On Approval (1944) Movie Script

Oh dear, is this another war picture?
Let's go back to the quiet and
peaceful dies before the war.
So this is peace? So these are
the tranquil days of 1939.
Yes, for this is the age
of speed and noise...
so much like war you hardly
notice the difference.
This is the day of athletic
sports of all kinds.
This is the day for devotion
to the graceful art of dancing.
This is the day of the worship of
the beautiful wide-open spaces.
And of giving thanks for all the blessings
of the green and lovely countryside.
This is 1939.
No, this isn't what we want either...
although it's very pleasant.
Let's go back further
still to grandmama's day.
Don't you think it was so much nicer?
So much more stately and dignified.
Lazy days and gentle evenings undisturbed
by any harsh note of reality.
Yes these were the days.
Grandmama knew her place
was in the home...
although grandpapa could go in for
a stern life of dangerous sport.
Women were women and
they didn't forget it...
even if men forgot it.
And when they had finished their embroidery
and needed a thrill of excitement...
they could always unpick
it and start again.
While their men-folk roved
abroad, awheel awheel.
And you needn't think they
never had their moments.
A young man was more or less
expected to serve his wild oats.
Always providing that
there was no harvest.
But young ladies knew
nothing of all that.
They lived in a world apart
until the day of true romance.
The never to be forgotten
moment in a young girl's life.
So different from modern times.
Before the days of petrol rationing...
you moderners looked upon the motor
car as the most useful invention.
It's hard to believe
that the biggest thrill...
a Victorian girl got out
of a carriage... was this.
You can't get into much
trouble doing that.
Very little remains undiscovered
about the modern girl...
You can see she's beautiful,
know she's no fool.
But there used to be a song...
"be good sweet maid and
let who will be clever...
for she was clever
enough to be good"
And the result, you must admit,
was elegant and charming.
If she seemed at times a little shy...
it was because where the dashing,
stronger sex were concerned...
she had to be so modest.
She is gowned for the theatre.
And I wonder what it would be like,
that play she was going to see
Would it be dull and stuffy...
or would she hide her
blushes in the program?
They say it's very odd
and terribly daring.
Perhaps we're going to find out just
why they were called the naughty '90s.
I don't think he would know...
Nor would she...
Nor she,
no I'm sure she wouldn't.
But he might, you see he's a duke.
And if you were a duke in the
'90s you could do almost anything.
A cab would stop for you
without even considering...
you could scarcely
pay the fare.
Bristol House.
To Bristol House...
historic town house to succesive
generations of the dukes of Bristol.
Where many a lovely duchess of
Bristol have been at home...
for all the brilliant functions
of the London season...
attended by kings
and princesses...
by the cultured, the famous
and the aristocratic...
and even occasionally
by her husband.
But, George is a bachelor
and very hard up.
And so this 9th duke of Bristol...
And so this 10th duke of Bristol finds
himself in the unusual position...
of having accepted an invitation
for a ball at his own house.
Most remarkable.
Tell me your grace,
how did you lose your money?
Yes I know,
I mean you big money.
Big women.
A gay and charming scene...
but who is rich enough to be
able to rent this great house...
from a duke in need of money?
Complete with his
incomparable butler Parkes...
and a devoted staff of servants.
Only someone exceedingly wealthy.
But could anyone so wealthy be
also young and beautiful?
Surely only an American.
Well here you would say
would be a bride for George...
who would satisfy all
his trustees' requirements.
And indeed most of George's also.
But only in his dreams,
lying in bed in the morning...
can George contemplate
the idea of marriage.
In his waking hours the
thought fills him with horror.
He scarcely sees her.
Good evening George.
How nice of you to come.
Not at all Helen.
Not at all.
Well there you are, all this
wealth and gaiety after that...
would taste more acid than the pickles
from which Helen's father built his fortune.
As it does indeed to Richard Halton...
who hasn't the advantage of
wealth to sweeten the taste.
Being a friend of George's is
burden enough for any man to bear.
And for a man of the very highest
breeding and the very lowest income...
life is one long attempt to
accomplish the impossible.
Dammit sir, that's not cricket!
Poor George, it must be very sad coming
back to your own house as a guest?
Better return as a guest
than to remain as a host...
to a broker's man.
There's nothing for it George,
we must make some money.
Right, because I'm a duke
Richard, talk sense. Good luck.
We'll drink to the woman I love.
Don't be disgusting!
Look, here she comes,
the one on the left.
Do you mean to tell me you love Maria
Wislack? Have you no respect for age?
George, we must join them.
Well here we are again.
Somehow I'm able to
control my excitement.
Splendid. Shall I get you some fruit cup?
Or perhaps our dear revered old friend
Mrs Wislack will let us have slipper?
I'm neither you dear, revered
or your old friend. And I...
Naught naughty, it's the third time
you've spoken harshly to me tonight.
Don't do that.
You know how I dislike it.
If you had a little more brain,
you'd be in an asylum.
Richard and I enjoyed your joke immensely.
It was even something indigestible.
One of these days I will right to
The Times on present day matters.
That should be highly interesting.
I think it would cause a sensation.
That you can write a letter at all
should cause a great sensation.
I forgive you Maria, old
friends are old friends.
George, if you use the world 'old' with
me again I shall throw something at you.
Very well Maria, but when I reached
the age of 41 I was not asahmed.
My sister will be 41 in August.
You beast!
Am I a bounder Helen?
I don't think so George. Not really.
No I don't think so either.
Good evening Helen.
Good evening Angela.
Good evening George.
Good evening... Angela.
I didn't know you knew her.
Oh yes, we have a sneering aquaintance.
She's also strongly
fancied by my trustees.
Oh Helen.
Richard, is Maria very upset?
Oh terribly, I couldn't do anything
with her. Would you go to her?
Of course. Excuse me George.
I suppose it amuses you to
have made a woman cry?
I did nothing that could
possibly make her cry.
Didn't you, in a sneering way,
accuse her of being 41?
I did, but she's not crying
because I said she's 41...
she's crying because she is 41!
Well if you must know I'm
the same age as his sister.
That damn woman can't keep
her mouth shut about anything.
Oh how I dislike him.
I'm sorry because I like him so much.
Yes, but you wouldn't marry him.
How far is it in a hansom to
St Georges Hanover square?
20 minutes, why?
If he asked me to marry him tonight...
I'd run it in five.
Well if he did marry you
it'd only be for your money.
Well why not? Plenty of women
have lived with him for his.
I've loved her for more years
than I care to remember.
You mean to tell me that
you've loved that old...
Silence, you were about
to call her by a name...
that would prevent me
speaking to you ever again.
Have a drink.
Or have you had too many?
I will have a drink and
i've not had too many.
Richard old boy, I love you as a brother...
but i'd rather see you dead than...
George I must warn you, if you say
another word against Mrs Wislack...
our friendship is at an end.
Very well, but you can't stop
me wishing you were dead.
Are you addressing me sir?
I see your point.
You'd never marry again? Not even
if you loved someone terribly?
Well I should require to know a
great deal more about my next.
Well how can you until you marry him?
I shall take him away with
me for a month alone.
Take him away?
On approval.
Take a man a... way with...
but Maria, how can you
think of such a thing?
Helen, I thought you
Americans were unconventional.
Well I don't think we'd
go as far as that.
Well our men are different. Perhaps
Englishmen are less amorous less...
I shouldn't rely too much on that.
Did you know her late
husband Arthur Wislack?
Did I know him? Did I watch
him with murder in my heart?
Treating that divine creature with
cruelty and neglect and...
eventually dying of drink.
He hated drink.
Then why did he?
He chose it as the most agreeable
way of being unconcious...
while awaiting his release.
George I warn you, if you say...
Richard old boy, if I have in any way
hurt your feelings I apologise.
Have a cigar.
Now I know your a politician
seer. Is it yours?
Certainly not, it was
provided by our hostess.
But Maria, is it fair to expose
a man to such temptation?
Suppose his love for you overcame
him and he should attempt to...
I should of course take a revolver.
If suppose you came to care for him?
Then my aim might not be so accurate.
What is more important, have you
asked her if she loves you?
How can I? My income is 300 a year...
her's is 25,000.
Oh I take everything back...
you have given me a reason
why you are right to love her.
Are you suggesting I love
her for her money?
I'm suggesting it's
a reason you should.
What do you think you could
learn about a man in a month?
As much as I wish.
But Maria, the scandal.
I should choose someone less
inclined to gossip than most men.
Maria, I believe you've
got someone in mind.
Well as a matter of fact, there
is a man in your party tonight...
who in a month might surprise me.
There's nothing for it Richard,
you must propose to her.
I haven't the courage.
Ever tried brandy?
One day I sat with a bottle
of brandy in front of me...
and recited to it the language I should
use when asking her to be my wife.
With the result that
when I was in the room...
I was unable even to
wish her good evening.
Bad luck. But Richard...
do as I say and I give you my
word that a month from tonight...
you'll pop in to her bed with
a cry "Maria, here I am".
George, that is an observation
which I consider most unsuitable.
Either here or in the
place you suggest.
I was speaking metaphorically.
I trust so.
You must have courage Richard. Think
what marriage to Maria means to you.
Someone to be with, to talk to, no
money cares, no cares of any kind.
It's not for me. Think of the little
ones crackling up and down the room.
No no I take that back.
Very well, if you insist.
But my dear George, married life
to me without children is...
are you laughing George?
No no i've got a cold coming on.
It's the sort of thing you would laugh at.
One other little thing,
please be polite to Maria.
That's not a little thing,
but I will help you Richard.
I'll even warm Maria up
for you to make your proposal.
Cigars in the drawing room'll
not impress Maria favourably.
No 16 then after the lancers.
Charming I'm sure.
Thank you.
Tonight I apparantly said something quite
unintentionally that hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry.
Obviously you have been drinking.
Otherwise you would
never have apologised.
I admit I have been drinking. I
drank because I was depressed.
Richard depressed me.
Richard has been pointing
out to me, my limitations...
and so gently, so understandingly
that I was compelled to listen.
Until tonight I never knew the
real Richard, dear Richard.
Have you lost your
voice by any chance?
No, why?
It's unlike you only
to be able to say "ho".
There you are, let's
all have some supper.
Would you mind Dr Graham?
What's that?
May we join you?
Oh yes yes certainly, I'm just
going when I finished this.
Dr Graham, famous ear specialist.
Great success apparantly.
We were talking of Richard.
You were talking of Richard.
Of his gentleness, love of little children.
How many has he got?
Richard is a bachelor.
That has not answered my question.
How do you know?
He's not that kind of a man.
I trust not.
And it is through Richard that
tonight i've a feeling
i'd like to get near
nature, to walk on grass...
to hear the birds sing
their simple songs of love.
Birds don't sing at night.
Perhaps not for you Maria.
Would it amuse you
to accompany me Helen?
I'd love to George.
How about supper?
We are to move to eat.
Besides, there's a
buffet in the marquee.
I've not forgotten that.
Just what were you saying to George.
I was telling him of the need men
have for the affection of a good woman.
Go on.
I drew a little picture of returning
to one's home in the evening...
Where'd you been in the afternoon?
Oh, nowhere in particular.
I see, go on.
And there, seated at one's
dinner table, a divine lady.
To whom you would address
a few kind words...
before going out to
dine with someone else.
Not at all, I should
stay and dine with her.
That's original.
I never really thanked you for letting
me rent this lovely house of yours.
I've never really thanked
you for renting it.
Somehow I hate te thought of leaving
it when I go back to America.
Somehow so do I.
You know Helen, I
am not appreciated.
You easily could be.
But how?
Well don't you ever want
to do anything for anyone?
My dear, the most that can be
expected from any duke is to think.
Well then, if you feel you're
not being appreciated...
why don't you marry?
None of that!
I will tell you.
Feeing as you do Richard, I
wonder why you never married.
The love of a good
woman is not for me.
Then why not try one of the
others? There's plenty to choose from.
Oh no, you don't understand.
There's only one woman,
and she's too good...
too beautiful, too
noble for such as me.
Oh shut up.
I'm sorry?
How much longer are you going
on beating about the bush?
Why not come out in the open like
a man and say "Maria, I love you...
"Will you or won't you be my wife?"
I'd no idea you knew.
Go on man, say it, say it.
You have a sweet voice Helen.
Thank you George.
But you seldom sing. That
is a great accomplishment.
You were talking of marriage.
Alas yes.
It has no attraction for you?
On the contrary...
the husbands of no less than 3 women
i've known have threatened me with it.
No, I meant some unmarried girl who's
fond of you might make you happy.
I've often thought of marriage...
With distaste. But
there is one woman.
One woman in the world.
Beautiful, charming, gracious,
intelligent. -You'd marry her?
Happily, but where is she? Where?
Where indeed?
Now tell me Richard, do you love me?
With all my heart, with all...
I love you embraces all that.
Now then, is your object matrimony...
or the other thing?
I'd give ten years of my
life to be your husband.
Thank you. But i've no desire
that our marriage ceremony...
should take the form
of a burial service.
Richard, I should like you
to know I'm very fond of you.
But I can't believe it.
Why should you care for me?
You'd be wise not to
let me dwell on that.
This is too wonderful.
Don't be excited, you're
getting the best part first.
Now... get up and sit down.
Now let's be practical, my
income is 25,000 a year.
Many congratulations.
Thank you, what's yours?
Mine... it varies, sometimes
it's up and then again it's down.
What is it when it's up?
You know, money means so little
to me I really haven't an idea.
Where do you bank?
Anywhere, I simply don't care.
Fortunately I can provide for both of
us in a style to which I'm accustomed.
I love you.
Thank you. Now what's the day?
Very well.
On Friday we'll leave on the
midday train to Scotland where...
to all intents and purposes we
shall spend a month together...
as married people.
You and I spend a month together
alone as married people?
You're not serious?
I am.
But what an extremely good idea.
What an intensely good idea.
But this is perfectly delightful
and the courage of it all.
And if at the end of the month I find
that we both feel alike, as it were...
we will get married.
If not, we'll've had a grand
time and no harm done.
I really must congratulate you.
I've never rememeber looking
forward to anything so much.
And the courage of it. If there were
only more women in the world like you...
what a happy world the world would be.
Really George.
But I feel Richard needs my protection.
One more thing, every night you'll hear
the clock in the hall strike 11...
Now that's original, I really
must congratulate you again.
Which will be the signal for you
to start putting on your coat.
With what idea?
With the idea of going out.
I shall have had all the
excerise I need during the day.
I know, the dog.
On the table in the hall you'll find
a lantern which will enable you...
to find your way down to the boat so
that you can row across to mainland.
Why should I want to
go to the mainland?
That is where
you'll be sleeping.
So I don't sleep
with... in the house?
You do not!
How about wet nights?
I should advise you to bring a raincoat.
You know, I must say I feel you'd
learn a great deal more about me...
if I were actually in the
house the whole time.
After all I hope
I'm a gentleman.
That is what I shall be able
to decide in a month's time.
Ah, No 15.
Let's sit this one out.
Nonsense, I never sit out the
Lancers, your arm Richard.
Very hot.
What do you mean?
So you and she go off
alone for a month together...
to see if you'll be
alright, married.
I dislike your phraseology but
the answer is... we do.
What is George talking about?
He's a bad influence that man.
I think they're only chatting.
They look quite innocent.
I sleep in a hotel on the mainland.
You mean you leave her every night?
Very hot.
What a mind!
You're not suggesting that I
should stay in the same house...
at night alone with her are you?
Why not?.
How dare you.
Suppose it's raining?
I've thought of that,
I'm taking a raincoat.
You haven't got one.
No but Bruce Harvey has.
What are you two up to?
Plotting Maria, just plotting.
I trust this is not to
violent for you Maria?
No I love it.
Cut it out now George!
Stop George stop!
There's one.
I'm sorry to disturb you,
what is your name?
'orris 'oggs.
I'm delighted, this is Mr Richard
Halton, Mr 'orris 'oggs.
How do you do?
Pleased to meet you.
Will you guard that for me?
Yes, certainly.
Thank you very much.
Hurry Richard, hurry.
Giddy up, off we go.
Do you really think you can convince
Maria that you'll be alright married?
I am alright.
Of course, you know, you really
ought to stay in a house with her.
Maria'll never consent. I wish
you'd never refer to it again.
Very well. But I still can't
help wishing you were dead.
Richard, it's nice party.
Yes very nice.
I forgot to say good night
to Parkes. -Who's Parkes?
My butler. Let my house in
season, let Parkes in season.
You ought to go back and
say good night to him.
That's right. Round we go, giddy up.
Is Mr Parkes below?
Yes your grace.
Good, I wish to be detained
We have arrived Mr 'oggs sir, thank you.
That'll be half a crown.
Half a crown?
Here's a sovereign change, say
goodnight to your horse for me will you.
Good evening Parkes.
Good morning your grace.
Mr Halton and I would like
to take a drink with you.
It's a pleasure.
Your room's somewhere at
the back here isn't it?
Yes your grace.
Near the cellar.
You'll find madam has made
very few changes your grace.
That's very proper. Good
evening Mrs Daggart.
Good evening your grace.
How are you getting along
with your new mistress?
Well, things are very queer these days.
Hardly any noise.
Hardly any drinking.
And hardly any...
Oh I'm surprised.
And we gets paid regularly.
That's very queer.
You weren't here in my time were you?
No your grace.
You beast.
That's very handsome of you Parkes.
I know your grace's preference.
Have another drink?
Whisky, soda, whisky, soda.
We'll drink to Maria.
That's nice of you George.
Not at all, there you are.
Thank you George.
To Maria.
To Maria.
I still can't help wishing
you we're dead. Good health.
This whisky tastes funny.
You've no palate, taste again.
It's McQuilsh's highland liqueur.
Alright, I apologise.
If you apologise, i'll
come to Scotland with you.
Oh no George, I asked you not to.
Give me another drink, not so strong.
Alright, Whisky, soda,
whisky, soda. There you are.
Thank you George.
Now you've drowned it.
I mistrust you George. Why
do you want to come with me?
Oh trustees, marriage, bankruptcy,
get away from it all.
You'll have to sleep in a hotel.
Hotel's full.
It isn't.
Make it full. Just a minute.
You're full, I'm full,
but the hotel's not full.
What's the name of the hotel?
Dundrannoch Arms, Kyle of Lock Alsh.
What's the name of the hotel?
Dundrannoch Arms, Kyle of Lock Alsh.
Reserve all rooms
Saturday... family eight.
Think of a name.
Oh yes very good. No no American name,
all hotel's are impressed by Americans.
Silas K, must be Silas K.
Oh yes very good, Silas Kay...
McQuilsh! That reminds me,
give me another drink.
Who says birds don't sing at night?
Good morning Parkes.
Good morning madam.
Lovely party don't you think?
Yes madam.
I thought everything was perfect.
They all stayed on and on. -Yes madam.
And that's always a good sign isn't it?
Indeed it is madam. In fact...
Yes Parkes?
Some of them haven't gone yet.
Haven't gone yet? Well where are they?
What is the matter with you
Richard? Why are you so nervous?
I am alright Maria.
I'm glad to see you
bought your raincoat.
Yes I hope I shan't
have to use it Maria.
If you're still cherishing the
hope that you're going to stay...
in the house with me,
you're very much mistaken.
Oh no Maria, I'm only cherishing
the hope that it won't rain.
We're off.
Oh for goodness sake,
stop fussing Richard.
You're making that gentleman
most uncomfortable.
Excuse me sir, I hope we
haven't bothered you too much?
Not at all madam.
Thank you.
Now did you remember to bring...
One of your hats Maria I believe.
Goodbye Maria,
pleasant holiday to you.
I'm afraid we shan't
meet til it's over.
Yes then, goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Hurry with the luggage Richard.
I shall expect you in the
morning to breakfast at 8:30.
You will find a dinghy by the jetty
and you can row yourself across.
Yes Maria, I'm looking forward
to our first day together alone.
You haven't any rooms have you?
No. -Good.
Stop, stop.
What's happened? Is anything the matter?
The hotel is full, not a room left.
Richard, did you forget to
reserve a room for yourself?
He did not forget, they
received his wire but too late.
McQuilsh has them all.
Silas K McQuilsh, his
wife and 6 children.
I must look into it. Excuse me.
Have you no accommodation whatever?
We're full.
Oh but did you not receive a
telegram from this gentleman?
Mr McQuilsh?
No no Richard Halton, he says
he sent one.
Ay he did, we're full.
Have you no art corner where I could
stand up and sleep like a horse?
Why Maria?
Why Helen, what an earth
are you doing here?
Darling i've been trying to reach you.
The McQuilshs are over from the states...
and I'm showing them round. I told
Silas he simply had to see your island.
Did you receive a wire from Mr McQuilsh?
Unfortunately your friends the
Mcquilsh's have taken all the rooms...
and the hotel's full, the noo!
Well as it happens that can be fixed.
Silas has had to go to a
conference in Glasgow and...
the family won't be here
for two or three days.
I'm the advance guard. Richard
and George can have their rooms.
Splendid. -Splendid. -Splendid.
One of the rooms Mr McQuilsh
reserved was for me and I thought...
Mr McQuilsh reserved no rooms.
There were no rooms left
for Mr McQuilsh to reserve.
We're full. -The noo. -The noo. -The noo.
If you'll excuse me i'll have my tea.
Hurry along Richard, don't lag behind.
You will guard this very carefully.
It contains my old friend
Mrs Wislack's favourite toque.
Tell me Maria...
which is the late Mr Wislack?
Oh George please!
Mrs McCosh, are the rooms ready?
You said in your letter it
was only you and a guest.
Well that's quite right...
You said nothing about the two gentlemen.
I know, that happened afterwards.
Afterwards, is it your honeymoon?
Nonsense, I'm not married,
nobody's married.
Go to the kitchen.
Shut the door.
Now, will you kindly explain.
I don't have to explain
anything to you Mrs McCosh.
Please see to the luggage.
I'll take no part in your plans!
You've been here two weeks and
you'll do as you're told...
or you won't receive a penny.
Bring me a bottle of whisky.
I'll have nothing?
Nothing you won't, not a penny.
Very well, i'll stay but mind you
i'll be watching and biding my time.
Bring me a bottle of whisky.
I'm the one to give orders in this
house. The whisky will be unpacked...
and locked up in due course.
I like your little cottage
Maria, it's so simple.
Oh thank you George,
I'm glad you like it.
Where did you get the staircase?
Arthur picked it up in Venice...
on the first night of our honeymoon.
Picked it up on the first
night of your honeymoon?
What a man!
Unpack for me will you.
Yes mistress.
Mistress? Not yet.
It's a nightdress.
I hope you'll find
your bed comfortable.
I shan't use that very much.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Can't you get me some whisky?
You could see through it.
Come away.
Richard, there's a speck of dust in
my eye, will you kindly remove it?
Pack your things.
Richard, count the silver.
Well, is dinner ready?
Don't be a fool George,
all the servants have left.
Well we'll just have to manage ourselves.
I'll cook, you and Helen...
I know will help.
Delighted, delighted Maria.
George of course will be uttterly useless.
On the contrary Maria, you'll
find I'm incredibly useful.
I'm at my best at beds, I welcome
washing up and I'm a dab at dusting.
You can leave everything to me.
"I'm just 17, and i've never been... "
"I'm just 17"
"I'm just 17"
I've noticed that something's
happened to George.
I've noticed that something hasn't.
Having spent three weeks
practically alone with him...
I wonder how you can tolerate
his miserable selfishness.
Well he's completely unconcious of it.
Richard's been a long
time gone to the village.
Well it's a long pull there and back.
Now there's the kindest,
sweetest man I've ever met.
You don't think he's merely
giving a good impression?
Well you haven't left
much undone to find out
if he has any weaknesses,
have you darling?
Are you suggesting that I
haven't been nice to him?
How could I, when he always
describes you as an angel?
He propbably knew
you'd repeat it to me.
Oh thank heaven your safe.
Why Helen did you think something...
had happened to me?
Well I did rather.
You see when you went out and I
asked you, as there were no servants...
to be back at lunch at one. Well
naturally two o'clock came I began
to think something
terrible must've happened.
Oh that's very charming of you
Helen, but I don't at the least mind
having lunch late. Is it
ready? I'm very hungry.
Dinner's been ready for over an hour.
Really, I hope it isn't spoilt.
I'll get it for you George dear.
There you are George darling.
Thank you Helen, some bread.
Oh I'm so sorry.
Bread George dear.
Thank you Helen, and some butter.
Oh yes.
In the cellar there's some
champagne, moselle, hock...
please let me fetch some for you.
Maria, you know I
never drink at lunch.
I want you too. I want you
to let me fetch to it for you.
If you'll allow me to say so, I
find your jokes singularly unfunny.
Would you like some rice pudding?
To say I would like some rice pudding
would be both inaccurate and insincere...
to say that I'm hungry and will eat
some is an entirely different matter.
Where's the cream?
There is no cream.
What, no cream?
Look at me. Does my face
express anything to you?
Do you know what would give me more
pleasure than anything in the world?
I can't imagine.
To rub your nose in the rice pudding.
You should try to avoiud crudity Maria.
I'm afraid I haven't
put enough milk in it.
I agree, but what it lacks in
milk it make up for in rice.
Throw it at him,
throw it at him.
I can quite see why you don't
keep your servants Maria.
George, please.
Are you suggesting that it's
my fault my servants left me?
I'll put it another way, I suggest
that one has to like you very much...
to remain in the same
house with you Maria dear.
Just one second.
Well Richard you must be quite exhausted.
Oh thank you Helen, I'm alright.
Where's Maria?
In the kitchen.
She alright?
Well of course she's alright.
That is not true. Richard my dear fellow
I have some very bad news for you.
Do you mean that she's annoyed
at me for being so long.
Worse than that, far worse.
What do you think?
She pulled my nose.
Why isn't the damn thing bleeding?
Why did she pull your nose?
I've no idea.
It doesn't seem to have improved it.
So this is the return I get for
coming up here to help you win her.
Let me tell you something, I haven't got
a chance in the world of winning her...
and even if I had, it'd be in
spite of you. At least 50 times...
I don't want to fight anymore,
I shall go outside and read.
Give me my newspaper.
I didn't have time to get it.
You mean to say you
haven't bought me my Times?
I have not.
Well of all the selfish devils.
Oh i've forgotten to
send Maria's telegram.
Come on Manchu.
Oh there you are at last Richard. I
hope you remebered to send my telegram.
Oh I'm terribly sorry,
I'm afraid I didn't.
Really, it's too bad of you.
Do you realise I shall have
nothing to read for 2 or 3 days?
Oh I know, I can't tell
you how sorry I am.
If i'd known you weren't going to
send it, i'd've gone myself.
I notice you've bought
all the things you want.
Tell her to go to hell.
What did you say?
Tell her to go to hell.
I said you look tired
and not at all well.
I'm alright really I am.
He's quite alright, aren't you?
Yes of course.
Oh tell me something
I can do to make up.
Why not give Manchu his little
bath. Think you could?
Yes of course. I have a way
with animals. They take to me.
How you can hope to
impress Maria favourably
by ill-treating her
little dog, I don't know.
I bent down in a friendly
way, nothing more...
and the little beast bit me.
Oh what's the use?
Give me that Richard.
It's lucky for you that I feel
particularly good tempered tonight.
And what caused that?
Drink, food or money?
None of those. I have decided
to make Helen a faithful husband.
Jolly decent of you.
Well it's a most unusual thing...
in our family.
I agree.
I have been watching Helen carefully,
and I have come to the conclusion
that she's a fit and proper
person to be the Duchess of Bristol.
Does she think you're a fit and
proper person to be the duke?
Tonight, after a simple meal,
a glass of wine, I hope...
and a cigar.
Where do you hide your cigars?
I only brought 50 and very considerately
only smoke them when you're no there.
You mean devil.
As I was saying...
tonight, after a simple meal etcetera
I shall ask her to become my wife.
It's my experience that after
a meal, simple or otherwise...
you invariably go to sleep.
Sleep? On this, my night of romance.
Dammit, is there no
peace in this house?
I agree.
That's very very interesting.
Oh Maria, I'm terribly sorry.
You frightened me, I was asleep.
Really? -You know how one says
things when one's half unconcious.
The last man I married was
frequently in that condition.
I found that was the only
time he spoke the truth.
But you know I didn't mean it.
Then why say it?
Well good heavens woman I...
Don't call me woman
and don't shout at me.
I'm not deaf.
I'm sorry Maria.
And if you must smoke cigars,
which i've told you I hate,
kindly don't drop
your ash on the floor.
Now get something and clean it up.
Yes darling.
There's another bit there.
Why Richard what are you doing?
Sweeping up George's cigar ash.
I'm sorry to have interrupted
your after dinner nap Richard,
but since you're awake now, perhaps
you've no objection to
my going on practising?
Of course not Maria.
Thank you.
I cannot understand it.
Before I came here she always gave
me the impression that she liked me.
It's too bad.
What do you suggets I do?
Tell her to go to hell.
Tell her to go to H E double L.
Why I couldn't do that!
Richard, when I'm married
you can live with us.
I'll even insist in Helen
making you a small allowance.
Certainly not! How much?
Well Helen's a very well-to-do
girl. 5 shillings a week.
Why Helen, what a charming
answer to my thoughts.
You were thinking of me George?
Indeed I was.
Do you remember this music?
Yes I know it very well.
Do you remember where
you heard it last?
I've heard it so often you know.
You don't mind cigars?
No I like them.
That's why you're so
delightful, so sympathetic...
you always seem to understand.
I hope you will always think so George.
I shall, believe me.
I am anxious to tell you something
that's long been in my mind.
Please do. -I beg you not to
consider it the impulse of youth.
I won't George dear.
Very well.
There is only one woman in the world I
would ask to be the duchess of Bristol.
That's very interesting.
And if you ask me who she is...
I will tell you.
Who is she George?
You Helen.
I'm very touched, very flattered.
And I am very happy.
Thank you George.
I suppose there's only
one woman in this world...
who'd refuse to be the
duchess of Bristol.
And if you ask me who
she is, I will tell you.
Who is she then?
Me, George dear.
Do I hear correctly?
You're hearing is perfect.
You refuse to be the duchess of Bristol?
I do.
May I ask why?
Only because you happen to be the duke.
Are you insulting me Helen?
Not nearly as much
as you've insulted me.
What do you mean? -You should
have only asked me for my money.
You should not have
included me with it.
I emphatically deny that I asked
you to be my wife merely on...
account of your money. -No?
No, and i'd have you know,
there'd be plenty of women
who'd be delighted to marry me.
I'm sure there are many women
who would've loved to have been
the duchess of Bristol.
Frankly, I wanted to myself. Until
I spent 3 weeks with you here.
May I give you a pice of
advice George? Marry Maria.
How dare you. -For sheer selfishness,
you both win the cup outright.
You mean to tell me that
I'm anything like Maria?
If she doesn't get her way about
everything, she sulks, so do you.
If Richard doesn't wait
on her hand and foot...
I've never allowed Richard
to wait on me once.
Only because you were
too busy allowing me to.
I thought you liked it.
Anyway, yours is a grand position...
I envy you.
It's something for a profiteer's
daughter to have refused a duke.
George, many years ago
there was a butcher's shop...
an august person passing it one day was
not attracted by the meat in the window...
but by the butcher's wife.
The butcher, with an ambitious
eye to a knighthood...
encouraged him to pass it
frequently, with the result...
he became a baronet. Now the
butcher's wife was encouraged...
she too acquired an ambition,
so she left the butcher...
with the result her
son was born a duke.
So far as I can see, the only difference
between our two families is...
my father only profiteered in pickles.
You are divine George dear.
I hope I shall always know you.
What are you laughing at? -If ever
another girl falls in love with you...
marry her the next day.
What on earth's the
matter with George today?
You think we ought to
break his door down?
I'm getting quite
worried about him.
I don't think you need be just because
he stays in his room all day.
He hasn't even eaten the food
I left on a tray for him.
That I admit is remarkable.
I don't suppose he's cut his
throat or hanged himself do you?
Nonsense, he would never
be so considerate.
I'm glad you didn't make tea for me.
The tide was stronger than I thought.
The tide? -Yes it was my turn
to row over and get the post.
Look what you've done you fool.
Oh it's alright there's nothing
broken, we just need some more milk.
You must be tired, i'll get it.
Somebody ought to go with him,
he's not safe to be left alone.
Nonsense, he's alright.
Sorry i've been so long.
Quite well George old man? -I feel
terribly well thank you Richard.
Where's the post?
There wasn't any.
Pretty don't you think?
Stop, stop. Stop him Richard.
Why Maria I'm so sorry, I was only
playing for you, I thought you liked it.
George i've had enough of this.
This what?
This fooling, can't you see
you're frightening Maria?
I'm so sorry Maria, I didn't
mean to, I'm very sorry.
Careful George old man, careful.
My turn to do the washing up.
Don't hurry with your tea.
I'll go and put the kettle on.
All this before he
sets fire to the house.
Why are you behaving like an
idiot, frighteneing us all?
I'm showing Helen I'm
not a bit like Maria.
What on earth are you talking about?
Don't tell me I'm a liar
because I know I'm not.
Do you know what she said when I
asked her to marry me? -No, what?
She said I'm an ass, I'm
conceited, I'm selfish, I nag
I'm the descendant of a...
Oh no!
I tell you I am.
Or she says I am. I've never been so
disappointed in anybody in all my life.
Everything would've been alright if your...
old woman hadn't started
this on approval business.
Are you referring to Mrs Wislack?
In the last 3 weeks Helen has found
out a thousand things about me...
and she doesn't like one of them.
I'm leaving tomorrow on the midday train.
Do you love her George? -How can
a man harrassed to death with...
financial troubles as I
am, concentrate on love?
It's unreasonable Richard.
You go and get your old woman to
turn you down and see how you like it.
Thank you, i've more sense than
you have. I'm not risking it.
I'm leaving with you.
Not at all. I want to save her the
embarrassment of telling me I failed her.
Are you better?
Are you better?
Are you better?!
Please don't shout at me Maria.
I wish to tell you that your
behaivour was perfectly disgraceful.
And shall I tell you why my
behaivour was perfectly disgraceful?
Why? -I wish it to be known that
i've not one thing in common
nor am I the least like...
Very well Richard, for your sake I
won't. But I'm writing to you Maria.
Your hand is all wet Richard.
I'm sorry Maria, I was about to wash up.
Must you make such a noise?
Washing up's to be done Maria.
But of course it is and
I'm very grateful to you.
Richard, I ought to tell you something.
Oh that's alright Maria I...
Please Richard, what I have to say is
very embarrassing and you might realise.
I know and I'm sorry.
I brought you here for the purpose
of finding out, as you know...
that if we maried, would there be
a chance of us both being happy.
Quite right.
Will you please be quiet. -Sorry.
When I left London I loved you very much.
I almost beleived you possessed
qualities that might endear you to me.
I know. -I'd no idea how
nice you really are.
What did you say?
Don't interrupt, please.
I was going to say I think
you're a thousand times nicer...
than I ever thought you were.
Please don't interrupt,
it's very irritating.
Now what was I saying? Oh yes...
I have decided not only to marry you but
to prove to you how much i trust you.
I'm going to settle 5000 year
on you for life. Are you pleased?
Pleased. But I'm delighted. And all
this time I thought you disliked me.
You will never begin to know
how miserable i've been.
Oh but why? -You were so
intolerant, so horrid to me.
Horrid to you, what are
you talking about?
Now let's straighten this out.
You know you tried every way of provoking
me to see if I was bad tempered or not.
I did nothing of the kind. I'd
never descend to anything so mean.
You don't mean to tell me that
that was really you all the time?
Of course.
Is that how you'd be if... if
we were married? -Naturally.
How long did your late
husband live with you Maria?
18 years, why?
What a man, what a constitution.
How dare you speak to me like that.
If you had the faintest idea of how you'd
been speaking to me the last 3 weeks...
you'd know how and why I dared.
Richard, are you mad?
Maria dear, double that
5000, treble that 5000...
give me every shilling in the world
and then the answer would be no!
Richard. Maria, I shall
always love you for having...
given me the oppurtunity
of finding you out.
I would've married you not knowing.
You beast.
May I remind you Maria there's a great
deal more washing up to be done.
If you have anything to say to me, kindly
address me through a third person.
What have you been doing in
your room all this evening?
Seeking repose.
And just now?
Seeking alcohol, without
much success I might say.
George, will you come and talk to me?
If you promise not to revile me again.
Not tonight anyway.
Helen, once there was a time
when I thought you liked me.
Liked you?
Three weeks ago I adored you.
If you'd have asked me to marry you
then I would have. I adored you so much.
And now?
I've spent the last three
weeks with you and...
I think it's been my
greatest disappointment.
You mean I died on you?
The second day.
The second day?
Well that's not the experience of
other women who have known me.
You know Helen, I'm
always being asked out to
dinner parties because
people find me amusing.
A dinner party only lasts two hours.
A marriage has been known
to last for two years.
Helen, these last three weeks, are
they indelibly imprinted on your mind?
They are imprinted, why?
I only asked.
I suppose it's because I'm a woman
and therefore infinitely foolish...
but I think I could forget
these past three weeks...
if you could tell me one thing.
The colour of my eyes.
Goodnight George dear.
Come in.
Helen, come away from the door.
I thought for a moment you were Maria.
Maria's lying in bed stunned
by the shock you gave her.
I find myself curiously unmoved.
I'm afraid i've given George
a bit of a shock too.
Where's he?
Poor dear, he's sitting at the
bottom of the stairs...
trying to convince himself
he's colourblind. -Colourblind?
Well it doesn't matter
Richard, he'll recover.
To do any good I'm afraid he needs at
least six months on a desert island.
Alone with Maria.
Alone with Maria.
Richard, I really came to ask whether
you were enjoying it here very much?
Helen, you know I'm having
a perfectly awful time.
Then, why go on having
a perfectly awful time?
I see what you mean.
You are clever Helen.
But of course, and
the sooner the better.
Then you agree that the
island should be deserted?
As far as I'm concerned, tomorrow.
That's alright then, tomorrow.
I'll see if the coast's clear.
I wonder if you could tell me something?
Of course Helen, what?
The colour of my eyes.
What a funny question,
green of course.
How observant you are.
Thank you Richard.
Not a sound.
Not a sound.
You'd hardly believe
they were in the house.
How dare they stay here.
You can't expect them to wait
on a cold railway platform.
Why not?
To think I brought that brute
here to see if I liked him.
And he has the audacity to
say he doesn't like me.
My stomach is cold, my head is
hot, my arteries are hardening...
only alcohol will get me on the train.
Never again do I raise a finger.
Besides, you shouldn't have
drunk all the cooking sherry.
I would not have asked you Richard,
were it not for the fact...
that i'd meet those
extremely unpleasant women.
As it is, I shall die standing.
I'm not sure which
of us is the luckier.
I to have lost a
vulgar little man
or you to have avoided
marrying a congenital idiot.
Well George isn't entirely an idiot.
I quite agree.
What do you want?
The rain is now coming through
the roof in 15 places.
Well, what of it?
We have only 14 receptacles.
Well what do you suggest?
I suggest you will
find the railway platform
far less uncomfortable
than my house.
Richard and I have talked it over and
decided we find it exactly the same.
Why not get Richard to mend the roof?
I don't think he'd agree.
Ever since he told you
the truth about yourself...
he's so conceited
there's no holding him.
Is he boasting about that?
No he's bragging that one day
he'll turn you into a decent woman.
How dare he. -He says it can be
done. He's very childish today.
Mrs Wislack, you can give me the
key of the alcohol cupboard.
I will not.
Did you have that brandy
and soda as I told you?
She whom you once loved,
refuses to cough up the key.
Give me that key of that cupboard,
it should never be locked.
I shall do nothing of the sort.
Give it to me I tell you.
Then you place me in the hideous position...
of having to reveal myself as a man
who has always known where it was.
You mean to say that all this time...
you've had access to
liquor without telling me?
You had your cigars. And it's only
because you're cold that I'm relenting.
Be good enough to get George
a small brandy and soda.
Better go and get ready.
How dare you whisper
to my late fiance.
You libertine. Blowing kisses to a
girl young enough to be your daughter.
Mrs Wislack, for me to
have been Helen's father...
I should've had to have been
an enterprising boy of 14.
How long?
Four minutes.
In the kitchen?
Go down the back stairs.
Four minutes.
Mrs Wislack.
I don't want to speak
to you but I must.
I don't want to speak
to you and I won't.
Stop. Do you love Richard?
Don't shout.
Do you love Richard?
Yes you beast.
Must you shout the facts of
life outside Richard's bedroom.
Come to my room.
I never thought I would
willingly enter here.
Please be seated, I feel less frightened
of you when you're sitting down.
What have you got to say.
Are you prepard to call
a truce for ten minutes?
The reason?
Five minutes.
Very well.
In a few hours Richard and I
will have left this house forever.
Thank heaven.
Stop pretending.
Surely a woman is
entitled to some modesty.
Not when you are to
lose your loved one.
I close my eyes, I see a divine face,
her little hands, I am in love.
With yourslef perhaps.
Shut up.
What are you doing? Kindly
put down my nightdress.
It's a nightdress no longer.
It's a flag of truce, sit down.
Now, to continue. I propose to
stay here and keep Richard too.
In such moments, damnable as it is,
we must forget the word 'honour'.
That should be easy for you.
I beg for your pardon.
Now I've thought of a
way to win them back.
Maria, I imagine few men
have been in love with you.
I beg for your pardon.
Of one thing I am certain.
I must never let Helen
see my heart is broken.
I have a pain here.
I beg for your pardon.
Granted but you try me very hard Maria.
Now what I suggest is, that
we shall be so pleasant and...
friendly and even affectionate to
each other, that Richard...
will not dare to
leave me here with you.
If we show them a united front...
You hurry it up to the boat, i'll meet
you with the luggage in a few minutes.
Your quite sure we're
doing the right thing?
Of course I'm sure.
Very well then, but don't be too long.
What's all that?
I thought I heard...
I did.
Charming my dear charming.
What a delightful voice you have.
Thank you George.
What did you say George, just then?
Charming my dear charming.
What a delightful voice you have.
That's what I thought you said.
By the way Richard, Maria has
persuaded me to stay on.
I hope your journey south
will not be too lonely.
What did you say George?
Pay no attention to
that vulgar little man.
I'm not a vulgar little man.
You look vulgar.
You're quite right George.
Bless you Maria, bless you.
Don't... Don't you thick Patti is
quite wonderful this season?
Personally I prefer caviar.
No, I mean the singer Adelina.
Oh, the Covent Garden woman.
Well Maria, there are voices...
and there are voices, that's
what I feel about yours.
Well your voice has a certain
rare quality... fortunately.
Thank you Maria.
What would you like me to sing?
That one about when you were 41.
Oh you mean this one?
That's the fella.
Richard, instead of
standing there gaping
you could be upstairs
unpacking my suitcases.
All of them?
All of them, and put out my pyjamas.
Maria, what is your favourite colour?
Put out my pink pyjamas.
Play away Maria, but let
your music be only for me.
What have you been doing?
Putting out George's pink pyjamas.
They're coming. Let them find us
in a more romantic setting. Come.
They've both gone.
This is all your fault, stop them,
stop them. Why don't you do something?
Perhaps you'd like me swim out like a
dog and bring them both back in my teeth?
Bite him Manchu, bite him.
I warn you.
One move from that loathesome creature
and i'll hurl it into the water.
And I may not stop at her... him.
Maria, Maria.
Do boats ever come near this island?
Not for weeks on end.
Couldn't we signal to the mainland?
But how?
We could burn down the house.
You try.
That means you and I are alone here.
Yes and just think what people will say.
They'll say nothing. My
reputation will save you from that.
Your what?
My reputation as a man of taste.
Where are you going?
What are you going to do?
I'm going to my bed.
You needn't lock your door Maria.
Only the rain will want to come in.
Quiet Wislack.
Darling George.
George. George.
Richard. What ever's the matter?
Oh it's you Helen.
Oh I can't sleep at all.
I'm having such terrible dreams.
So am I. It's the haggis.
I want to go back.
So do I.
Get out, you, now!
George. George.
How do you do?
There's a man in my room.
She's not in her bed.
Ah, there they are.
So it was you breaking
into Maria's bedroom.
What are you doing with Maria?
And what are you doing in George's room.
I thought you had finished with him.
How dare you.
How dare I what?
Make after Maria.
I'm very fond of her.
I've very fond of him.
And that's grandmama and that's grandpapa.
And that's a picture of your
daddy taken on our honeymoon.
Honeymoon is when you go away
together after you are married.
Pardon me Lady Bristol,
haven't you made a mistake?
Oh I'm not Lady Bristol, and
I don't think I made a mistake.
You mean you married Richard?
That's right.
But what happened to George?
Whom did he marry in the end?
You'd be surprised.
You're joking.
Believe me, it's no joke.
Coming darling.