On the Line (2022) Movie Script

[dripping synced with
discordant piano notes]
[person gasps]
Let me go. I'm beggin' ya.
[sobbing]
Let me go.
I'm beggin' ya.
[heartbeat pounding]
I already told ya
I didn't do it.
Please, let me...
[sobbing]
Please!
Confess, confess!
Tell the truth.
You spilled innocent
cranberry juice everywhere.
[falsetto]
No, no, it wasn't us.
It wasn't.
Adria did it.
It's Adria who's going
to bed right now.
Aw, no, no, no, no.
We got school in
the morning. We do?
Yes. Bedtime.
Bedtime, honey.
Hey.
[father] Are you ready?
[Adria] Yeah.
[father] Are you ready
for the big surprise?
[Adria] Yeah.
[father imitating horse]
Okay.
The horse is going to bed.
He's falling off the cliff.
Oh, he's falling asleep!
And so are you.
Look into my eyes.
Okay?
Good night, sweetie, okay?
[Adria] Night-night.
Aww.
[keys jingling]
My night owl's flying off again.
Are you ready?
I'm always ready.
Will you be listening tonight?
Well, I think I'd rather
hear about it in the morning.
Okay, at breakfast?
Yes. Breakfast.
Yeah.
["Can't Stop" playing]
Can't stop
Addicted to the shindig
Chop top he says
I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life
Of imitation
Distant cousin
To the reservation
Defunct the pistol
That you pay for
This punk the feeling
That you stay for
In time I want to be
Your best friend
East side love is living
On the West end
Knock out
But boy you better come to
Don't die, you know
The truth is some do
Go write your message
On the pavement
Burn so bright I wonder
What the wave meant
White heat is screaming
In the jungle
Complete the motion
If you stumble
Go ask the dust
For any answers
Come back strong
With 50 belly dancers
The world I love
The tears I drop
To be part of the wave
Can't stop
Ever wonder
If it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hop
To be part of the wave
Can't stop
Come and tell me
When it's time to
Sweetheart is bleeding
in the snow cone...
[DJ] Love that song.
Stay with us because
30 minutes at midnight,
we'll be giving you
the legendary Elvis Cooney,
the radio host
all the women dream of,
the guy with
this mesmerizing voice,
the one who's got it all.
Stay tuned.
...you better come to
Don't die, you know
The truth is some do
Go write your message
On the pavement
Burn so bright I wonder
What the wave meant
Kick start
The golden generator
Sweet talk
But don't intimidate her
Can't stop the gods
From engineering
Feel no need
For any interfering
Your image
In the dictionary
This life is
More than ordinary
Can I get two
Maybe even three of these
Coming from space to
teach you of the Pleiades
Good evening, Mr. Elvis.
Oh, hey, uh...
I'm sorry, I forgot.
Uh... what's your name again?
Hemwatinandan Sunderdas.
Uh, can I call you Bob?
Yeah, sure.
Yeah, how's the family?
Oh, they're great.
Thanks for asking, Bob.
You excited about
the show tonight?
Oh, absolutely. Look.
It's the final.
We'll finally get to find out
if the New York Newbies beat
the Manchester Magic Voices.
[chuckles]
I'm all for Manchester!
It's my hometown.
How about you, sir?
Well, I was talking
about my show, Bob.
How do you expect to know what's
happening while I'm on the radio
if you don't even listen?
Oh...
[music playing on speakers]
Yep.
You're in the right direction.
[man] Elvis.
Hey.
Sorry, I'm late.
How are you?
I'm good, thanks.
Do I know you?
[laughs] Well, that's funny.
Elvis, do you know this man?
Of course he knows me.
Come on, Elvis, let's go.
No, I don't know this guy.
Sir, who are you?
Hey, nobody's talkin'
to you, asshole.
Hey, come on, buddy, let go.
I will let go
once we get in the studio.
Okay, that's enough.
You got my hand, I want it back.
Man, come on! [groans]
[Elvis] Uh-oh.
If I say that we have
an appointment,
we have an appointment.
It has to be tonight.
I have to announce it tonight.
Okay, whoever you are,
this isn't gonna fly.
All right, that's the last time
you pretend not to know me.
Or else...
Or else what?
[blade clangs]
Whoa, whoa! Hey.
Calm down here.
Or else I kill myself.
What is it that
you want to announce?
That I'm here.
I-I'm here. I'm...
I'm the Messiah.
I'm back.
Well, why the hell didn't you
say so in the first place?
It is you. It's him.
How you been?
["Bob"] So you do know him?
Yes. Obviously. Don't you?
He's... probably a Buddhist.
He's...
I'm a Hindu, actually.
Oh.
Look. We've been waiting
over 2,000 years for you.
Hey, you got
a lot of work to do.
You gotta make the lame walk
and the blind see.
You gotta save the world.
Can we go up and I can announce
that to everybody?
Why announce that on the radio?
I mean, you'll only reach
a handful of insomniacs.
Nobody listens to the radio
anymore, especially not at night.
And what's more,
they won't be able to see you.
And if they can't see you,
they may not believe it's you.
For my money, you get the best
bang for your buck if you go live stream.
There's a camera
on her computer.
[laughs]
Who?
[laughing]
The woman at the center.
What, the center
of the universe, or...?
They... They put me
at the treatment center.
But there's a camera on her
computer, and I can record myself.
[inhales deeply]
Then I can get the
message out. Yeah.
You have a great show.
[blade clicks]
What's your name again, brother?
Hemwatinandan.
Yeah.
I love you, Elvis!
Thank you.
Fuck.
Lock the door,
and don't let anyone else in.
That shouldn't have happened
in the first place. [door slams]
[tinny pop music on speakers]
[Elvis sighs]
[DJ] It's getting hot in here,
15 minutes before
the wonderful Elvis Cooney.
Enough time to listen together to
this amazing, incredible, fantastic song.
Oh, you're gonna love it.
[music continues]
Shut up.
Elvis, hi.
Mary.
Man, did you
just roll out of bed?
You look like death warmed up.
I'm not quite warm yet.
Well, anyway, we've got
great callers tonight.
Cool.
And this is
James Steel's biography.
That comedian
who does online videos.
He's got over
two million followers,
and we're gonna
get him on the air.
[sighs] Thank you.
No problem, it's my job.
No, I mean thank you.
For my birthday.
Oh, sorry, it slipped my mind.
Isn't it tomorrow?
Well, tomorrow's
in about 13 minutes.
That's okay.
Everyone always forgets
my fuckin' birthday.
[British accent] Happy birthday.
Not yet, in about
12 and a half minutes.
Who's that?
He's the newbie,
just arrived from London.
Long trip to America.
Elvis, this is Dylan.
Dylan, this is Elvis.
Keep your transatlantic germs.
It's okay.
Okay. [sighs] You
want one of these?
I could make you one if you'd
like. Uh, no, but thank you.
Mm-hmm.
I was just kidding.
This is for adults.
I am 27.
[Mary] Don't mind him.
Go to the studio.
Okay.
Oh.
I see Sam is still here.
Yeah.
Should have brought
my rubber gloves.
Hey.
Don't even bother
to knock anymore.
Yeah, just like you don't
even bother to tell me
when you're coming
to watch my show.
What's to watch?
It's a radio show.
You need something?
I'm leaving in a minute.
Oh, well, then why don't we
make this a quality minute?
When was the last time
you stayed this late?
Last year for the sweeps.
[Elvis] Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll let you guys talk.
Sure.
I'll be listening
to tonight's show in my office.
Oh, thanks, buddy.
Least somebody around here
gives a damn.
Hey, since you're here.
I'm looking
at the quarter numbers.
Whoo! Okay.
You've plateaued.
Your numbers are flat.
Flat as a crepe.
Crepe, crepe? Oh, pancake.
Yeah, that's pretty flat.
But it's just one quarter,
that doesn't mean anything.
I think you have two problems.
Oh. Nobody has just two problems.
Okay, first, the audience.
They're not interested
in your social media.
Well, and neither am I.
That's why Mary
takes care of it.
Okay, blame Mary if you want.
Either way, it's a disaster.
Please, not this again.
I'm a radio host, not a TikTok
jock. Look at your last post.
Three months ago,
and all you said was, "Hey,"
with a big shot
of your fucking boots?
They were great,
very cool boots, size 12s.
Oh, gosh.
Okay, look.
I'm the first to admit,
I'm not good at that stuff.
That's not me.
Yeah, we all know that.
But today, radio
is not enough. Okay?
Why don't you just
let me do what I do?
I mean, let's not rock the boat.
Okay, so you're not
listening to me.
The boat is sinking, Elvis.
What?
You're...
different, somehow different.
What?
Have you done...
You know, you're really stunningly
statuesque. Can you stop?
Stop. Nice try, though.
Second thing, I think
you're pushing too much.
Now, I've told you before,
you've got a great concept.
Okay? Telling it like it is,
take no mercy,
and all that is
what makes you, I get it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But there's a push back now.
Push back from who?
From the Pope.
Oh, he listens?
Wow, you should get him to call.
I could tell him
how to separate...
Stop, no! Stop.
I think you can afford now
to slow down, you know?
No, you're wrong.
Stop pushing the envelope.
If not, someday the big boss
is going to replace you.
Is that right? Who?
Is that a threat?
No, honey, it's not a threat.
It's a tip, okay,
from a very good friend.
[scoffs] Now, get out.
Have a good show tonight.
Wow. That was actually...
two quality minutes.
Just... goodbye.
[groans]
Well, hey!
If it isn't "the greatest
radio host in the world."
You know,
now that I'm not on the air,
I can tell you how
I really feel about you.
You...
piece of shit.
How you doing, Justin?
Your expression tells me that you're still
having trouble with those hemorrhoids.
The only pain in the ass
around here is you.
You will never get my show.
Do you hear me?
Listen. You will never,
ever have my show.
But I don't want your show.
Liar!
You were just in there
with Sam asking for it.
Justin, I was not in there
to ask for your show.
Stop! Just stop lying, okay?
Justin, I don't want your show.
I'm not lying.
I don't want your show.
You don't?
No. I just want your slot.
It's an entirely
different thing.
Quite frankly,
your show plays shitty music
and you're just there
to tell the time.
They should have called it
"Justin Time." It's torture.
It's like listening
to the local radio
slap bang in the middle of
Squeal-like-a-pig Arkansas.
I'm from Arkansas.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Fuck you, Elvis.
[imitates pig squealing]
Thank you.
Guys. Guys.
Fuck you!
The snappy comebacks.
How does he do it?
We're live in one minute,
47 seconds.
Dickhead.
And dickhead's on top.
[rock music playing]
Whoo-hoo.
[announcer]
Elvis Live, "On the Line."
It's midnight.
The witching hour.
Good morning to all you
night-crawling, circadian rhythm rejects,
you nocturnal emitters
that I like to call my family.
The studio's filling up,
everybody's getting settled,
and Mary's either manning
the phones or phoning her man.
Which is it, Mary?
You mean which man?
I get around, Elvis.
Yeah, be careful.
You get around too much,
you'll get rounder.
Hi.
We're expecting your calls.
Talk to Elvis live on air
and tell him about all
of your issues and problems,
below or above the waist.
Call us at 806-806-TALK.
806-806-8255.
That's right.
And this evening, we've got
a newbie joining the show.
A rookie.
And his name is...
let's have a drumroll...
his name is...
What's your name again?
Dylan.
Dylan. Dylan replaces
our old pal, Turncoat Tom,
who left us for a rival
station, that rat bastard.
You won't betray us like that,
will you, Dill?
Uh, yes. I mean, um, no.
Good evening.
Good evening, everyone.
[Elvis]
Oh, God, we got a shy one.
You got stage fright?
No, not at all.
It's just that... it's a real
honor to be part of this show
that has been around
for so long.
I'm... so happy to be here.
"So long"? What are you
trying to say, kid?
That I'm a washed-up,
diaper-wearing has-been, is that it?
No.
I've been doing this show
for 40 years,
long enough to spot an
elder-abuse asshole when I see one.
You know, life's too short.
Or in my case too long,
huh, Dylan?
Huh? Hmm?
Get lost. You're fired.
Take a plane, take a boat,
swim the Channel.
Go back to fuckin' England, or
wherever the fuck you came from.
Go on. Huh.
Why are you smiling?
You think I'm kidding?
He thinks I'm kidding.
Mary can produce the show.
She's done it a million times.
Get lost, go on.
Out, finished, over.
Now!
What are you waiting for?
Geez.
Okay, bring in the next one.
Well, that didn't
last very long, did it?
I'm kidding.
Oh, Dylan, come on back.
We love you, come on.
I'm just joking, kid.
Come on back.
[laughing] Get in here.
Look at him.
He looks like he's gonna cry.
[laughing]
Come on, kid.
It's just a joke for the newbie.
Sit down.
We'll have some soft foods.
Yeah, and with a Geritol
as a chaser.
There you go.
There's the spirit.
You just can't help yourself.
Yeah.
All right, people.
Here we go.
Settle in, relax.
Gimme a call.
This is "On the Line."
[theme music playing]
[announcer]
Talk to Elvis! "On the Line"!
Emma, good evening.
What's on your mind?
[Emma] Good evening, Elvis,
and the rest of the team.
Um...
Well, two months ago
my husband left me
after 17 years of marriage,
and I'm devastated.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How did that happen?
[sighs]
Well, he was so jealous.
He thought
I was cheating on him.
Ah, I get it. Jealousy.
Sometimes flattering.
Lets us know we're still desirable,
but too much, eh, not good.
What made him think
you were cheating on him?
Actually, maybe, because...
I was cheating on him.
Well,
that explains the jealousy.
Look, we're only human.
Seventeen years
of marriage, wow,
I guess he's, uh...
I guess he's hurt.
Might be tough to get him back.
Uh, you know, you guys should
talk about why you think it happened.
I'm sure it's not because he's left a
wet towel on the bed or something.
Yeah.
If you still love each other,
and, you know,
perhaps he still does,
um... it's worth having
another crack at it,
it's worth working.
I mean, you should do
whatever it takes,
whatever it takes
to fix it, okay?
Be honest, be open.
Okay.
Right?
Yeah, thank you.
Matt, I'm sorry
to disagree with you.
He's a great player
but a bad sport.
I never liked him.
I've got some bad news.
We were supposed to get
James Steel on the line.
Oh.
But his manager just told me
that he's tied up
shooting a video,
and there are some issues
that need his attention.
Fuck.
Tell him to go jump
off a fucking cliff,
with sharpened wooden stakes
on the bottom so he lands...
I hate these new Internet stars
that make three videos
in their mom's basement
and suddenly they think
they're Bouncy Knowles.
Beyonc?
Well, she's bouncy to me.
That guy's stuck at a shoot
at 1:00 in the morning
when he's supposed to be
calling us?
I call bullshit.
He's probably home
playing video games,
speed bagging the pickle.
You remember this guy's name?
James Steel. He's a star.
Dylan, you know
who I'm talking about, right?
I'm... not sure.
Yes, he's an asshole,
and we'll never mention
his name again, okay?
Who are we talking about?
Yeah, you're learning.
[chimes]
Okay, we got Gary on the line.
What say you, Gary?
[faint, unsteady breathing]
Gary, you with us?
[faint breathing continues]
Gary?
[breathing continues]
Uh-oh, we got a breather.
What are you wearing, Gary?
Hey, Dylan,
you asleep at the wheel?
Can you get Gary through to us?
He's on.
[Gary] I'm here.
[Elvis] Ah, there he is.
How you doing, Gary?
I'm not doing so hot, Elvis.
What, tonsillitis,
athlete's foot?
Tell me more.
I'm gonna do something
really screwed up tonight.
[whispering] Suicide.
All right, Gary, listen.
All's well. We're here for you.
We're like family.
Family that isn't fucked up.
You know that, right?
Now, where are you right now?
[unsteady breathing]
I'm sorry, this was a bad idea.
[dial tone]
Gary. Shit. Mary, call him back.
Okay, well, we'll try and get
Gary back on the line very quickly
to understand
what's going on with him,
and in the meantime,
we'll take more calls.
[woman] So, I have this central
erotic dream with my boss
and I'm a little bit
confused, okay,
because today he told me that
he had the same dream as me.
What do you do for work?
I work for a mattress company.
He wants to test-drive the bed.
Yeah, so when I was a kid,
I was terrified of clowns.
You know, so when I grew up,
I decided to face my fears.
And one day,
I slept with a female clown.
Red hair. Big shoes.
Wouldn't take her nose off.
It was weird.
Hmm.
I woke up the next morning
alone, and, uh,
she'd twisted my penis
into a poodle.
[imitating squeaking balloon]
Whoa!
[soft music playing]
We gotta fix this problem.
I mean, how can 11 laptops magically
disappear in the space of three months?
We're in a radio station,
cameras everywhere.
This is dick in' rifuckulous.
Probably just some dude
trying to build his collection.
Or collect what he can
from the building.
It's kind of hard to describe.
Somewhere between a bald eagle
and a spotted owl.
Who hasn't tried
a little endangered species?
[announcer] Elvis is on
KLAT-FM Los Angeles.
Live "On the Line."
Okay, good news.
Gary's back on the air.
We were worried about you, pal.
How you feelin'?
[Gary] I'm better.
All right.
Um, where are you?
I'm... I'm in Pasadena.
Cool. Pasadena. You alone?
Look, I'm just gonna
do what needs to be done.
It's better that way.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Gary, hold on.
Gimme a minute. Let's talk.
I love Pasadena.
Where exactly are you?
Gary, you there?
[chuckles]
I'm in a garden.
Okay, in a garden.
Is it, uh... your garden?
Are you at home?
No.
No. Uh...
Does the home belong
to someone you know?
[sighs] No.
It belongs to a piece of shit.
I'm gonna destroy him.
[whispering]
Call the police.
Gary, tell me, is it the home
of a family member,
a neighbor, a colleague, a...
I told you...
...ex-lover?
...it's a worthless
piece of shit's place.
Right.
And I'm...
I'm gonna take out
his whole family.
Gary, come on.
Why hurt his family If he's
a worthless piece of shit?
I mean, they're innocent.
Don't let your instinct for
revenge drive you to do something
that you'll probably be
paying for the rest of your life.
[sighs]
You're better than that, Gary.
Tell me calmly, what's this guy
done to you to make you so upset?
Some injustice,
some hurt, some...?
He destroyed my life,
and I'm gonna destroy his.
Ay, ay, ay, an eye for an eye.
Gary, you're playing a game
called "You Lose," all right?
Now, whoever he is,
he didn't destroy your life.
Don't give him that power.
You know?
People come
on this show every day
that feel desperate,
hopeless, worthless,
usually because somebody else
made them feel that way, okay?
Do not adopt that perception
of yourself, all right?
You got the power to change,
you got the tools inbuilt.
You gotta believe that, Gary.
You can do it.
[glass shatters]
Gary, what was that?
I'm breaking into
the son of a bitch's house!
Gary, stop, wait, listen.
If you want, we can chat
about this offline.
I mean, we can, you know...
Cool?
No. I wanna stay on the air.
I'll put on a record, I swear.
I want everyone to hear
what's going down.
I can't keep you on the air.
I'm sorry.
Let's chat offline. I promise
you, together we can fix it.
No!
Do not cut me off the air,
or I'll go upstairs
and I'll kill everybody.
You're not gonna kill anyone.
All right?
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're still live on air,
but I don't want you
to be in danger
or put anyone else
in danger, okay?
Now, what part
of Pasadena are you in?
Near Arlington Gardens.
Ah. Well, yeah, nice area.
[scoffs] Yeah, it's a
neighborhood you know all too well
'cause I'm at your house.
976 Orange Grove Boulevard.
[laughs] It's crazy
what a nice house you can buy
when you host a shitty show
like yours!
Gary, I don't know if this
is some kind of joke.
I mean, I got nothing
to hide from my listeners.
Yes, that is my address.
But I think you're gonna have a
little trouble getting across the garden.
Oh, you're talking about
the two mangy Dobermans?
[chuckles] Listen, buddy...
This afternoon, I threw them a
couple pieces of meat with rat poison.
I thought I might have to
fight them off a little bit tonight,
but what do you know, when I got
here they were just lying on the ground.
I was, uh, kind enough
to relieve their suffering
with a butcher's knife.
Call 911.
[Mary] Yeah.
If that's true,
and you're really at my house,
we'll continue
this conversation offline.
Off the air. The police
will be there in a minute...
I don't give a fuck about the
cops, and you better not cut me off.
Gary. Hold on a second.
Don't cut me off!
Don't you dare!
Dylan, music, music.
Dylan, wake up!
Put on a fucking song!
Don't cut me off!
I have no choice, Gary.
We can't let you...
[girl, frightened] Daddy!
Adria?
I should have given her
rat poison, too,
but I wanted her
to be part of the fun.
Listen, it's over.
The police will be there in a
minute. Leave my daughter alone.
It's not too late. I won't
press charges, I promise.
I just want you
to get some help.
The police are on their way.
Tell the cops to stay outside.
We don't need them for the show.
There is no show, Gary.
The reality is, the police will
take you out if you don't comply.
Now, I won't press charges. I
just want you to leave my fam...
[gunshot]
[Mary gasps]
[gunshot]
Gary, what was that? What the
fuck's happening? Holy shit, what...
[woman] Honey...
Oh... Olivia?
Elvis.
Baby, you all right?
Do as he says, please,
I'm begging you.
He just fired shots
into the fucking wall!
[Gary] Yeah, you'll have to
touch up the paint a little bit, sorry.
That was just to shut your trap.
Next time, I'm gonna aim for
your daughter and your wife.
The police are there.
They're waiting for backup.
Try to buy some time.
Okay.
Yep.
Gary, I'm listening. Okay?
Tell me what's going on?
Tell me what
you're pissed about.
I mean, clearly,
I don't know you, but...
you're obviously very angry
with me and I need to know why.
I mean,
maybe we can settle this.
Did I give you some bad advice?
Did I give bad advice
to someone you know?
You blame me for something?
I mean, what is it about?
Is it about a girl?
Did I tell her to leave you?
Something to do with your job?
Listen, you got the air
all to yourself, okay?
So just off-load,
'cause I gotta know
why it is you hate me.
Ahh, Elvis.
You know, I'm embarrassed
to talk about this
in front of your wife
and your daughter,
but since you insist, it might
have something to do with the fact
that you're sleeping with your
fucking switchboard operator.
Gary, have you been drinking
or are you on some kind of drugs?
'Cause I... I don't know you.
You don't know me,
Mary doesn't know...
[whispering]
You know this guy?
Who are you, Gary?
Are you a fan of the show just
trying to create some kind of buzz,
some sort of prank?
Well, congratulations.
It's working.
You got me, okay?
I'm scared to fucking death,
man, honestly.
Now, look,
you've had your laughs...
Stop fucking around, shit brain.
You think I actually
listen to your show
for insomniac freaks
who call up...
Okay.
...for your shitty advice?
Calm down, now.
What do you want?
Nobody wants anybody
to get hurt, okay?
Don't talk to me like I'm
one of your airhead listeners.
I wanna ruin your life,
just like you ruined mine.
Gary, is it money?
Is that what it is?
It's all about money?
You need money?
Money? [laughs]
Seriously, if I wanted money,
I'd just help myself
to your yuppie suburban palace.
Oh, uh, wait a second.
I think your wife
wants to talk to you.
[Olivia] How did we
get into this mess, Elvis?
What the hell did you do?
[Gary] I'm gonna put you
on speakerphone
'cause I wanna hear
how the greatest bigmouth
in the world of radio
handles this.
Careful, though: if you lie,
boom, I will shoot somebody.
Oh, no, Elvis, you do not
have the right to remain silent.
We're all listening.
Your affair with Mary:
true or false?
Gary, I don't know
what makes you think
that there's a relationship
with Mary,
because I swear to God,
I never... [two gunshots]
[Olivia screams] [Gary] Bullshit!
Stop fucking around, Elvis!
I swore that
I would shoot someone.
Olivia, can you confirm
that I shot someone?
[Olivia whimpering]
[Gary] Elvis.
I shot at your ugly face
on that narcissistic poster
hanging on the wall.
The next time...
Good one, Gary.
...next time...
[Adria crying]
[Olivia] Leave her alone!
Please, I'm begging you!
I'm begging you, please!
Don't hurt her!
Gary? Gary.
I want you to take a minute...
[Gary] Listen.
I want you to hear this.
[metallic rattling]
That's my gun pressed
against your daughter's temple.
So, how about you tell us
the fucking truth?
Are you screwing
the switchboard operator?
Yes or no?
[swallows]
Yes. Yes, okay.
There you go, yes, I did it.
You're right, I did it.
I screwed her. You happy now?
You win. Now, let her go.
Please.
Thank you.
That wasn't so hard, was it?
You wanted me to confess, I did.
Now, what more
do you want me to do, huh?
Let's get this over with.
You're angry at me,
not them, all right?
Me. Let them go,
and we can settle this
between the two of us, all right?
Ah, so now you have time
to listen to me.
The police want to talk to him.
No, no, that's okay.
Gary, this can still
end well, okay?
But I don't want it to end well.
It didn't end well for Lauren.
For who? Who?
And you have the balls
to ask me who.
Don't you know a Lauren?
First it's Mary, now you're
talking about some Lauren.
I know a dozen Laurens.
Oh, I bet you know
about a dozen Laurens.
But to me there's only one.
Gary, you're gonna
have to help me here, I...
[Steven] They want to
take over the negotiation.
They want you to hang up.
It's okay, Steven.
Please, let my wife
and daughter go,
and then we can talk about,
like, whatever you want.
Okay? We'll sit here
and we'll work this out.
I'm sorry, that's not
the ending I had in mind.
Wonder.
What? W-Wonder what?
Wonder, Lauren Wonder!
That's her name!
And she's also the eighth
wonder of the world.
[sobbing] But I bet you didn't
even know her last name, did you?
[whispering]
Before me. Before me.
Oh.
Oh, the switchboard operator.
Lily.
Her real name was Lauren.
We called her Lily.
I didn't know her last name.
There you go.
[laughing] It's funny how
it all comes rushing back.
Yeah. She worked for us
a couple months.
Uh, two years back.
She disappeared one day.
We never saw her again.
I didn't know her last name.
That didn't stop you from
making stupid jokes about her
every day on the show!
About her face, her voice.
She didn't dare speak up
because Mr. Big Wig
is the star of radio.
She thought that,
by leaving after five months,
she'd be able to forget, but no!
Because people never stopped
talking about it to her.
I've been with her
since high school.
And yes, she had other problems,
but you, you were
the fucking cherry on top!
It was always like
a pressure cooker, and boom!
Boom what? It's shock radio.
We fuck around. That's what
we do. We make jokes, okay?
It's not for you to decide
what's funny and what's not!
See, being at your fuckin' house
with Olivia and your daughter,
now that's funny, oh, yeah.
Yeah, okay, all right.
Look, I'll do anything
to help Lily... Lauren.
I'll make it up to her.
There is something you can do.
You can take your wireless mic
and go up
to the studio's terrace
with someone
from your shitty team.
I... I don't get it.
You'll get it
when you're up there.
Now, move your ass!
Okay, okay, calm down.
Mary, get a mic
and a headphone ready.
Okay?
We're coming with you.
Okay.
Let's go.
Okay, I'm here.
Cool. Breathe.
Okay, just tell me what you want
so we can get this
over with, huh?
You see that ashtray
by the wall?
How do you know there's
an ashtray by the wall, Gary?
That's where Lauren came to cry
after you humiliated her.
She tell you that?
No, I was there.
Okay.
I was having a smoke
when she showed up in tears.
How'd you even
get in the building?
I worked there for my job.
Oh, Elvis, we met so many
times, and you never said hello.
But hey, you treat
your own colleagues like dirt.
It's no surprise you never
gave me the time of day.
Who are you?
Does it really matter?
Are you Gary Harlowe?
Not anymore.
What does that mean?
It means tonight
I don't give a fuck.
I'm not that friendly
security guard anymore
who always greeted you
with a smile.
Man, look, I am really sorry.
I just don't remember, okay?
Anyway, what I want you
to do now
is to climb up onto that wall.
I set up a little staircase
for you.
You can't be serious.
Does it sound like I'm joking?
Hey, Adria, does it look
like I'm fooling around?
Do I make you laugh, kid?
[Olivia] Elvis!
[Gary] Relax. Everything's fine.
Elvis is gonna get up
onto that fucking wall.
Fuck!
I'm on the wall.
You happy? What now?
Thank you.
Gary, I don't like heights.
You can tell Lauren
I'm shit scared
if you think it makes you
feel any better, okay?
Well, that won't be easy,
because she's dead.
She committed suicide
a month ago.
You should see what she
writes about you in her letter.
It's not very nice.
She jumped
from her apartment balcony.
Five stories.
Gary, I'm sorry.
Man, I'm really sorry.
I've learned my lesson.
Can we please stop
this nonsense?
When I came back
from Afghanistan,
I tried to kill myself too.
A pussy like you
wouldn't last a day over there.
They said I was
psychologically damaged.
Bullshit.
Gary, life is beautiful.
No, it's not!
Now, I want you to jump.
Come on, Gary, nobody would
do that. I'm not gonna jump.
If you don't jump,
I'll kill them.
You know I will!
It's you or them!
Oh, for fuck sake, Gary,
can't we sort this out?
Come on,
I'm begging you, please.
Jump!
I can't.
[Gary laughs]
I knew it.
I knew it.
I knew you'd shit your pants.
Not even a shred of dignity.
That's why I didn't want you
to go alone.
Dylan, push him.
No.
Push him,
or a five-year-old dies.
Gary, you sick fuck!
I hope you die and burn forever!
Last chance, Dylan.
Push him!
No.
It's okay, it's okay.
Gary, I'll jump.
Put my wife on.
What are you doing?
I'm so sorry, my dear.
I love you.
Take care of Adria.
Okay?
[Olivia whimpering]
I have no choice.
[Olivia] No, no, no,
no, no, no, no!
Please, I'm begging you.
I'm begging you, please.
Please!
[Olivia gasping, sobbing]
Don't, Elvis, no!
[Olivia screams on phone]
[Gary] Tell me, Dylan,
did that asshole jump?
Yes.
[Gary sighs]
Thank you, Dylan. [sniffles]
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
I put you in that situation.
I did you a favor, though. That
guy would have tortured you,
just like he did to Lauren.
He was a real
son of a bitch, you know.
You can free his wife
and daughter
because he jumped, he's dead.
Just let them go.
Of course.
I'm a man of my word.
I just...
I just need proof
that he really jumped.
I mean, you wouldn't
lie to me, right?
I'm telling you, he jumped.
Just let them go.
[electronic buzzing]
How could you do this to me?
You filthy liars!
You're all motherfuckers!
Dylan, you've really
disappointed me.
No, wait, don't get angry.
I can explain, okay?
I wanted to film Elvis's jump
and post it online.
You've really
made a fool out of me.
Hey, hey, Gary,
this is my fault.
I apologize, okay?
It's too late!
I'm sorry.
An eye for an eye, Elvis.
Gary... Now you can see what
it's like to lose someone you love.
The police is ready to go.
They're headed in!
Gary, the cops
are coming in right now.
I'm begging you, please!
Give it up! Stop it!
[two gunshots]
[gunshots echoing]
Wait.
The police want
to get you on the phone.
Yeah?
What?
Uh...
That can't be.
Go with him.
I'll lock up the studio.
It's impossible.
[Dylan] What's going on?
The cops say...
there's no one home.
[Dylan] What?
They checked every room.
No signs of forced entry.
The dogs are alive.
I don't get it.
And your daughter,
your... your wife?
Not there.
I don't know.
They looked everywhere.
Nothing.
[Gary] Ha-ha-ha...
[in singsong] Elvis
Elvis, where are you?
Elvis
Yoo-hoo
He's back.
Turn up the volume.
Elvis
Elvis, you play footsie
with me, I play better.
One step ahead, buddy.
I really had you convinced I
was at your place, didn't I?
And those Keystone Cops who
broke down your door for nothing,
what a bunch of idiots.
Is he the one
who killed the guard?
Now, the show's
really getting started.
So I lied about
being at your house,
but I am with your family.
[Olivia]
Elvis, get out of here!
[Gary, falsetto]
"Elvis, get out of here!"
[laughs] She doesn't even seem
to resent you for cheating on her.
Now, that is devotion.
I caught them
just as you left home.
By the way, Olivia and Adria
did not want to get into my car.
It was a struggle.
Kind of like rassling
a couple of piglets.
[chuckles, snorts]
They fought, they squealed.
But I managed to tame them
in the end.
Hey, Elvis, you there?
Elvis?
Yoo-hoo?
Anybody out there?
You're kidding me.
Am I all alone on the air?
Wow, this is like
a childhood fantasy come true.
But hey, Elvis, I do hope you
can still hear me out there
'cause tonight,
as a tribute to Lauren,
I've gone out of my way
to make sure you spend
the worst night of your life.
See, I've created a game,
and I think you're
gonna love it.
The rules are simple.
If you lose,
I kill these two little ladies.
Use your cell.
Let's call the cops.
Elvis. I'm gonna count
down from 30.
If you don't answer,
that means you've gone,
and that I'm talking
to myself like a madman.
I'm not crazy, you know?
So listen, if you don't
get back on the line,
the game is over,
and if the game is over,
boom, boom.
Thirty, 29...
Gary, it's Mary.
Elvis has left the building...
No one called you, Miss
America. I'm playing with Elvis.
I don't talk to women
who sleep with married men.
Either Elvis
is there or he's not.
Anyway, where was I?
Twenty-eight, 27...
26, 25...
24, 23...
22, 21...
20, 19...
18, 17...
16, 15...
14, 13...
Elvis, the...
12, 11...
...mic is in the elevator.
Ten...
nine, eight...
seven, six...
five, four...
three...
two...
one...
Zero!
I'm here! I'm here!
Ah! Okay, Elvis.
And he's back!
[microphone feeding back]
Were you taking a dump?
So, where are you, my friend?
In reception.
Oh, in reception.
Ha!
Sorry I didn't have time
to clean up the entrance.
Yeah, did you have to kill him?
Yes, I did.
That guard was very impolite.
Not friendly at all.
I told him I used to work
the same job.
He didn't want to open
the door at first,
but thank God he recognized
your wife, so he let us in.
Didn't seem to like
my face, though.
He didn't want
to give me a badge.
What a jerk.
So now it's your turn.
Where are you?
I'll let you in on a secret.
I'm still at your home,
in a way.
I wasn't exactly
lying to you earlier.
I'm at your home.
This is your second home,
after all.
We're gonna have some fun.
Dear listeners, you're about
to hear the last 40 minutes
in the history of Elvis's show.
In 40 minutes, that's 4-0...
boom!
[beeping]
You're gonna blow up the door.
Why?
The door? [laughs]
No. I respect your show, Elvis.
It deserves some sparkle.
You should check
your social media.
Man, I'm excited.
In the army, I was an explosive
ordnance disposal specialist.
I miss fireworks.
[typing]
He's gonna blow everything up.
Windows, the door,
the basement, the garage.
Everything is wired to blow.
If only Lauren could see this.
On the other hand,
she'd probably tell me
just to blow it all up
right away.
She didn't like to play games,
but you never understood that.
Seems like a lot of work, Gary.
How'd you set all that up?
I could have done it better,
trust me. I didn't have much time.
Should do the trick anyway.
With a bit of luck,
the explosions
will bring down
this whole building.
[Dylan] Elvis.
I don't wanna die here.
Well, if we don't wanna die,
we gotta fight.
He's in the building.
We can get him.
You hear that, Gary?
He's right, Dylan, really.
I said it was a game,
and I'm gonna follow the rules.
Military code of honor.
You have a chance.
If you find me,
I won't blow up the building.
I'll let you go,
and I'll just kill Elvis.
Well, then show yourself,
you slippery son of a bitch!
Let my girls go, okay?
You don't need 'em.
They're just a liability for you.
It's just you and me.
Man up.
If you're a real man,
come down here,
duke it out with me, okay?
We'll settle this!
I'm too old to play fuckin'
hide-and-seek, all right?
Are you done?
I don't think you get it.
Instead of wasting your time
talking shit,
why don't you try to find me
and save your family?
All right, we'll do it
the fuckin' hard way.
This could have made
a great movie.
[imitating announcer] "The bad
guy's hiding somewhere in the building,
the good guy is looking for him.
And then they all blow up!
The end."
What do you think?
I think you need a rewrite.
Sounds like a real stinker.
[groaning]
[Elvis]
What's the fuck's going on?
Come on. Ton...
Tony? What the hell is this?
[Dylan] What, you know him?
Yes. It's Tony. He's been
working here for 20 years.
I didn't know it was you,
Mr. Elvis. I'm sorry.
What the hell got into you, attacking
him like that? I don't know him!
You know, I couldn't see shit.
I just saw the dead guard
at the entrance.
So I hid in the dark.
And when you guys came in,
I just jumped on the first guy.
What if he works for Gary and he's
lying because he couldn't take me out?
Out of the question, I've
known this guy since forever.
When you guys came in,
I just assumed
you were part of his team.
Whose team?
The fucking crazy guy's team.
The guy that came around
with the woman and the little girl?
Elvis, I couldn't see anything.
It was super dark.
It was fuzzy.
Yeah, but I do remember
he was wearing a hat.
That I do.
And his eyes.
I could never forget his eyes.
I mean, he... this guy looks as if he
just escaped a fucking mental asylum.
I mean, he's totally cuckoo.
Why the hell didn't you
get out of here?
I did, I tried...
I-I... I tried to leave
through the parking lot area,
just to find that it was
full with explosives.
A whole door... I mean, the
whole building for that matter,
it's filled with explosives,
I mean, just, you know...
What's going on, Elvis?
I mean, come on.
Are we all going to die?
[Gary] I am loving this.
What a shit show!
You okay, Elvis?
Little Dylan still in one piece?
I hadn't planned
on Tony showing up.
Tony, my man! I remember you.
What a nice guy.
Well, apparently
I'm getting warmer.
You went by here
recently too, huh?
Hold on a second, though.
It's no fair if Tony's joining
your team all of a sudden.
Is he talking into
your headphones right now?
What's he saying?
There's no room
for an extra player.
Kill him.
Kill that son of a bitch.
I'm not killing anybody.
Tony will sit in a corner and he
won't say another fucking word, okay?
He's not coming with us.
No, Tony wasn't part of my plan.
He was supposed to clock out
at 10:00 p.m.
What the hell's he still
doing here anyway?
You get out of here, walk away,
just get out of here.
No, that's not okay.
This is pissing me off, Elvis.
Ask him what he's doing here.
Okay, he wants to know
what you're doing here,
why you didn't leave
at 10:00 p.m.
Me?
You were supposed to leave
at 10:00 p.m., right? Yeah.
What the hell
are you still doing here?
This is fishy.
Uh...
If he doesn't answer,
kill that son of a bitch.
I'll tell you.
You know, I finished my shift.
There were some areas
that I had to finish,
that I...
had to take care of,
and-and I wanted to take a walk
around the office before I did.
That's... That's it.
You're lying.
What's your problem?
No, you tell me what you're
doing here. Tell me now.
Elvis... What the fuck
is up? Tell me now!
Ah, now we got some action.
Elvis is getting angry.
No, wait. He's the guy
stealing the computers,
the one you were
talking about on air.
Tony?
You been stealing from us?
I'm really sorry, Elvis.
I really am.
You see, my wife is very
sick over in Spain, and...
I need it desperately.
I needed the cash.
I'm not doing anything wrong.
It's my cousin that sells them.
I just give it to him. He gives
me a little cut every time.
But it's only the sales team's
computer that I take.
I mean, I never ever even dream
of touching one of yours, I swear.
You gotta believe me.
We're not gonna let him get
away with this, Elvis, are we?
Ticktock.
Ticktock!
Ticktock, time is running out.
Kill this fucking thief
and come find me.
Tony, go upstairs and
hide in the studio, okay?
W-We'll settle this later, okay?
Go on, pal, get outta here.
Thank you, Elvis.
I owe you.
Elvis! What a mensch!
A true hero.
If it were me,
I'd have taken him out,
but you, you are a class act.
What Hollywood actor do you think would
play you in the movie of our game, huh?
Tom Cruise?
I'd cast Joaquin Phoenix as me.
Tonight, I'm kind of a joker.
[imitating the Joker's laugh]
"I have a condition!"
[laughing]
I like silence.
Cold!
Hot.
I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.
Getting warmer.
Not in there.
Okay, okay, okay.
This isn't supposed
to take all night.
And since I'm a nice guy, here's
some help from someone special.
Go on, sweetie.
Give Daddy a clue.
[Adria] Daddy, I'm in a closet
with some toys.
[Gary] Oh, now, that's too easy.
Hyah!
[door bangs]
It's Adria's.
He's doing this
to drive you crazy.
Now, isn't that cute?
Dear listeners,
let me set the scene.
Shock jock Elvis clutching
a plush toy covered in blood,
and newbie Dylan who looks
like he's about to lose it.
And see, from where I'm sitting,
I'm lucky enough
to watch the whole scene.
He's been watching us
from the start.
I know where the son
of a bitch is hiding.
He can only be in the
camera room in the basement.
Okay, so let's call
the police to save time.
We don't have the luxury
of time.
He's a madman.
I've dealt with kooks
like this for 30 years.
He's the type
to go through with it.
He'll kill my girls
unless we stop him. Okay?
By the time the cops get here,
fuck, it's hopeless.
He just wants to knock
everyone off and then do himself.
We don't stand a chance.
This won't end well. No.
Elvis, no secret powwows.
Turn your mic back on.
Listen, you don't have
to come with me,
but I think it's safer
if we stick together.
I know a way
where there's no cameras.
We can sneak up on him
in the basement.
Elvis,
think about your listeners.
We are live on the air!
Turn your microphone back on.
Okay, I'll play.
I'll bet you're somewhere
in the upper floors, am I right?
[laughs] Maybe.
Yeah, I'm comin', numb nuts.
Stop! Wait!
Hang on.
We have to hurry.
There's no camera down here.
He'll be looking for us
on the other side
and realize we're not there.
Come on.
Hey, guys, you're supposed
to find me, remember,
not the other way around.
But, hey, I'm not against
spicing things up.
Come on, give me a clue.
[singsongy] Elvis
Hey, Gary, I'm coming
upstairs to find ya, you sick puke.
There's the security cameras
in that room.
He's in there.
Where are you hiding?
[mouthing words]
[whispering] One, two...
Go!
All right.
Turn around or I'll brain ya.
You son of a bitch!
[objects clatter]
[Gary] Did you really think I'd be in
there when I can hack into any camera?
I have a knack for computers.
And frankly, breaking into
a 25-year-old security system
was easier than stealing
my sister's Netflix password.
I've got all the cameras
right here on a tablet.
Elvis.
Yoo-hoo!
Oh, hey, you're welcome,
by the way.
Uh, Elvis, yoo-hoo!
What an ingrate.
You could at least thank me.
Thank you for what? Well, you
never liked that asshole Justin, did you?
This will make it easier for
you to get his 8:00 p.m. slot.
No more sleepless nights
talking to freaks.
How come you don't look happy?
Nothing's ever good enough
for you, is it?
Why don't you tell me
where you are
so I can come
and thank you personally?
Nah, you can thank me later.
Knock it off, will ya?
Son of a bitch.
You're right, Elvis.
It's time for a break.
And you know what? There's
something I've always dreamed of doing.
What's it like to swap places
with the king of radio?
[Gary clears throat]
Ahh!
Now I have a beautiful voice.
He's in the studio.
Oh, fuck. Mary. Steve.
Go!
Dear listeners,
you have a new host tonight,
and it's about time.
Finally, someone loyal.
He's powered off the elevators.
Oh, Elvis, I'm sorry. The
elevators seem to be out of order.
Just can't catch a break, huh?
Fuck.
Mary?
Guys. How you doing?
You okay?
[Gary] "Mary?
Guys, how you doing? You okay?"
Seriously, what kind of
a two-bit operation is this?
There's no one left
at the wheel.
Thank God I showed up, right?
Hey, we should redo the jingles.
[imitating announcer]
"Gary, tonight, 'On the Line.'"
I think it's gonna be a hit.
[Elvis] Yeah, knock yourself
out, buddy. I'm on my way.
[Gary] Take your time, Elvis.
Just don't be late.
Thirteen minutes.
It's loaded.
I can't... I can't.
Hey, Dylan, pull it together.
You can't slack off now.
I need you, boy.
[officer]
Put down your weapon, now!
Officer, this is
all a misunderstanding.
[chatter on police radio]
Everything's fine.
I don't have time to explain.
I gotta go upstairs.
There's a madman up there
with my wife and daughter!
I said put down your weapons!
It's Elvis.
It's the radio star.
You're gonna screw
everything up, Officer.
I'm really sorry,
but I gotta go.
Don't move!
Dispatch, I have two
individuals, one armed,
at the bottom
of the KLAT-FM building.
There's one man down.
Requesting backup.
[dispatcher responding]
You haven't heard, or what?
Why don't you call one of your
higher-IQ buddies at the station?
We're being attacked
by a madman.
I'm not talkin' to you!
You're gonna put down
that weapon. I'm coming in.
Don't. You can't come in.
[beeping]
Oh, I'm coming in.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
No, please, please don't.
[beeping]
Don't... Don't touch that door!
Put down your fuckin' weapons!
[Dylan] Elvis!
Do as he says.
Huh?
Okay, okay!
I'm putting it down.
Back away from the door
or we all die!
Shut up!
[dispatcher]
Officer Glen. Stand back.
Do not enter the building.
I repeat, this is an order.
Do not enter the building.
Backup will arrive
in two minutes.
Copy that.
What should I do?
Nothing. You stay put.
The situation
is extremely dangerous.
Dispatch is handling it.
SWAT is on its way.
[chatter on police radio]
[coughing]
[Gary] Freeze! Stop moving!
Hey, you guys deaf or what?
I said stop.
Okay, okay, we're stopped.
We're gonna sit down
right here, okay?
Good.
Okay.
Oh, fuck!
Now, as much as I'm enjoying
watching you scurry around like mice,
I wonder if our listeners
aren't getting a little bored.
So let's play a game.
I've stopped the clock, and
I'm going to give you the chance
to win ten bonus minutes!
All you have to do
is crack the code.
What code?
Oh, it's simple.
You have four people
on your team.
Mary and Steven
are right here with me,
even if they are a bit
"tied up" at the moment.
And then there's Dylan and you.
Four players, four chances.
I'm going to give you
three numbers,
and you have to find
the correct order.
If you don't,
you lose ten minutes
and one of you
will be disciplined.
Gary, I don't wanna play
this fucking game.
Shut your mouth and play!
Okay, okay, calm down.
Keep your shorts on.
Excellent!
Let's start with Steven.
Come on over
to the microphone, Steven.
These are the numbers:
One, two and three.
What order do you want to try?
[Steven] Don't come up!
He's crazy! It's a trap!
It's a fuckin' trap!
[punches landing,
Steven groaning]
[Gary] You guys aren't off
to a very good start.
Fortunately Steven
won't be opening his mouth
to talk any more shit.
It's time to move on to the second
member of your team... Mary.
Come on down.
Remember, we have three numbers:
One, two and three.
Well, Mary,
you'd better not screw this up.
Steven has endangered the team
by acting like an asshole.
[Mary whimpering] So
think hard now, Mary, and...
[Mary, frightened]
Three...
two... one.
[game buzzes]
[Gary] No dice!
But well played.
Two more chances.
Elvis, over to you.
Two, three, one.
[game chiming]
[buzzes]
Nope! So, it's not two, three,
one. It's not three, two, one.
Don't shit yourself, Dylan.
Mathematically, there are only
four possible combinations left.
It's your turn.
I'm not gonna tell you what
I've got planned if you lose
because I don't wanna put
too much pressure on you,
but, uh, if you don't
crack that code,
Mary might not thank you.
[Gary snickers]
Well?
One...
three...
two.
[victory flourish plays]
Bravo!
One, three, two is correct!
You've won an extra...
You can take your time
coming upstairs.
I'll be waiting for you
to music.
Maestro, take it away!
["Ave Maria" playing]
Wait, wait!
[Elvis] There's no time.
We gotta go.
I'm dead.
If we reach the top
out of breath,
we'll be good for nothing.
Steven's right, it's a trap.
Stairs, corridors...
Gary's got it all figured out.
You're right, we'll be walking
right into the lion's den.
From the start, he's wanted you
to go down to reception.
He knew you'd stop
at the video room on the way
and he knew he could take
your place at the microphone
and still make you
come back up... why?
Why? 'Cause he's having fun.
He wants me to suffer.
Most lunatics don't see
their crazy plans through,
but this guy, we got a hold of
a bona fide psychopathic killer.
I'm sorry I dragged you
into this, kid, really I am,
but we gotta go,
there's nothing else for it.
What's gonna happen up there?
I don't know.
He'll be expecting us to come
through the stairway door,
and then he'll probably...
Fuck.
We got to find a different way.
Oh... Oh.
Oh, come on!
It's not there. We've
still got one floor to go.
Yeah.
[straining]
[lever clicks]
Okay.
[straining]
Come on, kid.
[metallic clanging]
[woman singing "Ave Maria"]
[straining]
Okay.
Oh, shit!
[Gary] Ah, the dulcet tones of
opera never did anybody any harm.
Let's take a moment to catch up
with our favorite idiot, Elvis.
[whispering] I don't see
Olivia or Adria anywhere,
but he's got Mary tied up.
Fuck. Okay. Now he's
probably expecting us to...
Oh, fuck!
Fuck!
This is my fault.
I told him to come up here.
He's expecting us
to come from the stairway.
We'll run in this door,
get in behind him,
we'll jump him, and then...
What?
I don't think I can do this.
["Ave Maria" continues]
Okay, okay. Listen.
Look, you take this, all right?
You're gonna need it more.
Give me the box cutter.
And then we'll both...
Well, I'll go in,
I'll get control of him.
You run around the back
to the other door
and get the drop on him
that way, okay,
and try and find
my family, all right?
Okay.
Okay.
You ready? I'm
depending on you. Okay.
One, two, three, go!
Game's up, Gary. It's all over.
[Gary, laughing] I finally
get to meet the star in person.
I swear, if you don't tell me
where they are,
I'm gonna...
You're gonna what?
Huh?
Slit my throat on the air?
At least everybody
will see your true colors.
Listen up, ladies and gentlemen, Elvis
is about to kill somebody live on the air.
Bad luck, it's me.
This will be Elvis's
second murder.
First he killed Lauren,
because yes,
it is your fault
she committed suicide.
Now he's after
the helpless boyfriend.
The good news is, something's finally
happening on this boring-ass show.
[chuckles]
Dylan.
Cut Mary loose, and, Mary,
when he does that,
get us off the air, okay?
Oh, no, no, no,
that's a bad idea.
You don't wanna do that.
[device beeps]
What's that?
You're gonna laugh.
If you kill me,
I'll have to drop this,
and if the button comes up,
bada boom!
What kind of B-grade
movie bullshit is this?
[Gary] You didn't think I was gonna let you
come up here and ruin the end of the show?
I figured somebody
would catch me eventually.
This is my
"get out of jail free" card.
[beeping]
[phone ringing]
Ah, right on time.
[ringing]
The game might
not be over just yet.
[ringing]
I'd get that
if I were you, Elvis.
[ringing]
[Elvis] Mary.
Put it on speaker.
[ringing]
[man] Hello?
Good day, sir.
Thank you for your call.
How are you today?
[man]
Can you introduce yourself?
Politeness would dictate that the
caller should introduce himself first,
though I think I actually
know who you are.
And thank you because
you've called at a great time.
I'm Bruce, LAPD SWAT team.
Pleased to meet you,
Mr. Bruce. My name is Gary...
Shut the fuck up, Gary.
Bruce, this is Elvis.
I got a hold of a guy
here in the studio
who's already killed or
kidnapped several people already.
He stashed my wife
and daughter someplace.
I don't know where
the fuck they are.
And he's holding a device,
says he's gonna blow
the entire building up.
I don't know if it's true or
not. I think it could be bullshit.
[Bruce] We're aware
of the situation. I'm sorry.
We found your wife
and daughter on the terrace,
and... and, uh...
What, what? What, what?
Did you kill them?
Did you fucking kill them?
[Bruce] We have a problem.
[laughing]
That's for sure.
What the hell is going on?
Are they dead?
[Bruce] No. No, they're alive.
I'm not a monster.
You're projecting
your own personality onto me.
[Elvis] Well, then
what's the problem?
[Bruce] They're tied up with
explosives we can't identify.
Bomb squad's on its way,
and this phone number was written
on a piece of paper taped to them,
so I called it.
[Gary snickering]
You sick motherfucker.
And you're a smart guy so I
think you can guess what'll happen
if I lift my finger
off the detonator?
We'll have fireworks
up on the terrace.
So, please, be so kind as to
put down the knife and go sit.
It's you I've come for,
not them.
So trust me.
[Elvis] Trust you.
Yeah, you could use
a little more trust.
Okay, you have two options:
either you kill me
and I blow up Adria and Olivia,
or you can be reasonable
and go sit the fuck down.
No.
Bruce, these explosives.
Can they be deactivated?
[sighs] I don't know,
I'm telling you.
Never seen anything
like it in my life.
It's got a motion detector,
so if they move,
I think it might
set off the bomb and...
and there's a digital
keypad for a code.
I'm assuming Gary
knows the code.
Gary?
Yes, I can give you that code.
But first tell Elvis to remove
his fucking knife from my throat.
It's sharp.
Oh, kid, it's no use.
Can't you see this has
nothing to do with you?
Same as for the knife.
You shoot me,
and the terrace goes boom.
So does the parking lot,
the reception, everything.
That's what I call
ending the show with a bang.
No use, kid, drop it.
That's right, Dylan.
Listen to Daddy.
Drop the gun.
Oh, okay, you wanna be a hero?
Okay, I've got an idea.
Why don't we remove the
explosive vests from Adria and Olivia
and put them on you instead?
You can save the widow
and the orphan.
You'll go down in the
history books, man. [chuckles]
Now, there's a slight chance
you'll get blown up in the process,
but, uh, I think it's
worth it, don't you?
Hey, put the vests on me.
It's me you want.
Let me wear all
your crappy explosives
and let these others go,
they're innocent.
But that's no fun, Elvis.
No, the fun part
is making you choose:
who would you rather
wear the vests,
your wife and daughter
or the new kid?
Oh, my God.
I've got another idea.
Let's draw straws.
Elvis, you get to choose
who wears the vests.
I am gonna write down
the name of each person,
uh, except my own, of course.
I'm not that crazy.
All right, Elvis,
you do the honors.
It's me.
Wow. That is classy.
I'd applaud, but that
would blow everything up.
Don't fuck with me, Elvis.
Tell us the truth.
It's me.
Now, how is that possible?
Luck has spoken.
Dylan, you are the winner
and tonight's superhero.
Now, why don't you
hand over that gun?
Officer Bruce, you still there?
I'm gonna give you the
deactivation codes for the two vests.
Then you're gonna carry them
down to us very carefully,
because they're fragile.
Now, remember,
if I drop this detonator,
all the other bombs
are going to blow up.
[Bruce] Okay, Gary,
I'm listening.
For Olivia,
060877 and the star key.
For Adria,
[Bruce] Okay. Thanks.
[keypad beeping over phone]
No, hold on, shit.
It's the other way around.
Um, 040478 is Olivia,
060877 is Adria.
[Bruce] Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
I guess we're about to find out.
[keypad beeping]
Beep... beep-beep-beep.
[beeping]
[Bruce] It's okay.
It looks like the vests
have been deactivated.
What a relief. To be honest, I
wasn't 100% sure about those codes.
I'm glad this worked out.
[Bruce] Everything's fine.
Olivia and Adria are safe.
We're evacuating them now.
Okay, Bruce, but hurry up.
My hand's starting to cramp.
I don't know how much longer
I can hold onto this thing.
Thanks.
For what? You know
I'm gonna kill you, right?
For letting my family go.
Gary, we all understand
your misfortune.
But you don't
have to kill anybody.
Tonight, all our listeners heard
what he did to Lauren.
Everyone understands
how you feel.
If you keep Elvis alive,
he'll have to live with himself.
After all, he's to blame
for everyone who died tonight.
We can agree on that.
[Gary] Exactly.
This is all his fault.
He's the one to blame.
If you let us all go, we'll
remember only your pain and mercy.
Everyone will understand what
you went through in the army.
The public will be on your side.
But if you kill him,
that'll end it all.
If Lauren were here,
right at this moment,
she'd tell you
that you did well.
Elvis has played
some nasty tricks on me too.
The worst jokes since I
started working here.
I can imagine what Lauren felt.
Really. Thank you.
You've got the message out.
Tomorrow Elvis won't
have a show anymore.
But that's it.
That's enough.
It's time to stop, okay?
That's good, Gary.
[Bruce]
I'm upstairs at the door.
I'm alone.
All right, come on in, Bruce,
and no funny business
or I'm gonna shoot Elvis
and I'll blow it all to hell.
Calm down, Gary. Remember...
Shut the fuck up!
That was all empty talk.
You were leading me on,
weren't you?
No.
Shh!
Gary.
See?
I'm here.
I'm not armed.
Everything's fine.
Why don't you help Dylan get
dressed? I think he's a little bit cold.
Good.
I'm sorry, kid.
It's gonna be all right.
[Gary] Hurry it up, Bruce.
Now, on vest number one,
enter 040478.
[tone sounds]
Vest number two.
[tone sounds]
Okay, Gary. This whole
place is surrounded.
We all want this to end well.
We'd like to offer you a deal.
[gunshot]
[Mary screams]
Boring!
God! Oh!
I just... I just don't know
how this can end, guys.
It's not looking good, though,
is it?
Not looking good at all.
You know what? Fuck it.
Let's free our listeners
from this never-ending show.
Elvis, let me just say you are the
world's worst fucking radio host.
Now let's end this
with fireworks.
[screams]
No!
[laughing]
That was a riot!
[laughter]
[Gary] That was amazing.
[laughing]
[Mary] How the hell
did we pull that off?
Whoo!
[Elvis] I think we just...
[Mary] Insane. Insane.
...performed the greatest prank
in the history of this show!
[laughter]
My dear listeners.
I'm sorry if we gave you
a huge scare.
But this whole thing, this entire
thing was just one big hoax.
Yes, that's right.
[crew whooping, cheering]
Yes!
We were screwing with you,
that's right.
We're a bunch
of dirty deceivers.
And I'm sure his fans
recognized him from the very start.
Gary was played by none other
than James Steel,
the king of the Internet!
I think he slept with Bezos
to get the title.
Yeah! What an actor.
What a performance.
That was really amazing.
In fact, it was so good,
I was in on it,
I thought you'd snapped.
[James]
Hey, what's up, everybody?
That was one crazy trip,
and you know you'll be
finding all the videos
posted to my social media
tomorrow.
Yes, that's right,
we filmed it all!
[whooping and cheering]
I just wanna give
another shout out to my man,
who we devised this prank for
over the past several weeks.
The one and only Dylan!
[cheering]
[whooping]
[Elvis] Yeah!
And, Olivia, get your
talented ass over here.
All right, that was
incredible! Oh, my God.
This is a very gifted actress
called Carole Weyers.
And she not only did Olivia
but the voice of Adria.
[high-pitched]
"Daddy, please save me!"
[laughter]
And a big bravo
to Richard Anderson,
who played
our very credible SWAT guy.
You really were
pretty scared, man.
[Mary, laughing] Yeah.
And, of course, we warned LA
and Pasadena's PD in advance.
We gotta keep our cops
kosher, right?
So, let me clarify
that no police were involved,
hurt or made to look worse
than they actually are.
[laughter]
So...
By the way, Mary and I...
we're actually
not sleeping together.
[others] Oh!
Yet.
[scattered laughter]
I have a rule:
no men over 80 years old.
Oh, yeah, you don't want old age
creeping up on you.
And Justin back from the dead!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Must eat your brain!
My brains, aw,
it's a very small thing.
You know you got off
on watching me dead.
Oh, yeah, I want
your fuckin' slot, man,
but you know I love you,
buddy, I love you.
But you did say,
"Go fuck yourself."
You didn't mean that, did you?
Oh, I meant it.
I was kind of hurt by that.
I'm a big fan of yours,
you know that.
I was really proud to be a part
of this. Thanks. What a suck-up.
I'd like to say something.
I'd like to say something
if I may.
You know,
I really want to apologize
for having attacked poor Dylan.
Yeah, dude,
what were you thinking?
You freaked me out.
You were supposed to attack me.
I don't know. Listen,
I just got carried away.
I mean,
I was so excited. Sorry.
This is Tony, played by Tony.
[whooping and cheering]
A very highly strung
performance there.
Tony's one of the crazy actors
who's been working
with me for years.
Elvis, this is one of the best
shows of my life, thank you.
Dylan, we promised
to make you feel welcome,
and I think, I think we've done
just that, yeah, don't you?
But the real question is,
after all of this...
will we see you back
in the studio tomorrow
or are you gonna just go away
and hate us for the rest of your life?
[crew] Awww!
[Elvis] Aw, come on!
[Mary] Dylan!
[Justin] Maybe we went too far.
Dylan.
Dylan.
Dylan, come on, bro.
Come on.
[Justin]
Dylan. Don't be that guy.
[Elvis] Hey, buddy!
[group sighing]
[Elvis] Buddy!
You're better than that.
Dylan, come on, dude.
Dylan? Dylan?
Come on back.
Let's be live, baby.
Tell us what you thought
of all this.
I mean, we really worked
our asses off for you, kid.
Oh, come on!
Oh, come on.
[Mary] Yes!
[Justin] Probably
crossed the line there.
Hey.
Hey, Carole, the mic.
Come on, Dylan.
Don't get mad, get even.
All right?
Hey, say a few words
to the listeners.
Come on, kid, speak up.
Come on, kid, it's your moment.
Let's go.
Come on, dude.
Hey, Dylan, man up, come on.
We've all had to change our
shorts more than once this year.
Hey, what...?
Whoa!
Holy shit!
Oh, my God!
Dylan!
Call 911!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Shit.
[Mary gasping]
He's dead.
What?
[gasps]
[distant siren wailing]
We're taking away the body.
We will need you
for the deposition.
Please go home
so we can find you.
There are dozens of journalists
and press out the front.
You should go through the back.
Go home to Olivia and Adria.
How many times did I warn you?
I told you it was too much.
You killed him, Elvis.
It's your fault.
You did this.
He was just a kid.
For years I've been telling you to
put some limits on your practical jokes,
but no, it was never
enough for you.
I knew it. I fucking knew
it would end badly.
I don't even have to fire you
because your career is over now.
I'm done.
I won't ever go
on the mic again.
Where are you going now?
Home.
No, no, no, no.
Come here. Come here.
Reporters are crawling
everywhere.
The bloodsuckers
are waiting by your car.
Come on, get in.
I'll take you home. Get in.
Fuck, Elvis!
The media will get you.
And your family too.
I won't be surprised
if they leave you.
You'll probably be serving time.
You're gonna need a fucking
good lawyer, that's for sure.
Okay, I need to calm down now.
Max, please, turn on the radio.
[reporter] As we said earlier,
breaking news.
From what we know, something
happened during the night
at the KLAT-FM radio station.
Stay here.
We'll explain it
in details later,
but I was told that
radio star Elvis Cooney
is apparently listening
to the radio...
Face it.
...right now.
And we have a very important
message for him.
Elvis, happy birthday.
Happy birthday to you
Surprise.
Happy birthday!
[Sam laughing]
Happy birthday, honey.
Dylan!
[Dylan laughing]
What the...?
You motherfuckers.
You motherfuckers!
We got ya!
Oh, Jesus!
[laughing]
[cheering]
You! Come here.
I'm glad you're still alive.
I really am, I'm glad, kid.
Actually, it's Max.
Horse falls, car stunts,
and, uh... staircases.
[laughter]
Kind of a Stuntman 101.
And we threw in
a few little extras.
Like that fight with Tony.
[Elvis] Oh.
Ah, you!
[Tony laughing]
When Mary told us she wanted
to trap the next newbie,
I called James and we came up
with this beautiful happy ending.
Happy birthday!
[Elvis] Mary!
[laughter]
Happy birthday, you prick!
You should have seen your face!
Oh, you were fucked up.
Say "cheese," Elvis.
You know this reaction shot
is going viral.
Yay! Yes, yes!
You fuckin' got me!
You're all a bunch
of complicit assholes, okay?
Sleep with one eye open because
my revenge will be ruthless.
[crew] Ohh!
Now, it is time for bed, yeah?
Yes.
So we'll leave you
with the final word.
What do you wanna say?
I'll have the final word,
all right. Um...
I'll see you all tomorrow.
[Carole laughs]
Things are gonna get crazy.
[whooping and cheering]
["I Got U On the Line" playing]
I've got you on the line
I beg you to take your time
So we can talk
For a while
Please don't hang up now
Let me see you
End this doubt
Keep me
And love around
[electronic music playing]