One Last Trip (2025) Movie Script
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
Morning, babe.
Morning, I made you your coffee.
Thanks.
So, it's Friday.
Your big boy's trip is
tomorrow, are you excited?
Yeah, but it's a little
bittersweet, you know?
I get it, I mean,
this is the last time
you'll get to hang out with them
for a while, but at
least you can still play with them online.
It's just not the same.
Well, once we get settled in,
you'll be able to make some new friends.
Yeah, but I've been with
these guys all my life.
They're practically like
brothers of me, you know?
Well, try to think of the positive.
I mean, this is your dream job,
the career you've always wanted,
and you worked so hard for
it, it's finally happening.
Yeah, it's definitely
worth it, just difficult.
Things will get easier, I love you.
Love you too.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
Oh, hey, don't forget to
shoot them a reminder text,
especially Lee, you know how he can get
wrapped up in his projects.
Yeah, I will.
All right, I love you.
Love you too.
Bye.
I don't know what's wrong with my website.
No, I hear you, sir, just,
I'm getting everything right now, okay?
It was working fine the other day.
I hear you, you know,
I know this can be a
little bit frustrating.
I'm logging into your
control panel right now.
Hello, are you still there?
Oh, yep, yep, I'm here, sir,
just go ahead and stand
by, I'm almost finished here.
(thud)
(thud)
(shuffling)
Hey fucker! Answer your phone!
(metal chair being
dragged across the floor)
Why don't you answer your phone?
What are you lurking around for? You
scared the shit out of me!
Well your phone keeps going fucking off.
Dude we're never gonna get
this finish, you can wait.
Isn't that about your camping trip?
Yeah but I don't really want to go.
Well isn't your friend going out of town?
Yeah but I don't know why
they want to go camping.
You have to sleep on the ground, there's
mosquitoes everywhere, it's
gonna be a fucking nightmare.
Well when you poop don't let
a snake bite you in the ass.
Fuck you.
Hey, I have some lemonade.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
How are things going?
Yeah, just finishing up this planting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm getting a text real quick.
Is that about your boys only trip?
Yeah, that's tomorrow.
Should be a good time.
All packed up, ready to go.
But I'm going to miss Shawn, though.
Of course.
Don't be concerned about Shawn leaving.
Just try and enjoy the trip.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
I think it'll be a good time.
You know, I'm hoping to find some ya upon
and make some tea all about there.
Exactly.
Stay positive.
You never know.
Maybe you'll find some snakes.
That would be epic.
You know, I understand your love for
nature and the outdoors.
But snakes, I'll never understand.
Well, they're just so chill.
You know, they're interesting.
There's so many varieties.
And where we're going,
there'll be coral snakes,
maybe even buttermilk racers.
You know, I just don't get it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALARM RINGING]
Oh.
[ALARM RINGING]
[PHONE BEING PUT ON TABLE]
Oh.
Coffee?
I'll get it going.
[SHEETS RUSTLING]
[GROANING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You all packed up?
Yeah.
Should be good to go.
You guys are going to have so much fun.
Actually, what time are
they supposed to get here?
They should be here any minute.
[DOOR BELL]
They're here.
Behave.
And please don't get
eaten by any mountain lions.
Oh, but the feral hogs, rabid rabbits,
and disgruntled squirrels are OK?
Maybe you should bring a gun.
No guns for this trip.
Just the axe and some
of the tools we need.
I'd better go.
All right.
Be safe.
Love you.
Love you.
Morning, bud.
Hey, morning, man.
Where are those other clowns?
You know somebody's
always got to be late,
but they should be here any minute.
Yeah.
Well, give me your pack, man.
Yeah.
I'll start strapping these down.
Sounds good.
Look at that.
They're here now.
No, dude, because it's fucking stupid.
I wanted to go to Vegas.
I would have even settled for Branson.
But you guys are like,
no, it's Shawn's pick,
because he's the one moving away.
He wants to go camping.
This is so fucking stupid.
So now we're going to
be in a hot, dusty tent,
sweating my ass off with you assholes.
Listen, all you do is fucking bitch?
That's all you do.
How's it going, fellas?
Hi.
It's too fucking early for all of this.
You got to bitch the entire time.
Yeah, probably.
What's up, boys?
How you doing?
Good to see you.
So I got this coffee, right?
I ground it myself.
It's going to be phenomenal.
You got some gourmet shit for us?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll try it, but I
prefer some relaxing tea.
Tea?
When the fuck did you
become an Englishman?
Would you like some crumpets, my lord?
No, man.
Coffee is where it's at.
We're going to drink
that shit cowboy style.
Cowboy style?
What the hell is that?
Well, it's where you take
the grounds, the really coarse
grounds, and you put them
in the water and everything,
and then you just kind of...
Once they sink to the bottom,
you just drink it like that.
I prefer my French press.
Yeah, cool.
Hey, did anyone bring a poop tent?
A poop tent?
What is that?
It's like a little pop-up
tent that you use to shit in the
woods when you go camping.
The military uses 'em.
No, man.
It's called a pup tent.
That doesn't make any sense.
You poop in it, so it's a poop tent.
It's that now.
None of us brought a
pop tent or a poop tent.
We're going into the woods.
Just dig a hole in
crap in it, cover it up.
And for the love of God, use some hand
sanitizer afterwards.
And don't wipe your
ass with poison ivy, too.
And you need to watch out for snakes.
That's disgusting.
Aside from being a boy's
trip, part of the idea of this is
that we up our survival skills
at least a little bit in case
shit ever goes down.
If anything ever goes
down, we're not just going to
abandon our homes and our families and go
rough it out in the woods.
I mean, yeah, you're right.
But at least having some
skills beyond what we've got
now would be good.
I think I could do it.
I'd go out and stay in the woods.
Yeah, but you don't have a family or
children or anything
who would miss you.
No.
I have a daughter.
And you've met her many times.
I don't think that's right.
Regardless, as long as my bitch of an
ex-wife doesn't come, I
think I'll be all right.
Yeah, I'm really upset
about the poop tent thing, guys.
Y'all ready for this?
Sure.
Let's go.
Let's go.
That was fucking loud.
I got shotgun.
Of course you do.
Don't worry, man.
The house and her will still
be here when we get back.
Yeah.
I know.
Of all the things to
do, you chose camping.
Well, it's going to be a long
drive, so you guys want to
hear all the things I'd
rather be doing than going camping?
We could have video
chatted this whole thing.
We could have even had
little camping backgrounds on our
screens. We wouldn't have even had to
leave the house. You know he's got a point.
We could have all got
matching tattoos like I've been
talking about.
He'll say bros in old
English across our chest.
That would have been fun.
More fun than camping.
Why would you want to go do that?
You guys know I always wanted to go to
Tijuana and see one of
those donkey shows just
to see if they're real.
And one time, Sean said he
thought it would be neat.
So we could have done
that instead of going fucking
camping.
Dude, I would not do that with
you. We could have played shot shots
like we did in the last couple of
days. We could have played shot
shots like we used to when we
were kids where we'd all do
whiskey shots and shoot stuff
with Sean's guns.
That would have been fun.
Much funner than camping.
Or even one of those nude
fuck resorts down in Jamaica.
Where people are just
walking around with dongs out.
That would have been more fun than camping.
Come on man, this is our last
trip before Sean moves away.
Leprosy, Pioderma gangrenosum,
Marburgobola, Cervical
Cancer, Dangu fever, Raccoon
roundworms, Proteus syndrome,
AIDS, full blown, Huntington's disease,
Lungstones, syphilis,
Anal fistulas, Necrotizing
fasciitis, Acute radiation
syndrome, most of the cancers,
Lewin-Bodie dementia,
and any kind of blood-borne pathogen.
Yeah, I think that's it.
I would rather have any of
those things than go on this
stupid camping trip.
Anybody bring some whippets?
[music]
No cell phone reception,
just like I thought.
Technology detox.
I think I should keep mine though.
We could have an emergency and get lost,
or need to order pizza.
So I should just hang on to it.
Look, we all agreed.
That's a technology detox, and cell
phones go in the box.
Been the plan all along.
I didn't agree to any of this.
And I think it's stupid.
So what's the plan?
Well, we're going to
hike for a couple hours,
and then find a good
camping spot and set up ground.
A couple of hours.
I thought we'd do a nice little trail run
for like 15, 20 minutes,
and then do our little tent thing.
And we can make it
three or four if you like.
This is so stupid.
The trail's 100 plus miles.
People walk it all the time.
We can handle a couple of miles.
I don't walk it any time.
How are you feeling, Justin?
Ready when you guys are.
You really need to get that fixed.
It's been a while.
[Music]
I forgot how much water weighs.
Dude, no kidding.
This frickin' thermos is killing me.
Don't they put lead in those things?
Yeah.
You guys think there's snakes out here?
Oh, definitely.
Just watch your step, and
if you see one, go around it.
Didn't you buy a snake?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a boa constrictor.
Got it at the convention, but didn't tell
my girlfriend about it.
So she came home, and quite a surprise.
But she's kind of come
to like it, more or less.
Yeah, better to ask,
for forgiveness, right?
Yeah, basically.
Alright, fuck this.
We've been walking like a million hours.
I'm setting up my camp right here.
You guys can do whatever you want.
I'm really gonna bitch
about this the entire time.
He's already said yeah.
This is as good of a spot as any, I guess.
Yeah, it's a great spot.
Because it looks like the dozens of other
spots we've passed for
the past million hours.
This looks like a good clearing.
Yeah, I guess let's look around.
Yeah, yeah, right here.
(ominous music)
(laughing)
You can taste the fuel and everything.
(steak sizzling)
You are the, you are
what's wrong with society.
Mashed potatoes
(steak sizzling)
Technology detox, remember?
(laughing)
Y'all remember when we
used to come out here as kids?
Those were good times.
Yeah, that was so long ago.
Yeah, it was goddamn hot
then, it's goddamn hot now.
Yeah, but it was nice,
having no responsibilities.
Just grab our bikes,
ride around the neighborhood
whenever we want.
You could still do that.
You could buy a bicycle and ride around
your new neighborhood.
Yeah, I suppose.
I do miss my dirt bike, and having Mary
Marquez on the back of it.
And she was a looker.
Gentlemen, to Shawn.
Here, here.
Fuck.
Glad you spring for the
bottom shelf plastic jug shit
for our special trip.
Dollar Store.
It's bad.
Good luck to you, Sean.
Well, good luck to you.
Thanks, guys.
Yes, Shawn.
When you get out there and
inevitably fail miserably,
and come crawling back to us,
we will be here with open arms.
Yeah, I appreciate that, Lee.
I don't think we'll be coming back.
You know, I've been thinking about it.
I haven't asked you yet.
How do you feel about the move?
Meh, it's tough, man.
I'm not gonna lie.
But in the end, it
really is for the best.
We both got relatives out there.
You know, it'd be good
to have that kind of support
when we go to start a family of our own.
Should've just stayed single like me, bro.
Can't stable this stallion.
Well, the amount of money you spend
on Women of the Night,
I don't know if you
could actually claim that.
(laughing)
Fucker.
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping)
Guys, did you freaking hear that?
(crickets chirping)
(birds chirping)
Ugh
Hey beautiful.
What's up, fellas?
Mornin.
Coffee?
Oh shit, hell yeah.
I slept all right, but man,
it took me a while to settle in.
I slept well.
My back's hurt in.
Oh. Jesus, dude.
Did you get this from a dollar store too?
Man, you wouldn't know good coffee
came up and bit you in the ass.
That shit is fucking delicious.
Sure ain't this.
Is it that bad?
Yeah, dude, here, try it.
I'm good, I'll stick with the tea.
Well, look who decided to show.
Look at this morose, motherfucker.
Look like the Walking Dead.
Oh, I feel like a bag of mashed assholes
I hate camping so much!
It's all good, man, here, have some coffee.
(laughing)
Did you grind up dried dog shit for this?
What do you mean you
don't like my coffee either?
It's really good.
No, it's so bad.
You should never, ever
make this, ever again.
Told you, man.
What's the plan?
Where are you off to, princess?
Nature's calling.
See you boys in a bit.
All right, make sure
you dig a hole, six inches.
You wouldn't know six inches.
Don't get any on your leg.
(laughing)
Is the coffee really that bad?
It's bad, dude.
You should be ashamed.
I mean, look at that.
(birds chirping)
(ominous music)
(birds chirping)
Guys, you don't have to do this.
You pathetic waste of skin.
Well, get to it.
(ominous music)
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck was that?
(ominous music)
Over there, they're watching, let's go.
Go!!
(ominous music)
So, we start like this,
and then you go around.
Hey, guys.
That was one intense shit.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
There were three guys,
they fucking killed someone.
We need to get out of here now!
What are you talking about, dude?
There were three guys,
they fucking killed someone.
They have bats, we need
to get out of here now!
No, no, no.
Just calm down, just calm down.
Dude, we have to get
out of here right now.
Don't fucking touch me.
No, we need to go.
All right, calm down.
They're following me. We don't have time.
Let's at least grab our bags.
No, dude, there's no, no, Fuck that, dude.
Guys, we have to get out right now.
It's probably some fucking guys like,
joking around
something like that, man.
It's probably just some dorks in the
woods making a movie or something.
They literally fucking killed someone.
We have to get out of here now.
Yeah.
You brought me out of here
in the middle of nowhere.
Listen to me, dude.
There are three guys coming through.
They're on their way.
They're probably just some dorks
in the woods making a movie.
Hey, dip shits, what's
the fucking problem?
Oh!
(bat hits)
Shit, let's fucking go,
let's fucking go, dude.
(ominous music)
Go, go.
(ominous music)
Where's your friends?
I don't fucking know, man.
Where's your friends?
I don't fucking know, dude.
Tell you what, if you help us out,
there'll be something in it for you later.
Which way do they go?
I don't fucking know.
Like that way, that
way, which way do they go?
Pick a way and just go.
Tell you what, you help me.
I'll help you out in the end.
You know what, man?
Just pick a direction and fucking walk,
you're never gonna fucking find 'em.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I found this machete at
your campsite, I like it.
It's beautiful, good weight.
Tell you what, I love it.
Shit
Which way do they go?
Fuck you.
I'll tell you what, you're
not helping us out a bit.
Have your machete back.
Oh, fuck!
(Machete Stabbing)
(somber music)
Well, that was fun.
Justin Lucas.
Pleasure to meet you.
Looks like this rabbit's luck has run out.
So what now?
There's still two more.
We go find them, motherfuckers.
Man, I say we just use the guns.
Hey, I told you no guns, man, no guns.
You use a gun, nobody will
ever fucking remember you.
What do you think?
It's whatever you say, boss.
You're goddamn right.
I don't care if it takes
us all day or all night,
we're gonna find those motherfuckers
and we're gonna fuck their skulls.
This is bullshit, we
should just get it over
with and get out of here.
You just go find the
motherfuckers, right now.
Whatever.
Go.
(somber music)
Who the fuck are these guys?
I don't know.
We just need to get out of here.
Could be drug dealers or something,
I fucking don't know, man.
They fucking killed Justin and Lee.
I know, man.
If we don't do something,
we're probably gonna fucking kill us, too.
So, let's see what the hell we
have on us, and go from there.
What should we do?
Just see what we've got
and try and make our
way back to the truck.
Shit, I left the axe and
the tools back at the camp.
What do you have?
I mean, I got my light,
I guess this is gonna have to do.
What do you got, honey?
I've got this pocket knife.
It's good enough to do.
What do we fucking do, man?
We gotta make our way back to the truck.
We gotta go through here.
You think another way?
I have no idea where we are.
We're gonna have to take our chances.
Let's go, come on.
(tense music)
That guy said no witnesses.
How long do you think
they're gonna be out here?
I'm pretty sure we'll be
out here after us all night.
I think we should just
stay off the main trail for now.
What should we do then?
Just keep going in a straight line,
see where we can make it.
You ready?
Yeah, sure.
Go. All right, let's go.
Okay.
I don't see shit out here.
I've got no idea where we are.
Dude, there's nothing.
No, wait.
I think I see a camp up there.
Is it our camp?
No, no, it's a single tent.
It's got a light outside.
They have cell phone.
Got no choice, let's see if we can ask.
Hello?
Hey, my name's Shawn,
this is my buddy Steven.
We were attacked by
some guys in the woods
and we could really use some help.
What should we do?
Should we check it out?
I guess, yeah.
Hello?
Hey.
What are you boys doing?
Sir, please keep it down.
What are you boys doing at my tent?
We were attacked earlier today.
There's three guys out in the woods
they killed two of our friends.
We're just trying to find some help.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
I don't think so.
What's going on?
I know it's really weird to find some guys
running through your tent,
but you gotta believe us.
But there are three guys with
skull masks dressed in black.
They killed two of our friends.
I think they're on their way.
Three guys?
Yeah.
Where are these three guys?
We don't know, man.
We've spent all day trying to lose them.
We don't have any phones or anything.
We're just trying to find some help.
Look, there's one of them.
Watch out!
Shit.
We weren't lying.
Yeah man, you got a cell phone?
Yeah, hold on.
Alright.
Can you call 911?
I don't have a signal.
No, watch out man!
Damn it!
(man grunting)
(coughs)
Oh, God, fuck!
They're getting away, we gotta go.
Be patient.
Be patient, we've been
running around these woods
all day long trying to catch these guys.
You should have just let me shoot them
like I told you a few hours ago.
There's no challenge when you use guns.
Why do you need a challenge?
Let's just get it done and get out of here.
If the only way to get out of these woods
is to kill these
guys, then let's go do it
and get out of here.
Just remember, the thrill is in the hunt.
Shit, I think this is the trail.
Which way should we go though?
I don't know, we gotta get to the truck.
I guess let's try this way.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
Oh, fuck, the truck!
Oh, dude.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Oh, man, don't tell
me you don't have them.
Shit.
I left them in the tent back at camp.
Fuck!
It's fine, let's check the doors.
It's goddamn locked!
All right, I'm gonna
look around for a rock
or a log or something.
We gotta get to those
cell phones in there.
Hang out here, I'll be right.
Okay, that's a good idea.
(suspenseful music)
Come on.
(suspenseful music)
I got you now, bitch.
Motherfucker.
I'm sick of this shit.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
(STABBING)
(grunting)
(suspenseful music)
Way to go, Gentlemen.
You just murdered my number one disciple.
(suspenseful music)
Get to the camp, man,
come on, come on, come on.
Looks like they got to the camp.
Let's sit over here.
Where the hell is the key?
They were in the tent.
All right.
The keys aren't here.
They were in the tent.
They had to have taken them.
Oh, fuck.
I swear we're gonna have to fucking 'em on.
I can't.
You're gonna have to
take them on your own.
(suspenseful music)
I'm gonna have to get them back here.
I can start a fire.
Draw his attention.
Do you think you can distract him
while I ambush him from the side?
Yeah.
I'm getting really cold.
You gotta hang in there.
I'll get this going.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
Looks like you're done.
Where's your friend?
I've got no idea.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(grunting)
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
What in God's name?
(suspenseful music)
Dispatch, this is Ranger Allen.
Got a situation over here.
I've got one dead body and one survivor.
This definitely doesn't
look like an accident.
Over.
Copy that, Ranger Allen.
Are you saying this is a criminal act?
Over.
Affirmative.
There are certainly
signs of foul play here.
Back up and medical out here ASAP.
Over.
(radio chatter)
Hey man, take it easy.
Don't move too much.
Got help on the way.
What happened?
These guys, they came out of the woods
and they attacked us.
What guys?
They were wearing skull masks.
One of them's over there.
(footsteps)
Dispatch, this is Ranger Allen again.
We may need additional units
out here and state authorities.
We might have a hostile on the loose.
Over.
Copy.
Stand by.
Found this mask, but there's no body.
I don't understand.
Killed him with my axe.
Not sure who they
were, but they're gone now.
You're safe.
Oh shit.
(dramatic music)
(gunshot)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
Morning, babe.
Morning, I made you your coffee.
Thanks.
So, it's Friday.
Your big boy's trip is
tomorrow, are you excited?
Yeah, but it's a little
bittersweet, you know?
I get it, I mean,
this is the last time
you'll get to hang out with them
for a while, but at
least you can still play with them online.
It's just not the same.
Well, once we get settled in,
you'll be able to make some new friends.
Yeah, but I've been with
these guys all my life.
They're practically like
brothers of me, you know?
Well, try to think of the positive.
I mean, this is your dream job,
the career you've always wanted,
and you worked so hard for
it, it's finally happening.
Yeah, it's definitely
worth it, just difficult.
Things will get easier, I love you.
Love you too.
Bye, babe.
Bye.
Oh, hey, don't forget to
shoot them a reminder text,
especially Lee, you know how he can get
wrapped up in his projects.
Yeah, I will.
All right, I love you.
Love you too.
Bye.
I don't know what's wrong with my website.
No, I hear you, sir, just,
I'm getting everything right now, okay?
It was working fine the other day.
I hear you, you know,
I know this can be a
little bit frustrating.
I'm logging into your
control panel right now.
Hello, are you still there?
Oh, yep, yep, I'm here, sir,
just go ahead and stand
by, I'm almost finished here.
(thud)
(thud)
(shuffling)
Hey fucker! Answer your phone!
(metal chair being
dragged across the floor)
Why don't you answer your phone?
What are you lurking around for? You
scared the shit out of me!
Well your phone keeps going fucking off.
Dude we're never gonna get
this finish, you can wait.
Isn't that about your camping trip?
Yeah but I don't really want to go.
Well isn't your friend going out of town?
Yeah but I don't know why
they want to go camping.
You have to sleep on the ground, there's
mosquitoes everywhere, it's
gonna be a fucking nightmare.
Well when you poop don't let
a snake bite you in the ass.
Fuck you.
Hey, I have some lemonade.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
How are things going?
Yeah, just finishing up this planting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm getting a text real quick.
Is that about your boys only trip?
Yeah, that's tomorrow.
Should be a good time.
All packed up, ready to go.
But I'm going to miss Shawn, though.
Of course.
Don't be concerned about Shawn leaving.
Just try and enjoy the trip.
Yeah, I appreciate it.
I think it'll be a good time.
You know, I'm hoping to find some ya upon
and make some tea all about there.
Exactly.
Stay positive.
You never know.
Maybe you'll find some snakes.
That would be epic.
You know, I understand your love for
nature and the outdoors.
But snakes, I'll never understand.
Well, they're just so chill.
You know, they're interesting.
There's so many varieties.
And where we're going,
there'll be coral snakes,
maybe even buttermilk racers.
You know, I just don't get it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALARM RINGING]
Oh.
[ALARM RINGING]
[PHONE BEING PUT ON TABLE]
Oh.
Coffee?
I'll get it going.
[SHEETS RUSTLING]
[GROANING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You all packed up?
Yeah.
Should be good to go.
You guys are going to have so much fun.
Actually, what time are
they supposed to get here?
They should be here any minute.
[DOOR BELL]
They're here.
Behave.
And please don't get
eaten by any mountain lions.
Oh, but the feral hogs, rabid rabbits,
and disgruntled squirrels are OK?
Maybe you should bring a gun.
No guns for this trip.
Just the axe and some
of the tools we need.
I'd better go.
All right.
Be safe.
Love you.
Love you.
Morning, bud.
Hey, morning, man.
Where are those other clowns?
You know somebody's
always got to be late,
but they should be here any minute.
Yeah.
Well, give me your pack, man.
Yeah.
I'll start strapping these down.
Sounds good.
Look at that.
They're here now.
No, dude, because it's fucking stupid.
I wanted to go to Vegas.
I would have even settled for Branson.
But you guys are like,
no, it's Shawn's pick,
because he's the one moving away.
He wants to go camping.
This is so fucking stupid.
So now we're going to
be in a hot, dusty tent,
sweating my ass off with you assholes.
Listen, all you do is fucking bitch?
That's all you do.
How's it going, fellas?
Hi.
It's too fucking early for all of this.
You got to bitch the entire time.
Yeah, probably.
What's up, boys?
How you doing?
Good to see you.
So I got this coffee, right?
I ground it myself.
It's going to be phenomenal.
You got some gourmet shit for us?
Yeah, something like that.
I'll try it, but I
prefer some relaxing tea.
Tea?
When the fuck did you
become an Englishman?
Would you like some crumpets, my lord?
No, man.
Coffee is where it's at.
We're going to drink
that shit cowboy style.
Cowboy style?
What the hell is that?
Well, it's where you take
the grounds, the really coarse
grounds, and you put them
in the water and everything,
and then you just kind of...
Once they sink to the bottom,
you just drink it like that.
I prefer my French press.
Yeah, cool.
Hey, did anyone bring a poop tent?
A poop tent?
What is that?
It's like a little pop-up
tent that you use to shit in the
woods when you go camping.
The military uses 'em.
No, man.
It's called a pup tent.
That doesn't make any sense.
You poop in it, so it's a poop tent.
It's that now.
None of us brought a
pop tent or a poop tent.
We're going into the woods.
Just dig a hole in
crap in it, cover it up.
And for the love of God, use some hand
sanitizer afterwards.
And don't wipe your
ass with poison ivy, too.
And you need to watch out for snakes.
That's disgusting.
Aside from being a boy's
trip, part of the idea of this is
that we up our survival skills
at least a little bit in case
shit ever goes down.
If anything ever goes
down, we're not just going to
abandon our homes and our families and go
rough it out in the woods.
I mean, yeah, you're right.
But at least having some
skills beyond what we've got
now would be good.
I think I could do it.
I'd go out and stay in the woods.
Yeah, but you don't have a family or
children or anything
who would miss you.
No.
I have a daughter.
And you've met her many times.
I don't think that's right.
Regardless, as long as my bitch of an
ex-wife doesn't come, I
think I'll be all right.
Yeah, I'm really upset
about the poop tent thing, guys.
Y'all ready for this?
Sure.
Let's go.
Let's go.
That was fucking loud.
I got shotgun.
Of course you do.
Don't worry, man.
The house and her will still
be here when we get back.
Yeah.
I know.
Of all the things to
do, you chose camping.
Well, it's going to be a long
drive, so you guys want to
hear all the things I'd
rather be doing than going camping?
We could have video
chatted this whole thing.
We could have even had
little camping backgrounds on our
screens. We wouldn't have even had to
leave the house. You know he's got a point.
We could have all got
matching tattoos like I've been
talking about.
He'll say bros in old
English across our chest.
That would have been fun.
More fun than camping.
Why would you want to go do that?
You guys know I always wanted to go to
Tijuana and see one of
those donkey shows just
to see if they're real.
And one time, Sean said he
thought it would be neat.
So we could have done
that instead of going fucking
camping.
Dude, I would not do that with
you. We could have played shot shots
like we did in the last couple of
days. We could have played shot
shots like we used to when we
were kids where we'd all do
whiskey shots and shoot stuff
with Sean's guns.
That would have been fun.
Much funner than camping.
Or even one of those nude
fuck resorts down in Jamaica.
Where people are just
walking around with dongs out.
That would have been more fun than camping.
Come on man, this is our last
trip before Sean moves away.
Leprosy, Pioderma gangrenosum,
Marburgobola, Cervical
Cancer, Dangu fever, Raccoon
roundworms, Proteus syndrome,
AIDS, full blown, Huntington's disease,
Lungstones, syphilis,
Anal fistulas, Necrotizing
fasciitis, Acute radiation
syndrome, most of the cancers,
Lewin-Bodie dementia,
and any kind of blood-borne pathogen.
Yeah, I think that's it.
I would rather have any of
those things than go on this
stupid camping trip.
Anybody bring some whippets?
[music]
No cell phone reception,
just like I thought.
Technology detox.
I think I should keep mine though.
We could have an emergency and get lost,
or need to order pizza.
So I should just hang on to it.
Look, we all agreed.
That's a technology detox, and cell
phones go in the box.
Been the plan all along.
I didn't agree to any of this.
And I think it's stupid.
So what's the plan?
Well, we're going to
hike for a couple hours,
and then find a good
camping spot and set up ground.
A couple of hours.
I thought we'd do a nice little trail run
for like 15, 20 minutes,
and then do our little tent thing.
And we can make it
three or four if you like.
This is so stupid.
The trail's 100 plus miles.
People walk it all the time.
We can handle a couple of miles.
I don't walk it any time.
How are you feeling, Justin?
Ready when you guys are.
You really need to get that fixed.
It's been a while.
[Music]
I forgot how much water weighs.
Dude, no kidding.
This frickin' thermos is killing me.
Don't they put lead in those things?
Yeah.
You guys think there's snakes out here?
Oh, definitely.
Just watch your step, and
if you see one, go around it.
Didn't you buy a snake?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a boa constrictor.
Got it at the convention, but didn't tell
my girlfriend about it.
So she came home, and quite a surprise.
But she's kind of come
to like it, more or less.
Yeah, better to ask,
for forgiveness, right?
Yeah, basically.
Alright, fuck this.
We've been walking like a million hours.
I'm setting up my camp right here.
You guys can do whatever you want.
I'm really gonna bitch
about this the entire time.
He's already said yeah.
This is as good of a spot as any, I guess.
Yeah, it's a great spot.
Because it looks like the dozens of other
spots we've passed for
the past million hours.
This looks like a good clearing.
Yeah, I guess let's look around.
Yeah, yeah, right here.
(ominous music)
(laughing)
You can taste the fuel and everything.
(steak sizzling)
You are the, you are
what's wrong with society.
Mashed potatoes
(steak sizzling)
Technology detox, remember?
(laughing)
Y'all remember when we
used to come out here as kids?
Those were good times.
Yeah, that was so long ago.
Yeah, it was goddamn hot
then, it's goddamn hot now.
Yeah, but it was nice,
having no responsibilities.
Just grab our bikes,
ride around the neighborhood
whenever we want.
You could still do that.
You could buy a bicycle and ride around
your new neighborhood.
Yeah, I suppose.
I do miss my dirt bike, and having Mary
Marquez on the back of it.
And she was a looker.
Gentlemen, to Shawn.
Here, here.
Fuck.
Glad you spring for the
bottom shelf plastic jug shit
for our special trip.
Dollar Store.
It's bad.
Good luck to you, Sean.
Well, good luck to you.
Thanks, guys.
Yes, Shawn.
When you get out there and
inevitably fail miserably,
and come crawling back to us,
we will be here with open arms.
Yeah, I appreciate that, Lee.
I don't think we'll be coming back.
You know, I've been thinking about it.
I haven't asked you yet.
How do you feel about the move?
Meh, it's tough, man.
I'm not gonna lie.
But in the end, it
really is for the best.
We both got relatives out there.
You know, it'd be good
to have that kind of support
when we go to start a family of our own.
Should've just stayed single like me, bro.
Can't stable this stallion.
Well, the amount of money you spend
on Women of the Night,
I don't know if you
could actually claim that.
(laughing)
Fucker.
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping)
Guys, did you freaking hear that?
(crickets chirping)
(birds chirping)
Ugh
Hey beautiful.
What's up, fellas?
Mornin.
Coffee?
Oh shit, hell yeah.
I slept all right, but man,
it took me a while to settle in.
I slept well.
My back's hurt in.
Oh. Jesus, dude.
Did you get this from a dollar store too?
Man, you wouldn't know good coffee
came up and bit you in the ass.
That shit is fucking delicious.
Sure ain't this.
Is it that bad?
Yeah, dude, here, try it.
I'm good, I'll stick with the tea.
Well, look who decided to show.
Look at this morose, motherfucker.
Look like the Walking Dead.
Oh, I feel like a bag of mashed assholes
I hate camping so much!
It's all good, man, here, have some coffee.
(laughing)
Did you grind up dried dog shit for this?
What do you mean you
don't like my coffee either?
It's really good.
No, it's so bad.
You should never, ever
make this, ever again.
Told you, man.
What's the plan?
Where are you off to, princess?
Nature's calling.
See you boys in a bit.
All right, make sure
you dig a hole, six inches.
You wouldn't know six inches.
Don't get any on your leg.
(laughing)
Is the coffee really that bad?
It's bad, dude.
You should be ashamed.
I mean, look at that.
(birds chirping)
(ominous music)
(birds chirping)
Guys, you don't have to do this.
You pathetic waste of skin.
Well, get to it.
(ominous music)
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck was that?
(ominous music)
Over there, they're watching, let's go.
Go!!
(ominous music)
So, we start like this,
and then you go around.
Hey, guys.
That was one intense shit.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
There were three guys,
they fucking killed someone.
We need to get out of here now!
What are you talking about, dude?
There were three guys,
they fucking killed someone.
They have bats, we need
to get out of here now!
No, no, no.
Just calm down, just calm down.
Dude, we have to get
out of here right now.
Don't fucking touch me.
No, we need to go.
All right, calm down.
They're following me. We don't have time.
Let's at least grab our bags.
No, dude, there's no, no, Fuck that, dude.
Guys, we have to get out right now.
It's probably some fucking guys like,
joking around
something like that, man.
It's probably just some dorks in the
woods making a movie or something.
They literally fucking killed someone.
We have to get out of here now.
Yeah.
You brought me out of here
in the middle of nowhere.
Listen to me, dude.
There are three guys coming through.
They're on their way.
They're probably just some dorks
in the woods making a movie.
Hey, dip shits, what's
the fucking problem?
Oh!
(bat hits)
Shit, let's fucking go,
let's fucking go, dude.
(ominous music)
Go, go.
(ominous music)
Where's your friends?
I don't fucking know, man.
Where's your friends?
I don't fucking know, dude.
Tell you what, if you help us out,
there'll be something in it for you later.
Which way do they go?
I don't fucking know.
Like that way, that
way, which way do they go?
Pick a way and just go.
Tell you what, you help me.
I'll help you out in the end.
You know what, man?
Just pick a direction and fucking walk,
you're never gonna fucking find 'em.
Well, I'll tell you what.
I found this machete at
your campsite, I like it.
It's beautiful, good weight.
Tell you what, I love it.
Shit
Which way do they go?
Fuck you.
I'll tell you what, you're
not helping us out a bit.
Have your machete back.
Oh, fuck!
(Machete Stabbing)
(somber music)
Well, that was fun.
Justin Lucas.
Pleasure to meet you.
Looks like this rabbit's luck has run out.
So what now?
There's still two more.
We go find them, motherfuckers.
Man, I say we just use the guns.
Hey, I told you no guns, man, no guns.
You use a gun, nobody will
ever fucking remember you.
What do you think?
It's whatever you say, boss.
You're goddamn right.
I don't care if it takes
us all day or all night,
we're gonna find those motherfuckers
and we're gonna fuck their skulls.
This is bullshit, we
should just get it over
with and get out of here.
You just go find the
motherfuckers, right now.
Whatever.
Go.
(somber music)
Who the fuck are these guys?
I don't know.
We just need to get out of here.
Could be drug dealers or something,
I fucking don't know, man.
They fucking killed Justin and Lee.
I know, man.
If we don't do something,
we're probably gonna fucking kill us, too.
So, let's see what the hell we
have on us, and go from there.
What should we do?
Just see what we've got
and try and make our
way back to the truck.
Shit, I left the axe and
the tools back at the camp.
What do you have?
I mean, I got my light,
I guess this is gonna have to do.
What do you got, honey?
I've got this pocket knife.
It's good enough to do.
What do we fucking do, man?
We gotta make our way back to the truck.
We gotta go through here.
You think another way?
I have no idea where we are.
We're gonna have to take our chances.
Let's go, come on.
(tense music)
That guy said no witnesses.
How long do you think
they're gonna be out here?
I'm pretty sure we'll be
out here after us all night.
I think we should just
stay off the main trail for now.
What should we do then?
Just keep going in a straight line,
see where we can make it.
You ready?
Yeah, sure.
Go. All right, let's go.
Okay.
I don't see shit out here.
I've got no idea where we are.
Dude, there's nothing.
No, wait.
I think I see a camp up there.
Is it our camp?
No, no, it's a single tent.
It's got a light outside.
They have cell phone.
Got no choice, let's see if we can ask.
Hello?
Hey, my name's Shawn,
this is my buddy Steven.
We were attacked by
some guys in the woods
and we could really use some help.
What should we do?
Should we check it out?
I guess, yeah.
Hello?
Hey.
What are you boys doing?
Sir, please keep it down.
What are you boys doing at my tent?
We were attacked earlier today.
There's three guys out in the woods
they killed two of our friends.
We're just trying to find some help.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
I don't think so.
What's going on?
I know it's really weird to find some guys
running through your tent,
but you gotta believe us.
But there are three guys with
skull masks dressed in black.
They killed two of our friends.
I think they're on their way.
Three guys?
Yeah.
Where are these three guys?
We don't know, man.
We've spent all day trying to lose them.
We don't have any phones or anything.
We're just trying to find some help.
Look, there's one of them.
Watch out!
Shit.
We weren't lying.
Yeah man, you got a cell phone?
Yeah, hold on.
Alright.
Can you call 911?
I don't have a signal.
No, watch out man!
Damn it!
(man grunting)
(coughs)
Oh, God, fuck!
They're getting away, we gotta go.
Be patient.
Be patient, we've been
running around these woods
all day long trying to catch these guys.
You should have just let me shoot them
like I told you a few hours ago.
There's no challenge when you use guns.
Why do you need a challenge?
Let's just get it done and get out of here.
If the only way to get out of these woods
is to kill these
guys, then let's go do it
and get out of here.
Just remember, the thrill is in the hunt.
Shit, I think this is the trail.
Which way should we go though?
I don't know, we gotta get to the truck.
I guess let's try this way.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
Oh, fuck, the truck!
Oh, dude.
Let's get the hell out of here.
Oh, man, don't tell
me you don't have them.
Shit.
I left them in the tent back at camp.
Fuck!
It's fine, let's check the doors.
It's goddamn locked!
All right, I'm gonna
look around for a rock
or a log or something.
We gotta get to those
cell phones in there.
Hang out here, I'll be right.
Okay, that's a good idea.
(suspenseful music)
Come on.
(suspenseful music)
I got you now, bitch.
Motherfucker.
I'm sick of this shit.
(KNIFE CLICKS)
(STABBING)
(grunting)
(suspenseful music)
Way to go, Gentlemen.
You just murdered my number one disciple.
(suspenseful music)
Get to the camp, man,
come on, come on, come on.
Looks like they got to the camp.
Let's sit over here.
Where the hell is the key?
They were in the tent.
All right.
The keys aren't here.
They were in the tent.
They had to have taken them.
Oh, fuck.
I swear we're gonna have to fucking 'em on.
I can't.
You're gonna have to
take them on your own.
(suspenseful music)
I'm gonna have to get them back here.
I can start a fire.
Draw his attention.
Do you think you can distract him
while I ambush him from the side?
Yeah.
I'm getting really cold.
You gotta hang in there.
I'll get this going.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
Looks like you're done.
Where's your friend?
I've got no idea.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(grunting)
(groaning)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music)
What in God's name?
(suspenseful music)
Dispatch, this is Ranger Allen.
Got a situation over here.
I've got one dead body and one survivor.
This definitely doesn't
look like an accident.
Over.
Copy that, Ranger Allen.
Are you saying this is a criminal act?
Over.
Affirmative.
There are certainly
signs of foul play here.
Back up and medical out here ASAP.
Over.
(radio chatter)
Hey man, take it easy.
Don't move too much.
Got help on the way.
What happened?
These guys, they came out of the woods
and they attacked us.
What guys?
They were wearing skull masks.
One of them's over there.
(footsteps)
Dispatch, this is Ranger Allen again.
We may need additional units
out here and state authorities.
We might have a hostile on the loose.
Over.
Copy.
Stand by.
Found this mask, but there's no body.
I don't understand.
Killed him with my axe.
Not sure who they
were, but they're gone now.
You're safe.
Oh shit.
(dramatic music)
(gunshot)
(upbeat music)