more than that
and you know it.
Will you look at me?
What?
Never mind.
What?
Did you and Kevin...?
Here in my house?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Did he kiss you?
What? Are you jealous?
Yeah. I am.
I'm jealous. How about that.
- Good.
- Do you like that?
- I like it a lot.
- Uh-huh.
- It's different.
- Uh-huh.
Hey.
God, maddie,
when I got that call
and I heard what happened,
I didn't know what to do.
Hey, I don't want to lose you.
I don't.
I don't want to lose you.
I love you.
Trust me.
I don't like it, either.
But if he wants to risk
having her around,
what can I do about it?
Kevin.
Thank you for looking
after maddie last night.
You all right?
I know about Kyle Walker.
Yeah,
he's a good football player.
How'd you get him to come here?
What do you know?
You know, just the p's.
The p's.
Persistence, preparation...
Payoffs.
Kevin, I wasn't done
talking to you.
- It's okay, Pete.
- Yeah.
I was done with you, though.
Okay, Kevin,
you're disappointed in me.
I get it.
But everything I've done
is for the sake of this program.
And one day if you find yourself
in a position like mine...
and I think you will...
you're gonna find out
that making tough decisions
is a big part of the job.
Trust me when I tell you,
these decisions are what got us
where we are today.
But I don't trust you, so...
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Kevin, we appreciate you
taking care of her, all right?
Should have given those to you
hours ago.
Kevin, listen to me.
Hey.
Kevin.
Think about your future!
Just needs a little while
to cool down.
How do you know?
Maddie, you had to get
a good sense of this guy.
He's upset now,
but he'll come around, right?
Yeah, will.
Besides, you can talk anyone
into anything.
Yeah. It was a nice
fucking mess you got us in.
I'll go talk to him.
- Would you?
- Yeah.
Just tell him to come back
in here.
Yeah, I'll... I'll just fix it.
Thank you.
All right.
Hey.
- Hi.
- What are you doing?
I guess I'm changing
my five-year plan.
You want a ride?
What about will?
I hope he wins.
Where to?
Does your breath always stink?
Oh, shit!
Fucking clapped that garbage.
You coming?
Yeah.
See that? That's crazy.
Wait, wait.
Slow down.
- Wait.
- What are you doing?
I forgot my key.
This is a nice area.
Right?
Do you rent?
Come on in.
- Impressive.
- Thank you.
What did you say you did again?
Insider tradings.
Just so you know,
I don't do this that much,
like, hardly ever,
so don't be nervous. Yeah, yeah.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You have a girlfriend
or something?
Because I don't care.
It's totally fine.
No, no, I would never...
i would never...
you would never
have a girlfriend?
No, I would never cheat on a...
so, you have a...
do you have a girlfriend?
No, I don't.
I was just... I wanted a second.
Why don't we have some wine?
I have wine. Want some?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
This is a really nice place.
- Think fast.
- What?
God. Where did you get this?
A wine place.
This is like an $800 bottle.
Well, then it better be good.
Whoa.
Just use an opener.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Let's get some glasses.
Hey, hey.
That's some
really expensive wine.
All right. I'm good.
- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
There we go.
Mmm.
Not used to...
Shit.
Are you crazy?
What?
Oh!
Jesus Christ.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
We don't need
to smash everything.
- I'm so drunk.
- Really?
I feel like you
didn't even drink anything.
Want to go upstairs?
You're the hottest girl
that has ever shown
an interest in me before.
Are you latina?
I feel like you're latina.
Shit.
Hello?
Lady?
Crazy.
Okay!
I'm just gonna uber so you
don't have to worry about it!
Thank you?
Fuck you.
- Yeah?
- Hey.
Peter. How was the flight?
Short flight. We didn't crash.
Real success story.
What do you want?
Good. And the hotel's good?
Everybody's happy
with the accommodations?
They're super swank, man.
What's up?
I'm in will's house.
I'm sorry?
I'm standing in will's kitchen.
I'm looking
at will's family portrait.
I don't... I-I...
Okay, well, you need to explain
to me why you're there.
Ii - after you guys
left the banquet,
I met this girl,
and... and we had drinks
and... and it was going
really well.
I think she... I think she...
i think she liked me.
And then I went back
to her house,
and, um, the only problem is,
it's not her house.
It's, uh...
It's will's house.
Where is she now?
Kevin.
You know, at the...
Moment, I don't...
Kevin, where is she now?
This is very important.
- I have to call you back.
- No. Kevin...
lady!
Hello? Hello?
Peter. Hello?
Oh, fuck.
Hello... oh, god. Hello?
Shit. Oh, my god.
Oh, shit.
Hey, get up!
Get up! Okay, get up.
Let's go. Wake up.
Come on. Come on.
There you go. Okay.
Okay. Now we're talking.
Did you take some...
did you take something?
Did you take something?
Look at me. Hey.
Hey! Wake up!
Hey, Peter.
You tell me
what's going on right now.
I'm sorry.
I need to call an ambulance.
- Ow.
- This girl took something.
- What's her name?
- Who cares?
She needs an ambulance.
Calm down. What is her name?
Tell me to calm down, Peter.
Look, I don't know her name!
Well, what does she look like?
She's little.
She's got brown hair.
She's... she's... she's pretty.
I think she's a latina.
- Is she wearing a red dress?
- She was.
Why?
Okay, we can't call 911.
- What?
- Is she still breathing?
How did you know
she was wearing a red dress?
Is she still fucking breathing,
Kevin?
Yes, she's still breathing!
Okay, listen to me.
What I'm about to tell you
stays between us.
- Okay.
- Tell me that you understand
the severity of the situation.
This can't be shared
with anyone.
Uhhuh. Yeah.
I'm serious, Kevin.
Nobody else knows about this.
Of course.
About a year ago,
this girl seduced will.
Was a huge mistake,
one-time thing.
He cut it off immediately,
but she became obsessed
with him.
Now, if you call 911, the press
is gonna get wind of this.
We can't have that,
not this week.
- What am I supposed to do?
- Sit tight.
I'm gonna send one
of our doctors to you.
In the meantime,
you got to make her throw up.
P-Peter, I'm n-not really,
um, comfortable with that.
I don't care what you're
comfortable with, Kevin.
That's what you do.
Okay.
But don't you think
it'd be a lot simpler
if I just took her
to the hospital, then...
then they could do
what they need to do?
Dr. Newman can get to you
before you can get
to a hospital.
The foot guy?!
Yes. He is a foot specialist.
He is also a real physician.
- O...
- Oh, Kevin?
- Fine.
- One more thing.
This is your clusterfuck.
If she doesn't make it,
she was your girlfriend.
Shit.
Here we go. Okay.
I want to apologize.
I don't want to do this as much
as you don't want to do this.
Okay, all right.
Uh...
There we go. There we go.
Oh!
Okay, you're doing good.
That's good. That's good.
That feel better?
- There you go.
- I'm all better.
- You're good. Good.
- I'm better.
- Hey, Dr. Newman.
- Kevin, hello.
It took a little trying.
But I got her to throw up,
so everything's good.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you didn't need
to do that.
What?
So, her body's already absorbed
whatever she took,
so that didn't really
help at all.
Great.
Okay, so
what are we dealing with here?
Is it sleeping pills,
painkillers?
What do we got?
- I-I have no idea.
- Okay.
Uh, look for an empty bottle.
It's probably somewhere close.
Empty bottle.
Just look on the floor,
look behind the toilet,
look in the shower.
Just look for that empty bottle.
You'll be just fine. Okay.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna lean you
just like that.
Just stay right there. Oh, no.
Okay, Dr. Newman, I'm looking.
Kevin, just start breathing.
You need to breathe.
I'm breathing,
I'm breathing, I'm...
Breathing. How are you?
Oh, well, thank you for asking.
Today I went to the circus
with my daughter.
Oh, that sounds like a...
i got it!
- It's Xanax.
- Ah, bingo!
We got a winner.
Okay, what's the dosage?
.5 milligrams.
Ugh. And the bottle's empty?
Yep. Totally... totally...
totally empty.
Okay. Sit tight.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Okay.
You know what? Hang on a second.
I'm gonna sing you
a little song.
- Okay.
- It's gonna help. Ready?
Okay. Okay. I'm...
I'm gonna hang up, doctor.
Okay, great.
Hi. Doctor, thank you so much.
I am so... so sorry about this.
- Lead the way. Lead the way.
- She's... she's upstairs.
Obviously, you know,
t-this is not how
I thought t-this was gonna
happen, you know.
- God. Did you take something?
- Sorry.
We were in the bathroom.
I don't know if...
if you're supposed to lean
her up like that, but I did.
Oh. Okay. All right,
this is what I need you to do.
- She threw up a bunch, and...
- Yeah, yeah.
Okay,
this is what I need you to do.
I need you to go to the kitchen,
make a pot of coffee,
pour a mug 3/4 full, then
you fill the rest with whiskey,
and you need like a teaspoon
of brown sugar in it, all right?
You want me to make
an Irish coffee?
Whipped cream would be
fantastic.
Go.
She's got great feet.
Okay. She's doing okay.
She's doing okay.
Here's your Irish coffee.
That's for you.
All right, so we're not
out of the woods yet.
Normally I'd attach
a heart monitor,
but since that's not an option,
you're just gonna
have to keep her awake.
Keep her awake? What happens
if she falls asleep?
Well, then her brain will stop
sending the signal to her lungs
that she needs to breathe.
But you're not gonna let
that happen, so we don't have to
worry about that, do we?
Wwhere are you going?
I'm going home.
Drink up.
Wwait, doctor.
Fuck.
You're leaving?
You got to give her
a cold shower,
pour some regular coffee...
You can't leave.
Listen, she's gonna
be a little confused at first.
- This is an emergency situation.
- Just ask her name.
I'm pretty sure
it's not mort Stevens.
You know what I'm saying?
Ask her where she is,
who she is, who's the president
of the United States,
all that kind of stuff.
I could really use
your help here.
Listen, listen, you just
got to keep her awake all night.
You're gonna be fine, okay?
You got this.
That's a fist bump. You failed.
All right. Good luck.
Ccome on, we... b...
fucking foot guy.
- No.
- Yes.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, not in the bath,
not in the bath.
That's a drowning place.
That's a drowning place.
Okay. Come on.
There we go. There we go.
There you go. Good girl.
All right.
Sit, sit, sit.
Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit.
No, no, no,
don't go out of the shower.
Get in the shower.
Sit.
Sit down.
Oh.
Hey. Head up.
Drink it.
No.
Drink the coffee.
- I don't want the coffee.
- Tough shit.
Drink the coffee.
I'm supposed
to ask you some questions.
Probably be good if I knew
your name at this point.
What's your name?
I don't remember it.
You can't remember your name?
You have amnesia?
Do you know my name?
No, that's why I just
asked you two seconds ago.
Well, then you're very
romantic 'cause we just had sex.
Oh, you remember that?
Barely. Barely.
That's funny.
Do you know my name?
Yep.
Fernando.
What?
- Fernando.
- Do I look like a Fernando?
You are so racist.
How is that racist?
Because you could be a Fernando.
I've never been confused
with a Fernando before.
- You're a racist.
- I'm a racist?
- You're a racist.
- Okay.
Drink your coffee.
I had sex with a racist.
Add it to the list.
Madeline Parker.
That's a good name.
That's a pretty name.
Well, it is nice to meet you,
I guess.
I'm Kevin.
I know you're confused right now
and that there is a lot of stuff
being thrown at you.
But I would like to know why the
fuck we are in my boss's house.
Excuse me, Kevin,
but I have no idea
what you're talking about.
And I'm really, really, really
foggy, so...
I don't know how to help you
or whatever you are...
okay.
Well, when everything clears up
up there for you,
we are gonna have a lot
to talk about.
Hey.
Hey!
I'm sorry that I'm gonna...
get the fuck up.
Ow!
God damn it.
You're like a fucking child.
I am so sleepy.
Yeah, I know you're sleepy.
That's what happens
when you swallow all that Xanax.
Two quick minutes
and I promise I won't die.
You know I can't do that.
Right.
You want to have sex again?
What? No.
- I know that look.
- No.
- You're tenacious.
- Not interested.
You mean you've never,
ever wanted to fuck a starfish?
This is the least attractive
thing I've seen you do.
Ugh.
Okay.
Let's talk.
You have any pets?
Wow. That is a boring intro.
- What? You got a cat?
- I got a dog.
- You have a dog?
- Yeah.
- What's his name?
- How do you know it's a he?
- Okay, what's her name?
- It's a he.
Okay,
what's your male dog's name?
Fernando.
The dog's name is Fernando.
Where are you from?
- My mom's vagina.
- And where was
your mother's vagina located
when you dropped out of it?
Shitsville, Ohio.
Shitsville, Ohio?
Is there a six flags near there?
Yeah.
I guess.
Where are you from?
Born and raised here.
What?
You're fancy.
- That's fancy?
- Yeah.
Everyone from Allen has money?
Yeah.
You know that stereotype
is bullshit, right?
Okay, yeah,
you're from the ghetto.
Not from the ghetto
or the slums.
- You've seen some real shit?
- It's not about that.
I'm just saying...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's a lot
of economic diversity in Allen.
What do you do?
Wow!
What do you do?
Personal architect.
You're a personal architect?
I'm a personal.
What do you do for a living?
Body painting.
You're a body painter?
I paint bodies.
What is your job?
I'm a bartender.
What's wrong with you?
I serve overpriced drinks
to townies like you.
Just 'cause I live here,
that does not make me a townie.
Okay.
What do you do? Wait.
Let me guess.
Aspiring actress.
You're gonna make it good.
I think you know who I work for.
Fuck it.
This is too awkward
for me right now.
This is the most infuriating.
Time to exercise!
Ow! My lungs! You idiot!
- Here we go.
- That really hurts.
I'm sorry,
but we got to work out.
Okay, we're just gonna
take a little walk.
All right. Just walk.
That's all you have to do
is just keep yourself...
oh, my god.
Is that your toenail? I'm sorry.
It's been awhile since I...
Your talons.
Can you hold on one second?
Just please keep walking.
Hey.
How's it going there, champ?
You know, I think,
uh, pretty good.
Everything seems to be
under control.
- Shit.
- Whoa.
Oh, no.
Kevin?
- You are so dumb.
- Kevin, what is that?
Huh?
What? Here we go.
- What was that?
- You hurt my rib, you idiot!
Huh?
Kevin,
you have to talk to me now.
- Talk to me now, son.
- Oh, god.
- What was that?
- Oh, god.
Oh, nothing, uh, a plate fell
and it's making me cough.
A plate fell.
A plate fell, he says.
Okay, please don't wreck
coach's house.
I won't, Peter.
Hey, fuck you, Peter!
Go fuck yourself, you dickbag!
Shut up.
That's for you.
We we got to keep her
under control, Kevin.
You're dumb!
Shut the fuck up.
You are being so rude.
You're a dickhole!
What is she saying?
She says you're a dickhole.
All right, well, at least
she's feeling better, right?
Yeah, I think she really
turned a corner.
All right,
well, keep me posted, okay?
Have you mentioned anything
to will about this?
No, I'm gonna do that right now.
If you could maybe just, um,
reiterate to him when you do
how much I respect him and...
and... and I would never want
to get involved
in his personal life, of course.
Look, take it easy.
You're gonna be fine.
Right now, we just
have to keep a lid on this.
Don't let her talk to anyone
and don't let her leave.
That might be a bit
of a challenge.
I know you never had sex, Peter.
I know you're a virgin, Peter!
Okay, buddy, look,
you're really saving will's ass
on this.
We're not gonna
forget about you.
I'm gonna be on the first plane
out of L.A.X. In the morning.
I should be down there
at 7:00 A.M. to relieve you.
Okay.
I won't let anybody down.
What?
So you know Peter?
- I know a Peter.
- Can we have just,
like, a normal conversation
for two seconds?
I know about you and will.
I need a fucking cigarette.
You shouldn't smoke.
It's bad for your health.
Thank you.
What'd he tell you?
You know, everything.
That you guys
had a one-night stand
and that you got all crazy
and obsessive.
So typical.
You think he would really
leave his wife and kids for...
For what?
For what? I'm interested.
I'm genuinely interested
in what you have to say.
- Nothing.
- For what?
- Nothing.
- For what?
Some crazy slut you take home
for a cheap fuck?
That's not what I meant.
Isn't that
what happened tonight?
Isn't that what happened?
Tonight you...
You took me home.
- And with that, I'm leaving.
- Where you going? Come on.
No, come on.
Let's just relax for a second
and talk.
Relax?!
I'm sorry,
but I can't let you leave.
- Where is my dress?
- I don't know.
We took it off in,
like, a big rush.
Turn around.
Turn around, you perv! God!
Okay, I saw it all anyway
like an hour ago.
Yeah, and then I tried
to kill myself.
You do the math.
That's not why you tried
to kill yourself. Come on.
Oh, you know why? You know why?
I've never gotten, you know,
that bad of a response.
Shut up.
Shut up. Shut your mouth.
Zipper.
I don't think that you should
- drive a car really.
- Zipper!
You took enough drugs
to take down an elephant.
- I appreciate the comparison.
- I'm just saying,
you think you should be
operating heavy machinery?
It's a dodge neon.
It doesn't exactly qualify
as heavy machinery.
Anything that's got four wheels
and a motor like that,
that's heavy machinery.
You know what?
Could you just... fuck!
- I am fine.
- I didn't say...
- I am fine. I am fine.
- I didn't say anything.
You try hopping around
on one heel.
I just... i-i don't think
that that's why you fell.
"I-I-I-I-I."
Stupid idiot.
- I don't... I don't know...
- Where's my bra?
Where is my bra?
I'm serious.
I can't let you leave.
Shut up.
It's been real, kev.
You're not going anywhere.
- High-five?
- I'm serious.
And I'm leaving.
Get the... you are such a pussy.
Hold on.
I won't let you.
Kevin.
Please don't get obsessed.
It's just a one-night stand.
You know...
damn it, Kevin,
what's so bad if she licks you?
Hey!
I will call the cops.
Do you hear me?
Do whatever you got to do, dude.
I am serious. Don't get
in the car. Please.
I'm begging you.
I was told to keep you here.
Really, I-I-I'm running out
of options here. Please.
Please, I am begging you, do not
put those keys in the ignition.
Please do not put those keys
in the ignition.
Don't start the car.
Don't start the car!
Please! Don't put it in reverse!
I am begging you! Do not back
out of this driveway!
Dude, let go!
Please. I can help you.
- Let go!
- I'm serious.
Please just get out of the car.
You asked for it.
Please, I am begging you.
Everything that...
oh!
You asked for it!
Oh!
Oh, my god! My eyes!
God damn it.
I've been nothing
but nice to you!
This entire time!
I said to let go.
Oh! Ah!
- Just get up.
- Oh, god!
Just...
It feels bad.
It feels like it's really bad.
Come on.
I got to go, so let's just...
It burns so bad.
Okay, you got to stop hunching.
I don't want to get hit
in the midsection with a corner.
It was... okay.
All right. Just hold on.
Oh, my god.
Oh, god.
Oh, man, it burns so bad.
Well...
I'm gonna have to wear
two eye patches to work.
Nobody wears two eye patches.
Don't do that.
I think I caught my corneas
on the blades of grass.
Well, then why'd you
rub your eyes in it?
To get the burning...
I can't open...
- did... did it work?
- I can't open my eyes.
It burns my... it burns my eyes.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Let's do this.
Does it look bad?
Does it look really bad?
Does it look bad?
Because I have to... - it...
does it look crazy?
Yes.
It doesn't look that bad.
It's okay.
What?
No, no, no. No.
- Hey!
- Hey, what?
- Hey!
- Ah!
Ah! Stop it. Give me the keys.
Give me the keys.
Give me the keys.
- Ow! Oh!
- Stepped on your foot.
I'm gonna put you in the sink
and wash you like a little baby.
Get ready.
Ahh!
Are you fucking kidding me?!
Fuck!
You asshole!
Where you driving? Wait.
Easy.
Ow!
Oh!
- I wouldn't go in there.
- Fuck!
There's, like,
poison oak, coyotes,
I heard there's a mountain lion,
like ticks and stuff.
Oh!
You want to...
you want to play scrabble?
Nerd.
I don't care. I don't care.
Hey. Hey, what are you doing?
Hey. Are you crazy?
Are you insane?
I'm not driving,
so why the fuck not?
Okay, okay, no, no, no, no.
You won't let me drink.
You won't let me drive.
You won't let me sleep.
You're getting a little
too controlling, kev.
I don't like that in a guy,
okay?
I just don't think
you should be drinking whiskey
after downing all those pills.
And I just don't think
I want to spend
another second with you.
Well, I'm sorry about that,
but...
- is this Peter?
- What?
This is Peter. This is Peter.
- What are you talking about?
- Peter put you up to this.
- That's crazy.
- Peter wanted you to babysit me,
keep me here
so I don't do anything crazy.
I think you're a little bit...
aah!
I don't think
that you should be...
god, that guy is so good!
He manipulated a little baby boy
like you to take care
of the crazy Madeline!
Volatile Madeline!
Just don't want you to die.
Oh, you care about me now?
- It's not caring or not.
- You care about me now?
You have no ulterior motive
to keep me here?
Get out of my way.
What ulterior motive
would I have?
Why do you keep hitting me?!
You know what I'm talking about.
- No, I don't!
- I could do a lot of damage
to will if I wanted to.
Oh, you could do damage?
- Yes, I could.
- Who's gonna listen to you?
Um, for your information,
I have a friend
at the herald who would be happy
to take my call.
Do not laugh at me.
I want you to know that will
is beloved at the herald.
- Oh, you are so condescending.
- And if there was ever
a question of your word
versus his...
- Oh, you are so condescending.
- I would be shocked
if anyone would even entertain
your side of the story.
What is that? That's his dick.
Oh, man.
Oh!
There's no way
to prove that that's will.
That could be anybody.
Are you kidding?
Okay, yeah, in full body
it's will, but...
oh, man, is he flexing?
He's so buff.
This was around Christmas.
Oh, god, I'm never gonna
be able to unsee that.
He is gonna look so good
on sportscenter.
Hey! Hey! Oh!
Doesn't matter. They're
all saved to cloud, bitch.
Idiot. That is the last time you
grab something out of my hand!
What are you gonna do?
Are you gonna destroy a man's
life before the biggest game
of his career?
I'm sorry.
What?
I know he's your boss
and everything
and you think
he's like super-cool, the man,
but he did this to himself.
He is more than just my boss.
I have bled silver and blue
since I was a little kid,
and do you have any idea
what it would mean
to bring a national championship
to this school, to this town?
He completely fucks over
his whole family
and the only thing you can think
about is this stupid game?
This is will's personal life.
You picked a pretty convenient
time to air some dirty laundry.
No, no, no.
I didn't have some grand scheme.
I was walking into the ocean
with a pocketful of rocks
and then your dumb ass
came along,
so if you're gonna make me live
this shitty life,
then he's gonna do it, too!
That's a nice way
to live your life.
I hope the universe gives back
what you put into it.
I didn't plan this.
I didn't want this.
- Mm-hmm.
- All I wanted to do was to go
to the banquet and talk to will.
Yeah.
But Peter intercepted me
and he wouldn't let me do that.
What would you have said to him?
Hmm?
I mean, so what?
You banged once.
He sent you a couple dick pics.
That's what middle-aged guys do.
Wasn't only once.
I know you think I'm this floozy
that he just took home
for a one-night stand,
but you could not be further
from the truth.
I don't think you're a floozy,
mostly because it's not 1923.
Oh, god.
And I know that I have no right
to know this.
I don't even know
why I'm asking.
But...
How long did it go on?
Three... three... three weeks?
No.
Three months?
No.
God. Three years?
Such a long time.
Yes, it is.
But he ended it, I guess.
There's... he knew
that what he had done,
it was wrong.
Yeah, he ended it
by text message.
Oh, my god.
It was a classy, classy move.
I'm sorry.
I've gotten one of those once.
It's no fun.
What'd it say?
It said, "Kevin, I think
we should see other people."
Frownie face."
Oh.
That sucks.
Such a fucking idiot.
I mean, the man preaches
integrity and accountability.
And what? He's just...
he's just a fucking horndog.
Well, that's not fair.
That's not accurate.
We had more than just sex.
- It was more than just sex?
- Yeah.
Well, that makes me feel
a lot better.
49-year-old man,
girl who looks like you... sure
you got the world to talk about.
Wow, you are exactly
like everyone in this town!
Everyone has the same attitude
about will.
Will Campbell, coach. That's it.
He's more than coach Campbell
to me. He's my mentor.
He's your mentor?
I don't want to make you sad,
but he's your mentor and you've
never even been in his house.
You didn't even know
this was his house.
He didn't invite you
to any of his cookouts?
I am one of three
video assistants, okay?
It takes a lot to cultivate
that kind of relationship.
But I know I do a good job
and I know that he has noticed,
and we have talked
multiple times.
Buddy, buddy, buddy,
okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, wait, hey.
I completely get it.
I know exactly the job
he does on people.
Let me guess.
He looked you in the eye.
He remembered your name,
little, like, details about you,
he shook your hand.
He made you feel special, right?
It is sick,
but he is so good at that.
Well, if he's so full of shit,
how come you liked him?
Because he didn't do that to me.
- Okay.
- He didn't.
He never wore that mask
around me.
I'm sure you saw
the real will Campbell.
Actually, yes, I did.
You know he's been
married for 20 years.
And they've been on auto pilot
for at least half of that.
If Sarah knew, this whole thing
would be just...
She hasn't been
complaining so far.
Sarah knows?
With will's last contract
extension,
it pays to turn a blind eye,
doesn't it?
My chest feels really tight.
I think I'm having
a heart attack.
No, it's your left arm.
Yeah, yeah,
that's the one that hurts.
All right, you want a drink?
I've had too much to drink.
Because I could really
use a drink.
I think I need
like a baby aspirin.
They say that...
We're having drinks.
I'm gonna get us some.
Good god.
Will's wine is spectacular.
Mmhmm.
You okay?
You're not supposed
to be drinking that much.
- Let's smoke weed.
- No.
- You want to smoke weed?
- No!
Yeah.
No!
Can we please get out of here?
She's 16. She's got weed.
That's a law.
This is creeping me out.
Ooh.
Ooh, what?
It's a little guitar.
I think it's a violin.
I know it's a violin. My god.
Please don't.
What are you gonna do with that?
I'm gonna roll it up and I'm
gonna smoke it like a doobie.
You want to see something cool?
Super weird.
Oh, my god. Sorry.
Can we get out of this room
now, please?
Ooh, darts!
You know, for someone who took
a whole shit-ton of Xanax,
you're bouncing off the walls.
You see this?
That's some harsh shit.
What do you think
that bitch did?
Who cares? Let's go.
- What do you mean, who cares?
- I mean who cares.
Stop... ow!
Who hands darts
with the needles... ow!
Fuck! Shit!
You're out of your fucking mind!
I'm just a little tired.
Come on. Let's get
out of this room, please.
- No, let's play.
- I don't want to play.
Why?
You afraid I'm gonna beat you?
- Okay, we'll play one game.
- Oh, okay.
This sock will be the line.
I'm gonna play
standard scoring rules, okay?
- Oh, my god.
- We'll just go by the bars.
Why are you so serious
all of a sudden?
Why can't we just play
whoever hits
the bull's-eye first wins?
Because we'll be here all night
if we do that.
You'll be here all night.
I won't.
Dang. Good shot.
Thanks.
Shit!
T-t-t-the board is clearly
not flush to the wall,
making it very difficult
to catch a good angle.
Okay, it's not regulation?
It's not. It's bullshit.
- Okay.
- It's not fair.
Is this why the whole team
left you behind?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- I mean, they're all in L.A.
The big game is four days away
and you're here playing darts
with me.
I don't have to physically
be with the team
to show my worth or contribute.
Thank you, though.
What do you do then?
I go through hours of high
school players' video footage
and then I take notes...
You jerk off on it?
And I give the notes about the
exceptional players to Peter.
- Hmm.
- Fuck!
Man!
I've never... I've never shot
this poorly.
Boom! She's gonna feel that
in the morning,
- that Chelsea.
- Who's Chelsea?
I named her Chelsea because
there's this really mean cunt
that I went to high school with,
and she looks just like her.
I never had any drama
in high school.
You mean you never got laid
in high school?
I mean I was a heavier...
i was...
I weighed a lot more, so...
How heavy can you get?
Are you done?
Can can I... yeah, I'm done.
Just take a shot.
- Aah! Aah!
- That's bullshit.
You were over the line.
I'm sorry. You're way over.
- No, I wasn't.
- Look where your feet are.
- I was going by that one.
- Why would you go that by sock?
That sock's three feet closer,
and we were...
you said the sock.
You said stand behind the sock.
You didn't specify which... hey!
You just can't handle
that I beat you.
I can handle that you beat me
if you can handle
that you cheated.
I okay, fine.
Whatever helps you sleep
at night, but I won.
I'll sleep fine at night
knowing that I won
fair and square,
because that's how we do it
at Allen state.
Oh, my god.
Don't tell me
you actually believe
in all of will's bullshit.
Yeah, I actually do.
I wouldn't have
gone into coaching if I didn't.
That's how you got
into coaching?
I thought it was
because you couldn't play.
- I could have played.
- What? Kicker?
I don't think
they let fatties kick the ball.
Are you just gonna give
me shit all night,
or do you want
me to answer your question?
Can we do both?
All right. Answer my question.
Well, if you must know,
I was actually in the stadium
during the mud bowl.
I don't know what that is,
but it sounds gross.
You don't know
what the mud bowl is?
No, I don't like football.
I told you.
I think it's barbaric.
What do you and will talk about?
History, politics.
We covered a lot.
And you never went over
the mud bowl?
No. God.
Mud bowl, mud bowl, mud bowl.
You obviously want to tell me
about the mud bowl.
No, I don't want to tell you
if you're gonna be like that.
Will you please tell me
about the mud bowl?
It was awesome.
I was 14 years old.
My dad took me to the game.
My first time in the stadium.
It's will's first year
as the head coach,
and it is pouring rain.
And at this time,
we're like a cupcake game
on major program schedules.
You know what I mean?
Just so they can get a "w,"
keep they're ranking high.
Notre dame comes in ranked
number one in the nation.
We go toe-to-toe with them
the entire game.
Fourth quarter, we're down
by a touchdown, a minute left.
We're on our own 4 yard line.
We have to drive
the entire field.
We have no time-outs.
How do we do it? Methodically.
They're in a dime package,
and will knows that.
There's no need
to try to go over the top.
So everything's a quick drop,
short outs, crossing patterns.
If you catch the ball
within the hash marks,
you got to get out of bounds
right away.
We score.
A normal coach...
just kick the extra point,
we'll deal with it in overtime,
right?
We have the momentum. Not will.
Will calls an end-around
to Marcus Freeman,
who everybody knows
is gonna get the ball
and try to run it
to the end zone.
They've got 10 in the box
stacked against him.
What does Marcus do?
He throws across his body
to a wide-open receiver
in the corner of the end zone.
Two-point conversion good.
The greatest football call in
the history of football calls.
Wow.
Yeah.
- So, did they win?
- Yeah, we won!
That was the game
that put Allen state on the map.
So, what? You got obsessed
with like a bunch
of 20-year-old neanderthals?
Live vicariously through them?
I know it sounds crazy,
but this is really important
to a lot of people, to me.
If we lose,
I get depressed for like a week.
That's what makes you sad?
A football game?
Will has done a lot
for this community.
He's done a lot for the school.
He has created jobs.
He has helped the economy.
He built
the youth builders program.
You can say that about
literally every single coach.
All he did was win a few games.
It's not just that.
Like, my... my dad and I,
we didn't talk very much,
but every Saturday
we were able to order pizza,
sit on the couch,
and be in each other's presence
while we watched the game.
Oh, my god. Wait.
Two men eating pizza,
watching football?
Everybody does that.
Will didn't create that.
Don't idolize him.
He's just a guy.
And to you, he's just a guy?
Yeah.
So, it wasn't the power?
The power?
No.
You don't know
what you're talking about.
So, please, enlighten me.
Enlighten me.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Come on.
Mnhmnh.
Well, I didn't even know
who he was when we met.
Really?
Really.
You didn't know
who will Campbell was?
No.
I'd only lived here for a year.
And I already told you I don't
give a rat's ass about football.
- Okay.
- He used to come into my bar
after work every day and sneak
into a booth in the back,
order a Sam Adams and work
on his fantasy novel,
and I think that's really...
I'm sorry.
Did you say fantasy novel?
Yes, I did.
With like wizards,
like elves and fairies?
- There were no fairies, okay?
- Like minotaurs?
No.
Like half-man, half-tigers?
See, this attitude right here,
this is why
he never told anyone...
because of annoying stuff
like this.
What was it called?
There's no way
I'm telling you that.
- Why?
- Because you're gonna make fun
of it, and then
I'm gonna get mad,
and then I'm gonna punch you,
and I'm tired.
I don't want to do that
right now.
Fine. I won't make fun of it.
I won't laugh at it.
I won't even...
i won't make a peep.
Just tell me the title.
"The keepers of Galnorea."
You kidding me?
What was it about?
Wizards who get gonorrhea?
It's a bad title.
I asked him to change it.
He didn't want to change it.
So, how do you go from talking
about dragons with stds to...
- What?
- To being...
to being in... inti...
to, like, having whatever...
to having sex?
Yes.
He gave me a ride home
one night.
And he invited himself up.
He said we didn't have to have
sex because he was married
and whatever,
but I knew what that meant,
so I fucked his brains out
anyway.
Well, I guess everyone
got what they wanted.
- Oh, god, you're so judgmental.
- I'm not judging.
You know,
I dated a lot of mean guys,
and he's the only one who didn't
actively make me hate myself.
Yeah.
He just made you want
to kill yourself.
- I'm sorry.
- Goodbye.
No. That was not cool.
I didn't mean it.
- It's fine.
- No, it's not fine.
No, really, it's fine.
I didn't even get that right.
I fucked up at fucking up.
- That's good.
- No.
That's good.
I am positive that if you
get another shot at it,
you're gonna nail it.
Just dead on impact.
I'm assuming you jump
from something.
That's very mean.
Seriously,
I believe in you in that.
Thank you.
Did you really want to do it?
For real?
That was the plan. For real.
I bought those pills
off some sketchy dude downtown.
Mort Stevens. -Yeah, I
don't think he was mort.
How do you know? Could have
been... anybody could be a mort.
That's racist.
Touch.
Anyway, I had those pills,
and I kept chickening out,
so I decided that I would come
to the banquet.
I knew tonight
was the last night
that I'd be able to talk to will
before he goes to L.A.
So I snuck in there and I guess
I was hoping
he was gonna talk me out of it,
but that didn't really happen.
And then you picked me up
at the bar?
No.
- Well, I wasn't hitting on you.
- Say that so casually,
like it's the truth?
That's not the truth.
- Well, what is the truth?
- You hit on me.
I did not do anything like that.
You complimented my bag.
You said, "hey, nice bag."
Well, it was nice,
and I was being nice.
You wanted to get into my pants.
You were wearing a dress.
Come on.
Fine. I was hitting on you.
But you were the one that said
you wanted to take me home.
Well, yeah, once I realized
who you worked for,
I thought it'd be
an extra little "fuck you"
to bang you in will's bed.
Thank you.
- Sorry.
- No.
It's fine.
I'm a terrible person.
And now the one solid thing
in my life
has completely abandoned me.
Will was the one solid thing
in your life?
You know he was gonna
leave Sarah.
Oh.
Yeah. I'm that girl.
I'm that girl.
Hey, he seduced both of us.
Yeah.
Except I only
let him fuck me once.
Twice if you count the one time
I let him finish in my mouth.
Oh!
I had to. He was my boss.
Yeah.
It was a wise business decision.
You still sleepy?
I'm the most sleepiest
of all times.
- Let's go outside.
- No.
Come on.
Let's get some fresh air.
There is airs in here.
You can have
one of your cigarettes.
By the way, you should switch
to e-cigarettes.
I've read a bunch of articles
that say it's better for you
and it looks cool.
Will you forward them to me?
- Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem.
Come on. Let's go outside.
No.
Come on.
Okay.
- Let's go.
- You got it, buster.
I won't even drag you.
Thank you,
'cause you hurt me last time.
I know. I'm sorry about that.
I felt it... I felt it...
you've been
throwing me around all night.
Why don't we go
in the pool, huh?
Fuck no.
It's freezing. Are you crazy?
What do you mean?
These conditions are perfect.
Yeah, looks positively balmy.
Ideal.
- It's too cold.
- I love going in bodies of water
when you can see
your own breath.
Do you?
Oh, yeah.
So, what... what...
you're a bartender, right?
Yep.
What's the five-year plan there?
Oh, my god. What are you?
My guidance counselor?
No, I just want to know.
I don't have a plan.
I was never very good
at planning.
What are you good at?
I don't know, man. Blowjobs.
Yeah, you're good at those.
I rest my case.
You play a nice violin.
I gave that up in the ninth
grade along with debate club
and my virginity.
You write really nicely.
How would you know that?
That suicide note really flowed.
It was mostly bumper
sticker wisdom, you know.
I have a gift.
What about you?
What's your plan?
Well, I hope to get
a graduate assistant position
in a few years,
then maybe move up
to an assistant coach
on will's staff.
Then after that hopefully parlay
it into a head coaching gig
somewhere at a small school
that I can make some noise,
just like will did.
Like will, like will, like will.
If you're not careful,
you're gonna waste
your whole life
on that stupid game.
It's not stupid.
Hundreds of players
will tell you
that will is like
a father to them.
That means something.
I'm good at cooking.
That's cool.
Don't patronize me.
No, I think that's awesome.
You should like...
- don't say it.
- What?
"You should open up
a restaurant."
That's you.
Spoton impression of me.
Right?
You're good at impressions.
So what's your specialty?
Jack Nicholson.
I meant what's your,
like, recipe?
Are we still talking about this?
- I'm interested.
- What is your specialty?
Chinese takeout.
I crush it every time.
- Good one.
- Come on.
I'm serious. I want to know.
I watch a lot of cooking shows.
I don't have, like, a specialty.
I don't make one thing,
you know.
I just... I can whip up a meal
with anything
you have in your cupboards.
That's my jam.
So you're like a food genie.
No, but just something
me and my friends
do every once in awhile.
Like I'll make the food and
they'll bring the booze 'cause
we're all broke as fuck.
I don't see my friends
that much.
By the time I get off campus,
they're either home in their own
bed or wasted drunk,
and it's like I have
to take care of them.
Sounds lonely.
Hmm. Keeps me focused.
Wow.
You sound exactly like will.
Well, will always said the key
to success
is preparation and persistence.
Yeah, I know.
I've seen the fucking t-shirts
and the koozies.
All right.
I'm cold.
Let's go inside.
Okay.
Can you help me up?
All right.
You mother...
oh! Oh! Oh!
I'm sorry! I didn't think
it would be this cold!
What a dumb mistake!
I'm so sorry!
- I'm so sorry!
- Oh! Oh, my god!
- Are you okay?!
- Oh, my god!
- I'm so sorry!
- Oh, my...
you fucker.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
- I'm sorry. It's just...
I didn't... I didn't know
how to keep you awake.
Want to keep me awake,
just say "hey!"
Just say "hey"? I-I-I-I...
I don't know
if that's like the strongest...
just say "hey!"
Can you hand me a towel, please?
Got a pool in the winter,
you want to heat it, you know?
Why are you breathing so loud?
I'm not good at being cold.
Come here.
Come on. Open your towel.
We need body heat.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay.
Why are you hard?
I'm
oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
No.
Tough moment to read, you know?
Don't follow me with it.
What are you doing?
I'm just whipping something up.
I'm hungry.
Yeah?
What are you making
with milk and sriracha sauce?
Don't sound so disgusted.
This is a thing that I make.
God.
Okay, you're making a lot of it.
Well, I'm making enough
for when Peter gets here.
How do you know
Peter's showing up?
Okay, he just wants to
talk to you.
Yeah, just a sweet, little
convo between two friends.
What? Do you think
he's gonna threaten you?
I am sure they're going
to intimidate me, yeah.
They'll try, at least.
You can handle that, right?
You're tough.
Okay. Listen.
This is how it's gonna go down.
Peter's gonna show up
with a blank check
to find out how much
it costs to keep my mouth shut.
Yeah right.
Just wait and see.
You'll... okay.
Sounds crazy.
Hey, hey!
- Oh!
- Sorry.
These are for the dish.
I need that back,
actually, so can I have that?
- How much would it cost?
- How much would it cost to what?
How much would it cost
for you not to say anything?
Well, I've never had more than
$1,000 in my bank account,
so most days
you can get me pretty cheap.
- But not today.
- No.
Not today.
Hell hath no fury
and the scorn of the woman.
Scorn of women. I think... yeah,
that's how that goes.
You know what I mean.
Let's just play this out
for a second, okay?
You go to the press.
They rake will over the coals.
They crucify him.
His wife does the whole
"stand by your man" thing
then will goes back to coaching.
He wins a couple big games.
The press looks at it
like a redemption story.
And then where does that
leave you?
- Bahamas.
- You become a trashy girl
that tried
to break up his marriage.
Yeah, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
I mean...
If it were just an affair.
But...
It's more than that.
- It's more than that.
- Huh?
It's more than that. What?
I can't... I can't ruin
your perception of Saint will.
You love him.
I don't think this will ruin it
after what I've been
through tonight.
Okay.
Remember when all the...
i can't.
- I can't do it.
- Just tell me.
Remember when all those schools
were recruiting Kyle Walker?
Yeah, of course.
Usc, ucla, 'bama,
Texas, Nebraska, Arizona.
Yeah, shh, shh, shh.
No one cares.
Basically all those schools
were jizzing them self
- to get Kyle Walker.
- Yeah.
And then he went to Allen state?
He wanted to play for will.
Have you seen those girls
at usc?
I'm talking like...
- What is that?
- They're hot.
Look, when you graduate
high school
and you're serious
about college football,
you know the value of being
coached by a living legend.
Kevin, they paid him.
- Bullshit.
- They paid him.
- That is bullshit.
- I'm telling you the truth.
They paid him. I was there.
I went on that trip
with will to Houston.
He rolls up to Kyle Walker's
house in a brand-new range rover
and then he takes a cab home?
So what?
- Doesn't mean anything.
- Okay.
Well, the championship's
on Monday.
What do you think will happen
if I leak
that little tidbit to the press?
The ncaa would do
a thorough investigation
and come up with nothing
because will does not cheat.
At football.
Well, if they looked into it,
they would find plenty.
And then his whole staff...
and you...
would be up shit's creek
without a paddle,
and I don't think the community
would like that very much.
Look, obviously I've heard
the rumors any time
a five-star blue-chip recruit
comes to a small school
like this.
And with all the things
that will has done for Allen,
there's gonna be chatter,
obviously.
Hey, hey.
I'm telling you first-hand,
as a first-hand account,
I'm the source.
Will would never do that.
Okay, come here. Come on.
We're going on a trip.
Come on.
Awesome.
I know.
Kind of overwhelming for such
a famously modest guy, right?
Wow. This ball was signed
by all the captains
of the '03 sugar bowl victory.
Don't forget all of
these beautifully framed posters
praising will's genius.
He's a pretty good
football coach.
He's only human.
This is a narcissistic shrine
that he made
and gave to himself.
Nobody knows this guy.
They all think
he's some modest family man.
Don't you know him?
Isn't he the real will with you?
I don't think
anyone really knows anyone.
Well, I mean, I don't think
that takes away
from his coaching
accomplishments
or the fact
that he's changed the culture...
he has created an unattainable
standard for living
that you try to live up to,
that he doesn't even
try to live up to.
Well...
It doesn't seem so bad to try.
I don't know what to tell you.
Look, I'm just saying you don't
have to put so much pressure
on yourself, you know?
You could have a real life
outside this thing.
Will does.
I'm perfectly happy
with my life, thank you.
You told me
you never see your friends.
And when was the last time
you even had a girlfriend?
That's none of your business.
Well, we just had sex, so it's
kind of sort of my business.
It's really not.
Oh, my god.
Why are you getting touchy?
I'm not getting touchy.
Have we hit a nerve? Huh?
Will you please stop kicking me?
Was tonight your first time?
You have to tell me if it was.
Did it feel like my first time?
Don't answer that.
Do you even go on dates?
Are you on Okcupid?
Nerdlove. Com?
This conversation is over.
Well, we have to talk
about something.
Is nerdlove. Com
even a real website?
If we don't...
I'm falling asleep.
I'm gonna fall asleep
if you don't tell me.
Fine. We will go through
my entire relationship history,
but that means that we have
to go through yours, as well.
That's fine with me.
I just don't think
you can handle it.
Try me.
He started openly hitting on
other girls in front of me.
That's terrible. What'd you do?
Break up with him?
- Hell no.
- Why?
Uh, because that's what
he wanted, obviously.
He wasn't man enough
to break up with me himself,
so he passive aggressively tried
to get me to break up with him.
So you just stuck it out?
Yeah.
I couldn't lose.
That's good.
It always important
for a relationship to feel
like there's a winner
and a loser.
Well, technically, I won 'cause
I got to stay
six months rent-free
in a dope-ass apartment.
- Doesn't seem worth it to me.
- Washer/dryer in unit.
You know what?
Forget I said anything.
You should have
stayed there forever.
No.
Even if you were being abused.
I would have said stick it out.
Do that laundry at your leisure.
Yeah. Worth it.
Now, this is Steve
we're talking about, right?
No, no, no, no.
Steve was the ankle fetish.
- Steve was the ankle fetish.
- Weirdo.
- No, this is...
- Brian?
- Brent.
- Brent.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
No, it's okay.
It's a lot to keep track of.
What are you implying?
Nothing.
You're trying to say
I'm a whore.
- No, I am not.
- Yes, you are.
- I would never... no.
- It's fine.
I kinda am.
No, you're not.
You're being really hard
on yourself.
I'm not being hard on myself.
It's the men
who have been hard on me.
In you.
- In me, on me.
- Okay.
- Play me like a drum.
- Stop it.
You don't want to go on? Okay.
Play you like a drum?
- With their dicks.
- Yeah, I got it.
Yeah.
I don't like...
i don't want to think about it.
Sorry.
What's... you know,
how many dudes we talking?
I don't have a number
off the top of my head.
There's no final tally?
I don't tally them every day.
I'm not in jail like...
What's your number?
I'll give you mine.
I got to think about it.
- Well, me too.
- Okay.
Let's think.
Let's think together.
Okay.
- I got a guesstimate.
- Yeah, I need one second.
- Hold on.
- Oh, boy.
I instantly regret doing this.
Justin.
What?
Okay.
I am ready.
Okay, you first.
I'm not going first 'cause
then you'll just...
you'll hear my number and then
you're gonna change yours.
- We'll go at the same time.
- Okay, that sounds fair.
- On the count of three.
- Okay.
- Three...
- Wait, wait, wait.
Does the other girl
in a threesome count?
What?
Are you having a stroke?
No, I'm... I'm...
I'd love to hear
more about that specific...
- just do the countdown.
- Okay.
Three...
Two, one.
- 8.
- 8.
We have the same number.
Yeah, crazy.
- Ha!
- Weird.
We have the same number.
- It's actually 12.
- Yeah, mine's 6.
Six is respectable.
No, it's embarrassing.
You've been with
the right number of people
for someone your age.
I've been with like no one.
Yeah, that is kind
of embarrassing.
I'm just kidding.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
I wish I could take a lot
of mine back.
I'd take one back.
Ouch.
Me?
No, actually, not you.
- Mine's actually 4 1/2.
- 1/2?
I didn't finish.
I think it counts
if you've got your penis in.
- Oh, I got in.
- It counts.
That counts as sex.
Okay, so then it's a solid five.
I am very honored to be
the fifth notch in your bedpost.
Technically
it's in will's bedpost.
Yeah, I know.
I know it well.
Ah. No, no, no, no, no.
Sorry.
What did you get
out of that relationship?
This is gonna sound cheesy.
I don't want to say.
Will believed in me.
He pushed me to do things.
And I have a habit of not
following through all the way,
so that was really good for me.
He's the one who told me
to take cooking classes.
I would have never done that
in a million years.
I would have made fun of it
and then I would have not
followed through
and then I would have wished
that I had.
Well, he was right on point
with that.
I want to live
in this casserole.
- Yeah?
- Seriously.
I want to pay taxes
to this casserole.
See?
No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
- I'm cleaning up.
- No.
We're not cleaning up.
We don't have to clean up.
It's rude.
I forbid you from doing
anything responsible forever.
Oh, my god.
You really don't know how to be.
I don't know
what to do with myself.
Come on.
Safe.
Wh... ah.
Ooh, it's nice out here.
This is really nice.
What are we doing?
Will you relax?
I'm relaxed.
I love... I love being up high.
I feel good, I feel good.
The air is nice and cool
up here.
What's going on?
The sun's gonna come up soon.
Yeah, it tends to do that.
I survived the night.
Yes, you did. No thanks to you.
I could jump off this roof
right now.
Well, please help me inside
before you do 'cause I-i...
yeah, no problem.
That'll only take 45 minutes.
I might change my mind.
I'm winded, too.
Thank you.
I really appreciate it.
No problem.
You know, I really thought
I wanted to do it.
But there was this moment when
I was drifting off
that I thought...
"No. Oh, shit."
You know, you did take me here.
You could have done this
by yourself.
I f...
I feel like you wanted
to be found someway.
Yeah, you're probably right.
You know,
I thought about it once.
I think everybody
thinks about it.
I did more than think about it.
Senior year,
I drove my dad's car into a tree
and told everyone
I fell asleep at the wheel.
Oh, my god.
I was going
through a really tough time.
I wanted to be
valedictorian so bad.
There was this kid, Steve Kim.
We were like neck-and-neck.
I beat that motherfucker.
I was the valedictorian
of my high school.
I gave the speech at graduation.
I thought for sure
I would feel like...
Fulfilled or something.
- Yeah.
- I didn't.
I felt the same way
I had before.
That's when I realized
my life would be a series
of fights with the Steve Kims
of the world.
And it just seemed daunting
because even if you win,
it all feels the same.
I think you're better off
than Steve Kim.
You saved a life...
Cool khakis.
He's a partner in instagram.
Hmm.
Thank you. I like my khakis.
Anyway, I walked away
without a scratch.
Totaled the car.
Wow. You are so lucky.
- That is not luck.
- That's luck.
That was a saab. That is
good, ol' Swedish engineering.
Those things are tanks.
You trying to sell me
a saab right now?
No, I just, you know,
if I could have you
look over here...
Anyway, my dad...
He gave me this
as like something
to remember the accident by.
He has no idea
what I think of every time
I go to look at it.
Shit.
Sorry.
Go ahead.
Hey, Peter.
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
Madeline?
Hello?
Hi. Uh, just, um,
just hold on for one second.
Hey.
You're not gonna find them.
Leave me alone.
You have a phone call.
I just want to go home.
There's someone
that wants to speak to you.
I don't want to talk to Peter.
It's not Peter.
What?
Will?
Come on. Don't tell me that.
Nope.
I don't really think
that's appropriate to ask.
Okay.
Yeah, right.
And if I'm not here?
You can try.
So, they'll be here
in 20 minutes.
Will wants to see me.
Then you got what you wanted,
right?
I'm gonna clean up.
You know, it was Peter
who told him not to talk to me.
Uhhuh.
Yeah, will had no problem
following through with that.
Super happy for you.
It's gonna work out great.
Dick.
Fuck, that wine is good.
Hey, look who's bringing
in the dishes.
Very responsible.
- You know what?
- What?
I'm just making sure
you don't get in trouble, okay?
Uhhuh. This has nothing
to do with a certain someone
who happens to be on their way?
You have a bigger crush on will
than I do.
I would think
you're more concerned
about who's showing up.
You're trying to save his ass
all night.
I'm the whore?
You're the fucking whore.
This is about more
than just you and me.
What is it about? Football?
Is it about your idol,
will Campbell?
Coach?
I seriously cannot wrap my head
around why you still
believe in this guy.
You don't believe in him
anymore?
Okay. Let me just explain
relationships to you.
Oh, I would love this.
Because you probably never
had one.
When you have a relationship
with someone,
you share things, you go deep,
you have feelings that don't get
washed away so easily!
And where does Sarah
fall in all this?
You just proved you have no
idea what you're talking about.
You know,
she has her own secrets, too.
She's not perfect.
Train wreck.
Excuse me?
I said
you're a fucking train wreck.
- I'm a fucking train wreck?
- Yeah.
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
You think life has to be this...
who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?!
You can say that to me?!
Look at you!
You're empty inside!
You haven't lived a day
in your fucking life
until you met me!
You used me to get to will.
And now you're gonna
bring him down with you.
Yeah, you got me pegged.
You're so smart.
I think I do.
Enlighten me.
You're just
a scared little girl.
That's it.
Mmhmm.
What about a regular
relationship?
It's too boring, right?
Too mundane.
Got to cry for help.
Got to pull some shit
like last night, right?
Fuck you!
Let me ask you a question
since you're the better person
here, right? Mr. morality.
I didn't say that.
- Let me ask you a question.
- Mm-hmm.
What would you have done
if I died last night?
Then you'd be dead.
You're not listening.
What would you have done?
Would you have called 911
finally instead of wasting time
calling Pete,
calling this secret doctor,
instead of calling someone who
could actually save my life?!
You're a fucking coward!
You're a piece of shit!
I bet... I bet if Peter
told you to drive by a hospital
and open up the door
and let me fucking tumble out,
you would you have done it!
And you want to know
why I know that?
It's because you're a stupid,
little bitch,
and you would do anything
they tell you to do
'cause you don't have
a fucking brain of your own!
Yeah, walk away.
I'll tell them you said hi.
Call me a fucking bitch.
You're a bitch. Fucking bitch.
Mort st... fucking bitch.
Ow!
So, the bedroom is even cleaner
than we found it.
There's no sign
of illicit love-making anywhere.
That's great.
And you're gonna be a big hero.
Your career's gonna take off.
Sky's the limit.
And you'll get will back.
Everybody wins.
Maddie.
Try one of those on.
I don't really, uh,
smoke that much.
You'll like it.
Yeah, it's smooth.
You know, Kevin, you really
do look like a dog's asshole
right now.
Yeah, well,
it's been a long night.
Trust me.
It won't go unappreciated.
Will and I were talking.
There might be a spot on
the coaching staff opening up
that could have your name on it.
Coaching staff, huh?
Liked the way
you handled yourself.
What's gonna happen to her?
You look good.
You don't have to be here.
I know you don't have time
for my bullshit.
Maddie, don't. Don't say that.
Shouldn't you be with the team,
your family?
No.
I should be right here with you.
Right.
- I needed to see you.
- You're only saying this now
'cause you don't want me to go
to the press.
That's not true.
You want the truth?
You want the truth
about how I feel?
- Yeah.
- I love you.
I want you back in my life.
I never wanted you
out of my life.
But it's complicated.
- It's complicated.
- Yeah, it's complicated.
You know it is.
It's complicated.
So I don't know what to do here.
First thing,
I want to make sure you're okay.
I'm fine.
- I don't think you're fine.
- I'm the best I've ever been.
I love you,
and I have missed you.
God, I missed you.
You don't miss me.
You miss late-night quickies
and room service.
Well, yeah.
Come on, maddie.
It's more than that
and you know it.
Will you look at me?
What?
Never mind.
What?
Did you and Kevin...?
Here in my house?
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Did he kiss you?
What? Are you jealous?
Yeah. I am.
I'm jealous. How about that.
- Good.
- Do you like that?
- I like it a lot.
- Uh-huh.
- It's different.
- Uh-huh.
Hey.
God, maddie,
when I got that call
and I heard what happened,
I didn't know what to do.
Hey, I don't want to lose you.
I don't.
I don't want to lose you.
I love you.
Trust me.
I don't like it, either.
But if he wants to risk
having her around,
what can I do about it?
Kevin.
Thank you for looking
after maddie last night.
You all right?
I know about Kyle Walker.
Yeah,
he's a good football player.
How'd you get him to come here?
What do you know?
You know, just the p's.
The p's.
Persistence, preparation...
Payoffs.
Kevin, I wasn't done
talking to you.
- It's okay, Pete.
- Yeah.
I was done with you, though.
Okay, Kevin,
you're disappointed in me.
I get it.
But everything I've done
is for the sake of this program.
And one day if you find yourself
in a position like mine...
and I think you will...
you're gonna find out
that making tough decisions
is a big part of the job.
Trust me when I tell you,
these decisions are what got us
where we are today.
But I don't trust you, so...
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Kevin, we appreciate you
taking care of her, all right?
Should have given those to you
hours ago.
Kevin, listen to me.
Hey.
Kevin.
Think about your future!
Just needs a little while
to cool down.
How do you know?
Maddie, you had to get
a good sense of this guy.
He's upset now,
but he'll come around, right?
Yeah, will.
Besides, you can talk anyone
into anything.
Yeah. It was a nice
fucking mess you got us in.
I'll go talk to him.
- Would you?
- Yeah.
Just tell him to come back
in here.
Yeah, I'll... I'll just fix it.
Thank you.
All right.
Hey.
- Hi.
- What are you doing?
I guess I'm changing
my five-year plan.
You want a ride?
What about will?
I hope he wins.
Where to?