No Smoking (2007) Movie Script
Hello
- K!
Baba!
Where are you?
Here...
Curfew!
- What?
No idea.
I'm on TV!
- On TV...
On what channel?
I don't know, some strange
language written here...
...like on a bottle of Vodka...
Vodka?
Vodka?
My throat's parched...
...cigarette... cigarette...
...you still smoking!
I need a cigarette!
- I'll call you later...
K!
Cigarette!!!
Cigarette!!!
Bastard...
Matches...
K...
Open the door K...
open up!
K...
Ya...
- K... open the door...
Ya...
K?
- You alright?
At least say something?
Yeah! Hold on!
Come out fast. We are expecting
guests anytime.
My dream... What does it mean?
You're soooo!! addicted to nicotine!
You fear the day when you
won't get a Cigarette!
But what's that bathtub doing
in the middle of the snow!
I don't Know?
Next time try jumping in
the bathtub, instead!
It might lead you somewhere else?
The mirror will fall apart K...
Why the hell do you smoke
in the Bathroom!!
Why the hell do you sleep
in the bedroom!!
What's wrong now?
Nothing...
Went to Siberia again?
It's all because of
those cigarettes...
You will soon have the visa too...
Please... don't blow smoke in here...
Why don't you go get dressed,
The guests should be here soon...
Nobody tells me what to do,
Nobody tells me what to do,
Nobody tells me...
...what to do...
When some nut decides to clamber
up mount everest...
...the world stands
up to cheer him...
What if he's doing it
for the first time...
...his rope could snap...
He could get buried under
a mound of snow...
The world knows he... he
could bloody die...
...but they still put him
on the front page...
Hundreds die in accidents
every day...
...but we're still driving!!
Automobiles should be outlawed...
...petrol should be banned...
...why ban cigarettes alone...
...because this tiny little
innocuous white thing...
...can't speak for itself...
Have you ever seen him smoke?
In the kitchen...
- The bathroom...
The bedroom...
- In the bloody bed...
There are more ashtrays in
this house than spoons...
That's it...
- That's not it?
Even Vikas used to smoke...
I made him quit...
...there's this Shaman
doctor baba Bengali...
But that isn't the only reason...
- So what else?
Religious differences...
He thinks he's God.
I think he's...
Bad! Huh!
- Really Bad!
My brother... He's Asthmatic!
- Not me!
I heard he's in a hospital...
They've removed his right lung...
...it was infected...
And K still smokes
around everyone...
Search me...
My parents divorced six months
into their marriage...
You're kidding me...
And then I arrived...
...so they remarried...
two years into their
second marriage...
...my dad found out that
I was born a year...
...after the divorce...
...so they divorced again...
That sucks, dude!
So when was your brother born?
In the second coming or...
After the second divorce...
So he's not exactly
your blood brother?
He is...
How...
- See...
They married...
Then divorced...
Then they had you...
Married again...
Divorced again...
Then they had him...
...which means he can't
be your real brother...
Have you told him you
want to leave him...
Not yet...
Does he know you want to leave him?
If he was that sensitive... Why
would I leave him?
Hi...
Hi...
- Lets go...
Want to smoke, go outside
Its totally wrong.
Actually they should bloody close
down all the non smoking restaurants.
My self R. K. Dhingra.
Rajinder Kumar Dhingra.
You don't talk too much,
You seem to be the thinking type.
Even I think a lot...
Before you came that's what
I was doing, thinking...
Wondering, why do people
need to talk so much?
K-Abbas!
- Hi!
What are you doing
standing out here?
Smoking! Brother!
Want one?
No way
- No I won't...
Cut the crap man here...
No! No! K! I swear I quit.
Trust me, so should you.
Don't be my wife, God knows
where you disappear!
Been ages since I saw you...
- Come on, lets share one!
No! K! I'm not gonna smoke!
- Come On!! Just a puff!- No! K! No!
- I Don't... K! - What's wrong.
Take a drag my friend... Nothing's
gonna blow except the smoke...
Look sir! Why don't you
mind your own business!
Your friend is offering
you a drag...
You shouldn't refuse him...
Is he your friend? Who is this guy?
Friendships don't blossom
in a single meeting.
My friend... takes time...
- Just shut up.
Sir, it takes ages!
Shut up. Why don't you go
somewhere else? - Please!
Idiot man!
- Abbas!
Hi!
- Oh! Hi Anjali.
How are you?
- Hi!
How are you?
- I'm good
Why are you wearing those gloves...
Oh, just like that.
I lost my fingers in an accident.
What!
What nonsense are you talking!
Why didn't you tell me?
It's nothing much! Really
Oh my God!
And what's that you've
got in your ears?
Just...
I've a bit of a hearing problem.
You quit smoking?
Yeah, I have quit.
Very good.
What very good!
He's gonna smoke right now! Here...
K stop it!
K!
C'mon, all I'm asking you for is a
drag man! One drag! For my sake!
Or she'll hound me
to death with it...
K! I have said NO! That's
it! I won't smoke.
K!!
- K! I won't smoke!
K!
- Don't force him!!- Stop it!!
Go inside!
I said GO in!!
Come now! Quickly! Take a drag...
Otherwise I'll shove it in you!
- K! Stop it!
K!
- Stop it! K!
If I say you will! You will!
- K! I won't! That's it!
I love my wife! Ok!
Did somebody take an appointment
for you? - Yes.
I saw what they did with your mother.
Why didn't you tell me?
How will they know if I smoke?
Don't repeat a mistake like this.
Do whatever you feel like, but don't
do a mistake like this again.
Sir, if I was in his place I
wouldn't push you away like that.
And keep your mouth shut!
You do what you're doing!
You Asshole!
What'll you do, huh.
You're mistaken. I'm not
that kind of a guy. I...
You're a big asshole
kind of a guy...
Sir... You... You...
And you talk too much!
Sir, You're
Shut up!
Shut up!
I know K can be an asshole sometimes
Most of the times
- Yeah
Why do you want to know Anjali?
Abbas tell me!
K's not gonna quit!
Ok... If you really want
Him to quit smoking then.
Take this...
The Laboratory. Their visiting card!
- It's a Rehabilitation program.
Ok
- They are professionals!
You don't feel the urge at all?
No. Never.
Thanks.
Anjali, I'm actually
meeting someone.
I'll go now.
- Yeah. Thanks.
Bye. Thanks.
Why don't you quit smoking?
I have quit a hundred times...
That's not what you call quitting...
Then what do you call quitting?
Like my dad and mum quitting
on each other?
I don't quit! Quitters are those
who can't see it through to the end!
What if you start hating it?
"Shut up, just shut up..."
Anjali...
Yes...
You're asleep?
Yes...
Are you still upset...
...turn this side
Not now K...
Come on...
K!
Come on...
K!
- Sorry
Can I sleep now...
Okay. Sleep.
Hi...
I'm K...
Just K...
What's this?
They're taking them to the
concentration camp...
...and killing them...
This card...
It says Kalkatta carpets...
I got that from Abbas...
...but you won't need it...
Is it his business card?
Selling carpets these days...?
It's a Rehabilitation program.
People don't have any other
better work to do.
They helped Abbas kick the habit...
He taught you to smoke right?
No one taught me to smoke.
No one taught me anything.
I smoke.
And that's it. The first time,
Abbas gave me a cigarette,
I took the matches out
from my own pocket...
Watch your TV
Anjali...
Yes...
- Breakfast?
Yes sir...
I am sorry I forgot...
...what do you want for
our anniversary?
Divorce...
I don't have that
Kind of a budget...
"When the moon hits your eyes..."
"Like a big piece of fire..."
"When the world..."
I am not being childish.
Its not my fault if
I look like a girl,
I am 28 for god sake...
I have made up my mind...
I will call you later, bye...
Inky pinky ponkey.
Father had a donkey
Donkey died father cried
Inky pinky
Ponkey...
Sorry K...
Take him to some higher altitude...
Get him to do some yoga
Some breathing exercises
You smoke too much...
It's not good for your brother.
Anyways its your choice
I'll save you the lecture
Good...
Why do you always wear
these dark glasses
Why do you always wear
those hearing aids?
There's this company.
Agency
Rehabilitation program...
The Laboratory!
Hey! You're aware then...
I wasn't aware...
remember we used to
smoke together...
And you quit after your
defining deafness...
Why don't you try it...
It's a 100% smoke proof program
Cigarette... alcohol...
allergies, addictions, itches,
ringworms, weaknesses,
Baba Bengali has a cure
for them all...
Just go check it out...
...after that it's up to you...
I'll think about it...
Don't think, just tell me I will
take an appointment for you...
When can I take my brother?
Not yet...
- Then when?
When everything's alright
Will you go?
- To where?
To the Laboratory.
Do inform me, just call...
Call me...
- And do tell me
If you want to go to
The Laboratory...
Please call...
- Thank you...
Please...
Good morning, sir.
Will you please stop smoking?
Take the stairs
What!
Thank you.
Stupid...
Idiot...
Morning sir...
Good morning, sir.
One minute...
Where's Annie?
She'd called in to say that she
won't be coming to work today...
"Take me away from here..."
"I am a fool to be
in love with you..."
"You fill my lungs with the
pails of your smoke..."
"A victim of your..."
"Don't you forget..."
"...It's just a cigarette..."
"Oh, it's just a cigarette..."
Anjali...
Anjali...
Hello...
- Where are you?
Home...
You are not home...
...where are you?
- I'm at home
My Home!
Your home is where I am...
That's your home K...
Do what you want, smoke your
cigarettes, burn the mattresses...
...turn the whole damn house
into one big ashtray...
...do whatever the fuck
you want there...
You're leaving me...
I've left you...
How can you leave me...
Nobody leaves me
I am nobody K...
...that's why I've left you.
Just a sec!
- Excuse me.
Don't you crave for it whenever
someone lights up?
No K! just check it
out for once man!
Even I'd gone to just see the place!
Came out kicking the habit
Do I have to take an appointment?
Tell me... I'll take an
appointment for you...
When do you want to go?
Right now.
Right now?
- To treat.
Great! You know the place...
I have the card
K!
You're doing the right thing ok...
I'll inform them right away- bye.
Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory.
How can I help you?
Listen this is Abbas
Tyrewala speaking...
I want to send you another patient
Abbas what?
Tyrewala
- Yes sir...
His name is...
...but before that, what
about my finger?
Well... I guess you haven't read
your contract properly...
...as soon as your referred
patient signs his contract...
...you'll get your cut-back
No... No... No... its ok
Write down your tracking number
Please hold for a minute...
Hey waiter! Come here!...
Take the Call.
- He's going!
Hello!
I'm going to quit...
I swear...
Please come back...
Come back.
I'm trying really hard...
Hmm...
- What Hmmmm...
Hmmmm OK...
You're coming?
- Are you going?
I'm going
- Then I'm coming
Thanks...
No change
Don't worry. I've change
So - Keep it. You are
going to need it...
Where is the laboratory?
There.
Hey uncle
You sell oil? Carpets? What is this?
Where's The Laboratory?
Wonderful.
What?
What you are looking for.
Down there?
If you don't want to
go, I'll shut it.
One second.
Where's this Laboratory?
Below...
Ma'am! Where's the Laboratory?
Down there...
Thank you.
Where's the Laboratory?
Down There
Is there another level below
it or does it ends here?
Go down further...
Why couldn't they get
the bloody elevators...
Hey.
This way or that way...
That way.
Hello - Where's this Laboratory?
Welcome
No!
- The Laboratory?
Mr. Abbas must have sent you!
Mind blowing!
Follow me
Come
Who were those people?
Hello! I'm asking you?
Greetings
Guruji sits there.
Guruji might be sitting there but
who were those people staring at me?
Nothing is made on one level here?
Greetings!
Please come.
Have a Seat...
What's going on inside?
Sit
Who's this Guruji?
Shri! Shri! Shri!
Greater than the Great... Baba
Bengali!
From Sialdah!
He is coming!!
- You please wait!!
Prologue please...
I... my name is K...
And you feel the need to relinquish
the cigarette...
Yes...
Consider it done...
Actually just came
to check it out...
Whoever steps in here not
only stubs his addiction
...but completely buries it my son...
...cigarettes, bidis,
paan, tobacco...
Baba Bengali can cure
you of them all.
How do you make them quit
Point a gun to the head!
Bandits and Kidnappers need weapons,
I don't.
Chaurasiya! - Yes sir.
Didn't you show the noble
man our contract...
Not yet...
Standing here won't
make you any taller!
Please! Show him the contract.
Yes, sir.
Do I have to read all this?
Yes!
If Hindi is going to be a problem.
We have the same in English too.
Guide for dummies!
It's rather thick!
If you feel the compulsion
to read an abridged version
...we have that too! Our very own...
Pocket Edition
Please show him... - Yes sir.
Please read...
I hereby agree to do whatever
I am asked to do in order to
successfully quit smoking...
I am getting into this program
knowingly exactly...
...the risk my smoking
...will pose to me and
my family. Thanks.
K!
Meaning you'll do exactly
as we tell you to do.
But what will you tell me to do?
First you'll have to sign.
Then I'll let you know!
What if I sign these papers...
...and you put a gun on me... then.
Sir!! Kindly sign it.
Why do you want to invite trouble?
And what if I don't?
Hey! What's happening?
What's happening?
Leave me!
Leave me!
What are you doing!
Leave!
- Leave me!
Where are you taking me?
Leave me!
Let me go.
Let me go...
Hey fatso... I am talking to you...
Leave me!
What're you doing?
Let me go...
You don't know who I am...
Leave me!
Hey! Let me go...
Welcome to the first stage of
...our Quit Smoking Programme...
K
Wake up...
Wake up my son...
In this lab...
...its our responsibility...
...that your habit of smoking, which
is making you irresponsible...
...finish that off completely.
If we fail to deliver...
...and are unsuccessful
in treating you,
...then we have no option left,
...but to send you down the road
no sane person would walk on...
Would anybody like?
No...
Because my son, soul-full the body
is divine... soul-less its dead
The end...
Soul...
The inner soul...
...is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent...
but with a strong mind
you can control it...
...but if you are inherently
weak then my son...
...the wandering soul has
to be released, let go...
The soul is pure,
When life comes into being...
...then slowly, bit by bit
it starts to erode...
...the body corrupts it,
by indulging it...
...and to rebuild that lost eroded
soul is why I have been appointed...
By whom?
By The Greater than the Greatest!
Gurudev Baba Bengali!
But!
- Don't Argue!!
Democracy is up above the ground
you walk on! you die on!
You can "butt" into anything
with your butt's, up there...
But here you have descended...
...from your material hell
into my lower depths...
Here my spoken word is the
gospel of the gods...
Now that you've signed
on the contract...
...would you care to
repeat the honours...
This is my cheque book!
Yes sir.
Fees for your own treatment!
And an additional one rupee...
which is my fee
But that we take in cash
The fees for making me quit
smoking is 21 LAKH!
It's back-breaking work, you know.
You think I'm crazy?
You think I earn my money only
to dole it out as charity
Repeating it again & again
won't make it 20...
...it will stay 21 only...
If a poor man comes
to you for help...
...you charge him 21 lakhs too?
The "Poor" qualifies for
a government subsidy
This is robbery, you understand!
See, my fee is just a measly buck
That too a token of
your appreciation
I haven't started this
business for money.
Its all for charity
And just you watch!
The money you've parted with will
be utilized in your own treatment
Do you know that how
much of your money...
...you've squandered away due
to this bloody habit...
Yes... my lord...
K...
K!
K!
Touch of violence please!
Ok my lord...
The first time...
...Abbas stuck a cigarette between
...your fingers just so
you could look at it
you procured the matches
from your own pocket...
...a matchbox back then set
you back by 50 paise...
...all the gas you burnt up commuting
to and from the cigarette shop...
...the mouth freshener
that you purchased
...to hide the stench
from your father...
...then you graduated to pot...
...and once after smoking
some spurious weed
...you nearly went up
in smoke yourself!
A mere visit to the
hospital cost you
...1,50,000 to aspirate the
sludge from your stomach...
...every ashtray... matchbox,
lighter, bidi...
...and those fat ones
Cigars. Every wheeze, sputter
and cough caused by smoking...
...every spoonful of glycodine,
phensydyl
...every pill strepsil,
Erithromycin, Augmentin...
...every illness brought on
by this habit of yours...
...all those occasions when...
...your partner requested you
to butt your cigarette out...
...but you suspended the meeting and
strode out to finish your smoke...
...the losses you incurred
because of that!
Your wife's illness.
You bear a thirty percent stake in
your brother's asthma trouble...
...a silk Chinese tie estimated
at forty thousand burnt...
...mattresses set afire on
four disparate occasions...
...all because of a lit cigarette
Now excluding the millions
in losses...
...you have spent a total of
If you don't step on the brakes
now you'll be spending
...as much more in the
next seven years
To help you shake off the
yoke of this burden...
...the treatment is in your hands
Give him a pen
- Yes sir
And what if I don't sign it?
If you don't do it now then
you have to do it later
What if I don't do it?
Answer to your what is
a complicated process
...my son... you can't expect
me to be prompt.
I am going
- Guruji...
But you have signed a contract
I haven't! You forced me to!
Do you know who I am?
Why K? Where K? That I don't know.
But who K! That I surely do know!
I am going.
Your wish, I treat patient's
and not torment them.
What's the way out from here?
That's why I keep repeating son,
Sign on it and...
All the doors will open up for you.
Otherwise I will be forced to
do what I don't want to do.
The only problem with such a quick
second trip to that black hole is...
...you may not last the third.
That's why just sign for now
You can stop payment later
Did you sign?
Give him a pen, please!
Now my one rupee please
which I take in cash?...
Don't have it
Ok.
Next time.
Does it look like I'm coming back?
It's good if you don't come!
But son, everyone comes back.
In my experience each one returns...
Unfortunately smoking is
such a pathetic habit...
Now come over here...
You come here!
Come on son.
Your treatment has begun. Come
And if I don't?
If you don't come?
Then how will you go?
From this moment onward
you will not smoke...
Not even going to touch it...
And if you do
then for the first one
that you light...
...we'll have your brother...
...pay us a little visit
from his hospital bed...
...do you know what this is?
Once upon a time lived
a man called Hitler...
He had a teeny weenie moustache
like that Charlie of Chaplin...
See that.
My good friend,
Hitler
This was his stroke of genius
the Gas Chamber
And the lady there, she
is your doctor's mother...
...and the smoke...
...its the cigarette smoke...
...all the thousands of cigarettes...
...you must have smoked up until now
all that smoke in this little room...
...for your brother to breathe
in for all of five minutes.
Enough to make the healthiest
of lungs burst...
...and I believe your brother
is just one lung-ed.
And if your resolve still doesn't
hold up and you light up again!
Please sir, just listen
to me, I swear
I swear to god almighty I'll never
He scripts with just one finger now
Salam Namaste, M.B.B.S.
Listen Maqbool, I am there for you.
And if you light a third one...
...son before you smoke
it make sure...
...you take one last long loving
look at your wife...
...because in all likelihood
you'll never see her again...
...and if your itch drives you to
light up a fourth time then...
...it's the gas chamber
for your brother...
...if he survives the
last onslaught...
...and if he doesn't
then your mother...
remember to give her a warm farewell
hug before you light that one...
...and despite all of the above if...
...you still intend to be
as obstinate as a mule.
Then the mightiest of kings
have been rendered helpless...
...before the stubbornness
of a child.
Smoke the fifth with all
the lung power you've got.
No one will get in the way
No! Nope!
Nobody will stop you
Because son Soul-Full, the body
is divine... Soul- Less, its dead.
You can go to the police station
You can try to fight us.
You can do whatever you want to...
...but you can't smoke. Have fun...
I shall leave now.
Let's go
You're absolutely insane.
I didn't come here to
sign any contract
I don't want to quit smoking
What will you do?
You can't do this to me!
Come with me
Where?
You can't do this to me
Let's go
Go where?
- Who are you?
What's your name?
This is illegal!
I can complain about you
I don't want to quit smoking!
- What will you do?
If you don't want to come
along, can I leave?
Why are you wearing a veil?
Show me your face!
Show me your face!
Water
It's time for my prayer
Have to shut the shop
Your carpets loaded onto your car.
Here's the bill.
Hello
I went there...
Where?
- The Laboratory
I saw what they did to your mother
Why didn't you tell me?
How will they know if I smoke
Please K. Don't do that.
Whatever you do. Don't do that.
How the hell will they know?
How can one watch you
If you don't want to watch your
family die before you do, one by one.
Don't touch the damn thing.
Just listen to me, don't touch it.
I won't just touch it I'll
frigging suck on one.
What if I go to the police?
Ok! Tell me...
Did someone take an appointment
for you to go to the Laboratory
Yeah
I had told you I'll take
the appointment for you!!
Had told you!!
I'll get the appointment for you!!
My mother...
My mum here she...
I think you're losing it, doctor.
My mother...
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow your age up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up in air..."
"Throw the garment made
with breaths..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
Didn't I tell you not to do it!
You'll be fine by tomorrow
Well, you should be
fine by tomorrow...
I've had this lighter
for the last two months
I had a match.
The ship matches...
...and that too on a ship!
They slapped me with Prevention Of
Terrorism Act. Served eight months.
What's your name?
Boss!
What's your name?
Ram.
Bring the carpet to the office
Morning sir
- Good morning
I've never seen you before
I've been Working here for
the last two months sir
Where's the driver?
- Sir, he want to the toilet
- What? - Toilet sir!
Send him up?
- Right away, sir.
Why do you have shades on?
Conjunctivitis.
Take them off
Where the hell is that driver?
Can't find him
Will check again & send him up
Do you have a brother?
We are nine siblings
Except for my sister and myself the
rest are back home in my village
Call the bloody driver!
Sir what has happened?
What?
- Have I done something wrong?
Send the driver upstairs!
- Sir!
And you also come with him
Yes sir
...Balram.
Is this a joke?
What?
Why're you tailing me?
Tailing, Sir?
What's with the shades then?
Take them off
Baba Bengali has sent
you! Hasn't he?
Baba Bengali?
- Who's that?
Look here
I don't like playing the stupid
game you're playing...
I don't dig this merry-go-round
of yours one bit
But what did I do! I've
just come here for a job
Sir! Any problems?
Who's this man?
Ok. Who are you?
I came here for an interview...
...got a call from your office
I was supposed to meet some Mr.
Some A...B...
Some alphabet...
Sir
What have you got in your ears?
Hearing aids
You seem stressed...
I'm going crazy
Oh poor baby!
I'll find it!
Find it Sir.
Phone...
I have to take it
Hello
- Hello
What the hell did you get me into?
You had called?
You knew. Rascal.
You lost your fingers,
sent me to lose mine...
...what the Hell do you
think you're doing!
What's so funny?
Nothing buddy!
I just did
What they told me to?
What did they tell you to do?
Laugh?
K!...K!... Buddy stop it!
I can't talk
And you shouldn't talk either...
That Shri Shri Shri
whatever Baba Bengali
He's a crazed lunatic and
he's capable of anything
You'll pay hell for this!
I won't let it go so easy!
K! What happened?
K!
You alright?
K
- I'm fine!
Those were the days my friend...
...when we could smoke whatever,
wherever...
Hmmm...
And you took mine away,
you bastard...
Remember that day we
were smoking in...
...my dad's bathroom and he found us...
Abbas!
What are you doing
in there? Open up!
Abbas! Open the door!
Abbas!!
Abbas!! Open the door!
Abbas! Open the door!
What's he doing?
Abbas!!
What were you doing?
Nothing Dad
Look son
I know you boys are growing up
You are curious...
...son... but you know...
Sex is something...
Aah... between a man and a woman
But uncle!
You shut up!
We were smoking, dad!
You were smoking?
I knew it
I knew my son could do no wrong.
And my son's friend too!
- Come
Those were the days, man!
Great times!
No one to stop you!
I'm starting to feel
sorry for you...
What?
Just look at yourself...
The Abbas then and the Abbas now...
You are like a flat tyre.
You've changed post marriage...
"Stranger..."
I'm going to smoke...
What?
Come what may...
K, have you lost it?
Let's see what can he do...
K!!!
Just watch me!
I'm gonna smoke...
K!!
- K!!
Don't do it K.
Annie!
- What are you doing?
On the net.
Was about to sleep...
You have my e-banking
password, right?
Yes.
- Log in.
I had issued a cheque today.
Rs.21,11,110.
It has cleared.
In a day!
It's showing a with drawl.
What happened, Sir?
Goodnight.
Where are you going, Sir?
I don't have a clue.
Why are you going, Sir?
Do you smoke after sex?
Oh shit...
I'm sorry. I never looked.
Do you smoke?
I sweat!
Book me on every flight that goes
from here to wherever it goes
From every destination
to every destination.
Am I clear?
What do I do with the other tickets?
Throw them!
- Ok!
Thrown them!
Like from here to here.
And if there are any flights
from those...
...destinations to further
destinations book...
...me on all of those too...
From every destination
to every destination
All separate tickets
from a destination...
...in separate boxes
packed separately!
For example all the
tickets from here...
...go in this box labeled as...
And there should be a man there
waiting for me with the box...
Am I clear, Annie?
Meaning?
I mean that if I don't have
a clue where I'm headed...
...there's no way in hell that
descendant of Hitler would?
"Kalkatta Carpets"
I forbade you, didn't I?
Where is my brother?
Let him go!
Let him go...
Look at me...
Let him go...
Or else...
Hey fatso... move aside...
Hey!
What are you doing?
Leave my brother...
Let him go...
I don't want to go in there!
Please listen to me!
I don't want to go in there, dude!
Please... Leave me!
Leave!
- Leave me! - Leave!
Your brother is still breathing...
Let him go
You've got to pay for that...
What price?
Again!
Penalty
What is was that?
Punishment
And what about my Brother?
Hello!
Hello
K! We've found your brother
He is having trouble breathing.
We've put him on a ventilator...
How are feeling, J?
Go Away!
What's happened to him?
Lets go
Lets go
And don't ever try doing it again...
I know the little girl...
Yeah, It happens!
It happened to me too! Lets go!
"On 1st April 2000, this
Ventilator Room was...
...started with the help
of Kalkatta Carpets"
"Inaugurated by the gracious hands
of Shri Baba Bengali from Sialdah"
From today this office
is a no smoking zone.
Plaster the whole damn place
with "No Smoking" signs.
Get rid of every last ashtray...
The balcony will be a strict
no smoking zone...
...so the lunch area,
- So the bathroom,
...not inside nor outside.
And if someone wants to smoke?
Then he can leave the job...
But why sir?
Because I can't smoke
So you won't let anyone else either?
Nope!
Bad sign, I am with you.
"Hey, I want to tell you
about this thing..."
"This stick called the cigarette..."
"Yes, it is a thirst..."
"It is a thirst..."
"No reason to burn"
"It is a thirst..."
"The evening's bled"
"The evening's bled"
"In a haze of red"
"In a haze of red"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn" Yeah.
"Smoking..."
"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"Hear someone scratch"
"A lonely match"
"Hear someone scratch"
"A lonely match"
"The sky is ablaze"
"In a twilight daze"
"Embers inside me churn"
"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"
"Threads of smoke"
"Threads of smoke now
stitch my breath"
"The smoke slowly coils,
A snake on the wind"
"The evening's bled"
"The evening's bled"
"In a haze of red"
"In a haze of red"
"Smoking..."
"Smoking it baby..."
"This pungent smoke
I inhale, return"
"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"
"Light a stick baby...".
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"No smoking..."
Hello... Hey K! Yeah!
Alex?
Many greetings? My love...
Where are you calling from?
Mumbai...
- I am back!
Back with a bang!
Sorry!
- Bong!
Smoke?
I've quit.
Don't joke with me!!
Come On! Smoke!
Nope...
You are trying to humor me...
Do I look like I can?
You've changed!
But don't worry!
'Cuz I'm back.
And do you know why I am back?
Sarah, Why am I back?
What?
Sarah, why am I back?
- What?
Whore! Go back to Cuba!
From Havana.
Import from there...
Sell it here
In-fidel.
Castrated!
In-fidel.
Castrated!!
Back there when I ran away to
Sir Castro's beautiful Cuba!
Once there I booked myself in
a room in a three star hotel.
"How lucky can one guy be..."
"I kissed her, she kissed me..."
First day, I lay down on my bed.
- "Everything all set..."
The hotel was a three star...
...two of which were shining
through my roof...
I stood up on the bed.
And stuck a finger each
in both the holes
My fingers weren't thick enough
I looked down.
Saw two cigars in an ashtray
I picked them up and shoved
them into the holes...
Then I got into the cigar business!
But soon enough, Smoking was banned!
What do I do now? I
was wondering when...
Sarah said "Let's go to India!"
But I was lost!
What would I do in India?
I swear
I had no idea my fate
matched Newton's
The cigar from one of the
holes fell on my head
And I thought...
What I used to do in Cuba...
Why not do that in India!
Now every Indian can have the
opportunity to blow on...
...a In-fidel... that's castrated...
With the spelling mistake.
And now ladies and gentleman
and friends!
There is a man
The man that made me smell
my first cigar. - Let's go!
K! Ladies & Gentlemen!
My dear friend, K!
Just K!
K for klinton guys!
The true blue cigar aficionado!
Hey K!
- Great!
Come On! Let's have K!
Come On!
Come K!
I'll only unwrap it.
Not light it
I don't smoke anymore.
Why?
- Why!
Search me...
Will only unwrap it.
Hey! Come on! Let's have it!
Ladies and gentlemen...
In-fidel castrated!
With a correct spelling!
Here
- Just touch it to your lips!
No man!
Don't light it. Just
put it in your mouth.
I'm telling you... No!
Come on!
- K! Come on!
Come On! Let's have a smoke!
What are you doing Alex!!
Come On! Let's have a smoke!
Heh! Let's have a smoke!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
I didn't do it!
Didn't do what?
I didn't do it!
Exactly what did you not do?
Who is speaking?
- What did you not do?
Who is speaking?
ACP Birsa Das Gupta.
From your residence.
Your wife called us
When we got here everything
was tossed about...
...the walls are splattered with
blood and your wife is missing!
My wife is with me
Anjali is right here.
Why would she call you over?
Are you in the right house?
Your wife is with you?
Anjali is with me.
Can I speak to her?
Sir!
I am looking for her!
Anjali!
Anjali!
I am coming home
Relax!
- Relax!
Mr...?
- K!
K what?
- Just K
What happened here?
That's what we're
trying to find out!
Your wife?
She's disappeared?
- She was with you?
Yes, she was with me and now she
is not, she is disappeared.
There are too many strange things
going on around me, do you know?
Can I see what is
going on, upstairs?
This is my home, You know!
You continue.
Do you have anything to say?
Yes!
I know who has done it?
- Who?
Baba Bengali!
Who Baba Bengali?
That rascal omnipresent Baba Bengali
Sewer Rat! Hitler's bastard child!
That genetic mistake...
...who runs The Laboratory!
- Laboratory?
Why are you smoking a cigar?
'Cuz I like it!
Who sent you here?
What is this Laboratory?
I'll call him.
Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory
How can I help you?
Get Baba Bengali on the line.
You would be Mr...?
K... from Bombay...
- Yes sir!
Greetings!
Madam was just brought
in a while ago...
She's with Guruji in the Morgue...
I'll get him on the line
Guruji! Its K
Yeah K
Why did you pick Anjali up?
You're forgetting the rules son...
- What rules?
I didn't even puff at it...
Now what qualifies as a
puff and what doesn't...
...aren't we the ones to decide that?
First things first...
- I did not smoke!
Alex forced that thing
into my mouth!
You shouldn't have gone
to the party... and...
...if in your eyes that amounts
to smoking it...
...then you should have taken
my fingers not my wife...
...when I smoke my third cigarette...
Your fingers were being
held by someone else.
Exactly!
I was forced to put
it in my mouth...
It was shoved into my mouth!
But I spat it out before it was lit!
After it was lit!
Before it was lit!
- After it was lit
Subsequent to it being lit!
Call the third umpire!
I am the sole umpire in this game
Be it the first or the second!
Either way, I'm the one who
gets to raise the finger...
Check it again
Ok. No harm in checking.
What is going on?
They are checking
What are they checking?
It's complicated!
Forward it
Idiot! A little more!
That's it! Stop.
Guruji!
What's the result?
He's telling the truth!
What!
The cigar had left his mouth when...
Heard you the first time!
I'm not deaf!!
His telling the truth means
We made the mistake?
Take him away!
Guruji! Please! Forgive me!
I messed up! I'm sorry
Listen K...
It was a tough call! After all
Chaurasia is a little bit of a man
Such people always make
little mistakes...
But the benefit of doubt in all
likelihood must come to me
You can't do this!
One can't escape the inevitable
Let Anjali go!
She's gone! I've sent her away!
The body has already
been examined...
The Postmortem is finished!
The End
- But...
...you still owe me that one rupee!
She is killed by you, but the
cops are here to arrest me!
I've lost everything!
But all you fucking want
is your bloody rupee...
Say whatever you will,
I've wronged you
Explain it to them...
Hello
Hello!
What is wrong?
Who were you talking to?
- Guruji!
Alex!
Not Alex
Guruji!
Where'd he go?
I spoke to him in front of you.
What are you looking at?
I called him in front of you!
I'll dial again
Please check the number
you've dialed.
How can it be?
That Hitler spawned son
of a bitch, Guruji!
It's ok Mr. Just K.
You will have to come with us
Do I look like I have a
morbid sense of humour?
Come with us
Wait, I can prove it!
I can prove it!
Hello.
- Abbas!
Where are you? - Got the bad
news friend - My condolences!
What news!
How did you know?
From the bulletin. He's
sitting right across...
Please can you come over!
- Tell them!
Nobody here believes me!
You want me to come over?
Alright! I am coming...
He is coming!
- Who is coming?
My friend...
He had even lost his two fingers
after he went to Guruji...
Who is this guru-ji?
You know
I used to smoke a lot
And you feel the need to
relinquish the cigarette.
Yes.
Consider it done
Thank you for coming Abbas...
Tell them about The Laboratory!
What?
- Tell them!
Tell them what?
About Baba Bengali?
Who Baba Bengali?
Abbas!
I don't know what you're
talking about
You got me into this mess!
You got me into this bloody mess!
Show me the gloves!
What gloves?
Show me your fingers?
K... What are you doing?
- K...K stop it...
You are sick.
Show me your fingers?
- K... K stop it...
K... K stop it... - Here!! Have
a good long look. ok!!!
Here!
Ok!!
What are you doing to me?
- What am I doing?
What am I doing? K?
What am I doing? K?
Keep your mouth shut,
Don't utter a single word.
Or your life will turn into hell.
You won't be able to understand
what is going on.
Take care, K!
Take care of yourself!
Ok!
Bye!
"Kalkatta Carpets"
Please STOP him Sir!
I'm telling you there's
nothing down there!
I've been working here
the past 20 years!
I am telling you, there is a
stairway right below this...
...that opens out into
some Dharavi type slum
Right inside a veiled woman's house.
Awake?
You are the one who've passed out...
You want proof?
Where is my phone?
And a cigarette
Why don't I get a Black
Label along with it!
This is the only way
I am still in the program.
I'll light up and that
phone will ring.
I'll light this cigarette
and my phone will ring.
And someone will say that
my brother's disappeared.
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag of life"
"Blow away your strife"
"This world don't seem like much"
"Like a bubble to the touch"
"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"
"On flowing water, flowing sail"
"Take that drag"
"Solitude's a choked fire"
"Prodded, poked, sleepless, stoked"
"Flickers invoke desire"
"Bunches red, of embers near-dead"
"Lit like fireflies in
the darkest cracks"
"Like burning eyes placed
on cinder stacks"
"It's a two-bit blaze for
a world of smoking"
"Its two world's smoke
for a life unspoken"
"This world don't seem like much"
"Like a bubble to the touch"
"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"
"On flowing water, flowing sail"
"Take that drag"
Hello?
What happened?
Your brother just killed himself...
He was murdered...
...and it's all your fault
You are a co-accused
We are sorry
No. No.
Don't just be sorry!
You didn't believe me!
He committed suicide because
I smoked a cigarette.
And you were the one who forced
me to smoke a cigarette. - Hello.
Your brother left a note...
In which he holds you
responsible for his
non-existent lung
He blames you and your smoking...
He blames me...
He can't even write a word of Hindi
He lived in Germany.
He speaks German!
- He writes German!
How do you communicate with him?
Rather did?
- What?
How did you communicate with him?
What!
- How did you talk to him?
My mother worked in the Embassy
as an Interpreter...
Still does...
I must say...
He's fooling around!
Let's take him into custody
He'll be singing loud and
clear in four hours flat...
Okay.
Let's go.
This place is full of water.
If it won't flood in Bombay
where would it flood...
Rajasthan!!!
Hello!
This place is flooded!
You swim?
Hello!
Can you hear me?
Somebody get me out of here!
Is anybody here?
Keep your mouth shut,
he'll turn your life into
a living nightmare...
You won't know the difference...
...between when you are living
and when you are dreaming?
"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"
"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"
The last minute of the
passing year and...
...the next minute of
the coming year...
...is called as the 0 minute.
And each year for the people under
the program is a designated...
place where you can smoke depending
on which country you are in.
"My eyes that spoke, now wisps of
smoke, the light gives way to dark"
"There is nobody around.
I am very depressed..."
"My eyes that spoke,
now wisps of smoke...
...the light gives way to dark"
"There is nobody around.
I am very depressed..."
"There is a bit pain left.
Now it is habitual..."
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke your life, smoke
away your senses"
"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"
"This tongue-less lie
will speak anyways"
"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"
"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"
"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"
- 7...
And
You are no longer confined
to physical objects...
...aspects or surfaces that
contain within them.
You'll now experience the
power to identify a change.
It is a magic sensory feeling
that influences...
...a minor consequences
of your charity.
You are now in the limits
of multiphase.
But not beyond space,
A bit strange!
"When the high has broken, it's
shards fall near and far"
"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"
Hello?
- K!
Anjali?
Where are you?
You're alive!
- What do you mean alive?
I'm dreaming again...
Why did you ask me if I was alive?
K!
Why you doubt I am alive...
Do you remember that recurring
dream I used to have,
every time I fell asleep in the
bathtub! I found myself in the...
What are you talking about?
My dream!
My dream.
Where are you?
- How did you call me here?
I got the number from your office
How?
- K!
I'm your wife!
I'm your secretary!
Remember!
You didn't want anyone at the
office to know...
...that I was your wife too
You liked that they
gossiped about us
What nonsense!
My secretary got married!
To you K!
K please!
- What's happened to you?
I think I'm having a nightmare
I need a cigarette!
I can't take this anymore
I would rather that
Guruji kill me...
If I smoke...
he'll kill me.
He'll kill me if I
so much as light it
I'll call you back!
Cigarette?
No!
- Close it!
Shoot me...
Shoot me...
Or give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette,
I wanna smoke...
Where are you taking me?
And what's the bathtub doing in
the middle of the snow desert...
I don't know...
Next time try jumping in it,
instead...
...you might find another way...
Stop!
Hey! I'm telling you! Stop!
Stop! I'll shoot
What...
I was supposed to wake up in
my bathtub. Why am I here?
He emerged from a cupboard.
And he from a elmira...
I always emerge from under the bed
They said they'd bathe us today
C'mon, let's go... It's
not him... Let's go...
Your body...
He can't see you...
If you want, you can speak
to him over the phone
All you need is a one rupee coin...
You forgot to give them
the rupee, didn't you?
So did I?
K!
He says there's no problem now
Everything is fine!
It'll all come back to you slowly
I felt as though someone
was calling out to me.
That was your voice...
your inner self,
Your soul.
Soul!
Smoke?
Soul...
The inner soul...
...is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent...
...but with a strong mind
you can control it...
...but if you are inherently
weak then my son,
...the wandering soul has
to be released, let go...
Time for the bath.
The new guy, in the black coat!
Even he is going to be ruined.
Who are these people?
Why are they staring at me?
Come with me.
Hello!
I'm asking you!
Move away from the windows!
Away from the windows!
Those who have made the full
payment need not take the bath.
The rest please stand in a queue.
This bed...
Don't know where it came from?
This is my bed.
This is my table. -So, it is obvious
that this chair belongs to you.
No, only the table.
That's my name!
Yeah. Even I didn't get
it the first time!
I always came out of the bathtub...
Me too!
Don't stop. Keep moving.
What do we do?
What do we do?
He's fooling around with us...
Let's take him into custody.
He'll be singing in
four hours flat...
Ok.
This is the same cop!
Soul-full, the body is
divine... Soul-less, its dead...
Means what?
Lets go!
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
In this lab...
...its our responsibility...
to make you kick your extreme...
...craving for the cancer stick...
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
...and if we fail to deliver...
...then we have no option left...
...but to send you
down the road no...
...Sane person would walk on...
Because my son, Soul-full
the body is divine...
...Soul-less its dead...
The end.
To all present, kindly reach the
common bath in the next two minutes.
The doors are about to open.
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"Crimson little bits of desire"
"Slowly spark, relight the fire"
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"Slowly filling..."
"The smoke slowly coils"
"Smoke..."
"The smoke slowly coils,
a snake on the wind"
You owe me...
One rupee?
That's my fee in cash!
One rupee?
Give him!
No!
I can only accept it from him
This is also belongs to him!
Will a fiver do?
No that's fine...
This debt will lay a heavy
burden on your soul!
Make him bathe...
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
"Watch, don't touch it."
"Those moments scorched...
...by time still smolder"
"Those moments scorched...
...by time still smolder"
"You'll burn your fingers"
"For at last this ashtray's full"
It's a fool proof program!
Believe me!
They made me quit...
Even Abbas
At least check it out!
I can take an appointment
for you if you want...
What inconvenience, man!
That's what friends are for!
"We are in a game. I see a party."
"I want to gate crash but
it is not always easy..."
"They never seem to be
looking in your eyes..."
"...you want to cry, you want to
die, but you can't even get by..."
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Smoke your life..."
"Smoke away your senses..."
"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"
"This tongue-less lie
will speak anyways"
"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"
"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"
"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"When the high has broken...
...it's shards fall near and far"
"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"
"Sip by sip, I scald my lip,
I drink the dew of bark"
"My eyes that spoke,
now wisps of smoke"
"Now wisps of smoke"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
- K!
Baba!
Where are you?
Here...
Curfew!
- What?
No idea.
I'm on TV!
- On TV...
On what channel?
I don't know, some strange
language written here...
...like on a bottle of Vodka...
Vodka?
Vodka?
My throat's parched...
...cigarette... cigarette...
...you still smoking!
I need a cigarette!
- I'll call you later...
K!
Cigarette!!!
Cigarette!!!
Bastard...
Matches...
K...
Open the door K...
open up!
K...
Ya...
- K... open the door...
Ya...
K?
- You alright?
At least say something?
Yeah! Hold on!
Come out fast. We are expecting
guests anytime.
My dream... What does it mean?
You're soooo!! addicted to nicotine!
You fear the day when you
won't get a Cigarette!
But what's that bathtub doing
in the middle of the snow!
I don't Know?
Next time try jumping in
the bathtub, instead!
It might lead you somewhere else?
The mirror will fall apart K...
Why the hell do you smoke
in the Bathroom!!
Why the hell do you sleep
in the bedroom!!
What's wrong now?
Nothing...
Went to Siberia again?
It's all because of
those cigarettes...
You will soon have the visa too...
Please... don't blow smoke in here...
Why don't you go get dressed,
The guests should be here soon...
Nobody tells me what to do,
Nobody tells me what to do,
Nobody tells me...
...what to do...
When some nut decides to clamber
up mount everest...
...the world stands
up to cheer him...
What if he's doing it
for the first time...
...his rope could snap...
He could get buried under
a mound of snow...
The world knows he... he
could bloody die...
...but they still put him
on the front page...
Hundreds die in accidents
every day...
...but we're still driving!!
Automobiles should be outlawed...
...petrol should be banned...
...why ban cigarettes alone...
...because this tiny little
innocuous white thing...
...can't speak for itself...
Have you ever seen him smoke?
In the kitchen...
- The bathroom...
The bedroom...
- In the bloody bed...
There are more ashtrays in
this house than spoons...
That's it...
- That's not it?
Even Vikas used to smoke...
I made him quit...
...there's this Shaman
doctor baba Bengali...
But that isn't the only reason...
- So what else?
Religious differences...
He thinks he's God.
I think he's...
Bad! Huh!
- Really Bad!
My brother... He's Asthmatic!
- Not me!
I heard he's in a hospital...
They've removed his right lung...
...it was infected...
And K still smokes
around everyone...
Search me...
My parents divorced six months
into their marriage...
You're kidding me...
And then I arrived...
...so they remarried...
two years into their
second marriage...
...my dad found out that
I was born a year...
...after the divorce...
...so they divorced again...
That sucks, dude!
So when was your brother born?
In the second coming or...
After the second divorce...
So he's not exactly
your blood brother?
He is...
How...
- See...
They married...
Then divorced...
Then they had you...
Married again...
Divorced again...
Then they had him...
...which means he can't
be your real brother...
Have you told him you
want to leave him...
Not yet...
Does he know you want to leave him?
If he was that sensitive... Why
would I leave him?
Hi...
Hi...
- Lets go...
Want to smoke, go outside
Its totally wrong.
Actually they should bloody close
down all the non smoking restaurants.
My self R. K. Dhingra.
Rajinder Kumar Dhingra.
You don't talk too much,
You seem to be the thinking type.
Even I think a lot...
Before you came that's what
I was doing, thinking...
Wondering, why do people
need to talk so much?
K-Abbas!
- Hi!
What are you doing
standing out here?
Smoking! Brother!
Want one?
No way
- No I won't...
Cut the crap man here...
No! No! K! I swear I quit.
Trust me, so should you.
Don't be my wife, God knows
where you disappear!
Been ages since I saw you...
- Come on, lets share one!
No! K! I'm not gonna smoke!
- Come On!! Just a puff!- No! K! No!
- I Don't... K! - What's wrong.
Take a drag my friend... Nothing's
gonna blow except the smoke...
Look sir! Why don't you
mind your own business!
Your friend is offering
you a drag...
You shouldn't refuse him...
Is he your friend? Who is this guy?
Friendships don't blossom
in a single meeting.
My friend... takes time...
- Just shut up.
Sir, it takes ages!
Shut up. Why don't you go
somewhere else? - Please!
Idiot man!
- Abbas!
Hi!
- Oh! Hi Anjali.
How are you?
- Hi!
How are you?
- I'm good
Why are you wearing those gloves...
Oh, just like that.
I lost my fingers in an accident.
What!
What nonsense are you talking!
Why didn't you tell me?
It's nothing much! Really
Oh my God!
And what's that you've
got in your ears?
Just...
I've a bit of a hearing problem.
You quit smoking?
Yeah, I have quit.
Very good.
What very good!
He's gonna smoke right now! Here...
K stop it!
K!
C'mon, all I'm asking you for is a
drag man! One drag! For my sake!
Or she'll hound me
to death with it...
K! I have said NO! That's
it! I won't smoke.
K!!
- K! I won't smoke!
K!
- Don't force him!!- Stop it!!
Go inside!
I said GO in!!
Come now! Quickly! Take a drag...
Otherwise I'll shove it in you!
- K! Stop it!
K!
- Stop it! K!
If I say you will! You will!
- K! I won't! That's it!
I love my wife! Ok!
Did somebody take an appointment
for you? - Yes.
I saw what they did with your mother.
Why didn't you tell me?
How will they know if I smoke?
Don't repeat a mistake like this.
Do whatever you feel like, but don't
do a mistake like this again.
Sir, if I was in his place I
wouldn't push you away like that.
And keep your mouth shut!
You do what you're doing!
You Asshole!
What'll you do, huh.
You're mistaken. I'm not
that kind of a guy. I...
You're a big asshole
kind of a guy...
Sir... You... You...
And you talk too much!
Sir, You're
Shut up!
Shut up!
I know K can be an asshole sometimes
Most of the times
- Yeah
Why do you want to know Anjali?
Abbas tell me!
K's not gonna quit!
Ok... If you really want
Him to quit smoking then.
Take this...
The Laboratory. Their visiting card!
- It's a Rehabilitation program.
Ok
- They are professionals!
You don't feel the urge at all?
No. Never.
Thanks.
Anjali, I'm actually
meeting someone.
I'll go now.
- Yeah. Thanks.
Bye. Thanks.
Why don't you quit smoking?
I have quit a hundred times...
That's not what you call quitting...
Then what do you call quitting?
Like my dad and mum quitting
on each other?
I don't quit! Quitters are those
who can't see it through to the end!
What if you start hating it?
"Shut up, just shut up..."
Anjali...
Yes...
You're asleep?
Yes...
Are you still upset...
...turn this side
Not now K...
Come on...
K!
Come on...
K!
- Sorry
Can I sleep now...
Okay. Sleep.
Hi...
I'm K...
Just K...
What's this?
They're taking them to the
concentration camp...
...and killing them...
This card...
It says Kalkatta carpets...
I got that from Abbas...
...but you won't need it...
Is it his business card?
Selling carpets these days...?
It's a Rehabilitation program.
People don't have any other
better work to do.
They helped Abbas kick the habit...
He taught you to smoke right?
No one taught me to smoke.
No one taught me anything.
I smoke.
And that's it. The first time,
Abbas gave me a cigarette,
I took the matches out
from my own pocket...
Watch your TV
Anjali...
Yes...
- Breakfast?
Yes sir...
I am sorry I forgot...
...what do you want for
our anniversary?
Divorce...
I don't have that
Kind of a budget...
"When the moon hits your eyes..."
"Like a big piece of fire..."
"When the world..."
I am not being childish.
Its not my fault if
I look like a girl,
I am 28 for god sake...
I have made up my mind...
I will call you later, bye...
Inky pinky ponkey.
Father had a donkey
Donkey died father cried
Inky pinky
Ponkey...
Sorry K...
Take him to some higher altitude...
Get him to do some yoga
Some breathing exercises
You smoke too much...
It's not good for your brother.
Anyways its your choice
I'll save you the lecture
Good...
Why do you always wear
these dark glasses
Why do you always wear
those hearing aids?
There's this company.
Agency
Rehabilitation program...
The Laboratory!
Hey! You're aware then...
I wasn't aware...
remember we used to
smoke together...
And you quit after your
defining deafness...
Why don't you try it...
It's a 100% smoke proof program
Cigarette... alcohol...
allergies, addictions, itches,
ringworms, weaknesses,
Baba Bengali has a cure
for them all...
Just go check it out...
...after that it's up to you...
I'll think about it...
Don't think, just tell me I will
take an appointment for you...
When can I take my brother?
Not yet...
- Then when?
When everything's alright
Will you go?
- To where?
To the Laboratory.
Do inform me, just call...
Call me...
- And do tell me
If you want to go to
The Laboratory...
Please call...
- Thank you...
Please...
Good morning, sir.
Will you please stop smoking?
Take the stairs
What!
Thank you.
Stupid...
Idiot...
Morning sir...
Good morning, sir.
One minute...
Where's Annie?
She'd called in to say that she
won't be coming to work today...
"Take me away from here..."
"I am a fool to be
in love with you..."
"You fill my lungs with the
pails of your smoke..."
"A victim of your..."
"Don't you forget..."
"...It's just a cigarette..."
"Oh, it's just a cigarette..."
Anjali...
Anjali...
Hello...
- Where are you?
Home...
You are not home...
...where are you?
- I'm at home
My Home!
Your home is where I am...
That's your home K...
Do what you want, smoke your
cigarettes, burn the mattresses...
...turn the whole damn house
into one big ashtray...
...do whatever the fuck
you want there...
You're leaving me...
I've left you...
How can you leave me...
Nobody leaves me
I am nobody K...
...that's why I've left you.
Just a sec!
- Excuse me.
Don't you crave for it whenever
someone lights up?
No K! just check it
out for once man!
Even I'd gone to just see the place!
Came out kicking the habit
Do I have to take an appointment?
Tell me... I'll take an
appointment for you...
When do you want to go?
Right now.
Right now?
- To treat.
Great! You know the place...
I have the card
K!
You're doing the right thing ok...
I'll inform them right away- bye.
Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory.
How can I help you?
Listen this is Abbas
Tyrewala speaking...
I want to send you another patient
Abbas what?
Tyrewala
- Yes sir...
His name is...
...but before that, what
about my finger?
Well... I guess you haven't read
your contract properly...
...as soon as your referred
patient signs his contract...
...you'll get your cut-back
No... No... No... its ok
Write down your tracking number
Please hold for a minute...
Hey waiter! Come here!...
Take the Call.
- He's going!
Hello!
I'm going to quit...
I swear...
Please come back...
Come back.
I'm trying really hard...
Hmm...
- What Hmmmm...
Hmmmm OK...
You're coming?
- Are you going?
I'm going
- Then I'm coming
Thanks...
No change
Don't worry. I've change
So - Keep it. You are
going to need it...
Where is the laboratory?
There.
Hey uncle
You sell oil? Carpets? What is this?
Where's The Laboratory?
Wonderful.
What?
What you are looking for.
Down there?
If you don't want to
go, I'll shut it.
One second.
Where's this Laboratory?
Below...
Ma'am! Where's the Laboratory?
Down there...
Thank you.
Where's the Laboratory?
Down There
Is there another level below
it or does it ends here?
Go down further...
Why couldn't they get
the bloody elevators...
Hey.
This way or that way...
That way.
Hello - Where's this Laboratory?
Welcome
No!
- The Laboratory?
Mr. Abbas must have sent you!
Mind blowing!
Follow me
Come
Who were those people?
Hello! I'm asking you?
Greetings
Guruji sits there.
Guruji might be sitting there but
who were those people staring at me?
Nothing is made on one level here?
Greetings!
Please come.
Have a Seat...
What's going on inside?
Sit
Who's this Guruji?
Shri! Shri! Shri!
Greater than the Great... Baba
Bengali!
From Sialdah!
He is coming!!
- You please wait!!
Prologue please...
I... my name is K...
And you feel the need to relinquish
the cigarette...
Yes...
Consider it done...
Actually just came
to check it out...
Whoever steps in here not
only stubs his addiction
...but completely buries it my son...
...cigarettes, bidis,
paan, tobacco...
Baba Bengali can cure
you of them all.
How do you make them quit
Point a gun to the head!
Bandits and Kidnappers need weapons,
I don't.
Chaurasiya! - Yes sir.
Didn't you show the noble
man our contract...
Not yet...
Standing here won't
make you any taller!
Please! Show him the contract.
Yes, sir.
Do I have to read all this?
Yes!
If Hindi is going to be a problem.
We have the same in English too.
Guide for dummies!
It's rather thick!
If you feel the compulsion
to read an abridged version
...we have that too! Our very own...
Pocket Edition
Please show him... - Yes sir.
Please read...
I hereby agree to do whatever
I am asked to do in order to
successfully quit smoking...
I am getting into this program
knowingly exactly...
...the risk my smoking
...will pose to me and
my family. Thanks.
K!
Meaning you'll do exactly
as we tell you to do.
But what will you tell me to do?
First you'll have to sign.
Then I'll let you know!
What if I sign these papers...
...and you put a gun on me... then.
Sir!! Kindly sign it.
Why do you want to invite trouble?
And what if I don't?
Hey! What's happening?
What's happening?
Leave me!
Leave me!
What are you doing!
Leave!
- Leave me!
Where are you taking me?
Leave me!
Let me go.
Let me go...
Hey fatso... I am talking to you...
Leave me!
What're you doing?
Let me go...
You don't know who I am...
Leave me!
Hey! Let me go...
Welcome to the first stage of
...our Quit Smoking Programme...
K
Wake up...
Wake up my son...
In this lab...
...its our responsibility...
...that your habit of smoking, which
is making you irresponsible...
...finish that off completely.
If we fail to deliver...
...and are unsuccessful
in treating you,
...then we have no option left,
...but to send you down the road
no sane person would walk on...
Would anybody like?
No...
Because my son, soul-full the body
is divine... soul-less its dead
The end...
Soul...
The inner soul...
...is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent...
but with a strong mind
you can control it...
...but if you are inherently
weak then my son...
...the wandering soul has
to be released, let go...
The soul is pure,
When life comes into being...
...then slowly, bit by bit
it starts to erode...
...the body corrupts it,
by indulging it...
...and to rebuild that lost eroded
soul is why I have been appointed...
By whom?
By The Greater than the Greatest!
Gurudev Baba Bengali!
But!
- Don't Argue!!
Democracy is up above the ground
you walk on! you die on!
You can "butt" into anything
with your butt's, up there...
But here you have descended...
...from your material hell
into my lower depths...
Here my spoken word is the
gospel of the gods...
Now that you've signed
on the contract...
...would you care to
repeat the honours...
This is my cheque book!
Yes sir.
Fees for your own treatment!
And an additional one rupee...
which is my fee
But that we take in cash
The fees for making me quit
smoking is 21 LAKH!
It's back-breaking work, you know.
You think I'm crazy?
You think I earn my money only
to dole it out as charity
Repeating it again & again
won't make it 20...
...it will stay 21 only...
If a poor man comes
to you for help...
...you charge him 21 lakhs too?
The "Poor" qualifies for
a government subsidy
This is robbery, you understand!
See, my fee is just a measly buck
That too a token of
your appreciation
I haven't started this
business for money.
Its all for charity
And just you watch!
The money you've parted with will
be utilized in your own treatment
Do you know that how
much of your money...
...you've squandered away due
to this bloody habit...
Yes... my lord...
K...
K!
K!
Touch of violence please!
Ok my lord...
The first time...
...Abbas stuck a cigarette between
...your fingers just so
you could look at it
you procured the matches
from your own pocket...
...a matchbox back then set
you back by 50 paise...
...all the gas you burnt up commuting
to and from the cigarette shop...
...the mouth freshener
that you purchased
...to hide the stench
from your father...
...then you graduated to pot...
...and once after smoking
some spurious weed
...you nearly went up
in smoke yourself!
A mere visit to the
hospital cost you
...1,50,000 to aspirate the
sludge from your stomach...
...every ashtray... matchbox,
lighter, bidi...
...and those fat ones
Cigars. Every wheeze, sputter
and cough caused by smoking...
...every spoonful of glycodine,
phensydyl
...every pill strepsil,
Erithromycin, Augmentin...
...every illness brought on
by this habit of yours...
...all those occasions when...
...your partner requested you
to butt your cigarette out...
...but you suspended the meeting and
strode out to finish your smoke...
...the losses you incurred
because of that!
Your wife's illness.
You bear a thirty percent stake in
your brother's asthma trouble...
...a silk Chinese tie estimated
at forty thousand burnt...
...mattresses set afire on
four disparate occasions...
...all because of a lit cigarette
Now excluding the millions
in losses...
...you have spent a total of
If you don't step on the brakes
now you'll be spending
...as much more in the
next seven years
To help you shake off the
yoke of this burden...
...the treatment is in your hands
Give him a pen
- Yes sir
And what if I don't sign it?
If you don't do it now then
you have to do it later
What if I don't do it?
Answer to your what is
a complicated process
...my son... you can't expect
me to be prompt.
I am going
- Guruji...
But you have signed a contract
I haven't! You forced me to!
Do you know who I am?
Why K? Where K? That I don't know.
But who K! That I surely do know!
I am going.
Your wish, I treat patient's
and not torment them.
What's the way out from here?
That's why I keep repeating son,
Sign on it and...
All the doors will open up for you.
Otherwise I will be forced to
do what I don't want to do.
The only problem with such a quick
second trip to that black hole is...
...you may not last the third.
That's why just sign for now
You can stop payment later
Did you sign?
Give him a pen, please!
Now my one rupee please
which I take in cash?...
Don't have it
Ok.
Next time.
Does it look like I'm coming back?
It's good if you don't come!
But son, everyone comes back.
In my experience each one returns...
Unfortunately smoking is
such a pathetic habit...
Now come over here...
You come here!
Come on son.
Your treatment has begun. Come
And if I don't?
If you don't come?
Then how will you go?
From this moment onward
you will not smoke...
Not even going to touch it...
And if you do
then for the first one
that you light...
...we'll have your brother...
...pay us a little visit
from his hospital bed...
...do you know what this is?
Once upon a time lived
a man called Hitler...
He had a teeny weenie moustache
like that Charlie of Chaplin...
See that.
My good friend,
Hitler
This was his stroke of genius
the Gas Chamber
And the lady there, she
is your doctor's mother...
...and the smoke...
...its the cigarette smoke...
...all the thousands of cigarettes...
...you must have smoked up until now
all that smoke in this little room...
...for your brother to breathe
in for all of five minutes.
Enough to make the healthiest
of lungs burst...
...and I believe your brother
is just one lung-ed.
And if your resolve still doesn't
hold up and you light up again!
Please sir, just listen
to me, I swear
I swear to god almighty I'll never
He scripts with just one finger now
Salam Namaste, M.B.B.S.
Listen Maqbool, I am there for you.
And if you light a third one...
...son before you smoke
it make sure...
...you take one last long loving
look at your wife...
...because in all likelihood
you'll never see her again...
...and if your itch drives you to
light up a fourth time then...
...it's the gas chamber
for your brother...
...if he survives the
last onslaught...
...and if he doesn't
then your mother...
remember to give her a warm farewell
hug before you light that one...
...and despite all of the above if...
...you still intend to be
as obstinate as a mule.
Then the mightiest of kings
have been rendered helpless...
...before the stubbornness
of a child.
Smoke the fifth with all
the lung power you've got.
No one will get in the way
No! Nope!
Nobody will stop you
Because son Soul-Full, the body
is divine... Soul- Less, its dead.
You can go to the police station
You can try to fight us.
You can do whatever you want to...
...but you can't smoke. Have fun...
I shall leave now.
Let's go
You're absolutely insane.
I didn't come here to
sign any contract
I don't want to quit smoking
What will you do?
You can't do this to me!
Come with me
Where?
You can't do this to me
Let's go
Go where?
- Who are you?
What's your name?
This is illegal!
I can complain about you
I don't want to quit smoking!
- What will you do?
If you don't want to come
along, can I leave?
Why are you wearing a veil?
Show me your face!
Show me your face!
Water
It's time for my prayer
Have to shut the shop
Your carpets loaded onto your car.
Here's the bill.
Hello
I went there...
Where?
- The Laboratory
I saw what they did to your mother
Why didn't you tell me?
How will they know if I smoke
Please K. Don't do that.
Whatever you do. Don't do that.
How the hell will they know?
How can one watch you
If you don't want to watch your
family die before you do, one by one.
Don't touch the damn thing.
Just listen to me, don't touch it.
I won't just touch it I'll
frigging suck on one.
What if I go to the police?
Ok! Tell me...
Did someone take an appointment
for you to go to the Laboratory
Yeah
I had told you I'll take
the appointment for you!!
Had told you!!
I'll get the appointment for you!!
My mother...
My mum here she...
I think you're losing it, doctor.
My mother...
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow your age up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up in air..."
"Throw the garment made
with breaths..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
"Blow it up..."
Didn't I tell you not to do it!
You'll be fine by tomorrow
Well, you should be
fine by tomorrow...
I've had this lighter
for the last two months
I had a match.
The ship matches...
...and that too on a ship!
They slapped me with Prevention Of
Terrorism Act. Served eight months.
What's your name?
Boss!
What's your name?
Ram.
Bring the carpet to the office
Morning sir
- Good morning
I've never seen you before
I've been Working here for
the last two months sir
Where's the driver?
- Sir, he want to the toilet
- What? - Toilet sir!
Send him up?
- Right away, sir.
Why do you have shades on?
Conjunctivitis.
Take them off
Where the hell is that driver?
Can't find him
Will check again & send him up
Do you have a brother?
We are nine siblings
Except for my sister and myself the
rest are back home in my village
Call the bloody driver!
Sir what has happened?
What?
- Have I done something wrong?
Send the driver upstairs!
- Sir!
And you also come with him
Yes sir
...Balram.
Is this a joke?
What?
Why're you tailing me?
Tailing, Sir?
What's with the shades then?
Take them off
Baba Bengali has sent
you! Hasn't he?
Baba Bengali?
- Who's that?
Look here
I don't like playing the stupid
game you're playing...
I don't dig this merry-go-round
of yours one bit
But what did I do! I've
just come here for a job
Sir! Any problems?
Who's this man?
Ok. Who are you?
I came here for an interview...
...got a call from your office
I was supposed to meet some Mr.
Some A...B...
Some alphabet...
Sir
What have you got in your ears?
Hearing aids
You seem stressed...
I'm going crazy
Oh poor baby!
I'll find it!
Find it Sir.
Phone...
I have to take it
Hello
- Hello
What the hell did you get me into?
You had called?
You knew. Rascal.
You lost your fingers,
sent me to lose mine...
...what the Hell do you
think you're doing!
What's so funny?
Nothing buddy!
I just did
What they told me to?
What did they tell you to do?
Laugh?
K!...K!... Buddy stop it!
I can't talk
And you shouldn't talk either...
That Shri Shri Shri
whatever Baba Bengali
He's a crazed lunatic and
he's capable of anything
You'll pay hell for this!
I won't let it go so easy!
K! What happened?
K!
You alright?
K
- I'm fine!
Those were the days my friend...
...when we could smoke whatever,
wherever...
Hmmm...
And you took mine away,
you bastard...
Remember that day we
were smoking in...
...my dad's bathroom and he found us...
Abbas!
What are you doing
in there? Open up!
Abbas! Open the door!
Abbas!!
Abbas!! Open the door!
Abbas! Open the door!
What's he doing?
Abbas!!
What were you doing?
Nothing Dad
Look son
I know you boys are growing up
You are curious...
...son... but you know...
Sex is something...
Aah... between a man and a woman
But uncle!
You shut up!
We were smoking, dad!
You were smoking?
I knew it
I knew my son could do no wrong.
And my son's friend too!
- Come
Those were the days, man!
Great times!
No one to stop you!
I'm starting to feel
sorry for you...
What?
Just look at yourself...
The Abbas then and the Abbas now...
You are like a flat tyre.
You've changed post marriage...
"Stranger..."
I'm going to smoke...
What?
Come what may...
K, have you lost it?
Let's see what can he do...
K!!!
Just watch me!
I'm gonna smoke...
K!!
- K!!
Don't do it K.
Annie!
- What are you doing?
On the net.
Was about to sleep...
You have my e-banking
password, right?
Yes.
- Log in.
I had issued a cheque today.
Rs.21,11,110.
It has cleared.
In a day!
It's showing a with drawl.
What happened, Sir?
Goodnight.
Where are you going, Sir?
I don't have a clue.
Why are you going, Sir?
Do you smoke after sex?
Oh shit...
I'm sorry. I never looked.
Do you smoke?
I sweat!
Book me on every flight that goes
from here to wherever it goes
From every destination
to every destination.
Am I clear?
What do I do with the other tickets?
Throw them!
- Ok!
Thrown them!
Like from here to here.
And if there are any flights
from those...
...destinations to further
destinations book...
...me on all of those too...
From every destination
to every destination
All separate tickets
from a destination...
...in separate boxes
packed separately!
For example all the
tickets from here...
...go in this box labeled as...
And there should be a man there
waiting for me with the box...
Am I clear, Annie?
Meaning?
I mean that if I don't have
a clue where I'm headed...
...there's no way in hell that
descendant of Hitler would?
"Kalkatta Carpets"
I forbade you, didn't I?
Where is my brother?
Let him go!
Let him go...
Look at me...
Let him go...
Or else...
Hey fatso... move aside...
Hey!
What are you doing?
Leave my brother...
Let him go...
I don't want to go in there!
Please listen to me!
I don't want to go in there, dude!
Please... Leave me!
Leave!
- Leave me! - Leave!
Your brother is still breathing...
Let him go
You've got to pay for that...
What price?
Again!
Penalty
What is was that?
Punishment
And what about my Brother?
Hello!
Hello
K! We've found your brother
He is having trouble breathing.
We've put him on a ventilator...
How are feeling, J?
Go Away!
What's happened to him?
Lets go
Lets go
And don't ever try doing it again...
I know the little girl...
Yeah, It happens!
It happened to me too! Lets go!
"On 1st April 2000, this
Ventilator Room was...
...started with the help
of Kalkatta Carpets"
"Inaugurated by the gracious hands
of Shri Baba Bengali from Sialdah"
From today this office
is a no smoking zone.
Plaster the whole damn place
with "No Smoking" signs.
Get rid of every last ashtray...
The balcony will be a strict
no smoking zone...
...so the lunch area,
- So the bathroom,
...not inside nor outside.
And if someone wants to smoke?
Then he can leave the job...
But why sir?
Because I can't smoke
So you won't let anyone else either?
Nope!
Bad sign, I am with you.
"Hey, I want to tell you
about this thing..."
"This stick called the cigarette..."
"Yes, it is a thirst..."
"It is a thirst..."
"No reason to burn"
"It is a thirst..."
"The evening's bled"
"The evening's bled"
"In a haze of red"
"In a haze of red"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn" Yeah.
"Smoking..."
"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"Hear someone scratch"
"A lonely match"
"Hear someone scratch"
"A lonely match"
"The sky is ablaze"
"In a twilight daze"
"Embers inside me churn"
"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"
"Threads of smoke"
"Threads of smoke now
stitch my breath"
"The smoke slowly coils,
A snake on the wind"
"The evening's bled"
"The evening's bled"
"In a haze of red"
"In a haze of red"
"Smoking..."
"Smoking it baby..."
"This pungent smoke
I inhale, return"
"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"
"Light a stick baby...".
"Every time a cigarette
is lit, I burn"
"No smoking..."
Hello... Hey K! Yeah!
Alex?
Many greetings? My love...
Where are you calling from?
Mumbai...
- I am back!
Back with a bang!
Sorry!
- Bong!
Smoke?
I've quit.
Don't joke with me!!
Come On! Smoke!
Nope...
You are trying to humor me...
Do I look like I can?
You've changed!
But don't worry!
'Cuz I'm back.
And do you know why I am back?
Sarah, Why am I back?
What?
Sarah, why am I back?
- What?
Whore! Go back to Cuba!
From Havana.
Import from there...
Sell it here
In-fidel.
Castrated!
In-fidel.
Castrated!!
Back there when I ran away to
Sir Castro's beautiful Cuba!
Once there I booked myself in
a room in a three star hotel.
"How lucky can one guy be..."
"I kissed her, she kissed me..."
First day, I lay down on my bed.
- "Everything all set..."
The hotel was a three star...
...two of which were shining
through my roof...
I stood up on the bed.
And stuck a finger each
in both the holes
My fingers weren't thick enough
I looked down.
Saw two cigars in an ashtray
I picked them up and shoved
them into the holes...
Then I got into the cigar business!
But soon enough, Smoking was banned!
What do I do now? I
was wondering when...
Sarah said "Let's go to India!"
But I was lost!
What would I do in India?
I swear
I had no idea my fate
matched Newton's
The cigar from one of the
holes fell on my head
And I thought...
What I used to do in Cuba...
Why not do that in India!
Now every Indian can have the
opportunity to blow on...
...a In-fidel... that's castrated...
With the spelling mistake.
And now ladies and gentleman
and friends!
There is a man
The man that made me smell
my first cigar. - Let's go!
K! Ladies & Gentlemen!
My dear friend, K!
Just K!
K for klinton guys!
The true blue cigar aficionado!
Hey K!
- Great!
Come On! Let's have K!
Come On!
Come K!
I'll only unwrap it.
Not light it
I don't smoke anymore.
Why?
- Why!
Search me...
Will only unwrap it.
Hey! Come on! Let's have it!
Ladies and gentlemen...
In-fidel castrated!
With a correct spelling!
Here
- Just touch it to your lips!
No man!
Don't light it. Just
put it in your mouth.
I'm telling you... No!
Come on!
- K! Come on!
Come On! Let's have a smoke!
What are you doing Alex!!
Come On! Let's have a smoke!
Heh! Let's have a smoke!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
I didn't do it!
Didn't do what?
I didn't do it!
Exactly what did you not do?
Who is speaking?
- What did you not do?
Who is speaking?
ACP Birsa Das Gupta.
From your residence.
Your wife called us
When we got here everything
was tossed about...
...the walls are splattered with
blood and your wife is missing!
My wife is with me
Anjali is right here.
Why would she call you over?
Are you in the right house?
Your wife is with you?
Anjali is with me.
Can I speak to her?
Sir!
I am looking for her!
Anjali!
Anjali!
I am coming home
Relax!
- Relax!
Mr...?
- K!
K what?
- Just K
What happened here?
That's what we're
trying to find out!
Your wife?
She's disappeared?
- She was with you?
Yes, she was with me and now she
is not, she is disappeared.
There are too many strange things
going on around me, do you know?
Can I see what is
going on, upstairs?
This is my home, You know!
You continue.
Do you have anything to say?
Yes!
I know who has done it?
- Who?
Baba Bengali!
Who Baba Bengali?
That rascal omnipresent Baba Bengali
Sewer Rat! Hitler's bastard child!
That genetic mistake...
...who runs The Laboratory!
- Laboratory?
Why are you smoking a cigar?
'Cuz I like it!
Who sent you here?
What is this Laboratory?
I'll call him.
Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory
How can I help you?
Get Baba Bengali on the line.
You would be Mr...?
K... from Bombay...
- Yes sir!
Greetings!
Madam was just brought
in a while ago...
She's with Guruji in the Morgue...
I'll get him on the line
Guruji! Its K
Yeah K
Why did you pick Anjali up?
You're forgetting the rules son...
- What rules?
I didn't even puff at it...
Now what qualifies as a
puff and what doesn't...
...aren't we the ones to decide that?
First things first...
- I did not smoke!
Alex forced that thing
into my mouth!
You shouldn't have gone
to the party... and...
...if in your eyes that amounts
to smoking it...
...then you should have taken
my fingers not my wife...
...when I smoke my third cigarette...
Your fingers were being
held by someone else.
Exactly!
I was forced to put
it in my mouth...
It was shoved into my mouth!
But I spat it out before it was lit!
After it was lit!
Before it was lit!
- After it was lit
Subsequent to it being lit!
Call the third umpire!
I am the sole umpire in this game
Be it the first or the second!
Either way, I'm the one who
gets to raise the finger...
Check it again
Ok. No harm in checking.
What is going on?
They are checking
What are they checking?
It's complicated!
Forward it
Idiot! A little more!
That's it! Stop.
Guruji!
What's the result?
He's telling the truth!
What!
The cigar had left his mouth when...
Heard you the first time!
I'm not deaf!!
His telling the truth means
We made the mistake?
Take him away!
Guruji! Please! Forgive me!
I messed up! I'm sorry
Listen K...
It was a tough call! After all
Chaurasia is a little bit of a man
Such people always make
little mistakes...
But the benefit of doubt in all
likelihood must come to me
You can't do this!
One can't escape the inevitable
Let Anjali go!
She's gone! I've sent her away!
The body has already
been examined...
The Postmortem is finished!
The End
- But...
...you still owe me that one rupee!
She is killed by you, but the
cops are here to arrest me!
I've lost everything!
But all you fucking want
is your bloody rupee...
Say whatever you will,
I've wronged you
Explain it to them...
Hello
Hello!
What is wrong?
Who were you talking to?
- Guruji!
Alex!
Not Alex
Guruji!
Where'd he go?
I spoke to him in front of you.
What are you looking at?
I called him in front of you!
I'll dial again
Please check the number
you've dialed.
How can it be?
That Hitler spawned son
of a bitch, Guruji!
It's ok Mr. Just K.
You will have to come with us
Do I look like I have a
morbid sense of humour?
Come with us
Wait, I can prove it!
I can prove it!
Hello.
- Abbas!
Where are you? - Got the bad
news friend - My condolences!
What news!
How did you know?
From the bulletin. He's
sitting right across...
Please can you come over!
- Tell them!
Nobody here believes me!
You want me to come over?
Alright! I am coming...
He is coming!
- Who is coming?
My friend...
He had even lost his two fingers
after he went to Guruji...
Who is this guru-ji?
You know
I used to smoke a lot
And you feel the need to
relinquish the cigarette.
Yes.
Consider it done
Thank you for coming Abbas...
Tell them about The Laboratory!
What?
- Tell them!
Tell them what?
About Baba Bengali?
Who Baba Bengali?
Abbas!
I don't know what you're
talking about
You got me into this mess!
You got me into this bloody mess!
Show me the gloves!
What gloves?
Show me your fingers?
K... What are you doing?
- K...K stop it...
You are sick.
Show me your fingers?
- K... K stop it...
K... K stop it... - Here!! Have
a good long look. ok!!!
Here!
Ok!!
What are you doing to me?
- What am I doing?
What am I doing? K?
What am I doing? K?
Keep your mouth shut,
Don't utter a single word.
Or your life will turn into hell.
You won't be able to understand
what is going on.
Take care, K!
Take care of yourself!
Ok!
Bye!
"Kalkatta Carpets"
Please STOP him Sir!
I'm telling you there's
nothing down there!
I've been working here
the past 20 years!
I am telling you, there is a
stairway right below this...
...that opens out into
some Dharavi type slum
Right inside a veiled woman's house.
Awake?
You are the one who've passed out...
You want proof?
Where is my phone?
And a cigarette
Why don't I get a Black
Label along with it!
This is the only way
I am still in the program.
I'll light up and that
phone will ring.
I'll light this cigarette
and my phone will ring.
And someone will say that
my brother's disappeared.
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag"
"Take that drag of life"
"Blow away your strife"
"This world don't seem like much"
"Like a bubble to the touch"
"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"
"On flowing water, flowing sail"
"Take that drag"
"Solitude's a choked fire"
"Prodded, poked, sleepless, stoked"
"Flickers invoke desire"
"Bunches red, of embers near-dead"
"Lit like fireflies in
the darkest cracks"
"Like burning eyes placed
on cinder stacks"
"It's a two-bit blaze for
a world of smoking"
"Its two world's smoke
for a life unspoken"
"This world don't seem like much"
"Like a bubble to the touch"
"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"
"On flowing water, flowing sail"
"Take that drag"
Hello?
What happened?
Your brother just killed himself...
He was murdered...
...and it's all your fault
You are a co-accused
We are sorry
No. No.
Don't just be sorry!
You didn't believe me!
He committed suicide because
I smoked a cigarette.
And you were the one who forced
me to smoke a cigarette. - Hello.
Your brother left a note...
In which he holds you
responsible for his
non-existent lung
He blames you and your smoking...
He blames me...
He can't even write a word of Hindi
He lived in Germany.
He speaks German!
- He writes German!
How do you communicate with him?
Rather did?
- What?
How did you communicate with him?
What!
- How did you talk to him?
My mother worked in the Embassy
as an Interpreter...
Still does...
I must say...
He's fooling around!
Let's take him into custody
He'll be singing loud and
clear in four hours flat...
Okay.
Let's go.
This place is full of water.
If it won't flood in Bombay
where would it flood...
Rajasthan!!!
Hello!
This place is flooded!
You swim?
Hello!
Can you hear me?
Somebody get me out of here!
Is anybody here?
Keep your mouth shut,
he'll turn your life into
a living nightmare...
You won't know the difference...
...between when you are living
and when you are dreaming?
"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"
"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"
The last minute of the
passing year and...
...the next minute of
the coming year...
...is called as the 0 minute.
And each year for the people under
the program is a designated...
place where you can smoke depending
on which country you are in.
"My eyes that spoke, now wisps of
smoke, the light gives way to dark"
"There is nobody around.
I am very depressed..."
"My eyes that spoke,
now wisps of smoke...
...the light gives way to dark"
"There is nobody around.
I am very depressed..."
"There is a bit pain left.
Now it is habitual..."
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke your life, smoke
away your senses"
"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"
"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"
"This tongue-less lie
will speak anyways"
"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"
"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"
"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"
- 7...
And
You are no longer confined
to physical objects...
...aspects or surfaces that
contain within them.
You'll now experience the
power to identify a change.
It is a magic sensory feeling
that influences...
...a minor consequences
of your charity.
You are now in the limits
of multiphase.
But not beyond space,
A bit strange!
"When the high has broken, it's
shards fall near and far"
"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"
Hello?
- K!
Anjali?
Where are you?
You're alive!
- What do you mean alive?
I'm dreaming again...
Why did you ask me if I was alive?
K!
Why you doubt I am alive...
Do you remember that recurring
dream I used to have,
every time I fell asleep in the
bathtub! I found myself in the...
What are you talking about?
My dream!
My dream.
Where are you?
- How did you call me here?
I got the number from your office
How?
- K!
I'm your wife!
I'm your secretary!
Remember!
You didn't want anyone at the
office to know...
...that I was your wife too
You liked that they
gossiped about us
What nonsense!
My secretary got married!
To you K!
K please!
- What's happened to you?
I think I'm having a nightmare
I need a cigarette!
I can't take this anymore
I would rather that
Guruji kill me...
If I smoke...
he'll kill me.
He'll kill me if I
so much as light it
I'll call you back!
Cigarette?
No!
- Close it!
Shoot me...
Shoot me...
Or give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette...
Give me a cigarette,
I wanna smoke...
Where are you taking me?
And what's the bathtub doing in
the middle of the snow desert...
I don't know...
Next time try jumping in it,
instead...
...you might find another way...
Stop!
Hey! I'm telling you! Stop!
Stop! I'll shoot
What...
I was supposed to wake up in
my bathtub. Why am I here?
He emerged from a cupboard.
And he from a elmira...
I always emerge from under the bed
They said they'd bathe us today
C'mon, let's go... It's
not him... Let's go...
Your body...
He can't see you...
If you want, you can speak
to him over the phone
All you need is a one rupee coin...
You forgot to give them
the rupee, didn't you?
So did I?
K!
He says there's no problem now
Everything is fine!
It'll all come back to you slowly
I felt as though someone
was calling out to me.
That was your voice...
your inner self,
Your soul.
Soul!
Smoke?
Soul...
The inner soul...
...is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent...
...but with a strong mind
you can control it...
...but if you are inherently
weak then my son,
...the wandering soul has
to be released, let go...
Time for the bath.
The new guy, in the black coat!
Even he is going to be ruined.
Who are these people?
Why are they staring at me?
Come with me.
Hello!
I'm asking you!
Move away from the windows!
Away from the windows!
Those who have made the full
payment need not take the bath.
The rest please stand in a queue.
This bed...
Don't know where it came from?
This is my bed.
This is my table. -So, it is obvious
that this chair belongs to you.
No, only the table.
That's my name!
Yeah. Even I didn't get
it the first time!
I always came out of the bathtub...
Me too!
Don't stop. Keep moving.
What do we do?
What do we do?
He's fooling around with us...
Let's take him into custody.
He'll be singing in
four hours flat...
Ok.
This is the same cop!
Soul-full, the body is
divine... Soul-less, its dead...
Means what?
Lets go!
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
In this lab...
...its our responsibility...
to make you kick your extreme...
...craving for the cancer stick...
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
...and if we fail to deliver...
...then we have no option left...
...but to send you
down the road no...
...Sane person would walk on...
Because my son, Soul-full
the body is divine...
...Soul-less its dead...
The end.
To all present, kindly reach the
common bath in the next two minutes.
The doors are about to open.
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"Crimson little bits of desire"
"Slowly spark, relight the fire"
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"Slowly filling..."
"The smoke slowly coils"
"Smoke..."
"The smoke slowly coils,
a snake on the wind"
You owe me...
One rupee?
That's my fee in cash!
One rupee?
Give him!
No!
I can only accept it from him
This is also belongs to him!
Will a fiver do?
No that's fine...
This debt will lay a heavy
burden on your soul!
Make him bathe...
"This ashtray's slowly filling"
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
"With the burnt out stubs
of a thousand days"
"Watch, don't touch it."
"Those moments scorched...
...by time still smolder"
"Those moments scorched...
...by time still smolder"
"You'll burn your fingers"
"For at last this ashtray's full"
It's a fool proof program!
Believe me!
They made me quit...
Even Abbas
At least check it out!
I can take an appointment
for you if you want...
What inconvenience, man!
That's what friends are for!
"We are in a game. I see a party."
"I want to gate crash but
it is not always easy..."
"They never seem to be
looking in your eyes..."
"...you want to cry, you want to
die, but you can't even get by..."
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Smoke your life..."
"Smoke away your senses..."
"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"
"This tongue-less lie
will speak anyways"
"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"
"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"
"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"When the high has broken...
...it's shards fall near and far"
"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"
"Sip by sip, I scald my lip,
I drink the dew of bark"
"My eyes that spoke,
now wisps of smoke"
"Now wisps of smoke"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"
"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"