Normal (2025) Movie Script
You've let me down badly.
You know what you have to do.
Boss, are you serious?
I was going to kill you all, but I'll give you one more chance.
Think about it.
I'll give you a job.
Can't you do it?
I got it.
I'll do it.
Look at me.
Normal, Minnesota.
Go.
Normal?
Go and do your job.
THREE WEEKS LATER
How's the motel treating you?
Exactly how you'd expect for 55 bucks a night.
What did you do for dinner?
I got delivery from the Chinese place.
Chang Liu's?
Is there another one?
No.
No, just Chang Liu's.
Have you been to Ani's place to try his meatloaf?
It's amazing.
Duly noted.
And I'll circle back when I can.
Hey, it's just me.
Ulysses.
You know, your husband.
If you don't mind me still calling myself that.
I know we agreed to take some time apart.
You need space.
I get it.
But I just thought I'd let you know.
I landed another temporary sheriff job in a little town called Normal, Minnesota.
Like a lot of small towns, it's half abandoned.
The other half is nice, though.
People seem friendly enough.
They built themselves a real nice little setup here, considering how hard times are for most folks in the country right now.
I don't know what their secret is, but I could do with a serving of it.
Anyway, it's just for eight weeks till they elect the new permanent lawman.
My goal is to leave this town just the way I found it.
What's the deal with that jacket?
Pretty cool, huh?
I got it to match my chopper.
I didn't know you had one.
Oh, no, I don't.
Not yet.
I'm just saving up.
Figured I'd start with a jacket.
Wow.
It's loud.
Isn't any of this too flashy?
No.
I mean, it makes noise.
It's literally loud.
And I don't think it's ready yet.
Regulation.
Hey, sorry.
No, no, no, just leave it on.
Leave it on.
It's cool.
It's very cool.
Whoa, $16.8 million.
Where the hell did this town get that kind of money?
Community really came together on that one.
Yeah, I would say.
Hey, Mayor Kibner.
There he is.
I can't wait for the parade next week.
We all dress up.
You're going to love it.
I always wanted to be the parade mascot, but I never got picked.
I'm not bitter, though.
The guys take their bikes pretty seriously here.
My bike's probably going to be a lot like this one.
Geez, Randy, I wish my girlfriend was that dirty.
Have you got a girlfriend, Sheriff?
No, I've got a wife.
She's having with me.
Then I'll put an extra sugar in your coffee.
Hey, Tom.
How are you?
Hey, Mike.
This is American content.
It's my spot.
You can't go and talk to me like this.
I'm going to go put a pod on.
I feel like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a goddamn hill.
What's the problem?
Tom's being a goddamn dick.
That's the fucking problem.
Fuck you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just communicate the problem to me.
That's who the fuck you're meant to be.
Well, if I'm reading this badge correctly, I'm the Sheriff.
Yeah, I sure as shit didn't vote for you.
I understand.
You know Sheriff Gunderson died, right?
Last week?
This is Ulysses.
He's filling in, yeah?
Yeah.
I don't hear anything about that.
Well?
So you're his replacement?
I'm an interim.
It's like a substitute teacher.
For how long?
It's on week one of eight.
Morning, peoples.
Morning, Lane.
How you doing?
Okay, well, so Carl keeps parking his goddamn way.
Carl's his neighbor.
My neighbor keeps parking his goddamn way.
It's a tow truck.
Carl has his own tow trucking company.
He has his high school.
Hey, Mike.
I live there first.
Tom's on a flag lot, so they have to share a driveway.
He's rocking me in.
That fucker's taking 70%.
Hang on!
Look.
You want me to drive out there and sort this out with Carl for you?
Finally.
Please.
Okay.
Then I best head out there pronto.
Well, good.
Alrighty, then I'll retire to my boudoir.
Hey.
How's that badge, Sheriff?
Leaving a mark for me?
I'm doing my best.
Election's in six weeks.
Remember to vote for me.
Sure.
Good people, small problems.
And if my instincts tell me something is seriously amiss, well, then I'll get involved.
But, yeah, I kind of stopped trusting my instincts.
It's not that I don't care anymore, Penny.
It's just life's a lot easier when you care a little less.
Then again, we are who we are.
Nothing to see here.
There you are.
Refill?
Oh, yeah, sure.
This is a hell of an armory.
Yeah.
Is that C4?
Uh, that it is.
Yeah.
Why do you have that?
I don't know.
After 9-11, Sheriff Gunderson applied for every anti-terrorism grant available.
Yeah?
How much did he spend on training?
I should probably get back to the phones.
Well, the door was unlocked.
That's kind of a no-no.
Oh.
Sorry about that.
The interim job is not to get in the way of them.
I'm like a midwife with a gun.
Damn it.
Damn it.
PARK BETTER
I like the way you law, man.
Hey, Sheriff.
Welcome to my place.
Oh, you're Ernie?
Yeah, just like my dad and my granddad before me.
Oh, yeah.
Tell me, what's the story with the decor?
Well, granddad started collecting them after the war and he didn't stop until the day he died.
Any of them loaded?
Wouldn't be much fun if they weren't, would it?
So, what can I get you?
I heard good things about the meatloaf.
Sure.
Coming up.
You gotta try the pie before you leave town.
Fucking winter.
Fucking Minnesota.
Say cheese.
What's going on, officer?
I think a moose just stole your paint.
It is going to be a busy day today.
I wanted to get your stamp of approval on the parade route.
Okay.
There's an intersection that I think are just a real foreman's nest.
And, of course, first we have to get a stamp of approval.
We're going to have the celebration of life at the sheriff's.
The former sheriff's, that is.
But you don't have to worry about saying anything because the mayor's going to take care of that.
And there will be food.
It is a potluck, so it should be fun.
Alright.
Anyone available?
I've got a situation planner down at the hardware store.
Most of my time is spent on shenanigans.
Low-stakes stuff.
Reports of two assholes screaming at each other.
I get to say nothing to see here over and over all day.
Separate!
Separate!
Mike, I need you to escort old Clayton here from the premises and arrest him!
For what?
For being a sumbitch!
Sumbitch?
More like thrifty.
Amazon's got these damn near 30% off!
Okay, to be fair, Mr. David, that seems like a fair price.
That's not helping.
Oh, the customer's always right when he's trying to bankrupt the shopkeeper.
No, no, calm down.
Calm down.
Sheriff, I will be damned if I'm going to let someone make you look like an angry son!
The home of the Amazon bitch, motherfucker!
Guys?
Guys?
Guys?
Maybe we just want to bring the temperature down a little bit.
In front of temporary guests from out of town.
Am I right?
Maybe we should go for a walk, eh?
Okay.
I'm going.
I'm going.
Let's go.
Clayton, this is America, which means you can't walk out of a store without paying.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
All right, let's go for a walk.
Enjoy your long walk in the snow, you geriatric, too old sumbitch!
Okay, come on now.
How often does that happen?
Once, twice a week if I'm lucky.
And it's not like he needs the money.
He just likes pissing on my leg.
Whoa, there's a lot of locks on that cabinet.
What's going on there?
Stump removers.
What does that mean?
Old school stump removers.
I still don't know exactly what you're talking about.
Sheriff, come quick!
What?
I want to hear your answer.
Hey, buddy.
It's the yarn?
It's the yarn.
Look, look, look.
I'm sorry, this is your sheriff.
Come quick.
I ordered pink and they gave me mauve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but that is not pink.
That is mauve.
Mom, that's what I said.
What should I do?
Well, I'm not going to be able to help you.
Because they look exactly the same to me.
I'm sorry, I'm colorblind.
All right.
Well, I like you, Sheriff.
My clientele is a bit more discerning.
They're not colorblind.
No offense.
Mike, are you there?
Over.
Mike, come on.
Is that a police scanner you got?
You keeping tabs on me?
Yes, sir.
And a CD radio.
Oh, I get lonely.
And nosy.
Copy that, Sally.
I'm on my way.
Take care.
Call the fire department next time.
Oh, I...
I'm kidding.
Your buck goes a lot further out here, that's for sure.
Gunderson had got himself the Big Mac of McMansions.
He must have issued a hell of a lot of parking tickets to get that.
So, what do you say about a man like Gunderson?
He was a son of a bitch.
But he was our son of a bitch.
He was a great golfer.
A medium fisherman.
What's up?
You gotta get in on this.
This is just like Christmas.
You got Pete's Meats.
Fortune cookies.
All you can eat.
You want me to make you a plate?
Not unless I want to end up like Gunderson.
That reminds me.
I think you should be wearing this.
But I thought you said you had only one.
I did.
But when the citation was over and done with ...
I nicked it off of the courts before they closed the casket.
So, you enjoy the power while it lasts.
Oh, what a trip that was.
Japanese sure love their golf.
So?
What'd you pick?
Oh, uh, Ashford something.
I always tend to lean toward the Irish.
Seven G's a bottle.
Dr. Belay.
Ulysses.
Um, you signed Sheriff Gunderson's death certificate, right?
Sadly, yes, I did.
What happened there?
Well, a couple Wednesdays ago, around three in the morning,
Deputy Blaine found him out back in little more than his tighty-whities,
frozen like a chunk of ice chiseled by a chainsaw.
What do you suppose he thought he was doing?
My job goes to posing to be sure.
Gunderson likes his fishing.
He had a fishing rod in his one hand and an auger in the other, so my guess, the man thought he was going ice fishing.
At night?
In his underwear?
Well, as you can see, the man was a drinker.
And a son of a bitch.
Well, then again, he was our son of a bitch, right?
Hey, Doc, give me a minute.
I'd like to bend his ear, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
I want to thank you for coming.
Of course.
So let me get this straight.
Did I hear you saw the moose?
I did.
I got a picture of it.
Goddamn!
I am the only one in this town who has never seen that fucking moose.
And I keep an eye out for it.
You know, in Native American culture, the moose is a symbol of endurance and survival.
Hmm?
So, what do you think of our little town?
It's, um, charming.
Yeah.
You know, I hear that you are a very laid-back kind of guy.
Not a crack-the-whip sort.
Well, I mean, I've been known to...
Do you ever think about settling down?
You could be a real sheriff for more than a few weeks.
You could build a whole new life here in Normal.
Because we really celebrate the community.
Around here, it's always one for all.
That sounds...
Mayor?
Yeah.
It's time.
Yeah.
But I want you to think about it.
I will.
All right.
Hi.
Hey, boss.
I was just checking on you.
You good?
I'm fine.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that they put out more of those mini egg rolls.
They're custom.
And the mayor's just about to tell the story about the time he went on the cruise with Jane Fonda, so...
You know who that is in the van?
Sheriff Gunderson's daughter, I think.
Alex.
You're a ball man.
Is that for a game?
My hands are shaky.
They only trust me with a gun.
Company, then?
I gotta warn you.
Not very good.
So would you say you knew Gunderson well?
Gunderson?
Yeah.
I knew him pretty well.
He was sad, the way he are.
Yeah.
But he liked to drink.
He liked to fish, so the way I see it, he died doing what he loved best.
You fish?
When I was a kid, with my dad.
You?
Me?
Fuck, no.
Probably the only one in town who don't.
But in the end, death comes for us all.
Don't alone, man.
Unlike getting a sheriff out of you, huh?
If you really were, you would.
But are you?
You've been listening to my internal monologue, haven't you?
It's my job.
I'm Moira, the barkeeper here.
Rack him up.
Why are you here?
Stop fucking around, come on.
I'm all ears.
All right.
I used to be a regular sheriff.
Nice county with a couple little towns just like this one.
Then married my high school sweetheart.
Perfect.
It was.
I was, uh, pretty proud of myself.
I walked through life with my head held high.
I knew who I was.
And this girl, uh, her dad was someone I knew.
A, uh, upstanding citizen.
Had been, uh,
I didn't believe her.
Short while later, there was an incident at the house.
Gunshots.
And I went in and she was standing over him.
He was wounded.
She had a gun out and he was cursing her for what he'd done to her.
And I told her to put the gun down and she didn't hesitate.
She shot him right between the eyes.
And then she aimed that gun at me.
She cursed me for not believing her.
And then we both shot.
And I had better aim.
After that,
I got dark inside and ...
I didn't know who I was anymore and I still don't.
And the wife?
Yeah.
It was hard to be around.
I still call her.
She doesn't answer.
But I don't mind.
I live in hope one day she will.
Sheriff, to the mayor.
People are really liking your light touch.
Have you considered my offer?
Get back to me as soon as you can.
What a stupid phone you got.
I bet I can help you with that.
Oh, hi, officer.
Hey.
Sheriff, I got stuck.
Yeah, I see.
What do you think will knock it down?
The caramel or the cookie?
It's not caramel sugar.
Yeah, that's my guess too.
What's your dog's name?
Oh, her name's Olive.
Nice.
Yeah.
Hey, Olive.
What a good dog.
My name's Ulysses.
I'm Lori.
You know, I wish these things had dog food.
Yeah, well, someday.
Yeah.
All right, well, watch out for the moose.
Moose?
Yeah.
Big.
Careful, he might try and paint you.
Moose?
Yeah?
Thanks.
Look, I hate I don't know if I should say this, but our mustaches are so similar.
Like a couple brothers.
Or at least a couple uncles.
Well, I should probably get back at it.
How can love go away?
Did I take it for granted?
I guess I did.
I didn't protect that girl and I lost you in the bargain.
You said I shut down Penny.
You were right.
Is this what happened to Gunderson?
Did he give up?
Say fuck it?
Walk into the snow buck naked?
Oh, that's a hell of a way to die.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
You been drinking?
No, when I was driving and I pulled off to the store.
Bourbon?
It's very impressive.
You mind if I join you?
I'd join.
That's a cool belt.
I'm Alex.
I'm Ulysses.
Can I have the cheap booze?
You're Gunderson's daughter, right?
No.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
You're Gunderson's kid.
Yeah.
Lots of pictures of you on the wall in his office.
You got his eyes.
Yeah.
Those are old pictures.
He's very proud of me.
Daddy's little girl going military.
Couldn't keep that up.
You were having an argument with Deputy Blaine outside the house.
What was that about?
The mayor, he didn't want me to attend the memorial service because ...
he said that I would be too much of a distraction.
Oh, fuck the mayor.
Yeah.
The town used to know right from wrong before Mayor Kidman got here and ..
tried to make my dad see that but he was stuck between me and the town.
Yeah.
He killed him.
And I don't know what to do.
Neither do I.
But I got an idea where we could start.
You wanna give me that?
Did you catch that?
Yeah, it's my one trick.
How long you been awake?
That's a great question.
I got a place you can crash.
It's a safe place.
It's the safest place in town.
You're serious?
Yeah.
Hilarious.
Breakfast is included.
I didn't get you anything else?
Lock the door.
Sure.
I'll be in my office.
Just yell.
Either be sleeping or drinking.
Can I?
It's gonna run like clockwork.
Where?
You okay?
Yeah.
Good morning, food enthusiasts.
Has trouble what to do.
Never sold to tell the truth.
Second Street right here.
We cannot block that off because what if Mr. Neville has some sort of a terrible fall down here at his house
and then Mrs. Neville gets him into the vehicle.
But How?
She dropped.
No.
No, she's a tiny little thing.
How does she get in?
Maybe they have a dolly or a wheelbarrow or something.
Bugs, do you wanna describe standard operating procedure to the civilian for me?
It's an emergency situation.
It's an emergency.
I'm with Sally.
Just move the call.
But have we lost all respect for call?
How is that?
Test.
Right behind you.
Take him to me.
Where's the rest of it?
This is it.
I'm sorry.
Nobody uses cash anymore.
Fuck.
Fuck.
No, fuck.
We did all this for two grand.
Take me to the vault.
Really?
Yeah.
Please.
Terry, to the vault.
Stay right there.
Stay right there.
Keep your hands where I can goddamn see them.
Hey, nobody move.
Baby, we don't have the fucking time to go to the vault.
Let's go.
Then we make the time.
We make the fucking time.
Oh my God.
Look.
Sure?
Don't kick him.
Are you OK?
Stop asking questions.
Don't be silly.
He's having a hard time.
Help him.
Help him.
Shit.
You said no one was going to get hurt.
This is not going my clockwork.
I can't open it.
Push and twist.
I'm pushing.
I'm pushing and I'm twisting.
I'm pushing and I'm twisting.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's OK.
OK.
There you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Yeah.
There you go.
OK.
OK.
There we go.
All solved.
He's still having a heart attack.
He's stopped breathing.
He's stopped breathing, babe.
Help him.
Help him.
OK.
Chest compressions.
It's fine.
It's going to be fine.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, buddy.
Go.
It's going to be fine.
All right.
Don't focus on the phone.
Shit.
Sheriff, over here at the bank.
Going to be at my kennel, thanks.
Yeah, you bet.
Supervisor, no.
This ain't that.
It's going to be fine.
It's going to be fine.
Come on.
It's going to be fine.
No.
It's going to be fine.
He?
Oh my god.
He shot me.
It's just a nick.
Just stab wounds first.
I'm sorry.
And kill the other guys.
Yeah.
Keep going.
Excuse me, miss.
What?
Do you want me to get that?
Let me see what we have.
No one's answering.
Keep trying.
What's the point?
It's all automated now, anyway.
What's he doing?
Hey, it's OK, Alex.
Is that a dog?
Mike, cover the rear.
Deputy, cover my ass.
Oh, just hang on.
Guys, I'm going in.
Where the fuck you are?
Sir.
Look, let's just wait for some more backup.
If we don't play this right, we're going to have a massacre in there.
You guys OK?
Yeah.
Calm down.
This is messy.
What are we going to do about it?
Why are you asking me?
Calm.
Clean's messy.
I'm going to talk to them.
You got us a situation.
I do know what I signed up for, but jeez, I didn't think I'd actually have to do it.
Hello?
Deputy, what'd he say?
You know what he said.
You're a great thing, damn thing.
You.
Damn it.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, shit, did you hit his vest?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fucking fire!
Do you have someone out there?
Why are they shooting at you?
Ah!
Motherfucker!
Ah!
Did I get him?
Uh.
Did I get him?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
My ear.
Get down.
Keep in hiding.
Go. Go. Go.
Stop.
I tried.
It's fine. I just ... lost my ear.
Oh, that's bad.
No, we're stoned, we're stoned.
Oh, that's bad.
Oh, that's really bad.
Is this some kind of set up?
Are you guys in on this?
No.
The're shooting at us.
I get it.
It's fair.
We're robbing the bank.
But you're the Sheriff.
Why are they shooting at you?
I'm at a loss.
But you're the Sheriff.
I'm the goddamn substitute.
What bitch?
What are you talking about, man?
Hey!
Hell yeah!
What's going on?
Why don't just take the till?
- Well, I guess with the vault they ...
- What about the vault ?
Don't make me ask twice.
Holy shit !
Yeah, we weren't after this.
Come on !
Come back here, where are you going ?
Calm the fuck down.
We're cool man, just chill. Chill !
We're gonne put some pressure on it, ready one, two, three.
- Mike is that you ? I can hear your jacket.
- No boss.
What's happening?
I know, it's Lori, right?
Yeah, this is Keith.
That's Ulysses.
Oh, hey, did you ever get dog food for Olive?
Yeah, I did.
Good.
What is going on here?
I don't know what the hell this is, but they shot at me and you didn't.
So the way I see it, this fucked up little trio of ours, we're a team.
You good with that?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
How are you feeling?
Yeah, about as good as I look.
So worse than I thought then.
Yeah.
I'll buy us some time.
Time for what?
I'm working on that.
See what's inside those crates.
Why?
Because they look military and we look outgunned.
Oh.
Deputy Blaine, still with us?
Yeah, luckily for you he is.
You managed to shoot his ear off, I'll tell you.
Mayor.
Yeah, Sheriff.
Sheriff?
He hung up on me.
The fucker hung up on me.
Nope, nope, nope.
Lower your guns to my bed.
My bed, of course.
All right, here, I got him, I got him.
You were saying?
Yeah, I was saying that I asked my deputy to shoot you clean through, but I guess like a small request is too much for him.
Were you blind?
Sorry, a snow got into my eyes, so I had to close it and...
You what?
I've seen what's in the vault.
Who's in on this?
You and Blaine or the whole department?
Son, I have got the whole town in my back.
Let me explain.
You're just one cop.
We're normal.
Population, 1,890.
What's it all about, Mayor?
What's this all about?
You know main streets like ours?
They are like strewn corpses across America, holding on by a thread,
hoping they can keep a dialysis center open or a little thrift shop or an antique store with no antiques.
They've been plundered by banks and conglomerates.
So when the Yakuza came and said they want to make a deal...
With the Yakuza?
Trust me, they're a thing.
They make a lot of money in America.
They can't ship it all home.
So when they asked us to hold a portion of their illicit U.S. profits for a percentage bite, I said, sure, we'll take it.
And the whole town sold its soul.
Not the whole town.
There were some negative Nancys.
But I took care of them.
Trust me.
And me having seen what I've seen, I guess there's no way out of this for me alive.
You know, there's a way.
You want a deal?
What kind of deal?
You put a bullet in the head of those two assholes that started this trouble.
The blood on your hands is insurance enough for me.
What do you say?
All right, now he hung up on me.
Now he hung up on me.
Guns up.
Here we go, here we go.
What'd you find?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
There it is.
It's so beautiful.
There goes the substation at Branson.
So I must have knocked the power out.
Oh, darn.
Hello?
I think this is a good omen, right?
Jesus.
That's not where I was aiming.
Let's go.
I think I can see someone.
Fuck this.
Fuck this town.
Calm down, Tom.
I am out of here.
No, no, no, no.
We're all good, Joe.
We're all good.
Where did they go?
Oh, hey, Mr. Joe.
Where did they go?
They headed down, back towards Main Street.
You can touch Branson's Oyabun.
Which means?
There's no way to get a hold of him.
For all he knows, his piggy bank was raided.
Oyabun is coming.
Demase.
Nani?
Shit, I'm out.
Get off the street.
We're sitting ducks out here.
Keep moving.
Hey, freeze.
Oh, shit.
Get inside.
Get inside.
Drop it now.
Drop it.
Shit.
Okay.
Come on.
I thought this was a normal town.
But this is not normal.
Stop shooting.
Goddamn it.
Are both your wounds okay?
Yeah.
I think I heard something.
Okay.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hello?
How is he?
Not good.
I think there's someone in here.
Hello?
Mary Beth.
Oh, my God.
What happened?
Have you got a first aid kit?
Yeah, in my stock room.
Is that radio working?
How is it on?
Battery operated.
You said this is CB radio too, right?
Where's the mic on this thing?
Hang it, Neil.
If you see the sheriff, you stop him.
He knows.
Shit.
Calm down, Mary Beth.
We don't want to hurt you.
Sure you don't.
I wasn't born yesterday.
He got no fucking respect.
Okay.
Suck on this.
Let there be light.
You don't understand.
Come on !
Good evening, everybody.
Oh, hey, Kenny.
Kenny, I'm going to need your medical kit.
Hi, John.
Kenny, we're going to need some more ammo.
Can I help you with something?
Where can I find it?
Ice for this severed ear, Kenny.
So, what's with all these nights on commotion?
You know, a pair of bank robbers, they decided to team up with the sheriff after they discovered that he threw the gold in our vault.
And they blew up the mayor, Kenny.
He's on my face.
It was really gross.
Oh, shit.
Oyabun is coming to kill us all.
You have your devil.
We have our akuma.
Both fear Oyabun.
Look, the way I figure it, with the power down, they can't get the word out.
And with the storm being what it is, they're stuck here with us.
And, you know, better to be the hunter than the hunted.
Right?
Yeah.
Yes.
So, who's up for an affogato?
On the house.
Open that.
Oh, God.
Need some tape.
Where's Olive?
She's in the car, sweetheart.
We left the heater on, remember?
So, it's just us three versus this entire whack-ass town?
Well, usually when you rob a bank, there are consequences.
Although this, this is a new one.
We just wanted something.
If we get through whatever the fuck this is, that'll be something.
Okay, what's the plan?
We're gonna go to the police station.
They got a snowplow there.
We'll get the fuck out of Dodge.
Okay.
I can drive a snowplow.
You're the man.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on, Mr. Plow.
Go!
Go!
I'm okay.
He has a vest.
Get out of here!
We'll meet at the police station!
Hello, Sheriff.
Eat bone!
You're a slippery little fishy H.I.
God dammit. Stay down.
What the hell, man?
What is wrong with you people?
We're looking up and we chose you because of your reputation for not giving a shit.
Why'd you decide to start now?
I'm not myself lately.
Goddamn!
Huh?
Old-fashioned stump removers.
Is that a mail man ?
You stole a gold brick?
Of course I did.
Ah!
Physics, bitch.
Uh, is he okay?
Um, no.
Go!
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
They murdered James.
They murdered our mailman.
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Oh, be careful with that, Father.
It's only a flare.
Hey, there's another one.
It's okay.
Ah!
Clean!
Father!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Mike!
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Mike, I got it.
What are you doing, Mike?
Goddamn!
Bentley, I'm a hero.
Mike!
Oh, he's gone.
Nice.
Put him up.
Did you talk?
Some of ya.
You did.
I thought you knew how to drive one of these.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, you know.
I do.
I did.
I just, I just, I can't.
Remember when you said you could drive a train?
And that was bullshit, too.
Yeah.
Ah.
See?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Go!
Oh, my.
I should have knocked.
Can you drive this thing?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay, we'll get to a hospital.
You're not coming with us?
No, I'm sticking around.
I'm tired of running away from every goddamn thing.
And you consider this your second chance?
You take that gold brick, eh?
Then go build something good out of it.
Take care of yourselves.
How do we even sell a gold brick?
Break it in half?
Well, I'm stuck.
Damn it.
Where could they have gone?
It's a small town.
That's our cloud.
That ain't Ulysses.
He ain't the right type.
Well, where is he gonna hide?
The police station.
Let's get him.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go home.
Yeah, I love you.
Fuck this place.
Hey, little man.
You don't have to have a drink on you, do you?
What kind of bartender would I be if I didn't?
Let's trade.
Fuckin' slowly.
Well, drink up.
So we can all clean up this mess you made before the Yakuza turn up and kill every single one of us.
You too, huh?
Just doing what I need to do to survive.
At what cost?
My soul.
Although they're cheap nowadays.
Hell, you sold yours, didn't you?
I didn't sell mine.
I lost it.
How did you know?
Bartenders hear a lot of bullshit.
You get really good at sniffing out the lies.
Your story was true right until the end, am I right?
The girl didn't kill her dad.
You did.
I shot him.
Right between the eyes for what he'd done.
It was justice.
Now I don't know.
I've been avoiding making any choices since then.
Just watching life from the sidelines.
That's my truth.
Now you go.
What happened to Gunderson?
I already told that mean fish fuck no.
Probably the only one in town who don't.
Gunderson, he had a fishing pole in one hand, like this one, and an auger in the other.
So my guess is he thought he was going ice fishing.
Who the fuck goes ice fishing with a fly rod?
No one.
I lied.
I killed him.
Because he wanted a bigger cut of the deal?
Because he wanted out?
Of the job?
Of town?
The arrangement?
Why?
Because this kid, this town made him choose.
It's a small town in every way, you know?
Small minded.
Yeah, I get that.
And no one gets out.
Not even him.
So you got him drunk and walked him out and...
Watched him freeze to death.
Which takes longer than you'd think.
Unless you're wet, which he was because I poured water on him.
But I learned something about myself that night.
What's that?
That I can do what needs to be done.
What happened to you?
Nothing I didn't choose.
Like I said, that's a cool belt.
What the fuck, Sheriff?
Tell me about it.
I think he would have wanted you to have this, especially in light of current events.
Let's go, Deputy.
This shitstorm is only gonna get worse.
Did we leave anyone back at the bank?
No, Joe.
And the vault?
Yeah, Joe.
Is it still open?
No.
Answer the phone.
My dear penny is purely securing.
The contents of your vault.
Security.
Bricks of C4 have been planted in and amongst the Yakuza's physical deposits, as it were.
So, to sum up, if I die, it all goes boom.
If it goes boom, well then, the yakuza and all ... I don't think it'll end very well for you.
If we don't finish this here and now,
the Yakuza will hunt down and kill each and every one of us.
But wait, there's more.
I've got a proposal.
We tidy up the bank, make it look like an accident, like nothing bad happened.
Just another Saturday.
Kenny, you say this is Belgian chocolate?
French.
Same difference, you know.
So, that's your plan?
That's it.
Just make it seem like any other day?
Basically, yeah.
If the Yakuza show up, their treasure is untouched.
Nothing more than a car accident that set off the alarm.
Life in normal is normal.
Calm.
Calm?
Queen's messy.
That's right.
Why don't I just kill you right now?
The only thing your boss is going to give a shit about is that you messed up.
And I say we play the hand that's been dealt to all of us.
You make us look good, we'll make you look good.
And maybe you get to keep the rest of your goddamn fingers.
I'm sorry that I killed your mayor.
I know you liked him a lot.
Though he did seem a bit of an a-hole.
Okay.
What do you say?
Well, uh, it isn't much trouble for him,
Well I'm not much of a sheriff, but I'm all you've got.
Hey, Alex, what's the plan of the show?
I'm kind of liking Deputy.
Deputy.
Fuck yeah.
Come on, people!
This is the new normal!
It's gotta seem like an accident!
Like there wasn't a massacre here, you know?
Bring it in!
Bring it in!
Watch for blood splotches!
Cover them up!
Winter Wonderland!
Let's go for it, folks!
Pick a nice for our guests!
Bring it around!
Down there!
Look for any, uh, flutes on the trail!
I swear to God, I had no idea about killing Gunderson.
You believe that bullshit about the fishing rod?
Sorry, I'm not much of a fisherman, but yeah, I get your point.
And you tried to shoot me.
Yeah, I did shoot you, but I didn't kill you.
That's the important thing.
We're here together, both of us.
Alive.
Do you, uh, do you really think this is gonna work?
You're a bad man.
To my own detriment, to be sure.
I'd put a Benji on the lay.
Wait a minute, you're betting against us?
We're fucked, huh?
Let's get into character.
Okay, Hoagie.
Can you, can you, can you translate?
As you can see, the storm here was something else.
It knocked out phones, internet, self-service health.
You name it, it's done.
Howdy, y'all!
Oh, he's the interim, like I told you.
No, not yet.
He's, uh, not too bright.
Deputy Blaine, you know these folks?
You want to explain to them they can't come tearing through our county in a convoy like this without getting a greeting from the law?
Well, uh, this is actually Pastor Roy, my sheriff.
Oh, Pastor.
He's got a small parish just over yonder down near Everton.
What's his denomination?
Protestant.
Ain't that right?
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Tell me, he's mad.
What's, what's he upset about?
I think, I think that he wants to go to a bank.
You can't go to a bank with cops.
Yeah, yeah, there's people.
It's true.
We'll make an exception.
Make an exception.
We'll give you an escort.
Follow us.
Let's go.
Okay, Deputy Blaine, let's take our guests a long way around.
Give him a little more time to fix up the bank.
How can these assholes get lost on a straight road !
Hey, yes, sir, right this way.
- This is it ?
- Yes, I'm certain all good.
- I know ...
- My money better be safe.
The driver was killed on impact, as was the bank manager and security guard.
I'll do that.
Thank you, sir.
Sheriff, do you mind if I show him the vault?
Yeah, the church has some papers and they're safe to pass it back.
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
The building's in fine shape.
Actually, it wasn't to load very well, excuse me.
As you can see, the vault is untouched, excuse me, pristine.
Whoa, the church has done well, huh?
It's a pretty color, huh?
Are you hungry?
Why did you invite them out for food?
I only know, like, four phrases in Japanese and I guess I panicked.
Is your boss enjoying the meatloaf?
What did you just call him?
This is divine.
Your English is very good, sir.
I watch a lot of friends.
Who's in for mimosas?
Should I make a toast?
Don't.
Excuse me, um...
I, uh, I'd like to propose a toast.
Um, you know, I'm, uh, what you might call a, uh, people person.
So this toast is to friendship.
I think it's important that I take credit for this event.
When I become the next Sheriff of Normal, there will be many more opportunities to come together and break bread, strengthening our link.
And, uh, with Pastor Oyuban and his friendly, friendly, um, congregation,
I think this is a new chapter for our town and our happy arrangement.
So I'd like to say thank you for all your help and to many,
many more years of friendly people helping other friendly people.
Damn it!
Sheriff!
Sheriff!
All friends now.
Any wood for pie?
You want to be Sheriff now?
Yeah?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks for taking care of me.
Oh, there's one other thing.
Here's that hundred on the leg.
Guess you won.
Ah!
Can I have that pie back?
ONE MONTH LATER
I prefer the weather here.
It's warm.
Don't miss the cold.
Oh, and I picked up an interim deputy along the way.
People are pretty much the same.
Then again, not.
All things considered, though, I'm in a better place.
As for the town of Normal, well, I left it as I found it, you could say.
I mean, that's the job, isn't it?
Besides, I'm never looking for trouble.
If it wants you, it'll find you on its own.
And it can be hard to shake once it does.
Well, thanks for listening, Penny.
Bye.
Hi, Ulysses.
Hey, Penny.
You know what you have to do.
Boss, are you serious?
I was going to kill you all, but I'll give you one more chance.
Think about it.
I'll give you a job.
Can't you do it?
I got it.
I'll do it.
Look at me.
Normal, Minnesota.
Go.
Normal?
Go and do your job.
THREE WEEKS LATER
How's the motel treating you?
Exactly how you'd expect for 55 bucks a night.
What did you do for dinner?
I got delivery from the Chinese place.
Chang Liu's?
Is there another one?
No.
No, just Chang Liu's.
Have you been to Ani's place to try his meatloaf?
It's amazing.
Duly noted.
And I'll circle back when I can.
Hey, it's just me.
Ulysses.
You know, your husband.
If you don't mind me still calling myself that.
I know we agreed to take some time apart.
You need space.
I get it.
But I just thought I'd let you know.
I landed another temporary sheriff job in a little town called Normal, Minnesota.
Like a lot of small towns, it's half abandoned.
The other half is nice, though.
People seem friendly enough.
They built themselves a real nice little setup here, considering how hard times are for most folks in the country right now.
I don't know what their secret is, but I could do with a serving of it.
Anyway, it's just for eight weeks till they elect the new permanent lawman.
My goal is to leave this town just the way I found it.
What's the deal with that jacket?
Pretty cool, huh?
I got it to match my chopper.
I didn't know you had one.
Oh, no, I don't.
Not yet.
I'm just saving up.
Figured I'd start with a jacket.
Wow.
It's loud.
Isn't any of this too flashy?
No.
I mean, it makes noise.
It's literally loud.
And I don't think it's ready yet.
Regulation.
Hey, sorry.
No, no, no, just leave it on.
Leave it on.
It's cool.
It's very cool.
Whoa, $16.8 million.
Where the hell did this town get that kind of money?
Community really came together on that one.
Yeah, I would say.
Hey, Mayor Kibner.
There he is.
I can't wait for the parade next week.
We all dress up.
You're going to love it.
I always wanted to be the parade mascot, but I never got picked.
I'm not bitter, though.
The guys take their bikes pretty seriously here.
My bike's probably going to be a lot like this one.
Geez, Randy, I wish my girlfriend was that dirty.
Have you got a girlfriend, Sheriff?
No, I've got a wife.
She's having with me.
Then I'll put an extra sugar in your coffee.
Hey, Tom.
How are you?
Hey, Mike.
This is American content.
It's my spot.
You can't go and talk to me like this.
I'm going to go put a pod on.
I feel like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a goddamn hill.
What's the problem?
Tom's being a goddamn dick.
That's the fucking problem.
Fuck you.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just communicate the problem to me.
That's who the fuck you're meant to be.
Well, if I'm reading this badge correctly, I'm the Sheriff.
Yeah, I sure as shit didn't vote for you.
I understand.
You know Sheriff Gunderson died, right?
Last week?
This is Ulysses.
He's filling in, yeah?
Yeah.
I don't hear anything about that.
Well?
So you're his replacement?
I'm an interim.
It's like a substitute teacher.
For how long?
It's on week one of eight.
Morning, peoples.
Morning, Lane.
How you doing?
Okay, well, so Carl keeps parking his goddamn way.
Carl's his neighbor.
My neighbor keeps parking his goddamn way.
It's a tow truck.
Carl has his own tow trucking company.
He has his high school.
Hey, Mike.
I live there first.
Tom's on a flag lot, so they have to share a driveway.
He's rocking me in.
That fucker's taking 70%.
Hang on!
Look.
You want me to drive out there and sort this out with Carl for you?
Finally.
Please.
Okay.
Then I best head out there pronto.
Well, good.
Alrighty, then I'll retire to my boudoir.
Hey.
How's that badge, Sheriff?
Leaving a mark for me?
I'm doing my best.
Election's in six weeks.
Remember to vote for me.
Sure.
Good people, small problems.
And if my instincts tell me something is seriously amiss, well, then I'll get involved.
But, yeah, I kind of stopped trusting my instincts.
It's not that I don't care anymore, Penny.
It's just life's a lot easier when you care a little less.
Then again, we are who we are.
Nothing to see here.
There you are.
Refill?
Oh, yeah, sure.
This is a hell of an armory.
Yeah.
Is that C4?
Uh, that it is.
Yeah.
Why do you have that?
I don't know.
After 9-11, Sheriff Gunderson applied for every anti-terrorism grant available.
Yeah?
How much did he spend on training?
I should probably get back to the phones.
Well, the door was unlocked.
That's kind of a no-no.
Oh.
Sorry about that.
The interim job is not to get in the way of them.
I'm like a midwife with a gun.
Damn it.
Damn it.
PARK BETTER
I like the way you law, man.
Hey, Sheriff.
Welcome to my place.
Oh, you're Ernie?
Yeah, just like my dad and my granddad before me.
Oh, yeah.
Tell me, what's the story with the decor?
Well, granddad started collecting them after the war and he didn't stop until the day he died.
Any of them loaded?
Wouldn't be much fun if they weren't, would it?
So, what can I get you?
I heard good things about the meatloaf.
Sure.
Coming up.
You gotta try the pie before you leave town.
Fucking winter.
Fucking Minnesota.
Say cheese.
What's going on, officer?
I think a moose just stole your paint.
It is going to be a busy day today.
I wanted to get your stamp of approval on the parade route.
Okay.
There's an intersection that I think are just a real foreman's nest.
And, of course, first we have to get a stamp of approval.
We're going to have the celebration of life at the sheriff's.
The former sheriff's, that is.
But you don't have to worry about saying anything because the mayor's going to take care of that.
And there will be food.
It is a potluck, so it should be fun.
Alright.
Anyone available?
I've got a situation planner down at the hardware store.
Most of my time is spent on shenanigans.
Low-stakes stuff.
Reports of two assholes screaming at each other.
I get to say nothing to see here over and over all day.
Separate!
Separate!
Mike, I need you to escort old Clayton here from the premises and arrest him!
For what?
For being a sumbitch!
Sumbitch?
More like thrifty.
Amazon's got these damn near 30% off!
Okay, to be fair, Mr. David, that seems like a fair price.
That's not helping.
Oh, the customer's always right when he's trying to bankrupt the shopkeeper.
No, no, calm down.
Calm down.
Sheriff, I will be damned if I'm going to let someone make you look like an angry son!
The home of the Amazon bitch, motherfucker!
Guys?
Guys?
Guys?
Maybe we just want to bring the temperature down a little bit.
In front of temporary guests from out of town.
Am I right?
Maybe we should go for a walk, eh?
Okay.
I'm going.
I'm going.
Let's go.
Clayton, this is America, which means you can't walk out of a store without paying.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
All right, let's go for a walk.
Enjoy your long walk in the snow, you geriatric, too old sumbitch!
Okay, come on now.
How often does that happen?
Once, twice a week if I'm lucky.
And it's not like he needs the money.
He just likes pissing on my leg.
Whoa, there's a lot of locks on that cabinet.
What's going on there?
Stump removers.
What does that mean?
Old school stump removers.
I still don't know exactly what you're talking about.
Sheriff, come quick!
What?
I want to hear your answer.
Hey, buddy.
It's the yarn?
It's the yarn.
Look, look, look.
I'm sorry, this is your sheriff.
Come quick.
I ordered pink and they gave me mauve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but that is not pink.
That is mauve.
Mom, that's what I said.
What should I do?
Well, I'm not going to be able to help you.
Because they look exactly the same to me.
I'm sorry, I'm colorblind.
All right.
Well, I like you, Sheriff.
My clientele is a bit more discerning.
They're not colorblind.
No offense.
Mike, are you there?
Over.
Mike, come on.
Is that a police scanner you got?
You keeping tabs on me?
Yes, sir.
And a CD radio.
Oh, I get lonely.
And nosy.
Copy that, Sally.
I'm on my way.
Take care.
Call the fire department next time.
Oh, I...
I'm kidding.
Your buck goes a lot further out here, that's for sure.
Gunderson had got himself the Big Mac of McMansions.
He must have issued a hell of a lot of parking tickets to get that.
So, what do you say about a man like Gunderson?
He was a son of a bitch.
But he was our son of a bitch.
He was a great golfer.
A medium fisherman.
What's up?
You gotta get in on this.
This is just like Christmas.
You got Pete's Meats.
Fortune cookies.
All you can eat.
You want me to make you a plate?
Not unless I want to end up like Gunderson.
That reminds me.
I think you should be wearing this.
But I thought you said you had only one.
I did.
But when the citation was over and done with ...
I nicked it off of the courts before they closed the casket.
So, you enjoy the power while it lasts.
Oh, what a trip that was.
Japanese sure love their golf.
So?
What'd you pick?
Oh, uh, Ashford something.
I always tend to lean toward the Irish.
Seven G's a bottle.
Dr. Belay.
Ulysses.
Um, you signed Sheriff Gunderson's death certificate, right?
Sadly, yes, I did.
What happened there?
Well, a couple Wednesdays ago, around three in the morning,
Deputy Blaine found him out back in little more than his tighty-whities,
frozen like a chunk of ice chiseled by a chainsaw.
What do you suppose he thought he was doing?
My job goes to posing to be sure.
Gunderson likes his fishing.
He had a fishing rod in his one hand and an auger in the other, so my guess, the man thought he was going ice fishing.
At night?
In his underwear?
Well, as you can see, the man was a drinker.
And a son of a bitch.
Well, then again, he was our son of a bitch, right?
Hey, Doc, give me a minute.
I'd like to bend his ear, okay?
Yeah, yeah.
I want to thank you for coming.
Of course.
So let me get this straight.
Did I hear you saw the moose?
I did.
I got a picture of it.
Goddamn!
I am the only one in this town who has never seen that fucking moose.
And I keep an eye out for it.
You know, in Native American culture, the moose is a symbol of endurance and survival.
Hmm?
So, what do you think of our little town?
It's, um, charming.
Yeah.
You know, I hear that you are a very laid-back kind of guy.
Not a crack-the-whip sort.
Well, I mean, I've been known to...
Do you ever think about settling down?
You could be a real sheriff for more than a few weeks.
You could build a whole new life here in Normal.
Because we really celebrate the community.
Around here, it's always one for all.
That sounds...
Mayor?
Yeah.
It's time.
Yeah.
But I want you to think about it.
I will.
All right.
Hi.
Hey, boss.
I was just checking on you.
You good?
I'm fine.
Well, I just wanted to let you know that they put out more of those mini egg rolls.
They're custom.
And the mayor's just about to tell the story about the time he went on the cruise with Jane Fonda, so...
You know who that is in the van?
Sheriff Gunderson's daughter, I think.
Alex.
You're a ball man.
Is that for a game?
My hands are shaky.
They only trust me with a gun.
Company, then?
I gotta warn you.
Not very good.
So would you say you knew Gunderson well?
Gunderson?
Yeah.
I knew him pretty well.
He was sad, the way he are.
Yeah.
But he liked to drink.
He liked to fish, so the way I see it, he died doing what he loved best.
You fish?
When I was a kid, with my dad.
You?
Me?
Fuck, no.
Probably the only one in town who don't.
But in the end, death comes for us all.
Don't alone, man.
Unlike getting a sheriff out of you, huh?
If you really were, you would.
But are you?
You've been listening to my internal monologue, haven't you?
It's my job.
I'm Moira, the barkeeper here.
Rack him up.
Why are you here?
Stop fucking around, come on.
I'm all ears.
All right.
I used to be a regular sheriff.
Nice county with a couple little towns just like this one.
Then married my high school sweetheart.
Perfect.
It was.
I was, uh, pretty proud of myself.
I walked through life with my head held high.
I knew who I was.
And this girl, uh, her dad was someone I knew.
A, uh, upstanding citizen.
Had been, uh,
I didn't believe her.
Short while later, there was an incident at the house.
Gunshots.
And I went in and she was standing over him.
He was wounded.
She had a gun out and he was cursing her for what he'd done to her.
And I told her to put the gun down and she didn't hesitate.
She shot him right between the eyes.
And then she aimed that gun at me.
She cursed me for not believing her.
And then we both shot.
And I had better aim.
After that,
I got dark inside and ...
I didn't know who I was anymore and I still don't.
And the wife?
Yeah.
It was hard to be around.
I still call her.
She doesn't answer.
But I don't mind.
I live in hope one day she will.
Sheriff, to the mayor.
People are really liking your light touch.
Have you considered my offer?
Get back to me as soon as you can.
What a stupid phone you got.
I bet I can help you with that.
Oh, hi, officer.
Hey.
Sheriff, I got stuck.
Yeah, I see.
What do you think will knock it down?
The caramel or the cookie?
It's not caramel sugar.
Yeah, that's my guess too.
What's your dog's name?
Oh, her name's Olive.
Nice.
Yeah.
Hey, Olive.
What a good dog.
My name's Ulysses.
I'm Lori.
You know, I wish these things had dog food.
Yeah, well, someday.
Yeah.
All right, well, watch out for the moose.
Moose?
Yeah.
Big.
Careful, he might try and paint you.
Moose?
Yeah?
Thanks.
Look, I hate I don't know if I should say this, but our mustaches are so similar.
Like a couple brothers.
Or at least a couple uncles.
Well, I should probably get back at it.
How can love go away?
Did I take it for granted?
I guess I did.
I didn't protect that girl and I lost you in the bargain.
You said I shut down Penny.
You were right.
Is this what happened to Gunderson?
Did he give up?
Say fuck it?
Walk into the snow buck naked?
Oh, that's a hell of a way to die.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
You been drinking?
No, when I was driving and I pulled off to the store.
Bourbon?
It's very impressive.
You mind if I join you?
I'd join.
That's a cool belt.
I'm Alex.
I'm Ulysses.
Can I have the cheap booze?
You're Gunderson's daughter, right?
No.
Oh.
Yeah, okay.
You're Gunderson's kid.
Yeah.
Lots of pictures of you on the wall in his office.
You got his eyes.
Yeah.
Those are old pictures.
He's very proud of me.
Daddy's little girl going military.
Couldn't keep that up.
You were having an argument with Deputy Blaine outside the house.
What was that about?
The mayor, he didn't want me to attend the memorial service because ...
he said that I would be too much of a distraction.
Oh, fuck the mayor.
Yeah.
The town used to know right from wrong before Mayor Kidman got here and ..
tried to make my dad see that but he was stuck between me and the town.
Yeah.
He killed him.
And I don't know what to do.
Neither do I.
But I got an idea where we could start.
You wanna give me that?
Did you catch that?
Yeah, it's my one trick.
How long you been awake?
That's a great question.
I got a place you can crash.
It's a safe place.
It's the safest place in town.
You're serious?
Yeah.
Hilarious.
Breakfast is included.
I didn't get you anything else?
Lock the door.
Sure.
I'll be in my office.
Just yell.
Either be sleeping or drinking.
Can I?
It's gonna run like clockwork.
Where?
You okay?
Yeah.
Good morning, food enthusiasts.
Has trouble what to do.
Never sold to tell the truth.
Second Street right here.
We cannot block that off because what if Mr. Neville has some sort of a terrible fall down here at his house
and then Mrs. Neville gets him into the vehicle.
But How?
She dropped.
No.
No, she's a tiny little thing.
How does she get in?
Maybe they have a dolly or a wheelbarrow or something.
Bugs, do you wanna describe standard operating procedure to the civilian for me?
It's an emergency situation.
It's an emergency.
I'm with Sally.
Just move the call.
But have we lost all respect for call?
How is that?
Test.
Right behind you.
Take him to me.
Where's the rest of it?
This is it.
I'm sorry.
Nobody uses cash anymore.
Fuck.
Fuck.
No, fuck.
We did all this for two grand.
Take me to the vault.
Really?
Yeah.
Please.
Terry, to the vault.
Stay right there.
Stay right there.
Keep your hands where I can goddamn see them.
Hey, nobody move.
Baby, we don't have the fucking time to go to the vault.
Let's go.
Then we make the time.
We make the fucking time.
Oh my God.
Look.
Sure?
Don't kick him.
Are you OK?
Stop asking questions.
Don't be silly.
He's having a hard time.
Help him.
Help him.
Shit.
You said no one was going to get hurt.
This is not going my clockwork.
I can't open it.
Push and twist.
I'm pushing.
I'm pushing and I'm twisting.
I'm pushing and I'm twisting.
It's OK.
It's OK.
It's OK.
OK.
There you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Yeah.
There you go.
OK.
OK.
There we go.
All solved.
He's still having a heart attack.
He's stopped breathing.
He's stopped breathing, babe.
Help him.
Help him.
OK.
Chest compressions.
It's fine.
It's going to be fine.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, buddy.
Go.
It's going to be fine.
All right.
Don't focus on the phone.
Shit.
Sheriff, over here at the bank.
Going to be at my kennel, thanks.
Yeah, you bet.
Supervisor, no.
This ain't that.
It's going to be fine.
It's going to be fine.
Come on.
It's going to be fine.
No.
It's going to be fine.
He?
Oh my god.
He shot me.
It's just a nick.
Just stab wounds first.
I'm sorry.
And kill the other guys.
Yeah.
Keep going.
Excuse me, miss.
What?
Do you want me to get that?
Let me see what we have.
No one's answering.
Keep trying.
What's the point?
It's all automated now, anyway.
What's he doing?
Hey, it's OK, Alex.
Is that a dog?
Mike, cover the rear.
Deputy, cover my ass.
Oh, just hang on.
Guys, I'm going in.
Where the fuck you are?
Sir.
Look, let's just wait for some more backup.
If we don't play this right, we're going to have a massacre in there.
You guys OK?
Yeah.
Calm down.
This is messy.
What are we going to do about it?
Why are you asking me?
Calm.
Clean's messy.
I'm going to talk to them.
You got us a situation.
I do know what I signed up for, but jeez, I didn't think I'd actually have to do it.
Hello?
Deputy, what'd he say?
You know what he said.
You're a great thing, damn thing.
You.
Damn it.
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Oh, shit, did you hit his vest?
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fucking fire!
Do you have someone out there?
Why are they shooting at you?
Ah!
Motherfucker!
Ah!
Did I get him?
Uh.
Did I get him?
Yeah.
Yeah, no.
My ear.
Get down.
Keep in hiding.
Go. Go. Go.
Stop.
I tried.
It's fine. I just ... lost my ear.
Oh, that's bad.
No, we're stoned, we're stoned.
Oh, that's bad.
Oh, that's really bad.
Is this some kind of set up?
Are you guys in on this?
No.
The're shooting at us.
I get it.
It's fair.
We're robbing the bank.
But you're the Sheriff.
Why are they shooting at you?
I'm at a loss.
But you're the Sheriff.
I'm the goddamn substitute.
What bitch?
What are you talking about, man?
Hey!
Hell yeah!
What's going on?
Why don't just take the till?
- Well, I guess with the vault they ...
- What about the vault ?
Don't make me ask twice.
Holy shit !
Yeah, we weren't after this.
Come on !
Come back here, where are you going ?
Calm the fuck down.
We're cool man, just chill. Chill !
We're gonne put some pressure on it, ready one, two, three.
- Mike is that you ? I can hear your jacket.
- No boss.
What's happening?
I know, it's Lori, right?
Yeah, this is Keith.
That's Ulysses.
Oh, hey, did you ever get dog food for Olive?
Yeah, I did.
Good.
What is going on here?
I don't know what the hell this is, but they shot at me and you didn't.
So the way I see it, this fucked up little trio of ours, we're a team.
You good with that?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
How are you feeling?
Yeah, about as good as I look.
So worse than I thought then.
Yeah.
I'll buy us some time.
Time for what?
I'm working on that.
See what's inside those crates.
Why?
Because they look military and we look outgunned.
Oh.
Deputy Blaine, still with us?
Yeah, luckily for you he is.
You managed to shoot his ear off, I'll tell you.
Mayor.
Yeah, Sheriff.
Sheriff?
He hung up on me.
The fucker hung up on me.
Nope, nope, nope.
Lower your guns to my bed.
My bed, of course.
All right, here, I got him, I got him.
You were saying?
Yeah, I was saying that I asked my deputy to shoot you clean through, but I guess like a small request is too much for him.
Were you blind?
Sorry, a snow got into my eyes, so I had to close it and...
You what?
I've seen what's in the vault.
Who's in on this?
You and Blaine or the whole department?
Son, I have got the whole town in my back.
Let me explain.
You're just one cop.
We're normal.
Population, 1,890.
What's it all about, Mayor?
What's this all about?
You know main streets like ours?
They are like strewn corpses across America, holding on by a thread,
hoping they can keep a dialysis center open or a little thrift shop or an antique store with no antiques.
They've been plundered by banks and conglomerates.
So when the Yakuza came and said they want to make a deal...
With the Yakuza?
Trust me, they're a thing.
They make a lot of money in America.
They can't ship it all home.
So when they asked us to hold a portion of their illicit U.S. profits for a percentage bite, I said, sure, we'll take it.
And the whole town sold its soul.
Not the whole town.
There were some negative Nancys.
But I took care of them.
Trust me.
And me having seen what I've seen, I guess there's no way out of this for me alive.
You know, there's a way.
You want a deal?
What kind of deal?
You put a bullet in the head of those two assholes that started this trouble.
The blood on your hands is insurance enough for me.
What do you say?
All right, now he hung up on me.
Now he hung up on me.
Guns up.
Here we go, here we go.
What'd you find?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
There it is.
It's so beautiful.
There goes the substation at Branson.
So I must have knocked the power out.
Oh, darn.
Hello?
I think this is a good omen, right?
Jesus.
That's not where I was aiming.
Let's go.
I think I can see someone.
Fuck this.
Fuck this town.
Calm down, Tom.
I am out of here.
No, no, no, no.
We're all good, Joe.
We're all good.
Where did they go?
Oh, hey, Mr. Joe.
Where did they go?
They headed down, back towards Main Street.
You can touch Branson's Oyabun.
Which means?
There's no way to get a hold of him.
For all he knows, his piggy bank was raided.
Oyabun is coming.
Demase.
Nani?
Shit, I'm out.
Get off the street.
We're sitting ducks out here.
Keep moving.
Hey, freeze.
Oh, shit.
Get inside.
Get inside.
Drop it now.
Drop it.
Shit.
Okay.
Come on.
I thought this was a normal town.
But this is not normal.
Stop shooting.
Goddamn it.
Are both your wounds okay?
Yeah.
I think I heard something.
Okay.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hello?
How is he?
Not good.
I think there's someone in here.
Hello?
Mary Beth.
Oh, my God.
What happened?
Have you got a first aid kit?
Yeah, in my stock room.
Is that radio working?
How is it on?
Battery operated.
You said this is CB radio too, right?
Where's the mic on this thing?
Hang it, Neil.
If you see the sheriff, you stop him.
He knows.
Shit.
Calm down, Mary Beth.
We don't want to hurt you.
Sure you don't.
I wasn't born yesterday.
He got no fucking respect.
Okay.
Suck on this.
Let there be light.
You don't understand.
Come on !
Good evening, everybody.
Oh, hey, Kenny.
Kenny, I'm going to need your medical kit.
Hi, John.
Kenny, we're going to need some more ammo.
Can I help you with something?
Where can I find it?
Ice for this severed ear, Kenny.
So, what's with all these nights on commotion?
You know, a pair of bank robbers, they decided to team up with the sheriff after they discovered that he threw the gold in our vault.
And they blew up the mayor, Kenny.
He's on my face.
It was really gross.
Oh, shit.
Oyabun is coming to kill us all.
You have your devil.
We have our akuma.
Both fear Oyabun.
Look, the way I figure it, with the power down, they can't get the word out.
And with the storm being what it is, they're stuck here with us.
And, you know, better to be the hunter than the hunted.
Right?
Yeah.
Yes.
So, who's up for an affogato?
On the house.
Open that.
Oh, God.
Need some tape.
Where's Olive?
She's in the car, sweetheart.
We left the heater on, remember?
So, it's just us three versus this entire whack-ass town?
Well, usually when you rob a bank, there are consequences.
Although this, this is a new one.
We just wanted something.
If we get through whatever the fuck this is, that'll be something.
Okay, what's the plan?
We're gonna go to the police station.
They got a snowplow there.
We'll get the fuck out of Dodge.
Okay.
I can drive a snowplow.
You're the man.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Come on, Mr. Plow.
Go!
Go!
I'm okay.
He has a vest.
Get out of here!
We'll meet at the police station!
Hello, Sheriff.
Eat bone!
You're a slippery little fishy H.I.
God dammit. Stay down.
What the hell, man?
What is wrong with you people?
We're looking up and we chose you because of your reputation for not giving a shit.
Why'd you decide to start now?
I'm not myself lately.
Goddamn!
Huh?
Old-fashioned stump removers.
Is that a mail man ?
You stole a gold brick?
Of course I did.
Ah!
Physics, bitch.
Uh, is he okay?
Um, no.
Go!
Hold your fire!
Hold your fire!
They murdered James.
They murdered our mailman.
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Oh, be careful with that, Father.
It's only a flare.
Hey, there's another one.
It's okay.
Ah!
Clean!
Father!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
Mike!
I got it, I got it, I got it.
Mike, I got it.
What are you doing, Mike?
Goddamn!
Bentley, I'm a hero.
Mike!
Oh, he's gone.
Nice.
Put him up.
Did you talk?
Some of ya.
You did.
I thought you knew how to drive one of these.
Yeah, I do.
Yeah, you know.
I do.
I did.
I just, I just, I can't.
Remember when you said you could drive a train?
And that was bullshit, too.
Yeah.
Ah.
See?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Go!
Oh, my.
I should have knocked.
Can you drive this thing?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay, we'll get to a hospital.
You're not coming with us?
No, I'm sticking around.
I'm tired of running away from every goddamn thing.
And you consider this your second chance?
You take that gold brick, eh?
Then go build something good out of it.
Take care of yourselves.
How do we even sell a gold brick?
Break it in half?
Well, I'm stuck.
Damn it.
Where could they have gone?
It's a small town.
That's our cloud.
That ain't Ulysses.
He ain't the right type.
Well, where is he gonna hide?
The police station.
Let's get him.
Come on.
Let's go.
Let's go home.
Yeah, I love you.
Fuck this place.
Hey, little man.
You don't have to have a drink on you, do you?
What kind of bartender would I be if I didn't?
Let's trade.
Fuckin' slowly.
Well, drink up.
So we can all clean up this mess you made before the Yakuza turn up and kill every single one of us.
You too, huh?
Just doing what I need to do to survive.
At what cost?
My soul.
Although they're cheap nowadays.
Hell, you sold yours, didn't you?
I didn't sell mine.
I lost it.
How did you know?
Bartenders hear a lot of bullshit.
You get really good at sniffing out the lies.
Your story was true right until the end, am I right?
The girl didn't kill her dad.
You did.
I shot him.
Right between the eyes for what he'd done.
It was justice.
Now I don't know.
I've been avoiding making any choices since then.
Just watching life from the sidelines.
That's my truth.
Now you go.
What happened to Gunderson?
I already told that mean fish fuck no.
Probably the only one in town who don't.
Gunderson, he had a fishing pole in one hand, like this one, and an auger in the other.
So my guess is he thought he was going ice fishing.
Who the fuck goes ice fishing with a fly rod?
No one.
I lied.
I killed him.
Because he wanted a bigger cut of the deal?
Because he wanted out?
Of the job?
Of town?
The arrangement?
Why?
Because this kid, this town made him choose.
It's a small town in every way, you know?
Small minded.
Yeah, I get that.
And no one gets out.
Not even him.
So you got him drunk and walked him out and...
Watched him freeze to death.
Which takes longer than you'd think.
Unless you're wet, which he was because I poured water on him.
But I learned something about myself that night.
What's that?
That I can do what needs to be done.
What happened to you?
Nothing I didn't choose.
Like I said, that's a cool belt.
What the fuck, Sheriff?
Tell me about it.
I think he would have wanted you to have this, especially in light of current events.
Let's go, Deputy.
This shitstorm is only gonna get worse.
Did we leave anyone back at the bank?
No, Joe.
And the vault?
Yeah, Joe.
Is it still open?
No.
Answer the phone.
My dear penny is purely securing.
The contents of your vault.
Security.
Bricks of C4 have been planted in and amongst the Yakuza's physical deposits, as it were.
So, to sum up, if I die, it all goes boom.
If it goes boom, well then, the yakuza and all ... I don't think it'll end very well for you.
If we don't finish this here and now,
the Yakuza will hunt down and kill each and every one of us.
But wait, there's more.
I've got a proposal.
We tidy up the bank, make it look like an accident, like nothing bad happened.
Just another Saturday.
Kenny, you say this is Belgian chocolate?
French.
Same difference, you know.
So, that's your plan?
That's it.
Just make it seem like any other day?
Basically, yeah.
If the Yakuza show up, their treasure is untouched.
Nothing more than a car accident that set off the alarm.
Life in normal is normal.
Calm.
Calm?
Queen's messy.
That's right.
Why don't I just kill you right now?
The only thing your boss is going to give a shit about is that you messed up.
And I say we play the hand that's been dealt to all of us.
You make us look good, we'll make you look good.
And maybe you get to keep the rest of your goddamn fingers.
I'm sorry that I killed your mayor.
I know you liked him a lot.
Though he did seem a bit of an a-hole.
Okay.
What do you say?
Well, uh, it isn't much trouble for him,
Well I'm not much of a sheriff, but I'm all you've got.
Hey, Alex, what's the plan of the show?
I'm kind of liking Deputy.
Deputy.
Fuck yeah.
Come on, people!
This is the new normal!
It's gotta seem like an accident!
Like there wasn't a massacre here, you know?
Bring it in!
Bring it in!
Watch for blood splotches!
Cover them up!
Winter Wonderland!
Let's go for it, folks!
Pick a nice for our guests!
Bring it around!
Down there!
Look for any, uh, flutes on the trail!
I swear to God, I had no idea about killing Gunderson.
You believe that bullshit about the fishing rod?
Sorry, I'm not much of a fisherman, but yeah, I get your point.
And you tried to shoot me.
Yeah, I did shoot you, but I didn't kill you.
That's the important thing.
We're here together, both of us.
Alive.
Do you, uh, do you really think this is gonna work?
You're a bad man.
To my own detriment, to be sure.
I'd put a Benji on the lay.
Wait a minute, you're betting against us?
We're fucked, huh?
Let's get into character.
Okay, Hoagie.
Can you, can you, can you translate?
As you can see, the storm here was something else.
It knocked out phones, internet, self-service health.
You name it, it's done.
Howdy, y'all!
Oh, he's the interim, like I told you.
No, not yet.
He's, uh, not too bright.
Deputy Blaine, you know these folks?
You want to explain to them they can't come tearing through our county in a convoy like this without getting a greeting from the law?
Well, uh, this is actually Pastor Roy, my sheriff.
Oh, Pastor.
He's got a small parish just over yonder down near Everton.
What's his denomination?
Protestant.
Ain't that right?
I don't know what you guys are talking about.
Tell me, he's mad.
What's, what's he upset about?
I think, I think that he wants to go to a bank.
You can't go to a bank with cops.
Yeah, yeah, there's people.
It's true.
We'll make an exception.
Make an exception.
We'll give you an escort.
Follow us.
Let's go.
Okay, Deputy Blaine, let's take our guests a long way around.
Give him a little more time to fix up the bank.
How can these assholes get lost on a straight road !
Hey, yes, sir, right this way.
- This is it ?
- Yes, I'm certain all good.
- I know ...
- My money better be safe.
The driver was killed on impact, as was the bank manager and security guard.
I'll do that.
Thank you, sir.
Sheriff, do you mind if I show him the vault?
Yeah, the church has some papers and they're safe to pass it back.
Yeah, sure, go ahead.
The building's in fine shape.
Actually, it wasn't to load very well, excuse me.
As you can see, the vault is untouched, excuse me, pristine.
Whoa, the church has done well, huh?
It's a pretty color, huh?
Are you hungry?
Why did you invite them out for food?
I only know, like, four phrases in Japanese and I guess I panicked.
Is your boss enjoying the meatloaf?
What did you just call him?
This is divine.
Your English is very good, sir.
I watch a lot of friends.
Who's in for mimosas?
Should I make a toast?
Don't.
Excuse me, um...
I, uh, I'd like to propose a toast.
Um, you know, I'm, uh, what you might call a, uh, people person.
So this toast is to friendship.
I think it's important that I take credit for this event.
When I become the next Sheriff of Normal, there will be many more opportunities to come together and break bread, strengthening our link.
And, uh, with Pastor Oyuban and his friendly, friendly, um, congregation,
I think this is a new chapter for our town and our happy arrangement.
So I'd like to say thank you for all your help and to many,
many more years of friendly people helping other friendly people.
Damn it!
Sheriff!
Sheriff!
All friends now.
Any wood for pie?
You want to be Sheriff now?
Yeah?
Yeah, sure.
Thanks for taking care of me.
Oh, there's one other thing.
Here's that hundred on the leg.
Guess you won.
Ah!
Can I have that pie back?
ONE MONTH LATER
I prefer the weather here.
It's warm.
Don't miss the cold.
Oh, and I picked up an interim deputy along the way.
People are pretty much the same.
Then again, not.
All things considered, though, I'm in a better place.
As for the town of Normal, well, I left it as I found it, you could say.
I mean, that's the job, isn't it?
Besides, I'm never looking for trouble.
If it wants you, it'll find you on its own.
And it can be hard to shake once it does.
Well, thanks for listening, Penny.
Bye.
Hi, Ulysses.
Hey, Penny.