Nightmare Sisters (1988) Movie Script
- Now, Mrs. Detweiler,
how may I help you?
It's about my husband.
Your late husband?
Well, sort of.
- This is sort of about
your late husband?
- No, I mean my husband
is sort of late.
What a pickle.
Your husband is
not dead after all?
- But he is, Mr.
Omar, I know he is.
Mrs. Detweiler.
Oh call me Amanda.
- Mrs. Amanda, perhaps
you should explain
exactly what did or did
not happen to your husband.
- It happened last week,
when Clinton was away
on a business trip to Dallas,
and the hotel desk clerk said
he saw him leave for
dinner around 7:00,
but when he came
back, he wasn't alone.
He was with-
A woman?
Why, yes!
Mr. Omar, that's uncanny!
Oh, call it a gift.
Please, continue.
- When the maid came in the
next morning, no Clinton.
- What of this
mysterious woman?
- There was no sign
of either of them.
You know the really
strange part?
They found ashes in his bed.
Ashes?
Now what's so
strange about that?
Perhaps Mr. Detvveiler
smokes in his sleep.
50 pounds of ashes?
- Hokey smokes,
that's a lot of ashes.
- What's more, they
found these among them.
Clinton's gold watch
and gold necklace.
They are valuable?
Oh very.
Clinton would never go
anywhere without them.
That's why I know something
terrible has happened
to my Clinton.
- Oh wait, Mrs. Detweiler,
these things of your husband,
they are just pulsing
with psychic vibrations,
so I will keep them
for further study.
Of course, anything!
Before we begin,
it is necessary to
first seduce the spirits
with a small donation.
I beg your pardon?
Cash in advance!
Oh, I see.
I like that one.
Oh.
- This should appease
the spirits from beyond,
and they will give us
their full cooperation.
This crystal was
gotten from a tomb
2,000 years ago, but I warn you,
I must have absolute silence.
You must not speak.
Let that spirit
first speaks to you.
Do you understand?
flhundeflng)
Champion of the abyss, hear me
Remove the veil of the light
between this world and the next.
I call into the black pit.
I am summoning
Clinton Detweiler.
Clinton!
Are you out there?
Well, hello there, missy.
Are you from around these parts?
Clint!
Clint, honey!
Is that really you?
- I don't believe I
caught the name, darling.
- Why Clint, it's
your wife, Amanda!
- I don't get back to Dallas
nearly as often as I'd like.
Gives me an excuse to get
away from the old lady,
you know what I mean?
What?
What's she like?
Nothing special.
Why hell, she ain't half
as pretty as you are.
Why you son of a bitch!
- Why ain't you the
feisty little minx.
Let's say we go to my
hotel room and fuss around.
Well here we are darling,
the Lyndon B. Johnson suite.
Traipse your little
fanny over here
and I'll show you a real
Texas longhorn.
Oh my god!
Oh my god.
Oh!
Oh that's right baby!
Oh 0h oh oh oh ride it!
Ride the big stallion of love!
Yeeh aw!
That was some mess.
- If you think
I'm gonna sit here
and listen to you get your
hog washed by some floozy,
well you are sadly mistaken!
If you see Mr. Omar in there,
will you kindly tell him
I can show myself out!
Wait!
What are you doing down there?
Hey, watch the teeth, will you?
Hey, cut it out!
Hey!
Clint, honey, what's wrong!
He's gone.
She bit him.
She bit him in the...
She bit him in the...
Oh my god, she sees me!
Get away!
Get away fast!
Beat it!
No no no no no!
What's the matter, bitch?
I thought I told
you once already
to keep that big mouth shut!
# Now I've gotta sing a
song and it won't be long
# One two
# One two three four
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Suck me
# Suck you
# Suck your brains all out
# 'Til you're ghostly blue
# Look into her eyes
and there's no glimmer
# Better cross yourself
'cause she's a sinner
# She's bound to
dominate your soul
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# If it's for the right
girl you've been waiting
# Look again 'cause
she's at least with Satan
# She's a demon
force beyond control
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# She will drag you
six feet in the hole
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# They might try to reach her
# Now you're going
to the creature
# Forget about your wickedness
# She sees a cross
she starts to hiss
# She sees a cross
she spits out hisses
# She's a super psycho missus
# Better guys would
think that she's a winner
# Hide the steak knives
when you're out to dinner
# She will nibble off
your crescent roll
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Bless my soul
Could someone give me a hand?
I said could someone
give me a hand here?
Thanks a lot!
Huh?
Thanks a lot.
Oh, you're welcome.
- Hey kiddo, finally
made it back.
- You won't believe how
much stuff they had there.
I could've stayed all night.
Let me guess, a flea market.
Mmmmm.
What else?
This is becoming a compulsion.
You can't get anything
else into your room
and now you're starting
to fill up the attic
and the garage.
Oh lay off, will you?
You gotta have your hobbies.
God knows we don't
have any boyfriends.
I do,
sort of.
- Well, at least
you got your music.
Me, I like to cook.
We know.
- I don't see why
Marci shouldn't feel
free to collect her...
Antiques.
Yeah.
Hey, look, all I'm saying is
I don't want to piss
off the other girls.
We barely made it
into this sorority
and I don't wanna
get kicked out.
Oh don't worry.
Wanna see what I got?
Sure.
Melody?
Okay-
Look at this?
Isn't this darling?
I can't wait 'til the weather
gets warm so I can wear it.
- Boy it goes great with
her eyes, doesn't it?
I couldn't resist these.
What are they?
- Matching salt
and pepper shakers.
Oh great.
We could use them the
next time we entertain.
- Yeah, especially if Mr.
Green jeans comes over.
Aaughs)
Hey I didn't know
you wore these.
I don't.
I bought them for you.
Oh thanks!
Break it up, you guys-
What else did you get?
- A hand-carved coconut
monkey head!
My dad bought me one like
this exactly in Florida
when I was six years old
and then my baby brother
smashed it with a hammer.
I cried for weeks.
I'll bet.
I never see these anymore.
I can't imagine why.
It would look great
on top of the piano.
- Oh no, no, you
bought it for yourself
and I think it would really
look good in your room.
Don't you agree, Mickey?
Oh yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
You're sure.
Oh yeah, trust me.
Wow, hey, is this for real?
Yeah, it's a real crystal.
Feel how heavy it is.
Wow.
Is it magical?
The guy who sold it to me
said it once
belonged to a medium.
A medium what?
A spiritualist.
Fortune teller.
Oh.
Why did he get rid of it?
Did he change careers?
No, I think he died.
- Do you mean I'm holding
a dead medium's ball?
- Come on, Mickey, it's
just a piece of glass.
- I don't know, this
stuff scares me.
I saw this movie once
where these guys broke
into this Egyptian tomb
and they stole these artifacts,
and this vampire lady,
she put a curse on him.
What's so funny?
You are.
You're not supposed to
take that stuff seriously.
It'll rot your brain.
I don't even like those films.
One stupid zombie picture
was enough for me.
- I don't know, you
start messing around
and your head
starts to do a 360,
don't say I didn't warn you.
- Hey, it's pretty
quiet around here.
Where is everybody?
Didn't you know?
Everybody is gone
for the weekend.
Everyone?
Everyone except us.
- Carol and Dawn went camping
with their boyfriends.
Joy, Nancy, and Megan
are down in Palm Springs.
Missy went to the
Bahamas with her folks.
What about Cindy?
- Oh, she eloped
with Bob Margola!
No!
Really?
- They're probably
in Vegas by now.
- That leaves the three of us
alone for the whole weekend.
- Guys, we've never had
the place all to ourselves.
Seems like we ought to
do something special.
Like what?
Hey I know.
Let's have a party.
And invite who?
Everybody's gone.
I don't mean the girls.
Let's get some guys over here.
- Melody, I don't mean
to be a wet blanket,
but we don't know any guys.
What about Kevin?
- The one you went
out with last month?
Yeah.
Wasn't he that physics
major, real shy?
Yeah.
I had to take his hand
and put it down my blouse.
Oh you never told us that!
You hose monster!
What happened?
Nothing.
He got his class
ring caught in my bra
and it took 10 minutes
to get it loose.
He ran all the way
back to the dorm.
- He never called
you after that.
You came on too strong.
No!
I think he was just embarrassed.
- Yeah, but even if you
do get him to come over,
what about us?
- I'll tell him to bring two
of his fraternity brothers.
- Hold it, this is starting
to sound like a blind date.
Hey, so what if it is?
It beats sitting around on a
Saturday night by ourselves.
What have we got to lose?
Yeah.
Hello?
Hello, Kevin.
This is Melody.
Melody, what a surprise.
- I was wondering why
you haven't called me.
- I've been really
busy studying for a big exam.
For a whole month?
- Actually, I was afraid
that you were mad at me.
Why?
- For trying to take
advantage of you.
- Kevin, I
practically raped you.
What's that?
Nothing, it was just the TV.
Gosh, Melody.
Does that mean that you,
you really do?
What?
Like me?
Of course I like you.
Woo!
- Kevin,
are you still there?
Yes, Melody, I'm here.
- Good, because
there was something else
I wanted to ask you.
Yeah, what is it?
- Me and a couple
friends from Tri Eta Pi
are having a party
and would like you
to come tonight.
- Gee
Melody, I don't know,
I have a big trigonometry
test on Monday.
Kevin!
All right.
All right, I'll be there.
Oh good.
If you could bring along
a couple of other guys
for Mickey and Marci.
Yeah, a couple of hunks!
What?
- You don't wanna be the
only boy here, do you?
Two guys, huh?
I might be able
to find somebody.
Who are the girls?
Do I know them?
- Yeah, I'm sure
you remember Mickey.
She made President of the home
economics class last fall.
- Yeah, she's the one
with the great big smile.
What about the other one?
Marci.
Oh she's a history major.
- I don't know any
history majors.
You will after tonight.
See you at 7:00, bye.
Well?
He's coming!
And he's bringing
a couple of guys!
What are their names?
Who cares?
They're guys!
Yeah.
Okay, here's the plan.
Mickey, you take
care of the food,
and Marci and I will
fix up the place.
Sure thing!
Before we get started,
could you help me finish
unloading the car?
You mean there's more?
- Sure, there's lots of
goodies still out there.
I never knew they made
a six-foot lava lamp.
- You guys are not
gonna believe this.
What's up?
Is it time for class?
- You keep reading
that stuff, dude,
you're gonna go blind.
Screw you, Freddy.
What's going on?
- I just got a call
from Melody Hoffmyer.
- The chick you struck
out with last month?
Maybe I didn't strike out.
Like I said, she called me.
So big deal?
What's that got to do with us?
- She just invited the
three of us to a party
at the Tri Eta Pi house.
When?
Tonight at 7:00.
Oh dudes!
The Eta Pis are foxes!
- They're not all
gonna be there,
just Melody and
two of her sisters.
- That's okay, a piece
of Pi apiece.
- Wait a second,
which two sisters?
- One of them's the girl
who won that home ec award
last semester?
Thunder Thighs Johnson?
No way,
she's all yours, pal.
- Oh sure, stick me
with the wide ride.
Who's my date?
The elephant man?
She's a history major.
Her name's Marci.
Not Marci Feinberg.
You know her?
She's in my biology class.
The glasses she wears make
up half her body weight.
- In case you haven't
looked in the mirror lately,
you're not exactly James Bond.
- James Bond isn't
James Bond anymore.
- Look you guys, none of us
are exactly the GQ types,
so why don't you just go
and make the best of it?
- Sure, that's easy
for you to say.
You get Melody.
I get Moby Dick.
She's not so hot.
I saw her once.
You could
open a beer bottle
with those buckteeth of hers.
- You take that back,
you little squid!
I should've known better
than doing you a favor!
What kind of favor
is fixing us up with
the Gorgon sisters?
Hey look dude,
if you really don't like this
Marci chick, I'll take her.
- And leave me with
Mickey the Monster?
Forget it.
- Maybe the two of you could
have an eating contest.
You and Marci
deserve one another!
You two can run off
and join a sideshow
as world's ugliest couple.
- Who are you
calling ugly, sperm breath?
- You look up ugly
in the dictionary
and find a picture of you!
- Oh god, that was
older than your underwear.
You keep out of it!
- Not after what
you said about Melody!
- Well,
what have we here?
- Looks like a
bunch of fags to me.
- Yeah, you guys queering
off down there or what?
- Hey guys, it's
not what you think?
Really?
Looks pretty fishy to
me, doesn't it, guys?
See, me and the boys
were just having a
friendly little argument.
- Looks a little
too friendly, homo.
Back off, man.
- I'd say you boys have
committed a serious infraction
against frat rules.
Let's say I consult the manual.
Good idea, Phil.
- Any brother or brothers
caught participating
in any kind of
homosexual activity
shall have all
privileges suspended
pending a review and
public humiliation
by his or their elder brothers.
- Seems like there's a
new rule in that thing
every time you open it.
What, you don't believe it?
It's in there right next to
the rule against bestiality.
- Bud, I think we took that
rule out because of the time we
Oh yeah, I forgot.
- Look, you guys,
this is ridiculous.
For your information, we
just got invited to a party
at the Tri Eta Pi house.
- Oh yeah, so how come
we didn't hear about it?
- Small party, three
gals and three guys.
- Yeah, you have to
find your own women.
Come on, they're lying.
Look, if you don't believe us,
why don't you call the
Eta Pis and ask them.
This alters everything.
I had no idea you
were so friendly
with our sorority sisters.
We'd never think to question
the masculinity of any guy
invited to party
with the Eta Pis.
However, we do have certain
rules regarding such matters.
It is strictly forbidden
for any uninitiated pledge
to fraternize with any
member of a sister sorority.
The penalty for infringement
is mandatory expulsion.
Gosh fellows, I'm sorry, but
I'm afraid we're gonna have to
ground you for the weekend,
just to make sure you
wouldn't do anything
that would get you kicked
out of this fraternity.
- Yeah, we'd hate
for that to happen.
You can't do this.
You can't run our lives for us.
Yes we can.
That's the entire point
of being in a fraternity.
If you don't like it,
you can pack up your
shit and clear out.
Have a nice evening.
- Those bastards, they
can't get away with this.
Oh yes they can.
- As long as we're here,
we gotta play it their way.
Either that or we
wind up in the street.
- Yeah, and the main reason
we joined is the free housing.
- What are you gonna
do, just sit there
and let them ruin
our love lives?
What love lives?
- A minute ago, you were
against the whole evening.
Yeah, well that was then.
I feel like we shouldn't let
those assholes push us around.
It's the principle of the thing.
Yeah!
- Okay, maybe we can sneak
out without them noticing.
It's not like they're
gonna be guarding our door.
Oh, and by the way,
just in case you guys were
thinking of doing anything
to jeopardize your
fraternal careers,
we're gonna be standing
guard outside the door here
all night long.
Let's find the green ones.
What time is it now?
- It's two minutes later
than the last time you asked.
8:35.
That jerk!
- Maybe they're being
fashionably late.
Or fashionably not coming.
- Or maybe they got
run over by a bus.
Let's face the facts,
some girls are popular
and some aren't.
I just thought this once.
It's them!
They're here!
Telegram.
Dear girls, stop.
Came down with the flu, stop.
Will stop by sometime, stop.
When we stop vomiting, stop.
The guys.
PS, surprise.
What the heck!
Sorry we're late.
It took us a while to
get out of the dorm.
- Yeah, we had to
climb out a window.
Huh?
I'll explain later.
Melody, this is
Freddy, this is Duane.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, I'm Mickey.
I'm Marci.
Hi.
Hi.
- So, this is the
Tri Eta Pi house.
Yeah, this is it.
It's nice, isn't it?
Real nice.
Thank you.
Well is anybody hungry?
- I am!
- Yeah!
Come on in.
# Row row row your boat
gently down the stream
# Merrily merrily merrily
# Life is but a dream
- That one right there was my
family and I at Marineland.
You see that hat
that my brother's
wearing in that picture,
now notice he's not
wearing it in this one.
It's because it fell
off the side of the tank
when he was leaning over
and a killer whale ate it.
This one, I got
water on the lens,
but this here is the
dancing dolphins,
or is it porpoises?
It always confuses me.
Yeah me too.
- Oh and this, here's
Mt. St. Helens,
but it was before it exploded.
We didn't stick around for that.
- My old man thought to
send me to military school
because he thought I was
retarded or something,
not retarded, but I could
only make Ds in school,
so Kevin helped me study
so I passed my test,
and so my old man wouldn't
send me to military school,
because I don't
like the haircuts.
Then I passed the test.
Igota B.
You know what happened?
No, what?
My old man died.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay, he
wasn't my real dad.
He's my step-dad, and
besides, he drank a lot.
It just goes to show you,
you can't get
appreciation from anybody.
Anybody for Twister?
Sure, okay.
Yeah!
- Hang on, girls, I'll
be right with you.
Hey Duane!
Huh?
I told you I've never
been to Marineland.
No, dude, Twister.
Huh?
- Close bodily contact with
members of the opposite sex.
- Oh great, if she
doesn't bore me to death,
she'll impale me
with her glasses.
Back here, you guys!
Left hand red.
Left hand green.
Left hand red.
Come on, you guys!
- I've always heard about
this but I've never actually
seen it done.
Oh it works like a charm.
His hand goes in, five
minutes later, Niagara Falls.
What the fuck?
Those sons of bitches!
Listen to this.
- How the hell did
they get past us?
- They must've gone
out the window.
From three floors up?
- They must've been pretty
determined to go to that party.
They'll pay for this one.
What are you gonna do?
I haven't quite decided.
It's got to be
something suitable.
- You gonna kick them out
of the frat like you said?
Eventually, but not before
inflicting some cruel
and unusual punishment,
something so emotionally and
psychologically damaging,
it will scar them for
the rest of their lives.
Sounds great.
- Let's go visit
the Tri Eta Pis.
That was fun!
- More fun than a barrel
full of shaved apes.
What do you wanna do now?
I don't know,
maybe we could get back
to the dorm pretty soon.
- Oh come on, dude,
don't be a party pooper.
- Yeah, it's early,
it's only 11:30.
- All right, just a
little bit longer.
Anybody got any cards?
I've got a better idea.
Why don't we have a seance?
- Marci, what'd I tell you
about that weird stuff?
Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll give me a chance
to use my crystal ball.
Crystal ball?
- She bought it
at a flea market.
Count me out.
I want no part of it.
- It's okay, Mickey,
there's no harm in it.
- What's it supposed
to do anyway?
- See into another world,
communicate with the dead.
- Thought that's what
I've been doing all night.
- Hey, Kevin, come on,
help me clear the table.
Yeah!
- Hey Mickey, what are
you so worried about?
- I just don't like
it, that's all.
It's tampering with things
that man is not meant to know.
Hey, I saw that movie too.
You did?
- First I have to sit through
Marci's life story in pictures
while you two sing 15 choruses
of Row Row Row Your Boat,
and then I'm nearly crushed
to death by Mickey the Monster
while playing Twister,
and now I have to put
up with some spook show!
Stop your whining.
It beats the hell out of
sitting around the dorm room
being mentally abused
by Phil and his Nazis.
Besides, I think
Marci likes you.
Oh, great.
- You know what they say
about girls who wear glasses?
What?
What do they say?
How does this work?
Don't ask me.
Marci's the expert.
Well?
I've never done it before.
I've only read
about it in a book.
What book?
The Complete Witch.
- Oh that's it, I'm not
sitting still for this.
- Oh come on, Mickey,
don't be a spoilsport!
- Mickey, it's okay, we're all
here, nothing's gonna happen.
Okay-
Okay, how do we start?
- First we must draw a
hexagram, a six-pointed star,
on the table.
Oh no, the girls would freak
if we mark up their dining set!
Can't we get by without it?
- I guess so, but we have
to make the room darker.
Two candles flanking the globe.
Sounds romantic.
Two candles coming up!
- I don't think we
should be doing this.
It makes me feel
like I should sleep
with a clove of garlic
under my pillow.
- Like they used
to ward off vampires.
- I'm surprised
she doesn't sleep
with a whole pizza
under her pillow.
Now what?
- I must incant
six names of power.
Okay-
I have to look them up.
- Where the hell
did that come from?
- Okay, let's see, crystals,
crystal gazing, see scrying.
Here we go.
Scrying.
Incantations, six
names of power.
- What is that, the Yellow
Pages to the Twilight Zone?
Quiet.
Elo Heem, Ado Nai, Zeboa,
Elion, Saday, Catchogramiton!
Flhundeflng)
Uh oh.
Everyone hold hands.
Whatever happens, do
not break the circle.
What's going to happen?
- Now we must decide who
and what to try to contact
so we can send a spirit
guide to search for them.
I had a dog I loved once.
What do you want it to do?
Bark at you from
beyond the grave?
Hey, how about my step-dad?
I could find out
if he still wants me to
go to military school.
All right.
Spirits hear me!
Send forth one among you
who can travel across
your world of darkness,
someone to guide us
through the black abyss.
- Don't forget to
bring a flashlight.
~ Shh!
Hey, that's not my step-dad.
Who are you?
- I am Omar, Guardian of
the Crystal, boogie boogie.
I too in life sought to
commune with the spirit world,
but now I am a part of it.
What happened to you?
- There are many very strange
weird and powerful forces
in this world.
Some are much too
terrible to learn.
I tampered with things that
man was not meant to know.
I told you!
- Even now the females among
you are in very great danger.
They have but one chance left
to save their immortal souls.
Guys, I'm getting scared.
- Why are only the
girls in danger?
- Because they are
much more sensitive.
They are attuned to
the psychic vibrations.
- What can we do to
protect ourselves?
- I must pass on to
you three the secret
that I learned too late.
Had I known it, I would
still be alive today.
Come on, what is it?
- The secret is not meant
for the ears of brothers.
It is to be held
by you three alone.
You must make contact
with the crystal.
- Wait, what about not
breaking the circle?
Do not question!
If you do not do
exactly what I say,
then I cannot be held
responsible for the evil
that may befall you!
- Kevin, we have
to do what he says.
- How do you know
you can trust him?
Who would ever believe
a talking head?
You better believe me, buster.
It's almost too late!
Reach out!
Touch the crystal!
That's it.
Touch the crystal.
That's it.
Careful now.
Did you really think
that I would do you harm?
Shit, you guys!
What's happened to them?
Melody, are you all right?
Mmmmm.
What happened to you?
Why, nothing.
I don't remember a thing.
You gotta be kidding.
Those lights, those voices.
What the hell did happen?
I don't know, it's all a blur.
- Don't worry, Duane, there's
nothing wrong with us.
- Mickey, are you
sure you're okay?
Course I am, silly.
It's so nice of you
to be concerned.
I'll bet I know what
you'd like about now.
What?
- Something good
and sweet to eat.
How about it, guys?
- That sounds like
a marvelous idea.
- Something to
satisfy our appetites.
- Come to think of
it, I could do with a bite.
Then come with me.
I've got just the
thing in the kitchen.
What's the matter, Kevin?
Aren't you hungry?
- How about some
homemade peach pie?
Mm, it looks delicious.
- Kevin, do you
wanna do the honors?
Sure, I guess so.
- Careful, it's
very, very sharp.
~ Oh!
Mm.
Who wants the first piece?
I do.
Mm!
It's all moist and sticky.
That's just how I like it.
Have some.
Sure.
Goddamn!
Oh man!
Goddamn!
- I never thought
they had it in them!
Who are those girls anyway?
I've never seen them before.
Me neither.
- Oh I'm sorry, I dropped
some on your shirt.
Oh that's okay, no harm done.
Let me clean it off for you.
No, really, I can manage.
Let's share.
Goddamn!
Will you shut up!
I know every sorority
girl on campus!
They've gotta be new around
here, that's all there is to it!
Those dudes are just lucky.
- I don't know, but
look at it this way.
They're new around here,
we don't know them,
so obviously they don't know us.
They don't realize what
they're missing out on.
Good point!
Now all we've gotta do
is find a way to
introduce ourselves!
This pie is fabulous.
Yeah, so is this mess.
We'll worry about that later.
It's time to get
ourselves cleaned up.
Yeah.
I could do for a
nice hot bubble bath.
Do you boys want to join us?
- Wouldn't it be
a little crowded?
- Don't be silly, we can
always squeeze you in.
- Yeah, you could
soap our backsides.
- Oh no, we wouldn't dream
of intruding on your privacy.
We wouldn't?
- But you guys go
ahead, tidy up,
we'll wait for you down here.
We will?
But, but...
Well, suit yourselves.
- You boys will wait
for us, won't you?
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Don't run off.
Don't worry, we won't.
Good.
We'll be back in three shakes.
Bubble bath?
Bubble bath!
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- What the hell
was that all about, dude?
Why did you turn them down?
- Why did we
let you turn them down?
Are we stupid or something?
- Haven't you guys
noticed something different
about those girls?
- Yeah, they
actually like us.
- No, since first
got here, they've changed.
- I thought
it was my imagination.
- Maybe we're
just getting used to them.
- No, it's
more than that.
Their personalities
have changed.
And those bodies.
Yeah, god.
- Whatever it was
happened during that seance,
so maybe they got
possessed by something.
Get serious.
- How else
would you explain it?
I don't wanna explain it.
I just wanna enjoy it.
Yeah, me too.
# Oh boy I've been
sleeping with aba
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- What makes you think there's
something wrong with them?
- For one thing, the
way they're acting,
and another, that guy
in the crystal ball,
he was for real, unless you
think we're all hallucinating.
- Okay, suppose
something has happened.
Suppose something from
hell has gotten into them.
What do you expect us to
do, call Ghostbusters?
I don't know.
This is not something
advanced trigonometry
has prepared me for.
- Well if they do have
a bad case of demons,
shouldn't we best clear out?
That's not very heroic.
No, but it is smart.
Let me think.
The best thing we should
do is hang around,
at least 'til we figure
out what we're up against.
Keep an eye on them.
Yeah.
- Too bad those nerdy
boys aren't here.
- I think we're doing
fine without them.
Wash up, dirty girl.
Delicious pie.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
It's so sticky all over me.
I'm so sticky too.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- Well, so much for not
intruding on their privacy.
- Guys, this is
for their own good.
We owe it to them to make
sure they're all right.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
Well are they all right?
All right!
All right!
Let me see!
# Yumpin yiminy
suck on my chimney
Holy shit!
This is great!
Give me a turn, dude!
Wait a second!
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
Oh wow!
Look at all those bubbles!
You've had long enough!
- No way, dude, find
your own keyhole!
I was here first!
- Knock it off, you
guys, they'll hear us.
So what?
I don't think they're
very shy to me.
That's my point.
Do you still think those
are the same three girls
who invited us
over here tonight?
- I don't know, but I'm
starting not to care.
You better care.
Something is very wrong here.
Who knows what
they're capable of?
I'd love to find out.
- That's the last
thing we should do.
Under no circumstances should
any of us let them touch us.
We have got to stay cool.
# In Sweden we have no AIDS
- All right, guys, we
gotta work out a plan.
- Did you see the
hooters on these babes?
- I know, I know, but
first things first,
we gotta get those
turds out of there!
Oh yeah, I forgot.
- Why don't we just kick the
door out and drag them out?
- No, and risk spoiling
the girls' mood.
No, this calls for
some covert activity.
Huh?
Sneaky stuff.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- I don't know how you
expect me to handle it
if Marci starts coming on to me!
Try not to think about sex.
That's easy for you to say!
Think about something else.
Think about baseball.
Baseball, yeah!
Getting to first
base, second base,
slamming it home,
going all the way!
- On second thought,
forget baseball.
- Freddy, will you come help
me with something in my room?
Oh please?
What do I do?
- Go with her, but
remember what I said.
Keep cool and hands off.
Right.
- Do you think he
can handle it alone?
I hope so.
We can't let them get
us all hot and bothered.
Speaking of hot and bothered,
I'm gonna go get
a drink of water.
You want anything?
No, I'm fine.
Do you want to play with me?
My mommy and daddy are
gone and we're all alone.
Let's play doctor.
Come on, we can do
it in the backyard.
Someone's coming.
What the hell?
When this is all over,
we're gonna have to have a
long talk with those guys.
Hey Mickey, where'd you go?
Here!
You Tarzan.
Me Jane.
Let's get primitive.
- Now it's my turn
to examine you.
- Look, why don't we
play a different game?
How about hide and seek?
Do I get to be it?
Sure.
You count to 10
and I'll go hide.
One two three four five six-
Hold on, give me a chance.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight nine 10.
Ready or not, here I come.
Let me go!
Let me go!
Good.
Now let's go get the other two.
- You son of a bitch,
Get me out of here!
Are you still hungry?
Not really.
Good.
- I think I hear
a cheetah calling!
It's a white rhino!
Where?
Duane, come on out.
I don't wanna play this anymore.
Duane, where are you?
Come on out this instant!
- Okay,
I'm gonna kill him.
I'm gonna kill him as
soon as I get out of here!
Two down, one to go.
Where's M'?
He must've started without us.
Looks like I'll have to give
him a good tongue lashing.
You taste so good.
Nothing but USDA prime baby.
I want more.
Help yourself.
Oh shit!
Hi.
Melody, are you all right?
Mmmmm.
Would you like to
hear some music?
Sure, I guess so.
Hit it!
# You left me for another guy
# Cuter than I
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard Boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard Boy
IActing much more than poised
# When he flexes his muscles
it makes you wanna hah
# When he wiggles his
hips it's got you in a fix
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
his boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# I always knew you were strange
# The way your hair's arranged
# The way your shorts are tight
# The way you have
a red cherry hide
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# You never know
what you'll find
# On the corner
of Aspen and Vine
# You never know what you'll do
# When you're guy likes
boys instead of you
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
# He's acting much
more than poised
# Santa Monica boy
# I want you
# Santa Monica boy
# Please come back
# Santa Monica boy
# Come on
# Boulevard boy
Hi.
Why hello.
Where did you come from?
Oh me, I'm a plumber.
Somebody called
about a leaky faucet.
You don't say.
- Yeah, normally I'd
ask them to bring it in,
but since I was in
the neighborhood...
- You thought you'd
make a house call?
Yeah, something like that.
- Did you remember
to bring your snake?
- I never go anywhere
without my snake.
Oh good,
because while you're here,
I'd like for you to
check out my pipes.
I'd love to.
Surprise surprise,
if it isn't the president
of the Hitler youth.
This time you've gone too far.
- That's where
you're wrong, friend.
It's you three who
have gone too far.
Disobeying a direct order from
a senior fraternity brother,
what would the manual
say about this?
- You know where you can
stick that manual, dude.
Where's the rest
of the goon squad?
- Oh I imagine they're
making the acquaintance
of the Tri Eta Pis
even ask we speak.
The girls?
You son of a bitch!
- Don't worry, we'll
make your apologies
for having to leave early.
- Listen, Phil, I know
we've broke the rules,
we deserve what's coming to us,
but I have gotta warn
you about those girls.
What's the matter with them?
They got a disease?
Worse than that, dickhead!
They're possessed!
Yeah, right.
We're serious.
There was a seance
with this crystal ball
and they started acting strange.
- The only thing strange
is why three gorgeous dolls
would waste their time
on losers like you.
But never fear, we'll
take care of that.
Stay away from them.
They are evil.
You're so big and strong.
Have you ever done any acting?
Me?
No, what do you mean?
- 'Cause I wanna
give you a bit part.
That sounds great.
A bit What?
Holy shit, not that!
- I don't care whether
you believe us or not.
I'm just telling you to
stay away from those girls.
- You're not in a position
to tell me anything.
It's your ass, dude.
- Yeah, well as much as
I'd love to stand around
and listen to ghost
stories all night,
I'm afraid I must
leave you gentlemen.
You see, I'm not too
keen on sloppy seconds.
Why you, I ought to!
- I'll be back to settle
it with you later!
Goon head!
Booger head!
Mine got away.
Mine didn't.
- Don't tell
me you're the maid.
- Don't tell me
you're another plumber.
He's cute.
- If I knew the Eta
Pis were this friendly,
I'd have stopped by sooner.
Well save some for Marci.
Who's Marci?
I am.
My goodness.
Don't you look
young and innocent?
Oh my-
Quit it!
Maybe next time you can
knock really something heavy
onto my head!
Quit complaining.
I'm trying to help us out here.
- Yeah, we're all
in this together.
Don't remind me.
Try and shift around behind me
and undo these ropes.
- If Houdini here would
get his foot out of my ass,
maybe I could!
- Hey, watch what
you're grabbing!
How can I?
I think I've got it!
I don't think you've got it.
This is my room.
Who's your decorator?
Marci did it all by herself.
She likes to collect things.
Sounds like fun.
Have a seat.
I'm gonna slip into
something comfortable.
- You girls like to
play with things too?
Yeah.
- What have you got
for us to play with?
- Something
firm, hard, throbbing?
- I think I can manage
something like that.
It's party time.
Hey, what's going on?
- Well, you asked us if we
liked to play with things.
- Yeah, but those are
some serious looking toys.
You're not planning any
rough stuff, are you?
What's the matter, big boy?
Can't you take it?
Hey, I can take anything.
Long as it doesn't
hurt too much.
- Baby, you always
hurt the ones you love.
- Now hold on girls,
can't we talk this over?
Ow!
Sounds fun, but ah!
Ah, cut it out!
Ah!
Whoa whoa!
Ah!
Whoa no, man!
Hey, ah!
No no no, not in the face!
- Why didn't you tell us
you had a Swiss army knife
in your jockey shorts?
Sorry, dude, I forgot.
Forget about it, let's go.
- Hey that sounds
like Phil's voice.
- Sounds like it's coming
from down there, come on.
Ladies, cut it out!
Aren't you getting
tired of this?
Not me!
I could go on all night!
Please stop!
I'll do anything you want!
Anything?
Yes, just untie me!
I can't do that.
You can't?
- No, you might try to run
away and spoil our fun.
Fun?
You call this fun?
What kind of girls
are you, anyway?
- Why, what kind of girls
do you think we are?
That's more like it.
What have we got in here?
- Something I know
you'll all enjoy.
I'll bet.
Don't fight over it.
There's plenty to go around.
- We were
hoping you'd say that.
- Oh Jesus, what
have you got in mind?
No please, don't!
Shit!
Holy cow!
Did you see what happened?
- Yeah, she bit
him in the cahones
and that was the end of him.
He just disintegrated.
He should've listened to us.
- They sure made
an ash out of him.
- We have got to do
something about this.
Yeah but what?
Can you imagine telling
this to the cops'?
I know.
We can't do anything to
hurt the girls either.
Remember, it's not their fault.
It's whatever's inside them.
- Maybe we should get
their stomachs pumped.
That won't work.
We need an exorcist
or something.
- That's it, that's
what'll do it.
- Just where are
we gonna find one?
In the Yellow Pages?
Don't be a moron.
I think what we need to do is
contact a church or a
synagogue, something like that.
- Don't you think it's
late to be going around
waking up priests?
- This is an
emergency, isn't it?
Here it is, exorcist.
What?
Let me see.
Lanchester Perin, exorcist,
specializing in demons,
hobgoblins, and poltergeist.
Satisfaction guaranteed,
all major credit cards accepted.
Only in California.
Someone's coming!
Grab the phone!
Jesus that was close!
- Quick, dial the phone,
before someone else comes!
Good, it's ringing.
Hello?
Yes, I'm in need of an exorcism.
No no, not me personally.
Demon possession I think.
Urgent?
Yeah, I'd say it was urgent.
No, tomorrow
afternoon is too late.
Can't you come tonight?
Time and a half after midnight?
All right, look,
never mind the cost.
Just get over to
and meet us in the garage, okay?
Thanks.
He's on his way.
Great.
Let's get out of here!
~ Yes?
You called for an exorcist?
Yeah.
Lancester Perin.
Thank goodness you're here.
My name's Kevin, this is
Freddy, and this is Duane.
Nice to meet you.
Where's the spook?
In the house.
There are three of them.
- No one told me
anything about three.
That's going to cost extra.
Okay, fine.
- Wait a minute, how do we
know this guy's for real?
You doubt my credibility?
I'll have you know I'm
a leading authority
of the supernatural
in North American,
second only to Van Helsing
in the entire world.
Calm down, dude.
Don't piss this guy off.
He's our only hope.
- He looks
like a wacko to me.
What do you expect
from an exorcist who
takes American Express?
Besides, what
choice have we got?
Heart pills?
Breath mints.
I had shawarma for dinner.
Let's get started.
Look, now before we begin,
I must know some of the details,
the age and sex
of the possessed.
About 19 or 20, all females.
- When was it that
they displayed
the first signs of abnormality?
- Earlier this evening
we were playing a game
using a crystal ball.
- That's nothing
to be playing with.
I remember a
12-year-old back East,
couldn't keep her hands
off the Ouija board.
The next thing you know, she
was talking like a sailor,
spitting up pea soup,
and jacking off with
religious artifacts.
That sounds familiar.
Were you involved with that?
Was I involved?
I performed the exorcism myself.
But did I get any credit for it?
Did I get any royalties?
No.
I didn't even get
invited to the preview,
ungrateful bastards.
- Father, let's get
back to business.
- I'm not your father,
you little shit.
I'm not even a priest!
Calm down, take it easy, dude.
Now, where were we?
Oh yes, and in what
ways have these spirits
manifested themselves?
They seem to be pretty horny.
- Hmm, increased
sexual appetite.
I'll say.
They're like animals.
- That may be a
number of things.
What else have they done?
They disintegrated our friend.
Actually that's not true.
They didn't disintegrate him?
No, he wasn't our friend.
In fact, he was an asshole.
He sure was.
How did this happen?
They bit him.
- They bit his dork and
he crumbled to dust.
Oh my god.
- I know, it's
pretty disgusting.
That's not what I mean.
This is no ordinary
demon you have here.
This is a succubus.
A succu what?
A succubus.
It is an evil spirit
who seeks to satisfy its
incredible lust with mortal men,
destroying them in the process.
- That sounds like
it, all right.
You mean there
are three of them?
There's probably only one,
but it can possess a body
of many at the same time.
How do we get rid of it?
- First I must exorcise
it from the girls' bodies.
Otherwise, if any harm
comes to the succubus,
it would affect them as well.
And once it's out of them?
- Then we must fight
it in its true form.
That's easier said than done.
Now the succubus, like its
male counterpart, the incubus,
is of the lowest
order of demons.
It's thick-skinned and stupid,
but they've been known
to put up quite a battle.
What should we do?
- I will need all of you
on hand to assist me.
I'm not going into this alone.
This is an ornery mother.
I will need a variety of herbs.
- Mickey's got a spice
rack in the kitchen.
I'll go get it.
- We should also have something
to confine the spirits with.
They won't sit still
for an exorcism.
- I think I saw
some rope back here.
What do you want me to do?
- You may have the most
important job of all.
Someone has to distract the
demon while we secure it.
You mean be a decoy?
No way, not me.
You get yourself another boy.
Good, no one home.
Gonna get out of this alive.
Yoohoo, anyone home?
Come out come out
wherever you are.
Where are you, my
little succubuses?
Is it succubi?
Step into my parlor, said
the spider to the fly.
- Looks like the
prodigal pledge has returned.
- And just
in time for dessert.
- Look girls, can
we talk this over?
Gotta run!
Here they come!
Now!
You want a date, sailor?
How long is your girdle?
Maybe we can play Dr. Vanishing.
Come on, handsome.
How can you stand it?
Stand what?
- Untie us, we'll
take you all on.
We'll make you
feel like real men!
- That, how can
you listen to it?
The first rule of exorcism
is never fraternize with demons.
No matter what they
say, always ignore them.
Give it to me.
Give me your throbbing
python of love.
Yes baby, let me do a
valor on your wing wang.
Isn't it hard?
Isn't it hard to ignore them?
It takes years of practice
and almost superhuman discipline
to resist their wiles.
Of course if you have an
old war wound like mine,
it can be pretty easy.
Be gone, hear me,
demon from Hell!
I exorcise you from the
bodies of these innocent ones.
Blow it out your ass!
- Linger no longer in
these mortal shells!
I cast you out.
Your mother wears army boots.
- I don't think they're taking
this in the proper spirits.
I wonder if it's gonna work!
Get out of here, you old bat!
It's the first of the month
and I'm kicking you out!
Hit the bricks!
Be gone!
Never dock your towels again.
- Why don't you
sit on that thing?
Scram!
Or are you too ashamed
to show your ugly face?
You did it!
- That wasn't as
hard as I thought.
Dudes, what's happening?
It's not over yet.
I thought you destroyed it!
- I told you, getting rid of
a succubus isn't that easy!
Now that it doesn't inhabit
a human host anymore,
it's going to try to destroy
every soul it comes in
contact with before moving on.
- Whose souls are
you talking about?
Ours.
You never mentioned that part.
It's too late now.
Look!
Who dares to challenge me?
I dare to challenge you!
I and all the forces of good.
- Well, so much for
the forces of good.
Let's get out of here!
Oh Christ, it's locked.
No one will leave here!
You will all die!
So long as I live and breathe,
you won't harm
another living soul,
hideous hag from Hell!
- Sticks and stones
may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
- Well, this ought to
hurt you, douchebag.
Give me the herbs.
It didn't work.
The potion didn't work!
- You think that your backyard
hulu is any match for me?
Get in line, boys,
you're going on a one-way
trip to Lucifer land!
Kevin.
The crystal is the
source of her power.
Destroy it and she'll be
trapped forever in limbo.
Who asked you, sister?
Didn't your mommy ever teach
you not to be a tattletale?
That's it!
We've got to smash that crystal.
You and what army?
Just who do you think you're
screwing around with here?
I don't know who you are,
but you look like one
gnarly old bitch to me!
Kevin.
- You'll regret that
remark, short stuff.
Says you.
- Yeah, why don't you take
your face in for a retread.
- Now you're really
pissing me off!
I'll fry your
lungs with tempura!
Who's first!
- Kevin, remember the
winning homecoming play?
I sure do.
Hike hike!
' Way to 90, dude!
' My hero!
Do you feel any different?
No, not at all.
I just can't remember
anything that happened.
Me either.
I've got this funny
taste in my mouth.
Me too.
Don't worry about that.
It's all over now.
- And at least a couple of
good things came out of it.
Really, like what?
We'll tell you later.
Hey wait, don't go.
I have to.
I'll send you my bill.
Why don't you stick around?
- Yeah, there might
be some pie left.
I really have to go.
I have an appointment
at dawn tomorrow,
a vampire staking in the valley.
- You don't wanna
be late for that.
Or too early either.
Bye!
What do we do now?
- I don't know if I
mentioned it before,
but does anybody
like to play Twister!
Right foot green.
- You're
doing this on purpose.
The board's bad.
Okay, right foot red.
Wait, wait, wait.
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Born in the chaos
with science gone awry
# The gene's what lies
behind the microscopic eye
# With bloodstained hands the
surgeon's underneath the gun
# A stitch in time you'll die
# Two heads are best than none
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Shamefully I called her
she said you kids into town
# She goes to see a friend
# And hears that
he's been drowned
# Fell asleep on the RTT and I
# Missed all my stops
# Woke up at a gypsy storefront
# Where the witches shop
# They had assorted
notions potions and lotions
# For when you love big six
# Pulled out my credit card
# Guess what I picked
# I got a brain in a jar
# Keep it under my bed
# I got a brain in a jar
# I have nicknamed him Fred
# He gets me lots of girls
# Who come to see
# My biological
# Curiosity
# Brain
# Jar
# Fred
# Brain jar Fred yeah
how may I help you?
It's about my husband.
Your late husband?
Well, sort of.
- This is sort of about
your late husband?
- No, I mean my husband
is sort of late.
What a pickle.
Your husband is
not dead after all?
- But he is, Mr.
Omar, I know he is.
Mrs. Detweiler.
Oh call me Amanda.
- Mrs. Amanda, perhaps
you should explain
exactly what did or did
not happen to your husband.
- It happened last week,
when Clinton was away
on a business trip to Dallas,
and the hotel desk clerk said
he saw him leave for
dinner around 7:00,
but when he came
back, he wasn't alone.
He was with-
A woman?
Why, yes!
Mr. Omar, that's uncanny!
Oh, call it a gift.
Please, continue.
- When the maid came in the
next morning, no Clinton.
- What of this
mysterious woman?
- There was no sign
of either of them.
You know the really
strange part?
They found ashes in his bed.
Ashes?
Now what's so
strange about that?
Perhaps Mr. Detvveiler
smokes in his sleep.
50 pounds of ashes?
- Hokey smokes,
that's a lot of ashes.
- What's more, they
found these among them.
Clinton's gold watch
and gold necklace.
They are valuable?
Oh very.
Clinton would never go
anywhere without them.
That's why I know something
terrible has happened
to my Clinton.
- Oh wait, Mrs. Detweiler,
these things of your husband,
they are just pulsing
with psychic vibrations,
so I will keep them
for further study.
Of course, anything!
Before we begin,
it is necessary to
first seduce the spirits
with a small donation.
I beg your pardon?
Cash in advance!
Oh, I see.
I like that one.
Oh.
- This should appease
the spirits from beyond,
and they will give us
their full cooperation.
This crystal was
gotten from a tomb
2,000 years ago, but I warn you,
I must have absolute silence.
You must not speak.
Let that spirit
first speaks to you.
Do you understand?
flhundeflng)
Champion of the abyss, hear me
Remove the veil of the light
between this world and the next.
I call into the black pit.
I am summoning
Clinton Detweiler.
Clinton!
Are you out there?
Well, hello there, missy.
Are you from around these parts?
Clint!
Clint, honey!
Is that really you?
- I don't believe I
caught the name, darling.
- Why Clint, it's
your wife, Amanda!
- I don't get back to Dallas
nearly as often as I'd like.
Gives me an excuse to get
away from the old lady,
you know what I mean?
What?
What's she like?
Nothing special.
Why hell, she ain't half
as pretty as you are.
Why you son of a bitch!
- Why ain't you the
feisty little minx.
Let's say we go to my
hotel room and fuss around.
Well here we are darling,
the Lyndon B. Johnson suite.
Traipse your little
fanny over here
and I'll show you a real
Texas longhorn.
Oh my god!
Oh my god.
Oh!
Oh that's right baby!
Oh 0h oh oh oh ride it!
Ride the big stallion of love!
Yeeh aw!
That was some mess.
- If you think
I'm gonna sit here
and listen to you get your
hog washed by some floozy,
well you are sadly mistaken!
If you see Mr. Omar in there,
will you kindly tell him
I can show myself out!
Wait!
What are you doing down there?
Hey, watch the teeth, will you?
Hey, cut it out!
Hey!
Clint, honey, what's wrong!
He's gone.
She bit him.
She bit him in the...
She bit him in the...
Oh my god, she sees me!
Get away!
Get away fast!
Beat it!
No no no no no!
What's the matter, bitch?
I thought I told
you once already
to keep that big mouth shut!
# Now I've gotta sing a
song and it won't be long
# One two
# One two three four
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Sucky sucky sucky
sucky succubus
# Suck me
# Suck you
# Suck your brains all out
# 'Til you're ghostly blue
# Look into her eyes
and there's no glimmer
# Better cross yourself
'cause she's a sinner
# She's bound to
dominate your soul
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# If it's for the right
girl you've been waiting
# Look again 'cause
she's at least with Satan
# She's a demon
force beyond control
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# She will drag you
six feet in the hole
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# They might try to reach her
# Now you're going
to the creature
# Forget about your wickedness
# She sees a cross
she starts to hiss
# She sees a cross
she spits out hisses
# She's a super psycho missus
# Better guys would
think that she's a winner
# Hide the steak knives
when you're out to dinner
# She will nibble off
your crescent roll
# Sorority sister succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Rock and roll
# She's a teenage succubus
# Bless my soul
Could someone give me a hand?
I said could someone
give me a hand here?
Thanks a lot!
Huh?
Thanks a lot.
Oh, you're welcome.
- Hey kiddo, finally
made it back.
- You won't believe how
much stuff they had there.
I could've stayed all night.
Let me guess, a flea market.
Mmmmm.
What else?
This is becoming a compulsion.
You can't get anything
else into your room
and now you're starting
to fill up the attic
and the garage.
Oh lay off, will you?
You gotta have your hobbies.
God knows we don't
have any boyfriends.
I do,
sort of.
- Well, at least
you got your music.
Me, I like to cook.
We know.
- I don't see why
Marci shouldn't feel
free to collect her...
Antiques.
Yeah.
Hey, look, all I'm saying is
I don't want to piss
off the other girls.
We barely made it
into this sorority
and I don't wanna
get kicked out.
Oh don't worry.
Wanna see what I got?
Sure.
Melody?
Okay-
Look at this?
Isn't this darling?
I can't wait 'til the weather
gets warm so I can wear it.
- Boy it goes great with
her eyes, doesn't it?
I couldn't resist these.
What are they?
- Matching salt
and pepper shakers.
Oh great.
We could use them the
next time we entertain.
- Yeah, especially if Mr.
Green jeans comes over.
Aaughs)
Hey I didn't know
you wore these.
I don't.
I bought them for you.
Oh thanks!
Break it up, you guys-
What else did you get?
- A hand-carved coconut
monkey head!
My dad bought me one like
this exactly in Florida
when I was six years old
and then my baby brother
smashed it with a hammer.
I cried for weeks.
I'll bet.
I never see these anymore.
I can't imagine why.
It would look great
on top of the piano.
- Oh no, no, you
bought it for yourself
and I think it would really
look good in your room.
Don't you agree, Mickey?
Oh yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
You're sure.
Oh yeah, trust me.
Wow, hey, is this for real?
Yeah, it's a real crystal.
Feel how heavy it is.
Wow.
Is it magical?
The guy who sold it to me
said it once
belonged to a medium.
A medium what?
A spiritualist.
Fortune teller.
Oh.
Why did he get rid of it?
Did he change careers?
No, I think he died.
- Do you mean I'm holding
a dead medium's ball?
- Come on, Mickey, it's
just a piece of glass.
- I don't know, this
stuff scares me.
I saw this movie once
where these guys broke
into this Egyptian tomb
and they stole these artifacts,
and this vampire lady,
she put a curse on him.
What's so funny?
You are.
You're not supposed to
take that stuff seriously.
It'll rot your brain.
I don't even like those films.
One stupid zombie picture
was enough for me.
- I don't know, you
start messing around
and your head
starts to do a 360,
don't say I didn't warn you.
- Hey, it's pretty
quiet around here.
Where is everybody?
Didn't you know?
Everybody is gone
for the weekend.
Everyone?
Everyone except us.
- Carol and Dawn went camping
with their boyfriends.
Joy, Nancy, and Megan
are down in Palm Springs.
Missy went to the
Bahamas with her folks.
What about Cindy?
- Oh, she eloped
with Bob Margola!
No!
Really?
- They're probably
in Vegas by now.
- That leaves the three of us
alone for the whole weekend.
- Guys, we've never had
the place all to ourselves.
Seems like we ought to
do something special.
Like what?
Hey I know.
Let's have a party.
And invite who?
Everybody's gone.
I don't mean the girls.
Let's get some guys over here.
- Melody, I don't mean
to be a wet blanket,
but we don't know any guys.
What about Kevin?
- The one you went
out with last month?
Yeah.
Wasn't he that physics
major, real shy?
Yeah.
I had to take his hand
and put it down my blouse.
Oh you never told us that!
You hose monster!
What happened?
Nothing.
He got his class
ring caught in my bra
and it took 10 minutes
to get it loose.
He ran all the way
back to the dorm.
- He never called
you after that.
You came on too strong.
No!
I think he was just embarrassed.
- Yeah, but even if you
do get him to come over,
what about us?
- I'll tell him to bring two
of his fraternity brothers.
- Hold it, this is starting
to sound like a blind date.
Hey, so what if it is?
It beats sitting around on a
Saturday night by ourselves.
What have we got to lose?
Yeah.
Hello?
Hello, Kevin.
This is Melody.
Melody, what a surprise.
- I was wondering why
you haven't called me.
- I've been really
busy studying for a big exam.
For a whole month?
- Actually, I was afraid
that you were mad at me.
Why?
- For trying to take
advantage of you.
- Kevin, I
practically raped you.
What's that?
Nothing, it was just the TV.
Gosh, Melody.
Does that mean that you,
you really do?
What?
Like me?
Of course I like you.
Woo!
- Kevin,
are you still there?
Yes, Melody, I'm here.
- Good, because
there was something else
I wanted to ask you.
Yeah, what is it?
- Me and a couple
friends from Tri Eta Pi
are having a party
and would like you
to come tonight.
- Gee
Melody, I don't know,
I have a big trigonometry
test on Monday.
Kevin!
All right.
All right, I'll be there.
Oh good.
If you could bring along
a couple of other guys
for Mickey and Marci.
Yeah, a couple of hunks!
What?
- You don't wanna be the
only boy here, do you?
Two guys, huh?
I might be able
to find somebody.
Who are the girls?
Do I know them?
- Yeah, I'm sure
you remember Mickey.
She made President of the home
economics class last fall.
- Yeah, she's the one
with the great big smile.
What about the other one?
Marci.
Oh she's a history major.
- I don't know any
history majors.
You will after tonight.
See you at 7:00, bye.
Well?
He's coming!
And he's bringing
a couple of guys!
What are their names?
Who cares?
They're guys!
Yeah.
Okay, here's the plan.
Mickey, you take
care of the food,
and Marci and I will
fix up the place.
Sure thing!
Before we get started,
could you help me finish
unloading the car?
You mean there's more?
- Sure, there's lots of
goodies still out there.
I never knew they made
a six-foot lava lamp.
- You guys are not
gonna believe this.
What's up?
Is it time for class?
- You keep reading
that stuff, dude,
you're gonna go blind.
Screw you, Freddy.
What's going on?
- I just got a call
from Melody Hoffmyer.
- The chick you struck
out with last month?
Maybe I didn't strike out.
Like I said, she called me.
So big deal?
What's that got to do with us?
- She just invited the
three of us to a party
at the Tri Eta Pi house.
When?
Tonight at 7:00.
Oh dudes!
The Eta Pis are foxes!
- They're not all
gonna be there,
just Melody and
two of her sisters.
- That's okay, a piece
of Pi apiece.
- Wait a second,
which two sisters?
- One of them's the girl
who won that home ec award
last semester?
Thunder Thighs Johnson?
No way,
she's all yours, pal.
- Oh sure, stick me
with the wide ride.
Who's my date?
The elephant man?
She's a history major.
Her name's Marci.
Not Marci Feinberg.
You know her?
She's in my biology class.
The glasses she wears make
up half her body weight.
- In case you haven't
looked in the mirror lately,
you're not exactly James Bond.
- James Bond isn't
James Bond anymore.
- Look you guys, none of us
are exactly the GQ types,
so why don't you just go
and make the best of it?
- Sure, that's easy
for you to say.
You get Melody.
I get Moby Dick.
She's not so hot.
I saw her once.
You could
open a beer bottle
with those buckteeth of hers.
- You take that back,
you little squid!
I should've known better
than doing you a favor!
What kind of favor
is fixing us up with
the Gorgon sisters?
Hey look dude,
if you really don't like this
Marci chick, I'll take her.
- And leave me with
Mickey the Monster?
Forget it.
- Maybe the two of you could
have an eating contest.
You and Marci
deserve one another!
You two can run off
and join a sideshow
as world's ugliest couple.
- Who are you
calling ugly, sperm breath?
- You look up ugly
in the dictionary
and find a picture of you!
- Oh god, that was
older than your underwear.
You keep out of it!
- Not after what
you said about Melody!
- Well,
what have we here?
- Looks like a
bunch of fags to me.
- Yeah, you guys queering
off down there or what?
- Hey guys, it's
not what you think?
Really?
Looks pretty fishy to
me, doesn't it, guys?
See, me and the boys
were just having a
friendly little argument.
- Looks a little
too friendly, homo.
Back off, man.
- I'd say you boys have
committed a serious infraction
against frat rules.
Let's say I consult the manual.
Good idea, Phil.
- Any brother or brothers
caught participating
in any kind of
homosexual activity
shall have all
privileges suspended
pending a review and
public humiliation
by his or their elder brothers.
- Seems like there's a
new rule in that thing
every time you open it.
What, you don't believe it?
It's in there right next to
the rule against bestiality.
- Bud, I think we took that
rule out because of the time we
Oh yeah, I forgot.
- Look, you guys,
this is ridiculous.
For your information, we
just got invited to a party
at the Tri Eta Pi house.
- Oh yeah, so how come
we didn't hear about it?
- Small party, three
gals and three guys.
- Yeah, you have to
find your own women.
Come on, they're lying.
Look, if you don't believe us,
why don't you call the
Eta Pis and ask them.
This alters everything.
I had no idea you
were so friendly
with our sorority sisters.
We'd never think to question
the masculinity of any guy
invited to party
with the Eta Pis.
However, we do have certain
rules regarding such matters.
It is strictly forbidden
for any uninitiated pledge
to fraternize with any
member of a sister sorority.
The penalty for infringement
is mandatory expulsion.
Gosh fellows, I'm sorry, but
I'm afraid we're gonna have to
ground you for the weekend,
just to make sure you
wouldn't do anything
that would get you kicked
out of this fraternity.
- Yeah, we'd hate
for that to happen.
You can't do this.
You can't run our lives for us.
Yes we can.
That's the entire point
of being in a fraternity.
If you don't like it,
you can pack up your
shit and clear out.
Have a nice evening.
- Those bastards, they
can't get away with this.
Oh yes they can.
- As long as we're here,
we gotta play it their way.
Either that or we
wind up in the street.
- Yeah, and the main reason
we joined is the free housing.
- What are you gonna
do, just sit there
and let them ruin
our love lives?
What love lives?
- A minute ago, you were
against the whole evening.
Yeah, well that was then.
I feel like we shouldn't let
those assholes push us around.
It's the principle of the thing.
Yeah!
- Okay, maybe we can sneak
out without them noticing.
It's not like they're
gonna be guarding our door.
Oh, and by the way,
just in case you guys were
thinking of doing anything
to jeopardize your
fraternal careers,
we're gonna be standing
guard outside the door here
all night long.
Let's find the green ones.
What time is it now?
- It's two minutes later
than the last time you asked.
8:35.
That jerk!
- Maybe they're being
fashionably late.
Or fashionably not coming.
- Or maybe they got
run over by a bus.
Let's face the facts,
some girls are popular
and some aren't.
I just thought this once.
It's them!
They're here!
Telegram.
Dear girls, stop.
Came down with the flu, stop.
Will stop by sometime, stop.
When we stop vomiting, stop.
The guys.
PS, surprise.
What the heck!
Sorry we're late.
It took us a while to
get out of the dorm.
- Yeah, we had to
climb out a window.
Huh?
I'll explain later.
Melody, this is
Freddy, this is Duane.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, I'm Mickey.
I'm Marci.
Hi.
Hi.
- So, this is the
Tri Eta Pi house.
Yeah, this is it.
It's nice, isn't it?
Real nice.
Thank you.
Well is anybody hungry?
- I am!
- Yeah!
Come on in.
# Row row row your boat
gently down the stream
# Merrily merrily merrily
# Life is but a dream
- That one right there was my
family and I at Marineland.
You see that hat
that my brother's
wearing in that picture,
now notice he's not
wearing it in this one.
It's because it fell
off the side of the tank
when he was leaning over
and a killer whale ate it.
This one, I got
water on the lens,
but this here is the
dancing dolphins,
or is it porpoises?
It always confuses me.
Yeah me too.
- Oh and this, here's
Mt. St. Helens,
but it was before it exploded.
We didn't stick around for that.
- My old man thought to
send me to military school
because he thought I was
retarded or something,
not retarded, but I could
only make Ds in school,
so Kevin helped me study
so I passed my test,
and so my old man wouldn't
send me to military school,
because I don't
like the haircuts.
Then I passed the test.
Igota B.
You know what happened?
No, what?
My old man died.
Oh my god.
I'm sorry.
- It's okay, he
wasn't my real dad.
He's my step-dad, and
besides, he drank a lot.
It just goes to show you,
you can't get
appreciation from anybody.
Anybody for Twister?
Sure, okay.
Yeah!
- Hang on, girls, I'll
be right with you.
Hey Duane!
Huh?
I told you I've never
been to Marineland.
No, dude, Twister.
Huh?
- Close bodily contact with
members of the opposite sex.
- Oh great, if she
doesn't bore me to death,
she'll impale me
with her glasses.
Back here, you guys!
Left hand red.
Left hand green.
Left hand red.
Come on, you guys!
- I've always heard about
this but I've never actually
seen it done.
Oh it works like a charm.
His hand goes in, five
minutes later, Niagara Falls.
What the fuck?
Those sons of bitches!
Listen to this.
- How the hell did
they get past us?
- They must've gone
out the window.
From three floors up?
- They must've been pretty
determined to go to that party.
They'll pay for this one.
What are you gonna do?
I haven't quite decided.
It's got to be
something suitable.
- You gonna kick them out
of the frat like you said?
Eventually, but not before
inflicting some cruel
and unusual punishment,
something so emotionally and
psychologically damaging,
it will scar them for
the rest of their lives.
Sounds great.
- Let's go visit
the Tri Eta Pis.
That was fun!
- More fun than a barrel
full of shaved apes.
What do you wanna do now?
I don't know,
maybe we could get back
to the dorm pretty soon.
- Oh come on, dude,
don't be a party pooper.
- Yeah, it's early,
it's only 11:30.
- All right, just a
little bit longer.
Anybody got any cards?
I've got a better idea.
Why don't we have a seance?
- Marci, what'd I tell you
about that weird stuff?
Come on, it'll be fun.
It'll give me a chance
to use my crystal ball.
Crystal ball?
- She bought it
at a flea market.
Count me out.
I want no part of it.
- It's okay, Mickey,
there's no harm in it.
- What's it supposed
to do anyway?
- See into another world,
communicate with the dead.
- Thought that's what
I've been doing all night.
- Hey, Kevin, come on,
help me clear the table.
Yeah!
- Hey Mickey, what are
you so worried about?
- I just don't like
it, that's all.
It's tampering with things
that man is not meant to know.
Hey, I saw that movie too.
You did?
- First I have to sit through
Marci's life story in pictures
while you two sing 15 choruses
of Row Row Row Your Boat,
and then I'm nearly crushed
to death by Mickey the Monster
while playing Twister,
and now I have to put
up with some spook show!
Stop your whining.
It beats the hell out of
sitting around the dorm room
being mentally abused
by Phil and his Nazis.
Besides, I think
Marci likes you.
Oh, great.
- You know what they say
about girls who wear glasses?
What?
What do they say?
How does this work?
Don't ask me.
Marci's the expert.
Well?
I've never done it before.
I've only read
about it in a book.
What book?
The Complete Witch.
- Oh that's it, I'm not
sitting still for this.
- Oh come on, Mickey,
don't be a spoilsport!
- Mickey, it's okay, we're all
here, nothing's gonna happen.
Okay-
Okay, how do we start?
- First we must draw a
hexagram, a six-pointed star,
on the table.
Oh no, the girls would freak
if we mark up their dining set!
Can't we get by without it?
- I guess so, but we have
to make the room darker.
Two candles flanking the globe.
Sounds romantic.
Two candles coming up!
- I don't think we
should be doing this.
It makes me feel
like I should sleep
with a clove of garlic
under my pillow.
- Like they used
to ward off vampires.
- I'm surprised
she doesn't sleep
with a whole pizza
under her pillow.
Now what?
- I must incant
six names of power.
Okay-
I have to look them up.
- Where the hell
did that come from?
- Okay, let's see, crystals,
crystal gazing, see scrying.
Here we go.
Scrying.
Incantations, six
names of power.
- What is that, the Yellow
Pages to the Twilight Zone?
Quiet.
Elo Heem, Ado Nai, Zeboa,
Elion, Saday, Catchogramiton!
Flhundeflng)
Uh oh.
Everyone hold hands.
Whatever happens, do
not break the circle.
What's going to happen?
- Now we must decide who
and what to try to contact
so we can send a spirit
guide to search for them.
I had a dog I loved once.
What do you want it to do?
Bark at you from
beyond the grave?
Hey, how about my step-dad?
I could find out
if he still wants me to
go to military school.
All right.
Spirits hear me!
Send forth one among you
who can travel across
your world of darkness,
someone to guide us
through the black abyss.
- Don't forget to
bring a flashlight.
~ Shh!
Hey, that's not my step-dad.
Who are you?
- I am Omar, Guardian of
the Crystal, boogie boogie.
I too in life sought to
commune with the spirit world,
but now I am a part of it.
What happened to you?
- There are many very strange
weird and powerful forces
in this world.
Some are much too
terrible to learn.
I tampered with things that
man was not meant to know.
I told you!
- Even now the females among
you are in very great danger.
They have but one chance left
to save their immortal souls.
Guys, I'm getting scared.
- Why are only the
girls in danger?
- Because they are
much more sensitive.
They are attuned to
the psychic vibrations.
- What can we do to
protect ourselves?
- I must pass on to
you three the secret
that I learned too late.
Had I known it, I would
still be alive today.
Come on, what is it?
- The secret is not meant
for the ears of brothers.
It is to be held
by you three alone.
You must make contact
with the crystal.
- Wait, what about not
breaking the circle?
Do not question!
If you do not do
exactly what I say,
then I cannot be held
responsible for the evil
that may befall you!
- Kevin, we have
to do what he says.
- How do you know
you can trust him?
Who would ever believe
a talking head?
You better believe me, buster.
It's almost too late!
Reach out!
Touch the crystal!
That's it.
Touch the crystal.
That's it.
Careful now.
Did you really think
that I would do you harm?
Shit, you guys!
What's happened to them?
Melody, are you all right?
Mmmmm.
What happened to you?
Why, nothing.
I don't remember a thing.
You gotta be kidding.
Those lights, those voices.
What the hell did happen?
I don't know, it's all a blur.
- Don't worry, Duane, there's
nothing wrong with us.
- Mickey, are you
sure you're okay?
Course I am, silly.
It's so nice of you
to be concerned.
I'll bet I know what
you'd like about now.
What?
- Something good
and sweet to eat.
How about it, guys?
- That sounds like
a marvelous idea.
- Something to
satisfy our appetites.
- Come to think of
it, I could do with a bite.
Then come with me.
I've got just the
thing in the kitchen.
What's the matter, Kevin?
Aren't you hungry?
- How about some
homemade peach pie?
Mm, it looks delicious.
- Kevin, do you
wanna do the honors?
Sure, I guess so.
- Careful, it's
very, very sharp.
~ Oh!
Mm.
Who wants the first piece?
I do.
Mm!
It's all moist and sticky.
That's just how I like it.
Have some.
Sure.
Goddamn!
Oh man!
Goddamn!
- I never thought
they had it in them!
Who are those girls anyway?
I've never seen them before.
Me neither.
- Oh I'm sorry, I dropped
some on your shirt.
Oh that's okay, no harm done.
Let me clean it off for you.
No, really, I can manage.
Let's share.
Goddamn!
Will you shut up!
I know every sorority
girl on campus!
They've gotta be new around
here, that's all there is to it!
Those dudes are just lucky.
- I don't know, but
look at it this way.
They're new around here,
we don't know them,
so obviously they don't know us.
They don't realize what
they're missing out on.
Good point!
Now all we've gotta do
is find a way to
introduce ourselves!
This pie is fabulous.
Yeah, so is this mess.
We'll worry about that later.
It's time to get
ourselves cleaned up.
Yeah.
I could do for a
nice hot bubble bath.
Do you boys want to join us?
- Wouldn't it be
a little crowded?
- Don't be silly, we can
always squeeze you in.
- Yeah, you could
soap our backsides.
- Oh no, we wouldn't dream
of intruding on your privacy.
We wouldn't?
- But you guys go
ahead, tidy up,
we'll wait for you down here.
We will?
But, but...
Well, suit yourselves.
- You boys will wait
for us, won't you?
Yes.
Oh yeah.
Don't run off.
Don't worry, we won't.
Good.
We'll be back in three shakes.
Bubble bath?
Bubble bath!
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- What the hell
was that all about, dude?
Why did you turn them down?
- Why did we
let you turn them down?
Are we stupid or something?
- Haven't you guys
noticed something different
about those girls?
- Yeah, they
actually like us.
- No, since first
got here, they've changed.
- I thought
it was my imagination.
- Maybe we're
just getting used to them.
- No, it's
more than that.
Their personalities
have changed.
And those bodies.
Yeah, god.
- Whatever it was
happened during that seance,
so maybe they got
possessed by something.
Get serious.
- How else
would you explain it?
I don't wanna explain it.
I just wanna enjoy it.
Yeah, me too.
# Oh boy I've been
sleeping with aba
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- What makes you think there's
something wrong with them?
- For one thing, the
way they're acting,
and another, that guy
in the crystal ball,
he was for real, unless you
think we're all hallucinating.
- Okay, suppose
something has happened.
Suppose something from
hell has gotten into them.
What do you expect us to
do, call Ghostbusters?
I don't know.
This is not something
advanced trigonometry
has prepared me for.
- Well if they do have
a bad case of demons,
shouldn't we best clear out?
That's not very heroic.
No, but it is smart.
Let me think.
The best thing we should
do is hang around,
at least 'til we figure
out what we're up against.
Keep an eye on them.
Yeah.
- Too bad those nerdy
boys aren't here.
- I think we're doing
fine without them.
Wash up, dirty girl.
Delicious pie.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
It's so sticky all over me.
I'm so sticky too.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- Well, so much for not
intruding on their privacy.
- Guys, this is
for their own good.
We owe it to them to make
sure they're all right.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
Well are they all right?
All right!
All right!
Let me see!
# Yumpin yiminy
suck on my chimney
Holy shit!
This is great!
Give me a turn, dude!
Wait a second!
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
Oh wow!
Look at all those bubbles!
You've had long enough!
- No way, dude, find
your own keyhole!
I was here first!
- Knock it off, you
guys, they'll hear us.
So what?
I don't think they're
very shy to me.
That's my point.
Do you still think those
are the same three girls
who invited us
over here tonight?
- I don't know, but I'm
starting not to care.
You better care.
Something is very wrong here.
Who knows what
they're capable of?
I'd love to find out.
- That's the last
thing we should do.
Under no circumstances should
any of us let them touch us.
We have got to stay cool.
# In Sweden we have no AIDS
- All right, guys, we
gotta work out a plan.
- Did you see the
hooters on these babes?
- I know, I know, but
first things first,
we gotta get those
turds out of there!
Oh yeah, I forgot.
- Why don't we just kick the
door out and drag them out?
- No, and risk spoiling
the girls' mood.
No, this calls for
some covert activity.
Huh?
Sneaky stuff.
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
# Yumpin' yiminy
suck on my chimney
- I don't know how you
expect me to handle it
if Marci starts coming on to me!
Try not to think about sex.
That's easy for you to say!
Think about something else.
Think about baseball.
Baseball, yeah!
Getting to first
base, second base,
slamming it home,
going all the way!
- On second thought,
forget baseball.
- Freddy, will you come help
me with something in my room?
Oh please?
What do I do?
- Go with her, but
remember what I said.
Keep cool and hands off.
Right.
- Do you think he
can handle it alone?
I hope so.
We can't let them get
us all hot and bothered.
Speaking of hot and bothered,
I'm gonna go get
a drink of water.
You want anything?
No, I'm fine.
Do you want to play with me?
My mommy and daddy are
gone and we're all alone.
Let's play doctor.
Come on, we can do
it in the backyard.
Someone's coming.
What the hell?
When this is all over,
we're gonna have to have a
long talk with those guys.
Hey Mickey, where'd you go?
Here!
You Tarzan.
Me Jane.
Let's get primitive.
- Now it's my turn
to examine you.
- Look, why don't we
play a different game?
How about hide and seek?
Do I get to be it?
Sure.
You count to 10
and I'll go hide.
One two three four five six-
Hold on, give me a chance.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight nine 10.
Ready or not, here I come.
Let me go!
Let me go!
Good.
Now let's go get the other two.
- You son of a bitch,
Get me out of here!
Are you still hungry?
Not really.
Good.
- I think I hear
a cheetah calling!
It's a white rhino!
Where?
Duane, come on out.
I don't wanna play this anymore.
Duane, where are you?
Come on out this instant!
- Okay,
I'm gonna kill him.
I'm gonna kill him as
soon as I get out of here!
Two down, one to go.
Where's M'?
He must've started without us.
Looks like I'll have to give
him a good tongue lashing.
You taste so good.
Nothing but USDA prime baby.
I want more.
Help yourself.
Oh shit!
Hi.
Melody, are you all right?
Mmmmm.
Would you like to
hear some music?
Sure, I guess so.
Hit it!
# You left me for another guy
# Cuter than I
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard Boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard Boy
IActing much more than poised
# When he flexes his muscles
it makes you wanna hah
# When he wiggles his
hips it's got you in a fix
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
his boys at the store
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# I always knew you were strange
# The way your hair's arranged
# The way your shorts are tight
# The way you have
a red cherry hide
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
IActing much more than poised
# You never know
what you'll find
# On the corner
of Aspen and Vine
# You never know what you'll do
# When you're guy likes
boys instead of you
# He's a Santa
Monica Boulevard boy
# Hanging out with
the boys at the store
# Santa Monica Boulevard boy
# He's acting much
more than poised
# Santa Monica boy
# I want you
# Santa Monica boy
# Please come back
# Santa Monica boy
# Come on
# Boulevard boy
Hi.
Why hello.
Where did you come from?
Oh me, I'm a plumber.
Somebody called
about a leaky faucet.
You don't say.
- Yeah, normally I'd
ask them to bring it in,
but since I was in
the neighborhood...
- You thought you'd
make a house call?
Yeah, something like that.
- Did you remember
to bring your snake?
- I never go anywhere
without my snake.
Oh good,
because while you're here,
I'd like for you to
check out my pipes.
I'd love to.
Surprise surprise,
if it isn't the president
of the Hitler youth.
This time you've gone too far.
- That's where
you're wrong, friend.
It's you three who
have gone too far.
Disobeying a direct order from
a senior fraternity brother,
what would the manual
say about this?
- You know where you can
stick that manual, dude.
Where's the rest
of the goon squad?
- Oh I imagine they're
making the acquaintance
of the Tri Eta Pis
even ask we speak.
The girls?
You son of a bitch!
- Don't worry, we'll
make your apologies
for having to leave early.
- Listen, Phil, I know
we've broke the rules,
we deserve what's coming to us,
but I have gotta warn
you about those girls.
What's the matter with them?
They got a disease?
Worse than that, dickhead!
They're possessed!
Yeah, right.
We're serious.
There was a seance
with this crystal ball
and they started acting strange.
- The only thing strange
is why three gorgeous dolls
would waste their time
on losers like you.
But never fear, we'll
take care of that.
Stay away from them.
They are evil.
You're so big and strong.
Have you ever done any acting?
Me?
No, what do you mean?
- 'Cause I wanna
give you a bit part.
That sounds great.
A bit What?
Holy shit, not that!
- I don't care whether
you believe us or not.
I'm just telling you to
stay away from those girls.
- You're not in a position
to tell me anything.
It's your ass, dude.
- Yeah, well as much as
I'd love to stand around
and listen to ghost
stories all night,
I'm afraid I must
leave you gentlemen.
You see, I'm not too
keen on sloppy seconds.
Why you, I ought to!
- I'll be back to settle
it with you later!
Goon head!
Booger head!
Mine got away.
Mine didn't.
- Don't tell
me you're the maid.
- Don't tell me
you're another plumber.
He's cute.
- If I knew the Eta
Pis were this friendly,
I'd have stopped by sooner.
Well save some for Marci.
Who's Marci?
I am.
My goodness.
Don't you look
young and innocent?
Oh my-
Quit it!
Maybe next time you can
knock really something heavy
onto my head!
Quit complaining.
I'm trying to help us out here.
- Yeah, we're all
in this together.
Don't remind me.
Try and shift around behind me
and undo these ropes.
- If Houdini here would
get his foot out of my ass,
maybe I could!
- Hey, watch what
you're grabbing!
How can I?
I think I've got it!
I don't think you've got it.
This is my room.
Who's your decorator?
Marci did it all by herself.
She likes to collect things.
Sounds like fun.
Have a seat.
I'm gonna slip into
something comfortable.
- You girls like to
play with things too?
Yeah.
- What have you got
for us to play with?
- Something
firm, hard, throbbing?
- I think I can manage
something like that.
It's party time.
Hey, what's going on?
- Well, you asked us if we
liked to play with things.
- Yeah, but those are
some serious looking toys.
You're not planning any
rough stuff, are you?
What's the matter, big boy?
Can't you take it?
Hey, I can take anything.
Long as it doesn't
hurt too much.
- Baby, you always
hurt the ones you love.
- Now hold on girls,
can't we talk this over?
Ow!
Sounds fun, but ah!
Ah, cut it out!
Ah!
Whoa whoa!
Ah!
Whoa no, man!
Hey, ah!
No no no, not in the face!
- Why didn't you tell us
you had a Swiss army knife
in your jockey shorts?
Sorry, dude, I forgot.
Forget about it, let's go.
- Hey that sounds
like Phil's voice.
- Sounds like it's coming
from down there, come on.
Ladies, cut it out!
Aren't you getting
tired of this?
Not me!
I could go on all night!
Please stop!
I'll do anything you want!
Anything?
Yes, just untie me!
I can't do that.
You can't?
- No, you might try to run
away and spoil our fun.
Fun?
You call this fun?
What kind of girls
are you, anyway?
- Why, what kind of girls
do you think we are?
That's more like it.
What have we got in here?
- Something I know
you'll all enjoy.
I'll bet.
Don't fight over it.
There's plenty to go around.
- We were
hoping you'd say that.
- Oh Jesus, what
have you got in mind?
No please, don't!
Shit!
Holy cow!
Did you see what happened?
- Yeah, she bit
him in the cahones
and that was the end of him.
He just disintegrated.
He should've listened to us.
- They sure made
an ash out of him.
- We have got to do
something about this.
Yeah but what?
Can you imagine telling
this to the cops'?
I know.
We can't do anything to
hurt the girls either.
Remember, it's not their fault.
It's whatever's inside them.
- Maybe we should get
their stomachs pumped.
That won't work.
We need an exorcist
or something.
- That's it, that's
what'll do it.
- Just where are
we gonna find one?
In the Yellow Pages?
Don't be a moron.
I think what we need to do is
contact a church or a
synagogue, something like that.
- Don't you think it's
late to be going around
waking up priests?
- This is an
emergency, isn't it?
Here it is, exorcist.
What?
Let me see.
Lanchester Perin, exorcist,
specializing in demons,
hobgoblins, and poltergeist.
Satisfaction guaranteed,
all major credit cards accepted.
Only in California.
Someone's coming!
Grab the phone!
Jesus that was close!
- Quick, dial the phone,
before someone else comes!
Good, it's ringing.
Hello?
Yes, I'm in need of an exorcism.
No no, not me personally.
Demon possession I think.
Urgent?
Yeah, I'd say it was urgent.
No, tomorrow
afternoon is too late.
Can't you come tonight?
Time and a half after midnight?
All right, look,
never mind the cost.
Just get over to
and meet us in the garage, okay?
Thanks.
He's on his way.
Great.
Let's get out of here!
~ Yes?
You called for an exorcist?
Yeah.
Lancester Perin.
Thank goodness you're here.
My name's Kevin, this is
Freddy, and this is Duane.
Nice to meet you.
Where's the spook?
In the house.
There are three of them.
- No one told me
anything about three.
That's going to cost extra.
Okay, fine.
- Wait a minute, how do we
know this guy's for real?
You doubt my credibility?
I'll have you know I'm
a leading authority
of the supernatural
in North American,
second only to Van Helsing
in the entire world.
Calm down, dude.
Don't piss this guy off.
He's our only hope.
- He looks
like a wacko to me.
What do you expect
from an exorcist who
takes American Express?
Besides, what
choice have we got?
Heart pills?
Breath mints.
I had shawarma for dinner.
Let's get started.
Look, now before we begin,
I must know some of the details,
the age and sex
of the possessed.
About 19 or 20, all females.
- When was it that
they displayed
the first signs of abnormality?
- Earlier this evening
we were playing a game
using a crystal ball.
- That's nothing
to be playing with.
I remember a
12-year-old back East,
couldn't keep her hands
off the Ouija board.
The next thing you know, she
was talking like a sailor,
spitting up pea soup,
and jacking off with
religious artifacts.
That sounds familiar.
Were you involved with that?
Was I involved?
I performed the exorcism myself.
But did I get any credit for it?
Did I get any royalties?
No.
I didn't even get
invited to the preview,
ungrateful bastards.
- Father, let's get
back to business.
- I'm not your father,
you little shit.
I'm not even a priest!
Calm down, take it easy, dude.
Now, where were we?
Oh yes, and in what
ways have these spirits
manifested themselves?
They seem to be pretty horny.
- Hmm, increased
sexual appetite.
I'll say.
They're like animals.
- That may be a
number of things.
What else have they done?
They disintegrated our friend.
Actually that's not true.
They didn't disintegrate him?
No, he wasn't our friend.
In fact, he was an asshole.
He sure was.
How did this happen?
They bit him.
- They bit his dork and
he crumbled to dust.
Oh my god.
- I know, it's
pretty disgusting.
That's not what I mean.
This is no ordinary
demon you have here.
This is a succubus.
A succu what?
A succubus.
It is an evil spirit
who seeks to satisfy its
incredible lust with mortal men,
destroying them in the process.
- That sounds like
it, all right.
You mean there
are three of them?
There's probably only one,
but it can possess a body
of many at the same time.
How do we get rid of it?
- First I must exorcise
it from the girls' bodies.
Otherwise, if any harm
comes to the succubus,
it would affect them as well.
And once it's out of them?
- Then we must fight
it in its true form.
That's easier said than done.
Now the succubus, like its
male counterpart, the incubus,
is of the lowest
order of demons.
It's thick-skinned and stupid,
but they've been known
to put up quite a battle.
What should we do?
- I will need all of you
on hand to assist me.
I'm not going into this alone.
This is an ornery mother.
I will need a variety of herbs.
- Mickey's got a spice
rack in the kitchen.
I'll go get it.
- We should also have something
to confine the spirits with.
They won't sit still
for an exorcism.
- I think I saw
some rope back here.
What do you want me to do?
- You may have the most
important job of all.
Someone has to distract the
demon while we secure it.
You mean be a decoy?
No way, not me.
You get yourself another boy.
Good, no one home.
Gonna get out of this alive.
Yoohoo, anyone home?
Come out come out
wherever you are.
Where are you, my
little succubuses?
Is it succubi?
Step into my parlor, said
the spider to the fly.
- Looks like the
prodigal pledge has returned.
- And just
in time for dessert.
- Look girls, can
we talk this over?
Gotta run!
Here they come!
Now!
You want a date, sailor?
How long is your girdle?
Maybe we can play Dr. Vanishing.
Come on, handsome.
How can you stand it?
Stand what?
- Untie us, we'll
take you all on.
We'll make you
feel like real men!
- That, how can
you listen to it?
The first rule of exorcism
is never fraternize with demons.
No matter what they
say, always ignore them.
Give it to me.
Give me your throbbing
python of love.
Yes baby, let me do a
valor on your wing wang.
Isn't it hard?
Isn't it hard to ignore them?
It takes years of practice
and almost superhuman discipline
to resist their wiles.
Of course if you have an
old war wound like mine,
it can be pretty easy.
Be gone, hear me,
demon from Hell!
I exorcise you from the
bodies of these innocent ones.
Blow it out your ass!
- Linger no longer in
these mortal shells!
I cast you out.
Your mother wears army boots.
- I don't think they're taking
this in the proper spirits.
I wonder if it's gonna work!
Get out of here, you old bat!
It's the first of the month
and I'm kicking you out!
Hit the bricks!
Be gone!
Never dock your towels again.
- Why don't you
sit on that thing?
Scram!
Or are you too ashamed
to show your ugly face?
You did it!
- That wasn't as
hard as I thought.
Dudes, what's happening?
It's not over yet.
I thought you destroyed it!
- I told you, getting rid of
a succubus isn't that easy!
Now that it doesn't inhabit
a human host anymore,
it's going to try to destroy
every soul it comes in
contact with before moving on.
- Whose souls are
you talking about?
Ours.
You never mentioned that part.
It's too late now.
Look!
Who dares to challenge me?
I dare to challenge you!
I and all the forces of good.
- Well, so much for
the forces of good.
Let's get out of here!
Oh Christ, it's locked.
No one will leave here!
You will all die!
So long as I live and breathe,
you won't harm
another living soul,
hideous hag from Hell!
- Sticks and stones
may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
- Well, this ought to
hurt you, douchebag.
Give me the herbs.
It didn't work.
The potion didn't work!
- You think that your backyard
hulu is any match for me?
Get in line, boys,
you're going on a one-way
trip to Lucifer land!
Kevin.
The crystal is the
source of her power.
Destroy it and she'll be
trapped forever in limbo.
Who asked you, sister?
Didn't your mommy ever teach
you not to be a tattletale?
That's it!
We've got to smash that crystal.
You and what army?
Just who do you think you're
screwing around with here?
I don't know who you are,
but you look like one
gnarly old bitch to me!
Kevin.
- You'll regret that
remark, short stuff.
Says you.
- Yeah, why don't you take
your face in for a retread.
- Now you're really
pissing me off!
I'll fry your
lungs with tempura!
Who's first!
- Kevin, remember the
winning homecoming play?
I sure do.
Hike hike!
' Way to 90, dude!
' My hero!
Do you feel any different?
No, not at all.
I just can't remember
anything that happened.
Me either.
I've got this funny
taste in my mouth.
Me too.
Don't worry about that.
It's all over now.
- And at least a couple of
good things came out of it.
Really, like what?
We'll tell you later.
Hey wait, don't go.
I have to.
I'll send you my bill.
Why don't you stick around?
- Yeah, there might
be some pie left.
I really have to go.
I have an appointment
at dawn tomorrow,
a vampire staking in the valley.
- You don't wanna
be late for that.
Or too early either.
Bye!
What do we do now?
- I don't know if I
mentioned it before,
but does anybody
like to play Twister!
Right foot green.
- You're
doing this on purpose.
The board's bad.
Okay, right foot red.
Wait, wait, wait.
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Born in the chaos
with science gone awry
# The gene's what lies
behind the microscopic eye
# With bloodstained hands the
surgeon's underneath the gun
# A stitch in time you'll die
# Two heads are best than none
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Incredible incredible
incredible incredible
# Incredible incredible
# Two-headed transplant
# Shamefully I called her
she said you kids into town
# She goes to see a friend
# And hears that
he's been drowned
# Fell asleep on the RTT and I
# Missed all my stops
# Woke up at a gypsy storefront
# Where the witches shop
# They had assorted
notions potions and lotions
# For when you love big six
# Pulled out my credit card
# Guess what I picked
# I got a brain in a jar
# Keep it under my bed
# I got a brain in a jar
# I have nicknamed him Fred
# He gets me lots of girls
# Who come to see
# My biological
# Curiosity
# Brain
# Jar
# Fred
# Brain jar Fred yeah