No More Ladies (1935) Movie Script

Up cha-cha. You missed me.
Want to try it again?
No thank you, Fanny.
Can you guess what I'm doing?
If I wasn't your grandmother and didn't
know you I'd say you were going to bed.
Right the first time.
What's the matter, child? Are you ill?
Can't a girl go to bed
without being ill?
Bed at this hour?
Why, it's positively immoral.
What should I answer if
someone should say ..
'I hear your granddaughter went to
bed the other night at 9 o'clock'?
Tell them what you always do.
What your granddaughter does
is none of their darned business.
You haven't said 'darn' in 20 years.
I apologise, dear. It's none of their ..
- Shush. Marcia.
You're acting very strangely.
I thought you were going
out with Sherry Warren.
So did Sherry Warren.
Apparently he was mistaken.
Here lies Sherry Warren.
Man about town.
Worthless rake.
He was a nice guy though.
I kinda liked him.
Oh Fanny, stop it.
Fiddle-de-dee on the 4th of July.
Don't tell me you've fallen for the man.
I have not fallen for him
and I am going to bed.
You can tell him from
me when he gets here ..
That he kept me waiting just one hour
too long and just once too often.
Hmm. A lot of good that will do.
It does seem a shame though to
waste a perfectly good evening.
Why don't you go out with Oliver?
He's downstairs now.
No dear. You take Oliver.
He's a very worthy young man.
I'm sure he will be very good for you.
And so to bed.
Well Oliver, how is that?
Excuse me Mrs Townsend but
that move wasn't quite right.
What? Do you think I'm cheating?
Mrs Townsend, I wouldn't
for a moment suggest ..
Well, I was.
I always cheat when I have a chance.
Don't you ever cheat, Oliver?
I trust you're joking, Mrs Townsend.
Aren't you going to drink your Highball?
No thank you. I really didn't want it.
- Well, you shouldn't have taken it.
You certainly enjoy life, Mrs Townsend.
Why shouldn't I?
- Most of your contemporaries ..
I know. My contemporaries
give me a swift pain.
They're all old people.
You look exactly as a man
wants his grandmother to look.
I know. I always have.
Even when women wore skirts above
their knees, mine swept the floor.
I congratulate you.
- I suppose really it was my legs.
I beg your pardon?
Legs. You must have seen a few.
I never cared very much for mine.
Well, I'm sure they were ..
So am I.
I'm afraid Marcia is
right about you, Oliver.
You're a very worthy young man.
Marcia said that?
That was awfully nice of her.
Excuse me.
Ah, thank you.
Did ..
Did Marcia say anything else about me?
You would like to marry
Marcia, wouldn't you?
Well, really ..
You and Marcia are splendid.
Why not Jean Harlow and Mahatma Gandhi?
I don't see any comparison.
Oliver, get my shawl over there please.
At the back of that chair.
- Certainly.
Thank you, Oliver.
Oliver, what has come over you?
Hello, darling.
What are you doing here? And so early.
I came here early to see you, Grandma.
And if I may so the
devotion of a lifetime ..
Shut up and freshen this drink.
You know Oliver don't you?
Oh yes. And does Oliver know me.
How are you, Oliver?
Hello, Sheridan.
How is jolly old Wall Street, Oliver?
Don't ask him.
He'll tell you all about it.
I'm sorry I asked. I came
her to forget my troubles.
You did, did you? Ha.
Was that a snort by any chance?
- It was. And let me tell you.
No. Don't tell me, don't tell me.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Someone is trying to reach me.
Someone is trying to get through.
Who can it be? Ah yes, it's Marcia.
And she is ..
- Ha.
Where is she?
The message she gave me for you
was she has a splitting headache.
And won't be able to go out
tonight and she's very, very sorry.
Fanny, you're a liar.
That's not the Marcia I know.
But what she really said
was that you could go and ..
I understand perfectly.
I probably taught her the words.
The ones you didn't.
Where is she?
- Upstairs. Probably sleeping.
Sleeping on my time, eh?
That's a fine how-do-you-do.
It's no use, my boy. She's through.
- That's what she really said.
Well, that and several other
things more to the point.
The fact is my boy, you are out.
Shall I go into detail as to
just how 'out' you are?
Remember, there was once a boy called
Jack who fell down and broke his crown.
You don't remember your
nursery rhymes very well, dear.
Don't forget what little Jell did.
Look here. You can't go up there.
She might be in bed.
Since when has a lady in bed
been an object of repugnance?
I am so sorry. Were you asleep?
What are you doing here?
I brought you some roses.
I bought them from a dear little
old lady down on 14th Street.
For me? How lovely?
She was a sweet little old lady.
She said: 'For your sweetheart, mister'.
I just couldn't resist it.
When you took them from her, her
little face just lit up and she said ..
'If these aren't good enough'.
You'll find some in a vase
outside of her bedroom door.
Well, I would have bought some
if I'd gone by way of 14th Street.
If there was a little
old lady selling them.
Fine sentiments will do nicely, Sherry.
And I also accept the
usual charming excuse.
I haven't one.
In fact not a very good one.
None at all. Just ..
- I accept it anyway. Goodnight.
Well, don't sit there
looking like a small boy.
You know I can't go
until you forgive me.
Sherry, I forgive you utterly.
I don't like the sound of the 'utterly'.
- I don't like the feeling of it either.
Couldn't you just make
it a little less 'utter'?
Just for tonight. After all
you haven't had dinner.
I don't want any dinner and I am
bored and I've a headache.
I know a cocktail that can
cure two of those things.
I could cure the headache.
Goodnight, Sherry.
One of those cocktails with
a dash of Pernod in it.
And then a nice juicy little Mignon with
a lot of gooey Barnaise all over it.
I have a headache.
- What?
There. Is that the spot?
- No.
A little higher.
- A little higher.
How is that?
I got something here I didn't get from
a little old lady on 14th Street.
Sherry, you are a dog to
get around me this way.
Am I around you?
- No.
But how did you know it's what I wanted?
- You liked it when Don had it.
But this is Don's.
Where did you get it?
- I stole it.
You didn't think I'd wait until one
came all the way from England?
You are a fool and
you'll be in Sing Sing.
No. I left mine in its place.
Where is this new cocktail place?
I don't think you'd better go out.
You've got such an awful headache.
I never had a headache.
Yeah. I thought you were
acting kind of grand.
All that 'utter, utter' business.
I did act badly, didn't I. I'm sorry.
In fact, I don't know whether I
ought to take you out or not.
You will take me out and like it.
Well, of course if you
feel that way about it.
Go on, out you go while I get dressed.
Say, by the way. Just what
was that charming excuse?
Oh yes.
Well, this girl.
A perfect stranger to me.
You know how it is.
I mean, people call you up.
Post letters to you. What could I do?
I was ..
When I looked at my watch
it was a quarter to seven.
Nobody could have been
more surprised than I was.
Don't be impatient, darling.
Have a drink with Fanny and
I'll be down in two seconds.
I can't help it, Fanny.
I love him.
Well, of all ..
Don't you realize, girl?
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh, you little fool.
We do have some good times
together, don't we.
And we are going to have a great
many more. A million swell times.
Even better than we've had before.
You know why?
No. Why?
Because I'm the girl who isn't
in love with you. Remember me?
Half the time I adore you and the
other half I could murder you.
I'll bet I am in love.
Oh, season's greetings.
- Edgar.
It pains me to have to tell
you but this is our table.
Why Marcia, I'm glad to
see you. Glad to see you.
A nice nook you have here.
You found a chair too, huh?
That's too bad.
Will you have some of your wine?
- Yes, thank you.
Edgar, if I'm not too inquisitive.
Whom were you with?
- Well, you. I just decided.
Isn't that just too dandy. When did
you make up your mind about that?
Now, Sherry. Is that a nice thing to
say to your own flesh and flood?
Flesh and blood cousin?
- Second cousin.
Well then, second cousin. Besides I've
got an important mission to perform.
Marcia I have got to save you from him.
Oh Marcia, Marcia.
Tell me it isn't too late for you
to turn back to the right road.
Alas, good sir. He's made no proposals
to me, improper or otherwise.
You are slipping?
Will you get drunk and go to sleep.
He's a horrible fellow.
Has been ever since he was a boy.
Do you know the coward caved in my chin
when I was an innocent lad of fourteen?
No. How old was the
big bully at the time?
Seven or eight.
I was five or six and it wasn't
your chin. It was your nose.
It was my nose at the time.
My face has slipped
in the last thirty years.
I'll bet you were an adorable child.
Yes, I was.
And can he drink. Can he drink?
He drinks like a fish. Like two fishes.
I could go further.
- Not with us, you can't.
Come on.
- We'll be back, Edgar.
Over my dead body we'll
be right back, Edgar.
Marcia, if he bothers you now just ..
One mere scream and one of our courteous
agents will be right to your side.
Without any obligation whatsoever.
Our motto is:
'They die outside of the house'.
Come on, let's get out of this place.
- But why?
You don't want to stay here all night?
- Where else?
Zeros? The Elkins' party.
- Oh, Sherry.
Why is it every time you get somewhere
you always want to go someplace else?
You never seem to settle
down even for a minute.
So you want me to settle down, eh?
To stick to one nightclub?
And stick to one girl too, I suppose?
- I know that's a shocking thought.
One brandy and soda and
one Cherry Rocher. Right?
You always think of everything.
That's why I hate you.
Here you are. You thought
you'd escaped me, huh?
Well, I am back again.
Come on, come on.
Marcia, you are safe.
Your worries are over.
There he is. Look at him.
You know who this is?
This is Mr James MacIntyre Duffy.
The world's light-heavyweight champion.
How do you do?
Do you know how Mr Duffy
is going to save you?
- Ha.
He's going to knock
your block off, Sherry.
Ha-ha. A pleasure.
No, no. You're supposed to be scared.
So you have been playing
around with nice girls, huh?
I hope I was playing
around with nice girls.
If you don't like it,
what will you do about it?
Go on. Now, how.
Sherry, you old son-of-a-gun.
I'm glad to see you.
You big palooka.
What you doing in this place?
You're supposed to be in training.
I've got a lot of money bet on you.
Wouldn't you know they'd
be friends? Would you ..?
Give me a drink somebody.
This is the nice girl, Duffy.
Thanks for saving my
good name, Mr Duffy.
At your service any time, Miss.
The first time I've ever seen
you with your clothes on.
I can't tell you how impressed I am.
Say, look here. Whose friend
are you supposed to be? His or ..?
You promised me ..
Are you trying to turn me against
a pal? Come on, I'll show you.
I don't know. You would talk
anybody out of anything.
How right he is.
Look at me. Laughing my head off ..
And wasting a perfectly new dress I
wanted to save for Dorothy's big party.
Ah, but you're having much
more fun in it with me.
Real fun isn't easy to be had.
In other words, always gay?
No matter how serious the situation is?
Absolutely. Meet it with a smile.
You'd better get your smile ready, dear.
Because a situation is approaching.
Oh, just somebody whose
wife you stole away.
Don't look around now though
because he's standing over there.
At any rate I admire your impertinence.
Hello Jim.
Hello Marcia.
- Hello Jim.
Nice company you keep.
Yes. We were just on the
subject of Sherry's niceness.
Marcia is inclined to agree with you.
What's the matter with you, Marcia?
Other women find him irresistible.
At least my ex-wife did.
And so does another old flame of his.
Meaning who?
Caroline. She's been crying
on my shoulder over there ..
Because you passed her
up on the dance floor.
Where is old Carol?
It's not my habit to go passing people.
Say, she looks swell doesn't she.
- She's feeling swell too.
And she's a swell girl.
- She is. A grand girl.
Well, we don't have to
be so militant about it.
She's swell, she's grand.
She's wonderful.
I thought you were angry with me.
You danced right by us.
What is this? Everybody
angry at everybody else?
Why should I dance right by you?
- Well, you should.
After those awful letters I
wrote and the way I acted.
Oh Sherry, I ..
- Darling, darling.
Isn't it a little unusual for Sherry
to carry out his own dead?
Poor Caroline.
I'm getting a little too old to worry
any more about Sherry's girls.
They ought to know what he is by now.
I don't like this thing they're doing.
Neither do I. I'm sorry.
Well, he deserves it I guess.
- You don't.
If anybody has a right to take a
crack at him you certainly have.
Why should I?
Diana is happily married now.
She is Lady Knowleton of
Knowleton on the Thames.
Oh, she wasn't so
unhappy married to you.
Sherry doesn't seem to have much
trouble taking her away from me.
I still don't understand though
how he escaped marrying her.
Just as he's always escaped
marrying anybody I suppose.
For heaven's sake, Marcia.
Let me see your tongue.
Say 'Ahh'.
Find anything, doctor?
I'd like to have another consultation.
- I must see your license to practice.
That's strange coming from you.
I certainly hope my diagnosis
in your case is wrong.
He's a pleasant chap, isn't he.
I'm very fond of Jim.
- Come on, let's dance.
How was Caroline?
Oh yes. She's alright. She just
wants everybody to be nice to her.
I'm sure you were able to do that.
- Oh yes.
You didn't have a cigarette case by any
chance? One she happened to admire?
Do I detect a tinge of criticism?
Me criticise you?
Why Sherry, what an idea.
Your behaviour is beyond reproach.
Adorably naughty, delightfully callous.
Then why do you bother
to go out with me?
Sherry, you've played
around with life so long ..
You won't know an honest
emotion if you saw one.
I honestly admire you.
You're not like Caroline and not
like any woman. You are swell.
Look .. we can have a lot of fun.
But only as long as you are
just what you are. No pretence.
Just a charming ..
I think you know the word.
- Perfectly. But believe me ..
Oh, there. That's just what I mean.
I am going to dance with Duffy.
A brandy and soda.
- Yes, sir.
Sherry, I've got some sad news for you.
Marcia told me to tell you
that she had taken your car ..
And has gone for a ride
in the park with Duffy.
Oh, I am sorry for you, Sherry.
Not at all. Not at all.
I know when I'm well off.
She is attractive. She's too
darned attractive and I adore her.
But baby is not getting himself involved
with any woman he can't handle.
That my son, ends completely my
responsibility towards beautiful Marcia.
The lesson of the evening being:
scratch a woman and you find a wife.
Give me a brandy and soda.
It must be getting frightfully late.
Don't you want to stop, Mrs Townsend?
Not while you're licking
the daylights out of me.
I'm sorry.
- Don't be a ..
What are you doing here?
Struggle as I may, you are irresistible.
But I can't play backgammon with
Sherry around, I'll let you go, Oliver.
It is late.
Yes. I think you had better
take unusual care of yourself ..
For the next few days after this orgy.
I do keep fit.
I am frightfully embarrassed.
You're embarrassed? What about me?
I haven't got seven-fifty.
Pay him off, Sherry.
Here you are. A 20-dollar bill.
The best I can do for you.
Sorry, I've no change.
I'll send it up from downstairs.
I trust you. Why don't people trust me?
Maybe it's because they know you.
Where's Marcia?
I thought by some strange
circumstance she might be here.
So you don't know where she is?
Not exactly, Oliver.
Say, what is this?
I do believe you're
worried, you old peach.
I am not worried.
I certainly am not. She isn't with you.
- And that's something, isn't it.
I asked you once.
What have you done with Marcia?
Well, I kind of mislaid her.
Oh, you mislaid her?
Are you joking, Warren?
No Allen, no.
It's late, Allen. You must run
along to your little trundle bed.
But you don't know where Marcia is.
Should I leave in a crisis of this kind?
Fanny and I can take care of everything.
I am frankly worried.
Bosh. Goodnight, Oliver.
- Goodnight.
I want to thank you for a
most enjoyable evening.
- Goodnight.
A good chap, Oliver.
A pillar of society.
- A stout fellow. Full of good works.
I bet he wears Jaeger underwear.
I must ask him.
A sound citizen.
He wants to marry Marcia.
An original chap, isn't he.
Where is she? I want a straight answer.
- A straight answer?
Alright. I give it to you: I don't know.
We were in a nightclub.
She swiped my car, met a prizefighter
I'd bet a lot of money on.
And disappeared into the night.
After I waited an hour or two it dawned
on me I'd been left holding the baby.
I understand perfectly.
She swiped your car.
Kidnapped a prizefighter.
Disappeared into the night.
I feel better now.
I admit I've been worried this evening.
- I said yes.
Who you worried about?
You, to be frank.
I was afraid Marcia might return tonight
and tell me you'd decided to marry her.
You needn't worry about that.
Marcia won't marry me.
I'm not so sure.
She hasn't that much sense.
I sort-of counted on you.
Now, I can't even be sure of you.
Not sure of me, eh?
I've been in tighter spots.
I have a feeling you are in danger.
Casa Bianca.
Casa Bianca?
Casa Bianca. You know, the
boy stood on the burning deck.
Be careful you don't get burned.
My dear Fanny, I don't smell
any smoke but you alarm me.
I want to alarm you.
You aren't by any chance suggesting ..
The Aquitania sails in the morning.
I could get it easily.
You've a passport?
- Certainly.
I knew it.
Any crook worthy of the name
has a getaway arranged.
Hello, Fanny. How nice
of you to wait up for me.
I didn't wait up for you,
you young hobo.
You're too sweet to me.
Your car is outside, Sherry.
I was a little bit
worried about the car.
You might give this elegant
stopwatch back to your friend Duffy.
Listen to this.
'To James MacIntyre Duffy'.
'From his grateful sparring
partners. With love'.
What, no kisses?
What happened?
- Nothing.
Surprisingly little happened
considering his affectionate nature.
Are all fighters affectionate?
I don't as a rule, neck them.
What a lot you miss.
What happened?
I asked him if he were
a real caveman and ..
He started then to
demonstrate right away.
So I tenderly suggested the lakeside
would be a better place for our romance.
So he hopped out of the car.
But I didn't. And that's that.
Poor devil.
Nice of you to worry about him.
I thought perhaps you
might be worried about me.
Well, I like that.
You leave this poor boy
flat in a Honkytonk.
Dash off with the fighter he has bet on.
The fighter will probably
never be any good again.
Then you calmly drift home after
you got what was coming to you.
And expect us to wipe away your tears
and say: 'There little girl, don't cry'.
That's swell.
Well, I'll be seeing you.
I do smell smoke, Casa Bianca.
- Nothing.
I get it.
- Good.
But, remember the halfwit did burn.
Don't bother to let me
in on your conversation.
We won't.
You might drop in to the children's
hour sometime however.
You are all in, aren't you.
Sorry, Sherry.
It was beastly of me.
The funny part of it is
I am not really sorry.
Well, if you aren't sorry what are you?
I'm off to raid the icebox.
You had better run along.
Do you as a rule turn
your suitors out hungry?
I was making an exception in your case.
Come along.
You know, I am hungry.
Alright then. Cut some bread.
- Where?
In the breadbox.
And it's generally done with a knife.
- Oh?
A little jumpy tonight, aren't you?
- Sherry, I feel rotten. I'm sick of it.
I want to be alone
for a long, long time.
Will you leave and not come back?
I'm sorry. I thought you liked
having me around more or less.
I do.
More or less. Either one or the other.
There, now you've got it.
You aren't asking me to marry you by
any chance? No thank you. I hate olives.
I understand your point of view exactly.
In your case, marriage is no good.
Absolutely. It's not as
simple as it sounds.
It isn't simple at all. Getting married
is as easy as falling off a log.
Making it work. That's the catch.
The rock-bound coast
is strewn with wrecks.
The more sophisticated the people the
heavier the odds are against them.
Yeah, They think they're
getting a slice of paradise ..
And instead of that they
get a kick in the pants.
Not always, Sherry.
I've never seen it fail.
Look at all our friends.
- My, you are romantic.
As a matter of fact, I am.
Your disguise is perfect.
Breaking heart behind
brave smile. That's me.
You know, it isn't that people
expect too much from marriage.
They don't expect enough.
Because if they really expect
a paradise on earth.
They're going to give everything
they've got to make it come true.
Most of them are disillusioned
about marriage before they marry.
How right you are.
Licked before they start.
But the poor fools keep on trying.
- Aren't they fools.
Well, that's that.
We seem to be entirely agreed.
In marriage the odds against
success are tremendous.
Experience proves it.
Only the blind can fail to see it.
- Am I right?
Absolutely, old girl.
So what?
So ..
So, let's get married.
I've done it.
And I swore a thousand times I
wasn't going to ask you to marry me.
Are you doing it now?
Incredible as it may appear, I am.
And you've no doubt about my answer?
Not much.
- What do you think I'll say?
I think you'll say yes, darn it.
- Darn it, you're right.
And so they were married
and lived unhappily ever after.
I'll tell you one thing.
It will be the most marvellous party in
the world and it's going to be a hell.
So watch out.
I've always wondered
if there really is a hell.
Well my lad, you'll have a
sporting chance to find out.
We're off.
Wait. Let's get this straight.
- Righto.
A pair of fools.
- Imbecile.
No chance.
- Not an earthly.
A heartrending time.
- Hideous. Darling.
I make you only one promise.
- What?
I will never call you darling
unless I really mean it.
Great heavens, Casa Bianca.
The ship is sinking.
Well, don't you like my new suit?
Say, don't you think it
would be nice up here?
You know, it's the wrong
time of day to go swimming.
People who swim at this time
of the day inevitably drown.
And when you drown your whole
life passes right before you.
You don't want your whole
life to flash before you?
I wouldn't want to have your
life pass before me, darling.
Did you mention a telegram?
- Seems to me I did refer to a telegram.
As a matter of fact it is
right there in my hand.
Alright then, you read it.
It doesn't say anything.
It just says Fanny will
phone this afternoon.
Read all of it.
How can you possibly tolerate an
interruption at this particular moment?
What else did she say?
I've knowledge that ladies who sit at
sewing circles or wherever they sit ..
Complain bitterly because their
husbands don't love them enough.
I've no cause for complaint
about what you say ..
Ladies complain about in
sewing circles so far, darling.
[ Telephone ]
It's Fanny.
The telegram must have walked here.
- Hello, darling.
Oh, you're a sentimental old peach.
Well, a peach anyway. Will you go away.
- Who me?
No, no, no. Not you.
You're as crazy as he is though.
Wait a minute.
Mr Warren.
Will you please go down to the
beach and order me a lemonade.
And sit and guard it.
I go.
I guess I know a hint when I hear one.
Try and be good the five minutes
you're out of my sight, will you?
As foolish as it sounds I do think we'll
make a go of it as I love you so much.
And I shall boast about
you in sewing circles.
What? Oh.
Fanny says you are nothing to
boast about in any circle.
May I have this?
Yes, yes. Of course.
I heard you were down here.
- Did you?
What is my name?
Don't you know?
Perhaps if we go over your past we'd ..
Remember Junior League
ball seven years ago?
Oh yes, of course I remember.
I remember perfectly.
Somehow you're different
in a bathing suit.
Even more attractive if I may say so.
My name is Sally French.
- Sally French. Yes. I remember.
Remember what you said
when we were dancing?
I meant every word of it.
Do you know I think the things
I've heard about you are true.
What did I say to you?
- Nothing. Not a word.
We danced and I didn't say a word?
Note exactly.
You see, we didn't dance at all.
What did we do?
- We didn't do anything.
You see, we didn't meet.
When you get to the point where
we're not in Florida this afternoon ..
I will throw you back in the ocean.
- I was at that ball though.
Just a gawky kid with my mouth open.
Well, you have gotten nicely over that.
A girl can't go around with her
mouth open for seven years.
Perfectly right. Time and tide and
my lady's mouth wait for no man.
I wouldn't know about time and tide.
Now wait a minute. How about seeing
you sometime? Cocktails, maybe?
I'd love to, except ..
- Splendid.
Except we are leaving for
New York this afternoon.
See you at the next Junior
League Ball. So long.
Why the frown, my lord?
Was I frowning?
Maybe it was because I was
wondering where you were.
She's a very pretty girl, Sherry.
- Yes, she's a pretty girl.
Why must I love you enough
to be jealous of her?
If I'm not careful, someday I
will be a nagging nuisance.
Then you'll shoot me for
my own good, won't you.
You, jealous?
Just an honest confession of weakness.
You know, I envy you. You're too
strong to ever be jealous of me.
I won't torture myself every time
I see you talking to a pretty girl.
Especially if she's not too pretty.
Why don't you have
cocktails with her tomorrow?
Certainly not.
And why 'certainly not'?
Because she's leaving for
New York this afternoon.
Oh, well that's too bad.
Anyway, I don't want to have cocktails
with her. It would bore me to death.
Hello, Mr Warren.
- Hi.
Hello Sherry.
- Hello.
Who was that?
- I don't know. Catherine someone.
You know, this place
hasn't changed a bit.
Well, thanks for coming
this far with me, Sherry.
See you Monday.
- That's alright.
Marcia is meeting me at Grand Central at
6:10. I have plenty of time for a drink.
No. I wouldn't take a chance.
Goodbye, goodbye.
You're not by any chance
trying to get rid of me?
Get rid of you? No, no. I just
don't want you to miss your train.
I've not missed a train
since I've been married.
You know Edgar, you should get married.
Why? So I won't miss trains?
No. So you won't get in trouble.
You're obviously worrying about a girl.
I know. I used to.
Well, it's about time. I have been
looking for you for half an hour.
Well hello. Fancy meeting you here.
Well so long, Sherry.
Have nice weekend.
How do you do, Mr Warren?
- Hello.
How are you?
Well, wouldn't you know it.
You don't really know him, do you?
We've never actually met but ..
- The world is a small place, isn't it.
Yes, it's much too small.
Won't you join us?
- No, he can't.
He can't. He has to meet his wife.
His wife, at the Grand
Central Station at 6:10.
But it's only a little after five.
- Your clock has stopped though.
Much as I would like to stay Edgar
I really think I had better be going.
Phone, Mr Holden.
- What?
This way please.
- Alright.
You'd better be gone when I get back.
Remember the terrific
is traffic, traffic is terrific.
Theresa, I'll see you right
here. You wait for me.
You know, Edgar can't get it out of
his head I am trying to steal his girl.
Had Edgar a girl?
I hope so. He's a nice guy.
You don't remember me do you?
Yes, yes of course.
You're Theresa Germaine.
And her banjo.
You were marvellous.
I went to hear you every night.
Yes, I know. With Caroline Ramsay.
Yes, with Caroline.
Well, well, well.
I don't suppose you remember losing
your cigarette case one night?
And getting it back later
with a note in it from me?
Yes, yes. I do remember.
I was a fool not to do something
about it at the time, wasn't I.
What do you think?
You were terribly attractive that night.
You are terribly attractive right now.
I would ..
Well, if I'm going to make that train ..
It's nice to have seen you.
Let me see.
Maybe I'm a bit slow.
- That isn't what I'd heard about you.
I did want to get a drink too.
I'll get a quick one on the way down.
There's a little bar across the street.
- Yes. Yes, that's right.
Joe Williams' place.
We couldn't ditch Edgar, could we.
Well, goodbye.
- No, we couldn't ditch Edgar.
I really hate to go.
Perhaps I'll see you at the
Cascades Club sometime?
They make a marvellous Sidecar
at the bar across the Street.
Do they? Do they? Well ..
I certainly wish I had time.
You're going over there, aren't you?
- I might.
Of course, it would be
awful to ditch Edgar.
Yes. Yes, indeed.
Well, goodbye.
Hello Edgar.
Hello. How are you?
Holy smoke. I've been robbed.
Hello Williams.
Looking for someone?
- No, no.
I'm just waiting for a train.
Well, where is she?
Where is who?
- Don't give me that.
Where is .. where is Theresa?
She's with you, no?
She's gone, doggone it, you took her.
Edgar, I didn't.
- Well who did?
I don't know.
Besides, would you think I'd
do a thing like that to you?
How can I think?
You have been doing it ever
since I was five years old.
Have a drink.
- No.
Give me a Martini.
Why not come to the
country this weekend?
Well I ..
- Right, You can't.
Why can't I?
Well, this is the weekend Marcia
and I were going to spend alone.
Fanny is coming though so perhaps if ..
- No thanks. Never mind. I have a date.
At least I did have a date.
Where do you suppose that girl went?
Maybe she has been kidnapped.
I wouldn't put it past her.
I've got a confession to make to you.
Aha, I knew it.
You rat.
- It's nothing like that.
I confess there was a
moment this afternoon.
When I was tempted.
- You what?
Not that I would take her away from you.
But she's a very attractive girl and ..
I am glad that nothing
really came of it.
Are you kidding me?
Edgar, I've reformed, I tell you.
Look me in the eye and tell me that.
Edgar, I have reformed.
Sherry, I believe you.
And I apologise for my suspicions.
Good hunting.
Thank you. Thank you.
You pay for that, huh?
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir. Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
I was just going to get my train.
Yes. I know.
Edgar is looking for you.
And I am looking for you.
I wonder where I am.
Maybe you are in the bar?
No. No, I don't think so.
- Shall we look?
I doubt it would do any good.
I'll take a chance.
I really ought to get that train.
Hello, Edgar.
Hello, hello, hello.
Easy now. Easy.
He's bigger than you.
Are you sure the collar is on
the front end of that beast?
Why are you here anyway?
Madam, may I present my credentials.
I am a house guest.
And what lucky home is entertaining you?
No, Edgar. Not this weekend.
It's a surprise.
Yes, it certainly is.
Your husband thought he could slip one
over on me by saying I wasn't wanted.
Yeah. But I fooled him.
Can you imagine how sorry he'll be?
Edgar, it's going to be very dull.
No-one is coming.
It's not dull where
little Edgar ever is.
No, sir. Two days in the country
will do me a lot of good.
Heaven knows what you and that Shetland
pony will do to the country though.
Perhaps you can have
Connecticut covered with a tent.
Mrs Townsend, if I may call you such ..
Connecticut and I are just like that.
All aboard.
Here we go.
Maybe Sherry is already on.
The dogs have to go in the baggage car.
Do you think it's safe for that little
hors d'oeuvre to travel alongside Rover?
He hasn't had his dinner yet you know.
What are you writing? Let me see.
It's a note for you.
I might give it to you later.
Sometime when you can
spend the evening in town.
Who said I can't spend
this evening in town?
I just thought.
I guess I shouldn't think. It always ..
Just forget about this
thinking business.
It's very dull.
Excuse me. I'm going to make a call.
Thank you, Stafford.
I have been trying to get hold of you.
You've tried getting hold of me?
Yes. The funniest thing happened.
I bumped into Edgar and
he's as stiff as aboard.
Yes. So I went home with him.
So you went ..?
What did you say?
I say I went home with him.
Oh. You went home with him?
Then you had better stay with him.
Yes. I thought I had better do that.
I'll spend the night at the club.
Goodnight, Sherry.
What did you say?
I said goodnight.
Well Mrs Warren?
I'm afraid he can't get down
until tomorrow afternoon.
What's he doing?
Why is he staying in town?
He has to take care of a drunken friend.
Well it can't be me. I am here.
And I am here.
This was going to be our weekend alone.
Taking care of you and whom else?
Well it might have been
me at that, my dearest.
Or somebody that looks like me.
Drunks look a lot alike.
Don't they Miss Townsend?
- I never made a study of drunks.
Well you should.
They're very interesting.
Now take me for instance.
It was such a stupid lie. If he didn't
want to come down why didn't he say so?
But he did, Marcia. He did.
You shouldn't mistrust Sherry.
He's a changed man.
- Yes. He seems to be.
Well he is.
Why, only this afternoon
he could have ..
He could have what?
Well, he could have
stolen my girl from me.
At first, I thought he had, you know.
But no, sir.
He looked right into my good eye
and told me he had reformed.
Did he tell the girl that too?
No, no. She sort-of disappeared.
Oh, she disappeared?
I see.
Why Marcia, you don't think ..
I'm not thinking anything.
Maybe that's best.
I am supposed to be like those monkeys.
Hear no evil, see no
evil and speak no evil.
Well, I am no monkey.
- But you married one.
No-one knows any better
than I do what I married.
And it's about time he
found out what he married.
Well, it looks to me as though
the honeymoon were over.
It looks to me as though it's
time for you to take that ..
Furry sea-going elephant out for a walk.
If I were I'd try to look a little less
like a monument to outraged womanhood.
On the contrary my dear, I was
just watching Edgar's dog ..
Dig up the dahlias
you planted last year.
What? Where?
Never mind. It's too late.
You must learn to cultivate
calm in the face of disaster.
Kill that dog and Edgar too.
When does Sherry get here?
Sometime this afternoon.
Do you know what you're
going to say to him?
I told Sherry he'd be
a fool to marry you.
That you'd be a bigger
fool to marry him.
We weren't fools, Fanny.
Marriage was the only thing for us.
We've had a marvellous time.
Even better than I hoped for.
If the bloom has worn off for
him maybe it's my fault.
It isn't marriage that's wrong, Fanny.
People are too willing to blame marriage
when mostly it's their own fault.
I think I will check out of here.
All this sweetness and
light is stifling me.
You were in on this thing at the start.
You'd better stay around for the finish.
And then you can say:
'Uhuh, I told you so'.
It was never any fun for me.
You original woman you.
The only one of your kind.
I think I will kiss you.
- You must be kind of low in your mind.
Anybody home?
- Who wants to know?
Why, Fanny.
Don't you remember me? Your little boy
Sherry who's been gone a long 14 years.
Is it truly our little boy Sherry?
I'll show you the strawberry
mark on my left shoulder.
If there's a mark on you Sherry
Warren, it isn't a strawberry.
It's a raspberry.
Sorry, darling.
Did you say 'darling'?
It was rotten of me to stay away.
Not at all. You had to
take care of Edgar.
That was going to be my story but
I'm afraid that was all washed up ..
When I learned from Stafford that Edgar
came with you on the afternoon train.
I'll have to get a better
excuse the next time.
Then there is to be a 'next time'?
I thought perhaps you
were ashamed of yourself.
Ashamed? Of course I am ashamed.
I feel like the lowest snake in
creation. I should have come home.
Why? This house isn't a jail.
No, of course not.
Somehow I feel so restless.
And there comes a time when you
just can't do without banjo music.
So Edgar told you? Nice of him.
- Nice of you to steal his girl.
That's a lot of hooey.
- Is it?
Marcia, I feel like a skunk.
I'm as sorry as I can be.
I could have lied to you.
- Who is she, Sherry?
A graduate of the old Speakeasies.
Ordinary, I suppose you would call her.
I'm afraid if I ever started
I'd call her more than that.
But don't worry. I won't start.
- Good.
Not so good.
Look here. I have reason to call
her anything I like, haven't I?
She never heard of you.
- Not from you I dare say.
Answer me straight out.
Yes or no?
No lies, you understand.
Never have been any, never will be any.
Now, do you want an answer?
- Yes.
I would have told you anyway.
I couldn't have lied to you.
I know in some ways
you are fairly decent.
You know I am.
Are you under the
impression I forgive you?
I don't know.
I do know what happened isn't important.
It has nothing to do with you and me.
Come on now. Let's not
act like children about it.
What are you afraid of, a scene?
- No, of course not.
Afraid I'll throw the fire-tongs at you?
- No.
I might, you know.
Marcia, may I say again I am sorry?
You may but you're not.
Marcia, kiss me and
let's forget all this.
I'm sorry.
But why a nightclub queen?
She's amusing and genuine.
As genuine as any tramp.
She's no more a tramp than I am.
And what are you?
You needn't be so nasty about it.
You can't make me feel
any worse than I do.
Do you want to know how I feel?
My heart is breaking.
I always thought it was
a nonsense, that phrase.
But it can happen.
Isn't that interesting.
- Marcia.
The thing really aches just because
you prefer another woman to me.
But I don't.
It couldn't make my heart feel like you
jabbed a red-hot poker in it, could it?
Could it?
Marcia, I can't stand this.
I am sorry.
It's stupid of me to upset you so.
You want me to get out?
- No.
It won't do you any harm to cry.
I'm not going to cry.
I suppose he is sorry?
That's just it.
He's not really.
He'll do it again and again.
That's something to know.
- Is it?
But I knew it. I knew it
before we were married.
How did you solve the
marriage question, Fanny?
I was in love with your
grandfather, married him.
Had a baby as soon as it was decent.
Your grandfather died
before the baby was born.
Was that the only time you were in love?
It was the only time you'll
hear about, Miss nosy-face.
Fanny, what am I going to do?
- My little girl.
I didn't think it would be like this.
You didn't think being married
to him would be easy.
Baby, baby, If there
were only something.
I wish I could help.
You can't.
It's something no-one can
do anything about but myself.
Then do it, dear.
You knew this was going to happen. Don't
go through it a second time, Marcia.
Get rid of him. Now.
I'm his wife.
That doesn't seem to mean anything
to anyone these days, but ..
It does to me.
Divorce is too easy. It is quitting.
And besides.
You love him.
Yes, I love him.
I'm certainly glad I didn't cry.
Yes, yes.
You'd better have a drink.
It will soothe you.
That's pretty words: 'soothe you'.
Soothe ..
- Shut up.
Please. Please remember I am your guest.
We don't have to stay do we, Rover?
We know when we're not wanted.
What's the matter with you?
Are you having some domestic trouble?
No, no. Of course not.
Everything okey-dokey?
I hope you're not worried
because I'm sore at you.
You're sore at me? What for?
For trying to steal my girl last night.
What do you mean you little ..
- Hear, Rover.
Rover. Rover, sick him, Rover.
Go on, sick him.
Sick him, Rover. Go on.
We were just ..
We were just talking to the dog.
Weren't we, Rover?
Yeah. Shake hands with the
little lady. Go on. Shake hands.
You see.
- He did.
He's almost human.
I'm going to give him some liver now.
- Why don't you give him yours?
Good old Rover. Yes. And good old Edgar.
And good old Sherry.
He's almost human too.
Really? Give me your paw.
Sherry Warren, look at those dirty
hands, and guests are coming.
- Yes.
That's what I came to tell you.
I'm glad I remembered.
Well, who's coming?
- Not many. It's a party though.
I thought this weekend we were ..
- Yes. So did I, but it didn't work out.
Thanks to me.
Love me?
What a girl.
Oh yes. She's so lucky to
have a husband like you.
Did you say something
about a little drink coming?
Nothing for Rover.
No, nothing for Rover.
What a sad trick that was
for me to pull last night.
She's a nice girl though, Theresa.
Now wait a minute, fellow.
There are certain things we don't ..
Rover, sic him again. Sic him, Rover.
Do you think I want to take a chance
on losing a great girl like that?
You have reformed, huh?
- Reformed, baptised and saved.
Sir Salston is here, sir.
Show him in.
Which Mr Salston do you suppose that is?
Well, it might be the Mr Salston
who once wanted to shoot you.
Hello Sherry.
How are you? I'm glad to see you.
I'm sure you are.
It's very pleasant now I'm here.
Had trouble finding the house.
You can't blame me for that.
No, no.
Hello, Edgar.
- Hello, Jim.
My goodness sake. My goodness sake.
Oh Jim, you know my dog Rover?
Hello Rover.
Rover, shake hands with Mr Salston.
Go on, shake hands with him.
Awfully nice of you to ask me down.
Yes, yes. Yes, indeed.
Well, It wasn't that nice.
Well, I can see you two boys want to be
alone so Rover and I will go take a nap.
You know, my grandmother always
told me to take a nap before dinner.
I order to conserve my vitality for
the serious drinking of the evening.
Come on, Rover. Come on.
Well, I will see you later, Salston.
And Sherry.
As I said before it's awfully nice
of you people to ask me over.
I take it this was a joint invitation?
I just got back. I've been busy in town.
Yeah. I guessed you were busy when I
saw you in the Cascades Club last night.
At the Cascades Club?
You saw me?
It's intriguing having you.
- What do you mean, intriguing?
Most people would say I was
darned decent to accept.
You see me as truly grateful.
I'm more grateful to you ..
- I can imagine.
Why don't you ask me why I am grateful?
Never mind. I will tell you anyway.
I am grateful to you for
breaking up my unhappy home.
Now why bring that up?
- Well, I have always meant to.
The more I think of my ex-wife the more
forcibly I'm reminded of what I owe you.
Did you know she's back?
- Diana back in this country?
She and His Lordship arrived last week.
Aren't you anxious to see her?
- No. No, I'm not.
Now that is strange.
As I remember, when you and she were
turning your little knife in my back.
Now wait a minute, Jim.
You never saw it like that. You fancied
yourself as a dashing Knight Errant ..
Rescuing a beautiful misunderstood wife
from the stodgy unappreciative husband.
I did, did I?
- Absolutely.
I wasn't good enough for her.
Wasting her fragrance on my desert air.
Are you sure you were
good enough for Diana?
I don't flatter myself much when
I say I was too good for her.
Nobody knows it any better than you.
But you didn't find it
out until it was too late.
Was I laughing.
Were you laughing?
I will say so. Nobody likes a bit
of clean fun any better than I do.
It would nice to feel you
didn't hold it against me.
I'll admit I was a little bit
disappointed at the end.
How come?
Well, I figured she had you booked
for the wedding bells, etc.
You thought so too, didn't you?
Never mind what I figured.
You're going around looking
as if you swallowed a bad oyster.
And then just in the nick of time along
comes this British bird with a title.
What an awful time he must be having.
And what a sap he must be.
Now wait a bit. That's no way to talk.
- Why not?
It's not conducive to international good
feeling. Our British cousins, you know.
Yeah? A high regard you showed for that
cousin when you wished Diane on him.
Still, self-preservation
is nature's first law.
I think you're being a little bit
hard on Diana. She has her points.
Decimal points.
She used to call me Jimsie-boysie.
Hard to bear.
What little tag did she tie on you?
That's a secret that will die with me.
Isn't this really the most
beautiful home, Ducky?
A real American home.
Do you hear what I hear?
- That voice.
Diana, dear.
Marcia, darling.
Oh Marcia. You're looking
simply too, too marvellous.
Thank you.
Ducky, this is Marcia.
Isn't she looking too, too marvellous?
I hope you will like Ducky.
How do you do?
- Awfully jolly to meet you.
He said he is delighted.
- Thank you. Won't you come in.
A jolly nice idea. Yes, I will.
Jim, I am so glad to see you.
- Marcia.
Do you remember me?
She remembers him.
Jimsie-boysie, I am so, so, so, so ..
So glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you.
This is Jimsie-boysie.
Ah yes, the perfect husband.
I beg your pardon. A perfect what?
He said: the perfect husband.
That's because I'm always
praising you to him.
Oh Jimsie-boysie I am
really so glad to see you.
I say, there is no need
to be as glad as all that.
If I'm not asking too personal
a question, what are you up to?
Up to?
I don't believe it.
It is .. Petty-wetty.
I think Petty-wetty.
Wants to go bye-bye.
All my old friends.
Ducky, you remember ..
Rather. I cannot forget the
man who brought us together.
He did, didn't he.
Absolutely. It was entirely his fault.
Ducky, what a thing to say.
He is always joking.
Petty-wetty, I am so glad to see you.
Do you know Mrs Townsend?
Just call me Fanny-wannie.
I would love to.
What a divinely interesting
weekend we are going to have.
Here's old Salston happily divorced
and here am I happily married.
And here's old thingamabob ..
Thingamabob is happily
something or other I am sure.
Isn't it lucky I could
get you all together.
Too lucky for words.
Too, too lucky.
Too, too, too lucky.
I pass.
How about some bridge?
- Oh nice.
I hope you're having a good time.
- Oh, lovely.
We'll have time for a couple
of rubbers before dinner.
No. No thank you. I'd rather
not play. You can count me out.
But Sherry, you love bridge. Fanny?
No thanks. I will kibitz.
- Kibitz?
- Kibitz?
An American joke, dear.
A Kibitzer is no joke.
I'm out.
Well, I see we are
partners, Petty-wetty.
I think thingamabob would be
much better if you don't mind.
You and I, Jimsie.
Together again.
- I'm afraid so, darling.
I beg your pardon.
Don't apologise, old fellow. I do it
myself sometimes. Don't mean a thing.
Really, Ducky.
I wonder if I may have
a new whiskey and soda?
Yes indeed. Anyone else?
- Yes. I'd like one too if I may.
Tell Stafford, would you please.
Whenever you're ready, dear.
Two hearts.
When I bid two hearts you know I am
trying to find out what's in your hand.
That's not the way I play, dear.
And the Ace and Queen
of Spades. Oh, Jimsie.
Shut up until you see
what I've got, will you.
Stop rowing you two.
You know, you aren't married anymore.
I say, did you hear that? I thought
it was rather good, didn't you?
I'm sorry. I apologise.
- Don't. I know how easy it is myself.
Aren't you awful, Ducky.
- It's thingamabob's play.
How is that bridge game going?
Perfect. Diana and I
have already had a fight.
How is your little fight coming on?
Did Sherry say anything to you?
Well, hardly.
I'm your friend, not Sherry's.
What's the matter?
Is he straying off the reservation?
I am sorry I said that.
It's none of my business.
But you wouldn't be surprised if he had?
No, frankly.
If he has I'd like to
knock his block off.
Because I am very fond of you.
Very fond.
I hope so, Jim.
Because I've always been fond of you in
spite of the way you feel about Sherry.
He played a dirty trick on me.
But if he starts doing
the same thing to you ..
I didn't say he would.
- No, I know.
And even if he were.
What's wrong about it?
What's wrong about it? Marcia.
I know Sherry's faults.
I knew them when I married him.
If I marry a drunkard I won't yell for
help when he falls into the front hall.
I'd put him to bed and
try to forget about it.
You don't have to lie down and
let a man make a sap out of you.
No, no.
I haven't the slightest
intention of doing that.
All I wanted to tell you was ..
If everything gets too thick
there is somebody here.
And I mean it.
I hate to interrupt you but ..
If you recall, there's a bridge game
going on in the other room.
Why, that's right.
There is, isn't there.
How'd I make out?
I don't know.
How did he make out?
A little slam in hearts.
Nice work.
- Thanks.
Come, Salston. You can't steal
my wife under my very roof.
Nothing would give me greater pleasure.
Are you expecting another guest, madam?
Oh, yes indeed.
Miss Germaine?
Yes. Mrs Townsend?
- No. I'm her granddaughter.
Mrs Townsend planned a larger party.
If you'll play for just a few of us ..
Well, as long as I'm out here ..
- So very nice of you. Will you come in?
Fanny. Miss Germaine - Mrs Townsend.
- Lady Knowleton.
Lord Knowleton.
- How do you do?
Mr Salston.
- Hello.
And my husband, Mr Warren.
How do you do?
Yes, yes. Miss Germaine
and I are old friends.
How nice. The house
is just full of old friends.
Have you finished your game?
No, no.
It seems we are playing yours.
[ Door knocks ]
Come in.
Your Highball, madam.
- Thank you, Stafford.
- Yes, madam?
How is the party coming on?
Perfectly, madam.
The guests seem most contented.
I mean, how drunk are they?
It isn't my place to
observe that, madam.
My first instruction to any of the
servants is to observe .. nothing.
I see.
How is Mr Warren behaving?
He was most rude to Mr Salston.
He told him to ..
- Never mind.
What's Mrs Warren doing?
After dinner she was in the conservatory
with Mr Salston showing her orchids.
Then she showed him
the Japanese pergola.
And then she showed him ..
- Well, what's she showing him now?
The rock garden, madam.
That will do, Stafford.
- Yes, madam.
And hereafter, don't
gossip about the guests.
It's not what you're paid for.
- I am sorry, madam.
And in future .. don't be so curious.
Yes, madam.
What are you doing? Stop it.
Excuse me, Miss Townsend.
This is a charade.
It looks like the last quarter
between Yale and Harvard.
No. This is a charade.
The audience in there are
supposed to guess the answer.
It's the name of a city and
this is the second syllable.
Now you pull open at the curtains.
We are ready.
Well, what is it?
- No.
- No.
- East St Louis.
I know what it is: Hotchkiss.
- No. But you're getting warm.
He certainly is getting warm, isn't he.
Gee, I'm getting warm myself.
Well, we'll act out the
whole word for you again.
Not in this house.
Where's Sherry?
Why do you bother me with such details?
He's over there.
I know what it is.
- What?
Someone must have told you.
We'll try another one, huh.
We'll get you this time.
Let's do Walla Walla.
"All I do is dream of you
the whole night through."
"With the dawn I still
go on and dream of you."
Cha-cha. Oh my goodness.
Oh my gracious. Tally-ho, cha-cha.
"You're every thought,
you're everything."
"You're every song I ever sing."
"Summer, winter, autumn and spring."
Hotter, cha-cha.
I suppose this is another charade?
Mrs Townsend, excuse me
for not getting up, will you.
This is the first time I've
ever seen 4-legged banjo.
I'm so glad I came to your
party, Mrs Townsend.
You have such interesting guests.
Don't blame these guests on me.
Where is Sherry?
- I've not seen Mr Warren all evening.
I've been busy with
international relations.
Yes, you know: hands across the sea.
Yankee-doodle and off we go. Pip-pip.
A stout fellow.
- Yes.
Thank you.
If you don't mind dancing
with your husband ..?
Not at all, old man.
- Thank you.
You're making quite a
fool of me, aren't you.
Am I? I hadn't noticed.
My grandfather always used to say it's
a wise wife who knows when to stop.
Do you mind?
My grandmother used to
always say: Nuts to you.
Nuts to you?
Nuts to you?
What does that mean?
- An American expression.
It means, thank you very
much for that dance.
I see.
Young fellow, before you
make an ass of yourself ..
Your dance, I feel.
- Why not, old dear?
One two three and away we go.
- Sherry, Sherry.
Marvellous party. Marvellous girl.
Marvellous country, America.
Glad you approve of us.
- Not at all. Not at all.
I will send the president a wire.
He will be grateful.
Okay, Toots.
- Ouch!
This is where I get off.
Before I get sick.
Feeling your age a bit, old thing?
Well, ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
And .. and nuts so you.
The same to you.
- Thanks very much. Thank you.
A swell party, Sherry.
- Thanks, thanks.
Pardon me a moment, will you?
- Yes, of course.
Lost something old man?
Why no, old man.
Have you?
- No. I'm not looking for anything.
Well I am, I'm looking for Marcia's bag.
We are going out for a little ride.
You aren't sitting on
a bag there, are you?
No, I don't think so.
Well, she thought she
left it in this room.
Not with Marcia, you're not.
- Oh.
So the drive with Marcia is out, huh?
The drive with Marcia is out.
It seems to be fairly funny.
- Very.
Not very.
- No?
Come on now, Sherry. You've a much
better sense of humor than I have.
Tell me, just what is it?
You are not.
Possibly not. But you are.
In fact, you're even funnier than I
was when I was in the same boat.
The same boat? What do
you mean: the same boat?
The same boat.
I don't see any good reason why I should
not give you a good poke on the nose.
I don't see any reason
why you shouldn't either.
Ah, here it is.
Anyway, when I was in the same boat I
had every intention of shooting you.
I even bought a revolver.
How's that for a laugh?
That's very amusing.
Too bad I didn't keep it.
I could lend it to you now.
Yes. Thanks.
You know, I can't remember
what I did with that revolver.
I know. I sold it.
I lost fifty cents on the transaction.
Well, that's too bad.
Here, wait a minute.
Here. Take this.
Thanks. I wouldn't have brought it up ..
- Not all. Not at all.
Any other little incidental expenses?
No. That's all, I think.
Then our account is closed?
Well, what do you think?
I think it may not be a bad idea for
you to go back to town tonight.
And very soon.
Thanks very much old man but
I happen to be Marcia's guest.
After all, this is my house.
- Is it?
Then as an architect let me tell
you something about your house.
If you're not very careful it's apt to
come crashing down any minute.
Not a very good architect.
- The same goes for you as a husband.
There you are. Goodnight, Mr Warren.
Can you bear it? I'm leaving.
We'll endeavour to rise above it.
Will you really? Where is Mrs Warren?
Well. She's about somewhere.
- I will find her.
I'll say goodnight to her for you.
Oh now you won't. You've said so many
nice things to her about me already.
I had to say goodnight, Mrs Warren.
I don't blame you.
Not a very good party, is it.
Oh, I had a swell time.
- Thank you.
Well, goodnight.
I say, Mrs Warren.
I must be pretty tight or I
wouldn't try to say this to you.
I'm not really tight though.
- Not a bit.
Well anyway, what I mean to say is ..
I hope you and Sherry ..
I mean you and Mr Warren.
I hope nothing has happened.
I mean .. on account of me.
Gee, I must be drunk
to talk to you like this.
I'm going to be awful sore
at myself tomorrow too.
There is no reason for
you to be sore at yourself.
I know how you felt.
I don't blame you.
He's an awful swell guy though.
You know what I mean?
- Yes.
It's very nice of you
to be worried about us.
Off to the big city.
- Off to the big city.
Miss Germaine was looking for you.
- She found me.
That's nice.
- Yes, very.
Couldn't you find the bag, Jim?
- Shall we go?
Marcia, what were you trying to
pull all evening, a charade?
Am I meant to guess the right word?
I think I know the right word for him.
Thanks, old man.
- Not at all, old man.
But you're doubtful on
the right word for me?
I wouldn't say that .. yet.
Perhaps after Jim and I leave?
What are you trying to do, get even
with me? Punish me for my sins?
I ..
Are we embarrassing you?
- Not at all, not at all.
Perhaps we're embarrassing you?
- I'll let you know if you are.
Well, well, well. Hello folks.
Is everything alright?
Marcia, how about another
charade? You and Jim.
I'm sorry Edgar, but Jim
and I will go for a drive.
You don't mind, do you Edgar?
No, no. Go right ahead.
Jim is going home.
You're going home? Must you?
But perhaps yes.
I'll wait.
Jim and I hadn't planned to drive
quite as far as his home, dear.
But if you insist.
I never felt so much like
socking you before in my life.
Then why don't you?
Unfortunately, I don't hit women.
- Oh no.
No. But you make them
suffer in other ways.
Well Petty-wetty,
I don't intend to suffer.
There may be women who would.
I don't mean to be one of them.
What do you intend?
- I intend to go driving with Jim.
If you leave here with Jim,
you do NOT come back.
If I leave here with or without Jim,
I don't intend coming back anyway.
Except on my own terms.
- What terms?
That I doubt you'll behave differently
from the way you have always behaved.
In spite of you saying you're sorry.
This is the kind of married
life we're going to lead ..
And I'm going to have just as much
fun out of it as I possibly can.
I say, have you seen that
little bit of fluff with the banjo?
I beg your pardon.
Are you quarrelling?
Oh. Go ahead.
We have quite finished, thank you.
- Are you sure?
Splendid. Then come and join the party.
A Marvellous party. Marvellous girls.
A marvellous country, America.
Here they are, Fanny.
Well. Edgar suggested I might send
for the riot squad and the ambulance.
Not for me.
I never felt better in my life.
Good. Then I suppose it's
safe for me to go to bed.
Don't go, Toots. The evening is young.
I say, let's play games.
I know a wonderful game. They play it a
lot in England. It is called charardes.
Oh, you mean charades?
Let's do charades.
Excuse me. It's pronounced
'charardes'. Do you mind?
No, no. Not all.
Call it 'Puss in the
corner' if you like.
Let's go to bed.
That's pronounced the
same in both countries.
Don't forget to lock the barn door.
- I don't get you.
It's the story of a farmer who
owned a valuable horse.
Oh yes, thanks. I have heard it.
Much as I hate to leave
this happy group ..
I feel as if ..
- No. Wait a minute.
I have an idea for a chararde
and a charade both.
I need you for this, Jim.
The rest of you go in the other room.
- Right. It's how we always play it.
Come everybody. There
is going to be a charade.
A chararde. A charade.
I hope you won't make this so
difficult we cannot guess it.
Oh no. The meaning will
be quite clear to you.
Well, it will be the first thing
I've understood all evening.
Marvellous. I wonder what
the word is going to be.
Well, whatever it is I
wish they'd hurry it up.
Hurry up, Marcia. We are waiting.
Oh, I say. This is quite a chararde.
What's the word, the vanishing American?
It looks more to me like
the fall of the Bastille.
Not referring to you
as a Bastille, Sherry.
She has gone.
She has really gone.
Well, now you can lock the barn door.
Certainly not. There isn't an
ounce of truth in any such rumor.
Why, of course she and
Jim came back. She is ..
She's upstairs asleep now.
"You mustn't believe everything
you hear about she and Jim."
"They were just having
a bit of fun with Sherry"
"Yes. Of course they came back."
"Well .. I don't know. I was asleep."
"Well, I'm glad you had a good time."
Blithering idiots.
- Thank you.
Good morning.
What's the outraged husband doing?
- He is packing.
You can't let him. He mustn't
leave here until Marcia comes back.
But is she coming back?
That's the question.
If I could only find them.
If she would only telephone me.
Did you argue with him?
He wouldn't argue. He's very angry.
He didn't sleep a wink.
And who did?
My hands want to do something.
Suggest something.
Well, I ..
I've got it.
- What?
Let's have a drink.
- Oh.
You know, I can't think without a drink.
I mean I can't drink without a think.
No. I had it right in the first place.
Alright. Now what?
Well I think ..
Pardon me a minute.
I think we have to do something.
Try another quart.
Yes. Yes, I will.
You're making a big mistake.
- That's what I told him.
You're a stubborn fool.
Marcia is coming back ..
Is that a statement of fact or hope?
- I just spoke to her on the telephone.
Now, the reason they're not back is ..
They've had an accident.
- Nothing serious, I hope.
No, no. Just a wheel sort of ..
Dropped off. You know how wheels are.
Her companion was uninjured, I trust?
No, no.
Jim just had an arm
broken in three places.
Well, what a pity.
Marcia expressly said
she wanted to see you.
Nice of you Fanny, to try and make me
think Marcia telephoned me this morning.
Alas, the phone rings in my room too.
I listened to every call that came in.
That was very unfair of you, Sherry.
A gentleman wouldn't ever do that.
Well, I suppose you also overheard ..
People saying you and
Marcia are divorcing.
What if they are?
What if it's true? What if I ..
Pardon me, Mr Warren. But do you
happen to have the funny papers?
No. Why?
Lord Knowleton is awake and wants them.
So I thought perhaps that ..
Oh, I am sorry.
Good morning everybody.
- Thank heavens.
Hail. Welcome home.
Morning, Jim.
It seems we gave a party last night.
- Yes. So they tell me.
Knowleton was awfully
funny after you left.
He got pie-eyed and did a dance.
- I wish I had seen it.
It was wonderful. Would you put that
in the car for me please. Thank you.
Going to town?
Yes. Explain to the folks, will you.
- What will I tell them?
Almost anything will do.
Business. My aunt is sick.
My wife has been unfaithful to me.
I'm sorry your aunt is sick.
Then it's true. Tell me the truth.
- Why should I?
I told you the truth.
- And don't you wish you hadn't.
You won't need any charade to
find out what my answer to that is.
Come on. Come on, Rover.
Get out of the way now.
Here. I'll hold him.
No. He'll be alright. He'll be alright.
?No. I had better hold him because you
are in a hurry to get away aren't you?
Well, what did you expect me to do
about you and Jim? Forgive you?
That isn't why I came back.
I don't care why you came back.
I wish you hadn't.
I hope you'll always be as
self-sufficient as you are now, Sherry.
I hope you'll never be swept into
something that's stronger than yourself.
Something that's too
big for pride or plans.
If you've got some great
plan to live your own life ..
Well go ahead and live it.
- It was a failure.
What you just called 'my great plan'.
And you know what licked me.
My love for you.
Oh, it's beastly.
It's unfair.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, of course it doesn't make sense.
That's the infuriating thing about it.
I wish I could take my love for
you and draw a line through it.
Put it in a silk hat
and make it disappear.
Or sell it or give it away to
the salvation army or something.
But I can't.
I know now that I can't.
I love you, Sherry Warren.
Heaven help me.
And I shall go on loving
you as long as I live.
Now you can go ahead
and get your divorce.
I say, what does 'Zam, Bam ..'
'Zowie plot' mean?
It means: Reno, here we come.
Yes, upstairs.
What the deuce is ..?
It's a new game we
have, called 'upstairs'.
Oh a new game? May I play too?
Sorry old man, you're not it.
He is.
I ..
I just wanted to say ..
I .. I ..
I accept your apology.
And ..
Oh baby, don't.
Do you really want to know
what happened last night?
Or do you trust me?
Of course I trust you.
- Ah.
But tell me.
What did happen?
[ Laughter ]