Nothing But Trouble (1944) Movie Script
- Is this Lorrison's Employment Agency?
- Yeah!
- Hello, Rankin.
- Hello.
- Are you still out of work?
- Who isn't!
- Any chance of finding a job here?
- With this crowd ahead of you?
Chef and butler...
I couldn't even get you a job
as dishwashers.
But we come from a long line
of chefs and butlers.
Yeah, look.
These are our great, great, great, grandfathers.
You remember the Boston tea party,
of course.
They served the tea.
And they served
one of the first families of Virginia.
Now, now...
That's grandfather Hardy.
And that's grandpa Laurel.
Look.
Here's the very hat that he wore.
Yeah,
and here's the very coat that grandpa wore.
Yes, and I have the secret recipe
for the famous steak a-la Oliver.
Now, isn't that interesting.
Listen. I'm busy and if you don't take
your ancestors and get out of here...
Yes... Yes... You have?
Give me the address.
You want a delivery boy.
$12 a week.
A job!
Well, I guess we'd better wrap up
our ancestors.
Yeah,
we certainly let 'em down.
I don't think there's a job
open in this whole country.
Say...
Why don't we try some other countries?
Stanley,
I think you've got a good idea!
What'd he say?
You heard what he said!
I heard what he said
but I didn't hear what he meant.
He simply said,
that he accepts our resignation.
Oh, another country.
Another country?
Yonder she lies, Stanley.
The good old USA.
Gee, I'm glad to be back.
I'll bet you are.
What did the Japs do when
they took you prisoner?
It was most humiliating!
They forced us to prepare dinner.
My masterpiece, steak a-la Oliver.
Gee, that was tough.
Tough? My masterpiece?
I beg your pardon!
After they finished eating it,
they told us to please go on home.
Yes, it seems they preferred
some dish of their own.
I think they called it...
Hari-kari.
Please,
you'll all have to wait your turn.
You've got to get me a waitress.
You said you had one for me.
That Keatons girl.
I told you, sir.
She's a lieutenant in the WACS now.
Please,
I simply must have a maid.
Did you tell her she can wear
my mink coat on her days off?
My dear lady,
she got a mink coat.
It's even worse than in 1932.
Come back here.
There's no use even trying
with all these people ahead of us.
We might as well put in our application.
Come on.
Maybe if we showed them
the pictures of our ancestors.
- But you must have...
- I'm sorry. Nothing.
And not at any price!
What do you want?
We'd like to place our names
on your waiting list.
Waiting list?
There are more than 100 names ahead of yours.
Oh, it doesn't have to be a job
as a chef and a butler.
Oh, no.
We'll take anything.
People, please...
People, please!
But, Basil, dear,
I'm absolutely frantic.
When I told him, I simply had to have
two servants by this afternoon,
the wretched man
just laughed in my face.
Yes, of course, dear.
I told him our guests were
the very crme de la crme of society.
He said Id better hurry home
and start practicing with the can opener.
Can you imagine?
I'm sorry, madam
but we've...
We just came in to get a job
as a chef and a butler.
No...
No, no.
Come with me.
My car's parked just outside.
Let me in...
Unlock this door...
Open it up!
Out of the way!
Llet me!
Their not here. Where'd they go?
The window!
Look!
Stop them.
Do something.
- I can't do anything...
- Do something!
- How can I?
- Let me at her!
Madam, may I be so bold as to enquire...
Just what are your intentions?
Yeah...
Where are you taking us?
To my house, of course.
I know you're going to enjoy
every minute of it.
The last man I had
stayed for several years.
He'll tell you.
I was most accommodating.
In fact,
I still get letters from him.
He's on an island, somewhere in the pacific.
I think they call it Alcatraz.
He's such a charming butler.
Oh, you want us
to work for you.
Here you are, gentlemen.
I thought a little spot of this might refresh you
before taking up your new duties.
Chateau Neuf, 1924.
Gee, that's pretty old.
Haven't you got anything newer?
Stanley!
An excellent vintage, madam.
Now, is everything satisfactory?
I do hope you'll feel thoroughly rested
after this little snort... um.. snack.
My dinner party tonight is so important.
I have such distinguished guests.
Stanley, the phone.
Oh no, don't bother. I'll answer it.
Mustn't wear yourselves out.
Ollie,
do you think she's crazy?
Of course not.
It's just that she appreciates our true worth.
Oh, Prince Saul...
How nice to hear from you.
I merely wanted to verify the time
of our dinner engagement this evening.
7:30.
That'll be most agreeable.
Oh, Your Highness,
we're so anxious to meet the King.
The minute you accepted my invitation
to our club meeting, I rushed home to Basil...
He's my husband, you know...
And I said...
Basil, dear, we just must make King Christopher
feel that this is his second home.
Oh, that is very thoughtful of you,
dear lady.
Thank you so much.
Goodbye.
Thank you, gentlemen, for your splendid work
on behalf of our government in exile.
Your Majesty, thank you.
Good day, gentlemen.
Your Majesty.
You do like that tune,
don't you?
Oh, I love it. It's the Notre Dame victory song.
Isn't it wonderful, Uncle Saul?
It is.
It is indeed.
We have a dinner engagement
this evening.
Some very important people.
Rich, influential.
Oh... Then maybe they could help
the unfortunate people of our country?
Of course they could and they will.
Why else would I let them meet you?
That makes it OK by me.
Oh, Your Majesty...
How American...
Uncle Saul...
Do you think I can go to Notre Dame some day?
Perhaps.
Do you think they would let me play
on their football team?
That's what I'd like to do
better than anything else in the world.
My dear, Christopher...
I suppose you are also ambitious
to drive a fire engine...
Or perhaps to be a cowboy.
Your Majesty truly has great feeling
for the common people.
God must have loved the common people
because he made so many of them.
Interesting,
but unsettling doctrine.
It's not my doctrine.
Its Abraham Lincoln's.
And you would like to take this doctrine
of Mr. Lincoln's back to Orlandia?
I would.
Indeed I would.
I admire you for those sentiments, Christopher.
More than that, I love you for them.
These are the people you mean?
You said it, big boy.
Your Majesty...
I mean,
you expressed the idea to perfection.
But how can I get to know them?
Bodyguards, tutors, secretaries.
Your father got to know people
by going among them, as one of them.
How would you like to do that,
this afternoon, with Ronetz?
Your Majesty.
You sent for me, Your Highness?
Yes, Ronetz.
Hurry now, dear boy.
Thank you, Uncle Saul.
Strange people don't seem to understand
how fond I am of children.
This afternoon you will take His Majesty
out of the hotel by the service entrance.
Without the bodyguard?
Our good people of Orlandia
are not ready to rule themselves.
And Christopher, I'm afraid,
will have them try.
Oh, he's all heart, that boy.
Like his father, Ronetz.
And now it would sadden me beyond measure
if Christopher were to meet with an accident.
But I must put aside my own feelings.
History will applaud your courage, sir.
The details, Ronetz...
I may leave them to you?
Oh, yes.
Certainly, sir.
It'll all be over, quietly, without pain
and it will be blamed on our political opponents.
The King is dead.
Long live the King.
Now put these in the china closet
and please be careful.
That'll be fine.
Now, Oliver, I want you to go right out
and do the marketing for my dinner party tonight.
I'm late for my canteen meeting
or I'd do it myself.
Now, here is the list. You can take
the shortcut, through Rexford Park.
And don't forget the caviar.
I usually keep a large supply on hand
but that would be hoarding.
I don't believe in hoarding.
Do you, Oliver?
Neither does Stanley, does he?
And, Oliver, I want you to get me the biggest,
finest sirloin steak you can find.
Here are the ration points.
I've been hoarding.
I mean...
I've been saving them for weeks.
They're the red points.
Pretty, aren't they?
Now, Oliver, I know I can leave
everything safely in your hands.
I mean...
everything in...
in Stanley's hands...
I mean...
I'd better take them out of Stanley's hands.
I mean...
You'd better take Stanley with you.
Get him out of here!
I'll finish the dishes myself.
If I'm not mistaken, madam,
they ARE finished.
It was good of Uncle Saul to send out this way
without the bodyguards.
Well, His Highness thinks of
only your true welfare Your Majesty.
What is it, Ronetz?
Oh, it's a trifle.
It's only that I seem to be out of cigarettes.
Do you want to buy some?
Your Majesty won't mind
waiting for me, right here.
Oh, no. It'll be fun to be alone
for a few minutes.
Of course.
I shall return immediately.
Oh, Carroll, Falcon.
Good you're on time.
As deeply as Prince Saul and I regret this,
it is for the good of Orlandia.
His Majesty will accompany you
without question.
Of course.
He knows us so well.
You will explain that Prince Saul
has sent for him on an urgent matter.
If he wishes to wait for me,
tell him there's no time. That haste is vital.
That your car is waiting and do not
communicate with me. I'll call you.
He's gone!
That's strange.
Strange.
He was there a moment ago.
Let go!
You don't suppose...
My dear, Carroll, you'd could hardly expect
to find him among those hoodlums.
Perhaps he's gone back to his hotel.
Possibly...
We'd better go back to our apartment immediately.
Ronetz said he would call.
Signals ready...
2, 1, 6.
Willy!
Didn't I tell you to be home at 3 o'clock
to mind little Gwendolyn?
Awe gee, Ma.
There's only a couple of minutes left.
Oh, please, Mrs. Flannagan.
Let him finish the game.
No... Not another minute. It's after 4 o'clock now.
Come on, get home you!
4 o'clock? Gee, I've got to get going
on my paper route. So long fellas!
Wait a minute, Butch.
We got to have a referee.
Sorry.
Got to go.
Well, I guess we win. The score is 12-7
and you ain't got no right half.
Wait a minute, Chuck.
That's the rules.
You can't play with 10 men.
I beg your pardon,
but couldn't I substitute for Willy?
I'm quite a student of football.
Look at the fancy clothes.
He's a student, he says.
Yeah!
Get away, pennyweight.
This gang would bust you in half.
Alright, gang.
Game's over.
Yeah!
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, wait a minute?
We win by default!
Not if we get another player,
you don't.
You mean him?
It'll give us 3 minutes more to try
for a touchdown, wont it?
If we don't let him play,
we're licked right now!
Hey, kid!
Come back here!
OK! You're a right half back!
Get in there!
You mean I can play?
I said get in there!
OK, fellas! Let's go!
OK, kids.
Let's go!
It's all off.
Game's over.
But... But...
You said...
Can't play without a referee
and Butch went home.
That's the rules alright. Guess we lose.
Go on home, kid.
We'll beat you worse, tomorrow.
Well, see you tomorrow, gang.
Please, please...
Couldn't you get another referee?
No, no...
None of the gang are...
Wait a minute, Bushy.
Look!
What do you say?
Let's ask them.
Can't do any harm.
Come on!
Hey, mister.
Will you referee our game?
Our referee had to go to work.
And we can't play without a referee.
Please, mister.
Sorry, boys,
but we haven't got time.
Yeah, and we have to prepare
a very important dinner.
We've only got 3 minutes more to play.
Awe, come on.
Be a sport!
Some other time, perhaps.
Run along. Come, Stanley.
Oh, gentlemen...
Won't you please referee? Please.
I'm sorry, son
but our first duty is to our employer.
But they're just sending me in.
Iit's the first chance I've had to play,
and if you don't referee now,
I'll never get the chance. Never.
Won't you, please?
I don't suppose that 5 minutes
will make very much difference.
Boys will be boys, you know.
Now remember, son.
Only for 5 minutes.
A referee and an umpire!
Gee, that's swell!
Here you are, mister.
Let me take your packages.
Come on, fellas! Up and at 'em!
Were going to finish the game!
Hurry, Jimmy!
Hurry!
Here they come.
Alright, boys.
Whose ball is it?
Ours, first down!
I'll get over there
and you stay here.
Going in at right half back, sir.
Here's your whistle, mister.
Signals ready...
4, 7, 3, 9, 8, 6, 7, 5, 4, 2, 3, 6... Hit!
Blow the whistle!
Signals ready...
3, 4, 9, 8, 11, 7, 6, 9, 3, 2...
Signals ready...
3, 4, 9, 4...
Let's go.
That's the way.
Alright!
Now blow the whistle, Stanley.
What are you doing down there?
Come here!
Stay here where you belong.
Well,
I can't keep out of the way.
Give me the whistle!
I'll show you how to keep out of the way!
Now get over there!
Over here!
Signals ready...
5, 8.
It's our ball.
Come on, gang. Let's go.
2 minutes to go!
Let's fool 'em.
We'll give the ball to pennyweight
to your off left tackle.
Think you can do it, kid?
- You bet!
- Hup!
Signals...
6, 7, 13, 34, 27, 5, 7, 14
A fumble already.
Alright, boys. Come on...
Clear the ball.
1 minute to go!
Get back, out of our way...
Way back!
Way back, I said!
Signals ready...
9, 4, 8, 6.
It's a pass!
TOUCHDOWN!
We win!
13 to 12!
Well, goodbye, son.
You played very well.
You sure did.
Goodbye.
- Oh, please...
- Yes?
Well,
I just wanted to thank you.
What for?
We didn't do anything. All we did...
Oh, yes, you did.
You see, I've never played football before
and if you hadn't refereed the game I...
Oh, you're awfully kind.
Well,
we just like to see kids have fun.
Yes.
We think kids are nice.
And I think you're swell.
Well, let's go, Stanley.
I've got to get started on my steak a-la Oliver.
Say, did you get the steak?
- Did I get the steak?
- Sure.
I told you to get the steak.
Don't you remember anything?
Well, you had the ration books.
I did not.
I gave it to you.
I distinctly remember putting my hand into
my pocket, pulling out the ration book and...
See?
Why didn't you remind me?
Well, you didn't ask me.
Now we've got to go all the way back to that market
and get a steak, thanks to your stupidity.
And if we get one
it'll be a great piece of luck.
Luck?
It'll be a miracle.
Why?
Well, we haven't got any money left.
We spent everything that...
Well, here's another nice mess
you've gotten me into!
I've got to fix a steak dinner
and I haven't got any meat.
These cats sure can put it away!
Yeah!
It's lucky horse meat ain't rationed.
Ollie...
Look!
Stanley, we've got to uphold
the rights of human beings.
That beautiful sirloin steak
is enough for at least four people.
And he's hoarding it.
Mrs. Hawkley needs it more than that lion.
We'll do it.
You're right, Ollie.
Ladies first.
I always say.
Stanley, get the meat.
You mean...
Me get the meat?
Of course.
Reach in and take it.
There's nothing to it.
All you have to do
is look the lion straight in the eye.
Lions are afraid of that.
I read that in a book.
But did the lion read the book?
Don't annoy me with trifles.
Hurry.
Are you sure he'll be frightened?
One look at you
and he'll be terrified.
Did you look him in the eye?
Yeah, but something must've gone wrong.
I got frightened.
I can't depend upon you
to do anything.
I have it... I'll decoy him away
from the meat and you grab it.
I'll pretend that I'm another lion.
It's working.
Pretend you're a lady lion.
Alright.
Why didn't you take it away from him?
You... You... You weakling.
Now I've got to think of another idea.
What are you going to do now?
I'm going to tickle him.
That'll attract him away from the steak
then you snatch it.
Suppose it's not ticklish?
All lions are ticklish!
Why don't you try and find
his funny bone?
See?
He's laughing.
Don't look like a laugh to me.
Now, how did you get up there?
- I jumped!
- Well, come down!
How am I going to get down?
The same way that you got up there!
Wait a minute and I'll help ya.
Come and get me.
It's no use, I guess.
We'd better get our packages and go home.
My first chance to cook a meal
for the Hawkleys.
My famous steak a-la Oliver,
and no steak.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Look!
Look!
The steak!
Good boy.
You got it.
How'd you get it?
When he jumped at you
I grabbed it.
He must have read the book.
You're a real friend.
By the way...
What's your name?
Oh... Um...
You can just call me Chris.
OK, Chris.
Let me carry these packages for you.
That's real nice of you.
A beautiful gesture.
Here, I'll help you.
OK, gang.
Let's go.
Oh, wait a minute.
I forgot something.
Well, goodbye Chris
and thanks for helping.
You'd better run along home
to your father and mother.
But I haven't any father and mother.
But you must have a home?
Oh, yes.
I live with my Uncle.
But... But he's a... A brute.
And if I go home now he'll beat me.
He'll beat you?
Oh, yes.
He'll beat me terribly.
Oh, please...
Let me stay with you a while.
Oh, we can't do that, Chris.
We've got a dinner to prepare
and we're late now.
Come, Stanley.
- Goodbye, Chris.
- Goodbye.
Maybe if you run home fast
your Uncle won't beat you very hard.
Bye.
Now,
you can take just one tiny peek.
Servants.
A cook and a butler!
It is a miracle.
I better go in and introduce myself.
No!
No.
You mustn't disturb them.
You know how temperamental
servants are these days.
You'd better go upstairs and change.
His Majesty is due at any minute now.
Run along, run along.
I've got to get started
on my mock turtle soup a-la Hardy.
You put the rest of these things away.
Stanley, you get the pot for the soup
and the platter for the steak
and Ill fix the vegetables.
You know, that Chris was an awful nice boy.
I liked him.
So did I.
I wished we could have kept him with us.
Yeah, poor kid.
He's probably home right now getting a licking.
Gee, I wish that
we'd have kept him here.
You know, we could have found
a place to hide him.
Sure.
You could hide me in the cellar.
Yeah...
That's a good idea.
Chris!
Well, look who's here.
Young man,
come out of there.
What do you mean sneaking?
I thought I...
Oh, please, Mr Oliver.
There's something I forgot to tell you.
Well!
Well... The beatings aren't all.
My uncle won't give me anything to eat.
You mean he starves you?
I haven't had anything to eat
for a week.
Why, the despicable cad!
Well, you stay right here with us tonight.
Yeah. We'll feed you.
Right now!
But you've got to go home
in the morning
and we'll go along and have a nice long talk
with that uncle of yours.
Here you are, Chris...
Look.
What is it?
Salami!
And very tasty!
You mean one can eat it?
Well, one can try.
- Really?
- Yes.
It's delicious.
Oh, Your Highness.
This an honour.
Madam, enchant.
Enchant too.
But where's the king?
His Majesty is not well, madam.
He sends his regrets.
Oh, I would have been so enchant
to have a King for dinner.
I mean...
I mean, I'm sorry His Majesty is ill.
But I am instructed
to invite you both to a reception
His Majesty is giving tomorrow afternoon
for Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.
How chic!
We would be delighted to accept.
Wouldn't we, Basil?
Yes...
Yes.
I guess being a King
is pretty hard on a youngster.
Oh, His Majesty thinks
only of his duties.
Sometimes I fear for him.
He scarcely sleeps or eats.
How are you doing, Chris?
- Oh, swell.
- Good.
I can't understand why my mock turtle soup
a-la Hardy isn't done yet.
Well, you know how slow those turtles are.
I remember a story once about a turtle...
All that it needs
is a wee bit of seasoning.
Oh, Stanley!
Mrs. Hawkley!
Chris!
Quick! Hide Chris!
Get under the table!
Stanley, I just came to tell you that
our guest of honour won't be here.
So there'll just be three for dinner.
I'm sure that you'll see
that everything is served nicely...
Won't you?
You can trust me, madam.
Everything will go like greasy lightning.
You'll find some Bicarbonate of soda
in the cabinet.
You can come out now.
See?
You nearly got caught.
Stanley. Come here.
I want to rehearse you.
You want to what?
I want to see
that you serve this meal correctly.
What do you mean corr...?
Now, I'm Mrs. Hawkley.
Chris, you sit to my right. You're the guest.
A guest... Can you imagine him being a guest?
Look at him.
Now for the rehearsal...
Serve the soup.
No, no, no... Just pretend.
You're always showing your ignorance.
Well, I've as much right to be ignorant
as you have. In fact, more!
Much more!
Stanley, at times your most trying.
Well, you can't blame me for trying.
Serve the soup.
Oh, no, Mr. Stan.
You should serve the hostess first.
I'm the hostess.
Oh, no, no, Mr. Stan.
You should serve from the left side.
The left side!
This is my left side.
That kid knows more
about etiquette than you do.
I just know
you're going to disgrace us.
I have it. Chris, you'll have to see
that he conducts himself with distinction.
With... esprit de Coeur.
How?
Well, we'll hide you
under the dining room table.
And if he goes to serve from the wrong side,
you tap him on the foot.
See?
Simple.
We have a new chef, Your Highness.
I do hope he does himself proud.
I'm sure he will.
Will you sit there, Your Highness?
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
What a pity,
His Majesty couldn't have been with us tonight.
I'm sure no one regrets it
more than he.
Mock turtle soup a-la Hardy!
Stanley has such a quaint sense of humour.
I always encourage a spirit of fun
in my servants.
His sense of humour, no doubt.
Charming, isn't it?
Oh, Stanley, you and Oliver
will be the death of us yet.
Won't they, dear?
That's quite possible!
Excellent soup, madam
I envy you, your new chef.
Yes, yes.
Oliver is a...
Genius.
You may remove... the plates now,
Stanley.
You made those cocktails too strong, Basil.
They've given me hiccups.
Me too.
We mustn't spoil our appetites,
you know.
We're going to have steak.
Oh, really?
Splendid.
My famous steak a-la Oliver...
Stanley, our ancestors
would be proud of us today.
Now serve it carefully
and let me know how they like it.
I sure will.
One is so fortunate to be able
to get help these...
Steak a-la Oliver!
What a magnificent cut of meat.
How perfectly lovely.
You certainly got the lion's share, Stanley.
How did you know?
Such a witty fellow.
Just the tiniest bit for me, Basil.
Remember my diet.
I'm so anxious to meet His Majesty.
I know so few Kings.
And Prince Prentiloff...
I've always felt that Princes
have the strangest fascination for me.
Peas and carrots a-la...
Yes, yes, Stanley.
Yes.
Put them down.
Put them down.
Why don't you try it on the other side?
I seem to have lost my touch.
Stanley, a sharper knife, please.
This one is very dull.
A shortage of steel, you know.
Well, Stanley?
How'd they like it?
He wants a sharper knife.
- A sharper knife?
- That's what he said.
He just doesn't know how to carve
a steak a-la Oliver!
Let me at that beautiful specimen!
Pardon me, Mr Hawkley.
One must have a knack for these things.
Wrong side.
We must take a trip to Washington, Basil
and visit His Highness.
That is, if we have to leave the city.
Yes, yes indeed, Washington...
Wonderful man.
Just a slip.
Stanley... The door bell!
Answer it!
Yes, madam.
Oliver, you'd better saw the st...
I mean, carve the steak in the kitchen.
I'm afraid the steak is a little too fresh.
Makes it hard to cut, you know.
Yes.
There's a guy by the name of Mr. Ronutz
and he wants to talk to a Mr. Highness.
That's my secretary.
Would you pardon me a moment.
Oh, certainly.
Take this thing out of here...
Take it out!
Now, Basil, Basil.
Remember your blood pressure.
I'm quite alright, my dear.
I've never felt better in my life.
The only trouble is
these fiends have poisoned me!
That's impossible.
He can't have vanished off the face of the earth.
But, Your Highness,
that's exactly what did happen.
I telephoned the police immediately.
They're at the hotel now
with the district attorney.
I'll be right back.
Wait for me.
My dear Mrs Hawkley,
something terrible has happened.
It certainly has.
My secretary has just brought me
some very disturbing news.
I'm afraid I shall have to leave.
Oh, Your Highness, I'm so sorry must you go
and on an empty stomach.
I think they're mad at us, Ollie.
We'd better get Chris out of there.
Chris.
Chris.
Good night, Mrs. Hawkley
and thanks for a most delicious dinner.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night, Your Highness.
Delicious dinner?
My good neighbour policy,
it's completely ruined.
Oh, I think I better see a doctor.
All because of those two imbeciles.
They betrayed me...
Good heavens...
What's that?
Boy!
You!
She saw me.
She's coming after me.
Boy!
Where is he?
Where is he?
Oh, so there you are.
How did this ragamuffin get in here.
Well, you see,
he's a friend of ours.
Oh, he is. So you brought him in.
Well... That settles it.
First you ruin my dinner,
then you bring a stowaway into the house!
Please, Mrs. Hawkley.
It was my fault.
Out you go! All three of you!
I'll give you just five minutes to pack up.
Now, remember!
Out you go! Scat!
If he's alive, we'll find him.
Give it to the papers at once
and send them pictures of the King.
Of course. And offer a reward.
A $1000 for any information.
Get the pictures of His Majesty.
Try not to worry, Prince Saul.
Our men will search every corner in the city.
Now I'll show you another one.
That's Alphonse Hardy.
We had hoped some day
to get our pictures in this album.
Along with the other great Hardys.
And Laurels.
I'm afraid we never will.
I guess I'll never wear that again.
Of course you will.
It wasn't your fault that you were fired.
If I hadn't sneaked into the house...
No, no Chris.
We're failures.
Yeah.
We're just no good, that's all.
That's not true.
You're both wonderful.
And Ive spoiled everything for you.
No, no, Chris.
Now, what you need,
is some sleep.
Stanley, you wait here and I'll go and see
if I can get a bed here for Chris.
You seem awfully fond of that thing, Chris.
I am.
Knute Rockne gave it to my father.
You'd better put it under the pillow until morning.
We don't want to lose it, you know.
Stan and I
will sleep on the benches downstairs.
You know, Mr. Stan and Mr. Oliver...
This has been the happiest day of my life.
Look, Chris.
You don't have to say Mister to us.
Of course not.
Just call us Stan and Ollie.
After all, we're pals.
Pals.
Sure. You're every bit as good as we are.
Isn't he, Ollie?
Yes.
OK. Good night, Stan.
Good night, Ollie.
- Good night, Chris.
- Good night, Chris.
Good night, Ollie.
Good night, Sta...
Alright, fellas.
Come along.
That's them, alright.
I'll haul these fellas in.
You take care of the kid, Danny.
What are you pinching us for?
Yeah...
What did we do?
I ain't saying much and if you guys are wise,
you'll play dumb too.
Tell it to the D.A. in the morning.
Alright.
Go along, quietly.
But, Uncle Saul,
why can't I see them again?
They didn't do anything wrong.
Of course, not, my dear boy. I blame my own
impulsiveness in sending you out as I did.
I indulge you.
It's my great weakness.
Your Highness is too kind.
But at least we could help them, Uncle Saul.
Couldn't we get them a position as butler and chef?
Lots of people need butlers and chefs.
I need a butler and chef!
Now, now, Christopher.
But they're fine cooks, I tell you...
They'd cook me the most wonderful meals.
My dear boy, don't forget.
I've tasted their cooking.
They'd...
They'd poison you.
You touch me with your concern
for these unfortunates.
Perhaps, after all, we'll be able
to find a place for them on our staff.
You are kind, Uncle Saul.
My kindness is running away with me.
Steak a-la Oliver...
Now, Christopher,
your Latin tutor is waiting.
Alright.
Dear boy...
Such a warm heart.
And those poor men
must be released immediately from jail,
if they are to serve at our reception
this afternoon for Prince Prentiloff.
But, Your Highness,
those two clowns?
And if some sort of capsule were to find it's way
into the salad, let us say,
or perhaps some or d'oeuvre one of these clowns
serves to His Majesty.
And if we found out too late that these two clumsy
oafs are both employed by our political enemies...
How very sad it would be, Ronetz.
Get me the District Attorney.
Yes, Sir.
We'll plead guilty, officer.
We took the meat.
You did what?
We stole some meat from a lion.
What are you guys talking about?
Go on. Get out of here.
Get out of here?
You heard me. We've got no charges
against you. Go on! Scram!
Oh, here, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I almost forgot.
Call at that address right away.
Rexford Park Hotel,
room 1242.
Oh, don't bother about that.
Let's try and find Chris.
It'll only take a minute to drop in there.
It might be a job.
Your Majesty.
It is indeed a pleasure to greet you.
The honour is mine,
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty,
may I present Mr. and Mrs. Kitteridge.
Your Majesty.
It was kind of you to come.
Oh, how cosy.
Prince Saul, how are you?
My dear, Mrs. Hawkley.
Mr. Hawkley, how nice of you to come.
It's quite an honour.
Allow me to present you
to His Majesty.
I wouldn't have missed this
for anything.
I told the girls at the club, they'd simply have
to get another fourth for bridge.
Your Majesty,
allow me to present Mr. and Mrs. Hawkley.
How do you do, Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
We are honoured at your presence.
Ah, Mr. Ashwood.
Basil, that boy...
I mean the King...
Well, what about him?
He looks exactly like that hoodlum those two
nincompoops smuggled into our house last night.
For heaven's sake, Elvina.
I beg your pardon, sir,
but there are two men in the ante-room
who say they were told to come to this address.
Of course, it's a mistake.
No, it isn't.
Tell them to wait.
Gee, this is a swell joint.
Yeah.
I wonder who lives here.
- Let's take a peek.
- Alright.
A masquerade party!
Yes, silly.
Your Highness.
Your Majesty,
may I present Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.
Ollie...
Look.
Chris...
Chris.
Ollie!
Stan!
Chris!
Chris!
Son of a gun, you!
What're you doing here?
Where have you been?
Then it was the King
I threw out of my house last night.
I beg your pardon.
His Majesty The King is busy at the moment.
That's alright.
Tell him to go right ahead.
Oh, sure... He won't bother us.
You little rascal!
You know, we were worrying all night about you.
Weren't we, Ollie?
I refer to King Christopher II of Orlandia!
King Christopher!
Chris, you ain't a King?
I... I should have told you.
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty... Prince Prentiloff.
You have offended him.
His Majesty will be pleased to grant you
an audience at a later time.
Oh...
Sure, Chris.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Mr. King, Chris.
Your Majesty.
Your Highness,
it is indeed a pleasure to greet you.
Just a minute, please.
I regret this unfortunate incident.
I wanted to see you alone
and explain about Christopher.
Oh, that's alright.
We understand and we won't try to see him again
We know how it is...
He's a King and we're...
We're just nobody.
Please, gentlemen.
Will you wait just a minute.
I think I can help you.
Won't you sit down?
Would you consider a position
as butler and chef to His Majesty The King.
Well...
But gentlemen.
That's a very funny joke.
And if you don't mind,
we don't feel like kidding now.
Kidding...
But I'm not kidding.
His Majesty is giving a tea immediately after
the presentation and I want you to serve it.
You ain't kidding?
I ain't kidding!
I give you my word.
Will you do it?
Will we do it?
Stanley, the album! Quick!
Just as I thought.
We've topped our ancestors.
Look, Stanley. None of them
ever got any higher than a Lord Mayor.
And we're going to serve a King!
Thank you.
Try a black one. They're good.
Pardon me.
Yes, Your Majesty. I'm quite convinced
that both our countries will eventually...
Oh, there you are, Stanley.
Oh, you, pixie, you.
After all this... excitement,
I'm sure you'll be glad to come back
and work at our little house, won't you?
No, mam.
He keeps us in stitches,
doesn't he, Basil?
Um...
Yes.
You'd better have Stanley
serve your special salad now.
And be sure he serves His Majesty first.
Naturally!
By the way...
Which is His Majesty's?
Well, that one, of course.
It's the biggest!
Stanley,
you may serve the special salad now.
This one is His Majesty's.
Are you sure this is the largest one?
Of course it is.
I picked out myself.
I don't think it is, Ollie.
I think this one here, looks bigger.
No, no, no, no. Wait just a moment.
I think this is the largest.
No, no...
That's not it.
If you compare them...
Look.
No, no, Stanley.
This is the biggest.
- That's the one.
- That's it exactly.
Which one is His Majesty's?
Wait a minute.
Just a minute, my good man.
I'm in charge here and I'm quite capable
of serving this luncheon. Thank you.
What a charming salad.
Your Majesty is simply going to play havoc
or something with my diet.
They say salads are full of vitamins.
I think vitamins are wond... wonderful.
Don't you?
From A to Z.
I beg your pardon, Your Highness.
May I speak to you for a moment?
Excuse, me please.
Your Majesty.
They mixed up the salads.
I always eat too fast.
It must've stuck in my throat.
Why, Your Highness,
you haven't touched your salad?
I'm not very hungry.
Just a teensy weensy bit.
It's full of just what you need.
Now open your mouth.
- Open your mouth. Let me feed you.
- No. No!
His Highness is having one of his nervous attacks.
His doctors warned him.
He really ought to lie down, Your Majesty.
If you'll excuse him...
Of course.
Oh, Stanley.
Take this to the kitchen immediately.
Come with me, Your Highness.
What do you suppose happened to that fellow?
I dont know.
Maybe he didn't like the salad.
Looks alright to me.
Well, he certainly was fidgety.
I can't understand it.
Stanley!
That's for the guests.
Leave it alone.
And put that down!
Now look what you've done.
You've spoiled it.
I'll fix it.
There...
Now get back to the drawing room.
My guests are waiting.
Are you sure you're alright
to go back in there?
You know you were rather upset.
Of course I'm alright...
Well, Ronetz, your certainly setting yourself
a record for bungling things.
Your Highness, if I may say so,
you had a share in the bungling.
It was your idea
to engage those two idiots.
If the King didn't get the poison salad
it was your fault, not mine.
Stan.
Ollie.
What do you suppose he's going to tell
those two fools?
I don't know,
but I intend to find out.
Stay in there with the guests.
Tell them I'll be resting for half an hour.
Your Majesty...
So you found your friends again.
That's fine.
But you'd better go back
to the drawing room, now, Christopher.
But why should you try to kill me,
Uncle Saul?
Mr. Highness, we ought to throw you
right out of that window!
Yeah.
Head first.
Throw me out of the window...
That would be quite a long fall I'm afraid.
I'm told that a person
falling any great distance
loses consciousness
long before he reaches the ground.
Oh, well.
We won't have to throw him out.
Why?
Just give him a little push
when he jumps.
I'm trying to make it easy for you.
The King will make
a very gallant struggle for his life
and I shall arrive too late
to save him.
Oh, you're not too late. We'll help you...
Won't we, Ollie?
And now gentlemen...
And Christopher...
If I may trouble you to climb out
on the ledge outside this window?
Come, come gentlemen.
Please.
I'm a very sensitive man.
I find this quite painful.
He finds it painful.
- How much you got left, boys?
- Just that place near the window.
- Well hurry along.
- Charlie, lets slide it over the sill.
Come, Stanley.
Let no one say that we were afraid to die!
I don't care who says it!
We've done no wrong
so we have nothing to fear. Come.
- Nothing to fear?
- No!
Hold this, will ya?
You're right, Ollie.
Let us laugh in the face of death.
Come, Your Majesty.
Now...
His Majesty first, if you don't mind.
Goodbye, Ollie...
Goodbye, Stan.
- Goodbye, Chris.
- Goodbye, Chris.
What the...?
Quick!
The police!
Let's see what's up.
Come on!
And now gentlemen,
if you would care to say your goodbyes...
Farewell, Stanley!
You've been a wonderful pal.
A nobler creature never lived.
Goodbye, Ollie.
You're a...
Nice fella too.
Look at that. A fine way to leave things.
Come on. Give me a hand.
OK.
Ollie, I'll never forget you.
Never.
Nor I you, Stanley.
At last we've come to the parting of the ways
and our fate lies below...
Far, far below.
Come, come, gentlemen.
I must ask you to step off that ledge.
- Can't we say goodbye first?
- You just did.
I know
but this time we really mean it!
I've had enough of this!
I shall count ten and when I say ten...
You jump!
One...
Two...
It makes me dizzy to look down there.
Close your eyes and try not to land on your head.
That's what Im going to do.
Three...
Four...
Five...
Six...
Nu!
Wait 'til he says ten!
Seven...
Eight...
Nine...
Thank heavens he didn't say ten!
You're tickling me!
Climb up and grab my belt!
Take it easy, now!
Grab my belt!
Over there...
Quick!
Hang on! We'll get ya!
Give me a hand!
Bring him up!
Help me! Help!
Help!
Help me... Help me, Ollie...
Save me... Save me!
It's alright, Stanley.
You're safe!
Open your eyes!
I can't.
I can't look down.
Open your eyes!
How did we get in here?
Where's that Highness fella?
Yes!
Where is Uncle Saul?
Is he alright?
In there. He...
He ain't feeling so good.
We just telephoned.
They're coming right up to take care of him.
Say, Chris.
How about something to eat for the boys?
Sure.
Look.
Salami!
Have a seat, won't you, gentlemen?
Sure...
Thanks.
- Yeah!
- Hello, Rankin.
- Hello.
- Are you still out of work?
- Who isn't!
- Any chance of finding a job here?
- With this crowd ahead of you?
Chef and butler...
I couldn't even get you a job
as dishwashers.
But we come from a long line
of chefs and butlers.
Yeah, look.
These are our great, great, great, grandfathers.
You remember the Boston tea party,
of course.
They served the tea.
And they served
one of the first families of Virginia.
Now, now...
That's grandfather Hardy.
And that's grandpa Laurel.
Look.
Here's the very hat that he wore.
Yeah,
and here's the very coat that grandpa wore.
Yes, and I have the secret recipe
for the famous steak a-la Oliver.
Now, isn't that interesting.
Listen. I'm busy and if you don't take
your ancestors and get out of here...
Yes... Yes... You have?
Give me the address.
You want a delivery boy.
$12 a week.
A job!
Well, I guess we'd better wrap up
our ancestors.
Yeah,
we certainly let 'em down.
I don't think there's a job
open in this whole country.
Say...
Why don't we try some other countries?
Stanley,
I think you've got a good idea!
What'd he say?
You heard what he said!
I heard what he said
but I didn't hear what he meant.
He simply said,
that he accepts our resignation.
Oh, another country.
Another country?
Yonder she lies, Stanley.
The good old USA.
Gee, I'm glad to be back.
I'll bet you are.
What did the Japs do when
they took you prisoner?
It was most humiliating!
They forced us to prepare dinner.
My masterpiece, steak a-la Oliver.
Gee, that was tough.
Tough? My masterpiece?
I beg your pardon!
After they finished eating it,
they told us to please go on home.
Yes, it seems they preferred
some dish of their own.
I think they called it...
Hari-kari.
Please,
you'll all have to wait your turn.
You've got to get me a waitress.
You said you had one for me.
That Keatons girl.
I told you, sir.
She's a lieutenant in the WACS now.
Please,
I simply must have a maid.
Did you tell her she can wear
my mink coat on her days off?
My dear lady,
she got a mink coat.
It's even worse than in 1932.
Come back here.
There's no use even trying
with all these people ahead of us.
We might as well put in our application.
Come on.
Maybe if we showed them
the pictures of our ancestors.
- But you must have...
- I'm sorry. Nothing.
And not at any price!
What do you want?
We'd like to place our names
on your waiting list.
Waiting list?
There are more than 100 names ahead of yours.
Oh, it doesn't have to be a job
as a chef and a butler.
Oh, no.
We'll take anything.
People, please...
People, please!
But, Basil, dear,
I'm absolutely frantic.
When I told him, I simply had to have
two servants by this afternoon,
the wretched man
just laughed in my face.
Yes, of course, dear.
I told him our guests were
the very crme de la crme of society.
He said Id better hurry home
and start practicing with the can opener.
Can you imagine?
I'm sorry, madam
but we've...
We just came in to get a job
as a chef and a butler.
No...
No, no.
Come with me.
My car's parked just outside.
Let me in...
Unlock this door...
Open it up!
Out of the way!
Llet me!
Their not here. Where'd they go?
The window!
Look!
Stop them.
Do something.
- I can't do anything...
- Do something!
- How can I?
- Let me at her!
Madam, may I be so bold as to enquire...
Just what are your intentions?
Yeah...
Where are you taking us?
To my house, of course.
I know you're going to enjoy
every minute of it.
The last man I had
stayed for several years.
He'll tell you.
I was most accommodating.
In fact,
I still get letters from him.
He's on an island, somewhere in the pacific.
I think they call it Alcatraz.
He's such a charming butler.
Oh, you want us
to work for you.
Here you are, gentlemen.
I thought a little spot of this might refresh you
before taking up your new duties.
Chateau Neuf, 1924.
Gee, that's pretty old.
Haven't you got anything newer?
Stanley!
An excellent vintage, madam.
Now, is everything satisfactory?
I do hope you'll feel thoroughly rested
after this little snort... um.. snack.
My dinner party tonight is so important.
I have such distinguished guests.
Stanley, the phone.
Oh no, don't bother. I'll answer it.
Mustn't wear yourselves out.
Ollie,
do you think she's crazy?
Of course not.
It's just that she appreciates our true worth.
Oh, Prince Saul...
How nice to hear from you.
I merely wanted to verify the time
of our dinner engagement this evening.
7:30.
That'll be most agreeable.
Oh, Your Highness,
we're so anxious to meet the King.
The minute you accepted my invitation
to our club meeting, I rushed home to Basil...
He's my husband, you know...
And I said...
Basil, dear, we just must make King Christopher
feel that this is his second home.
Oh, that is very thoughtful of you,
dear lady.
Thank you so much.
Goodbye.
Thank you, gentlemen, for your splendid work
on behalf of our government in exile.
Your Majesty, thank you.
Good day, gentlemen.
Your Majesty.
You do like that tune,
don't you?
Oh, I love it. It's the Notre Dame victory song.
Isn't it wonderful, Uncle Saul?
It is.
It is indeed.
We have a dinner engagement
this evening.
Some very important people.
Rich, influential.
Oh... Then maybe they could help
the unfortunate people of our country?
Of course they could and they will.
Why else would I let them meet you?
That makes it OK by me.
Oh, Your Majesty...
How American...
Uncle Saul...
Do you think I can go to Notre Dame some day?
Perhaps.
Do you think they would let me play
on their football team?
That's what I'd like to do
better than anything else in the world.
My dear, Christopher...
I suppose you are also ambitious
to drive a fire engine...
Or perhaps to be a cowboy.
Your Majesty truly has great feeling
for the common people.
God must have loved the common people
because he made so many of them.
Interesting,
but unsettling doctrine.
It's not my doctrine.
Its Abraham Lincoln's.
And you would like to take this doctrine
of Mr. Lincoln's back to Orlandia?
I would.
Indeed I would.
I admire you for those sentiments, Christopher.
More than that, I love you for them.
These are the people you mean?
You said it, big boy.
Your Majesty...
I mean,
you expressed the idea to perfection.
But how can I get to know them?
Bodyguards, tutors, secretaries.
Your father got to know people
by going among them, as one of them.
How would you like to do that,
this afternoon, with Ronetz?
Your Majesty.
You sent for me, Your Highness?
Yes, Ronetz.
Hurry now, dear boy.
Thank you, Uncle Saul.
Strange people don't seem to understand
how fond I am of children.
This afternoon you will take His Majesty
out of the hotel by the service entrance.
Without the bodyguard?
Our good people of Orlandia
are not ready to rule themselves.
And Christopher, I'm afraid,
will have them try.
Oh, he's all heart, that boy.
Like his father, Ronetz.
And now it would sadden me beyond measure
if Christopher were to meet with an accident.
But I must put aside my own feelings.
History will applaud your courage, sir.
The details, Ronetz...
I may leave them to you?
Oh, yes.
Certainly, sir.
It'll all be over, quietly, without pain
and it will be blamed on our political opponents.
The King is dead.
Long live the King.
Now put these in the china closet
and please be careful.
That'll be fine.
Now, Oliver, I want you to go right out
and do the marketing for my dinner party tonight.
I'm late for my canteen meeting
or I'd do it myself.
Now, here is the list. You can take
the shortcut, through Rexford Park.
And don't forget the caviar.
I usually keep a large supply on hand
but that would be hoarding.
I don't believe in hoarding.
Do you, Oliver?
Neither does Stanley, does he?
And, Oliver, I want you to get me the biggest,
finest sirloin steak you can find.
Here are the ration points.
I've been hoarding.
I mean...
I've been saving them for weeks.
They're the red points.
Pretty, aren't they?
Now, Oliver, I know I can leave
everything safely in your hands.
I mean...
everything in...
in Stanley's hands...
I mean...
I'd better take them out of Stanley's hands.
I mean...
You'd better take Stanley with you.
Get him out of here!
I'll finish the dishes myself.
If I'm not mistaken, madam,
they ARE finished.
It was good of Uncle Saul to send out this way
without the bodyguards.
Well, His Highness thinks of
only your true welfare Your Majesty.
What is it, Ronetz?
Oh, it's a trifle.
It's only that I seem to be out of cigarettes.
Do you want to buy some?
Your Majesty won't mind
waiting for me, right here.
Oh, no. It'll be fun to be alone
for a few minutes.
Of course.
I shall return immediately.
Oh, Carroll, Falcon.
Good you're on time.
As deeply as Prince Saul and I regret this,
it is for the good of Orlandia.
His Majesty will accompany you
without question.
Of course.
He knows us so well.
You will explain that Prince Saul
has sent for him on an urgent matter.
If he wishes to wait for me,
tell him there's no time. That haste is vital.
That your car is waiting and do not
communicate with me. I'll call you.
He's gone!
That's strange.
Strange.
He was there a moment ago.
Let go!
You don't suppose...
My dear, Carroll, you'd could hardly expect
to find him among those hoodlums.
Perhaps he's gone back to his hotel.
Possibly...
We'd better go back to our apartment immediately.
Ronetz said he would call.
Signals ready...
2, 1, 6.
Willy!
Didn't I tell you to be home at 3 o'clock
to mind little Gwendolyn?
Awe gee, Ma.
There's only a couple of minutes left.
Oh, please, Mrs. Flannagan.
Let him finish the game.
No... Not another minute. It's after 4 o'clock now.
Come on, get home you!
4 o'clock? Gee, I've got to get going
on my paper route. So long fellas!
Wait a minute, Butch.
We got to have a referee.
Sorry.
Got to go.
Well, I guess we win. The score is 12-7
and you ain't got no right half.
Wait a minute, Chuck.
That's the rules.
You can't play with 10 men.
I beg your pardon,
but couldn't I substitute for Willy?
I'm quite a student of football.
Look at the fancy clothes.
He's a student, he says.
Yeah!
Get away, pennyweight.
This gang would bust you in half.
Alright, gang.
Game's over.
Yeah!
Wait a minute.
What do you mean, wait a minute?
We win by default!
Not if we get another player,
you don't.
You mean him?
It'll give us 3 minutes more to try
for a touchdown, wont it?
If we don't let him play,
we're licked right now!
Hey, kid!
Come back here!
OK! You're a right half back!
Get in there!
You mean I can play?
I said get in there!
OK, fellas! Let's go!
OK, kids.
Let's go!
It's all off.
Game's over.
But... But...
You said...
Can't play without a referee
and Butch went home.
That's the rules alright. Guess we lose.
Go on home, kid.
We'll beat you worse, tomorrow.
Well, see you tomorrow, gang.
Please, please...
Couldn't you get another referee?
No, no...
None of the gang are...
Wait a minute, Bushy.
Look!
What do you say?
Let's ask them.
Can't do any harm.
Come on!
Hey, mister.
Will you referee our game?
Our referee had to go to work.
And we can't play without a referee.
Please, mister.
Sorry, boys,
but we haven't got time.
Yeah, and we have to prepare
a very important dinner.
We've only got 3 minutes more to play.
Awe, come on.
Be a sport!
Some other time, perhaps.
Run along. Come, Stanley.
Oh, gentlemen...
Won't you please referee? Please.
I'm sorry, son
but our first duty is to our employer.
But they're just sending me in.
Iit's the first chance I've had to play,
and if you don't referee now,
I'll never get the chance. Never.
Won't you, please?
I don't suppose that 5 minutes
will make very much difference.
Boys will be boys, you know.
Now remember, son.
Only for 5 minutes.
A referee and an umpire!
Gee, that's swell!
Here you are, mister.
Let me take your packages.
Come on, fellas! Up and at 'em!
Were going to finish the game!
Hurry, Jimmy!
Hurry!
Here they come.
Alright, boys.
Whose ball is it?
Ours, first down!
I'll get over there
and you stay here.
Going in at right half back, sir.
Here's your whistle, mister.
Signals ready...
4, 7, 3, 9, 8, 6, 7, 5, 4, 2, 3, 6... Hit!
Blow the whistle!
Signals ready...
3, 4, 9, 8, 11, 7, 6, 9, 3, 2...
Signals ready...
3, 4, 9, 4...
Let's go.
That's the way.
Alright!
Now blow the whistle, Stanley.
What are you doing down there?
Come here!
Stay here where you belong.
Well,
I can't keep out of the way.
Give me the whistle!
I'll show you how to keep out of the way!
Now get over there!
Over here!
Signals ready...
5, 8.
It's our ball.
Come on, gang. Let's go.
2 minutes to go!
Let's fool 'em.
We'll give the ball to pennyweight
to your off left tackle.
Think you can do it, kid?
- You bet!
- Hup!
Signals...
6, 7, 13, 34, 27, 5, 7, 14
A fumble already.
Alright, boys. Come on...
Clear the ball.
1 minute to go!
Get back, out of our way...
Way back!
Way back, I said!
Signals ready...
9, 4, 8, 6.
It's a pass!
TOUCHDOWN!
We win!
13 to 12!
Well, goodbye, son.
You played very well.
You sure did.
Goodbye.
- Oh, please...
- Yes?
Well,
I just wanted to thank you.
What for?
We didn't do anything. All we did...
Oh, yes, you did.
You see, I've never played football before
and if you hadn't refereed the game I...
Oh, you're awfully kind.
Well,
we just like to see kids have fun.
Yes.
We think kids are nice.
And I think you're swell.
Well, let's go, Stanley.
I've got to get started on my steak a-la Oliver.
Say, did you get the steak?
- Did I get the steak?
- Sure.
I told you to get the steak.
Don't you remember anything?
Well, you had the ration books.
I did not.
I gave it to you.
I distinctly remember putting my hand into
my pocket, pulling out the ration book and...
See?
Why didn't you remind me?
Well, you didn't ask me.
Now we've got to go all the way back to that market
and get a steak, thanks to your stupidity.
And if we get one
it'll be a great piece of luck.
Luck?
It'll be a miracle.
Why?
Well, we haven't got any money left.
We spent everything that...
Well, here's another nice mess
you've gotten me into!
I've got to fix a steak dinner
and I haven't got any meat.
These cats sure can put it away!
Yeah!
It's lucky horse meat ain't rationed.
Ollie...
Look!
Stanley, we've got to uphold
the rights of human beings.
That beautiful sirloin steak
is enough for at least four people.
And he's hoarding it.
Mrs. Hawkley needs it more than that lion.
We'll do it.
You're right, Ollie.
Ladies first.
I always say.
Stanley, get the meat.
You mean...
Me get the meat?
Of course.
Reach in and take it.
There's nothing to it.
All you have to do
is look the lion straight in the eye.
Lions are afraid of that.
I read that in a book.
But did the lion read the book?
Don't annoy me with trifles.
Hurry.
Are you sure he'll be frightened?
One look at you
and he'll be terrified.
Did you look him in the eye?
Yeah, but something must've gone wrong.
I got frightened.
I can't depend upon you
to do anything.
I have it... I'll decoy him away
from the meat and you grab it.
I'll pretend that I'm another lion.
It's working.
Pretend you're a lady lion.
Alright.
Why didn't you take it away from him?
You... You... You weakling.
Now I've got to think of another idea.
What are you going to do now?
I'm going to tickle him.
That'll attract him away from the steak
then you snatch it.
Suppose it's not ticklish?
All lions are ticklish!
Why don't you try and find
his funny bone?
See?
He's laughing.
Don't look like a laugh to me.
Now, how did you get up there?
- I jumped!
- Well, come down!
How am I going to get down?
The same way that you got up there!
Wait a minute and I'll help ya.
Come and get me.
It's no use, I guess.
We'd better get our packages and go home.
My first chance to cook a meal
for the Hawkleys.
My famous steak a-la Oliver,
and no steak.
I'm sorry, Ollie.
Look!
Look!
The steak!
Good boy.
You got it.
How'd you get it?
When he jumped at you
I grabbed it.
He must have read the book.
You're a real friend.
By the way...
What's your name?
Oh... Um...
You can just call me Chris.
OK, Chris.
Let me carry these packages for you.
That's real nice of you.
A beautiful gesture.
Here, I'll help you.
OK, gang.
Let's go.
Oh, wait a minute.
I forgot something.
Well, goodbye Chris
and thanks for helping.
You'd better run along home
to your father and mother.
But I haven't any father and mother.
But you must have a home?
Oh, yes.
I live with my Uncle.
But... But he's a... A brute.
And if I go home now he'll beat me.
He'll beat you?
Oh, yes.
He'll beat me terribly.
Oh, please...
Let me stay with you a while.
Oh, we can't do that, Chris.
We've got a dinner to prepare
and we're late now.
Come, Stanley.
- Goodbye, Chris.
- Goodbye.
Maybe if you run home fast
your Uncle won't beat you very hard.
Bye.
Now,
you can take just one tiny peek.
Servants.
A cook and a butler!
It is a miracle.
I better go in and introduce myself.
No!
No.
You mustn't disturb them.
You know how temperamental
servants are these days.
You'd better go upstairs and change.
His Majesty is due at any minute now.
Run along, run along.
I've got to get started
on my mock turtle soup a-la Hardy.
You put the rest of these things away.
Stanley, you get the pot for the soup
and the platter for the steak
and Ill fix the vegetables.
You know, that Chris was an awful nice boy.
I liked him.
So did I.
I wished we could have kept him with us.
Yeah, poor kid.
He's probably home right now getting a licking.
Gee, I wish that
we'd have kept him here.
You know, we could have found
a place to hide him.
Sure.
You could hide me in the cellar.
Yeah...
That's a good idea.
Chris!
Well, look who's here.
Young man,
come out of there.
What do you mean sneaking?
I thought I...
Oh, please, Mr Oliver.
There's something I forgot to tell you.
Well!
Well... The beatings aren't all.
My uncle won't give me anything to eat.
You mean he starves you?
I haven't had anything to eat
for a week.
Why, the despicable cad!
Well, you stay right here with us tonight.
Yeah. We'll feed you.
Right now!
But you've got to go home
in the morning
and we'll go along and have a nice long talk
with that uncle of yours.
Here you are, Chris...
Look.
What is it?
Salami!
And very tasty!
You mean one can eat it?
Well, one can try.
- Really?
- Yes.
It's delicious.
Oh, Your Highness.
This an honour.
Madam, enchant.
Enchant too.
But where's the king?
His Majesty is not well, madam.
He sends his regrets.
Oh, I would have been so enchant
to have a King for dinner.
I mean...
I mean, I'm sorry His Majesty is ill.
But I am instructed
to invite you both to a reception
His Majesty is giving tomorrow afternoon
for Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.
How chic!
We would be delighted to accept.
Wouldn't we, Basil?
Yes...
Yes.
I guess being a King
is pretty hard on a youngster.
Oh, His Majesty thinks
only of his duties.
Sometimes I fear for him.
He scarcely sleeps or eats.
How are you doing, Chris?
- Oh, swell.
- Good.
I can't understand why my mock turtle soup
a-la Hardy isn't done yet.
Well, you know how slow those turtles are.
I remember a story once about a turtle...
All that it needs
is a wee bit of seasoning.
Oh, Stanley!
Mrs. Hawkley!
Chris!
Quick! Hide Chris!
Get under the table!
Stanley, I just came to tell you that
our guest of honour won't be here.
So there'll just be three for dinner.
I'm sure that you'll see
that everything is served nicely...
Won't you?
You can trust me, madam.
Everything will go like greasy lightning.
You'll find some Bicarbonate of soda
in the cabinet.
You can come out now.
See?
You nearly got caught.
Stanley. Come here.
I want to rehearse you.
You want to what?
I want to see
that you serve this meal correctly.
What do you mean corr...?
Now, I'm Mrs. Hawkley.
Chris, you sit to my right. You're the guest.
A guest... Can you imagine him being a guest?
Look at him.
Now for the rehearsal...
Serve the soup.
No, no, no... Just pretend.
You're always showing your ignorance.
Well, I've as much right to be ignorant
as you have. In fact, more!
Much more!
Stanley, at times your most trying.
Well, you can't blame me for trying.
Serve the soup.
Oh, no, Mr. Stan.
You should serve the hostess first.
I'm the hostess.
Oh, no, no, Mr. Stan.
You should serve from the left side.
The left side!
This is my left side.
That kid knows more
about etiquette than you do.
I just know
you're going to disgrace us.
I have it. Chris, you'll have to see
that he conducts himself with distinction.
With... esprit de Coeur.
How?
Well, we'll hide you
under the dining room table.
And if he goes to serve from the wrong side,
you tap him on the foot.
See?
Simple.
We have a new chef, Your Highness.
I do hope he does himself proud.
I'm sure he will.
Will you sit there, Your Highness?
Thank you.
Oh, thank you.
What a pity,
His Majesty couldn't have been with us tonight.
I'm sure no one regrets it
more than he.
Mock turtle soup a-la Hardy!
Stanley has such a quaint sense of humour.
I always encourage a spirit of fun
in my servants.
His sense of humour, no doubt.
Charming, isn't it?
Oh, Stanley, you and Oliver
will be the death of us yet.
Won't they, dear?
That's quite possible!
Excellent soup, madam
I envy you, your new chef.
Yes, yes.
Oliver is a...
Genius.
You may remove... the plates now,
Stanley.
You made those cocktails too strong, Basil.
They've given me hiccups.
Me too.
We mustn't spoil our appetites,
you know.
We're going to have steak.
Oh, really?
Splendid.
My famous steak a-la Oliver...
Stanley, our ancestors
would be proud of us today.
Now serve it carefully
and let me know how they like it.
I sure will.
One is so fortunate to be able
to get help these...
Steak a-la Oliver!
What a magnificent cut of meat.
How perfectly lovely.
You certainly got the lion's share, Stanley.
How did you know?
Such a witty fellow.
Just the tiniest bit for me, Basil.
Remember my diet.
I'm so anxious to meet His Majesty.
I know so few Kings.
And Prince Prentiloff...
I've always felt that Princes
have the strangest fascination for me.
Peas and carrots a-la...
Yes, yes, Stanley.
Yes.
Put them down.
Put them down.
Why don't you try it on the other side?
I seem to have lost my touch.
Stanley, a sharper knife, please.
This one is very dull.
A shortage of steel, you know.
Well, Stanley?
How'd they like it?
He wants a sharper knife.
- A sharper knife?
- That's what he said.
He just doesn't know how to carve
a steak a-la Oliver!
Let me at that beautiful specimen!
Pardon me, Mr Hawkley.
One must have a knack for these things.
Wrong side.
We must take a trip to Washington, Basil
and visit His Highness.
That is, if we have to leave the city.
Yes, yes indeed, Washington...
Wonderful man.
Just a slip.
Stanley... The door bell!
Answer it!
Yes, madam.
Oliver, you'd better saw the st...
I mean, carve the steak in the kitchen.
I'm afraid the steak is a little too fresh.
Makes it hard to cut, you know.
Yes.
There's a guy by the name of Mr. Ronutz
and he wants to talk to a Mr. Highness.
That's my secretary.
Would you pardon me a moment.
Oh, certainly.
Take this thing out of here...
Take it out!
Now, Basil, Basil.
Remember your blood pressure.
I'm quite alright, my dear.
I've never felt better in my life.
The only trouble is
these fiends have poisoned me!
That's impossible.
He can't have vanished off the face of the earth.
But, Your Highness,
that's exactly what did happen.
I telephoned the police immediately.
They're at the hotel now
with the district attorney.
I'll be right back.
Wait for me.
My dear Mrs Hawkley,
something terrible has happened.
It certainly has.
My secretary has just brought me
some very disturbing news.
I'm afraid I shall have to leave.
Oh, Your Highness, I'm so sorry must you go
and on an empty stomach.
I think they're mad at us, Ollie.
We'd better get Chris out of there.
Chris.
Chris.
Good night, Mrs. Hawkley
and thanks for a most delicious dinner.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night, Your Highness.
Delicious dinner?
My good neighbour policy,
it's completely ruined.
Oh, I think I better see a doctor.
All because of those two imbeciles.
They betrayed me...
Good heavens...
What's that?
Boy!
You!
She saw me.
She's coming after me.
Boy!
Where is he?
Where is he?
Oh, so there you are.
How did this ragamuffin get in here.
Well, you see,
he's a friend of ours.
Oh, he is. So you brought him in.
Well... That settles it.
First you ruin my dinner,
then you bring a stowaway into the house!
Please, Mrs. Hawkley.
It was my fault.
Out you go! All three of you!
I'll give you just five minutes to pack up.
Now, remember!
Out you go! Scat!
If he's alive, we'll find him.
Give it to the papers at once
and send them pictures of the King.
Of course. And offer a reward.
A $1000 for any information.
Get the pictures of His Majesty.
Try not to worry, Prince Saul.
Our men will search every corner in the city.
Now I'll show you another one.
That's Alphonse Hardy.
We had hoped some day
to get our pictures in this album.
Along with the other great Hardys.
And Laurels.
I'm afraid we never will.
I guess I'll never wear that again.
Of course you will.
It wasn't your fault that you were fired.
If I hadn't sneaked into the house...
No, no Chris.
We're failures.
Yeah.
We're just no good, that's all.
That's not true.
You're both wonderful.
And Ive spoiled everything for you.
No, no, Chris.
Now, what you need,
is some sleep.
Stanley, you wait here and I'll go and see
if I can get a bed here for Chris.
You seem awfully fond of that thing, Chris.
I am.
Knute Rockne gave it to my father.
You'd better put it under the pillow until morning.
We don't want to lose it, you know.
Stan and I
will sleep on the benches downstairs.
You know, Mr. Stan and Mr. Oliver...
This has been the happiest day of my life.
Look, Chris.
You don't have to say Mister to us.
Of course not.
Just call us Stan and Ollie.
After all, we're pals.
Pals.
Sure. You're every bit as good as we are.
Isn't he, Ollie?
Yes.
OK. Good night, Stan.
Good night, Ollie.
- Good night, Chris.
- Good night, Chris.
Good night, Ollie.
Good night, Sta...
Alright, fellas.
Come along.
That's them, alright.
I'll haul these fellas in.
You take care of the kid, Danny.
What are you pinching us for?
Yeah...
What did we do?
I ain't saying much and if you guys are wise,
you'll play dumb too.
Tell it to the D.A. in the morning.
Alright.
Go along, quietly.
But, Uncle Saul,
why can't I see them again?
They didn't do anything wrong.
Of course, not, my dear boy. I blame my own
impulsiveness in sending you out as I did.
I indulge you.
It's my great weakness.
Your Highness is too kind.
But at least we could help them, Uncle Saul.
Couldn't we get them a position as butler and chef?
Lots of people need butlers and chefs.
I need a butler and chef!
Now, now, Christopher.
But they're fine cooks, I tell you...
They'd cook me the most wonderful meals.
My dear boy, don't forget.
I've tasted their cooking.
They'd...
They'd poison you.
You touch me with your concern
for these unfortunates.
Perhaps, after all, we'll be able
to find a place for them on our staff.
You are kind, Uncle Saul.
My kindness is running away with me.
Steak a-la Oliver...
Now, Christopher,
your Latin tutor is waiting.
Alright.
Dear boy...
Such a warm heart.
And those poor men
must be released immediately from jail,
if they are to serve at our reception
this afternoon for Prince Prentiloff.
But, Your Highness,
those two clowns?
And if some sort of capsule were to find it's way
into the salad, let us say,
or perhaps some or d'oeuvre one of these clowns
serves to His Majesty.
And if we found out too late that these two clumsy
oafs are both employed by our political enemies...
How very sad it would be, Ronetz.
Get me the District Attorney.
Yes, Sir.
We'll plead guilty, officer.
We took the meat.
You did what?
We stole some meat from a lion.
What are you guys talking about?
Go on. Get out of here.
Get out of here?
You heard me. We've got no charges
against you. Go on! Scram!
Oh, here, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I almost forgot.
Call at that address right away.
Rexford Park Hotel,
room 1242.
Oh, don't bother about that.
Let's try and find Chris.
It'll only take a minute to drop in there.
It might be a job.
Your Majesty.
It is indeed a pleasure to greet you.
The honour is mine,
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty,
may I present Mr. and Mrs. Kitteridge.
Your Majesty.
It was kind of you to come.
Oh, how cosy.
Prince Saul, how are you?
My dear, Mrs. Hawkley.
Mr. Hawkley, how nice of you to come.
It's quite an honour.
Allow me to present you
to His Majesty.
I wouldn't have missed this
for anything.
I told the girls at the club, they'd simply have
to get another fourth for bridge.
Your Majesty,
allow me to present Mr. and Mrs. Hawkley.
How do you do, Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
We are honoured at your presence.
Ah, Mr. Ashwood.
Basil, that boy...
I mean the King...
Well, what about him?
He looks exactly like that hoodlum those two
nincompoops smuggled into our house last night.
For heaven's sake, Elvina.
I beg your pardon, sir,
but there are two men in the ante-room
who say they were told to come to this address.
Of course, it's a mistake.
No, it isn't.
Tell them to wait.
Gee, this is a swell joint.
Yeah.
I wonder who lives here.
- Let's take a peek.
- Alright.
A masquerade party!
Yes, silly.
Your Highness.
Your Majesty,
may I present Prince Prentiloff of Marshovia.
Ollie...
Look.
Chris...
Chris.
Ollie!
Stan!
Chris!
Chris!
Son of a gun, you!
What're you doing here?
Where have you been?
Then it was the King
I threw out of my house last night.
I beg your pardon.
His Majesty The King is busy at the moment.
That's alright.
Tell him to go right ahead.
Oh, sure... He won't bother us.
You little rascal!
You know, we were worrying all night about you.
Weren't we, Ollie?
I refer to King Christopher II of Orlandia!
King Christopher!
Chris, you ain't a King?
I... I should have told you.
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty.
Your Majesty... Prince Prentiloff.
You have offended him.
His Majesty will be pleased to grant you
an audience at a later time.
Oh...
Sure, Chris.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Mr. King, Chris.
Your Majesty.
Your Highness,
it is indeed a pleasure to greet you.
Just a minute, please.
I regret this unfortunate incident.
I wanted to see you alone
and explain about Christopher.
Oh, that's alright.
We understand and we won't try to see him again
We know how it is...
He's a King and we're...
We're just nobody.
Please, gentlemen.
Will you wait just a minute.
I think I can help you.
Won't you sit down?
Would you consider a position
as butler and chef to His Majesty The King.
Well...
But gentlemen.
That's a very funny joke.
And if you don't mind,
we don't feel like kidding now.
Kidding...
But I'm not kidding.
His Majesty is giving a tea immediately after
the presentation and I want you to serve it.
You ain't kidding?
I ain't kidding!
I give you my word.
Will you do it?
Will we do it?
Stanley, the album! Quick!
Just as I thought.
We've topped our ancestors.
Look, Stanley. None of them
ever got any higher than a Lord Mayor.
And we're going to serve a King!
Thank you.
Try a black one. They're good.
Pardon me.
Yes, Your Majesty. I'm quite convinced
that both our countries will eventually...
Oh, there you are, Stanley.
Oh, you, pixie, you.
After all this... excitement,
I'm sure you'll be glad to come back
and work at our little house, won't you?
No, mam.
He keeps us in stitches,
doesn't he, Basil?
Um...
Yes.
You'd better have Stanley
serve your special salad now.
And be sure he serves His Majesty first.
Naturally!
By the way...
Which is His Majesty's?
Well, that one, of course.
It's the biggest!
Stanley,
you may serve the special salad now.
This one is His Majesty's.
Are you sure this is the largest one?
Of course it is.
I picked out myself.
I don't think it is, Ollie.
I think this one here, looks bigger.
No, no, no, no. Wait just a moment.
I think this is the largest.
No, no...
That's not it.
If you compare them...
Look.
No, no, Stanley.
This is the biggest.
- That's the one.
- That's it exactly.
Which one is His Majesty's?
Wait a minute.
Just a minute, my good man.
I'm in charge here and I'm quite capable
of serving this luncheon. Thank you.
What a charming salad.
Your Majesty is simply going to play havoc
or something with my diet.
They say salads are full of vitamins.
I think vitamins are wond... wonderful.
Don't you?
From A to Z.
I beg your pardon, Your Highness.
May I speak to you for a moment?
Excuse, me please.
Your Majesty.
They mixed up the salads.
I always eat too fast.
It must've stuck in my throat.
Why, Your Highness,
you haven't touched your salad?
I'm not very hungry.
Just a teensy weensy bit.
It's full of just what you need.
Now open your mouth.
- Open your mouth. Let me feed you.
- No. No!
His Highness is having one of his nervous attacks.
His doctors warned him.
He really ought to lie down, Your Majesty.
If you'll excuse him...
Of course.
Oh, Stanley.
Take this to the kitchen immediately.
Come with me, Your Highness.
What do you suppose happened to that fellow?
I dont know.
Maybe he didn't like the salad.
Looks alright to me.
Well, he certainly was fidgety.
I can't understand it.
Stanley!
That's for the guests.
Leave it alone.
And put that down!
Now look what you've done.
You've spoiled it.
I'll fix it.
There...
Now get back to the drawing room.
My guests are waiting.
Are you sure you're alright
to go back in there?
You know you were rather upset.
Of course I'm alright...
Well, Ronetz, your certainly setting yourself
a record for bungling things.
Your Highness, if I may say so,
you had a share in the bungling.
It was your idea
to engage those two idiots.
If the King didn't get the poison salad
it was your fault, not mine.
Stan.
Ollie.
What do you suppose he's going to tell
those two fools?
I don't know,
but I intend to find out.
Stay in there with the guests.
Tell them I'll be resting for half an hour.
Your Majesty...
So you found your friends again.
That's fine.
But you'd better go back
to the drawing room, now, Christopher.
But why should you try to kill me,
Uncle Saul?
Mr. Highness, we ought to throw you
right out of that window!
Yeah.
Head first.
Throw me out of the window...
That would be quite a long fall I'm afraid.
I'm told that a person
falling any great distance
loses consciousness
long before he reaches the ground.
Oh, well.
We won't have to throw him out.
Why?
Just give him a little push
when he jumps.
I'm trying to make it easy for you.
The King will make
a very gallant struggle for his life
and I shall arrive too late
to save him.
Oh, you're not too late. We'll help you...
Won't we, Ollie?
And now gentlemen...
And Christopher...
If I may trouble you to climb out
on the ledge outside this window?
Come, come gentlemen.
Please.
I'm a very sensitive man.
I find this quite painful.
He finds it painful.
- How much you got left, boys?
- Just that place near the window.
- Well hurry along.
- Charlie, lets slide it over the sill.
Come, Stanley.
Let no one say that we were afraid to die!
I don't care who says it!
We've done no wrong
so we have nothing to fear. Come.
- Nothing to fear?
- No!
Hold this, will ya?
You're right, Ollie.
Let us laugh in the face of death.
Come, Your Majesty.
Now...
His Majesty first, if you don't mind.
Goodbye, Ollie...
Goodbye, Stan.
- Goodbye, Chris.
- Goodbye, Chris.
What the...?
Quick!
The police!
Let's see what's up.
Come on!
And now gentlemen,
if you would care to say your goodbyes...
Farewell, Stanley!
You've been a wonderful pal.
A nobler creature never lived.
Goodbye, Ollie.
You're a...
Nice fella too.
Look at that. A fine way to leave things.
Come on. Give me a hand.
OK.
Ollie, I'll never forget you.
Never.
Nor I you, Stanley.
At last we've come to the parting of the ways
and our fate lies below...
Far, far below.
Come, come, gentlemen.
I must ask you to step off that ledge.
- Can't we say goodbye first?
- You just did.
I know
but this time we really mean it!
I've had enough of this!
I shall count ten and when I say ten...
You jump!
One...
Two...
It makes me dizzy to look down there.
Close your eyes and try not to land on your head.
That's what Im going to do.
Three...
Four...
Five...
Six...
Nu!
Wait 'til he says ten!
Seven...
Eight...
Nine...
Thank heavens he didn't say ten!
You're tickling me!
Climb up and grab my belt!
Take it easy, now!
Grab my belt!
Over there...
Quick!
Hang on! We'll get ya!
Give me a hand!
Bring him up!
Help me! Help!
Help!
Help me... Help me, Ollie...
Save me... Save me!
It's alright, Stanley.
You're safe!
Open your eyes!
I can't.
I can't look down.
Open your eyes!
How did we get in here?
Where's that Highness fella?
Yes!
Where is Uncle Saul?
Is he alright?
In there. He...
He ain't feeling so good.
We just telephoned.
They're coming right up to take care of him.
Say, Chris.
How about something to eat for the boys?
Sure.
Look.
Salami!
Have a seat, won't you, gentlemen?
Sure...
Thanks.