Oh Marbella! (2003) Movie Script

Subtitle by Chalma
My bikini!
Do not know stars,
come here on holiday?
Then who are you, Tina?
- I'm Monica!
- Monica?
From "Friends".
- Then that means I'm Brad Pitt.
- Rather, Joey, Dave!
Look luggage! Excuse me!
Make room, the doctor comes!
Come on, girl!
What you have here,
Do not have it, buddy.
But if we had,
I took it with me.
Of course, honey, do not worry.
I'll call you first thing tomorrow, right?
I love you!
Was his wife.
A number of England called
and called me here in Spain.
Amazing what technology can do today, right?
A nice vacation!
I can not believe it!
Harvey, avocatelul that crappy,
is away on holiday!
Is about to destroy half of the labor force,
and he is concerned about getting a tan.
Like I set " without phones "
Settled and " without cigarettes ".
- What about fish?
- What?
Millions of fish are killed every day.
Nobody wears shirts that says " fish are killed ".
I'm vegetarian, so I eat fish
But crustaceans?
Goddamn those are not even the right to appeal.
Are thrown alive into boiling water.
What are you doing about it?
I can not believe what he did!
Let's respect the plan,
Relax and forget all our problems
until Monday.
You're right.
I can not do anything there.
Every day on the way to work,
have to walk past those fancy restaurants
serving seafood.
You know, those where fish aquariums
set right in the window.
I saw some lobsters,
with their clestisorii open,
who could not defend in any way.
Last week, I met
with a friend of mine,
I entered the restaurant
And I broke all those tanks
and I released.
Are you going to May release
other lobsters as we stay there?
Might, but first,
is relaxing.
I want to get in contact with local culture.
Men in tights pink,
that torment innocent bulls.
Do not think that can be called culture.
- Not to mention bullfighting.
- Yes? It can be worse. Check it out!
May do something else.
Sacrifice and goats.
Happen in a small village near Marbella
At the end of a so-called Sarabia
take innocent goat and threw the rock,
to kill her. If he's lucky.
Fucking hell!
- You know what?
- Yes?
- This is terrible!
- Tell me about it?
- Someone should do something.
- That's why I'm here.
I wish you a pleasant holiday.
I remember your name!
Nice to meet you.
My name is Darren.
Machine is opposite.
I'll take the bag.
I have to give way to the air conditioning.
- Yes?
- To be cool.
- And you say you heard of me?
- If you've heard?
You're a legend, what the hell & apos; !
- Watch your language!
- Sorry!
When we were little and made many silly
what happens quite often, so said my father
" next time you do that, you little bastard
. .. , "
" ... I'm gonna tell Ronnie Ackerman. "
scare us to death.
I heard you retired.
Yes. This is a final contract.
There was an operation that I need money.
Some older issues.
In the past 10 years, Jack Winters
lived at the expense of others.
All you need is here, Ronnie.
Look, Teen, that's us.
Five stars, I said. Five stars!
- Hi!
- Hello!
- Name
- Jenkins.
... Jenkins...
Hotel that had to be accommodated...
... was already booked by another travel agency.
But doing nothing.
I already called a taxi to take you to another hotel
which happens to be one of the most popular destinations
- It's cute?
- Yes.
Is around the corner, will you explain them.
Hello, hello, holla,
gutten tag and the rest & apos;...!
Welcome to "The Natural"!
Here you go!
I booked in the name of Curtis.
- As Tony Curtis?
- No, Ashley Curtis.
What a shame!
My favorite movie is "
Some like it hot" with Jack Lemmon.
Liked me in "Sweet Smell of Success".
Well, nobody's perfect.
I imitated Tony Curtis.
Actually, I would rather look like Ringo
, right?
I go to prepare a welcome package.
Why not take a look around in the meantime
I think you'll like it here.
I apologize for the delay.
Everything is ready.
- Excuse us a minute, Ringo.
- Of course.
- What is it?
- How?
I've seen those people!
- There was a little strip...
- They were naked!
An exorbitant amount paid monthly so that you may remove a tumor,
but when you make a call,
not have signal!
We can not afford to walk all over Marbella crazy
to find a hotel.
-'re Not suggesting you sit here?
- What could be the problem?
Is unnatural!
Ash, I had a long, hard day.
I want to sleep.
If you have to get naked
for this, not to die.
Okay, okay...
But I could not close an eye here.
I go, whether you're ready or not.
Does this mean you're not ready.
I can not believe it, teen!
I made so much money,
that we put in a cell!
How does the bathroom?
Sun travel agency.
I'm going straight to the manager
and I ask him to give us a bigger room
right now!
Look, Teen,
shows a large corner!
- Hell & apos; ! That's not my bag.
- Kidding!
Why are we always the case?
This should be my dream vacation.
We've been here less than an hour,
and it turned into a nightmare.
Why is this?
I know why.
Because we are losers!
Do not say that!
- We are fucking losers!
- We're not losers!
I just had a little bad luck.
You're right.
Deserve more and I assure
I get you this.
I have a new credit card.
Left here, we find another elegant
You are all Marbella,
a 6 star hotel.
I'll get out of here first thing tomorrow
And why not now?
For now go to buy bikinis.
The best, most expensive, sexiest bikini
that we can find in Torremolinos.
I love you, Dave.
- How can we help?
- I am an artist.
My job is to look at beautiful women.
Sorry , but
your beauty makes me feel a little weird,
so if you faint,
you do me mouth to mouth?
- Want to have sex?
- No.
Mind if I lie down and let me fuck you?
Fuck you!
It's your lucky day, right?
Began downright awful.
I met a chick absolutely wonderful airport.
Gave me flake.
Is a girl of those, as they say...
not eat meat,
not eat fish or chicken.
So, vegetarian.
Maybe you should try your luck there.
Looks good, right?
- Later, dude!
- Good luck!
Good! How are you?
This is the replica of Joey,
in "Friends".
Do you want to dance?
Nothing? No?
Everywhere is full.
It's a nightmare.
Hello? Good morning!
Do you have rooms?
Just for tonight.
A room with one bed
is very good.
Thank you.
Hell & apos; !
Need to keep your aggression
Is under control.
Allow me to introduce you to the last
breakthrough for treating stress.
Weed St. John.
Calm . Valium. Xanax.
Has a name?
I go to the pool!
Do not even think about it.
- What to think?
- the two of us we could compare.
Trust me, are much higher.
size is not everything.
Right, but the problem is
and reliability.
You have a lot going on.
I have a button on / off
and four batteries.
- I also have other qualities.
- Let her see.
What I got to speak with a dildo speaker?
have information inside.
Yes, thanks for reminding me.
Good luck!
Sorry, Em.
What can I say?
I am an asshole.
- Do you want to relax?
- To relax?
Want to see as you are relaxed?
Okay, I'll show you relaxed.
No problem. Absolutely none.
So you agree?
Yes, if you like to stay naked...
"Harvey, avocatelul that crappy,
is away on vacation."
"It's about to destroy half of the workforce
= = and his head lies not only in tan. "
I know who is hiding under that suit.
Have you met my wife Maggie?
- Hi!
- Hello!
My wife, Emily.
Look great.
I see you're a descendant of Cromwell.
Your head round
unlike a knight.
Must be a taxi here, Teen.
Sir, ma'am...
are newcomers?
Do not know if you heard about our company
Marbella Dream Living .
We have a promotion.
We offer great prizes to those who sit in Torremolinos
because we all know that one is not satisfied with the accommodation
Take this coupon Scratch is free.
You have nothing to lose.
Even if you win,
you can participate in the grand prize draw at the end of
Award a machine, not
never know, you may even be you...
- I have one.
- You need three stars.
Two stars.
Do you already have two stars, and a third appears
- It's a star.
- God, I can not believe it!
You won!
You earned three stars!
- You have three stars, you win!
- What I won?
We have a luxury cruise
thousand pounds cash,
or two matching gold watches.
- A thousand pounds cash!
- Yes, it's true!
Let's go as soon as the resort!
's Your lucky day.
Listen, earning 100 per person...
you get to the resort,
so tell me your names.
- Tina.
- Dave.
Say goodbye to this dump.
I went to Marbella.
Good day!
They are manager Greg Dubois and
Marbella Dream Living.
- Hey, buddy!
- Miss.
Here you go!
I heard that you have earned three stars
- Yes.
- I like winners.
You for the first time in Costa del Sol?
- Yes, first.
- How do you like this place?
I like it here, but where were we
is another story.
Fortunately, from now on, things will go
the better.
While waiting to arrive prizes
let's see what it looks like a real vacation in Marbella!
Greg, here rent rooms at a time...
In a row?
No, Dave, it's vacation
This is the place where dreams come true.
Do not believe me?
Unfolding dream, dream equipment,
couch dream.
Here everything is for the best quality.
Luxury five star.
Kitchen of your dreams.
O, Dave,
is even dishwasher!
And if it lives up to your expectations
you can withdraw anytime your dream bedroom.
I perched on a bed of dreams
and dream that you will not have to stay ever
in a place like Torremolinos.
And here I will tell you what you can do
to turn your dreams into reality.
You seem a little nervous, Dave.
I think that is the issue
"Want to be a Millionaire?" .
I liked it, Dave!
I'll use that phrase myself,
if you do not mind.
But now seriously,
this house looks like
would cost a million dollars,
but no you will not believe the price
is true.
Are you ready?
- Ten pounds.
- How?!
- Ten pounds.
- Not serious.
Ten pounds per week for the next five years
that means 5000
You can choose how long you want,
less season,
when it's so crowded,
that you do not want to be here.
Come on, you can afford 10, right?
Of course we can.
The interesting part yet to come.
Whenever you want, you can ask us to sell week
and you will get your money back.
Therefore, all your dream vacations
were free.
How about this?
I think you need to think about.
I fear more than that is not possible, Dave.
's Too good to be true.
Okay, I have to prove.
I give credit,
and I
transform your dreams into reality right now.
- What about the prizes?
- Awards?
Yes, the prizes... You send them home.
Dave is five stars.
That's what I always wanted.
You left your hotel,
Here's the deal.
If you accept, you can stay here tonight
and begin living your dream right now.
- You've done what?
- They put the muzzle.
See if you can take out 5000 on this card.
- This card has a limit of 500 pounds.
- As usual. Postpone them.
- Give me ten.
- Of course.
Tonight, we celebrate.
I have to go to Silks ,
One of the best restaurants in the world.
Click better, Dave,
I want to make sure that
imprints and copy.
So. Bravo!
See you there at 20:00.
My treat.
- What are we doing?
- I save my job.
's A nightmare to get him to the office.
Is never there.
- Here is relaxed, friendly.
- Is naked.
- What's to lose?
- Our dignity.
What a coincidence to find you here!
Yes, unbelievable.
I have to believe, is not it, Ashley,
because it would require another explanation
unscrupulously invading my privacy.
- What attracted you to naturally?
- I do not know.
I wanted to try something different.
- What's yours?
- Sex, definitely.
Harvey and I came here on our honeymoon
And we fucked like rabbits,
day and night for a week.
The truth is that we have reached
"The Natural" by mistake.
Suppose my secretary took
phone number of your assistance
I think you have had a shock when you met
with other tenants...
There was then compared with the shock
when I know you are here.
That was long...
These days, Harvey is so stressed with work...
... that never touched me
I understand.
- We're going to leave tonight.
- No need.
Is a wonderful place
once you managed to get over the shame...
And frankly, I'm glad I
I talk to.
Do not get me wrong, I love Maggie
but every conversation with her makes me
to feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes I think that's interested in only one thing.
Is wonderful here.
I'm glad I went.
Get out of here, it's a mess!
Guys, what do you do?
Good! We met at the airport aducu
Do you remember?
Course. How could I forget?
- What are you doing here?
- Honestly? Looking for you.
But how did you know? God!
You come to lend a hand?
- Actually, I...
- great!
I wanted to do one,
but you will be much more fun.
What to do?
O to save the goat, is not it?
Quiet, not to hear.
How cute...
's usually not anything happen to you.
- By the way, my name is Bradley.
- Sophie.
Let's have it out of here!
Do not want to hurt goat
want to save.
Come on, get your clothes off!
Go! What are you waiting for?
- Tablets...
- What?
I forgot my pills.
Medications? Not a problem.
Pharmacy close.
Very close.
- Are you okay?
- Yes, thank you.
Stupid, right?
"For ten years, Jack Winters
lives on the backs of others."
"All you need is here, Ronnie."
I suffered a martyr years in a row,
but eventually I removed it.
I am on the waiting list for 12 months.
12 months?
12 months miserable?
Is downright evil.
Next month I operate.
You will not regret it.
Problem is that I was wrong suitcase at the airport,
and my pills were there.
No problem, Miguel
has a pharmacy than later.
O to solve immediately. Get
, I'll take you!
- Very kind of you...
- Come on, dude, let's go!
- You better?
- Yes.
- Jack.
- Ronnie.
Nice, Ron.
You know, I've always prided
one thing,
I never forget a face.
- I know you.
- I think not.
Where are you?
Can you think of Liverpool?
I met one guy from Liverpool, Jhonny McCane.
A jerk, but fair.
Do not say nothing that name...
Go! Thank you, Miguel.
Credit company?
Yes, I can wait,
but you can hurry, because
sun in Spain?
My name is Jenkins
and I want to cancel a transaction.
Card number... One second.
- Teen not want to hurry.
- Of course!
- Can we talk?
- My dream became reality.
We have the opportunity to prove that we are not losers,
and you want to destroy everything.
- Typical!
- Teen, really...
- Beautiful Goat.
- I have a save.
- For what?
- From death.
I tried to explain.
A few years ago,
goats were slaughtered
but held a protest demonstration...
I and Harvey were here.
Youth came across Spain. It was nice...
Today, at the end sarabatorii,
goat is released.
In its place, a goat toy filled with candy
is thrown from a height,
to the delight of the children.
Is very nice.
And you should see.
I suggest you go back where you got it.
'll Be safe.
- Damn!
- How was I to know?
Should have
my attention before I act like a maniac.
Do not be silly!
Your intentions were good.
Idiot, rather.
I spend time trying to do all sorts of things
that people observe,
to find that someone else did it before me.
I wanted to make a change.
You know, like you, with lobsters.
Frankly, there were not so many lobsters
as I said.
It was just one fact.
And I did it just because I
the 50th anniversary
Uncle Barry.
I fight for animal rights as much as Ronald McDonald.
I just wanted to say something to impress you.
- Why?
- Because you believe in something.
I wanted to make you think they are vegetarian
or an environmentalist,
or something.
Truth is I'm just like everybody else.
Not true, Bradley.
Stay naked next to a girl you barely know,
and she holds a wet goat.
I believe this differentiates
than others, do not you think?
Better get the goat back.
- Have you eaten anything at the resort?
- No. How is the food?
Chef is stripped,
but not much of his head.
Why do not you come with me tonight
and Mag?
We know a great place on the beach.
Unfortunately, we have
to dress for dinner.
We will come.
's Dead?
Can you move?
Say something, Bradley!
Release lobsters!
Teen, I've been thinking...
This place is not for us, do not you think?
It sure is not you.
E me?
I do not know, but I'll stay to find out!
With or without you.
Sorry I'm late, but I've concluded
a condition.
Tonight we launch
offshore boat.
Tina, you look great!
Thank you.
- I hope you do something you regret?
- No, absolutely not.
Please, have a seat!
Let's make out!
Jessus! Champagne!
I know!
Ronnie Ackerman, gunman.
I knew it!
Ron, it's an honor to meet you!
I owe you for life.
's Enough to say that you owe what I am today
What do you mean?
In 1973, Charlie was
coolest Enfield London have it all.
His only flaw was greed.
He looks to Watford, and says:
"I'll take anything."
It took him three companions
best of
and went to Liverpool to arrange it
Johnny McFane.
But the next day,
were all back in London
each with a hole between the eyes.
Compliments of Ronnie Ackerman.
That was long ago, Jack.
It was long,
but now that there was Charlie Enfield,
this led to a power vacuum stepped
the undersigned.
I'm glad you set.
What are you doing, Ron?
I retired a few years ago.
England did not have is why was not it?
Right, but this is absolutely wonderful.
When I moved here,
I saw life differently. Do you understand?
Ron, I'm sorry, buddy.
I forgot what it was.
Colin, pull over,
Ronnie wants to pee.
What beautiful blouse you, Tina! You look like someone I know...
- Courtney Cox?
- Yes, exactly.
Dave does not like this shirt.
Says it makes me look like a slut.
- Not you, Dave?
- Yes, it is Teen.
Everyone likes of Joey.
It's cute, but it's a loser...
- What do you think, Dave?
- What?
I'm sorry, I think
Talking about our favorite characters from "Friends".
Yes. My favorite is Joey.
Teen thinks a little like him.
I have always worked in sales.
Before I was an artist.
- Really?
- Yes, really.
I always liked to look at beautiful women.
- I have terrible stomach pain.
- What?
Fish not for my own good.
Need to take something for the pain this soon.
- This is a pharmacy around the corner.
- A drive.
No, it's too far.
I was doing with my car.
Take my card and you pay table.
Command and some brandy.
O bring Tina back in a few minutes.
Thank you, Greg.
Mr. Winters! Good evening.
- I just want to use the bathroom.
- I always at your disposal.
I love Spanish.
Nothing is hard for them,
listen to me!
Fourth course vegetarians
hairy and fat Germans.
But the vast majority of herbal
are normal people from all walks of life.
Some of them spend their entire life
Like them and see
or trampling by shopping with nothing on them.
Is so absurd.
For most of us,
is escape from everyday life.
- You deserve an Oscar, Tina.
- And you have seen nothing yet!
Thank you.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, great!
's Better.
I'm sorry, sir,
card was rejected.
- Rejected?
- Yes. You also have another card?
Thank you.
Speak to me in French, Greg!
No way!
- It was great!
- Thanks.
- Let's go, sir!
- What? I do not understand.
But I can not go.
My wife stomach hurts.
People use clothes to give a certain picture of the world.
If you get off, we are all equal.
Suddenly, you have to see
people as they are.
Is incredibly liberating and refreshing.
I apologize!
I'll see if it feels good.
Maybe you should pay the bill.
Come on, Tina!
I should go back.
- And what about us?
- How?
I am tour operator, love.
You opened, I closed
and that's that.
But you said you want me!
And now that you were mine, you should go back to Dave
Are made for each other.
Can not see me like this.
Fair enough.
Son of a bitch!
Was released revived,
sees me as,
and still does not like me!
Colin, can you go away.
From here we will go away.
I'll call you when we need
What happened with Johnny McFane?
No way!
Shame, shame.
The other guy who worked for him,
Tony Cross,
was crazy about that song the band Wham.
I like to sing it at Karaoke.
You mean the guy who got caught?
No, not him!
- What's with him?
- Was married to a stripper.
No! What Toby Cross?
Sorry, Ron. Yes, yes...
No, I was just wondering what the
his choice.
I killed.
L betrayed Rodney Fryers.
- Not many of us are left.
- You're right, Ron.
We are an endangered species, old.
Can they tell it again.
Ron, do not move!
Do not move!
What did I do?
Ron! Ron!
I really need this?
Ron resist!
I need an ambulance!
Yes, English!
Come fast!
- What's going on?
- One moment.
Is not what you think.
Trying to save lives.
's Heart?
I called the ambulance.
Let the ambulance!
Let's get him to the hospital right now!
Where are you running?
Help! Police after me!
What terrible story!
Do not worry.
Know a perfect place to hide.
- Here it should be safe.
- Thanks.
- I have some?
- Of course.
Our last party was the shit.
Tonight I do not want to risk.
A combination of Ecstasy and Viagra.
- I'll be 20 minutes. Jack?
- Good.
Do drink plenty of water, Superman.
Colin, what are you doing?
What's the matter?
Myocardial would do if they get
now and you would see it...
I can not believe that you shoot a now.
You nearly 70 years.
If you continue to take Viagra,
next time you might be fatal.
If she dies, she dies!
Shut up!
Hello? Yes, I am.
Hai says...
What? Are you sure?
We have a name?
Not riddle!
No, I have to call you, keep me posted if you hear anything
, right?
How fast is urgent.
Sir, phone not here.
I'm sorry!
- You'll be all right, Doctor?
- Yeah, I'll be fine.
He ??had an allergic reaction to the medicines they take.
- It's prostate.
- Yes, it should operate.
Is on the waiting list for 12 months.
I can operate it tomorrow.
Right back.
Wait a minute, okay?
Hello, Jack?
Thank God!
Listen to me! I have bad news.
Someone bought a ticket.
A what?
What to buy?
Do not know who wants you dead,
Mr. Winter.
It could be anyone.
I took all the people on the streets.
Listen carefully!
Find out who has the contract.
Wait a minute.
We will soon find out who it is.
First to assure protection.
Where are you?
At the hospital?
Stay there, I'll be right.
Arrive in 10 minutes.
Perfect. Let's go, boys!
Hi, Bradley!
How are you?
I did not think you'd come.
Do not talk.
I have something to tell you.
I am vegetarian only two weeks.
I've never done anything like this before.
What do you do?
I work at a bank, Bradley.
Duc most boring life possible.
I wanted to make you something out of the ordinary.
What we did was out of the ordinary, right?
Anyway, I found a better plan.
I do not think...
What do you think?
I do not grow DCA...
I forgot that you have already seen.
I just wanted to tell you
that you
cutest guy that I met.
- Really?
- Seriously.
I can not believe it!
Is outrageous!
Pull yourself, Jack, snap out of it!
Sir, your friend
Give me a name!
Ronnie Ackerman.
Mr. Winter, are you
the phone?
Click on acceleration, Mickey!
Jack, come on!
Come on, Jack!
What is going on here?
Sir, please!
Mr. Ackerman!
Mr. Ackerman, please!
Your doctor gave me this
card for you.
If you want a prostate operation,
can call this number.
Thank you very much.
What happens here, Doctor,
what happened?
I could not do anything.
Stood there together
his friend, Mr....
- Ronnie Ackerman.
- Yes, Mr. Ronnie Ackerman.
Stood there and tried to help him.
I did everything they could.
- Sorry.
- Thanks.
Is a shame!
- O shame?
- Yes.
It is quite a shame!
Boss & apos; lying dead on the floor,
and you, old man gangster,
and fuck all day
when in fact, should be
to keep him!
I want to know who!
Ackerman If you did this,
means that someone else put it up.
I want to know who it is. Understand?
Get out of here!
Goodbye, Jack.
"Take my card and pay!"
Greg Dubois.
Did I ever tell you how much I love you?
're Right, Ash?
- Poetry...
- What?
I need the best poetry of the earth
to tell you what I feel for you, Em.
Maybe I can help, Asheley.
You disperse the clouds of my life...
Sheakespeare not believe he said that.
You make the sun shine
more something like Doris Day.
You turn a spark into a flame.
My heart beat wildly.
Because you're my lady. / I
And I'm your jester.
me crazy when you're so distant.
window seat you like, sir?
I do not care, as long as
sitting beside her.
Can you ever forgive me, Dave?
I've already forgiven, Teen.
Come here!
Over six weeks, Tina will give
big news Dave...
that expects first child...
- I ' liked what I saw.
- Thank you, sir.
I needed someone like you
the board of directors.
What about Ashley?
Ashley will lose its board of directors
after a charge of indecent behavior.
Sophie and Bradley decided
to spend next Christmas
releasing turkeys.
In six months, Ronnie
will leave his wife for a dancer from Brazil.
= = will need to resume the job,
to pay her plastic surgery.
You two wait here.
Dream house. Apparatus dream.
TV dream. Couch dream.
It's the best quality here.
Luxury five star.
It was a pleasure doing business with you.
- Thanks.
- For nothing.
That was the last business to Greg.
Will withdraw from the business,
to run for mayor of Marbella
will win the elections.
Release lobsters!
Give him one!
Hello. Rik Mayall are.
Do not panic and follow me.
Game in a movie here, no matter what it's called
, but I play him.
It's called "Oh Marbella!"
Is a charity film.
pursuing this film and I will send 100 pounds,
I will donate one pound to the charity foundation
For every 100 they receive,
I will donate one penny to charity.
Be Happy!
Hello! Are Jennifer Saunders. Damn...
Yes, I am Rik Mayall.
Relax, it's the same for everyone.
Are in the Caribbean and play in another Scorsese film.
"Oh Marbella!"
is the best film I played.
Thanks for sponsorships.
We help the British film industry,
and they help us. Thank you.
Give me the money!
Hurry! It's cold!
Jesus! Where are we?