Nine Dog Christmas (2004) Movie Script

Now, here's a tale you haven 't heard.
A tale no one's ever heard till now.
It happened once upon a time,
not so long ago... a year when Christmas
went to the dogs.
Nine dogs, that is.
The Nine Dog Christmas.
We begin with two dogs...
... the all-time unluckiest,
most misfortunate street mutts ever.
But something was about
to change their world.
-Can you hurry it up, Tank?
-I can't hurry any faster, SnowpIow.
Lousy hoIidays.
Christmas turkeys, Christmas ham.
Nothing but work for me.
Thieves! VandaIs!
HeIp! PoIice!
You ganging up on me, huh?
A fine affair, you Iousy punks.
What? It's just a coupIe of mutts.
Think I run a Iousy canine caf here?
Wait for me, SnowpIow.
We gotta make tracks, paI.
The next time I see you
is gonna be Iast time. . .
. . .you Iousy, mangy--
And a merry Christmas to you too.
Now that was a cIose caII,
huh, SnowpIow?
Was there ever a scrape so tight
I couIdn't get us out?
Now, there's the Iife. . .
. . .huh, SnowpIow? Look.
Nice, warm pIace to caII home.
Two square meaIs a day. CooI.
CarefuI what you wish for, Tank.
You have humans to deaI with.
LittIe ones.
Kids, Tank.
Bunch of rug monkeys crawIing. . .
. . .aII over you
when you're trying to sIeep.
I've seen a swarm of them
cover a dog worse than fIeas.
You ought to be happy
with what you got.
I am gratefuI for what I got. I am.
You see, I'm not grumbIing.
It's just that. . .
. . .my stomach is.
Maybe we got no home,
but we got our freedom, paI.
There. That's it. That's when it changed.
And that is where our story truly begins.
Where are we, SnowpIow?
We're together, Tank. That's where.
Together's cooI,
but this pIace gives me the creeps.
Easy, paI.
-CaII me when it's over.
-AII right. . .
. . .come out and show yourseIves.
WeIcome to
Pierre La Rond's TraveIing Circus.
Me? I'm busting out of here now.
You can come if you want.
What, and give up show business?
It's not so bad when you're used to it.
We get two square meaIs a day.
-Least once a week.
-Yeah, feIIas, this is Iiving.
Okay, Frenchie,
Iet's get this show on the road.
And so the two dogs
had now become eight.
Mom, is it reaI?
No, dear. Now, come aIong.
I sure hope Santa brings me that.
Do you think he wiII? Can I ask him?
WeII I suppose so, dear.
After aII, it is Christmas.
Move it. Move it.
We've got Iess than 48 hours
to Ioad up that sIeigh.
Oh, I almost forgot.
There's another part to our story.
A quite important part.
And it begins here.
The man in red has a perfect
departure record. . .
. . .and as Iong as I'm in charge,
it's gonna stay that way. Understand?
Yes, sir, Mr. Buzz, sir.
Then Iet's move it. Move it.
We can do better than this, peopIe.
Get your backs into it.
We have to--
-Sounded expensive.
-Sounded Iike Agnes Anne.
What in the name of Kris KringIe
are you doing?
Trying to put batteries in, sir,
Mr. Buzz, sir.
-EIf poIicy number one?
-Batteries not incIuded, sir.
Remember that, Agnes Anne.
Spit and poIish.
Mr. Buzz has to see his seIf
in those hoofs.
Yes, sergeant.
Dasher, did we sIeep
with the window open again?
WouIdn't you? SmeIIs Iike a barn in here.
It is a barn.
Oh, you too, Cupid?
Wow, you don't Iook so good.
That red nose Iooks Iike
it's gonna burn out any second.
Oh, no.
Yes. Very good. ExceIIent.
Keep up the pace. ExceIIent.
I'II fix it, sir.
Mr. Buzz, sir.
Just put it in a box and stamp it
""some assembIy required. ""
That's why he gets the big bucks.
Mr. Buzz.
Watch it.
This better be good, Number Two.
Yes, sir. But it's-- It's not, sir.
-Not good. No, sir.
Sorry, sir. It's-- It's the reindeer.
You see, sir. . .
. . .they got the fIu.
Sir. Mr. Buzz, sir.
Don't teII me it's the North PoIe FIu.
Okay. It's not.
But it is.
Oh, no.
No, sir. Not gonna happen.
Not on my watch.
But-- But--
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Look at that nose. That's. . . .
That's troubIe. Wait a minute.
I've been through worse than this.
And how did I do it?
What did I have that nobody eIse had?
I had stick-to-it-iveness.
-What are we gonna do, sir?
-RepIacements, that's what.
These aren't the onIy
fIying reindeer in the worId.
But how? Where? When? There's no time.
I'II handIe it. You keep the toys moving.
I'II need assistants. A dozen. Maybe two.
Your best workers. Who can we spare?
We're running beyond capacity aIready.
AII departments are staffed
with emergency personneI.
We need everybody, sir.
WeII, everybody except her.
Agnes Anne, you're reassigned.
To what, sir?
Operation Reindeer Roundup.
FoIIow me.
Hey, SnowpIow, this crazy ride's
making me woozy.
-I don't feeI so good.
-Your boy's new to the road.
He'II get used to it when you're
at it as Iong as us.
-Name's McGregor.
-SnowpIow. That's Tank.
PIeasure to meet you.
This one's Cheech. Yonder is Q-T.
-The boxer's Chester. There's Fetch.
-Hey, McGregor. Hey.
-His name's No Name.
-Where we going now, McGregor?
McGregor, are we going home?
Are we, huh? Are we?
Aye, my friend. That we are. He Iikes
to think so, and we Iike to pIay aIong.
-Watch it, wiII you?
-He's fetching me face.
What's going on now?
Pierre's getting ready
for the big performance.
Tonight, he shows off the new act.
The FIaming Leap of Death.
Now, that sounds cooI.
Let's watch, okay, SnowpIow?
I wanna see the FIaming Leap of Death.
-You it, homey.
-No dog'II do it more than once.
AIways a new feIIa who makes
the FIaming Leap.
And that'd be. . . . Hey, you brothers.
We'II be out of this fIeabag business,
Frenchie. You'II see.
I'm gonna hit it big.
Dumb. . . .
I'II be pIaying Vegas, Iike the feIIas
with the tigers. You'II see.
Where is he? Let me at him.
I'II give him a Ieft upper Iower.
So where are we gonna find reindeer,
Mr. Buzz, sir?
Very simpIe, Agnes Anne. AII we do is. . . .
WeII, we simpIy. . . .
We can just-- WeII, we'II start right here.
HeIIo? Sir? I say, there.
Can't you see I'm on the. . .?
-Who's that? Who's there?
-I'm here.
What do you kids want?
Kids? Of aII the. . . .
My good man, I wonder if you'd teII me
where I might find some reindeer.
Try the North PoIe, kid.
They're aII sick.
You mean Santa's got
no reindeer this year?
-You're kidding me, junior.
I certainIy am not.
Then how's he gonna bring the toys?
He isn't. UnIess I find some reindeer.
Why don't you check the yeIIow pages.
Yes. Nine reindeer. You have them?
OnIy eight. I can Iive with eight.
Oh, and they can fIy, right?
How wiII we ever find anything
in a pIace as big as this?
How? I'II teII you.
You just gotta be stick-to-it-ive.
-What have we found so far?
-Let's see.
Seven fish, two pigs, a chicken
and a partridge in a pear tree. . .
. . .and roughIy zero reindeer.
I'm not Ietting the big guy down.
I know what they say behind my back.
They say oId Buzz is past his prime.
They say it's time to hang up
the eIf hat and quit.
But I'II show them. I stiII got fight in me.
I'II make them see.
My-- My gIasses. I can't-- I can't see.
I'II get them.
What was that?
TeII me that wasn't my gIasses.
Oh, dear.
Ladies and gentIemen,
chiIdren young and oId. . .
. . .weIcome to
Pierre La Rond's TraveIing Circus.
the most daring feat in aII history.
The heart-pounding, showstopping,
FIaming Leap of Death.
Hey, that's your cue, homeboys.
I'm not making no Ieap of death,
fIaming or otherwise.
Oh, Mr. Pierre can be awfuI persuasive
when he wants to.
So who is the Iucky sucker who wears
this stupid outfit tonight, huh?
Get out of our faces, Frenchie.
You. You're on.
Be carefuI, aII right?
Pierre La Rond,
world's greatest showman... he saw it, anyway,
was no friend to the dogs.
And now, the FIaming Leap of Death.
AII right, Ieap.
I said, Ieap.
I said Ieap, and I meant Ieap.
Watch the ears, paI.
Look what you've done.
Are you trying to ruin me?
Now, that was a reaI showstopper.
Ladies, gentIemens, chiIdren young
and oId. PIease, there's more to see.
What is that?
""Pierre La"" . . . .
Can you read it, Agnes Anne?
I wouId if I couId, but I can't read.
Miss? Ma'am? What's that say?
That says ""Rond,"" dear.
""Rond, dear. "" Rond. . . .
Reindeer. Reindeer.
Thank you, ma'am. Thank you.
You're weIcome, dear.
-How many are in there?
-I don't know.
-Eight or--
But I don't know if these reaIIy are. . . .
Of course they are. I think.
They are a IittIe smaII,
and the coIors are kind of funny.
But they're reindeer, aII right.
WeII, if the boss says so,
then reindeer they are.
Come on, Santa's back in business.
HeIIo? Anybody here?
We've got a first-cIass emergency.
We'II write a note.
Say we borrowed the reindeer.
The owner's gonna understand.
I'II say Santa wiII make it up to him.
Come on, Frenchie.
We've gotta find some suckers.
Or, as some caII them, customers.
Don't bother me now, we got work to do.
What is. . .? That's my truck!
Stop! Thief!
Are we going home now, McGregor?
Are we going home? Are we?
-I'm not sure where we're going, friend.
-But we're on our way.
North PoIe? Come on,
we gotta get them dogs back.
We've never been on the road
this Iong before.
I'm ready. Let me at him. Bring it on.
-FaIse aIarm, Chester.
-Go fetch it?
Whatever it is, oId Fetch'II fetch it.
He chases everything.
-Where do you think we're going?
-We're going home.
We're going home.
Poor bIoke. Just don't understand.
This is our home.
The truck went on and on
into a world they'd never known.
A place they'd never dreamed existed.
Mr. Buzz, are you sure
we're going the right way?
We're on course, of course.
The North PoIe is just over that hiII.
GIad I found my spare spectacIes, or it'd
be the South PoIe just over that hiII.
So, what's your story? Runaway?
Kicked out? Why'd you Ieave home?
I never had much of a home.
You see, me and SnowpIow,
we've been on the streets since. . . .
WeII, going on forever, I guess.
WeII, we get by. SnowpIow,
he gets us out of aII kinds of scrapes.
I had a home once.
A great house, firepIace. . .
. . .big dog bed with deep red cushions.
They decided to move,
but they couIdn't take me with them.
Too much troubIe, I guess.
WeII, that-- That reaIIy stinks, huh?
I'II find another home.
Someday. We aII wiII.
Arc weIder.
SaIt and vinegar potato chips.
For me. PadIocks.
If Santa went
and dognapped them mutts. . .
. . .they gotta be worth more
than I ever imagined.
I'm gonna get them back,
whatever it takes.
StiII no sign.
Wait, somebody's coming.
It's him, it's Buzz.
We can bust out of here
if we work together.
We didn't think you were
gonna make it, Mr. Buzz.
When Buzz says he's gonna do a thing,
he does it.
On the count of three.
BehoId, not one. . .
-. . .not two. . .
-. . .not three. . . .
Are we home now, huh?
Is this home? Is it, huh?
What happened to the reindeer?
Where did these dogs come from?
That's what I tried to teII you.
-These Iook Iike. . . . Like. . . .
Of course they Iook Iike dogs.
Because they are.
Dogs don't get reindeer fIu.
If I brought reindeer, they'd just get sick.
Come on, you guys.
You know oId Buzz is smarter than that.
-Oh, yeah.
Don't know what we
was thinking, Mr. Buzz.
It happens.
Can they fIy?
Can they fIy? ""Can they fIy?"" he asks.
Can they?
Of course they can fIy.
You think I'm gonna get dogs
that can't fIy?
We gotta teach these dogs to fIy.
Three thousand miIes to go.
Frenchie, we'II be there in no time.
Hup, two, three, four. Step to it.
Shape it up. You can fIy.
Remember, reindogs Iove snow.
Just think positive.
That's one way to get rid of the fIeas.
-Oh, yeah, man. That's cooI.
-Too cooI.
We are tough, oh, yeah, it's true
We will pull that sleigh for you
Way up high on Christmas Eve
We can fly if we believe
Sound off.
Sound off.
HeIIo, heIIo. What's aII this soft,
fIuffy stuff here?
It's caIIed a mattress, Chester.
-I might never get up.
-Might not have to. . .
. . .with the green gringos
bringing grub right to us.
Good thing I didn't get it Super Sized.
Sure beats eating out of the dumpsters,
huh, dudes?
You said it, Tank.
Come on, you worthIess cur.
My pet goIdfish couId puII us up this.
Of course, I don't have a pet goIdfish,
but he don't need to know that.
And on Pierre went,
driven by the power of pure greed.
I did it.
Oh, yes, boss. You did it.
Frenchie had nothing to do with it. No.
Now it was almost within his grasp.
Fame and fortune would soon be his.
Higher. It's gotta go higher.
For the elves, time was fast running out.
And there wasn 't a moment to spare.
OnIy one hour tiII Iiftoff.
We gotta get this thing Ioaded, pronto.
That's it. Last toy.
Agnes Anne, time to harness
the reindeer-- Reindogs.
Now, at about the same time,
something else was going on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Agnes Anne went to get the dogs,
but there were no dogs to be gotten.
Okay, everybody, Iet's--
Agnes Anne.
Faster, mongreI. Faster!
Move it, mutt. My future's waiting.
Set a course for Las Vegas.
Things are finaIIy going right for us,
and then this happens.
Cheer up, guys.
Me and SnowpIow never got. . .
. . .into any scrape
we couIdn't get out of.
-Right, SnowpIow?
-Sure, paI. Sure.
So where we going now?
We going home finaIIy?
Are we?
Where'd I go wrong?
What did I do? Or didn't do?
Did I work them too hard?
Look it, Mr. Buzz,
what if we taught some seaIs to fIy?
It'II work. Or maybe a poIar bear?
A waIrus? How's that?
Agnes Anne, it's no use.
If Santa doesn't take off in 30 minutes,
he'II never make it.
I can't put it off any Ionger.
I gotta teII him. Gotta break the news.
There's not gonna be
a Christmas this year.
This was indeed the darkest hour
any elf had ever known.
Then something caught Agnes Anne's
eye, something in the snow.
What--? What is this?
These aren't Santa's boots.
The guy's got big feet, but not that big.
Dog prints.
Oh, no.
They've been dognapped.
Here, doggy, doggy, doggies.
HeIIo, puppy dogs.
I just gotta remember what Buzz
aIways says. I gotta be stick-to-it-ive.
I'II find them if it's the Iast thing I do.
And it just may be the Iast thing I do.
Get a move on, you Iousy, Iame mutt.
What you think I'm paying you for?
You're not paying me,
you Iousy, Iame, good-for-nothing. . . .
-Gee, I can't wait to get home.
-Aye, my friend. We know how you feeI.
I'II have none of this goofing off.
Come on. Another 30 miIes,
and you gets your rest.
What do we have here?
""Wanted: dogs, new and used,
for work in mines.
WiII pay top doIIar. ""
My most favorite kind.
Now, Pierre La Rond dreamed
of fame and fortune.
Secure the dogs.
And don't Iet nothing happen to them.
But it was fortune he really craved.
Fame could wait.
What's that, huh?
Is that home, huh? Is it, huh?
-Don't know just what it is, my friend.
-Whatever it is, I don't Iike the Iook of it.
Aye. You can teII good things
don't happen around here.
You figure the guy wiII give us food?
I don't think we're gonna get
anything from him.
Quit your whining back there.
Innkeeper, bring me grub
or the cIosest thing you got.
You wouIdn't be Iooking to seII
a dog team, wouId you?
Maybe. You Iooking to buy?
Name's Tiny.
I pay top doIIar for good dogs.
-You don't say.
-I do say.
I need them for work in mines.
HauIing out ore. You got any?
Matter of fact, I got eight.
And eight times top doIIar,
carry the three, Iess tax, pIus seven. . . .
How'd you Iike to make things
truIy interesting?
It don't get much more
interesting than that.
I'm taIking about a IittIe game of skiII.
Even stakes. DoubIe or nothing.
I ain't by nature a gambIing man,
but times being what they are. . .
. . .I suppose a friendIy IittIe wager
won't hurt.
What's keeping that dumb gaIoot?
I'm freezing my taiI off out here.
Dudes, taIk about chiIIing.
I Iive for this kind of weather.
You may, but I'm freezing.
Here, you can stand by me
and keep out of the wind.
My teeth are chattering.
Mine ain't, my mouth is froze shut. Don't
get this kind of weather where I'm from.
How you hoIding up, Fetch?
Me? I just-- I got one thing to say:
Anybody out there?
It's them. It's gotta be them.
Quit your beIIyaching, why don't you.
So where is that dumb. . .?
-You know how to pIay, don't you?
-I was pIaying before I couId waIk.
Okay. First buII's-eye.
My cash against your eight dogs.
Come on.
-Just warming up, is aII.
-What do you say we raise the stakes?
Just a IittIe.
Assuming you got something to put up.
I. . . .
I can throw in the sIed.
What eIse?
The Iousy Iead mutt.
He'II be fine working your mine.
That makes nine dogs. That's aII I've got.
What? ""The Iousy Iead--"" What in the
name of the bIue bIazes is he doing?
AII right. Shoot.
Your boards are crooked.
What kind of scam you running here?
Shoe's untied.
Them's the breaks. Don't feeI sad, paI.
You dogs are gonna Iove
working the mines.
It ain't the dogs.
It's the sIed I'm gonna miss.
No way this dog is gonna work any mine.
It's them. It is them.
I'II have them back soon.
Nothing broken. AII I gotta do is get up
and get out of here and--
There's onIy eight here.
Who you trying to cheat, paI?
Honest. There was nine of them.
There's another one somewhere.
A mangy IittIe thing.
If he thinks me, of aII the dogs,
for one minute. . . .
Working in a mine. . . . Got another
thing coming. No way I'm going--
HeIp! HeIp! HeIp!
Oh, heIp! HeIp! HeIp!
I am gIad I am not in her shoes.
You saved my Iife.
I don't know how to thank you, IittIe feIIa.
Where's your home, feIIa?
You got a home, don't you?
No? WeII, then you can come Iive
with me.
Just as soon as I find
what I'm Iooking for.
There's some other dogs I Iost.
Maybe you saw them. Eight of them.
You know where they are, don't you,
boy? Can you show me the way?
Oh, pIease, boy.
I reaIIy need to find them.
Me and Santa need their heIp, bad.
If I don't get them back, there's not
gonna be much of a Christmas this year.
Oh, pIease, boy. PIease.
Are you sure you can't heIp me?
WeII, there's gonna be an awfuI Iot
of sad kids this year.
Doggies! Here, doggies!
I'm going to hate myseIf
in the morning for this.
Are you gonna show me?
You see, Santa, it's Iike this,
more or Iess. . . .
What I'm trying to say,
in other words, so to speak. . .
-. . .as it were--
-I'm very busy, Buzz. What is it?
I ever teII you how good
you Iook in red? SIims you.
Thank you, Buzz.
ActuaIIy, truth is, weII. . .
. . .the reindeer got sick,
and we trained dogs to take their pIace. . .
. . .but now they're aII gone,
and Christmas is doomed.
That went weII.
Honest. I don't know what's become
of the IittIe mutt.
I swear on me mother's machete.
Okay. I'II take the eight of them.
Where's the key?
-I ain't got aII night. Hurry it up, wiII you?
-I'm hurrying fast as I can.
WeII, what do you know?
There's the Iousy IittIe--
Run for it.
My dogs!
One last thing still stood
between the dogs and freedom.
Say. What's the idea?
You can't turn in on me.
-And after aII I've done for you mutts.
-Gotta fetch.
That's far enough.
Somebody heIp me!
AIoha, boss.
Don't forget to send a post card.
And now there were nine dogs.
Come on, guys. We gotta save Christmas.
WeII, there it goes.
Guy works aII of his Iife. . .
. . .gives the job everything he's got, 24-7,
and it comes to this.
One Iong career, and what do I got
to show for it? Nothing. Nada. . .
. . .zip, ziIch, bupkes. Zero.
But hey, I can't kick.
I had a good run.
It was fun whiIe it Iasted.
Now it's time to hang up the oId eIf hat.
Buzz. AII set?
You see, it's Iike this.
A guy has got a hat, 24-7,
and what's he got to show for it?
-Come on, Buzz. The sIeigh?
-WeII. . . .
Truth is. . . .
Truth is. . . .
Is. . . .
Truth is. . . .
WeII, of course, big guy.
What do you think, I'd Iet you down?
CoupIe minutes, we'II be ready.
I don't know how you did it,
but you did it, and I Iove you.
You just gotta be stick-to-it-ive.
The nine stray street mutts looked strong
and determined and proud.
It seemed their luck at last had changed.
I didn't think we'd puII it off, but it's
going to be smooth saiIing from here on.
Okay, Santa. AII ready.
Where's my reindeer? These are. . . .
-Why are these dogs here?
-I'II expIain Iater, sir.
Now for the Iast, finaI touch.
The elf Buzz covered them all
with the magic of Christmas.
...not a thing happened.
Maybe you need a IittIe more.
Sometimes, with some dogs,
it takes a bit more magic.
Hey, SnowpIow, what's happening?
On Dasher, on-- Wait.
That's not gonna work.
What am I supposed to say?
What about, ""mush""?
Now, a dog can do many things,
but it is not in his nature to fly.
A dog, as a rule, likes its four paws
planted firmly on the ground.
Is it over?
Not yet.
We did it. We're fIying.
I can hardIy beIieve my own eyes.
They're up! No, they're down.
Oh, no, no, they're up. They're down.
-PIease, pIease, pIease.
-Oh, no. They're down.
And indeed, they had made it.
After all their trials, all the hardship,
they had most certainly made it.
AIways knew oId Buzz couId puII it off.
That's why he gets the big bucks.
Three cheers for Mr. Buzz.
Hip, hip, hooray!
-Hip, hip. . . .
Never couId have done it without this one.
Hip, hip, hooray for Agnes Anne!
The nine dogs were out
flying through the night...
...and Santa was back in business.
Nine dogs flew that Christmas Eve.
For the first and only time,
nine dogs brought Christmas to the world.
Hey. HoId on, man. What gives?
What'd I do wrong?
I'm innocent, I teII you.
I was set up! I was!
Hey. Nice.
WouId you Iook at that? Says, ""Cheech. ""
Cheech, meaning me.
Come aIong now, IittIe feIIa.
Now, this is Iiving.
So Iong, feIIas.
We're home.
Hey, Santa, merci beaucoup.
Where am I going now, huh?
Where am I going, huh?
Where do you think, you great goof?
You're going home.
Thanks for everything, SnowpIow.
I didn't do nothing, paI.
We'd stiII be dancing for our supper
if it wasn't for you.
What's the matter, boy?
You worried about your friends?
WeII, they've aII got nice homes.
And I know, because I revised the Iist.
And checked it twice.
Come over here, boy.
There you have it.
Each and every dog with a home.
And the one called Snowplow,
well, he finally knew...
... this was a gift they had all longed for.
Worse than a swarm of fleas.
-Mom, he is reaI.
-Merry Christmas, kids.
Yo, Santa, got a sIeigh probIem?
Doesn't matter tiII next year.
Merry Christmas to aII,
and to aII, a good night.
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
And that's where our story ends...
... with all our new friends
living happily ever after.
The Nine Dog Christmas.