Nightmare on 34th Street (2023) Movie Script

Peter, what have you done?
Do you want to hear
a Christmas story?
Oh, Chloe.
What do you think you're doing?
I saw a Santa, Toby.
Yeah, he was in the drive.
I saw him with his friends.
You were just dreaming.
Go back to sleep.
Please, Toby, come and look.
Go away.
Please, Toby, come look.
So annoying.
Yeah, the kids are asleep.
And we're looking
forward to seeing you,
but Toby's probably going to
be too busy with his new killer
elf game.
Yeah, Chloe's going
to love her new doll.
You know Sean, he's anything.
Do you need us to
bring anything with us?
OK, well, if you're sure.
See you tomorrow, mom.
Love you.
See, no one's there.
But I saw them.
You were just dreaming.
Rufus, shut up or I'll
chop your balls off.
I swear I saw him.
He was with an
elf and a snowman.
I'm sure he was, but you're
not supposed to see Santa,
so don't let him know, or
he'll take all your presents.
Polly, close the window.
It's cold.
It's a terrible Santa costume.
I'm your snowman, short and fat.
Here's my scarf
and here's my hat.
When I see the
snowfall, hear me shout.
All the little children
please come out.
You don't look like I
thought you would, Santa.
Did you have an accident?
Yes, little girl.
Santa had a very bad
accident this year.
Did your sleigh crash?
Are your reindeer OK?
What's your name?
Would you like a present, Chloe?
Yes please, Santa.
This belonged to another
little girl's house
that I visited.
Would you want
bunny like a friend?
Yes, please, Santa.
Would you like a
special present, Chloe?
Yes, please, Santa.
Would you and your brother
want to come on that ride
to the North Pole?
You can come and see all the
fun we have in our workshops
with the other little
girls and boys.
The presence must be
around here somewhere.
Harriet, your dad's
going to catch us.
Did you know the family
who used to live here
got killed on Christmas Eve?
Yeah, they never found the girl.
I'm back home.
I bought a bigger
tree than we used to.
Mr Red, I have
two new playmates.
It's time for some fun.
We've had a call about
a domestic disturbance.
Is anyone home?
Nice house.
Great first
Christmas on the beat.
Yeah, well, it's
going to be a long one.
While you doing area
search down here,
I'll do the same upstairs.
(SINGING) The stars
in the bright sky
look down where he lay.
Sounds like a girl.
(SINGING) The little Lord
Jesus asleep on the hay.
The stars in the bright sky
looked down where he lay.
The little Lord Jesus
asleep on the hay.
The stars in the bright sky look
down where lay, the little Lord.
Jesus asleep on the hay.
Hey, you OK?
Of course, I'm OK, silly.
It's Christmas.
How do you come
to join our party?
Come on.
Come out here with me.
Where are we going?
Somewhere safe.
I'm always safe with Mr. Red.
Mr. Red.
Yes, he's the ghost
of Christmas future.
Christmas future?
He knows when
everyone's going to die.
It's the season to be jolly.
Oh, what the fuck.
I think it's time for
the Christmas Holly.
Wait. Wait.
Wait, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, no, no.
Wakey wakey.
Did you like the
Christmas decorations?
The fuck's going on?
Mr. Red is making things
ready for Christmas.
Please help me.
Mr. Red is helping you, silly.
I recognize you.
You're the girl that we're
missing five years ago.
Her name is Chloe.
Yes, that's me.
What happened to you?
I made new friends.
I still see my family from time
to time, especially my brother,
like a Christmas ghost.
We had so much fun with the
family of this house this year.
Those arrested, killed
together, stay together.
Are you ready for
some festive fun, Chloe.
Mr. Red has a very
fun surprise for you.
What are you doing?
Do you like lighting
the Christmas pudding?
So much better than brandy.
Please, don't do it, please.
Don't do it.
And this was a very dull
Mr. Red gave to her right
before they took a trip with all
the dead bodies in the sleigh
Sleigh van.
Oh, yeah.
Diesel is more
efficient than reindeer,
and you can get more dead bodies
in a white van, especially
What happened to the girl?
She went into child care.
If you can call it that.
Strikes me she'd have
been less dysfunctional
if she'd stayed with the
three escaped serial killers.
Why were they dressed as
a Santa, elf, and snowman?
Mr. Red was a jolly arsonist
who burnt down workshops.
Mr. Green was a terrorist who
mailed out Christmas crackers
filled with explosives.
And Mr. White, well,
he froze people
to eat for Christmas dinner.
How did they all escape at once?
Idiots put them all on the
same ward, nicknamed them
the three Christmas nutters,
although they seriously
underestimated the effectiveness
of a Christmas tree
as a battering ram.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, no.
She never spoke to him.
Funny, really.
Whole festival dedicated
to his birthday,
and all anyone ever wants
to do is write to me.
The poor fucker was
on a cross, died,
and all they want
is fucking presents.
I've got enough fucking
work to do at Christmas.
Anyway, bloody Christmas.
Now what else have
I got in here?
Oh, yeah.
Now this is my new
Teddy bear design.
What do you think?
I call him cuddles.
What happened to him?
Yeah, I think the elf in the
workshop may have had issues.
Reminds me of another
bloke I know had issues.
I tell you what, I could
tell you a story about him
that would cheer you up.
He looks all right.
That is because
this is Dr. White.
You wait until you
meet his counterpart.
This is a little festive tale I
like to call the Ventriloquist.
Who Stole Christmas.
So why did the man only
wear one boot to town?
Because the weather forecast
only gave 50% chance of snow.
Hey, do you know frosty
the snowman reminds
me of my dad, Dr. White?
Because he used to buy
you lots of slush puppies?
No, because he said
he'd come back one day.
I had a threesome with
two princesses yesterday.
That's disgusting, Dr. White.
Why are you telling me that?
Because you told
me to let it go.
Not like that, I didn't.
If you carry on like that,
they'll put you on a list.
What sort of list?
A. Very naughty list.
Well, I know where all the
naughty girls are like Santa.
No, not like Santa.
Do you know why Santa
doesn't have any kids?
Because he only
comes once a year.
Well, I think we've seen enough.
Mr. White.
Don't call us.
Well, don't call us.
Did you not like it?
It's not quite
what we're looking
for for this year's outbound
for the elderly Christmas
variety show.
This is Margate.
Hey, maybe you should
head to Brighton.
They like weird stuff there.
Here they like virulent, happy
families, and warm coffins.
Oh, I mean coffees.
I can mix it up a bit and
make it a bit more progressive.
I think you've progressed
as far as you can.
Any more progressive I won't
have to call the police.
It's all just a
bit, well, creepy.
Well, Christmas is
all about a fat man
climbing into people's homes
and little children's bedrooms.
Quite, Dr. White.
We've got lots of people
to see and your time is...
Was up.
Keep it on the down low, but
we've got a break dancing
reindeer who got through
to the semi-finals
of Britain's Got Talent.
Hugo, we've got a problem.
What is it, Leroy?
It's Mrs. Crimpton.
Oh, God.
She turned up to do
her annual striptease.
Oh, God.
Has she escaped from
the hospital again?
I think so.
She's wearing one of those
gowns without the back in.
Hello, Henry.
Oh, you're looking tired.
You are not auditioning him.
Don't be like that, Henry.
Nothing wrong with a bit
of healthy competition,
although you are
getting on a bit.
It's called experience.
It's one way of putting it.
And don't you think your act's
a little bit racist these days?
I mean, Dr. White?
I'm a snowman.
That's a politically
incorrect snow
person, unlike myself, Professor
Trueheart and Bobbin Buttons.
You're a fucking cunt.
What did you say?
I said you're...
Don't talk, Dr. White.
Are you having another meltdown?
Rehab not go well.
He Stole my father's act.
, Henry no one cares about
your father and his lame
ass forgotten show in Norway.
Don't talk about my father.
As the lawyers told you, there's
not a copyright on
Snowman, and Bobbins and I
sell a lot better than you.
I mean, let's face it.
It's not like I've won
the children's award
of Margate five years in a row.
Oh, wait, that's a coincidence.
I actually have.
I could be as big as you,
but I've got principles.
I've got a newsflash
for you, Henry.
Wake up grandad.
Your act is dead.
For the love of God,
why are there two snowmen
having a fight on
my fucking stage?
Leroy, get them out of here
and fetch me a ginseng tea.
This, is Prancer the
reindeer breakdancer.
Yeah, no shit.
No, am I on stage now then or?
Don't worry, Dr. White.
You'll get the next job.
Yes, we will.
Dr. White?
These are those
Christmas adverts.
Nah, man.
It's the bad boy,
did the cookie adverts.
Yeah, it's him.
Come on, man.
Cheer up.
Yeah, it's Christmas.
Yo, where's the puppet?
Fuck off.
You want to see
the act, big man.
Come on.
Don't trouble, guys.
Raise your festive
cheer, wacker.
I'm Dr. White.
What's that?
Why don't you shut up?
Man, oh, dear.
We all know no English now.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go.
Henry, what's
happened to your face?
Tragic crowd surfing accident.
Sarcasm doesn't help
with your problems.
But what excuse do you
have for your face then?
And I thought we agreed no
more puppets at our meetings.
He's having a sudden act.
Do you want to tell me
what happened at the school?
And that's why there'll be
no snow in Africa this year
because of your parents.
But how are we
supposed to get anywhere
if we can't use planes?
I can't swim to Disneyland.
Think of the Dolphins.
Fuck the Dolphins.
Oh, shut up, you little...
Conservation Under
National Threat.
I wasn't swearing.
Is it any wonder
you lost the job?
Don't start that again.
It's not funny.
Apparently, I'm not
that funny anymore.
Going around teaching
global warming to kids.
Seriously, who cares
if the ice caps melt?
And why is it you're
teaching to year-sevens?
Because my co-worker got
caught doing cocaine, shooting
snow sprinkled cookie adverts.
Well, the official line
is you had a breakdown,
the company didn't
want to get sued,
and what with all the kids
on set and the snowman
snorting all the snow, but
yes, it's not a good look
for a children's entertainer.
That's all I am
to you, isn't it?
A children's entertainer.
And I can't even get a
job in Southern Panto.
Henry, I am not your agent.
I am your therapist.
Yeah, so you keep reminding me.
I can't get one
of those anymore.
Maybe it's a good idea to
think about another career.
Get out of the
ventriloquist business.
It could do you good.
What would the memory
of your father...
Don't say it.
Don't mention my father.
You always have to twist it
round back to my childhood.
You need to bury the past.
What are you saying now?
He said you're
being very helpful.
Time's up.
I'll see you next Friday,
without the puppet.
It's time to go.
He's going to be here soon.
Who cares?
You're leaving him anyway.
I know.
He's fucking weird in the head.
Just like his dad then.
You know he doesn't
even talk to his mom.
There's only
something off there.
Forget about him.
You don't get it, Brandon.
His dad didn't just leave
him with that puppet.
He left him with a
whole load of crazy.
I can think of a lot better
things to do with my hands
than play with a puppet.
I'm sure you can.
I dread to think what
he thinks about you.
Oh, don't.
Like, it's too creepy
to even think about.
You know he's into you though.
Yeah, I know.
It's all for me.
You living with him.
Don't you think you're
giving him mixed signals?
Fuck off.
Does he notice you
stealing all this snow?
Yeah, why do you think I'd stay?
It'll be some perks living
with the snowman, right?
Oh, and for my next
trick, this assistant's
going to make it snow.
Fuck shit.
He's here.
Get dressed.
Back early from therapy.
What the fuck happened?
You been drinking again.
It's nothing.
Where were you today
for the audition?
I really needed you.
I told you, Henry, I don't want
to be your assistant anymore.
Don't you get it?
We've not made any money since
you came back from rehab.
But listen, I've got a really
good idea for a new TV show.
It's going to be really good.
So just wait a
little longer here.
Face it, Henry.
You're never going to
be as good as your dad.
Please, I know that I
can turn this act around.
Don't you get it?
People are not into this
puppet stuff anymore.
They're into like CGI
and superhero shit,
not a fucking talking snowman.
Any day now, people are
going to want puppets again.
Listen, Henry.
I've got an agent.
I might as well tell you now,
but I'm moving to London.
I've actually got an
audition next week.
It's for [INAUDIBLE] too.
It's going to be like
a real art house piece.
You can't leave me.
If you leave me now,
you'll regret it.
Your show's shit, just
like everything else you do.
Listen, mate.
It's over.
Who's this?
Someone who doesn't play
with toys for a fucking living.
What are you?
Leave it, Brandon.
Can't leave me for him.
He, unlike you, he
actually believes in me,
that I'm not going to
be some stupid assistant
to a fucking freak like you.
I won't let you go.
You don't have a choice, mate.
Come on, Jade.
I'll wait in the car for you.
It's over, Henry.
Just like your
stupid puppet show.
Look at you laying there.
You're pathetic.
You scare the kids.
Yeah you're a loser, Henry.
That's why you don't
win any awards.
Face it.
You should have died in
Norway like your father,
but now, you're going
to die in Margate.
What time is it?
It's time to get up, Henry.
All right, me darling.
Let's get you going.
Now you've been taking your
tablets because you know if you
don't, you're
going to have to go
and stay in the special house.
We have to sign out
the knives, don't you
if you want to make a sandwich.
I've been taking my
medication, Doris.
I'm very glad to
hear that, Henry.
Now what have you got
on there me lover?
Hey, hey, hey, come on.
This... this is for
your own safety.
You know you're not
supposed to have any ties,
no dressing gown coats.
Don't want to end
up like your old pa.
It was time you used
getting dressed anyways.
Dirty Doris.
What was that?
He said goodbye, Doris.
I'll go and check the
rest of the place.
Don't you move.
I'll be right back.
What's this doing here?
I'll be taking this with me now.
Mr. White.
DCI Hamilton.
DCI Cross.
May we come in and
have a word, please.
Is this going to take long?
Have you got somewhere to be?
Yeah, I do actually.
I've got an interview about
a new TV show I'm making.
Are you going with or
without your trousers?
Is that the puppet
your dad used to use?
Have you come about my puppet?
No, we're not interested in
booking any children's parties.
Brian McHugh, better known
as Professor Trueheart,
has gone missing.
Oh, I am sorry to hear that.
His puppet's gone too.
Well, no one would
want that thing.
Least of all, me.
I've got my own, haven't I?
We heard you had an altercation
down at the Tom Thumb Theater.
He stole my father's act.
I was standing up for
what's mine and my father's.
He killed himself, didn't he?
Your father?
Must have been
hard on you as a kid,
but with your mom
leaving as well.
Yeah, where'd she go?
Well, you tell me.
You seem to know a lot about me.
Well, we know your mom went
missing, was never found.
We also a group of young girls
in Norway around that area
went missing right
about the same time,
surely before your
dad took his own life.
I don't like where
are you going with this.
Those young girls had
nothing to do with my father.
Just making conversation.
So you know nothing
about Brian McHugh.
The last time I saw him
was at the theater yesterday.
Well, if you do think of
anything, give us a call.
We'll show ourselves out.
Oh, and good luck
with the TV show.
Yeah, don't forget
your trousers.
We're sorry Mr. White,
but we're going to have
to cancel your interview today.
We don't think you're quite
right for this channel
moving forward.
We wish you all the best.
It's built for carol
singers, isn't it?
You're right?
Who are you?
I can be whoever
you want me to be.
I didn't call you.
Well, someone did.
I ain't leaving
till I've been paid.
My father once brought a girl
like you back to our house.
Oh, yeah.
Would you like a cup of tea?
Don't know the
first thing I'm asked?
Go on then.
Milk, no sugar.
Sweet enough.
What the fuck is this thing?
That's Dr. White.
I always get the weird ones.
Why is he a doctor?
He fixes things,
especially people.
Well, I like what you've
done with the place.
Makes a change in
the back of a car.
Got any biscuits?
No, sorry.
I'm on a diet.
The doctor said I've
got to cut back.
A real doctor or doctor puppet?
Dr. White is a real doctor.
Sorry if I hurt his feelings.
Hey, could I record you?
I don't do videos, mate.
No, Dr. White and I are
putting together a new act.
We're putting together a
pilot for a new TV show.
Our last assistant left.
Hey, would you like to be
the star of my new show?
I'm... I'm not sure.
Yeah, let me show
you what Dr. White
and I've been putting together.
What is this?
I'm leaving now, Henry.
The fuck is wrong
with you, Henry?
Don't talk to him, he
just pulls the sleigh.
Jade, what's taking you so long?
[INAUDIBLE] have turned white.
Santa is dropping bombs tonight.
It's getting cold is the snow,
and I know you won't be home.
I'm changing you
in fall out light.
And I can see your
lips turning blue.
I shouldn't...
What the fuck?
What the fuck, you
sick fucking bastard!
Please, no.
[CRYING], please.
Get off me!
Fucking bastard, let me go!
He's got brain freeze.
They would be
pulling out of town.
Starting [INAUDIBLE].
My hunting rifle ordered here,
watching ash fall from the sky,
None of the children
gone to hunt...
This Pinocchio.
Let me go, please.
Thought he was a real boy.
Dr. White, fix him.
I got strings to hold me up.
Pinocchio, he's waving at
you through the River Martis.
Please let me go.
The puppet show.
Oh, Oh, Franza,
what are you doing?
Oh, I'm just hanging around.
I was stupid to think
that I could ever replace
this sweet and talented Henry.
Wolfe, he's got the best
act in the whole of Margate.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, God.
Oh, shit.
Oh, oh, my God.
I haven't been
taking my happy pills.
I didn't need a mouth.
Consider yourself checked out.
I wonder what
they're dreaming about.
Henry, what are you doing.
I'm sorry.
I brought the puppet
with me again.
We've been having fun.
Henry, you're not
supposed to be here.
You were right.
There are some things I didn't
tell you about my father.
He used to kill young girls.
And then he'd make love to
their bodies in the snow.
My mother found his trophies.
That's why she had to die.
He wasn't all bad, though.
He dealt with those bullies.
Just going to call for help.
There's no help.
Dr. White got rid of them all.
Oh, I'm sorry,
we're out of time.
Oh, that'll be our date.
Let's put the awards out.
You dirty old bugger.
Fuck off.
Right, darling.
Want us to show you a
good time this Christmas?
Mate, did you hear that?
So why did the
man want a divorce?
Because his wife
was a total flake.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Tough crowd, Dr. White.
Eloy, where are you?
I told you to lock up.
Franza, I told you you
didn't make the cut.
I remember laying in bed as a
kid waiting for Santa to come.
Oh, yes, Dr. White.
Yes, then there was
always that awkward silence
as he got dressed and left.
They're still not
laughing, Henry.
That's because you knocked
them dead, Dr. White.
So what do you think.
I have a great role for you.
Can I use your bathroom?
Me and Dr. White I'll
be waiting for you.
Can't wait to get your feedback.
What's taking you so long?
Dr. White is worried about you.
I'll be out in a sec.
We're going to make you a star.
Stay away from me.
This Christmas, everyone's
got to love puppets again.
We come with a search wa.
I think I just killed a client.
Bloody Christmas.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
How would you like
to make a snowman?
Like Dr. White?
No, I want to make
a normal snowman.
Aha, normal snowmen are boring.
They just melt like
humans and let you down.
Humans don't melt.
They do if you put
them in a blast furnace,
or pour acid on them.
Why have you come
especially for me, Santa?
I've been told you've
been feeling unwell,
and your parents called
me up from North Pole
to cheer you up.
Well, I'm... I'm
feeling a lot better now.
I wouldn't want to hold
you up delivering presents.
Oh, don't you worry about them.
Most of the other kids have
been naughty this year.
I know a kid of your age who
was visited by Krampus instead.
However bad you might
feel this Christmas,
it is nothing like being
visited by Krampus.
Now this is a little
story me and my elves
call Merry Krampus.
And this, this is the last
toy Luke ever played with.
Come on, Luke.
Time for bed.
You know it's your last day
of school before the Christmas
holidays tomorrow.
Come on.
Will daddy you come and
visit us this Christmas?
Or will he stay with
the new lady he likes?
I guess I won't be getting into
the robot toy this Christmas.
I'm sure daddy's going to
get you something really nice
for Christmas.
You know he loves you very much.
And you?
Like I said, he loves
you very, very much.
Sweet dreams, OK?
Hey, where are you?
Well, hurry up.
I have a surprise
waiting for you.
I'm freezing my tits off.
It's winter.
Right bye.
So, Louise, how
are you getting on?
I know Christmas can be a
particularly hard time of year.
I'm OK.
The antidepressants
are really helping.
And you're not leaning
too much on the drink.
Oh, God, no, that's just
like a bit of Christmas cheer.
And how are the kids?
The kids are fine.
The kids are really good.
So last day of school today
before the Christmas holidays.
I think they're really excited.
Anywhere from the dads?
Anything to get out of
paying child support.
Now two of them have
walked out on me.
OK, well, if you need
anything, you and the kids
just give me a call, OK?
Thank you.
You are all right, Luke?
I'm fine.
I'm not hungry.
I'm going to go to bed.
Mom, are you going
to do anything?
If he's not hungry,
what am I supposed to do?
Force feed him like
he's on hunger strike?
This isn't a prison.
Prison food would
be better though.
This is all we can
afford right now.
Since you lost your job.
Yes, Diana, since I lost my job.
Well, I can't wait to find
out what Christmas dinner
is going to be like tomorrow.
Some kids were picking on Luke,
and they said that it was his
fault that dad left like ours.
But that's ridiculous.
They also said that
Krampus is going to come
visit us this Christmas.
Krampus... you've
got to stop listening
to this stupid rubbish, OK?
This house is too
depressing for Krampus.
Did any of the neighbors
see you creep over the fence?
No, I don't think so.
Did he really live here?
Did the old man
who lived here really
tell people he was Krampus?
Yeah, he was like
that guy Wayne Gacy
that dressed up as a clown.
Why would any parent
want to invite the Krampus
to their kid's party?
To scare them if they've
been naughty maybe.
Beats Cole.
When did he die?
They found him hanging dead
upstairs from a Christmas tree
last year.
I haven't been able
to sell her since.
Apparently, you had
a book on pagan magic
and was trying to
raise the real Krampus.
That was so funny, Lily.
You guys suck.
I'm going to call
my parents on you.
It was only a joke, Lily.
Maybe we were a bit mean, guys.
You're such a sissy, Benjie.
It's hilarious.
Stupid boys.
Really how stupid
do you think I am?
Look what I found
in one of the drawers.
Maybe that's the poem
he used to raise Krampus.
Children, take
this into account.
Have you been bad this year?
Tonight's the night
that Krampus comes.
Have you something to fear?
If you're a good
child, you'll sleep
well for he will pass you by.
But if you are a naughty child,
he'll hang you out to dry.
I think we should
get out of here.
I think he's right, Craig.
It's just starting to get fun.
You two are such
girls like Lily.
Then there comes a type of
death that Krampus offers too.
Perhaps a strangulation or
a drowning would suit you.
Alternatively, Krampus can
just take you straight to hell,
and nothing will be left of
you, and nothing left to tell.
What are you doing, Luke?
Watching this video
about Krampus online.
Did you know he drowns
and eats children
after taking them to hell
in a basket on his back?
And don't watch that.
Come on, go to bed.
We've been good this year.
Santa is coming, not Krampus.
Then why did dad leave?
When are you
going to give it up.
I'm really not falling
for it this time.
Come on, Jonathan.
Come back to bed.
It's Christmas Eve.
I want cheering up.
This doesn't feel right.
I should be with my kids.
Only one of them yours.
Odell get over it is
just one Christmas.
Things will get better next year
when she gets pregnant with yet
another bloke.
I need some air.
Don't take too long.
You're really starting to
bring this Christmas down.
No, daddy.
Daddy, daddy not tonight.
It's Christmas.
Oh, God's sake.
Oh, hi, Denise.
It's Louise.
I don't know if you
could possibly pop by.
I'm just not really
feeling myself.
I don't know if it's
the medication or
I've just been having
some weird dreams
and the kids have been
saying some weird stuff,
but yeah, give me a call
back or maybe pop by.
Hey, Louise.
I know that I'm the
last person that you
want to hear from right now.
I really want to come round
tomorrow and see the kids.
You have to understand that
this is killing me too.
Don't think there's any
more guilt after this.
Please, just pick up.
Fuck it.
Come around whether
you like it or not.
I'll get more like a
fucking Krampus tonight.
Oh, what's this?
A naughty little note, Jonathan.
I hope it's not dirty.
You're frighten
the other children.
Mom, I heard noises.
Are the rats back?
Are the rats back?
I've never been so
insulted in my life.
Andrew, is that you
playing with my robot toy?
You made him leave.
You ruined Christmas.
Krampus is here, Luke.
It's time to play.
Louise, it's Denise.
Your door was open.
I got your message.
Louise, what have you done?
He says their father
he's gone insane.
He's killed the kids.
He's telling the house,
you need to get help.
Oh, God.
OK, OK, don't...
Don't worry.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
You know what, I'm leaving.
There's something not
quite right with you.
You need... you need help.
You're not taking
them away from me.
Krampus days are here
again, your kids will die,
and the sky falling.
Diana, Andrew.
What have you done to them?
They're just sleeping.
I gave them some Rohypnol.
You've drugged our children.
What's the matter with you?
I'm down.
Just because you got
daddy-son's issues doesn't...
He'll make you all disappear,
just like the others.
Well, there goes another one.
You know, none of
your relationships
are going to work
out if you insist
on stabbing them all to death.
I think he was right.
Maybe you should have
accepted that invitation
for relationship
guidance counseling.
Oh, daddy's going
to go and lie down.
I can feel a cramp coming up.
Look at our little darlings.
Peaceful and ready
for Christmas Day.
I'm going back to hell now.
I'll see you next Christmas.
(SINGING) Silent night,
Holy night, all is calm,
all is bright, sleep
in heavenly peace.
I dare, more sick and senseless
this year than ever before.
Cramping my style.
I love it when the pretty ones
die so horribly, don't you?
It wasn't me.
Krampus did it.
That's what they all say, love.
So have we got anything
come through on it yet?
Yes, inspector.
She was abused by her father,
she was being monitored
after her other half
left because she
was having a nervous breakdown,
and you never guess what...
The father was only a bloody
sicko Santa person hater.
Oh, great.
I can see this is going to
be one of those Christmases.
Right, I'll leave you to
clear the mess up here,
so at least I can try and get
back to my own kids, that's
assuming the missus
hasn't already cut them up
and put them in the oven.
Oh, Denise, what
are you doing here?
She's only going to get
herself bloody murdered,
isn't she?
You are?
Sliced up like bacon.
But I like Denise.
I like bacon.
I like bacon.
Check up with a frying pan on.
Why not?
Red or brown sauce?
So it wasn't Krampus,
it was the mom.
Yeah, she was North Polar.
There are freaks out there who
actually think they're Santa,
you know.
I know, shocking, isn't it?
If Krampus doesn't get you,
your mother probably will.
God only knows what's worse.
What happened to the mom?
She joined those other
three in the nutters wing.
Do you like Christmas
carols, Peter?
I don't know that many.
Just as well.
Most of them are quite boring.
I know a few that
are rather good.
I know one choir who had
a very haunting song.
This here's a story I like to
call The 12 Kills of Christmas.
Don't you mean 12
12 Days of Christmas?
Oh, no.
Singers that came to this
house never sang that song.
To be the guardian
of your incarnate son,
and husband of the
Blessed Virgin Mary.
Give us grace to follow him.
Nearly ready for
midnight mass, father.
Don't I sound very good?
Oh, no, no, you sound great.
Anyone would think
you were a priest.
Thank you, Cathy.
I'm just going to
clear out the office.
And faithful.
Can I help you young man?
I'm just looking around.
Does Father McShane
still work here?
No, he had to retire
suddenly due to his health.
Is he still
practicing the faith?
It's a complicated matter.
You know it's good practice
when in the Lord's house
to take your hood down.
It's been a long time
since I was here.
We're in a church.
You used to come here?
When I was younger, I
used to be in the choir.
Oh, I see.
I heard Father McShane's choirs
were the best for miles around.
I was friends with Dylan Gray.
Well, how can I help, uh...
Leo Edwards.
How can I help, Leo?
Well, I was hoping I could
talk to Father McShane.
I'm sorry, he's
suffering from dementia.
He wouldn't even remember you.
That's a shame.
Is there anything
I can help with?
No, not really.
Nothing you or
God can do for me.
Cathy did you
leave this box here?
Might be one of the lads from
this morning left it here.
Hang on.
I know that box.
This used to belong to Father
McShane where did you find it?
It was just left there.
Do you know anything
about Dylan Gray.
Dylan Gray, yes.
He was in terrible trouble that
boy with drugs and stealing.
Father McShane
tried to help him,
but he was honored by
the devil that boy, yeah.
Between you and me, I think he
ran away and killed himself.
Yeah, it broke Father
McShane's heart.
He really messed him up.
Anyway, I best go replace
all the short candlesticks.
Hello, Maria McShane.
Hi, Maria.
It's Father Abel
How's your father?
Yeah, he's OK.
It's largely the
same, but I think
it's going to take a Christmas
miracle for any change.
I haven't seen you coming
around to church much of late.
I know.
It's just what... with
everything and father.
Oh, no I understand.
If you ever need
anyone to talk to...
Thank you.
That's very kind
of but I think I've
lost my faith a little bit.
Well, if you can't talk
to God, please talk to me.
Look, I've rung up because I
found this old music box I was
told belonged to your father.
Music box.
Yes, so I wondered if
you might like it back.
It's got a tune.
All things bright and beautiful.
No, that's fine.
Please just get rid
of it or give it
to a charity shop or something.
Here we are farther.
Back here another year.
Why did she do?
Why did she leave?
Because the devil got into her.
It wasn't her fault.
The devil makes
us all do bad things at times.
Did the devil get
her from that box?
Yes, he did, and that's why
you must never tell anyone
about it or open it because if
the devil's friends get to find
out about the box,
they'll release
the devil for you and
for me and for everyone,
and then we'll all disappear.
Like that boy he was never
there that night, Murray.
What'd I tell you.
He was a ghost.
And all must find out the
church is haunted otherwise,
everyone would be too
afraid to come here,
and that will make God sad.
That's right, my darling.
The church's ghost
must always stay out
of sight, like the
bodies in these graves.
Come on.
That's it.
Try and relax.
I'll see you in the morning.
Won't you stop saying it?
I visited Mother's
grave today with Father.
It must have been
freezing up there.
It was.
Not as cold as the year my
mother passed away there.
My last white Christmas.
Are you OK?
You don't look OK.
Maria, what's up.
Come here.
It's nearly our
two-year anniversary.
I'm just not sure about leaving
father here for Christmas Eve.
Maria, you do too much for him.
The nurse can look after
him tomorrow for one night.
Besides, he probably doesn't
even know who you are anymore.
I'm sorry.
Sorry about that.
That was harsh.
No, it's OK.
Sorry, it's just been
a really weird day.
I've had a lot of news.
Anything I should know about?
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
Well, what is it?
Babe, you're not happy about it.
No, I am.
I am.
It's just we're
having our own child,
I think I have to
tell you something.
Yeah, you can tell me anything.
Well, before my mother
killed herself that Christmas,
I heard her and father fighting.
Apparently, she found something
in a music box he had.
A music box?
I don't know what it was.
All I know is... is that he
had a fight with a student.
Do you think anyone's
going to believe you over me,
a man of God over
some drugged up
little junkie from the streets?
His name was Dylan.
Dad said that he came
back a drug addict
and tried to
blackmail him, but...
You think he might have been
involved with his students?
I don't know.
I mean, it's... it's a
terrible thing to think about,
but this rumor is from his
old church saying that he was
charged with something,
but charges were
dropped because he's senile.
Jesus Christ.
But it's just a rumor.
Your dad wouldn't
do that, right?
(VOICEOVER) All things
bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful
I'll go.
No, Maria...
No, you stay.
Maria, wait.
I think it's time you start
getting some extra help for him
after Christmas.
Oh, come on, father.
What are you doing down there.
You know you can't walk.
They come for me in the dark.
They plead with Jesus.
Nobody's here.
It was just a nightmare, OK?
May God mercy on our souls.
Maria, now what have I told you
about playing in the basement.
Not to come down here
as it's full of ghosts.
Wouldn't the ghosts
be in the graveyard?
Not all souls are
asleep out there.
- What's that?
- It's Saint Christopher.
I think it belonged
to that Dillon boy.
Give it to me.
I'll pass it on to the police.
Now go on upstairs and carry
on cleaning up the silver.
Sorry, Father.
Kurt, what are you doing?
Look what I found.
Come on, it's the
best time of the year.
And you and me can
have a little baby.
What could spoil this Christmas?
I'm just off now, Father.
OK Kathy I'll see
you tomorrow Cathy.
Who's there?
I'll call the police.
Who the fuck are you?
So he's been fed.
He just needs to be
helped to bed at night.
OK, no worries...
Don't let them stop singing.
Just ignore that,
it's the only thing he
says since he's had the stroke.
Of course.
Now you guys have a
lovely Christmas Eve.
We're going to have a great
time, aren't you Mr McShane?
- Come on we're going to be
late. - OK.
- Thank you.
- Bye.
Thank you. Bye.
Now you're going to be a good
boy, aren't you, Mr. McShane?
I don't want no shitting
on Christmas Eve,
do you understand?
Don't let them
don't stop singing.
Yeah, yeah.
That's all you say I know.
The choir's grown up
now, they're all gone.
Go... away.
(SINGING) Jingle bell, jingle
I said go away.
What part of I don't like
Christmas don't you understand?
That did it.
Hey, They've gone.
Mike can you hurry
up and get here.
I don't want to spend Christmas
alone with this creepy old guy.
Are you in this?
If they finally come
back and check on him?
They won't.
Look, the daughters
probably asked
Santa to kill him off just
so she can inherit the house.
I just... I can't do
this with Father Teddy.
Can we wheel him
into the other room?
See no evil.
Happy now?
It's like a demented budgie.
Don't let them stop singing.
Shut up.
Oh, oh...
(SINGING) 10 beautiful,
Oh creatures...
No, just leave him.
I can't do this with
songs of praise on coming.
Oh, tell them to sing come
we faithful or something.
Will be back in one minute.
Tell your God to stop
screwing with my night, OK?
There was no one there, so.
Your cries back, father.
Time for one last hymn.
What's wrong?
It's my dad.
He's come around.
What do you mean
he's come around?
Apparently, he's awake and
wants to make a confession.
What type of confession?
Please, this is nothing
to do with me, OK?
The daughter is on the way.
I'm innocent, please.
I haven't done anything.
What should we do about it?
Where is he?
I don't know.
Where's the damn nurse?
My God.
We found this in the graveyard.
Who are you?
You know who we are.
We are fallen angels.
I don't know what you mean.
Is that what you
told your boyfriend?
The time has come for you
to look upon our faces.
This is one of the
ropes he used to wear,
well, before taking it off.
He dead rode Father McShane.
Don't let them stop singing.
We should kill her now,
then we can get on with daddy.
He's never...
You're just one
more lie to cover up
for his crimes like the songs.
Didn't... I didn't know.
Christian saw what happened
that night in the church
after choir practice.
He was late to leave.
He saw you see it all.
Things on my mind of you.
I am a man of God, and
he speaks through me.
You must never mention
what happened here tonight.
That boy had the devil in him.
Your father did
what he had to do.
Maybe the devil is gone now when
you hit him with that cross.
Maybe you knocked
the devil out of him.
I don't think we
can take that risk.
What are you going to do?
Nothing you need worry about.
Now go up to the altar, put
your hands over your ears
and pray as hard as you can.
Your father has a late
night song to prepare.
How your father told
you to say nothing.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Father is dealing
with the devil.
Christian, you followed
your father in the graveyard
where he buried Dylan alive.
We're all too scared
to go to the police.
Dylan wasn't the only
kid to go missing.
God only knows how many are
buried in the graves out there.
The boyfriend looks
awfully nervous.
His heart is beating too fast,
Well, we best clean it out then.
You still got that
toilet cleaner, Joseph.
No, no.
And now for you.
I'm pregnant, please.
The evil ends with you.
I'll be back in an hour, it's
in God's hands if you live.
There's no forgiveness
for either of us.
Don't let stop singing.
It's all over now.
What's wrong?
You look like you've
seen the devil.
It's a Christmas miracle.
(SINGING) All things
bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small.
All things wise and
wonderful, the Lord...
What's the matter?
Please touch your tongue.
(SINGING) Each little
flower that opens,
each little bird that sings.
He made the colored flowers,
he made their tiny wings.
All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful,
the Lord God made them all.
Hear no evil, speak no evil.
See no evil.
(SINGING) All things
bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful,
the Lord God made them all.
What do you think of that
lovely little story, Peter?
You like all the gory bits.
I know.
Hang on.
Do you want to hear a
story about a Santa?
A Santa like you?
Exactly like me.
How did you know?
There was this man, put on a
Christmas outfit every year,
always tried to keep Christmas
magic, and his wife left him.
Emma, what are you doing?
I know this is a shit time of
year to do this to you, Tony.
What are you talking about?
I'm so sorry, Tony.
Mom, why do we have to
stay so late at grandma's?
Go unpack, Billy, you
ain't going nowhere.
Billy, don't listen to him.
Go downstairs and wait for me.
Do it.
Go downstairs.
We'll come and get you.
Please, Emma, it's Christmas.
We can work through this.
You can't fix this.
This hasn't been real
for a long time, Tony.
You know that.
We're bipolar.
Our marriage is about as
real as you being Santa.
She even tried to
take his kid too.
You can go, but you
will not take my son.
Watch me.
Mom, I can't find my robot toy.
Billy, don't worry about it.
There isn't time.
Stone, Emma, please.
For fucks sake.
Where are my keys
I will not let you take my
son, not with that bastard.
Who was it.
Fine I'm putting on some weight.
But he wouldn't let her.
No one's going to take
my son away from me.
See, Billy, I told you
you weren't going nowhere.
We've always loved this
tune, ain't we Emma?
Your mother gave us that box.
She's next.
Christmas morning.
Time to deck the
halls with blood,
I even took his job away.
We're sorry, Tony,
we just feel you're
no longer right for Santa's
happy grotto Incorporated.
But on five years
running, Santa of the month.
Well, we only operate
for one month of the year.
You can't get rid of me.
Who would replace me?
Well, actually,
we've already asked
Richard to take your place.
Sorry, Tony.
There's a new Santa in town.
You cannot be serious, you
can't replace me with that.
The outfit doesn't even
fit, and he's never held
more than a grotto in cavern.
I'm sorry, Tony.
The decisions being made.
Well, you can
take away my grotto,
but you can't take my dignity.
I am going to take my act,
and my very large bulging sack
elsewhere, and I'll bet
you're all bloody communists.
Well, I don't think he's
going to be on my list.
In the end, the grief and seeing
all those children that weren't
his drove him and should we
say odd, so we got revenge,
and handed out festive treats.
Where are my cookies
from Santa, mommy?
You can't have them now,
darling, it spoil your meal.
But look.
There has already been one
reported fatality here today.
The police are desperately
seeking anyone who has visited
the grotto as they believe
that there is poisonous cookies
handed out by Santa.
Oh my God.
The Information right now
is he was a member of ISIS.
Mommy, you stole my cookies.
And this elf just came
out screaming at us,
my youngest is traumatized.
He was screaming out, stop.
I will be suing Happy
Santas Grotto, Incorporated.
This is just not good enough.
As you can see, we've
had a lot of trauma
tonight at the grotto.
We've had one girl
who won't stop
crying at the sight
of a reindeer,
and another who tried to
choke herself to death
with a Tamagotchi.
She corrected awful
kids on the street.
Oh, Santa.
You walking back
to the North Pole
because you're too fat for your
reindeer to pull your ass back.
Oh, well, done Leo.
Now you've pissed off Santa.
Oh, what's the matter?
Where's my present?
I'll leave it out, Leo.
Look at him.
He's obviously had
a bad Christmas.
So would I dressed up like that.
Oh, I'm having a
bad Christmas too.
That's why I want my present.
You don't know nothing
about a bad Christmas, kid.
Just leave him.
He's been drinking.
Come on guys, let's go.
Through the window, I can the...
What did you say?
No, I've something
in my sack for you.
I think he's had
some funny mince pies.
He's getting creepy.
Come on, let's go.
You being funny.
Not feeling very
jolly this Christmas.
Jesus Christ.
I'm not Jesus, I'm Santa.
Went round all the houses.
Oh, dad, what are you doing.
You just got us killed.
No dear, it's you not riding
your reindeer zombie right.
I'm riding it fine.
You need to stop dying
on exploding presents.
Bring me too, we can fall
in love With Christmas
if we want to one by one
the family start rising.
It's Santa.
The real Santa is here.
There's no one there, Ben.
But I swear it was him.
He was real.
I think Josh scared you a
little bit too much earlier.
No one believes
me in this house.
You suck.
I hate you guys, Christmas.
I'm going to go
play my video game.
And what about
the Christmas cake?
Christmas cake is
more likely to kill me
than to kill our elves.
Oh, thanks.
For a wonderful Christmas.
Killing families.
You've got some giant bits.
You like Christmas games
where people get killed, kid.
How about Santa brings
you a real game this year?
And telling kids
stories to cover up
the real horrific
story he was carrying.
Hello, Benny boy.
Santa has come to
pay you a visit.
What happened to him?
Jeffrey Dahmer,
This is so funny, Where's
your finger to film?
It's... it's a bit different
to Rudolph's great.
Happy Christmas adventure.
Though I'd come round here,
and be like the three ghosts
of Christmas, all
rolled into one
and tell you three
great Christmas stories.
I got you a special copy.
My parents wouldn't
even let me watch TV.
No, don't worry about it.
I've sorted it all
out with your parents.
This film is banned
in 27 countries,
so hasn't got any rating.
This is the last
present of Luke Everard.
It's freaks out here, and
they sense it too, you know,
it's shocking.
I think I've cheered
you up enough parents
you're feeling better now.
You've got to help me.
The Santa broke into
our house, and then he
started telling me all these
crazy Christmas stories.
And he's got this huge...
You didn't ask the
bill payer's permission,
and now she's dead.
But that's still no excuse.
Does funny things
with the head when
a father loses their child.
Worse than any child's
new computer game.
You can kill as
many kids as you like,
and get rewarded
with extra bullets.
And worse than all the
gory toys in a world,
you can put him up
on a shelf with all
the others I bought you.
He even stopped
enjoying a carols.
Goulet singing.
I've ripped out a
vocal cords of people
who sang better than that.
Many of you put on
a Santa costume,
people think they can
take bloody liberties,
although the mince pies
are a bit of a bonus.
Don't worry, Ben.
Those, social
workers aren't going
to take you and the other
kids away ever again.
You're going to spend
Christmas Day with me.
And we are going to have
the best Christmas ever.
No justice for
fathers, you know.
Not even Father Christmas.
You could blame
a man for letting
himself go putting on
weight, stopping shaving,
and running away to a
desolate cold landscape
with thousands of made up
little creatures creating toys.
Toys his child we'll
never play with.
That is why I carry a
machete like this in my bag.
Peter, where are you?
You stay while I go
and sort your mom out.
While he was
finishing off my family,
I managed to escape
into the snow.
I wish people would just accept
where they're going to die.
Christmas is hard
enough without them
fucking clinging on to life.
Peter, where are
you you little shit?
Peter, I've got a nice
little present for you,
Peter come on out.
I know you're here somewhere.
Kids these days, all
of them, little shits.
I know you're in there.
I'm going to skin you alive
like Peter fucking rabbit.
Jesus is going to
save you now kid.
That's when I stabbed him
with the machete he dropped.
And that's the Christmas I
found out Santa is not real.
He's a mental psychopath.
Then I ended up here,
in this children's home.
Santa is coming for you.
Nearly Christmas time again.
Leave me alone.
He finished off
your family and now
he's going to finish off you.
Stop him.
He's going to skin you
alive like Peter rabbit.
Stop it.
On the 12th killer Christmas
Day Santa said to me,
a dead family in a fern tree.
Can you hear a sleigh
coming with all the dead kids.
Halt Harry, leave him alone.
Don't worry.
We're done anyway.
Yeah, little pussy.
Try and ignore them, Peter.
They aren't seeing their
families either this Christmas.
Their families were murdered.
At least your family wanted you.
My crack addict mom would
rather be in prison.
Christmas can go fuck itself.
We never going to
escape Christmas, are we?
What the hell are you
doing you little creep?
You trying to scare me?
You were always
nice to me, so...
And so let you live.
Think of it as my
Christmas present.
Yeah, might need it.
It is Christmas Day
tomorrow after all.
Have a Merry Christmas.
The animals have turned white.
Santa is dropping bombs
tonight, it's getting cold,
here's the snow, and I
know you won't be home,
I'm changing you
in fall out light,
and I can see your
lips turning blue,
I shouldn't have fallen in
love with a homicidal Eskimo.
I see her bubble off the wall,
hanging down from a tree.
I see her bubble off the
wall, hung in a pagan dream.
The reindeer heads all looked
out they would be pulling out
of town, sat in this old leather
chair, my hunting rifle loaded
here, watching us
far from the sky,
we're three feet deep
in dust and bones.
None of the children gone to
war, I got to be coming home.
I see her bubble off the wall,
hanging out from a my tree.
I see a bubble off the
wall, hung in a pagan dream.
The misteletoe and your smiles,
dancing pretty in rubble,
the antlers that you like to
wear, before you cross yourself
and lift his head.
I see her bubble of the wall,
hanging down I'm from a tree.
I see her bubble off the
wall hung in the pagan dream.
I see her bubble off the wall,
hanging down from a tree,
I see her bubble off the
wall, hung in a pagan dream.