Notes On A Scandal (2006) Movie Script
[ Children Chattering ]
[ Woman Narrating ]
People have always trusted me with their secrets.
But who do I trust with mine?
You. Only you.
The first day of a new term.
Here come the local
pubescent proles...
the future plumbers
and shop assistants...
and doubtless the odd terrorist too.
[ Shouting, Chattering ]
In the old days, we confiscated
cigarettes and wank mags.
Now it's knives and crack cocaine.
And they call it progress.
[ Boy ]
Roger!
- [ Boy ] Piss off!
- Tony. Tony.
Mrs. Hart, art department.
nails his 95 points...
to a church door
in Wittenberg-
[ School Bell Rings ]
[ Girl ]
Poison granny.
Piss off, you prick.
Before we begin, for those of you
who haven't delivered your reports...
please lob them
in my general direction.
Thank you, Bill.
Thank you, Mary.
Thank you, John.
Thank you, Elaine.
Ah. Has everyone met our new
art teacher, Sheba Hart?
- Hello.
- I've asked Sheba to sit in on this meeting.
As you all know,
I regard the arts...
as absolutely essential to our policy
of reform through nurture.
Thank you, Chris.
Very good. Very good.
Ah, thank you, Sue.
I say, that's a big one, isn't it?
I'll be up till the crack of dawn.
[ Chuckles ]
I'll be up till the crack of dawn.
[ Chuckles ]
Anyone else not handed in
their homework? Right.
And, uh, thank you.
Lovely. Thank you.
Barbara?
This is your report?
On the history department?
On its entire workings?
And your general thoughts
for its future development?
You'll find it's quite
thorough, Headmaster.
"The history department functions
much as one would expect...
"for a school of this
stature and intake.
"Examination results have been
consistent for 30 years...
"below the national average
but above the level of catastrophe.
Recommendation:
No change necessary. "
Took me most of the summer
to write it.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Hard to read the wispy novice.
[ Boy ]
Piss off, you prick.
Is she a sphinx or simply stupid?
All right. Off the phone, please.
Give me the phone.
- Artfully disheveled today.
- [ Chattering Continues ]
The tweedy tramp coat
is an abhorrence.
It seems to say,
"I'm just like you."
But clearly she's not.
- A fey person, I suspect.
- Stop it, girls. Just stop it.
Fey.
[ Boy ]
Oi, oi. Pass it. Yes. Come over here. Very good.
- Yeah!
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Barbara ] Put your shirt on.
- I got the winner, miss.
Glory be! Shirt!
[ Boys Chattering ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] She has certainly
rippled the waters of our stagnant pond.
They flock to her.
Even limp little Brian had a go.
Oh, the horror.
- Hiya.
- Oh, hello.
- That's a lovely blouse.
- What? Oh!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And "Fatty"Hodge has pounced on her.
A dubious double act.
The blonde and the pig in knickers.
I just went past the art studio.
It's like bloody Lord of the Flies in there.
- Have they gone for her?
- They've torn her posters down.
There's a full-on paint fight.
They're chanting,
"Get your tits out for the lads."
- Girls too. It's carnage.
- [ Man ] How was madam?
Completely lost it.
"Stop it! Stop it, you little fucking bastards!"
- You should have stepped in.
- Well, he didn't want to patronize the little lady.
She'll be all right.
This time next year, she'll be headmistress.
- Oh, Christ! Will you shut up!
- Sorry. Sorry.
Char, anyone?
- Babs?
- Milk, no sugar.
- Sweet enough?
- Evidently.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Didn't her father invent inflation?
- You what?
- Wasn't her dad that academic, Donald whatsit?
Economics bloke.
Invented the word "inflation."
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I know who you mean.
I think you'll find that Mrs. Hart's father
was Professor Ronald Taylor.
He didn't invent "inflation."
He devised a theory
about the relationship...
between inflation
and consumer expectation.
[ Chattering ]
[ Sheba ]
Please get offhim! Stop it!
[ Boy ]
You're an arsehole!
[ Sheba ]
Stop it!
[ Students Chanting ]
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
- [ Chanting Continues ]
- [ Sheba Shouting, Indistinct ]
You're going to hurt one another.
Now stop it! Please get offhim!
- [ Shouting Continues ]
- Enough! Outside!
Now!
[ Boys Chattering ]
- [ Boys Laughing ]
- [ Boy ] You're a wanker.
- Fuck off! .
- [ Barbara ] Absolute silence! Absolute!
Why were they fighting, Mrs. Hart?
Their motive was unclear.
Davis I know. You're a little thug.
Who might you be?
- Steven Connolly, miss.
- What?
- Steven Connolly, miss.
- Year?
Year 10, miss.
You're the naked footballer.
Why were you fighting?
- It's a perfectly simple question.
- Don't know, miss.
You don't know. One minute
you're an inert lump...
the next you're trying
to castrate a fellow pupil.
Nothing occurred
between these two states?
- No, miss.
- Don't play the hero with me, Connolly.
Yes. Brain. Mouth. Speak.
He was saying stuff about miss.
It was bang out of order.
- What did you say?
- I never said nothin', miss.
"I didn't say anything."
What did he say? Come on!
He said she's a tart.
He said he gave her one up the arse.
Did you, indeed?
Odious boy.
- Apologize at once.
- Sorry, miss.
Deputy head in the morning.
Get back inside, both of you.
Little towers of testosterone.
You'll soon get used to them.
Thank you so much.
I better- Oh, I'm sorry.
We haven't met properly, have we?
- I'm Sheba Hart.
- Barbara Covett.
[ Nervous Chuckling ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Her voice is pure...
as ifher mouth
were empty and clean...
as if she'd never had a filling.
The complexion of a white peach.
One can almost see her veins.
Her trendy politics
are similarly transparent.
We serve them best
if we teach them to read, write and add.
They don't need to know
about the basket weavers of Chile.
- Barbara's very keen on the basics.
- But when you started...
I mean, didn't you want to
give them a real education...
to help them overcome the poverty
of their backgrounds?
Oh, yes, of course.
But one soon learns that
teaching is crowd control.
Come here!
We're a branch
of the social services.
Put that back, you!
[ Indistinct Shouting ]
Console yourself with the gems.
That's when it's satisfying.
Then you can make a real difference.
The rest is just
cattle prod and pray.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I can see why others are beguiled by her.
Oh, hello.
But I wonder if she possesses
the requisite heft.
- Do you fancy a coffee?
- Yeah.
- [ Woman ] Sheba!
- [ Phone Beeping ]
- Sorry. L-
- That's the year 11 s. They're a nightmare.
- Sue, do you want to join us?
Just going for a quick coffee.
- Great.
Um- [ Clears Throat ]
I've got a bit of an announcement.
You're leaving St. George's?
- No.
- Oh, you're pregnant.
That's fantastic.
Oh, congratulations.
When are you due?
- June the 7th.
- A summer baby. How lovely.
I can't believe that nobody's noticed.
I'm 14 weeks.
- Oh.
- Didn't you see how chunky I'm getting?
Didn't like to say.
Where are you having it?
- Homerton. It's really nice there.
- [ Sheba ] Oh, right.
Lovely, friendly nurses.
I'm going to find out
at the next scan- 20 weeks.
Do you want to come
to lunch on Sunday?
- Where?
- To mine. To our house.
- Won't you be with your family?
- Yes, but you're very welcome.
Oh, it's no big deal.
I'll just do a lasagna or something.
I adore lasagna.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Bliss. A merry flag...
on the arctic wilderness
of my calendar.
One must make an effort
when one receives an invitation.
The art of it is seeming not to.
Lasagna tends
to disagree with my bowels.
I'll ask for a small portion.
- Oh, I think I've got the wrong house.
- No. You're bang on.
- I'm Richard. Come in.
- Oh.
I'm sorry. I thought-
- That I'd be 20 years younger
and twice as handsome.
- [ Door Closes ]
- Bash!
- [ Sheba ] The kitchen's on fire!
Sorry if you were out there long.
The, uh-The bell's knackered.
- Hi, Barbara.
- Hello.
Oh, what a splendid room.
What can I get you? We're, uh-
We're semi-pro drinkers here. You name it.
[ Barbara ]
I would like a dry sherry, please.
Ah. Uh, I think we might have
some apricot brandy knocking around.
- Uh, dry white wine.
- Done. Have a seat.
- [ Richard ] Where's the, uh, wine?
- [ Sheba Speaks, Indistinct ]
[ Richard ] Well, scrape it. Do you want to-
For a moment. Is it in the fridge?
You must be Polly.
I'm Barbara.
Hi, Barbara.
[ Clattering ]
[ Polly ]
Are you going somewhere?
- Excuse me?
- You're all poshed up.
Oh. Uh, I have an appointment.
Uh, later. In town.
[ Dog Barking ]
- Have you always lived here?
- Mum inherited it.
- It's her littlejoke.
- I only married her for the property. Morning.
- Did Pete go?
- [ Polly ] Mmm.
He was welcome to stay.
He's not really into lunch.
Cheers.
Mmm. Are you interested in wine?
Only the drinking part.
- You?
- Well, I spent a portion of
the summer on the Amalfi coast-
- [ Shouting ]
- Here's trouble.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Easy! Rocky! Easy!
Easy, easy, wheezy.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I'd anticipated a suave young lawyer-
- [ Richard ] Barbara?
- and two perfect poppets.
- Not so.
- [ Richard ] Mmm, mmm, mmm.
She's married some
crumbling patriarch.
- He's nearly as old as me.
- Ooh! Ah, ah.
And then there's the daughter,
a pocket princess.
And, finally, a somewhat
tiresome courtjester.
[ Richard ]
Ah, lovely. Thank you.
I'm going to be a wizard.
Oh. Is that when you're grown up?
No. He's just been cast
in his school play.
- [ Boy ] I'm gonna wear a cape.
- Oh.
- I'm the one with the car.
- [ Richard ] Amongst next year's
cultural highlights...
I greatly look forward
to Benjamin Hart...
in the key role of the wizard.
And, indeed, I find myself
beside myself with anticipation.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
A rogue image swam through me:
Hubby's pruney old mouth
pursed at Sheba's breast.
[ Reggae ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
After lunch, a rather mortifying family tradition.
They do things differently
in bourgeois bohemia.
[ Reggae Continues ]
[ Man Singing ]
Oh. Thank you.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
No.
[ Man Vocalizing ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Vocalizing Continues ]
- Ooh!
- [ Continues, Ends ]
- You ready?
- Watch out.
- Yes!
- Oh.
[ Sheba ]
Took me away for our anniversary. It was years ago.
- When we came back, it was here.
- [ Gasps ]
- As if by magic.
- [ Ben Muttering ]
Oh.
Was supposed to be my studio.
It's more of a refuge, really.
A room of one's own.
[ Sighs ]
Is this you?
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Sheba ] Mmm.
It was.
Oh, I love these.
Such vibrant colors.
Take one. Take two.
Have the lot, actually.
- I couldn't possibly.
- Honestly, no one else wants them.
Oh, I'll treasure them.
Must be exhausting-
running a family and teaching as well.
Oh, I can't wait for term to end.
Roll on, Christmas,
and a month of sod-all.
I shouldn't have kidded
myself I could teach.
It's just that l- I've spent
the last 10 years looking after Ben...
and I'm so desperate
to get out and do something.
And finally we get him into this great
local school, and I'm free to work, and-
You're gonna be a terrific teacher.
Thanks.
But I'm bloody hopeless,
and everyone knows it.
Children are feral.
Don't let them sense your anxiety.
- How do you cope?
- Oh, I'm just a battle-ax.
I'm not popular,
but they respect me.
Well, you're popular with me.
It's strange. I feel
I can talk to you.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
She spoke ofher vile mother...
her grief over the death
ofher father...
the glory days when Richard
scooped her up...
and then jettisoned
wife and children...
for what she called
a nonstop fuck fest.
It's a peculiar trait
of the privileged:
Immediate, incautious intimacy.
But Sheba went well beyond
the tendencies ofher class.
She was utterly candid.
A novice confessing
to the mother superior.
You know, marriage and kids-
I mean, it's wonderful.
But it doesn't give you meaning.
It gives you an imperative,
but it doesn't help you-
My father always used to say-
you know, on the tube- "Mind the gap."
- Uh-
- Oh, I don't know.
It's just the distance
between life as you...
dream it and...
life as it is.
I know exactly what you mean.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
A gold star day.
I always knew we'd be friends.
Our mutual reserve inhibited us...
but now it is manifest-
a spiritual recognition.
[ Man ] At the end of this year,
many of you will enjoy Christmas.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
"S"and I share the ability...
to see through the quotidian
awfulness of things.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
In a different, better age,
we would be ladies ofleisure...
lunching together,
visiting galleries, traveling...
putting the world to rights.
We would be companions.
[ Rhythmic Clapping ]
[ Singing Christmas Hymn ]
- It's taken. I'm saving it for Sheba.
- [ Continues ]
- Sorry.
- [ Continues ]
- [ Clapping Continues ]
- [ Whispering ]
[ Students Continue Singing ]
[ Cheering ]
Very good! Well done!
[ Boys Singing Christmas Hymn ]
[ Continues ]
[ Ends ]
[ Students Chattering ]
Ben, put it in the car, would you, please?
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ]
- Ben, pop it in the car, sweetheart. Hello?
I need to speak to you
about Steven Connolly.
Who?
Let's not, shall we?
Doubtless you're aware you've
committed a criminal offense.
I'll be with you at 5:00.
[ Knocks ]
Let's go to the pub, okay?
- [ Man ] No, Boxing Day-
- When-When will you tell them?
I need to know the circumstances.
You must inform me of everything.
Actually, you were there
when I first saw him.
- I think you gave him a telling-off.
- Yeah!
[ Barbara ]
I gave him a slight ticking off.
[ Sheba ]
He dedicated his goal to me.
It amused me.
Nothing more.
A few days later, he came to see me.
Miss, would you have a look
at me drawings, please?
I'll look at them in class.
You do art, don't you?
I'm not allowed.
I'm special needs.
I gotta do extra reading instead.
Did you do these at home?
These are good.
You can draw.
If we pull strings for one child...
the whole system will unravel.
But he's talented. He's actually
found something he believes in.
Well, they're all talented.
You found your gem,
as Sue would say.
I said that I would teach him after school,
but only if he felt like it.
It's our job, isn't it?
Within specified hours
and a specified curriculum.
Barbara, he came
every day for two weeks.
Yes, I was flattered,
but- and more than that.
I was excited to find someone
who wanted to learn.
And he imagined a sort
of helicopter 500 years ago.
Does your brain in.
[ Barbara ]
But surely you must have suspected his motives.
I sensed he had
a little crush on me.
But so what?
And it was innocent.
That's so much better.
You've absolutely got that knuckle.
Nailed it.
Do that again, miss.
Don't be silly.
Off you go.
What are you having for tea, miss?
I don't know.
Probably buy something on the way home.
- Are you a good cook?
- Not really.
You suck?
Go home, Steven.
Well, that's when
you should've stopped it.
I did. I told him I wouldn't
teach him anymore.
He refused to accept it.
He just kept coming back.
- Miss!
- [ Students Chattering ]
[ Sheba ]
It began to feel like our secret...
[ Sheba ]
It began to feel like our secret...
and secrets can be...
seductive.
- Do you want to come for a walk?
- Absolutely not.
I'm going home to my family,
as should you.
Miss.
My dad's got the sack.
He's been taking it out on me.
[ Sheba ]
His father had been hitting him.
- He didn't want to tell his mum
because she was ill.
- Does your mother know?
Kidney disease.
It's taken months for an operation.
He was so vulnerable.
Well, if he does it again,
you tell me.
Thanks, miss.
You're beautiful, miss.
You don't know
how beautiful you are.
[ Sheba ]
I hadn't been pursued like this for years.
I knew it was wrong and immoral
and completely ridiculous...
but I don't know.
I just allowed it to happen.
The boy is 15!
But he's quite mature for his age.
"But" is not a helpful word here.
This is gonna sound sick.
But something in me
felt... entitled.
You know, I've been
good all my adult life.
I've been a decent wife,
dutiful mother, coping with Ben.
This voice inside me kept saying...
"Why shouldn't you be bad?
Why shouldn't you transgress?
You've earned the right. "
I said get out, Denzel. The rest of you
get on with your work, please.
- [ Students Shouting ]
- Hurry up.
[ Boy ]
Still, I wouldn't mind being wingman.
[ Boy #2 ]
That's a shame. 'Cause you are as ugly as wank...
and you're never
gonna be able to do shit.
[ TV, Indistinct ]
[ Ben Laughing ]
[ Both Laughing ]
Sue phoned.
Okay if I meet her for a drink?
Sure. I'll put bug-a-lugs to bed.
[ Steven ]
Evening, miss.
[ Train Passing Overhead ]
Make yourself comfortable.
It's incredibly important
we keep this secret.
Does anyone know you're here?
No.
- [ Shudders ]
- Miss. Miss.
I'm no genius,
but I ain't a dickhead.
I won't tell no one.
You can trust me.
We'd both get into terrible trouble.
[ Train Passing ]
It was easy.
Like having another drink
when you know you shouldn't.
Can I smoke, miss?
You can do what you want,
but enough of this "miss."
[ Sighs ]
Were you a model once?
Well, you should have been.
You're well fit.
Gosh, but don't I know it.
You're into the Streets?
Oh, well, my daughter is.
She the same age as me?
None of your beeswax.
Well, anyway,
the point is you're fit.
- Well, so are you.
- You reckon?
My sister thinks I look
like a bollock with measles.
You've done my brain in.
[ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Train Passing ]
You want to do it again?
[ Laughing ]
- What?
- [ Mutters ]
Yes.
I want to do it again.
[ Train Passing ]
I want to do it again.
The day we met,
it had already begun?
Yes.
Deputy head in the morning.
Noble sentiment, Connolly.
Next time words, not fists.
Get inside, both of you.
[ Barbara ]
And you had further relations that day?
We went to the art room.
Well, I'm glad I was such an aphrodisiac.
I was trying to help you.
Well, you did.
I'm incredibly grateful.
You've been such a good friend.
Not reciprocated, it seems.
I desperately wanted
to confess to you.
But how could I?
Barbara?
It would have put you
in an impossible situation.
I so wish I had.
You would have made me see sense.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And then I realized my fury had blinded me.
There was a magnificent
opportunity here.
Can we go inside?
I'm absolutely freezing.
With stealth,
I might secure the prize...
long-term, forever in my debt.
I could gain everything...
by doing nothing.
Look, Bar...
I know you have to tell them.
You know, the head, the, uh, school.
All I ask is that
you wait till the new year.
Please. I'm begging you.
Please let me have this
Christmas with my family.
Oh, you poor thing.
You've got yourself into a state.
I'm not going to report you.
I want to help you...
to support you through this.
You're not- not going to tell?
You won't tell anyone?
Who would it benefit?
Not you or the boy.
Certainly not the school.
No, this is a private matter.
We must keep it so.
Yes.
Maybe I should resign.
Oh, no. No, that
might alert suspicion.
No, you must stay at the school,
but the affair must end.
Your solemn promise.
I can't help you
if you don't promise.
I promise.
So you'll tell him
straight after Christmas?
- It's all for the best.
- I know.
Thank you so much.
You've been so brilliant.
And you'll tell me when it's done?
Oh, you never said.
[ Barbara ]
Standard issue for spinsters.
Actually, she's been off her food recently.
I've been a bit worried about her.
There's a terrific vet up the road.
He was great with Ben's rabbit.
Got many people coming tomorrow?
Mmm. My lot. Richard's lot,
including first wife.
Oh. And your mother?
- Oh, yes.
- Well, happy Christmas.
Yeah, you too.
Thank you so much.
Courage, mon brave.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And bon voyage to her little leprechaun.
[ Engine Starts ]
Sheba and I share
a deep understanding now.
No one can violate
our magnificent complicity.
No, no, no!
Wait till tomorrow!
Stop.
[ Laughs ]
You've been gone ages.
Oh, Barbara was a lit-
Oh, some school thing.
- How's his nibs?
- Oh, still awake.
He's madly excited.
I said he could stay up for you.
And Polly?
Depressed.
- Oh.
- Uh, Pete phoned.
They had a row,
and he's not coming tomorrow.
Do you think he's bad news?
Well, these older men
can be very dodgy.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Knocking ]
[ Polly ]
Did Daddy tell you?
He's gonna bin me.
I know it.
You're very lovely, darling.
He's clever enough to appreciate it.
[ Sobbing ]
I'm fat as fuck, Mum.
He'll be back.
I can't live without him.
Oh.
[ Barbara Narrating ] Her fetish for the boy
was simply her snobbery manifested.
He's working-class,
and he likes art.
As ifhe were a monkey
whojust strolled out of the rain forest...
and asked for a gin and tonic.
[ Piano ]
Have you heard from that
friend of yours, Barbara?
Bar? Wakey-wakey.
Lorraine was asking
if you'd heard from that nice friend of yours.
- Who?
- Jennifer Dodd.
Oh. She left the school.
She's teaching
in a primary at Stoke.
There's a chap, apparently.
I heard they're engaged.
But it's true.
It would be insane, wouldn't it?
It's the most ridiculous
possible time for him to be selling.
Well, that's what I said.
I said that.
He should give me a ring.
It's absolute madness for him.
- There you are, darling.
- Well, I am happy to give-
I am happy to speak to him.
I'm none of the kind.
I'm nothing of the kind.
Darling? Can we have gravy, darling?
Darling, there's no gravy.
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Cell Phone Beeping ]
[ Richard Shouts ]
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Richard ]
It's taking half an hour to explain the whole thing.
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Woman ]
Ever since Ronald died, she's drifted inexorably.
You see, her father
was an exceptional man.
Exceptional.
Bathsheba's a loner, I'm afraid.
She's beautiful, thank God,
and it's got her through...
- but it's not quite the same
as possessing substance.
- [ Woman ] Mm-hmm.
[ Steven ]
Happy Christmas.
What are you doing here?
Everyone's inside.
Aren't you gonna open it?
Oh.
It's- It's made of real fake gold.
Thank you.
What's up?
I haven't heard from you.
I can't see you anymore.
I'm sorry. L-
I just can't.
It's over.
- [ Door Opens ]
- Why?
Bash? Bash?
She's not here.
- [ Door Closes ]
- Was that your dad?
No. It was an uncle.
Do you wanna end it?
Please don't look at me like that.
- Have you gone off me?
- No.
You should go.
Please don't make-
Just go.
[ Chattering ]
She gave you what?
- [ Chuckles ] What color are they?
- Is it Pete?
White?
[ Chattering Continues,
Indistinct ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Sobbing Continues ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I long to phone "S,"but it's late.
Poor girl. All alone
with her awful family.
Our lives are acutely similar
in so many respects.
[ Knocking ]
[ Woman ]
Sis?
Oh. Writing the old diary?
I can't imagine how you keep at it.
[ Laughs ]
I'd have nothing to say.
- [ Cat Mews ]
- Oh.
Hello.
You know, you're welcome
whenever you want.
Not just once a year.
It's just that I'm
rather busy at the moment.
Your racy London life.
[ Laughs ]
Well, I'm glad it's so full.
I'm sorry aboutJennifer.
She was lovely.
Is there anyone else?
Someone else who's special?
I don't know what you mean.
I didn't- I didn't mean to pry.
- [ Train Passing ]
- [ Moaning ]
Belated Christmas present.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my word! Asprey.
- [ Sighs ]
- How is she?
You are the most wonderful friend.
Any good?
It's a masterpiece.
Don't they teach you anything?
We used to worship her.
[ Woman Singing, Indistinct ]
- Take it off.
- What's it for?
Just take it off, please.
I'm-I'm still making it.
Yeah, but why?
It-It's for my son.
- But he's 12, isn't he?
- He's got Down syndrome.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
You never said.
Right.
Sorry.
- [ Cat Retching ]
- Oh!
Oh!
[ Man ]
I'm sure she's had a very happy life.
Oh, yes. She has.
Thank you.
We could make her feel more comfortable
for the next few weeks...
but it will be weeks
rather than months.
You've had a terrible shock.
Where's Richard?
I don't want to disturb your weekend.
It's fine.
Everyone's out.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Stops ]
Can they treat her?
He says it's just a matter of weeks.
[ Sobbing ]
She's only a pet.
Oh, no! I cried for weeks
when our dog died. Weeks.
One does get so attached.
[ Sighs ]
I should leave you in peace.
Yeah.
I like that top.
It suits you.
- Oh, thanks.
- [ Cell Phone Beeping ]
When I was at school...
if one of us had had some
bad news or was a bit down...
we used to stroke each other.
You know, someone would do one arm
and someone else the other.
It's a wonderful sensation.
Did you do that at your school?
No.
It's incredibly relaxing.
For the giver and the receiver.
- Close your eyes. No, no, really.
- Oh-
It doesn't work if you don't.
[ Sighs ]
- There's a good girl.
- I think that's enough.
- No. Close your eyes.
- No. I really think that's enough, Barbara.
There's someone in your garden!
He came over the wall.
Oh, it's probablyjust
the neighbor's boy, lost his football.
No, he's going into the summerhouse.
Quick! Call the police!
- It's just a kid from next door, Barbara. Forget it.
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Steven ] Where are you? I've been dreaming
about your hot, sweet cunt all morning.
Hello?
Hello?
Richard's on his way home.
No, I can't. No, I can't. I'll call you.
Barbara! Barbara,
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bar, please.
I tried to end it, honestly.
I just couldn't.
I risked everything for you!
And in return, you humiliate me!
No, I didn't mean to upset you, Bar. Please.
I need your help more than ever.
- Please don't go like this.
- You promised to end it. Why didn't you?
- Because l-
- What? You're in love?
And the child? Do you imagine
he reciprocates your soppy feelings?
Oh, I daresay he's fascinated
by the neurotic compulsions...
of a middle-class lady
with marital problems.
- Bar-
- There's nothing crueler than the adolescent boy.
I know them. Once he's had his fill,
he'll discard you like an old rag.
You're not young!
I say this to help you.
End it now.
- Yeah. I'm thinking.
- Don't think. Do.
Do, do, do, do!
Or shall I just sit here doing my nails
till your husband returns?
- No, no. Please. Please. I'll do it.
- What are you waiting for?
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Bell Rings ]
Mr. Connolly.
I'm Mrs. Hart.
From St. George's.
Steven's not in trouble.
I just need to talk to him
about an art project-
- Oh, yeah. Come in. Come in.
- Thank you.
It's just upstairs there.
It's very good of you
to give him the extra lessons.
It's the first door on the left.
It's probably best to knock.
[ Steven, Indistinct ]
So that's your vicious father?
You wanted a sob story.
I gave it to you.
- Made you feel like Bob Geldof.
- You lied to me!
Ooh, sorry, miss. What?
Do you prefer it if I live in a shithole?
- And your mother?
- I think she's gonna pull through.
What do you want?
What are you doing here?
They're gonna expel me now!
No, they won't.
I'll get the blame if she tells.
As if she won't.
She likes me.
She might not.
Likes you how? Like that?
You giving her one and all?
Why are you being so cruel?
Why, Steven?
I really like you.
You're a nice person.
And you've been cool,
and it's been great. Okay?
But it was supposed to be fun,
and now it's a serious thing.
Whatever shit
you're working out-
you know, your husband,
your kid, you-
I don't know.
I can't help you.
[ Train Passing ]
- Oh.
- [ Sobbing ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] As my mother
would have said, the boy done her like a kipper.
She has nowhere to turn
but trusty old Bar.
She mopes and mourns
for her pubescent paramour...
but she knows my interventions
have saved her life.
- And she is sweetly grateful.
- [ School Bell Rings ]
Her betrayal hurt me
more than I dare show.
But I will forgive her
and heal myself in private.
She's worth it, this one.
She's the one I've waited for.
She's beginning to understand
that her dalliance with Master Connolly...
was a consequence
ofher dead marriage.
It's a sham, fueled only
by the memory of former glories.
I mean, the wonderful
thing about Polly-
Whereas we are
going through the fire...
forging our friendship
with a stronger bond each day.
In fact, we are now entering...
a delicate new phase.
We are silently and stealthily...
negotiating the terms
of a life lived together.
- [ Laughing ]
- Now more than ever...
we are bound
by the secrets we share.
- [ Muttering ]
- [ Laughing ]
I'm invited to drop in
on them this summer...
at their house in the Dordogne.
I mightjust do that.
I once sat here
discussing Elgar for three hours.
- God. Who with?
- Oh, just a friend.
Jennifer.
This was our haunt.
We were quite chummy
for a while, but...
poor thing,
she suffered from a terrible depression.
- Oh.
- I tried to help, but she rather unraveled.
She became alarmingly deluded.
Did she go to hospital?
No. No, she got a job in Stoke.
- When was this?
- Last summer.
Though I feel
I should have done more.
I'm sure she knows
you did your best.
- Such a sensitive person.
- One conceals it, of course.
People languish for years with partners
who are clearly from another planet.
Mmm.
We want so much to believe
that we've found our other.
Takes courage to recognize the real
as opposed to the convenient.
When I was young,
I had such a vision of myself.
I dreamt I'd be someone to be reckoned with,
you know, in the world.
But one learns one's scale.
- Mmm.
- I've such a dread of ending my days alone.
Yes. L-We all do.
But recently I've allowed myself
to think that I may not be.
Am I wrong?
No. No. No.
[ Horns Honking ]
- Do you want to stay?
- [ Sobbing ]
Sometimes people find it
comforting to see them at peace.
Would you like to come back
in 20 minutes to say good-bye?
[ Sobbing Continues ]
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Sheba ]
Have you got your seat belt on, darling?
- [ Richard ] Oh, no. What the fuck?
- [ Polly ] Oh, God! Not her!
- For goodness' sake, shut up.
- [ Polly ] Mum, don't get out of the car.
Is it Portia? Oh, no.
[ Ben Speaks, Indistinct ]
I've got to go back
to the vet's after it's done.
- Oh.
- Will you come with me? I just can't on my own.
Of course I would.
It's just that...
- Ben's doing his play at his school.
- Play?
- We're all going. We're a bit late actually.
- Hurry up, Mum!
- Someone has died!
- L- I know.
- Mum!
- And it's t-t-terribly sad.
- You owe me this.
- Come on.
Ben, can't you make her vanish?
Use your wand or something.
He's doing a show
for the first time in his life.
That's your choice, is it?
- [ Horn Honks ]
- [ Ben ] Mum!
Why don't you come?
You'd be very welcome.
I thought you understood
what friendship means.
[ Chuckles ]
He's my child. He's my son.
- He's just a little boy.
- Don't play the good mother with me.
Excuse me. Could one of you
tell me what's going on?
- Is this some kind of coven?
- I can explain perfectly. Would you like me to?
No. It's just that Barbara's had
some very bad news about her cat.
My condolences. Poor, poor pussy.
Can I have my wife back, please?
- I don't like your tone.
- Why is she always here?
What kind of fucking spell
has she cast on you?
- [ Ben Shouting ]
- Ben is getting really stressed.
I think he's gonna blow.
Oh, for God's sake.
Get in the bloody car!
Give me a minute, will you?
I can handle this!
Oh, I'm to be handled, am I?
Like toxic waste.
You see me on sufferance.
I'm an imposition, to be tolerated.
No. Of course not.
I love our time together.
I'm your good, good friend.
- Then stay with me.
- [ Horn Honks ]
I would if I could.
I'm desperately sorry about Portia...
- but you can see I have to go.
- Think very carefully, madam.
- Be aware of the consequences.
- Barbara, please don't make this
mean any more than it is.
- Stay with me.
- [ Horn Honks ]
- I don't know what I'll do.
- [ Polly ] Let's go!
- Look, I'll call you. I promise.
- [ Polly ] Come on!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
They always let you down in the end.
Jennifer said I was too intense.
Meaning what exactly?
That I'm loyal in my friendships?
That I will go to the ends of the earth
for someone I admire?
- Shazam!
- [ Applause ]
- [ Cheering ]
- Whoo!
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Not disturbing you, am I?
It's just, uh...
I need to talk to you
about Mrs. Hart.
- Sheba.
- Ah.
It's a bit delicate.
Can I come in?
- Tea?
- Oh, lovely. Thanks.
You haven't got a biscuit?
Cheers.
Would you like me to take your hat?
Ah. Been up the Lane.
White Hart Lane.
Home of the mighty Spurs.
- Were you victorious?
- 3-nil.
Jermain Defoe.
Get in there.
My father was a supporter
of Charlton Athletic.
Never seemed to give him
any pleasure.
Where's the moggy?
She's dead.
Oh, dear.
Oh, my condolences.
Aw.
Oh, is this not a good time?
It's a very good time.
[ Lighter Clicks ]
Mrs. Hart.
Yeah.
Um, it's just-
Anything you tell me
will be in strictest confidence.
Well, the thing is...
I was wondering if she's, um...
ever mentioned me?
Does she ever mention me?
Let me think.
No, never.
Actually, yes.
She mentioned you'd invested in a new shirt.
I think it was last term.
Lashed out at Nicole Farhi.
The thing is,
over the last few months-well...
ever since I met her
really, l- I've-
Brian, are you in love?
I've been a bit
bloody obvious, haven't I?
You've been utterly clandestine.
So she mentioned the shirt then?
- You do know she's married?
- Yeah, but she's quite flirty...
and you never know
with people, do you?
- Indeed you don't.
- But...
I wouldn't want to make a move
if I'm just gonna get knocked back.
What with staff politics
and the head being such a stickler...
- you have to be really careful these days.
- It's a minefield.
So, would-
I mean...
do you think you could
have a word with her...
and just suss the lie of the land?
You'd like me to ask Mrs. Hart...
if she's inclined
to commit adultery with you?
I don't want you to suffer
more than is necessary.
No one should.
I couldn't possibly
speak for Mrs. Hart, but...
instinct tells me...
you might not be her type.
She's got a type then?
Oh, it's no reflection
on your attractiveness.
But my impression is
that her preference is for the younger man.
Surprisingly young.
Boys, I'm told.
Naturally, she doesn't
discuss any of this with me.
But I've been hearing some rather
alarming rumors about one in particular.
Playground gossip,
staff room whispers and so on.
You might know the boy in question.
Um...
Steven Connolly.
Year 10?
I think the kettle's boiled.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
You say the words, and it's done.
- Easy.
- [ Whispers ] Night, darling.
Judas had the grace to hang himself.
But only according to Matthew...
the most sentimental
of the Apostles.
Is this the last night
ofher old life?
I wonder how long
my messenger will take.
Thank you.
People like Sheba think they know
what it is to be lonely.
But of the drip, drip...
oflong-haul,
no-end-in-sight solitude...
they know nothing.
What it's like to construct an entire weekend
around a visit to the launderette...
or to be so chronically untouched...
that the accidental brush
of a bus conductor's hand...
sends a jolt oflonging...
straight to your groin.
Of this...
Sheba and her like...
- have no clue.
- [ Beeps ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- [ Answering Machine Beeps ]
- [ Sheba ] Bar, I'm so sorry about today.
It was an impossible situation.
Richard's really sorry too.
Poor you.
But- Look, why don't you
come for supper?
Actually, I write quite quickly.
It's the thinking
that takes an eternity.
Well, you're never satisfied.
When you're lecturing,
you long for time to write...
and when you've got it,
you yearn to be back with your students.
- [ Sheba ] More coffee, anyone?
- [ Richard ] I'll have a slug. Thanks.
Barbara?
Uh, no, thank you.
[ Loud Knocking ]
[ Knocking Continues ]
Yes?
- Are you her husband?
- What? Whose?
- Don't you dick with me, mister.
- Sorry.
- Don't dick me around. Where is she?
- I don't-
Tell her Steven Connolly's mother
wants to see her right now!
- Excuse me!
- Get-
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Maggie!
- Slut!
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Maggie!
Whore! Whore! How could you?
- Maggie! Maggie!
- How could you? He's only a child!
A sweet boy!
He's a child!
- What the hell is going on?
- You ask your wife what's going on!
- Ask her! You perverted... bitch! Bitch!
- Maggie!
- Come on. Leave it. Come on.
- [ Shouting ] Get off me.
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Leave them alone.
- [ Maggie ] Bitch!
- Leave them alone, Maggie.
- You fucking-
Leave them alone, eh?
There's nothing for us here.
It happened.
Itjust happened.
Things don't-
P- People make things happen.
Do you think you're the only one
who's ever wanted someone who's young?
Everyone sometime- Everyone thinks ab-
But they... deal with it!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
By the time I took my seat in the gods...
the opera was well into
its final act.
- [ Richard ] You're his teacher!
- And you were mine!
- Oh!
- But I'm not justifying!
- I'm not trying to justify it!
- You are so full of shit!
- I am just saying-
- It's totally different!
- You were 20!
- Well, he's 16 in May.
- He's not some innocent.
- Of course he's innocent!
He's fucking 15!
Are you insane?
If you- If you meant to destroy us,
why not do it with an adult?
That's the convention.
It's worked for centuries.
It wasn't about us. It-
- W-W-Why?
- I j-just wanted him.
Why?
- I don't know!
- Well, find out!
[ Car Doors Closing ]
[ Chattering ]
- Sheba?
- Yeah.
- And- No.
- Connolly. Yes. Yes. Honestly.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
My guilt is tempered with relief.
She assumes the boy cracked
and told his mother all.
Who am I to disabuse her?
Oh, Brian. Brian.
Brian. Brian,
do stop a minute, please.
Today St. George's School
is a solemn place.
A source close to the school
has indicated that another member of staff...
may have known of the relationship.
This, however, is categorically denied
by the local authority.
I've told you, Headmaster, had I known anything,
I would've informed you immediately.
My only loyalty is to the school.
- Brian thinks you've known for months.
- Brian "thinks"?
- And then there is Sue Hodge.
- Will you be running through
the entire staff room?
If you knew and turned a blind eye,
you have enabled a crime.
I didn't, so I haven't.
Your point?
You're due for retirement next year.
I think it would benefit everyone...
if you take it early,
with immediate effect.
So it's a witch hunt.
Salem comes to Islington.
The stress of the job, you know.
Uh, radical new ideas in teaching not to your taste.
Well, I've got a radical idea.
Your school, your disaster. Why don't you resign?
Because I am not
the confidante of a criminal!
Now, tell me about
your friendship with Mrs. Hart.
I think you'll find that a close friendship
between consenting adults is perfectly legal...
even under your regime.
My record here is beyond reproach.
The majority of the staff
regard me as a moral guardian.
I've just spoken to
an ex-member of our staff.
Another of your close friends.
Jennifer Dodd.
As you are aware,
Jennifer became unwell.
That's why she had to
leave the school.
- Jennifer threatened you with
a restraining order, didn't she?
- That's nonsense.
A fax from her solicitor.
She didn't want you within 500 yards of her...
- by law!
- [ Slams Table ]
You call that a friendship?
She told me that
you sent her fianc a wreath.
Now, we wouldn't want all this
to come out, would we?
A lifetime of-
of dedicated service...
ending in shame and humiliation?
It's your choice, Barbara.
[ Chattering ]
[ People Murmuring ]
[ Vomits ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Banging ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
He knows it was me. Does she know too?
More than I can bear.
Is that why she's
not returned my calls?
[ Phone Rings ]
[ All Shouting ]
[ Woman ]
Miss Covett!
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Man ] Barbara, have you
spoken to Sheba Hart yet?
- [ Shouting Continues ]
- [ Man #2 ] When's she coming out?
[ Man #3 ]
Barbara, tell us why you're friends with-
[ Woman ]
Miss Covett, did you teach the boy at all?
[ All Shouting ]
[ Man #4 ]
Barbara, how is Sheba's husband taking all this?
Barbarians.
Sorry about your job.
You see, the headmaster
thought I knew.
- Did you?
- No.
- [ Man ] When's she coming out?
- [ Woman ] Come on out, Sheba!
Where is she?
In her lair.
[ Polly ]
Your boyfriend is younger than mine!
- [ Sheba ] He's not my boyfriend.
- You slept with a child!
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, Jesus wept!
The specter at the feast!
- You watch your tongue, madam.
- Frigging freak!
Oh. There, there.
[ Sighs ]
Thanks for coming.
I'm so sorry about school.
Was he-Thank you.
Was he awful to you?
Listen. You could say no-
l- I'd completely understand-
but Richard-
He needs some time alone.
He's asked me to leave.
Can I come stay with you
just for a few days?
You're welcome
for as long as you like.
[ Reporters Shouting ]
[ Woman ]
When's she coming out?
[ Man ]
Are you the chauffeur, Barbara?
- [ Woman ] When's she coming out?
- Is Ben at school?
[ Man ] Barbara, don't be shy, love!
You gotta come out sometime!
Does he know what's happening?
It's really none of your business.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Woman ]
What about the kids?
[ Man ]
How's her husband?
Is he going to divorce her?
[ Woman ]
Come on, Sheba! Make my day!
[ Indistinct ]
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Woman ] There she is!
How's the family coping, Barbara?
[ Man ]
Is he going to divorce her?
- [ Woman ] What about the kids?
- [ Man ] Come on out, Sheba!
- I've got a mortgage to pay!
- I knew who you were when we met.
You were young.
L- I knew it might get tough, but I was prepared.
[ Woman ]
When is she coming out?
You're a good mother,
but at times you've been a fucking lousy wife.
Why didn't you come to me?
You could have told me
how lonely you were.
You never trusted me to help you.
I'm not saying
I was so fucking fabulous...
but I was here.
[ Man ]
Come on out, Sheba.
Sheba?
[ All Shouting ]
[ Man ]
There she is! There she is!
[ All Shouting ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] This last month
has been the most delicious time of my life.
Of course,
we've had our ups and downs.
The pressure is intense
when two women share their lives.
But, oh, what marvelous
intensity it is.
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Man ] Look! It's the crone!
Barbara.
[ Woman ]
Barbara! Barbara! Is it true you're a white witch?
- [ All Shouting ]
- Barbara, is Sheba coming out?
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Circumstances are not always ideal.
- [ Toilet Flushes ]
- The swinish press.
The stringent bail terms.
Meetings with lawyers and so on.
But all things considered,
we're coping admirably.
In fact, gold stars abundant.
The cuckold...
permits her to see their children once a week.
There are usually tears...
and fits of teenage tantrums too.
In time, she'll recognize she's
just not the mothering kind.
And then Barbara will be there
to comfort her.
Nurse, beloved friend
and wise counsel.
[ Object Shatters ]
[ Man ]
The crone returneth!
[ Woman ]
Barbara, were you pushed, or did you jump?
[ Man ]
And if you jumped, was it into a dike?
Is Sheba still alive?
What have you done with her?
[ Woman ]
How's the family coping, Barbara?
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Woman ] Barbara! Barbara!
Sheba?
What you say about me...
about... Richard-
You're not fit to shine his shoes.
And Ben and...
Polly.
That I'd be happier without them?
Why did you do it?
- [ Groans ]
- Because I didn't help you collect your cat?
- Oh!
- You've cost me my family!
No! Look!
Take some responsibility!
I gave you exactly what you wanted.
- You'd still be stuck in that marriage without me.
- What?
- You can't accept it yet, but-
- You think I wanted to be here with you?
- You need me. I'm your friend.
- You've put me in prison.
- I could get two years.
- They'll fly by.
I'll visit you every week.
We've so much life to live together.
You think this is a love affair?
A relationship?
What? Sticky gold stars and a-
and a- and a strand of my hair?
- No.
- And a receipt from Pizza Express?
It's a flat in the Archway Road...
and you think you're
Virginia frigging Woolf! .
And where did you get my hair?
Did you pluck it from the bath...
with some special fucking tweezers?
- Don't you know it's rude to read
a person's diary? It's private!
- We're not companions.
We're not friends.
You don't even like me.
That's not true.
I only have tender feelings for you, only love!
No! No!
[ Groans ]
You're barking fucking mad.
You don't know how to love.
You've never your whole life.
Me. Jennifer Dodd.
You're nothing but waste
and disappointment.
You bitter old virgin!
You're lonely for a reason.
They loathed you at school- all of them.
I was the idiot who bothered. But only because
no one told me you're a fucking vampire!
So what is it, Bar? You want to
roll around the floor like lovers?
You want to fuck me, Barbara?
- Please don't diminish our-
- Our what?
- What?
- No. Give it back.
L- I know you.
Selfish and vain.
You think you have a divine right.
- [ Grunts ]
- You don't belong in the world.
You belong here! You big baby!
[ Reporters Shouting ]
Here I am!
[ Shouts ]
Here I am!
[ All Shouting ]
[ Shouting ]
Okay. Get back.
Go back.
[ Glass Clinking ]
We never invited you
to the fucking Dordogne.
I'm sorry, but you specifically said
if I happened to be in France, I should drop in.
We didn't mean it.
Well, fine.
I won't come then.
I asked you to lunch
because I liked you.
I would've been your friend.
I need more than a friend.
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]
[ Barbara ]
I knew her.
Sorry?
I knew her.
- Really?
- Mmm.
We taught at the same school.
God. What was she like?
A bit...
chilly.
A touch furtive.
A sort of absent person.
Oh, but I didn't
know her well. May I?
Mm-hmm.
- Do you still teach?
- No, no.
Retired.
Thank goodness.
[ Chuckles ]
- You've-
- Oh. [ Laughs ]
Here.
Thanks.
[ Children Chattering
In Distance ]
- I love it here.
- Mmm.
[ Barbara ]
It's spectacular at dusk.
I'm Barbara.
Annabel.
I wonder, Annabel.
- Do you like music?
- Oh. Yes.
Uh, it's just that
I've got tickets...
for Handel's Water Music
at the Albert Hall.
- Oh.
- On Saturday night.
You could bring a friend
if there's, uh, someone-
Oh, no. Oh, no.
There isn't.
Well, there we are.
[ Woman Narrating ]
People have always trusted me with their secrets.
But who do I trust with mine?
You. Only you.
The first day of a new term.
Here come the local
pubescent proles...
the future plumbers
and shop assistants...
and doubtless the odd terrorist too.
[ Shouting, Chattering ]
In the old days, we confiscated
cigarettes and wank mags.
Now it's knives and crack cocaine.
And they call it progress.
[ Boy ]
Roger!
- [ Boy ] Piss off!
- Tony. Tony.
Mrs. Hart, art department.
nails his 95 points...
to a church door
in Wittenberg-
[ School Bell Rings ]
[ Girl ]
Poison granny.
Piss off, you prick.
Before we begin, for those of you
who haven't delivered your reports...
please lob them
in my general direction.
Thank you, Bill.
Thank you, Mary.
Thank you, John.
Thank you, Elaine.
Ah. Has everyone met our new
art teacher, Sheba Hart?
- Hello.
- I've asked Sheba to sit in on this meeting.
As you all know,
I regard the arts...
as absolutely essential to our policy
of reform through nurture.
Thank you, Chris.
Very good. Very good.
Ah, thank you, Sue.
I say, that's a big one, isn't it?
I'll be up till the crack of dawn.
[ Chuckles ]
I'll be up till the crack of dawn.
[ Chuckles ]
Anyone else not handed in
their homework? Right.
And, uh, thank you.
Lovely. Thank you.
Barbara?
This is your report?
On the history department?
On its entire workings?
And your general thoughts
for its future development?
You'll find it's quite
thorough, Headmaster.
"The history department functions
much as one would expect...
"for a school of this
stature and intake.
"Examination results have been
consistent for 30 years...
"below the national average
but above the level of catastrophe.
Recommendation:
No change necessary. "
Took me most of the summer
to write it.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Hard to read the wispy novice.
[ Boy ]
Piss off, you prick.
Is she a sphinx or simply stupid?
All right. Off the phone, please.
Give me the phone.
- Artfully disheveled today.
- [ Chattering Continues ]
The tweedy tramp coat
is an abhorrence.
It seems to say,
"I'm just like you."
But clearly she's not.
- A fey person, I suspect.
- Stop it, girls. Just stop it.
Fey.
[ Boy ]
Oi, oi. Pass it. Yes. Come over here. Very good.
- Yeah!
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Barbara ] Put your shirt on.
- I got the winner, miss.
Glory be! Shirt!
[ Boys Chattering ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] She has certainly
rippled the waters of our stagnant pond.
They flock to her.
Even limp little Brian had a go.
Oh, the horror.
- Hiya.
- Oh, hello.
- That's a lovely blouse.
- What? Oh!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And "Fatty"Hodge has pounced on her.
A dubious double act.
The blonde and the pig in knickers.
I just went past the art studio.
It's like bloody Lord of the Flies in there.
- Have they gone for her?
- They've torn her posters down.
There's a full-on paint fight.
They're chanting,
"Get your tits out for the lads."
- Girls too. It's carnage.
- [ Man ] How was madam?
Completely lost it.
"Stop it! Stop it, you little fucking bastards!"
- You should have stepped in.
- Well, he didn't want to patronize the little lady.
She'll be all right.
This time next year, she'll be headmistress.
- Oh, Christ! Will you shut up!
- Sorry. Sorry.
Char, anyone?
- Babs?
- Milk, no sugar.
- Sweet enough?
- Evidently.
- [ Chuckles ]
- Didn't her father invent inflation?
- You what?
- Wasn't her dad that academic, Donald whatsit?
Economics bloke.
Invented the word "inflation."
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I know who you mean.
I think you'll find that Mrs. Hart's father
was Professor Ronald Taylor.
He didn't invent "inflation."
He devised a theory
about the relationship...
between inflation
and consumer expectation.
[ Chattering ]
[ Sheba ]
Please get offhim! Stop it!
[ Boy ]
You're an arsehole!
[ Sheba ]
Stop it!
[ Students Chanting ]
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
- [ Chanting Continues ]
- [ Sheba Shouting, Indistinct ]
You're going to hurt one another.
Now stop it! Please get offhim!
- [ Shouting Continues ]
- Enough! Outside!
Now!
[ Boys Chattering ]
- [ Boys Laughing ]
- [ Boy ] You're a wanker.
- Fuck off! .
- [ Barbara ] Absolute silence! Absolute!
Why were they fighting, Mrs. Hart?
Their motive was unclear.
Davis I know. You're a little thug.
Who might you be?
- Steven Connolly, miss.
- What?
- Steven Connolly, miss.
- Year?
Year 10, miss.
You're the naked footballer.
Why were you fighting?
- It's a perfectly simple question.
- Don't know, miss.
You don't know. One minute
you're an inert lump...
the next you're trying
to castrate a fellow pupil.
Nothing occurred
between these two states?
- No, miss.
- Don't play the hero with me, Connolly.
Yes. Brain. Mouth. Speak.
He was saying stuff about miss.
It was bang out of order.
- What did you say?
- I never said nothin', miss.
"I didn't say anything."
What did he say? Come on!
He said she's a tart.
He said he gave her one up the arse.
Did you, indeed?
Odious boy.
- Apologize at once.
- Sorry, miss.
Deputy head in the morning.
Get back inside, both of you.
Little towers of testosterone.
You'll soon get used to them.
Thank you so much.
I better- Oh, I'm sorry.
We haven't met properly, have we?
- I'm Sheba Hart.
- Barbara Covett.
[ Nervous Chuckling ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Her voice is pure...
as ifher mouth
were empty and clean...
as if she'd never had a filling.
The complexion of a white peach.
One can almost see her veins.
Her trendy politics
are similarly transparent.
We serve them best
if we teach them to read, write and add.
They don't need to know
about the basket weavers of Chile.
- Barbara's very keen on the basics.
- But when you started...
I mean, didn't you want to
give them a real education...
to help them overcome the poverty
of their backgrounds?
Oh, yes, of course.
But one soon learns that
teaching is crowd control.
Come here!
We're a branch
of the social services.
Put that back, you!
[ Indistinct Shouting ]
Console yourself with the gems.
That's when it's satisfying.
Then you can make a real difference.
The rest is just
cattle prod and pray.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I can see why others are beguiled by her.
Oh, hello.
But I wonder if she possesses
the requisite heft.
- Do you fancy a coffee?
- Yeah.
- [ Woman ] Sheba!
- [ Phone Beeping ]
- Sorry. L-
- That's the year 11 s. They're a nightmare.
- Sue, do you want to join us?
Just going for a quick coffee.
- Great.
Um- [ Clears Throat ]
I've got a bit of an announcement.
You're leaving St. George's?
- No.
- Oh, you're pregnant.
That's fantastic.
Oh, congratulations.
When are you due?
- June the 7th.
- A summer baby. How lovely.
I can't believe that nobody's noticed.
I'm 14 weeks.
- Oh.
- Didn't you see how chunky I'm getting?
Didn't like to say.
Where are you having it?
- Homerton. It's really nice there.
- [ Sheba ] Oh, right.
Lovely, friendly nurses.
I'm going to find out
at the next scan- 20 weeks.
Do you want to come
to lunch on Sunday?
- Where?
- To mine. To our house.
- Won't you be with your family?
- Yes, but you're very welcome.
Oh, it's no big deal.
I'll just do a lasagna or something.
I adore lasagna.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Bliss. A merry flag...
on the arctic wilderness
of my calendar.
One must make an effort
when one receives an invitation.
The art of it is seeming not to.
Lasagna tends
to disagree with my bowels.
I'll ask for a small portion.
- Oh, I think I've got the wrong house.
- No. You're bang on.
- I'm Richard. Come in.
- Oh.
I'm sorry. I thought-
- That I'd be 20 years younger
and twice as handsome.
- [ Door Closes ]
- Bash!
- [ Sheba ] The kitchen's on fire!
Sorry if you were out there long.
The, uh-The bell's knackered.
- Hi, Barbara.
- Hello.
Oh, what a splendid room.
What can I get you? We're, uh-
We're semi-pro drinkers here. You name it.
[ Barbara ]
I would like a dry sherry, please.
Ah. Uh, I think we might have
some apricot brandy knocking around.
- Uh, dry white wine.
- Done. Have a seat.
- [ Richard ] Where's the, uh, wine?
- [ Sheba Speaks, Indistinct ]
[ Richard ] Well, scrape it. Do you want to-
For a moment. Is it in the fridge?
You must be Polly.
I'm Barbara.
Hi, Barbara.
[ Clattering ]
[ Polly ]
Are you going somewhere?
- Excuse me?
- You're all poshed up.
Oh. Uh, I have an appointment.
Uh, later. In town.
[ Dog Barking ]
- Have you always lived here?
- Mum inherited it.
- It's her littlejoke.
- I only married her for the property. Morning.
- Did Pete go?
- [ Polly ] Mmm.
He was welcome to stay.
He's not really into lunch.
Cheers.
Mmm. Are you interested in wine?
Only the drinking part.
- You?
- Well, I spent a portion of
the summer on the Amalfi coast-
- [ Shouting ]
- Here's trouble.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Easy! Rocky! Easy!
Easy, easy, wheezy.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I'd anticipated a suave young lawyer-
- [ Richard ] Barbara?
- and two perfect poppets.
- Not so.
- [ Richard ] Mmm, mmm, mmm.
She's married some
crumbling patriarch.
- He's nearly as old as me.
- Ooh! Ah, ah.
And then there's the daughter,
a pocket princess.
And, finally, a somewhat
tiresome courtjester.
[ Richard ]
Ah, lovely. Thank you.
I'm going to be a wizard.
Oh. Is that when you're grown up?
No. He's just been cast
in his school play.
- [ Boy ] I'm gonna wear a cape.
- Oh.
- I'm the one with the car.
- [ Richard ] Amongst next year's
cultural highlights...
I greatly look forward
to Benjamin Hart...
in the key role of the wizard.
And, indeed, I find myself
beside myself with anticipation.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
A rogue image swam through me:
Hubby's pruney old mouth
pursed at Sheba's breast.
[ Reggae ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
After lunch, a rather mortifying family tradition.
They do things differently
in bourgeois bohemia.
[ Reggae Continues ]
[ Man Singing ]
Oh. Thank you.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
No.
[ Man Vocalizing ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Vocalizing Continues ]
- Ooh!
- [ Continues, Ends ]
- You ready?
- Watch out.
- Yes!
- Oh.
[ Sheba ]
Took me away for our anniversary. It was years ago.
- When we came back, it was here.
- [ Gasps ]
- As if by magic.
- [ Ben Muttering ]
Oh.
Was supposed to be my studio.
It's more of a refuge, really.
A room of one's own.
[ Sighs ]
Is this you?
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Sheba ] Mmm.
It was.
Oh, I love these.
Such vibrant colors.
Take one. Take two.
Have the lot, actually.
- I couldn't possibly.
- Honestly, no one else wants them.
Oh, I'll treasure them.
Must be exhausting-
running a family and teaching as well.
Oh, I can't wait for term to end.
Roll on, Christmas,
and a month of sod-all.
I shouldn't have kidded
myself I could teach.
It's just that l- I've spent
the last 10 years looking after Ben...
and I'm so desperate
to get out and do something.
And finally we get him into this great
local school, and I'm free to work, and-
You're gonna be a terrific teacher.
Thanks.
But I'm bloody hopeless,
and everyone knows it.
Children are feral.
Don't let them sense your anxiety.
- How do you cope?
- Oh, I'm just a battle-ax.
I'm not popular,
but they respect me.
Well, you're popular with me.
It's strange. I feel
I can talk to you.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
She spoke ofher vile mother...
her grief over the death
ofher father...
the glory days when Richard
scooped her up...
and then jettisoned
wife and children...
for what she called
a nonstop fuck fest.
It's a peculiar trait
of the privileged:
Immediate, incautious intimacy.
But Sheba went well beyond
the tendencies ofher class.
She was utterly candid.
A novice confessing
to the mother superior.
You know, marriage and kids-
I mean, it's wonderful.
But it doesn't give you meaning.
It gives you an imperative,
but it doesn't help you-
My father always used to say-
you know, on the tube- "Mind the gap."
- Uh-
- Oh, I don't know.
It's just the distance
between life as you...
dream it and...
life as it is.
I know exactly what you mean.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
A gold star day.
I always knew we'd be friends.
Our mutual reserve inhibited us...
but now it is manifest-
a spiritual recognition.
[ Man ] At the end of this year,
many of you will enjoy Christmas.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
"S"and I share the ability...
to see through the quotidian
awfulness of things.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
In a different, better age,
we would be ladies ofleisure...
lunching together,
visiting galleries, traveling...
putting the world to rights.
We would be companions.
[ Rhythmic Clapping ]
[ Singing Christmas Hymn ]
- It's taken. I'm saving it for Sheba.
- [ Continues ]
- Sorry.
- [ Continues ]
- [ Clapping Continues ]
- [ Whispering ]
[ Students Continue Singing ]
[ Cheering ]
Very good! Well done!
[ Boys Singing Christmas Hymn ]
[ Continues ]
[ Ends ]
[ Students Chattering ]
Ben, put it in the car, would you, please?
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ]
- Ben, pop it in the car, sweetheart. Hello?
I need to speak to you
about Steven Connolly.
Who?
Let's not, shall we?
Doubtless you're aware you've
committed a criminal offense.
I'll be with you at 5:00.
[ Knocks ]
Let's go to the pub, okay?
- [ Man ] No, Boxing Day-
- When-When will you tell them?
I need to know the circumstances.
You must inform me of everything.
Actually, you were there
when I first saw him.
- I think you gave him a telling-off.
- Yeah!
[ Barbara ]
I gave him a slight ticking off.
[ Sheba ]
He dedicated his goal to me.
It amused me.
Nothing more.
A few days later, he came to see me.
Miss, would you have a look
at me drawings, please?
I'll look at them in class.
You do art, don't you?
I'm not allowed.
I'm special needs.
I gotta do extra reading instead.
Did you do these at home?
These are good.
You can draw.
If we pull strings for one child...
the whole system will unravel.
But he's talented. He's actually
found something he believes in.
Well, they're all talented.
You found your gem,
as Sue would say.
I said that I would teach him after school,
but only if he felt like it.
It's our job, isn't it?
Within specified hours
and a specified curriculum.
Barbara, he came
every day for two weeks.
Yes, I was flattered,
but- and more than that.
I was excited to find someone
who wanted to learn.
And he imagined a sort
of helicopter 500 years ago.
Does your brain in.
[ Barbara ]
But surely you must have suspected his motives.
I sensed he had
a little crush on me.
But so what?
And it was innocent.
That's so much better.
You've absolutely got that knuckle.
Nailed it.
Do that again, miss.
Don't be silly.
Off you go.
What are you having for tea, miss?
I don't know.
Probably buy something on the way home.
- Are you a good cook?
- Not really.
You suck?
Go home, Steven.
Well, that's when
you should've stopped it.
I did. I told him I wouldn't
teach him anymore.
He refused to accept it.
He just kept coming back.
- Miss!
- [ Students Chattering ]
[ Sheba ]
It began to feel like our secret...
[ Sheba ]
It began to feel like our secret...
and secrets can be...
seductive.
- Do you want to come for a walk?
- Absolutely not.
I'm going home to my family,
as should you.
Miss.
My dad's got the sack.
He's been taking it out on me.
[ Sheba ]
His father had been hitting him.
- He didn't want to tell his mum
because she was ill.
- Does your mother know?
Kidney disease.
It's taken months for an operation.
He was so vulnerable.
Well, if he does it again,
you tell me.
Thanks, miss.
You're beautiful, miss.
You don't know
how beautiful you are.
[ Sheba ]
I hadn't been pursued like this for years.
I knew it was wrong and immoral
and completely ridiculous...
but I don't know.
I just allowed it to happen.
The boy is 15!
But he's quite mature for his age.
"But" is not a helpful word here.
This is gonna sound sick.
But something in me
felt... entitled.
You know, I've been
good all my adult life.
I've been a decent wife,
dutiful mother, coping with Ben.
This voice inside me kept saying...
"Why shouldn't you be bad?
Why shouldn't you transgress?
You've earned the right. "
I said get out, Denzel. The rest of you
get on with your work, please.
- [ Students Shouting ]
- Hurry up.
[ Boy ]
Still, I wouldn't mind being wingman.
[ Boy #2 ]
That's a shame. 'Cause you are as ugly as wank...
and you're never
gonna be able to do shit.
[ TV, Indistinct ]
[ Ben Laughing ]
[ Both Laughing ]
Sue phoned.
Okay if I meet her for a drink?
Sure. I'll put bug-a-lugs to bed.
[ Steven ]
Evening, miss.
[ Train Passing Overhead ]
Make yourself comfortable.
It's incredibly important
we keep this secret.
Does anyone know you're here?
No.
- [ Shudders ]
- Miss. Miss.
I'm no genius,
but I ain't a dickhead.
I won't tell no one.
You can trust me.
We'd both get into terrible trouble.
[ Train Passing ]
It was easy.
Like having another drink
when you know you shouldn't.
Can I smoke, miss?
You can do what you want,
but enough of this "miss."
[ Sighs ]
Were you a model once?
Well, you should have been.
You're well fit.
Gosh, but don't I know it.
You're into the Streets?
Oh, well, my daughter is.
She the same age as me?
None of your beeswax.
Well, anyway,
the point is you're fit.
- Well, so are you.
- You reckon?
My sister thinks I look
like a bollock with measles.
You've done my brain in.
[ Laughs ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Train Passing ]
You want to do it again?
[ Laughing ]
- What?
- [ Mutters ]
Yes.
I want to do it again.
[ Train Passing ]
I want to do it again.
The day we met,
it had already begun?
Yes.
Deputy head in the morning.
Noble sentiment, Connolly.
Next time words, not fists.
Get inside, both of you.
[ Barbara ]
And you had further relations that day?
We went to the art room.
Well, I'm glad I was such an aphrodisiac.
I was trying to help you.
Well, you did.
I'm incredibly grateful.
You've been such a good friend.
Not reciprocated, it seems.
I desperately wanted
to confess to you.
But how could I?
Barbara?
It would have put you
in an impossible situation.
I so wish I had.
You would have made me see sense.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And then I realized my fury had blinded me.
There was a magnificent
opportunity here.
Can we go inside?
I'm absolutely freezing.
With stealth,
I might secure the prize...
long-term, forever in my debt.
I could gain everything...
by doing nothing.
Look, Bar...
I know you have to tell them.
You know, the head, the, uh, school.
All I ask is that
you wait till the new year.
Please. I'm begging you.
Please let me have this
Christmas with my family.
Oh, you poor thing.
You've got yourself into a state.
I'm not going to report you.
I want to help you...
to support you through this.
You're not- not going to tell?
You won't tell anyone?
Who would it benefit?
Not you or the boy.
Certainly not the school.
No, this is a private matter.
We must keep it so.
Yes.
Maybe I should resign.
Oh, no. No, that
might alert suspicion.
No, you must stay at the school,
but the affair must end.
Your solemn promise.
I can't help you
if you don't promise.
I promise.
So you'll tell him
straight after Christmas?
- It's all for the best.
- I know.
Thank you so much.
You've been so brilliant.
And you'll tell me when it's done?
Oh, you never said.
[ Barbara ]
Standard issue for spinsters.
Actually, she's been off her food recently.
I've been a bit worried about her.
There's a terrific vet up the road.
He was great with Ben's rabbit.
Got many people coming tomorrow?
Mmm. My lot. Richard's lot,
including first wife.
Oh. And your mother?
- Oh, yes.
- Well, happy Christmas.
Yeah, you too.
Thank you so much.
Courage, mon brave.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
And bon voyage to her little leprechaun.
[ Engine Starts ]
Sheba and I share
a deep understanding now.
No one can violate
our magnificent complicity.
No, no, no!
Wait till tomorrow!
Stop.
[ Laughs ]
You've been gone ages.
Oh, Barbara was a lit-
Oh, some school thing.
- How's his nibs?
- Oh, still awake.
He's madly excited.
I said he could stay up for you.
And Polly?
Depressed.
- Oh.
- Uh, Pete phoned.
They had a row,
and he's not coming tomorrow.
Do you think he's bad news?
Well, these older men
can be very dodgy.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Knocking ]
[ Polly ]
Did Daddy tell you?
He's gonna bin me.
I know it.
You're very lovely, darling.
He's clever enough to appreciate it.
[ Sobbing ]
I'm fat as fuck, Mum.
He'll be back.
I can't live without him.
Oh.
[ Barbara Narrating ] Her fetish for the boy
was simply her snobbery manifested.
He's working-class,
and he likes art.
As ifhe were a monkey
whojust strolled out of the rain forest...
and asked for a gin and tonic.
[ Piano ]
Have you heard from that
friend of yours, Barbara?
Bar? Wakey-wakey.
Lorraine was asking
if you'd heard from that nice friend of yours.
- Who?
- Jennifer Dodd.
Oh. She left the school.
She's teaching
in a primary at Stoke.
There's a chap, apparently.
I heard they're engaged.
But it's true.
It would be insane, wouldn't it?
It's the most ridiculous
possible time for him to be selling.
Well, that's what I said.
I said that.
He should give me a ring.
It's absolute madness for him.
- There you are, darling.
- Well, I am happy to give-
I am happy to speak to him.
I'm none of the kind.
I'm nothing of the kind.
Darling? Can we have gravy, darling?
Darling, there's no gravy.
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Cell Phone Beeping ]
[ Richard Shouts ]
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Richard ]
It's taking half an hour to explain the whole thing.
[ Chattering Continues ]
[ Woman ]
Ever since Ronald died, she's drifted inexorably.
You see, her father
was an exceptional man.
Exceptional.
Bathsheba's a loner, I'm afraid.
She's beautiful, thank God,
and it's got her through...
- but it's not quite the same
as possessing substance.
- [ Woman ] Mm-hmm.
[ Steven ]
Happy Christmas.
What are you doing here?
Everyone's inside.
Aren't you gonna open it?
Oh.
It's- It's made of real fake gold.
Thank you.
What's up?
I haven't heard from you.
I can't see you anymore.
I'm sorry. L-
I just can't.
It's over.
- [ Door Opens ]
- Why?
Bash? Bash?
She's not here.
- [ Door Closes ]
- Was that your dad?
No. It was an uncle.
Do you wanna end it?
Please don't look at me like that.
- Have you gone off me?
- No.
You should go.
Please don't make-
Just go.
[ Chattering ]
She gave you what?
- [ Chuckles ] What color are they?
- Is it Pete?
White?
[ Chattering Continues,
Indistinct ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Sobbing Continues ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
I long to phone "S,"but it's late.
Poor girl. All alone
with her awful family.
Our lives are acutely similar
in so many respects.
[ Knocking ]
[ Woman ]
Sis?
Oh. Writing the old diary?
I can't imagine how you keep at it.
[ Laughs ]
I'd have nothing to say.
- [ Cat Mews ]
- Oh.
Hello.
You know, you're welcome
whenever you want.
Not just once a year.
It's just that I'm
rather busy at the moment.
Your racy London life.
[ Laughs ]
Well, I'm glad it's so full.
I'm sorry aboutJennifer.
She was lovely.
Is there anyone else?
Someone else who's special?
I don't know what you mean.
I didn't- I didn't mean to pry.
- [ Train Passing ]
- [ Moaning ]
Belated Christmas present.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, my word! Asprey.
- [ Sighs ]
- How is she?
You are the most wonderful friend.
Any good?
It's a masterpiece.
Don't they teach you anything?
We used to worship her.
[ Woman Singing, Indistinct ]
- Take it off.
- What's it for?
Just take it off, please.
I'm-I'm still making it.
Yeah, but why?
It-It's for my son.
- But he's 12, isn't he?
- He's got Down syndrome.
[ Continues, Indistinct ]
You never said.
Right.
Sorry.
- [ Cat Retching ]
- Oh!
Oh!
[ Man ]
I'm sure she's had a very happy life.
Oh, yes. She has.
Thank you.
We could make her feel more comfortable
for the next few weeks...
but it will be weeks
rather than months.
You've had a terrible shock.
Where's Richard?
I don't want to disturb your weekend.
It's fine.
Everyone's out.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Stops ]
Can they treat her?
He says it's just a matter of weeks.
[ Sobbing ]
She's only a pet.
Oh, no! I cried for weeks
when our dog died. Weeks.
One does get so attached.
[ Sighs ]
I should leave you in peace.
Yeah.
I like that top.
It suits you.
- Oh, thanks.
- [ Cell Phone Beeping ]
When I was at school...
if one of us had had some
bad news or was a bit down...
we used to stroke each other.
You know, someone would do one arm
and someone else the other.
It's a wonderful sensation.
Did you do that at your school?
No.
It's incredibly relaxing.
For the giver and the receiver.
- Close your eyes. No, no, really.
- Oh-
It doesn't work if you don't.
[ Sighs ]
- There's a good girl.
- I think that's enough.
- No. Close your eyes.
- No. I really think that's enough, Barbara.
There's someone in your garden!
He came over the wall.
Oh, it's probablyjust
the neighbor's boy, lost his football.
No, he's going into the summerhouse.
Quick! Call the police!
- It's just a kid from next door, Barbara. Forget it.
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ]
[ Steven ] Where are you? I've been dreaming
about your hot, sweet cunt all morning.
Hello?
Hello?
Richard's on his way home.
No, I can't. No, I can't. I'll call you.
Barbara! Barbara,
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Bar, please.
I tried to end it, honestly.
I just couldn't.
I risked everything for you!
And in return, you humiliate me!
No, I didn't mean to upset you, Bar. Please.
I need your help more than ever.
- Please don't go like this.
- You promised to end it. Why didn't you?
- Because l-
- What? You're in love?
And the child? Do you imagine
he reciprocates your soppy feelings?
Oh, I daresay he's fascinated
by the neurotic compulsions...
of a middle-class lady
with marital problems.
- Bar-
- There's nothing crueler than the adolescent boy.
I know them. Once he's had his fill,
he'll discard you like an old rag.
You're not young!
I say this to help you.
End it now.
- Yeah. I'm thinking.
- Don't think. Do.
Do, do, do, do!
Or shall I just sit here doing my nails
till your husband returns?
- No, no. Please. Please. I'll do it.
- What are you waiting for?
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Bell Rings ]
Mr. Connolly.
I'm Mrs. Hart.
From St. George's.
Steven's not in trouble.
I just need to talk to him
about an art project-
- Oh, yeah. Come in. Come in.
- Thank you.
It's just upstairs there.
It's very good of you
to give him the extra lessons.
It's the first door on the left.
It's probably best to knock.
[ Steven, Indistinct ]
So that's your vicious father?
You wanted a sob story.
I gave it to you.
- Made you feel like Bob Geldof.
- You lied to me!
Ooh, sorry, miss. What?
Do you prefer it if I live in a shithole?
- And your mother?
- I think she's gonna pull through.
What do you want?
What are you doing here?
They're gonna expel me now!
No, they won't.
I'll get the blame if she tells.
As if she won't.
She likes me.
She might not.
Likes you how? Like that?
You giving her one and all?
Why are you being so cruel?
Why, Steven?
I really like you.
You're a nice person.
And you've been cool,
and it's been great. Okay?
But it was supposed to be fun,
and now it's a serious thing.
Whatever shit
you're working out-
you know, your husband,
your kid, you-
I don't know.
I can't help you.
[ Train Passing ]
- Oh.
- [ Sobbing ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] As my mother
would have said, the boy done her like a kipper.
She has nowhere to turn
but trusty old Bar.
She mopes and mourns
for her pubescent paramour...
but she knows my interventions
have saved her life.
- And she is sweetly grateful.
- [ School Bell Rings ]
Her betrayal hurt me
more than I dare show.
But I will forgive her
and heal myself in private.
She's worth it, this one.
She's the one I've waited for.
She's beginning to understand
that her dalliance with Master Connolly...
was a consequence
ofher dead marriage.
It's a sham, fueled only
by the memory of former glories.
I mean, the wonderful
thing about Polly-
Whereas we are
going through the fire...
forging our friendship
with a stronger bond each day.
In fact, we are now entering...
a delicate new phase.
We are silently and stealthily...
negotiating the terms
of a life lived together.
- [ Laughing ]
- Now more than ever...
we are bound
by the secrets we share.
- [ Muttering ]
- [ Laughing ]
I'm invited to drop in
on them this summer...
at their house in the Dordogne.
I mightjust do that.
I once sat here
discussing Elgar for three hours.
- God. Who with?
- Oh, just a friend.
Jennifer.
This was our haunt.
We were quite chummy
for a while, but...
poor thing,
she suffered from a terrible depression.
- Oh.
- I tried to help, but she rather unraveled.
She became alarmingly deluded.
Did she go to hospital?
No. No, she got a job in Stoke.
- When was this?
- Last summer.
Though I feel
I should have done more.
I'm sure she knows
you did your best.
- Such a sensitive person.
- One conceals it, of course.
People languish for years with partners
who are clearly from another planet.
Mmm.
We want so much to believe
that we've found our other.
Takes courage to recognize the real
as opposed to the convenient.
When I was young,
I had such a vision of myself.
I dreamt I'd be someone to be reckoned with,
you know, in the world.
But one learns one's scale.
- Mmm.
- I've such a dread of ending my days alone.
Yes. L-We all do.
But recently I've allowed myself
to think that I may not be.
Am I wrong?
No. No. No.
[ Horns Honking ]
- Do you want to stay?
- [ Sobbing ]
Sometimes people find it
comforting to see them at peace.
Would you like to come back
in 20 minutes to say good-bye?
[ Sobbing Continues ]
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Sheba ]
Have you got your seat belt on, darling?
- [ Richard ] Oh, no. What the fuck?
- [ Polly ] Oh, God! Not her!
- For goodness' sake, shut up.
- [ Polly ] Mum, don't get out of the car.
Is it Portia? Oh, no.
[ Ben Speaks, Indistinct ]
I've got to go back
to the vet's after it's done.
- Oh.
- Will you come with me? I just can't on my own.
Of course I would.
It's just that...
- Ben's doing his play at his school.
- Play?
- We're all going. We're a bit late actually.
- Hurry up, Mum!
- Someone has died!
- L- I know.
- Mum!
- And it's t-t-terribly sad.
- You owe me this.
- Come on.
Ben, can't you make her vanish?
Use your wand or something.
He's doing a show
for the first time in his life.
That's your choice, is it?
- [ Horn Honks ]
- [ Ben ] Mum!
Why don't you come?
You'd be very welcome.
I thought you understood
what friendship means.
[ Chuckles ]
He's my child. He's my son.
- He's just a little boy.
- Don't play the good mother with me.
Excuse me. Could one of you
tell me what's going on?
- Is this some kind of coven?
- I can explain perfectly. Would you like me to?
No. It's just that Barbara's had
some very bad news about her cat.
My condolences. Poor, poor pussy.
Can I have my wife back, please?
- I don't like your tone.
- Why is she always here?
What kind of fucking spell
has she cast on you?
- [ Ben Shouting ]
- Ben is getting really stressed.
I think he's gonna blow.
Oh, for God's sake.
Get in the bloody car!
Give me a minute, will you?
I can handle this!
Oh, I'm to be handled, am I?
Like toxic waste.
You see me on sufferance.
I'm an imposition, to be tolerated.
No. Of course not.
I love our time together.
I'm your good, good friend.
- Then stay with me.
- [ Horn Honks ]
I would if I could.
I'm desperately sorry about Portia...
- but you can see I have to go.
- Think very carefully, madam.
- Be aware of the consequences.
- Barbara, please don't make this
mean any more than it is.
- Stay with me.
- [ Horn Honks ]
- I don't know what I'll do.
- [ Polly ] Let's go!
- Look, I'll call you. I promise.
- [ Polly ] Come on!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
They always let you down in the end.
Jennifer said I was too intense.
Meaning what exactly?
That I'm loyal in my friendships?
That I will go to the ends of the earth
for someone I admire?
- Shazam!
- [ Applause ]
- [ Cheering ]
- Whoo!
[ Doorbell Rings ]
Not disturbing you, am I?
It's just, uh...
I need to talk to you
about Mrs. Hart.
- Sheba.
- Ah.
It's a bit delicate.
Can I come in?
- Tea?
- Oh, lovely. Thanks.
You haven't got a biscuit?
Cheers.
Would you like me to take your hat?
Ah. Been up the Lane.
White Hart Lane.
Home of the mighty Spurs.
- Were you victorious?
- 3-nil.
Jermain Defoe.
Get in there.
My father was a supporter
of Charlton Athletic.
Never seemed to give him
any pleasure.
Where's the moggy?
She's dead.
Oh, dear.
Oh, my condolences.
Aw.
Oh, is this not a good time?
It's a very good time.
[ Lighter Clicks ]
Mrs. Hart.
Yeah.
Um, it's just-
Anything you tell me
will be in strictest confidence.
Well, the thing is...
I was wondering if she's, um...
ever mentioned me?
Does she ever mention me?
Let me think.
No, never.
Actually, yes.
She mentioned you'd invested in a new shirt.
I think it was last term.
Lashed out at Nicole Farhi.
The thing is,
over the last few months-well...
ever since I met her
really, l- I've-
Brian, are you in love?
I've been a bit
bloody obvious, haven't I?
You've been utterly clandestine.
So she mentioned the shirt then?
- You do know she's married?
- Yeah, but she's quite flirty...
and you never know
with people, do you?
- Indeed you don't.
- But...
I wouldn't want to make a move
if I'm just gonna get knocked back.
What with staff politics
and the head being such a stickler...
- you have to be really careful these days.
- It's a minefield.
So, would-
I mean...
do you think you could
have a word with her...
and just suss the lie of the land?
You'd like me to ask Mrs. Hart...
if she's inclined
to commit adultery with you?
I don't want you to suffer
more than is necessary.
No one should.
I couldn't possibly
speak for Mrs. Hart, but...
instinct tells me...
you might not be her type.
She's got a type then?
Oh, it's no reflection
on your attractiveness.
But my impression is
that her preference is for the younger man.
Surprisingly young.
Boys, I'm told.
Naturally, she doesn't
discuss any of this with me.
But I've been hearing some rather
alarming rumors about one in particular.
Playground gossip,
staff room whispers and so on.
You might know the boy in question.
Um...
Steven Connolly.
Year 10?
I think the kettle's boiled.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
You say the words, and it's done.
- Easy.
- [ Whispers ] Night, darling.
Judas had the grace to hang himself.
But only according to Matthew...
the most sentimental
of the Apostles.
Is this the last night
ofher old life?
I wonder how long
my messenger will take.
Thank you.
People like Sheba think they know
what it is to be lonely.
But of the drip, drip...
oflong-haul,
no-end-in-sight solitude...
they know nothing.
What it's like to construct an entire weekend
around a visit to the launderette...
or to be so chronically untouched...
that the accidental brush
of a bus conductor's hand...
sends a jolt oflonging...
straight to your groin.
Of this...
Sheba and her like...
- have no clue.
- [ Beeps ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- [ Answering Machine Beeps ]
- [ Sheba ] Bar, I'm so sorry about today.
It was an impossible situation.
Richard's really sorry too.
Poor you.
But- Look, why don't you
come for supper?
Actually, I write quite quickly.
It's the thinking
that takes an eternity.
Well, you're never satisfied.
When you're lecturing,
you long for time to write...
and when you've got it,
you yearn to be back with your students.
- [ Sheba ] More coffee, anyone?
- [ Richard ] I'll have a slug. Thanks.
Barbara?
Uh, no, thank you.
[ Loud Knocking ]
[ Knocking Continues ]
Yes?
- Are you her husband?
- What? Whose?
- Don't you dick with me, mister.
- Sorry.
- Don't dick me around. Where is she?
- I don't-
Tell her Steven Connolly's mother
wants to see her right now!
- Excuse me!
- Get-
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Maggie!
- Slut!
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Maggie!
Whore! Whore! How could you?
- Maggie! Maggie!
- How could you? He's only a child!
A sweet boy!
He's a child!
- What the hell is going on?
- You ask your wife what's going on!
- Ask her! You perverted... bitch! Bitch!
- Maggie!
- Come on. Leave it. Come on.
- [ Shouting ] Get off me.
- [ Mr. Connolly ] Leave them alone.
- [ Maggie ] Bitch!
- Leave them alone, Maggie.
- You fucking-
Leave them alone, eh?
There's nothing for us here.
It happened.
Itjust happened.
Things don't-
P- People make things happen.
Do you think you're the only one
who's ever wanted someone who's young?
Everyone sometime- Everyone thinks ab-
But they... deal with it!
[ Barbara Narrating ]
By the time I took my seat in the gods...
the opera was well into
its final act.
- [ Richard ] You're his teacher!
- And you were mine!
- Oh!
- But I'm not justifying!
- I'm not trying to justify it!
- You are so full of shit!
- I am just saying-
- It's totally different!
- You were 20!
- Well, he's 16 in May.
- He's not some innocent.
- Of course he's innocent!
He's fucking 15!
Are you insane?
If you- If you meant to destroy us,
why not do it with an adult?
That's the convention.
It's worked for centuries.
It wasn't about us. It-
- W-W-Why?
- I j-just wanted him.
Why?
- I don't know!
- Well, find out!
[ Car Doors Closing ]
[ Chattering ]
- Sheba?
- Yeah.
- And- No.
- Connolly. Yes. Yes. Honestly.
[ Barbara Narrating ]
My guilt is tempered with relief.
She assumes the boy cracked
and told his mother all.
Who am I to disabuse her?
Oh, Brian. Brian.
Brian. Brian,
do stop a minute, please.
Today St. George's School
is a solemn place.
A source close to the school
has indicated that another member of staff...
may have known of the relationship.
This, however, is categorically denied
by the local authority.
I've told you, Headmaster, had I known anything,
I would've informed you immediately.
My only loyalty is to the school.
- Brian thinks you've known for months.
- Brian "thinks"?
- And then there is Sue Hodge.
- Will you be running through
the entire staff room?
If you knew and turned a blind eye,
you have enabled a crime.
I didn't, so I haven't.
Your point?
You're due for retirement next year.
I think it would benefit everyone...
if you take it early,
with immediate effect.
So it's a witch hunt.
Salem comes to Islington.
The stress of the job, you know.
Uh, radical new ideas in teaching not to your taste.
Well, I've got a radical idea.
Your school, your disaster. Why don't you resign?
Because I am not
the confidante of a criminal!
Now, tell me about
your friendship with Mrs. Hart.
I think you'll find that a close friendship
between consenting adults is perfectly legal...
even under your regime.
My record here is beyond reproach.
The majority of the staff
regard me as a moral guardian.
I've just spoken to
an ex-member of our staff.
Another of your close friends.
Jennifer Dodd.
As you are aware,
Jennifer became unwell.
That's why she had to
leave the school.
- Jennifer threatened you with
a restraining order, didn't she?
- That's nonsense.
A fax from her solicitor.
She didn't want you within 500 yards of her...
- by law!
- [ Slams Table ]
You call that a friendship?
She told me that
you sent her fianc a wreath.
Now, we wouldn't want all this
to come out, would we?
A lifetime of-
of dedicated service...
ending in shame and humiliation?
It's your choice, Barbara.
[ Chattering ]
[ People Murmuring ]
[ Vomits ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Banging ]
[ Barbara Narrating ]
He knows it was me. Does she know too?
More than I can bear.
Is that why she's
not returned my calls?
[ Phone Rings ]
[ All Shouting ]
[ Woman ]
Miss Covett!
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Man ] Barbara, have you
spoken to Sheba Hart yet?
- [ Shouting Continues ]
- [ Man #2 ] When's she coming out?
[ Man #3 ]
Barbara, tell us why you're friends with-
[ Woman ]
Miss Covett, did you teach the boy at all?
[ All Shouting ]
[ Man #4 ]
Barbara, how is Sheba's husband taking all this?
Barbarians.
Sorry about your job.
You see, the headmaster
thought I knew.
- Did you?
- No.
- [ Man ] When's she coming out?
- [ Woman ] Come on out, Sheba!
Where is she?
In her lair.
[ Polly ]
Your boyfriend is younger than mine!
- [ Sheba ] He's not my boyfriend.
- You slept with a child!
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, Jesus wept!
The specter at the feast!
- You watch your tongue, madam.
- Frigging freak!
Oh. There, there.
[ Sighs ]
Thanks for coming.
I'm so sorry about school.
Was he-Thank you.
Was he awful to you?
Listen. You could say no-
l- I'd completely understand-
but Richard-
He needs some time alone.
He's asked me to leave.
Can I come stay with you
just for a few days?
You're welcome
for as long as you like.
[ Reporters Shouting ]
[ Woman ]
When's she coming out?
[ Man ]
Are you the chauffeur, Barbara?
- [ Woman ] When's she coming out?
- Is Ben at school?
[ Man ] Barbara, don't be shy, love!
You gotta come out sometime!
Does he know what's happening?
It's really none of your business.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Woman ]
What about the kids?
[ Man ]
How's her husband?
Is he going to divorce her?
[ Woman ]
Come on, Sheba! Make my day!
[ Indistinct ]
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Woman ] There she is!
How's the family coping, Barbara?
[ Man ]
Is he going to divorce her?
- [ Woman ] What about the kids?
- [ Man ] Come on out, Sheba!
- I've got a mortgage to pay!
- I knew who you were when we met.
You were young.
L- I knew it might get tough, but I was prepared.
[ Woman ]
When is she coming out?
You're a good mother,
but at times you've been a fucking lousy wife.
Why didn't you come to me?
You could have told me
how lonely you were.
You never trusted me to help you.
I'm not saying
I was so fucking fabulous...
but I was here.
[ Man ]
Come on out, Sheba.
Sheba?
[ All Shouting ]
[ Man ]
There she is! There she is!
[ All Shouting ]
[ Barbara Narrating ] This last month
has been the most delicious time of my life.
Of course,
we've had our ups and downs.
The pressure is intense
when two women share their lives.
But, oh, what marvelous
intensity it is.
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Man ] Look! It's the crone!
Barbara.
[ Woman ]
Barbara! Barbara! Is it true you're a white witch?
- [ All Shouting ]
- Barbara, is Sheba coming out?
[ Barbara Narrating ]
Circumstances are not always ideal.
- [ Toilet Flushes ]
- The swinish press.
The stringent bail terms.
Meetings with lawyers and so on.
But all things considered,
we're coping admirably.
In fact, gold stars abundant.
The cuckold...
permits her to see their children once a week.
There are usually tears...
and fits of teenage tantrums too.
In time, she'll recognize she's
just not the mothering kind.
And then Barbara will be there
to comfort her.
Nurse, beloved friend
and wise counsel.
[ Object Shatters ]
[ Man ]
The crone returneth!
[ Woman ]
Barbara, were you pushed, or did you jump?
[ Man ]
And if you jumped, was it into a dike?
Is Sheba still alive?
What have you done with her?
[ Woman ]
How's the family coping, Barbara?
- [ All Shouting ]
- [ Woman ] Barbara! Barbara!
Sheba?
What you say about me...
about... Richard-
You're not fit to shine his shoes.
And Ben and...
Polly.
That I'd be happier without them?
Why did you do it?
- [ Groans ]
- Because I didn't help you collect your cat?
- Oh!
- You've cost me my family!
No! Look!
Take some responsibility!
I gave you exactly what you wanted.
- You'd still be stuck in that marriage without me.
- What?
- You can't accept it yet, but-
- You think I wanted to be here with you?
- You need me. I'm your friend.
- You've put me in prison.
- I could get two years.
- They'll fly by.
I'll visit you every week.
We've so much life to live together.
You think this is a love affair?
A relationship?
What? Sticky gold stars and a-
and a- and a strand of my hair?
- No.
- And a receipt from Pizza Express?
It's a flat in the Archway Road...
and you think you're
Virginia frigging Woolf! .
And where did you get my hair?
Did you pluck it from the bath...
with some special fucking tweezers?
- Don't you know it's rude to read
a person's diary? It's private!
- We're not companions.
We're not friends.
You don't even like me.
That's not true.
I only have tender feelings for you, only love!
No! No!
[ Groans ]
You're barking fucking mad.
You don't know how to love.
You've never your whole life.
Me. Jennifer Dodd.
You're nothing but waste
and disappointment.
You bitter old virgin!
You're lonely for a reason.
They loathed you at school- all of them.
I was the idiot who bothered. But only because
no one told me you're a fucking vampire!
So what is it, Bar? You want to
roll around the floor like lovers?
You want to fuck me, Barbara?
- Please don't diminish our-
- Our what?
- What?
- No. Give it back.
L- I know you.
Selfish and vain.
You think you have a divine right.
- [ Grunts ]
- You don't belong in the world.
You belong here! You big baby!
[ Reporters Shouting ]
Here I am!
[ Shouts ]
Here I am!
[ All Shouting ]
[ Shouting ]
Okay. Get back.
Go back.
[ Glass Clinking ]
We never invited you
to the fucking Dordogne.
I'm sorry, but you specifically said
if I happened to be in France, I should drop in.
We didn't mean it.
Well, fine.
I won't come then.
I asked you to lunch
because I liked you.
I would've been your friend.
I need more than a friend.
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Siren Wailing In Distance ]
[ Barbara ]
I knew her.
Sorry?
I knew her.
- Really?
- Mmm.
We taught at the same school.
God. What was she like?
A bit...
chilly.
A touch furtive.
A sort of absent person.
Oh, but I didn't
know her well. May I?
Mm-hmm.
- Do you still teach?
- No, no.
Retired.
Thank goodness.
[ Chuckles ]
- You've-
- Oh. [ Laughs ]
Here.
Thanks.
[ Children Chattering
In Distance ]
- I love it here.
- Mmm.
[ Barbara ]
It's spectacular at dusk.
I'm Barbara.
Annabel.
I wonder, Annabel.
- Do you like music?
- Oh. Yes.
Uh, it's just that
I've got tickets...
for Handel's Water Music
at the Albert Hall.
- Oh.
- On Saturday night.
You could bring a friend
if there's, uh, someone-
Oh, no. Oh, no.
There isn't.
Well, there we are.