Norman (2010) Movie Script
Swift was being
satirical, right?
And that is very different
than if he were being ironic.
But satire is not
to be confused with...
irony.
Now, can anybody give me
an example of the latter?
Can anyone give me
an example of irony?
Uh-huh.
Terrific.
Oh, Helen, what a surprise.
The alum from the character
development program, did he?
Yes?
How so?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't really support
your point.
Can anybody help Helen out
before I fail her?
And kill myself?
What I think Helen
is trying to say is...
Sorry?
- Hello.
- Hi there.
You know, there's this fantastic bit
of protocol that students really,
for generations, have been enjoying
that looks a little something like...
Well, hi, Mr. Long.
Do you have a... yes?
I think what Helen's trying
to say is that it's ironic
that we had a motivational speaker professing
his happiness that didn't seem very...
- happy.
- Hmm.
I mean, what was the budget for this thing
ten bucks and a cafeteria lunch?
Alright, I didn't realize
we were an AP open mic.
Um, alright, well,
barring your last comment,
your point is that the
speaker's demeanor was ironic,
but not so much his speech.
Is that right?
I mean, they both have to exist
in order to create the irony, but...
I also take issue
with the speech itself.
Okay, you do. How so?
I mean, life isn't rainy,
and then sunny.
It's happy, then it's sad.
It's just nature,
birth to death.
God,
you should have
been born in France.
Little Camus.
I mean, that's an awfully bleak view, don't
you think, for someone who's only 17 years old?
- I'm 18.
- Really?
I for one would like to hear that life view
in full if possible at an assembly.
And given that our character development program
is nominating four people this semester,
I'm going to nominate you as a
representative for the senior class.
Mr. Angelo, I was just trying to help Helen out.
Why don't you just make her do it?
I actually happen to appreciate your
life perspective and would love to hear it.
No, it's just I'm the last person
that should be doing this.
- Well, you're doing it.
- Awesome!
Okay, and that was sarcasm...
which we don't really have time for,
but we'll get to next week.
How was class?
I think Angelo thinks
I'm hiding Osama.
He's just like that.
I had him last year.
He's making me do that
motivational speech thing.
Okay, maybe he does hate you.
But look, I got
drama team later today.
We're doing these auditions, so I won't be able
to drive you home till, say, 4:30 latest.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, you know what?
You should come audition
for the team next time.
Bright lights, an audience,
all the attention you ever wanted.
- It might be fun, really.
- No.
Tell me again why you have
to audition for a club.
Norman, it's not a club.
It's a team.
We compete.
Do you get letter jackets?
What's it gonna be today?
- Can I play?
- Sure.
We'd love for you
to play with us.
Oh.
Okay. Cool.
I'm sorry...
I was just being ironic.
Go read a comic!
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
Hey, pops.
- How are you doing?
- Yeah, good.
Did Dr. Malloy call back
with your lab stuff?
No, no. At least another day.
So, how was school?
Uh, that was alright.
I got in trouble with
the English teacher.
Mr. Snyder?
What?
Oh, no, that was last year.
- Really?
- Yeah. Dad, did you see this letter?
Probably not.
They all kind of
look the same to me.
Well, this one has
big red letters on it.
A lot of them do.
It's the third notice
from the phone company.
Are they gonna shut us off?
- Apparently.
- And when?
Supposedly...
yesterday.
Oh.
Well, who needs a phone anyway?
Oh, come on.
I'll take care of it.
- I will.
- Mm-hmm.
Don't you worry one little bit.
...
There was something missing.
John?
Alright.
It's almost done.
Hey, Dad, is it, uh, true...
that back then, uh,
men and women...
slept in different beds, you know,
like, married men and women?
Well, Norman, the truth is that back then,
men had very, very long penises,
and they had to sleep
in separate beds.
With all of our technology
and industrial know-how,
we still don't have the one thing
that could give us a better way of life.
Well, hi, Norman.
Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I, uh...
I just wanted to, um...
apologize if I was rude in class
the other day and, uh...
Yeah, well, that's it.
Well, you know,
I appreciate that. Honestly.
Oh, hey, good news.
Your, uh...
your nomination as official
senior speaker went through.
Oh, yeah, but I was sort of hoping
that I wouldn't have to do it, you know?
- Oh, of course you have to.
- But I just apologized.
Norman, my signing you up for
that speech wasn't a punishment.
It had nothing to do
with you being rude.
I mean, I genuinely
liked your perspective.
Okay, but you heard it.
I mean, that's it.
That's... that's
as good as it gets.
I've got nothing else to give.
Yeah, I don't know.
I have kind of a hard
time believing that.
Okay?
It's gonna be great.
Thanks, Norman.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Shit!
Sorry.
Hold on.
Um... Here.
- Here. This...
- I'm really late.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Alright.
Okay.
Thanks for helping me
pick up my books.
Why, gee, you're welcome, random girl.
Hey, you're hot. We should date.
Yeah, I wanna kiss you, babe.
Hey!
I forgot to say thanks.
I'd rather slit my wrists
than go in there, James.
So you're really just gonna sit out here
and wait for me to drive you home?
- I hope you change your mind.
- Mm-hmm.
Have fun.
Shut up.
My name's James.
I'm the senior class captain
of the drama team this year.
Now, if you're not here for a society
of thespians, you're in the wrong place.
If you're here for a
society of lesbians,
my mother's book club
meets on Tuesdays.
First up...
the new student in our midst,
the lovely Emily Harris.
No me!
It's called "Here's What I Like
About Acting So Much," um...
for Acting America...
by Gilda von Trapp, aged eight.
Eight?
Acting is fun.
It's cool.
Stage lights are hot,
but that's okay. Um...
you're supposed to sweat a lot.
That's when my mom says she knows
that daddy's doing a really good job.
Sometimes, when it's really
dark and quiet, and I'm all alone,
except for my imaginary friend, Rita,
and her imaginary dog, Woofness,
and his magical elephant Nippy,
I like to pretend that
I'm somebody else.
And that's why I like acting,
because it makes me feel free.
And that's what America's
all about, is being free.
And that's why I'm applying to Acting America,
because they both stand for free.
You could call it free-free.
Yes!
Awesome!
Uh, yeah, uh, no, thank you.
Thank you, Emily.
Alright, next up,
we have Kalmin Zmoski.
Is that Polish?
Hey.
Um...
Um...
Thank you.
Alright, uh, next up,
we have Helen Black.
Hey.
Hello, again.
You okay?
What? Yeah, I'm fine.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Thanks for being my
only fan back there.
Did you win anything?
What?
Did you win anything
in your water?
Oh, I, uh, I haven't
actually checked yet.
Um...
- Well?
- Uh, it says try again. Hold on.
Nope, not that time, either.
Botox!
Meow!
Now we have tardy Norman.
What? Okay.
Uh...
Uh, okay, uh...
Just...
Okay...
Um, I had a grand dream
while in high school.
One day, I would call a
school-wide assembly...
Louder!
One day, I would call a
school-wide assembly...
and, uh, you know, everyone
in the school would show up...
because I had just learned
how to make fake glass.
Which is a highly guarded secret recipe,
but I feel I can share it with you.
Uh, it's Karo syrup and sugar.
Uh, so I would set up,
basically, huge sheets of this
glass all over the stage.
And then I'd, uh...
you know, punch it or kick it.
Better yet, break
it over my head.
And everybody would be
surprised and impressed
that I hadn't hurt myself.
So after the whole glass bit,
after everybody got into that
frame of mind of seeing
me cheat death, I would...
sit on the edge of the stage...
um, put a paper bag...
over my head...
pull out a gun...
and blow my brains out.
And people would laugh...
and giggle until they realized that,
unlike the whole...
glass bit, the gun,
the brains...
all that was real.
A few nights ago,
I attempted to kill myself.
Nothing with the finesse or
showmanship of the dream,
but rather just a boy, alone...
in a room with a knife.
An incredibly sad kid
who had nothing
to look forward to that day.
I was stopped, though,
by my goodbye letter,
because, you see, I couldn't decide...
who to address it to.
Dear everybody,
or just dear assholes?
And these are obviously crucial decisions
when one is contemplating suicide,
because, you see, and this
is the moral of the story, folks.
It's not how important
one feels when one dies,
but rather how guilty...
everybody else feels.
Thank you.
Is he okay?
Norman!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Uh, nothing, just...
waiting for my ride.
Gotcha.
Your parents pick you up?
No, I ride with James.
Cute James?
Gay James.
Really?
Yeah, sorry to...
disappoint.
Hah.
I think I'll get over it.
Oh, I think he's back there,
talking with Bradley.
Well, that... sucks.
Why?
Uh, no, I just...
I mean, I have to...
get home, so...
Why?
So many questions.
- Hurry.
- Yeah.
I, uh...
actually need to
go to the, um...
the doctor's office.
Really? What for?
I need to pick up a, uh,
a medical report thingy.
Right now?
Mm-hm.
Hmm.
Hey, have you ever seen the Monty Python
sketch about the Spanish Inquisition?
Well, that's...
sort of a random thing
to ask, but...
I guess...
Nobody expects the
Spanish Inquisition.
Our chief weapon is surprise...
surprise, fear, and
ruthless efficiency.
- Good.
- Thank you.
My dad loves Monty Python.
That's cool.
Okay, now you ask me a question.
Okay, Emily, um...
what brings you to this
exceptional institution of learning?
Well...
here they have
really good fish sticks.
Wah-wah.
And, uh... my mom got a
job at the university, so...
- that's basically it.
- What do you think so far?
I think all high schools
are pretty much the same.
Except this one has a Norman.
Oh, that's my stepdad.
I gotta go.
Okay.
Hey, um...
I wanted to tell you I really
liked your audition in there.
So, it was kind of weird, but good.
Thanks.
Yeah. What play is it from?
Uh, it was just some, you know,
contemporary, obscure, teen angst... thing.
You know, the usual.
The usual.
Did you really have that dream?
No.
Good.
Well, hopefully I see
you on the list tomorrow.
Bye, James!
The girl knows Monty Python.
- Wanna drive?
- Uh, no. No, thank you.
Gotta start sometime, kiddo.
Yeah, I know, just not today.
You can change the station.
No, it's okay.
I like your old fart stations.
I wish they'd play
"Close To You."
- You know who did that?
- The Carpenters.
No.
Oh, yeah, they did.
The Carpenters, yeah.
Your mom used to play that
for me all the time.
God, it was annoying.
I sure wish I could hear it now.
- Ow!
- What is it?
- Nothing. Nothing.
- What is it?
- Are you alright?
- I'm okay, I'm okay. Ow!
God!
I'm okay. No, I'm okay.
Do you want me to drive?
Because I can drive. I can drive.
- You can pull over and I can drive right now.
- I'm fine.
I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
Yes, I'm good.
Should I drive?
No, I'm okay. It's just...
God, you scared me.
Oh, shit!
Is it alright?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here. I'll do it.
I'll get it.
What am I looking for?
It's a big envelope.
It's probably on the counter.
Norman, bring it back.
Don't open it.
Don't open it!
Hi. I'm picking
something up for Dr. Long.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message. Thanks.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
- We're not here, so leave a message.
- Dad!
Thanks.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message. Thanks.
I've been trying to think
about this positively.
I really have, Norman.
I know.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to stay with you here
as long as I can. I mean that.
Well, maybe you should just try
another round of chemo.
Norman, I'm a doctor.
Remember?
I know how this goes.
That was a while ago
already. You don't know.
Maybe your body would
react differently this time.
I think I need to be alone.
So...
um...
why don't you try
to get some sleep, okay?
Okay, good night.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie...
Hey.
Norman, come down here, please.
Uh, alright.
I'll be right down.
Norman, what are you doing?
Coming!
The insurance...
power of attorney
that Norman has to sign.
Norman, hi.
Norman, do you
remember Mr. Bessent?
Hey, Norman.
No, I don't.
I'm your dad's attorney.
Uh, we need to
talk about my will.
Okay, well,
I gotta go to school.
No, I know, I know, but
this is as good a time as any.
Yeah, what better
way to start the day?
Norman, uh...
You know...
I'm leaving, and...
- we have to have this conversation.
- Not with him.
I was just discussing
some options with your dad.
There are certain logistics
that we still have to figure out.
Like, for instance,
where you're going to live.
Uh, you know, maybe you could
sell the house and live with Aunt Judy.
Aunt Judy?! Aunt Judy's
older than the ocean.
And she has 20 cats,
and turtles.
She calls me Leon.
Okay, then...
Um, maybe you
live with a friend?
Or, I don't know,
you could stay here.
Okay, you know what, Dad,
I gotta go, okay?
Norman, don't walk away from me.
These are important decisions.
Why do I have to make them?
No, seriously, why?
Nobody else does.
All they're worried about is, you know,
who they're going to go to prom with,
or where they're going
to get drunk this weekend.
And that's all I should have to worry about.
I just want to go to school, okay?
Why, Norman?
- Why am I always waiting for you?
- What?
I mean, I waited for you this morning.
I waited for you yesterday.
I walked home yesterday, James.
You walked home?
That is totally absurd.
I stood around in that
parking lot for over an hour.
- Sorry.
- Sorry?
No, I'm not going to let you
pull that shit on me, Norman!
Honestly, your
dad can't drive you?
He's a doctor, James.
He works weird hours.
Okay, well, if I'm going to drive you around
like your personal chauffeur,
the least you can
do is be on time.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
Is that the list?
- Wait a minute.
- Is this the list?
Norman!
You know what my favorite part is?
Is it that you asked me to audition,
and then you don't even cast me.
I wanted to cast you,
but I decided to leave one slot open
because I just can't trust you.
- Why?
- The only thing walking home proves
is that you can be a
self-consumed dick.
No, I didn't have the slightest clue
on earth where you were last night.
You have no cell phone,
no email, no voicemail.
And now your home phone is off?
The Unabomber could get
in touch faster than you can.
And that would all be fine if you
weren't fucking flaking out all the time.
I wish I could depend on you,
Norman, but I just can't.
And that's why your
name's not on there.
James, you should always
be able to trust your best friend.
Even if I wanted to.
You freaked everyone out yesterday
with that psycho audition of yours.
I mean, what the fuck was that, Norman?
I mean, it was sick!
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really!
I'm tired of your
suicidal-nobody-loves-me bullshit.
We're all supposed to sit around wondering if
you're gonna put a paper bag over your head
and blow your brains out?
I'm done with you, Norman!
Everything is not a fucking joke.
- Yeah, I know it's not a joke, James!
- I don't think you do!
No, you... fuck you!
Fuck you, man! You really...
you don't know anything, okay?
You really don't!
What don't I know, Norman?
Tell me what I don't know.
Like I've got cancer,
you asshole!
Oh, my God.
Spare me, Norman!
The pity game is over!
Grow up.
- He said I was looking for pity.
- And cancer?
That's way over the
line of being funny.
Yeah, I know.
It's not a joke!
There! You know what that is?
Looks like a piece of shit
with light shining through it.
That, friend, is cancer.
And this is my stomach!
What?
What?
Three months from now, you'll know
that you were wrong on this one.
Norman...
are you serious?
I...
you can't... why don't you just...
you can't just tell me...
Good. I'm glad
you're done with me.
I can't wait to do
this on my own.
- Just pull over, James.
- I'm not gonna pull over.
- We're gonna talk now.
- Pull the car over, James.
- I'm done talking about this.
- You know we are going to talk about this.
You're my best fucking friend!
I'm not gonna pull over, Norman!
You're gonna talk to me!
Shut up, Norman!
Stop! You're being clitish.
Stop it!
Stop it!
Norman, please,
we need to talk about this.
Norman!
Let me just drive you around!
Norman, Jesus Christ!
Fuck!
Norman!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing up there?
I'm just airing out
the bathroom.
Reeks pretty bad, so...
My good deed for the day.
Hey, did you see the list?
Yeah.
You're on it.
Really?
Are you?
Are you mad?
Well, I was kind of mad,
but it's hard to stay mad when you're
shouting at a pretty girl
airing out a bathroom that reeks.
Hey, meet me in the hall.
I want to give you a hug, okay?
Oh, what?
A...
You're coming late.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm really sorry, Norman.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, no, it's alright.
It's, like...
You know, supposedly James can't
depend on me for whatever reason and...
I don't know.
I just feel kind of stupid.
Hey, at least you put
yourself out there, you know?
- I mean, it's better to try, and...
- It's a bunch of bullshit.
I'm sorry. That was, uh...
That was mean. I didn't...
No, no, you're right.
It is a bunch of bullshit.
Well, thank you, uh...
for coming down here. That...
hug was probably the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me, so...
- I'm gonna get to class.
- Okay.
- I'll see you later.
- Bye.
Norman!
- Hey, leave me alone, James.
- How could you have not told me?
- I don't want to talk about it right now.
- How bad is it?
- Are you dying?
- Shut up!
You have cancer. That's not something
you keep from your best friend.
Shut up, James!
No, I mean, just
tell me how bad is it.
- Shut up, James!
- Are you dying?
I'm not gonna shut up!
Oh, my God, is that true?
No, no, no.
I don't... I don't...
Is it true?
You should see the x-ray.
I mean, Jesus, I can't even
believe you're coming to school.
- No, I don't have... I don't have...
- I'm so sorry, Norman.
What the fuck? What the fuck was that?
What did you just do?
What do you mean?
What did I just do?
Don't play dumb, James.
- Why did you just tell her?
- I didn't tell her.
She heard me.
What's wrong with you, man?
I mean, she was just being
nice to me because of... me.
I mean, there was
no other reason.
- What am I doing?
- Now it's all... screwed up.
Look, I know this is gonna sound stupid,
but I want you to take that open slot.
- It's yours.
- I don't want it.
I'm sorry I didn't blindly trust you
and just put your name down.
I'm an asshole, alright?
I had no idea what
was going on with you.
Look, you have to promise
not to tell anyone else.
Okay? You can't tell anyone.
If that's what you
need, okay, yeah.
Norman, you should take it.
Fine, I'll take it.
I'll take it!
Dad.
Norman?
What are you doing out here?
How was your day?
It was a pretty bad...
day today, Dad.
You?
Yeah.
Just been lying here all day?
I had a dream about your mom.
- Have you eaten anything?
- She says hi.
Have you eaten
anything at all today?
- She looked great.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
You know, I'm gonna get you something.
You have no chance of getting better at all
if you're just gonna
be lying around all day.
Norman?
Yes?
Hang on.
Where does it hurt?
Your lungs?
No.
The cancer hurts here.
Is this just like a really
bad stomachache?
Does it hurt, Norman?
Yeah, pretty much.
All the time.
How's your dad doing?
I mean, like, first your mom,
and then this.
It's just gotta be terrifying.
Yeah, well,
my dad's a trooper...
so...
It's just gotta be really hard.
By the way, I don't need
a ride on Monday.
Why?
Is it chemo?
Um...
Well...
Well, no, I mean,
I'm just gonna be...
driving myself, so...
I thought...
Okay, if...
If you need a ride, I'm...
Yeah, I'll let you know
about chemo carpool.
Anything else happen today?
Uh, let's see.
Got laid twice.
Miss Lawson, Mrs. Bryant.
Got beat up.
Learned how to tailor suits.
That's about it.
Do you need help
getting up the stairs?
No.
Do you?
Uh, no.
Norman?
Yep?
Twice?
Uh, yes, twice.
Kind of reminds me of somebody.
God.
- Hey!
- Hey!
How are you feeling?
Uh, not too bad,
I have to say. Yeah.
Ready for a little speed racer?
Let me get my helmet here.
Hurry up, before I
change my mind.
No, no, no, no...
Alright, now,
when you release the clutch,
put equal pressure on the gas.
- Equal pressure.
- Yes, equal pressure, yes.
- So you're not giving it gas.
- Okay, alright.
- Okay, that's alright.
- Alright.
Where is the... gas?
- So, a little faster.
- This is just trickier than I remembered.
Okay.
Now, when you hear the engine strain,
you feel it strain, put it in second.
- Alright.
- Oh, shit.
It's not moving into...
God damn it!
Start it up again.
Come on, it's okay,
you'll get it.
We'll be doing donuts in the
mall parking lot before we're done.
Why is this still so scary?
It's a bad memory.
It's scary.
Do you think that...
at that moment she knew...
what was happening to her?
No, I don't think she did.
Come on.
- Let's go.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Right.
Yeah, yeah, okay. That's good.
Alright, in neutral.
- It'll all come back to you. Alright.
- Clutch is in.
- Equal pressure.
- Equal pressure.
- Shifting and...
- A little more gas.
- A little more gas.
- I'm trying.
That's so sad.
Norman!
My grandmother had cancer.
Wait!
Did you hear that he has cancer?
- Norman.
- James.
James, does something
seem different?
I can explain.
- Everybody knows.
- Everybody knows what?
About your cancer.
Ah, well...
- Hey, Norman.
- your tact is impressive.
What?
- Is that for the, um...
- The chemo?
Yeah.
- Look, if there's anything I can do...
- Yeah, I know, chemo carpool, remember?
Look, if you go bald, I go bald.
I'll do that for you.
Thanks, man.
So, how did everybody find out?
Well, everyone at practice asked me,
and I told them it was true.
So you broke your promise.
Yeah, I did, but I got trapped.
It spread all over the school.
Spread how?
Like cancer?
You don't stop.
Wait, so...
You're not mad at me?
Nope.
No. Surprisingly, not.
That probably
sounded awful anyways.
You know what?
I'm gonna go talk to her.
Yeah, do that, man.
Emily!
Okay, thanks.
Hey!
How's it going?
Good. All things
considered, I'm good.
Everyone's been talking
about you today.
It's kind of surreal.
Does it weird you out, or...
Ah, you know...
Does it weird you out?
No, no, not really.
I'm like, uh...
the Fonz now.
Instead of a leather jacket...
- cancer.
- Norman!
Sorry.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
I actually was wondering if you
wanted to go to the parade
with me next Friday?
Are you asking me on a date?
Well... yes.
I thought I was. Why?
Did I do something wrong?
No. That's perfect.
- Okay, I'll see you later then.
- Bye.
Alright, bring them in,
bring them in, everyone.
- Excellent.
- Hey, comic boy...
I, uh...
I want to apologize...
for being a...
douche to you.
You know, if you want
to play ball with us,
we'll be shooting some
hoops after school.
Well, thanks, Frank, but that's
what's called too little, too late.
Gotcha.
Guess I deserve that.
And that's all you'll ever
need to know about anything.
Uh, your essays are, uh,
due by the end of the week.
Oh, Norman, you left
your book under the desk.
Yeah, I... you know,
I didn't want to pull that whole
"can I see you after class" thing
in front of everybody.
I mean, that's just
embarrassing, right?
Uh, have a seat, yeah?
Look...
uh, Norman...
I've, uh...
I have heard a rumor...
and, uh...
I just wanted to know
whether or not it was true.
Do you... do you have cancer?
- What, um...
- No.
what kind is it?
- Norman?
- No, I don't have cancer.
I can understand that you
want to be in complete...
denial, uh...
wanting to slough it off.
I can't even begin to
imagine how scary this is.
Are you being
treated because, uh...
I don't know, everyone in school seems to
think that it's a... that it's pretty grave.
Is that true?
Everyone in school is an idiot.
Yeah, that's true.
Okay.
Argue at that point.
Look, um...
I want to tell you something, okay?
A...
bunch of years ago,
before I moved here...
my wife got very sick.
People, when they lose somebody,
they're left with all these...
unresolvable feelings.
Right? I mean, they're...
they're... they're furious.
They're sad.
They're guilty.
I guess what I'm
saying is... is that
people are going to need you
to relieve them of these feelings.
I don't want that job.
I know, I know.
You know, there's
this bit in the Bible,
I think the most
human and real...
bit in the entire Bible,
where Jesus asks
not to carry that burden.
Sounds like everybody's...
Jesus.
Yeah, well, sort of.
Okay, uh...
you're comparing me to Christ,
that's cool, I guess.
Uh...
but I don't...
I don't understand
what I'm supposed to do.
Well...
you could maybe talk about
what you're going
through in your speech.
Look, I can guarantee you
that I cannot get up there
and start talking about
having cancer.
Well, look, is there anything else
that you like doing,
that you want to do,
that could help?
I don't know.
- Make a movie.
- A movie?
I've always wanted
to make a movie.
Well, I think that could work.
In fact, that might be better.
You could film things,
little things,
moments of your life.
Like me dying?
No.
You could document your living.
The little moments...
things that are meaningful,
things that you've come to appreciate
in ways that maybe you otherwise
might not have been able to.
I don't expect you to be able to
wrap your head around this right now,
but I... I just really want you
to try and take this for me.
You...
you have an opportunity
to change the lives...
of everyone... that you know.
Merry Christmas!
Good morning!
Merry Christmas, honey!
Give me a Christmas hug!
Let's have a Christmas hug!
- Say Merry Christmas.
- Hi, Merry Christmas, dad.
Merry Christmas.
What's for you today?
Who came last night?
- Santa.
- Yes!
And what does he bring for you?
Look at all those presents!
Ready? Go find yours!
It's Christmas time!
I wonder what it is.
I don't know.
- Do you have this?
- Hi, dad.
Jingle bells,
jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey!
Ready? You ready?
- Ready for the raspberry?
- Yes.
Ready for the raspberry?
Ready?
This is my video to say goodbye.
Recently...
I found out that I had cancer.
That I was dying of cancer.
That I had approximately
three months to live.
Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a
reenactment of me getting onto the drama team.
Huh?
Here I am.
Norman.
N-o-r-m-a-n.
It's me.
I'm really just a normal guy
with massive,
massive muscles.
Check out these guns!
And yet sad, isn't it?
To think there's an army of little,
evil cancer guys just eating away.
What is that you say?
Drop the...
Drop the towel?
I mean, right, but it's...
Whoa!
Whoa!
Seriously...
ladies...
you don't know
what you're missing.
I don't like Spam.
Spam, bacon, sausage,
Spam and Spam.
Spam and eggs.
Spam and chips.
Spam. That was...
Sorry.
Huh?
Nothing.
What are you thinking about?
A little bit about you.
Good stuff, I hope.
Yeah, some good stuff.
Some...
sad stuff, too.
But I'm just gonna let
the good stuff be good.
Well...
I think about my favorite things,
like, I don't know, tamarin monkeys,
or...
Billy Crystal running to Meg Ryan in
When Harry Met Sally, or oh my god,
um, Christmas.
Sometimes we should drink eggnog
and go Christmas caroling.
Yeah.
Yes, I agree.
I'm a caroler.
- Really?
- Jingle Bells... I can...
jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey!
Jingle...
A day or two ago
I thought Id take a ride,
and soon Miss Fanny Bright
was seated by my side.
Ha, ha. The horse was lean and lank,
misfortune seemed his lot.
We got into a drifted bank
and then we got upsot.
- Hey! Jingle bells...
- Upsot?
No, those are the real words.
- No, it's not! No way!
- Yes, I promise.
How do you know that?
Nobody knows that.
Because my mom was like this,
you know, Christmas...
She was this Christmas Nazi and
she used to make me and...
my dad sit around the tree and
read carols out of her caroling book.
That's sweet.
It was sweet.
It was probably
also the dorkiest...
family thing she ever
made us do, but...
Well, last year for Christmas we all wore
matching sweaters for our Christmas cards.
Wow! You were one of those?
Oh yeah. Big green and red
sweaters with snowmen on them.
Well, you win.
It's pretty sexy. I'll have
to wear it for you sometime.
I'm sure you'd look...
beautiful.
Just like now.
Oh, that's my mom. I was supposed
to be home like a half an hour ago.
Okay, well...
Listen, I, um...
Can you do me a favor and
not call me tonight?
Okay, I mean...
I can't anyway.
But why?
Well, I don't know.
This is all kind of...
new. And I want to take it in.
Okay.
Wait, but why can't you call me?
Uh, home phone doesn't work.
I don't have a cell phone, so...
Ah!
But we'll have to deal
with that tomorrow.
Okay, you're good?
Yeah, bye!
Bye.
Norman...
son, I love you to death, but...
you're a crappy cook.
Well, just...
consider it payback for all those years
you made me eat vegetables.
Vegetables make you strong.
Well, then imagine the rawest
strengths you'll possess after
I make you a smoothie full of broccoli and
carrots and Brussels sprouts, beets, tomatoes...
Tomato's not a vegetable.
Who's that?
- I don't know.
- No, don't go.
- Let him go away.
- What if it's a Girl Scout?
Oh, no, no. Don't.
No, what if...
Leave it, even if it's a girl scout.
- Hey.
- Hey, Norman.
Thank you for coming. I...
You're welcome.
Uh, Dad?
It's Dr. Malloy.
Doug?
Okay. Norman?
Doug, Norman asked
me to come over.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Norman.
Dad, he says that you should be
in the hospital right now.
Yeah, well, you know,
he knows goddamn well, as I do, that the
last place I should be is in a hospital.
Doug, at least let me send
a hospice worker over.
We're doing fine on our own.
Dad, how are you gonna
know unless you try?
Hey, Norman, stop!
Phil is stupidly trying to act
like a doctor instead of my friend.
I mean, this is our
last few moments
and I will not let either one of
you take them away from me.
He's so...
Time to go, Phil.
Thanks for coming.
Norman...
close the door.
I may be sick, but I'm
still the boss around here.
If you need anything,
you call me.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
"If he, the monster,
were victorious,
I should be at peace.
If he were vanquished...
then I should be a free man."
Okay.
So now that everyone's
finished reading the book...
I was wondering if anybody
could tell me how this quote
is indicative of its theme.
I'm not asking for a
mind-blowing discourse here.
You can save that
for your essays.
Alright, see you next Friday.
I just want you to tell me what you think
the theme of Shelley's Frankenstein is.
Okay, you know, sometimes
the best way to approach a theme,
um, is through
a train of thought.
Right? How does
it make you feel?
Norman?
Yes?
You're the volunteer.
I didn't raise my hand.
You did.
Now everybody put
your pencils down.
Uh, Norman, I'm going to ask
you to close your eyes, okay?
And I want you just
to give yourself over
to a sort of stream of
consciousness, okay?
Whatever you think, whatever you feel
about the theme of this book is perfect.
Okay? You can make it up.
Uh, that's better, in fact.
Yeah, okay, but
what is this for?
In preparation for Joyce.
Your eyes shut?
Yes.
Whenever you're ready.
Okay.
Okay, uh, well, if he,
the monster...
were victorious...
then he, the monster...
the monster within us...
the monster within us grows...
the monster grows like...
cancer.
What else grows?
Plants grow with lots of water.
Plants grow like little boys,
little girls with pink shoelaces,
little boys with
little blue cancers.
Look like little orange explosions
dropping on them, like
in Japan from all the radiation.
Monster consuming
one victim to the next,
but on the inside
everything is reversed.
The monster is our companion,
the monster is our destroyer, the monster is...
That's all I got.
Okay.
Hey, Norman.
I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry
you got upset in class today.
Oh, I, uh...
I mean, I wasn't
really upset, but...
- thank you.
- Cool.
Hey, um, I also
wanted to tell you...
I think that you're very provocative
and moving, I just wanted to tell you that.
Oh, uh...
well, thanks. I...
like your...
- hair.
- Yeah, I like your face.
Alright, guys,
let's get started.
Why don't we warm
up with some improv?
I thought you said
that guy's crazy.
Right, we're gonna cross.
You ready?
Wait, what? No!
After this float,
we're gonna cross.
- We're just gonna cross the street. Ready?
- I don't want to. Norman!
We're doing it.
We're doing it!
Whew!
Hooray!
- What?
- Norman, give me your hand!
This is good.
This is fun, right?
- Yes.
- This is the best date I've ever been on.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, it's the only date
I've ever been on, but...
Wait, I'm your first?
Yeah.
I mean, nobody has ever really
taken an interest in me before, so...
Ooh, nothing more
sexy than self-pity.
Well, then I suck.
I was kidding.
Oh, damn.
I do suck.
It's a great date, Norman.
Well, hey, it's not over yet.
Where do you want to go next?
I don't know.
Want to go to your place?
Yeah, let me think.
No.
Why? What's wrong
with your place?
You don't want to go to
my place, okay? Trust me.
It's just me and my dad.
It's overflowing with masculinity,
dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty names.
I don't care about that stuff.
I want to meet your dad.
Alright, let me ask you
what would bother you?
- Norman.
- No, no, seriously.
Just name anything. It could be
anything that would bother you.
- What is it?
- Jesus, I don't know.
Frozen heads, maybe?
Well, this is good.
This is why I ask.
We have a whole freezer
dedicated to frozen heads.
Specifically ones of girls
that I bring home, so...
- Really?
- Yep.
I thought I was your first date.
Uh, hookers don't
count as dates?
Eww.
Okay, we don't have a freezer
full of heads, but we are looking to fill...
Come on, I want
to meet your dad.
Emily, please,
just don't push this.
What do you mean, don't
push this? I have to push it.
Your home is your life.
Come on. Okay...
where would a rock
be if it wasn't pushed?
A rock?
Yes, a rock.
Is it a magical rock?
No, it's not a magical rock.
Where would it be?
Nowhere?
Exactly.
Nowhere.
Okay, well that is one of the most
profound things I've ever heard.
Honestly.
Look, I have no idea what
you're talking about right now.
How about we go
to your place, huh?
Your house.
Your life.
Right?
- Fine.
- Fine.
Look at that
our first argument.
So how long should we wait?
Until my parents'
light goes out.
Hanging out in the car.
What to do?
What to do?
You know, I used
to set my alarm...
every day for 3:36,
and then, when it would go off, I would
intentionally do something to harm myself, or...
get hurt, or...
you know, just anything
self-destructive, basically.
That's awful.
But I don't do it anymore.
What kind of things
would you do?
Just...
anything...
I could find when it went off.
I mean, the last thing I
remember doing was...
auditioning...
that day.
The day you met me?
I know, it's the most
positive self-destruction ever.
What's that smile?
I don't know.
I'm just...
happy.
Oh!
Lights off.
Oooh.
Hey, keep your eyes closed.
They're closed.
Okay, open them.
Holy shit, that's hot!
I told you it was sexy.
Whoa, what are those...
snowmen.
Well, that's somewhat forward.
Norman!
Look...
I like you a lot.
Okay, I really, I really do.
I mean...
So don't stop making advances.
It's just that...
I've never been
advanced upon before.
I mean...
You know, I'm like the Switzerland
of heterosexual boys, just...
neutral.
Well, I mean, I guess hoarding
the Nazis' gold wasn't exactly neutral,
so I'm like the...
mythical image of Switzerland.
I'm making those jokes again.
I've just never been...
with a girl before...
in a room like this,
late at night.
I've never been liked...
by a girl...
before, but...
it's a really good feeling.
Here, hold on.
Uh, here, lie down.
- What?
- No, just... here.
Put your head on my lap.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh, okay, you have
to close your eyes, so...
- Why?
- Just... trust me.
Okay.
Okay, you ready?
My mom used
to do this when I was...
younger and I couldn't sleep.
She called it face trace.
And pretty soon...
my eyes were closed
and I had no...
worries.
Just the...
ultimate feeling of...
comfort...
and safety.
Emily.
I hope that was alright.
It was perfect.
Okay.
Hey, Emily...
Yeah?
Can I move my legs?
This...
So...
what would one say to
segue into more kissing?
Good thing I read
"What's Happening to My Body? For Boys"
- last night...
- Norman!
You've got a girlfriend.
Wow, when can I meet her?
I don't know, dad, I mean, it's only
been like a month, or 39 days or whatever.
I want to meet her. Really.
You got a girl.
Oh, we gotta celebrate, huh?
What if...
Hey...
You see that cabinet
over there, huh?
The top shelf.
There's a bottle of
18-year-old scotch.
And I've had it for 18 years,
so it's a bottle of 36-year-old scotch.
Your Papa Sam...
gave it to me when I brought
you home from the hospital.
Go on and get it.
Alright, get it.
Alright, what do you...
What do you want
me to do with it?
You should drink it, goddamn it.
Celebrate.
- This one?
- Yeah.
Looks old.
Yeah, maybe open it.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Give me the bottle.
- The...
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Toast.
- To love.
- To love.
That is...
That burns.
- Do it again.
- I don't know if I can do it again.
My pain is gone.
What are you doing?
What you did, do you remember?
Mine fell out!
Yeah, well, I just want
to see how it feels.
Oh, my God, Norman.
Jesus.
Well, I guess it's too late
to say don't do it.
Holy cr...
I'm not doing chemo again,
if that's what you think.
I'm not.
Yeah, I know, Dad. Just...
It's a fashion statement.
Here, will you
help me, uh...
do the back here?
I can't really see.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
Buddy.
Maybe that scotch
was a bad idea.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
You're stupid!
You stupid, fucking bitch!
Fuck!
Alright.
This is my video
to say goodbye.
Recently...
I found out that I had cancer.
That I was dying of cancer.
That I had approximately
three months to live.
I won't even make
it to Christmas.
I'm sorry, Baby Jesus.
Don't cry.
Catch ya, boys! Thanks again!
And yes, friends,
students, faculty...
every day,
my life is a living hell.
My stomach feels
like a sun-cracked well,
filling with hot sand.
Sometimes I can barely muster
enough strength for a small drink of water.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
We're not here,
so leave a message.
Thanks.
Suicide.
That's just what I wanted.
So are you still gonna
show your movie on Monday?
Uh...
well, I was...
planning on it, yeah.
Are you gonna show it just like the movie,
or are you gonna talk about it too?
I don't know. I haven't
really thought about it.
Are you gonna come?
I don't want to miss a moment.
- Come on.
- I'm sorry.
- Emily...
- I'm so sorry.
No, no, it's fine.
Look...
Look, everything's
gonna be fine, okay?
Hey, how about this?
How about this?
What do you want for Christmas?
- Oh God, Norman, don't do that.
- Come on, what do you want on Christmas Day?
Whatever it is, I'll get it for you,
as long as it's, like, under $320.
Will you just listen
to me for a second?
I look at you and...
you amaze me.
You're so strong through
all of this. You have such...
strength, and I just...
admire you so much.
I look at you, and I see what
an incredible person you are.
And it just frustrates me to think that you've spent
most of your life not having faith in yourself,
because people have always thought
that you were smart and funny.
And if there is one person in this world
that I would have faith in, it would be you.
I mean, I...
I don't know what to say.
I don't know where I'm supposed...
Norman...
I need you to know
something, okay?
Yeah?
I want you to know
that I love you.
I love you so much and it's
not because of the cancer.
I love you because of you.
Emily...
Alright.
It's not a thing.
It's not a thing.
What aren't you saying?
Please...
can I at least come in?
- I'm sorry.
- No, you did nothing wrong.
Look, I, uh...
I just want you to know that...
I love you too.
No, please don't go.
Norman...
Not now!
Norman...
Dad! Dad?
Dad, dad, dad, dad. Dad.
Hey!
Shit! Dad!
You gotta... okay. You gotta
help me get you up, okay?
I'm gonna lift you up, okay?
But you gotta help me, alright?
Come on! You can do it!
You got it! You can do it!
Here we go.
Here! Here, rest!
Rest. I'm gonna walk you.
I'm gonna walk you.
Just walk back!
Okay, just rest!
Just rest!
- Norman!
- Don't...
- Emily?
- Yeah.
Emily.
Emily. Emily, you gotta leave.
Why? Just let me in.
Emily.
Emily, you have to leave now!
Oh, shit!
Shit!
Emily, why are you still here?
Why didn't you leave?
Because I wanted to come back.
Okay, well, just go! Go, okay?
Norman, why are you
doing this? Just let me in.
I wanna be with you.
Please!
Norman!
Emily...
I need you to just go, okay?
Go!
No.
No, Norman, I'm pushing you now.
I don't know how much
longer you have to live,
and I'm gonna spend
every second with you.
Oh my God! Is this your father?
- Yes, yes.
- What's wrong with him?
He's sick.
He's dying of cancer.
He's what?
He's dying of cancer.
What? What do you mean?
I don't...
- You don't what?
- I don't have cancer!
- What do you mean you don't have cancer?
- No, no, open the door!
Open the front door!
Please Em, just open the door!
- Look, just listen to me.
- What do you mean you don't have cancer?
I can explain.
Will you just come with me?
Please! Just... Come on.
Look, just listen. Em...
Em!
Okay, uh...
everything that I've ever
wanted to do in terms of,
you know, whatever dreams
that I've had, I've put in this drawer.
As you can see...
I'm a man of many dreams.
I've been doing this
since I was really young.
So there's lots of weird,
crazy stuff in here.
Let's see. Dreams...
Not that one.
Learn how to build a roller coaster.
Have a pet toucan.
Learn how to levitate.
...to be a dad.
I'm starting to have second thoughts.
Break a leg.
Hmm...
I don't recall dying
being in here anywhere.
Oh, wait!
Wait, wait, wait.
Commit suicide.
I stand corrected.
Commit...
suicide.
Doctor Krawitz, you have
a visitor in the main lobby.
Doctor Krawitz,
a visitor in the main lobby.
We will perform a biopsy to check.
And if you get the lab results from this,
leave them right here at the desk, okay?
Hey, Norman.
Hi.
I just came by to visit.
Has he woken up yet?
No.
Uh, if you need anything,
you just give me
a call, alright? Um...
I would really love to
honor your father in that way.
Thank you, sir.
Doctor Flores, dial 118.
Doctor Flores, please dial 118.
Is he gone?
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey, hey.
- How are you doing?
- Boy, he sure likes to hear himself talk.
How are you doing?
I got my boy.
You know, everything's
alright with me.
- I got my dad.
- Yeah.
You, me, and your mom
together again, huh?
Your mom's got my one hand,
and you got my other.
Did I ever tell you how
proud I am of you, Norman?
Stop.
- Huh? Do you?
- Stop.
Stop.
Stop!
You're gonna have
a good life, kiddo.
You gotta just trust me on that.
Don't leave!
Listen...
Listen...
I want to thank you for letting
me do this the way I wanted.
I know it was...
really hard on you, and...
I didn't mean it to be...
hard, buddy.
What is it? What is it?
I'm gonna get a doctor.
Norman, no. No!
- No.
- What?
No, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Just wait, Norman. Just...
wait there.
Wait. Wait. Just wait.
Just wait.
I wanna give you a hug.
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.
No. I got you.
I got you.
My God.
I got you.
Thank you.
I love you so much.
Okay.
Thank you, Norman.
Oh God, I'm tired.
Thank you.
Moving is tiring.
I know.
Loving makes you tired.
Especially the good guy.
Oh, Dad.
Shh.
Shh, shh, shh, it's good.
It's good.
- No!
- It's okay.
Shh.
Ready?
I gotta take a little rest.
- Yeah.
- I am...
I'm sorry. I'm so tired.
It's gonna be alright.
Hey...
your mom is so funny.
She cracked me up.
She...
And if you can't think outside the box,
think outside the circle.
Thank you.
I have the privilege...
to introduce our next speaker.
Over the course of the last few months...
I've had the pleasure of getting to know this guy.
And he's bright.
He's funny.
And he's courageous
in the face of inordinate...
adversity.
So, colleagues, students:
one cool kid.
Norman Long.
- Pull this thing.
- I know.
Uh... uh...
Uh, there was gonna be
a video today, but actually...
actually...
now there's not a video.
I just came from...
I just came from the hospital,
and I didn't think I was gonna come here.
It's...
kind of...
weird that I did.
It's really intimidating
being up here.
Uh...
I underestimated...
you guys.
But, to be honest...
you overestimated me.
Because...
the truth is...
I...
I... the truth is that...
I don't have cancer.
Yeah, I can only
imagine the disgust or
disappointment that
you're feeling towards me.
Believe me, it's nothing compared
to what I'm feeling about myself.
You know, I...
I didn't mean to turn
it into some big joke.
Obviously, I had
no right to do that.
This is sick.
And I'm all alone now.
By myself.
But as my...
late father said, uh...
that's really all you ever need.
I'm sorry about your father.
Alright. Students, please.
It's enough. Settle down.
Hi, you've reached the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message.
Thanks.
Hi, this is Norman.
Please leave a message.
satirical, right?
And that is very different
than if he were being ironic.
But satire is not
to be confused with...
irony.
Now, can anybody give me
an example of the latter?
Can anyone give me
an example of irony?
Uh-huh.
Terrific.
Oh, Helen, what a surprise.
The alum from the character
development program, did he?
Yes?
How so?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't really support
your point.
Can anybody help Helen out
before I fail her?
And kill myself?
What I think Helen
is trying to say is...
Sorry?
- Hello.
- Hi there.
You know, there's this fantastic bit
of protocol that students really,
for generations, have been enjoying
that looks a little something like...
Well, hi, Mr. Long.
Do you have a... yes?
I think what Helen's trying
to say is that it's ironic
that we had a motivational speaker professing
his happiness that didn't seem very...
- happy.
- Hmm.
I mean, what was the budget for this thing
ten bucks and a cafeteria lunch?
Alright, I didn't realize
we were an AP open mic.
Um, alright, well,
barring your last comment,
your point is that the
speaker's demeanor was ironic,
but not so much his speech.
Is that right?
I mean, they both have to exist
in order to create the irony, but...
I also take issue
with the speech itself.
Okay, you do. How so?
I mean, life isn't rainy,
and then sunny.
It's happy, then it's sad.
It's just nature,
birth to death.
God,
you should have
been born in France.
Little Camus.
I mean, that's an awfully bleak view, don't
you think, for someone who's only 17 years old?
- I'm 18.
- Really?
I for one would like to hear that life view
in full if possible at an assembly.
And given that our character development program
is nominating four people this semester,
I'm going to nominate you as a
representative for the senior class.
Mr. Angelo, I was just trying to help Helen out.
Why don't you just make her do it?
I actually happen to appreciate your
life perspective and would love to hear it.
No, it's just I'm the last person
that should be doing this.
- Well, you're doing it.
- Awesome!
Okay, and that was sarcasm...
which we don't really have time for,
but we'll get to next week.
How was class?
I think Angelo thinks
I'm hiding Osama.
He's just like that.
I had him last year.
He's making me do that
motivational speech thing.
Okay, maybe he does hate you.
But look, I got
drama team later today.
We're doing these auditions, so I won't be able
to drive you home till, say, 4:30 latest.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, you know what?
You should come audition
for the team next time.
Bright lights, an audience,
all the attention you ever wanted.
- It might be fun, really.
- No.
Tell me again why you have
to audition for a club.
Norman, it's not a club.
It's a team.
We compete.
Do you get letter jackets?
What's it gonna be today?
- Can I play?
- Sure.
We'd love for you
to play with us.
Oh.
Okay. Cool.
I'm sorry...
I was just being ironic.
Go read a comic!
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
Hey, pops.
- How are you doing?
- Yeah, good.
Did Dr. Malloy call back
with your lab stuff?
No, no. At least another day.
So, how was school?
Uh, that was alright.
I got in trouble with
the English teacher.
Mr. Snyder?
What?
Oh, no, that was last year.
- Really?
- Yeah. Dad, did you see this letter?
Probably not.
They all kind of
look the same to me.
Well, this one has
big red letters on it.
A lot of them do.
It's the third notice
from the phone company.
Are they gonna shut us off?
- Apparently.
- And when?
Supposedly...
yesterday.
Oh.
Well, who needs a phone anyway?
Oh, come on.
I'll take care of it.
- I will.
- Mm-hmm.
Don't you worry one little bit.
...
There was something missing.
John?
Alright.
It's almost done.
Hey, Dad, is it, uh, true...
that back then, uh,
men and women...
slept in different beds, you know,
like, married men and women?
Well, Norman, the truth is that back then,
men had very, very long penises,
and they had to sleep
in separate beds.
With all of our technology
and industrial know-how,
we still don't have the one thing
that could give us a better way of life.
Well, hi, Norman.
Hey, can I talk
to you for a sec?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I, uh...
I just wanted to, um...
apologize if I was rude in class
the other day and, uh...
Yeah, well, that's it.
Well, you know,
I appreciate that. Honestly.
Oh, hey, good news.
Your, uh...
your nomination as official
senior speaker went through.
Oh, yeah, but I was sort of hoping
that I wouldn't have to do it, you know?
- Oh, of course you have to.
- But I just apologized.
Norman, my signing you up for
that speech wasn't a punishment.
It had nothing to do
with you being rude.
I mean, I genuinely
liked your perspective.
Okay, but you heard it.
I mean, that's it.
That's... that's
as good as it gets.
I've got nothing else to give.
Yeah, I don't know.
I have kind of a hard
time believing that.
Okay?
It's gonna be great.
Thanks, Norman.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Shit!
Sorry.
Hold on.
Um... Here.
- Here. This...
- I'm really late.
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Alright.
Okay.
Thanks for helping me
pick up my books.
Why, gee, you're welcome, random girl.
Hey, you're hot. We should date.
Yeah, I wanna kiss you, babe.
Hey!
I forgot to say thanks.
I'd rather slit my wrists
than go in there, James.
So you're really just gonna sit out here
and wait for me to drive you home?
- I hope you change your mind.
- Mm-hmm.
Have fun.
Shut up.
My name's James.
I'm the senior class captain
of the drama team this year.
Now, if you're not here for a society
of thespians, you're in the wrong place.
If you're here for a
society of lesbians,
my mother's book club
meets on Tuesdays.
First up...
the new student in our midst,
the lovely Emily Harris.
No me!
It's called "Here's What I Like
About Acting So Much," um...
for Acting America...
by Gilda von Trapp, aged eight.
Eight?
Acting is fun.
It's cool.
Stage lights are hot,
but that's okay. Um...
you're supposed to sweat a lot.
That's when my mom says she knows
that daddy's doing a really good job.
Sometimes, when it's really
dark and quiet, and I'm all alone,
except for my imaginary friend, Rita,
and her imaginary dog, Woofness,
and his magical elephant Nippy,
I like to pretend that
I'm somebody else.
And that's why I like acting,
because it makes me feel free.
And that's what America's
all about, is being free.
And that's why I'm applying to Acting America,
because they both stand for free.
You could call it free-free.
Yes!
Awesome!
Uh, yeah, uh, no, thank you.
Thank you, Emily.
Alright, next up,
we have Kalmin Zmoski.
Is that Polish?
Hey.
Um...
Um...
Thank you.
Alright, uh, next up,
we have Helen Black.
Hey.
Hello, again.
You okay?
What? Yeah, I'm fine.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
Thanks for being my
only fan back there.
Did you win anything?
What?
Did you win anything
in your water?
Oh, I, uh, I haven't
actually checked yet.
Um...
- Well?
- Uh, it says try again. Hold on.
Nope, not that time, either.
Botox!
Meow!
Now we have tardy Norman.
What? Okay.
Uh...
Uh, okay, uh...
Just...
Okay...
Um, I had a grand dream
while in high school.
One day, I would call a
school-wide assembly...
Louder!
One day, I would call a
school-wide assembly...
and, uh, you know, everyone
in the school would show up...
because I had just learned
how to make fake glass.
Which is a highly guarded secret recipe,
but I feel I can share it with you.
Uh, it's Karo syrup and sugar.
Uh, so I would set up,
basically, huge sheets of this
glass all over the stage.
And then I'd, uh...
you know, punch it or kick it.
Better yet, break
it over my head.
And everybody would be
surprised and impressed
that I hadn't hurt myself.
So after the whole glass bit,
after everybody got into that
frame of mind of seeing
me cheat death, I would...
sit on the edge of the stage...
um, put a paper bag...
over my head...
pull out a gun...
and blow my brains out.
And people would laugh...
and giggle until they realized that,
unlike the whole...
glass bit, the gun,
the brains...
all that was real.
A few nights ago,
I attempted to kill myself.
Nothing with the finesse or
showmanship of the dream,
but rather just a boy, alone...
in a room with a knife.
An incredibly sad kid
who had nothing
to look forward to that day.
I was stopped, though,
by my goodbye letter,
because, you see, I couldn't decide...
who to address it to.
Dear everybody,
or just dear assholes?
And these are obviously crucial decisions
when one is contemplating suicide,
because, you see, and this
is the moral of the story, folks.
It's not how important
one feels when one dies,
but rather how guilty...
everybody else feels.
Thank you.
Is he okay?
Norman!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing?
Uh, nothing, just...
waiting for my ride.
Gotcha.
Your parents pick you up?
No, I ride with James.
Cute James?
Gay James.
Really?
Yeah, sorry to...
disappoint.
Hah.
I think I'll get over it.
Oh, I think he's back there,
talking with Bradley.
Well, that... sucks.
Why?
Uh, no, I just...
I mean, I have to...
get home, so...
Why?
So many questions.
- Hurry.
- Yeah.
I, uh...
actually need to
go to the, um...
the doctor's office.
Really? What for?
I need to pick up a, uh,
a medical report thingy.
Right now?
Mm-hm.
Hmm.
Hey, have you ever seen the Monty Python
sketch about the Spanish Inquisition?
Well, that's...
sort of a random thing
to ask, but...
I guess...
Nobody expects the
Spanish Inquisition.
Our chief weapon is surprise...
surprise, fear, and
ruthless efficiency.
- Good.
- Thank you.
My dad loves Monty Python.
That's cool.
Okay, now you ask me a question.
Okay, Emily, um...
what brings you to this
exceptional institution of learning?
Well...
here they have
really good fish sticks.
Wah-wah.
And, uh... my mom got a
job at the university, so...
- that's basically it.
- What do you think so far?
I think all high schools
are pretty much the same.
Except this one has a Norman.
Oh, that's my stepdad.
I gotta go.
Okay.
Hey, um...
I wanted to tell you I really
liked your audition in there.
So, it was kind of weird, but good.
Thanks.
Yeah. What play is it from?
Uh, it was just some, you know,
contemporary, obscure, teen angst... thing.
You know, the usual.
The usual.
Did you really have that dream?
No.
Good.
Well, hopefully I see
you on the list tomorrow.
Bye, James!
The girl knows Monty Python.
- Wanna drive?
- Uh, no. No, thank you.
Gotta start sometime, kiddo.
Yeah, I know, just not today.
You can change the station.
No, it's okay.
I like your old fart stations.
I wish they'd play
"Close To You."
- You know who did that?
- The Carpenters.
No.
Oh, yeah, they did.
The Carpenters, yeah.
Your mom used to play that
for me all the time.
God, it was annoying.
I sure wish I could hear it now.
- Ow!
- What is it?
- Nothing. Nothing.
- What is it?
- Are you alright?
- I'm okay, I'm okay. Ow!
God!
I'm okay. No, I'm okay.
Do you want me to drive?
Because I can drive. I can drive.
- You can pull over and I can drive right now.
- I'm fine.
I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
Yes, I'm good.
Should I drive?
No, I'm okay. It's just...
God, you scared me.
Oh, shit!
Is it alright?
Yeah.
Okay.
Here. I'll do it.
I'll get it.
What am I looking for?
It's a big envelope.
It's probably on the counter.
Norman, bring it back.
Don't open it.
Don't open it!
Hi. I'm picking
something up for Dr. Long.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message. Thanks.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
- We're not here, so leave a message.
- Dad!
Thanks.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message. Thanks.
I've been trying to think
about this positively.
I really have, Norman.
I know.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm going to stay with you here
as long as I can. I mean that.
Well, maybe you should just try
another round of chemo.
Norman, I'm a doctor.
Remember?
I know how this goes.
That was a while ago
already. You don't know.
Maybe your body would
react differently this time.
I think I need to be alone.
So...
um...
why don't you try
to get some sleep, okay?
Okay, good night.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
Marie...
Hey.
Norman, come down here, please.
Uh, alright.
I'll be right down.
Norman, what are you doing?
Coming!
The insurance...
power of attorney
that Norman has to sign.
Norman, hi.
Norman, do you
remember Mr. Bessent?
Hey, Norman.
No, I don't.
I'm your dad's attorney.
Uh, we need to
talk about my will.
Okay, well,
I gotta go to school.
No, I know, I know, but
this is as good a time as any.
Yeah, what better
way to start the day?
Norman, uh...
You know...
I'm leaving, and...
- we have to have this conversation.
- Not with him.
I was just discussing
some options with your dad.
There are certain logistics
that we still have to figure out.
Like, for instance,
where you're going to live.
Uh, you know, maybe you could
sell the house and live with Aunt Judy.
Aunt Judy?! Aunt Judy's
older than the ocean.
And she has 20 cats,
and turtles.
She calls me Leon.
Okay, then...
Um, maybe you
live with a friend?
Or, I don't know,
you could stay here.
Okay, you know what, Dad,
I gotta go, okay?
Norman, don't walk away from me.
These are important decisions.
Why do I have to make them?
No, seriously, why?
Nobody else does.
All they're worried about is, you know,
who they're going to go to prom with,
or where they're going
to get drunk this weekend.
And that's all I should have to worry about.
I just want to go to school, okay?
Why, Norman?
- Why am I always waiting for you?
- What?
I mean, I waited for you this morning.
I waited for you yesterday.
I walked home yesterday, James.
You walked home?
That is totally absurd.
I stood around in that
parking lot for over an hour.
- Sorry.
- Sorry?
No, I'm not going to let you
pull that shit on me, Norman!
Honestly, your
dad can't drive you?
He's a doctor, James.
He works weird hours.
Okay, well, if I'm going to drive you around
like your personal chauffeur,
the least you can
do is be on time.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Whatever.
- Whatever.
Is that the list?
- Wait a minute.
- Is this the list?
Norman!
You know what my favorite part is?
Is it that you asked me to audition,
and then you don't even cast me.
I wanted to cast you,
but I decided to leave one slot open
because I just can't trust you.
- Why?
- The only thing walking home proves
is that you can be a
self-consumed dick.
No, I didn't have the slightest clue
on earth where you were last night.
You have no cell phone,
no email, no voicemail.
And now your home phone is off?
The Unabomber could get
in touch faster than you can.
And that would all be fine if you
weren't fucking flaking out all the time.
I wish I could depend on you,
Norman, but I just can't.
And that's why your
name's not on there.
James, you should always
be able to trust your best friend.
Even if I wanted to.
You freaked everyone out yesterday
with that psycho audition of yours.
I mean, what the fuck was that, Norman?
I mean, it was sick!
- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really!
I'm tired of your
suicidal-nobody-loves-me bullshit.
We're all supposed to sit around wondering if
you're gonna put a paper bag over your head
and blow your brains out?
I'm done with you, Norman!
Everything is not a fucking joke.
- Yeah, I know it's not a joke, James!
- I don't think you do!
No, you... fuck you!
Fuck you, man! You really...
you don't know anything, okay?
You really don't!
What don't I know, Norman?
Tell me what I don't know.
Like I've got cancer,
you asshole!
Oh, my God.
Spare me, Norman!
The pity game is over!
Grow up.
- He said I was looking for pity.
- And cancer?
That's way over the
line of being funny.
Yeah, I know.
It's not a joke!
There! You know what that is?
Looks like a piece of shit
with light shining through it.
That, friend, is cancer.
And this is my stomach!
What?
What?
Three months from now, you'll know
that you were wrong on this one.
Norman...
are you serious?
I...
you can't... why don't you just...
you can't just tell me...
Good. I'm glad
you're done with me.
I can't wait to do
this on my own.
- Just pull over, James.
- I'm not gonna pull over.
- We're gonna talk now.
- Pull the car over, James.
- I'm done talking about this.
- You know we are going to talk about this.
You're my best fucking friend!
I'm not gonna pull over, Norman!
You're gonna talk to me!
Shut up, Norman!
Stop! You're being clitish.
Stop it!
Stop it!
Norman, please,
we need to talk about this.
Norman!
Let me just drive you around!
Norman, Jesus Christ!
Fuck!
Norman!
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
What are you doing up there?
I'm just airing out
the bathroom.
Reeks pretty bad, so...
My good deed for the day.
Hey, did you see the list?
Yeah.
You're on it.
Really?
Are you?
Are you mad?
Well, I was kind of mad,
but it's hard to stay mad when you're
shouting at a pretty girl
airing out a bathroom that reeks.
Hey, meet me in the hall.
I want to give you a hug, okay?
Oh, what?
A...
You're coming late.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm really sorry, Norman.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, no, it's alright.
It's, like...
You know, supposedly James can't
depend on me for whatever reason and...
I don't know.
I just feel kind of stupid.
Hey, at least you put
yourself out there, you know?
- I mean, it's better to try, and...
- It's a bunch of bullshit.
I'm sorry. That was, uh...
That was mean. I didn't...
No, no, you're right.
It is a bunch of bullshit.
Well, thank you, uh...
for coming down here. That...
hug was probably the nicest thing
anybody's ever done for me, so...
- I'm gonna get to class.
- Okay.
- I'll see you later.
- Bye.
Norman!
- Hey, leave me alone, James.
- How could you have not told me?
- I don't want to talk about it right now.
- How bad is it?
- Are you dying?
- Shut up!
You have cancer. That's not something
you keep from your best friend.
Shut up, James!
No, I mean, just
tell me how bad is it.
- Shut up, James!
- Are you dying?
I'm not gonna shut up!
Oh, my God, is that true?
No, no, no.
I don't... I don't...
Is it true?
You should see the x-ray.
I mean, Jesus, I can't even
believe you're coming to school.
- No, I don't have... I don't have...
- I'm so sorry, Norman.
What the fuck? What the fuck was that?
What did you just do?
What do you mean?
What did I just do?
Don't play dumb, James.
- Why did you just tell her?
- I didn't tell her.
She heard me.
What's wrong with you, man?
I mean, she was just being
nice to me because of... me.
I mean, there was
no other reason.
- What am I doing?
- Now it's all... screwed up.
Look, I know this is gonna sound stupid,
but I want you to take that open slot.
- It's yours.
- I don't want it.
I'm sorry I didn't blindly trust you
and just put your name down.
I'm an asshole, alright?
I had no idea what
was going on with you.
Look, you have to promise
not to tell anyone else.
Okay? You can't tell anyone.
If that's what you
need, okay, yeah.
Norman, you should take it.
Fine, I'll take it.
I'll take it!
Dad.
Norman?
What are you doing out here?
How was your day?
It was a pretty bad...
day today, Dad.
You?
Yeah.
Just been lying here all day?
I had a dream about your mom.
- Have you eaten anything?
- She says hi.
Have you eaten
anything at all today?
- She looked great.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
You know, I'm gonna get you something.
You have no chance of getting better at all
if you're just gonna
be lying around all day.
Norman?
Yes?
Hang on.
Where does it hurt?
Your lungs?
No.
The cancer hurts here.
Is this just like a really
bad stomachache?
Does it hurt, Norman?
Yeah, pretty much.
All the time.
How's your dad doing?
I mean, like, first your mom,
and then this.
It's just gotta be terrifying.
Yeah, well,
my dad's a trooper...
so...
It's just gotta be really hard.
By the way, I don't need
a ride on Monday.
Why?
Is it chemo?
Um...
Well...
Well, no, I mean,
I'm just gonna be...
driving myself, so...
I thought...
Okay, if...
If you need a ride, I'm...
Yeah, I'll let you know
about chemo carpool.
Anything else happen today?
Uh, let's see.
Got laid twice.
Miss Lawson, Mrs. Bryant.
Got beat up.
Learned how to tailor suits.
That's about it.
Do you need help
getting up the stairs?
No.
Do you?
Uh, no.
Norman?
Yep?
Twice?
Uh, yes, twice.
Kind of reminds me of somebody.
God.
- Hey!
- Hey!
How are you feeling?
Uh, not too bad,
I have to say. Yeah.
Ready for a little speed racer?
Let me get my helmet here.
Hurry up, before I
change my mind.
No, no, no, no...
Alright, now,
when you release the clutch,
put equal pressure on the gas.
- Equal pressure.
- Yes, equal pressure, yes.
- So you're not giving it gas.
- Okay, alright.
- Okay, that's alright.
- Alright.
Where is the... gas?
- So, a little faster.
- This is just trickier than I remembered.
Okay.
Now, when you hear the engine strain,
you feel it strain, put it in second.
- Alright.
- Oh, shit.
It's not moving into...
God damn it!
Start it up again.
Come on, it's okay,
you'll get it.
We'll be doing donuts in the
mall parking lot before we're done.
Why is this still so scary?
It's a bad memory.
It's scary.
Do you think that...
at that moment she knew...
what was happening to her?
No, I don't think she did.
Come on.
- Let's go.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
- Right.
Yeah, yeah, okay. That's good.
Alright, in neutral.
- It'll all come back to you. Alright.
- Clutch is in.
- Equal pressure.
- Equal pressure.
- Shifting and...
- A little more gas.
- A little more gas.
- I'm trying.
That's so sad.
Norman!
My grandmother had cancer.
Wait!
Did you hear that he has cancer?
- Norman.
- James.
James, does something
seem different?
I can explain.
- Everybody knows.
- Everybody knows what?
About your cancer.
Ah, well...
- Hey, Norman.
- your tact is impressive.
What?
- Is that for the, um...
- The chemo?
Yeah.
- Look, if there's anything I can do...
- Yeah, I know, chemo carpool, remember?
Look, if you go bald, I go bald.
I'll do that for you.
Thanks, man.
So, how did everybody find out?
Well, everyone at practice asked me,
and I told them it was true.
So you broke your promise.
Yeah, I did, but I got trapped.
It spread all over the school.
Spread how?
Like cancer?
You don't stop.
Wait, so...
You're not mad at me?
Nope.
No. Surprisingly, not.
That probably
sounded awful anyways.
You know what?
I'm gonna go talk to her.
Yeah, do that, man.
Emily!
Okay, thanks.
Hey!
How's it going?
Good. All things
considered, I'm good.
Everyone's been talking
about you today.
It's kind of surreal.
Does it weird you out, or...
Ah, you know...
Does it weird you out?
No, no, not really.
I'm like, uh...
the Fonz now.
Instead of a leather jacket...
- cancer.
- Norman!
Sorry.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Yeah.
I actually was wondering if you
wanted to go to the parade
with me next Friday?
Are you asking me on a date?
Well... yes.
I thought I was. Why?
Did I do something wrong?
No. That's perfect.
- Okay, I'll see you later then.
- Bye.
Alright, bring them in,
bring them in, everyone.
- Excellent.
- Hey, comic boy...
I, uh...
I want to apologize...
for being a...
douche to you.
You know, if you want
to play ball with us,
we'll be shooting some
hoops after school.
Well, thanks, Frank, but that's
what's called too little, too late.
Gotcha.
Guess I deserve that.
And that's all you'll ever
need to know about anything.
Uh, your essays are, uh,
due by the end of the week.
Oh, Norman, you left
your book under the desk.
Yeah, I... you know,
I didn't want to pull that whole
"can I see you after class" thing
in front of everybody.
I mean, that's just
embarrassing, right?
Uh, have a seat, yeah?
Look...
uh, Norman...
I've, uh...
I have heard a rumor...
and, uh...
I just wanted to know
whether or not it was true.
Do you... do you have cancer?
- What, um...
- No.
what kind is it?
- Norman?
- No, I don't have cancer.
I can understand that you
want to be in complete...
denial, uh...
wanting to slough it off.
I can't even begin to
imagine how scary this is.
Are you being
treated because, uh...
I don't know, everyone in school seems to
think that it's a... that it's pretty grave.
Is that true?
Everyone in school is an idiot.
Yeah, that's true.
Okay.
Argue at that point.
Look, um...
I want to tell you something, okay?
A...
bunch of years ago,
before I moved here...
my wife got very sick.
People, when they lose somebody,
they're left with all these...
unresolvable feelings.
Right? I mean, they're...
they're... they're furious.
They're sad.
They're guilty.
I guess what I'm
saying is... is that
people are going to need you
to relieve them of these feelings.
I don't want that job.
I know, I know.
You know, there's
this bit in the Bible,
I think the most
human and real...
bit in the entire Bible,
where Jesus asks
not to carry that burden.
Sounds like everybody's...
Jesus.
Yeah, well, sort of.
Okay, uh...
you're comparing me to Christ,
that's cool, I guess.
Uh...
but I don't...
I don't understand
what I'm supposed to do.
Well...
you could maybe talk about
what you're going
through in your speech.
Look, I can guarantee you
that I cannot get up there
and start talking about
having cancer.
Well, look, is there anything else
that you like doing,
that you want to do,
that could help?
I don't know.
- Make a movie.
- A movie?
I've always wanted
to make a movie.
Well, I think that could work.
In fact, that might be better.
You could film things,
little things,
moments of your life.
Like me dying?
No.
You could document your living.
The little moments...
things that are meaningful,
things that you've come to appreciate
in ways that maybe you otherwise
might not have been able to.
I don't expect you to be able to
wrap your head around this right now,
but I... I just really want you
to try and take this for me.
You...
you have an opportunity
to change the lives...
of everyone... that you know.
Merry Christmas!
Good morning!
Merry Christmas, honey!
Give me a Christmas hug!
Let's have a Christmas hug!
- Say Merry Christmas.
- Hi, Merry Christmas, dad.
Merry Christmas.
What's for you today?
Who came last night?
- Santa.
- Yes!
And what does he bring for you?
Look at all those presents!
Ready? Go find yours!
It's Christmas time!
I wonder what it is.
I don't know.
- Do you have this?
- Hi, dad.
Jingle bells,
jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey!
Ready? You ready?
- Ready for the raspberry?
- Yes.
Ready for the raspberry?
Ready?
This is my video to say goodbye.
Recently...
I found out that I had cancer.
That I was dying of cancer.
That I had approximately
three months to live.
Ladies and gentlemen, the following is a
reenactment of me getting onto the drama team.
Huh?
Here I am.
Norman.
N-o-r-m-a-n.
It's me.
I'm really just a normal guy
with massive,
massive muscles.
Check out these guns!
And yet sad, isn't it?
To think there's an army of little,
evil cancer guys just eating away.
What is that you say?
Drop the...
Drop the towel?
I mean, right, but it's...
Whoa!
Whoa!
Seriously...
ladies...
you don't know
what you're missing.
I don't like Spam.
Spam, bacon, sausage,
Spam and Spam.
Spam and eggs.
Spam and chips.
Spam. That was...
Sorry.
Huh?
Nothing.
What are you thinking about?
A little bit about you.
Good stuff, I hope.
Yeah, some good stuff.
Some...
sad stuff, too.
But I'm just gonna let
the good stuff be good.
Well...
I think about my favorite things,
like, I don't know, tamarin monkeys,
or...
Billy Crystal running to Meg Ryan in
When Harry Met Sally, or oh my god,
um, Christmas.
Sometimes we should drink eggnog
and go Christmas caroling.
Yeah.
Yes, I agree.
I'm a caroler.
- Really?
- Jingle Bells... I can...
jingle all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh. Hey!
Jingle...
A day or two ago
I thought Id take a ride,
and soon Miss Fanny Bright
was seated by my side.
Ha, ha. The horse was lean and lank,
misfortune seemed his lot.
We got into a drifted bank
and then we got upsot.
- Hey! Jingle bells...
- Upsot?
No, those are the real words.
- No, it's not! No way!
- Yes, I promise.
How do you know that?
Nobody knows that.
Because my mom was like this,
you know, Christmas...
She was this Christmas Nazi and
she used to make me and...
my dad sit around the tree and
read carols out of her caroling book.
That's sweet.
It was sweet.
It was probably
also the dorkiest...
family thing she ever
made us do, but...
Well, last year for Christmas we all wore
matching sweaters for our Christmas cards.
Wow! You were one of those?
Oh yeah. Big green and red
sweaters with snowmen on them.
Well, you win.
It's pretty sexy. I'll have
to wear it for you sometime.
I'm sure you'd look...
beautiful.
Just like now.
Oh, that's my mom. I was supposed
to be home like a half an hour ago.
Okay, well...
Listen, I, um...
Can you do me a favor and
not call me tonight?
Okay, I mean...
I can't anyway.
But why?
Well, I don't know.
This is all kind of...
new. And I want to take it in.
Okay.
Wait, but why can't you call me?
Uh, home phone doesn't work.
I don't have a cell phone, so...
Ah!
But we'll have to deal
with that tomorrow.
Okay, you're good?
Yeah, bye!
Bye.
Norman...
son, I love you to death, but...
you're a crappy cook.
Well, just...
consider it payback for all those years
you made me eat vegetables.
Vegetables make you strong.
Well, then imagine the rawest
strengths you'll possess after
I make you a smoothie full of broccoli and
carrots and Brussels sprouts, beets, tomatoes...
Tomato's not a vegetable.
Who's that?
- I don't know.
- No, don't go.
- Let him go away.
- What if it's a Girl Scout?
Oh, no, no. Don't.
No, what if...
Leave it, even if it's a girl scout.
- Hey.
- Hey, Norman.
Thank you for coming. I...
You're welcome.
Uh, Dad?
It's Dr. Malloy.
Doug?
Okay. Norman?
Doug, Norman asked
me to come over.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Norman.
Dad, he says that you should be
in the hospital right now.
Yeah, well, you know,
he knows goddamn well, as I do, that the
last place I should be is in a hospital.
Doug, at least let me send
a hospice worker over.
We're doing fine on our own.
Dad, how are you gonna
know unless you try?
Hey, Norman, stop!
Phil is stupidly trying to act
like a doctor instead of my friend.
I mean, this is our
last few moments
and I will not let either one of
you take them away from me.
He's so...
Time to go, Phil.
Thanks for coming.
Norman...
close the door.
I may be sick, but I'm
still the boss around here.
If you need anything,
you call me.
Okay, thank you.
Okay.
"If he, the monster,
were victorious,
I should be at peace.
If he were vanquished...
then I should be a free man."
Okay.
So now that everyone's
finished reading the book...
I was wondering if anybody
could tell me how this quote
is indicative of its theme.
I'm not asking for a
mind-blowing discourse here.
You can save that
for your essays.
Alright, see you next Friday.
I just want you to tell me what you think
the theme of Shelley's Frankenstein is.
Okay, you know, sometimes
the best way to approach a theme,
um, is through
a train of thought.
Right? How does
it make you feel?
Norman?
Yes?
You're the volunteer.
I didn't raise my hand.
You did.
Now everybody put
your pencils down.
Uh, Norman, I'm going to ask
you to close your eyes, okay?
And I want you just
to give yourself over
to a sort of stream of
consciousness, okay?
Whatever you think, whatever you feel
about the theme of this book is perfect.
Okay? You can make it up.
Uh, that's better, in fact.
Yeah, okay, but
what is this for?
In preparation for Joyce.
Your eyes shut?
Yes.
Whenever you're ready.
Okay.
Okay, uh, well, if he,
the monster...
were victorious...
then he, the monster...
the monster within us...
the monster within us grows...
the monster grows like...
cancer.
What else grows?
Plants grow with lots of water.
Plants grow like little boys,
little girls with pink shoelaces,
little boys with
little blue cancers.
Look like little orange explosions
dropping on them, like
in Japan from all the radiation.
Monster consuming
one victim to the next,
but on the inside
everything is reversed.
The monster is our companion,
the monster is our destroyer, the monster is...
That's all I got.
Okay.
Hey, Norman.
I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry
you got upset in class today.
Oh, I, uh...
I mean, I wasn't
really upset, but...
- thank you.
- Cool.
Hey, um, I also
wanted to tell you...
I think that you're very provocative
and moving, I just wanted to tell you that.
Oh, uh...
well, thanks. I...
like your...
- hair.
- Yeah, I like your face.
Alright, guys,
let's get started.
Why don't we warm
up with some improv?
I thought you said
that guy's crazy.
Right, we're gonna cross.
You ready?
Wait, what? No!
After this float,
we're gonna cross.
- We're just gonna cross the street. Ready?
- I don't want to. Norman!
We're doing it.
We're doing it!
Whew!
Hooray!
- What?
- Norman, give me your hand!
This is good.
This is fun, right?
- Yes.
- This is the best date I've ever been on.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, it's the only date
I've ever been on, but...
Wait, I'm your first?
Yeah.
I mean, nobody has ever really
taken an interest in me before, so...
Ooh, nothing more
sexy than self-pity.
Well, then I suck.
I was kidding.
Oh, damn.
I do suck.
It's a great date, Norman.
Well, hey, it's not over yet.
Where do you want to go next?
I don't know.
Want to go to your place?
Yeah, let me think.
No.
Why? What's wrong
with your place?
You don't want to go to
my place, okay? Trust me.
It's just me and my dad.
It's overflowing with masculinity,
dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty names.
I don't care about that stuff.
I want to meet your dad.
Alright, let me ask you
what would bother you?
- Norman.
- No, no, seriously.
Just name anything. It could be
anything that would bother you.
- What is it?
- Jesus, I don't know.
Frozen heads, maybe?
Well, this is good.
This is why I ask.
We have a whole freezer
dedicated to frozen heads.
Specifically ones of girls
that I bring home, so...
- Really?
- Yep.
I thought I was your first date.
Uh, hookers don't
count as dates?
Eww.
Okay, we don't have a freezer
full of heads, but we are looking to fill...
Come on, I want
to meet your dad.
Emily, please,
just don't push this.
What do you mean, don't
push this? I have to push it.
Your home is your life.
Come on. Okay...
where would a rock
be if it wasn't pushed?
A rock?
Yes, a rock.
Is it a magical rock?
No, it's not a magical rock.
Where would it be?
Nowhere?
Exactly.
Nowhere.
Okay, well that is one of the most
profound things I've ever heard.
Honestly.
Look, I have no idea what
you're talking about right now.
How about we go
to your place, huh?
Your house.
Your life.
Right?
- Fine.
- Fine.
Look at that
our first argument.
So how long should we wait?
Until my parents'
light goes out.
Hanging out in the car.
What to do?
What to do?
You know, I used
to set my alarm...
every day for 3:36,
and then, when it would go off, I would
intentionally do something to harm myself, or...
get hurt, or...
you know, just anything
self-destructive, basically.
That's awful.
But I don't do it anymore.
What kind of things
would you do?
Just...
anything...
I could find when it went off.
I mean, the last thing I
remember doing was...
auditioning...
that day.
The day you met me?
I know, it's the most
positive self-destruction ever.
What's that smile?
I don't know.
I'm just...
happy.
Oh!
Lights off.
Oooh.
Hey, keep your eyes closed.
They're closed.
Okay, open them.
Holy shit, that's hot!
I told you it was sexy.
Whoa, what are those...
snowmen.
Well, that's somewhat forward.
Norman!
Look...
I like you a lot.
Okay, I really, I really do.
I mean...
So don't stop making advances.
It's just that...
I've never been
advanced upon before.
I mean...
You know, I'm like the Switzerland
of heterosexual boys, just...
neutral.
Well, I mean, I guess hoarding
the Nazis' gold wasn't exactly neutral,
so I'm like the...
mythical image of Switzerland.
I'm making those jokes again.
I've just never been...
with a girl before...
in a room like this,
late at night.
I've never been liked...
by a girl...
before, but...
it's a really good feeling.
Here, hold on.
Uh, here, lie down.
- What?
- No, just... here.
Put your head on my lap.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh, okay, you have
to close your eyes, so...
- Why?
- Just... trust me.
Okay.
Okay, you ready?
My mom used
to do this when I was...
younger and I couldn't sleep.
She called it face trace.
And pretty soon...
my eyes were closed
and I had no...
worries.
Just the...
ultimate feeling of...
comfort...
and safety.
Emily.
I hope that was alright.
It was perfect.
Okay.
Hey, Emily...
Yeah?
Can I move my legs?
This...
So...
what would one say to
segue into more kissing?
Good thing I read
"What's Happening to My Body? For Boys"
- last night...
- Norman!
You've got a girlfriend.
Wow, when can I meet her?
I don't know, dad, I mean, it's only
been like a month, or 39 days or whatever.
I want to meet her. Really.
You got a girl.
Oh, we gotta celebrate, huh?
What if...
Hey...
You see that cabinet
over there, huh?
The top shelf.
There's a bottle of
18-year-old scotch.
And I've had it for 18 years,
so it's a bottle of 36-year-old scotch.
Your Papa Sam...
gave it to me when I brought
you home from the hospital.
Go on and get it.
Alright, get it.
Alright, what do you...
What do you want
me to do with it?
You should drink it, goddamn it.
Celebrate.
- This one?
- Yeah.
Looks old.
Yeah, maybe open it.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
Give me the bottle.
- The...
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Toast.
- To love.
- To love.
That is...
That burns.
- Do it again.
- I don't know if I can do it again.
My pain is gone.
What are you doing?
What you did, do you remember?
Mine fell out!
Yeah, well, I just want
to see how it feels.
Oh, my God, Norman.
Jesus.
Well, I guess it's too late
to say don't do it.
Holy cr...
I'm not doing chemo again,
if that's what you think.
I'm not.
Yeah, I know, Dad. Just...
It's a fashion statement.
Here, will you
help me, uh...
do the back here?
I can't really see.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
Buddy.
Maybe that scotch
was a bad idea.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
You're stupid!
You stupid, fucking bitch!
Fuck!
Alright.
This is my video
to say goodbye.
Recently...
I found out that I had cancer.
That I was dying of cancer.
That I had approximately
three months to live.
I won't even make
it to Christmas.
I'm sorry, Baby Jesus.
Don't cry.
Catch ya, boys! Thanks again!
And yes, friends,
students, faculty...
every day,
my life is a living hell.
My stomach feels
like a sun-cracked well,
filling with hot sand.
Sometimes I can barely muster
enough strength for a small drink of water.
Hi, you've reached
the Long family.
We're not here,
so leave a message.
Thanks.
Suicide.
That's just what I wanted.
So are you still gonna
show your movie on Monday?
Uh...
well, I was...
planning on it, yeah.
Are you gonna show it just like the movie,
or are you gonna talk about it too?
I don't know. I haven't
really thought about it.
Are you gonna come?
I don't want to miss a moment.
- Come on.
- I'm sorry.
- Emily...
- I'm so sorry.
No, no, it's fine.
Look...
Look, everything's
gonna be fine, okay?
Hey, how about this?
How about this?
What do you want for Christmas?
- Oh God, Norman, don't do that.
- Come on, what do you want on Christmas Day?
Whatever it is, I'll get it for you,
as long as it's, like, under $320.
Will you just listen
to me for a second?
I look at you and...
you amaze me.
You're so strong through
all of this. You have such...
strength, and I just...
admire you so much.
I look at you, and I see what
an incredible person you are.
And it just frustrates me to think that you've spent
most of your life not having faith in yourself,
because people have always thought
that you were smart and funny.
And if there is one person in this world
that I would have faith in, it would be you.
I mean, I...
I don't know what to say.
I don't know where I'm supposed...
Norman...
I need you to know
something, okay?
Yeah?
I want you to know
that I love you.
I love you so much and it's
not because of the cancer.
I love you because of you.
Emily...
Alright.
It's not a thing.
It's not a thing.
What aren't you saying?
Please...
can I at least come in?
- I'm sorry.
- No, you did nothing wrong.
Look, I, uh...
I just want you to know that...
I love you too.
No, please don't go.
Norman...
Not now!
Norman...
Dad! Dad?
Dad, dad, dad, dad. Dad.
Hey!
Shit! Dad!
You gotta... okay. You gotta
help me get you up, okay?
I'm gonna lift you up, okay?
But you gotta help me, alright?
Come on! You can do it!
You got it! You can do it!
Here we go.
Here! Here, rest!
Rest. I'm gonna walk you.
I'm gonna walk you.
Just walk back!
Okay, just rest!
Just rest!
- Norman!
- Don't...
- Emily?
- Yeah.
Emily.
Emily. Emily, you gotta leave.
Why? Just let me in.
Emily.
Emily, you have to leave now!
Oh, shit!
Shit!
Emily, why are you still here?
Why didn't you leave?
Because I wanted to come back.
Okay, well, just go! Go, okay?
Norman, why are you
doing this? Just let me in.
I wanna be with you.
Please!
Norman!
Emily...
I need you to just go, okay?
Go!
No.
No, Norman, I'm pushing you now.
I don't know how much
longer you have to live,
and I'm gonna spend
every second with you.
Oh my God! Is this your father?
- Yes, yes.
- What's wrong with him?
He's sick.
He's dying of cancer.
He's what?
He's dying of cancer.
What? What do you mean?
I don't...
- You don't what?
- I don't have cancer!
- What do you mean you don't have cancer?
- No, no, open the door!
Open the front door!
Please Em, just open the door!
- Look, just listen to me.
- What do you mean you don't have cancer?
I can explain.
Will you just come with me?
Please! Just... Come on.
Look, just listen. Em...
Em!
Okay, uh...
everything that I've ever
wanted to do in terms of,
you know, whatever dreams
that I've had, I've put in this drawer.
As you can see...
I'm a man of many dreams.
I've been doing this
since I was really young.
So there's lots of weird,
crazy stuff in here.
Let's see. Dreams...
Not that one.
Learn how to build a roller coaster.
Have a pet toucan.
Learn how to levitate.
...to be a dad.
I'm starting to have second thoughts.
Break a leg.
Hmm...
I don't recall dying
being in here anywhere.
Oh, wait!
Wait, wait, wait.
Commit suicide.
I stand corrected.
Commit...
suicide.
Doctor Krawitz, you have
a visitor in the main lobby.
Doctor Krawitz,
a visitor in the main lobby.
We will perform a biopsy to check.
And if you get the lab results from this,
leave them right here at the desk, okay?
Hey, Norman.
Hi.
I just came by to visit.
Has he woken up yet?
No.
Uh, if you need anything,
you just give me
a call, alright? Um...
I would really love to
honor your father in that way.
Thank you, sir.
Doctor Flores, dial 118.
Doctor Flores, please dial 118.
Is he gone?
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hey, hey.
- How are you doing?
- Boy, he sure likes to hear himself talk.
How are you doing?
I got my boy.
You know, everything's
alright with me.
- I got my dad.
- Yeah.
You, me, and your mom
together again, huh?
Your mom's got my one hand,
and you got my other.
Did I ever tell you how
proud I am of you, Norman?
Stop.
- Huh? Do you?
- Stop.
Stop.
Stop!
You're gonna have
a good life, kiddo.
You gotta just trust me on that.
Don't leave!
Listen...
Listen...
I want to thank you for letting
me do this the way I wanted.
I know it was...
really hard on you, and...
I didn't mean it to be...
hard, buddy.
What is it? What is it?
I'm gonna get a doctor.
Norman, no. No!
- No.
- What?
No, I'm okay. I'm okay.
Just wait, Norman. Just...
wait there.
Wait. Wait. Just wait.
Just wait.
I wanna give you a hug.
No, no, no, no, no, no. No. No.
No. I got you.
I got you.
My God.
I got you.
Thank you.
I love you so much.
Okay.
Thank you, Norman.
Oh God, I'm tired.
Thank you.
Moving is tiring.
I know.
Loving makes you tired.
Especially the good guy.
Oh, Dad.
Shh.
Shh, shh, shh, it's good.
It's good.
- No!
- It's okay.
Shh.
Ready?
I gotta take a little rest.
- Yeah.
- I am...
I'm sorry. I'm so tired.
It's gonna be alright.
Hey...
your mom is so funny.
She cracked me up.
She...
And if you can't think outside the box,
think outside the circle.
Thank you.
I have the privilege...
to introduce our next speaker.
Over the course of the last few months...
I've had the pleasure of getting to know this guy.
And he's bright.
He's funny.
And he's courageous
in the face of inordinate...
adversity.
So, colleagues, students:
one cool kid.
Norman Long.
- Pull this thing.
- I know.
Uh... uh...
Uh, there was gonna be
a video today, but actually...
actually...
now there's not a video.
I just came from...
I just came from the hospital,
and I didn't think I was gonna come here.
It's...
kind of...
weird that I did.
It's really intimidating
being up here.
Uh...
I underestimated...
you guys.
But, to be honest...
you overestimated me.
Because...
the truth is...
I...
I... the truth is that...
I don't have cancer.
Yeah, I can only
imagine the disgust or
disappointment that
you're feeling towards me.
Believe me, it's nothing compared
to what I'm feeling about myself.
You know, I...
I didn't mean to turn
it into some big joke.
Obviously, I had
no right to do that.
This is sick.
And I'm all alone now.
By myself.
But as my...
late father said, uh...
that's really all you ever need.
I'm sorry about your father.
Alright. Students, please.
It's enough. Settle down.
Hi, you've reached the Long family.
Marie, Doug, and Norman!
We're not here,
so leave a message.
Thanks.
Hi, this is Norman.
Please leave a message.