No Heart Feelings (2010) Movie Script

Are you sure this is it?
I think someone is having sex
on the second floor.
-Sorry. Nothing.
I just, I don't really,
I don't wanna talk...
...about the people having sex
on the second floor.
-I don't... It's not...
-There is... one having sex on the first floor.
It's just not top priority,
right now, you know?
No, I don't wanna be the Priority Police,
but I just don't...
I'm babbling a lot. I'm sorry.
No, no, it's, it's fine. I understand.
Tell me something about your life.
Well, I spent the day working
on a logo design...
...for a local organic coffee shop.
So it'll probably shut down in two weeks,
once the cheque clears.
He kind of put this on pause.
Like, I'm sorry. I know.
That's great about the coffee logo,
whatever you did.
And I'm sure it's great,
because you're great.
But we... he put the break-up on pause.
Like we were about to break-up,
on the phone,
and then he had to go somewhere.
But the pauses are good.
Because the pauses let you go
and think about things.
-Instead of doing it in the...
-Yeah, the pauses have been good...
...for the past two months, you know?
But now it's down to...
Well, why don't you just do it then?
Like he said...
I was about to,
and then he said he had to go.
And he such... He's a master argument-er.
He's so good at...
The English? The English?
Not just the English, but the...
He can make anything bad look okay.
And it's not okay.
He can just make it look okay.
Yeah. I'm picturing your conversations
with him,
and if they're anything like this,
it's gonna take you three months
to break up.
As you try to dissect
each other's analogies.
-Yeah, but...
-I find this conversation to be like...
-This is... Okay, this is...
All right.
Oh, thank you for listening to me.
No problem.
Hey. Are you still at the party?
No, I'm just, I'm walking away from it.
You're no longer partying?
It's my best friend.
Have you met Helmut?
I don't think so. I'm Chris.
Helmut Kohl.
He's the former Chancellor of Germany.
He's slimmed down quite a bit.
He's in jail for seven years or something.
I just wonder if Barbara Amielle
is gonna remain faithful, you know?
Yeah, I don't know. Weird stuff.
-Hey, what's up, man?
You making a drink?
I'm doing my best,
with limited resources here.
-Yeah, well...
-I don't understand.
An espresso machine, but no Jameson.
I'm improvising. Whatever, man.
Where you been?
Those Season 4 West Wing DVDs
are calling my name.
They're there tomorrow.
They're there tomorrow.
And your glass is full,
and delicious.
You love your booze, don't you, huh?
Don't you!
Like everything about him is so hokey.
His concept is like, "I'm living
among them, the common people."
But I bet it sells. I bet it will sell.
You know?
Of course it will!
But at the cost of your soul!
If this guy actually has
a decent book deal,
with a decent publisher...
I don't think I can't not do it.
No, obviously you can do it.
Obviously you can do it.
It's just a matter of circumstances.
It's about the circumstances being,
on the one hand,
it's something that happens to you.
On the other hand,
it's something you create.
Yeah, I'm really excited about my topic.
I think that we should stop
not seeing each other.
We should not stop seeing each other?
No, I mean, we don't see each other,
but we're seeing each other.
-We are seeing each other!
We're seeing each other,
but we never see each other.
I could see you right now.
I mean, should we video chat?
I don't want to Skype with you.
That really depresses me.
We've had some really nice
video chats, I thought?
He's one of those dogs
that when he falls, he splays...
No! Guys, are you leaving already?
I'm so sorry,
I just stepped on your foot.
It's okay.
Now you can leave,
because you're gonna have to go
to the hospital.
Oh, I know, you have to wake up early.
Past midnight,
parties are for single people.
-You're right. You're right.
-You know?
You guys have learned about love,
and commitment,
and future.
You have futures and lineages
to concern yourself with.
Technically, we have DVDs to watch.
-That's the big thing.
-It's really good to see you.
Phillip Marcus Stewart. Nice to meet you.
-You should know Zooey.
-She used to go out with Raff.
-Yeah, Raff.
Well, what can I do?
I don't wanna let you go.
You should have held on stronger.
I think that I'm just gonna hang up
right now.
And just know
that I'm really sad about this,
and I still think you're a great person.
I'm gonna hang up.
You guys have enough coffee?
-Yeah, totally.
-Thank you. This looks so good.
-For now. Thank you.
It seems like
it's been a long time coming.
Well, yeah, obviously!
But still, you can know
that you're gonna break-up with somebody,
it's still really upsetting.
James. James, it's your birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Well, at least it's somebody's birthday.
They're having a nice day.
Oh, there she is.
Hi, Jeannie!
-Thanks for coming.
-Hi! How are you?
-I'm depressed.
-I know. I know.
-We'll fix it.
-Help me.
-You look so nice.
I'm dressed up for the first day
of the rest of your life.
Yeah, so did I.
You sure did.
Okay. Are you coming with us?
Oh, I don't think so.
I've got a little bit of shopping to do.
I've gotta get some new socks.
Oh, yeah. The socks.
The old socks
just aren't cutting it anymore?
-Okay, have a good afternoon.
-Thanks for listening.
-Sorry I was... You know.
-Don't worry about it.
Okay, now that he's gone,
you can either come with me
to get a pedicure, or a manicure.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
We could go and eat ice cream,
-and deconstruct the break-up.
Or we could drink a mickey in the park.
Okay. Nurse Jean, I need my treatment.
Oh, this is so demoralizing.
Why can't people drink in a park?
I mean, come on, if we were
in a backyard, we could drink.
If we were on a patio,
we could drink.
Because it's the law.
And there are cops right there.
Do you want me to compromise
the nature of your drink?
Yeah, I mean,
let's soften the harsh blow
that is to come to me.
I think it's already come.
Listen, here's to having you back!
Yeah. Cheers.
Wait, you're not gonna soften yours?
-No. Cheers.
-What a hardcore!
How are you doing, really?
I'm relieved,
but I'm still upset, I'm still upset,
because I broke up with my boyfriend.
I know. It's gonna be a couple of months.
I'm just excited to not
have always be on the phone,
and pay long distance bills,
and write emails all of the time.
Think of all that money
that will be left over...
...for drinking, and lunch, and maybe...
Don't take this the wrong way,
but wardrobe?
-I told you,
I could be wearing a paper bag
and it would be acceptable.
-I know. You look just...
-But okay.
...a little sleepy.
I could use a tiny makeover, maybe.
I got lazy, because I had
a long-distance boyfriend.
Bring it down for a second, bro to bro.
-Bra to bra.
-Bra to bra.
I am really, really, really proud of you.
I know how hard this is,
I know it's not gonna be
an easy couple of months.
But your life will be so much better
because of it.
Thank you. I think you're right.
That is good to hear.
Are you having trouble with the...
...with profundity of our relationship?
The profundity?
You mean...
You mean, I don't like corny moments
between friends?
No, I do.
I am having trouble
with the profundity of our relationship.
So thank you for...
-Could you cheers?
Okay. Don't leave me hanging.
Is it noon yet?
Not yet.
-Hey, Mel!
-Hello, Michael.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
I'm good.
I just talked to the shoe people,
and they just wanna tweak
one little thing.
You know, that one JPEG?
That one that Mark made?
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's the one.
I could see... You know, I had some ideas
for that.
I could probably fix it a little,
You're doing the Sampson thing, right?
-Yeah, I've got the Sampson job.
-And everything is cool with that?
-Yeah. Everything is fine.
-Okay, yeah, just stick with that.
-All right.
-Who are you texting?
Don't worry about it. Come here.
How are you?
I'm okay.
-Yeah. You're okay.
-I'm okay.
I knew you would be.
How are you? How was your day?
The day was scary.
One more scary day.
Was there a monster at work?
Well, we're about to be laid off.
Everyone is... No one can do any work.
We're walking around like...
They took the espresso machine
out of the kitchen!
-That's a bad sign.
-I know.
-I'm probably gonna lose my job.
Me too!
Let's go for a drink.
Let's go for drinks.
And five minutes later,
some of them come back and say,
"Dude we're in the Red Light District,
and Stephen Hawking is here!"
And my first reaction is,
"Dude, not everyone in a wheelchair
is Stephen Hawking."
But I go up, and I see, like,
there are some other British
people coming towards him,
and they're like,
"Hey, Stephen, how's it going?"
And I guess his aide, who is probably
some poor teaching assistant at Oxford,
is wheeling him around and she says,
"He's having a great time!"
I saw the gadgets, and I'm like,
"This is definitely Stephen Hawking!"
And his handler is just wheeling around
to every window,
turns him around 90 degrees,
and then Stephen Hawking comments,
Window after window after window.
-Oh, it's one of my favourite stories!
Here's my thing about that story.
Like I believe it.
And when you told it
to me the first time,
I was like rolling around on the floor.
But I thought Stephen Hawking
drove his own wheelchair?
You would think he would be that hi-tech,
but I guess he likes the human touch.
-Oh, my God.
-Or maybe the student...
Good to see you.
Guys, this is Lewis,
my old friend from high school.
-He just moved back from Vancouver.
-Hi, Lewis.
How are you?
-Jean, nice to meet you.
-I'm Kyle. Martin's roommate.
-Nice to meet you.
-This is Mel.
I think you guys met maybe,
at McGill, when you visited me?
Yeah, you kind of look familiar.
-How's it going?
-I'm great. Yeah, yeah.
-Dawn, nice to meet you.
I'm controlling the beer.
When you get a glass,
I'll help you out.
-Yeah, I know. It's really weird.
Yeah, I just moved here like a week ago.
And so...
-What do you think?
-It's weird.
You know, I grew up here,
but coming back is so instantaneous.
Everything is in your face really quickly.
Lewis, what do you "do-is"?
I'm a media buyer.
-Yeah, yeah.
Oh, what is it? What do you buy?
All sorts of things, actually.
-Yeah, coats.
I sell coats, primarily.
I buy media space on the trunks of cars.
-No, not at all.
No, I'm just kidding.
You wanna simply get your glass.
I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go.
-Oh, okay.
-Bye, Mel.
-I'll see you guys soon.
-Take care, Mel.
-Nice to meet you.
Bike safe, love!
-How's it going?
Claire is sleeping, so just...
-I'm sorry.
-No, no, it's fine.
I... Where's the wine, though?
I came in, looking for the wine.
I can't find it.
In your stomach? Your liver?
There's some there,
but I would like more to be there.
It's like, right in front of you.
On the counter, where you left it.
I thought I put it in a cabinet.
-No, no, no.
-Yeah, get me a glass.
You're a good roommate.
-I try to be.
-Thank you.
I'm an enabler.
You are, and I love you for it.
You're not... Do you want some?
No. Yes.
Just a little bit. Claire is sleeping.
-Yeah, sorry. Claire is sleeping.
-No, it's fine, it's fine.
This will help me.
How are you doing?
Well, you know.
I mean, when you break up with Claire,
you'll see...
No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry.
I think I'm an asshole.
No, no. That's...
You're drunk, so it's okay
for you to say those things.
You're drunk.
Tell me this.
Were you guys "doing it"?
No. We did it earlier.
We usually do it at like...
-Okay. Yeah, I didn't...
-Any time before 9:00.
-Because if we do it after that...
-Okay, now I'm getting a visual,
-and I didn't want that.
-Or, sometimes, in the morning,
when you're making toast,
out here in the kitchen, we're in there.
Could you tell me what you were doing
when I got home?
-What were you up to...
-She likes it when I go at it...
What were you up to
when I got home?
What were you up to
when I got home?
I just, I just got notes back
from the culture campaign posters,
if you want to see them?
-You're eager to show me.
I'd love to see that.
-I know you've been working hard.
-You're the first person to see it.
Claire didn't really want to see them.
Big surprise.
That's the big surprise poster.
All right. Now, keep in mind...
...this has been a couple of months' work.
I know, you've been talking about it.
-I'm excited to see these.
-There have been a lot of people,
with a lot of input,
so it's not 100 percent mine.
You're a hard worker.
All right, the first one.
-"Make your mark."
-"Make your mark."
-Make your mark though.
This is Al, this is all...
It represents art. It represents people.
Different ethnicities, altogether.
And you can, you can do it.
Anyone can do it in culture.
Okay, let me see the other one.
Okay, so the other one,
it's a little bit simpler.
"Toronto, all in one!"
All in one.
Because all the cultures are together.
All the cultures are together in Toronto.
I have a bit of a problem with the title,
because it feels like a gang bang.
All in one.
Like, a lot of guys in one woman.
Okay, only you would...
I can't say that...
-I can't say that to my boss.
-Don't bring that up in a meeting.
No. Like, like things that always get by,
because nobody ever says anything though.
Survey's like, "I can't be the guy
thinking this poster is about a gang bang."
Because only you are thinking
it's about a gang bang.
Never know. I don't know.
Okay, let me see number three.
It's more of a...
Shut the fuck up!
-I'm losing my mind.
You didn't even show, you can't...
Your boss doesn't have enough
of a sense of humour... show them this?
I've got five bosses.
Altogether, they have,
like, one sense of humour.
But wouldn't it be great
if this is how the world worked?
Because I would like Toronto more
if this was their poster.
-It would be...
-Fuck this city, you know?
Fuck this city.
Oh, I'm having sex with Toronto.
It's tight! You know?
Yeah, Toronto is a tight city.
That's the you I know.
Thank you for this.
You've brightened my night.
I had a shitty...
I got caught in the rain.
Yeah, I noticed. You're dishevelled.
You think I look like shit.
No, no, no. You look moist.
How do I get this Pay-per-view working?
-Yeah, yeah...
-For what?
On the movies.
Look, they've got a whole list of movies.
What do you think
I'm fixing your computer for?
So you don't have to watch it on TV!
What do you mean,
I don't have to watch it on TV?
You just download movies, man.
Oh, God.
You can download all the porn you want.
All right. You know what?
I don't wanna hear you talk
about pornography.
Should be fine.
Should be fine, yeah.
-What? It's all ready?
-You just have to dust it, man.
-Thanks, man, I appreciate it.
-Yeah, no problem.
What are you sifting through my boxes for?
Dude, why do you get Grandpa's flask?
That's the only benefit
of being the first-born.
I think there's still something in it.
Smell it.
It smells like Grandpa.
It's his aftershave.
-Can I have it?
-You can't have it!
-It's my birthright!
-Come on!
You can't have it.
I don't get anything in this family.
You really want a dented flask?
Yeah, why not?
It's Martin.
Yeah, yeah, come on up.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Yeah, I'll send Patrick down.
Okay. See you soon.
Down for what?
-Hey, man, how are you?
What's going on, man?
What have you been up to? I hear
that you might be moving out West,
or you are moving out West?
Oh, yeah, pretty soon.
I'm going to the UBC,
and I'm gonna go
to summer camp first, though.
What are you gonna take out at UBC?
Film. I wanna study film.
-Oh, Film Studies.
-Yeah, I wanna direct. Write.
The whole works. Yeah.
You're gonna be
the next great Canadian filmmaker?
Here's hoping.
Who was the first?
But Vancouver, that's,
that's gonna be a lot of fun out there.
Yeah, I actually went out there once
a few years ago... visit Lewis.
It was pretty cool, man.
Yeah, their campus is really lush.
It's like...
It's like gonna school in a forest.
Yeah, that's what I hear.
It's cool. It's tranquil.
Oh, man.
This is... This view is just insane!
Pretty intense, isn't it?
Yeah, well,
it's vertigo-inducing at first.
But once you get used to that,
it's actually really kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah. It's not bad at all.
Toronto is a hard city sometimes
to get a handle on.
But, you know, up here,
you can kind of see everything.
Oh, yeah.
It's neat. It's visually unifying,
or something.
-What the hell is that supposed to mean?
-I don't know.
So how's work going?
-Have you started yet?
-Yeah, yeah, it's like...
I don't know, it's just a few days old.
I don't know, it's kind of weird.
Like... I feel kind of
out of place everywhere.
But the work is actually kind of okay.
-I've got a pretty cool boss.
Yeah, yeah. He's got one of those things,
you know,
where you put a hand print
inside of it,
and it'll stay there,
with the needles.
That sort of thing?
He's got that on his desk for stress?
Yeah, it's looks like a douchebag-y,
kind of prop, boss prop.
But he's a nice guy.
Yeah, it's pretty good.
That's good.
Oh, man, thanks for inviting me out
the other night... the patio thing.
Oh, definitely, man.
Yeah, it was good that you could come
and meet everybody.
No, I appreciate it.
I'm kind of socially bankrupt
at the moment.
So it's good to see an old friends,
you know?
And a dollar and nine cents
is your change.
-Thank you. Have a great day. Bye.
-Thank you very much.
-Can I interest you in an apricot?
You kind of freaked me out.
Well, I just got these new tongs,
and I've been dying
for an opportunity to use them.
-You used them.
-I used them. Sorry.
-No, it's...
-Lewis! I knew it was an "L".
-Mel, right?
But I couldn't remember the rest.
Yeah, Mel.
What are you up to, Tong Man?
Oh, you know, saving people.
Rescuing them with my tongs.
Yeah. What are you up to?
Shopping for some "ape-ricots"
or "ap-ricots"?
Yeah, let's say "eh-pricots."
"Eh-pricots" I like it.
Yeah, I came to buy stuff,
and now I'm kind of overwhelmed.
I don't even...
I can't decide,
yellow plum, regular plum, apricot.
What about this guy across the street?
Yeah, he's good for avocados.
This place, avocados rotten.
-You've got it all mapped out?
-Oh, yeah.
Like, every fruit stand
has its purpose, right?
The tomatoes are good over here.
You've gotta know the market.
Yeah. The market idea.
Well, Miss Market Knowledgeable Lady,
do you have any suggestions
for a place to grab some coffee?
Yeah, actually, I just had a coffee,
which means I need a coffee,
so I was gonna get one.
-So I can...
-That'd be awesome!
-Show you where to get a coffee. Okay.
Some of the cheese stores,
the servers
are a little high on themselves,
because they sell fancy cheese.
And then there's another one
where the boys selling the cheese
are really cute, so I go there.
Cheddar and romance all in one locale?
Yeah, I'm like, "Can I try your brie?"
-And they're all too willing to help.
-Oh, they give me their brie.
So great.
Four-for-one suits too!
I remember when I was a kid,
I would never play in a sandbox
or get dirty, or like, you know?
Oh, you were one of those?
I was like a little dandy.
You were a dandy!
And after I left for university,
I became balls-out, you know.
I started doing all things
that I should have been doing
when I was 13 or 14.
-Your fear left you?
-For some reason.
When everyone else
was settling down and getting mature...
You were like
"No, I'm gonna jump off of this cliff!"
I wouldn't mind checking that out.
Yeah, let's go here.
They have good peaches.
-I'm just admiring your chair.
-Oh, yeah!
It's gonna suck your brain out
or something.
-No, it's not dangerous.
I'm just getting my hair done
while I have coffee.
Oh, two things at once?
Yeah, like, if you weren't here,
I'd have my cell phone and I'd be like,
"Sell that stock!"
-And I'd be getting my hair done.
Yeah, it's good to multitask.
I'm kind of intimidated by the crowd,
but I love this place.
I don't think I ever would have come here
by myself.
Yeah, the first time I came in here,
or like, I came by here,
-I was nervous and I couldn't come in.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm kind of neurotic,
so maybe that's my own problem, but...
No, I know exactly what you mean.
You see a bunch of cool people,
and it looks like, I don't know,
it's their place already,
like you'd be interloping.
Yeah, like they're gonna know
that I've never been here before.
-Yeah, I know.
It's funny.
So the things that intimidate you.
What was I gonna say?
I don't know.
Are you, like, happy?
I mean, sorry, that sounds, that sounds...
-Do you mean, like, on a broad scale?
-Let me be your psychologist.
No, but you just had a big move.
And I know when I move,
it's a bit traumatic, kind of.
Yeah, yeah...
Like I said everyone is asking me that.
-Sorry, am I...
-No, no, I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean, when I first left Toronto,
to leave for university,
I was kind of thinking
that once I leave for university,
I'm gonna find myself, right?
You know what I mean?
Yes, yes, I remember that.
And you get to university,
and you don't really find yourself.
No, you don't find yourself there.
Then all through university
you're thinking,
"Okay, once I graduate, once I like,"
"I don't know, find a job,
or a wife, or whatever."
Yeah, yeah. Then I will have found myself.
Then I'll have found myself.
Then you start work, and you're like,
"I'm gonna find myself now."
-I know, I know.
-And I never...
That's the thing.
I've been thinking about it a lot.
It's funny that you bring it up.
And I don't think you ever find yourself.
-I know! That's what I was gonna say.
-I've come to that conclusion.
So I'm gonna stop trying. Kind of?
It's like, you always imagine
that everyone else,
except you, has their shit together.
Oh, I know.
And nobody has their shit together!
Yeah, I know, I know. It's amazing.
The people I know, who I always thought
that they really had their shit together,
as soon as you see behind the scenes,
they're more of a wreck than anybody.
I know.
It's like they have to keep up this front.
I know exactly what you're saying.
They work so hard at it, right?
Yeah! They have to work...
But it's funny, too, like,
picturing yourself in the future.
Like, "By then, I will have found myself."
Or just little things.
Like I'll buy a new shirt.
And then I'll picture myself
on the street, wearing the new shirt.
And I'm like, "I'm gonna look so hot."
You know?
And then I wear the shirt,
and I'm on the street,
and I'm like,
"I'm just me in another shirt."
Like, nothing really...
You can't change yourself.
You're always gonna be the person you are,
just a few years later.
-You know what I mean?
-That's sad.
Like, the shirt won't always be new,
and it'll get old.
I don't know,
that was pretty philosophical there,
with my shirts
and my haircuts or whatever.
We're getting
into some dangerous territory.
I only signed up for a friendly coffee.
Yeah, sorry...
Do you like yard sales?
I love yard sales?
Not really, no.
It's other people's junk.
I guess, but I collect mugs.
So I'm just gonna go look at those mugs.
Don't laugh at me.
I'm not laughing.
Mugs are an important thing, I guess?
-Hello. How are we doing?
This looks old school.
Yeah, that's a vintage piece.
Oh, nice bike! He needs a bike.
He doesn't have a bike.
-You should get this bike.
It's all, it's all going.
It's all gotta go.
-It's a great bike.
-How much do you want for it?
I don't know. What do you think?
I don't know. It's your bike.
Well, I have run
over a lot of old people with it.
-It's got sentimental value.
-It's stained with the blood of seniors.
I'd say maybe, I don't know, 60 bucks?
-Is that fair?
-I don't know.
So what have you got to offer?
I've got 40 dollars, and a flipper...
-Everybody needs tongs!
-Can I see the tongs?
I've been ripped off before with tongs.
But we're trying to get rid of stuff.
Well, we could, we could sell it,
and make up what we're losing
on the bike.
Those are at least 10 dollar tongs.
You could mark it up, probably.
Did you gave me... Did you pay me?
Oh, there it is.
Yeah, you know, it's all yours.
It's a deal.
-It's our first sale.
So we can, we can eat later.
Oh, so happy for you guys!
Thank you very much.
-Don't wipe out on it.
-I promise.
-You're gonna need a helmet.
-Next garage sale.
Yeah, maybe you need a helmet.
Bye. Great dress.
Oh, thank you!
Yeah, it goes with your bike.
Of course, you know that, though.
I know, it goes.
I didn't do it on purpose, though.
Well, I find that hard to believe.
Thank you.
-They seem like nice people.
-They're cute.
-But cute is the new annoying, though.
Hey, guys.
Lewis, and Mel.
You guys came together, on bikes!
We did. You're so observant.
Where did you come from,
together, on your bikes?
Hey, we need a fourth.
Oh, no, no!
I have questions for you, Lewis.
-You left your shuttlecock.
-Oh, I get it.
Oh, I'll get it.
I should warn you guys
that I come from the courts of Malaysia.
There are no rules,
so don't worry about it.
Oh, Jesus.
Yeah, I need...
It's not a thing.
No. You're interrogating me.
I'm not interrogating you.
It's the racquet.
You're... Sorry,
you're about to interrogate me.
This is the racquet of truth,
and I'm just holding it up,
and I invite you to just speak into it.
What is this, Reading Rainbow?
Is that what... Is that what this is?
What can we expect from Lewis?
-I don't know.
-Lewis, what can we expect from you?
Okay, don't...
It's a rhetorical question.
He won't answer.
He's in the middle of a game.
He's very good.
Now, he's going to know that...
Thank you.
Match point.
I can't date a bald man.
That's like a dad, or something.
Grey hair? How do we feel
about Grey hair?
This guy was bald and Grey.
-How old was he?
-He was...
It had happened young. Ladies.
Bikini lines?
-For men?
-Oh, no way!
-It's a phenomenon.
Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
I know you're asking
because it's happened.
But I know people who it has happened to.
And they've told me. It's like,
one day, you're in the shower,
and you look down, and...
It's not like it's totally white.
It's not like I have an albino vagina.
I'm just saying,
that I've noticed, as one does...
It's true. Don't laugh!
That, you know...
You have no Grey hair on your head.
But what do you do?
Do you just pluck them out?
Like, how am I supposed to court a man
with a white vagina?
I feel really sorry for you.
Get it.
Okay, I'm in.
I will play.
Oh, you're very good
with a racquet, Lewis.
We are on fire!
He is very tall.
He's a stately fellow on a, on a...
With a badminton racquet.
-Terrible backhand.
Really nice smile.
He probably needs another drink.
Really nice smile.
Yeah, that tree really throws
an interesting...
Fully relaxed?
Just thinking about how tall he is.
I'm far sexier at other times.
Yes! Yes!
Sorry. I...
-I'm really passionate about badminton.
-It's fine.
Okay, okay!
Can do.
-Shut up.
-I didn't say anything.
I hate you.
Your mother is an asshole.
Stop it!
Good morning.
Did you sleep well?
Yeah, I guess.
How about you?
It was good. You have a good bed.
Yeah, it's nice.
I'm super hungry.
All right.
Is that supposed to be a hint?
No, no, it's not an order
to go make me breakfast.
I don't think I could,
if I wanted to.
I've got frozen cabbage rolls...
...and six beers in the fridge.
We could throw those all in the blender?
Breakfast smoothie?
Or maybe we could just...
Do you wanna go out
for breakfast, together?
-Is that cool?
That's a good idea.
Eggs and stuff.
Go ahead.
It's all you had in the fridge.
We must have butter.
Hi, Dawn.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Sitting hug.
That's a big salad.
Yeah. I know. It's good.
What's in there?
Avocado, corn, tofu, lettuce,
lots of sundries tomatoes.
It's pretty taste.
Why are you looking at me like that?
What do you have?
I slept with Lewis.
No way. Martin's friend?
How was that?
-It was good!
-I guess.
Yeah. It was good. It was okay.
But I know these things happen, like...
Because I just broke up with someone,
I was flirting with a guy,
and I got carried away.
I was reminded that somebody
is attracted to me, you know?
I don't know if I'd waited six months,
then I met him.
I don't know if I would have
really been all over that.
Like, I'm not sure.
-But, no. I mean...
-I know...
It's, it's normal.
Like, I did it.
Remember when I broke up with...
-Yeah, you slept with that Brian?
-I slept with that Brian guy.
-That was weird.
-I remember.
But that was okay. It was okay.
It's like...
I mean, and it was the same thing too.
He wanted more.
And you had to
kind of ixnay the situation.
I had to be like, upfront about it.
You know?
And it's okay. Like,
as long as you're upfront,
and you take the time to realize,
like, figure out what you want.
But then...
Would you sleep with him again?
I don't know. I don't...
I mean, how many times can you do that
before it's...
-A relationship?
-A capital "R" relationship? You know?
-Oh, 17?
-Unless he's...
Unless he's into that too.
For all you know,
he wants something casual.
And you can keep it super casual.
Hey, step by step.
Yeah, step by step.
I'm the messiest eater!
-You have it on your...
-I know!
I can't believe people have sex with me.
Hey, Mel, it's Lewis calling.
I just wanted to say "Hey,"
see if you were up to anything tonight.
And I don't know.
Maybe you were feeling like
you wanted to hang out,
or something.
Or... Yeah.
I don't know what I'm saying.
But give me a call, I guess,
when you get the chance,
and I'll talk to you then.
Hey, Martin, it's Lewis phoning.
Just seeing, I guess,
what you're doing tonight,
and, yes, if you're up for anything.
Give me a call, I guess,
when you get the chance,
and I'll talk to you then.
See you later.
Hey, Dave, what's happening, man?
It's Lewis.
Yup, yup, it's true. It's true.
Oh, yeah?
No, no. I was just calling to say "Hey,"
and to see if you were up
to anything tonight.
Yeah, it's right downtown.
It's like Yonge and Gardiner.
Well, I can text you the address,
and then...
Perfect. Okay, bye.
Now, look. Search for Lewis.
-Hey, man!
-Who's these guys in the back?
-Look at that hair, man!
-It's a... Quite the hair!
-I know.
The first day at work,
my boss called me
a typical Vancouver hippie.
-Hey, you remember Jacob?
-Yeah, of course.
-Julia is here.
-She might be sleeping right now.
Hi, Julia. Oh, she's awake.
So Jacob's like 2.5 years,
and Julia is about 7 months.
Jacob, how's it going?
Yeah, we've got, like,
20 minutes to kill, man.
Is that all I am to you?
Just killing time, man?
-I don't mean killing time.
-I know. I'm just teasing you.
I wanna tell you about the lady
who just cut my hair.
I think she just had likes....
She was this big, large, pregnant lady.
And, you know,
when they take the clippers,
I think she just took all
of the aggression out on my scalp.
She was going through labour pains
as she was cutting your hair?
Yeah, I just... It's like...
You know, when you get that,
you just don't forget it.
Anyway, sorry, man. What about you?
How was Vancouver? Like, tell me about it.
It's been crazy.
The last week or so has been insane.
-Everything is changing.
I'm completely unstable.
I'm coming off my hinges, man!
-You're back. I mean...
-It's great to be back, actually.
-It's been great so far.
What brings you? Why the big move?
I mean, that's...
-I got a job and...
Overall, it just seemed like
the right time to move.
I don't know, it wasn't, like,
it wasnt like one thing in particular...
-Pull over?
-I'm not sure in anything.
What are you talking about, man?
I can't wait until Jacob is old enough...
...for me to tell him all of the stories
about his old man.
Yeah. You know, I can't wait
till he's old enough to cut the grass.
Well, you probably get this all
of the time,
because you were the first one
in our group,
or whatever, to settle down.
People... It's something everyone
figures out at one time or another.
You don't wanna push your...
I feel like I want something
in my life, more than just...
I don't know, than your typical nonsense.
I don't even really know
how to describe it.
Like, I feel something
that I need more, you know?
Yeah, so have a child.
Just kidding, man.
-Maybe not that much more.
-I just...
Yeah, I know. I hear you.
You know what? It's really nice
seeing the city from this side.
Yeah, I never...
I mean, you watch the news,
they're always shooting a camera angle
from this side.
Whereas, whenever you're in downtown,
you're, you're seeing it from...
From up top.
Yeah, up top,
or within all of the buildings and stuff.
God, I don't know.
I don't wanna jinx anything.
-But I kind of met someone. But...
-Yeah, not like, I don't know.
-That's cool, man.
Just, you know,
take it easy, take it slow.
Make sure the good vibes are there.
-Yeah, I'm just...
-You can't what?
Can't voir Julia.
You can't voir Julia?
-No? Okay.
Did Jojo see the big planes this morning?
It certainly seems like everyone
is having a good time.
There are quite a few people
here tonight.
I have a lot of friends and admirers.
He's very popular.
Oh, I can see that.
Are some of these people
buying your work?
Yeah, yeah. They come over here.
Oh, yeah. You know.
I mean, I like to show the work,
but I also like the money, I like to live.
I didn't see any red dots on anything.
-No, no.
-I just wondered...
It's early.
I'll be fine.
-Should we buy something?
-No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
You pick whatever one you want.
Generally, what you want.
We couldn't do that.
Where would we put it?
-You guys are just the worst.
-Oh, no.
I love your use of colour.
So beautiful.
You inherited that from me,
my colour sensibility.
-You made me the man I am today.
Yes, this man is a Harvard graduate,
and a professional joggler,
which means he runs marathons
while juggling.
And he's amazing.
Like, he's won all
of these joggling races,
like, around North America.
I wish I was one of those people...
...who could only be stimulated
by a real fetish.
That's weird, though.
-I love his dark stuff.
-Yeah, yeah, I know.
I love the portraiture, just because
it's so like, "That's our Chris."
Yeah, that's it.
That's him in a nutshell.
I know! It's crazy.
I mean, I'm sure
he's a little bit apprehensive.
I mean, you're just so distracting,
from the artwork.
-Look at this.
-You look lovely.
-Oh, come on.
I made the skirt.
-One, one more personal touch.
-Impressive craftsmanship.
So, you're coming this weekend?
Yeah, I know. I'm so excited!
-Yeah, I'm just so glad.
-It's gonna be so fun.
Yeah, I mean, it's like, the one time...
...since like the only weekend
everyone can make it.
I know. It's so lucky...
It's awesome. Yeah.
I didn't even know you had a cottage.
-Do you go up a lot?
-You know, from time to time.
I haven't made it up as much this year
as I would have liked to,
because, I've been busy, I guess?
Yeah. Cool.
And next question. What about this tie?
Is it... Was it ever done up this evening?
You know, I don't like to get too formal.
But I opted for a little extra class.
-A little extra class?
-Is it paying off?
I like it.
That's the weird thing.
I just got into walnuts.
And they weren't my friends,
which is even better.
-They were just randoms?
Randoms came here
and wanted to buy your art?
I'm sure they saw your Facebook page.
They know to come to my event
to get free booze and not buy the work.
Yes, that's right.
Do I get a free piece,
because I live with you?
You get the privilege
of seeing the magic being made.
What if I pay you a sum,
and do the dishes two more times...
...than I usually do a week?
I think that's how Picasso got his start.
His roommate did the dishes
for him, for like, three years,
-and supported him.
-I heard that.
And then his roommate broke all
of the mirrors in the house,
and then Picasso was born.
I like the way you think.
Hey, Mel, it's...
It's me.
I was thinking of you.
And you're not gonna believe this.
But I actually just got out of a bath,
of all things.
With candles, believe it or not.
Like, I think, they were dewberry
or something.
The whole place smells like dewberry.
And, anyway, I don't know, I used...
You love baths.
You always wanted to take baths.
It just...
I don't know.
I don't know why I'm calling.
Anyway, I don't know.
I hope you're good.
Just... I don't know.
Call me if you feel like it.
Could I get an Italian sausage, please?
-Hi, Josie!
-Hey, how's it going?
-Good, how are you?
I'm good. Oh, hot dogs.
Yeah, I got a hot dog.
Breakfast. Lunch.
-I'm hungover.
I understand. Hot dogs solve all problems.
Why did I think that? Now I'm looking
at it and I'm like, "What am I doing?"
No, it's good.
It's got, like, all your food groups.
-It's minimal effort.
Ketchup is a vegetable, apparently.
What are you doing?
Oh, I'm actually gonna sign my life away.
I just bought a condo. I'm closing on it.
-You bought a condo?
-Holy shit!
-I know. I'm like a condo person now.
I don't know why I think that's so crazy,
but it is kind of crazy!
It feels crazy! I have heart palpitations.
Is it nice? Do you like it?
It's nice. Like, my realtor was like,
"Don't be swayed by the cosmetic stuff."
We can fix the parquet floor.
Parquet! But that's kind of kitsch!
That's what I thought.
I'll kitsch it up for now,
and then someday,
when I have more money,
I'll do something
a little less cheesy, cliche.
A little more urban? I don't know.
But urban is the worst.
It's like, "Oh, let's put granite in."
-"And ugly green lighting."
-Yeah. And a metal fridge.
Yeah, and like flat-screen TVs everywhere.
Like faux spacey.
But in four years, it'll look dated.
Yeah, it's true.
-Anyway, I should go.
-Okay, well, good luck.
-And sign papers and stuff.
-Call me.
-We should have a drink.
-Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You too.
You should come over.
We could drink in my Games Room,
or the Party Room.
-All right.
-Okay, see you later!
-Have a good day. Congratulations.
-How's it going?
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for also coming... this biking event.
-We should just call it a meeting, maybe.
-Yes, yes. A rendez-vous.
I kind of half expected you
to show up in, you know, Lycra,
with the big gloves and everything.
Well, I was going to,
but it's in the laundry.
-Oh, yeah?
-No, I'm just kidding.
I don't have a change of clothes.
Some people do that.
They come to work,
and they have their Lycra,
and they put that on before they leave.
But I just stick with one outfit.
-I like it. I like it.
-Yeah, I mean...
Keep it simple.
You don't look like Lance Armstrong,
you know, right now.
Yeah, I look terrible
in tight-fitting garments like that.
I'm sure you do. No, just kidding.
You probably look pretty good.
Did you have a good day?
Yeah, it was pretty typical, I guess.
I feel kind of stupid asking,
but what do you do?
-I don't even really know.
-Oh, that's right.
Yeah, you don't really know what I do.
I don't really know what I do either,
so we're even.
'Cause basically, I'm a project manager,
but they have dumb names at work.
Like I think
I'm an information design architect.
Oh, yeah. A corporate speak,
sort of thing.
Yeah, they gave me that title,
and I was like,
"Okay, I'll just surf the internet,"
"and hope that that's
what they wanted me to do."
Yeah, like, today,
all I did was look at LOLCats.
I don't even know what that is.
Is that a restaurant?
No. No, it's a website.
I spend a lot of the day on it.
It's kind of embarrassing.
No, it's website
where they take funny pictures of cats,
you know, like a cat with a car on it.
But the cat's not dead.
Just like, funny situations.
And, I guess if you like cats, it's funny.
Or if you don't like cats, it's funny,
because the cat is getting screwed over.
It's kind of like owning cats
for dummies, LOLCATS.
Yeah, a little.
That's a good way to put it.
I like cat.
-Do you wanna go?
-Yeah, yeah, let's do it.
-What have you got in store for me?
Well, we're gonna go down there,
which is really pretty.
-I'm in your hands.
-You're in my hands.
Just the way I like it.
See, it's like we're in Muskoka.
It feels like it too, actually.
What exact colour of green is that?
This is Tequila Lime Sunrise.
Only a project managing
infrastructure engineer...
...could come up with a title like that.
This way.
Don't be scared.
I'm terrified.
I'm just gonna draft off of you,
and take the lead at the last minute.
Mel, can we go back
to the peaceful, quiet area?
The traffic is scaring the fuck out of me.
-You brought chocolate and beer?
You are trying to get me fat?
Definitely. Yes.
-That's my aim, to fatten you up.
-Okay, well.
Maybe I'll have some
of this chocolate in a minute.
Okay, crack it.
It's excited, that can of beer.
-Whoa, it's like champagne, but cheaper.
-And less satisfying.
And not suitable at a wedding.
Well, mine was... Oh, sorry.
Mine was really calm
except for some brush-up on you.
Okay. Well, yeah,
thank you for bringing beer.
-You're welcome.
-This will be good.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, it's not...
It's not you. It's not...
Oh, that sounds so corny.
-It's not you!
-That's cool. Don't worry.
No, I think, like, okay,
well, I feel sweaty.
No, I mean, that's stupid. I feel sweaty.
That's not why. It's just a lot.
It's a lot right now.
-I don't mean...
-But I feel like a jerk. Like, I...
-It's cool, it's cool. Don't worry.
How about some chocolate?
Yeah, okay. That's a good idea.
-Cheers to chocolate.
-To chocolate.
Without the kiss
afterwards this time, I promise.
-Oh, no, I feel bad.
-No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I don't know what I am doing.
You don't owe me an explanation.
It's cool. Don't worry about it.
-It's 6-2 for the bad guys.
And this is the top of the 4th.
This guy is not Roy Halladay,
but he's got
a Roy Halladay-esque physique.
-You know? Yeah.
-Yeah, I know what you're saying.
He's got that lanky, kind of long...
Yeah, yeah.
I wonder what his story is.
This is the only place you can come...
...where two guys talk
about other men's bodies.
Hey, dude...
They're out here for the love.
There's something really heroic
about it too.
But you know, I don't know.
I feel like I almost have more
in common with these guys now,
than I do when I go see the Jays play.
-It's true.
-'Cause like,
the Jays are all, either younger than me.
Or, you know, the veterans
are the same age.
Like, Roy Halladay, same age as me!
I hate that. I can't take that at all.
Have you still got your mitt?
-My glove?
-Yeah, yeah, of course.
-Yeah, yeah.
You should bring it along to the cottage.
I'll bring mine too.
-We can throw the ball around up there.
There's a lot of room. It's nice.
Yeah, yeah.
-Sorry. I'm kind of...
-What's up?
I was kind of wondering
about that, actually.
Something happened the other day, with...
...with Mel.
-Oh, yeah?
-Nothing weird, or that weird.
I don't know. It feels like
there's a connection, or chemistry.
-At least, that's what I thought.
-That's cool.
But the moment anything
would lean toward the physical,
-or anything like that...
It was just, like, really awkward, or...
I don't know. Like, I don't want to...
You might be over-thinking this.
-No, no, no...
-Then again, I don't know. I mean...
-What do you think about the cottage?
-Feel it out. You know?
Like a pitcher
in the first couple of innings.
You don't know what's going on
in the game yet.
You've got to find your rhythm.
Something. You're gonna love the cottage.
The cottage is great.
Yeah, the lake is awesome.
I wish I could blame it
on someone else.
I was just very drunk,
and very distracted.
And I just biked into a curb,
and I like, flew off,
head first, off the bike,
and I broke the fall with my wrist,
and I skidded my head.
And it was really retarded.
-And a 20 box of Timbits.
-Oh, yeah.
It's Peaches-N-Cream,
and 6 dollars for a baker's dozen,
or 50 cents a cob.
How do you feel when people
just come in and rip open your corn?
Well, you've got to see the corn.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Just got to see the corn.
There it is.
I'm gonna make Kyle some chicken soup.
-I'm gonna kill you...
-Shoes off, right, guys?
Yeah, I heard shoes off.
I love the smell of a cottage.
-Are you cooking right away?
Okay, I'm gonna get a bed.
How are you doing?
Good. How are you doing?
-I'm pretty good.
-A man.
I see you called dibs
on the biggest room.
Yeah. I remembered from last time
that it was the best room,
so I rushed to get it.
Is it just grab any bed, or...
Oh, if there's nothing on the bed,
you can have the bed,
and sleep in the bed.
-Okay, see you around.
-Okay. See you soon, I guess.
Seriously, the smell of algae,
it's completely wiping urban affairs
from my mind right now.
-The smell of algae?
-It's relaxing.
But it's like nature's garbage.
How is that relaxing at all?
I find it heady, and sort of...
You're joking, right?
-It's like the smell of fertile lake.
-You're not being serious.
You're the total city guy
that's just come to nature,
and all the crap in nature
makes you so excited.
I'm a little awkward around nature.
So I feel like the algae is my in.
That's, that's your introduction
to nature, through algae?
-Not trees. Not water.
-It's very fertile slime.
How were you feeling this morning?
Just, just tired, and groggy.
Yeah? Was your head, like, pounding?
It was, but it was,
but, you know, it's really hard to tell.
We haven't isolated all of the variables
in this wild experiment...
...that is how I feel right now.
Like, it could have been the booze,
it could have been the concussion,
it could have been the lack of sleep.
I have a lot...
Nice skirt.
It's not bad, eh?
It's okay, I haven't actually looked at it
in the mirror.
I think it's work-friendly.
Yeah, it's very nice.
I'm losing my skills.
How's it going over there?
Oh, it's good.
I like working on weekends.
I'm glad they invented the laptop,
and I'm glad I bought it,
because now I can just work everywhere.
Hey! Are you making
some friends in there?
Yeah, I met a whole family of chipmunks.
-Oh, that's nice.
-We're best buddies now.
You're very nurturing.
I am. It's kind of my style.
-I guess. I don't know.
You don't know. You're not sure
about your style.
No, not really.
I'm still trying to find it, actually.
Hey, throw it!
Oh, sorry.
-Good throw.
-Thank you.
-I was impressed.
-I've been practicing.
Okay, I'll see you later.
People need towels.
See you.
I think I lost the concept.
Sometimes I like to scull.
-What does that mean?
-Have you guys ever sculled?
Oh, it's so relaxing. Try it.
-I'm afraid.
-You just float.
I scull sometimes,
but I didn't know it was called sculling.
You float, and then you just push water
under your bum.
Oh, yeah.
I was, I was with you...
...until the "push water under your bum"
When are we buying you a helmet?
If I could get one
of those Rasta type things on a helmet,
that'd be fantastic.
If you screw up my kebabs,
I will fucking drop you.
Actually, I would say,
exactly seven and a half minutes.
-Exactly seven and a half minutes.
Do not fuck these up.
You've got some...
It overflow-eth.
Oh, that's us!
I'm gonna put this on my blog.
Oh, no! See, that's my problem.
I always press the "close camera" button
instead of the "turn on".
That's so funny!
It's like being in the wilderness
with retards.
-Awesome. Hang on. Oh, my God.
-I don't know why with you...
Why would you even...
That's... You're so fucking wet and cold!
-No, you're warming me. Thank you.
-So wet and cold!
I'm very uncomfortable for,
like, 12 reasons.
But you look funny,
and you're bringing joy to everybody.
Thank you!
Should somebody say grace?
I don't, I don't think that's appropriate.
There's a time and a place.
Here is to Kyle.
Thanks for getting over a concussion,
in order
to host a fantastic cottage weekend.
-I'm blushing. Thank you.
-Cheers to that.
-Cheers to that.
-All right, dig in.
-No, no, no.
While we're at it,
I'd like to propose a toast too,
to all of you,
for welcoming an outsider into the family,
or whatever you guys wanna call it.
No, no, no, I know it sounds super lame,
but I really appreciate it. Thank you.
Handling it like a pro!
-Okay, I know you wanna eat,
but I have a cheers really quick.
Here's to Chris,
for surgically removing yourself
from your girlfriend,
for one night.
-I love Claire!
-You are a terrible person.
But we love you.
I'm cheersing it. I don't know why.
-It's obvious.
To Chris.
Are we done, with the cheers?
-No more cheers.
-I'm hungry!
-I don't think I got you.
-Come on.
-You guys...
Okay, go, go, go!
-How are the sausages?
-Dig in.
I want... Can you cut me half a saucisse?
Anybody? Anybody?
-I will take some corn.
-I have a condition!
-You're a condition!
You know what? I tool also...
I think we should conduct this dinner,
in French.
What a good idea!
I would like some potatoes, please?
Yes. I think I want potatoes too.
I feel like I have butter
all over my face.
How's the corn?
It's really good.
Thank you.
So let me ask you this.
Do we currently have the capacity... talk about politics
around the dinner table?
Didn't you figure that,
at this point in our lives,
we'd be chatting
about incredibly intellectual things?
I love politics.
Do I have the capacity?
-Yes. Yes.
Do I have the desire?
-No. No.
-Not so much.
I once farted 12 times in a row.
That's what I wanna talk about!
Who was around you?
Who was with you?
Chretien. Jean Chretien.
Oh, my God. No!
Yeah, so...
Finally a political discussion
that I'm interested in.
Oh, my God,
there's a huge spider in the fire!
-I know, I can see more often of that.
-Can you see it?
Like, can you feel the heat on you?
Can you imagine
what that must feel like for the spider?
Are you making an Inuktitut?
I'm making art.
-That looks like...
-What's it called?
An inukshuk.
No, no. An "inukshuk" or a "nukshuk"?
An inukshuk.
An inukshuk.
I'm the Mies van der Rohe
of marshmallow sculptures.
I love this. It's so nice to be outside!
-Yeah. We've got fire.
-It's all right.
We've got water behind us.
-We've got trees.
-I can see seven stars.
How is the marshmallow sculpture
coming along?
All right, this is really interesting,
but is there more wine out here?
Oh, we left it at the table.
Okay, does anybody want anything else?
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
I think it almost done.
I can't have that in my sculpture.
-It's disgusting.
-Yes, you can.
Oh, are you kidding me?
This would be the best thing
to happen to your sculptures...
...since your sculpture was born.
Full points!
I think I'm gonna go check
something inside too.
Does anyone want a drink or something?
-You're bringing the wine out, right?
-Can you see that?
I need some towels.
Shit, Sam.
Well, eat it, eat it.
He's gotta...
They would have dug me on Queen Street.
Hi. Did you come...
I didn't really come for wine.
I don't know what's going on.
Am I way off base? I don't know.
-I feel like I'm getting...
You're not way off base.
-I just don't...
-No. I don't, I don't...
I don't mean to be, like, all...
I just want, I just want to know...
I know.
And I don't know...
...what exactly to do, because...
I, I guess I'm confused about...
I'll make it really, really easy.
I like you.
And, I don't know, I want...
...I want to see what happens.
And I don't have any expectations.
I don't, I don't wanna put
anything like that on you.
I just think that there's something...
I'm here.
-Hey. How's it going?
I'm okay.
That's good.
I didn't get laid off from my job.
So I guess that means I had a good day.
You're an inspiration
to every working person.
Yeah, and to people who don't have jobs.
They look to me and think,
"I wish I was her."
-If she can do it.
-She can do the job.
-Really, absolutely anybody can.
How are you?
I am single.
-You guys broke up?
Take the dog out back and shoot it.
How do you feel?
-How do you feel?
-More comfortable.
I'm fine. You know, it's...
The funny thing is,
she broke up with me.
-Claire did the dumping?
-Yeah, Claire broke up with me.
No, we had a talk last night,
and she just like,
"This isn't the trajectory."
You know, she wants...
She wants the kids, she wants the house.
At the very least,
she wants me to move in with her.
Yeah, that was my argument.
But you know what?
You're gonna pick yourself up, get drunk.
I know you're already doing that,
aren't you?
Yeah, okay.
And then,
you'll do lots of other crazy stuff
in your life.
-What is this, fortune telling?
-Just, just come...
I see stuff in your future.
-And things!
-Do you?
-And other things.
-Do you see things?
Because I do too.
But I don't wanna sound
like a crazy person.
You know what? The number one thing
I was worried about most...
-...with breaking up?
Was having to listen to you,
trying to console me.
I'm not trying to console you.
In fact, I hope you die of crying.
I'm sorry. Am I being a bad friend?
But a good one at the same time?
-Don't, don't throw-up.
-You are...
Yeah. I'm gonna get another one of these,
and I'm gonna get you one too.
-Get me one? I would like a drink.
-Yeah, let's drink. It's fine.