Noche De Bodas (2024) Movie Script
(videocine logo)
(videocine logo)
(traziende logo)
(agasajo logo)
(waves crashing)
(soft music)
(soft music continues)
(soft knocks)
(knocks increases)
(tense music)
(music stops)
It's time, champ!
Nico.
OK, OK.
Glad to see you're going
with the flow.
Here's your picnic.
What the fuck?
(tense music)
(machine beeping)
Luca, if you wanted to look
like the bride on the cake,
you shouldn't have eaten it.
You can still bail out.
Look at you.
That's embarrassing.
Yeah, right.
You're not the one stuffing
yourself into this dress.
- Exactly.
- Hang on.
There.
Quit bugging her, OK?
Could you be a bit more helpful?
(music stops)
What's with your
tropical fruit basket, man?
It's an offering,
symbolizing
the day of a new beginning.
We're going to throw it
in the sea at dusk.
I bet that was the bride.
I mean, it's a lovely idea.
Very poetic. I adore it!
We flew the mangoes
in from Thailand,
because they are
not in season...
Relax, champ.
It's all good.
Everything's cool.
You're not a kid anymore.
You're getting married.
Remember why.
(romantic music)
The net's supposed to hang
from the ceiling
with steel rings.
I like it.
(exclaiming)
I love it!
It turned out great!
What did you do to make it
look like it's floating?
I anchored it
with tempered steel rods.
(cheerful music)
So it won't fall?
It won't fall.
Right, Lalo?
You sure?
Because I'm the one
in charge of this project.
Your design is safe, boss.
What are you doing?
Hold on.
Get off.
Steel rods, huh?
Anchored?
Tempered!
(cheerful music increases)
Wait, I haven't tried it yet.
Please, get off. Get off!
(soft music)
Marry me.
(upbeat music)
It's the first time ever
that I'm glad to see
a man putting his pants on.
Damn, Luca.
You? Buying into
institutionalized monogamy?
Stop busting my ovaries.
Ew. Ovaries.
You never gave a fuck
about marriage.
Why are you getting married?
(soft music)
Marry me.
What?
Just like that?
No ring?
Will you marry me?
(soft music increases)
Luca: Yes.
(music stops)
Get off me!
Enough, enough.
(exhaling)
I'm getting married today.
And you, shut...
(upbeat music)
They want to fuck me.
They didn't even look at you.
There was a glance. I felt it.
Everybody wants to fuck you,
says you.
I can feel it.
The offering!
I'll go get it.
You go.
(elevator music)
What a moment!
She looks gorgeous.
Unforgettable day.
Lula.
Thanks.
It's OK to be nervous.
Woman: It goes away, though.
Man: You might feel
like bailing...
- Remember?
- (laughing) No.
I felt sick because
I was pregnant.
Everything was just lovely.
Man: She even puked
on the altar.
(distorted laughter)
(sighing)
Luca's friend: Lula.
- I need some time on my own.
- But...
Just me and my ovaries.
(exhaling)
(grunting)
(heavy breathing)
Honey?
Honey, are you alright?
I thought you weren't
wearing a gown...
(tense music)
What are you doing here?
Getting married!
Is this a fucking joke, Nicols?
You're getting married?
What the fuck are
you doing here?
I'm getting married!
(music stops)
No, no!
No!
This is my venue.
This is my date.
(tense music)
Who're you marrying?
None of your business.
(music increases)
Who?
Beto.
(music stops)
Beto who?
Well, Beto.
Beto, Beto?
Beto, Beto.
Beto, your cousin?
He's not my cousin.
(exclaiming)
We're gathered here together
on this special date,
to celebrate the union
of Luca and Nico...
with other people.
Luca's friend: Mike!
It's always lovely to see you
and survive to tell the tale.
Champ?
Tere's waiting.
(music continues)
Who's Tere?
Dearest followers,
as you all well know,
because I repeat it so often,
social conventions and rules
are meant to be broken.
So come with me to see
the groom before the ceremony.
Come on.
(spiritual music)
Soulmate!
Sorry!
Hi.
Sorry, I thought we wouldn't
have a wedding video.
That it was all going to be
about Luca's photo booth and...
(stammering)
Hang on a second. Tere?
Tere with the tits?
- Who's he?
- Which tits?
No, Tere's not the one
with the tits, OK?
I am the bride.
I'm the groom.
Out of all the douche bags
and many idiots in the world,
you picked Beto?
Beto! (laughing)
(music continues)
So, who's Tere?
Doesn't matter. Let's go.
You know who Tere is?
Or do you know who's not Tere?
Tere's not my cousin.
He's not my cousin!
He's a guy with balls.
Unlike you,
you limp dick coward.
OK, enough!
Stop.
It's your wedding day, man.
Your wedding.
You're marrying a woman
who gives you peace and quiet,
who doesn't want to fuck anyone.
- Literally.
- Shush, shush.
Come on, move.
It's getting late.
Nico: Hey!
Hi!
Babe!
Did you know there's
another wedding?
What?
There's another wedding,
happening today.
Did you know?
You knew?
Strange we didn't hear
about it before, huh?
I mean,
in these hotels there are
always lots of weddings.
They get busy.
It happens, in these hotels...
That's why they didn't want
us to have the main venue.
Sure.
Well, let's go.
We're going ahead.
What's wrong, Nicols?
(tense music)
I know the bride.
What?
How do you...?
From where?
- From Tinder.
- Kinder...!
Kindergarten?
Yeah...
What a coincidence, right?
Same time, same channel.
Like a joke.
It happens, though.
It happens, and...
We carry on, OK?
Lets just do our thing.
Is that why you're acting weird?
Weird, how?
(tense music increases)
Yeah...
No, yes, I'm nervous.
Because...
Today's the day
of our new beginning.
Oh, baby...
Me too, so am I.
Today's the most
important day...
of my life.
Calm down, relax. Breathe.
Let's do OraQi.
OK, so let us breathe in...
OraQi!
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music increases)
(music stops)
WEDDING NIGHTS
WEDDING NIGHTS
(soft music)
If you could see your wedding...
You're gonna love it.
Do you want Prozac?
I want whiskey. That'll do it.
Yes, let's get one.
No, son, hold on.
Ma, it's our wedding.
We can do whatever we want.
Release the altar boys.
Whiskey.
I'll cherish this day
for the rest
of your celibate existence.
Oh, they're adorable. (clapping)
(cheering)
Guests: Congratulations!
Bravo!
- Whiskey, my whiskey.
- I already asked for it.
Here. Thank you.
No, I don't want that.
I want whiskey.
It's the only thing
authorized for the toast.
Fine, thanks.
It's what happens when mommy
plans your wedding.
You were warned.
(clapping dying down)
Beto: Thank you all
for being here.
As you all know,
this is a very
special day for us.
Today we celebrate the union
of two wandering souls...
No, come on. I'm just kidding.
Let's cut the crap and have fun.
(cheering)
And please,
get my wife her whiskey
on the rocks right away.
And a Blue Lagoon for me.
(spiritual music)
(clapping)
You can't have that
on an empty stomach.
Well, I like to start
with dessert.
They're holy, brother.
Sacred mushrooms.
Blood of Quetzalcatl.
Oh, chocoshrooms.
One bite
connects you with
the sacred dance.
Half a chocolate,
and you look within.
And a whole one
is a coin toss, bro.
Not now, thank you.
No fear.
With love.
Today's the day.
OK...
(spiritual music increases)
Tere: Nico.
Nico.
(music increases)
Namaste.
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you!
Thanks, Juanjo.
Truly. Thank you.
Namaste.
That's why we set up
a gift registry, right?
Yeah.
I'll leave it here.
Wife...
Do you want something to eat?
A turmeric kombucha, please.
Look at these pictures.
Where to, champ?
Bathroom.
The other wedding's or...?
I need to see Luca.
What for?
I need to talk to her.
Who do you need to talk to?
To the guys
in the other wedding.
Why?
I thought of...
asking them to do
the offering with us.
So I thought of taking...
It's a good idea, isn't it?
There's a reason
the universe conspired
to bring us together,
to share...
(tense music)
You're absolutely right.
Of course! Oh, baby!
My champ, always one step ahead.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
Let's go.
I'll get the offering. Yeah.
Namascrewed.
(cheerful music)
The good, the bad,
and the comadre.
What a beauty.
What a wonderful reception.
The Amish kids were so sweet.
Luca: They're altar boys.
The competition!
Darling, these are
Nico and Tere.
I told her your name when
we ran into each other earlier.
This is Luca.
Mike. Delighted.
- You knew each other?
- Yes.
Where from?
- Kindergarten.
- Here.
Also from kindergarten...
We went to kindergarten
together.
And then we bumped into
each other here.
When I...
was the architect in charge
of remodeling the hotel.
And I was the engineer.
So you worked together.
Beto: That's right, Lu,
you worked here for months.
- We barely saw each other.
- Very little.
We hardly spoke.
(heavy breathing)
Where I do remember you...
is from kindergarten. Funny.
You were such a scared crybaby.
Was he? Babe...
It was kindergarten.
And you?
Why did you choose
this hotel for your wedding?
Lu loves this hotel.
And you?
They gave me a huge discount
because I worked here.
Luca's friend: Precisely today.
Precisely.
The discount was for today.
Hotels do that, they pack
weddings into the same day,
just so they don't disturb
the guests all the time.
Unbelievable.
(tense music)
What a fucking coincidence!
- Right?
- We must celebrate together.
Yes.
Long live the happy couples!
(cheering)
We were just talking about
the coincidence.
That's why we...
Babe?
We'd like to share with you
the offering of the...
- The offering.
- Offering.
We'll throw it
into the sea at dusk.
- How pretty!
- What is it?
It's an offering
that symbolizes the day
of the new beginning.
That's adorable!
Was it your idea, Nico?
Yes, we both thought of it,
inspired by Celtic tradition.
Celts and kiwis
finally together.
What a sweet idea. Thanks.
Count on it. We'll be there.
Enjoy your wedding.
Hey, you're so young.
How old are you?
I mean, to think
that me and Nico
already knew each
other before you...
were even been born.
Funny, right? Right?
What do you do?
I'm a yoga teacher.
I developed
a meditation technique.
Rediscovering
an ancient practice.
I have an app, in fact.
Download it. It's free.
It's called OraQi.
Look, like this.
Spelled with a Q.
So you meditate, Nicols?
Well, he tries.
He tries.
(laughing)
Tere: And you?
How long have you been together?
We've known each other
from birth.
Well, not quite that long.
Yes, Lula, it is that long.
The thing is, our folks
have been friends forever.
We grew up together,
traveled together.
So how long have you
been together?
It'll be a year since we met.
What?
You had a girlfriend
you loved like crazy, right?
You were going to get married.
You even proposed.
I think you're confused.
I'd never fallen in love
before Tere.
(music continues)
Guys, Beto wants to fuck me.
There you go again.
There's a very dense energy
in that wedding.
Luca's mom: One, two, hello.
- Hello, hello, everyone.
- Where's my whiskey?
Waiter: Of course!
We're delighted to have you here
in this dream come true.
Perhaps the most
significant dream
for these two families that,
before the eyes of God,
have now become one.
And now an announcement.
My daughter had the cute idea
of setting up
out there a photo booth
that takes photos,
like the ones for your passport.
It's a photo booth for...
every guest to be able
to take home a souvenir.
So you just go in the booth,
close the doors,
and it'll take
a sequence of photos
which will be then printed
into a small flip book,
like a mini movie.
In this wedding,
we'll all be photographers.
Your photos and videos
will make up
today's wedding album.
Everything will be projected
on the screen.
(laughing)
- Thank you so much.
- Enjoy the food.
Your kids will be so lucky
to have such grandmothers.
(cheering)
- I'll go see that idiot.
- Are we going to the party?
What shall we bring?
Thanks, but it's
an alcohol-free wedding.
Are you AA?
We don't like to dull
our conscience.
There are moments in your life
that are worth remembering.
Really?
So what are those for?
Medicine, to helps us
connect with our emotions.
Want some?
No, thanks.
No alcohol
but mushrooms are cool.
Hey, don't leave me alone
in that fancy wedding.
We brought something
to drink, but...
they're more into transcendence.
- Forgive the intrusion.
- Nico: That's fine.
You're more than welcome.
The first dance
of the newlyweds!
(cheering)
Guru: No, no, come with me.
Come, come on.
Another couple came.
(upbeat music)
(cheering)
(cheering)
What's wrong with you, Nicols?
Nico: How long
has it been since...?
Since what?
You know what I mean.
What?
We've been so busy
planning the wedding.
How long has it been?
Nico...
I don't know. Like...
Two weeks?
More like a month,
and with pants on,
it doesn't count.
- Tonight is the night.
- OK.
(cheering)
Switch!
Hey.
(music decreases)
How's the lapdog?
I'm happy.
I can see by the way
you wag your tail.
Must be exhausting to think
that everything in the
world revolves around you.
Or not.
Like a phone call,
a text, an email,
an insult at least, anything.
I was there for Nico.
You probably don't understand
what it is to be altruistic.
I don't speak Chihuahua. Sorry.
I'll dance over there.
Switch!
(upbeat music continues)
Cool tunic.
It's a dress.
What do you do?
I'm a lawyer.
You?
- I'm a teacher.
- Pilates, right.
- Yoga.
- Sure.
- The yoga app, right?
- Meditation.
Yeah, right.
- Switch?
- Switch.
Guru: Switch!
- Hello!
- What's up?
Wow, yoga student.
You wouldn't
have touched a yoga mat before.
I grew, I changed,
partly thanks to you.
No, no.
Thanks to you,
I'm now in a better place
with someone who's
always been there for me.
Your cousin.
Someone who loves me.
(soft music)
Your cousin.
Someone with balls,
who would never do what you did
two hours after proposing.
It wasn't two hours.
- Two hours.
- Hell, no.
- Two hours. Two hours.
- No.
And a fraction.
Of course!
So that gives you
the right to propose,
and two hours
and a fraction later,
fuck some woman with big tits?
(upbeat music continues)
You know?
Fucking with Beto
probably takes sex
to a whole new level.
You have no idea.
Of inbreeding and deformity.
Just kidding.
The good thing is its
all in the family.
I wish you a universe of light,
peace and harmony
for each of your chakras.
And I wish Beto lots of luck.
I'll leave you to your wife
and her Instagram wedding.
I'll take the tequila, though.
I'd hate to think
of you having fun.
Go back to your wedding,
that is just like every other
wedding on the planet.
Run. The disco, reggaeton,
and cumbia are about to start.
It's this...
- Hold on, you have a pimple.
- What?
Oh, no, sorry.
- Don't forget your tequila.
- Thank you!
- Have a wonderful day!
- Thanks, congratulations.
- Have a wonderful day!
- Thanks, congratulations.
Happy life!
Beto: Same. Bye!
(flushing toilet)
Fucking Nicols.
He's determined
to ruin and destroy everything.
And his brown noser Chihuahua.
Now what?
I'm supposed to go
back to my wedding,
have a good time, smile?
No, I don't want to anymore.
(sighing)
We still have disco,
reggaeton, cumbia...
It's my turn now.
My turn to ruin everything.
You know what?
Yes.
Yes, I'm in.
It'll be the worst day
of his life.
("Cumbia Sampuesana" playing)
(music continues)
Nicols.
Why is there music?
Let me go check.
Wait, let me go see.
(faded music)
I don't like this music.
- Are you dancing?
- No, man.
This is war!
Calm down, calm down, champ.
Champ? The champs.
(music continues)
(faded music)
You, as usual,
straight to dessert,
no questions asked.
Wait, hold on.
If you're not gonna help,
let me do my thing.
If you open your mouth again,
you'll find my fist in it.
You know
I like those perversions.
- Oh, get lost.
- Champ.
- And don't call me that.
- Dude!
We're back here. It's not
some fucking coincidence.
Don't you think the universe
is trying to tell us something?
Fucking Nicols is marrying
the first woman he found,
someone colder than
a penguin's asshole,
and hasn't had sex in months.
She's great, though.
She meditates, she's nice.
Strong affirmations
from a loyal doggie.
And you?
Are you OK with your best friend
marrying a guy who's not
out of the closet?
Beto, gay?
He wants to fuck me.
Pull down your skirt,
your slip is showing, darling.
So you're happy for your friend?
No.
For the rest of her life,
she'll be fucking
the first dick she saw
when she was a baby.
I'm sorry, OK?
Sorry.
I chose my best friend
instead of calling you.
These chocoshrooms have to be
surgically distributed.
Champ.
(tense music)
("Oye" playing)
Luca: No, don't eat that!
- Spit it out!
- Lula, it's a joke.
It's a joke. Just a joke.
Me and Lula have a bet.
- What?
- What we talked about.
I'll explain later.
I'll borrow Lula for a minute.
Come with me, Lula.
What?
What are they made of?
(music continues)
What's your problem?
He just had a chocoshroom.
Well, he already did.
What will you do about it?
Beto doesn't do drugs.
He barely drinks Blue Lagoons.
What will you tell him?
That somebody is trying
to sabotage your wedding?
How will you explain that?
What happens if Beto realizes?
Don't be silly, Luca.
You're fooling everybody,
including your husband,
on your wedding day.
(music continues)
Besides, what's the worst
that could happen?
It's a chocoshroom, Lula.
Well, they look good.
Everything good. Perfect.
She's crazy!
How did those
chocoshrooms get here?
How do you think?
Son of a bitch!
Pili! Mili!
Bring those sober hippies from
their pathetic wedding!
(cheering)
Alright, you hippie sluts.
Come over here.
Luca: Everything alright?
You're trying to ruin
my wedding, aren't you?
- What?
- Your cousins.
Oh, no, no. Listen, guys.
Relax.
We're having a great
time at our wedding, it's cool.
Why don't you take
the case of tequila?
Do you think I'm stupid?
What a great party!
Come here.
We must celebrate together.
This fucking coincidence
is too weird for a wedding.
Come on, don't be uptight.
We can't keep
our guests waiting.
(cheering)
There's a lot stronger
party vibes flowing over here.
(loud noises)
One, two, three.
Family,
I'm so glad we're all
gathered together.
We're all part of this universe
which is made up of...
particles.
(sighing)
Nothing but particles.
Crap. This asshole lost it.
Lost it completely.
With love, and from
the bottom of my heart,
let's welcome Tere.
Who's a great fucking
Pilates teacher,
and has the coolest yoga app.
Next thing you know, they'll
have us all doing Pilates.
And also, for Nico...
Nico...
Nico has been
Lucia's lifelong friend.
Fucking universe, right?
It's amazing.
It's amazing because
they too got married today,
here in the same place,
but their wedding is pathetic.
Give them a hand.
Nico! Tere! Come on up!
Lu, my love!
My love!
DJ, hit it!
(sounding: "Fuga pa' la calle")
(music continues)
Let's go, let's go!
Come on, Lu!
Look who I have here!
Lu! I know, Lu!
Let's go take one
of those photos of yours.
Let's go!
Come on, Tere!
Come on, let's go!
The newlyweds!
How do we do this?
It starts taking pictures
on its own.
This man ate a chocolate.
Look at him!
Wait! It has already started.
Hold on!
It's so silly.
Oh, the offering.
Let's go to the beach!
(spiritual music)
Sorry.
Why?
About the wedding.
It's not your fault.
No, Nicols, no.
Not now.
- Why not?
- Because. Just because.
Because we're waiting
for these...
I have a feeling
they fucked me up on purpose.
Want to do some OraQis?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Nicols,
as of today, you'll be
always by my side.
Our union is an act
of the universe
that wants me to be whole,
so I can change this world.
And there's no reason,
excuse, motive, or pretext
for you and I to ever be apart.
OraQi!
We lost the offering!
- How?
- No idea.
It's not there.
It went to another dimension.
("Ella no suelta nada" playing)
(music stops)
Alright, fine, alright.
(mumbling)
No problem.
Let's offer what's left
before the sun sets.
OK.
(upbeat music)
I'd like to thank the universe
because today,
it's challenging me to accept
things as they are,
and not as I want them to be.
I take the lesson as a blessing.
(whooping)
Now, you.
(whooping)
No, you.
Yes, honey.
Well, I think that this
is the day
that symbolizes
the new beginning...
And...
I know there are no do-overs,
but I also want to learn,
so I won't make
the same mistakes.
- And I'd like to...
- (whooping)
Luca?
Well, I didn't picture
my wedding like this.
I was going to marry
in a completely different way.
But it is what it is.
(whooping)
Yes, yes, I know how.
(whooping)
Beto?
Luca: Beto.
Beto!
(Beto exhaling)
Beto: Can you feel the sand?
It feels like particles, right?
Nothing but particles.
(spiritual music)
OK, let's do this.
(music stops)
Shall I put the boat
in the water?
No, we wait for a wave
to take it.
- But it's low tide.
- No.
A wave will take it eventually.
- What if we help it along?
- Patience.
Shall we hold hands, please?
(romantic music)
(music continues)
(music increases)
(vomiting sounds)
(gagging)
Tere: The quartz.
Oh, what trippy colors!
- The quartz!
- What?
No, the quartz.
Somebody do something.
Find it!
Throw up the other way!
- Tere: The quartz!
- Nico: I don't see it.
- Well, do something.
- What do I do? Stick my hand in?
Find it, it must be there.
We need to find it.
It went to a different
dimension!
- Do something!
- Do something!
OK!
(tense music)
(slimy sounds)
Nico: I think that...
- Do you have it?
- I'm getting there.
Got it?
Yes, unless Beto
swallowed a stone.
- Get it out, get it out!
- It's slipping.
There, almost...
(waves crashing)
The quartz!
No!
Not the quartz!
Beto: The symbol of the day when
our new beginning started!
This is no way
to start a marriage.
Chill, man.
It was just a ritual.
Tere: Just a ritual?
It was my blessed quartz.
Well, it's in the sea,
as planned.
This is not how it was planned.
Beto: All covered in puke!
It's no good like that!
It's like a thousand years
of bad sex.
Was it the alcohol, or what?
Fucking Blue Lagoons.
(Beto crying)
We can't take him back
to the wedding like this.
OK!
You go get the Rescue
and the Bach Flowers.
They're in my room.
And we'll need baking soda.
I'll get the baking soda.
I'll do Reiki on him.
("Noreste caliente" playing)
(cheering)
("Noreste caliente" continues)
Things got interesting.
And this is only the beginning.
("Noreste caliente" continues)
(music stops)
Wait, Luca,
where are you going?
Where?
To get the baking soda.
- Sorry.
- Sorry for what, Nicols?
For getting Beto so wasted,
by getting married at the
same place, on the same day?
I'm sorry!
Just...
sorry.
Say it, you fucking coward.
Why don't you have
the balls to say:
"Sorry I fucked a woman
two hours after..."
- It wasn't two hours!
- Two hours!
And a fraction!
You suggested it!
- What?
- You had the idea.
You're the one who said
we had to sleep with others.
Or did you forget already?
Oh, how obedient of you.
Who would ever think
of such a thing?
Right after we confessed
to each other
we were madly in love.
(emotional music)
After the best eight
months of my life,
feeling something real.
I wasn't kidding myself
as always.
Not caring about my friends,
my job, my family.
The world might fall apart,
and I'd stay there,
in that room, with you.
In that gaze, with you.
And for the first time
in my life,
I want to commit.
To you!
You accepted.
We cried.
And we made love once more.
(emotional music continues)
And two seconds later
you tell me to chill,
that we should take it slow,
that we should take it slow,
that maybe it's a good idea
to sleep with others?
Hotel's guests: The newlyweds!
What took you so long?
I didn't take long.
I nearly had to drag Beto.
You just had to get the drops.
I didn't take that long.
Twenty-five minutes, Nicols.
- It wasn't 25!
- It was.
And a fraction, right?
All men are the same!
Their tricks and
obsessions with manuals.
Their fractions.
Like parking meters.
Beto is identical.
Right, darling?
And the music?
- What?
- No?
- No.
- No.
Luca: What's going on?
Where's the music?
The wires were cut!
(emotional music)
Luca: Are you alright?
- Do you remember?
- What?
That time we played hooky
when we were nine.
We stayed in your house,
in the closet,
and played all day
with your parents' clothes,
- and made a mess.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember.
I remember you
dressed as your dad.
And you, as my mom.
You wore her dress.
You looked very pretty.
I remember we suddenly heard
someone coming home.
We got back in the closet,
remember?
We were so scared.
Yeah, because you were wearing
my mom's most expensive dress.
And we got caught.
I still recall the expression...
Like a deer in the headlights,
remember?
on my aunt's face.
She's not your aunt.
Tere: Sit down for the ceremony
and grab an instrument.
We'll do a video
for my social media.
A group OraQi, live.
(upbeat music)
Nico: Tequila?
You know perfectly well
I don't like it.
I like whiskey.
And you know perfectly well
this is my favorite tequila.
Thanks for thinking of me
even when you
planned your wedding.
Why don't you go
ruin life for your wife instead?
Yes, great idea!
I'm going to consummate
my wedding night.
Sure, with the Ice Queen?
That bed must be freezing.
No, yoga teacher.
Imagine the things we do.
No, you imagine it.
I think
she doesn't like to be touched,
not even if you wake her up
in an emergency.
We do it wonderfully.
When was the last time?
We were saving ourselves
precisely for this moment.
Yeah, right.
When?
One week. What's it to you?
More like a month
and with pants on,
so it doesn't count.
Yeah, sure.
You like everybody
to sleep around.
Great, Nicols, you're beginning
to get the gist of it.
I guess you took some liberties
the night before your wedding.
I'm a black hole
of cosmic fucks!
As a matter of fact,
I already had
half the men in that wedding
in romantic moments
with other men.
You're not that special,
Nicols. Relax.
You're not the first,
and certainly not the last.
What else do you want to know?
- That'll do it. Thank you.
- OK.
Run along.
Go find your block of ice
who's already starting
to have fun.
Looks like it's bad for her.
It's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Go on. Consummate your
wedding night as planned.
With yourself!
I'm gonna make love to her
right now.
Sure.
Do your worst, matador!
- Get undressed.
- Yes.
- Off with your clothes.
- Yes, yes.
(moaning)
Right here, right now, OraQi.
Luca: Now I need a whiskey.
A double one.
- Well, she's his wife.
- You said they didn't fuck?
No one's safe
on their wedding night.
They've been in there
for like ten minutes.
And a fraction.
What are you doing?
What's wrong?
What's wrong with you?
It's my wedding,
and this photo
booth is the only cool thing.
What the fuck do you care what
I do or don't do,
especially who I sleep with.
May your dick fall off.
I hope it was the worst
fuck of your life.
Truth be told,
it wasn't that bad.
Must've been epic,
considering how long it lasted.
Forget how long.
The intensity, the alignment,
the swaying...
In this super comfortable chair.
I don't buy it.
It's the good thing
about learning yoga.
You just put down your mat down
anywhere, and get it on.
Even up the kundalini.
(machine dinging)
We shall see.
If I was you, I wouldn't.
You'll want to burn
down this photo thingy.
No.
I won't look.
What I will do is leave,
because you're grossing me out.
What if I leave first?
I don't think so.
- I do think so.
- I don't.
OK, both at the same time.
Slowly.
- Alright.
- OK.
One.
Two.
Three!
Hold on, that's cheating.
It's not fair.
Got it!
Give it to me, it's mine.
Why can't I see it?
It's not for idiots.
This is better than the funnies.
This fucking bench
is pretty uncomfortable.
You couldn't get it up.
- I'm drunk, OK?
- Sure.
Nico can't get it up!
I'm drunk and stoned.
I'm stone drunk.
- Nico can't get it up.
- I was thinking of you!
There.
I got distracted
thinking of you. Happy?
("Olvidars" playing)
("Olvidars" continues)
(music fades)
- This shouldn't...
- This was...
Yes.
- Let's...
- I'm going to...
Yes, of course.
Well, then...
- It's all cool, right?
- Yes, everything's cool.
The flip book!
(upbeat music)
Nico: It's gone, it's gone.
- Tere!
- Beto!
- Fucking...
- shit.
Let's start the party!
Hit it, guys!
I go this way, you go that way.
(mariachi playing)
(distorted music)
(distorted music)
(distorted music)
(cheering)
(cheering)
(shouting)
(cheering)
(cheering)
What's wrong?
Where are you going?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Be right back.
(sighing)
(grunting)
No, no, no.
Luca's friend: Is this
what you were looking for?
Get a room.
There are plenty here.
(soft music)
(shouting)
(music stops)
Fuck, fuck.
You gotta be kidding!
(indistinct chattering)
Kindergarten?
I knew you were lying.
Beto: I can explain.
Let me explain!
Me and Luca have known each
other for almost two years.
And yes, me and Luca...
we...
we were together.
Luca: It was very intense.
We damaged each other
in a short period of time.
And I knew what kind
of relationship I didn't want.
That's when I realized
I wanted to be with you, Beto.
Tere, you and I are together
here on this day because
it was the time and place
when I was to marry Luca.
And I needed to heal.
- Because the past...
- The past,
- doesn't matter.
- It doesn't matter.
- I'm over it.
- I'm over it.
(tense music)
(mumbling)
I told you!
He started it.
No!
It's your fault
my son is confused.
Because of your cute habit
of sleeping with his father.
I slept with your idiot husband
because you slept with mine
every weekend when you went out
for pizza in Valle de Bravo.
What a beauty!
They're siblings!
Alright, alright.
They're not siblings.
That was later.
You idiot,
what do you mean, later?
Yeah, so what?
I like men.
And women.
I like everyone.
I like everything.
But not you, Lula.
We're like brother and sister.
I got confused.
I can't pretend anymore.
I'm sick and tired of faking.
I wanted things to be
as I wanted,
but they're not.
Things are what they are,
and that's that.
And we must accept it.
(soft music)
Forgive me, Lula.
(music stops)
Do you realize this all started
when you decided
to fuck somebody else
two hours after proposing?
- It wasn't two hours.
- Zip it!
Why did you propose
to fuck other people?
Why then?
Who did you want to sleep with?
Nobody!
(heavy breathing)
I haven't been
with anybody since then.
I haven't been
with anybody since you.
Die, you motherfuckers!
You ruined my day,
I'll ruin yours!
Your wedding,
your fucking parents,
your fucking friends,
and every last table.
Take it easy, Tere.
Where did you get a gun?
Tere: You limp dick,
I can't stand you.
I can't stand the way
you fart whenever you do yoga.
And I'm up to here
with your I-don't-get-it eyes
when you meditate.
Let's take a break.
Let's breathe. OraQi!
OraQi up yours!
Let me go, let go of me!
(indistinct chatter)
Calm down, calm down!
Let's all take a breath!
What's wrong with you?
(indistinct chatter)
(intense music)
Come on, come on.
Nico: Wait, the shoe!
Nico: Careful, watch it!
Tere: Out of the way!
(indistinct screaming)
(tense music)
(tense music increases)
Nico.
Nico?
Come out, you little shit.
I'll find you, motherfucker.
I'm here.
You're not going
to kill me, are you?
I'm dying to kill you.
- Let's go.
- Oh, so you're leaving?
You're leaving, limp dick?
What do I have to do?
How do I start to fix all this?
That's a very good question.
You can start by signing
over the apartment.
Yes, the apartment, the car,
the Thermomix.
You can have it all.
And I want you and this bitch
to go back to the party
and tell everyone
everything's fine.
That it was all
a misunderstanding.
OK.
And once they buy
the whole story,
we'll toast again,
and then we all go home
as though nothing had happened.
OK.
We go back to Mexico
and you go the fuck away,
and in a few months,
we get a divorce.
- What for?
- I'm a guru!
I have thousands of followers,
my TikTok account
just got verified,
my app doesn't sell itself.
Don't you get it, Nicols?
You're nuts!
Shut it,
you inbred little bitch!
Alright, fine.
If that's what you want,
I'm willing
to go through with it.
Tere: Deal?
And one last thing.
You don't ever see
this woman again.
- That I won't do.
- Say yes.
I'm the one who's sick of you.
I've been saying yes
to everything.
- The day of my wedding.
- Exactly. And what about me?
My family, my friends?
You'd ruin everything
in front of everyone?
Nobody cares about us.
Nobody cares about your app,
or your yoga,
or your guru pose on Instagram.
It's all fake, just like
this damned wedding night.
(tense music)
(screaming)
Mike: Are you alright?
Are you alright? Are you OK?
Yes.
I just got scared.
Run!
("Amorcito corazn" playing)
(indistinct screaming)
(Luca screaming)
("Amorcito corazn" continues)
(music stops)
Are you alright?
Yes.
Why?
Why what?
You say you want
to sleep with others,
and now it turns out
you haven't slept with anyone.
It's complicated.
Not that complicated.
Well, because...
- Nico.
- Tell me!
- Because...
- Because...?
Because I didn't feel like it.
That's all.
Luca...
I was scared to death.
I was terrified to think
what could happen.
That's why I got drunk,
and slept with someone else
two hours later.
So it was two hours after all.
Because the thought
of losing you...
broke my heart in pieces.
Because I love you.
Then...
why?
Out of fear.
Admit it.
I was terrified and so were you.
Do you admit it?
Come on, say yes.
Admit it.
I was terrified...
of what I felt.
Of how I feel about you.
So I thought that
if I slept with other men...
But I don't want other men.
I only want you.
So I admit it...
yes, I do.
("Snow" playing)
(indistinct screaming)
("Snow" continues)
(screaming)
(bling sound)
("Snow" continues)
Please. I haven't
gotten laid in over a year.
And a fraction.
("Snow" continues)
WEDDING NIGHTS
("Snow" continues)
("Snow" continues)
("Olvidars" playing)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Instrumental" playing)
(music fades)
(videocine logo)
(traziende logo)
(agasajo logo)
(waves crashing)
(soft music)
(soft music continues)
(soft knocks)
(knocks increases)
(tense music)
(music stops)
It's time, champ!
Nico.
OK, OK.
Glad to see you're going
with the flow.
Here's your picnic.
What the fuck?
(tense music)
(machine beeping)
Luca, if you wanted to look
like the bride on the cake,
you shouldn't have eaten it.
You can still bail out.
Look at you.
That's embarrassing.
Yeah, right.
You're not the one stuffing
yourself into this dress.
- Exactly.
- Hang on.
There.
Quit bugging her, OK?
Could you be a bit more helpful?
(music stops)
What's with your
tropical fruit basket, man?
It's an offering,
symbolizing
the day of a new beginning.
We're going to throw it
in the sea at dusk.
I bet that was the bride.
I mean, it's a lovely idea.
Very poetic. I adore it!
We flew the mangoes
in from Thailand,
because they are
not in season...
Relax, champ.
It's all good.
Everything's cool.
You're not a kid anymore.
You're getting married.
Remember why.
(romantic music)
The net's supposed to hang
from the ceiling
with steel rings.
I like it.
(exclaiming)
I love it!
It turned out great!
What did you do to make it
look like it's floating?
I anchored it
with tempered steel rods.
(cheerful music)
So it won't fall?
It won't fall.
Right, Lalo?
You sure?
Because I'm the one
in charge of this project.
Your design is safe, boss.
What are you doing?
Hold on.
Get off.
Steel rods, huh?
Anchored?
Tempered!
(cheerful music increases)
Wait, I haven't tried it yet.
Please, get off. Get off!
(soft music)
Marry me.
(upbeat music)
It's the first time ever
that I'm glad to see
a man putting his pants on.
Damn, Luca.
You? Buying into
institutionalized monogamy?
Stop busting my ovaries.
Ew. Ovaries.
You never gave a fuck
about marriage.
Why are you getting married?
(soft music)
Marry me.
What?
Just like that?
No ring?
Will you marry me?
(soft music increases)
Luca: Yes.
(music stops)
Get off me!
Enough, enough.
(exhaling)
I'm getting married today.
And you, shut...
(upbeat music)
They want to fuck me.
They didn't even look at you.
There was a glance. I felt it.
Everybody wants to fuck you,
says you.
I can feel it.
The offering!
I'll go get it.
You go.
(elevator music)
What a moment!
She looks gorgeous.
Unforgettable day.
Lula.
Thanks.
It's OK to be nervous.
Woman: It goes away, though.
Man: You might feel
like bailing...
- Remember?
- (laughing) No.
I felt sick because
I was pregnant.
Everything was just lovely.
Man: She even puked
on the altar.
(distorted laughter)
(sighing)
Luca's friend: Lula.
- I need some time on my own.
- But...
Just me and my ovaries.
(exhaling)
(grunting)
(heavy breathing)
Honey?
Honey, are you alright?
I thought you weren't
wearing a gown...
(tense music)
What are you doing here?
Getting married!
Is this a fucking joke, Nicols?
You're getting married?
What the fuck are
you doing here?
I'm getting married!
(music stops)
No, no!
No!
This is my venue.
This is my date.
(tense music)
Who're you marrying?
None of your business.
(music increases)
Who?
Beto.
(music stops)
Beto who?
Well, Beto.
Beto, Beto?
Beto, Beto.
Beto, your cousin?
He's not my cousin.
(exclaiming)
We're gathered here together
on this special date,
to celebrate the union
of Luca and Nico...
with other people.
Luca's friend: Mike!
It's always lovely to see you
and survive to tell the tale.
Champ?
Tere's waiting.
(music continues)
Who's Tere?
Dearest followers,
as you all well know,
because I repeat it so often,
social conventions and rules
are meant to be broken.
So come with me to see
the groom before the ceremony.
Come on.
(spiritual music)
Soulmate!
Sorry!
Hi.
Sorry, I thought we wouldn't
have a wedding video.
That it was all going to be
about Luca's photo booth and...
(stammering)
Hang on a second. Tere?
Tere with the tits?
- Who's he?
- Which tits?
No, Tere's not the one
with the tits, OK?
I am the bride.
I'm the groom.
Out of all the douche bags
and many idiots in the world,
you picked Beto?
Beto! (laughing)
(music continues)
So, who's Tere?
Doesn't matter. Let's go.
You know who Tere is?
Or do you know who's not Tere?
Tere's not my cousin.
He's not my cousin!
He's a guy with balls.
Unlike you,
you limp dick coward.
OK, enough!
Stop.
It's your wedding day, man.
Your wedding.
You're marrying a woman
who gives you peace and quiet,
who doesn't want to fuck anyone.
- Literally.
- Shush, shush.
Come on, move.
It's getting late.
Nico: Hey!
Hi!
Babe!
Did you know there's
another wedding?
What?
There's another wedding,
happening today.
Did you know?
You knew?
Strange we didn't hear
about it before, huh?
I mean,
in these hotels there are
always lots of weddings.
They get busy.
It happens, in these hotels...
That's why they didn't want
us to have the main venue.
Sure.
Well, let's go.
We're going ahead.
What's wrong, Nicols?
(tense music)
I know the bride.
What?
How do you...?
From where?
- From Tinder.
- Kinder...!
Kindergarten?
Yeah...
What a coincidence, right?
Same time, same channel.
Like a joke.
It happens, though.
It happens, and...
We carry on, OK?
Lets just do our thing.
Is that why you're acting weird?
Weird, how?
(tense music increases)
Yeah...
No, yes, I'm nervous.
Because...
Today's the day
of our new beginning.
Oh, baby...
Me too, so am I.
Today's the most
important day...
of my life.
Calm down, relax. Breathe.
Let's do OraQi.
OK, so let us breathe in...
OraQi!
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music increases)
(music stops)
WEDDING NIGHTS
WEDDING NIGHTS
(soft music)
If you could see your wedding...
You're gonna love it.
Do you want Prozac?
I want whiskey. That'll do it.
Yes, let's get one.
No, son, hold on.
Ma, it's our wedding.
We can do whatever we want.
Release the altar boys.
Whiskey.
I'll cherish this day
for the rest
of your celibate existence.
Oh, they're adorable. (clapping)
(cheering)
Guests: Congratulations!
Bravo!
- Whiskey, my whiskey.
- I already asked for it.
Here. Thank you.
No, I don't want that.
I want whiskey.
It's the only thing
authorized for the toast.
Fine, thanks.
It's what happens when mommy
plans your wedding.
You were warned.
(clapping dying down)
Beto: Thank you all
for being here.
As you all know,
this is a very
special day for us.
Today we celebrate the union
of two wandering souls...
No, come on. I'm just kidding.
Let's cut the crap and have fun.
(cheering)
And please,
get my wife her whiskey
on the rocks right away.
And a Blue Lagoon for me.
(spiritual music)
(clapping)
You can't have that
on an empty stomach.
Well, I like to start
with dessert.
They're holy, brother.
Sacred mushrooms.
Blood of Quetzalcatl.
Oh, chocoshrooms.
One bite
connects you with
the sacred dance.
Half a chocolate,
and you look within.
And a whole one
is a coin toss, bro.
Not now, thank you.
No fear.
With love.
Today's the day.
OK...
(spiritual music increases)
Tere: Nico.
Nico.
(music increases)
Namaste.
Congratulations.
Oh, thank you!
Thanks, Juanjo.
Truly. Thank you.
Namaste.
That's why we set up
a gift registry, right?
Yeah.
I'll leave it here.
Wife...
Do you want something to eat?
A turmeric kombucha, please.
Look at these pictures.
Where to, champ?
Bathroom.
The other wedding's or...?
I need to see Luca.
What for?
I need to talk to her.
Who do you need to talk to?
To the guys
in the other wedding.
Why?
I thought of...
asking them to do
the offering with us.
So I thought of taking...
It's a good idea, isn't it?
There's a reason
the universe conspired
to bring us together,
to share...
(tense music)
You're absolutely right.
Of course! Oh, baby!
My champ, always one step ahead.
- Namaste.
- Namaste.
Let's go.
I'll get the offering. Yeah.
Namascrewed.
(cheerful music)
The good, the bad,
and the comadre.
What a beauty.
What a wonderful reception.
The Amish kids were so sweet.
Luca: They're altar boys.
The competition!
Darling, these are
Nico and Tere.
I told her your name when
we ran into each other earlier.
This is Luca.
Mike. Delighted.
- You knew each other?
- Yes.
Where from?
- Kindergarten.
- Here.
Also from kindergarten...
We went to kindergarten
together.
And then we bumped into
each other here.
When I...
was the architect in charge
of remodeling the hotel.
And I was the engineer.
So you worked together.
Beto: That's right, Lu,
you worked here for months.
- We barely saw each other.
- Very little.
We hardly spoke.
(heavy breathing)
Where I do remember you...
is from kindergarten. Funny.
You were such a scared crybaby.
Was he? Babe...
It was kindergarten.
And you?
Why did you choose
this hotel for your wedding?
Lu loves this hotel.
And you?
They gave me a huge discount
because I worked here.
Luca's friend: Precisely today.
Precisely.
The discount was for today.
Hotels do that, they pack
weddings into the same day,
just so they don't disturb
the guests all the time.
Unbelievable.
(tense music)
What a fucking coincidence!
- Right?
- We must celebrate together.
Yes.
Long live the happy couples!
(cheering)
We were just talking about
the coincidence.
That's why we...
Babe?
We'd like to share with you
the offering of the...
- The offering.
- Offering.
We'll throw it
into the sea at dusk.
- How pretty!
- What is it?
It's an offering
that symbolizes the day
of the new beginning.
That's adorable!
Was it your idea, Nico?
Yes, we both thought of it,
inspired by Celtic tradition.
Celts and kiwis
finally together.
What a sweet idea. Thanks.
Count on it. We'll be there.
Enjoy your wedding.
Hey, you're so young.
How old are you?
I mean, to think
that me and Nico
already knew each
other before you...
were even been born.
Funny, right? Right?
What do you do?
I'm a yoga teacher.
I developed
a meditation technique.
Rediscovering
an ancient practice.
I have an app, in fact.
Download it. It's free.
It's called OraQi.
Look, like this.
Spelled with a Q.
So you meditate, Nicols?
Well, he tries.
He tries.
(laughing)
Tere: And you?
How long have you been together?
We've known each other
from birth.
Well, not quite that long.
Yes, Lula, it is that long.
The thing is, our folks
have been friends forever.
We grew up together,
traveled together.
So how long have you
been together?
It'll be a year since we met.
What?
You had a girlfriend
you loved like crazy, right?
You were going to get married.
You even proposed.
I think you're confused.
I'd never fallen in love
before Tere.
(music continues)
Guys, Beto wants to fuck me.
There you go again.
There's a very dense energy
in that wedding.
Luca's mom: One, two, hello.
- Hello, hello, everyone.
- Where's my whiskey?
Waiter: Of course!
We're delighted to have you here
in this dream come true.
Perhaps the most
significant dream
for these two families that,
before the eyes of God,
have now become one.
And now an announcement.
My daughter had the cute idea
of setting up
out there a photo booth
that takes photos,
like the ones for your passport.
It's a photo booth for...
every guest to be able
to take home a souvenir.
So you just go in the booth,
close the doors,
and it'll take
a sequence of photos
which will be then printed
into a small flip book,
like a mini movie.
In this wedding,
we'll all be photographers.
Your photos and videos
will make up
today's wedding album.
Everything will be projected
on the screen.
(laughing)
- Thank you so much.
- Enjoy the food.
Your kids will be so lucky
to have such grandmothers.
(cheering)
- I'll go see that idiot.
- Are we going to the party?
What shall we bring?
Thanks, but it's
an alcohol-free wedding.
Are you AA?
We don't like to dull
our conscience.
There are moments in your life
that are worth remembering.
Really?
So what are those for?
Medicine, to helps us
connect with our emotions.
Want some?
No, thanks.
No alcohol
but mushrooms are cool.
Hey, don't leave me alone
in that fancy wedding.
We brought something
to drink, but...
they're more into transcendence.
- Forgive the intrusion.
- Nico: That's fine.
You're more than welcome.
The first dance
of the newlyweds!
(cheering)
Guru: No, no, come with me.
Come, come on.
Another couple came.
(upbeat music)
(cheering)
(cheering)
What's wrong with you, Nicols?
Nico: How long
has it been since...?
Since what?
You know what I mean.
What?
We've been so busy
planning the wedding.
How long has it been?
Nico...
I don't know. Like...
Two weeks?
More like a month,
and with pants on,
it doesn't count.
- Tonight is the night.
- OK.
(cheering)
Switch!
Hey.
(music decreases)
How's the lapdog?
I'm happy.
I can see by the way
you wag your tail.
Must be exhausting to think
that everything in the
world revolves around you.
Or not.
Like a phone call,
a text, an email,
an insult at least, anything.
I was there for Nico.
You probably don't understand
what it is to be altruistic.
I don't speak Chihuahua. Sorry.
I'll dance over there.
Switch!
(upbeat music continues)
Cool tunic.
It's a dress.
What do you do?
I'm a lawyer.
You?
- I'm a teacher.
- Pilates, right.
- Yoga.
- Sure.
- The yoga app, right?
- Meditation.
Yeah, right.
- Switch?
- Switch.
Guru: Switch!
- Hello!
- What's up?
Wow, yoga student.
You wouldn't
have touched a yoga mat before.
I grew, I changed,
partly thanks to you.
No, no.
Thanks to you,
I'm now in a better place
with someone who's
always been there for me.
Your cousin.
Someone who loves me.
(soft music)
Your cousin.
Someone with balls,
who would never do what you did
two hours after proposing.
It wasn't two hours.
- Two hours.
- Hell, no.
- Two hours. Two hours.
- No.
And a fraction.
Of course!
So that gives you
the right to propose,
and two hours
and a fraction later,
fuck some woman with big tits?
(upbeat music continues)
You know?
Fucking with Beto
probably takes sex
to a whole new level.
You have no idea.
Of inbreeding and deformity.
Just kidding.
The good thing is its
all in the family.
I wish you a universe of light,
peace and harmony
for each of your chakras.
And I wish Beto lots of luck.
I'll leave you to your wife
and her Instagram wedding.
I'll take the tequila, though.
I'd hate to think
of you having fun.
Go back to your wedding,
that is just like every other
wedding on the planet.
Run. The disco, reggaeton,
and cumbia are about to start.
It's this...
- Hold on, you have a pimple.
- What?
Oh, no, sorry.
- Don't forget your tequila.
- Thank you!
- Have a wonderful day!
- Thanks, congratulations.
- Have a wonderful day!
- Thanks, congratulations.
Happy life!
Beto: Same. Bye!
(flushing toilet)
Fucking Nicols.
He's determined
to ruin and destroy everything.
And his brown noser Chihuahua.
Now what?
I'm supposed to go
back to my wedding,
have a good time, smile?
No, I don't want to anymore.
(sighing)
We still have disco,
reggaeton, cumbia...
It's my turn now.
My turn to ruin everything.
You know what?
Yes.
Yes, I'm in.
It'll be the worst day
of his life.
("Cumbia Sampuesana" playing)
(music continues)
Nicols.
Why is there music?
Let me go check.
Wait, let me go see.
(faded music)
I don't like this music.
- Are you dancing?
- No, man.
This is war!
Calm down, calm down, champ.
Champ? The champs.
(music continues)
(faded music)
You, as usual,
straight to dessert,
no questions asked.
Wait, hold on.
If you're not gonna help,
let me do my thing.
If you open your mouth again,
you'll find my fist in it.
You know
I like those perversions.
- Oh, get lost.
- Champ.
- And don't call me that.
- Dude!
We're back here. It's not
some fucking coincidence.
Don't you think the universe
is trying to tell us something?
Fucking Nicols is marrying
the first woman he found,
someone colder than
a penguin's asshole,
and hasn't had sex in months.
She's great, though.
She meditates, she's nice.
Strong affirmations
from a loyal doggie.
And you?
Are you OK with your best friend
marrying a guy who's not
out of the closet?
Beto, gay?
He wants to fuck me.
Pull down your skirt,
your slip is showing, darling.
So you're happy for your friend?
No.
For the rest of her life,
she'll be fucking
the first dick she saw
when she was a baby.
I'm sorry, OK?
Sorry.
I chose my best friend
instead of calling you.
These chocoshrooms have to be
surgically distributed.
Champ.
(tense music)
("Oye" playing)
Luca: No, don't eat that!
- Spit it out!
- Lula, it's a joke.
It's a joke. Just a joke.
Me and Lula have a bet.
- What?
- What we talked about.
I'll explain later.
I'll borrow Lula for a minute.
Come with me, Lula.
What?
What are they made of?
(music continues)
What's your problem?
He just had a chocoshroom.
Well, he already did.
What will you do about it?
Beto doesn't do drugs.
He barely drinks Blue Lagoons.
What will you tell him?
That somebody is trying
to sabotage your wedding?
How will you explain that?
What happens if Beto realizes?
Don't be silly, Luca.
You're fooling everybody,
including your husband,
on your wedding day.
(music continues)
Besides, what's the worst
that could happen?
It's a chocoshroom, Lula.
Well, they look good.
Everything good. Perfect.
She's crazy!
How did those
chocoshrooms get here?
How do you think?
Son of a bitch!
Pili! Mili!
Bring those sober hippies from
their pathetic wedding!
(cheering)
Alright, you hippie sluts.
Come over here.
Luca: Everything alright?
You're trying to ruin
my wedding, aren't you?
- What?
- Your cousins.
Oh, no, no. Listen, guys.
Relax.
We're having a great
time at our wedding, it's cool.
Why don't you take
the case of tequila?
Do you think I'm stupid?
What a great party!
Come here.
We must celebrate together.
This fucking coincidence
is too weird for a wedding.
Come on, don't be uptight.
We can't keep
our guests waiting.
(cheering)
There's a lot stronger
party vibes flowing over here.
(loud noises)
One, two, three.
Family,
I'm so glad we're all
gathered together.
We're all part of this universe
which is made up of...
particles.
(sighing)
Nothing but particles.
Crap. This asshole lost it.
Lost it completely.
With love, and from
the bottom of my heart,
let's welcome Tere.
Who's a great fucking
Pilates teacher,
and has the coolest yoga app.
Next thing you know, they'll
have us all doing Pilates.
And also, for Nico...
Nico...
Nico has been
Lucia's lifelong friend.
Fucking universe, right?
It's amazing.
It's amazing because
they too got married today,
here in the same place,
but their wedding is pathetic.
Give them a hand.
Nico! Tere! Come on up!
Lu, my love!
My love!
DJ, hit it!
(sounding: "Fuga pa' la calle")
(music continues)
Let's go, let's go!
Come on, Lu!
Look who I have here!
Lu! I know, Lu!
Let's go take one
of those photos of yours.
Let's go!
Come on, Tere!
Come on, let's go!
The newlyweds!
How do we do this?
It starts taking pictures
on its own.
This man ate a chocolate.
Look at him!
Wait! It has already started.
Hold on!
It's so silly.
Oh, the offering.
Let's go to the beach!
(spiritual music)
Sorry.
Why?
About the wedding.
It's not your fault.
No, Nicols, no.
Not now.
- Why not?
- Because. Just because.
Because we're waiting
for these...
I have a feeling
they fucked me up on purpose.
Want to do some OraQis?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
Nicols,
as of today, you'll be
always by my side.
Our union is an act
of the universe
that wants me to be whole,
so I can change this world.
And there's no reason,
excuse, motive, or pretext
for you and I to ever be apart.
OraQi!
We lost the offering!
- How?
- No idea.
It's not there.
It went to another dimension.
("Ella no suelta nada" playing)
(music stops)
Alright, fine, alright.
(mumbling)
No problem.
Let's offer what's left
before the sun sets.
OK.
(upbeat music)
I'd like to thank the universe
because today,
it's challenging me to accept
things as they are,
and not as I want them to be.
I take the lesson as a blessing.
(whooping)
Now, you.
(whooping)
No, you.
Yes, honey.
Well, I think that this
is the day
that symbolizes
the new beginning...
And...
I know there are no do-overs,
but I also want to learn,
so I won't make
the same mistakes.
- And I'd like to...
- (whooping)
Luca?
Well, I didn't picture
my wedding like this.
I was going to marry
in a completely different way.
But it is what it is.
(whooping)
Yes, yes, I know how.
(whooping)
Beto?
Luca: Beto.
Beto!
(Beto exhaling)
Beto: Can you feel the sand?
It feels like particles, right?
Nothing but particles.
(spiritual music)
OK, let's do this.
(music stops)
Shall I put the boat
in the water?
No, we wait for a wave
to take it.
- But it's low tide.
- No.
A wave will take it eventually.
- What if we help it along?
- Patience.
Shall we hold hands, please?
(romantic music)
(music continues)
(music increases)
(vomiting sounds)
(gagging)
Tere: The quartz.
Oh, what trippy colors!
- The quartz!
- What?
No, the quartz.
Somebody do something.
Find it!
Throw up the other way!
- Tere: The quartz!
- Nico: I don't see it.
- Well, do something.
- What do I do? Stick my hand in?
Find it, it must be there.
We need to find it.
It went to a different
dimension!
- Do something!
- Do something!
OK!
(tense music)
(slimy sounds)
Nico: I think that...
- Do you have it?
- I'm getting there.
Got it?
Yes, unless Beto
swallowed a stone.
- Get it out, get it out!
- It's slipping.
There, almost...
(waves crashing)
The quartz!
No!
Not the quartz!
Beto: The symbol of the day when
our new beginning started!
This is no way
to start a marriage.
Chill, man.
It was just a ritual.
Tere: Just a ritual?
It was my blessed quartz.
Well, it's in the sea,
as planned.
This is not how it was planned.
Beto: All covered in puke!
It's no good like that!
It's like a thousand years
of bad sex.
Was it the alcohol, or what?
Fucking Blue Lagoons.
(Beto crying)
We can't take him back
to the wedding like this.
OK!
You go get the Rescue
and the Bach Flowers.
They're in my room.
And we'll need baking soda.
I'll get the baking soda.
I'll do Reiki on him.
("Noreste caliente" playing)
(cheering)
("Noreste caliente" continues)
Things got interesting.
And this is only the beginning.
("Noreste caliente" continues)
(music stops)
Wait, Luca,
where are you going?
Where?
To get the baking soda.
- Sorry.
- Sorry for what, Nicols?
For getting Beto so wasted,
by getting married at the
same place, on the same day?
I'm sorry!
Just...
sorry.
Say it, you fucking coward.
Why don't you have
the balls to say:
"Sorry I fucked a woman
two hours after..."
- It wasn't two hours!
- Two hours!
And a fraction!
You suggested it!
- What?
- You had the idea.
You're the one who said
we had to sleep with others.
Or did you forget already?
Oh, how obedient of you.
Who would ever think
of such a thing?
Right after we confessed
to each other
we were madly in love.
(emotional music)
After the best eight
months of my life,
feeling something real.
I wasn't kidding myself
as always.
Not caring about my friends,
my job, my family.
The world might fall apart,
and I'd stay there,
in that room, with you.
In that gaze, with you.
And for the first time
in my life,
I want to commit.
To you!
You accepted.
We cried.
And we made love once more.
(emotional music continues)
And two seconds later
you tell me to chill,
that we should take it slow,
that we should take it slow,
that maybe it's a good idea
to sleep with others?
Hotel's guests: The newlyweds!
What took you so long?
I didn't take long.
I nearly had to drag Beto.
You just had to get the drops.
I didn't take that long.
Twenty-five minutes, Nicols.
- It wasn't 25!
- It was.
And a fraction, right?
All men are the same!
Their tricks and
obsessions with manuals.
Their fractions.
Like parking meters.
Beto is identical.
Right, darling?
And the music?
- What?
- No?
- No.
- No.
Luca: What's going on?
Where's the music?
The wires were cut!
(emotional music)
Luca: Are you alright?
- Do you remember?
- What?
That time we played hooky
when we were nine.
We stayed in your house,
in the closet,
and played all day
with your parents' clothes,
- and made a mess.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember.
I remember you
dressed as your dad.
And you, as my mom.
You wore her dress.
You looked very pretty.
I remember we suddenly heard
someone coming home.
We got back in the closet,
remember?
We were so scared.
Yeah, because you were wearing
my mom's most expensive dress.
And we got caught.
I still recall the expression...
Like a deer in the headlights,
remember?
on my aunt's face.
She's not your aunt.
Tere: Sit down for the ceremony
and grab an instrument.
We'll do a video
for my social media.
A group OraQi, live.
(upbeat music)
Nico: Tequila?
You know perfectly well
I don't like it.
I like whiskey.
And you know perfectly well
this is my favorite tequila.
Thanks for thinking of me
even when you
planned your wedding.
Why don't you go
ruin life for your wife instead?
Yes, great idea!
I'm going to consummate
my wedding night.
Sure, with the Ice Queen?
That bed must be freezing.
No, yoga teacher.
Imagine the things we do.
No, you imagine it.
I think
she doesn't like to be touched,
not even if you wake her up
in an emergency.
We do it wonderfully.
When was the last time?
We were saving ourselves
precisely for this moment.
Yeah, right.
When?
One week. What's it to you?
More like a month
and with pants on,
so it doesn't count.
Yeah, sure.
You like everybody
to sleep around.
Great, Nicols, you're beginning
to get the gist of it.
I guess you took some liberties
the night before your wedding.
I'm a black hole
of cosmic fucks!
As a matter of fact,
I already had
half the men in that wedding
in romantic moments
with other men.
You're not that special,
Nicols. Relax.
You're not the first,
and certainly not the last.
What else do you want to know?
- That'll do it. Thank you.
- OK.
Run along.
Go find your block of ice
who's already starting
to have fun.
Looks like it's bad for her.
It's exactly what I'm gonna do.
Go on. Consummate your
wedding night as planned.
With yourself!
I'm gonna make love to her
right now.
Sure.
Do your worst, matador!
- Get undressed.
- Yes.
- Off with your clothes.
- Yes, yes.
(moaning)
Right here, right now, OraQi.
Luca: Now I need a whiskey.
A double one.
- Well, she's his wife.
- You said they didn't fuck?
No one's safe
on their wedding night.
They've been in there
for like ten minutes.
And a fraction.
What are you doing?
What's wrong?
What's wrong with you?
It's my wedding,
and this photo
booth is the only cool thing.
What the fuck do you care what
I do or don't do,
especially who I sleep with.
May your dick fall off.
I hope it was the worst
fuck of your life.
Truth be told,
it wasn't that bad.
Must've been epic,
considering how long it lasted.
Forget how long.
The intensity, the alignment,
the swaying...
In this super comfortable chair.
I don't buy it.
It's the good thing
about learning yoga.
You just put down your mat down
anywhere, and get it on.
Even up the kundalini.
(machine dinging)
We shall see.
If I was you, I wouldn't.
You'll want to burn
down this photo thingy.
No.
I won't look.
What I will do is leave,
because you're grossing me out.
What if I leave first?
I don't think so.
- I do think so.
- I don't.
OK, both at the same time.
Slowly.
- Alright.
- OK.
One.
Two.
Three!
Hold on, that's cheating.
It's not fair.
Got it!
Give it to me, it's mine.
Why can't I see it?
It's not for idiots.
This is better than the funnies.
This fucking bench
is pretty uncomfortable.
You couldn't get it up.
- I'm drunk, OK?
- Sure.
Nico can't get it up!
I'm drunk and stoned.
I'm stone drunk.
- Nico can't get it up.
- I was thinking of you!
There.
I got distracted
thinking of you. Happy?
("Olvidars" playing)
("Olvidars" continues)
(music fades)
- This shouldn't...
- This was...
Yes.
- Let's...
- I'm going to...
Yes, of course.
Well, then...
- It's all cool, right?
- Yes, everything's cool.
The flip book!
(upbeat music)
Nico: It's gone, it's gone.
- Tere!
- Beto!
- Fucking...
- shit.
Let's start the party!
Hit it, guys!
I go this way, you go that way.
(mariachi playing)
(distorted music)
(distorted music)
(distorted music)
(cheering)
(cheering)
(shouting)
(cheering)
(cheering)
What's wrong?
Where are you going?
I have to go to the bathroom.
Be right back.
(sighing)
(grunting)
No, no, no.
Luca's friend: Is this
what you were looking for?
Get a room.
There are plenty here.
(soft music)
(shouting)
(music stops)
Fuck, fuck.
You gotta be kidding!
(indistinct chattering)
Kindergarten?
I knew you were lying.
Beto: I can explain.
Let me explain!
Me and Luca have known each
other for almost two years.
And yes, me and Luca...
we...
we were together.
Luca: It was very intense.
We damaged each other
in a short period of time.
And I knew what kind
of relationship I didn't want.
That's when I realized
I wanted to be with you, Beto.
Tere, you and I are together
here on this day because
it was the time and place
when I was to marry Luca.
And I needed to heal.
- Because the past...
- The past,
- doesn't matter.
- It doesn't matter.
- I'm over it.
- I'm over it.
(tense music)
(mumbling)
I told you!
He started it.
No!
It's your fault
my son is confused.
Because of your cute habit
of sleeping with his father.
I slept with your idiot husband
because you slept with mine
every weekend when you went out
for pizza in Valle de Bravo.
What a beauty!
They're siblings!
Alright, alright.
They're not siblings.
That was later.
You idiot,
what do you mean, later?
Yeah, so what?
I like men.
And women.
I like everyone.
I like everything.
But not you, Lula.
We're like brother and sister.
I got confused.
I can't pretend anymore.
I'm sick and tired of faking.
I wanted things to be
as I wanted,
but they're not.
Things are what they are,
and that's that.
And we must accept it.
(soft music)
Forgive me, Lula.
(music stops)
Do you realize this all started
when you decided
to fuck somebody else
two hours after proposing?
- It wasn't two hours.
- Zip it!
Why did you propose
to fuck other people?
Why then?
Who did you want to sleep with?
Nobody!
(heavy breathing)
I haven't been
with anybody since then.
I haven't been
with anybody since you.
Die, you motherfuckers!
You ruined my day,
I'll ruin yours!
Your wedding,
your fucking parents,
your fucking friends,
and every last table.
Take it easy, Tere.
Where did you get a gun?
Tere: You limp dick,
I can't stand you.
I can't stand the way
you fart whenever you do yoga.
And I'm up to here
with your I-don't-get-it eyes
when you meditate.
Let's take a break.
Let's breathe. OraQi!
OraQi up yours!
Let me go, let go of me!
(indistinct chatter)
Calm down, calm down!
Let's all take a breath!
What's wrong with you?
(indistinct chatter)
(intense music)
Come on, come on.
Nico: Wait, the shoe!
Nico: Careful, watch it!
Tere: Out of the way!
(indistinct screaming)
(tense music)
(tense music increases)
Nico.
Nico?
Come out, you little shit.
I'll find you, motherfucker.
I'm here.
You're not going
to kill me, are you?
I'm dying to kill you.
- Let's go.
- Oh, so you're leaving?
You're leaving, limp dick?
What do I have to do?
How do I start to fix all this?
That's a very good question.
You can start by signing
over the apartment.
Yes, the apartment, the car,
the Thermomix.
You can have it all.
And I want you and this bitch
to go back to the party
and tell everyone
everything's fine.
That it was all
a misunderstanding.
OK.
And once they buy
the whole story,
we'll toast again,
and then we all go home
as though nothing had happened.
OK.
We go back to Mexico
and you go the fuck away,
and in a few months,
we get a divorce.
- What for?
- I'm a guru!
I have thousands of followers,
my TikTok account
just got verified,
my app doesn't sell itself.
Don't you get it, Nicols?
You're nuts!
Shut it,
you inbred little bitch!
Alright, fine.
If that's what you want,
I'm willing
to go through with it.
Tere: Deal?
And one last thing.
You don't ever see
this woman again.
- That I won't do.
- Say yes.
I'm the one who's sick of you.
I've been saying yes
to everything.
- The day of my wedding.
- Exactly. And what about me?
My family, my friends?
You'd ruin everything
in front of everyone?
Nobody cares about us.
Nobody cares about your app,
or your yoga,
or your guru pose on Instagram.
It's all fake, just like
this damned wedding night.
(tense music)
(screaming)
Mike: Are you alright?
Are you alright? Are you OK?
Yes.
I just got scared.
Run!
("Amorcito corazn" playing)
(indistinct screaming)
(Luca screaming)
("Amorcito corazn" continues)
(music stops)
Are you alright?
Yes.
Why?
Why what?
You say you want
to sleep with others,
and now it turns out
you haven't slept with anyone.
It's complicated.
Not that complicated.
Well, because...
- Nico.
- Tell me!
- Because...
- Because...?
Because I didn't feel like it.
That's all.
Luca...
I was scared to death.
I was terrified to think
what could happen.
That's why I got drunk,
and slept with someone else
two hours later.
So it was two hours after all.
Because the thought
of losing you...
broke my heart in pieces.
Because I love you.
Then...
why?
Out of fear.
Admit it.
I was terrified and so were you.
Do you admit it?
Come on, say yes.
Admit it.
I was terrified...
of what I felt.
Of how I feel about you.
So I thought that
if I slept with other men...
But I don't want other men.
I only want you.
So I admit it...
yes, I do.
("Snow" playing)
(indistinct screaming)
("Snow" continues)
(screaming)
(bling sound)
("Snow" continues)
Please. I haven't
gotten laid in over a year.
And a fraction.
("Snow" continues)
WEDDING NIGHTS
("Snow" continues)
("Snow" continues)
("Olvidars" playing)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Olvidars" continues)
("Instrumental" playing)
(music fades)